It all started when I was ten, playing at a river by my house with Bridget, my older sister. One minute everything is peaceful were just playing, but the next she's screaming and is pulling me to our house. I'm lying in the back yard; all I could see was Bridget standing over me, her brown hair shining from the sun. Bridget started screaming for our parents, and she disappeared to tell them what happened.
About five minutes later Bridget reappeared above me, and I could hear my mother and father whispering. I asked Bridget what they were saying, but she wouldn't answer. I was so confused not only did I not know what my parents were saying, but no one would tell me what happened even though they all acted like they all knew. I tried to stand up to talk to them but my ankles were hurting from Bridget pulling me, and I fell right back where I was lying on the ground. I just noticed when I tried to stand up my clothes were soaked; it felt as if I tried to swim at the river but in my clothes.
Bridget started walking towards and told me, "You know everything will be fine Nerissa, mom and dad will explain everything when they feel it's right." She sat on the light green grass and squeezed my hand.
"I know." I replied. I grabbed Bridget's hand and sat up; she looked at me with a small grin.
"Mom and dad will be right back out they said they had to talk about what happened alone." Bridget told me. I looked at her with a curious look on my face.
"Did this ever happen to you?" Bridget's grin disappeared into a small frown; she opened her mouth to answer my question. When she was about to answer me my parents came out side and looked at both of us. Bridget looked back at me.
"I think they decided to tell you now." She whispered to me. I was curious if my parents were going to tell me what happened. I kept looking at my parents and Bridget. One of my flaws is that I'm curious, I have to figure everything out even if it kills me.
"Nerissa, were going to let you choose." My mother said with no emotion in her voice, or on her face. I was even more confused now.
"Choose?" I asked them surprised. I was surprised, I never get to choose what happens in my life. My parents always choose for me; they even choose what I'm having for lunch.
"We mean we can tell you what happened now, or we can tell you later." My father said slowly, while walking toward me in small, zig zag steps. I looked at Bridget and I could easily tell she was just as shocked as me. Her bright, blue eyes were bugged out, and her freckled, tanned face was now pale. If Bridget was surprised that alone told me I should choose to know now, but I was also a little frightened to know right now. I looked at my parents with a serious face.
"I would like to know what happened now please." I told them. Everyone looked at me surprised their faces told me they thought I would have waited. My mom looked at my dad in tears, and then everyone stared at me.
2: The Day The Flames Grew“Okay”, my dad said walking towards me slowly, “I’ll explain everything. You aren't the only one that’s had this experience your sister has had one too, but not exactly the same way.” My dad told me. I was shocked and confused but managed to talk.
“What?” My mother looked at me and cut off my father,
“You have special powers Nerissa, some people are born with a power of one of the elements. You know if they have a power when they are first born, but don’t discover what power until they are ten or eleven.” I was still shocked, but I didn't care I had to know more.
“Powers of an element?” I asked my parents. This time my dad started talking, “Meaning the people that have the powers either have water, fire, earth, or wind."
“I must have water!” I yelled I was a little too excited.
“Yeah, that’s what happened at the river your powers kicked in and you made waves; since you don’t have your powers controlled the waves were bigger than a river should have.” My father explained more.
“Wait!” I shouted wanting to know more. Everyone looked at me once again concerned, and wondering what I wanted.
“Yeah?” My mother and father asked at the same time.
“You said Bridget had powers too.” I told my parents.
“Yeah.” They spoke once again.
“What power does she have, and how did she discover them?” I asked everyone but looking at Bridget. Before my parents could speak Bridget cut in.
“I found out when mom, dad, and I went in the woods and made a bonfire, all of a sudden a lot of the trees around me were on fire and the flames grew massive.”
“Fire, you have fire.” I whispered and shocked just by her story of the discovery.
“There’s something else we haven’t told you yet Nerissa.” My mother said calmly. I looked at everyone waiting for them to tell me I tried to be ok, but inside I was terrified I wanted to cry having these powers makes me dangerous.
“What is it?” I ask them trying to keep my voice from breaking.
“When your fourteen you have to leave and go to a camp to help you control your powers.” My father told me looking at his black, leather shoes.
“What Bridget your thirteen though, when will we get to come back?” I asked my parents even more terrified than before.
“That depends how we’ll you can work your powers, they have a big test when your sixteen to see how well you can control them and use them.” My father explained actually looking at me.
“We’ll be there for two years, or maybe even longer?” I shouted this time I’m not terrified those feeling are gone now I am furious.
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Chapter: 1
The story seems interesting, but I would suggest you proof read your stuff a bit more before posting it. I'll show you some examples:
Where you wrote "One minute everything is peaceful were just playing” in the first two lines you probably meant something along the line “we were just playing”. The way it is now the sentence doesn’t make that much sense.
Also, “but no one would tell me what happened even though they all acted like they all knew.” The first “all” is unnecessary, it should be “they acted like they all knew”
Or even “it felt as if I tried to swim at the river but in my clothes.” It should be “tried to swim in the river” and I would also remove the “but”, I personally feel it just looks better without it.
As you can see they are very minor mistakes but they are spread throughout the text, so my advice, like I said in the beginning, would be to proof read a couple of times before posting your chapters.
Keep up the good work!
September 10, 2014 | Mnop Rarotunga