Sparkatale

First, let me commend you for writing this in first person. I'm in the process of trying that style of writing and I'm finding it rather difficult, so I respect those who manage to make it work. As for the chapter itself, I really enjoyed your descriptions. They were detailed, but not overly so to the point of being annoying. The sentences all flowed very well and your paragraphs weren't overly long (a problem I suffer from terribly).

I'll admit that I got a 'Twilight' vibe from the description and the title, but once I started reading that disappeared almost entirely and quite honestly I'm very glad it did. Nothing against Twilight, it's just not my style. I can't really comment on the character Rose yet because we don't learn any real details about her except that she's having this creepy dream, but I'm sure she'll become more developed as the story progresses.

The only critique I have is that there were a few spelling and punctuation errors here and there. Nothing that a quick editing pass wouldn't fix. Good job so far. I look forward to reading more.

Thank you for giving me your opinion I truly do value it :) You are the only comment I've gotten so I appreciate it. I noticed over the years writing is a tough business and getting readers is really difficult, I almost gave up on this website but I'm glad you were kind enough to critique me honestly, because in my future I view this as my only career, and if there is any thing of yours you would like me to read I'd love to. Thanks again,

Steph

This chapter was intriguing to say the least. There are lots of hints and threads dangled if very few outright details given, which so early in the storyline is a good thing in my opinion.

So much for Rose's 'dream' then. Derek is quite the interesting character. I found myself liking him despite knowing very little about him. It should be fun watching him try to befriend Rose and integrate into a high school setting.

As for the Abeo Hibou (interesting name by the way), they seem to be some sort of shape-shifters that are clearly at war. Whether they're at war with their own species or... something else entirely should be fun to find out. I wonder what powers Rose has that will help them?

I was a little confused as to why the chapters are out of order, but I was able to figure out which to read in what order quickly enough. Having difficulty with the SparkA formatting? It's a bit confusing at first, I will admit...

That aside, I was quite impressed with your writing. First person can either carry or break the story, and so far, it works incredibly well for yours. You don't fail to the paint the picture in the reader's mind, even with scenes that would probably have been easier to describe with a third person perspective. It all flows very nicely and is tied together well.

Also, a fair amount of intrigue is introduced here, and it's certainly enough to keep the readers reading anxiously all the way to the end. You described the scenes in question wickedly well, by the way, and you show more so than tell, which is a fantastic skill to have in your writing.

Also, I don't usually praise covers, but the cover of this story immediately caught my eye. Nice work so far.