Sparkatale

Hmmmmm......Well, let me first clear up by saying that this is a rather good story, with nicely-written characters in a high-school setting. The Barbie Association, in all his/her anonymous glory, was the obvious highlight, assigning a caste system of 'Barbies' for the school year. And his/her snarky tone was easily the best diologue in the entire story. However, and I know this was mentioned already, but there's far too many POV's, coming in from all directions. Even when we stick with one person's POV, you still break things up unnessecerily. (Example: with 'Lucky continued', we knew we were still in Lucky's POV then, there was no need to add that.) In all honesty, it felt like a chore to continue reading (and I know that sounds harsh, but it's just a simple matter of making the chapter easy-to-read.) If you could assign one person's POV per chapter, it would become much more accessible to read. I want to once again say that this is a good story with a nice plot, it just needs an editor's touch!

I would have to say that this story is one of the most interesting I've read since coming onto Sparkatale. The premise of the story (beautiful people with the coldest hearts you can imagine) caught my attention, and it's handled well. The characters that I'm most interested in is Lucky, Euphemia and Roxan. My personal theory is that Lucky's the one posing as BS, the school's gossip column writer. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's just my guess. One thing to be careful of is the constant switching of POV's. You had the prolouge in 3rd-person, and then the next chapter you had the POV of three characters; the next chapter, you introduced some more characters and their POVs. I understand that you want to show how each character differs from each other, but the switching can be jarring for most readers. I myself can relate to that; the first draft of my book, The Energists, had the main characters switch POV's constantly. I did that so I could have a "reader-character" bond of sorts. It was when one of my reviewers told me that it was hard for her to care about either of the characters because of the switching that I decided to do the entire story in the main character's POV, as it started out with him. My suggestion would be to either choose one of the characters and put the story in their POV, or go with 3rd person. That way, you can get some reviews to this story, and not just reads and views. Of course, the final decision is up to you. Either way, I will make sure to follow this story, and update soon! -Tavon Wright