Sacrilege, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

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Sacrilege

By: Nicholas Lie

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Rosalind studied her figure in the mirror. Today, she was going to be a good girl. It meant tying her auburn hair into a stern, professional ponytail; it meant wearing a skirt rather than shorts; it meant concealing her impressive cleavage in a proper blouse under insufferable summer heat; most importantly, it meant no crossbows.

Created: October 19, 2013 | Updated: October 19, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 0

Reads: 565

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1: The Girl from Gleanne 2733
Total Wordcount: 2733

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    Comments / Critiques

      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        It looks like your female protagonist is a strong young woman. I really liked the first paragraph, the words "no crossbows" make me hooked to the chapter and were a fine theme throughout the chapter. I also noticed that the first and last paragraph built a nice frame for the chapter ("nice girl").

        You smuggled quite a lot information of the story's setting, but you managed to do it in a gentle way without overwhelming with the details and names. Overall it was a fine opening chapter, the cliffhanger at the end was great.

        I spotted one blunder. The "ammo" for bows is called arrows whereas for crossbows - quarrels or bolts.

        October 20, 2013 | Malgorzata Wyrwas