Sparkatale

Overall there are some good points to this story and some things to consider if you plan on reposting this somewhere else or want to edit it. First the good. You had some nice images and were able to get through a lot of content in a fast-paced style that was easy to read. So that was very good. But the story just didn't work for me. There were a few errors here and there (like ambulance being capitalized, and then my chapter comment) that distracted me from reading. So it's worth cleaning it up since readers do notice when things aren't done in a normal format. Then the ending. I guess I pictured Chuo (Chou?) to be very young. Like five or six since she was questioning why she was being abused, but then you have her acting much older when she finally overpowers her dad. I will say that in my experience generally abused children are not shot but are killed by their injuries and a younger child in the situation you created would more likely run than charge at their attacker. I understand that this is fiction, but for me it took away from the story you were telling and made it feel really flat.