Status: Completed
Summary:
A short story:
A young child meets a lady while visting the place they always went with their mother. The lady says she is a friend of the child's mother who has passed away.
Created: September 19, 2013 | Updated: September 19, 2013
Genre : Fantasy
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
Favorites: 0
Reads: 651
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| 1: | The Lady at the Lake | 959 |
| Total Wordcount: | 959 |
Reviews (1)
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Profound Quiet has a knack of creating short, quick reads that are overall pretty good. Despite little detail or descriptions the reader gets a clear view of the scene the author is painting. My only complaint is in this story featuring a child, the author portrays someone who is too young to understand death yet old enough to compose a complex letter.
Rating:
September 20, 2013 Flag
Comments / Critiques
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Reply
This story was a lot easier to read than your other one. Again, though, I'm struck with the thought that the main character is a young child since she doesn't seem to grasp the concept of death. This may not be the case, but it's what I pictured from what you wrote, and that's fine except for the note at the end. It sounds pretty good for a little kid. Maybe a second or third grader could have wrote it, but I have to imagine that they wouldn't be wondering where there mother was after a prolonged terminal illness. Again, this is just something to consider as you continue to write to think about things that could be inconsistent with the scene you've set since it will take the reader out of the world you created and make them look at it critically.September 20, 2013 | D.M. Gergen
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Chapter: 1 Reply
Just like on my other story, consider the spacing of this one as well. I also caught a few inconsistent mistakes (like an i or missing a space between a comma), but those are the little things most of us miss from time to time.September 20, 2013 | D.M. Gergen