Red Rose, a Romance story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Red Rose

By: Natsu 39

Status: In Progress

Summary:

My life was perfect i have a good family, friends and even a guy i liked. That is until my 16 birthday when it all went down hill from then...

Created: September 17, 2013 | Updated: September 17, 2013

Genre : Romance

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 2

Favorites: 0

Reads: 555


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1: Kate 649
Total Wordcount: 649

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    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      A very quick first chapter, but it sets things up nicely enough. Personally for me in a romance I like to know what the main characters look like. That's part of the intrigue of a traditional romance where the reader may not be so immersed in an imaginary world but are very focused on the people in the story. Kate, as of now, is without a description. I assume the girl in her dreams is not her otherwise she wouldn't be asking who she was...so it would be nice to know what Kate looks like. I know that some people will say things about artistic license and leaving things to mystery, but I feel that it just doesn't fit in this genre. If you are writing a traditional romance there will be descriptive scenes of a romantic/sexual level and for those to be affective readers need to know what your characters look like. That would be my biggest critique of the story as you have it currently posted.

      September 29, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Your dialogue grammar is wrong. When following up a speaking bit with a speaking verb like said or replied use a comma not a period. Also there are a few odd commas here and there in this piece, especially in the first paragraph that could be taken out.

      September 29, 2013 | D.M. Gergen