Status: In Progress
Summary:
I've been fighting all my life life. Fighting for myself and for the rights and safety of countless others. Fighting against all odds in an insurgency against an empire. I've made sacrifices to protect my people and my culture in the name of what's right. But things are happening lately that make me wonder if everything I've done hasn't just made it all worse.
Created: January 24, 2015 | Updated: January 24, 2015
Genre : Fantasy
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
Favorites: 1
Reads: 1381
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Reviews (1)
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Okay. You have a good plot going here and I like the ideas you are trying to install. The first chapter I found a little confusing, it seemed a little bit like you were trying to explain to much too fast. Maybe try working the abilities in through the chapter a bit slower or give a brief but through explanation in one hit? I like this story quite a bit so far and will be following it I just thought you might like to know about chapter one. It was a good chapter it just seemed a bit much to swallow in one go. Also, you asked at the start for any suggestions for replacement names? I though maybe for the benders (I think that's right) you could call them Elementals or some such thing. One last thought was perhaps explaining what exactly the benders do. Do they manipulate the element they control? Or can they create it from nothing? Just a couple of thoughts. All in all I very much liked this story and I hope this little bit of a comment gives you some help. :)
Rating:
January 25, 2015 Flag
