Status: Completed
Summary:
Created: February 4, 2014 | Updated: May 5, 2014
Genre : Fantasy
Language : English
Reviews: 0 | Rating:
Favorites: 2
Reads: 11049
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1: | Chapter 1 | 579 |
2: | Chapter 2 | 401 |
3: | Chapter 3 | 371 |
4: | Chapter 4 | 630 |
5: | Chapter 5 | 857 |
6: | Chapter 6 | 1058 |
7: | Chapter 7 | 247 |
8: | Chapter 8 | 142 |
9: | Chapter 9 | 1249 |
10: | Chapter 10 | 778 |
11: | Chapter 11 | 674 |
12: | Chapter 12 | 1207 |
13: | Chapter 13 | 1350 |
14: | Chapter 14 | 340 |
15: | Chapter 15 | 1340 |
16: | Chapter 16 | 499 |
17: | Chapter 17 | 622 |
18: | Chapter 18 | 884 |
19: | Chapter 19 | 1903 |
20: | Chapter 20 | 3236 |
21: | Chapter 21 | 698 |
22: | Chapter 22 | 357 |
23: | Chapter 23 | 171 |
24: | Chapter 24 | 496 |
25: | Chapter 25 | 644 |
26: | Chapter 26 | 1610 |
27: | Chapter 27 | 605 |
28: | Chapter 28 | 1420 |
29: | Chapter 29 | 391 |
30: | Chapter 30 | 914 |
31: | Chapter 31 | 4590 |
32: | Chapter 32 | 371 |
Total Wordcount: | 30634 |
Reviews (0)
Comments / Critiques
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its got quite a good beginning.Really captures your interest.Le's see how the rest of the story turns out
February 5, 2014 | Moonlight Ryder
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Chapter: 1 Reply
I love the sentence structures/wordings that you employ. Great job drawing the reader in! I do have one question, though: Why does Antiochus want his son to bring him Elyanna? Maybe a short sentence explanation somewhere in this chapter would serve it well.
February 5, 2014 | Kobayashi Kyoko
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Reply
Thanks for the comment. And thanks especially for the question. The answer is somewhat complicated though. Regardless, I like constructive criticism and that you gave me something to ponder about.
The story is based on another very loosely. At least the beginning. An evil king sends a servant to bring him a princess to marry. Lots of fairy tales are usually along these lines. Rescue a damsel in distress and marry her. I sort of took it for granted so I completely omitted the mention, but now that I think about correcting it, I realize it's not that simple because of the plot. Still, it's somewhat of a flaw that puzzles me. I guess I'll have to reread it thoroughly and see how it all ties in.
February 9, 2014 | Petr Janecka
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Chapter: 5 Reply
"Nobody took the prince seriously."
Do you mean that nobody ever took the prince seriously? Or that nobody was taking the prince seriously in that scene? I was just plain curious.
I don't know if it was intentional or overlooked, but I noticed that the prince never mentioned his title at all during this scene. If he hasn't stated that he is a prince, it might be out of place for him to "order" them to let the villagers be. If anything, the sentence might be a little tighter if he simply says, "Let the villagers be." To which the ruffians can reply, "Who do you think you are?" creating a bit of dramatic irony or simply "Let them be? Or what?" Simple suggestions, but it's fine either way.
"It has a great value at most, but rumours say that when times are the worst, it can save your life."
I'm not quite sure what the first part of this sentence is implying. Seems slightly contradictory. Besides
January 23, 2015 | Kobayashi Kyoko