Sparkatale

An intriguing summary. The description and imagery in the story makes the plot flow through nicely. At the beginning, there's strange things going on which kept me reading to find out how it ties into the overall plot and it's importance. The pace seems to go a little too fast at times, however. Things seem to get resolved too fast for my personal preference. It also seems rather cliched to have a very young protaganist, even with reasons like 'young, strong, and pure of heart'. The fact that she got a crush on the Prince practically right after he yelled at her was jarring. The ending is nicely bittersweet, although not everything felt fully resolved with the alians.

Great story.

I love how you give us lots of metaphors and descriptions which help bring out the personality of the main character, not an easy thing to do! Your experience in writing shows, especially with personal narration. I can tell just after a few paragraphs that this person is a generally nice and sociable young teen, shown in their perception and inner commentary of their world and how they interact with the people around them.

It really took a turn for the weird at the end. I was a little confused at first, but you give consistent and decent description the story that had me smiling at the end. Even though you hinting at it in the titles, the roach surprise is still an incredible twist.

Keep up the great work.

Hello to you. I've just read your story and I like it. However, I'm here to give more of a critique.

The biggest flaw to this story was that you preferred telling over showing. While your story comes across more as a fable to tell young kids, describing the boy's feeling instead of telling them, even a little, would help the story out, as well as lengthen it, if you want that.

With description, maybe, if you can, describe the boy more. At least see if you can give us something more than just his gender and age - a hat, or grey pants, or worn shoes, etc. Otherwise, you do a good job at describing the setting and other people.

To end on a better note, the ending was interesting and philosophical. In this short story, even with those dour worries, the boy showed some character development, taking a bad thought and seeing the lighter side of it, giving the readers hope and saving this story from a rather depressing ending.

I'm happy to have read this story. Keep it up.

Je ne suis pas bien avec la français, alors je ne peux pas te donne des critiques bien, mais c'est regarde comme une bonne histoire. J'aime ton sommaire, ici.

La chanson Dance with the Devil c'est aussi un favourite du moi.