Sparkatale

You raise a good point. Thank you for your imput!

I'm going to praise you before I tear it open. First chapter waas great. It was well written and a great beginning to a very promising story. There were only a few gramatical errors, so kudos to you. I like how she views Lucifer, and how you portrayed her relationships with him and Nanni. It could use a bit of work, but it's good. I'd like to see more of their relationship. One thing I didn't like: the dress scene. It does show who Nanni is and builds her and Rye's relationship, but why does she even have a dress like that? And why does Nanni want her to wear it? I'm just saying that it doesn't make sense in context. Chapter 2: Good start, but I didn't like this one. It was too choppy. I know you're trying to get information in about everything, but it doesn't work the way you wrote it. Maybe revise it with the Gerad incident actually happening instead of being a memory. You could put it on the end of the sparring and it would work better. Then she could get her leg fixed up before going to the mess hall. Also, the Sam thing. It started out great. It was a great start, but then her emotions bounce. At first she's all tough but then he grabs her hand and she melts and they're instantly friends. What? No. Try her pulling away but then mention the spark of memory. Then chapter 3 would make more sense when she tries to get to him. She isn't close to him yet, but definitely feels something that's strong enough to make her want to protect him. You see what I mean? Honestly, I really love the concept. It's coming along great. The descriptions are fantastic. You have a great thing going here and have a lot of potential. Keep it up! I can't wait to read more.

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I will go back and revise as soon as I can.

Does it? I'll have to check that out and fix it. Thanks for Tue heads up and your wonderful comment!

Thank you so much. That was really helpful and I'll keep your pointers in mind on the next chapter. Again, thank you.

Nice. I've only read the first chapter so far, but I like the vagueness of her past. It adds a nice detail of mystery to it. Keep up the good work!