Sparkatale

The first chapter could use some work to be honest. Being fair, this is a nice concept but there's a few red flags for me. The first red flag for me would be the teens, especially the ones in command or second-in-command positions. The reason is that any military or resistance movement worth their weight in salt would seek out people with military command experience or at the very least experience in war or wars. The second flag for me is the rush in the backstory's exposition. You took about a paragraph to explain everything that is happened before current events. No reason for why the reformers attacked or why this group of nations betrayed nations they were previously aligned with (in real life). Or how they got the money, power, or political influence to take over all of the most powerful, wealthy, and battle Gardner nations the world had to offer. My third red flag was the enemy commander, James. No commander, and I mean no smart commander, chooses not to capture the enemy's second (and apparently) only person in a command. Especially for the reason of them being hopeless. It just seemed like a forced way to introduce every single character in the first chapter so you won't have to do it later. Those were the red flags, those of which did not include a few cliches like the girl having a nightmare about dying the day they get attacked by the enemy, or the good guy leader knowing the bad guy leader, or the bad guy leader being a traitor defecting from the good guys. Now, I'm not saying your story is bad, and it has a good concept, but I'd merely like to explain why some would be turned off by the first chapter. I'll read the rest, just to see how the characters develops, seeing as how they didn't get a whole ton of exposition in this part. Take care.