Sparkatale

Thank you for your praise, it really means a lot to me! A lot of people find the over-description to be bothersome. In fact, a lot of people actually hate it. Ah well, different strokes for different folks, right?

I certainly won't lie; these characters, their culture, their mythology, are all heavily inspired by Native Americans, with whom I'm deeply fascinated. The major difference is that they are dark-skinned rather than red-skinned, and that is just an aesthetic detail that doesn't have very much bearing on plot or anything else. Within the realm of the story, they don't have a nationality, because they aren't really a nation. Just primitive, tribal people. 

I figured I would leave my comment here at chapter 2 before I forgot what I was going to say originally by the time I finished chapter 3.

Your story has a lot going for it; I sincerely like the content, your pacing, the intrigue of the mystery. My only gripe is in proofreading; you have quite a few spots where there is some inappropriate capitalization or a missing apostrophe or a disagreement in tenses within a sentence. There was even a point where Detective Dejong suddenly became Detective Delong. These are all very minor errors and one or two sessions of hardcore proofreading will eliminate all of them, making your story spotless.

There is also room for growth. I noticed in the second half of chapter 2 that some conversations were happening, but we couldn't read the dialogue. This goes back to a sort of "show, don't tell" type of thing. A lot of authors use this dialogue-gloss as a stylistic choice to move the story along quicker (and if you are one of these authors, then ignore the rest of what I'm about to say), but I think it would be worth considering to expand on these conversations and use them to flesh out your characters. Most dialogue in a story can be categorized as either moving the plot along, or revealing character dimensions. Your plot is clipping along at a steady pace at this point, but I personally feel that by jumping over these dialogues, you rob your characters of certain human dimensions. In my own stories, I literally obsess over these conversations that have no bearing on the plot, because they are my very few chances to make my characters feel as human as possible, to make them memorable to the readers. Again, this is a purely personal thing that I like in stories I read and write, and I defer entirely to you, the author, about what you want to make.

Aside from minor grammatical slips that need your attention, your story is quite enjoyable. I look forward to reading the rest of what you've got for us!

-Curse