Sparkatale

Sorry it took me so long. So nice action in this one!

Also, if an asteroid the size of a city hit a planet the size of Earth, it would definitely end all life due to sun blockage. At least the kind that lives above ground. Also, something that's been bugging me is that you haven't really touched that Dragon business.

So I like how you've added the ranking system to the GHQ and explained more about the world in this chapter. Nice action too. Keep it up!

Yeah, I've been told about how I write. I like to do it that way since its the easiest for me to read through and organize if need be. I noticed that too. So we can do it that way . Im working on one of your chapters now.

Another good job. A couple spelling points hear and there. But nothing big. Tho I do have a question that may just be stupid. Technologically, where is Midgar at? Because I didn't know they would have stuff like phone numbers & arcades. All in all, everything is looking good!

Nice episode! Not much to report. This one is actually much better than the first grammar and context wise, so good work! Just, if Father Gabriel is a holy man, the F should be capital. It's awesome how this included video game characters too. I friggin love Lan Hikari. Can't wait to read more!

Here's my review for your 1st chapter! The biggest thing I would point out would be the grammar. There's small stuff like spelling errors here and there. But then there's also places where a sentence or phrase is worded strangely. Like where your describing Yuuko, you said that she had bracelet tying up her hair. I'm not sure if you meant that specifically, but you'd normally say a band or ribbon, something like that. Or where at the beginning it says "It quickly became a nightmare as everything faded into a white void" (sorry that's probably not an exact quote) But from the readers understanding, it was already nightmarish with the death and ruin and stuff. And speaking of descriptions, it was also a tad confusing when you described Erb at the beginning. You said "red teenage lizard". People who weren't paying attention to your cover might think of an actual lizard like Rango or something. I think you should describe his appearance a bit more. Like, "a teenage boy covered from head to toe in red scales . He had a mess of red [insert adjective] hair on his head a [insert adjective] tail protruding from his lower back. Maybe describe his smaller features too. Like his finger nails, teeth, nose. Those could vary from a human since Erb is reptilian. Another thing I noticed is the action descriptions during dialogue. Like explaining what a character is thinking or doing as they speak. Like "Bulb dumbs down her reasoning for Erb". This isn't really necessary. The readers can tell that Bulbasaur is dumbing things down for Erb based on what he's saying. But if you want to emphasize that even more, than you can write something like " [insert smarty-pants comment] Bulbasaur said in a condescending manner." I'm not saying this about every sentence but there are a couple instances. And while I'm on that, I also want to point out how sometimes its not exactly being said who's talking. Like characters will be going back and forth and I kinda had an idea of who was saying what but I still would have liked clear indication. Like putting: [dialogue] said yuuko [words] retorted Erb Something small like that is fine. I know it's kind of annoying to worry about but it will make everything a lot more uniform. So I'll stop with the negatives here and move on to the positives. I though the story was hella engaging. I really liked how you started the beginning with that nightmare sequence. It added a sense of mystery which is always a good way get the reader begging for more. I also liked how detail you put into the action sequences. Your characters were well defined. I mean, I know some of then weren't "yours". But with how much detail you put into each one, they may as well have been. I really liked how you induced Modoki lol The concept its self is just stellar. Anime/american sci fi. You even incorporated anime style humor which is a nice touch. Overall, I'll be sure to read more soon :)