Sparkatale

Okay, so I've been posting for about a year now and I've only received one very helpful comment on my story "Raiders!", despite it being loaded with grammatical/spelling errors. I was just wondering if anybody is willing to give me some proper criticism? I'm not one for reading between the lines, so the harsher the better in my opinion :D I ain't gonna learn otherwise! I'm sure you know what to critique, but I'd like to hear what you've liked and disliked about my story too :) Thanks in advance for any who dare to step into my nightmare of a story (meant in the grammatical sense, not genre wise, though there is a lot of blood)!