The car sits underneath a orange street light. In the back end of the parking lot. Dents in the long hood and cracks in the bumper date the car significantly. Scratches, gouges and dents all over the car show that over the years it has been treated rather poorly. Leaves cluster at the base of the windshield and rear windscreen. The tarnished “Camry LE” insignia glints in the orange street light. Dirt has built up over the badging and a layer of dust covers the outside of the car. The sedan sits low and long, surrounded by leaves that fall from trees above. The dirty and damaged Camry sits defiant and strong, waiting for the turn of the key. The interior of the sedan is very clean and neat, not a single item of trash can be found. Yet inside the vehicle on the passenger seat lies a bottle with the label reading “Tylenol Extra Strength” with about half the content empty. A receipt beside the bottle shows the bottle is only a few weeks old. The rest of the interior is empty and mostly spotless except the ignition where the keys are inserted. The front most cup holder lid is open, with the rear one closed, and the fabric on the driver’s seat is stained with traces of salty water that has long since evaporated. The tires of the vehicle are slightly low on air, but do not seem to be leaking. A suction cup mount phone holder is attached to the windshield, and a phone occupies the space. A battery low message flashes on the screen, with the notifications underneath show 23 missed calls and many text messages from multiple contacts. The phone dies shortly after and the interior is now only bathed in the light from the street lamp above. The vehicle is facing the woods at the other end of the parking lot where a lone path leads into the darkness. The subtle seats reclined slightly. The area is completely still, save for a small gust of wind now and then blowing some leaves off of the hood and onto the ground around the car. The fuel in the large 18.5 gallon tank has started to settle ever so slightly. The oil, ready to be changed and very faint traces can be found on the ground below the engine, a few weeks old at most. The battery is low on charge but still has power enough to successfully start the vehicle with more than enough to operate the power locks, yet they are currently unlocked. The old Camry sits alone, facing the woods, ready for another night of waiting for its owner to return.
Comments must contain at least 3 words
Chapter: 1
The title of this short story is a bit misleading, because this isn't really crappy. I think this is great! The way that you describe the sedan in great detail - while only alluding to its owner, what happened to them and where they might have gone - is a great way of getting the reader to think. We come to our own conclusions as to what might have happened, filling in the blanks. It's almost as if you're trying to distract us with the sedan and leave the real story go unexplained (Although I obviously may be reading far too much into it ^^' )
The phone in particular gives us a clue as to 1. how much time has passed and 2. the mindset of the car's driver. The single path leading to darkness is clearly ominous, but again its up to the reader to draw their conclusions.
Only real thing you could do is perhaps space the chapter out into paragraphs, but that's honestly the only criticism. You told a lot of a story with not a lot of words. Well done! ^^
July 24, 2021 | Deleted User