I never discovered where the dream that had stayed with me throughout my life had come from. The dream came frequently and I always remembered it so vividly when I awoke. In the dream, I was walking through a field of sunflowers in the early hours of the evening. I wasn’t sure where I was, but I knew I had never been there before. The sunflowers spread out as far as I could see; just an endless expanse of beautiful yellow flowers. I felt so warm, safe, and happy there. I wished I could stay forever and never return to the real world, but I always did. During those brief moments of bliss, I could forget the reality of my life.

Speaking of which, the reality of my life was hell. Not that I had ever known anything else in my twelve years of life, so I didn’t have anything to compare to at the time. I always assumed that there must be something better, but I had no proof of that. See, out here in the Borderworlds there’s neither law nor law enforcement. The strong prey on the weak and the weak simply die out. It’s a brutally violent and horrific place and there’s no escape.                                                       

I was an orphan, having been dumped on the doorstep of an upscale pleasure house on Italia IV. We’ll call them a pleasure houses because it sounds a lot nicer than what they really are; whore houses. You might think it’s strange for me to say this, but them leaving me there was the only decent thing my parents ever did for me. At least I survived. Most unwanted children are either aborted or tossed in a ditch or a dumpster in a back alley. Me, though, I got to live. There were times I wished I hadn’t.

The proprietor of the pleasure house in question, a large, sweaty off-putting man with a deep love for squirrel hunting and who enjoyed telling racist jokes at dinner, had taken me in and subjected me, as they did to all children that they were able to get their sticky hands on, to a battery of genetic modifications and gene manipulations that would ensure I grew up to be the image of sexual perfection.

What? Don’t look at me like that. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh, poor thing! Some rich guy made sure you grew up to be beautiful. Poor you.’ Well, it isn’t as delightful as it sounds. It was just the beginning. My formative years, or at least the years most people would call formative for anyone not growing up in a brothel, were spent learning the trade. It’s not really a trade so much as learning how to fuck really well and keep the clients happy. Yes, I’m just that blunt. You’ll have to get used to it. For years I learned, I serviced clients, and all the while the other women there assured me it would get easier. It never did.

A month after my twelfth birthday, I was sold to a pirate captain called the Duke. I never did figure out why he called himself that. There’s probably some really stupid reason the pompous ass wound up with the name, but who knows? It’s not important. He’s called the Duke and that’s that. He visited the pleasure house and had enjoyed his time with me so much that he bought me and took me back to his ship; the Bloody Raider. According to the ship’s registry, she was originally dubbed the I.C.S. Master Baiter. Yes, that is a terrible name and I would’ve changed it too. Apparently the original owner loved fishing instead of, you know, the other thing. He might have loved the other thing too, come to think of it. We’re getting off topic. Anyway, when I wasn’t spending long, painful nights with the Duke, I was servicing the Raider’s four person crew. It was a horrific life, but it was the only one I knew. I had always thought there was no other life to be had. I was about to learn otherwise. Fate, it seemed, was about to intervene.

I was shocked from my blissful dream of the field of sunflowers, yes; don’t forget we started this little adventure talking about sunflower fields. I know interjecting things like child prostitution and space pirates tends to be somewhat distracting, but do try to keep up please? So, I was woken from my dream by the ship shaking violently. I rolled out of my tiny bunk and padded through the dark, dirty ship to the nearest window; my hip length chestnut hair billowing behind me.  

Through the window I could see the flames of atmospheric reentry rippling off of the ship as she fell through the atmosphere of a planet. From what little I could see, it looked to be a desert world. The ground rose quickly to meet the ship and I felt the sudden swooping sensation of the ship’s atmospheric thrusters fighting against the planetary gravity while the ship’s artificial gravity was still powered on. The feeling went away once the thrusters had overpowered the natural gravity field and someone on the bridge finally thought to turn off the artificial gravity. To this day, I still hate landing on a planet for that reason alone. I still feel queasy every time.

Despite my dislike for planetary landings, I had always loved ships. From my tiny room at the pleasure house I had a perfect view of the spaceport. I used to watch ships of all shapes and sizes come and go. Tiny little one and two man jobs all the way up to massive deep space bulk cargo transports. For years I had dreamed of buying my own ship and flying away to explore the stars. I knew it would never happen, even though I can honestly say it was the only thing in life I had ever really wanted.

A few minutes later the Raider settled down on a landing pad at a rather decrepit looking spaceport. Based on the crew’s routine since I had been aboard, I guessed that they had landed there to both refuel and resupply or to take on a business contract. Despite piracy being their primary source of income, the Duke did occasionally accept mercenary work if it paid well enough.

Behind me, heavy footfalls on the deck plates announced the arrival of the Duke. I turned, frightened, to face him. He was a large, burly man that smelled of alcohol and gunpowder. His massive arms were covered from wrist to shoulder in wild tattoos and his lanky black hair fell loosely around his face. For a twelve year old girl, he was terrifying. He glared down at me, his deep gray eyes narrowed.

“We’re leaving,” he snapped, marching over and jerking me to my feet. His deep rumbling voice echoed through the corridor. “Stay in your fucking bunk until we get back.”

It was stupid, I knew even then, but for reasons I can’t explain, I asked; “Could I come with you? I’d like to see the planet.” The Duke slapped me so hard I saw stars. I stumbled into the wall and fell to the deck, whimpering in pain. I huddled there, waiting for him to kick me or God only knew what else, but it never came.

“You don’t leaving the fucking ship,” the Duke grumbled. “Get your ass back into your bunk and fucking stay there. Rest up, little girl. I’ll be expecting your best tonight.”

I’m not a religious person really, but I swear people like him had best burn in a very special level of Hell. If so, the Borderworlds will surely be helping fill that level up to capacity. Does Hell have a capacity? Not important. Although I knew I was disobeying the Dick… excuse me, the Duke…  I didn’t move from my spot on the floor. The Duke didn’t wait to ensure I obeyed and I heard him stride purposefully away.

Once he was gone, I scampered back to my bunk as quickly as I could. I drew the curtain and hid behind it, knowing the rest of the crew would soon pass on their way to the boarding ramp.

The Raider’s crew was an odd, assorted bunch of misfits. Not the fun, sweet sort of oddballs that you see in movies and cheer for. No, these people… well, like I said; the special Hell. The first officer was called Brody, a man of similar build and appearance to the Duke. He was the quietest of the group, and for the most part he left me alone. He was all about the work and generally was uninterested in the types of pleasures I could provide.

The same could not be said for Hyde and Shotgun. Hyde was perhaps the most sadistic person I’ve ever met, and that includes the pirate queen that kept the genitals of her defeated foes on her mantelpiece. He was a twisted bastard and he did things to me that… well, I don’t much care to relive those particular experiences. If you have an active imagination, you can probably come up with a relatively close approximation. Shotgun, meanwhile, might have been a decent person once. He looked like a normal guy and seemed to shy away from extreme violence, despite the fact that his weapon of choice was a sawed off, well, shotgun. Surprise, surprise. While he used me just like the rest, I can honestly say he never hurt me. I can give him that much.

The last member of the crew, and the only woman, was a girl named Callie. I never knew much about her. She was fairly quiet and worked in the engine room. I didn’t see much of her during my time on the ship. She mostly kept to herself and the engines.

Callie passed by first, tucking her blonde hair into her cap. Brody came next, tapping hastily on a tablet. It was Hyde and Shotgun that were the most interesting. They ambled by, chatting about the latest piece of cargo they’d picked up.

“Fuckin’ micro grenades, man,” Hyde was saying. “They’re Directorate tech, cool shit.”

“Holy shit, they’re so small you could hide ‘em anywhere,” Shotgun enthused. “Smuggle ‘em into a government facility. Shit, you could even hide one of these in someone’s food.” Hyde laughed loudly.

“Take a bite and poof!” Hyde and Shotgun continued to chatter as they disappeared down the corridor to the boarding ramp. Within minutes I heard the hissing and clanking of the cargo ramp lowering and then raising again. After that, the ship was empty and silent. I sat there on my bunk for a long while, waiting for the crew to return. I wasn’t allowed any toys or games to entertain myself. I wasn’t even allowed a book. As much as I loved spaceships, I also loved to read. The first time I set foot in a library, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

As I sat there, waiting and dreading the evening when the crew would return, I heard a woman’s voice calling out to me.  

“Lucy…”

As far as I knew, there was no one else on the ship. Still, the voice kept calling. I waited a long while, but at last my curiosity overpowered my fear and I slipped out of my bunk and went in search of the woman calling for me. The voice led me to the cargo bay, where I found the boarding ramp was open and lowered to the sandy ground below. The Duke never left the ramp open. The voice seemed to be echoing into the ship from outside. I followed it. Now, don’t judge me too harshly for following a mystical disembodied voice off of the spaceship, okay? I was a kid. I’m pretty sure you did stupid shit as a kid too, so shush.

I snuck down the ramp and found myself standing on a concrete landing pad in a rather decrepit looking spaceport at the edge of an equally decrepit looking town. The town strongly resembled something from the American Old West back on Earth. It could have easily been plucked out of an old Western movie and plopped down on a planet thousands of light-years away.

It was painfully hot beneath the planet’s twin suns as I scurried through the spaceport and out onto the dusty dirt road beyond. The town was very small, so there were few people out on the streets. It was an elderly woman standing on the opposite side of the road that caught my attention. She was waving to me and I heard my name again, even though the woman never moved her lips. She just keep smiling at me and waving me over.

“Lucy…”

Deciding that if I had already come this far, I might as well see what the lady wanted. As soon as I started toward her, she turned and disappeared down an alley behind her. I ran after her and found myself in a dark alley with a handful of doors leading into the tumbledown buildings on either side. The only door that was open led to what was obviously a pleasure house, though it seemed much nicer than the ones you’d normally find on some Godforsaken backwater like this place.

I had lost the mystery woman, but I thought perhaps she might have gone inside the pleasure house. If not, maybe someone had seen her. I slipped inside. Sticking to the shadows, I lurked around the room just watching the patrons. There were only a handful of people inside and none of them seemed to notice me. For a pleasure house, it was very different than the one I was used to. The people inside, even the workers, seemed happy. The atmosphere was warm and pleasant and I felt safe there. Honestly, I didn’t even know what safe meant at the time, but thinking back that was definitely the feeling I had.  

“Don’t see the need to keep hidin’ over there, little one,” a gravelly voice called out. I turned and looked up to see a large middle aged man staggering over to me. I recoiled as he reached out to me, expecting him to attack in some fashion. He held up his hands.

“Relax, girl,” he said gently. “You’re safe here. This place ain’t like others you probably seen. Ain’t no one gonna hurt you here. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“L-Lucy,” I stammered, unsure if I should trust this man. He was a complete stranger, after all. “I came here on a ship. I’m owned by the captain, so if… if you want anything from me, you should really—”

“I ain’t talkin’ to you because I want somethin’” said the man. “Thought you looked scared and alone and thought I’d check on you. My name’s Garrett and I’m the proprietor of this fine establishment. Point oh fact, I’m also the mayor of this little colony. So let me be the first to welcome you to Haven.”

Haven. Oh, Haven. It’s a dirty, crappy, rundown hole in the wall. It’s a shitty town on a shitty world. For years, it was home.

“Thank you, sir,” I said quietly. Garrett narrowed his eyes.

“Well, aren’t you all prim and proper,” he said thoughtfully. “Where are you from, little lady?”

“Italia IV,” I told him. Garrett sighed heavily. I had no idea why.

“Now I wish you hadn’t gone and told me that,” he said sadly. “Let me guess, you worked at one oh the pleasure houses there?” I nodded.

“Them people are just damn wrong in the head,” he said hotly. “Usin’ kids for that kind oh work. Doesn’t make a lick oh damn sense. Well, it does since they’re all a bunch oh twisted fucks, but to anyone sensible it’s damn sickinin’.”

“Isn’t… isn’t that how things are everywhere?” I asked, quite confused. “I thought… I mean, I’ve been to a dozen worlds now and it all seems the same.” Of course, at the time I’d never been anywhere but the Rim. See, the Borderworlds get progressively less civilized and more horrific the farther you get from Earth. Further? Is it farther or further? I never know. Right, never mind. The planets closer to Earth, the Core Worlds we call them, are more organized and structured. There’s some semblance of law there, although they’re all as corrupt as you can find. Even so, it’s better than the Rim. At least you’re less likely to be shot in the back on your way to the grocery store.  

“Ain’t how things work here,” said Garrett. “Ain’t how things ought to work in any decent society. Folks here ain’t owned by nobody. All my girls and boys choose to work here. They earn a paycheck and can leave whenever they decide the want to. That’s the whole reason people come to Haven. They wanna build a better life for themselves and their families. Ain’t got much here, but we got the freedom to forge our own paths. We got laws to protect us. It ain’t Earth, but it’s a start. We want to build a better world. That’s the dream.” Garrett sighed and closed his eyes. After a moment he looked across the table at me with such a dark expression on his face that I recoiled.

“This captain oh yours,” he said grimly. “He… does he hurt you?” I hesitated for a long moment, unsure how to answer. He did hurt me, of course, but I was his property. He could do as he pleased. That’s what I thought at the time. I didn’t know any better. How could I?

“He… he does, but he owns me,” I told Garrett. “He can do what he wants, can’t he?”

“Here at Haven, you ain’t got to be beholden to anyone,” said Garrett. “If you want to stay…”

I did. Oh, how I wanted to stay. I didn’t really understand what Garrett meant or if I could really have a different life there, but I wanted to stay. It felt like the place I was meant to be, but I knew I couldn’t. The Duke owned me. I belonged to him and he would never sell me. I had to go back. I had to return to the Raider before the crew returned and discovered I had left. If they found me out here, the Duke would kill me.  

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to go back. I have to get back to my ship before the crew finds out I left. I… I’m sorry.” I slid out of my seat and made my way toward the door.

“Wait,” Garrett called out to me before I could slip back out to the street. He paused, reaching into the waistband of his jeans. He retrieved a short, ornate silver dagger and handed it to me. I turned the blade over in my hands. The blade was less than four inches long and the small handle was engraved with intricately carved sunflowers. I stared at it for a moment, remembering my dream.

“Take it, girl,” Garrett said firmly. “I ain’t got no call to take you from your captain and ain’t no one here able to fight him most like. Still, day might come you need to protect yourself. Take it.”

It might have been stupid, but I took the knife. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to fight the Duke, but something in me kept screaming to take the knife. I listened. I hurried out of the pleasure house, realizing that I had forgotten to ask about the old woman that had been calling to me. I thought about going back, but I knew I didn’t have time. I’d already been gone too long.

I set off down the alley and emerged onto the road which was just as devoid of people as it had been before. I rushed over to the spaceport and back to the landing pad where the Raider sat just as I had left it. I scampered up the boarding ramp and had just begun to celebrate my victory when I was struck violently from behind. I stumbled forward onto the deck plates, the knife Garrett had given me clattering away where it came to rest under a crate of ammunition.

I rolled onto my back and saw the Duke towering over me. The rest of the crew was arrayed behind him, watching intently. The Duke knelt down and gripped the front of my shirt. He jerked me to my feet, his eyes blazing with fury.

“We’re leaving this rock,” the Duke snapped at the crew. “Get the ship ready.” He held me there, his gray eyes staring grimly into my brown ones, as the crew hurried off to ready the ship for departure. Once we were alone, he tightened his grip even more. I knew he was going to kill me. Maybe not then, not right away, but I knew he would. There had been others before me, of course. Girls that the Duke had brought aboard and had eventually discarded. I could be replaced and the Duke could hardly allow his shipboard whore to blatantly disobey him and get away with it.

“Go to my quarters,” he said firmly. “Go. Stay there. Do not leave until I come for you.”

Part of me wanted to run down the cargo ramp screaming for help. The Duke would’ve shot me dead before I’d reached the ground. I knew that, so I did what he told me. I went to his quarters and waited.  Before long, I heard the ship’s engines kick on and the Raider rose from her pad and rocketed into the sky, making for orbit. Once the ship had left atmo and was cruising along at high sublight speeds, the Duke arrived.

The look on his face was one of complete vehemence. I knew I was going to suffer that night. I knew the Duke was going to make me scream, make me wish that he would kill me. As the realization settled over me, I began to cry. The Duke hated when I cried. To tell the truth, I don’t really remember everything that happened. I think I just blocked it out. Maybe the pain was too much, I… I don’t know. The next thing I remember is being held down on the Duke’s bunk while he thrust into me.

He took his time. He always did. But that night, something was different. It was as though he were biding his time for something. All the while, my body responded to him like it had long ago been trained to do. My mind went elsewhere, as I had long ago trained it. I wasn’t there. It wasn’t me. It was happening to someone else. I was just watching it happen, powerless to stop it.

Listen… what happened next, the things I did… I’m not proud of it. I had to do it to survive, but I became something that night. I became something I never want to be again. I don’t ever want to think like that again. I can’t.

I knew the Duke was getting close. I could tell. I could always tell with him. That’s when his hand closed around my throat. That in and of itself wasn’t unusual as the Duke had always loved to choke me. He liked to whisper that it made me that much tighter around him. I can’t say I know as I was usually more concerned about not being able to breathe. This time, though, I knew it was different. He squeezed tighter and tighter and I knew this was how he was going to kill me.

I realized I wasn’t nearly as scared as I should have been. I had moments left to live, but I wasn’t really scared. Perhaps I had just come to accept it. At that moment, just when I had accepted my fate, the old woman stepped into view at the foot of the bed. She held the knife Garrett had given me in her hands. She placed it on the bedside table and stepped back, nodding toward the blade.

“Help me…” I tried to gasp. She was there. She had the knife. Why wouldn’t she do something? More to the point, why didn’t the Duke notice her? The woman shook her head and nodded toward the knife.

“I can’t help you,” she said firmly. “I can guide you to your path, but I cannot force you to follow it. You must choose to help yourself. The tools are right in front of you.”

The Duke was on the edge now, fully engrossed in what he was doing. His grip tightened more and more around my throat and I knew I only had seconds. With nothing left to lose, I reached out and wrapped my fingers around the grip of knife. Summoning what little strength I had, I plunged the knife deep into the Duke’s neck. He choked, blood streaming from the wound and drenching me.

The Duke stared down at me, his eyes wide and his mouth wide open in a silent scream. He coughed, spraying me with even more blood before his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell on top of me, dead.  

I lay there with the Duke’s weight crushing me into the mattress, trembling with adrenaline and terror as the Duke’s blood seeped from the wound in his neck and onto the sheets as well as me. He was dead. I killed him… I murdered him and now I had only made things worse for myself.

With tremendous effort, I managed to extract myself from beneath the Duke’s body and staggered to my feet. The old woman was gone and I was left quite alone in the darkened room. Shakily, I tugged the knife from the Duke’s neck and began to pace.

I had killed the Duke. This wasn’t one of those situations where if you kill the captain, you become the captain. No, the rest of the crew would doubtlessly kill me for this. What good, then, had killing the Duke done for me? There was no escaping the Raider now that she was in space. If I ejected an escape pod at these speeds, it would be torn apart. So, what could I do?

I didn’t want to die, but I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly survive. The Duke was dead, but there were four fully grown adults that wouldn’t be distracted in the heat of passion so that I could stab them. It was then that the Duke’s computer terminal caught my eye. Suddenly, the shadow of a plan began to form in my mind. I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t going to die, I resolved as the Duke’s blood ran down my body. If I had to kill the rest of the crew to survive, so be it.

I powered on the terminal and the Raider’s internal camera feeds appeared on the screen. I flicked through the feeds, searching for the crew. Callie was in the engine room, buried underneath a massive FTL drive coil and moving energetically to a loud, raucous song that played from the overhead speakers. She’d be down there for a long time.

Brody, meanwhile, was in his quarters. He was seated at his desk and seemed to be doing paperwork. I had no idea how long this would take, but Brody typically kept to his quarters during flight. That was something, at least. Hyde and Shotgun were in the mess hall, drinking their livers out. They were the most dangerous of the crew and I knew they needed to be taken care of first. But how?

Don’t forget, at the time I was a twelve year old girl. I wasn’t strong or trained or anything of the sort. I couldn’t win any physical fight and when it came to firearms… well, I knew which end to hold so I guess that’s something, right? I briefly considered sealing myself in the room and opening the cargo bay ramp, but a quick check proved my fears correct. I would need the captain’s access code and given that the captain was currently bleeding all over the bed, it would be really hard to get that code. If I was going to survive the night, I was going to have to get creative.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, trembling from head to toe and considering my plight. My heart was racing and my breath came in quick gasps. I should have been more interested in the mysterious woman that had given me the knife and then vanished into thin air, but in the moment I wasn’t. I was more concerned with finding a way to not be killed. There really was only one option. I was going to have to kill everyone else on the ship. The question wasn’t what I had to do. The question was how I was going to do it.

Then it clicked. I remembered their conversation and I knew what I had to do. Crazy though it was, I had a plan.

It took me a half hour to prepare said plan. I snuck to the cargo bay and collected the necessary materials. It took some work to make the apples I stole appear unaltered, but I managed. With any luck, they wouldn’t look too closely at the small holes near the bottom. I doubted they would. Hyde and Shotgun were likely quiet drunk. I went back to my bunk and changed clothes. I cleaned up, but ensured to leave some of the blood on me. It had to look realistic.      

Feeling much like I was going to pass out, I picked up my tray of apples and limped into the mess hall. Hyde and Shotgun both looked up at me as I entered. I padded over the rickety table where they sat drinking and placed the tray of apples on the table in front of them.

“Duke let you live then, huh?” Shotgun asked. He shrugged. “I figured he’d cut your throat before the night was over.”

“Looks like he worked her over though,” Hyde slurred, gesturing toward me. “Lotsa blood.”

“He… he told me to bring everyone some food and… and let you do whatever you wanted to me,” I whimpered, tears welling in my eyes. “He said he’s going to make sure I’ve been punished.”

“Well, I do like apples,” said Shotgun, snatching one from the tray.

“Well, I ain’t all that hungry,” said Hyde, his eyes lingering on me. He stood and approached me, his hands coming to rest on my hips. He pushed me back against the neighboring table and slipped his hand under the hem of my shirt, reaching for my chest. Across the room, there was a small popping sound and a spray of blood and bits of bone splattered the walls, floor as Shotgun just seemed to vanish from the torso up. Hyde turned, horrorstruck, to the place where Hyde had been sitting. Taking advantage of Hyde being distracted, I snatched the knife I had tucked into my waistband behind my back. Before Hyde could turn back to me, I leapt forward and drove the blade into the center of his back.

This was stupid. Here’s an interesting fact for you. Unlike movies would have you believe, a stab wound to the back is not instantly fatal. While Hyde howled in pain, he did not immediately fall dead to the ground. He rounded on me as I scrambled away in fear. He wrenched the knife out of his back just as I slid in Shotgun’s blood and fell to the deck.

I scrambled to my feet as Hyde drew near, my knife clutched in his grip. His eyes were full of rage as he marched toward me.

“Get over here, you little bitch!” He shouted, raising the knife high over his head. It was then that I noticed Shotgun’s signature shotgun. The blast from the micro grenades I had hidden in the apples had blown it under a nearby table. I dove under the table and seized it just as Hyde grabbed me. He drug me out from under the table and raised the blade. He struck quickly and I blindly lunged forward, deflecting the blade with the palm of my left hand. The knife cut deep as Hyde withdrew and raised it again, this time prepared to end my life. It was either fate or luck that the shotgun was both loaded and the safety was off. I didn’t look. I didn’t know how. I just pointed it at him and pulled the trigger.

The twin barrels unleashed a spread of buckshot that would have scattered across the room had Hyde not been standing mere feet from the end of the shotgun. Instead, his torso caught the bulk of the shot and he fell back, gasping and clutching at the gaping wound in his abdomen.

Meanwhile, the recoil from the shotgun very nearly tore the weapon out of my small hands. Also despite what movies will tell you, guns are fucking loud. In a small, enclosed space made predominately out of metal, guns are really fucking loud. The echoing ringing in my ears deafened me.

I stood shakily, seeing as though through a fog, and wrenched the knife out of Hyde’s hand. I backed away, my hands held to my mouth as I stared at the bloody scene. It should have affected me, I realized. I should have been horrified. I should have been deeply disturbed by what I had done. I should be bothered by the deaths, so violent and bloody… but I wasn’t. That guilt would come later, sure, but in that moment I was thrilled. I was almost free.

Now, remember when I said guns are loud? That sound sorta… carries. It does so even more when you’re in a relatively small spaceship. The door across the room slid open and a confused Brody entered. He took in the scene and then his eyes fell on me. I just reacted without even thinking. I raised the weapon as Brody felt on his hip for his pistol, only to discover he didn’t have it on him. Another shot, another scream of pain, another blast of white noise in my ears. Brody was gone, dead, and suddenly the only person left was the engineer; Callie. She, too, had been drawn by the sound of gunfire and she appeared in the doorway, her eyes filled with terror.

“Lucy…” she gasped in shock. “Lucy, put… put the gun down. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then stay back,” I warned her. I didn’t know what Callie might do here. She was on the ship by her on volition, but she had never hurt me before. “Don’t come any closer. I’ll… I’ll shoot if you do.”

“Just put the gun down, Lucy, so we can talk.” I didn’t want to talk. I’d come this far. I’d done terrible things to escape this nightmare and I wasn’t about to stop now. I didn’t care who got in my way. I didn’t care who I had to kill. I was going back to Haven even if I had to leave a trail of bodies a light-year long in my wake.

I know you think I went crazy. You probably believe that I’m the villain of this story by now. Maybe I am, I’m not sure. Maybe I was always the bad guy, I just didn’t know it. I’ve had three years to think about it and I’m still not sure I was right. I know the Duke, Brody and the rest were bad people. They hurt people. They killed people just to take their stuff. They raided, raped, pillaged and plundered their way across the sector. Part of me still believes I did the right thing when it comes to them. I stopped bad people from doing bad things. Still, I ended their lives. I don’t like killing anymore, not if I can help it. I just can’t help but think that maybe there was another way.

Callie, though… I warned her. I swear, I warned her but she didn’t listen. She stepped toward me and I shot her just like I said I would. She wasn’t attacking me and honestly I don’t think she was going to. I think… I think maybe she really did just want to talk. I killed her just like all the others, but I’ll never know if I murdered someone who meant me no harm. I’ll never know if I’m no better than the pirates who tormented me. Maybe I’m not.

I sat there in the cafeteria for a long time after that, surrounded by blood and death. I think I might have been in shock. I don’t know. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t sad. I just felt… nothing. I realized then that I was empty. In the space of an hour I had become something I never wanted to be. I wasn’t sure if I should even go back to Haven. Would they want me when they learned what I had done? Would they think I was a monster? Worse than the pirates I had killed?

I didn’t know what awaited me, but I had nowhere else to go. I finally made my way to the cockpit. It took some time and I had to experiment with the controls, but I was able to turn on the autopilot and plot a course back to Haven.

Despite my fears, the people of Haven welcomed me with open arms. It took time, but I finally started to feel like a normal girl. Well, at least what I thought a normal girl should feel like. I never fully forgave myself for the things I did, and I never saw the old woman who guided me down that path ever again. That, it seems, is a mystery I’ll never be able to solve. I lived with Garrett and I can safely say I was happy, but still I had a dream. I wanted to see the stars. I always had.

Garrett knew this all too well. He’d better seeing as it was practically all I ever talked about, so for my thirteenth birthday he and the townspeople cleaned up and refurbished the Bloody Raider. It was one of the only ships that Haven had and as far as Garrett was concerned, she was mine. We sat together on the boarding ramp on the day he and the townsfolk and presented the ship to me.

“I’m going to have to teach you how to protect yourself before you fly off into the unknown,” said Garrett, ever the worrier. “I know you’re not helpless, but you’re no combat expert either. There’s a lot about the world, and life, that you don’t know, Little Bird.” He always called me Little Bird. I never asked why.

“I know,” I told him. “Believe me, I know. And we’ll worry about that tomorrow. Right now, I just want to relish the fact that I finally have my own spaceship. I never thought it would happen. I wanted this for so long that I… I guess I gave up hope. I never had much hope, really.”

“Well, it’s true. The old girl is yours now, Lucy,” said Garrett, grinning slightly. “Gotta say, though… Bloody Raider is a terrible name for this ship. What do you say we give it a new name? Maybe something like Endurance or Serenity or maybe even...”

“Actually,” I interrupted him, a thin smile on my lips. “I have an idea.”

When the sun rose the next morning, the ship’s hull had been painted a beautiful bright yellow that gleamed in the daylight. And on both sides near the bow, painted in big black letters, was the ship’s new name; Sunflower.