Sparkatale

Definitely a hooking start! Sets up for a grand adventure, of course. Not quite sure what Black Blood is, but I'm interested to find out... 

Just two things I wanted to ask about: it seems that your first chapter is a repeat, and is written twice on the document. Also, is there any particular reason you're using italics for dialogue? It is unconventional, but if there's any way you can justify it--like the usage of two different languages, then it's fine. Otherwise, dialogue should be written in normal type. 

This story looks well written so far. There is so little to work with, so I won't critique on character development... yet. Haha, but you're doing a great job. I'm assuming that some of the characters are based on Chinese due to their names...? Well, keep going! Great starts need great finishes!

As for the repeated lines. I have edited it out. Regarding the italicized dialogue, I was used to writing it that way because on some sites the character spacing is too narrow, therefore dialogue is difficult to differentiate from narration. I've edited out that format and will be sticking to quotation marks.

Thank you for taking the time to read my work, and especially for actually commenting and stating something constructive.