Zjjan Master, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Zjjan Master

By: Hearm jan

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Teaser: I've retired for my freedom and to find peace. I was born a knight with no inheritance. What could they expect from me? —Jaino. I've tried to purge the catalyst. Is my strength not enough? —Jesifer. Blurb: Including his guild master, many lives had lost to end a calamity. Jaino feels guilty. Still, the first prince of Jelfyr assigned him as a higher official. This has made him hiding to avoid conflicts. Wanting to find peace, he accidentally meets Criselia, forcing him to accept an agreement. Consuming many lives, her demonstration has left him no choice. Meanwhile, Jesifer, the queen of Jelfyr, she receives an urgent report from the JSA. Attempting to end the battle in the wide plain while avoiding casualty, she instead meets Dandia’s ruler, seeking for the strongest. The outside world now slowly unfolds. Author's note: This would be my first Novel, revisable by some time. I hope anyone can enjoy. Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery, Novel Sub-genre: Crime, Dark, Magic, Sci-Fi, ScienceFiction, MartialArt, Mature, SwordPlay, Role-Playing, Tournament, War *I will be posting this story on RoyalRoad.com*

Created: May 2, 2015 | Updated: October 11, 2019

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 1 | Rating:

Comments: 4

Favorites: 3

Reads: 63668


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1: sp00 01, Prologue 220
2: sp00 02, Glimpse to Prelude 213
3: sp01 00, Chapter One 24
4: sp01 01 Jaino 522
5: sp01 02, Jesifer 256
6: sp01 03, Help 418
7: sp01 04, I'm in Hell 420
8: sp01 05, Failed Advice 789
9: sp01 06, Coward 280
10: sp01 07, Who is She 529
11: sp02 00, Chapter Two 33
12: sp02 01, His Entities 1193
13: sp02 02, Sky's Rejection 1037
14: sp02 03, His Background 1079
15: sp02 04, Bye Kilie 859
16: sp02 05, Abrupt yet Severed Start 866
17: sp03 00, Chapter Three 32
18: sp03 01, He meets her very weird 1338
19: sp03 02, Altrass and Lladamak 530
20: sp03 03, Raume and Sai Mea 567
21: sp03 04, His Might 776
22: sp03 05, Introduction of the Story 857
23: sp03 06, Invitation 954
24: sp03 07, Prelude to a Fight 782
25: sp03 08, Altrass Brief Identity 472
26: sp03 09, Princess Vilyarin 585
27: sp03 10, Yaume Mea 611
28: sp03 11, At the Throne 948
29: sp03 12, The Severed Duel 738
30: sp03 13, Twisted Outcome 596
31: sp03 14, Jesifer's Proposal 734
32: sp04 00, Chapter Four 20
33: sp04 01 01, A New Day 602
34: sp04 01 02, To His Faith 674
35: sp04 01 03, Pursuant 599
36: sp04 01 04, First Taste 561
37: sp04 01 05, She Offers 615
38: sp04 02 01, Her Past's Length 402
39: sp04 02 02, Rescue Operation 668
40: sp04 02 03, A Piece of Her Past I 1218
41: sp04 02 04, A Piece of Her Past II 765
42: sp04 02 05, A Wrong Choice 1543
43: sp04 02 06, Analyze 1083
44: sp04 02 07, JSA's Cruelty I 1285
45: sp04 02 08, JSA's Cruelty II 906
46: sp04 02 09, Fate of the Karagana Tribe 406
47: sp04 02 10, Criselia and Jaino 874
48: sp04 02 11, Jaino's Party and the Caravan 599
49: sp04 02 12, Brief, king's opponent 794
50: sp04 02 13, Criselia vs Jaino 1054
51: sp04 02 14, They Finally Meet 967
52: sp04 02 15, Let it out 473
53: sp04 02 16, Criselia's Understanding 726
54: sp04 03 01, Jesifer's Breakdown 887
55: sp04 03 02, JSA vs The Bandits 652
56: sp04 03 03, Maritis Perseverance 760
57: sp04 03 04, A Failure Approach 628
58: sp04 03 05, Maritis to Report 410
59: sp04 03 06, Hell of His Daily Life 840
60: sp04 03 07, Zahamara's Request 415
61: sp04 03 08, Twisted Interrogation 1264
62: sp04 03 09, Hello My Mentor 1011
63: sp04 03 10, Chapter's Prelude 217
64: sp04 03 11, Cally Haulicrity 736
65: sp04 03 12, The New Father 866
66: sp04 03 13, The Mournful Sorrow 1894
67: sp04 03 14, Aminette's Fear 1015
68: sp04 03 15, Deduction 1348
69: sp04 03 16, The Proving Ground 1697
70: sp04 03 17, Instant Replacement 1241
71: sp04 03 18, Jaino vs Judith 1563
72: sp04 03 19, A Guild Request 2742
73: sp04 03 20, The Light, Dark, and Void 1828
74: sp04 03 21, A Favour 1842
75: sp04 03 22, Maakin's Bold Intention and the Second Princess 2612
76: sp04 03 23, Brief, Life of Jesifer in Jelfyr 2046
77: sp04 04 01, Apodeictic Intention, Threat to Raume 2576
78: sp04 04 02, The Curse Black Swords 3150
79: sp04 04 03, The Unspoken Decision 2966
80: sp04 04 04, A Battle and The Dominant Subduer 2645
81: sp04 04 05, Her Mother's Call 2645
82: sp04 04 06, The Spirit of Light 2454
83: sp04 04 07, Hoven vs Jaino 2728
84: sp04 04 08, The GM's Choice 2948
85: sp04 04 09, Intervention and Preparation 3096
86: sp04 04 10, Rainbow Tribe's Tournament 3064
87: sp04 04 11, The Last Sky's Rejection 2975
88: sp04 04 12, Founder's Proclamation 2719
89: sp05 00, Chapter Five 21
90: sp05 01 01, Carry On 2724
91: sp05 01 02, Near the Serpent's Fang 2630
92: sp05 01 03, Amono and Harfiet 2390
93: sp05 01 04, Crewl vs Gaile, The Greed and Impatience 2755
94: sp05 01 05, The Possession 2755
95: sp05 02 01, Flock in Waiting 2630
96: sp05 02 02, Surfacing From The Depth 2536
97: sp05 02 03, Raume Meets Eladin 2201
98: sp05 02 04, Lovely-and-Frightening Women 1923
99: sp05 02 05, The Guilty, the Lost Piece, and the Seeker 1938
100: sp05 02 06, The Revival of a Dragon 2372
101: sp05 02 07, The Clash Echoes From the Past 2280
102: sp05 02 08, Breaking thro' Invincibility 2147
103: sp05 02 09, Her Knight and His Queen, They not Realize 2594
104: sp05 02 10, Opposing the faith, The saviors 1685
105: sp05 02 11, The First Prince Takes Over 2336
106: sp05 02 12, The Search and No Findings 1962
107: sp05 02 13, What Restrains, She Whispers 2162
108: sp05 02 14, The Fifth and the Hidden City 2237
109: sp05 02 14, zExtra 367
110: sp05 02 15, A Meeting for the Hidden Ship 2318
111: sp05 02 16, Her innocence but the Blood Rains 2568
112: sp05 03 01, The Withered Promise 3481
113: sp05 03 02, Altrass vs Vilyarin, Cally meets Eladin 5097
114: 200 001 Is Sorse Useless? 136
115: 200 002 Just a Crewl Farmer Boy 111
116: 200 003 The New Guy and the Hunter 185
117: sp200 04 In an ongoing Christmas Party 350
118: Settings, Dandia 308
119: Skills, Activ Materialization 307
120: Skills, Dralk 173
121: Skills, Earth Emode 264
122: Skills, Fighting Style 159
123: Skills, Fire Emode 209
124: Skills, Gaile 169
125: Skills, Ice Emode 269
126: Skills, Lightning Emode 269
127: Skills, Line 'n Arc 197
128: Skills, Poles' Basic 275
129: Skills, Saiyk 282
130: Skills, Swords Basic 736
131: Skills, Treal 184
132: Skills, Water Emode 277
133: Skills, Wind Emode 362
134: Species, Norim 448
135: Species, Spirit 58
Total Wordcount: 162409

Reviews (1)


  • Hearm jan

    Hello, I have read someone's review here. If you want to mention about readers, I'm sorry that this work is written if I can't find a book that I can read. I'm a reader of stories that contains 100k+200k+ words. And good books that related to what I like is very few. It means, I'm not looking for works that have plenty of reads or likes. I read what I like. By the way thanks for the review.

    Rating:
    August 22, 2016 Flag


Comments / Critiques


    • Chapter: 52 Reply

      Hello. Before writing this review I would like to apologize if I say something you already know, or seem judging. Most of it is understandable, but would still be said differently by a native speaker. (I will be a bit picky at some parts.) I would be happy to leave comments on the story itself as well. Let me know if you have any questions.


      Description

      First, the description is harder to understand than the rest of the story, and I'm not sure what it says. Make sure to have the subject (who/what is doing something) and object (who/what the subject is doing it to/for/with,etc.) in every sentence. In many other languages word order isn't that important, but in English you'll have to be careful. Also, be clear in whether a word is a verb, noun, adjective, etc. to make it clearer, and write all verbs in the past or present tense (he did/he does).

      Chapter 1: Concepts (Origin of the Title)

      [Zjjan Master: Zjjan(za’(h)an) derived from the word sun.] I would put sun in quotes (...from the word "sun.").

      [Meaning life shine brightly to them, and it’s the name of their world. The Master is species ruling their world.] -> It's the name of their world, because life shines brightly on them like the sun. The Masters are the species ruling them.  | When possible try not to say something twice, like "their world."

      Chapter 1: Concepts (Concepts)

      [Why everything does exist? Superiors are really deserved to live? Or it’s only natural, devouring other creatures for food or fighting each other in order to live?] -> Why does anything exist? Do those who abuse their power really deserve to live, or is devouring other creatures for food or fighting each other in order to live natural? | Going back to word order, questions almost always start with an auxiliary verb (one that can't be used by itself but changes the meaning of another verb) in this case does, do, and is. Abusing your power means you're too powerful, in case you didn't know.

      [If two flesh-eaters with emotion left alive what will happen in times of starvation? Can knowledge give satisfying answer to this many question? What if senses intervene and contradict to the assumed conclusion?] -> "were left alive", "what would happen", "a satisfying answer to this question?" "intervened and contradicted it? | "it" being the answer. 

      [Does justice do suffice to maintain the current flow of life? Or it’s going to be another hindrance giving its unfair and discriminatory law.] -> take out the word "do", "Or is it", "...law?"

      [Who is really deserve to rule and to determines the equality of authority on each living things to live?] -> "Who really deserves to have control over the lives of others? | Nouns that go after "each" are always singular, so if you keep this it would be "each living thing." 

      [This, and those other many questions that are not written inside this concept, maybe or should be, and I hope that it can be express inside to this story.] -> "may be", "be expressed"

       

      Overall, I think that if you had waited maybe an hour then read what you had wrote, you would have found a lot of these mistakes. You do have great spelling and vocabulary though, and I like the way you organized this page to share your ideas and make us want to read more. 

      I hope you have found this comment to be useful. Again, let me know if you have questions or if I can help you more. With my schedule right now I hope to comment on one or two chapters every day from now on.

      May 8, 2015 | David Boyce


    • Reply

      First is redundant, second is over extended, and my biggest problem is to identify tenses, or maybe there still another.

      I'll try to clarify chapter one this night or later.

      Forgive me for not posting some of the chapter that I reviewed, I'm still looking for someone to read and grade every paragraph I written; a friend of mine I supposed if they will.

      Actually, I want to know about the humor if they can be the main highlight inside to this story before adding some scene. After then I'll emphasize, elaborate and will review any error to every text I written.

      Humor is the most critical that will shape some of my biggest character here. I'll really wanted them to be express well.

      I hope you can point me where it is less or not important and where it is need the most.

      Actual is the most easiest way for me to realizes fault and lack; I can't find any another ways.

      But of course thanks for making me realize some fault.

      I hope you can enjoy some chapter of it.

      May 9, 2015 | Hearm jan


    • Reply

      Hi, I apologize for not doing much lately. I'm having a hard time understanding. I'd be happy to analyze the humor, but did you still want me to look for typos? Also, what kind of humor are you talking about?

      May 10, 2015 | David Boyce


    • Reply

      I'm fine whenever you want, I don't want to be a pushy here since I'm just a beginner; I also tried to proofread my work -- and man I thought I fallen to a heatstroke, my head so hot.

      In addition I tried to meditated in order to site the plot where they live and where the event held. Also I try to draws their geographical area and man the back of my head is going to burn... and also I found out Kilie office name is "Pawn Star Shoppe" It should be related to debt collector work -- and I got laughed and feel like an Idiot.

      Arranging the work before going on is I found quite difficult in this literacy huh?

      Can you site what chapter and scene you've having a hard time, also where you feel like laughing, and where lots word of error.

      I also want to edit it myself. You already help me too much, I don't know how to payoff I quite ashamed to myself also. Thank you very much, I'm sincerely apologize for my clumsiness...

      My habit is let the body do the move... :(

      May 11, 2015 | Hearm jan