Status: Completed
Summary:
Created: January 31, 2015 | Updated: January 31, 2015
Genre : Drama
Language : English
Reviews: 0 | Rating:
Favorites: 1
Reads: 689
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Chapter: 1 Reply
Well, this is not really my sort of story: I don't do angst. I can only comment on the writing. There is a frequent misunderstanding of the object/subject pronouns. Here are two examples: Friends with my brother and I – A useful tool for evaluating the compound pronoun is to simplify it. Drop the brother. What you have left is: Friends with I. This should make your writer's nerves cringe. The sentence should go something on this order: He was friends with me. You could also completely rephrase it and write: He was our friend –or something on that order.
Here is the same problem, but with the third person pronoun: We seemed frozen in time, him and I – If you put the subject pronoun 'we' and 'him and I' closer together, you should be able to see that it must be: We, he and I, seemed frozen in time….etc.
September 9, 2015 | Lynn Hollander