Sparkatale

This story was so cute! I loved it! You captured this part of siblinghood so well. The parents here are so stereotypically short-sighted—grrr! Though my parents aren’t nearly as…uh…freakishly intense, this is totally relatable. I loved it!

Really good characterization—especially in such a short amount of words. That’s super impressive! It’s something that many authors—including me—struggle with immensely. Good, defined personalities!

Though, on a critical note, I did spot a few errors and typos. I’ll try to get to as many as I can right now, but I might miss a few. You might need to go back over your story with a critical eye and catch a few yourself.

When you say “his ridiculous monkey-suit,” I think you meant “this ridiculous… etc.” Also, in “eyes like a hawk watching it’s pray,” the correct words are “its prey.” Lastly, in “My father didn’t design to respond,” the correct word is deign. I think these are just silly mistakes, though. There are occasional spots where you forget to end a dialogue with quotations and other small things…So be sure to check over your stuff for small typos!

Also, you never really mentioned the little sister’s plan before it was executed—not even vaguely. This is a possible source for confusion. My suggestion—which you aren’t in any way obligated to take—is to put in something like “she whispered something into my ear,” or something like that. There was nothing communicating that she had said anything of going against their parents and I was a bit lost.

Other than that, great stuff! I’ll be keeping an eye out for your other stuff! ;)