Sparkatale

Hello. My name is Tiburon and I would like to comment on your story. It seems very interesting but I'm having trouble understanding it due to the wording. Is English your second language? What other languages do you speak? Anyway, here's the typos I noticed. I might have missed some. I apologize if these are just typos, but just in case:

One thing is verbs. You add an S for the third person singular, meaning someone is doing it but not the person who's talking and not the person you're talking to. Only one person, and it can also be a thing. You only do this for the present tense. If you're speaking in the past, never use the S. The switch between present and past was a little confusing here.

There were also parts where you added S to verbs that shouldn't have it. Necks should be neck and waters should be water, unless you are talking about bodies of water like oceans or lakes. Water is a substance, it isn't measured with a number. You treat it like a singular noun, without the S.

The dialogue was rather weird because of the way you wrote it. It should be like this: She said, "Hello." Or: "Hello," she said. Notice how the first letter is capitalized (H not h) and there is no period (.) at the end, even if you say, "Hello!"

In memories 003, Endrw (cool name, not sure how to pronounce it) swore, and you said f*** but for all the other swear words you spelled them out. Either way is fine, but keeping it the same way throughout is preferable.

I've never heard of the word posses. I've never heard someone say vice as short for vice president, but maybe I have. Neither do I hear sleepers or flesh. Usually people only say flesh when talking about zombies eating people. Sacks(near the beginning) should be socks. There shouldn't be a dash in metallic-pipe or in no-accessories, and pants in yellow color should be yellow pants. Gaze on should be gazed at. When talking about an index finger or right hand, you can just say finger or hand because which one is already implied.

With numbers, you spell out one through nine. When talking about feet, it should be five feet and eight inches rather than 5'8ft. That would be 5'8'' anyway.

Something that even we native speakers have problems with is not writing like we talk. Writing out gonna instead of going to and using two exclamation points !! isn't proper.

Do you know what articles are? I assume you do, if not they're the, a, and an. I didn't know that until just recently. You said "a claps" when you could have said "applause" and "the outside" when "the" should be taken out.

Again, I'm sorry if you already knew this and these were just typos. I just wanted to be sure. If you didn't know, I appreciate all the work you put into writing all this out. I don't mind reading the rest if you want me to. It sounds really interesting. You might have to explain it a little though. Bye! =)

Thanks for the comment.
Its my third languages, and the most easiest I have.

Well then I gonna work for it.