The draining grey colour of the walls added to my feeling of dread. I shouldn't even be here. I felt lost in this place. Both guards held me up firmly in their grasps, their menacing black eyes fixed forward, intent on taking me to 'The Room'.
'The Room' was a place where patients would be sent if they didn't behave, a place that I had the pleasure of visiting. I didn't do anything, I mean not really. Catching a patient hitting another patient didn't mean they needed to be locked away from anything. I mean it wasn't really a hard slap but they deserved it. They were stealing my food. The bland, sick coloured yellow mush they pass off as food. Actually I should have been praising her, I mean I wouldn't have to eat so much of the stuff. Food. I miss my mother's homemade pies. I could almost smell them all mingled up into one heavenly scent.
My head was distracting me from the moments passing me by right this minute. I hadn't realised I was sitting on the lone dark wood chair. The dirt on the ends of the legs were merging easily with the wood. I did not want to know how the chair got so dirty in the first place. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest; thump-thump-thump. I was slowly sinking deep into its rhythm. I started to feel almost peaceful. Calm. My head gradually filled with a multitude of colours, its presence seeping into every black void inside me. I felt lifted, like all of this was a dream and I would eventually wake up, like Dorothy in Kansas and I would see all the happy faces of my family, all greeting me from my slumber. I knew that would not happen but I was a dreamer. Each dreary grey wall suddenly seemed to have a memory of mine projected onto it, each rolling along like it was happen right this moment.
The wall to the left of me s cold winters day, just before Christmas. My older brother and myself were sledding down a shallow hill. We must have been about seven and five, our parents were at the top of the hill, watching us and laughing, keeping us safe. The sky that day seemed so bright and vivid, a large sweep of the most vibrant topaz you could imagine which hovered over the clean, white, snow covered hills, the sun blinding us all. It was one of my fondest days. I then turned to look at the wall in front of me.
This memory was from later, a few years later when I was about twelve and I was leaning over the fence at the back of my home, talking to my next door neighbour. I had such a crush on him. What was his name? Luke, Lewis, Logan? His name began with an 'L' and he had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. They looked like big emeralds, ready to be mined. I can't remember what happened to him. Did he move away? No. Maybe...anyway, it had been the warmest day in years, that whole week felt stifling. I was so warm, I thought I could smell myself cooking. That was one of my last happy memories. Actually my last memory. I don't remember what happened to anyone after that. Maybe I was locked away here, away from people who were going to do me harm. Why did they want to hurt me? I hadn't done anything wrong. I felt safe here anyway.
My mind drifted on as my gaze became fixed to the wall to my right. Images, colours started to swirl, as each second passed, the image becoming clearer. What was my mind going to show me next? Clearer and clearer the image became until I could recognise that there were faces surrounding me. I had difficulty in remembering who they all were but I knew, I had a feeling I knew them well. Who were they all?
The scene suddenly shifted as someone in my image grabbed my arm, a man's hand. I drifted up and out from my body and hovered over the room as if I were a ghostly watcher. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything but watch as things unfolded. Why was the girl being pinned down to the ground? What were they doing to her? No. No! I felt like I could shout but I was completely paralyzed. That girl was me! I suddenly, like I was on a cord, got pulled back to the present. The image became foggier and foggier until all that was left was a haze of broken colours, swirling down a never ending tunnel. I was back in 'The Room' where I was once again grabbed roughly by my arms before being guided back to my windowless room.