Ruth took a few deep breaths as she walked up the stairs on the hill, a bouquet of lilies in her sweaty palm. She looked up at the stone steps in front of her and considered turning around. It wasn’t like she had to make her feelings clear. Shaking her head, she reminded herself that this was important. The day had arrived.

 

She slowly moved her wispy body up the steps, frequently looking down to ensure she didn’t fall and break her back. The wrinkles on her forehead became more visible as she frowned. 

 

The day Ruth first met Elaine was perfectly ordinary. The air was at room temperature, with a light breeze and a few clouds in the sky. It was as if this meeting would not change their lives forever.

 

Next to Ruth’s neat blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, Elaine’s wild black pigtails stood out. A wide gap could be seen between Elaine’s teeth. Whereas Ruth had small, beady eyes, Elaine’s were wide with the spirit of adventure.

 

Elaine held out her muddy hand as she introduced herself. Ruth scrunched her nose at her but said her name as well.

 

‘Do you want to play with me in the sandpit?’ Elaine’s voice was squeaky.

 

‘Only if you wash your hands,’ Ruth said. Her voice was stronger and more authoritative but also had the high pitch of youth. Elaine laughed. Ruth built a sandcastle while Elaine splashed sand around like it was water at the beach. 

 

After a bit of silence, Elaine spoke. ‘My mum said the Russians are going to bomb the world soon.’

 

‘What’s ‘bomb’?’

 

Elaine shrugged and continued spraying the sand about.

 

It only took a minute for Ruth to need a break. She panted while resting her hands on her thighs, bent over until she resembled a hunchback. She closed her eyes and listened to the little symphony of bird calls. It would have been calming had it not been for the laughter of the kookaburra, which sounded as if it was mocking her tiredness. 

 

She waited for her breaths to return to a normal pace before continuing her journey.

 

Ruth leaned back in her chair with her feet on her desk. She brushed a stray hair back into her untidy ponytail and waited. And waited. And waited some more. 

 

She eventually gave up on waiting, twisting her body away from the door. She refused to sit up straight even after the teacher told her to, earning her a painful ruler on the wrist.

 

Her sulking ended when she heard the door open. There she was. Elaine’s pigtails, a lot neater than they were when she was in primary school, bounced as she ran up to Ruth.

 

‘We’re in the same class again!’ Elaine squealed. She spoke with a slight lisp as she tried to move her mouth around the gold braces surrounding her teeth.

 

The two jumped up and down until their teacher told them to go to their desks.

 

Off in the distance, Ruth could hear the trickle of a brook. It whispered to her that she was relatively close to her destination. Her legs ached but she carried on.

 

She kept scratching her arm, wishing she had brought insect repellent with her. She was going to look like a pockmarked mess in front of Elaine if she wasn’t careful.

 

Ruth mustered the restraint to no longer scratch her itches. She looked down at her flowers and gasped, swatting away the numerous bugs that had inhabited her bouquet.

 

She closed her puffy eyes for a moment. The previous night, she had slept for less than two hours.  

 

The pair of friends sat against an outside wall of the school. Smoke rose and joined the chimney as Elaine took puffs of her cigarette. Her hair was all over the place and one of her eyes had a big purple bruise.

 

‘Dad’s such an asshole,’ she muttered.

 

When a teacher spotted Elaine and Ruth and chased them, they giggled and ran around the grounds until she gave up. They sat down by the tree at the edge of the school grounds and Elaine put out her cigarette in the dirt.

 

‘I wish we could live together,’ Ruth said as she slid her hand onto Elaine’s. ‘Then you wouldn’t have to deal with him.’ 

 

Without even realising what was going on, Elaine pulled her hand away. ‘That would be nice.’

 

Ruth stared at her now cold hand. She eventually shifted her view towards Elaine, whose uniform was too small. This outfit, intended to be modest, showed curves it wasn’t supposed to show. Ruth wanted to touch those curves so badly she could die.

 

The thoughts that were by that point constant in her mind made her feel sick. She was unsure if the feeling in her stomach was butterflies or disgust at herself. Either way, she knew it was best to keep these thoughts to herself.

 

At night, she would often cry into her pillow after fantasising about her dearest friend. What would Elaine think if she knew her feelings? What would she do?

 

The sky became the colour of smoke and the wind sent a chill through Ruth’s body, blowing her long silver hair about. She had to take another break.

 

She sat on one of the steps and glanced down at the bouquet in her hands. The petals were already starting to droop. She knew this was going to be a terrible gesture. What would Elaine think?

 

As she stretched out her legs, she realised her knees were also aching. Her shoulders were tense and her heart felt as if it was stuck in a vice that tightened a tiny bit every second.

 

The bird calls were getting louder and with less synchronisation, creating a cacophony of squarks. Ruth could barely hear her thoughts, which were also out of sync with each other. She managed to calm down while focusing on the gentle stream in the distance.

 

She heaved her body up and resumed her journey.

 

The pot of lilies, Elaine’s favourite flower, looked beautiful in the window. Ruth gazed at them lovingly as she sat on the couch and kept that expression as her eyes moved towards Elaine. The woman with long and straight black locks was hanging their washing to dry. Ruth’s brown hair, darkened by years in the sun, was in a messy updo.

 

The walls of the apartment were covered in orange and yellow graphic floral wallpaper. They managed to get an old but inexpensive television, which stood in the corner of the apartment.

 

They had finally unpacked everything. At long last, they were in their new home together.

 

Elaine hung her last piece of clothing and turned to Ruth. ‘By the way, there’s someone I want you to meet. His name’s Blaine and I like him a lot.’

 

A shiver ran down Ruth’s spine as her heart dropped into the icy cold waters of her gut. ‘I… I see. That’s great.’

 

Ruth barely spoke when Blaine came over, looking down at her glass as she swirled the cheap wine around. Following the man’s departure, Elaine plopped down on the couch next to Ruth.

 

‘Are you doing okay? You seemed out of it.’

 

Ruth’s wine swirling sped up. ‘It’s fine. He seems lovely.’

 

‘I know, right?’ Elaine asked with large sparkling eyes that reminded the other woman of their childhood.

 

Ruth bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying something stupid.

 

Over the next few months, Ruth and Elaine would have a gay old time chatting away until Blaine came over and Ruth shrivelled on the couch. Elaine didn’t push it, thinking she was just not used to the new company. That is, until Ruth, drunk on wine, actually said something.

 

‘Blaine, do you worry about going over to our apartment at this hour?’

 

The man rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. ‘Why would that be a problem?’

 

‘People talk. A man going to a woman’s home at night? Sounds suspicious.’

 

Elaine blushed. ‘Ruth!’

 

Ruth held out her glass and pointed at Blaine with the same hand. ‘I’d hate for Elly’s reputation to go downhill just for someone like you.’

 

‘Someone like me?’ Blaine asked with another nervous chuckle.

 

Elaine grabbed Ruth’s hand and pulled her to the kitchen. ‘What are you doing?’ she hissed.

 

‘Protecting you.’

 

‘From who? Blaine? Is that why you turn into a completely different person when he’s around? What’s wrong with Blaine?’

 

‘You don’t get it.’

 

Elaine put her hands on her hips. ‘Try me.’

 

The words rose up Ruth’s throat but something blocked them from coming out. Her hands shook as she grabbed Elaine’s sleeve.

 

‘I… I…’ When she couldn’t push the words out, she wrapped her hands around Elaine’s wrists and squeezed them. Elaine gasped in pain and tore her arms away. Ruth crossed her arms and aloofly looked away. ‘You know how men are. I’m surprised you can trust them after…’ her words trailed off.

 

Elaine’s eyes narrowed. ‘After what?’ Ruth gulped, still facing away from the other woman. ‘After what, Ruth?’

 

‘I just don’t get why you don’t have your guard up. I’m trying to keep you from getting your heart broken!’

 

‘You’re not my Dad! Stop trying to run my life for me!’

 

Ruth stepped back. She remembered the trail of bruises down Elaine’s body as a teenager. At first, she pictured Elaine’s father standing over the girl with a raised fist. He grabbed her by the collar and went to punch her when the father’s body transformed into Ruth’s. Upon seeing that image, Ruth covered her mouth, her face lily-white.

 

By the time Ruth awakened from her daymare, Elaine had already run out of the kitchen. Ruth followed her and saw her crying into Blaine’s chest. Ruth saw the soft judgement in Blaine’s eyes as he looked at her, the eyes of a parent who wasn’t angry but was disappointed. At that very moment, she knew she had lost.

 

She stormed into her room and started packing her things. Hearing the rapid opening and closing of drawers, Elaine rushed into the room.

 

‘Wait, I’m sorry! Please don’t leave!’

 

‘Get Blaine to live with you until the lease is up,’ Ruth suggested with bite in her voice, shoving clothing into a suitcase. ‘Since apparently our… your landlord is okay with him visiting the apartment at night so often.’ 

 

‘You don’t have to leave over a little fight like this,’ Elaine said, putting a tender hand on Ruth’s shoulder. ‘Surely we’ll get over it by tomorrow. Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?’

 

‘It’s not about the fight.’ Ruth rolled her shoulder away from Elaine’s hand.

 

‘Then what is it? What could possibly be so awful that it undoes years of our friendship?’

 

Ruth didn’t say. She simply continued packing her belongings. She looked back several times before leaving the apartment that night.

 

Finally, Ruth made it to the top of the hill. A tiny bit of sunlight pierced through the clouds to illuminate the rows of gravestones. She searched up and down the cemetery until she found the right one, the one with Elaine’s name on it. She carefully kneeled by the stone and laid her bouquet in front of it. There were already several flowers by the tombstone.

 

‘Hello.’ Her whisper created a roaring echo in the empty graveyard, this place devoid of life. ‘I heard you were buried here and I had to find you. Happy birthday, Elly.’

 

Her fingertips brushed against the photo of Elaine on the gravestone, her wrinkled visage nearly unrecognisable to her. The date of death was 2019. She had been buried alone. 

 

A lump formed in Ruth’s throat. Her cheeks began to smell like the sea as salty tears rolled down them. ‘I… I’m so sorry. You had nothing to apologise for. It was all my fault.’ She wiped her eyes with her arm but the tears kept coming. ‘You probably thought I hated you. I never did. In fact, I…’ The lump in her throat blocked her words until she swallowed it. ‘I loved you. No, love you. I came here to tell you that. You deserve to know.’

 

Ruth smiled softly. ‘There’s someone I want you to meet. Her name’s Bernice and I like her a lot.’ She listened to the brook as she waited.

 

After a few minutes, a stout old woman with short, curly grey hair reached the top with panting breaths. 

 

‘Who is this person you wanted to see?’ she asked as she held out her hand and helped Ruth up. 

 

Ruth rubbed her hand against the top of the tombstone. ‘An old friend.’ Bernice wrapped her arms around her and held her close as Ruth sobbed into her chest. 

 

A few more minutes passed. The two kissed as they always did but Ruth still felt bubbles of joy float up from her stomach. She took Bernice’s hand and together they made the cautious journey down the steps.