It all starts on a bright, warm spring day. A brilliant white house and a family of five. A driveway lined with tall trees, perfect for shade and privacy. Where a young girl, around the age of six comes running, her small arms filled with small white daisies pressed tightly to her chest. Her beautiful light purple sundress with darker purple trim, billowing around her small legs as runs full force toward her childhood home and an adult women standing on the off white wrap around porch of the house. The women, wearing a loose oversized dark yellow band T-Shirt and light wash blue jeans, smiles lightly as she spots her youngest daughter running toward her. Taking the few steps forward before resting her weight on her arms as she leans the top half of her body on the peeling white paint on the railing.

          The young girl smiles widely as the women comes into better view, dropping her collected daises. Pushing her legs harder, she runs a little faster making her loose long light brown hair fly like a flag as she runs up the stairs and into her mother’s arms. “MOMMY!!” wrapping her arms around the women’s legs tightly as the women bends to wrap her left arm around the child. “Hey Sweetheart” they embrace for a few more seconds before the women removes the child’s arms In time for an adult male exits the house behind them. Spotting them to his left, he lets a sly smile show as he silently tiptoes behind the women and child before wrapping his arms around the women’s waist.

          “CHRIS!!” the women shouts as she is startled, whipping her head around to see her assailant. The man, Chris, laughs as he lets go of the women before greeting the laughing and smiling child in front of him and the women. Holding his hand out palm forward for the child to slap “come on Kalley, Was that good or what?” The child, Kalley, Nods rapidly as she laughs loudly again and slaps the man’s hand. Turning the women turns, crossing her arms and sticking out her tongue playfully. “You are never going to grow up are you?” Gently slapping his chest before turning again and kneeling down to Kalley’s level. Gently tucking a stray hairs from her daughter’s face behind her ear and kissing her forehead “I see which side you are on.” Glancing up at her husband before leaning forward a little and whispering something in Kalley’s ear, causing the young girl to giggle and look up at her father smiling.

          Watching the females in front of him, Chris’s smile drops slightly before picking up again as he looks up and spots a familiar dirty red jeep. Glancing back down, he says loud enough for them to hear over their whispers “Look who’s here!!” The women head shoots up as she spot the jeep, standing she leans her weight onto the railing again following the jeep with her eyes. Following her parent’s eyes, Kalley spots the families jeep looking over the top of the railing on her toes as she smiles toward the car. Leaning his weight on the rail by his hands, his left arm sheltering the women as shifts his weight.

           The family of three stay in that position till the Jeep finally parks in in front of them. Getting out first is the driver, a middle aged teen, wearing a formfitting short black dress with dark wash jean jacket and stripped black leggings. Smiling up at the family on the porch as she moves toward the back of the car, opening the trunk and removing several plastic bags. The passenger, a young teen, her mid-back black hair braided wearing a tight comical long sleeved shirt with an oversized light gray hoodie with dark wash jeans, steps out and motions to the six year old. “Kalley come help with the bags!” “Okay!” Kalley yells as she moves from her place in front of her parents, down the stairs and toward the car. Her parents in tow behind her.

          A few minutes later the family is inside, putting away the groceries in the kitchen. “Girls” The women calls without looking behind her as she sets the two boxes of the cereal in the pantry. “What’s up?” The eldest of the teens calls from behind her, moving to the women’s side to set another box of cereal beside the others. Turning she smiles at the older teen, before looking around her for the other daughters. “Where are your sisters?” The women steps into the main kitchen before calling again “Kalley! Autumn! Get over here!!” The older teen fights a giggle as she leans her head into her hands as she takes a seat at the island, it takes only moments before Kalley and autumn show. “Mommy?” Kalley walks into the kitchen looking up at the women confused.

          Motioning to the Island the older teen was sitting at the women says “Go sit with your sister….” Just as autumn enters “You too autumn.” The girls sitting, the women calls out again “Chris. I need you in he….” “Chill Mia. I’m right here.” Chris wraps his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. Mia smiles over her shoulder before looking back at her daughters, resting her hands flat on the cool speckled gray of the counter top. “I called you all here to inform you that tonight is your father’s and I’s annual date night. So I need…” Mia looks from Scarlett on the left to autumn on the right “You two to watch your sister. We’ll most likely be back late, so please put Kalley to bed at her bedtime and yourselves at yours.” Glaring slightly at each teen before smiling down at the child between them, while dropping her tone slightly “Kalley. Behave. Do not cause your sisters any grief… Please…” Kalley nods smiling shyly into her arms and she rest her chin on the counter.

Later that night:

          “Goodbye Girls!!” Mia calls as she slips into her cream raincoat, readjusts her silver decorative scarf and check herself in the hallway mirror slightly obscured by coats and scarves. The open study door, displays the daughters, autumn reading on the armchair Nods “bye”. Her legs swinging over the side of the left armrest while her head rest on the right, her braid hanging off the edge. Scarlett, messing around on the families ‘old man’ block white computer, her head resting in her left hand as she randomly clicks certain things on the screen in front of her. Her Shoulder length black hair hanging loose in-between her fingers as she nods in her mother’s direction as an answer. Playing with her dolls, Kalley looks up at her mother before standing and running toward her. “Goodbye Mommy! Goodbye Daddy!” Hugging each around the waist. Kissing the top of her head, Chris slips his arms into his coat “Goodbye girls! Remember to go to bed ON TIME!” watching his eldest and middle daughter nod in response. Before glancing at Mia who shrugs, motioning to the door and shouting another “Goodbye!!”

          It isn’t thirty minutes later before the daughters get a call……..

2: Chapter Two: Death Part One

Startled the girls let the phone ring a few times before Scarlett gets up, walking out of the Study and into the Main Hallway. “Who was that?” Kalley looks up from her spot on the floor holding her doll close to her chest. Autumn shrugs resting her open book on her chest, her eyes following Scarlett out of the room before looking down at Kalley as she sits up “Donnknow Could be Mother and Father asking how everything’s going.” Snuggling back down into her seat, she picks her book trying to read where she left off while keeping an ear out for Scarlett.

Accepting the answer Kalley shrugs and goes back to tending to her doll. In the hallway Scarlett trembles slightly as she pulls the fuzzy peach colored blanket tighter around her small frame before picking up the phone. “Hello Trublue Residence” Scarlett calls from memory half yawning ‘I bet its Mother and Father checking up…’ Glancing at the wall clock hanging above the hallway mirror ‘It’s only been thirty minutes…’ On the line Scarlett could hear a plethora of different distant voice and mechanical beeps along with a quiet “Are you child or family member of Mia or Christopher Trublue?”

          Pulling the phone from her ear, Scarlett gives it a weird look returning it to her ear to say “Umm Yes. I am their eldest Daughter, Scarlett.” There is a pause on the other side of the line as Scarlett could feel worry being to grow in her stomach “Miss Trublue. I am terribly sorry to tell you but your parents have been in an accident. Your Father, Christopher was killed instantly and your Mother was rushed to surgery at General Hospital but died on the table…. I am….” The phone drops from Scarlett’s hand and hits the wall hard, swinging on its spiral cord and alerting the other’s that something was wrong.

          “Kalley…” Autumn places a bookmark in her spot before standing and placing it where she sat moments before. Glancing at her sister, autumn motions for her to stay “Stay here. I’ll go see what wrong.” Nodding Kalley follows her sister movements out of the study and toward their older sister, keeping contact with a concerned and confused look. “Scarlett…?” Autumn approaches her slowly, watching Scarlett’s face for any sign of understanding before laying a hand gently on her shoulder. Glancing back over her shoulder, autumn spots Kalley still watching “Scarlett…?” taking the chance she rest her left hand on the older teen’s right shoulder, starting the older teen who crumbles to the floor.

          “Scarlett!” Autumn whispers loudly as she kneels beside her, circling her arms around the fallen teen’s right arm to help her stand. Openly sobbing, Scarlett shakes her head roughly. Snaking her arm away from autumn and using her hands to cover her tearstained face. Focusing on her distressed sister beside her, autumn encore the still hang phone until it grazed her arm. A faint “Hello? Hello? Miss Trublue?” could be heard, gaining more of autumn’s attention. Hastily looking back over her shoulder at their youngest sibling still looking on from the widely open study doors, autumn picks up the swinging phone and places it at her left ear.

          “Hello, this is Autumn Trublue. I am the…” “You are also a child of Mia and Christopher Trublue?” The man on the other side interrupts, impatiently waiting for an answer. Without thinking autumn nods, keeping her eyes on Kalley “Yes. I am their Second daughter. Is something wrong with my parents?” There is an audio able sigh as the man on the other line runs a hand down his worn and tired face. Gearing up for the same speech all over again, the man sighs again less audible. “Yes. Miss Trublue, Your parents where rushed to the General Hospital after being in a major accident. Your father, Christopher, was killed on impact. Your Mother, Mia, was rushed to surgery but had died on the table less than an hour later. I am terribly sorry for your family’s loss.”

          The line does dead in autumn’s shaking hand. Her Blue eyes wide as tears begin to fill her eyes, letting herself fall apart in the view of a confused and concerned six year old. It takes a moment of the loud and obnoxious beeping from the sound of the phone still in her left hand and ear to register in grief stricken younger teen’s brain. Standing quickly, she looks down at her older sister’s limp and motionless body beside her before looking up at the young child in the study. Taking a shaky breathe, autumn quickly wipes her face before stepping around Scarlett and walking toward Kalley.

          “Hey sweetie…” Kneeling down to the child’s level, autumn opens her arms for Kalley to crawl into. Confused with tears in her light blue eyes Kalley does so, engulfing autumn’s neck and burying her head into autumn’s shoulder. “What’s wrong with Mommy and Daddy?” Kalley whispers, refusing to look up as autumn stands picking up the child with her. Kissing the side of the child’s head autumn sighs into her loose light brown hair, the same color there mother had…. “Don’t worry about it Kalls, Mother and Father are just…” Autumn glances at the still unmoving form of their older sister before making her way up the stairs across from the study “are just what?” Kalley looks up, staring at her older sister with childlike innocence autumn didn’t want to ruin in one night.

Autumn sighs again reaching the middle of the stairs “are just, calling to say they are going to extend their date night longer than they expected….” Pushing Kalley’s head back onto her shoulder before making her way up the four steps to the landing and the girl’s rooms. Kalley wasn’t convinced, lifting her head again to look autumn her dark blue eyes “But… Scar never reacts that way when Mommy and Daddy extend their night….” Kalley had her there… Thinking fast autumn comes up with a clever lie to calm the child’s mind. “Scarlett has a date with some guy tomorrow and Mother and Father didn’t plan on returning till a few hours after her date was supposed to begin.”

‘There. That should stop the questions… hopefully’ autumn sighs mentally as she feels Kalley relax into her arms and chest. Approaching Kalley’s pale white door with a huge glitter bright white ‘K’ attached to the surface, Shifting Kalley’s weight to her left arm autumn opens the door to Kalley’s darkened pale yellow room. Walking into and across the room toward the bed underneath a window on the far side of the room. Stepping over a few stray toys before laying Kalley down in her unmade bed, “Good Night Kalley.” Pulling the covers over Kalley’s small frame and leaning down to kiss her forehead, before standing and turning her back toward Kalley and taking a few steps toward the open door. Kalley sits up, resting her weight on her left arm “But… But!” Sitting up fully and crossing her arms and frowning/pouting “It’s not my bed time!!!!”

Crossing her arms and sighing, autumn turns back frowning slightly before walking back toward the bed “It doesn’t matter. A few extra minutes of sleep won’t hurt and…” Autumn looks around the room trying to find a way to remove the frown on Kalley’s face. Her arms unfolding as she smiles widely as the perfect thought filters into her mind “The sooner you go to sleep the faster you’ll see Mother and Father again...” Tilting her head slightly, autumn could see the wheels turning in Kalley’s head as she slowly accepts the completely logical explanation. “Okay…” Kalley lays back down, pulling the blankets up toward her chin snuggling into its warmth. Dozily closing her eyes as she mumbles “Goodnight Autumn.”

Watching the child slowly fall asleep, autumn waits till Kalley’s breathing evens which does not take long. ‘Alright... One down...” Sighing again autumn makes her way out of Kalley’s room, back down the stairs and toward the phone where Scarlett was propped against the wall. Tears still streaked down her face and a look of numb shock on her face. It took autumn a minute before she realized that the older teen was mumbling something under her breathe “Gods no… Gods why… I can’t… Please…” Running her hands over and threw her loose black hair in a shaky motion, not noticing autumn’s entrance and Kalley’s departure. “Scar…?” Autumn kneels to the floor, sitting on her feet as she gently lays her right hand on Scarlett’s bent knee. Startling the older teen as she looks up and notices autumn’s presents, “I’m sorry…?” Removing her hands from her hair, Scarlett’s sits up and crossing her legs “did you say something?”

Glancing at autumn before looking around for the teen’s youngest sister then back at autumn “Where is Kalley?” Sighing autumn shifts to crossing her legs before answering “Kalley is in bed. She doesn’t need to know that her parents are no longer alive…. But we need to talk about what we are going to do.” Scooting closer till the teen’s knees touch, autumn holds Scarlett’s hands in hers “Scar we need a plan.” Scarlett Nods, leaning forward “I know.. I just…” Snaking her hands from her sisters she runs them again threw her shoulder length black hair “I just don’t have one yet… I never expec… expec…” Tears fill her green eyes again as she forces the end sentence out of her mouth staring at her legs “Expected them to…” She looks up at autumn’s fallen face, tears streaking her own cheeks.

 “Autumn…” Moving forward Scarlett wraps her arms around her sisters shrinking body as grief fills her body, Sobs run threw her small frame like earthquakes. “I…I…I want…I want Mommy and Daddy back...!” Autumn sobs into Scarlett’s shoulder as the older teen rubs small circles into autumn’s back. “Shhh… I know… But right now we need to think of our future…” Pushing autumn’s shoulders away for her body and tilting her chin upward “That little girl up there’s future…” Scarlett points up the stairs and smiles as watches autumn’s eyes shift upward.

Sighing as she lets her eyes drift closed for a few moments before glance back toward Kalley’s room then back at Scarlett “Okay.” Shifting slightly and wiping her face with the back of her left hand before sighing again “what’s the plan?” This wasn’t easy for Scarlett, school had always been her escape into from her crazy and sometimes over loving family. She has friends and is SOOO close to graduating. ‘This is for the best…’ Scarlett stares at her left foot as tears come to her eyes again, it’s not fair but it’s for the best. “I leave school get a job and hopefully once I get a good enough job to focus on getting my GED.”

Finally looking up at autumn’s shocked face, visible rebellion in her eyes “NO!” standing to her feet autumn crosses her arms and starts pacing. “You can’t! You LOVE school!” Waving her hands wildly as she takes her third lap, she did have a point… But… “Autumn” Standing I stop her endless pacing “It doesn’t matter what I want anymore…” Release my grip I autumn’s shoulders and letting my hands fall to my sides again “What matters is keeping a roof over our heads, food, heat and anything else we might need… My needs don’t matter anymore.” Running my left hand threw my hair I let a sigh escape my throat “I need to worry about keeping you and Kalley well and happy before I worry about myself.” There’s a silence in the room as I stare at the floor underneath my feet, I had to make the sacrifice… ‘Mother and Father would want me to. I have to make them pro…’ “Bullshit.”

My head flies up as my green eyes open wider, I’ve heard autumn curse several times before but always under her breath. Mother wasn’t really into cursing and try to keep it to a minimum in the house, especially when Kalley was around. Shocked I stumble out an “AUTUMN!” Still watching her crossed armed, defiant pose in shock. Where she watches me in bemused pleasure she uncrosses her arms, letting them fall unceremoniously to her sides “What?! I’m not going to let you put your entire life on hold just for ME.” “You AND Kalley.” I mumble as watch her roll her dark blue eyes “Whatever. Not my point.” ‘I won’t let her ruin her life, I’m sick of this hero act she’s trying to pull. Mother and Father would have wanted us BOTH to take care of EACH OTHER. Not one take care of the other two.’

Grabbing the end of my braid I shift it over my shoulder, playing with my slightly spilt-ends and playing with my thoughts before I gather enough anger to spit out “Scarlett I’m not going to let you do this alone. Weather you believe me or not, our parents would have wanted us to take care of EACH OTHER…” I motion upwards toward the (hopefully) sleeping six year old upstairs “NOT one taking care of the other two. We were raise to help each other…” I watch the older teen, my older sister crumble slightly in front of me – worry etched on her face like one of Kalley’s etch-a-sketches that aged her twenty years in minutes.

She knew I was right, but she also had Mother’s spirit. She wouldn’t give up or budge without a fight… It just so happens that I had our Father’s rebellion. And I wasn’t going to let her carry the weight of the world alone, not when I was able to help. “But…” I watch her rub her left hand up and down her right arm, shrinking slightly as she mumbles something I couldn’t hear. Frowning I cross my arms again “But nothing. I’m not going to let you do this alone. I’m in this as much as you, younger or not. I can get a part-time job and help with the bills.” Stepping closer I encase her form in my arms, hugging her to my chest “That way you can focus on getting your GED and working” Holding her at arm’s length, I force a smile I didn’t feel on my face. I knew her next question would be about Kalley, I really hadn’t had a concrete plan but I knew a few neighbors and friends could watch her when we are busy.

“Kalley, when we are working, could be watched by friends and neighbors.” I hug Scarlett back to my chest before she voice her obvious concern, it was written all over her face “You… We have resources. All we have to do is use them… there are people willing to help….” I let silence fill the room again, waiting for Scarlett to let go of the breathe she was holding and relax slightly. A few minutes later, I could I could feel her stress. Rolling my eyes I let my arms drop, pushing her away slightly so I could see her face. “Scarlett.” Tucking the strands of hair in front of her face from the sudden movement back, I knew this would calm her slightly. Mother always did when she was upset and like magic, it worked.

I felt the teen in front of me sigh and let the few tears she had been holding back fall down her face. Less than a moment to feel relief, I’m pulled into a tight hug. Burying my head into her shoulder, I letting out the breathe I’ve been holding. Holding her as tightly as she’s holding me and mumbling “It’s going to be okay. We are going to survive.” If only I believed it were true… 

3: Chapter Three: Living On

Dancing in her place, a young teen pounds her fisted right hand into the off white bathroom door. Whining slightly as she shouts “COME ON!” to her 22 year old sister, Autumn, smirking in the bathroom mirror. Fixing her pale pink lip gloss while yelling “There are other bathrooms downstairs. Use one of them!” For a moment there is silence, making Autumn glance at the bathroom door to her immediate left. Waiting for the defeated ‘huff’ and the sound of Kalley running down the stairs, she does not disappoint. “Fine” Kalley rolls her light blue eyes before taking off down stairs to one of the ‘hopefully’ open bathrooms. Her clothes for tonight’s adventure held tightly to her side.

Smiling in triumph, Autumn finishes her makeup in peace. Straightening out her short pleated light blue dress. One that shows off her slight figure while giving just enough away to get attention and make her older sister’s eyes roll. Glancing back up into the mirror, Autumn messes up her previously curled black hair with multi-colored streaks.  Across the hall, the eldest of the sisters stands at the side of her bed, glaring at the array of dresses, skirts and tops laying spread out. Chewing her bottom lip, Scarlett, fingers the soft fabric of a black loose fitting dress to her left. “Maybe…. Autumn and Kalley should just go…” Dropping the corner of the dress, she fall gracelessly into her old cream armchair she snuck from her parent’s bedroom.

Glancing to her left, she immediately spots the worn out, dark wooden frame displaying a picture of her mother and her laughing on the back porch some sunny day. The memory brings a smile to the women’s face briefly, before she sighs pushing herself up into a stand position again. Shaking the memory from her mind roughly, Scarlett takes the few steps back toward her bed. Closing her green eyes and holding her right hand open over her bed – “You.” Dropping her hand on an inch above the knee black skirt and scooped necked purple and silver light peasant top with a tang top underneath.

Pulling her mid back black hair into a low ponytail, she begins to get ready. Downstairs, Kalley immerges from the downstairs bathroom to the right of the stairs. Dresses in her dark wash blue jeans, deep blue lace top and black tang top, her light brown hair tied in a French braid down her back. Smoothing her top down, Kalley walks the few steps forward toward the coat rack. Checking herself over once again in the mirror obscured mostly by coats while slipping into her comfortable black flats. Tucking a few stray hairs from her bangs behind her ears, Kalley smiles at her reflection before turning around and glancing up the stairs while looking at her small decorative silver watch attached to her left wrist. Sighing while walking to the base of the stairs “GUYS! SCAR! AUT! Come on! It’s time to GOOOOOO!”

“Calm down we’re coming!” Autumn exits the bathroom just as Scarlett exits her room. “Don’t you look…” Scarlett smirks looking her sister up and down “fancy tonight…” crossing her arms Autumn smiles innocently sweet back at her older sister “well it isn’t every night we get to go out. I thought I’d… dress for it.” Sticking out her tongue while laughing. “Right” Scarlett rolls her eyes but laughs as well, walking arm in arm with Autumn down the stairs. “About time” Kalley smirks as she watches her sisters reach the landing, looking them up and down “Well don’t you both look nice.” Rolling her dark blue eyes, Autumn smirks back, looping her arm around Kalley’s. “You don’t look too bad yourself Kalls” Sticking out her tongue and turning them around. Her back to them Scarlett laughs silently as the two younger sisters’ mess with each other, grabbing her small purse. Pulling the long silver strap over her head and situate it comfortably on her shoulder, “Alright – Alright enough you two.” Turning to face the two in a mock playfully shoving ‘fight’, the two look at her with mischievous grins.

Smirking slightly, Autumn shoves Kalley lightly again before moving closer to the door “Whatever you say scar…” Walking past her older sister and gently poking her side making her squeak in surprise. Before opening the front door and making her escape toward the car, “Autumn!” Scarlett shouts before racing after her. Rolling her eyes and giggling, Kalley follows her sisters outside while locking and closing the door behind her.

An Hour later – downtown:

Glancing at the lit up clock above the bar to her left, Scarlett finishes the last few sips of her drink before turning in her seat actively looking for her sisters. Spotting Autumn first, dancing between some random people. Rolling her green eyes slightly, Scarlett fishes out enough money to pay for their drink as well as tip, before maneuvering her way through the crowded bar. Reaching Autumn just as the song ended, gently pulling her by the arm away from make-shift dance floor and toward the front door. “Aut, it’s time to go…” Looking around again “Where’s Kalley?” Without looking, Autumn points behind her toward tables to the right of the bar “She over there.”

Tossing Autumn the keys, Scarlett weaves her way toward Kalley – grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the door. “It’s time to go” snaking her arm from Scarlett’s grip, Kalley frowns “Okay okay. No need to drag me, what time is it anyway?” Glancing at clock on her wrist while still keeping in step with her sister. “Ten, last time I checked” looping her arm with Kalley’s, they finally make it out the door and into the fresh slightly chilly night air. Finding Autumn, sitting in the front passenger seat – singing along to some song on the radio. Piling onto the car, the sisters fight over a radio station before making their way home.

Home:

Shutting off the car, Scarlett sighs into the top of the steering wheel. “Alright, guys” Shifting in her seat to face her younger sisters ‘fighting’ with each other. Watching for a few minutes before grabbing the random object the two were ‘fighting over’ gaining their attention. “HEY!” Autumn shouts while reaching to grab the idem, leaning slightly Scarlett uses her free hand to open her window. Holding it outside out of Autumn’s reach, “Guys. We need to talk before we go inside.” Equally looking between both sisters, before pulling her arm back into the car and handing the idem back to Autumn. “Tomorrow is the day Mother and Father died…” Her green eyes falling to her lap, the car falls silence except for the soft rustle of the breeze coming in threw the open car window.

“Scar” Autumn whispers pulling Scarlett closer to her “We miss them too…” Wrapping her arms around her sisters in a hug. Resting her forehead on Scarlett’s shoulder, Kalley sniffles lightly “Lets visit them, like we use to…” Rising her head and meeting Autumn and Scarlett’s eyes. Lifting her head from Autumn’s shoulder, Scarlett sends Kalley a soft smile – similar to their mothers. “That’s a good idea Kalls…” Wiping her green eyes with the side of her left hand while sniffling slightly “Why don’t we make a day of it?” Looking between her sisters “Go to where we use to live before we moved to the house, the restaurant Mother and Father took us to when they told us Kalley was on the way, maybe even the park Mother use to take us all to?”

The idea makes the sisters smile, sweet memories filling their heads. “I think that’s a perfect idea Scar – Kalls.” Autumn laughs lightly while grabbing one of her sister’s hands in hers. The three smile at each other as quiet rain drops fall, almost indistinguishable to the sisters inside….

4: Chapter Four: Memory Lane (Part One)

Against the sister’s feelings, the weather cleared to a beautiful sunny and cool day. Almost as a reminder that it will be tolerable…

Not that the sisters noticed.

 

A shrill alarm cuts the still silence of the Trublue home, startling awake the eldest of the daughters. A muffled groan emits from a messy, black haired, adult resting on her off crème pillow. Scarlett’s pale right hand reaching out from underneath her fluffy comforter, to silence the continued screech of her alarm. Once off, another groan escapes, as she forces her body into a sitting position. Green eyes only half open and focused, as she stretches her pale arms over her head with a wide yawn. Resting both of her hands on the top of her head, while glancing around her room - eyes not settling on anything longer than a few breaths. The significance of today not registering in her still foggy mind. Hands falling from the top of her head, Scarlett drags her crossed legs to the edge of her bed. Yawning again while tucking the tangled mess of her black hair behind her ears and standing.

 

In another part of the house, another daughter, is actively pulling her dark pillow over and around her head to block of the shrill sounds of the alarm. Her pale hand shooting out from underneath her pillow toward her own alarm clock sitting on her nightstand, in hopes of stopping the annoying sound. Hand flat as she slams the snooze button located on top of the machine, momentary confused as the shrill sound refused to stop. Much to her disappointment the sound doesn’t emit from the clock her hand is currently resting on. Causing the young adult to glare daggers from her under her pillow at the wall shared with her older sister. Glancing at the clock again, the time registers – 8:30. Rolling her dark blue eyes, Autumn throws off her rose colored comforter before standing fully. Stomping toward her dresser, annoyed at being rudely woken up. Passing a picture of her parents on her desk half way towards getting ready for the day, their smiling faces in the edge of her vision forcing her to stop. The weight of today finally settling on her shoulders as she stares at the frame, tears start to fill her eyes. “Damn…”

 

The youngest of the sisters, turns in her sleep a look of confused pain set on her face. Light brown hair spray across her pillow as she turns once again, a mumbled “Mommy? Daddy?” barley audioable. Her nightmare taking a turn as she wakes suddenly, shooting upright, as she gasps for much needed air. Tears filling her light blue eyes, as her knees bend toward her chest. The nightmare playing in loops as she tries to calm herself down. Taking deep breathes Kalley touches her forehead to her knees, arms wrapping around her middle in a sort of mock hug. Letting her eyes close in hopes that it will stop the loop as her collected tears travel down her cheeks – she hated today.  

 

Dressing in a simple dark purple blouse and dark wash jeans, Scarlett glances into her small circular mirror taken from her parent’s bedroom. Finishing up her small amount of makeup while tying her hair into a simple ponytail. Stepping into a pair of discarded black flats by the mirror, she turns her head, green eyes resting on the small light wood frame hanging by her door. Holding a copy of the last Trublue family portrait – taken a month before the accident. Fighting the tears trying to sneak past her barriers, Scarlett sniffles, her hand gently touching the glass and the faces of her parents. Smiling weakly while whispering “I miss you – I love you.”

 

‘No. Come on Aut…’ Roughly wiping the tears from her dark blue eyes, Autumn makes her way toward her closet. Setting her attention on getting the day started, Autumn pulls out a black old hoodie that once belonged to an old boyfriend. Pitching it into her shoulder before turning and opening the third drawer from the top of her dresser. Grabbing the first pair of jeans her hand touched, a pair of darkish wash skinny jeans, tossing them on her shoulder on top of her hoodie. Sliding the drawer closed with her hip while simultaneously opening the top right for her turquoise tank top. Adding it to the pile of clothes on her shoulder before closing the drawer and turning toward her bed. Her eyes once again gliding over the picture, letting her dark eyes rest on the picture for a few seconds before forcing herself to get ready.  

 

It seemly takes forever for the nightmare starts to fade, and seemly just as long for my tears to stop. Slowly, gradually, allowing me to take a breath without gasping or shuddering. It takes few minutes but I do regain my breathe. Keeping my head on my knees I try to focus on the sounds around me, the light brush of the trees outside, the sounds of birds and the soft but unmistakable sounds of Autumn and Scarlett getting ready for today. Taking another deep, calming breath I push the sheet from over my head. Turning slightly till my feet brush the soft, worn, carpet. ‘Slow and easy Kalley. Slow and easy…’ I hear a soft voice whisper as I gently push myself into a standing position. Keeping my red-tinged blue eyes forward, trying to miss the yellow plastic frame on my bedside table.

 

Exiting my room and making my way past my sisters bedrooms toward the stairs. I try to keep my steps light, while trying to hear the unmistakable sounds and signs that the two were up. Standing between the doors leading into Autumn and Kalley’s room – I hear the slight stomping signaling that Autumn is up. Taking another quiet step closer toward Kalley’s door, I gently press my ear onto the off white wood. Trying to hear something that signals Kalley is up and moving. Hearing soft movements and some sniffling, I try to calm the rising fear that she might have had her recurring nightmare. Fighting off the maternal urge to knock knowing full and well that if I asked she’d only lie… Instead I keep my ear pressed to her door, trying to make out the sounds of my youngest sister getting ready. I hear just enough to satisfy my worries as I gently push myself away from the door, heading toward my original destination.

 

Fully dressed, I run a brush through my long black hair before pulling it over my shoulder. Staring into the long mirror hanging from one of my closet doors, while situating my clothes and forcing a smile into my face as I stare blankly at my reflection. I knew I didn’t need to – Scar and Kalls would understand. It’s as hard for them as it is for me. Running a hand through my hair I let out a sigh, mentally berating myself ‘Come on Autumn. Enough stalling – there probably already downstairs waiting for you.’ Giving another halfhearted smile, I spin on my heel making my way out of the room.

 

Taking it one step at a time, I make my way toward my closet. Pulling it open and gently running my hands over the various clothing hanging inside. Closing my eyes I run my hand over the clothes again, letting it naturally stop on the softest feeling piece of clothing. Which happened to be a simple oversized dark knitted long sleeve sweater. Opening my blue eyes again, I pull it off its hanger before tossing it haphazardly over my shoulder - hoping it would land on my bed and not the floor. Not turning to check, my hands fall into the top of my dresser half buried under random not hung up clothes. Pulling open the first long drawer, I absently pull out a pair of off-white knee length leggings. Tossing them like my sweater over my shoulder, this time turning around to see if I had aimed correctly. I had. A triumphant smile fill my face as I begin to get dressed.

 

Closing my door behind me, I let my hand linger on the knob as my back falls into the closed door behind me. No matter how much I amp myself for today, it’s always going to be the day Mother and Father died… Letting my hand fall limply off the knob and into my side, I run the other over my face and tangle it into my long black hair. ‘Fuck…’ Memories fill my head as I try to take a breath, everything becoming too much. I force my head to clear as I close my dark blue eyes quietly whispering “Come on Autumn.” Forcing all the memories into the back of my mind my eyes gradually open and stare blankly at the creme wall across from me. My back still pressed against my door, I wait for my mind to clear before untangling my hand and pushing myself back into a standing position. Enough moping.

 

Setting my sights on the kitchen, I play with the hope that Coffee and some breakfast will ‘hopefully’ get things started…. Looking up at the tall ceilings of the main hallway connecting the different rooms Scarlett thinks back with a thoughtful smile ‘what was it Mother always said? “A good breakfast leads to a good day?” Or was that something I read on a cereal box?’ A laugh bubbles up before I can stop it. A memory of my first day of school filling my head – A sunny fall day Mother making breakfast while Father helped me get ready. Autumn making a mess in her highchair. That’s when, if I remember correctly, I had first heard that. Shaking my head I let continue to let the soft smile fill my face. Walking the remaining way to the kitchen.

 

Fully calm again I begin to make my way down the stairs and toward the unmistakable sound of pans in the kitchen. ‘I guess Scarlett’s starting breakfast…’ my feet hitting the landing of the main hall, I make my way toward the sound of the coffee pot grumble. Starting the process of heating the water and turning it into coffee. I join Scarlett in the kitchen, maneuvering behind her, as I grab a bowl from the cabinet by the sink. Setting it down on one the island placemats before walking to the pantry for cereal and the fridge for milk. Somehow gaining Scarlett’s attention for the first time since I entered, setting down my gathered items while sitting down on a barstool. “Autumn!”

 

Pulling the sweater over my head while stepping into my pair of soft gray flats by my bed. Shimmying it down while grabbing my hairbrush from its resting place on my desk. Sitting down on my bed, I run it through my tangled mess of shoulder length light brown hair. While my hands are busy, my eyes wonder toward various points of mild interest in my room. Mostly random pictures scattered around, each prompting different memories and emotions out of me. Mostly sadness. Shaking my head roughly I force myself to stand, taking the few steps toward my desk to drop off my hairbrush and pick up a thin black hair tie. Running it toward my wrist before tangling my hands in my hair with the beginnings of a French braid.

 

Lost in thought I had missed Autumn’s entrance and her beginnings of getting her breakfast. Holding a spatula up in the air, I stared at her “Autumn!” To be honest I hadn’t actually started making eggs and bacon, but still. I watch her give me a confused look while glancing at the spatula in my hand before looking down at her assembled breakfast. “You’re making breakfast?” Her hand hovers over the milk’s handle as I nod. “I was planning on it – yes” Grabbing the milk from her hands and pouring a small amount into a glass bowl that held a few egg yolks, my backs still turned I place the milk back in the fridge. I don’t have to turn around to now Autumn rolled her eyes, scooting off the stool to put away her selected cereal and bowl. Sitting back down I hear her clear her throat “So Scar…”

 

“Okay Kalls. It’s time to face the day, no more hiding” My hand resting on the doorknob leading to the hallway, I force my panic down. Which was stupid, why was I worried? The only thing downstairs was my sisters – sisters who felt exactly how I feel about today. People I could lean on, that’s what today was about – to remember and help each other. Taking a deep calming breath I force out all my bad thoughts, walking out of my room and down the stairs.

 

“So Scar” I watched her back as she moved around the kitchen making breakfast, to be honest I think it’s a half-baked attempt to distract herself – keep herself busy. “Scar?” ‘She’s ignoring me?’ Rolling my dark eyes again, I shift in my seat. I see her nod her head in an attempt to make it look like she’s paying attention “I hear you Aut. What?” To my surprise she looks over her shoulder while stirring the eggs, I see her smile at my surprise look before turning her attention back to the stove. “I was asking if we should pick flowers from the edge of the forest or buy some?” My focus turns from Scarlett to the bowl of fruit in front of me, absentmindedly picking up an orange. I hear her sigh as I place the orange back where I picked it up, turning my attention to picking at the loose faded yellow string of the placemat in front of me.

 

Shifting the scrambled eggs around, I let my thoughts wonder. I hadn’t thought about flowers, I knew we should bring something to their graves but past that… Mother had kept rose bushes outside near the back porch, we tried to keep them nice – or at least Autumn did. Somehow in all that rebellion, she got Mother’s green thumb. Another memory drifts forward and a lazy smile fills my face – I momentarily forget Autumn’s question. Shaking her head clear, Scarlett turns off the heat on eggs. Scooping them equally into three plates, before starting the bacon. Looking back over her shoulder she answers “Why don’t we cut some of the roses off Mother’s rose bush?”

 

I smell breakfast before I even reach the bottom of the stairs, which brings a smile to my face. Scarlett only cooks when she’s trying to keep herself from overthinking, pulling the end of my braid over my shoulder to play with the ends as a smile I can help fills my face. I can hear my older sister’s conversation before I even enter the kitchen – ‘Like always’ and like I usually do I try to enter without being noticed. I was only half successful. “Good morning Kalley” Scarlett turns in time to see me enter, giving me her best smile while still stirring whatever she was cooking. It smelled like bacon. Making a face as I maneuver past Scarlett toward the sink for a glass, I mumble a pleasant “Good morning” before filling my glass with water. I know Scarlett catches my face, rolling her green eyes before turning back toward the stove.

 

I’m only half paying attention to Scarlett and Kalley’s conversation as I continue to play with the string from the placemat in front of me. I almost miss Kalley set her glass down on the placemat to my right before sitting down herself nudging me gently with her elbow pulling me into the conversation. In time to hear Scarlett, whose back is still toward me, “Are you okay if we cut some roses from Mother’s rose bush Autumn?” I watch her glance over her shoulder waiting for my reaction, although they should already know the answer. “Yeah of course” I give them both a look that displayed ‘Duh’ while keeping my smile. I see Kalley chuckle while rolling her eyes pushing me slightly on the shoulder.

 

Watching the bacon crackle, I miss Autumn’s face but not the tone of her voice. I know that she’s being sarcastic. Keeping my back turned to them I roll my eyes while shaking my head slightly and laughing. Grabbing the tongs, I turn off the fire before placing a few strips of bacon on Autumn and my plates. Grabbing Autumn and Kalley’s before turning around and setting said plates in front of them. “Bon appetite!” I don’t miss Autumn’s confused and amused look as she tries to hide the growing laughter I can tell is bubbling up. Kalley gives me her version of an amused look shaking her head laughing. “Bon Appetite Scar?” this sentence is was cracks Autumn’s reserves as she laughs alongside Kalley. 

 

An hour later outside – backyard:

 

Garden shears in hand, I kneel in front of one of Mother’s pink rosebushes. Tucking a few strands of my loose black hair behind my left ear, I delicately cut a few of the fully bloomed roses in front of me. Gathering the cut ones into a small pile beside me along with the two white ribbons Kalley had found in the messy craft/gift box. I had always found it calming to tend to Mother’s rosebushes, like Mother was there with me. Laughing at some joke or story I had said while telling me to not cut so far down or to cut at an angle. It’s a joke in the family how I got Mother’s green thumb, like that’s surprising. “Whatever” I mumble shaking my head, as I cut the last rose. Sitting cross-legged as I lay out the ribbons before separating the cut roses into two groups.

 

Turning my face toward the sun, I let the heat sink into my skin. Resting my weight on my arms resting on the railing of the back porch, I let my mind go blank. Enjoying the peaceful chirping of birds and the rustle of leaves moving in the wind. When I was young, around the age of four, I remember my Father would walk me around the forest that circled around the house. Showing me all the wonders that laid just beyond, like the small rabbit that would be eating the bright green leaves of a baby tree. Or the blue jay that would fly above us looking for something to eat. He would say as we’d sit on a fallen tree trunk, watching the sun filter through the canopy of leaves above. “Kalley you have to remember that this is their home…” He’d motion to the animals and bugs that I couldn’t see but could hear “So leave it exactly like you found it. It’s not nice if someone messed up your home right?” He’d look down at me with a serious expression, not commonly worn. I’d nod trying to keep my attention on his face, which would make him smile. “Then we don’t mess up theirs. It’s only fair” As he pulls me into a hug making me laugh.

 

Setting down my wallet on the dining room table, I watch Kalley’s facelift toward the sun. A smile playing on her face as if she’s remembering something happy, it’s nice to see that even if today was a sad day that both younger sisters could smile. That some memory would make them smile. It’s what Mother and Father would have wanted… Watching Kalley for a moment longer, I grab my wallet again. Making my way toward the front of the house and the car. Stopping half way to the door, I can’t stop myself from turning left. Heading toward Mother and Father’s bedroom. The small hallway is dark, almost haunting as I reach the light wood of their door. My hand hovering over the knob as every excuse to turn around runs through my mind. I feel tears sting my eyes as my hand works on its own accord, opening the door. I feel a rush of semi-cold air hit me as I look into the room – soft lighting from the sun through the curtains illuminating the remaining furniture of the room.

 

Tying off the last ribbon, I shuffle the roses around slightly to make the bouquets look better. It works, but only slightly. ‘It doesn't have to be perfect Autumn…’ I can hear Kalley chide as I mess with the flowers again, without thinking I stick my tongue out as if in reply to Kall's remark. Dusting the stray dirt off my jeans, I pick up the bouquets before looking up to find Kalley and Scarlett. Finding only Kalley, an evil smile fills my face as I notice that her eyes are closed. Setting the flowers back on the ground, I sneak silently up the stairs. Sneaking behind Kalley before “AH!!”

 

Lost in my memory, I miss Autumn sneaking behind me until it’s too late. “AH!” “AHH! FUCK!!” I jump nearly a foot in the air, turning around my hand on my chest as I pant a little. Hearing Autumn’s makes me feel foolish for not paying attention to my surroundings. Silly me I forgot that Autumn likes to play pranks. Punching Autumn in the arm, I use my most evil glare. Which only make Aut laugh harder, bent in half gasping for breath with her arms wrapped around her middle. “You… You should have…. Should have seen your… Seen your face…. HA! Oh gods… Kalley… Ha!” Crossing my arms I try to fight the smile pulling on my lips, even if Aut scared the crap out of me. It’s still funny – a total Autumn move. “Yeah yeah, you got me.. Ha Ha…” I shake my head finally giving into my laughter.

The light filtering in the room from the opening in the curtains illuminates the dust floating gracefully in the air. Without my approval I feel a few tears escape my defenses, traveling wordlessly and effortlessly down my checks. I let my eyes wander across the room, landing and staying on a random piece of furniture and pictures for a few breaths before moving on. Taking the few steps forward into the room is when I fully let my walls down. A sob chokes me as I cover my mouth with my hands in a futile attempt to keep quiet. “Mommy? Daddy?” I look around the room in a blind panic, feeling like a child again. My eyes landing on Mother’s hope box, as I try and fail to calm myself down.

 

It takes a few minutes but eventually my laughter subsides and I’m able to take a breath without my side hurting. Like I expected Kalley wasn’t paying attention and was the perfect victim for one of my classic pranks. I knew she wouldn’t be too mad and would eventually laugh along, so I wasn’t worried. Wiping the stray tears from my eyes I look around the porch trying to find Scar. Not finding her, I give Kalls a confused look “Where’s Scar?” I look around again “I thought she was out here with you?” Instead of answering Kalley shakes her head shrugging “I Donnknow… I think she’s still inside. Something about getting her wallet…” Glancing over my shoulder at the slightly smudged sliding door, I shrug. “Okay… Well we should get going.” Making my way toward the stairs again.

 

Watching Autumn disappear once again down the stairs, I turn back toward the house in hopes that maybe that Scarlett had reappeared. No such luck. Shaking my head while looking over my shoulder, I make my way inside. Moving around the dining room table, past the kitchen and into the main hallway. “Scar? Hello?” looking around it seemed like the rooms surrounding the hall were empty, till I walked past Mother and Father’s bedroom hallway. Hearing the soft creaks of old floors and sniffles, concerned. Stepping into the semi-darkness, I gently run a hand along the wall in hopes of finding a light switch. Finding it halfway in, I flip it down and am almost assaulted with light. The sniffles get louder the closer I get to the surprisingly open door, inside in the soft light I spot Scarlett cross-legged in front of an old hope chest.

 

Somehow, I end up sitting in front of Mother’s hope chest. A right hand gently caressing the smooth light wood of the lid. It takes all I have not to open and run through the memories that live inside, but I knew I didn’t have time – Autumn or Kalley would be her…. “Scar?” Startled out of my head, I turn where I’m sitting toward the door and Kalley’s semi-lit outline. Her half lit face is scrunched in confusion and worry as she closes the gap between us before I can tell her not to. Sitting next to me gracelessly, looking between the Mother’s hope chest and me. “What’s this?” She motions with her head as her gaze lands fully on me. I want to shake my head, stand fully while pulling her with me before we both exit the room. But instead I let my hand continue its slow sway on the lid, my green eyes not meeting her blue as I whisper “This is Mother’s Hope Chest.” My eyes lifting to Kalley’s I hopes that she understands. Instead I see that there’s still a little bit of confusion, letting my eyes drop again I move my hand from the top of the lid to the latch keeping it closed.

 

I’m not surprised to find Kalley missing when I walk back up the stairs flowers in hand. Taking one last look at our backyard, I walk inside. Walking through the dining room and kitchen into the main hallway where I hoped Scarlett and Kalley would be waiting. Instead I’m I see an empty hallway and Mother and Father’s bedroom hall light on. ‘Wonderful’ turning left I take the few steps into the short hallway not really looking forward to what I was going to find. ‘It’s not like we use this hallway much since… Fuck, aut.’ Shaking my head roughly I finally reach their bedroom door, using the soft light from the sun and the hallway light I spot my sisters. Too absorbed in their own world, I fight the urge to let my presence be known. Using my stealth to overhear the quiet conversation… “This is Mother’s Hope Chest…” My dark eyes widening.

 

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised Mother had a hope chest, from the little I knew of them, it seemed like something she would have. Inside probably held Mother most treasured memories, like things from her daughter’s babyhood and different mementos from her childhood. Numbly I watch Scarlett fidget with the latch, I can tell she hesitant to fully open it. Not that I blame her – In front of us is something that meant a lot to Mother… Without thinking, I watch my left hand raise and rest on Scarlett’s trembling hand fidgeting with the lock. Shaking my head as she looks at me tears In her eyes..

 

Feeling a warm hand on mine, draws me from my thoughts as I look at Kalley with unshed and unwanted tears in my green eyes. She shakes her head as she pulls my hand from the lock and onto her lap, using her other hand to pull me into a hug. My forehead hitting her shoulder I let go of all my unleashed emotion, holding tighter into her… I feel her hold tighter onto my hand, while resting the side of her face on the side of my head. Mumbling “Shh it’s okay Scar. It’s okay…”

 

I feel my feet move before I realize, as I kneel behind my sisters. My arms wrapping around them tightly. I see Kalley smile up sadly at me before resting her head back on Scars, I try to return the smile but I know it’s more of a choked pathetic thing. Not that it matters. My arms tighten around them as I rest my head on Kalley’s. My eyes focused on the softly moving cream drapes, gently fluttering in some invisible wind. 

5: Chapter Four: Memory Lane (Part Two)

Later at the Cemetery 

 

Pulling the key from the ignition I let out a soft sigh, looking down at my lap. All my previous energy is gone after my crying session in our parents’ bedroom. I feel Autumn’s hand on my shoulder and I don’t have to look in her direction to know she wears a sympathetic and sad look. It should have brought a smile to my face, regardless of the situation, I knew my sisters had my back. I hear Kalley shift in the backseat “You guys ready?” Looking up I feel Autumn’s hand leave my shoulder as she looks between us nodding “Yeah.” Her left hand unbuckling her seatbelt after setting the bundled roses on the dashboard.

 

The car ride was silent as each of us was lost in our own little world, and that doesn’t shock me. After Scar gathered herself, we all broke our little hug-fest. Barely looking at each other as we all shuffled to the car. Unbuckling, I turn in my seat to face my sisters, each holding their own grim expression. This needed to change. “Hey guys” They look at me confused in which I force a smile on my face – “Before we head out let’s all think of a good memory we have with them. Mother and Father wouldn’t want us to be upset, they want us to be happy that we are together. That we are okay.” I look at each of them equally – “Right?”

 

I had been fidgeting with the ends of my sweater as we drove to the cemetery. After Scar’s breakdown it was almost too awkward for all of us to be in the same place, and we had a thirty-minute drive… Not that I blame Scar. Today is hard on all of us and I had my breakdown this morning, I knew it was only a matter of time before my sisters had theirs. Keeping my light eyes trained on my knees I almost miss Scarlett pulling into the parking lot, but not her sigh and the quiet cut off of the radio. Looking up I try to keep things light as I ask if they were ready – Autumn is the only one that actually answers, Scarlett only nods. It’s a few minutes before anyone says anything – and of course it Autumn who starts up the conversation again.

 

There's a moment of silence in the car as we all consider Aut’s words. It’s a good idea, but – no. My eyes shifting to the flowers dimly lit by the sun hidden by clouds, there soft yellow looking pale. Looking back at Autumn I force a smile on my face, she right. “Okay…” Shifting in my seat I look back at Kalley watching us closely “I’ll start.” Taking a deep breath I focus on the flowers again, they bring a small smile to my face as a memory fill my head. “I was around the age of three, and mother and I were walking around town. It was before we had moved into the house, Autumn wasn’t born yet.” Pulling my eyes from the flowers I look back at my sisters “I remember all the flowers were just blooming and the smells – the whole town smelled like flowers. Like spring.” Leaning back in my seat I let my eyes rest on the worn fabric of the backseat Kalley isn’t occupying “I don’t remember what we were in town for, but Mother was pulling me along past all the shops. Before she eventually stopped at some random store, we go inside and I remember it was a gardening shop. While I was looking around, she kneeled to my level and told me I could pick out any flower I wanted. That we’d plant in the planter I painted in daycare, I was so excited. I remember walking up and down the aisles for what seemed like forever before settling on…” My voice breaks and I feel a tear travel down my check again “I picked these purple chrysanthemums. Mother asked if it was what I really wanted and I did. And to this day, it’s still my favorite flower.” Laughing I wipe my check with the back of my hand while gently nudging Autumn playfully “If I had Mother’s green thumb we’d have them also in the yard.. But it looks like I missed that.”

 

Laughing I push Scarlett’s hand while rolling my eyes. “Yeah whatever.” I give Scar a minute to collect herself before grabbing the flowers from the dashboard. My spare hand resting on the door handle “I’ll go next, but only on the way to Mother and Father’s. They should be a part of the memories.” I watch Kalley nod before unbuckling her seatbelt and opening her door, she’s the first out as I watch Scarlett. She doesn’t move – “Scar?” Startled she nods quickly leaving the car. Watching her hurried leave I shake my head, finally getting out of the car myself.

 

I wait by an old oak tree, my back pressed against the rough wood. I’m only a few steps from their graves, but I want to wait for Autumn and Scarlett before I actually approach. Mostly out of curiosity for Aut’s story but partly out of fear. I had grown out of being really afraid of this place as I kid, if I had put an age on it – maybe eight or nine. It was silly, but to me it was the place that kept Mommy and Daddy. We really only visited on the anniversary of their deaths and their marriage, and both were sad occasions… Leaning my head back till it lightly tapped the bark, I let my eyes drift close. Letting the soft breeze run around me – if I wanted I could imagine I was somewhere else. Somewhere happier. I use to do it a lot when I was a kid, expressly on car rides over… Feeling a warm hand on my shoulder draws me back into reality, and looking and its owner – Scar looking at me with concern trying to cover up her own. “I’m okay. Promise.” I take her hand in my own, looking back toward the car and Autumn walking toward us.

 

A few steps ahead of Autumn, try to shake my head clear with no such luck. It's not that the memory was bad, it’s just… I don’t know it wasn’t easy. The only reason I really remember is Mother told me every time I caught her looking at my baby book or some old photo album. I knew there was a few pictures of that day, Mother and I covered in dirt trying to plant my flower. Me holding the flowerpot with the biggest smile on my face and smudges of dirt on my face. I reach Kalley as I shake my head clear again, watching me peacefully for a moment before laying a hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t jump just looks me over before taking my hand. “You guys ready?”

I arrive at the tree around the time Kalls drops Scarlett’s hand. She nods before moving to stand next to me, to lighten the mood I loop my arm through hers and Scarlett’s forming a chain. This brings a small smile to Kalley’s face as she crooks her arm, we look at Scarlett in hopes that she’d do the same. It takes a minute but she eventually does. We take a few steps in silence, still chained together. Getting closer to Mother and Father I begin my story. “Okay” I look between my sisters a small sly smile on my face “When I was around… let’s say twelve.” My smile grows more as I gain more of Scar’s attention, the look of confusion on her face eggs me on “When I was twelve, I was a bad kid. I’d sneak out ALL the time, and as far as I knew Mother and Father had no idea I was gone. Cause my window was by that big tree in the front yard right?” Looking left I see Kalley roll her eyes as she giggles, Scar gives me her infamous half smile that I swear she inherited from Father.

 “Well anyway. I had snuck out like I had done several times before – but see this time was different. I had finally arrived home, my Tatter. Not his…” I look both of them over keeping my sly smile “or hers real name, but anyway their older sibling had gotten their license and had pulled up the house. I had managed to climb up that old tree and gave the all clear signal, it was basically just an ‘I’m good you can leave’ thing. So I get in and as quiet as I could I begin to get ready for bed, by that time it was like – three in the morning. But as I began to change my light turns on and you’ll never guess who was sitting in my desk chair…” “Was It by any chance one of our parents?” Scarlett crosses her arms the smile still playing on her face, I wiggle my arm free and forge surprise. Gasp and everything. Causing Kalley to laugh at our antics. In a whisper I look around like I’m telling a secret “How did you know?” Scarlett rolls her eyes laughing, pushing me gently into Kalley. “Cause I’ve heard this story before…” “Oh” I look toward Kalley “have you?” She shakes her head “No. continue please” I give her my best smile before looping arms again “Well if you insist, When the light turns on I’m face to face with none other than our… Father!” I hear Kalley gasp before nearly bending in half with laughter, I can’t help but join.

 

This whole story screams Autumn, and to be honest is a story I’ve heard a few times before. Father would tell it to me as a bedtime story when Mother wasn’t in the room. He’d always change the names, but I always knew it was Aut. It had her written all over it, and it always brings a smile to my face. It’s only a few moments before Scar joins our laughing fit. Still walking as we laugh ourselves silly, it’s Autumn who notices we arrived. Dropping my arm, I notice what she’s staring at – and I read once again the few sentence engraved in the rough gray stone.

 

       Mia Natalie Trublue                                   Christopher Matthew Trublue

 Loving Mother, Wife and Sister                    Loving Father, Husband and Brother

We miss you, and know that                          We miss you, and know that you are

You are watching over us.                                        Watching over us.

 

It’s not surprising that our mood goes from carefree to silent and heartbroken. Like it always is when we visit. I let my knees give out as I drop in front of them, my left hand shaking slightly as I gently touch the top of Mother’s grave. Tears traveling down my checks. Sniffling I wipe my free hand over my check “Hey Mother Hey Father.”

 

My heart breaks at the scene in front of me, kneeling myself I pull her into a tight side hug. Resting the side of my face on the top of her head as she continues to stare at the graves in front of us. Autumn sits cross-legged on Kalley other side, pulling the flowers I had forgotten we brought in front of their headstones. Leaning into Kalley’s side. We stay like this for longer than I know and Kalley is the one to bring us out of it. Shifting to sit up fully while also maneuvering to sit cross-legged like Autumn. Sniffling again she gently touches the engraved letters of Mother’s headstone before looking back at Autumn and Me. “I guess it’s my turn…” I share a look with Autumn before moving a few stray hairs loose from her braid out of her face “You don’t have to give one if you don’t want to.” I didn’t want to say because you may not have any, she had a shorter time with them and it possible she doesn’t really remember any. She shakes her head and takes a deep breathe continuing to stare at the gray stones.

 

“I was – I don’t really remember. No I was Six. It was a month before Mother and Father… Left.” I keep my eyes trained forward at the stones in front of me, not really reading the words engraved in them. But memorizing the words just the same. “I was hanging out in their bedroom, I was in my PJ’s. All ready for bed. Mother was sitting behind me humming some lullaby that I can’t place now but it was soothing. She was brushing my hair back, because I had just taken a bath. Once she was done she said I could pick a movie and that we’d watch it in here, just me and her. I remember I picked some old VHS, it was about birds trying to fly back home. She got it set up and we got under the covers all cozy, I remember laying my head on her chest and being able to hear her heartbeat. I remember it with her running her hand over my hair that it lulled me to sleep.” I had started crying again, this time letting the tears fall uncheck. I could feel Scarlett’s hand rubbing my back in comforting circles and Autumn had taken my hand. My eyes had let to leave their stones “Unlike other times I had fallen asleep in their room, I woke up still hugging Mother. She even kissed my forehead when she woke up, smiling as she asked if I wanted waffles for breakfast…”

 

I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew the story would be hard for Kalley, she is the youngest and was only six when they died. Holding tighter onto her hand I want to help her but I don’t know what to do. Luckily Scar does, having years of practice, pulls Kalley again into a hug. She almost breaks completely as she sobs into Scar’s shoulder, still holding tightly into my hand. I don’t even know how long we stayed like that, but it was awhile. Eventually her tears stopped and she let go of both Scar and I. Her red-tinged light eyes trained once again on Mother and Father’s graves, her freed left hand gently running over the cluster of tied roses in front of Father’s grave. We stay silent just staring at the stones in front of us, each lost in our own worlds. Surprisingly it’s Kalley who speaks up. “I’m – I’m going to” She shakes her head gently before standing “I’m going to be over there. I’ll – I’ll give you guys a chance to…. To whatever.” She shakes her head again wringing her hands slightly before walking off.

 

I give Autumn a look as we watch Kalley walk away. Not sure what to take from what just happened, worried but knowing that giving space is the best idea. Instead I focus on Autumn and her worried but hiding it look. Touching her folded hand I draw her from her thoughts “Hey, you okay?” She nods in an ineffective attempt to pacify me, instead of pushing I let it slide. “Should we go after her?” Autumn looks back over her shoulder at where Kalley had been, I shake my head sighing. “No, she needs space and time to sort a lot out. You know this isn’t exactly easy for her…” My green eyes fall into my lap and my hands before shifting toward the graves in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye I see Autumn nod still looking over her shoulder. “I just wish she’d talk to us – I mean about things like this…” She sighs and tangles her right hand in her black hair. “Remember how she was a kid? Happy, talkative. We had to tell her to stop talking several times – remember?” I nod, a small smile tugging at my lips for a brief moment “Yeah I do. But a lot of kids change when something like” I motion to our parents “THIS happens. I mean look at you. When you were a lot younger than her you weren’t as rebellious as you are now. And we owe that to our Aunt Jean who gave you a horrible experience. It changed you like this changed – Kalley.” ‘I had debated several times to take her to therapy. But we just couldn’t afford it. We were just barely surviving as it was…’

 

“Hey - it’s okay” Reaching out I though Scarlett’s shoulder, I know she blames herself for how Kalley acts. But it’s not just her fault, we BOTH raised her. I’m just as much to blame. “You did the best you could with the circumstances. We both did. We were so young and freshly hurt. It wasn’t like we didn’t have to face our own challenges, I think we did alright with what we had.” She still focused on her hands, till I make her face me “Scarlett Faith. Look at me.” She does and it’s not hard to see the pain, sighing I pull her into a hug “It’s okay, do not take all the blame. I’m to blame too. I helped raise her too.” She pulls away from me roughly “No – that’s not all of it! I saw that she was suffering, I SAW IT. And I couldn’t DO anything. Talking to you and me wasn’t helping and I couldn’t afford to send her to therapy.” Her head drops “I failed.” She reaches out and gently touches Mother’s stone, looking up and staring at it. “I’m sorry…”