"Alright, alright, settle down everyone," our stage director said to the group of students who were awaiting to hear who played what for the school play. "Everyone else is a soldier." There were some mutters of blatant disapproval. "Okay, there will be none of that. Anyway, Leaf?"

    "Yes?" I asked.

    "Since you were the only one who could give us a believable feminine, British accent, you will play the maid."

    "The maid?!" I asked with disheartened disbelief. I have a thing called dignity. Everyone was laughing their asses off.

    "Alright, alright," Director Takei said. Yes, our stage director is George Takei. Why? I don't freaking know, this story is based off a weird-ass dream I had. "Let us please continue."

    "Hey Leaf, say that line again!" a fellow Drama student said.

    "No," I said to him.

    "Mr. Soto, it's always nice to practice," Director Takei said.

    "Fine," I groaned. I cleared my throat. "Excuse me, mi'lord, but it's time to wake up," I said with my soft, feminine, British accent. Everyone began to crack up again. "Shut up!"

    "Yes," Director Takei agreed. Finally. "Now, I need you all to prepare yourselves for your roles, Leaf we need to talk." Oh great. While everyone else walks off, I walk over to Mr. Takei. "Since you will play the maid, you need to continue growing your hair out."

    "O-Okay," I said. I can do that. It's already decently long.

    "And do anything you can to make sure it stays straight."

    "Alright."

    "Excuse me, Director?" a student asked, coming over with his script copy.

    "What is it, Connor?" Takei asked.

    "The first chapter in this script is in Spanish."

    "And?"

    "Well, I don't speak Spanish... let alone, read it."

    "Then find someone who does."

    "I speak Spanish," I said.

    "Do you really?"

    "Yes."

    "Give your script copies to Leaf, everyone, he'll translate them for you." I let out a groan... on the inside. I didn't want to lose this role... weirdly. Is it weird that, as I guy, I want to play the role of a woman? Will I get to wear fake boobs? Jesus Christ, now I'm telling all you this. Don't judge me, okay?

    "Alright, I guess I'll translate them." Over the course of the rehearsal session, I get everyone's script. By said end of the session, I go back over to the director.

    "What is it, Leaf?" Takei asked.

    "Will my costume for the play include fake breasts?"

    "Oh my," Takei said. "That is a very good point. I'll make it optional. But personally, I recommend it for realism, wouldn't you agree?"

    "Well Director, I do agree. I am a realist."

    "Then like the others, I'll leave your outfit to you."

    "Alright Director. I'll see you tomorrow."

    "As will I," he said with a strange smirk. Boy, was Mum in for a surprise when I came home.

2: Two

    "So Leaf," Mum said during dinner. "What role did you get?"

    "Was it the maid?" my sister Leah asked with a wide and evil smirk.

    "Yes, now-" I started to say but her loud laughing cut me off. "Shut up!"

    "Leaf, don't say that," Mum said, having her hand over her mouth to cover her laughing. God, it's me versus the world on this one. Lord help me. After they had calmed themselves down... after nearly 5 bloody minutes of nothing but laughter, Mum looked back at me, her giddy smile still on her face. "So what will it be like?"

    "Well," I said with an affirmative tone. "I need to make sure my hair grows out long and straight. The outfit needs to be... slightly flattering, and may or may not require fake breasts."

    "Okay whoa!" Mum said. "That... okay."

    "This'll be great," Leah said mischievously.

    "Yeah, but we can make this work," Mum was saying, obviously shocked beyond words at the job requirements. "Who's the director of the play this year?"

    "Mum, our stage director is George Takei," I said. Mum and Leah looked at me with estranged expressions. "I'm serious."

    "Um... neat?" Mum said unsurely. "What's this play about?"

    "It's about old military General, R.J. Cleveland."

    "Wait," Leah said, grabbing her history textbook and filing through it. "He's not in here."

    "Why would he be?" I asked her. "He isn't real. It's historical fiction."

    "Oh."

    "Well, historical science-fiction."

    "Huh?"

    "Well, he kinda has this super strength. In the first act, which I know, because I translated it-"

    "It's not even written in English?!" Mum asked with again, disbelief. I sighed.

    "Listen to me. Please?" I asked. "The first act is in Spanish for some weird reason, but the other is in English. The scripts were cheap, okay? Anyway, in the first act, when the maid comes into his bedroom to wake him up, he literally picks up his entire bed assembly and throws it at her."

    "You chose a role where you get crushed?" Leah asked.

    "No, the maid doesn't get crushed. She jumps to the side, and the stage directions say to maybe show some of... under the skirt."

    "Oh god. But you're a guy!" Leah started laughing. "Way to be a trap, Leaf!"

    "Yeah." I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. This was going to be a long month. We only have a little over a month of rehearsal until show time so... yeah.  It'll be fun times for everyone I'm sure. I glanced at Mum, and she was staring at her dinner plate thoughtfully. "Mum?"

    "Hm?" she asked, looking up at me.

    "Where are we going to find a set of fake breasts?"

    "I don't know. Use balloons or something."

    "You can tell that to Director Takei."

3: Three

    The next day, before practice began, I was walking into the gym, when my friend Daniel came over to me.

    "Hey, Leaf. I got what you needed," he said. He handed me a box and inside was a set of false breasts made of some sort of composite rubber material. They truly felt real. Also there was a folded up maid outfit, including knickers. Or underwear, if you're American. Oh, and I forgot to mention, my girlfriend, Yin, was with me, so she could help out. She looked into the box.

    "Holy. Shit," she said. She reached in and felt them. "These are high-quality."

    "And bigger than yours," Daniel said. Yin glared at him.

    "What the hell'd you just say to me?"

    "Yeah. Well, I gotta go," he said quickly before walking back to his car and driving off.

    "Where'd he get these?" I wondered aloud.

    "Probably the adult store."

    "Yeah." I checked the back side of the breasts. Sure enough, Bates Adult Products was inscribed on the backside. Anyway, Yin and I walked in.

    "What's the package?" Director Takei asked.

    "Fake breasts, Director," I answered him. I'm so sure, in his natural curiousness, he leaned over to look inside the box.

    "Oh my."

    "Yes sir."

    "An outfit as well. I must say you have come prepared. Unlike your fellow performers."

    "Yeah guys," Yin said. Takei grinned.

    "Go ahead and try it on while I continue with lines."

    "Yes, Director Takei."

    "Wait, you play the maid?" Yin asked me in surprise.

    "Yeah, didn't I tell you last night?"

    "I didn't see it, Babe. I went to bed early because I was tired AF."

    "Oh."

    "But now that I know," she said with a dark tone, as she reached for me. "Let's get you all dressed up, trap boy!"

    "Shit," I muttered as she quickly pulled me into the locker room beneath the stage. I set the box down and undressed in the large stall while Yin looked at the outfit.

    "Leaf, this might be a little revealing."

    "Oh will it?"

    "Yeah."

    "Dammit. Oh well. You wanna hand me the fake boobs?"

    "Sure." It felt s she was blushing as she tossed the rubber breasts over the stall door. I put them on.

    "Whoa. The rubber's cold." They were held up and on by magnets in the straps, which were actually a little strong. It's too bad that the rubber squeaked a little when they were squeezed.

    "God Leaf, stop playing with them!" Yin said, hearing that particular noise.

    "Hey, I was not playing with them!" I retorted, blushing myself. "I was testing them. Thank you very much."

    "Whatever," she said, opening the door. I turned and looked at her. She was fixated on the fake breasts, and Daniel was right. They were bigger than hers. Bigger by at least 3 cup sizes. "God dammit."

4: Four

    "Mr. Takei?" Yin said to the man.

    "What is it...?" he asked.

    "I'm Yin sir, I'm a Junior."

    "Oh. Right. What is it Yin? Is Leaf ready?"

    "Actually yeah. He is."

    "Ooh, I gotta see this," the other guys were saying.

    "Keep it in your pants, boys," she said with a smirk as I stepped out and onto the stage. I must have looked completely ridiculous as the guys just stared at me. Sure, the outfit was cute and flattering and the breasts were the right size but...

    "Oh my!" Director Takei said with his huge trademarked smile.

    "Dude... you gotta shave," Connor said.

    "I know," I said. Yeah, I needed to. Chin, mustache, and legs. God, I look like a transvestite. But either way, by the time that my hair will be long enough to help look the part, this boy will be the best damn girl you've ever seen. God, that came out wrong, didn't it? But hey, you're the one who's dumb enough to stick with me this far so realistically, it can only get weirder. Once everyone had their look, Director Takei looked around.

    "Where is our lead?" he wondered.

    "What?" I asked.

    "Our own RJ Cleveland. He is not here." Now that he mentions it, I don't even know who got the role of RJ. "Leaf, since he isn't here, you go ahead and practice your lines." I went back to the locker room with Yin. We could hear everyone else up top practicing their stage blocking. Which if you don't know, is their movements on the stage, and not actual blocking of things. Unless they're practicing for the fight scenes. You should know what I mean. If you think I'm not explaining it well enough just look it up yourself. You're already reading this so why not open another tab to look up? Don't be lazy. Unless you have a phone, in which case just ask Google, Siri, or Cortana. No, not from Halo, I mean Microsoft's version of Siri. Anyway, back to the story, I was practicing my lines in the locker room.

    "Excuse me mi'lord, but it's time to wake up," I said, with the accent. I hope it doesn't stick. Yin helped by playing the part of RJ for now. She picked up a box and threw it at me, the same way RJ throws his bed at the maid. That's how the audience learns of his superpower, I guess if I can call it that. He throws his bed at the maid. Wait, did I tell you already? Yes, I did. I just double checked. But in case you weren't paying attention earlier, then I guess now you know. I dove out of the way, not onto the stage, like in the directions, because I don't want to ruin the outfit, just out of the way.

    "Now's not the time fer that," Yin said, looking at a script copy. "I gotta get out there and kill some enemy soldiers."