DATE STARTED: JANUARY something
DATE FINISHED: FEBRUARY 13,2017
DATE EDITED: PENDING
WORD COUNT: 1332

DEDICATED TO ALL YOU BITTERS OUT THERE! HAPPY TUESDAY, EVERYONE!

--

 

It’s raining lightly. I can feel the pitter patter of raindrops on the windowpane. I feel stupid for having a hoodie on despite it being cold and there being other people also wearing weather-appropriate clothing in the room.

Derik had his Star Wars hoodie on, Janice was wearing the class sweater, and a couple was wearing matching sweatshirts. I wasn't alone yet, I felt lonely. The professor was droning on about the Edith Stein and I couldn’t be bothered to learn about her and the philosophy she had in life so I thought about the owner of the hoodie I was wearing.

The musky scent relaxed me, pulling me into a false sense of security, making me feel the need for an overdue hug. He was someone who wasn’t here, someone who breathed a different air. No one else could feel his absence other than me.

A melancholy of longing, sadness, curiosity and resignation to the predicament was obvious in the weather as the rain started to pour harder while I continued to miss the boy who would fight me for his hoodie. The feeling gnawed at my very being, pulling me deeper and deeper down with no clear reason as to why.

The professor continued to talk and so did the gnawing to which I was lost in. I was not obsessed. I was not crazy. This is merely a phase that I am going through.

The noise became silence and I am pulled out of my disparity pool. The others have begun to vacate the room, to move on to their following classes as I sit there, gathering my books, gathering my thoughts.

Once I had left the room, I was greeted by a sea of bodies. Bodies in various states of dress due to the unwavering rain. Long frocks, coats, hoodies, raincoats. It was a colorful display of warmth within the confines of a hallway.

Paper hearts decorated the ceiling, their sinewy crepe tails stuck to the bottom tips of the odd shape. Pink and red invaded my peripheral vision, adding fuel to the fire that already burned within me.

Couples were everywhere with their matching everything. Lovers that I passed had a variety of matching clothing and accessories. I personally give first place to the hipster couple that made out in the hallway with their hands holding on to their matching Ebay-bought, ‘vintage’ briefcases, while they ignored the world and people like me who drowned in embitterment.

On information boards, I found advertisements for ‘Boyfriends for Hire’. I liked the fact that one of the hardworking gentlemen cited ‘planking’ and ‘being badass’ as a special skill, along with the theater geek that claimed he was a virgin.

I swam my way through the parade until I was able to reach the outside world. The rain greeted me like its enemy, beating down on my worn umbrella as I made my way through the parking lot.

My car was warm and toasty as I drove away from the institution that held me.

Valentine’s day. February 14th. The day people confessed to their crushes, went on romantic dates, conceived children both in and out of wedlock. It was also the day I feel the loneliest.

I loved romance, I loved cheesy romcom movies, I loved the concept of falling in love but life does not love me enough to give me any of that for the loveliest day of the year.

I had one destination in mind. The McDonald’s near the pier. It was the best place to hide from troubles and it was our place.

I sat near the window overlooking the docking bay with my soggy fries, hoping to catch a glimpse of his stupid undercut hairstyle that looked stupidly amazing on him.

My imagining of our reunion was me seeing him through the window, lugging his suitcase and backpack, wearing a grey shirt to match his hideous pink pants. I would run up to him despite the fashion faux pas and it would shock him, but nonetheless, he would drop his bag and take me into his arms. My arms would reach up to envelop his neck and he would kiss my forehead. Then we would walk back into McDonald’s with our hands linked.

We would share my fries while we talked and soaked up on each other’s warmth like we always did. It would feel like home and the rain outside would stop, mimicking my new emotion. It would be a joyous celebration and angels would sing about how my head was on his shoulder and his arm was wrapped around me, making me feel safe. The world would stop for a minute to marvel at the scene unfolding and then just quietly continue to rotate as life kept moving forward.

But that was just what I wanted. It wasn’t reality, so it wasn’t going to happen.

I returned to my fries as the lady at the counter gave me a sympathetic look. She was serving a loved-up couple and she offered them their Valentine’s Day special. I sneered in disgust and turned my attention back to the window, admiring the rain.

Dumbledore once said that it didn’t do well to dwell on dreams and thinking about Adam, knowing that he couldn’t be here, wasn’t going to help me out of my rut. Only harsh reality could have helped me.

Adam was twenty-five. An adult. I was nothing more than a college freshman snot that had no idea what to do with her life. He has a life outside of me and that included responsibilities at work, responsibilities at home and a responsibility to his family, his maternal family, that is.

I cannot compete with that. All I had was homework and mean professors. Every day I sit in class, waiting for it to end so I could talk to him or eat lunch with him during his ungodly lunch break at two in the afternoon!

But recently, he was assigned to manage accounts at another firm in another city, so most days, I only get to talk to him in the evening. The time of day when we’re both tired, irritable and not in the mood.

Sure, the trade-off meant free food and a movie because of his job and I know that people say I’m lucky to have a guy who was financially capable of giving me what I wanted but that doesn’t really matter to me.

The gifts are nice and all but it meant that because of his job, I wouldn’t get to see him as much as I used to. I missed the laidback, broke-ass Adam that had time for me and my needy requests. I missed the time when I would get a text back instantly instead of checking my phone every two minutes to find no new messages.

The seven-year age difference meant that I was hormonally imbalanced and acted more like a child than the girl he met thirteen months ago. Our relationship was slow-moving and comfortable but just like the rain, our problems and antonymous personalities continued to pour out as time passed.

There were no new ships docking at the pier because of the weather, the idea of him stuck in the water on his way home creeps up on me. It was a hopeless thought. Adam didn’t have any romantic bone in his body that would ever compel him to come home in this weather to be with me on Valentine’s day no matter how much he loved me.

I checked my phone. The time was 1:45 pm.

I contemplated calling him for a minute before dialing his number.

It went directly to voicemail so I ended the call without leaving any message.

Suddenly, my fries started to taste stale and unappetizing.

The paper decorations on the ceiling moved with the air-conditioning inside the store, gloating from their view in the sky, looking at me and laughing at my unhappiness.

“Happy Valentine’s day to me,” I mumbled as I stood up to leave.

&

--

A weird sort of sequel to my 2015 story, Muffin Strangers. :3