I’ve liked a guy for quite a while now.

He’s the usual bothersome guy in school, that annoying yet kind friend who’s always there for you. He wasn’t even that dashing, but there was some kind of charm in him that drew people close to him.

I guess I fell for him. Hard.

As a childhood friend, it was a privilege for me to be near him all the time; to be the one who knew what he liked and disliked, what he felt and what he wanted to do.

I was happy by his side.

But sometimes, it hurt a lot.

Because, no matter what I did, I was only a friend in his eyes.

As I listened to his animated conversation about the girl he liked, I felt my heart sink. When he talked about her, he always had this gleam in his eyes and his smiles brightened.

 Was he also like that when he talked about me? I wondered. I felt sad when I thought of that.

Now he has a girlfriend.

The distance has grown between us. In a way, I was replaced. The place I used to occupy by his side as his friend for years was taken away from me in such a short amount of time.

When I look at him so happy with his girlfriend, I can’t help but look back to the times when we were still close friends. We were also like that, glowing with happiness, as if we don’t have any care in the world.

If only I had the courage to tell him how I really felt towards him, would things go differently?

My only regret is not telling him my feelings when I had the chance. Now, when I see them so in love, tears threaten to leave my eyes.  My heart seems to weigh a million pounds, my pent-up feelings sinking even deeper as my heart weighs heavier.

At this moment, the only thing I could do is to write down these unspoken words that I have kept inside for so long.

Sadness and loneliness feels so overwhelming right now.

If only…