I sit and wait in the large lobby, tapping my foot on the marble floors as I watch people walk by dressed in very expensive suits, holding fancy leather briefcases or purses, and walking in top of the line dress shoes or heels. Is it me or does it look like they have all just bought their clothes, accessories and footwear the day of? And why is it that they’re all tall?

I’m going to be honest. For the past few months, I had no idea what I was doing with my life. Last week when I visited my parents and they asked me how was I doing, I told them that work is going great, I’m keeping a healthy diet, the apartment is neat and tidy and I’m fully able to pay for rent.

I may have stretched the truth a little bit.

When I told them that work was going great, I actually meant that I was fired three months ago and haven’t been able to keep a steady job. When I said that I was eating healthy, I left out the part where the only things my fridge consists of are leftover pizza, Chinese food and a half empty wine bottle. When I told them that the apartment is neat and tidy and that I’m able to pay for rent, I forgot to say that my roommate had left four months ago, deciding she needed to find herself in Thailand- oh, and she was the neat one.

I could have told them the truth, I really could have. But the thing is: they’re old. Also, they have given me so much. They adopted me, fed me, given me a home and even paid for school. But I feel like I owe it to them, and to show them that they have taken good care of me and I am fully capable of living on my own which is why I have decided to move two provinces away from them so they will never have to see what kind of life I’m living.

I graduated from Architectural/Engineering Technology with a barely passing grade about five months ago and I had hopes of landing a job related to what I’ve studied. Then it became ‘a job’ and now it’s become ‘any job’. I came from being a receptionist, to a waitress, a banquet server, a part time cashier, a dog walker and a cleaner. I was so close on giving up and going back home. I even grabbed my phone to call my parents when I suddenly got a call from a recruiting agency in regards to my application with Crown, and two days after my interview with Human Resources I got the job as a Personal Assistant to Nathan Anderson, CEO of Crown. I haven't done much research on the company, all I know is that it deals with construction and that's good enough for me! It happened rather suddenly but, who cares? Now my parents won’t need to know a thing about the past few months.

“Edith Palmer”

I look up and find a tall beautiful blond woman standing by the receptionist desk on the east side of the building. She’s wearing a grey one button studio jacket over a black lace-like shirt, with the matching grey pencil skirt and complete with black pumps. I don’t know why she even needs to wear heels; she’s a head taller than me already. I rise from the comfy leather cushioned benches and smile warmly back at her. I remember her from the interview, her name is… Heather! It’s Heather, I think?

“Hi, how are you?” She holds out her hand for me to shake then gestures to the elevators in the middle of the building. “If you could just follow me and we’ll have you take your photo for security and retrieve your swipe card.”

“Thank you,” I respond politely, managing to avoid saying her name and follow after. After taking my photo, she gives me a tour of the tall 36 storey building, the benefits of its location, and the main features. As soon as we step in the elevators to the top floor, I somehow tune her out and gaze upon the modern details within the building through the glass walls of the elevator.

“I will show you your desk and finally introduce you to our CEO of Crown, Nathan Anderson.” I catch on to ‘Heather’s’ last words and I smile nervously at her. I forgot to mention one tiny little detail.

I had no idea what Crown did until two nights ago.

“Congratulations, Edith!” The girls hold their shot glasses high as they hoot loudly like rowdy teenage girls then quickly gulp down the brightly colored alcohol.

I cautiously take my drink after and shut my eyes, as though if I can’t see the alcohol, I can’t taste it. “Thanks for treating me out, you guys.” We place our drinks on the counter, and I watch Hazel call over the bartender.

“You deserve it!” Elsie gives me a one armed hug, her hairspray stiffed locks scratching at my face. “You’ve finally made it into the adult world! We honestly thought you were never going to make it!”

Hazel turns to us with three shot glasses in her hands and laughs. “Honestly, Edith, you had us worried!” She hands me a glass then the other to Elsie, “You had so many jobs before this! Waitressing, dog walking, cleaning, cashier—

“Dog walking!” Elsie points out again and snorts, she never lets that go.

“So what is it that you’re doing again?” Hazel asks, looking inquisitive.

“I’m going to be a Personal Assistant for Mr. Nathan Anderson.” I answer proudly; I’m finally going to see a bigger paystub than the previous jobs.

“Crown,” Hazel pauses for a moment then points randomly inside the pub, “You mean that huge ass building by Burrard?”

 I nod happily and the two fall silent.

“Holy crap!” Elsie’s face drop, nearly dropping her drink in the process. “How the hell did you manage to get that job? You can’t even assist yourself!” She holds out her shot glass, initiating our third drink of the night and we cheer briefly and down the alcohol once again.

I firmly set my empty glass on the counter feeling my mood sink, Hazel catches on and lightly punches my shoulder. “Aw, E, you know we’re just teasing you!” With that same arm she wraps it around my shoulders, my forehead clashing against her painted on lips. “You’re just so cute, we can’t help ourselves!”

“Yeah,” Elsie nods quickly and I see a large grin form on her face, “Besides, I bet there are lots of employees with dogs you can walk! That’s what PA’s do, right?” She and Hazel burst into laughter, colliding their sides into each other for support. “That’ll for sure pay the rent!”

I lose my will to celebrate, but I try to shake it off and ask for another round of shots. Liquid courage is what I need to get through this night.

“Now, now, I’m positive that E has many wonderful qualities that make her capable of doing this job,” I can’t tell whether Hazel’s voice is sympathetic or condescending. But after a brief moment, she leans against the counter and looks at me with a smirk. “What does Crown do anyway?”

While the two wait, I shift nervously in place and scratch the back of my head. “They… are a construction company?” My head falls in shame while the two fall into a fit of giggles like hyenas. That’s about all I know from that place. To be honest, I never expected to get this gig. It’s a Personal Assistant Position. What do they need someone of my education for that type of role?

“See, E?” Elsie snorts as she hands me a shot glass, “It’s things like that where we worry for you! You’re so lucky to have us here!”

I feel myself giving in and my confidence shattering, without waiting, I gulp down the fourth shot glass, leaving an amused expression on both their faces. “I-I don’t even know why they hired me anymore! I know nothing about the company!”

“Crown in one of the largest, privately-owned real estate company in Western Canada,” a male voice from behind startles me and I jump, crashing into Hazel. “Starting small, Nicolas Anderson has built the company it is today. He has employed over thousands and has been involved with the entire span of the real estate spectrum.” I look at the two then to the man. He has shiny brown hair, with deep green eyes and a strong jaw line, lightly covered with scruff. He wears what looks like to be an expensive black pinstriped suit, complete with shiny blue tie. He and among many of the men in this fancy pub make me feel inadequate. “From single family housing to commercial and industrial development, Crown has been the number choice for 5 consecutive years worldwide.”

“I give E a week,” Elsie murmurs with a chuckle and I shoot her a look.

“How do you know so much about them? Do you work for them also?” I roll my eyes listening to Hazel’s flirtatious ‘advances’ while she plays with her hair.

The man gives a light smile, “I just recited the employer description found on every job ad that Crown has posted.” He takes a sip of what looks like to be an expensive drink then sets it down, turning his gaze to me. “If I heard you correctly, you just got the job of Personal Assistant.”

“Yes, sir,” I respond quickly. I even nodded, I have no why I did that. Perhaps his style just intimidates me. Through my peripherals I see the two looking at me curiously with amusement. “Do you work there as well?”

“For two years,” he responds curtly and he looks back to a group of sharply dressed men for a brief moment, then to me. “I heard that the PA’s position was tough to fill. Good luck.” He sets his unfinished drink on the counter and once he rises to his feet I see that he is about 6’1”, a foot taller than me, before he takes his leave he gives me one last look. “I look forward to working with you.”

The man leaves and I know for certain that my will to celebrate has evaporated. “I’m gonna get fired!” I wail out before I can even comprehend what I have just said.

“That man was really hot!” Elsie looks to Hazel and she nods in agreement. “Hey, E, get to know that guy and set me up!”

I begin pacing back and forth, completely ignoring the two. “You two are right; I’m never going to make it! I’m going to lose this job!” I stop abruptly and look at the two with a mortified face. “Did you see how tall he was? He was monstrous! What if they’re all tall? I’m gonna get trampled! I have to quit!”

“Calm down, Edith!” Hazel laughs at my usual overreaction and pulls me into her arms. “Just wear high heels, okay?”

Although that night was intended to celebrate my getting a new job, it ended up with Elsie and Hazel being too drunk to even stand and me having to pay for their cab ride home. I admit, I would be hurt after how those two treat me, but those two are the very first and pretty much only girls I know since I’ve moved, which has been two years. They treat me like sisters, and sisters tease each other, right?

When the elevator doors open to the 36th floor, I’m welcomed by the comforting natural light beaming through the floor to ceiling windows that encase the entire floor. I follow ‘Heather’ as she leads me to the north end of the building. I look around finding open cubicles filled with well-dressed men and women, and along the sides of the building are thick glass walled offices with curtains for privacy. All I hear are phones ringing and people quietly chattering amongst each other or on the phone. I was a receptionist at a chiropractic clinic for over a year, but after only seconds of being in this office and I feel smaller than I already am.

The closer to we get to our destination, I start to remember that mysterious man at the pub two nights ago. “I-I have a question.”

The woman stops in place and turns to me with that same smile she greeted me with when we first met. “Ask away,” she gestures. I know she’s trying to be friendly and open to questions, but for some reason, I feel that that smile is something she’s practiced for God knows what.

“I’ve heard that this position was a difficult position to fill.” I start off slowly, trying to find the words for my question. “Is there any particular reason why that is?”

‘Heather’ hums to herself in thought. Either she’s trying to think of a lie, or she honestly does not know. “Hiring is always a difficult process as with every other business. We, at Crown, take pride in our decisions and go a step beyond when finding a suitable applicant.” I can tell that she has memorized this little blurb, as it falls out of her mouth automatically. It’s as if she’s trying to avoid my question. “We place a lot of trust with Global and they have returned the favor. If I can recall, Edith, you have an education in construction? Well, Crown is one of the largest real estate companies nationally; we find it more appropriate to search for someone with a relative background, rather than someone who just knows typical office work. In your case, you know both!” She places her hand on my shoulder, gripping it firmly then takes a step back and continues to down the hall. “C’mon, take it as a compliment! Whoever said that filling this position was difficult is right. Of all the other applicants we have interviewed, you are the one we have chosen.” I smile back at her but feel as though there’s something else. She didn’t out rightly lie, but I feel she didn’t tell the whole truth.

“Here we are!” ‘Heather’ presents proudly and takes a step to the side. Straight ahead, I see a large office, blocked with dark green curtains. Just to the left of it is an L-shaped receptionist desk with a glass top return and a mahogany finish. I walk towards the desk and step inside the L, in the center I see two large monitor screens and a tower, just below is an open drawer which holds the keyboard and mouse, and on opposite sides of the desk are filing drawers with metal handles.

As I take in a seat in the leather chair I see Heather take a step closer to the closed door, “I hope Mr. Anderson isn’t too busy right now,” she knocks on the glass door and my body tenses. I see the door open, and Heather smiles brightly. “Good morning, Mr. Anderson, I hope you’re not too busy, I just wanted to introduce to you you’re new Personal Assistant, Ms Edith Palmer.”

I quickly rise to my feet and straighten out whatever needs to be straightened on me. As soon as I look up, my mouth slightly drops from shock. Smooth brown hair, deep green eyes, sharp jawline, and now a clean shaven face. This is the same man from Saturday night.

2: Chapter 2

“Edith, this is Nathan Anderson, son of Nicolas Anderson, founder of Crown.” ‘Heather’ presents him as though he were her trophy prize. “Since the passing of Nicolas Anderson, Nathan has stepped in and kept Crown afloat. We are all so lucky to have a man like Nathan to take after his father.”

I keep my eyes focused on ‘Heather’ trying to listen but mostly avoiding all contact with Mr. Anderson, the man who caught me bawling over the fact that I knew nothing about the company his father created and worked on until his death, and I still know nothing. I sense his eyes on me and after a quick glance I see a small smirk. I immediately look away feeling my entire body heat up. He knows who I am. He remembers me.

“Oh, there’s no need for the big spiel about Crown, Mrs. Peterson.” His voice fills my head, and I’m brought back to Saturday night. “I’m certain Ms. Palmer has learned all about us when she applied for this position.” He holds out his hand to me, his deep green eyes burning into my soul. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

He definitely remembers you. I hear a little demeaning voice say in my head and I gulp hard. Slowly, I take his hand and attempt to shake firmly but sadly fail and give in to his powerful and large grip.

“I think I can take it from here, Mrs. Peterson,” I watch Mr. Anderson nod to the blonde and she smiles and walks off.

“Good luck,” she says to me with a wink before turning her back.

Everything around me suddenly feels larger as I remain in one place, never have I felt so insecure and tiny in my life. It suddenly feels difficult to breathe and my heart starts to race, I can feel sweat prickling at my back. Mr. Anderson eyes me mischievously with a smirk then leans on the desk.

“Pop quiz.”

My body tenses and my lips tremble, I can feel myself getting smaller and smaller, so small that he can step on me.

“In what year did Crown start?” He crosses his arms and relaxes himself against the desk.

I don’t answer, but my body starts to shake.

“How many offices are in North America?”

5? 4? C’mon, Edith! Try to at least guess!! That same voice shouts in my mind, as though forcing me to jump off a cliff.

“What is our Vision Statement?”

Suddenly, without warning, my body collapses on its own. The next thing I know, I’m on my knees covering my eyes. “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t even be here!” I cry out hysterically that I can no longer control myself. For sure, I’ve gotten the attention of all of the employees on this first floor. Perhaps even on other floors.

“Oh, jeez,” I hear Mr. Anderson scoff and he rises to his feet. “Dale?” He calls over and then next thing I hear is a door closing.

I knew it. You got us fired! He’s called security on you!! The voice groans in frustration, I can picture a shadowy figure perhaps kicking over boxes and punching through walls in my mind. Elsie and Hazel are going to have a huge laugh about this now!

“Hey, are you okay?” A male voice calls over me. I keep my head to the ground and I feel a hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, there’s nothing to be crying about.”

“What’s going on here?” A female voice comes from behind and gasps. “Harvey, what did you do to her?!”

“I didn’t do anything!” I listen to the man exclaim. “I was working next thing I know Anderson’s calling me over and she’s on the ground crying!”

I sense the woman step closer, placing both hands on my shoulders. “Aw, sweetie, it’s alright. Tell us, what happened?”

I sniff back a few more tears and I slowly lift my head, finding a dark curly haired man with thick rimmed glasses and a beautiful black haired woman with a porcelain white face, neither of them looks like security. My body heats up once again, but this time from embarrassment.

“I-I’m so sorry,” I sniffle out as I wipe my nose. “T-this is really embarrassing.”

“Don’t be.” The woman smiles lightly and tilts her head towards the man, “Harvey’s cried plenty of times before.”

“That Pad Thai was hot and spicy!” He refutes and points at her suspiciously. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

The young woman laughs and holds out a hand for me, “My name is Becky Han, and that’s Harvey Dale, what’s yours?”

“Edith Palmer.” I respond and the two help me up and as soon as I look out, I find everyone in cubicles sticking their heads up curiously and some in offices looking through their glass walls.

“Nothing to see here,” Harvey raises his hand up towards them and guides me to a corner of the building with couches and a coffee table. “Tell us what happened.”

After calming down, I manage to tell the two what happened. I tell them how I got the job and how I knew nothing about the company until Mr. Anderson, who happens to be the CEO and son of the founder of the company, over hears me and I somehow feel like I don’t belong here. Then without meaning to, I give them a brief life story of myself and how I have accomplished nothing excepting graduating, whereas my two best friends, Elsie and Hazel, seem to have everything together and seem to always remind me how far I have to go. As soon as I finish, I cover my mouth, suddenly feeling more embarrassed than I originally had.

“I-I’m so sorry!” I shake my head in shame and hide my face in my elbow. “I never told anyone that before. I don’t know what came over me!”

“No, no! Don’t be afraid!” Becky switches seats and sits on the arm rest of the chair I am in. “It’s a good thing you said something!”

I look at Becky with a raised eyebrow, “is it really?”

Becky smiles brightly that it reaches to her eyes, “Yes. The timing could have been a little better, but it’s always good to let out a little steam. It seems like you’ve been keeping things to yourself for a while now, it’s no good to have yourself bottled up.”

“Becky’s right.” Harvey chimes and leans closer to me. “Every once in a while, the entire office floor can hear Becky screaming over her phone, arguing with her boyfriend over who gets to take Muggles for the weekend.”

I look to Becky for an explanation and she shrugs her shoulders carelessly, “That’s not exactly relevant but Muggles is mine and Kevin’s dog- we broke up, but we’re smoothing things over.”

“If you can call her running to the washroom crying about her precious baby, Muggles, ‘smooth’.” Harvey gives Becky a smug look and relaxes himself in his seat, while she laughs sarcastically.

After the two exchanges a number of glares Becky finally stops with her hand and pats the top of my head encouragingly, “Well, as for Anderson, I wouldn’t worry too much about him, just understand that he’s very private and intimidating, but other than that we can help you get started with this, while they were searching for a replacement for Personal Assistant, Harvey and I have been temporary assistants.”

“Really?” My voice gets a little bit too high in anticipation. My mind is already reeling in the fact that I have made new friends.

Idiot, they’re just co-workers, they have to help.

I shut away the voice, but I do try and calm myself down. Just as the two begin discussing my duties, we hear someone not too far away clear their throat. Almost simultaneously, we turn heads and find Mr. Anderson standing with his feet shoulder width apart, legs locked and arms crossed.

“Han, you can assist Ms. Palmer with her duties for today, Dale and I have a meeting to attend.” His face looks like stone, and his voice sounds controlled and strong.

“Ah yes, the Pre-Production Meeting,” Harvey pushes himself off his seat and rolls his eyes at me, “How can I forget?” As he follows behind Nathan, and looks back at us with a bright white smile, “See you girls later.”

After about an hour and a half, Becky has nearly taught me everything I need to know. From coordinating Mr. Anderson’s schedule, appointments and travel reservations to preparing or editing internal and external letters, faxes, memos and mass emails. She stands by my side as I take calls and voice memos, and email Mr. Anderson about potential clients and meetings.

“Also, his mail will be going to you, so it is up to your discretion whether it’s junk or actually important, he’ll usually let you know.” Becky finishes and she points at his office blocked by curtains. “You should be getting a key from him for his office. In some cases you’ll be here before him or longer than he is, so it’ll be up to you to make sure it’s unlocked when he gets here, and locked when either one of you is the last to leave. The key is also just for in case he’s out of the office and needs you to retrieve whatever is in there for him, or in case he loses his key or something.” She pauses for a brief moment, thinking of what else to teach then clasps her hands together. “That’s about everything I know, if there’s anything else, you can ask Harvey or myself.”

I quickly scan in my mind any further questions but none pop up. “I think I’m good here.” I look up at Becky and show her my greatest appreciation. “Thank you so much for helping me, Becky! I would be so lost without you!”

Looking flattered, Becky places a hand on her chest and smiles sheepishly. “Oh, it was nothing!”

After we share a few laughs, Becky heads back to her station leaving me to tend to myself. By the time it reaches noon, I laugh to myself thinking what was I fretting about? I mean, talk about lunacy!

“Lunch time!” Becky sings holding her clutch in the air with a toothy grin on her face. “Harvey’s waiting for us downstairs! Let’s go!”

“Ms. Palmer will not be joining you for lunch today.” Mr. Anderson’s deep voice startles the both of us and we see him briskly walking down the hall, his face stern and his mouth in a tight line. “She will make up the time missed due to her crying by having a short discussion with me, and preparing the presentation for next week.” As he walks by his desk, he looks at me and points to his office. “In my office.”

I shrug and Becky who looks at me with concern then turns away to the elevator lobby. Replaying my sudden outburst from this morning, I prep myself for the worst to come. Taking in a deep breath, I swivel to my front and step inside his office.

“Close the door.” He orders and I slowly close the door, already feeling the tension.

I gaze around his office and for a moment that uncomfortable vibe goes missing. The entire north end of the office is a floor to ceiling window, revealing to beautiful waterfront and mountains allowing natural sunlight to brighten the room. Just in front of the window is a long and extremely neat mahogany desk complete with a matching leather seat and set with a large monitor screen. To the east side of the room, I see a room leading to what looks to be a personal washroom. Aside there is matching furniture set with leather cushioning and a glass coffee table. On the west side of the room I see a marble counter holding a Keurig coffee maker and a microwave, installed in the right hand of the marble counter is a mini fridge, lastly I see a matching bookshelf to the desk attached to east wall. I continue to gaze in awe when my view finally closes in on Mr. Anderson who is leaning against his desk with his arms crossed, the awkward tension immediately coming back.

 “Let’s get some things straight, Ms. Palmer.” He starts and my legs become jelly. “First, I do not tolerate crybabies in my building. This is an office, not a daycare. If you don’t think you can handle the pressure, I suggest you leave now and go back to whatever it was you were doing. Secondly, I expect you arrive here every day 15-20 minutes early and expect you to stay as late as needed, we have clients nationally as well as internationally, so meetings can be scheduled however we see fit. Thirdly, when I ask for something to be done at a certain time, I do not mean it can be done five minutes later; I do not take tardiness very well. Fourthly, with the exception of today and unless noted otherwise, you will be attending all meetings, conventions and trips; you will not always be at your desk, so you must always keep your phone with you at all times. And finally, if you break even just one rule, without my knowledge, you will be gone.” He takes a beat, his eyes not leaving mine once. “Are we clear?”

With all the very little strength I have, I try exceptionally hard to keep my entire body and voice from shaking. “Yes, sir,” I finally manage to say.

“Excellent.” Mr. Anderson nods and he steps around his desk towards his chair. “I’m forwarding you the information for our presentation next week. Ms. Han knows of the details as she has started it before you have been hired, so you can ask her for assistance. Now get to work.”

“Yes, sir,” I nod again as I make for the door for words cannot be formed in my mouth at the moment.

“And Ms. Palmer,” his voice deep serious voice causes the hair on my arms to stand and I slowly turn to face him, finding an ominous grin that does not reach his eyes. “Welcome to the ‘adult world’.”

3: Chapter 3

By the end of the day I finish a good portion of the presentation with the help of Becky, but I also end up leaving the building after five. Mr. Anderson has left at 4:30 on the dot, I waved him goodbye but he either did not see me, or ignored me completely. I don’t know which I would have preferred.

As soon as I arrive home, I am welcomed by the disastrousness left by Hurricane Me. Since I’m now a professional working woman, I should probably start looking like a professional working woman. Deciding on starting with the kitchen, I open my fridge finding the many leftovers beginning to mold.

“Gross!” I say out loud and I reach into the fridge when my phone suddenly goes off. Pulling back, I reach into my purse and answer the call without looking at the caller ID. “Hello, Mr. Anderson’s office, Edith Palmer speaking.”

“What the hell?”

I recognize Elsie’s voice immediately and I laugh in response. I have gotten so many calls in one day I’m already used to greeting that way. “Sorry, Elsie, today was a busy day!”

“I can tell!” Elsie says, “Let’s go out to eat tonight, Hazel and I wanna hear all about your first day!”

I remain still for a moment as I contemplate whether going out to eat, or staying in to clean. I almost choose on staying in when I realize that when I clean out my fridge, it will be empty, and I haven’t bought groceries in a long time, resulting in nothing to eat.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask, letting my grumbling stomach take over.

We decide on going to fancy restaurant called Raincity Grill, since they now know I’m bringing home the bucks they assume that I can immediately start paying for more extravagant things. Upon waiting for our meals, they are eager to hear about my day. I briefly go over meeting Becky and Harvey, and skip my breakdown entirely. But what they were mostly interested in is my boss.

“Nathan Anderson is the hot guy from the pub?!” Elsie’s jaw nearly hits the table and as does Hazel’s.

I let them hang on in suspense and enjoy this momentary star of attention. “Yep,” I finally answer casually.

The two glances at each other then back to me. “You have to sleep with him!” Hazel’s eyes widen and her palm smacks the table defiantly with each syllable spoken.

I make a face and shake away the thought. “I am not going to sleep with my boss!”

“Why not?” Elsie shrugs her shoulders as though the idea is perfectly fine. “He’s the hot and strict boss and you can be the sexy secretary!” The two both look up in thought, sighing almost simultaneously. “Do it on his desk.”

“That’s really gross,” I stick out my tongue in disgust, “I don’t know what’s scarier: sleeping with my boss or having you two imagining us doing it!”

“I’m actually not imagining you in it; I’ve replaced you with myself.” Hazel daydreams as she rests her chin in her palm.

“Same, but I’m the one instead,” Elsie giggles and she shivers with excitement. “Well, we know you can’t because of obvious reasons, but what if you introduced him to either of us?”

I roll my eyes and take a sip of water; half hoping it was vodka instead. “Even if I could, it’d be weird. I know nothing about him. Even he knows that.” I think back to today and I try picturing him in a relationship, or better yet, not scary. “Besides, what if he’s married?”

“He wasn’t wearing a ring.” Hazel points out quickly, “I looked when we saw him Saturday night.”

“You were that quick?” Elsie asks in an impressive tone and even I’m impressed, usually she’s looking somewhere else.

“Okay, well he’s not married, but still,” I imagine his deep green eyes staring down on me and I feel a sudden chill, “He’s so intimidating and intense. He looks like a workaholic to me.”

“You got all that in one day?” Elsie raises an eyebrow at me in disbelief.

“Hazel found out he wasn’t married within five seconds, I was with him for an entire day.” I say defensively and I begin to explain his intensity, his expectations of me and the result if I don’t succeed. I think after another round of convincing, they’ve gotten back to their normal-crazy selves, as opposed to just plain crazy.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Hazel stops me then grins suspiciously. “You mean to tell us that you were able to understand all that information from him without getting distracted by his insane good looks?”

“I think the proper question here is: Edith was able to understand all that information given to her at once?” Elsie mocks and the two start again their fit of snickering.

I fall silent and wait patiently for the two to finish up or catch on to my unimpressed face, they usually catch on first. It seems to never end.

“Aw, E, don’t be mad.” Hazel tilts her head and reaches out for my hand. “You know you’re just so cute that we can’t handle ourselves!”

“Yeah,” Elsie agrees and grabs my opposite hand. “We get worried every day that someone might step on you, or you know, make you cry.” I hold my tongue, refusing to give away any sign that I already have. “You’re like a little sister to us, and it’s our duty to take care of you.”

I understand that I’m 5’1”, but I really had hoped that they would have gotten over the short jokes. It’s not that I have height issues; it’s just that I don’t think that I’m incapable of doing anything they can do. But just like every night with them, I hold my tongue and take it as it is. Like they said, ‘We’re sisters’ and they are just trying to look out for me.

By the time I get home it’s 11:30pm, I am once again welcomed by the mess, but I ignore it. Tomorrow after work, I will clean. As I make my way to my room I look at my phone, finding a missed call from my parents. I put my phone on speaker and listen to their message while I brush my teeth.

“Hi Edith, it’s your mother and father calling. We haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you? Are you doing okay? I hope you’ve been eating well. We are both wondering when is the next time you can come visit us? Let us know. We love you so very much. Call us soon!”

The call ends and I find myself staring at my reflection in the dirty mirror. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I truly were Julia and Mark’s daughter. What would I look like? Instead of black hair, would I have brown hair like Julia’s or blonde hair like Mark’s? Instead of naturally tanned skin would I have Julia’s fair white skin, or Mark’s freckled skin? And instead of being a lonely failure, would I have been a successful author like Julia, or an engineer like Mark? I never told them, but I’ve always wondered who my real parents were, why didn’t they keep me and what were they like? Although, I’m sure every adopted child wondered that.

I get to my desk at exactly 7:39am and begin to feel rather smug about myself. I knew that the new me would start today! Perhaps today I’ll even get to clean my apartment. But I shouldn’t get too hopeful.

Just as Becky taught me, I start my day by checking for messages; there are about 5 missed calls. My stomach twists a bit, but that’s okay, Becky says that’s normal. Just take the calls, make the necessary changes and inform Mr. Anderson immediately via email, making sure he confirms. Next, login and check for any emails. I have 12 primary emails, 4 social events and 25 promotions. Okay, don’t panic. Promotions don’t mean anything so go over primary first then social events. Mail usually doesn’t arrive until 9 so I can worry about that later. Next, go over Mr. Anderson’s schedule and prepare for any arising appointments. At 9:00am, he has a conference call with James Richardson & Son from Winnipeg, so I must prepare the conference room at 8:30. At 1:30pm, he has a meeting with Global Relay, so I must call Christopher, his driver, to be waiting by the doors at 1pm and prepare the proper documents before then.

As soon as I jot down everything in my little notebook, I look up from my desk and find more employees have arrived, making the office a bit livelier.

“Edith! Good morning!” I look to my left and find Harvey already sitting at his desk, starting up his computer. “No tears today?”

I feel my cheeks heat up and smile sheepishly. “No not today.”

Harvey grins and waves his hand dismissively. “I’m just teasing, you’re all better now!” He gets up from his seat and makes his way towards me. “I’m sure Becky has you all set up and ready to go.”

“She has!” I reply happily, and I look down at my notebook, going over everything I’ve jotted down. It’s only 7:55 and I feel like I’ve done so much. “I also get a BlackBerry today!”

“Awesome!” Harvey gives me a thumbs up then raises his eyebrows. “Now you can work wherever and whenever you go!”

It takes me a moment to realize what that actually means and my face slightly drops. I hear Harvey laugh and my mood is brought back up again. It’s nice to meet someone new.

We continue talking for another couple minutes and I sense that everything around us has fallen silent. It’s as though someone has just turned down the volume on a stereo rapidly. Bewildered, I look around and I find everyone is back in their little cubicles, heads down and intently working.

“What on earth just happened?” I ask and when I turn back to Harvey, I see him already sauntering off to his station. “Harvey?”

“You’ll see,” Harvey sings in a taunting tone and he slowly sits back down, his actions building up the suspense in me.

I look towards the elevator lobby and from the reflection of the glass I see the doors sliding open. As the clock strikes 8 Mr. Anderson strides down the hall, one hand is running through his dark tousled but fashionably styled hair while the other holds a BlackBerry and his eyes are glued to the screen. If he stares any harder, I’m certain laser beams will shoot out of them.

“Good morning, Mr. Anderson,” I beam brightly, breaking the odd silence that gloomed over the entire floor.

“What’s on the agenda today, Ms. Palmer?” Mr. Anderson walks right passed me without even a glance as he heads straight towards his office and enters inside his already unlocked door. Not a moment later, he peeks his head out his door and stares down at me. “I said, ‘what’s on the agenda today, Ms. Palmer?’”

Becoming conscious of what he’s asked, I leap from my seat, grab both my notepad and agenda, and make my way inside. As he adjusts his sleeves and tie, I remain in the middle of room and recite his entire schedule for today, all of the jotted notes of time changes in meetings and meetings that I can set up for him. I wait for his approval or disapproval.

Now in his seat, Mr. Anderson thinks to himself for what doesn’t even feel like a second, “The times sound good. As long as they aren’t too compact and everything is well prepared, I see nothing wrong with it. Keep me informed.”

“I will, sir.” I nod, although I feel like a salute would be more appropriate.

“I expect you to be working on the presentation today. Send me a rough draft before 3pm.”

My pauses seem to be a lot longer than his, my mind can’t work as fast. “Does that mean you want the presentation done today, or just what I have done until then?”

“You had Ms. Han help you yesterday, I’m sure you covered the majority of it.” Mr. Anderson answers concisely as his eyes remain on his monitor. “I expect the rough draft to be done by today.”

I take a deep breath and swivel to my back, keeping him from seeing my semi-panicked face. “Yes, sir,” I say once more and leave the office, shutting the door behind me. If I had an uninterrupted day of working on only the presentation, I know for sure I can finish it. But I already lose an hour of preparing for the conference call meeting, and the meeting outside the building. Not to mention the added calls and email responding, which can take about 5-10 minutes each? Oh yeah, and sorting through his mail and constantly updating his inevitably changing schedule. This new me better pull her weight. The day has just started.

4: Chapter 4

By 9am, Mr. Anderson is in the conference room and fortunately for me, I’m not needed to attend, but unfortunately for me, I don’t get a break. As soon as I head back to my desk from a very quick trip to the bathroom I find a large assortment of envelopes and a young man dressed in black and purple, holding onto a box labeled FedEx.

We exchange greets as I sign on an electric tablet then he takes his leave. I sort through the mail, thoughtfully distinguishing what is junk and what is important then I step inside his office to place the mail on his desk. Before leaving, I look around the office once more. When he’s not in here, I don’t feel threatened and small. I feel relaxed and at ease. As my eyes gaze upon the expensive looking bookshelf, my attention catches onto a few picture frames displayed.

Hazel may have confirmed that he’s not married, but that doesn’t mean he’s not in a relationship. If anything, he could be divorced, or have a love child, or anything. I feel as though I’m in unknown territory so I cautiously step towards the pictures to get a better look. In one frame I find what looks to be a younger photo of him shaking hands with his father, Nicolas Anderson. I’m struck with awe to see that his father just looks like an older version of Mr. Anderson. They both have the same dark brown hair, strong jaw lines and smiles that don’t reach their eyes. The only different feature I spot is their eyes, while his father had dark, ominous eyes, Mr. Anderson has a mesmerizing deep green eyes. While I observe the picture, only one question pops in my mind. Where is his mother? I place the picture back and look to see if I can find a photo of her when I come across a group photo of Mr. Anderson in between two other people. They look to be the same age. On his right, I see a handsome blonde haired man with intense blue eyes and a welcoming smile, and on his left, there is a gorgeous thin woman with long curly black hair and white porcelain skin, she looks like she could be a model. There’s no captured contact of the two so I can’t determine whether she’s just a friend or something more. Before I can think anymore, I hear the sound of someone clearing their throat.

I swivel to my back like a reflex and I find Mr. Anderson standing by the door, eyeing me suspiciously. “I-I’m sorry, I just came in to drop off your mail and…” I try to think of reasonable excuses until I see that the look of his face shows no interest whatsoever. “I’ll just get back to work now.”

“That’s preferred.” He steps aside as I glide through, followed by him shutting the door after me.

I concentrate on the closed door then observe the dark green curtains behind the glass roomed office isolating him from everyone else. I’ve never met someone so private before. Is there any particular reason? Why wasn’t there a photo of his mother? Did she pass before he could remember? I feel like this office- his life is Pandora’s Box. Will my curiosity get the best of me? I doubt I would unleash evil upon the world, but basing everything I’ve seen of Mr. Anderson, I don’t think I’m that far off. Before I think anything else, I silently laugh at myself. As if I’m comparing Mr. Anderson to a Greek Mythology. How insane is that? To keep from wanting to pry, I dismiss the issue and get back to work.

I finish the rough draft at exactly 2:55, but that resulted in me skipping lunch. Had I gone to lunch, I would have finished a lot later. During that time I have scheduled a few more meetings, and booked conference rooms. I click send on the email with the attached presentation to Mr. Anderson and I sit back in my leather seat, stretching my arms with a smug face.

“Well, well,” Harvey waltz his way towards my desk, and taps on the glass top with his pen, “someone looks rather pleased with herself.”

I do a little dance in my chair and I beam at him, “It just so happens that I have finished the rough draft of the presentation for next week.”

Harvey clasps his hands together and pumps them in the air, “Awesome! You deserve a drink!” I giggle at him and he hunches over. “Becky and I were thinking about getting together for some drinks after work, we’d love it if you join us.”

A sudden warmth glows within me and I nod my head feverishly, “Yeah, for sure!”

Not a moment later, Mr. Anderson strides into the office floor, eyes glued to his BlackBerry. From the look of his stone like face, I can’t tell whether the meeting has gone well or sour. I realize that no one else in the office is looking at him until he passes by them. I shudder at the robotic motion of heads turning. Are all these people afraid of him?

“I’ve sent you the presentation.” I look at him with a bright and welcoming smile but he keeps his eyes on his BlackBerry and closes his door behind him. Deflated, I sink into my seat and hear Becky snickering behind me. I swing in her direction and pout. “What?”

“You’re joining us for drinks later, right?” She asks, her voice almost in anticipation. I nod and she returns the gesture. “I’ll let you know then.”

I don’t hear from Mr. Anderson about the presentation so I assume it’s gone alright. At 4:30 on the dot, he leaves the office and I wave him goodbye, only to result in the same fate as yesterday. After I lock his door I meet up with Becky and Harvey in the lobby and we head to the Wicklow bar and have our drinks on the patio.

“I tried impressing Nathan Anderson once,” she says as she rests her chin in her hand, shaking it shamefully, “Worst. Decision. Ever.” Intrigued, I pull my chair closer to her; she laughs at my eagerness and continues on. “As soon as you lead him to believe that you’re capable of doing tasks you find simple, he’ll just keep adding more and more tasks until you break.” She looks across the small round table and I follow her gaze finding Harvey smirking at her then quickly sucking in his lips, I turn back to her and she sighs with regret. “Just like you, yesterday morning, I broke down.”

“Much bigger break down than Edith’s.” We both hear Harvey’s muffled laugh and simultaneously we give him a cold glare.

“So, take my advice, Edith,” Becky looks at me and shrugs her shoulders, “If you want to do well, don’t draw attention to yourself.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m afraid I’ve already done that.” Becky smiles and I mirror her, happy to know that I’m able to laugh at my misfortune and happy to know that I have made a friend. “How well do you know Mr. Anderson, anyway?”

Becky purses her lips and hums in thought. “I would say that I know his work style well, but I can’t say anything about his personal life.” She begins to play with her hair and rests her elbows on the table. “As an employer, he’s brilliant, intense, and able to negotiate anything in his favor. But as a person,” she pauses for a moment and waves her hand dismissively, “Nothing. He’s extremely private.”

“Really?” the tone of my voice heightens in interest. “I wonder why.”

“Since the CEO, his father, passed away, Anderson’s done a lot for this company.” She continues, “His work ethic has influenced the way everyone has worked and, don’t get me wrong, it was for the better. But it wasn’t until about a year ago that something about him changed.” I look back at her and wait, my curiosity increasing. “Everything about him got more intense, intimidating and almost, threatening.”

“Threatening?” I repeat, taking a gulp.

“Remember what I said about impressing him?” She asks and I quickly nod. “Well I wasn’t the only one who tried. It looked as if everyone here wanted to be on his good side and what’s everyone’s instinct? To suck up or push to succeed. As soon as he knows that, he pushes you. He pushes and pushes and keeps on pushing until you break. Until you can’t handle it anymore and want to quit.”

I break contact with her and look aimlessly around the table. “Have people actually…” I don’t finish my question, as though if I finish it, I might follow it.

“A lot of people, yeah, and some, fired.” She admits almost immediately, “It’s the smart ones who stay quiet and wait by the sidelines.”

“He’s really like this?” I ask and I look to Harvey for confirmation.

“Do you really want to know why your position in particular was so hard to fill?” As soon as he asks it all becomes clear. “For many of his assistant’s he would give so many demands. It’s not that they were too difficult, it’s just that he would pile it on you.”

I sit back in my seat and think to myself for a moment. I have met some very intimidating people, but none like Nathan Anderson. Something seemed off. It wasn’t right. How could anyone have changed so drastically without notice? Could the reason be tied to his father’s death? But why so delayed?

“Something else must’ve happened.” I say almost of realization. The two turn to me and I nod affirmatively, “after his father passed away something else must’ve happened to him that caused him to change so much.”

“Your guess is as good as ours.” Becky shrugs her shoulders and she takes a sip of her vibrantly coloured drink.

“Unless its work related, Anderson won’t talk to you. You can try and strike a friendly conversation with him, but he’ll just shoot you down.” I don’t know if it’s the alcohol (considering it’s my second drink), but an idea forms in my head and Harvey catches onto the gleam in my eyes. “Edith, don’t bother trying.”

“What?” I say defensively, “I’ll be working in, somewhat, closer quarters with him. Odds are, we are going to talk. Some will be about business-

“It will only be about business.”

“And some can be just friendly conversation. I can ask how his day is going and we can go from there.” I finish with an air of finality.

“Edith, I would love to see you try.” Becky leans to me with an evil grin as she grips on to her drink. “In fact, I would pay you if you were able to keep a five minute conversation with him.”

“I bet you that I can crack a smile on his face.”

“I’d like in on this bet.” Harvey buds in. “Since I’ve work there, I’ve never seen him smile, heard him laugh, or even ask out of genuine interest how someone’s day was.”

The three of us continue converse and laugh with each other until we feel to end the night. I leave feeling happy and content. Not one joke about my height or my intelligence. It feels nice. Different. I’m not sure whether we had decided to follow through with that we discussed about Mr. Anderson, but for some reason, I feel it is my personal mission. I don’t need to change his entire life, but if for one day I can make someone smile, it’d be worth it.

Throughout the rest of the week, I subtly try to carry on with my mission. Every morning, I follow my daily duties and at the same time make conversation. My first attempt, I greeted him good morning, but he already had a list of demands from me and waited for my notes for him. I wasn’t able to continue on as I had too many things to take care of. My second attempt was during our walk to a meeting, I had asked him how his day was going, he responded with ‘Sufficient’ (is that even a proper answer?)… He ended it there. I don’t know how many tries I’ve taken, I lost count after the time he told to leave his office when I lingered a second too long.

“Ms. Palmer,” I turn to find Mr. Anderson gander out his office door, “I’d like to have a word with you.”

I step inside his office gingerly and I see him already waiting in front of his desk, arms crossed and feet shoulder width apart, legs locked. His usual stance. But with the way the sun is positioned at this time of day, I only see his shadowy figure. A slight chill creeps up my spine.

“Did I see that you have scheduled a conference call with Vinda Manufacturer for 1pm, Friday?”

Vinda Manufacturer is a growing window’s and door’s supplier in China that just started a couple years ago. As we do have a home building office in China, Mr. Anderson would like have Vinda Manufacturer as the new standard window and door supplier for residential homes. In return for Vinda agreeing to supply windows and doors for a discounted price, Crown will happily promote the quality of their work, ensuring great sales. I know this because I had to dig up some research about them, the business is doing well, but it could be greater. It’s become a natural habit to keep my agenda and notepad with me. I’ve only been working here a couple weeks and my agenda is already thick with little post-its and notes. I nod, but slowly.

“Another question for you, Ms. Palmer,” the way he says my name makes me feel nervous all over. “Did you know that Vinda Manufacturer is in China and is 15 hours ahead of us?” As soon as he mentions the difference in time I already know where this is going. “Please excuse the flattery, but you must be a damn good assistant. I underestimated you.” He opens his arms welcomingly and smiles, but just like the picture, it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Had I known earlier that you were able to convince a supplier like that to schedule a meeting at 4am just so we can be fully satisfied with our lunch, I would have hired you months ago,” his sarcastic tone is a hundred percent clear and his eyes don’t leave me at all but his smile does. “Tell me, Ms. Palmer, how did you do it?”

I can’t believe that I would make a mistake like that. But in a flash, I do. I remember this morning trying to wave at him then blindly messaging back a meeting for ‘1pm is a suitable time’. Why on earth would Vinda willingly agree to schedule a meeting for 4am? I keep my mouth shut but my eyes remain on him. We have what looks like a staring contest and I lose.

“Due to your lack of judgment, you will also be staying here Friday, 10pm with me.” He turns away to his desk and his eyes fall back down to his monitor. “Now get out of my office.”

Without a word, I scurry out and exhale deeply as though the air inside was toxic. Harvey and Becky place their attention on me with a quizzical look. After I explain, they attempt to hide their laughter, but I allow them to let it out anyway.

“I’m so sorry, Edith!” Becky covers her smile and shakes her head. “I don’t mean to laugh, but I’ve never seen someone make that mistake before!”

“There’s a first time for everything.” Harvey says reassuringly but snickers. “Are you at least allowed to leave and come back?”

I shake my head sadly, “I’m too afraid to ask. I think I’ll just stay here.”

“That sucks,” Harvey says then he slaps my shoulder, weighing it down. “But, hey, you’ll be spending the entire evening with him. Maybe you’ll get your five minute conversation!”

The two return into a fit of laughter and I sigh depressingly. By this time tomorrow, everyone will be leaving home and I’ll be stuck here. With Mr. Anderson. So far, the most terrifying person ever. 

5: Chapter 5

I leave the office today feeling gloomy, embarrassed and afraid. I realize that not only is Mr. Anderson furious with me, but so are the Senior Managers of other departments attending the meeting, they don’t need to say it but I can tell. I have yet to meet them, but I already know that I’m starting off with a bad impression. I tried to make things right, such as reschedule, but Mr. Anderson had already stated that it’s too late and that they had delayed the meeting long enough, if I were to try any more, I’d just make it worse.  My mood sinkers lower and lower and I decide that I just want to go home and let the day end.

Mid step to my walk to the skytrain, my phone rings loudly and vibrates against the contents of my purse. Quickly, I dig through my large bag and pull out my phone, answering it.

“Let’s go for sushi!” Elsie demands before I even speak.

I make an uninterested noise in response, “I don’t really feel like going out tonight. I’m too tired.” I’m not really tired, though.

“C’moooon,” Elsie whines loudly through the speaker and I pull back from my phone, “We haven’t seen you all week! And what the hell are you tired from? You’re just an assistant, Edith.”

Those words sting me hard and I freeze in place, unable to speak.

“Hello?” Elsie calls out, totally oblivious to what she had just said. “Edith? Alright, well we’re going to meet at that sushi place on Denman. See you soon!”

I unwillingly make my way to the restaurant, mumbling on the way. It’s about a ten minute walk from where I was and I find Elsie and Hazel at a table, waving me over, rising in their seats to see me over the crowded restaurant.

“This place is really happening right now!” Hazel beams brightly at me and I agree wordlessly.

“Perhaps we should have chosen a different place?” Elsie suggests then shrugs her shoulders. “No point now. We’re already here.”

I can’t find the energy in me to talk right now, so all I do is listen to the two chatter on about their day and gossip about other women. Occasionally they look to me for a response but I just smile and nod with whoever spoke last.

 “So, E, I was wondering if you could babysit my niece and nephew Wednesday evening.” Elsie’s voice brings me back to the conversation. I give her a confused look and she continues. “I already agreed to it but I also forgot that I have a date with this really hot guy that night! I do not want to cancel the date.”

“Ooh,” Hazel raises both eyebrows at Elsie and nudges her arm, “is this that same guy from...?” before she finishes Elsie nods eagerly, “So Wednesday night is...?”

“Yep!” Elsie leans back and nonchalantly stretches her arms, “I figure I’ve kept him waiting long enough. Besides, I’m going crazy on this rule.”

My ears perk up and I’m finally interested in the conversation, “What rule?”

“I have this rule that if I’m on the fifth date with the same guy, I get to sleep with him.” Elsie explains simply then her face immediately changes into a look of desperation and she clasps my hands together in hers. “So you have to baby sit them! Please! I’ll do anything!”

The word inside my mind is forming into a ‘no’ but word that comes out of my mouth is “Sure” and I immediately regret that decision. Elsie cheers happily and hugs me, thanking me over and over again. I want to take it back, but I lightly push her away and look to Hazel instead. “Perhaps you and me can babysit them? We can watch a movie!”

“Sorry. Can’t.” She shrugs with an uninterested face. “My parents want me over for dinner, if they see kids, they’ll start questioning if they’re mine and why have I been hiding them from her and then they’ll start asking when will they have grandkids.”

I hide my let down expression and purse my lips with a hint of worry, “I-I never babysat before. What do kids even like now? Is it still Justin Beiber?”

“I think they like the Hunger Games now,” Elsie answers before stuffing her mouth with salmon. “Just think of it like dog walking.”

Hazel snorts. “Speaking of which, how goes your job? How’s Mr. Hot Boss?”

“He is not Mr. Hot Boss!” I retort quickly, but I lie. Mr. Anderson is extremely good looking, if it weren’t for his threatening attitude and his stone-like appearance. I feel like if he’d actually smile his face would crack. “Besides, tomorrow night I have to work late with him.”

Simultaneously, their eyes light up then glance to each other and then me. “Bow chicka bow wow!” they both sing and dance in their seats.

“It’s not like that!” I cross my arms and roll my eyes at them, “I made a stupid mistake this morning and scheduled a meeting for 10 at night because China is 15 hours ahead from us.”

Hazel grins, “That sucks, but hey, it happens to everyone. So far you’ve made one mistake, right? That’s not bad.”

“It’s an assistant’s job, Hazel.” Elsie huffs and I feel that sudden sting again. “Anyone can do that job.”

“People make mistakes,” Hazel responds then she quickly smacks Elsie’s shoulder. “By the way, you still owe me $20.”

I turn to Elsie and she groans in annoyance. If there’s one thing I know about Elsie, she hates to lose. “Why do you owe $20?”

“I bet Hazel that you would leave your job within a week,” she replies while she picks at her nails then shoots a cold look at Hazel. “It hasn’t been a month yet, the bet isn’t over!”

The two bicker on but I stop listening and I suddenly lose my appetite. They’ve been betting on me. No wait, I should rephrase that. They’ve been betting on my failures. I feel my throat tighten and my eyes begin to hurt. Tears are threatening to fall, but I take a deep breath and swallow hard. “Y-you two have been betting on me?” The more I think it, the more true it feels.

“E, don’t be like that,” Elsie says roughly, “We know how you are. You get a job, you don’t like it and then you quit! That’s how it’s been for the past few months. We’re just making a game out of it, no need to make a big fuss out of it.”

My insides twist but I keep my composure as though I don’t feel a thing. I wonder if this is what Mr. Anderson does when he turns to stone.

“But we went too far this time!” Hazel shakes her head shamefully then reaches for me. “We’re so sorry, E. You’re just so cute, we can’t help ourselves.”

There’s that word again. ‘Cute’. I can never tell whether it’s a compliment or an insult. My mind reels the possible solution.

Cute. Tiny. Small. Insignificant. Useless. Dumb. Stupid.

I get a sudden realization and I change that one word.

You’re just so cute, we can’t help ourselves.

You’re just so stupid, we can’t help ourselves.

With that one adjustment I feel everything falling into place and I play all the times they have said those words to me. Like the time when they embarrassed me in front of my date, or when they came with me to visit my parents. I realize now that they were never trying to flatter me. They were and always have been mocking me.

“E?” Hazel calls out softly, her eyes filled with guilt. “Are you alright?”

Just like every outing where they somehow manage to make me feel completely stupid of myself, I hold my tongue and smile. “Y-yeah, I’m fine.” But I’m not. “I think I’m gonna call it a night. Maybe talk to my parents for a bit before bed, I haven’t spoken to them in a while.”

As I push back from the table and stand, I see Hazel’s pretty purple eyes gazing at me apologetically. “I’ll text you later?”

I nod and look away, “Yeah, I’ll see you two later.” After I pay for my bill, I speed walk my way out of the restaurant and head to the skytrain station. Everything around me becomes a blur, but my mind is only focused on those few words.

You’re just so stupid.

I blink back a few tears and take deep breaths. I may be stupid but I don’t want to draw attention to myself. When I get home I lean against my door and slide to the tiled floor and look around, I ignore the mess that I have yet to clean. I’ve lived here for two years, and somehow, now, it doesn’t feel like home. It feels empty. Cold. Dark. Feeling homesick, I search through my purse and grab my phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, mom” I say quietly and I suddenly feel a bit warmer hearing her voice.

We talk for almost a half hour, but I mention nothing of Elsie and Hazel. Only my new job.

“I’m so proud of you, Edith.” She says softly. “Your father and I are both proud.”

“Thanks, mom.” I respond with a smile in my voice. “And you don’t need to worry about me paying the rent. I’ve got it covered.”

“We know, sweetie.” She takes a long pause and exhales deeply. “There’s something I should tell you though.”

“What is it?”

She takes another long pause. “Your father and I have been transferring money into your account.”

I nearly drop my phone in shock. “W-what are you talking about? For how long? How much?”

“Just for the past few months and only enough to help you pay for your bills” She says quickly. “We know that you’ve been struggling, Edith. We only wanted to help you. We were worried!”

I did find it odd that I was able to pay for my bills so easily; I just never questioned it before. I can hear my mom trying to knock some sense into me but it all becomes white noise. I don’t hear her support, generosity and love. I only hear the words ‘failure’, ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’.

“Mom?” I interrupt her and she falls silent. “I-I gotta go now, I have to be at work really early in the morning.” I lie and I know that she sees right through it.

“Alright, sweetie,” her soft voice fills my ears and my eyes fill with tears. “I’m so glad you called. I love you.”

“I love you too,” the words barely come out as a whisper and the call ends. I feel my chest tightening and my throat feels incredibly dry. I want to cry, but instead I take in three deep breaths and pull my knees to my chest and hug them tight as I bury my face in between.

I don’t know how long I’ve actually sat on the floor, but by the time I look at my phone, it’s already past 1. I’m exhausted but I don’t feel tired. Unwillingly, I get to my feet, feeling the cramps on my behind from sitting so long on the cold hard tiles and make my way to the room. I don’t change into pjs. I just collapse on the bed and stare at the ceiling, somehow finding those very same words printed large and clear. My parents knew this whole time that I’ve been struggling and I feel like a complete idiot. Embarrassed at the fact that every time they called and asked how I was doing, they knew I was lying.

You’re a failure.

The shadowy figure climbs its way back in my mind again and I finally get a good look at it. It’s me. At least I think it is. We’re wearing the same clothes, we have to exact same appearances, but I can’t see that it’s me. Instead of looking lost and confused like how I always do, her features are sharp and pronounced. She has an evil grin plastered on her face and waves her finger at me.

You’re so stupid.

“I’m not stupid.” I hear myself say out loud, but it comes out as a whimper.

Yes you are, you don’t even know what you’re doing with your life. You have no friends, no career path and no life.

“I’m not stupid.” I repeat.

No one wants to be with you.

“That’s not true.”

Your parents think you’re a failure.

“Stop it.”

“You have nothing.”

“I said ‘stop it’!” I scream out loud and I pull myself up from my bed only to come face to face with my reflection. For a quick moment, I think it’s her. But instead of seeing an evil grin, I see myself, sad and alone. Instead of seeing someone who has the face of determination, I see smudged makeup and red swollen eyes. I’m disturbed by what I see but I don’t turn away. I feel myself agreeing with my evil subconscious. She’s right.

“I’m a failure.”

6: Chapter 6

I don’t fall asleep at all but when I get to work I somehow feel as wide awake as ever. I must look normal because no one, including Becky and Harvey, questions me. I continue to follow the same procedure I had been doing for the past two weeks.

Two weeks. Elsie had bet that I’d be gone in half that time. My eyes twitch and I rub them furiously.

“Ms. Palmer.”

I turn to Mr. Anderson’s door like a reflex and I see him poke his head out. “Don’t forget about the conference meeting tonight. I expect you to be there.”

“Yes, sir,” I say quietly and I swivel back to my screen. I hear a light snicker and I quickly look to see Becky at her desk attempting to hold back her smile. “You’re a jerk” I comment with a grin.

“Aw, Edith, you know I tease.” She giggles, with her eyes still on her screen. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” I roll my eyes with a sigh and she continues with another giggle. “You’re right. Good luck!” I stick out my tongue at her and she giggles before she goes back to her work.

Throughout the rest of the morning I continue to work quietly and diligently, but in my mind I can hear myself screaming and I try to drone out my evil conscience taunting me.

You’re a failure.

Your friends think you’re a joke.

“Stop it.” Startled by my own voice, I realize that I actually haven’t spoken for quite some time; it’s already 11:30. For some odd reason even the phones have been quiet as well.

Even your parents don’t believe in you.

“Shut up.” I say a bit louder.

“I beg your pardon?”

It takes me a moment to realize what I had just said and I look up finding an older looking woman with reddish, gray hair and wrinkled skin staring down at me with a slightly offended and confused expression.

“I-I’m so sorry,” I quickly say waving my hands at her as though it could stop her from thinking any more. “That wasn’t directed at you!” I clear my throat feeling embarrassed but I try to cover it up with a smile. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Edith Palmer?” She asks.

“Yes,” I nod slowly with an uncertain tone. I’ve never seen this woman in my life. “Can I help you?”

“I’m Lily George, from Accounting,” she places her wrinkled hand over her chest and smiles, “You don’t know me, but you do know Ashley Jones, you’ve walked her dog a couple a weeks ago.”

My smile immediately drops. I already know where this is going.

“Well, I happen to be leaving for the weekend and I have no one to take care of my lovely beagle, Mosely. I was wondering if you still provide services for dog sitting and care.”

I feel a slight pinch of insult and make a face, “I-I’m sorry, I don’t take care of dogs anymore. I’m working full time here; I don’t think that I would have the time to take care of him.”

“Oh, that’s not a problem.” This lady doesn’t seem to take ‘no’ for an answer and continues on. “Mosely is quite independent, I just need someone to stop by the house three times a day, let him out to use the washroom, perhaps a half hour walk in Stanley Park and make sure he has enough water.” She digs through her purse and pulls out a pen and cheque book. “I’m willing to pay you a substantial amount.”

I fall silent, embarrassed and offended. The last thing I want is be treated like someone else’s assistant. If word ever got out that I had walked an employee’s dog, everyone would be asking for favours.

“Besides, I bet there are lots of employees with dogs you can walk.”

Elsie’s words sting in my mind and I can feel my tears swelling up. Stay calm. Breathe.

“What’s going on here?” Mr. Anderson’s deep voice cuts through and I quickly turn to see him standing at his door with a stern look on his face.

“I-I was just asking Edith if she’d like to babysit my Mosely for me.” Lily answers nervously and her wrinkle hands shake so much, she nearly drops her pen and cheque book. “She’s already agreed to.”

My eyes widen and my jaw slightly drops. I didn’t even say anything!

“Ms. Palmer already has a full schedule coming up, the last thing she needs on her schedule is to babysit a mutt.” I hear Lily gasp, it’s as if Mr. Anderson had just offended her one and only child. “Find your services elsewhere.”

Lily looks like she’s about to say something but she shuts her mouth, shoots me a glare and storms off. There’s a moment of silence and I’m struck with awe. He defended me. Well, not exactly, but he came when I couldn’t help myself. I turn to him with a relieved look.

“Thank God.” I say with a light hearted laugh. “I thought she was never going to leave.”

“Haven’t you ever said ‘no’ to someone before?” He nearly spits out and his intense green eyes turn me nearly freeze me.

I’m close to shouting ‘no’ at him but I stop. Wondering whether that was a trick question or not.  He waits for an answer but I sheepishly sink into my seat and stare at the ground, embarrassed. I begin thinking about all the times someone has asked me for a favour. I’m able to think of many reasons why I could say no, but for some reason, the complete opposite is what comes out of my mouth. It feels automatic.

“You need to work on that.” He states and heads back into his office.

My response is so quiet he barely hears me. I get back to work and continue on silently. I feel as if the phones are respecting my need for silence.

I don’t know where the time has gone, but already it is 4:30 and unlike everyone else who is preparing to leave, I remain in my seat.

“Poor Edith,” I hear Becky sing out as she heads in my direction with a swing in her step, “has to stay until midnight at work on a Friday!”

“Leave Edith alone, Becky,” Harvey scolds and Becky responds with a pout. He turns to me and tilts his head sideways, “You’ve been really quiet today. Is everything okay?”

I feel like I’ve known Harvey and Becky long enough to tell them. But for some reason, I hold back. Are they work-friends or actual friends? “I-it’s nothing,” I wave my hand and smile lightly, “I’m just bummed that I have to stay late.”

“Yeah, that does suck, doesn’t it?” Harvey grins and he lightly smacks his hand on my desk, seeing me off. “Well, I hope you have a great week end.” He and Becky wave goodbye and they leave together.

The office floor empties by 6:00 and I notice that it’s only Mr. Anderson and I on the floor. He hasn’t left his office once. All I can hear from his office is the rapid clicking of his keyboard. I sit back in my seat and relax for a moment.

“You’re just so stupid.”

I fidget and lean towards my computer as I scroll through my inbox for any new incoming messages.

“I bet Hazel that you would leave your job within a week.”

I need to keep moving.

I take three deep breaths and shake my head away from incoming tears and I take three deep breaths once more.

I must keep moving.

I don’t know how it happens but I find myself doing any sort of task that will keep my mind off what happened last night. I prep the boardroom for tonight’s meeting and I reorganize my desk about three times. I go over my incoming messages time and time again, and listen to every voice mail once more. I empty out the fridge of expired food and clean out the cabinets and wipe the counters clean. I even water the plants.

Finally, I look at the time on my desk top and read 9:37pm. I gaze out the window, the sky is dark and the water reflects the lights from the buildings across the harbour. I’ve never actually seen the Vancouver nightlife from so high up. It almost looks like the sky has fallen and the stars are dancing on the ground. It calms me. But only for a little.

I start a pot of coffee and I make my way towards the boardroom, passing by Mr. Anderson’s office. I quickly look in and I find him still sitting at his desk, the glow of his monitor now emanating on his face. Has he been sitting there this whole time? I’m not even sure he has stopped to use the washroom.

Before I knock on his door I hear the ding of an elevator. I turn around and I see two men walking briskly through the office. One is short and has black and grey hair with brown slanted eyes surrounded by tired creases followed with a droopy expression. The other is tall with short brown hair and tanned skin. He doesn’t look tired as the other, but he doesn’t look pleased.

“Alright, let’s get this done and over with,” the tall, tanned man adjusts his cuffs and eyes me sternly. “I don’t want to be here any longer than I should have.”

“Yes.” The short man responds curtly in an accent, almost like Mandarin.

“Mr. Mouro, Mr. Xu.” Mr. Anderson whizzes on by me and greets the two briefly. “We have the boardroom prepped and ready to go.” Before he leads the way, he looks back at me. “Is the coffee ready?”

“In one moment, sir,” I respond as I make my way to the kitchen to gather the cream and sugar, the hot pot of coffee and three mugs onto a wheeled tray table then back into the boardroom. I wheel in the table backwards and set it at the back of the room. The room is long and narrow with a dark oak table to match complete with the chairs. The three sit at one end, facing the opposite side with a brightly lit screen of an old, wrinkly man sided with a beautiful smooth skinned woman staring back at them.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Vinda, I hope you enjoyed your lunch,” Mr. Anderson nods as he leans back in his chair. “How about we get this started?” The woman, who I realize is not just for show but for translation starts to speak in mandarin to Mr. Vinda and he nods.

As I hand Mr. Mouro and Mr. Xu a cup of coffee each, I listen to Mr. Vinda speak in a tongue I could never understand then end with a smile and a laugh as he pats his stomach.

“Thank you for taking the time to discuss with me” the woman smiles as she responds in English for him, “It came to a surprise to find that Crown would be so generous to wait for me so I can think well on a nice and full stomach.” She rubs her stomach as well and giggles.

I accidentally let out a laugh and the three quickly shift their gaze to me, expressionless. Although feeling a bit smug, but also feeling unwanted, I clear my throat and make haste towards the door, shutting it behind me.

I stand in silence from outside the boardroom as I watch the four of them discuss. I realize that whether I was listening in or if it was in English, I would never understand, so I sit back at my desk and browse the internet. It doesn't take long, but the lack of sleep I've had finally catches up to me.

7: Chapter 7

Perhaps I’m afraid of Mr. Anderson catching me sleeping on the job (although it’s way past office hours) but once I hear that door open, I push myself up to make believe I had been working the whole time. I look over the counter and I watch the three quietly converse then shake hands. Mr. Mouro and Mr. Xu shift their eyes to me and I’m too late to duck, so I give them an awkward smile and look down at my hands.

After they leave I shift my gaze back up to Mr. Anderson and he’s making his way towards the office, adjusting his sleeves. He lifts his eyes to meet mine and without thinking I look away once more. I’m not sure why but even the way he walks intimidates me. Everything about him makes me nervous. But I finally get why everyone else here avoids his direction.

“So thanks to your little stunt, Ms. Palmer,” I sense him leaning against the counter and I slowly raise my head, “Mr. Vinda happily complied with our agreement. Had I known all it took was a little food to get him to sell us his products, I would have scheduled meetings like this long ago.”

I suddenly feel a little weight lifted off my shoulders and I beam at him. “The meeting went well then!”

“That it did,” he nodded and I’m almost certain I saw a smile but he quickly clears his throat. “Turns out, you’re not as useless as you claim to be.”

And just like that, the weight is suddenly back on and my shoulders and I slump.

Breathe, Edith. Breathe.

“You’re not as useless as you claim to be”

“You’re just so stupid, we can’t help ourselves.”

I try and get my things ready but my body decides to move slower than ever. All it wants to do is collapse.

“Don’t forget to prepare the boardroom for the Phase 2 Meeting for Ocean’s Production. I suggest you get here a bit earlier as it starts first thing in the morning.” Mr. Anderson reminds me from his office but I can barely hear him, even though it’s only us on the dark and empty floor. All I can hear are Elsie’s and Hazel’s condescending words, my parent’s lack of faith and my evil self constantly telling me how much of a failure I am. I can hear them crashing into me all at once. Kicking me once more when I’m down and out. I can feel something inside me building up. My throat becomes dry and my chest tightens, just as it had last night but worse. It begins to hurt.

“Ms. Palmer, when I’m talking to you I expect you to reply.” I see him peek his head out, waiting for me.

Looking away, I silently count to three in between breaths, trying to calm myself down. “I-I will.” It barely comes out as a whisper and I feel tears streaming down my face.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake.” He sighs heavily in annoyance. “You’re crying again? What the hell is wrong this time?”

I wipe my tears, my sleeve scratching at my eye lids. “I-I’m not crying,” I say unconvincingly through a whimper as more tears fall, and I finally can’t control myself. “I-it’s nothing, I swear!”

I try to pack my things, but my vision has become too blurry from the tears. I try to calm my breathing but it’s being choked up by my crying. Finally, all at once I drop everything and hide my face in my hands. My sobs are loud and my entire body is shaking.

From behind, I hear Mr. Anderson pace back and forth, and then scoff. I can tell that he’s feel just as embarrassed as I am for putting us both in this situation. “Just spit it out already.”

“I-I’m okay, I promise!” As if my blubbering weren’t convincing enough. I can’t believe that I’m crying once again in front of him. He must think of me as a total nut.

“Ms. Palmer, if it has to deal with your responsibilities here, I need you to tell me now.” His voice is more demanding. Persistent. Annoyed.

“I’m a complete failure.” I say the words before I realize what I’m saying. “M-my friends don’t believe in me. Constantly, they tease me about my height, my intelligence, my past jobs. Everything! They even bet on my flaws. They bet that I wouldn’t last two weeks working here for you.” I want to stop myself from speaking, but it’s all coming out like word vomit. “And now, I find out that even my own parents are the same way. They knew that I was struggling here. They have been secretly transferring funds into my account so I could pay for my own things. All this time I thought it was my own money. I must’ve looked like such an idiot to them!” I bite my lower lip in hopes of stopping myself from saying anymore but I can feel no words forming. I try and breathe but it only comes out short and quick. It’s become so dead silent that all I hear are the buzzing noises from the fluorescent lights.

“Are you done?” He finally speaks. I don’t need to look at him, I sense that he’s regretting hiring me.

I nod, feeling completely flustered. Twice I broke down in front of my boss. Twice. In less than a month. “I-I just don’t know what to do. I feel so stupid.” Slowly I turn and look at Mr. Anderson. His eyes are elsewhere but he remains so still that he almost looks like a statue. I can’t tell whether he’s ready to fire me, yell at me for being stupid, or fire me.

Finally, his eyes land on mine. “Those two girls you call your friends don’t sound like the type of people you want to hang around with if all they do is make you feel the way you do. I suggest you ditch them and find new people. As for your parents, they want to help their daughter; you should cherish them now more than ever.” He pauses for a moment then looks away. “Speaking from experience, I strongly suggest you keep on accepting their help.”

I realize that he’s referring to his father that he had lost not too long ago. Could this be a reason why he has this hard persona that threatens others? What of his mother? I’m so tempted to ask him, but I know I shouldn’t pry. If anything, right now I’d like to go home.

We continue to stand in silence and my eyes are shifting everywhere but in his direction. When I glance at the desk phone I see the time reading 12:28am. We’ve been in the office for a total of 16 hours. “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ve kept us so late!” I sniffle and drop to my knees and quickly collect everything I’ve dropped and shove them into my purse. After I pat my purse down to not look so bulky I look up and find that he’s back in his office. I didn’t even hear him leave. For a moment, I think that I’ve been talking to myself. I peek inside his office and I see him shutting down his station. “Have a good weekend, sir!” I wave at him and swivel on my feet to take off.

“Did you drive here, Ms. Palmer?” His voice stops me mid step.

It hits me that it’s actually in the middle of the night. I’m so used to taking the sky train during the day that I’ve actually never even taken it at night. Does it even run this late?

“I usually take the sky train, but I don’t live very far from here. I’m sure I can find my way home” I reassure him but with a nervous giggle.

“I can take you home.” Mr. Anderson grabs his phone from his desk and jacket on his way to leaving his office. “You shouldn’t be out walking this so late at night, especially on your own.”

My body tenses and I bite my lower lip. Being around him makes me so jittery, why must I spend more time with him?

“You’d prefer your own way home?” He shoots me a look and without thinking, I shake my head. “Then let’s go.”

I watch him as he digs his phone from his pocket. He talks to someone briefly then stuffs his phone back in his pocket. Not wanting for him to change his mind about me, I scurry behind him but fall back a couple steps. Becky and Harvey would never believe me if I told them.

8: Chapter 8

For some reason being in an enclosed space with Mr. Anderson makes me even more nervous. All around us is our reflection bouncing off of all the mirrored walls in the elevator. Just him and me. While he’s maintained his natural position, I’m as tiny as ever looking like I’m trying to sink my head in between my shoulders. As much as I don’t want him to catch me staring at him, that’s all I’m doing. He’s got that same scruff again when I had first met him at that pub. Although he’s loosened his tie and is no longer wearing his jacket he still looks as sharp as ever. It’s after hours and he still has that professional look and feel. His upper body has a more casual appearance with his hands resting in his pant pockets, but his legs are locked in position and his feet are firmly on the ground, like he’s still negotiating. He has the confidence in both mind and body. I wonder if his brain ever turns off. Other than work, what does he think about? I finally look away and lightly huff.

As if he’d ever talk to you about it.

The elevator finally dings and the doors open to the lobby. I follow Mr. Anderson in silence, we haven’t said a word to each other since we were on the top floor. Once outside I find a beautiful pitch black Mercedes Benz with tinted windows waiting for us. Standing by the rear passenger door I see an old man with white hair, sunken in eyes and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen it almost makes me want to return the smile.

“Late night, sir?” He tips his hat and beams those pearly whites at me. “Good evening, madam.”

“Christopher,” Mr. Anderson greets and he gestures to me. “We are taking Ms. Palmer back to her place.”

“With pleasure!” He expresses happily and opens the door for me. “Ms. Palmer, is it?”

His happiness radiates through me and I can’t help but smiling back at him. “You can call me Edith.”

“You can call me Christopher.” He grins and I slide inside the large vehicle finding it’s more spacious on the inside than it looks from outside. The seats are made of leather and there is so much leg room I can practically sleep on the floor and even the floor would be comfortable. Never have I ridden in something so luxurious before! I’m so distracted by the interior of the car that I almost forget about Mr. Anderson who slides in after me, and like a child being told to behave I swiftly and without a sound sit in my seat and buckle up.

“What is your address, Edith?” Christopher asks, looking back at me from the rear view mirror.

After I give him my address, Christopher shifts gears and effortlessly merges with traffic. Now that I’m riding in such an extravagant vehicle, I feel as though I’m seeing Vancouver the first time. Everything looks a lot brighter and in a way almost magical. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have to pay attention to the roads, but either way, a girl can get used to this.

It doesn’t take long, but Christopher easily finds his way to my apartment. He puts the car into park and unbuckles his seat belt as he opens his car door.

“Christopher, some privacy please?” Mr. Anderson’s deep voice disintegrates my blissful moment and I’m suddenly uneasy again. I look ahead and I see Christopher nod wordlessly as he steps out of the car and shuts the door behind him, separating him from us. His happiness is no longer being broadcast to me and I’m back on edge. “Ms. Palmer,” His tone is now being directed at me, “Do I need to have Ms. Han repost your position as Personal Assistant on Monday?”

Almost instantly I’m stunned in my seat and my eyes widen at him. “I-I’m sorry?”

Mr. Anderson keeps his gaze on me for a moment then looks away and sighs. “I’m going to be frank with you. I’m quite tired of constantly being introduced to a new assistant every month. But if I’m not mistaken, I do believe I have told you that I will not tolerate crybabies in my office.”

I recall his words exactly. His rules. The consequence.

“Judging from what you have told me back in the office, I can see that you have self-esteem issues, you’re insecure and that you cannot handle pressure.” He talks to me as though he were in the middle of a meeting. His words are short and sharp. “Albeit may your friends aren’t exactly the most helpful in your situation, you yourself are still the cause of your own flaws.” He pauses very briefly and his eyes are dead on mine. “Everyone has flaws, and everyone makes mistakes, but if you are capable of keeping your confidence throughout then you will soon realize that nothing what people say can get to you, and in time you do become a stronger person for it.”

I swallow hard and I don’t move an inch. This is most he has ever spoken to me and he’s firing me. I’ll never get to see Becky and Harvey again, the only friends I’ve ever made there. Elsie and Hazel will never let it down. My parents will be proven right and I’ll have to go back to them. I can’t possibly live here anymore if I can’t even hold down a job.

“But as I said,” he continues on and he relaxes in his seat, “I’m tired of looking for a new candidate, so I will be giving you a choice. If you are in on Monday, I will assume you have taken my advice and can prove yourself worthy of this position, but if you’re not, you can consider yourself let go.” He turns to me and nods, “You have the weekend to think about it.”

I finally break contact with him and I bite my lower lip. He’s actually letting me think things over. Has he given this chance to the others before me? Am I the first? Is he really that tired of looking for someone else? I have all these thoughts and questions running through my head but I remain speechless. Keeping quiet, I unbuckle my seat belt and exit the car.

“Have a good night, Edith.” Christopher tips his hat at me as he shuts the door for me.

His smile doesn’t seem to have an effect anymore but I weakly return one to him. “You as well, Christopher.” I wave him goodbye, “Thank you very much.”

Before I enter the apartment, I turn back and see the car still idling. Perhaps it’s just the courteousness of Christopher or maybe it could be the nice side of Mr. Anderson (if there is one), but I know that they are waiting until I’m safely inside the building. I stare back for a moment and wonder if Mr. Anderson is looking back at me. Does he have hope for me? Or am I lost cause to him like the rest of the previous applicants? Did what he tell me means he wants me to quit? Or is he doing this to make me push back? I recognize that I’ve already taken more than enough of his time so I wave to them once more and I enter the building.

For someone who only had about two hours of sleep (which was at work) I still feel as wide awake as ever. Now that I’m back home, I’m once again surrounded by silence. Of course when I’m alone to my thoughts that’s when she comes back.

“You’re gonna quit. You always do.”

I decide that I’m not going to listen to her tonight and just like what I did earlier today to ignore her, I start cleaning my apartment.

“Mr. Anderson thinks you’re just a big crybaby.”

I pick up garbage from the floor and stuff them in the garbage. I’m surprised and a bit disgusted at how I’ve already filled about two bags of it.

“Your parents already know you’re a failure. Why bother trying?”

I know it’s the middle of the night, but I start vacuuming and I can still hear her loud and clear.

“Might as well just go back to walking dogs.”

After I put away the vacuum, I begin washing dishes, ignoring how hot the water is so it can soak the food encrusted plates and bowls.

“Just quit. Who you trying to prove?”

As soon as I finish disinfecting my washroom, I make my way to the living room to dust the shelves.

“Do you really think you can change?”

By the time I consider my apartment clean it’s almost five in the morning and I can see the sun slowly peek its way up. I stand in the middle of the living and look around, suddenly remembering why I refused to look for a cheaper apartment after my roommate left. The open concept has always been a major plus in my mind. I can now admire the clean tiles and carpet, the dark oak cabinets, the laminated finished counters, the cylinder light pendant hanging over the peninsula and the pot lights lined against the edges the living room floor to ceiling window that leads to the balcony. Now that I’ve actually cleared the counter space I can eat at the peninsula or at the dining table again. Now that I’ve decontaminated my washroom I can have long bubble baths again. Now that I’ve vacuumed I can even do my thirty minute work outs that I’ve promised myself I would do! Although, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself.

Impressed with what I’ve done from only those two hours of sleep I change out of my clothes and into pajamas and as soon as my head hits the pillow and before I finally succumb to sleep, my last thoughts are:

I am capable of change.

The only person I need to prove is myself.

I refuse to step down.

I will make my parents proud.

I will no longer be a crybaby.

I get to the office Monday morning at 7:20am on the dot and I’m greeted by the same grave-like silence it had given me that Friday night. I somehow find the humour in seeing empty desks and only hearing the hum of lights. Perhaps it’s because even when it’s full of employees and Mr. Anderson is around, that’s what it feels like. I decide that before prepping the boardroom, a hot cup of tea will settle my nerves. Me being here tells Mr. Anderson that I can do all that he’s expecting me to do. This act alone tells him that I refuse to be like the others who have left this position. This tells him that I will be different now and I will stop crying… Well, at least I’ll try to. That’s what the tea is for!

As soon as I turn the corner to get into the kitchen my heart nearly jumps out of my chest when I find a tall figure with its back to me. I must have yelped a bit too loudly because the extremely well dressed man twitches in place and turns to look at me. I recognize that stone cold face immediately.

“Mr. Anderson!” I place my hand over my heart, feeling it beat rapidly then calm down. “I-I’m so sorry, you just scared me! I didn’t think you’d be here.”

Mr. Anderson eyes me up and down then exhales deeply, perhaps he’s trying to calm his nerves as well. “To be honest, Ms. Palmer. I didn’t think you’d be here either.” He turns around and I find him holding a cup of coffee. “I apologize, I thought that it would be up to me to prep the boardroom.”

I almost want to feel offended for him of thinking that way of me, but honestly, I don’t blame him. “That’s alright, I haven’t really inspired much confidence, have I?”

Mr. Anderson raises an eyebrow at me then lifts his cup to his lips. “Well, I’m hoping that that can change.”

I shift my feet side to side and I look up at him with, I hope, a convincing smile. “I’m hoping so too, sir.”

For just a couple of seconds, we both stand staring at each other. But after a second longer, I begin to feel awkward and I quickly make my way towards the cupboard. “I will get started on the boardroom, I would just like to pour myself a cup of tea.”

Mr. Anderson doesn’t say a word more and I sense him leaving the kitchen. But before I open the glass paneled cupboard I catch his reflection off of it and my jaw nearly drops because I am, without a doubt, positive I see him smiling at me.

9: Chapter 9

I leave the boardroom at 8am on the dot as Mr. Anderson and his team begin discuss about Phase 2 of the project. But once I reach my desk, I see Becky and Harvey waiting for me eagerly.

“Someone’s in a chipper mood today.” Becky gives me a sly smile. “Wanna tell us what’s going on?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask with a baffled expression. “I’m my usual self today.”

“We’re not talking about you,” Becky wags her finger at the boardroom and I follow her direction. “We’re talking about Mr. Black over there.” I realize that she’s referring to Nathan’s onyx apparel.

I tilt my head like a confused puppy, “I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Exhibit A,” Harvey crosses his arms and eyes me suspiciously. “Anderson actually said ‘Morning’ to me when I greeted him.” He bends forward bringing his face close to mine, I feel as though he’s accusing me of something. “He never says ‘Morning’, on a good day he says ‘hello’ and on a normal day he doesn’t say anything.”

“That’s ridiculous!” I wave him off. “You can’t determine someone’s mood from the first word they say!”

“You can if it’s from Anderson,” Becky nods and stands firm beside Harvey. “Exhibit B: Just before you had left the boardroom and he walked in, he, oh-so-very quietly, said to you, ‘Thank you, Ms. Palmer.” She does a dramatic pause then leans in, “Anderson never says thank you.” She pauses for a moment then purses her lip. “In fact, I don’t even think he is ever grateful.”

I think back and realize that he did call me by my first name. I wonder why I hadn’t noticed it beoalmost burst into laughter just from seeing the look on their faces. “You two look so crazy right now!” I shake my head and squeeze my way between the two to get back to my desk. “What you’re saying is absolutely nuts! What you’re describing is what normal people do!”

Harvey and Becky look at each for a moment then sigh simultaneously. “Oh, Edith,” Harvey changes his tone and smirks, “Sweet, innocent, Edith, you have only worked here for almost a month now, I have worked here for five years.”

“Trust us when we say that Anderson’s in a chipper mood today,” Becky slowly walks back to her desk with her hands behind her back. “We know what we’re talking about.”

The two walk back to their cubicles giving me an all knowing look and I roll my eyes at them in return. “Just to let you know that you both look crazy!” I warn them with a smile then turn back to my work.

At about 9am, the usual delivery boy from FedEx walks in with an open box and a lively attitude, greeting everyone he walks by.

“Well good morning there, Ma’am!” He beams at me as he lugs the box on the counter. “How’s your Monday so far?”

“A lot brighter now, thanks to you!” I engage with him and I gesture to the office floor as I lower my voice and grin. “Seems like a graveyard here if you ask me.”

The purple uniformed boy observes and laughs. “Ah, I do hear that this is the most intimidating floor to be on!” As he places the letters on the counter in bulk, he nods his head towards the boardroom. “But it looks like Mr. Anderson is in a good mood today?”

Immediately to my left I hear Harvey bark out a laugh followed by Becky’s giggling.

“Everyone’s been saying that lately!” I eye Harvey and Becky then back to the boy. “I don’t understand it!”

“Well, Ma’am—

“You can call me, Edith.” I interject, realizing that he doesn’t look that much older than me, in fact, those shorts make him look younger.

“Well, Edith,” he corrects as he hand me the electric tablet for my digital signature, “When you have been here as long we have, you start to notice the little things make a huge difference.” I hand him back the tablet and he winks at me, “Have a good day.”

Once the boy leaves, Harvey marches back to my desk. “Told ya!”

“That boy looks like he’s still a teenager and barely starting with FedEx!” I say defensively, “What could he possibly know?”

“Apparently more than you!” Becky chortles from her desk and I shoot her a look.

In the midst of our bickering, we hear the door from the boardroom open, and like a wave, and if it’s any more possible, the entire floor becomes even more silent. I watch as the team quietly but swiftly make their way to the elevator, some even take the stairs, and Mr. Anderson is heading back to his office. With the way his face looks and his body moves, he doesn’t look exactly human, but not entirely robotic.

“Mr. Anderson,” Harvey beckons from his seat. “I trust the meeting went alright?”

“Poorly.” Mr. Anderson answers tersely with one word and not a word more.

The door shuts behind him and the three of us look at each other questioningly.

“Perhaps we spoke too soon?” Becky shrugs and we mimic the gesture.

I, for one, still don’t understand how they can tell the difference between happy and angry when it comes to Mr. Anderson, but all I do know is that I’ve seen cemeteries livelier than this place. How can one not feel capable of conversing with another for eight hours of the day? Is that even allowed? Aren’t we all human? It’s in us to gossip, chatter and laugh. Can Mr. Anderson do these simple human things?

As I continue to question all of these things about Mr. Anderson I come across a blank envelope at the end of the pile. I look at the sections I have already organized to give to their respective owners. It’s illegal to open up another person’s mail, but for sure that can’t follow when I don’t even know who to give this to. I feel the small envelope with my fingers, as though trying to read it like brail. There’s certainly a letter inside. Cautiously, I look around the office to see if anyone is watching me and I start to feel like a thief. Although, I really shouldn’t. I’m just trying to see who this letter belongs to. I can always apologize and say that it came in a blank envelope. No harm done, right?

I look around once more and I quickly and subtly grab the letter opener across from me. I focus on the lip of the envelope and quietly slice the fold, going centimeter by centimeter. With each rip, I sigh in frustration, it’s so quiet in the office that it’s actually possible to hear a pin drop on carpet! Finally, after what feels like forever, I have the envelope open and I pull out the letter using all my might to not shout for victory.

I will read only the first sentence. That’s all I need to know to figure who it belongs to.

Dear Nathan,

It’s been a long time since we have spoken to each other. I realize you have been avoiding my calls and emails, so I hope that this letter will make you see what I have to say to you. Ethan and I miss you immensely—

I force my eyes away from reading anymore and I immediately fold the letter in half and stuff it back into the envelope. I told myself one sentence! Of all letters to read, why did it have to be Mr. Anderson’s? I shrink in my seat, feeling guilty and mostly afraid. What will he do when I finds out I opened his letter? Opened it and read it, for crying out loud! He’s already given me a second chance. He will fire me for sure.

Calm down, idiot! Just tell him the truth!

For once, I listen to that tiny and mean voice. I needed to find out who this letter belonged to. All I read was the first line. That’s it.

Don’t slip up.

I decide to give Mr. Anderson’s letters after I have given everyone else theirs’. That way, I’m a bit more relaxed when I tell him what happened and not break down. I circle the office floor and by the time I complete the entire round, my heart starts pounding. I place the opened letter on top of his stack of letters, and I put step inside his office. I hold my lower lip down as I watch him with fear as his eyes remain glued on his monitor.

“Mr. Anderson?” I manage to squeak out as I slowly place his letters on the edge of his desk. “I have all these for you.”

“Place them on my desk,” he replies curtly, his eyes still on the screen.

When I take a step back he glances over to the stack and pauses at the open letter facing him. Not a second later his eyes are on me.

“I-I’m so sorry, sir!” I say quickly and with a shaky voice. “T-the envelope was blank so I didn’t know who to give it to. I just wanted to see who it belonged to, I only read one sentence, I swear.”

Don’t say anything more! Shut up now, before you screw anything up.

I shut my mouth but I feel shoulders shaking.

Without a word, Mr. Anderson picks up the opened letter. From the light shining through the letter, I can see that there is a lot more to it than the actual first three sentences I’ve read. I’m not sure if he’s read it all, but after a couple more seconds he rips the letter in half and throws it in the garbage.

“The next time you see a blank envelope like that, don’t bother opening it.” He says casually as he swivels back to his monitor. “Just toss it.”

I stare at the garbage can. It was hand written and there was a lot in it and he just threw it away. “A-are you sure, sir? It looks like something important.”

“I thought you said you only read one sentence.” He snaps back at me and I almost lose my footing. “Just toss it, if another comes by.”

“Yes, sir.” I say meekly and I turn to exit the office.

“One more thing.”

“Y-yes?” There’s a tremble in my voice that I wish I could hide.

“You’re going to need to push the SoundAnimation meeting to this week instead of next.” He informs and when he catches my shocked expression, he nods. “That means you’ll need to have the presentation ready by Wednesday Noon.”

Judging by how little I’ve actually started on it, it would take me a miracle to have a rough draft ready by tomorrow. “Is there a particular reason why it’s been pushed to this week?”

Looking more annoyed, Mr. Anderson raises an eyebrow at me. “Are you questioning my methods?”

“N-No, just curious, is all.” I stutter and I excuse myself out. Before I exit I take one glimpse at the garbage can containing the letter. If he was in a chipper mood this morning then he’s for sure not happy anymore. 

10: Chapter 10

“Why isn’t Elsie watching us?” AJ pokes my shoulder as I attempt to keep my eyes on the television. I’m not quite sure what I’m watching but I think it’s a tutorial on how to make clothes out of Play Doh for dolls that are not quite Barbie size but not exactly a Polly Pocket. Either way, it has Alice’s full attention. “Where is Elsie?”

“She’s on a date.” I shoot back. I never thought I would despise kids, but this ten year old has proven me wrong. “She’ll be back soon.” I give an exasperated sigh and sink into my couch. I was so looking forward to relaxing in a nice, long bubble bath after completing the report for Mr. Anderson. He even had no complaints! A celebration was in order! But apparently that doesn’t matter to Elsie. Not that she even asked.

“Is she getting paid?” AJ is now dangling half his body both sides of the couch, his shoulder brushing against my ear. “How much will she give you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug carelessly, just wanting this night to be over. “And I don’t care, just sit still and she’ll be back soon.”

“Elsie is probably having sex with that guy right now!” AJ rolls on to his back and he starts kissing the air, his hands motioning in what looks to be an hour glass figure. “Right there! Right there!” He gives a high pitched moan.

“Oh my God!” I jump off the couch in terror and point at him. “Stop that! How do you know these things? Who taught you that word?”

AJ looks at me up-side down then rolls his eyes. “The internet, dumb ass.”

“Dumb ass!” Alice giggles innocently and she looks up at me. “You’re a dumb ass!”

Mortified at how quickly this all escalated, I glare at AJ. “Stop saying that word! Alice shouldn’t be saying that and neither should you!” I kneel over to Alice and I cover her mouth, shaking my head in disapproval. “Alice, your mom would be very disappointed in hearing you say that word.”

“Pfft, mom calls dad that all the time!” AJ grins and he rolls back onto his stomach. “If she didn’t want us to say it, she shouldn’t be saying it in the first place!”

I can’t believe I have lived to the day where I’d want to swear at a kid (and I don’t even swear!), yet somehow agree with how right he is. “It doesn’t mean you get to say it as well!” I mentally kick myself, embarrassed at how that’s the only thing I could think of to say.

“Whatever,” AJ lifts himself off the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. “I’m hungry! Aren’t you going to feed us?”

I hear him rummaging through my fridge and I shuffle towards there. “U-Uh… I was thinking of getting us some pizza!” I quickly shut the fridge, suddenly feeling nervous about him finding my stash of wine. “How about that?”

“Alright, let’s go.” AJ shrugs his shoulders and he makes his way for the door. “Get Alice ready.”

I lean against the fridge and eye the kid suspiciously.

I take the kids to a small diner not too far away from home. Every five minutes I’m checking my phone for Elsie; she’s been on this date for almost three hours now. AJ is right, knowing her, they are most definitely having sex. Not like I’d admit that to him though.

After that night at the sushi place, I thought Elsie would somehow know that I would not want to babysit her niece and nephew tonight. In fact, I had been avoiding her and Hazel since then. My phone has and still is flooded with Elsie’s constant text to meet them, followed by Hazel’s concerned and apologetic messages. Once in a while I’d feel like texting back Hazel but then I’d get another message from Elsie and when it comes to men, Elsie has a one track mind.

“I can’t believe you don’t have a car!” AJ gives me the stink eye as he stuffs his mouth with pizza. “Don’t you have a job?”

“I have a job!” I shout defensively. I keep having to tell myself to breathe. He’s just a ten year old twerp. He doesn’t know anything.

“Then you’re just poor. No wonder you’re taken us to this dump! You can’t even afford good pizza!” His voice is now carrying over to the entire diner and I now have an audience. I cautiously gaze around the diner and see a couple shaking their head in disapproval. Hearing the phrase “I can’t believe she lets her kids act like that” and “lack of discipline”.

“Dumb ass!” Alice laughs hysterically and I suddenly want to become invisible. Of course, she decides now is a good time to speak.

I bury my head into my hands, trying to hide my face from the public. Thank God we got our food beforehand, for sure they would have spat on it! I can’t believe Elsie has left me with these two. What on earth have I done to deserve this?

“Ms. Palmer?”

I recognize that voice immediately and I almost refuse to show my face. But needing to be polite, I slowly lift my head from my hands and look up, finding Mr. Anderson looking down at me with a pizza box and drink in hand. He looks a lot different when he’s not in his usual business attire. Tonight his hair is a bit out of sorts, like he had been running his hands through it, he’s got his five o’clock shadow, and sporting a black leather jacket that has a diagonal zipper complete with dark jeans. It almost looks like I’m staring at an entirely different person. “Hello, Mr. Anderson.” My face feels so red I’m afraid I might burst. “I-I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Mr. Anderson looks at me, then to the two kids and back at me with an amused expression. “I happen to favor this diner.”

“You like the crap they serve here too?” AJ asks incredulously and laughs. “Then you must be poor too!”

“Dumb ass!” Alice points at Mr. Anderson and laughs.

I stare at the two with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. If crying didn’t get me fired then for sure these two will.

Mr. Anderson looks at the two dumbfounded then laughs. “Are these two yours?” I’ve never heard him laugh before, it’s a bit surprising. I thought it would sound awkward coming from someone who looks like stone. But from him, it looks natural. It looks good on him. Too bad it’s directed at my misfortune.

“No!” I answer a bit too quickly and I shake my head. “They’re my friend’s sister’s kids. I’m just watching them for a bit.” I’m not sure what’s gotten over me, but I rise from my seat and bow my head, as though I’m begging for forgiveness from royalty. “I-I’m so sorry, Mr. Anderson, h-have a good night.”

“Actually, I think I might stay a while, if you don’t mind.” Mr. Anderson smirks as he places his box of pizza on the table and slides in the booth beside me. “500 channels and nothing good to watch.”

Nothing good to watch? He’s one of those guys who enjoy the humiliation of others, isn’t he? I knew I should have left Anderson Consulting when I had the chance.

“You have 500 channels and you can’t find anything good to watch?” AJ raises an eyebrow at Nathan and rolls his eyes. “Haven’t you heard of porn? Dude, you must be a virgin.”

“A virgin!” Mr. Anderson barks a laugh and he looks at me but points at AJ. “How old is this kid?”

“He’s ten years old.” I say with a pale face. “He’s ten years old and already knows stuff like that.” When I was ten I was obsessed with Christina Aguilera and still played with Barbie dolls. The most graphic thing I have ever done with Barbie and Ken is kiss in the back of the Barbie car. I don’t even know what I thought of when I wanted them to have kids.

“Edith!”

I sink lower into my seat in hopes of fading into the scenery. Who else gets to see my painful evening?

“Hazel!” I look over and I see AJ’s face brighten. I forgot about his huge crush on her. Poor girl. I’m going to feel very sorry for her when he reaches puberty.

“Hey, buddy, how’s it going?” Hazel pats the top of AJ’s head and lightly pinches Alice’s cheek. “Hey, cutie!” Before she looks at me, her gaze stops at Nathan and she almost freezes in place. “H-hello!” She stammers and quickly fixes her hair. I have never seen Hazel look so dumbstruck before. But then again, it’s extremely rare to see her in public without make-up on or any sort of low cut top. “I’m Hazel Penley.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Nathan Anderson.” Mr. Anderson greets and his lip twitches. I wonder if even in regular clothes, is he entranced by Hazel.

“Nathan Anderson,” I can totally see right through Hazel’s doe-eyed look and she gasps. “You mean of Crown? You’re Edith’s boss!”

I roll my eyes and look out the window. What did she even come here for? I loudly clear my throat and Hazel snaps out of her regular routine of seducing men.

“I-I’m so sorry, Mr. Anderson, but would you mind just watching these two for just a quick second? I’d like to speak with Edith for a moment.” She asks innocently and bats her eyes. Do men really fall for this?

“No, that’s not necessary.” I speak out and I urge Mr. Anderson to leave. “He actually has pizza to go, he shouldn’t stay any longer than he has to. He shouldn’t watch kids that aren’t even remotely close to his.” I can tell that I have raised the tension in here and Hazel looks at me apologetically.

“I don’t mind at all.” Mr. Anderson says and I look at him mortified. What is he doing? I watch him slide out of the booth as he makes way for me to leave. “Go on.” He looks down at me and nods.

I almost forgot about that night where I broke down once again in front of him. Is he trying to help? I remain seated in my spot and I see Hazel giving me that Bambi look.

“Please, Edith? It’ll only take a moment, I swear.” She pleads.

Feeling defeated, I sigh and I drag myself out. Before we exit the diner, I look back at Mr. Anderson in hopes of making him change his mind. Not just because I don’t want to talk to Hazel, but mostly because I really don’t want him exposed to what my night has consisted of so far. “You really don’t have to do this.”

Mr. Anderson gestures to the door with the nod of his head and he takes a sip of his drink. “Five minutes.”

I follow Hazel outside, but I make us stand close by the table so they’re still in view and my boss doesn’t strangle AJ because of his idiocy. But I somehow feel he’s enjoying this.

“What do you want, Hazel? How did you even know I was here?” I say in a cold tone and I cross my arms. “It’s bad enough that I have to watch those two, but to make my boss-

“I’m so sorry, Edith!” Hazel says quickly and she grabs my hands and holds them firmly in hers. “Elsie and I went too far this time! We never should have bet on you, and we never should have doubted you!”

I do a once-over on Hazel and I scoff. “Whatever. You two always place bets on me. I bet you two are betting right now to see when I’ll give in and talk to you again.” Although that really wouldn’t matter anymore seeing as how Elsie came by to drop off those two hell raisers.

“I’m not going to lie, we did talk about that.” Hazel fumbles nervously but she maintains a strong grip on my hands. “But we didn’t bet on it! I swear! Please forgive us!”

I take in a sharp inhale and I whip my hands away from her. “I can’t believe you two! Am I just a joke to you two?”

“No!” Hazel rushes to get into my view but I keep turning away, refusing to face her. “Edith, you are not a joke to us, you’re family!”

I laugh and I wave my hand at her. “I don’t believe that.”

“But I do!” Hazel grasps my shoulders and turns me to face her. “Edith, I’m an only child too.”

“But I’m adopted.”

“Family doesn’t have to be by blood!” Hazel corrects me. “To me, Edith, you’re the closest thing I have to a sister.” Her words soften my cold glare and my shoulders relax. “And I’m so sorry that I’ve made you doubt that. Made you doubt yourself.” She tightens her grip on my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug. “And I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you forgive me.”

I want to stay angry. I want to push her away and say she’s too late. But I can’t help but feel that she’s right. Out of all the times her and Elsie have been taunting me, she’s always been the one to stop it. Always been the one to help me gain back my confidence. She does believe in me. And as an only child who doesn’t know what it feels like to have another sibling, she’s doing what she thinks sisters do. Tease.

“I can’t believe I’m actually forgiving you on this.” I mumble grumpily.

“Trust me, Edith; I will make it up to you.” I can hear the smile in Hazel’s voice as she tightens her grip on me.

11: Chapter 11

“Kiss!”

Hazel and I back away from each other almost a bit too awkwardly and we shift our stance to the diner. We see AJ pounding the glass, making kissy faces at us and Mr. Anderson, who is now trying hide his face from the diners inside. Perhaps he now understands my humiliation.

“So,” Hazel crosses her arms and nudges my shoulder, “You and Mr. Hot Boss?”

“What? No!” I see her raising her eyebrows at me and I lightly shove her. “Don’t even think that, he was in the area.” She rolls her eyes at me in disbelief. “How did you even know I was here anyway?”

“This is your favorite diner, E,” she huffs at me like I have insulted her. “Since you’ve moved here, you’ve been in love with this place!” She wraps her arm around my shoulder and guides me back to the diner, mumbling under her breath. “I don’t know why though, this place is kind of a dump.”

We both giggle as we make our way back to the table and I see Mr. Anderson rise from his seat. I’m sure he’s had enough of tonight. While I slide back into the booth, I notice that Hazel is lingering, pursing her lips in thought.

“So, I think I’ll take over babysitting duty now.” Hazel chirps as she puts both hands on her hips.

It takes me a moment to understand and I gape at her wide eyed. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” Hazel approves happily as she walks behind the booth and runs her hands through Alice’s tangled hair. “Elsie message me to help her get out of her date, apparently the guy is a dud.” Very subtly she looks at Mr. Anderson who is looking elsewhere then back at me and winks. “C’mon, you munchkins!”

“Alright!” AJ pumps his fist then flashes the L sign at me. “See ya, loser!”

I want to feel offended, but I’m happier he’s off my hands. I don’t know what would have happened if I had to spend another hour longer with him. Instead of thinking of what is possibly a crime, I give him the sweetest smile I could ever muster up and a wave.

As Hazel picks up Alice from her booster seat and rests her on her hips, I watch with awe and amazement. I don’t care what Hazel thinks, dressed in slacks and hair uncurled, she’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve seen and would still look so as a mother.

“Have a nice night, you two!” There’s an obvious knowingness to her voice that sends the heat back into my cheeks and as they walk away from the diner Hazel looks back and I shoot her a glare, she returns with a flying kiss and a flashes me her pearly whites.

Not a moment later, I hear my phone ding and I receive a text from Hazel. How on earth was she able to text that quickly while carrying Alice and not be noticed?

Elsie’s date is actually a freak in the sheets! Enjoy your night with Mr. Hot Boss! ;)

Instantaneously I press my phone into my lap and face Mr. Anderson, who’s still standing by the booth. Is he catching on to what Hazel’s doing? But just to prove that that was not my intention, I wave him off giggling too nervously and awkwardly. “Well, you’ve got your pizza now, have a night nice, Mr. Anderson!”

Mr. Anderson raises an eyebrow at me and smirks. “Are you asking me to leave the diner, Ms. Palmer?”

Is he toying with me? That’s not what I meant! I don’t know how much my heart can take this fluttering. I’m going to develop some major complex soon. “I-I wasn’t kicking you out!” I begin to stutter like a maniac. Like a scratched CD trying to play. “You’ve got pizza to go, so.. So I thought—

“Calm down, I was just badgering you. You really do panic a lot, don’t you?” Mr. Anderson says with an amused imprint on his face and he gestures to the seat across from me. “Do you mind?”

Oh my God. He wants to sit with me. What do I do? Do I say no? Do I tell him I’m leaving? But won’t that offend him? Will I get fired if I say no?!

Just say he can sit, you idiot!

Wordlessly, I open the seat to him and he eases himself in. He opens the pizza box, revealing a pepperoni and mushroom pizza and pushes it towards me. “Help yourself.”

“That’s alright, sir.” I say politely, trying hard not to feel small around him. “But thank you.”

“What is it? Are you scared of me?” Mr. Anderson now looks a bit annoyed as he grabs a slice. “You need to tell me now, Ms. Palmer, we will be spending a lot of time together.”

“Actually, sir,” I say sheepishly, shrinking into my shoulders like a turtle hiding in his shell. “I don’t like mushrooms.”

Mr. Anderson tightened jaw relaxes and he falls silent. Is it me, or does he look embarrassed? “Alright then,” he says and he begins to eat.

We sit quietly across from each other, me fiddling with my cardigan, and him with his pizza, every so often sipping his drink. I wonder if he’s beginning his regret his decision deciding to sit here with me. If so, I would not blame him if he decided to leave.

“You moved here?” He asks, interrupting our quiet game.

“U-Um, yes,” I answer nervously, “About two years ago.” I pause for a moment, I don’t remember telling anybody about work that I’m not from here. “How did you know?”

Mr. Anderson tilts his head forward towards the window and I follow, finding a third of the window is operable and open. My jaw slightly drops when I remember what Hazel had called him outside.

Embarrassed, I shake my head and cover my eyes. “I-I’m so sorry, Mr. Anderson, you shouldn’t have heard that—

“Stop that.”

I bring my hands down and I look at him, he has that annoyed look on his face again. “Sorry?”

“You can call me Nathan, you know?” He says after he takes a sip. “Hearing Mr. Anderson makes me twitch.”

“Everyone calls you Mr. Anderson.” I reply mildly.

“That’s what they called Nicolas and it just carried over.” Mr. Anderson huffs. The way he mentions his father by his actual name and not ‘dad’ or ‘father’ strikes me as odd. There’s even a bit of distaste to it. “That’s what irritates me the most.”

It would explain why he looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered by everyone. They all call him what they would call his dad. Although, I still don’t see the problem. However, something tells me that there’s more to it. But just for his sake, I’ll adjust.

“Nathan.”

“What?” He lifts his gaze off the pizza to me.

“Oh, nothing, just wanted to test!” I say submissively, then wonder if he can adjust as well. “U-Um… You can call me Edith. My mom would volunteer at an elementary school and all the kids would call her Mrs. Palmer.”

“Alright,” Nathan keeps his eyes on me and smiles, “Edith.”

I nearly freeze in place. It’s the same smile I saw from his reflection on Monday but seeing it up close really puts a shine to him. Especially now in his casual clothes. He looks so relaxed. At ease. Handsome.

Shut up, you totally think he’s hot! Plus, Becky and Harvey owe you twice now!

We break contact and awkwardly shift in our seats. Of course I find him attractive! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I would love to tell Becky and Harvey about the smiling, but would they even believe me? For some reason I find these encounters to be a bit too personal to share just yet.

“I’m sorry, I may have been eavesdropping a bit.” Nathan wipes his hands from the greasy pizza then shuts the pizza box closed. “You’re adopted?” Before I start, he intercepts, “You don’t have to engage, it’s just with your last name I assumed you were married.”

I lift my left hand, bearing my lack of ring finger. “No, I’m not married. Apparently my biological parents were way too young when they had me and they wouldn’t be able to afford raising me, so Julia and Mark, my adoptive parents, have adopted me before I was born.” I try to pass off the issue, for some reason, some people get sensitive when they hear stuff like this. “But Julia and Mark have been such wonderful parents to me, I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

“I see.” Nathan responds and we fall back into silence again.

“You seemed to have taken a liking to AJ,” I quickly change the subject, “Do you have kids, Nathan?”

“No,” he answers briefly and silence immediately drifts back. I almost want to change subjects again until I hear him clear his throat. “But two of my oldest friends are now parents. To twins, actually.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” I express happily. “I’m an only child, but having a twin would be awesome!” I think of the classic hijinks of being a twin. I only play the movies Parent trap and all the other Mary-Kate and Ashley movies in my mind.

“I suppose.” His voice goes quiet and he shrugs. “I guess I’m just more interested in the parenting. I always find it humorous to see a spoil kid act up in public.”

“That would explain your interest in AJ,” I say with a knowing smile but I drop it when I see him focusing on his hands tightly entwined together, his face looks hardened.

“Sometimes I wonder if the parents regret it,” I let out a light gasp and he quickly looks up at me and to try and disregard what he’s said. “I don’t mean regret having children, but regret their methods of raising. If they blame themselves for the way their kids act in public, towards them, towards others. Most parents I know blame the kid, but you have to wonder, do they ever blame themselves?”

I’m not quite sure on what to say to all of this, but I know for sure that there is much more to this than he’s letting on. Did Nathan hate his father? His mother? Is that the reason why I couldn’t find a photo of her in his office? I suddenly remember the letter he threw out. Who was that that wrote to him? He had ignored their calls, emails and now any form of communication. Who does he want to shut out? And why?

“I apologize.” His tone softens and I watch him untangle his hands then hide them behind the table. “I didn’t mean to make you question your own parents.”

“No, don’t apologize. I wasn’t questioning my parents.” I say, trying to lighten the mood. “I-I believe you that some parents are a bit lacking of the discipline lately. I’m just…” Trying to figure you out. Trying to understand what’s underneath that hard shell.

“I should go.” He begins to slide out of the booth and he grabs his unfinished box of pizza. “I overheard— actually, I’m sure everyone here overheard that you don’t have a car.” He lets out a small smirk and I know that we’re both thinking about AJ and his outbursts. “Are you okay to go home? Do you need a lift?”

I shake my head, refusing his offer. I’ve gone here plenty of times on my own and not once have I ever felt threatened or wary. “I’ll be alright,” I look up at him and smile. “Have a good night, Nathan.”

Nathan concentrates on me for a moment then reveals that smile that nearly knocks me over before taking off. “Have a good night, Edith.”

When he leaves the diner, I watch him from the inside as he makes his way back to his silver, most likely expensive, two door car. I can’t keep my eyes off of him. Is his cold persona just an act to everyone? What happened to him that one year ago where everything changed?

Nathan Anderson, you’re a complex man.

12: Chapter 12

Several months have passed and as a celebration for staying employed with Crown longer than all the previous assistants Becky and Harvey decide to take me out for dinner. I can’t say that my responsibilities here haven’t gotten easier but I can say that these months have gone by in what feels like a flash. Since that evening at the diner, not much as progressed between Nathan and I. He still intimidates me like crazy; I don’t think that’s something that will ever go away. But when I accompany him on meetings, luncheons and or seminars, I’m comforted that I’m not the only one who feels that way. As his personal assistant, I may know his schedule to a T and way better than my own, his doctor, dentist, home address, insurance and more, but I still know nothing about him.

“To Edith,” the two of them cheer proudly as we raise our drinks in the air, “for proving all those other wimpy assistants wrong!”

I giggle with pride and I watch the two down their beverage while I fiddle with the stem of mine. “You guys, this is so awesome! I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me.” Not only have I proved people wrong about me, I’ve also noticed a change in me. I’ve become more social towards everyone in the office. Every once in a while I’ll become startled or flustered, but they all have accepted me, and I have accepted myself. I don’t want to push my luck, but I do believe that the office does not feel like a funeral home anymore!

“Oh, stop!” Becky beams, her face flushed. She still hasn’t built a tolerance for drinking. “Honestly, Edith, we don’t know what we would do without you! You stuck it out!”

“You sure did!” Harvey grins, his gaze softening on me. “We were hoping you’d stay and not be like those other assistants!”

“You guys make it seem like I’ve been here for a year!” I remind the two with a laugh. “It’s only been six months!”

“Exactly!” The volume of Becky’s voice is a decibel higher and Harvey shushes her. “That’s about 100% longer than the rest!” Her voice carries over and I look around finding that she’s drawn attention from the men around us. “Besides, out of all of them, you’re the only one to actually make Anderson like you!”

I feel my face grow crimson but thankfully our focus is instantly turned to Harvey who chokes on his drink. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you act all innocent on me, Mr. Dale!” Becky waves a finger at him slyly and I note her imitation of Nathan. “Anderson looks at Edith the same way you and all the other guys in the office look at her! Edith Palmer is Crown’s Sweet Heart!” She cheers delightfully and wildly, almost falling off of her stool.

“You’re so drunk, Becky!” There’s a bit of nervousness to Harvey’s voice as he grabs a hold of Becky’s shoulders. “You don’t know what you’re saying!” As though he needs to confirm once more he looks at me with a straight face, “she doesn’t know what she’s saying.”

I suck in my lips and smile, sensing the awkwardness now between Harvey and myself. Harvey is kind of attractive, in that nerdy looking way. He kind of reminds me of Peter Parker from Spiderman, my childhood crush. Not Tobey Maguire or Andrew Garfield (although if I had to choose, it would be Andrew Garfield), but the cartoon version.

But he’s no Nathan Anderson.

Whoa. Where did that come from? I break away from Harvey and I look to the floor to hide my face. I do find Nathan to be extremely good looking but also an incredible boss; the way he can guide a meeting to fall in his favor is like a work of art but the way he can sometimes turn to stone when he’s thinking is terrifying. But then there’s that smile. To some people who rarely smile it looks unnatural. Uncomfortable. But when he smiles, and as far as I know I’m the only one who’s seen it, it’s absolutely breath taking.

Oh no.

“… By earning a LEED credential, you are not only reducing your carbon footprint but promoting a healthy life style for yourself and your employees as the percentage of sick-days have decreased by roughly 83%”

I try to fight back the yawn that’s been threatening me all morning. I look to my left and I find Nathan in the same position I had seen him since this seminar has started. Leaned back, arms crossed, left ankle resting on right knee and head slightly tilted to show some but little interest. I don’t know how he does it. While I’m adjusting every so often to keep from falling asleep, he’s managed to sit through these four hours of how to maintain your energy efficient building credential, how to get one and who are we and why are we here. I’m almost temped to wave my hand in front of his face to see if he’s even awake.

“Alright, so we’ll take our lunch break now, we will continue in an hour. Just by the window you will see an assortment of sandwiches, drinks and snacks, courtesy of Marcel’s Café!” The presenter leaves the podium and everyone around me rises from their seats to make a line for the table.

“Got everything?”

Nathan eyes the notebook on my lap and before I can cover it, he sees that all I’ve collected from this four hour presentation is the title ‘LEED’ underlined twice.

“I, uh,” I tuck my notebook away and press a finger into my temple proudly. “I’ve got it all in here!”

“Excellent,” he lifts himself off his seat and grins; “I’ll test you on it later. Let’s go.”

The fake proud smile drops off my face and I sink into my chair. Why did I say that? I swiftly follow after Nathan then stop when I realize he’s leaving the room and not going to the lineup. “Aren’t we getting lunch?”

Nathan looks back at me and makes a face as if I should know what he’s doing. “Yes.” He says vaguely and continues on out the door.

Once we step outside the hot air and the bright sun quickly envelopes my bare arms that had developed Goosebumps from the air conditioned room. I gaze up using my arm as a shield from the sun and see clear skies, a beautiful blue. Its days like these where all I want to do is just sit outside, read and nap. I follow Nathan to the car and Christopher is already waiting by the passenger door.

“Back to the office, sir?” Christopher greets, flashing a smile that’s as bright as the sun. I’ve learned that there are only a small number of people that Nathan calls by their first name, him and close friends. I wonder for how long Christopher has known him. What does he know about Nathan’s secretive past?

“I think we should eat lunch out here!” I jump in and I gesture to all the shops and cafes around us. “It’s so nice out.”

Nathan shakes his head and steps inside the car door. “Edith, we have a busy schedule.”

I look at him incredulously and laugh. “No, we don’t, I had opened up today just for this all day presentation!” I cross my arms and smirk. “I know your schedule inside and out.” He keeps his focus on me and becomes so still I feel his face might turn to stone first. “C’mon! It’s just one hour I don’t want to go back and forth, plus, it’s so beautiful outside! We shouldn’t take days like these for granted!” I should know! When living back home with my parents days like these don’t last very long.

When Nathan remains still like that it becomes impossible to know what he’s thinking about. Finally, he exhales deeply and takes a step back, closing the passenger door in front of him.

“It’s becoming increasingly difficult to say ‘no’ to her, sir.” Christopher chuckles and winks at me. “You take care of him now, you hear?”

“I’ll make sure to hold his hand when crossing the street!” I reply with my hand over my heart, as if I’m making a promise.

“That’s enough you two.” Nathan warns over our giggling but his tone says otherwise. “How about here?” He points to a hot dog cart just steps away from us. “We can take it to go.”

I huff at him and roll my eyes. “How about I choose a place?” My eyes shift from café to café, each one just as busy as the last. It is the lunch hour so it doesn’t faze me that I would find it a bit difficult to pick a spot. Finally, I fix on a cozy coffee shop across the street with a couple of empty tables set outside. Out of excitement, I point to it. “There! There!”

Nathan follows my direction and as soon as he fixates on the shop, he turns away. “Choose another place.”

My posture and jaw drops. “What? It’s the only place that looks the least full.” I look back to make sure and nod. “There’s barely anyone there. It’ll be in and out!”

“Fine!” Nathan groans in frustration and it startles me. He digs his hands into his pockets and begrudgingly crosses the street, barely concerned for the slow moving traffic. “But we’re only staying for a half hour.”

I want to argue back but I refrain. I know I have pushed my luck but I start to wonder why he has such a negative thought about a coffee shop. Bad customer service perhaps? Has he been here before? When we reach the shop, I notice Nathan scanning the area quickly then gliding through people to get to the furthest table outside. He sits in the chair with its back facing the building and he stares out onto the street. I sit in the chair across from him, suddenly feeling guilty.

We remain quiet for a moment and I’m fidgeting in my seat trying to find some interesting thing to look at. “If you must know,” he says with his voice and posture low, “I’m not very fond of this place.”

Based on what I’ve gathered from the last 60 seconds, I’ve figured. “I’m sorry, Nathan. We can go somewhere else, I honestly didn’t know.”

“How would you?” Nathan shrugs and he relaxes his shoulders, finally easing himself against the chair but he keeps his gaze to the table. “And its fine, it’s not as though I could avoid this place forever.”

I so wish he could just open up to me. I wish I could understand him. “Some people think avoidance makes things easier.” I lower my head so our eyes can meet. “But when you think about it, the world becomes a much smaller place when all you want to do is avoid the hardships.”

Nathan stares at me with those enchanting green eyes for a moment, as though he’s trying to figure me out, then smirks. “That’s very wise of you, Ms. Palmer.” He leans back and crosses his arms, looking intrigued. “How on earth did I come across someone like you?”

My face suddenly becomes hot and I quickly try to dismiss the topic. “There are plenty of people like me!” I giggle nervously, “You probably just can’t see them because they’re so short!” I always told myself that joking about my height opens a can of worms so I should never provoke, but I just can’t handle the way he’s looking at me right now. It’s doesn’t make me feel tiny. It feels longing. Caring.

Nathan laughs and when he does it throw me by surprise. It looks so natural on him, he should do it more often and maybe then people wouldn’t be so terrified of him. Or maybe it’ll throw them off guard and they’ll be even more horrified. But I really like his smile. “I won’t lie, Edith, you aren’t tall.” He snickers and then clears his throat. “But that’s not what I meant. You should give yourself some credit, you’re better than you think you are.”

I take in a deep breath, hoping it will cool my body and calm my heart. But he’s still staring.

Thankfully, the waitress comes to our table and our attention is now on her. “Sorry for the wait, are you two ready to order or would you like to just start off with something to drink?”

Although Nathan wanted to stay for only a half hour, we manage to pass his requested limit and I don’t say a word about it. I don’t think he notices. I’m not sure how, but his mood has lifted despite he didn’t want to be here. We don’t talk about ourselves, just mindless chatter over movies or books. I’ve come to notice that he seems a lot more at ease when we’re not talking about work or our personal life. But I want to ask him about that letter. I don’t know if he knows, but about every two weeks, he gets that same unidentified letter and I know it’s from the same person. I don’t have to read it, however, every time I toss it, I feel something weighing on my heart. Whoever wrote that letter wants to connect with him and they are not giving up. Why, Nathan? Why shut someone out who so badly wants to be let in?

“We should probably get going,” Nathan says as he checks the time on his watch then wipes his hands with a napkin. He looks around for the waitress to wave her over for the bill. I watch him intently as he finally fixates on her then tries to get her attention. As he waves for her we both hear a clashing of plates and glasses and then next thing I know, I feel a quick burst of coldness on my stomach.

I don’t notice it at first but as soon as I realize that he has accidentally knocked over his cup on to me, I can feel the water seeping through my dress and sticking to my stomach and thighs. I yelp in surprise.

“Shit!” He curses and he looks over the table for any clean napkins. “Edith, I’m so sorry!”

 “That’s alright,” I say unconvincingly. There’s weird contrast between feeling dry and warm all over, and cold and wet in the middle. “Is there anything I can dry myself with?”

“Crap, there isn’t.” Nathan’s voice is a bit hushed and hurried, like he’s embarrassed. “I’ll go grab you a cloth. Shit. I’m so sorry, Edith!”

“It’s fine!” I say and he walks in between tables of people who are now finding some sort of entertainment watching me. “It’s just water,” I look at the now empty cup and set it up right, “at least I hope it is.”

“Excuse me?”

I look up, shocked at how I could still hear a soft yet sultry voice over the outside noises and chatter. In front of me is a beautiful and tall woman with long curly black hair, white porcelain skin, magical purple eyes like Hazel’s and lips so red it could pass for blood.

“The man you’re sitting with,” her voice carries like a dream, I feel as though I’ve been sent into a trance, “is it Nathan Anderson?”

I’m positive I’ve seen this woman before, but I can’t put my finger on it. Then suddenly it dawns on me and before I can respond I can see Nathan walking up with a handful of dry cloths through my peripherals.

“Here, you can dry yourself with these.” Nathan says then stops a couple steps short from the table. His eyes lock on this wonderfully dressed figure before me and my assumption that Nathan knows her as well is proven when he calls her by her first name. “Hannah.”

13: Chapter 13

I feel as though time has stopped. Or someone has pressed pause on Nathan as he remains absolutely still, staring at this woman standing between us. He doesn’t even blink.

“Hi, Nathan.” She greets softly and I can tell she wants to move closer to him but she holds her feet steady. “You look good.”

“What are you doing here, Hannah?” Nathan’s reaction is so cold towards her it gives me shivers even though it’s plus 25 out. “Is Ethan with you?”

“You honestly can’t expect we would never run into each other, Nathan.” There’s a small laugh in her tone and she brushes her hair behind her ears, revealing beautiful emerald earrings. “You and I would always come here to just sit. I thought… I thought that if I came here, I would find you. I told you in the letters I’ve sent you.”

In an instant, Nathan’s eyes are on me, they lose their thoughtful gaze it’s now accusatory. I want to speak but Hannah steps forward, blocking me from him.

“Ethan and I would like to see you.”

“That won’t happen.”

“How long will you continue to ignore us, Nathan?” Hannah’s voice is almost louder now, but she controls it, acknowledging the crowd around us. “We’re your best friends. But you’ve shut us out and we’re trying to fix that.”

“Hannah,” Nathan warns, his voice the complete opposite of hers. Low and threatening. “We will not be discussing this. Not now. Not ever.”

“Why not now?” We’re starting to draw in more attention as the two refuse to sit and talk like normal people. I, for one, feel like I’m watching those soap operas. But instead of watching it through my television, I’m actually part of the script. I don’t like it. “You’re obviously ignoring us so if I have to do this publicly, then so be it.”

Nathan groans and his straight posture is broken, like he’s been defeated. That’s three times today. Now looking frustrated, he runs his hands through his hair and scoffs. “Fine,” he says and he shoots me a glare. “When do you want to see me?”

“Tonight.” Hannah says defiantly then she slowly turns to look at me for a moment then back at Nathan. “Your… friend is invited as well.”

“I will not be dragging her into this.” Nathan spits out and the way he refers to me almost offends me. “She will not be joining.”

I can’t see Hannah’s face, but judging by the sudden stiffness of her body, she seems to have taken that response odd. “She’s not…?”

“She’s my assistant.”

The tension in the air intensifies even more so, if that were possible, and I start to wish I was no longer here. I start to wish I have never chosen this place.

“Oh,” Hannah’s shoulders drop and she slowly returns to me again but smiles. “Well, either way, you are welcome to join us. We will be at the Five Sails Restaurant.” She keeps her eyes on me for another couple of seconds then looks to Nathan. “We’ll see you tonight at 7.”

After Hannah leaves I remain seated in my chair and Nathan still standing a fair distance away. Why would I want to join them for dinner after what I just saw? And what the heck just happened? Were they once a couple? I definitely sensed a previous chemistry between them. Why did he shut them out? Before I can think of anything else I look up at Nathan and he’s still glaring at me.

“We’re leaving.”

I try to keep up with Nathan as he leaves the coffee shop but at the brisk pace he’s at, I have to run. When I notice him to go the car instead of the conference room, I stop. “B-but the presentation?”

“We’re done here.” Nathan snaps back at me and he steps inside the vehicle.

Although the presentation nearly bored me to tears, I feel a bit wary skipping it. But if Nathan thinks it’s alright, then I don’t want to argue with him. Not anymore. Not when he’s like this. Before I slide inside I look at Christopher nervously, he returns with a small smile and I feel little bit more comfortable now that he’s around.

But as soon as he shuts the passenger door the sense of security vanishes.

“Did you read the letter?” Nathan asks angrily and my body shakes as I turn to him in fear. His pupils are pin pointed at me I feel they could see right through me, his jaw is tightened and his fists are clenched so hard I feel he’s about to punch through the window. “Did you read the letter?” He stresses each word a second time.

“I-I didn’t! I swear!” I say trembling.

“So it’s just a coincidence that you drag me there and Hannah happens to show up?” He continues with that accusatory tone and I can sense his temper rising exponentially. “Did she talk to you? Did she ask you to do this?” He runs his hands through again his hair again and groans. “I told you, Edith, to throw away those fucking letters!”

“I did!” I try to keep myself from breaking down but it’s just so difficult to do so when someone’s yelling at you, blaming you for something you didn’t do. “I-I threw away every letter she’s been sending you every two weeks since the first time you told me.” My entire body is shaking so hard I wonder if he notices. I have never seen him this upset… And I never want to see it again. “But I never read those letters! And this is the first time I have ever met her. We didn’t plan this out. I promise you, Nathan, I had no idea!”

I try to keep my eyes on his, as though it’s proof of telling him the truth, but there’s really no other way of proving myself. I don’t know how to make him believe me. I don’t think he will. We hang on to this staring contest for a while and I’m battling myself to not lose, even when Christopher drives over a pothole and I lose my balance.

“I’m so sorry this happened, Nathan,” I can feel my eyes threatening to water, I’m not sure if it’s due to my lack of blinking or something else. “But I promise, I had no idea this was going to happen. You have to believe me.”

When I recognize the outside surroundings from inside the car I realize we’re back at the office and I turn away from Nathan’s deadly stare that can turn me to stone. When I look back at him, he’s already leaving from his side of the car. I stay seated in the car feeling completely dejected, confused and hurt. I can’t ever consider calling Nathan a friend, but I can consider myself to be very loyal to others. It’s actually a bit disheartening to know that someone cannot and will not trust me.

After I finally decide to step out of the car, Christopher is already standing by the door waiting. I unbuckle my seat belt and slide out to come face to face with a massive glass 36 storey tower waiting for me. I wonder if this building was built to match Nathan’s personality. Mysterious, dark and cold.

“Nathan’s trust is hard to earn.” Christopher breaks through to me and I look at him startled. “But, please, don’t let that discourage you, Nathan is a very good person.”

“I find that very hard to believe considering what just happened in the car, and how he treated that woman at the coffee shop.” I hear a snap in my voice and I quickly apologize. It’s not his fault.

“I’ve gathered that Mrs. Hawkins made an appearance.” Christopher’s mood sinks and sighs. “Edith, you will probably learn eventually, but you need to know that Mrs. Hawkins and Mr. Anderson have a history and it’s not a very fond one that he likes to think back on.”

“I just wish that I knew more about him, Christopher.” I say worriedly, “I get the feeling he purposely shuts people out.”

“And that feeling is correct,” Christopher nods meekly and I gape at him, “but there is a good reason for that.”

“What is it?” My jaw is slightly dropped, Christopher clearly knows him longer than I think he does. “Does it explain why he’s so intimidating to everyone in the office? Will it be the reason why he had that dramatic change about a year ago?”

“You know it wouldn’t feel right for someone other than Nathan to tell you.” I can sense a bit of scolding in Christopher’s tone and I start to feel bashful. “When the time comes, I’m certain he will tell you.”

I huff and roll my eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’m one of those people he’s shut out by now.”

Christopher chuckles and looks at me knowingly. “I’ve known Nathan since the day he was born, trust me, Edith, he hasn’t shut you out.” He pauses then mutters with a smile, “I don’t think he can.”

“What?” I raise my eyebrows, hanging out to that last sentence.

“Have a great day, Ms. Palmer.” Christopher beams at me and gestures to the building.

By the end of the day people are packing up, the only time the office is actually a bit animated. I wonder how half the day went when they knew that Nathan wasn’t going to be in. Were they relaxed? Calm? Happy? Overjoyed? They’ll never admit it, especially not to him.

Now that I’m thinking of him, I look back at his office finding the door is still closed. He hasn’t stepped out ever since we got back and I haven’t heard from him since, except when I had requested two meetings next week. However, that only requires him to press accept and send. He doesn’t actually have to write a response. I keep my attention on the door, but when I hear the door latch click, I immediately turn my back and begin to pack up my stuff. I suddenly start to feel how I felt about him when I first started. Afraid and tiny.

“Edith!”

Becky’s high pitched voice shocks me in my seat and I let out a gasp.

“Did I scare you?” She grins and tilts her head towards Harvey, who’s making his way towards us. “Harvey and I were thinking of going out for drinks, wanna join?”

“Things have been so hectic lately,” Harvey grumbles and I silently agree. “I’m thinking we could all use a little breather!”

“You know what, that sounds great!” I sigh in relief and decide whether or not I want to tell the two what happened today. “If you don’t mind waiting, I’ll just—

“Edith will not be joining you two tonight.” The three of us shift and find Nathan with his back towards us, locking his office door. “She has prior engagements that she needs to attend to.” After he stuffs his keys in his pockets, he turns to focus on me and while I am maintaining a calm appearance on the outside, in inside I’m freaking out. What am I supposed to do tonight? “Hannah insists on meeting you.”

Hannah wants to meet me? I look to Harvey and Becky with a bewildered face and shrug my shoulders. “I-I guess I have plans already. I’m sorry, you two.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Becky says slowly and cautiously as her and Harvey take a step back. “I guess we’ll see you Monday.” She shoots me a look and I bite my lip. “Have a great weekend, Edith. Mr. Anderson.”

I watch the two leave and I stare intently at their backs, hoping they’ll telepathically get my message.

Don’t leave me with him!

“Christopher and I will pick you at 6:30.” Nathan says as he strides passed me down the office floor. “Be ready by then.”

I look at the time reading 5:10pm and my jaw drops. I’ll never have time to get home and find something to wear! I highly doubt this is a casual dinner and I don’t have very many fancy clothes. I’ve never been the most stylish person but I feel I need to impress. All these thoughts are running through my head and I begin to feel the panic rise in me. Why do I have to go? Why does she want to meet me?

My phone suddenly vibrates against my side through my purse and I jump in place. I’m becoming so rattled I don’t know how I’ll survive this dinner. As my phone continues to vibrate, I search through my purse and read the caller ID. I feel as though my prayers have been answered. Although what I’m really praying for is to avoid this dinner.

“Hazel!” I cry out in relief.

“Hey?” I can hear Hazel’s confused tone and laughs. “What’s going on? You busy tonight?”

Why is it that the evening I’m told to share with Nathan is the one evening people want to see me? Is this what popularity feels like?

“I have to go to dinner with Nathan and his friends tonight at the Five Sails Restaurant.” I say hurriedly and before Hazel can freak out over what I said, I intercept, “you need to help me! I have nothing to wear!”

“Leave it to me, Cinderella!” Hazel chirps happily through the phone. I can tell she’s trying to contain her excitement. “I’ll make sure you look so good, Mr. Anderson won’t take his eyes off of you!”

I let out an unconvincing cheer and sigh. I’d prefer it if it were the opposite.

14: Chapter 14

“No fair, why does E get to go out with Mr. Hot Boss?” I hear Elsie complain from living room while Hazel fixes my hair in the washroom.

Thanks to Hazel’s expertise on fashion, she was able to find the perfect outfit for me in an instant. Benefits to having a designer with her own personal boutique as a friend, I guess. When Hazel had called, Elsie was luckily in the area to pick me up and meet Hazel back at my place. With their help, they’ve managed to help me out way better than I would have been able to do on my own.

“You’re so lucky I found this dress still in the racks, Edith!” Hazel says victoriously with a bobby pin in her mouth as she lifts a portion of my hair up. “As much as I was hoping someone would buy it, I’m so glad you’ll be the one to wear it! It’s perfect for you.”

I stare at my reflection and shift nervously. “Don’t you think it’s a bit revealing?” The strapless teal dress features a classic sweetheart neckline with a modern ribbed fabrication and flares just at the waist and ends mid-thigh. It’s not the length that bothers me. It’s the cut out that replaces the fabric with tulle at the front that’s wide at the top that exposes a portion of between my breasts (which I am wearing no bra underneath but these weird pasties) and shapes to a V, ending where the dress begins to flare. “I feel like a stripper!”

“Don’t say that about my designs!” Hazel takes offense and I apologize. “The V is designed there to give the impression of a tiny waist, which you already have!” She places both hands on my shoulders and bends to reach my height and winks. “The tulle is supposed to add a little spice.” I make a face and she backs away, scoffing. “C’mon! We want Mr. Anderson to look at you and you only! Not this Hannah girl you’ve been telling us about.”

I had to explain to the two that this wasn’t a date between Nathan and I. I don’t even know what a date with Nathan would be like. Just the thought kind of terrifies me.

“Yeah, this chick doesn’t sound like good news to me,” Elsie wanders back to us and leans against the frame. “I mean, why show up so suddenly? And if she was with him, why would they ever break up?!” She shakes her head disappointing and crosses her arms. “Such a waste. He looks like he would be good in bed.”

My face turns beet red, but luckily the two aren’t looking in the mirror. “Are you saying that he would be better than that Josh guy you’ve been raving about for the past couple months?”

“Who knows?” Elsie shrugs casually, “Josh has that whole dominant thing, and it’s pretty hot.” She leans over to me and smirks, “If Mr. Hot Boss has firm hand, you tell us immediately!”

The two laugh over my embarrassment and I nearly want to kick them out of the apartment. But I don’t. I’m actually enjoying this. Is this what it feels like to have a sister? It takes a while for them to calm down, but after a couple more minutes, Hazel is finished with me.

“Voila!” She presents proudly and backs away.

The three of us stare at the mirror in silence but in awe. I don’t know much about fashion, and I can never put on makeup without looking like a clown, but even though Hazel has spent a lot of time on me since she got here, she makes what she had just done effortless. My eyes look wider and browner, my skin looks flawless and my lips are the perfect shade of red. If it weren’t for this awkward evening I’m having with Nathan, I wouldn’t mind wanting to dress up like this every evening. I need to have Hazel dress me up every day!

“Casual but fancy,” Hazel critiques with a grin, “perfect for Five Sails!”

“Five Sails!” Elsie repeats in shock and she nudges my shoulder, “E, you better put out!”

The two holler and high five each other, and in the midst of their enjoyment over my humiliation the buzzer by the door goes off.

“Holy shit!” Elsie curses then quickly covers her mouth. “He’s here!”

“Quick!” Hazel hushes us as though we had just been caught and she pushes me out of the washroom. “Elsie, you let him in and E, you go hide in the room.”

“What? Why?” I’m not sure why but I find myself whispering as well.

“We wanna see his reaction when he sees you, dumbass!” Elsie hisses and she rushes to the buzzer to press on the intercom. “Hello?” I hear her say as Hazel pushes me to the room.

“Is Edith there?” Nathan’s voice carries through the entire unit and I can feel my heart fluttering.

“She’s just about ready, how about you come on up?”

I smack my forehead in shame. Nathan hates tardiness.

“Don’t ruin your make up!” Hazel scolds motherly as she takes a hold of my hand and pulls it down. Hazel instructs me to wait in my bedroom and act like I’m still getting ready, but before she leaves to wait in the living room she hands me a slim onyx blazer. “Wear this until you get to the restaurant and make sure you take it off when you get there! Record his reaction!”

“I’m not gonna—

She’s out of the room before I can even argue and I hear a knock on the door. The pace of my breath somehow quickens and my feet feel glued to the carpet.

“Coming!” I hear Elsie sing and she opens the door. “Hello Mr. H- Mr. Anderson.”

I roll my eyes and slouch.

“Is Edith ready to go?” Of course Nathan doesn’t give a proper greeting. This is like a business trip to him.

“You know what? Lemme check!” I can hear a playfulness in Hazel’s voice, she, out of all of us, is enjoying this. “Edith, Mr. Anderson is here!”

I take a deep breath and restrain myself from rubbing my face, Hazel would kill me. I quickly slip on the black vintage three inch heels, Hazel demanded I wear and I slowly open the door. The first person I see is Hazel smiling brightly and then Elsie grinning suspiciously. I turn the corner and I come face to face with Nathan. I try to keep myself from showing how much I am staring at him. He’s wear suits all the time, but this one looks completely different. New. He certainly seems to love the dark and ominous colors as his two piece suit is exactly that, along with his shoes. The only thing that slightly stands out is his grey satin tie and shiny belt buckle. I notice that he’s keeping his five o’clock shadow and slightly tousled hair for the rest of the night.

“Edith?” Hazel clears her throat to grab my attention. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

I snap out of my trance and I laugh sheepishly. “S-sorry, Nathan, you remember Hazel, this is my other friend, Elsie.”

“I can recall.” Nathan says briefly and nods to her, then to Elsie.

I look at the time on my oven reading 6:35 pm and I guide Nathan back to the door. “Sorry, to keep you waiting, we can go now.”

“Have a nice night, you two!” Hazel sings out tauntingly and I quickly push Nathan’s back out the door before Elsie has a chance to say anything.

As soon as the door closes behind us I exhale deeply, it feels as if I had been holding my breath for a long time. I look up at Nathan and find him shifting in place. He must feel just as awkward as I am right now. I realize that Nathan and I never really said anything to each other since the incident so I’m not quite sure what to say. What do I even call this evening we’re about to share together?

“Shall we?” Nathan leads the way down the hall and I follow after.

We don’t say a word to each other as we head to the car, the only communication that happens is between Christopher and me when he opens the door for us. Even while he is driving it’s silent. I wonder if Nathan is regretting this evening as much as I am. I cautiously look at him and he’s leaned back in his seat with his elbow propped on the window sill and his chin resting on his knuckles. He doesn’t look angry at all anymore, the features on his face have softened but his body still looks tense. He looks worried.

“I’d like to apologize for earlier today,” he finally breaks our awkward silence but his eyes are still looking out the window. “I lost my temper and I…” I look down at his tightly gripped fist. He looks to be fighting with himself. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

I have this sudden urge to slide over to him and grab his hand. I want him to know that he can trust me. I could be his friend. I could be there for him. Understand and help him. But I stop myself from doing anything. It almost hurts me from going to him.

When we arrive at the restaurant I have a sudden rush of appreciation for Hazel’s help in my wardrobe and another sudden rush of my wallet being emptied. This restaurant looks just as excessive as it is extravagant since it showcases Vancouver’s Coastal Mountains, Stanley Park and the inner harbour. I can’t believe that in just one night in a mere couple of hours I will have to declare bankruptcy.

“Nathan!”

We both hear a male voice call out to us from behind and we twist our bodies to look. I almost lose my footing when I immediately recognize the man’s face from the photo in Nathan’s office waving at us alongside Hannah. He looks to be about the same height and build as Nathan but in regards to first impressions, this man looks to be the complete opposite of Nathan. While Nathan has a permanent scowl but a beautiful hidden smile and laugh, this man has a smile as big as Christopher’s and maybe the heart to match.

I wait beside Nathan who refuses to meet them half way and stands with his legs locked and his hands in his pockets. The two, however, greet us with wide smiles.

The gorgeous blonde acknowledges me up and down and holds out his hand. “And who is this lovely young lady?”

“This is Edith Palmer, she’s my…” Nathan looks at me and I know he’s struggling to find the right word to describe me. Friend? I wouldn’t know either. “My assistant. Edith, this is Ethan Hawkins, a colleague.”

Hawkins? I suddenly remember Christopher calling Hannah, Mrs. Hawkins. They’re married? They clearly don’t look like brother and sister. I guess I was wrong about her and Nathan. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Hawkins.” I greet politely, shaking his strong hand that nearly breaks mine.

“Please, call me, Ethan,” he releases my hand then lightly punches Nathan’s shoulder. “Geez, Nate, you have her calling you by your surname too? You run a tight ship just like your father.”

“Not at all.” Nathan responds curtly with his arms crossed and he gestures to Hannah standing beside him. “Edith, you remember Hannah.”

I nod and smile lightly at Hannah who looks just as beautiful as I had seen her last. “It’s nice to meet you, Hannah.”

“You as well,” Hannah chimes in cheerfully and clasps her hands together. “I’m just so glad you can make, Ethan and I have been wanting to meet you!”

Not understanding what they mean I tilt my head in wonder. But before anything can get said, Hannah leads the way to the restaurant. “Shall we get our table? I’ve made reservations.”

Before I follow after I feel a buzzing in my clutch. I grab my phone realizing I had missed two texts from Elsie. One from earlier when Nathan and I had left and now.

Mr. Hot Boss was clearly peeling your clothes off with his eyes! So fucking intense!

I put hand on my cheek to hide my blushing. Was he really staring at me as much as I had at him? I scroll to the next message.

Don’t forget to put out! ;)

 

15: Chapter 15

As it turns out, my assumption for the amount of lavishing for this restaurant is spot on. There is not one one-digit priced item on the menu! No wait. Tea. I can order tea. I shouldn’t order wine on an empty stomach... Or should I? Perhaps I can feel satisfied just by watching them eat? Or maybe just distract my grumbling stomach by looking out the window.
“Is this restaurant not to your liking, Edith?” I look to my right and I see Ethan is eyeing me inquisitively.
“I-it’s not that,” I smile weakly, “I’ve never been here before, so I’m kinda taking it all in.” I hide my face behind the menu and sink into my chair. Not the most proper way of sitting in such a glamorous restaurant like this, but how can I tell these extremely rich looking people I can’t exactly  afford anything on the menu?
“Just ignore the prices, Edith,” Nathan’s low voice startles me and I look to my left, seeing him leaning towards me. “I’ve got you covered.”
I give Nathan a look of relief and my tense shoulders relax. “Thank you,” I mouth out and he smiles at me then returns to his menu. I always forget how much his smile shoots my body up in flames. After I choose a somewhat reasonably priced main course I set my menu on the table and across from me I see Hannah looking at me then at Nathan.
“So, Edith,” she props her shoulders on the table and leans in, “how long have you been working with Crown?”
“For about six months now.” I answer with a bit of pride, with the exception of being a receptionist at the clinic, that’s the longest I’ve stayed with a job.
“And Nate hasn’t run you out of town yet?” Ethan grins at me, his eyes are a deep sea blue I almost drown in them. “Rumour has it, he hasn’t been able to hang on to a PA for more than a month. Does Nate have a soft spot for you or are you just Wonder Woman?”
My body heats up another ten degrees and I start to feel like I’m sweating. I swear I think I’m catching something. Why do I get so embarrassed so easily? Especially when they talk about Nathan and I like that!
“Ethan!” Hannah lightly smacks Ethan’s shoulder who responds with a clueless reaction. “Edith, you look so flushed! Is everything okay?”
I try to fan myself with my hand and I notice that even Nathan is looking at me with concern. “I-it’s just hot in here, I-I get warm very easily!”
“Well take off that jacket!” Ethan points out casually, “Cool yourself down!”
Hazel’s last little of bit instruction plays in my mind and I almost don’t want to, but I feel with this sudden rise in temperature my makeup will drip off. The three watch me as I slide my chair back an inch to stand and I shrug the blazer off my shoulders so I can hang it on the back of my chair. I hear Hannah gasp and I look at her with terror for fear of a sweat mark.
“That dress is beautiful, Edith!” She gazes with wide eyes of amazement. “Where did you get it?”
I start to feel bashful and I push my hair back. No offense to Hazel, but Hannah definitely wears her maroon long sleeved and backless dress way better than I wear my little piece. “My friend is a designer, she gave me this dress.”
“Well I would like to know more of this designer friend of yours,” Hannah keeps her eyes on my dress and it makes me shuffle my feet. “It’s definitely something I would love to have in my closet!”
“It certainly draws the eyes,” Ethan says suggestively and I unconsciously want to cover myself, “Wouldn’t you say so, Nate?”
I look to Nathan and he quickly whips his head forward, keeping his focus anywhere but me. I try to hide the smile forming on my face. I guess that’s what I’ll tell Hazel.
“Why did you want to meet with me?” Nathan changes the topic. “What is this all about?”
I watch the two fall silent as they look at each other than back at Nathan, “We want to say how sorry we are for the rift that’s happened between us.” Ethan loses his boyish smile and it throws me by surprise. He and Nathan working together would be an unbeatable combination. “We’re so sorry, Nate, and we want to make things up to you.”
“No matter how long it takes,” Hannah joins in with a look of determination, “We’re your only family, Nathan, and as much as you want to shut us out, we want you to be a part of ours.” She grips Ethan’s hand and she takes a deep breath. “We would love it if you were the twins’ Guardian.”
Twins? I gawk at Hannah dumbfounded. In no way does she look like she had given birth, let alone to twins. I watch the three have a moment and I suddenly feel out of place. I really shouldn’t be here. What’s the point of my presence?
“Elijah and Hector are beautiful kids, Nate.” Ethan says proudly and with one hand he reaches into his back pocket for his wallet, opens it and slides it across the table towards Nathan. “If anything were to happen to us, we want you to be the one who takes care of them.”
The three of us now watch Nathan as he slowly reaches for the wallet and stares at the photo inside. He holds his stone like face and sets the wallet face down. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Of course you don’t,” Ethan breaks off the tension and guffaws, “You’re Nathaniel Anderson, you don’t talk family, you talk business.”
“But that doesn’t deter us from wanting to make you their guardian.” Hannah shoots Ethan a glare then softens when she switches back to Nathan. “Think it over, please, Nathan? It’s a lot to ask for, but there’s no else but you that we trust more.”
I can’t help but feeling overjoyed for Nathan but I manage to contain it. He’s shut them out for who knows how long and they’re still willing to fight for him. They still want him to be a part of their family. He’s not alone in this. He has friends who care about him. I’m not sure why, but that thought suddenly weighs on me. He already has someone who wants to be there for him.
Nathan contemplates on the two for a moment, stares at the wallet and back at them. We’re hanging on to his every action when he takes a deep breath and sighs. “I’ll think about it.”
The two gasp and smile brightly. “Thank you, Nathan!” Hannah says nearly teary eyed and claps her hands.
“That means ‘yes’ in Anderson.” Ethan nudges to me and winks. “We’re not giving up on you, buddy! Hannah and I love you like a brother!”
Nathan nods wordlessly and he fixes on me. I’m not sure what to say, ‘congrats’ maybe? But all I do is smile. I was able to witness something very magical about Nathan.
As the night goes on, I notice that after a couple more drinks, Nathan has lightened up and is now more engaged in the conversations. I never thought I’d see the day where Nathan would be slightly tipsy. Is that such a thing? I have learned that they all know each other from university. Nathan was the strong, silent type that attracted all the women (still is, I have to admit) and Ethan was the outgoing type that had them all hanging on to his every word. They truly were a deadly duo that wreaked havoc on women’s’ hearts. It wasn’t until Hannah came along that they finally calmed themselves and took their education a little more seriously.
“How about we head to the bar?” Ethan says after a round of laughs from reminiscing and he motions to Hannah and myself, “have these ladies get a chance to talk.”
For a moment Nathan looks at me with uncertainty and I wave him off. “Go ahead,” I reassure him, “I’ll be fine.”
Nathan gives me a disheveled smile and I laugh out loud. He is a bit drunk! “We won’t be gone long.”
The two leave and I’m left alone with Hannah sitting across from me. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but compare myself to her, although there’s really no comparison! She’s in an entire league of her own. The way she presents herself, the way she talks, laughs and walks. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the men in this restaurant were ogling her.
Geez… Just make out with her, why don’t you?
I laugh awkwardly, realizing that we haven’t said a word to each other yet. But as she looks elegant and proper, I look plain and ditzy.
“I’d like to thank you for tonight.” She says with a hum.
I bite my lower lip in thought. Why would she thank me? I didn’t even do anything. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’d be thanking me for.”
“I didn’t think that Nathan would agree to meet us,” she explains as she begins to stir her probably now cold coffee, “I thought that maybe I had invited you, he would be forced to go.” She gives me an apologetic look and smiles lightly, “I’m sorry, I used you as bait.”
“That’s alright,” I say unconvincingly and still feeling confused, “but I don’t think Nathan is under any influence of me. I’m sure he would’ve gone on his own.” I turn my body to see Nathan and Ethan by the bar, Ethan laughing boisterously and Nathan lightly chuckling. “But I’m very happy to see you three back together again. I’m not sure what has happened in the past but I’m sure that’s water under the bridge now.”
“You don’t know?” Hannah’s surprised tone catches me off guard and I turn to her with pursed lips and a shrug, “You two seemed very close at lunch today. I thought it would have been mentioned before or after I showed up.”
I almost laugh out loud at her remark. Close? The only thing we were talking about was how he thought it was very typical of me to enjoy watching Disney movies even at this age. “If you don’t mind my asking,” I start with a wary voice, “what happened that caused such a rift between you two and him?” I know it’s wrong of me to ask someone other than Nathan, as Christopher had said, but I feel like Nathan would never tell me. I still feel like he doesn’t trust me. Although, this wouldn’t help the situation. “Y-you don’t need to tell me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Nathan and I were engaged.”
It takes a moment for Hannah’s words to hit me and I freeze in place. Nathan was engaged? Nathan was in love?
“I feel if Nathan won’t tell you now,” Hannah says, her gaze and voice low, “I don’t think he ever will.”
“About two and a half years ago, Nathan and I were engaged and living together.” She repeats and I still can’t get over it. “It’s true that we all met in university, but we never mentioned that Nathan and I used to date.” I watch her reminisce and her cheeks turn slightly pink. “He may not look it, but Nathan is very sweet. When he really cares for someone, he’s the most reliable and generous person you can count on.”
I try to imagine a university Nathan. Heartthrob, careless with women’s hearts, but the most loyal of all loyal friends. It’s hard to imagine, but I can only see it when he smiles. “What happened?” I ask quietly.
“During our engagement, Nicolas, Nathan’s father became very sick. We first noticed it when he was having difficulty remembering things, walking and was having terrible mood swings. By the time he was diagnosed, it was too late to help him. Nicolas was diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.” Hannah mood sinks and her shoulders drop.
Another thought comes to mind and I almost want to stop myself from asking. “What about his mother?”
Hannah pauses for a moment then shakes her head disappointingly. “I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I’ve never met her. Whenever I’d ask Nathan, he would change the topic.”
I feel slightly deflated knowing that Nathan’s mother is still a mystery, but I start think back to when I was still working as a receptionist at the clinic. I remember hearing on the news about how CEO and founder of Crown was diagnosed with an incurable disease. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I didn’t know who he was, so I flipped channels because it depressed me. How selfish was I?
“But surprisingly, Nathan was taking it all very well.” I watch Hannah fix her gaze passed me and I assume she’s looking at Nathan. “Nicolas had planned to leave Crown in Nathan’s name as he was his apprentice, so he was transitioning fine.” She pauses for a moment and lightly bites her lower lip. “Nicolas had passed quickly and after that Nathan had spent every waking minute at Crown, barely getting sleep and never coming home. I assumed that it was just him coping with Nicolas’s death, so I never questioned it. He wanted time alone, so I gave that to him. But when you try and plan a wedding for someone who never bothers to come see you, phone or even text you to ask how you’re doing, things become increasingly difficult.” Hannah looks at me hard and her eyes almost look like they want to water. “Perhaps I was being selfish, but I had given Nathan what he asked for and he in return refused to do the same for me. I would even try to visit him at the office but he would turn me away. I would try and sneak in a quick call but he would hurry the conversation without even so much as an ‘I love you’. We fought one night; I cried to him, begged him to let me help him and understand what’s going on. But he refused to allow me and wouldn’t admit that he wasn’t taking his father’s death easily anymore. It finally caught up to him and he refused to acknowledge that. He was shutting me out.”
“I gave up. I felt defeated.” Hannah sighs heavily and drops her head, “That’s where Ethan came in.”
I don’t react. I keep my entire body still and try to take it all in. All I do is listen.
“Ethan tried to knock some sense into Nathan, tried to convince him to come home and be with the people who love him but it didn’t work.” Hannah lifts her head and I find tears slowly falling down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away managing to keep her make-up intact. “I needed someone to reassure me. I needed someone to love me again. There was a tear in my heart that Nathan was unintentionally ripping apart and Ethan helped put that back together again.” She looks at me hard once again, but this time it almost looks like she’s trying to convince me. “When it happened the first time, we agreed that was a mistake and it would never happen again. But we couldn’t deny it any longer, I never meant to fall in love with Ethan, but he was able to love me more than Nathan ever could.”
I try to piece the timing together where Becky mentioned it was a year after Nicolas’s death that there was a change in Nathan. This must be the reason.
“We both knew how dishonest we were being to Nathan, so we decided on telling him right away,” I can see Hannah struggling with this whole ordeal, she must have really loved Nathan. “One night, Nathan and I were having dinner, it was so silent between us and I have never felt so far away from him as I did then and we were engaged. Ethan and I agreed on telling him together, but I couldn’t take it, the love I thought Nathan had for me was gone, he wasn’t the same man I knew anymore, he had changed so much. So I just told him. I don’t know if it was to hurt him, but I needed to tell him the truth then before anything else would stop affecting him. Turns out…” Hannah wipes another escaped tear and her voice wavers. “I was too late. He just looked at me. He didn’t say a word.”
I can almost imagine that moment perfectly in my mind. Hannah breaking off the wedding and Nathan just looking like stone. I can almost feel her pain.
“He left that night. He didn’t bother packing anything. He said I could keep the house, Ethan can move in and we can start a life together.” She exhales deeply and lets out a light chuckle. “But not without a consequence. He made sure I was the one to tell everyone why the wedding was off and it was made certain that I got off as the villain in this and not the victim.” She takes a brief moment to keep her tears from falling once more and she shakes her head. “But I don’t blame him.”
I slowly break away from Hannah and I turn back to look at Nathan and in a couple seconds later he’s looking back at me. Something tells me that he knows I’m being told a painful part of his past.
“When Ethan and I had the twins, we were overjoyed, of course, but we both knew something was still missing. We didn’t feel complete. Nathan should have been there celebrating with us. We’ve all gone through so much together, we couldn’t just forget about him. But we both knew that Nathan had shut us out completely so when Ethan and I tried to contact him it didn’t faze me that he would ignore us. I knew Nathan would ignore the past and refuse to acknowledge it at all costs,” I switch back to Hannah and she’s staring at me questioningly, “until I saw you two at the coffee shop. Did Nathan tell you that he and I used to always go to there?”
I shake my head. “Just that he wasn’t fond of it. He didn’t want to go when I had first pointed it out. But I kind of figured.”
“I didn’t think he would be there but I wanted to stop by just in case. I was actually surprised; I thought my letter had gotten to him. But from what I understand, he didn’t read those letters?” I nervously shake my head and my eyes fall down at my lap. “But you were able to convince him,” I look up at her again and she’s focusing on me intently, “you seem to have gotten a hold of him.”
“I-I don’t think I have anything over him,” I smile weakly with a chuckle, “I constantly get the feeling he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“You shouldn’t doubt yourself, Edith,” Hannah grins at me, “You’re a very beautiful girl and you seem to have a bigger influence on Nathan than you think you do. Because of you, I found Nathan at the coffee shop and if you weren’t here, I don’t think Nathan would ever agree to meet with us.” She pauses briefly and leans in, “Which is why I think it would be wonderful if you were able to convince Nathan to be the twin’s Guardian.”
“What?” My throat suddenly feels dry when I speak and I grab my glass of water.
“I’m sorry, Edith, I really don’t mean to use you again but Nathan still seems uncertain about all of this, it’s a lot to think about, I’m sure. But I feel that with you, he’ll make the right decision.”
“To be the guardian of your twins?” I finish off her sentence and I can’t help but have a bite in my voice. I frown and then shake my head. “Regardless of whether Nathan would listen to me or not, it should really be up to him.”
“I don’t think you understand, Edith,” Hannah’s keeps her voice low and soft as though it’s supposed to calm me, but it doesn’t, “Nathan has no family left now except Ethan and I. We love him very much and we want him to be a part ours and the twin’s lives just as much as he needs us in his. You need to understand that Nathan needs this.”
Something about the way she describes Nathan bothers me, his needs and their wants. For some reason this act doesn’t seem sincere, but pity. “I don’t think you understand, Hannah,” I can’t control the anger boiling inside me but I'm able to keep my voice quiet, “you may think that calling off the wedding didn’t affect Nathan, but it did in so many ways that you can’t imagine. He didn’t just shut you and Ethan out, he shut everyone out. I don’t think Nathan can trust anyone anymore and I strongly believe that using me to try and get him to choose in favor of you will not restore any of that trust that he’s lost for you.” My breathing becomes heavier and I suddenly have a hard time looking at her. “I believe that Nathan loved you, I truly do, but I don’t think asking him to be your twin’s guardian, when he could have been their father, will fix anything. It will not make him feel any better about himself for losing you; instead it will only show him what life could have been if he hadn’t shut you out.”
Then suddenly it hits me. This isn’t about getting Nathan’s forgiveness. This whole thing is about Hannah and Ethan feeling sorry for themselves. They don’t like being the villain anymore; they stabbed Nathan in the back and are now doing whatever they can so that they can feel better about themselves. This is not for Nathan’s benefit at all. They don’t see him as family, they only pity him. Nathan doesn’t need this. Nathan is not alone anymore, he has…
He has me.
“Hope you ladies aren’t having too much fun without us!” Ethan’s cheery voice breaks me from my angered thoughts and I force my body to relax.
“Is everything alright?” I look up and I see Nathan looking down at me with a worried expression.
“Everything’s fine.” I make sure to brighten my tone and I nod to his empty chair, “Coming back to join us?”
“Actually, we’re calling it a night,” Ethan answers for him as he helps Hannah out of her chair, “we’re parents now. Can’t stay out late like you two teens anymore, gotta get back to the kids!”
I feel a rush of relief but I hide it. As I reach for my jacket I sneak a glance at Hannah and she’s staring at me intently. “It was very nice meeting you, Edith,” she says with a smile but her eyes look cold, it almost sends a shiver up my spine. “Thank you for everything.”

16: Chapter 16

The walk back to my apartment is quiet and slow. After Hannah and Ethan have left to return to their kids Nathan and I have decided to end the night as well. We barely say a word to each other on the drive home. It feels just as it had at the beginning of the night. I start to wonder if he’s considering of becoming the twin’s guardian. I want to tell him what I think of Hannah and Ethan. I want to tell him that they just want to make themselves feel better about what they’ve done. But I stop myself. I realize that I don’t everything, only Hannah’s side of the story. I don’t know Nathan as much as I think I do. Who am I to judge?

“Hannah told you what happened, didn’t she?”

I almost stumble over my own feet and I stutter. Is he supposed to know that I know? Will he be mad knowing that I went behind his back to know more about him? Well not more, but something? I look at him nervously as I suddenly remember how terrifying he reacted back at the coffee shop. I nod wordlessly and I whip my eyes at the carpeted floor leading us down the hall.

My private conversation with Hannah begins playing in my mind and I start to feel angry. The way she talks about Nathan having nobody but them makes me twitch. It’s hard to believe that earlier in the day I was in favor of Hannah and Ethan. But now… It’s not right. If anything, it’s screwed up.

“Do you plan on having kids?” Nathan pulls me from my thoughts and I see him looking down at me curiously.

The idea of children makes me laugh out loud. “Not anytime soon, I’m in no position to be thinking about kids.” Even Hazel and Elsie would agree with me on this. I could barely handle AJ and Alice, what makes kids of my own so different? “But I do,” I change my tone and think seriously, “I hope to have kids. Maybe adopt.” I return the question, “you?”

“Kids have crossed my mind,” he drifts off then he stares down at the ground, “although, I…” Just by the look on his face I know he’s thinking about Hannah and Ethan. “I can’t see myself raising kids, especially when…” I suddenly feel a tight squeeze in my chest when he looks at me. I know he wants to confide in me. He’s trying to spit the words out but he’s holding himself back. He still doesn’t trust me. “Never mind,” he finishes quickly and he stuffs his hands in his pockets, his head shrunken into his shoulders as he quickens the pace of his walk.

When we reach my door I imagine Nathan as the twin’s guardian. I imagine him watching over them for the day. He would spoil them senseless, be extra protective of them and love them as though they were his own. He would feel proud and happy to be a part of their family and then Hannah and Ethan would walk in and his sense of fulfillment would drain out. He would leave their home to let them continue playing with their toys without him and he would return home empty handed and empty hearted. He would think of Hannah as that wife and mother of what could have been his and begin to question and regret everything he’s ever done to have lost that chance. I know I can’t tell Nathan what to do, but I can help him decide on his own.

“Nathan,” I call out firmly with my feet planted on the carpet, “please don’t become the twin’s guardian thinking that Hannah and Ethan are your only family.” Nathan looks at me with a puzzled face, like he’s wondering where I’m getting at. “Hannah told me that they are all you have right now, but honestly, you’ve gone this far without them and when you think about it, you’re not alone. Look at Christopher, he told me that he’s known you since the day you were born, he hasn’t left you and he’s still here. Look at all your employees, yes, I admit, they are all terrified of you but it’s mostly out of intimidation, they respect you and speak so highly of you. If they were that terrified of you, they wouldn’t want to work for you, but there they are. Lastly, you’ve got…” I pause abruptly thinking if it’s a good idea to say, but I swallow hard and go for it anyway, “You’ve got me.” My voice softens and my posture relaxes. “The assistant that’s lasted longer than your entire previous assistant’s combined.”

Nathan doesn’t say a word. He stares at me with his stone like face and the silence between us lasts so long I can feel my confidence dwindling. Finally, Nathan shoots me a wry look and leans back. “Are you telling me I shouldn’t be the guardian of my best friends’ twins? I didn’t realize you were the boss of me, Edith.”

My confidence shatters completely and my knees nearly give out. Why does he have this effect on me? “I-I didn’t say that!” I say hurriedly and my hair sways about furiously from my head shaking. “I was just… It was only—“

“Calm down, I was just badgering you.” Nathan laughs and he takes a step towards me, pushing a lock of hair away from my face. “You really do panic a lot, don’t you?” His hand remains on my cheek and I let it rest in his palm. “It’s actually become one of your quirks that I…”

I’m looking up at him and he’s staring at my lips. He’s got his hand on my cheek and his other hand slowly makes its way onto my waist and it really shouldn’t be. I don’t know why I’m not backing away. I don’t know why I’m not stopping this.

But I do. It’s so obvious. The way he looks at me. The way my mind and body reacts to him. It’s something I’ve tried fighting. Denying. Not only because he’s my boss but because—

I lose my train of thought when Nathan inches closer towards me and tilts my head up, the tips of his fingers now trailing along my jaw to my chin. I can feel my heart pounding and it suddenly becomes a little harder to breathe. He keeps his eyes on my lips and his mouth slightly parts as he closes the gap between us. Unconsciously I lean against the door and my hands grab his jacket pulling him to me. I should be stopping everything that’s happening right now. I should say to him good night and have a great week end, but my body is acting entirely on its own.

“Holy shit!”

The both of us stop abruptly and just like the pop of a bubble, the moment is gone. I drop my head and shut my eyes tight, cursing in my head for letting Elsie and Hazel stay at my place for the night. I can practically hear them breathing on the other side of the door. I can sense them peeking through the peep hole and pressing their ears against the slab.

After a beat, I look up at Nathan regrettably. “I’m sorry,” I sigh. Then start to wonder what I am sorry for. Did I really want this to happen? Is his judgment impaired? How far would we go? What would happen tomorrow?

You really can’t just hook up for one night, can you?

Nathan laughs breathily and he rests his forehead on mine, his eyes closed and his smile wide. “Me too. But it’s for the best.” He seems hesitant to leave but after a moment he takes a step back and stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets. “Have a good night, Edith.”

I want to stop him. I want to pull him back and finish what could happen. The area around me feels so cold without him there anymore. Empty. But I turn away and hug myself tightly. I shouldn’t feel like this.

“Edith,” I look up and find Nathan standing just a couple steps away, revealing that smile that sends me into a trance, “Thank you.”

“Mr. Anderson is still absent from the office right now, would you like me to send you to his voice mail again?” I hold my tongue to refrain from talking back at the upset caller. “I am very sorry, but I will do the best that I can to get your message to him. Have a great day.”

As soon as I end the call, I look up and see Mr. Mouro striding towards me, his face stern and his lips tight together. “Is Anderson in the office yet?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Mouro, he’s not in yet.”

Mr. Mouro shoves his hands through his hair and groans in frustration. “He knows we have a meeting today, doesn’t he? Or did you screw up the schedule once again?”

My shoulders tense and I exhale slowly to relax them. “Mr. Anderson does know of this meeting, he’s just not in the office.”

“Where is he?” There’s an annoyance in his voice as he paces back and forth.

“Mr. Mouro, if I knew that we would not be having this conversation.” I intentionally leave the bitterness in my tone as my eyes narrow on him. “I am doing my best to get a hold of him.”

“I have Ocean’s Production waiting in the lobby.”

“And I have the boardroom ready.” I counteract as I keep my eyes steady on him, refusing to back down. “As I said, I am doing my best to get a hold of him, but it looks like you will have to start without him.”

Mr. Mouro stares at me hard for what feels like a minute and finally stalks off. “This is what you get when you have a fucking kid run the company!” I look around and I see a couple heads peek over their cubicle curiously looking at Mr. Mouro then at me.

When I watch him exit onto the elevator, my body finally relaxes and I fall back into my chair. I gaze to my left and I see Becky walking towards me, jaw dropped and clapping quietly.

“My, oh my, who knew Edith had claws?” She gawks with a smile. “If only Mr. Anderson could see you now!”

“If only Mr. Anderson was here!” I cry out in defeat and I hide my face in my hands. “Where is he?”

I scan through my outlook to see if I have any missed emails from him but there’s nothing. I check my phone to see if I have any missed calls, voice mails or messages from him but once again, nothing. I even peek into his office to see if he’s been here this entire time and he’s just been playing a prank. But that’s highly unlikely.

“Your guess is as good as mine, Edith.” Becky shrugs her shoulders and she peeks into his office as well. “You think he’s hiding?” She slowly walks inside, tip toeing at each step as she sings out his name.

“Becky!” Harvey scolds as he rushes after her but stops at the door frame. “You know you shouldn’t be in there!”

“You gonna tattle on me, Dale?” I laugh at Becky’s confident stance and she sticks out her tongue. “I’m not going to snoop; I just want to know what it’s like in here. He never lets anyone in here without him.”

“Just because he’s not here it doesn’t allow—you know what? Forget it.” Harvey lets out an exasperated sigh and leans against the counter. “Rough day, huh?”

“That’s just putting it lightly!” I exclaim with a pout. “I must look like a complete idiot to everyone here! My one job is to know Mr. Anderson’s schedule, which I do, but he’s gone AWOL and I have no idea where he is!”

My mind begins to sprint through everything that’s happened that could lead up to Nathan’s absence. He confirmed his attendance for the meeting, but other than that, he never informed me verbally or through message that the plans have changed. The only thing I’m now thinking about is Friday night. The dinner with Hannah and Ethan, and the walk back to my apartment. I suddenly feel heated when I think about how close he was to me. The feel of his hand on my waist gripping it lightly. How close I wanted him to be. Does he regret what happened? Is he avoiding me? That seems a bit childish of him considering his role in this company, but I can’t help thinking it, no matter how vain that makes me. Perhaps he’s not influenced by me. I start to feel down on myself and regret my little confession to Hazel and Elsie that night.

“Edith?” I see Harvey waving his hand in front of my face to grab my attention. “You okay?”

I shake my head as though to rid the thoughts and I smile weakly. “Yeah, sorry, I just spaced out.” I reach over to the phone and I dial Christopher’s number. “I think I’ll try his driver again.”

Harvey grins. “Well the day is just about half way done. Maybe he’ll show up later.”

“No clue of him anywhere,” I hear Becky come up from behind and I see Harvey shoot her a look. “What? I didn’t rummage through his desk! But it could be hiding clues, Harvey! What if he’s kidnapped and the only answer is hiding in his desk?! You’d feel pretty stupid if you were the one that stopped me!”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Hi, Christopher!” I say out loud to shush the two bickering behind me. “Any sign of him?”

“I’m afraid not, Edith.” Christopher has lost his cheery voice, I can sense his concern. “I don’t know where he could be.”

I drop my head in defeat and sigh. “I wish I knew. Keep me posted, Christopher!” Once I hang up my face smacks against the desk. “This is ridiculous!”

17: Chapter 17

I decide to spend the rest of the day helping out Christopher look for Nathan. Without anyone to assist, there’s really no point in me staying so I might as well make myself a bit more useful. I can still take emails through my work phone and fortunately Becky and Harvey are nice enough to take and transfer calls for me.

We start with the most logical: home. I’ve never been inside his condo before but I feel I’m invading his personal space so I let Christopher do a run through for me. But I can only imagine it looking clean, crisp, organized and dark. With no luck, we try the gym. It’s kind of difficult to imagine Nathan wearing anything else other than a suit but when I imagine him in this environment, I suddenly feel flushed when thinking about the body hiding underneath. Afterwards, we check the diner not too far from my apartment. I think back to when he had to witness my humiliation caused by AJ and Alice and I immediately remember him mentioning the twins and what he thought about parents. Did his thoughts on parents have to deal with Hannah and Ethan? A bit of me wants to conclude to that but I somehow get the feeling it goes further than them. We continue going from place to place, anywhere that Christopher would know Nathan would be and I start to feel a little down on myself.

From what I’ve learned about him through Hannah I thought I had Nathan figured out. But turns out, I still know nothing about him, only his work life. I had only scratched the surface. I want to ask Christopher about him, but I stop myself. I already know more about him but it wasn’t learned from him.

When Christopher takes a turn we pass by the coffee shop and I get a sinking feeling. “Christopher,” I call out and he looks at me from the rear view mirror. “Do you think he could be with Hannah and Ethan?”

Christopher shakes his head slowly with a sad hum. “I have already tried, they haven’t heard from him since Friday.”

As much as I would have loved for him to be with them and this search can finally end, I feel a little happy that he hasn’t talked to them yet. That means he hasn’t decided.

“Shall we try another round?” I suggest with a little bit of hope in my voice. “Perhaps check by the harbour?”

“I can keep searching,” Christopher says calmly, “It’s getting late, Edith, you need to go home and get some rest.”

I look down at my phone, nearly blind sided when I find that it’s almost 10 pm. We’ve been searching for that long already? Now should be the right amount of time to file a missing report!

“You can’t keep searching by yourself, Christopher.” I quickly scan the area around us in a panic. “It’ll be easier to find Nathan together.”

“When the last time you’ve eaten, Edith?”

As soon as he asks, my stomach grumbles. I had been so caught up on searching for Nathan that I didn’t realize I haven’t eaten since noon.

“I will take you home and you will get something to eat then rest.” Christopher says defiantly with a smile. “I will find Nathan, Edith. I promise.”

Whenever he smiles like that, I always find it so difficult to disagree. I wonder if Nathan learned to smile like that from him. “You’re no fair, Christopher!” I pout childishly. “You know I can’t say no when you do that!”

“I’ve learned from the best, my dear.” He laughs and I feel our gloomy mood has been lifted.

“Yeah? And did you pass on that knowledge to crack the smile on Nathan’s stony face?” I ask smugly.

“Believe it or not, Nathan is the one who taught me.”

I stop giggling and I start to feel a warmth in my chest. I may not know everything about Nathan or his secrets and past, but as long as I know that Christopher has been there for him and Nathan for him, then I know that Hannah and Ethan have got nothing on Christopher.

Like the gentleman he is, Christopher walks me to the door of my building to assure of my safety. I almost want to giggle and ask how could someone of his age help me from being mugged or attacked, but I appreciate the gesture anyway. We say our good nights and as soon as I’m alone I get hit with hunger. I quickly whip up some peanut butter toast and I relax in bed. After a couple minutes, I realize that I can’t keep still. I’m tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position but even so, my mind is running rapid. My mind is solely focused on Nathan and I begin to feel worried again. Worried and confused.

Do I love Nathan? Or do I just have a great amount of respect for him? I’ve never actually been in love before. Well… During high school I did write four full journals about one guy. But that’s not love. Is it?

I wake with a sudden jolt when I hear a thundering pound on my door.

“Edith!”

Lazily, I turn over and squint at the time shining red at me. It reads 3:23 am. I roll back and hide under my blanket. Perhaps if I ignore whoever is at my door they’ll go away.

“Edith, open your door!”

I immediately recognize that voice and I sit up from my bed suddenly feeling wide awake. What the heck is Nathan doing at my apartment? I look over at the time again to make sure I’m not imagining things and I make a run for the door as the pounding intensifies.

“Edith!” He shouts louder this time.

My God, I’m going to kill him if this isn’t an emergency! I finally reach the door and I quickly unlock it. I whip door open and find Nathan with his fist in the air mid knock/pound. He looks at me like he’s surprised to see me and I’m suddenly at a loss for words. I just wanted the disturbance to stop; I didn’t actually have a plan on speaking, let alone seeing him at my place so late/early in the night/morning.

After a round of awkward silences and stares he sloppily leans against the door frame and smiles at me. “Hi.”

I get a whiff of strong alcohol and I scrunch up my nose. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Oh, just had a few drinks,” he slurs with a grin, “at a couple pubs or so.”

I almost want to laugh at how he’s acting right now. It’s so weird seeing someone so statue-like looking as wobbly as a rubber band. But I think about the day he put Christopher and me through and I hold my composure. “You know Christopher and I have searched all over for you.”

“I know!” He groans as he runs his hands through his hair, “I got annoyed of all of you calling me, so I threw my phone in the toilet.”

“The toilet!” I exclaim and I rub my eyes in frustration. He’s so drunk. “But why, Nathan? I know you hate missing work!”

“I was celebrating!” He answers happily.

I look at him baffled, “Celebrating? What?”

“It’s mine and Hannah’s anniversary!” He grabs my hands and hollers, “Happy Anniversary Hannah and Nathan!!”

Mortified, I pull my hands back down along with his, and shush him. I’m certain I’m going to receive a complaint tomorrow. “Nathan, you have to be quiet!” I hiss.

Nathan starts to swing my arms side to side. “But we have to celebrate!”

“No, we don’t.” I say seriously as I put our swing to a halt and let go of his hands. It pains me to make him realize the truth once again. “You and Hannah aren’t married, she left you for Ethan, remember?”

“Oh,” Nathan’s crooked smile drops and he falls silent. “No wonder the party sucked.”

I have never seen Nathan’s mood change so drastically so quickly before and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want other people to see either so I pull him inside the apartment. “I’ll go message Christopher and let him know you’re here and he can pick you up in the morning.” I scan the hallway cautiously to see if Nathan has woken anybody up, but it looks like we’re in the clear.

“Maybe Hannah wouldn’t mind then.”

“Wouldn’t mind what?” I quietly close the door and switch the dead lock.

“If I did this.”

Almost instantly Nathan turns me to face him and clasps his hands on either side of my face, pulling me towards him as he roughly plants his lips on mine. He leans forward and I fall back against the door. I can taste the alcohol when he pushes his tongue into my mouth but I don’t fight it. His hand leaves my face as it trails down my arms, passed my buttocks and lifts the back of my knee to link around him as he grinds his lower half into me, his hard length pressing on my stomach.

Whoa…

I gasp for air when he escapes my lips and he rests his forehead on mine, panting. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” He breathes heavily then returns to my now swollen lips as his other hand makes its way under my shirt, gliding up my stomach.

“Nathan,” I moan in between kisses as he massages my breast and I hang onto his shoulders for balance. I can’t believe this is happening. He’s practically trying to meld into me. This feels amazing. This is so hot… This is… So wrong. So wrong!

“Stop!” I push him back breathlessly and his hand leaves my shirt. “We can’t do this, Nathan. I don’t want to take advantage of you!”

Nathan cocks his head and smirks, “I think you have this the wrong way around,” he takes a step towards me to close the gap between us.

“No!” I cry out and I push my hand forward smacking him flat on the face. He lets out a yelp and backs away. “I-I’m so sorry, Nathan! But you need to stop it! It’s not right!” I can picture my evil conscience wanting to pull her hair out of frustration. In disbelief I would turn down on what could be an amazing night. “Nathan, you need to get some rest.”

“But… Why?” He looks at me hurtfully and I immediately feel a pang of pity. And Regret.

You’re soooo gonna regret this…

I ignore the voice as I guide him to the couch and he plops himself in the middle. “Just sit here.” I head to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and perhaps to play it safe, a garbage bin. Before I exit the kitchen I pause for a moment to take in what had just happened. I lightly touch my lips, still tingly from his possessive kiss. I feel my body heat up and I quickly erase my thoughts, replacing them with a chant.

He’s drunk. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. I will not take advantage of him.

I hand him the glass of ice cold water and place the bin just on the other side of the arm rest. Once he finishes he relaxes into the couch. “Alright,” I sigh as I swivel on my feet, “we’ll talk in the morning.”

“I saw my mom cheat on him.”

I freeze in place letting the words sink in and I can hear my conversation with Hannah playing on full blast.

“I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I’ve never met her. Whenever I’d ask Nathan, he would change the topic.”

He never told Hannah. He never talked about it with his fiancé but now he’s telling me. I want to feel a bit joyous knowing that he’s confiding in me, but I pull myself back. Nathan shouldn’t be telling me this. Not with the way he is now.

“Nathan,” I call sympathetically as I place my hands on his shoulders to help him lay down, “you don’t need to tell me. It’s alright.”

“No, I have to tell you this,” he grabs my hands and pulls me down with him. I’m not quite sure where he wants me to lay, but I shift over and sit on the floor against the couch, my eyes level with his and my face just a foot away from his. “This is something you should know.”

I wait patiently and silently as I watch him think back to one of the most secretive parts of his past. My only wish is that it wasn’t almost four in the morning and we didn’t have work in the next few hours.

“I was seven when I saw Elizabeth with someone,” he begins with a deep breath, “I was so confused at first because I had only seen her act that particular way when she was with Nicolas.”

It still feels weird when I hear Nathan call his parents by their actual names, but it starts to make a little sense.

“Her and Adam, her personal driver, picked me up from school one day and brought me to the park. She told me she was meeting a friend and told Adam to watch over me for bit. I remember standing at the top of the slide and I can see her by the car with this other man. I tried calling for her but she didn’t hear me. Next thing I know, they’re fighting. She’s yelling at him, hitting him and when he walks away she runs back to him, crying hysterically. Then they hide inside the car. I told Adam that I wanted to go home, but I’m pretty sure he knew this whole time what was going on because he kept saying ‘not yet’. He was helping Elizabeth cheat on her own husband.”

I break my connection with Nathan and look away, feeling sick to my stomach. A child so young should not have to know about adultery.

“I waited at the top of the slide for what felt like forever until I see that man finally leave the car. Elizabeth didn’t follow him. She stayed inside most likely calling Adam, because a few minutes later, Adam tells me that we can go home.” Nathan pauses and I turn to him thinking he’s fallen asleep but he takes in a deep breath and continues. “When I got inside the car, I looked at her and she looked completely different. Her hair was a mess, her make-up was smudged and she was crying. She didn’t even bother trying to hide it. But the only thing she said to me that entire day was to not tell Nicolas. ‘Do not tell your father’.” Nathan stares at me so hard that I feel a shiver. “21 years and you’re the only person I’ve told.”

I gulp hard and stare back at him in silence. What do I say to someone who reveals a 21 year old secret? It’s just as old as me!

“But someone else told Nicolas. Perhaps Adam had a guilty conscience because about two weeks later Elizabeth was packing up and leaving. I wanted her to stay; I wanted her to know that I kept her secret. But she just looked at me, told me that I ruined everything and left. I haven’t heard from her since.”

His words hit me so hard that a tear escapes from my eye. I don’t know what to say but I grab his hand and hold it tight.

“Elizabeth was my only friend.” Nathan says quietly and I can feel his thumb rubbing the top of my hand. “She was the only one who kept me company, spoke with me, took the time to know me.” His breathing quickens and he shuts his eyes. “But when she left, I was all alone. Nicolas was just a useless bastard who didn’t seem to be bothered by this change.”

“But what about Christopher?” I quickly ask before I can stop myself. “I thought Christopher was there for you since you were born?”

“Christopher was Nicolas’s driver at the time,” Nathan answers calmly. “I was an idiot, I didn’t care about him. I just wanted Nicolas to notice me. Christopher and I never spoke until I was 12 and even then he was still a better father than Nicolas ever could be.”

“Christopher really cares about you,” I grip his hand with reassurance and he looks at me softly. “And you’re not an idiot.”

Nathan huffs and breaks looks away, “I thought I could be like Nicolas. I graduated early and did everything he did so I could work for him and then hopefully he would acknowledge me. Did you know that Nicolas never intended on leaving Crown in my name?”

I can feel Nathan tightening his grip on my hand. Almost to the point where it hurts but I don’t pull away.

“He never planned on retiring; I had to convince him that I was good enough to replace him. He said I was overreaching and foolish. Do you want to know the last thing he said to me before he got sick?”

I want to say no. I don’t want him to have to go through all this again. But I can’t bring myself to move or speak.

“He told me that I would be the downfall of the company.”

I can feel tears threatening to fall once more, but I hold them back. I have the biggest urge to hold him tight and never let go, but I keep myself still. How could parents treat their own child like that? How could Elizabeth blame him when she’s the one that left the family? How was Nathan ever supposed to succeed if Nicolas never believed in him?

“Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned on my own. He never taught me how to ride a bike, shave or drive. He never talked to me about girls… Or love.” He lightly brushes hair away from my face and opens his palm for my cheek. “Sometimes I don’t even think it’s possible for me to…” His words drift off as though he’s too ashamed to admit, but I know exactly what he’s saying.

I tilt my head into his palm and try to telepathically tell him that he can love. If just a few moments ago were any indication, I certainly think he can. But does that mean he didn’t love Hannah? What am I to him? He’s telling me all these things he’s never told his ex-fiancé. His friends. Secrets he’s held for 21 years.

I watch Nathan as his eyes shift from my eyes then to my lips. His fingers on my cheeks twitches and he starts to pull me closer to him as his hand begins to run through my hair.

“You should get some rest.” The words come out before I can stop them and I shut my eyes tightly, closing myself off from him to make sure I stand by my decision. The more I look at him, the more I can’t fight it. “It’s really late, Nathan.”

Nathan’s hand slowly leaves my face and it suddenly feels cold without it. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I try to hide the regret in my voice as I turn away to the stand. “Good night, Nathan.”

“Wait.” I swivel to my back and I find him sitting up looking up at me in thought. He looks like he’s about to ask something then he shakes his head and dismisses me. “N-never mind.”

He falls silent and he leans with his elbow propped on the arm rest and his chin resting on his knuckles as he looks out the window. I’m about to walk away until I see his other hand in a tight fist shaking on his leg and I begin to wonder how often does he think about his parents. How does he cope? What does he do to take his mind off of it?

Instead of heading back to my room where my comfortable bed awaits, I silently walk back to the couch and sit beside Nathan. Without a word I take his hand in mine and rest it on my bare lap. He looks at me surprised then gives a small smile. I can feel his hand soften and I rest my head against his arm and close my eyes. I’m not sure about him, but I somehow find it much easier to sleep now.