Sudden quiet.... Sudden peace. It was during these moments I had come to fear the most. Not a single sound was made, not a single sign of life was given.... in this cold empty hospital room.
   
            It was the silence I feared, not the pain, not the blood, not the cold bitter betrayal. It's the way silence spreads around me.... around us that sends a cold empty feeling among our chests. It spreads until it seems we could no longer hear, could no longer breathe. It was silence that broke these poor innocent lives, these poor innocent souls and formed them into little bundles that flinch and shrivel with any sign of contact, any sign of movement.
           
It was getting to the point where I longed to hear.... anything. Anything at all to ensure me that I'm still truly here and not just living a memory.
 
            And that's when I heard it.... when we all heard it. A mournful cry, a gentle whimper. It echoed through the thin glass walls, that separate us, causing it.... making it seem as if it were a scream.... and I was pleased, oh so pleased... to just hear something.
   
            With that single noise, it seemed as if the spell was broken. I was able to hear once more and remind myself of where I truly am.... and who I truly am with. And with that single noise, that single realization.... I was able to pull myself from a never-ending nightmare to the dull numbing reality. It was that single thought that woke me.
 
Leaving me....
All alone, in this cold moonless night.

2: Shades of Grey

3: Puppet Master

            I sat there as the clock continued to tick away. It was moments like these that I dreaded the passage of time. The way the ticking of the clock seemed to be the only thing audible in a 10 mile radius. And though I knew it wasn't even remotely possible.... it could have fooled anyone.
 
             I should be used to the silence by now, I shouldn't be bothered by the constant tick tock of the grandfather clock but I am.... and I cannot deny it, no matter how much I wished it so.
 
             After eight years of complete avoidance of sound, excluding the ones made by me and the grandfather clock, I am surprised that I can still be able to think, let alone keep my sanity. And yet.... here I am, perched on the window sill, mimicking that sane driving ticking.
 
"Tick, Tock.... Tick, Tock"
 
            I dreaded this long awaited visit from them but not as much as I loathed this dreaded ticking. The sound echoes across the walls and halls, so loud and clear that it's nerve racking. I was once told long ago of a man who was in a very much similar state, waiting and watching for his death to arrive, as the clock ticked away.
 
            The man had gone insane, that is true, but then again he was left in a single white room for months without a clue as of what was to become of him. But I knew my fate and oh how I loathed it.... boarding school. A name with the same connotation as the devil.
 
            The sun has finally set and the dreaded black vehicle had arrived. I watched silently as a woman.... no a man in black walked up the stone steps to the large wooden doors and sounded his arrival with the sound of a brass knocker. The sound seemed to make the walls and floors vibrate with its roar and yet I dared not move.
 
            I ignored the call once.... twice.... three times, hoping that the man would leave but it was all in vain. The man was persistent, that much I can tell but I was far more stubborn. The man had seemed to finally have given up when he suddenly turned and saw me five floors above him.... watching him.
 
            He was clever but rash, for once he had spotted me in my emotionless glory, he had abandon his reserve posture and instead raced towards the wall and climbed to eye level with my window. Now.... don't start thinking that this man was talented because he's not. It doesn't take a lot of talent to climb a vine covered ladder. None in my opinion actually.
 
            I didn't move, I didn't flinch as he stared at me in the eyes and rapped on the window, asking for entrance. I thought of ignoring his call once more but I knew it was to no use. I knew that he would only try again and I did not won't to move from my place on the window sill to avoid him and so I opened the latch after a moment of slight hesitation.
 
"Well aren't you a stubborn fellow."
 
            I did not speak in return.
 
            I did not owe this man my respect nor my patience and so as he continued to struggle in his entrance, I oh so politely slammed the window behind him, causing him to stumble to the floor.
 
            I did not snicker nor giggle. I did not howl with laughter nor did I even smile. I ignored the man as I had done to all the others and continued to see the view from beyond the window plane. I heard him cough as he rearranged his shirt and tie, his jacket long forgotten during his climb.
 
"You're quite a tricky one, the silent ones are always the most evil."
 
            I refrained from rolling my eyes at his taunting tone and instead turned to the man with as much boredom as I dared.... He looked ridiculous. His bleached blond hair was covered in leaves and flowers, his black button down shirt was rumpled and scratched, quite similar to his black slacks and I do believe he's missing a shoe. He doesn't seem like a social worker.
 
"Now, now, don't be mean. I'm only here to ship you off across the sea and into a new school for children just like you!"
 
            Nope, he cannot be a social worker, let alone a bad one for that matter. He was too.... noticeable, not intimidating noticeable but rather loud, bright and unpredictable.
 
            He was completely different from them. They were the kind to be controlling, this man.... he just simply can't be a
 
".... Puppet Master."

4: Do You Truly See?

"Should I be offended or flattered?"
 
            I did not respond as I turned my glaze to the window yet again. It was not my concern whether he wished to feel pleased or distraught nor do I care. I have lost all emotion for those around me long ago.
 
Their problems never concern me any more.... not since that day at least. The pain of betrayal is too deep, too extreme that it can cause anyone to become wary and aloof. The memories could drive the toughest of men down to their knees as they scream their weaknesses.
 
            No.... never again. I will no longer torment myself with such false hope of trust and affection. I will no longer give myself to those for their own sick amusement or pleasure. I will not expose myself willingly to others and if I am ever exposed, I will damn sure give them a shadowed fragment of my shell.
 
            I turned my head as the man continued to talk in his ever teasing tone, as I studied him from the corner of my eye, I came upon my decision.
 
            His bleached blond hair, rid of all trashes now, remained in its unkempt state. His golden eyes shined with pure joy and excitement while his cream colored skin was painted with the day's struggle. He reached a height of 5'11'' and looked no older than 20, but it was not my final decision for I had after all believed he was a woman at first sight.
 
            But tried as I may, Mr. William Lancaster, as I had read in the name tag that now laid on the velvet carpeted floor, Could not possibly be a puppet master nor its toy. And yet as strongly as I believed this, I simply could not put my whole heart into believing it.... and it troubled me. To meet a man who is so predictable and yet so nerve racking. I simply cannot take it any longer. I must know or I will truly lose my mind.
 
"Mr. Lancaster?"
 
            My voice must have startled him for he immediately stopped his rumbling and fussing around. I was surprised that he was able to yet again hear my voice. A voice so soft and quiet to belonged to even a young child let alone a 16 year old male. And yet this man not only heard it once but twice, he may not be a decent social worker but he did have remarkable hearing.
 
"Yes?"
 
"What.... what is your opinion of the world?"
 
            A thousand emotions had passed through his golden eyes and a humorless chuckle escaped his lips. "The world is nothing but a game we were born to play.... born to lose."
 
"A game...."
 
"Yes, a game. And in every game there is a player.... a player who must fight to fix the wrongs of the world, and yet as this player struggles against the evil doers....” a cold smirk replaced his pained smile, "they will forever wonder why. Why must it be them to fight this battle? Why must they be alone? A world filled by many others and yet this player can never truly trust even their every own companions. It is a game we were meant to lose from the every start."
 
"I see." And yet at the same time I did not. His philosophy is not strange or unthought-of but his response did not help me place him in my own.
 
"And what is yours?"
 
"What is mine?"
 
"What is your view of the world and its wonders?"
 
            I refrained to sigh.... his teasing tone was back.
 
"The world is nothing but a puppet show. Filled with different stages created by different puppet masters.... with different toys. And yet while every show is different, the audience is the always the same, enjoying how the master controls his toy and every own of their moves. They remain ignorant of the fact that this toy.... was one of their own. Ignorant to the fact that this toy was once a free spirit who was bound and trapped by the man's strings and forced to entertain those around them. And the puppet does not fight back because they know.... they know that once the string is cut, they are nothing but a fallen pile of what they once were."
 
"And then the curtain draws?"
 
"Yes, and then the curtains draw and the show ends, only to be replaced by another."
 
"I see.... and what am I? How am I placed in this story? What is my role?"
 
"..... That I do not know as of yet."
 
"I see...."
 
            So you say but even then I can't help but wonder.... If you truly do.

5: Tourist

Broken glass

Shattered screams

Howling winds

Tainted dreams

            I wake in sweat and silent tears. Body numb and shivering.

Clutched by pain and misery.

Mind churning

Spine tingling

Picture burning

            Agony....

            It pains me to relive these blinding scenes, scenes in which occurred in blacken nights.

Nightmares

Night-horrors

So real and true

Memories hidden behind gruesome clues.

            I know I must remember, remember what I had once forgotten, but I'm afraid of what I'll soon discover. I know I must or they'll reappear. These night-terrors that never ease.

            I have lost my faith, my ways and times

For it could be June and I'll still be stuck in July.

            These months so close that they may touch

And yet so unlike that they must part.

            So similar yet so different;

So beautiful yet so hidden from exposure.

            The change of seasons so common and tru-

 

"Aidan...."

 

            The constant scratching of a pencil meeting paper came to a sudden halt as a mass of black hair tilted upwards. Light grey blue eyes glazed at concerned golden brown in quiet question and slight annoyance. The corners of pale pink lips shifted downwards in a slight frown. Not a single word was past from the other one's lips, not a single twitch or sudden shift was noticed in either's eyes. Their frames continued to bounce as the carriage past over rocky roads and sudden holes along the side walk. The young teen of 16 years of age let a gust of wind pass through his lips in a sigh as he tilted his head to the side in silent question.

 

"Yes?"

 

            The man of 25 showed his amusement by the slight crinkle near his brightening eyes.

 

"Hello~ Earth to Aidan! Is anyone there?"

 

            There was no response, at least not verbally. There was, however, a slight twitch in the boy's left eye. A look of total unrestraint passed by the man's features as he doubled over in laughter nearly falling off his seat as the carriage bounced yet again. A sound so pure and charming, that the boy's eyes widened a fraction larger as he stared at the man.

 

            How can something so innocent sounding not be corrupted by the world's twisted state of mind? How can something so loud and exposed be able to hide from its evil clutches? It's just not possible, it can't be done! Nothing and no one can be untouched by society's poisonous touches. And by the look in the young boy's face, I believed he thought the same. Either way, we have arrived.... Adam Crest High? Well I'll be, he's one of those special kids, ye?

 

"Adam Crest High!"

 

            I heard the boy sigh in relief and I couldn't help but smile, the poor lad did look awfully ill during the carriage ride.

 

"Enjoy! Make new friends and BEHAVE!" This man was utterly insane! His body was half way out of the window for goodness sake! And this man was worried about the boy? He was the one missing a shoe and all! *Sigh* I'm never going to understand tourists.

6: Hello, Puppet

            Three days.... it had taken us nearly three days to arrive to Adam Crest High, a boarding school of a vast.... diversity as some would say. Others would describe it as a heavenly place filled with and educating our future saints. But in all honesty…. They’re wrong. Every single one of them holds a little truth in their assumptions and just that…. Only a little bit of truth.

 

            Adam Crest High is in fact a regular high school. The dorms, however, is a whole other story. The dorms are separated by not only academies and ranks but also by their “mental capacity”. Adam Crest is by all means a boarding school for the least “unfortunate.” And I…. am the most unfortunate one of all.

 

            Left stranded and abandoned for many years, left to defend myself from the harsh reality and its glamor. I was left bloody and bruised, with old scars reopened and sown shut with thick threads, bones cracked and broken in twos and threes.

 

            I was abandoned but I survived, I managed…. I adapted as some would say. But I did not come out as whole. Something in me had left that day, something that had destroyed me with its absence. It leaves a vast cold feeling among my chest…. A feeling so numb that I feel no beat.

 

            It’s this very feeling that makes me wonder if I’m even alive at times. It’s this very feeling that leaves me in cold sweat, in a locked stiff position. But even so, it’s this very feeling that has left my eyes open to the true intentions of those around me. It’s this very feeling that sends me goose bumps as I stare upon the golden gates, the marble statues, the fresh cut green grass, the weeping willow trees with the tiny two seated stone benches beneath its leafy shadows, the expanding lake filled with clear blue water and magnificent fish, the multiple flowing fountains with fresh cut jasmines floating about. …. the curved path leading me to the different styled multiple buildings and clock tower.

 

            Why so grand? Why so stunning? Why make us stand out even more? Haven’t we been out casted enough during our lives? Why make us suffer more? Why tempt us to destroy our self-restraint?

 

            A high school filled with raging teens, locked away in a building…. An estate of some sort, hidden in the dead center of rough roads and grabbing forest hands. Dorms habited by self-injured boys and girls of all ages, with no guidance but the ones that sleep in a building across the “campus”. What could possibly go wrong?

 

            So much, so much can happen here and no one would know a thing. Blinded by the tales and rumors of this grand mysterious place they would suspect anything ill and ominous. Only these people who inhabitant this secret can say if these tales are really just tales or leaked secrets.

 

            But will they? Will they reveal something so horrid to even those who have witnessed it as well? Will I find out for myself? These tales I’ve heard whispered to other’s ears while Mr. Lancaster slept? Or am I just being affected by the lack of slept and fret over nothing just as I have done so many times before?

 

            I’m afraid, I’m scared to find out for myself. They were so…. gut- wrenching, these rumors I did hear late at night. Fear…. An emotion so foul tasting, an emotion I had no felt since that night long ago. I hate it, I hate the unknown with a passion so fierce that I don’t know if I should scream in rage or cry in pain and anxiety.

 

            But even so I cannot turn back, I must move forward. Never shall I look back and see what I have left behind. I shall only look forward and only forward even if I don’t like what’s ahead of me. Even if I’m face to face with my deepest fear…. The unknown. I will not let this gate, this estate, turn me back.

 

*Sigh*

 

             Well here goes nothing…. All or nothing.

 

            And so with this last hesitant thought, I turn the lock open and push the heavy golden gate in front of me and…. step in with only one thing left to say.

 

            Goodbye Aidan, Hello Puppet.

7: So Much Like Home

            The entrance was cold and stern, filled with marble statues of what I can only presume as the school’s founders or past principles. It was vast and empty, every step I took was a loud ringing echo… It’s seems so abandon, so much like my… can I even call it mine?

 

            Ever since that day, I felt like a trespasser. I felt as if I was invading my parent’s secret sanctuary. Their false sensation of safety. A building designed by their fake love for each other… for me, for us. My father loved my mother, that no one could ever deny, but it was a prefunded love that one would have for a dear younger sister. How could he ever love my mother?

            My mother who was in love with her own brother. How could he ever love a woman? When he himself is gay. How could they ever love my younger sister and my older brother? The children that they wished to have with someone else. How could they ever love me? The one who resembles the most of that sole person… My late uncle. My mother’s older brother. My father’s secret lover.

 

            Yes, this exact entrance reminds me of my home. Cold, abandoned, untouchable, made of fake promises of happiness. This exact entrance reminds me of the day I first discovered my family’s hidden little secret. My father’s tanned hand hidden in my uncle’s ebony hair. Pink lips parted with hushed delight. My mother’s strong grip and blurry eyes as she stirred me away… Her strained voice as she explained her dark pain:

           

I remember the day clearly. The day I first became aware of your father’s secret. The day when I first met him for who he really is… Your father’s first and only… love. He was young, frail and oh so breath-taking. Fair blemish free alabaster skin, midnight ebony hair that framed his face so perfectly. A slim defined figure and grey blue eyes. I remember how those eyes would glaze over in rainy days and sparkle with every spine-tingling laugh... Oh how your father adored his laugh. Always compared it to the sound of the midnight breeze… always compared it to yours... I could never forget that day because that was the day I lost my best friend and my love. The day that I finally realized that I could never actually have him… could never have his love. The day that I realized that I couldn’t even have your father’s love either. No. I could never have them because your father loved him and he loved your father. Because one was so deeply in love and the other shared the very same DNA.

 

            My family was broken, but it was a family nevertheless. It was a family that no one but me could ever accept… not even them. It was a family that I loved deeply, complete with all their twisted sins and secrets. With all their unfulfilled longing and lust. Their broken dreams and scarred fantasies.

 

            It was cold empty feeling that reminded me of home. The missing presence of children, children that would be the same age as my siblings. The blank vacant stare of the statuses that remained me of my mother’s. Their tight smiles so similar to my father’s and the echoing sounds of my steps.

 

No other place could ever make me feel more at home than here.

 

            Adam Crest High, school and home for the least unfortunate. For the least wanted and cared for. School and home for children like me… for children that should fill this very entrance and swarm me with their heated presence and aloof ignorance. Children who aren’t here… Where are they?

 

            Am I supposed to wander through these halls? Am I supposed to aimlessly walk up and down these marble steps? Am I supposed to admire the scenery displayed through the large glass windows? Am I supposed to be captured by the “cozy” furniture and vivid paintings and artifacts? Am I supposed to wait?

 

“Excuse me.”

8: White Beauty

            Hair a brilliant crimson glow, eyes a perfect mixture of jade and emerald green, skin so smooth and colored honey, lips so pink and small. So beautiful, so bright… I couldn’t help but hate it all.

 

            Hate how calming his presence is, how soothing his glaze feel, how his simple voice untangled the nerves and butterflies I feel. Hate how beautiful he seems because every beautiful lie is scarred by an ugly truth.

 

“Hello, my name is Aidan, Aidan Eclipse.”

 

            I hate how his eyes brighten and glimmer, how his lips part in a blinding smile and how his poster straightens with a slight hop in glee.

 

“Hi! My name’s Lucas White!”

 

            Hate absolutely everything about him. Hate how he brings a sudden glow to the room, giving it such a warmth that it’s suffocating.

 

“You must be new here! Do you need help?”

 

            I hate how completely different he is from me. From Mr. Lancaster. From my parents and siblings. From my close and far relatives. From every broken soul I have yet met.

 

            I hate it because there is no such thing as true beauty, no such thing as happiness and comfort. There’s no such thing as loveliness and yet there he stands. So happy, so bright, so trusting… so ignorant to the world’s danger.

 

“Yes please. I would be most grateful.”

 

            But he’ll soon see, he’ll soon see how cruel life can be, how gray our blue skies seem. He’ll see and he’ll break, they all do… every single one of them. From the young to the old, from the strong to the weak, the men to the women, the black to the white… they all sink to their knees in despair. All such beautiful things rot. Every Lucas becomes an Aidan. Every white day becomes a darken eclipse.

 

“*Chuckles* You talk soooo polite yet so soft. It would be hard to hear you if it wasn’t so quiet in here.”

 

            He gives off a soft gasp as his eyes widen in surprise and his head shift from side to side in a frantic motion… I hate it.

 

“Why is it so quiet?! Where’s everyone?!”

 

            I felt a slight annoyance for I wondered the same thing just a while ago but I didn’t feel like answering his question, seeing how I had no answer to give. I shift my weight from one foot to the other as I look around once more and shrug in slight defeat and frustration.

 

“Shouldn’t you know? You’ve been here way longer than I have.”

 

            I watch as he clutches his crimson hair in his honey hands in uncontrolled panic. I watch as he hops in a frantic pace before he runs around in a circle while muttering.

 

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”

 

            His constant running causes him to drop his backpack, spilling the contents across the floor. Lucas groans loudly in misery as he immediately drops on his knees and rapidly places his belongings back. His movement yet again causes a mess as an object sails across the floor, crashing into my black boots. I blink as it flashes and displays 3 numbers.

 

            I clench my fist until they turn white and my skin peels. I shake uncontrollably as I stare hard at the stumbling teen…

 

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU UP AND ABOUT AT 3 IN THE FRICKIN MORNING!”

            Hair a brilliant crimson glow, eyes a perfect mixture of jade and emerald green, skin so smooth and colored honey, lips so pink and small. So beautiful, so bright… I couldn’t help but hate it all.

 

            Hate how calming his presence is, how soothing his glaze feel, how his simple voice untangled the nerves and butterflies I feel. Hate how beautiful he seems because every beautiful lie is scarred by an ugly truth.

 

“Hello, my name is Aidan, Aidan Eclipse.”

 

            I hate how his eyes brighten and glimmer, how his lips part in a blinding smile and how his poster straightens with a slight hop in glee.

 

“Hi! My name’s Lucas White!”

 

            Hate absolutely everything about him. Hate how he brings a sudden glow to the room, giving it such a warmth that it’s suffocating.

 

“You must be new here! Do you need help?”

 

            I hate how completely different he is from me. From Mr. Lancaster. From my parents and siblings. From my close and far relatives. From every broken soul I have yet met.

 

            I hate it because there is no such thing as true beauty, no such thing as happiness and comfort. There’s no such thing as loveliness and yet there he stands. So happy, so bright, so trusting… so ignorant to the world’s danger.

 

“Yes please. I would be most grateful.”

 

            But he’ll soon see, he’ll soon see how cruel life can be, how gray our blue skies seem. He’ll see and he’ll break, they all do… every single one of them. From the young to the old, from the strong to the weak, the men to the women, the black to the white… they all sink to their knees in despair. All such beautiful things rot. Every Lucas becomes an Aidan. Every white day becomes a darken eclipse.

 

“*Chuckles* You talk soooo polite yet so soft. It would be hard to hear you if it wasn’t so quiet in here.”

 

            He gives off a soft gasp as his eyes widen in surprise and his head shift from side to side in a frantic motion… I hate it.

 

“Why is it so quiet?! Where’s everyone?!”

 

            I felt a slight annoyance for I wondered the same thing just a while ago but I didn’t feel like answering his question, seeing how I had no answer to give. I shift my weight from one foot to the other as I look around once more and shrug in slight defeat and frustration.

 

“Shouldn’t you know? You’ve been here way longer than I have.”

 

            I watch as he clutches his crimson hair in his honey hands in uncontrolled panic. I watch as he hops in a frantic pace before he runs around in a circle while muttering.

 

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”

 

            His constant running causes him to drop his backpack, spilling the contents across the floor. Lucas groans loudly in misery as he immediately drops on his knees and rapidly places his belongings back. His movement yet again causes a mess as an object sails across the floor, crashing into my black boots. I blink as it flashes and displays 3 numbers.

 

            I clench my fist until they turn white and my skin peels. I shake uncontrollably as I stare hard at the stumbling teen…

 

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU UP AND ABOUT AT 3 IN THE FREACKIN’ MORNING!”

9: The Color of Honey

            Fiery hair bounced up as honey skin shook. A look of complete shock and confusion displayed across his eyes as it stared blankly back at me.

 

“3… am?”

 

            IS THIS GUY FOR REAL? I restrained myself from knocking some sense into his empty head and instead took some deep calming breaths to release some nerves. And to think I had just previously said his presence was calming!

 

“*Sigh* Yes, 3 am. Not pm but AM.”

 

            I could practically hear the wheels in his head turning as he stared at the cell phone that still rested against my leather black boots. I withheld myself from asking again as he slowly got up and walked towards me. I stared at the top of his head as he gently bended down to retrieve said device.

 

“Huh, what do you know? It is 3 am!”

 

“Did you doubt me?!”

 

“Well… yeah~”

 

            My body tensed and shook as my teeth clenched, exposing my soft yet defined jaw line. I can slowly feel an unhealthy eye twitch as I refused to even look at his glimmering jade emerald eyes.

 

“You know… Aidan is a boy’s name”

            I turned my head quickly as I stared at him with complete bewilderment. I slowly relaxed my posture and completely faced him. I placed my black backpack next to my suitcases and jutted out my hip as I crossed my arms.

 

“Yeah, I know. What of it?”

 

“Well… Why would parents give their daughter a boy’s name?”

 

……

…..

….

…

..

.

 

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! I’M GOING TO STRANGGLE YOU TO HELL AND BACK!”

 

            I lunged my whole body at him but only succeeded into slamming against a marble and glass countertop. I snapped my head to the right as I watched him stumble against his backpack and dash towards the stair case. I couldn’t help but let out a low growl as I glared heatedly at the stumbling torch.

 

            I ran after his disappearing form. The only sounds given were the echoing sounds of our shoes stomping in shinning marble, our labored gasps as our legs pumped faster, the jingles of the chains attached to my jeans and his frequent slight screams of sorry.

 

            Statues, armor, doors, windows, curtains and furniture passed by as I darted through hallways, glided through sharps turns and hiked up dozens of stair. Blinded by complete rage that the steadily growing pain in my chest went unnoticed.

 

            At last I was finally able to corner him in a dead end hallway. Our pants could be heard throughout the halls as I slowly approached him.

 

            His fiery hair was tousled and his bobby pins where misplaced. His black tank top was position so that a honey colored shoulder was exposed. His arms were spread out against both walls as his body was plastered against the corner. His tight white clattered legs were both bended yet sprawled out as his red converse pointed every which way. I stared quite victoriously as I watched his eyes stare straight at me in complete fear, as his honey colored skin turned pale and his chest heaved in strangled gasps.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

            I watched as his pink lips continue to mutter such words, but it wasn’t because it was tantalizing or tempting. No, I watched because my vision was blackening in both sides. I watched because my head felt light-headed and my stomach twisted. I watched because it was the only thing I could do as a sharp burning pain spread across my chest, as my knees buckled, as my head fell down, as my ebony hair spread across my sweat covered forehead and covered my dazed grey blue eyes. I watched as his eyes turned worried and his quickly lunged toward me. I watched because it was the last thing I saw as my legs failed me and my vision left, leaving me to smell vanilla cupcakes and feel sudden warmth as soft firm arms wrapped around me… They’re most likely colored honey.

10: Make the Pain Stop

“How is he doing?”

 

“I can’t say for sure but he seems much better than yesterday. His skin color is definitely back.”

 

“You can actually tell the difference?!”

 

“Of course, it is my job after all. Look… You see the faint rose color?”

 

“… Yeah.”

 

“It used to be a pale yellow color.”

 

            A pale yellow… a faint rose… are they talking about flowers?

 

“Ooh, I see!”

 

“Hush down, idiot. You’ll wake him up.”

 

            Flowers or not, that voice is right. My head is killing me and I feel so breathless, so… weak and that loud boom of a voice is no help what so ever.

 

            I let out a groan as I arc my back in pain. My eyes are burning and displaying a mixture of yellow, red, orange and black. My muscles tense unexpectedly and my throat cries in protest as a whimper passes through its dry walls.

 

“Lookie! Lookie! He’s getting up!”

 

“Would you pip down.”

 

            Please, please quiet down. It hurts, it hurts so much. It burns, please. Make it stop. Make it stop. I beg you. Please!

 

“Ethan! What’s going on?!”

 

“I don’t know, call Ms. Amber. NOW!”

 

            Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. MAKE IT STOP!

 

“*SCREAM* STOP! STOP! STOP!”

 

“AIDAN! Calm down!”

 

“Ethan!”

 

“Go get Ms. Adam!”

 

“I don’t know where she is! Ethan, I’m scared!”

 

            A shifting of feet, “Come on, let’s go,” an echoing slam.

           

A warm hand is placed on my forehead. No, no, no. Don’t touch me. Stop it hurts. Let go!

DON’T TOUCH ME!

 

“GET OFF!”

 

“Aidan… please. Don’t cry, calm down.”

 

“Make it stop… please, just make it stop.”

 

“I promise, I won’t let them hurt you. Just sleep.”

 

“Just sleep… just sleep.”

 

“That’s right, Aidan. Just sleep… Goodnight.”

 

            Goodnight… dad.

……

 

“Where is he?”

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Lucas, search the gardens! Ethan, go to the main gate! We can’t let this boy out and about, he’s not fit yet.”

 

“Yes, Ms. Adam!”

 

            The pounding of feet against marble stone and the slamming of double doors.

 

“*Sigh* Oh Aidan, where did you run off too?”

 

11: Satisfy the Flame

“3… days”

 

            The bitter cold taste lingered in my mouth as I stared at his unmoving glaze. A glaze that could nearly compete with the sun’s scolding touch, how quickly it had become from a spring morning to a winter night. From a loving embrace to an ice cold grip.

 

“How?”

 

“I don’t really know.”

 

Aidan… Honey, please wake up.

Sweetie, get up, it’s time for school.

Don’t you want to go to school? Don’t you want to see your friends?

…

Aidan! Get up!

This is not funny!

AIDAN!

AIDAN PLEASE!

Don’t do this to me!

Please, please wake up!

 

Mabel! Let go!

 

No, no! He has to get up! HE HAS TO!

 

Kids get in the car!

 

But, Dad

 

NOW!

Mabel let go! We have to go!

 

No! Not without him!

Sweetie, come on, it’s time to go.

Please?

 

We have to go, I’m sorry.

 

NO! NO! NO!

LET GO OF ME!

AIDAN!

WAKE UP!

PLEASE!!

I’m sorry mommy, but I’m tired… so tired…

 

“Aidan… Are you okay?”

 

            His hand instantly heated the coldness that my body was previously given.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine… just fine.”

 

“Come on, let’s get you inside. It’s starting to heat up and you’re burning like crazy!”

 

“Burning…”

 

Mommy?!

Daddy?!

Grayson!

Lila!

Where are you?! Please! I’m scared!

Someone please!

 

Hurry! This way! I’m sure I heard a voice!

 

But the fire, Sir!

 

I don’t care! We must get this young child out before it’s too late.

Spread out men, don’t let a single damn corner be left untouched!

The fire surly won’t.

 

The heat, the burning… a fire?

I don’t understand. Please, someone tell me what’s going on.

I’m scared.

It hurts.

Please!

Where are you?

 

“Right this way Aidan.”

 

“It burns. It hurts.”

 

“… I know. Ms. Adam and Ethan will surely help you.”

 

“Who… who are they?”

 

“You’ll see… don’t worry.”

 

            Will they finally make the pain stop? Or will they satisfy the flame once more?

 

12: Ever-Greens

            A soothing breeze caressed my alabaster skin as the scent of raindrops and lilacs drafted past me, surrounding me in its loving embrace. I could feel the heat of the sun gaze my skin as the breeze swayed the tips of my bangs to gently poke at the bridge of my nose.

 

            The heat of the sun contrasted against the cool touch of the hard yet smooth surface underneath me. The sounds of chirping birds, swaying leafy branches and ripples of water entered my ears, together in a low harmony.

 

            Never before have I been in such peace as I am at this very moment. Never before was I able to embrace the glory of a long rest devoid of any chilling nightmares. Never before had I experience a sleep such as this in the last ten years.

 

            The feeling of such comfort in loneliness and such peace in noise had become such a foreign feeling that I could no longer bear the suspense and at last opened my eyes.

 

            The sight before me left me breathless in awe and deep wonder. A sight so innocent as this is surely a sight yet to be tampered by greedily hands. The strong weeping willow trees spread across the lavish land with its cooling shadow and long gentle branches that glaze the grass below. Each leaf and grass glittered with tiny raindrops, displaying various rainbows among them. Sakura trees plopped their flowers in the crystal clear water of the lake, softly disturbing the vibrant fish and lily pads. Birds of every color swept across the cloudless sky, creating slight darkness as they blocked the sun.

 

            Such a sight is surely bare of the world’s lurking darkness, and that sends a ripple of fear through me. How long could this place remain pure? How long would this sight still be consider-

 

“Beautiful?”

 

            The whispered reply caused my eyes to widen and my breath to be caught once more as I turn my body around, nearly dropping me from the smooth bench I previously laid on. Facing the redheaded beauty I couldn’t help but let a breathless question escape my lips.

 

“What…”

 

“The ever-greens garden… a beauty unknown to the world but four students, one of which is you.”

 

            Ever-greens…

 

“You gave us quite the scare you know, suddenly running off like that.”

 

“I didn’t…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I didn’t, I didn’t run off.”

 

“Then how…”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“… *Chuckle* The wonders of ever-green!”

 

            A black cashmere sweater swayed through the air as Lucas twirled about.

                        A black cashmere… a grey shirt, skin tight red jeans and black converses.

 

“Did you… did you change?”

 

“Change?”

“Your clothes I mean, they’re different.”

 

“… Aidan… you were unconscious for 3 days.”

13: Redhead Confusion, White Angel

A moment of silence.

A moment of peace.

That’s all I ever wanted, that’s all I ever knew.

 

The silent night brings a sensation of awe as it teases the whiteness of the room.

It brings a feeling of enchantment as it creates dancing patterns on my sheets.

 

The sheets that protect me from the cold,

The sheets that protect my secrets.

 

            Secrets that begin to show through nervous gestures and silent replies.

Secrets that entangle you within its web of lies.

Its whispered promises.

They-

 

Now follow me down to it
Just follow me down to do it
Nobody will know how you come, and you go for it
Not gonna get dangerous, you don’t got to worry about us
Somebody to give what you get
And you get what you need now

 

            The sound of a pencil meeting paper creases to a stop as I stare blindly at the crimson cell phones as it continued to play and vibrate across the silk sheets of the infirmary.

 

And these lights, get bright so let me show you
It would be so so so nice to know you

 

            I should really wake him up… But how? I let my glance slide to the left as it lands on the mop of red hair. Every strand of hair was out of place and spread through the white waves of comfort. A honey tanned hand is clenched in said silk while the other strongly grips my hand in place, yet gentle enough to leave it unmark. I watched the redheaded confusion as he continues to quietly snore and leave a small trail of drool. He sits on a computer chair while his upper body is thrown on the left portion of my bed.

 

It's as easy as,
1, 2, 3, do you see what I do
Truth or dare, yes I double dare you
You, you, me, now I think you got it
One last breath and just spin the bottle now

 

            As I raise my hand near his nest of a hair, a pale delicate hand gently touches mine.

 

“Ethan?”

 

            His pale baby blue eyes glaze at my pale grey blue ones. Nearly identical, yet completely different. His eyes glimmer with such emotion while my eyes no longer sparkle but dull with distrust. His white hair sways above his big eyes as his pale pink lips smile and his head shakes.

 

“Trust me, he won’t wake up anytime soon.”

 

            His voice is soft and gentle like the whispers told by dancing branches and petals. His voice would surely be drowned by another’s, his voice is completely different from Lucas’ loud chiming. His soft young looks are completely different from Lucas’ wild pop star look. So different yet so happily in love.

 

            The memory of the redheaded boy twirling the white angle as he proudly proclaimed to be his reached my mind and I couldn’t help but let a small smile grace my lips as a silent chuckle passed through them. I glanced back at Lucas and sighed as he has yet to release my arm.

 

“Are you sure? He has had seven miss calls today.”

 

A nod, “He won’t mind, besides he’s been awfully tired. Never once slept since you had surgery two days ago.”

 

“Lucas, stop… please, it hurts.”

 

A stumble of shoes, “Are you okay?”

 

“Can’t *wheeze* breathe *gasp*. Hurts.”

 

The cold marble floor sent a chill through my spine as I crumbled to the floor, wheezing for the breath of air I desperately needed. A burning pain shot through my chest as black dots danced across my eyes. The compressing feeling left me coughing and stumbling for a firm grip. The tan hands gripping my shoulders in place tighten as they began to tremble.

 

“Lucas?”

 

“Is… Is that blood?”

 

It was. The dark red was such a contrast to the marble stones and it left me breathless.

 

“Aidan? Aidan?! OH GOD! SOMEONE PLEASE! ETHAN!”

 

Ethan? Who’s Ethan?

 

“Lucas?”

 

“Ethan please! Help me!”

 

Loud steps pounded against the floor and a sudden gasp was heard, “Is that-?!”

 

“Yes, please Ethan! Help me. Help him!”

 

Hands instantly pressed me against a firm yet soft chest as my hair bounced to every stomp they took.

 

“He needs medical attention now. Find Ms. Amber. I’ll take Aidan to the E.R.”

 

“Okay… Ethan?”

The steps stopped as I felt the sudden turn, “Yes?”

 

“Will he… be okay?”

 

“…… Yes, I’ll make sure of it.”

 

Now follow me down to it
Just follow me down to do-

 

“Hello?”

 

            Ethan… saved me. Ethan, who is not so healthy himself, risked everything for me, a boy he had just meet.

 

 “Yes… yes he’s fine.”

 

            But why? Why me?

 

“Mhmmm. Okay, I’ll tell him.”

           

            I was gone, so gone.

 

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beeeeeeeeeep*

 

“Someone quick! We’re losing him!”

 

“There’s just too much blood. He’ll surely bleed to death.”

 

“I DON’T CARE! I’m not about to let him die.”

“Ready?”

 

“Ready!”

 

“1, 2… 3!”

 

*Shock*

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

 

            A voice so quiet, surely to be drowned by another’s. Yet when in need, his voice drowns out all the others. A body so delicate looking yet so dedicated and firm. A dying body yet a living heart. I watched as he continues to talk to the person on the other side of Lucas’ phone. I watched with critical eyes as he shifts away from the light and continues to hide in the dark.

 

“I understand, okay. Bye. See you soon.”

 

            I looked up from the light casted on my sheets and stared at him with an unvoiced question.

 

“That was Jayce. Lucas’ older brother… He’s coming.”

14: How Do You Know?

            I watched as a look of pure disappointment, anger and hatred pass through Ethan’s pale baby blue hues. I couldn’t help but let the corners of my mouth tilt downwards. I couldn’t stand seeing that look pass though his eyes…. And that scares me.

 

            In a matter of a few days I have grown attached to these polar opposite couple and just the thought of them in pain sent a dozen stabs through my heart. And to know that these emotions came from one sole man made me furious. Jayce, Jayce White, older brother of Lucas White. Whoever he is, whatever he did, I can’t help but despise it.

 

            I laced my fingers around Lucas’ wrist when I felt his grip tightened. I quickly looked down and watched as his head turned in discomfort. A noise of pain reached my ears, and apparently Ethan’s ears too, for in a matter of seconds I felt his black silk clothes glaze my exposed arm. I watched as Ethan hid in the shadows of the room and gently stroke his pale fingers through Lucas’ red hair.

 

            This image, this moment reminded me so much of them. The gentle look in Ethan’s eyes was so similar to his… but stronger, more caring… more loving.

 

Tanned fingers ran through long raven colored hair.

My mother’s body nearly covered my father’s frame as he sat by the fire place.

She was exhausted… we all were.

For days we’ve been moving around, getting things in order for my grand ceremony.

My father’s bright blond hair swayed across his face, his bangs covered his bright blue eyes.

I watched in silence as he caressed my mother’s face oh so gently.

I remained motionless for they did not know I was here.

I watched as my father kissed her pale forehead and I smiled in delight and pure warmness.

But that warmness disappeared as it has always done before.

In its place, a cold pricking feeling filled my chest as I heard his whispered words.

 

I wish I could love you, I prayed every night that I could forget him and only think of you.

But I cannot. I just simply can’t.

Mabel... Mabel, I’m so sorry that I can’t love you like I love him.

 

            No, Ethan’s loving glance is so much deeper… so much more treasurable and I couldn’t help but smile weakly as the same cold prickling feeling came back. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I could never forget them. I could never gain the warmth that a family gives.

 

            I gently released my grip on Lucas’ wrist and pried off his. I froze as he moved yet again, twisting the edge of the bed covers. I relaxed shortly after Ethan released a soft chuckle as he gently grasped Lucas’ hands and his sleeping frame stilled once more.

 

“Ethan…”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Aren’t… Aren’t you scared?”

 

“Scared? Scared of what?”

 

“Scared of losing Lucas?”

 

“*Chuckle* I’m always scared… but he makes up for that.”

 

            He pale baby blue eyes stare deep into mines and he lets me see all the emotions he feels near Lucas. The fear and insecurity is there… but it’s over powered by all the raw love, compassion, admiration and confidence.

 

“But isn’t it difficult? I mean, Lucas loves the outdoor and sunlight. It’s easy to tell but you… you…”

 

“Can’t stand the light? Get easily burned by its fiery touches?”

 

            I nod, there’s nothing I could have done at that moment but nod.

 

“Aidan… it’s difficult. *Sigh* It really is. Lucas is so full of life and compassion, and well… My life is ending, every soon.”

 

            The stabbing sensation is back.

 

“But I love Lucas with all my dying heart and he loves me just the same. We may be young, we may be inexperienced but we’re not going to deny what we have. We’re not going to let society tell us what to do with our lives.”

 

“How… How can you be so sure? People… people lie. It’s the only way they know how to survive, so how?”

 

“How?... *A small smile and a chuckle* I’ll tell you how… A long time ago, I used to live in an old two story apartment. It was worn down and falling apart. Its floors and walls were gray and stained. I had lived there my whole life. I slept in the furthest corner of the floor, away from the light, away from my parents. You see, they didn’t want me. No, they were stuck with me. And when I was five, they gave me away. For three years I lived in a dark yet blinding white hospital room, one such as this one. The only companion I had was a boy on the other side of our paper thin walls. I used to look forward to hearing him sing. I would place my ear next to the wall and close my eyes as I heard him sing. But one day… he moved away. I was alone once again. And I gave up. I gave up eating and sleeping, I couldn’t sleep without hearing him sing, I couldn’t eat without hearing him complain about the hospital food. It got to the point where my body failed me and I went into a deep coma. I don’t know how long I stayed there, in that blank empty room. But then I heard it. I heard that little boy’s voice, he was yelling. I heard his tiny footsteps and I felt his hand clasp onto my own. He was there and I was so happy. I finally had my friend back and I couldn’t help but want to see him, so I opened my eyes. His hair was so bright and his eyes were just simply beautiful, I smiled weakly at him and he hugged me tightly. He told me that they almost let me die. They were going to pull the plug. He told me that he missed me and that he came back just for me. He showed me his bloody bandaged arms and told me that that was the only way he could see me again. *Chuckle* He used to drive the nurses mad, he refused to sleep without me by his side and he would never release my hand when he went to go play with the other boys. He said that I was his and he was mine and that no one could touch me unless they wanted play doe shoved up their nose. *A smile* He was suffocating but I never did mind, I still don’t. You see that’s how you know, how you know when your love is real. You drown in their love but you can’t help but spread your arms and accept it.”

 

            I watched as a single tear fell from his eyes and the smile spread through his lips. I couldn’t express the feeling I felt overwhelm me at that moment but I could express the burning emotion I felt surround me when I heard a high shrilled voice.

 

“Oh give me a break, you threesome fags!”

 

            That burning emotion was simply a pure killing aura. And I couldn’t wait to satisfy it.

15: A Bloodied Palm

            My next vict-… visitor was at least 5’3’’ with her high pumped heels. Her long obviously fake tanned legs were indecently exposed with her…. Underwear shorts? Dangling from her narrow waist was multiple chains full of stars, hearts and microphones. She wore a short cut long sleeve shirt that showed her cleavage and stomach. I glared as she ignored us and reapplied more of her shiny rose lip gloss. Her long caramel colored hair hung in layers around her. I smirked.

 

“So this must be Jayce, Lucas’ older brother.”

 

            I contained my laughter as she created a long line of glittering lip gloss across her cheek in shock. I refused to even glance at her any longer and instead focused on writing on my journal once more.

 

“Jayce!”

 

            Calling for help already?

 

“Now, I’m sure he didn’t mean it, Amber”

 

“Oh can it, dying freak!”

 

“…”

 

            Dying… freak…

….

…

..

.

            The sound of a pencil meeting paper creases to a stop as a loud snap echoed across the room. I can feel my body taunt as I stiffen. My shoulders tensed as a rack of pain shot through my arms. I stared blinding at the broken pencil pierced into my palm, I slowly raised my arm and grasped the end of it. Burning pain and crimson goo seeped out as I pulled it away from the inside of my hand I had yet meet the eyes that burned into me. I watched the small reddish black hole in silence, that is, until I rose.

 

            I gently raised from my bed of two days, careful to not disturb the sleeping confusion. I kept my head down as I slowly walked towards this… Amber. I felt the cold breeze brush against my white infirmary pants, my chest numbed from the hours it has spent exposed.

 

            I towered over her by at least 2 inches but I yet looked at her. I slowly extend my arm containing the bloodied broken pencil. With my arm extended out, I tilted my head to the side. Allowing my raven bangs to swish to the side, glazing my right cheek and exposing my pale gray blue eyes. Staring in her amber eyes I released the pencil, sending it crashing below.

 

            I watched as her shocked ridden eyes glanced downwards, following the movements of the pencil. I raised my arm with my palm out and slashed the air in a downward arc. The sound of skin slapping against skin resonated throughout the room.,, And I stood there motionless, nothing shown but the horrified look on my face.

 

            My hand began to quiver as green eyes watered and red hair moved against the air, exposing a small black birthmark below his right eye.

 

Jay! Please don’t leave!

 

Small lips placed in a frown, rosy cheeks redden by the night, light green eyes dimmed and a tiny birthmark turned hidden by red curtains.

My tiny 8 year old heart broke as I watched those precious eyes glimmer in tears as he turned away.

 

I’m… I’m sorry, Aidan… I’m sorry but I have too

 

But you promised! You promised you wouldn’t leave me!

 

I know, I know I did.

 

You said you weren’t like them! You said you wouldn’t use me!

 

I’m not! I’m not!

 

Then don’t leave… please…

 

I’m sorry… We’ll meet again, I promise.

 

I felt my fragile body shake as sobs broke from my lips.

He couldn’t leave! He was the only one I had left.

He was the only one who cared.

 

You said you loved me!

 

He said it, I know he did.

But he didn’t now.

 

Jayce, please! I love you!

 

Don’t you love me?

You said you did.

You promised you always will.

 

I LOVE YOU! JAY!

 

Turn around! Come back!

Don’t walk away!

Don’t leave me!

Show me you still care, show me that you didn’t use me like them.

Just… Just turn around!

 

JAY!

 

Small lips placed in a frown, rosy cheeks redden by the night, light green eyes dimmed and a tiny birthmark turned hidden by red curtains… all gone with every step he takes.

I felt my tiny 8 year old heart break as my pale grey blue eyes glimmered with tears.

I felt the damp ground beneath my knees as I sunk down with a wail. I clenched the grass as my body shook in sobs and my hair danced with the forest’s night air.

I felt my mind blank as my body fell forward, crashing against the prickling grass.

Not once did I move that night, not once did I speak.

I lay there quivering, clutching my knees to my chest.

It burned, it ached, it tore.

My mind blank but one single word:

 

“Jay…”

16: Promises and Lies

            A cheek reddened by burning pain and splattered blood. Green eyes displayed shock and despair… He didn’t want to see me.

 

            I felt my heart break as I saw this girl… his girl grab his shoulder and turn him away from my greedy stare. I felt my heart shatter as she caressed his cheek and combed her hand through his red hair. I clenched my eyes shut as she kissed his supple lips… No, please God, just no.

 

“Get out…”

 

            Please you’re killing me. Jayce… you’re hurting me.

 

Jay… I’m scared.

 

Don’t worry, I will never let them hurt you.

 

You promise?

 

With all my heart and love.

 

“What!? Get out!?”

 

“Yes, get out. There’s no point of you being here. Lucas is sleeping… Well, knocked out it seems.”

 

            I turned away and despite the pain I am enduring, I smile. I smile as I watched the sleeping boy continue to doze, undisturbed by the ruckus and my pain.

 

            I walked towards the medicine cabinet, ignoring the girl’s stupefied stutter and smiled reassuringly at Ethan as he continued to glance worryingly between me and my hand.

 

“We can’t just leave! Apologize!”

 

“Apologize? What for?”

 

“For hitting my Jay!”

 

….

…

..

.

 

“You’re… Jay?”

 

“Yes, my Jay! My boyfriend, my lover, my Jay!

 

            Her… Jay. He’s her Jay now?

 

Jay?

 

Yes, Aidan?

 

Would you ever leave me?

 

Never.

 

Will you always love me?

 

Always and forever.

 

*Giggle* Jay, my Jay!

 

*Chuckle* Yes, you’re Jay. Only yours…

 

“Get out.”

 

“But-”

 

“I SAID GET OUT!”

 

Only yours… Forever yours.

 

“Now listen here, you deprived drug addict-!”

 

“Amber!”

 

            A burning pain. I can’t take it anymore… That voice, that tone… He loves her.

 

Aidan you’re so clumsy! Look what you just did!

 

Then just leave! If you’re so disappointed in me, leave!

 

I-I can’t. I won’t.

 

Why not?

 

Because I love you, and I would die if I ever left you and loved another.

 

            And yet he lived. He promised, he lied, he forgot… he moved on. I felt suffocated and crushed. How dare she call him Jay! How dare he let her! He’s my Jay! Mine! Only mine… Forever mine…

 

“What? Are you defending him now? After this… this druggy hit you? I mean look at him!”

 

“Amber that’s enough!”

 

“No!”

 

“No?”

 

“No. You love me remember, not him. You defend me, always and forever remember?”

 

Jay!

 

It’s okay, Aidan. It’s okay.

 

But you’re hurt!

 

It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re safe, as long as I defended you, it doesn’t matter.

 

Jay…

 

I’ll defend you, always and forever, I promise.

 

“GET OUT!”

 

“Ai-”

 

“GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

 

            It hurts, it hurts! Make them leave! Please, Ethan, make them leave!... Lucas wake up!

 

            I felt my body shake as I kneed to the floor. I clutched at the bare skin above my heart, piercing the skin, drawing out tiny trickles of blood. I clutched my head with my other hand, anything to make the memories go away. It hurts! It hurts so much! Why? Why did it have to be her? Why did he have to leave me? I don’t understand! Why does everyone leave me!

 

“They’re gone! They’re gone Aidan! It’s okay… It’s alright. I got you. I won’t let you go. It’s okay.”

 

            My body never creased to shake as I latched myself onto Ethan. I sobbed and cried and scream. I know I’m hurting him, I can feel his winces as my nails dig into his skin through his silk shirt.

 

            But he never let go, he never pulled away. He kept his promise.

 

“It’s okay. They’re gone now. They’re gone”

 

            I felt my mind start to darken as Ethan continued to run his fingers through my head, as he continued to cradle me in his arm and rock us back and further. He never stopped his whispered comfort not even when Lucas rose from the bed with saddened eyes and latched on to us both.

 

“He promised… he promised.”

17: Chocolate Ninjas

            I groaned as I felt the sun’s burning rays. It filled my sight with a dancing brilliant glow of yellow and fiery orange. I shifted to the right as I felt a sight poke against my forehead. My nose began to wrinkle as the tiny probing finger reached the bridge of my nose.

 

            Frustrated, I rolled onto the right side of the bed further, only to… meet the freezing floor with a loud thump and a low groan. I shifted and arced my body in a low upward curve, giving a long moan of satisfaction at the pull and pop of my muscles as I stretched on the floor.

 

            I felt a slight twitched in the left side of my eye as I heard a chorus of light giggles. I opened my eyes into a tiny slit of annoyance and turned my glaze to the left and up. Meeting my glaze with unblinking eyes were a pair of brown chocolate eyes and white smiles.

 

            I bolted up from the floor, further tangling my limbs with the infirmary’s silk sheets. I could hear my grunts of annoyance become louder as the giggles turned into full blown laughter. I sighed in frustration and puffed my cheeks, refusing to acknowledge the two tiny presences.

 

            I felt my body tense as I felt a tiny finger poke my left cheek, I immediately slapped my hands onto my face, obscuring the view of my annoyed face. My fingers began to twitch as they slowly gripped my hair. The grip and my irritation became more noticeable as tiny whispers resonated throughout the silence ridden room.

 

“*Giggle* Mr. Raven is so funny.”

 

“So funny! Like a clown!”

 

“Shh! You’re too loud. Mr. Raven might hear us.”

 

“Oh! You’re right. Can’t let Mr. Raven hear us~”

 

“We gotta be ninjas.”

 

“Yeah! Ninjas!”

 

“Shh! Not so loud”

 

            I let a gust of air escape from my lips as I parted my fingers in order to peek through them. Two tiny chocolate blobs of heads were seen behind the rumpled covers that seemed to cling onto the bed, unwilling to meet the cold floor. Brown eyes were soon seen as the heads lifted upwards a tiny fraction only to disappear a second later as twin yelps of shock were heard. Hushed voices were heard once more.

 

“Do you think he saw us?”

 

“I… I don’t think so…”

 

“Should we check?”

 

“Check! Check! Let’s check!”

 

“Hush!”

 

            Despite my best efforts I felt a tiny smile graze my lips as I lifted my head from my hands and leaned back watching the two bobs shift behind the sheets. I rested my head on my right shoulder as I supported my body by leaning backwards, arms straight and hands planted down behind me. I chuckled silently as I watched the two bobs hesitate and seemed to dance. I gently brushed my bangs behind my ear as it swept across my eyes, blocking my view of the two… ninjas.

 

            I embraced myself as the two heads seemed to finally come to a decision and stilled for a matter of a few seconds.

 

3

2

1

 

“Boo!”

 

            I laughed as two small children jumped from behind the sheets only to topple forward and land across my lap and the fallen sheets. I smiled gently and moved my fingers in small wave as the young boy and girl stared at me with their wide chocolate eyes.

 

“Oh no!”

 

“Mr. Raven saw us! No fair!”

 

            I chuckled as the twins seemly turned to each other in union and point at each other in sync.

 

“It’s all your fault!”

 

“My fault!?”

 

“Yes your fault!”

 

“Stop coping me!”

 

            I fell backwards as my body shook with laughter and my eyes filled with tears. They’re just simply too adorable!

 

            As I tried to control my laughter I felt two pairs of tiny hands place themselves on my chest, supporting the tiny bodies up. I stared warming as the young children turned their head to the side in confusion and awe.

 

“Mr. Raven is pretty!”

 

“Pretty! Pretty!”

 

“Just like a girl!”

 

“A girl!”

 

“Hey! I am no girl! I am all man... Well, as much as a man as any other homosexual teenage boy that is.”

 

“*Giggle* Mr. Raven is so funny!”

 

“So funny”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m hilarious.”

 

“Hi-ler-e-us?”

 

“Hilarious. H-I-L-A… Oh! Never mind!”

 

            I jumped in complete shock and fright as I heard a feminine laugh. I lifted my head upwards only to see a young frail woman dressed in a white doctor coat and black flats. Chocolate strands caressed her delicate face as it was pulled up in a messy bun. Her small hands placed a strand behind her ear, revealing equally chocolate eyes.

 

“You have a great way with kids, Mr. Eclipse.”

 

“You’re kidding… right?

 

“Oh I most certainly am not! For you see Ginger and Nathan don’t really express themselves in front of strangers as much as they are doing with you.”

 

            Ginger and Nathan… such nice names. I glanced down warmly at the two children clinging onto me as they stared up at me with their wide innocent eyes.

 

“Is… that so?”

 

“*A nod* They’re extremely shy for 3 year olds.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 

“Oh! Don’t be! They’re improving every day! They even speak with their big brother now.”

 

“Big Brother! Big Brother!

 

“Oh?”

 

“They used to be terrified of Ethan.”

 

            A wave of shock passed through me as I glanced between the twins and the woman in front of me.

 

“Ethan?”

 

“Yes, Ethan. Don’t you- Oh, I’m sorry. Silly me! My name is Angela Adams. Ethan’s mother and school nurse and these children… are Ethan’s younger siblings.”

 

            This is… Ethan’s family?

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Adam.”

 

“Oh no, the pleasure is all mine. Lucas and Ethan talk so highly about you despite them only knowing you for a couple of days. Which reminds me! I apologize for not being here and taking care of you these past few days, the twins had gotten ill with a high fever. But I’m glad to see that you are doing just fine even after what happened yesterday!”

 

            Yesterday… so it wasn’t a dream… Jay… Jay was here. Jay moved on.

 

“But enough of idle chit chat! It’s time to get ready for school!”

 

“School?”

 

“Of course silly! You are here as a student of Adam Crest High!”

 

“*Chuckle* Of course. After everything that happened these past few days, I must have simply forgot!”

 

“That’s quite alright. But please do hurry into your school clothes, my husband is quite thrilled to finally get to meet you.”

 

“Your husband?”

 

“But of course! He is after all the school’s head master and owner.”

 

            Ethan’s the son of the school’s head master?!

 

            “Come now children. Lets give Mr. Eclipse some time to change.”

 

“Yes mommy! Bye Mr. Raven!”

 

“Good… Good-bye…”

 

            The head master’s son…

 

“Oh can it, dying freak!”

 

            The bullied and gravely ill head master’s son…

18: Please Tell Me This Is A Joke!

            This is it… it’s now or never… what am I waiting for… God damnit, just knock!

 

            I took a deep yet shaky breath and popped my shoulders back and faced the maple double doors with my head held high. I lifted my arm forward and fisted my hand until I felt my nails graze the white gauze wrapped around my palm.

 

            I shouldn’t be afraid, I did nothing wrong. I mean I could have… but I didn’t. Shouldn’t that count for something?

 

            I brought my hand back and held it near my chest. The tips of my bangs grazed my closed eyelids, nearly making me smile if I wasn’t just so damn scared. I just can’t do it, I just can’t…

 

“Aidan?”

 

            I glanced up, replacing my view of the white marble floors to Mrs. Adams… she’s still here? I sighed once again and nodded once. I turned back around and faced the double oak doors once more. I took a deep breath, raising my shoulders up and dropping them back down. I glared at the doors, how dare they make me feel vulnerable.

 

            A soft growl tore from my lips as I finally placed my fist against the cool surface and…

 

*Knock, knock, knock.*

 

“Come in.”

 

            I placed my palms against the doors, momentarily caressing the deep engraving, and pushed… they swung open with a slight groan of protest.

 

            I cleared my throat and licked my suddenly dried lips. Each step I took resonated through the walls, making them sound as loud as the beats of my racing heart.

 

            I shouldn’t be scared, I did nothing wrong. I shouldn’t be scared, I did nothing wrong, I shouldn’t be scared, I did nothing wrong, I shouldn’t be scared…

 

            The continuation of the mantra filled my thoughts as I walked towards the desk and the man in front of me. The man had yet to tear his attention away from the mass piles of paper and files. His shoulders seemed to droop down and an aura of complete exhaustion and boredom shot off from his frame.

 

“Mr. Adams?”

 

“Yes, child?”

 

            Still no obvious eye contact.

 

“My name is Aidan, Aidan Eclipse. You wished to see me?”

 

            The sound of shifting papers finally came to an abrupt stop as his head shot forward and collided with the hard wooden surface.

 

“Mr. Adams!?”

 

            I rushed towards the man, whose arms were spread out forward from his body, disturbing the toppling papers, and whose head had yet to rise from the table’s surface. And with a final groan of protest, the papers fell. They landed on the man with a great burden, obscuring my view for a matter of a few seconds before the majority of them fell towards the floor, chair or wooden surface yet again.

 

            I nervously remained in front of his unmoving body with my shaking hand a breath away from his suit cladded shoulder. Just what the hell happened? My mind just simply cannot keep in pace of the events that were occurring.

 

“Mr.… Mr. Adams? Headmaster, sir?”

 

            A single deep groan answered my quivering concern.

 

“Are you alright, sir?”

 

            A course of mumbles and grunts is what he had responded with.

 

“I’m afraid that I do not understa-“

 

            I nearly yelped in fright as the headmaster’s head lifted from the table quickly and my eyes were locked unto baby blue eyes… at least I now know who Ethan takes after.

 

            They could nearly be identical if the headmaster’s facial features and structure softened, the dark stubble shavened and his shoulder-length dark hair turned a brilliant white.

 

            Mr. Adams tore his eyes away from mines and threw his body to the very back of his chair, disturbing the remaining papers that were once rested upon his frame. He slumped forward and tore the paper away from his forehead with a grunt of distaste, revealing a small yet noticeable red mark behind.

 

“You see this…”

 

            He proceeded to flick the paper in the air, too fast for me to take a proper look.

 

“This is the very proof of the damnation our economy has bestowed us upon… Paperwork! Ha! More like the reincarnation of the devil himself, I say!”

 

            He dropped his hand and twirled on his chair for a few seconds. He then stopped and leaned forward, bracing his arms on the table for support as his chair rolled a few inches backwards. He once again locked our eyes.

 

“Tell me boy, do you know why I must send a damn letter to the board with the calculations of every single dime spent on this school and its students? From textbooks to the damn two-plied toilet paper in vivid detail?”

 

“Uh- no sir, I do not know why.”

 

“I’ll tell you why! It is because those damn old bastards have nothing better to do then to waste my damn time with these damn paperwork! God damnit, that’s why!”

 

            I glanced sideways to the bookshelf on the right wall as he proceeded to slam the paper down and brought his chair back over as he rubbed his temple. He leaned back on his leather chair and continued to spin on his chair while mumbling about old bastards, devil reincarnations and two-plied.

 

“Those damn rich old geezers, I tell you. Got nothing better to do than to drive me nuts. A couple more weeks with these so call paperwork and I swear I’ll tore my god damn hair out.”

 

            We remained silent for a number of minutes as he continued to mumble and I glanced around the spacious office. His sigh tore my attention away from the family picture on the wall behind him. It must be a couple years old for Ethan, the only white-headed boy was a couple years old and the twins were just a couple months old. But what interested me the most was that Ethan wasn’t smiling, in fact he seemed to be glaring at the girl beside him, who seemed to be glaring right back.

 

            I looked into his eyes as he stared from between the gaps of his fingers and smiled. His teeth are just as bright as the rest of his family and he spoke in the same gentle voice that Ethan and his mother possessed. Now that I think about it, he sounded like the twins when his voice was gruff and loud.

 

“Does it hurt?”

 

“Does what hurt, sir?”

 

            He chuckled and motioned towards the gauzed hand I was unconsciously caressing with a flick of his hand.

 

“Does that hurt?”

 

“Oh! This? *A shake of the head* No, sir. It’s just a dull burn now.”

 

“*Chuckle* Of course. Of course. Well then, I apologize.”

 

“You apologize? Whatever for, sir?”

 

“For the behalf of my daughter, of course!”

 

            My eyes flicked towards the portrait again and sure enough I caught a slight color of amber in the girl’s glaring eyes… You have got to be kidding me!p    

19: Moving In Sync

            I must have seemed disturbed because Mr. Adams chuckled a deep yet troubled chuckle. He faced me and his eyes displayed all the emotions that convinced me that what he said was indeed true. His eyes displayed great trouble, exhaustion, annoyance and deep deep shame. Although something told me that it was mostly focused on the paperwork he was now rearranging.

 

            I glanced down at the papers that were spread over my shoes and huffed. I kneeled down and as I proceeded to collect the papers, I noticed calculations. There were charts of every students’ name with mass calculations of every item they have requested and the number of how many they have gone through.

 

            My eyes widened as I skimmed through them, the numbers of such items and their costs truly surprised me. One student had went through 8 compositions for the same subject in 5 days, another had went through 109 pencils in a month and dear god… 10 rolls of two-plied in 2 weeks!?

 

            With my mind set, I stacked the papers in order with the help of Mr. Adams and voiced my decision without glancing up.

 

“I’m buying my own toilet paper…”

 

            From the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Adams stop in his track with his hands an inch away from the growing pile in front of him. I glanced up with my head still down and nearly blushed in embarrassment.

 

            I stood up straight and tall as his eyes glazed over and his lips began to quiver… Did I say something wrong or has the paperwork gotten to him again?

 

            I jumped in slight fright and surprise as he wailed and threw himself across the desk and latched onto my shoulders, his head rubbing against my right shoulder. As I strained my hearing I chuckled as I heard through his sobs and detected words such as a child of god, two-plied, less paperwork and old geezers shoving it somewhere highly unpleasant.

 

            A chuckle of unease and discomfort pass through my lips as I glanced nervously at the stack of papers that he nearly disturbed again. I sighed in relief as they remained in their place and looked everywhere but at the blubbering man latched onto my arms. My hand slowly raked through his soft dark locks as I mumbled words of comfort. How the hell did this man become the headmaster and owner without letting this place crush to the floors? He must be very loaded to be keeping this place up and running in tip top shape. I mean that would not only explain the piles of papers but Amber’s behavior but surely not Ethan’s and the others.

 

            My shoulders tensed as an estate and a glorious grandfather clock rushed through my thoughts… what’s my excuse? I glanced down at the man whose sobs were slowly creasing to a stop and sighed in acknowledgement. Acknowledgement of the fact that my excuse revolved around the reason for all those years locked away from society and human contact, of that night laying on the grass with tears pouring down my face and hiding from the firefighters during the night of the fire. It wasn’t the best excuse in the world but it was excuse for my behavior nevertheless.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

            I leaned back from his grip and silently questioned him with my eyes and a tilt of the head. What was he apologizing for this time?

 

“I’m sorry for my unprofessional behavior towards you and I’m… I’m sorry for everything in general of what has happened… if, if that makes sense.”

 

            Realization hit me like a ton of hard cold bricks as I saw the file he was grazing with the tip of his fingers. It was a normal looking file, yellowish in color and bulky due to the mass of papers it habituated. But what brought most of my unwanted attention and what took my breath away was the name written in great bold letters and the picture clipped on the front.

 

            A boy with alabaster skin, empty gray-blue eyes, raven hair and a paper thin scar from his right eyelid to the corner of his right cheekbone greeted me through the black and white picture. My fingers traced the identical scar of the young boy’s. A young boy of the likely age of 16. A young boy of the name Aidan Eclipse. I couldn’t help but swallow hard and reply with a strained rasp of a whisper.

 

“Yeah, it… makes sense.”

 

            I was an idiot to assume that he wouldn’t know. The file most likely arrived before Mr. Lancaster and I even step foot onto the land of this small island. I wonder if anyone else knows… if Ethan knows. What if Ethan read it? What if the twins or Mrs. Adams read it…? What if Amber knows…?

 

“No one else but me and the board has seen the file if that was what you were wondering.”

 

            A nod and a sigh of relief was his confirmation.

 

“The reason I had called you in here was to give you this here letter and package.”

 

            I glanced away from the file and reached out for the letter and package. I weighed both the package and the letter separately and gasped in surprised to find them both equally heavy.

 

“What- What is it?”

 

“The package contains your uniform, textbook and notebooks with the key tapped to the front of it. The letter contains your exam.”

 

“My… exam?”

 

“But of course. With no school records to give us knowledge of your potential, that here exam will. Your score will determined your classes and your new dorm.”

 

“I see…”

 

“A week from now you will go to room 2011-D with the letter untouched and your uniform worn, But until then you will study with the textbook and the pretest held inside, the keys will open the door of your dorm and building of your temporary stay.”

 

            That makes sense… I stared at the package and letter in my hands and smiled. This here is my last chance to do something right, to leave behind the old untrusting me. This here is my future and as I stared at Mr. Adams I couldn’t help but see the twins, Lucas, Mrs. Adams and Ethan… my future is waiting.

 

            With the items held tightly against my chest I bowed deeply, my bangs grazing the wooden surface.

 

“Thank you!”

 

            Mr. Adams chuckled and flicked a good bye as I turned back and waved while heading towards the door.

 

“Oh and Aidan?”

 

“Yes, sir?”

 

“Call me, Michal.”

 

            Michal Adams… Ha, of course. I couldn’t help but grin widely and nod as a sensation of warmth and hope spread throughout my slim figure. But that sensation ended when the doors burst open and two chocolate blurs lunged at Michal, causing the piles of paperwork to spread throughout the area.

 

            I chuckled alongside with the childish giggles and the heart-warming laugh as I shook my head and stepped through the doors. But before the doors closed…

 

“Daddy we brought you more paperwork! ~”

 

“GOD DAMN THOSE OLD GEEZERS!”

 

            *Doors close* I stared happily at the letter in my hands and chuckled. I just know that my future is going to be bright and hold many surprises.

 

“I just know it *Whispered*

 

“Still talking to yourself I see, you really haven’t changed at all.”

 

            My breath was once again knocked out of me as a sensation of being crushed gripped my heart.

 

“Jay-Jayce…”

 

            I watched through my bangs as he removed himself from the wall and walked towards me. My ear were flowed with the sound of my rapid heart as he stopped in front of me and tipped my head back.

 

“It’s nice to see you again.”

 

“*Swallow* You-You too…”

 

            I felt my body tremble as he push my bangs away from my eyes and clipped them on the side of my head. Its little string of jewels connected to the clip clicked as they grazed through my upper right cheek.

 

“There! Isn’t that better!?”

 

            Why… Why was he here? Why is he doing this to me? Why is he acting and smiling like we hadn’t spent half of my life apart?

 

“Why are you here?”

 

            I watched tensely as his smile faded and a look of great sadness rushed past his eyes. But that didn’t last very long for he bumped his shoulders up once and plastered a smile once more.

 

“I’m here to lead you to your temporary home of course~ now let’s see those keys, shall we?

 

            I didn’t object as he tore the keys from the package and lifted them up towards the ceiling to read the engravings better.

 

“54-C huh? Very well. Right this way, little buddy~”

 

            I remained fixed on the floor as he walked towards the exit. I just simply couldn’t move and it seems that he had noticed for he returned and took my free hand onto his, entangling our fingers together.

 

“Come on, Aidan. It’s right this way.”

 

            I unwilling left the office as I stared back towards the oak door where I could still hear Mr. Adams whining. A grimaced passed my face as tiny heads popped out of the doorway and waved goodbye.

 

            I glanced back at the boy in front of me, red hair shinning with the lights of the passing windows. Body clad in black skinny jeans and a loose dark red button down. Unable to take the pain, I glanced from our interlocked hands towards our moving shoes. His black converse with red shoelaces and my white and black converses steeping in complete sync.

 

            Why must it be him? Why must I love this young man to death? Why can’t I move on like he has…?

20: Love Bites

            My mind went blank and my breath came out in loud gasps. When will he stop? Doesn’t he get tired? Oh god, I hope no one sees us… we should stop. We should stop now. I should say something shouldn’t I? But… I just can’t breathe.

 

“Jay-Jayce!”

 

“Yes~”

 

            Damn him and his stupid sing-song voice, can’t he see this hurts?

 

“Jayce s-stop… It hurts, Jayce!”

 

“*Chuckle* If I didn’t know any better I would think this was your first time.”

 

            Does he think this is funny!? Because I sure as hell am not laughing… then again, I don’t think I’m even breathing.

 

“That’s because it is, you bastard!”

 

“You’re kidding me! Really!?”

 

            Why the hell is he looking so damn shocked!? He should know out of everyone that this is my first time… Shouldn’t he?

 

“Jayce, slow the fuck down!”

 

“Nuh-uh, can’t hear you~”

 

            This fucker is trying to kill me, isn’t he!? That’s it, I’ve had just about enough.

 

“GOD DAMNIT JAYCE, STOP FUCKING RUNNING BEFORE I SHOVE MY FOOT UP YOUR DAMN ASS!”

 

…

 

            I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die and it’s going to be all his damn fault! Who the hell runs like a maniac in the middle of giving a damn tour? I’ll tell you who, Jayce fucken White does, that’s who…

 

            A growl tore its way from my lips as I glare heatedly at the man in front of me. The man who is now leaning against a maple tree, sipping at his water bottle. The man who is simply staring at me through the top of his drink. The man who isn’t even HELPING ME!

 

“Stop *Wheeze* staring *gasp*, asshole.”

 

“You really weren’t kidding when you said it was your first time, huh…”

 

            With my breath escaping me and my body shaking with every shattering cough, I was unable to answer his remark with words and so I depended on my body to voice my thought for me and so, using my actions in a way of communicating, I… flicked him off.

 

            I grumbled as he laughed and pouted with my head low and my body hunched over as he placed his hand through my hair and ruffled it. I snatched the water from his unexpecting hand while he was distracted. Exhausted, I plopped down on the floor, legs bended to cross, and drank the remaining water while staring at the man standing beside me. A look of disbelief seemed to have conquered every single one of his features as he watched me with his eyes wide and mouth agape… It’s his own damn fault anyway.

 

            I wiped my mouth with my left gray sleeve. I looked back up through my bangs to see his still stupefied expression. I leaned back with my arms behind me, supporting me. I stared at my white skinny jeans, surprising clean, without a single grass mark.

 

            With my mind set, I huffed, lifted up my head and threw the water bottle at him. A smirk found its way on my lips as it bounced off the middle of his forehead. I may not be the best runner but I have one hell of an aim.

 

            Exhausted and breathless, I untwined my legs and spread my body out on the lush green grass. I stared transfixed at the roaming plush white clouds. The sun’s rays spread a relaxing warmth over my body as it reappeared from behind a stubborn cloud.

 

            I shifted to my side as I felt a body lay on the ground beside me. A smile of content passed my lips as a cool breeze passed through us, lifting our hair and shirts for a split second.

 

“I missed this, you know.”

 

            I didn’t respond for if I did, I would have confessed that I had missed these moments as well.

 

“I missed you, Aidan. You have no idea how much…”

 

            I can assume that you had missed me enough to forget your promise and me.

 

“Can we… not talk about this?”

 

            A pang of guilt hit my chest as I heard him sigh in deep sorrow. I just… I just can’t talk about this right now. Not while I’m so close to him. It hurts so much. He had hurt me even more.

 

            I turned to my right side and began to pluck strands of grass off the ground with my head on my right arm. I could hear my heart beat as loud as I could hear his steady breathing. The chill of the air and the ground below me contrasted deeply with the heat that radiated off his frame… why had he let this go? Where did it all go to hell?

 

            I scoffed in disgust of myself, why am I so stupid? I was only 8 years old and he was 10. We were kids, we were foolish and naïve. But I can’t help but feel as if I’m lying to myself because as I remembered every day we spent together, every fight we gone through, every laugh we shared and every “I love you” we said… was true. Oh god, how I wished it were true.

 

“Do you remember that time we fought over a birthday present? It was on August 9… 1995. You were mad at me because I questioned the reason why you had given me a gift. *Chuckle* you were so mad that you just stormed off. Imagine my surprise when I remembered that it was my 9^th birthday… I was so stupid then. I would fight with you over the littlest of things imaginable… But you were right, you were always right.”

 

“As right as 7 going to 8 year old could be.”

 

“Now, we both know that your mind was way ahead then your age could ever manage to catch up.”

 

“… You grow up pretty fast when you spend most of your life spent in solitude and loneliness.”

 

“You had me…”

 

“Yeah, for about three years, before you just up and left me all alone.”

 

“Aidan…”

 

            I didn’t respond, I couldn’t… it hurt so much.

 

“Aidan, look at me.”

 

            I was too weak to protest as he turned me back around. A shiver went through me as he lifted my chin and connected our eyes together. I felt my breath hitch as I saw how the light illuminated him. His wild red hair swayed against the wind, his tan skin glistened as the sun hit, his green eyes were intense… so intense that it made my heart skip a beat. His dark red button down was crimpled as it clung onto his frame, defining every muscle with every breath he took. His black skinny jeans wrapped around his long legs quite nicely.

 

            He was on his side propped up by his right forearm. I waited patiently as he closed his eyes, his eyelashes created a shadow over the small birthmark but as he finally opened his eyes and his lips parted, we heard a yell.

 

“Jayce!”

 

            A feminine yell…

 

“Jayce!”

 

            I swallowed hard as my eyes zoomed in to a patch of his neck as he turned his head around. What I saw tore my heart out and ripped it in to little bleeding pieces. I clenched my eyes shut as I felt a burning in my eyes, in my throat and in my chest. My body shook as I concealed a sob… how could I be so stupid!?

 

            I paid the couple no mind as Jayce got up and practically ran towards the waiting diva. I slowly raised from the floor and I felt my heart shatter around me. I kept walking, despite not knowing where, despite my legs nearly giving out, despite the pain and despite my name being voiced by a pair of lips I have dreamed about touching for years.

 

            I kept walking as my eyes blurred and my breath came out in chocked sobs. I tensed as I felt a firm grip on my left arm… it stung.

 

“Aidan…”

 

            A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it and I cursed at myself for being so weak, so vulnerable when it came to him. I yanked my arm back, refusing to meet his green eyes and ran… I ran before he could further questioned my sudden actions. I ran despite the pain in my gut and thighs. I ran because the pain in my heart was much stronger.

 

            I ran until my vision turned hazy and my face burned from the tears. I ran until my throat ached and my legs gave out. I dropped on my hands and knees, wincing I put massive pressure on my injured hand. I shook as I felt a grip on my shoulders. I struggled, I fought and I screamed but they wouldn’t let go.

 

            I finally stopped as the scent of peppermint washed over me… Jayce smelled like pomegranates and berries. While my mind had registered red hair, tan skin, green eyes… they did not notice the black and white stripped long sleeves, black vest and skinny jeans. They ignored the lighter grip and the smaller height. They didn’t notice the missing birth mark.

 

            I lunged at Lucas, toppling us to the floor but I didn’t let go and neither did he. My body shook with every loud sob that tore from my lips and the rocking motion he had set. I buried my head on to his neck, feeling his red hair prick my skin. I didn’t look up as I felt another pair of hands rubbing my back and another set of soft words of comfort. I didn’t need to because I knew who it was, because we were in the shadows… away from the sun. And so I didn’t look up from the small clip that laid on the floor. A small black clip connected with two strings of gems that lay beside it.

 

            And despite the numbing pain, two things registered into my thoughts. One was the letter and package I had left behind, next to the tree I had laid under and two… was that I had to forget about him, about the three glorious year of my life. I had to move on.

 

            And though it nearly kills me, I had made up my mind. Funny how my future is left behind with my past and my present is spent sobbing words of betrayal, broken promises, vulnerability, ambers and love bites.

21: Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Broken and abused.
Hiding from the truth.
 
I remain in my fixed state,
While I bury my heart in a crate.
 
My tears stain these papers.
Smudging my unspoken words and letters.
 
The pain in my chest never ceases
As I let my emotions and sorrow drain away.
 
I find myself tongue-tied when I hear your name.
Unable to warn others about your sick game-
 
“Ai-Aidan…? Are you there?”
 
            I stared blankly at my paper, unable to respond to the desperate pleas behind my door. It’s been 5 days since I last spoken to anyone and my week in this small dorm is nearly over.
 
“Aidan, please. Everyone is worried and the twins keep asking when you’ll come over…*Chuckle* they keep calling you their Raven Prince… Aidan, I’m worried sick over here.”
 
            I didn’t look up from the paper in front of me, my eyes skimmed through the words I have written but my mind just simply can’t grasp on to their meaning. My heart aches from the exasperation in Lucas’ tone, I don’t want to hurt them… They’ve only been so kind and patient with me… but, but I can’t see them until I’ve got my emotions under control.
 
            I’m sick of feeling so weak and vulnerable. The thought of my emotions being let wild is driving me insane. This is the very reason I avoided human contact since I was abandoned… I get attached very quickly… and it has only brought me pain.
 
“I… I kicked Jayce’s ass for you a while ago *Small Chuckle* that bastard has had an ass kicking well over due… Aidan if you’ll just tell me what he did… maybe I’ll understand what’s going on a little bit more.”
 
            The silence echoed throughout the room, its imaginary figure wraps around my body, chilling me to the very bone. But maybe that’s just the cool air seeping through the gap of my clear window… fall has arrived a bit early this year and it hasn't stopped raining since this morning.
 
            With that final sudden thought in mind, a rush of heated chill spreads throughout my body, catching my breath short. The chair groans in protest as I turn my body suddenly until it's facing the door… It’s freezing cold out there… and I’m being selfish and keeping him locked out of the only warmth available.
 
            I rushed to my feet, slightly tilting to the side as the rush got to my head. But I continued towards the door, I have been selfish long enough. I can’t keep them locked out forever, they need me… I need them.
 
            And so with that final thought I placed my hand on the cold brass knob…
 
“Aidan, I brought hot cocoa and chocolate straw… berries… Hey! You finally opened the door! If I had known that food would get you out of here, I would have brought you a whole lasagna a LONG TIME AGO!”
 
“Just get in and close the door, will you… the heat is escaping… Lucas…”
 
            I stared at Lucas as he remained completely oblivious of the rapid decreasing of the room’s temperature.
 
“Lucas... Lucas... LUCAS SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!”
 
            My eyes couldn’t help but roll as he jumped in slight surprise. I watched, silently sitting on my bed, as he rushed in the room and swiftly kicked the door shut. I stared at his black combat boots as various raindrops splashed down beside his shaking feet.
 
            I rose to my feet once more and headed towards my luggage, looking through its contents in search for a warm blanket.
 
            Once I found it, I headed back towards the shaking red sprinkler. His arms were folded, close to his trembling chest, as his hands griped desperately at his biceps. His knees were buckled and his legs quivered, threatening to give out any sudden moment. His red hair turned a dark burgundy and his bangs were plastered to his head, nearly covering his dazed green eyes and flushed cheeks… how long has he been outside?
 
            I helped him remove his leather black raincoat and wrapped the light gray blanket over his trembling shoulders. I laid him towards the bad, where he sank gratefully into with a content sigh. I grabbed the red flask and black bag from the floor and walked back towards the small kitchen connected to the room.
 
            I was surprised when I first arrived to see the room furnished and the kitchen supplied. The package and letter was found waiting for me at the door with a letter, which I presumed to be an apology letter… I never did read it. It know lays at the bottom of my waste basket, trampled by various other crumbled up papers.
 
            I placed two white cups down on the kitchen cabinet and filled them with a healthy amount of hot cocoa from the red flask. With my sweet tooth getting the best of me, whip cream, chocolate fudge and shavings, marshmallows and caramel soon joined the hot steaming cocoa.
 
            The dark chocolate dipped strawberry were placed according in a large flat plate, they had to be piled amongst each other in order to fit the large white plate. Feeling a bit creative, I arranged the strawberries into a chocolate red pyramid before I placed the plate and two cups in a silver tray.
 
            I looked back up with the tray in hand to see Lucas plopped up with his forearms beside him, supporting him, smiling. I raised an eyebrow in silent question as he continued to stare at me with a wide blinding smile.
 
“You really do look like a girl, you know… you wouldn’t perhaps be Asian would you?”
 
“Half Japanese and half Spaniard if you really must know… and I do not look like a girl, you stereotypical bastard.”
 
“*Chuckle* that actually really makes sense. Can you guess where my parents are from?”
 
“Ireland and Finland.”
 
“…. How…”
 
“Jayce…”
 
            A look of unease passed through his features as silence enveloped us once more. He shifted into a sitting position, causing the light gray blanket to fall from his shoulders and land in a help around his waist. I smiled warmly at him but I knew without a doubt that the warmth did not reach my eyes.
 
            He smiled weakly as I handed him his warm cup, staring transfixed at the sweets that hid the dark warm liquid.
 
“Sorry, I have a bit of a sweet tooth…”
 
“Ha, I can see that.”
 
            We smiled warmly at each other and hurriedly began to devour the hot cocoa, humming in content and pleasure as the sweet warm chocolate drink landed on our tongues. I glanced sideways at the strawberries that were just waiting for me to pick one by one and so I did. I closed my eyes at the smooth texture and bitter sweet taste.
 
“He was kidding… You really do love chocolate strawberries. I mean he warned me about your sweet tooth but… wow, just wow.”
 
            I opened my eyes to see that the hot beverage was gone along with more than half of the strawberries. I blushed hotly and passed the plate over to Lucas, who slowly grabbed a chocolate strawberry from the plate. I glanced down to my hands that laid on top of my bended right leg, my left leg was hanging from the bed as I was sited at the very edge. Lucas was leaning against the headboard, enveloped by the multiple covers. I didn’t look in his eyes for I knew he was staring at me. I wasn’t stupid, I know what he wants to ask, what both he and Ethan have been wondering since the moment I injured my hand.
 
“Aidan…”
 
            I didn’t reply. I needed to gather my courage if I was going to do this, if I was going to lay out my whole past in front of me, exposed to the boy sitting before me.
 
“Please, I’m worried sick. Ethan… he's a complete mess. We need to know…”
 
“*Swallow* It all started on my 4^th birthday…”

22: My Baby Fox

“*Swallow* It all started on my 4^th birthday, I was so excited due to my uncle finally coming over… but he never did. You see, my father got in a fight with his family when they found out about our… little secret. Father was gay and in love with his brother-in-law, Matthew, but due to our laws, they weren’t able to be together and so my father married my mother.
            My mother was the protector, the disguise, the false façade. She lead people to believe that we were a normal loving family, but in reality… my uncle Matthew and my father meet in secret, late nights filled with hushed passion, while my mother… torn by her deep love for both her husband and her brother, was forced to live this false fairytale and make others believe it too. My father’s family found out about this secret a month after my sibling’s and I’s birth.  
            My grandmother cursed her own son and daughter-in-law to hell. She called us all demonic fools and even said that we would all soon pay for the damage we had caused. My parents didn’t believe her and we continued on living, laughing, smiling… being the society corrupted family we were meant to be. We never once thought that she would come through with what she said.
            My siblings and I were once quadruplet siblings. I was the second youngest, betting my sister Annabel by a few seconds. The oldest of us, Allen, was helping with the preparations because despite being only 4 years old, he was mature and well mannered. My second oldest brother, Alistair, was nowhere to be seen, but we weren’t worried because he was always somewhere, making havoc.
            I was in the yard with Annabel, watching as she picked flowers and spreading the petals all over the tables, claiming she was adding a girl’s touch to the too icky boy party. All was going well and nothing was out of place… *Whimper* We were so happy.”
 
            I took a deep breath and reached for the last strawberry, refusing to make eye-contact with the redheaded boy sitting across from me, patiently waiting.
 
“Every time one of our birth time came, we would open our present. Allen got a violin and Alistair’s present was coming soon… but we couldn’t find him. The estate was large and we were all in a panic, sure he would disappear every so often but no matter what scheme he would pull, he would never do this to me. I had a weak heart and any great stress would leave me in agony and pain until I collapse. He wouldn’t do this to me.
            We all separated to cover more ground, I remember running towards the garden we made together; it was our little secret… just ours. It was reaching 10 o’clock when I finally reached the end of the woods in our estate and I was trying so hard not to panic. I remember tripping over a tree root when I noticed a small trail of bleeding heart flowers, they were my favorite. I followed the trail, passing the small garden. The trail ended at the bottom of a little gardening shed and on the door laid a note: Open the door and you will fall, Leave the door closed and you won’t see nothing at all.
            I would have left that door closed, I really would… but I saw his little chain peeking from under the door. We all had the same chain but the little locket was always different. He was our little fox, so sly and vibrant… I opened the door and surely enough… I fell. My little heart broke and shattered at that very moment.
            I died that day. My heart gave up on me and the sight that laid before me. Alistair, our baby fox, laid in a puddle of his own blood, a gaping hole on his chest and liquid crimson splattered on his pale skin… He laid sprawled out, legs bent and feet touching. His little arms were spread out and his hands and feet nailed to the floor. His raven hair was tangled as a crown made out of twines and thorns was forced upon his head.
            It was that day that our little fox became our little savior… my savior. When my parents found us, I was nearly dying, just a few breaths away. When we reached the hospital, everyone was in a state of panic. They didn’t have the right heart to replace mine. Well at least they didn’t until they ripped open the little fox’s chest…”
 
            I rose from the bed and silently walked towards a little black chest that sat by the window sill. I gently grasped it in my trembling hands and sat beside the silent redhead again. I opened the little black chest and four little animals began to dance to a soft melody. There was an owl, a fox, a raven and baby wolf. They all danced among each other to the soft beat. On each of the animal’s neck laid tiny golden chains with their animal locket… all except the owls.
 
            I grabbed the fox’s locket and placed it on Lucas’ tense hand. I stared as he clutched the chain between his hands and smiled softly.
 
“I think you can figure out what happened next that day…”
 
            The sheets rustled as he moved, his fingers still caressing the little fox.
 
“Yeah… I think I could.”
 
“We buried him the next week, between a small weeping willow tree and bleeding-heart flower tree that we had planted together in our little garden. Our family never was the same again that day… My mother would still place an extra set at the dinner table and my father would still pat the pillow on his empty bed before he went to sleep. I refused to look at mirror, I couldn’t help seeing the sight of my reflection living while his heart beats inside me. Annabel refused to wear her baby wolf chain anymore and gave me hers, she claimed that it didn’t feel right. Allen never spoke to me again, not once. And I couldn’t blame him.
            In fact, no one spoke to me unless it was absolutely necessary. Everyone in our small town avoided me, leaving huge physical gaps between us. They would rush to the other side of the street or back way to the farthest side of the room… They called me the bad luck raven, and said if anyone even touched me… they would die, their hearts ripped out of their chest.
            Soon I stopped leaving the estate at all, some days I would spend the night by his grave and play this little chest lullaby to him. *A deep sigh* Two years later, I meet Jayce and certain things happened, but I think that’s another story for another time.”
 
“But-”
 
“Please…”
 
            I stared at his blurred green eyes and smiled softly as he slowly nodded his head once. I rose from the bed and placed the dirty plates and tray on the sink. I gently pushed Lucas down on the bed and pulled the covers over him. I placed the small chest on the nightstand and opened it once more, letting the lullaby echo throughout the small dorm.
 
            I remained silent throughout the hour it had taken for Lucas to finally fall asleep. I had finished washing the dirty dishes and cleaned the remaining mess. But just before I was going back to my unfinished poem, I glanced back him. I watched as his chest slowly rose and fell and I finally realized why. I finally understood why he means so much to me because as I watched him sleep, I saw my baby fox. I saw his smile, I heard his laugh.
 
            A sudden urge went over me and I couldn’t help but grab the chain from his hand and place it on his neck, gently clasping the lock on the back. I softly moved his hair from his fore head and stopped midway from leaning forward. I cursed under my breath and swiftly stood straight up and resumed my writing.
 
            I know he came to find out why I was the way I am and I know he wants to know why I react the way I do to Jayce. But I can’t tell him why until I tell him what happened before I meet him… and that well take a couple of more days until I’m ready to tell him what happened next.
 
            I scoffed at my paper as a large wet drop spread, smudging the ink and the words. I sighed and glanced at the window, the tick tock of the clock merging with the soft lullaby. I felt droplets of tears fall from my eyes as a small bleed-heart flower fell from its branch, landing on the floor with a silent thud.
 

23: Mister Reaper's Raven

            Three days have passed since that night and my breathing hasn’t ceased in its quickened pace. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as its beating sounded in my ears. My body trembled and my eyes blurred. A chocked sob left my lips as I stared down at the paper before me. My fingers left wrinkles on both sides of the paper as my grip tightened… I can’t believe it.
 
“Aidan…”
 
            I didn’t respond to Lucas’ worried call nor Ethan’s concern stare. My body stood stiff and every quiver hurt my tensed muscles. My eyes racked over the printed words, waiting for it to shift and give me a different response.
 
“… It can’t be that bad… right?”
 
            I licked my dry lips and swallowed thickly, wincing as a sharp pain spread through my throat. I opened my mouth, forcing myself to voice anything other than chocked sobs and sharp intakes.
 
“I-I…”
 
            Unable to continue, my right arm went limp as it swung towards my side, never releasing its tight grip on the paper. I forced myself to turn my head sideways, staring deeply into their blurry wavering eyes. I slowly shifted my body towards them and lunged forward, locking them both in a tight grip, leaving no escape… but I didn’t need to. I felt two pair of arms cling onto me as I whispered a single word.
 
“Passed.”
 
Congratulations, Aidan Matthew Eclipse!
You have passed our entrance exam with flying colors!
It brings us great pleasure to have another family member enroll into our school (despite the extra paper work!!). With the score of your exam, I am pleased to say that you are now enrolled into Mister Reaper's Dorm! Do not let the name fool you, the students habituating this dorm are one of the most living students in Adam Crest High. In Mister Reaper's Dorm your education will focus in your outstanding intellectual creativity. Your new uniform, crest, class schedule and new dorm key are in the possession of your dorm leader. He awaits you at your new dorm lounge.
Sincerely,
Michal Adams

...

            A large grin spread across my pale lips as my cheeks flushed in pure bless. I glanced at the mirror one last time and smiled wider. Long gone was the boy with the dull empty eyes and lifeless complexion.

            My eyes now sparkled with every emotion that my slim figure could carry. My raven hair now shone with every embrace of the sun. My sick complexion now has color and compliments my paper thin scar.

            I jumped in slight anticipation as I changed from my tight gray shirt to a black silk button down, pushing the sleeves up to my elbows, and placed a loose dark royal blue tie around my neck. I removed myself from my black sweatpants and into firm fitting gray skinny jeans. I had to make a slight hop to be able to pull my pants passed my hips. I glanced behind me, making sure that Ethan and Lucas did not see.

            My cheeks now ached from all the strain I have put them through, but I just can't simply help myself. I'm so happy! I hastily rubbed at my eyes, refusing to cry once more. With a wavering smile I slipped into my dark black and blue converse, quickly tying my gray shoelaces and placing the loose ends into my shoes.

            A huff satisfaction passed through my lips, sending a shout of protest through my aching jaw. I need to stop smiling; it's getting really out of hand here! With a final regrettable huff I straightened my back out and placed my shoulders back. I placed my right foot over my left and turned around, sending a tingle down my spine as my hair grazed my skin.

            I ran my hand through my bangs as I sighed and clenched my eyes shut, suddenly feeling my nausea hit. I was a complete nervous wreck this past week. I studied all night and day, taking a few breaks to eat, sleep, shower and collect the letters on my front door... I never did open those letters.

"All set, Aidan?"

            I sent Ethan a quick nod as I grabbed my luggage and backpack. I licked my lips as I took a deep breath and headed towards the doors.

"Let's go!"

            I glanced at the small trash can underneath the table as Lucas and Ethan each grabbed their belonging... Maybe I should read them... I mean I know it's from him, what with the small drawing of the raven and dragon on the right hand corner of the envelop. I was his silent raven and he was my vibrant dragon. But that was long ago.

            The sound of the lock being undone snapped me out of my muse and I swiftly turned back around. I walked out the door behind Ethan and Lucas, feeling a pain in my chest as the door slowly closed shut. But just as the door nearly clicked, I rushed forward and grabbed the doorknob, yelling a quick "forgot something" behind me.

            With rushed footsteps, I dropped my luggage and headed towards the small trash can. I kneed down and rummaged through the content of the small black bag, grabbing all five of the small letters. I quickly shoved the letters into my bag before I could change my mind and raced back out the door, grabbing my luggage from the floor.

...

            The sun's heat felt nice against my skin as a gentle breeze caressed our forms. I shut my eyes as I took in the feel of my ruffling clothes, swaying hair and the polished gravel beneath my shoes. The sounds of loud chatter, nature and pure happiness enveloped us.

            I cracked one eye open, revealing a bright grey-blue eye. The sound of rushing water could be heard as we past by a small fountain, lilac petals and lily pads graced the clear surface.

"Lucas, Ethan?"

"Hmm?"

"Why is my dorm called the Mister Reaper's Dorm?"

            I continued to look at the scene around me, memorizing the rememberable sight. We stayed in complete silence until Ethan finally spoke.

"There are four dorms and each dorm has a different academy building. These dorms are named after the four original owners of Adams Crest High. This school has been in the possession of my family for millions of decades. It first started as a single small school for those who couldn't afford a proper education. However, during the first World War, the owners died while defending the students and their beloved home of hope. The town was devastated to see that their once tall opportunity now laid in ashes and fallen stones. In order to keep their town's education intake, they built the school once more, separating the school into four different academies to represent the teachings of each owner. Once the school was finished and the last surviving relative of the siblings was old enough to run it, Adams Crest High was one once more."

            I nodded once to show that I understood and glanced at the couple as Lucas continued the story.

"Mister Reaper was the nickname of the youngest sibling, Angelo Adams. He was a kind and reserved man. He never let the judgments of others get to him and taught his students how to carry on strong when they are put down. He man of art and so he taught his students how to express their feelings while still being in the comfort of their masks. 
            He was dubbed as Mister Reaper for his awe inspiring art. He danced the dance of the dead, he sung the songs of the unspoken, he wrote the words of the sacred and he painted in the blood and tears of the lost. 
            He defined life as it has never once has been done before and people admired him for it. He had placed a more delicate and angelic meaning to the word of bitter truth... But now as I'm telling you this story, I can say that you and that dorm are a perfect match, don't chu think, Ethan?"

"I do. It wasn't as noticeable as you first came but you really do have the same spark of emotion in your eyes as he once did."

            A feeling of acceptance wormed its way through my chest as I glanced down at my moving feet. A small content smile graced my lips as ran my thumbs over each other.

"Well this is it... Mister Reaper's Dorm."

"And that by the door must be your dorm leader!"

            I glanced up and the sight before me left me stumbling on my feet. I felt my heart race and my muscles clench... But it wasn't due to the beautifully dark building in front of me. No, what caught me in such a panic state was the young man who stood leaning on the door with his hands in his pockets... Can it be?

            Any sliver of doubt left my mind and heart as the man looked up, revealing dark gray eyes... It really is him...

"Allen..."