Nametags - A reach out.

Wrote this for 49 minutes listening to this:

Search on youtube: LONG Playlist of Relaxing Soft Piano Music to Sleep and Study

It's by the youtuber Serentiy Studio. It might be troublesome, but it kinda sets the mood and it is quite relaxing. x)

I wouldn't call this a story. I'd call this a.. Kind of reminder. A note to self. A note that some might or might not take use of or feel hit by. Skip to the end if you want happy-go-lucky, because this is a note by myself, not as some character. My real name isn't Meydri, nor Mey. But in this text I shall refer to myself as Mey.

Mey; I'm currently in highschool. I think..? Sweden has different schoolyears and whatnots. Anyhow, I might be young, but I sure don't feel like it. And not in the part that my knees and back hurts (which they actually do lol), but that I feel more realitybased than what others are in my age. I've been mistaken for 16 and even 20 years old online, personality wise. I've always gotten along much much better with people older than me than with people that are my age. My best friends when I was around 12 was four 10 year olds, a 9 year old and two girls my age. I guess the lil ones looked up to me or something, and I really liked that. So I embraced the friendships I got, and I'm not regretting that a single moment. :) At the end of the year I had to say goodbye to the little ones, and unfortunately I had just met a new friend, but she transferred. That kinda sucked. I also got seperated from my current crush, we got into different classes. It would so not have worked out anyway so.. XD Anyhow, I also lost one of my best friends. It was kind of a pick and choose situation, and I guess that I choice the other one. More into that later.

I forgot to mention that I have OCD. It luringly arrived around the age of 10 or so. I got cleaning obsessions, my hands were destroyed of the hand desinfection I used over and over again, around 5 times up to my elbows and then I washed with soap another 5 times or so. I remember being super proud when I only washed them 5 times. I locked, unlocked and locked the door, I even had problems cuddling with my pet. She noticed that even though I loved her I felt uncomfortable, so she kinda shunned away. That was when my heart broke and I desired a change. Now we cuddle even if she's all covered in mud. I'd probably give her a bathe though, but let's say the OCD's much much better now. I still struggle everyday, but it's worth it. Get help with stuffs like that! The therapist you get might be complete crap, but seriously - DARE TO ASK FOR A NEW ONE! Don't be afraid to fight for a new one. If anyone should understand, it's them. You can't, and don't want to receive help from someone you don't "mesh" with. Onto the friend stuff.

M; Due to privacy reasons, I shall just refer this gal as M. Fun fact: My original best friend was a girl named W (privacy stuffs again), and when M first came along, I felt like she stole my best friend; so I shunned her. I didn't let her join in on games and I was blunt with me not liking her. I was maybe 7 around the time.. xD Today W is the one that I don't mesh with anymore, and M is my current best friend. W even transfered classes, so yea. I'm not regretting my choice though. Here's the kicker: the same scenario is happening again. But now M is my best friend, and L (as the guy in Death Note?! 8o) - sorry to disappoint ya, but no. ._. L is awesome, not this one. Besides, the L I'm talking about is a girl. She basically befriend anyone she pleases, is friends for a while then just leave. She made that extra clear when she acted like my best friends for 60 minutes just because the others was skipping P.E, then just left me. Hilarious. xD

M is the person. I love her, as a friend, and she is probably one of the most precious persons I have, and hold dear. She means the world to me, and frankly, if she wasn't so stupid and such a weirdo, I probably would feel even more crappy than right now. Besides, she's the one that has formed me today aswell. Unfortunately, she is quite dense. I've talked about how I feel bout L, and that it feels like M's neglecting me. She agrees, and then 30 minutes later it's like the conversation never took room. I care too much though, so I can't start an argument. I'm so weak. x_x''

I'm just lost at the moment. I don't know what to do, how to act. I want to change, drastically, but I'm too lazy and afraid to change. I want to color my hair effin PINK and cut it even shorter than I have now (longest part goes to my shoulder). I want to wear hoodies of all kinds, and go around with a headset around my neck all the time. The coloring my hair pink and cutting it short is the part I want the most though, and the part I'm most afraid of doing. I'm afraid of hearing "that's not like you", and I KNOW it shouldn't matter - but I'm a human being and I'm scared of silly stuff like that. It's never too late to change - I'm just afraid of taking that first step. I discovered that I actually have a friend that's honest and true to me and herself; but she's transferring, partially because of a move; partially because she feels neglected in class. I feel sick, I regret that I was so grumpy against her.. I'm so messed up right now.

Gande: Now this is the maniac that is making my world stable right now. He's much older, actually around his twenties. Lives across the globe. He's kind of my rock at the moment. He's gotten me to have more patience and a more positive look on things; and even though the positive aspect is hard to keep in these times, he's changed my mentality toward things. And that has helped. I play alot of League of Legends on him. Europe & Nordic ftw.. (not)

He's awesome. We're famous for being badshit insane and having a pretty harsh humor. We DO get on our nerves sometimes, but yeah, we've worked it out so far. Creds to you, Gande!

P; She's my idol. She's also much older. Almost closing in on her twenties. She's also awesome, never had a fight with her. Until now. I guess I shouldn't call it a fight, but we've almost never had a different opinion. I'm just so messed up right now so I can't mesh properly with her, I just get angry all the time. It sucks, because she hasn't done anything wrong.. Love ya. :/

G: In general, I just feel bad. I don't have anyone to talk to about these problems. or well, I do talk to Gande alot about my problems, but and he's trying his best; but I need something more, someone that has literally been through some of my experiences.

D; I actually don't know her name. Or I might've forgotten (sowwi). She's absolutely epic. She helped me with fictionpress! I didn't even know this existed, until one fateful encounter on a glittery day.. *o*

A.k.a on a youtube video! 8D XDDD

I asked her if I could borrow an idea from hers; a comment that she had posted. She pointed me towards FictionPress and I guess we've just stuck to eachother, talking about how shitty the world can be (sorry FictionPress, but I'm trying to keep the "bad" words down as much as possible), we both have had our difficulties. So at least I feel like she's a safe card. She's the safest card to bet on when it comes to talking about problems. Love ya! :3 Everytime I see that I've gotten a PM on FictionPress, it feels like Christmas! 8DD xD

The Better:

So, this has been absolute crap all through the way. My best friend is starting to slowly fade away, the other precious friend I have is getting shunned, I'm crying out to a guy in his twenties, and I'm chatting away with an almost complete stranger. You know My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? Whatever, they're true about one thing.

Friendship is magic. It might seem ironic since all you've read until now has been about how bad my friend situation is.

*insert cliché here* - Alrighty!

It gets better. I know it seems suckish, but it gets better. Even if it goes on for years, it gets better. Don't glue on a forced smile. Be sad, if that is what you want to be. Try to reach out to parents, friends, animals, internet friends - even plants. If you don't have none that you want to talk to; go internetsurfing. There are alot of pricks out there, but there are some honestly great people out there - Like D & Gande. I know them solely (spelling.. xD) from the internet, yet they are the kind of support that I need at the moment.

The world is worth it; don't just look at all the awful wars, destruction and killing; look out the window at 5 AM. It's friggin condensed water laying on the ground, and if not now, there will probably be! Consider how the sky can be so many colors, how the trees make all their leaves drop so they can survive the winter, and then have the strenght to bloom again! There as SO many epic things out there. It's awesome! And if you read through that again; ain't those things supersilly and small? Imagine how many greater things there are to sit and wonder about. :D I'm not one for cheesy and classic smileys, but ":D" is all I can say.

I'm a great listener if you ask me. I might have a bad memory, but if there is something very important that has slipped my mind; then feel free to give me a slap on the face.. Or preferably on my arm.. _

Please, feel free to PM! Talk to meh! I'm ALOOOOONE... T_T

No but, seriously, if you want to, shove a PM into my throat. I'll try to answer it as fast as possible.

I know that this might not be what you expected; why name it "Nametags", then ramble on about your uninteresting life and make a cheesy unbelievable load of crap at the bottom. Why write this? Nobody cares, nobody needs your help, you don't get it - you wouldn't get them anyway.

But it won't hurt to try, am I right? (^_^)

Sincerely, Mey.