Sparkatale

Well, this is not really my sort of story:  I don't do angst.  I can only comment on the writing.  There is a frequent misunderstanding of the object/subject pronouns.  Here are two examples:  Friends with my brother and I –  A useful tool for evaluating the compound pronoun is to simplify it.  Drop the brother.  What you have left is:  Friends with I.  This should make your writer's nerves cringe.  The sentence  should go something on this order:  He was friends with me.  You could also completely rephrase it and write:  He was our friend –or something on that order.

Here is the same problem, but with the third person pronoun:  We seemed frozen in time, him and I –  If you put the subject pronoun 'we' and 'him and I' closer together, you should be able to see that it must be:  We, he and I, seemed frozen in time….etc.