Sparkatale

So true. A short yet inspiring and beautiful drabble. I suspect that you could put such well-formed words in the mouths of every aspiring writer. You grasped the essence of what a writer attempts - to show the soul through the craft.

Now that was harsh on women (sadly accurate regarding some of them). Come to think of that, many girls are money-sucking vampires who won't spare even a nice, poor boy like the one from the drabble.

The pure turqoise love is a ray of hope, isn't it? It's nice to know that there are decent people left in this world despite how rotten the society can be.

Kafka on Prozac? I can dig it. Existentialism is just more fun when you inexplicably wake up as a giant insect of one form or another!

I believe this chapter was added after my review, and I must say it is perhaps my favorite. The connotations of black ash and white snow really exploded visually add I read. The duality of both comparable and contrasting component gives an immediate texture as well as depth. Could use some sandpaper to smooth and refine which would really allow for expansion in the ideas and story. Not that it NEEDS to be expanded, but just to say that it could. Hopefully I get less busy soon so I can spend more time on here and writing!

I'm not sure if the triple repetition of "Tedious inch" is necessary, though I'm of the impression that you did so intentionally. It becomes somewhat difficult to work through, and clunky to read to a point, I would likely prefer that "Tedious" was used to as an adjective for the "inches" once, and then only "inches" was repeated.

"tired strength" seems an odd way to describe strength itself, I am of the opinion that the writing flows a little better if you exclude "tired" from that phrase

"...watch fascinated..." is an interesting turn of phrase. I understand what you're trying to get at, but punctuating it to add some pauses where appropriate would make it clearer. By itself, "watch fascinated" seems to have a confusion of tenses.

These of course, are only things to consider. The piece remains yours, and my opinions my own.

Thank you for your comments; I really appreciate it! I'll take a look at those spots again. It's been a while since I revisited the first drabble.