A Craving for Humanity

 

Being part of the undead was hard. Zombies wanted to be you, and teenage girls mainly just wanted to pant after you. That may sound fun but it gets really old really fast. Jeremy sighed. He wasn't particularly hungry, but he was extremely bored and he briefly considered going and killing a baby or two just for something to do.

“Jeremy, stop your fucking moping, I brought booze.”

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Nick was a much younger vampire, and as such made a conscious to do the exact opposite of what his nature as part of the League of the Undead (caps absolutely necessary) told him to do. Namely, getting drunk and cuddly.

“Piss off, I was just about to go out.”

“Mm, well you're not now. Sit your perky ass down and drink with me. I want to be an angsty teenager again,” Nick replied enthusiastically, not paying any mind to the way Jeremy rolled his eyes, as he was fully aware thatc there was little he'd say no to if Nick pressed hard enough.

Jeremy sat down on the cold, slightly moist floor (ew, God.) of his crypt and Nick plopped down beside him.

“I have whiskey, for me, but since you're a wussy and can't hold your liquor I also brought tequila and shit for a frilly martini.” Nick demonstrated this by producing the aforementioned alcohol seemingly out of thin air and thrusting it in Jeremy's face.

“No, if I'm going to have to put up with your bullshit I want to smashed. You get cuddly and sentimental and more annoying than usual when you're pissed,” Jeremy replied, trying to make his voice sound scathing, but it came out more like an irritated lover. Unsurprisingly, this is how is voice generally sounded when speaking to Nick.

“Whatever you want princess, I'll pour us some shots.” Nick smiled cheekily and retrieved two shot glasses (seriously, from where?), both with little cartoon vampires drawn on them. Jeremy just rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and prayed to whomever vampires pray to that Nick would cut the bullshit and pour his damn drink before he killed somebody.

The gods must be smiling upon him, as Nick promptly thrust the shot in his face.

“What do you say?”
“Fuck off.”

Nick laughed and replied: “Drink every time Jeremy's a bitch!”, before downing his shot in one gulp. Jeremy watched in vague fascination as the liquid slid down Nick's throat smoothly. He downed his as well.

Nick wasted no time in collapsing backwards and laying his head in Jeremy's lap. Jeremy didn't bother to protest, despite the fact that Nick was starting this cuddling bullshit before either of them was even drunk. He knew it would only make him more adamant.

"Hey Jeremy?”

“Yeah, Nick?”

“Do you ever wish you were human again?”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow, “Hm?”

“Never mind, pour me another shot, will you?” Nick made grabby motions at the alcohol and squirmed in Jeremy's lap.

“Hey now. I'll get your damn shot, stop squirming.”

Jeremy poured one for Nick and one for himself. Nick took it gratefully and downed it.

They sat in silence for four more shots, Nick's head still resting in Jeremy's lap, and occasionally turning in to his body to press his face into his ratty button up shirt.

“I'm really drunk,” Nick sighed.

“Me too,” Jeremy replied.

“Hey Jeremy?”

“Yeah?”

“What do I look like?”

Jeremy just looked down at him, Nick seemed to be deep in thought and was running his hands over his own face; tracing the contours of his nose and eye sockets and running his nail along his cheek bone.

“You have brown hair. It's gotten kind of shaggy, I should probably give you another hair cut,” Jeremy replied easily enough.

Nick laughed, “Hell no, you'll fuck it up,” he paused to contemplate what to say before continuing, “But I mean, I haven't seen my own face in over 50 years. I just realized I don't know what I look like. I guess I look the same, but I don't remember my own face. So Jeremy, what do I look like?”

Jeremy looks at his face again before responding.

“You're kind of pretty for a boy. You've got this little narrow button nose and you're freckled. Your eyes look brown sometimes but right now they're hazel. You've got high cheek bones but they're not very pronounced. You don't have a very masculine jaw, but I think it suits you. You look kind of childish, vaguely feminine, but I don't think it's a bad thing,” Jeremy tells him, smiling wryly and looking over towards the mirror that he had hung in his crypt ironically.

“You have blond hair and it sticks up everywhere all the time,” Nick tells him, looking up at him.

“And you constantly look pissed off. I used to think it was kind of scary but now I just think it's adorable . Kind of like a kitten pretending to be a tiger. Your lips do this stupid pursing thing and your eyebrows go fucking insane. It's hilarious and really cute,” Nick slurred sleepily.

“You're kind of freckly too.”

“What, no I'm not,” Jeremy grumbled indignantly.

“Yeah, you are. I'm sleepy, I'm going to go to sleep,” Nick yawned and promptly curled up against Jeremy like a cat.

Jeremy looked down as his unconscious form and smiled affectionately.

“Oh, fucking gross. Stop drooling on me!”

 

AN: Based on the Tumblr post by frankmorys, “two vampire friends lying on the floor getting drunk and describing eachother because they can’t use mirrors don’t even try to tell me that isn’t adorable” Can be interpreted at slash, if you want.