Sparkatale

I will read that part again to see where it can be chopped up into smaller parts. My paragraphs never seem so large as I type it up. I guess I don't notice while I'm too busy thinking. Those two lines do seem rather repetitive now that you have pointed it out to me. I will fix that.

Again, punctuation isn't my strong point but I doubt it will be so bad as I progress and learn. You telling me what is wrong with my punctuation really helps me to learn so I thank you.

Punctuation is not my strong point so thank you for pointing out the mistake. I appreciate it. It was supposed to be her thought process but I am unsure as to how to write it in. I also have no idea how I wrote she instead of to. I suppose it's one of those things you don't notice when you read your own writing. As I read it back, I do notice there is a lack of description for the world she is in now.

As for the block of text. I hadn't actually noticed how large it is until now. I will read it over and see what can be changed in terms of the dialog, If I'm honest, I was expecting a lot more to be wrong with it as it is my first big project.

I liked this chapter but there are a few things that confuse me. In the first chapter, it was said the Mary had slit her throat but here it states that she slit her wrists and stabbed herself. Also, it mentions Karla's mother telling Karla's friend that she was sleeping, but the previous chapter had said her mother had died a month prior.