Anything for Money

    My name is Earnest Zadok Cash, but you can call me E.Z. for short; just like my dad was Montale Rodriguez Cash but went by the name of M.R. Cash. I run an errand service of sorts, the tag line in my ad reads "I'll do anything for money," but its more of a joke, really. People will come up to me and discuss a job and my fee, and after I say "Hi, names E.Z. Cash," they go, "Oh I get it, you like easy money," and they laugh. Honestly I don't get the joke.

    Fact is I really won't do absolutely anything for money. I completely refuse to hold down some boring 10 to 10 office job, and I work for my money, I don't take handouts. I didn't even take handouts from my own family… before they cut me off. I just do odd jobs. You know, go here, do that, fetch this super rare item before what's-his-name does. Sort of like Indiana Jones, except I didn't have to waste 10 years of my life getting some degree. I really don't have the attention span for that sort of education, same reason I don't want a routine job.

    So how's this for a funny story. It was while I was a bit down in the funds so much so that my rich girlfriend quit associating with me so I started hanging out with my poor girlfriend, Patricia… just to show how desperate I was for work. Not that I'm ever desperate for money, mind you… I don't beg. Anyway, there was a big to-do planned at my family's restaurant of choice… a very specialized to-do. The head chef there knows about my business, as well as my desire to whittle my debt with the restaurant down so he gave me his shopping list for the evening's meal.

    The task started out easily enough, went to the store down the street bought the mustard brand he wanted, took it back to him and charged him three times what it was worth. He didn't know, and it serves him right for not going out and buying it himself, but you don't want to hear about all that boring stuff.

    The most interesting thing on his shopping list was Squamata Eggs. Now those are fairly rare, but he came to me looking for more because I had gotten him some before. I found them out on one of the range planets… the inhabitable world next to Quiff.

    I had been to that planet and gotten Squamata eggs plenty of times before. Easy job, I don't even need the guides anymore, I know just where to find the nests so its an easy task to stop in run through the brush and pick a few up for an enormous profit. Come to think about it, I cannot imagine the people who can afford to eat at that restaurant.

    This time it was different. In the past, every time I went to get the eggs, the sounds of my coming scared the creatures away from the eggs. I had no idea what it really was that laid those things. Turns out that Squamata eggs are Snake eggs. As in Eggs that come from BIG SNAKES.

    I went in to the nest I always went to first, thinking nothing of it as I had done it a hundred times before, and I lean in and take the first Egg. Easy, right? No.

    I turn around to put the egg in a transport case, and there staring at me in disbelief is this Giant Huge Snake, standing up as tall as me, if not taller. I took the egg and ran.

    Before I knew it, not one but two of those giant snakes were chasing after me! And let me tell you, for things that don't have legs those suckers move fast. I tried to slow them down, shooting at them, hoping to kill one with a lucky shot. The bloody sucker ducked! And I'm pretty sure it shouted some snake obscenities at me too.

    Well… the cook wound up with only getting the one egg, and I'm not going back. Well… not without at least three times the money.

    Let me tell you about when I had to get him a set of thelarche buds. I'm never going to do that again either.