Prolog: Your warning

My life wasn’t easy… and it something that I admit readily. The situations, problems, solutions and well people, kinda prove that point... But that’s explained farther in my story. I will admit this being out in the public – is for somewhat selfish reasons. I’m not trying to guilt the *innocent* people, more just explain the events. Give more insight on the ins and outs, you could say. If you stay to the end, you *should* understand. However, that being said, I would also understand if you only read this or got to half of the story and left. No guilt here. Can’t say I would stay if I were in your shoes – if it wasn’t my story. But enough with your warning. I’ve distracted you long enough. Let’s begin…

Chapter one: In the beginning

Like most stories, mine begins somewhat happily. My hometown, well birth town, is a small and moderately quiet town named Leroy. Yes, har har, spelled exactly like the name – spelling and all. At this time I’m not actually born, so most of this is hearsay, but anyway… My parents Janet and Leroy. Yes I am aware how that sounds, but bear with me. Had just moved into a tiny, pale blue, two bedroom two story house. Sitting damn near in the middle of Walnut Ave. Down the street, to the left, from what would have eventually been my element school.

At this point in my timeline, my parents, were very much in love. Recently married, less than a year, and already expecting… well me. You see, everything was perfect before I was born. I was going to have two loving parents, a backyard for adventures, my own room and if I played my cards right – maybe a cute pet. But what is a good story without some sort of drama?

I’m told that it wasn’t too long after they moved and were settled, that I make my appearance - The current story being, about two months. I arrive on the scene May 16 th. It’s a clear and moderately warm Saturday, around midnight. However the celebration of my birth was actually rather short-lived. As excited as they were to finally meeting their daughter, my mother wasn’t meant much longer for this world. Apparently blood loss was a major cause, her body going into shock as the doctors tried to stop the bleeding.

 Nurses taking me from her arms before I got hurt, gently setting me in the small plastic baby bin, not too far from my mother’s bed - before going back and trying to save my mother. It ends in failure as she passes an hour after my birth. Now I can already hear you say – But your story can’t be that bad. You still have your father! To which I say, wait, it get “better”. As I said before my parents were very much in love, being only married for 4/3 years, to lose someone like that couldn’t have been easy.

So I don’t… hate… him for what happened next. Being stuck with grief, watching his wife die in front of him and his newborn daughter screaming her head off. My father obviously wasn’t in the highest headspace - So please don’t ask me how he accomplished this, I don’t have an answer – nor does anyone I’ve asked. Nevertheless my father, stuck with severe grief, locks himself in the privet bathroom attached to the delivery room my mother and I are located in. Much to the doctors and nurses worry, and shoots himself twice… In the head.

This sends the hospital into a panic, not sure if it was the shots or the bleeding man in their bathroom, but I’m told it takes a few minutes to get the door open. I’m sure it wasn’t a pleasant scene, but as I was only 3 hours old, I couldn’t tell you. Social services was called not long after. My family, both sides, refusing to take me – I was placed in the system. Moved from my birth town to a town called Berston, 10 minutes west. It would be the last time I see my birth town until much later in my life.

I can’t say my time spent in Berston was horrible, mind you, it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t the worst I’ve had. That was going to come late. Like I said before, at only 3 hours old I was removed from my home “Birth” town and shipped to Berston. Where I was placed under the care of Miss Hager. A short, portly woman with a stern face and shiny gray hair tied back in a tight bun. The orphanage, called almost appropriately enough- Miss Hager’s school for underprivileged girls.  A rose painted Victorian home, packed full of girls ranging from 16 to newborns. Most girls didn’t last longer than 16.

Given my age and how my parents died, I lacked a name. So the girls, and by extension, Miss Hager, used my personality and looks. I was nevertheless upbeat with a combination of my parent’s looks, my mother’s beautiful light blonde hair, and my father’s dark brown eyes and pale skin. So with the imaginations of children and an unimaginative adult, I officially labeled Sunshine – or Sunny for short. I guess I should count my blessings that Ghost wasn’t accepted, although the girls that hated me use to throw that around under their breathe from time to time.

One of my first real memories is when I was five. It was a cloudy day, typical for the area; most girls were already doing their chores. Or at least pretending. When Miss Hager looked down at me, a tiny five year old, and said, “It was HIGH time I learned some responsibility,” which for layman’s terms means ‘it was time for me to learn a chore/chores.’ But like most things, there was a catch. Being tiny, I could barely see over the kitchen counter, unlike most of the other five-year-olds. Who liked to make fun of my height by resting their chins on the counter and sticking their tongues at me – often.

Nonetheless - Miss Hager had already devised a plan for me; I would be set to sweep and mop the many rooms of the house. Mind you the handles were taller than me, but it didn’t matter, I was taught the correct way to hold then pointed in the direction of my first room. This continued for five years, where if I wasn’t keeping the floors “clean” - at least the ones I was allowed to clean. I was outside raking/shovel the front yard – I usually considered these my “off” days. I loved being outside; and tried milking those days as much as I could.  Missing from the mess, clamor, and overall house - Was a blessing. Even if the task was kind of impossible given my age and the size of the yard, in a way, I kind of miss those days, all the girls made the house a home of sorts. I knew I was going to get food, a roof, and in some, often odd way, affection. Something that, in a way, the rest of my childhood, subsequently the rest of my life seemed to lack.

I was ten when things changed; It started like everything else. Wake up, eat whatever cereal I could find, usually something that tastes terrible but is at least “food.” Grab my broom or mop and find the dirtiest room, then begin my chore. However, like most things in my life, it was rather short-lived. All because of a stupid ‘prank’ Arie or Arri as she liked to be called, and her clones tried to play when I was around six. Long story short – Arri stole Miss Hagar’s black eyeliner while cleaning her room. So much for only ‘good/well behaved girls’ being given that privilege. Anyway – they darken around their eyes and lips, trying to scare me.

However, with a combination of my pale skin, and the soft moonlight streaming through the window above me, giving me a ‘Ghostly’ appearance. I was the one who scared Arri and her clones, all by trying to fall asleep.  I guess the one good thing to come from it, is the lovely nickname Ghost. Something Arri and her clones would ‘whisper’ whenever I passed. It’s still a mystery if Miss Hager even knew – if she did, she never mentioned it or even acknowledged it. I was in the kitchen, grabbing my breakfast when Miss Harger passed mumbling slightly in a tired tone, “Happy Sunshine, Birthday Happy,” as she staggers past me, reaching for the coffee pot on the counter behind me.

I nod in response, know from years of experience to let her be, better to fly under the radar then verbally reply. Like many things in my life, Arrie decides to stroll in, beaming sickly sweet at Miss Hargar, who now has taken at least a couple of tentative sips of her coffee. Arri walks up behind me, gently wrapping her left arm around my shoulder before smiling widely at the now slightly more awake older woman. “Miss Hager?” Arie waits patiently for a sound of acknowledgment; all she gets is a raised eyebrow. “Isn’t there an opening in the group that is privileged to clean  your room?” I shoot Arri a glare and shake her off me.

Instead of shooting one back, she continues unabated. “I only ask, since Harriet was adopted recently – and the new… bait. I mean girl…” this gains Miss Hager’s attention, setting her cup down before regarding Arie and myself. After a short moment of silence, I watch her nod. “Her name is Tallia, Arie, and you’re right; she does need a job” Now paying attention solely on me, Miss Hager grabs her cup again. Taking a long sip before saying, “Sunshine, Tallia will take your job, you will report to Alyssa and Natalya tomorrow for training. I expect you to be there bright and early.” Sighing internally, I force myself to nod. “Yes Miss Harger” satisfied, I watch her leave the kitchen, cup tightly clutched in her hand, as she hunts down the new girl Tallia.

Waiting until Miss Harger was out of sight, I grab Arri’s arm just as she about to leave. A satisfied and mischievous grin on her face. Keeping my voice low, I tighten my grip a little “What is wrong with you?” Rolling her eyes, Arie wiggles her arm out of my grip “you can not be that dense,” her eyes reading my face before turning up her nose “its called payback GHOST; you may want to get used to it.” Turning on her heel, I watch her walk out of the kitchen.  Out of my sight and finally alone, I turn my head right to look out of the kitchen window… and what I use to call my freedom.

The day finished as it usually does, although way to fast for my liking. I wasn’t ready for tomorrow, but it came none the less. After a sad breakfast, I suck up my dignity and report to my post. Alyssa was standing outside the door, wearing oversize yellow dishwashing gloves while holding a blue bucket, I probably could have fit it. She looks me over; I assume to take stock if I stomach the experience. I guess I passed when she begins talking about everything that would need to be done. I had heard horror stories about Miss Hager’s room; there have been several girls who tired and failed this task. From what I’ve heard, a girl named… Ursala was the shortest – lasting only ten minutes. Alyssa finishes her speech with the rules of what should and should not be touched – she hands me the bucket. Before smiling over her shoulder, “You ready?’ Unsure how to answer, all I do is nod – trying to brace myself for what unlimited possibility could be hidden behind that door.

Nodding herself, she opens the door – letting it swing open as much as it could with the mess. The look on my face was giving away my revulsion, Alyssa, who was watching me giggling uncontrollably. Before tapping my shoulder and motioning me to follow her into great abandon. For an hour straight, we work, trying to make at least a dent in considerable chaos that is Miss Harger’s room. Close to the end of the day, and we are no closer to the floor then when we started – something which, to me, seemed impossible. However, to a trained veteran like Alyssa and assume Natalya, this was just a tedious routine. She was taking off her gloves, throwing them over her shoulder and wiping her forehead with the back of her head before turning toward me.

“That’s about as good as it is going to get today Sunny…” she walks toward me, carefully watching her calculated steps, trying to avoid certain spots. I look up at her as she approaches, dropping the pieces of trash from my hand into the white trash bag to my left. I was taking off my gloves, throwing them into the bucket to my right. Before straightening myself, watching her, I let the question I’ve been holding on to leave my mouth, “Does this room ever get completely clean?” She shakes her head, chuckling while throwing her gloves to join mine, before stating, “It would take a bulldozer and a week straight of cleaning to get this room back into a livable state.” I feel my eyes widen slightly at her statement, taking an extended look around the room and its seemingly never-ending mess. Feeling myself deflate in almost complete defeat, “Why…” I look back at Alyssa amused face. “How did she even get it to this…” I wave my hand erratically, motioning toward – well, everything “state?”

Alyssa laughs again, this time with less mirth and more melodically  “Your guess is as good as mine – The last girl, who trained me – got herself adopted less than a week after I assigned. Just to get away from…” Her hand follows the same movement mind did “this…” We both shake our heads laughing slightly. As unhappy as I was to see my freedom taken from me, I am glad to have gained my first friend.

I was in the middle of my thirteenth year at the orphanage – or as Lyssa (Alyssa) called it the legal prison for 'underprivileged' girls, or LPUG wean Miss Hager was around. So Lyssa and I were 'cleaning' Miss Hager's room wean bell – located in the backyard rung, signaling that there were potential parents looking to adopt. So every girl in the house had to run to their 'rooms', if you could call then that and change into their 'church' dress. More like dress slightly less ragged and filthy then the 'dress' they were already wearing, by some cleaver words Alyssa was able to convince Miss Hager that Lyssa and I should be in the same room. So wean the bell rang Alyssa and I dropped our scrub brushes and ran to our room to put on our dresses – mine a raggedy light blue dress with a huge brown stain on the right shoulder for wean Ginny had 'accidently' dropped the gravy boat on my shoulder, and Lyssa's a Light green patched up dress with a frilly white collar caked with dirt wean Beth had shoved her in the dirt/mud for ratting her out to Miss Hager.

Which she rightly dissevered. But back to the potential parents, so like always the orphans of the house were supposed to line up in order of their age in the dining room so that the potential parents could have a good look at how exactly filthy you were. So here everyone was, standing in line waiting for Miss Hager to finish with her little tour of the house and giving herself all the credit of how well it was cleaned. Most girls just rolled their eyes and sighed, I however once opened my mouth (I was around the age of six) and shouted "But Miss Hager? You don't clean. Just last week you made Maddie clean the mess you made in the kitchen from wean you decided to bake." Needless to say I wasn't allowed to stay and be looked over by the potenal parents. Now I just roll my eyes like the rest of the girls. So wean the parents were finally allowed to meet us girl, we were already taught to stand up straight and smile – it was the only way as I see it to get out of the horror house. So the couple consisted of a rather round women with bright blonde hair tied into a bun, about the same height as Miss Hager. The man, currently looking at each of girls from top to bottom as if choose a piece of meat – which sometimes wean were in this line it feels like it.

But the man was lean with the same bright hair as the women – he would snort wean I guessed he liked what he saw. He snorted at me. He looked me over and asked me turn around – my hair was loose and long so it ticked him as I spun. I guess that made in impression because he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me forward toward Miss Hager and the man's wife. "I choose this one. What is her name?" Miss Hager takes one look at me then the rest of the girls and smiles "her given name is Sunshine, because of her bright blonde hair." The man grunts and looks at his wife, he lifts his chin as if asking 'will she service?' the women nods and smiles before knelling before me, she grabs my hand which is engulfed by hers and leads me to Miss Hager's office. Before the dining room door is closed I see Alyssa's fallen face as I wave my last goodbye. I've only ever been in Miss Hager's office once since that day – wean I was benign given to the orphanage wean I was a baby by the social worker.

So here I am in Miss Hager's office surrounded by to adults I know absolutely nothing about – about to be adopted, about to leave this horror show just wean I started to enjoy being here. I wasn't upset – but I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be wean I imagined this wean I was younger. The office itself wasn't as terrorizing as I was told, it was just another tiny room – crammed with a huge desk and a few filling cabinets. The actual office trip didn't last long wean I stopped freaking out about what the adults were talking about, all they did was fill out and sign a few papers and ask some questions. I stopped and paid attention to wean the women whose name was Marilyn ask about my parents, it took Miss Hager a few moments to answer.

"Sunshine's parents died moments after Sunshine was born. Her mother – Janet Harlem had died due to complications of birth, and her father Leroy Harlem was unable to deal with the pain of losing his wife had committed suicide. Sunshine's original hometown is Leroy about ten minutes away. Her Birthday is May sixteenth, she'll be twelve." The man – who I had found out, was named Frank. Nodded while signing the last piece of paper signing me to this place, Marilyn grabs my hand again and leads me through the house to the front door, the front yard and to their dark green car with a licions plate that says 'pieces.' Which I guessed was my new last name. Marilyn had already begun to explain the wonders of living with them and the excitement she felt about having a little girl of her own, I nodded in the appropriate spots as I climb into the back seat. Keeping an eye on the front door praying that Lyssa shows her face – I wanted to say goodbye. That never happened, I knew that once the potential parents had chosen there child the other orphans were ordered to get back to their chores. I knew I would never see Alyssa again.

The entire car ride was nothing but my new parents asking me if they could change my name or how it was like to live in an orphanage most of my life, whether or not they thought I should call them mom/ dad, mother/ father or just Marilyn and Frank. Again I just nodded in the appropriate spots, I personally didn't care if they changed my name, I was never really fond of Sunshine. I really didn't know how to answer about the orphanage, thinking about it – it wasn't really all that bad. I mean it wasn't like I was starved; all we ever had to do was clean. So I just shrugged "it was alright." Marilyn nodded turning to face me, the seat belt cutting into her chubby neck as she pats my hand "don't worry sweetie, you will never have to go back to that place again. Frank and I will make sure of that."

I smiled and pretended like I relieved which must have worked because she turned back to face the front after yelling at Frank that they had missed their turn. It take about an hour worth of nonsense talk before we arrive at my new home, with is a small bright white two story house just outside of a town called callsbury.Frank pulled into the driveway stopping just short of the garage door that by closer expectation seemed to bow in the middle. Marilyn was the first out of the slightly cramped car, followed by me then Frank – I my thirteen years of life I have never seem a grown women smile as wide or as proud as Marilyn did wean she stole a glance at my apparent awe facial expression.

Frank wrapped his arm around my shoulders which came just barely below his waist "Sunshine, welcome to your new home." Still looking at the house i could her Marilyn laugh behind me "oh, frank" she lightly pushes his arm enough that it falls from my shoulders "isn't this everything you ever dreamed it would be – our family." She smiles down at me "finally complete!" I look up and I see frank smile "yes, dear. I've always wanted a daughter." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice and I try to hide my laugh, luckily my new parents are too busy enjoying the pure joy of just being able to say they have a daughter to notice my obvious laughter. Marilyn cuts in front to Frank and I, grabs and pulls me – more like drags me toward the front door and here's the moment they have waited for. We enter the house and to my immediate left I notice three things, one: there are three pictures – one of Marilyn and Frank and one each of two different boys. Two: I notice two identical school backpacks and three: I notice to identical twin boys – both with their parents' bright blonde hair. I feel Marilyn's hand tighten around mine, "Trevor! David! Quite fighting and come here and meet your new sister."

I don't think I've ever seem two people runs to fast in my entire life – not even during potential parents meeting. They stand In front of me – more like tower over me, and I begin to notice small things that set them apart – for one Trevor is slightly taller than David, But David resembled more of Frank then Trevor. I may have grown up in an orphanage but I knew the smiles they gave me – they were the same sinister smiles Ginny and her groupies gave me. But instead of cowering behind Marilyn I stood my ground and gave them and even more sinister smile that I hope said 'you think that'll scare me? I grew up I an orphanage genius. You don't scare me.' Marilyn of course noticed nothing "Sunshine, darling these are your new older brothers" she stepped between the boys and myself before laying a hand on each boy's shoulder. "Sunshine this is David and Trevor – my adorably handsome twin boys" I nod to each one separately and they nod back "I just know you three will get along splendidly!"

Marilyn chimes as she loosens her grip on my so called older brothers and pulls me forward towards the stairs "now Sunshine, let's go see your new room. I'm sure you will just love it!" kind of at awe at how naive this women was I follow her upstairs, to the left I was told were the boys room – in the middle the bathroom shared by the boys and to the left was Marilyn and Franks bedroom, before I even had a chance to ask where my so called bedroom was or even look around – Marilyn had already pulled down stairs that led to the attic and was motioning me to follow. So I did. And I don't think I've ever seen a room that pink, everything was pink – from the curtains to the bedspread and everything in between. I had never seen so many dolls or stuffed animals, and it was all mine, I just stood there speechless while Marilyn walks toward my bed – watching my reaction. I forced a smile as I walked toward her, gently touching my bed waiting for the other shoe to drop – there had to be a catch. I've lived in the orphanage far too long to just accept something for what it was, I watched as Marilyn sat on the edge of my bed – patting the spot next to her.

I sit and Marilyn's hand gently runs through my loose blonde hair "Sunshine, can I ask you something?" I nod and face her. "Do you really want to be called Sunshine? Do you want Frank and I to choose your name? Or do you want to choose your own?" I stare at her my eyes wide unsure how to answer, "I really don't know – I guess I don't mind if you choose my name… but I've always been called Sunshine – or Sunny." Marilyn nods thinking "I like sunny – Sunny Pieces. Do you want a middle name?" I stand walking around my enormous room and shrug "I don't know – I've never had a middle name. What is your middle name?" I stand in front of Marilyn, arms crossed as she falters "My middle name is Rose, Marilyn rose Pieces.  And I think I have the perfect middle name for you –"she grabs my arm and pulls me into her lap, without really thinking I cuddle into her. I can hear and feel laugh as she wraps her left arm around my body, she uses her right arm to remove the hair from my eyes "Sunny, to respect your parents – how would you like your middle name to be your mother's first."

I move to look her in the eye and smile "I would like that, I've never really had any connection to my – uh" Marilyn smiles "it's alright sweetie. You can call her your mom." I snuggle back into what seemed like a reserved spot – just for me and said quietly "I've never had any connection to my birth mom." Marilyn smiles down on me before kissing the top of my head "so it's decided, your new name is Sunny Janet Pieces" 

After that day I was (in that family) called Sunny or Sun by my brothers. Life seemed to run smoothly - I was unable to attend school because the year was about two weeks from ending for the year, I seemed to fit into my new family well enough. Within the week I was use to the family's set schedule: which started with Mom or Marilyn waking up and starting breakfast for everyone along with making David and Trevor lunch. Next Dad or Frank would get the kids up - first the boys then me - the boys would race to get to their bathroom before the other. Which would end in an in argument, which mom would break up. Luckily I was given my own bathroom, which the boys - usually David would bargain me for. Once the horror of the bathroom was finished breakfast would begin, and that is usually a show in itself. The boys would grab what they wanted before mom could yell and so they didn't miss there bus, dad would sit at the head of the table reading the paper, drinking his coffee before realizing that he was about to be late for work. So he would kiss mom's cheek and awkwardly hug me before running out the door with his briefcase.

Then it would be me and mom, sitting awkwardly and silently at the table eating whatever mom decided to make for breakfast. After breakfast, during the first week of living at the Pieces household was filled with getting me settled. This included getting me new summer clothes, shoes and whatever else I even dreamed I needed, that was an experience - it seems that Callsbury wasn't the huge town I thought. It was tiny, it seemed like every other person was curious about the adoption, or where I was originally from, what had happened to my parents or how I was adapting. Usually I wasn't allowed to answer, which was fine - I either didn't know how to answer or didn't want to. It was my option that they didn't need to know everything about me, no matter how hard they tried - but I assumed that was because of the orphanage. There no one cared how you got there, as long as you didn't royally screw up and get them in trouble. The only girl in that orphanage that I knew there story was Alyssa, who was in the orphanage because she ran away from home after her father, killed her mother - in front of her. But I knew I would never see her again, so I tried not to think much about it.

So usually after mother and daughter bonding, dad would come home and mom would go to work - then it was father daughter time that would consist of Frank and I avoiding each other. Which I was fine with - I never expected much of a parentental relationship from either of them, I was used to being alone. As it was. Wean dad was home to watch me, I was able to explore - so I did. And about an hour walk I found an old well that - by its plaque said that it was a wishing well.  Growing up in the orphanage had taught me to be cautious to nearly everything, so I wrestled a long stick from a low hung tree and dropped it into the well. Silently waiting for either a splash or a hollow 'clack' of wood against stone, I got neither - so I leaned forward and ended up falling head first into a very deep well. I found my stick though. Looking myself over - I had only gained a decent sized bruise on my forehead and shoulder along with a pounding headache. I counted my 'lucky stars' as mom puts it that I hadn't broken my neck, so here I am in a well – contemplating wean dad will recognize that I haven’t been home for lunch. upon farther evaluation, the setting sun on the brick carved wall and my grubbing stumpic all my thoughts pointed to no, and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see anything but this huge rounded brick wall ever again. 

However as darkness begin to set, I noticed that tonight there was a full moon – I don’t exactly know why I cared, I guess It was a nice distraction from my current predicament. But in any case, staring at the moon, trying to encore my stumpic, trying to wrap my ‘vverrry thin’ hoodie even tighter around myself and falling asleep – in a poodle. I scessed in falling asleep, although not for very long, long enough to gain a full apreasation for any bed - Even the crumbed newspaper bed covered with a thin stained sheet at the orphanage. The wall had grown warm from me leaning on it, as uncomfortable as it was – it was the only warm spot the entire well. Even though it was next to a huge frigid water poodle, which I swear half had been soaked into my jeans. I had no idea what time it was, all I could guess was how much of the sun/moon I could see or the color of the sky. But I wasn’t very good at it; I only remembered bits and pieces of what Lyssa had taught me – from what her dad had taught her. It wasn’t much. The best guess I had was that it was maybe sunrise – although I couldn’t be sure.

I did hear, if I strained what I believed to be someone yelling – standing, I shouted back “HEY! IN HERE! HELP PLEASE! HELLO! HELP ME PLEASE!” till my throat was raw – it did nothing. The shouts grew faint then disappeared altogether, demising all hope that I might leave this well any time soon. So I forcefully sat back down in my poodle – making a huge splash that reached my shoulder, covering me in slimy cold water. Put my head on my knees, wrapped my arms around my legs and begged for some type of salvation. I stayed that way in till nightfall, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it there was a thunder storm raging above my head. So there I was sitting in a well, hungry, wet, cold and lonely – wishing that by some merical that someone would save me. I spent two more days in that well before my ‘family’ had finally had found me, with them was the police, the fire department and half the neighborhood. Once out, the fireman wrapped a exceeding warm and scratchy blue blanket about two sizes too big for me around me – and promptly walked me to the nearest police car.

I begin to struggled against his huge hand on my shoulder saying that “I want to go back with my family” “let go of me” “MOM!” all my complaints were encored of course. They even encored my parent’s plea to have their daughter back, but all they got was a cold stare and “Mrs. And Mr. Piece your daughter is being given back to the state because of your incomitence in securing her safety. Be luckily that we are not taking ALL of your children.” This shut dad up but not mom who claimed that “she’s my daughter! You have NO right to take her A-“dad stopped her and looked simpathicly at the car I was currently in. no sympathy was going to help wean I knew I would never see this family again. So much for a new life for Sunny Janet Pieces. 

I spent tow hour in that car, wrapped in a scratchy blanket, watching my ‘old’ parents bargain for me back and waiting to be taken to my ‘new’ place of residence an orphanage. Hopefully not the same one I had weeks before left. Wean it police officer finally decided to enter the car, he gave me a sympathetic smile and begin to explain why I was leaving – it sounded like “I know your probley scared but I promise that your new home will be even greater than this wrack of a household” then he go off on a tangent about my family. I tuned him out by then, it was an hour worth of talking before we actually arrived at my ‘new’ home, a mixed house orphanage called Mr. and Mrs. Hapless home for underprivileged children. That’s what it literally read on the huge sign outside the house. So i guess I’m considered an orphan by the state again – just Sunny Janet.

So the officer opens my door and handles me to the front door – as if I would run away. I have less than a chance to survive on my own then I do in this new ‘home’, so we ‘ring the doorbell’ and a small girl about the age of six answers – she takes one look at me and the officer behind me and screams for Mrs. Hapless. Who arrives within minutes of the six year olds call, smiling a wicked smile that screams ‘new bait.’ Indecently the same smile Ginny and her cronies gave me on a daily basis. She ushers us inside and into her giant office that she ‘shares’ with her husband Gerald, sits both us down and begins the paperwork for her new ‘child.’ The officer explains the situation, the reason for my parents’ incompetence and my family history – which is shorter than the reason why my parents are incompetent.  I had to remain silent or bite my tongue until it bled, my parents weren’t incompetent – I was stupid enough to actually fall into a well. It was my fault and if I was giving the notion of being able to talk without adult interruption I would say so, but that wasn’t going to happen – not in this ‘house’ it wasn’t. So I sat there and waited till I was asked a question – it didn’t happen Mrs. Hapless took one look at me (up and down), smiled and took every word the officer feed her.

I knew this was going to happen, but I could hope right? Apparently not. Oh well, the meeting lasted for about ten minutes – the tour of the house lasted about an hour. That included her version of what it is like to be an orphan “a pitiful shame wean parents aren’t able to take care of the drooling, scremey larva they call their children. No they have to push them on the state. Pitiful and absolute descrase.” Mind you I was right next to her as she said this, as was a group of sixteen year old males – who also gave her the same hidden dirty look I was giving her. I guess it runs in the pitiful race – huh? Well after that embarrassing moment I was shown my room located in one of the girl(s) halls. It pretty much consisted of a huge open room with about thirty thousand beds in it – ok more like thirty but the room was huge! Thinking her obligation was over Mrs. Hapless leaves me alone in this enormous room, which I swear goes up a few degrees once she leaves.

However once she leaves I begin to spot little heads popping out from under the beds, mostly located at the end of this room. Most of the girls who begin to make their way over to me – like I was something they have been starved from since birth, or arrival of this place. But anyway they walk over to me and I begin to notice that they are all about three years younger than me. And I kind of wish I was back at Miss Hager’s orphanage at least there I know who everyone was and what I was expected to do. The eldest or at least the girl that ‘seemed’ closest to my age steps forward from the small circle the younger girls have made around me and annoces “My name is Amelia Pergross and I expect you to lesion to my every command. For I am the eldest.” I take one look into her really, really bright green eyes and laugh hysterically. Wiping my eyes I stare her down and mention that “I’m eleven pipseaweck. And I refuse to lison to some high and mighty prissy little GIRL.” Turning to my bed and begin to unpack the few things I was allowed to talk from the orphanage and my previous home with the Pieces.

Obviously Miss Amelia wasn’t done with me because she spins me by my shoulder and slaps me – before busting into tears, crying for Mrs. Hapless. I stare at her in shock that she would have the nerve to not only slap me but to call our ‘house mother’ for help, this never happened wean I was in Miss Hager’s orphanage – she just let us beat each other until we were black and blue. Then gave us more chores. I just stood there lost in my thoughts as Mrs. Hapless runs into the room and demands why HER daughter is crying, all the remaining younger girls surrounding Amelia pointed at me.

And because I was lost in my ‘how dare you’ thoughts I wasn’t able to voice my option. Not that I would have been given a chance to anyway, apparently Mrs. Hapless has a harsher way of punishment then Miss Hager – the broom closet.  In the basement with a funny smell and no light. Mrs. Hapless shoves me in before kneeling to my level with an accusing look and says “don’t you ever think of hurting my little girl again. Got it?” I nod and she smiles “good, three hours in the broom closet seems like a perfect punishment for your little crime. See you at dinner Melinda” I was stripped of my name and given a new one, Melinda. i want my old name back.

I want my parents back – both parents. Birth and adoptive. Why didn’t they fight harder for me?! Staring at the wooden door with tears streaming down my face – I punch surach and scream. Demanding all the things that have been taking away from me.  I throw my fit until I’m out of breath and no longer have a voice – before throwing myself into a sitting position, placing my pounding head on my knees and balling tears I thought I didn’t own.  I don’t know how long I stayed in that position; I know it was longer than three hours. I was forgotten – again. I could smell the fading smells of dinner as I – thankfully fell asleep on the cold cement floor.   In the morning, or what felt like morning through a tiny crack where the door wasn’t connected to the cement floor – as filtered sunlight flowed into the closet. Lighting up maybe less than half the room, from first opening my eyes I knew it was going to be a long day. One where I wouldn’t see much too any sunshine or fresh air, one where they would forget me – again. So I sit up and try to encore the fact that my stumpic is verbally complaining that I haven’t eaten or that my heads complaining that I had spent the night on a cold cement floor and from all the crying I did.

I really don’t know how long I spent just sitting there, not really thinking about anything, just sitting – waiting for Mrs. Hapless or some orphan to let me out. Personally I didn’t expect it to happen, I was in here for punishment – technically the Hapless could keep me in this closet till I died. The state won’t care it would just be one less parentless child they would have to keep track of, Mrs. And Mr. Hapless won’t care – one less mouth to feed. The only people I’ve ever known who could possibly care are the Prices – and Alyssa. Which brought fresh tears to my eyes and memories I didn’t need, I had to step up if I was ever going to get out of here. So standing I took a good (as good as I possibly could in this closet) look in this closet and found that it wasn’t as small as I first thought. Or as Mrs. Hapless made me believe – however what surprised me the most is that there was supplies.

Blankets, apples and a few other necessities – items I could have used last night and every night I spend in this small closet.  Not that I hoped I would be spending any more time in this closet, the floor or what I thought was the floor was actually a rug – oriental with dancing bears in pink tutu’s a faded pink and white outline. Looking toward the ceiling I spotted a small narrow window about the size of my hand, the actually glass was cracked and upon farther exploration I found that I could brake bits and pieces of the window. Letting in a cold blast of autumn air, proving that it was in fact morning and with the sound of children playing in what I assumed the backyard. It was safe to say I wasn’t leaving this room/closet anytime soon – personally, Now that I know what is in here I’m not so against being in here. So before sitting down on the faded rug I grab an apple, however, wean I sat down the rug moved and I promplely sat inside a rather deep hole. That brought my knees to the level of my nose. So I set my apple down on the holes edge, after nearly coking on the bite I had first taken, and tried – unsuccessfully to get myself out. Which led me to a rather important discovery; it wasn’t just a random hole. It was a tunnel, and with a little luck – It might be my way out of here. Not that I had any luck.

So I tested my luck, I began to dig until my nails reached what felt like wood. I pushed back the dirt and found that what I felt was actually a small metal door, handle in all. With a little strength I had from eating that apple and from all the ‘pent’ up anger toward everyone in my life, I managed to open the door. Which caused such a loud squeak that I was afraid that Mrs. Hapless or her daughter would hear and come down, luckily the door was already open leading to a rather dark tunnel. I wasn’t sure what to expect – should I go? Should I stay and see how long it takes for Mrs. Hapless you let me out? Will they even care if they didn’t find me? Where would I go? I have no one. No parents, no family that I know of – what would I do? So I just stood up. Wiped my hand on my jeans and made my choose, jumping into the hole – I begin what I hoped would lead to a better life.

So there I was, crawling through a hole not a whole lot bigger then I was, hoping – praying that this tunnel will take far away from that horrid house and the horrid life of an orphan. In some aspects it did, wean I finally reached the end and was able to push a rather large and heavy metal door again. I found I was in a town square, or the backyard of a house in town square. So like the child I was I ‘stood’ there – knelled there, and enjoyed the fact for the first time in my thirteen years of life I was officially free. I no longer had to lision to some ‘head of household’ tell me what to do, I no longer had to ‘play nice’ with the other miserable children – I was free and It was amazing.

Until some rather large man grabbed me by the back of my shirt, pulling me up high enough that I would see eye to eye with him. It was rather initiating, until he laughed, which made his hand move a little – which swayed me a little enough to yelp. Causing his attention to focus back on me, he looked me over – I guess even being covered head to toe with dirt didn’t help my cause. Not that I could have said anything, his analysis took what felt like hours was probley only a few minutes. It resulted in him setting me back on the ground and calling inside for a girl named Gloria to bring him a washcloth. I took a step back about to run, wean John – the giant, placed his huge hand on my shoulder and kneels to my level. He brushed some of my hair to my side just as Gloria exits the house and runs to john.

With one look at me she mutters “orphan “ in john’s ear, begins to rubs some of the dirt from my face, arms and legs. John gives me a hard look and begins to ask questions: “how to did you find us?” “Are you an orphan?” “What is your name girl?” “How old are you?” “Are you hungry?” so I take a deep breath and muster my courage and say: “threw the tunnel from an orphanage” “yes” “Sunshine, Sunny or Sun” “thirteen” “yes.” By the time I had finished, Gloria had already finished cleaning me and was returning with a plate full of food. She hands it to me with a smile and I have no choice but to smile at their generosity. John motions to a table on their back porch and leads me to it, we sit and Gloria brings out two more plates just as full of food as mine.

That’s wean Gloria’s questions began: “so Sunshine is it?” I nod “why did you leave the orphanage?” “Are you originally from here?” I wasn’t sure how to answer, I had a feeling that if I didn’t they wouldn’t be as nice as they are being now. So I swolled the food I had already in my mouth and fidgeted with the table, “I was put in a closet because the head mistress’s daughter screamed and cried – saying I hit her. No, I’m from a town called Leroy.” Both Gloria and John nod as I Finnish my ‘story’ and it isn’t until Gloria nudges John that the awkward silence that settled around the table is lifted.

John clears his throat and gently touches my arm – stopping my fidgeting for the moment, “Sunshine – Gloria and I have always wanted a child. But because of our financial problems and my job – the courts won’t let us adopt. We have tried to have a baby naturally but found out Gloria was sterile” Gloria lays her head on John’s shoulder before continuing “so our question is, would you be willing to be our daughter?" for a moment is was completely stunned, staring at them unsure of what I should do. So I accept and become their daughter? Or should I decline them and find a life living on the streets? Looking at my life so far and how generous they have been to someone – anyone else would have returned to the authorities. Reaping a reward I dough there was. So I nodded, thinking that my life couldn’t get much worse than it already was – my nod brought such a smile to Gloria and John’s face that words could not possibly describe. I was home, or at least for the moment.

And it stayed that way for a while; I lived with John and Gloria for a complete year. We had a deal – If I kept the house clean and behaved I was allowed to stay without the worry of then reporting me to the authorities, everything was great until Sunday around noon. When John comes home from a long hard day at the lumber yard, expecting a nourishing hot meal before returning to work – instead he got Gloria, waving a piece of paper in front of his face. A piece of paper from her doctor – a piece of paper that at that moment would change the dynamic of this ‘family’, if you could call it that. The paper that had taken Gloria nearly all day to read, took John all of seconds – what was on the paper you ask. Well it seems that I soon wasn’t going to be the only child in their home – it seemed that Gloria was expecting. Not exactly knowing what was happening or what ‘Gloria was expecting’ meant to me I severed John his meal and sat down with mine.

I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to be at the table, or even in the room until Gloria took my plate to the garbage – dumping it and pointing to the door. Apparently that was the last straw for John who gave me his, wean I didn’t move – staring at my now empty plate in Gloria’s hand. John motioned for me to eat as he pushed me toward that stairs to my room, even in my room I could hear then yell. I could hear how Gloria didn’t want me anymore, how I was such a ‘bother and a spoiled brat’ and in her own word “it was NO wonder I was an orphan, If I was her parents I would want to die too.” Then without a shadow of dough I heard John slap her and demand she never say that again – or in his own words “don’t you EVER say that about Sunny again! She’s a blessing that anyone would be lucky to have, it’s not her fault that her parents died – It was an accident that no one could have predicted.” I really didn’t know how to feel, no one had ever stood up for me like that before – nearly everyone I meet blamed me for my parents death and nearly all the problems I ever had or will have. I knew I was crying because of the sudden wetness on my cheeks, i knew that if I didn’t stand up for myself that arguing would contuie.

I knew I had two choices – stay can cause even more problems between a couple that didn’t have to take me in OR run away again.After a good lunch worth of self-debating, I had made my decision – I couldn’t cause this much trouble for a family that didn’t have to take me in. maybe I had started to act like a brat… maybe I had gotten to comfortable, I should have known something like this was too good to be true. It was dark before I could do anything, I was too afraid of leave the comfort of my room for fear that just my presence would cause another fight. I was at the top of the stairs before I realize that they both were asleep, or so I thought. As I slowly descended the stair and made my way to the back door I heard heavy breathing – the only one in the house with that heavy of breathing was John. And only wean his awake – it was at that moment that I fell into uncontionis. I didn’t wake up until the sun was high in the sky with a huge headache, looking around I spotted John sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room – asleep.

I also noticed that my hands and feet where tied to the bed post and that there was blood on John’s hands and the axe that was leaning on the wall. Because my head hurt I wasn’t thinking clearly and began to struggle against my bondage, with after a while caused my bed to moan – incidentally waking the snoozing John.  Who picked up his axe and walked steadily towards me, so I went into full out freak out mode – it wasn’t until John knelt beside my head that I began to calm. But only slightly, he reeked with alcohol that he breathed into my face with each word he spoke. I was only able to understand less than half of what he said – it consisted of this: “you… me… you can… you can’t leave… you can’t leave me… killed Gloria… Killed Gloria and Bab… Killed Gloria and baby… Witness… Kill you… You leave and I’ll… I’ll have to kill you too… Stay… Please don’t… Please don’t leave me… Stay.” I didn’t know what to say, if I left he would kill me, if I stayed he would kill me either way I was going to die. I really couldn’t say I had a good life – it was full of… misadventures – weather good or bad.

So wean John brought the axe above his head I knew that where ever it landed my life wouldn’t be the same. To most people they would consider me lucky that he didn’t chop my head off with how drunk he was, he freed me from my bed ‘prison’ and for a brief moment I thought about running. But I didn’t want to die, so I just sat up and rubbed my wrist watching John as he sat himself back into the rocking chair. He balanced the axe on his lap as he slowly rocked back and forth, I was nerve racking but I knew If I played my cards right I would survive this ordeal.  I really don’t know how long I sat on my bed, just watching John rock back and forth with his ax. All thought I had been surrounded with surviving – how long would it take before John fell asleep? Do I have enough courage to leave? Would John force me to help him get rid of the evidence of Gloria murder? How long before John gets fed up with me and kills me too? With my thoughts circling my survival I didn’t notice that John had left my room or that he locked my door – I was stuck.

It wasn’t like I could jump out the window; I was on the second floor – and looking right outside my window was cement. It was a one way trip to a broken something if I jumped – however now that I was free of John’s death like glazed over glaze I was able to take a good look at my surroundings. My room was nothing like It was at Marilyn and Frank, but it had what I needed, a bed. There was a couple of cardboard boxes in the closet, full of smaller fancy boxes – inside those smaller boxes was a lie apparently Gloria was hiding from John. It was a merical my room didn’t reek of dead bodies – apparently Gloria wasn’t able to have children, she had then they were just still born. From the looks of the boxes she had about three still born babies, two males and a female. I doubted I would ever be able to get there small innocent faces out of my head, I was lucky I didn’t drop the box and scream. What type of twisted couple did I get myself involved with? 

I couldn’t help but stare at the innocent faces of the children locked in my closet; I also couldn’t stop my thoughts from going in complete circles “would I end up like them?” “Would I ever make it out of here alive?” “Have they ‘taken in’ orphans before….?” “Am I next?” it wasn’t until I heard John’s heavy footsteps grow louder as he got closer to my door, that I began to clean up the small mess of boxes I made. I had things almost perfect before John entered the room caring a small plate that smelled delicious, I moved away from the closet as he set the plate on my un-made bed and sat himself back in the rocking chair. I scooted myself as far away from him as I could before actually standing, I glanced at the food on my bed then at John. He motioned for me to eat – still watching my ever move. I made sure to never have my back to him, as I moved toward my bed and what I hoped my un-poisoned/un-tainted/un-anything food. I sat next to my plate, occasionally glancing at it – trying and failing to ignore my ever louder growling stumpic.

I wasn’t really paying attention until John yelled “I swear I will…” just the fact that he yelled pulled me out of my thoughts, causing me to jump, causing the pate to ‘conveniently’ fall off my bed and shatter on the floor. I don’t think in my entire life have I ever seen anyone get as red as John did, it took him all of three seconds to grab a piece of the broken plate and hold it against my throat. I had no idea if the piece he grabbed was even sharp enough to actually cut me, but at the moment I wasn’t about to find out, it was at the same moment that John had leaned in closer and whispered “now my dear sweet girl you’re going to listen to your daddy or..” I felt the knife slide gently across a small portion of my throat and something warm slide down. I knew what was sliding down my throat and it didn’t help my thoughts about surviving this ordeal – I kept my eyes pinned on the wall directly behind John, so I was able to see the plan that formed as he took a long glance at the place I had been.

“So you’re going to lision to daddy OR you’re going to end up like the poor innocent children in those boxes… agreed?” I was shaking but I nodded, John smiled and pulled away – with him a small bloody piece of plate. Before I could stop myself I touched the place I had been cut, my fingers came back warm and red – that’s wean I lost continuous. Wean I came to I was tied to my bed again, however I was wearing different clothes – nothing to different just not what I was wearing wean I first passed out. So I didn’t much thought into it until I see a video camera on its stand pointed right at me and John holding his axe. There’s a moment of pure panic before I realize that I’m not (at the moment) in immediate danger, John’s just looking (rather creepy) at the bloody mess in his hands. It didn’t quite make since until I saw a bloody middle age women lying on the floor with a huge gash in her stumpic, it didn’t take much to figure out that she had already passed. I made a vow to myself and that infant that we would make it out of here alive, no one should have to live the life I was positive John was going to but that baby and me threw. I began to think of way to get out of my bondage, I knew from past experience that moving and struggling did nothing but make my bed moan and warn John that I was up to something or up in general.

The blinking red light out of the corner of my eye reminded me that he had me under what I could only assume was surveillance or at least I hoped it was only for surveillance – But you could never know with the way things were know. I quickly closed my eyes was John turned  and walked toward me, I heard the Floorboards creek as he kneels next to my bed and runs a few fingers across my cheek. It takes everything I have not to vomit or move – John reeks of blood that I feel harden on my cheek, it gives me a clue that not that long ago he killed that women. “You see Madelyn you have a sister, her name is Sunshine.

I adopted her, she’s an orphan like you – but don’t worry. I’ll take care of you both – I will always take care of you too. No matter what your sister says, just remember that I am the only one who will ever be there for you – I will always be at your side.” He stands and I feel John’s hand move through my hair and my right arm restraint loosen, I keep my arm loose as I feel he guides my hand to my sister’s head. I make my second vow to protect her as much as I possibly can, to keep her from ending up like the innocent children in the fancy hat boxes in the closet.

Four years – four years of making sure that Madelyn gets fed and taken care of. Four years of Keeping John on a short leash with his temper, Four years of keeping Madelyn and myself safe. Now sixteen, my bright blonde hair horribly dyed brown – and cut to my shoulder. I guess I should be happy that John trusted me enough that he allowed me to personally take full care of Madelyn – or as he calls her Christine. Being Four Madelyn has been lucky that she is clueless to what type of household that she was ‘born’ in, being able to be the happy go lucky baby she is. Gaining her mother’s pale skin and red hair with pretty light brown eyes – I only know because John forced me to bury her. One of the many things john forces me to do. But tonight is going to change all that – tonight Madelyn and I are going to escape this hell hole.

I hope. Sitting at the dining room table dishing out John and Madelyn’s dinner, trying to keep myself calm as yet again there isn’t much left for me. But by no I’m used to it, I would rather Madelyn eat. Trying to keep my stupic from grumbling too loud and starting a fight with John, like I expected John and Madelyn dig into their nightly meal. I cut tiny bite size pieces of my chicken hoping not to gain John’s attention while I plan our escape. We make it threw dinner with little to no problems – john only lost his temper once wean Madelyn threw a piece of her pre-cut chicken at the wall behind her. I was able to successfully grab his arm before he slap her, however he had to get his anger out so I was thrown into the wall behind me – better I get hurt then the innocent four year old. As the night raged on I cleaned up from dinner and got Mattie and John ready for bed, John his alcohol and Mattie her milk. In a few minutes both are out cold – smiling to myself I tuck Gloria’s sleeping aid pills into my jean pocket.

I make my way silently up the stairs to grab our small suitcase – remembering the trick step going back down, I was able to make it downstairs without waking him. I wrap Mattie in her blanket before making my way to the door, I thought I was going to make it – I was going to be free, until I heard John’s chair grown. He was up, thinking quickly I dropped our suitcase and ran. John followed us for three blocks, before I lost sight of him – not taking any chances or slowing down. I hop on a bus, feed the machine and choose a set in the far back. Wean I’m settled i look down at the sleeping child in my arms, I move the blanket away from her face and whisper “we made it, Madelyn were finally free.” I had no idea where this bus was going to take us – nor really did I care, I kept on getting weird looks from anyone who happened to look at the back of the bus.

I had grown getting looks, so I didn’t mind until an elderly man sat next to me “What is your name girl?” I encore him as I reposition Mattie in my lap. She was starting to get fussy; apparently I encoring him wasn’t what he wanted – because he grabs my arm forcing me to look at him. “Girl I asked you a question” I looked at him a rolled my eyes – “My name is none of your concern. Now I would recommend you let go of me or deal with a screaming toddler.” He let go of my arm and left the bus at the next stop, no one bothered me until I left the bus. I was ten towns away for John and the nightmare that was my previous life, my new life was in a small town called Leroy.

 Breakfast was a lot like dinner. I couldn’t help but look around; everyone looked different in natural light then in artificial. There were a lot of elderly men and women, a few pregnant teens along with teens with children in array of ages; there were a few battered women, who all huddled in a crowed dark corner. Madelyn sighed softly at my side while picking at her oatmeal, looking at her I smile and gently rub her back. Her entire look says that she’s bored and a little worried; sighing myself I knew how she felt. Leaning down I whisper “eat, you are going to need the strength to walk around town with me today.”

I look in light brown eyes as she nods and begins to eat her meal, not without sighing again. Straighten I spot Francis walking toward us; it was inevitable that he would try to talk to us again – so prepare myself. He sits across from me, hands folded in front of him – occasionally glancing at Madelyn. “So have you decided on my offer?” I nod looking up from my oatmeal, “you have to understand that…we just came from a…” I cover Madelyn’s ears “abusive family.

If I were to take your offer I would have to meet your wife and see your inn” I remove my hands as Madelyn looks at me curiously. Francis nods “of course, last night I talked to my wife and she agrees that we should be able to help you.” Madelyn sifts in her seat I can tell she has a question, before I can stop her she says “are you going to give me and sunny a job?” without missing a beat Francis smiles down at her “if your mommy will accept – then yes.” He glances at me and I shrug, “if you’re finished with breakfast I can show you to the inn.” I look down at Madelyn and her still half full bowl of oatmeal, sighing again “yeah were ready.” 

Francis smiles and gets up grabbing our dishes as he does; I follow his actions with my eyes before leaning down to Madelyn “you have to behave. Francis might be able to give us a place to live and me a job,” she nods “and while were with other people you have to call me Danielle. Okay?” I look in her eyes again as she nods silently fidgeting “do I have to be called Isa…Isa.” I smile and pull her into my lap “yes. When were near other people your name is Isabelle.” She looks up at me “why?” sighing I gently rest my chin on her head “so that John can’t find us, it’s to keep us safe… okay?” she looks up at me and smiles brightly, “okay.” Francis returns and motions for us to follow him to the door, he tries to make pleasant conversation while we make the seeming short walk to the inn. I try my best to answer his questions and add to the conversation, but I’m not use to pleasant conversation so it doesn’t last long.

Madelyn skips ahead of us, but never out of my line of sight – has the smile plastered on her face only grows as she seeming enjoying the sun as if it the first time she’s seen it.  Walking in comfortable silence, Francis stops in front of an old Victorian dark blue house. I yell for Madelyn to stop as she reaches the end of the high black metal fence, Francis opens the gate and motions for Madelyn and I to enter. The grass was light green and well groomed – a tall oak tree with a wooden bench swing. Madelyn gravitated to it before I could stop her, Francis pushes me to her – “I’ll get my wife and we can talk out here.” I nod silently thanking him and walking the rest of the way to Madelyn struggling to sit on the wooden bench. I help her up before sitting myself; I don’t really reach the ground until Curtin moments, so we swing slow and calm. Madelyn had crawled into my lap and had fallen asleep shortly after Francis left to get his wife; we had stopped rocking so that she wouldn’t fall off.

I gently rub her back, a smile slowly coming alive – for the first time in a while I was able to breath. Maybe just maybe this couple won’t be as bad as John and Gloria – well Gloria wasn’t too bad… sighing I look down at the sleeping toddler in my lap, without really thinking I feel a bang of jealously. Silently wishing that I had someone to help me wean I was that young. Someone to look out for me - the image of the pieces, Marilyn and Frank. Even my annoying twin older brothers Trevor and David. My old name – Sunny Janet Piece. I shake my head to force the thoughts out, this was a new start. I didn’t have time nor was I safe enough to be jealous; I feel Mattie stir under my hand just as the front door screen door slam shut. Without looking up I hear two different sets of footsteps walk toward us, Mattie hasn’t officially opened her eyes so i stood still holding her. Francis’s wife was a modest looking woman with light brown hair tied loosely in a bun, her button up light green top open with a tan tang top underneath. She had flour on her face and shirt which she tried to brush away, her smile reminded me a lot of Marilyn’s. She motions for me to sit when she notices the still sleeping Mattie, she sits beside me “so you must be Danielle, and sleepy head must been Isabelle.”

She raises her hand as if to touch Madelyn’s head, but stops and places her hand back in her lap. “Yes, I wanted to thank you personally for even considering giving me a job” both Francis and his wife nod. She gently touches my hand in sympathy “were happy to help, By the way my name Is Maria Kelp. I’m sorry for not introducing myself earlier. Francis said you might have a few questions about the job and such” she glanced at Mattie. I nod shifting her to my other shoulder, “yes – as you probley know we just got out of an abusive family.” I look at each of them in turn taking in each of their reactions, “and I would like not to be put back into one.” Maria nods and stands, “well would you like to see the house and your room?” I nod and follow her and Francis inside.

The house is perfectly decorated, as if Maria had pulled pictures out of interior design magazines. My room was small and to the left of the stairs, it was already filled with a bed, a crib and a dresser. Francis handed me the key to my room and advised me to keep it locked wean I wasn’t in it, I nodded as I placed Madelyn in her new bed – He had advised me that only him and Maria had a key to this room before closing the door and letting me get settled in peace. Sitting on the corner of my new bed looking around my room I saw small similarities to the room I had while living with John. I shook my head hard – that life was done and I was not going to relive those memories. This was our fresh start – I stood and walked to her crib, still sleeping she looked as innocent as the first day I meet her. I lean and kiss her cheek “this IS our fresh start”

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, they asked my age and whether or not I had experience cleaning – which made me thankful for Miss Hager’s strict cleaning schedule wean I was a kid. Maria and I talked about Mattie’s needs, her likes, dislikes and so on. Francis showed me how to cheek guest in and out, what to do if there was an emergency and so on. Most of this was done while Mattie was still sleeping, sensing my distress about leaving Mattie alone Maria hands me a baby monitor she used with their kids were little. It was award to walk around with – but I eventually go use to it. By the time I had been shown the ropes Mattie was up and lunch was being served, the cook, a half blind elderly women who liked to swear in French to everyone except Mattie.

Once she spotted Madelyn her winkled face that usually held a frown lifted to a sort of smile, it was unnerving to watch – but Mattie enjoyed the attention and the cook (Miss Tablen) enjoyed her company.  I could see Maria sigh contently, like it mattered whether or not a toddler would get along with the cook, I knew it wouldn’t be a problem. Mattie got along with everyone – she was one of the reasons I was able to keep John in check… most of the time. I was given the rest of the day to just be; once lunch was finished Mattie dragged me to the backyard to play. I have less than half the energy she dose, but it’s nice to just play and enjoy the day without worrying wean John will come home or if I have dinner finished, dishes washed or house cleaned enough.

The rest of the day seemed to fly by, before I knew it – it was time for dinner then bed. Mattie throw a small fit that she couldn’t play anymore, but after explaining that she could and would play tomorrow she ‘seeming’ went to sleep quickly. Francis knocked on my door around six in the morning so that I would have enough time to do small chores – changing sheets and what not. I was nervous to leave Mattie alone, but Francis informed me that Maria was on her way down to look over her. There was only one current guest – a regular: Mr. and Mrs. Thomp. An elderly couple who stayed at the Inn on their anniversary, Valentine’s day and each other’s date of birth. They are old friends of Maria’s so I had a feeling they would ‘hang out’ with Mattie today, it was nine before I was able to snag an apple from the kitchen.

Every time I tried the cook would give me a dirty look or Francis would catch me, I made a mental note to say that I needed to keep myself fed if they didn’t want me on the floor.  I spent the rest of my morning and a good portion of my afternoon at the front desk, reading and re-reading the pantalets of Leroy’s main tourist attractions. There aren’t many. It was four before I was able to eat lunch and have a few moments to ‘hang out’ with Madelyn. Who was enjoying playing with Maria, Thomas and Joanna – The Thomps. By the end of Lunch I was sent yet again to do turn-down service to our new guest Philip Henry and tidy a room the Thomps, needless to say by dinner I was exhausted and starving.Mattie was bouncing excitedly in her chair to my left, she was talking a mile a minute to Joanna – who I’m nearly positive only heard about every third word. But smiled and laughed in the right places, which egged Mattie on. 

Trying to pay attention, not fall asleep at the table nor have my stumpic growl too loud hear that Mattie had helped make dinner. I couldn’t help but smile, Mattie was surrounded by people who didn’t want to hurt her, people who smiled wean they saw her. It was a nice feeling that I hadn’t let her down. Dinner was an event, instead of the guest sitting in their own dining room and eating their dinner that way, Francis and Maria insisted that the guest eat with them. It gave the whole ordeal a ‘family time’ feel, which would have been nice if I had been able to keep my eyes open. Half way through, Francis nudges my arm “you should go to bed.” I look at him confused; I had fallen asleep at least three times at the table. Francis had just waked me up from the third, I glance at Mattie still picking at her dinner – still wearing her contagious huge smile. I glance back at Francis and judge how safe i would feel with her being down here without me, I lean down to Mattie’s ear and whisper “you ready to go upstairs?” out of the corner of my eye I see Francis frown and tug at my arm. Mattie was still thinking so I turn my attention to him “yes?” His frown deepens “we can watch her, just go to bed.”

I give him a look of disbelief and shake my head “no, it her bed time.” I reach beside me and grab her hand, “Isabella it’s time for bed.” I remove my hand as she leaves her chair and grabs my and her plate, as I stand Francis grabs my hand pulling closer to him “You don’t understand.” I remove my hand from his and stand straight arms crossed “no you don’t understand, I am her mother and I get to say wean she goes to bed. Thank you for watching her today and thank you for the job – but you do NOT get to tell me how to raise my daughter.” Mattie was standing quietly at the door, I grab her hand as I exit – Francis stands and demands we come back.

We were already half way upstairs before Mattie talks, “are we in trouble?” I shake my head. Replaying the conversation – ‘I shouldn’t have let them that much control over her.’ I made sure to lock the door right after we entered incase Francis decides to follow me upstairs, Mattie’s sitting on my bed fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. I sigh and sit beside her, debating with myself on whether or not we should stay. IF we did leave it would have to be much later tonight, I don’t want another… intervention. In my though I don’t notice that Mattie had started talking, I look like I had been paying attention “… are we leaving?”

she looks at me and I can see her eyes water, i hug her close “I don’t know. We’ll see how things go tomorrow. Today everyone was just under some stress.” I don’t look at her but I feel her nod, Maria had a few clothes left from when her kids moved out. They were a little big on me and Mattie, but she would grow into them – both changed and ready. I made up a story bed time story that put Mattie nearly instantly to sleep, being exhausted myself I expected to instantly fall asleep.

My mind had other plans – I thought about everything, from what I know about my parents, to Miss Hager’s, to The Pieces to another orphanage and the closet, to John and Gloria’s to here. I couldn’t help but think of how stupid my life seemed, being sixteen my life wasn’t very impressive. I knew I was being hard on myself, I had survived. My thoughts began to fade as sleep was around the corner – or at least it was until I heard the door unlock.

I freeze and shut my eyes, keeping my breath even and not squishing my face I pretend to be asleep. I’ve learned from John to learn the sound of others footsteps, no matter how light. They took a step into my room, after I assume looking around. There was whispering but I let it pass, I would have to focus and that would be me making a face. There was Francis footsteps as he enters my room, then lighter footsteps that would be Maria’s. Keeping my breath calm I turn to face them, they pause – but relax and move again. I hear Francis stop in front of Mattie’s Crib, I begin to panic – Maria sits near my head and gently scraps her nails threw my hair. I’m in a losing battle with keeping myself calm, but they don’t seem to notice.

I hear the Click of Mattie front crib falling into its lower position, there’s a moment where Maria’s hand stops – there’s no moment or sound but I know there both looking at me. So I make sure to stretch a little simulating sleep. They relax and Maria returns to my head, I hear Madelyn mumbles a little as I assume Francis picks her up. They both walk toward me, now I hear Madelyn slightly heavy breathing – I’m officially freaking out now.

They of course realize nothing, they whisper again before Francis leaves with Mattie – I feel Maria open my mouth and a pill hit my tongue. It begins to melt and I feel myself getting light headed, Maria gently runs her hand over my head. I try to open my eyes but it seems like there glued, I lose my control as I fight to stay awake. I lose feeling in my arms and legs, Maria hums quietly still messing with my hair – I manage to somehow make noises that were supposed to be “what did you give me!? Where is Madelyn??” Maria stops humming and leans to my ear “oh dear sweet child.

You have no idea how happy we are that you decided to stop in our little town, and give us such a adorable little girl. We’ve tried for so long to have another baby with no success…” I hear the smile in her voice, I’m losing the battle but I fight a little longer to hear her say “but Isabella is so old for a child. So we thought that you would be willing to give us another I mean you’ve already had one right? What’s another baby?” Everything went black. I didn’t come to my senses until it was morning, I was still in my room – everything was the same. For a moment I wondered if what happened last night was just a horrible nightmare, throwing back the covers I raced to Mattie’s crib. There she was, sleeping calmly – I let go of a shaky breath I had no idea I was holding.

Tenitively I reach into her crib and run a finger across her cheek – calming me the rest of the way. She’s here. She’s alive. Everything is okay. It was just a nightmare. Sighing I run my hand through my hair, and turn back to my bed – I notice something is different. There’s a huge red spot on my bed, along with rope tied to each post of the bed. I look down and notice the night shirt I was wearing also had a red stain, the hand still gripping Mattie’s crib helped me still be standing. I had a death grip on the crib and an arm wrapped tightly around my middle, the thought ‘it happened. It wasn’t a nightmare...’ until reason hit me and I relaxed a little, maybe it was just my time… “yeah.”

I laughed a little. And turned back to Mattie, “I’ll be right back...” I gently touched her cheek again before making my way out the room and to the bathroom to the right. Back in my room, at the clock – It was five thirty I had a good half hour before Francis would wake me up. I spend the time removing my stained sheets and getting dressed for the day, I wake Mattie up so we have a moment to just be before I begin another busy day. Seeing her awake and happy pushes the rest of my nightmare out of my mind, like I predicted Francis knocks on my door at six. I hear Mattie sigh as I stand and usher her out the door, as Mattie descends the stairs Francis pulls me aside. I look at him in shock “yes? Is there something wrong?” he shakes his head as he looks me up and down, without thinking I try to cover myself. He shakes his head again and smiles “it’s nothing, you should get some breakfast though – you look starved.”

I give him weird look before walking downstairs to the kitchen; I grab an apple before heading back upstairs to clean the Thomp’s room. They had checked out after dinner, or so I’ve been told. The room wasn’t a complete mess, I was as clean as any other room – I just changed the sheets, grabbed the towels and took out the trash. I also did room service to Mr. Philips; he seemed a little startled but let me do my job. Two new guest checked in but had a ‘do not disturb’ sign on their door handle, so I was forced to take over the front desk for the rest of the morning. Still as uneventful as any other day, I had made it to at least ten I began to feel sick. I had left my post to grab another apple from the kitchen wean I ended up throwing up the little I had in my stumpic in the garbage can near the desk. I take a moment to breathe, My hands shaking against the rim of the small black trash can as i debate on standing. My head is pounding as my stumpic rolls again - 'what's going on?' I let my mind wonder around my small circles as i go over the memory of last night. Slumping against the wall, i rest my throbbing forehead against my arms resting on my knees - 'this is bad... this is really bad..' I'm still shaking as i take a breathe and begin to carefully stand, keeping a hand flat against the wall to keep me balanced - i stand fully.

It's another minute before i take a step, my arm still wrapped around my stumpic, my head pounding and my stumic doing acrobatic stunts i couldn't do without injuring myself. I make a slow and slightly unsteady three steps to the front desk, while pulling a chair from the hallway, i manage to get settled before resting my head on the cool imitation wood of the desk. I must have fallen asleep - because it was noon when Francis tapped my shoulder, "Are you okay? would you like some water or something?" lifting my head i squint at him - confused. "um... no I'm not. I think i need to lay down for a little while..." I try to stand, but end up stumping enough that Francis catches my arm. "Here let me help you" I tighten the grip on my stumpic as i nod not looking at him "okay."

We take the stairs one step at a time, slow enough that the room stops spinning and my head lessens its screaming - we pause at my closed door. "Is Isabelle okay?" I look at Francis as his look of concern turns to annoyance, keeping a strong grip against my lower back he opens the door while shoving me inside "She's fine. Don't worry she's in good hands.. now you should change your top" I look down at my baggie button up light blue top confused "why?" i look up at him as he closes and locks the door. I step back - sick or not i had learned (from past experience) to trust my gut and the... sick and twisted look he was giving me now. Was making my gut, stumpic, head and Constance panic.

"Now come on.." Francis takes a step toward me, while messing with the buttons of his tailored white shirt, unbuttoning the first three. I gulp and take another step back, trembling my eyes flicker between Francis eyes to his hands messing with his shirt. Holding my hands out in front of me as if it will create a barrier between me and him "P...Please... N.. No. Please.. I.. I.. I have a daughter... P.. Please no.." My voice is shaky and displaced almost the the point that i don't recognize it. Francis smiles at me - like a wolf would smile at lunch, a wirely smile "Now Danielle, lets be reasonable.

I see the way you look at me - just begging me to.." he takes the last few steps, closing the gap between us. Unbuttoning his last few buttons with one hand while gently stroking my cheek with the other, wiping unchecked tears from that cheek. I shudder again, frozen in my spot - my mind blank as i try to fight what's making me ill internally and externally. Noticing my distress Francis takes a small step forward, pressing his body against mine, "Baby girl don't cry."

Sniffling i take a step back, shaking my head wildly as i hold my hands out again "NO! NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Shaking my head didn't help my headache but at the moment that was the least of my concerns 'i have to get to Mattie! I have to get out of here!' Wrapped in my thoughts i miss Francis laugh "Now Danielle. lets be reasonable - you either have a passionate.." he blushes a little before trying to close the gap again, keeping the distance i take a step to the right... closer to the door. "I SAID STAY AWAY FOR ME!" keeping my hands in front of me i take another step toward the door, keeping my eyes trained on the man in front of me as his wirely smile turns to a frown.

As i take another step i let my eyes shift from Francis to the door, for only a moment.. but enough to miss him charge and tackled me to the carpet. I hit the ground hard, a for a moment I'm a little dazed - unaware that the man on top of me is pinning me to the ground and is trying to unbutton my shirt. I'm out of my body as i feel his hot breath on my neck and his slightly warm hands unbutton the last button on my shirt, every nerve on my body tells me to fight - but i can't get myself to. If i wiggle he'll hit me, which will leave a bruise - something Mattie will notice.. and i.. I tightly shut my eyes.. don't want to explain how i got.

I try to stay still and keep my breath even, try to envision myself somewhere happy - somewhere far. So i let my mind wonder, as i feel his hands travel up and down my body - try to keep my self still and my breathing even as i hear the zipper. I know I'm crying when he starts and finishes - when he stands and dusts himself off. I keep my mind on any topic as i hear my door unlock, open and shut again... i curl into a tight ball as i hear him stomp downstairs letting lose the rest of the tears i held in. I stay in that position for what seems like an hour, trying to keep my mind from replaying the Sean over and over, it's dark by the time i sit up and wipe the tears from my face 'enough crying..

you need a plan to escape.. think of Mattie.. you promised you would protect her." I sniffle and stand fully 'To keep her safe from people like Francis and John.' with shaking hands i re-button my shirt and fix my jeans, trying to keep my face blank as i make my way to the door 'i have to keep her safe. she's all that matters.' "i have to keep her safe.." I let my hand rest on the door handle... "I have to keep Madelyn safe..." I take a deep breath, paste a shaky smile on my face and step into the lit hallway.

I reach the stairs, and death grip the railing. Taking the stairs one at a time, barley losing my grip on the rail keeping me steady. I refused to let my mind wonder on anything other then keeping myself upright and the little girl thrown into a world she has no right to be in. I reach the bottom of the stairs a exhale the breathe i didn’t know i was holding, Turning right i enter the front of the house. Trying to keep quite i tiptoe past the front desk and the garbage can i was previously leaning on.

Taking a shaky breathe i push forward until I'm in a darkened hallway leading to the back of the house. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness as i scan the open area known as the dinning room - taking a few steps forward i hear a bang and laughter in the kitchen to my left. I know that carefree laughter, “MADELYN!” i run to the swinging door of the kitchen, narrowly missing the table, stumping into the kitchen i trip over the mess of pots and pans laying on the floor. i stick my hands out to stop my fall, but land sharply on my side instead knocking the breathe out of me for a minute. When i open my eyes, I'm assaulted with blinding light of the over head kitchen lights - and Maddie’s voice asking if i was okay.

I smile lightly and nod, looking up at her face - before slowly siting up. I mask my pain, but wrapping my arms around Maddie small frame and pulling her into my chest. My once racing mind stops completely as i feel her breath on my neck and her wrap her arms around my neck, Keeping my arm around her i try to stand. Her arms tighten and she buries her head into my shoulder as i slowly get back on my feet and step over the pans that tripped me, and then back into the darkness of the dinning room. I hear her whimper as i make my way back to the front, i falter and press my cheek into the side of her head “shh.. baby girl.. shh. I got you.” Cuddling her closer to me i hug her as tightly as i could without crushing her - trying to hide my shaking as i feel her arms tighten around my neck. Smiling, i kiss the side of her head and begin once again to the front of the house and toward the front door. I could see our escape, i could almost taste it - “Now. Daniele you don’t plan on leaving with our little girl do you?”

I gulp and turn toward the stairs to see Francis and Maria, arms crossed and smiling. Keeping a protective arm around Madelyn i smile myself  “she not your daughter. Shes mine.” Maria’s smile falters but Francis’s grows bigger as he takes the last three steps down the stairs “Now Now Now” he walks toward me, reaching out to touch my cheek. I take three steps back and drop my smile “touch me or my daughter and you will be without a hand.” Francis lets his hand drop but not his smile “gotten fistie i see. good.”

I shiver involuntarily as i take a step toward the door, “Let my daughter and i leave...” i keep my eyes trained on Francis and Maria “and I'll keep my mouth shut about what happened tonight” Maria’s Laughs and walks to her husband, arms crossed “And pray tell why we should let you out of that door. you still haven’t given us our daughter, Your technically kidnapping her.” I pale slightly as my stumpic drops through the floor “Sh...She’s n...Not yours!” Taking another step sideways toward the door “You have no proof she’s yours....” Francis takes a steps toward me and sighs “yes, you have us there. but there’s no reason why we can’t say that we adopted her.."

His smile turns twisted “I mean you should know all about that.. right Sunshine?” My arms Tighten around Madelyn as i gulp and pale “H...How..?” Maria laughs and once again stands beside her husband “That was the easy part dear. You see..” she takes a step toward me and gently runs her hand along my arm across maddie’s back, causing me to shiver “there’s a cirten gentlemen looking for a curtin young women with a bad dye job and a small child.” I gulp “John.. He’s here?” My eyes widen as Maria smiles “Ah, Yes i believe his name was John.. No dear he isn’t here. But i can call him if you want.”

I shake my head wildly, feeling hopeless and lost as i did when i first was adopted. Tears fall from my eyes as i feel myself go numb, ‘i lost. I’m... I’m sorry Maddie...” Maria takes frightened Madelyn from my arms and into the living room in the back of the house. Watching them leave i fall to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably - encoring Francis as he laughs and tries to reason with me. ‘I lost. I’m stuck here. I... I’m sorry maddie.’ I curl myself into a ball on the floor, still sobbing ‘I’m sorry maddie.. So sorry.’

I stayed in my ball threw the night. Francis had given up in cheering me up hours before and had joined Madelyn and Maria in the living room. My mind refused to let me think about anything but John and Gloria. I didn’t want maddie thrown back into the life, she didn’t deserve it. If i wasn’t for John she would have had a normal childhood - a mom and dad. I lift my head from my knees and wipe my nose with the back of my hand, the sun filtering from the window beside me let me know it was around Ten in the morning.

‘You have to stop crying. Maddie’s in danger and all you’ve done is cry. How dose that help her? Do you want her to end up like you? Lost and alone? Having to deal with perverted Francis and twisted Maria? Or even worse Mentally unstable John?’ sniffling i shake my head, my voice shaky “no i don’t.” i could feel the voice in my head smile ‘good’. Sniffling again i stand and stretch my sore muscles, i had to find Maddie before Francis and Maria did something inappropriate for a child.

Taking a step forward i enter the hallway, as the doorbell rings - startling me. Looking back, my eyes widen and all thoughts leave - John. The doorbell rings again, as john peeks threw the window and smiles as he spots me. Freezing against the wall, john motions to the door, I shake my head and back up slowly. backing into Francis, who wraps his arms around me and  pushing me toward the door and opening it.

“John! its so nice to see you!” Francis and john shake hands as I'm pushed aside toward the stairs, i stare at the floor “Glade to be here!” John smiles wider as he glances in my direction “And it’s nice to see you Sunshine. It’s been awhile since you ran away” His smile drops slightly as i take step back and continue to stare at the floor. Francis laughs “Don’t mind her, she had a rough night.” taking a step closer to john and whispers “She tried to run away with our daughter last night. it was lucky we caught her when we did.”

I could almost imagine john nodding “Very lucky indeed.” They laugh and i flinch involuntarily - the Meier sound of John’s laugh stirring memories i tried to keep locked up. I hear Francis slap john on the shoulder and push him in the direction of the living room, before they get to far Francis grabs my wrist at pulls me as well. Having little energy i let myself be lead into danger. The living room is brighter then the front of the house, a soft breeze waft through the soft cream curtains - if i had to guess i would assume the two windows behind the couch the window between the two light wood bookshelves were open.

With most of the curtains open the soft green of the walls, grew brighter turning the green of the walls to the light green of spring grass.  I refused to look up as i hear Maria acknowledge John’s Presence in the room “John! It’s such an Honor to meet the man who had our sunshine before us.” I could almost feel john inflate with pride as he glances at my direction “Well yes. it’s so nice to see her taken care of.” I internally snort ‘yeah right. the only thing you want to make sure of is Madelyn. and you’ll have to go through me to get her..’ Francis’s hand around my wrist, tightens as if he heard my thought, glancing at his black socks i smirk slightly ‘what? you don’t think that inviting this dangerous man wouldn’t want Madelyn?’

I look up momentary for maddie, spotting her sheet white, hiding behind the corner of the couch. I give her a small personal smile, hopefully saying ‘It’ll be okay. I’ll keep you safe - I promise.’ I see her nod before i return to staring at the floor, i know she got my message so i smile. Francis hand tightens more around my wrist as he growls slightly, making me smile more ‘what? you think just because your the adult that you can make Madelyn feel comfortable. to her your just another adult she’s terrified of.’

Francis drops my wrist with another growl as he pushes me into the living room and onto the off white couch opposite of Maria, Madelyn and John. Before sitting beside me, and snaking his left arm on the of the couch and resting his hand on my shoulder, occasionally stroking my upper arm with his fingers. Causing me to shiver and try to scoot away, while he scoots closer to me closing the gap. I stare at my knees and refuse to look up as the conversation goes from pleasantries to future plans, “so” I hear Maria clear her throat and sit up “we should set some ground rules. Like what our back story is when we have guests..”

Out of the corner of my eye i see Francis nod “Agreed.” he looks at me “I think we should call Sunshine’s Condition ‘the incident’” My head shoots up as i glare at Francis “How dare you call what you did to me an Incident!” I hear John and Maria laugh as i continue to glare, moving away from Francis who closes the gap again and again “Now sweetheart. It’s just for the guest i know what we had was special.. but”

he strokes my right arm from my shoulder to my bent elbow. I fight to keep from vomiting, as i see Francis’s smile get wider “I’m a married man. and It was a one time deal, just me scratching an itch.” I see from the corner of my eye John’s eyes widen and Maria smirk, I try to keep myself from gagging as i shiver uncontrollably “Your right Francis.” I gulp and try to control my breathing “What we had was a one time thing. and i’m glade that it was decent for you as horrible and gut wrenching as it was for me.”

I see Francis’s smile drop as i smile a genuine smile for the first time since the day i got here “I have no problem telling any guest that we had an ‘incident’ and that it’s over and done with.” I stand and dust my jeans off before making my way to Maddie, holding out my hand she slides off the couch and grabs it. waving goodbye to everyone as we make our way out of the room. when we reach the top of the stairs maddie pulls at my hand “Umm, Sunny?” i kneel to her level, trying to hide my shaking with a smile - i wanted to get to our room with a locked door as soon as possible “yes sweetheart?” tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear what the incident?”

I gulp and blush “well.. uh..” i fidget with the bottom of my shirt ‘how can i possibly explain this to her, when it was never explained to me...’ “Sunshine! Madelyn! can you come downstairs please?!” Maria shouts from the bottom of the stairs, i could picture her fake smile. shivering slightly, i stand fully and grab maddie’s hand again ‘you have to behave. if you don’t they won’t just go after you they’ll go after Maddie..’ “Coming Maria!” I feel Madelyn’s hand tighten around mine as we descend the stairs, looking down i can see her turn pale again.

I stop her half way and pick her up - smiling as i feel her bury her face into the crook of my shoulder and wraps her arms tightly around my neck, We meet Maria at the bottom of the stairs where she tries to remove Maddie from my arms, but stopped when she whined and tightened her arms - instead Maria glared at me as she lead me into the living room and back into the lions den. Once in sight John and Francis break out into smiles then slight frowns when Madelyn is in my arms not Maria’s, which brightens mine.

I sit in the chair closest to the door, as Maria sits beside Francis on the couch to my right. Confident she’s safe in my arms maddie slowly relaxes and removes her face from my shoulder, while i keep an arm around her body. “So” John starts leaning forward, hands laced together and his arms resting on my knees, “What are my sleeping arrangements?” I hear Francis laugh and lean back into his seat “You’ll be in the room across from Sunshine.Oh!” He turns to me with a sickly smile “Before i forget, Madelyn is moving into Maria and my room...” I tense my arm around maddie as the color drains from my face “over my dead body.” I growl Francis smile grows as if saying 'Gladly’, opening his mouth to say something sarcastic - however Maria interrupts “Sweetheart, Madelyn is our daughter and as our daughter i think she has spent to much time with the...” she looks me over a look of discussed “maid. expressly the maid who had an affair with my husband.”

she glances at Francis before returning to me “your lucky I'm even letting you stay here. You should thank me, for this act of kindness.” I fight to roll my eyes and nod instead “yes Maria. I am eternally grateful for your kindness. but Madelyn is not your daughter she’s mine.” sensing the stress of the room fidgets enough to return her head buried into my shoulder, wrapping my other arm around her. Causing Maria and Francis to frown and glare at me, after a few moments of silent frustration and anger John clears his throat and stands “well it’s gotten late and we should all be getting to bed.”

I see Francis nod, stand and stretch before walking toward me, laying a hand on Mattie’s back “Now Madelyn it’s time for bed.” Turning even paler i tighten my arms around her as her arms tighten around my neck, Francis frowns and leans over us - wrapping his arms around Mattie's middle. Pulling her “Now sweetheart. this isn’t a very nice way to act around guest one lady.” He pulls harder as Maddie and I tighten our grip “NO! you can’t take her!” I’m screaming and crying again causing Maria to intervene, by pushing Francis aside and slapping me across the face and pulling Madelyn from me.

Causing Maddie to cry out and try to claw her way back to me, while i lunge forward trying to get to stop Maria from leaving with Maddie. Francis stopping me mid - lunge and holding me down while Maria walks out of the room and up the stairs with a screaming Madelyn. I fight till i can’t hear Madelyn’s cries, already a sobbing mess i curl into a ball - wrapping my arms around my stumpic when Francis sees I've  stopped fighting. looking up i see Francis and John exchange smiles and whispers before Francis laughs, slapping John on the shoulder “She’s all yours.” John smiles wickedly as he turns to me, his arms crossed. Pulling my legs closer to my body, shaking as John advances.

It’s been a week since John had re-entered Madelyn and My life, a week since i had been able to hold the terrified little girl i sit across from when we eat our meals, the little girl who i hear cry every night for me because she’s had a nightmare. The Hotel hasn’t had any guest, so most of my time had been spent at the front desk and the bathroom in the hallway.

Since my ‘incident’ with Francis i had noticed i had been unable to keep anything solid down - I had lost a some weight off my already thin frame, causing Maria to notice and order the cook to give me bigger portions of Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. not that any of it stayed down. The close watch of my weight and what i ate, and eventually lost - made me suspicions something was going on, but with growing up in the orphanage and the inability to ask Maria, knowing she would lie. I had to assume that whatever it was was going to give them another advantage over me - whatever it or will be.

Along with Maria’s odd behavior was how attentive and attached John was. The night he arrived Francis had basically given John all rights to me, and he used them. I kept quite as John had an ‘Incident’ with me, afraid to upset maddie anymore then she already was and not to give Francis and Maria the pleaser of my vocal fighting. Although with how they helped John get closer to me, telling him my schedule, having him give me my meals, force me to bed it was hard to avoid him. no matter how hard i tried.

Causing me to become more stressed and unfocused, so it was a good thing my only job right now was to stay away from John as possible, Smile and act normal and happy when ever i say Madelyn and keep the front desk. My life had become so predicable that I had almost missed when my life changed... only four months later.

*Authors' Note: Hey guys! Kalley here, Sorry this 'chapter' is short. it's mostly a filler of information that leads up to a big part of the plot. :)*

The day had begin like any other, i was woken up at six to eat breakfast with John, Francis, Maria and Madelyn. Being forced to way to much, while keeping a forced smile on my face for maddie and trying to hide the slight bulge of my stumpic - i was positive was from my overly full plate of food every meal. However the clothes i was given when i arrived, seem to fit better then they did when i first arrived. I also assumed i was getting bigger due to i had stopped losing all my meals hours later, to about losing half of my meals hours later.

My life had become so predicable that i had lost track of days that had pasted, so before i knew it was Madelyn’s fifth birthday. Breakfast was served with “happy Birthdays!”, cards and presents. Francis even promised to take her to the park if she promised to act like this daughter and behave, Maddie paled but nodded. looking at me the entire time, I tried to keep the smile on my face - but i faulted when John runs his foot along my right leg causing me to shake and frown slightly. Losing my apatite, but forcing down another several fork fulls, to keep up appearances - while smiling. Madelyn sniffles and pushes her chair from the table and runs to me, forcing herself into my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck.

Forcing me to drop my fork in shock and taking less then a second to wrap my arms around her body and bow my head till my nose was buried into her soft slightly curly red hair. I could feel the front of my shirt get wet as Madelyn sobs, I hold her tighter as tears spring to my eyes. I refuse to look up and meet the rest of the adults look of shock, as i hear the loud clank of forks hitting the dark wood of the table or the side of the white plates in front of them.

Nor the soft sound of there napkins dropping to the ground. Our moment only last a moment before Maria gathers herself, pushing her chair from the table she slaps her hand flat on the table. Startling me but not Maddie “Now Madelyn Maria Kelp! This is not what your father meant when he said you had to behave if you where to leave the house today! Now let go of the maid and return to your seat at once!” I feel maddie shake her head and tighten her arms around me, while i tighten mine around her looking up at Maria with tears traveling down my checks and hitting the top of maddie’s head.

This doesn't stop Maria from pushing her chair farther from the table and stomping her way over and ripping Madelyn from my arms for the second time. Maddie screamed and tried to wiggle out of Maria's grip the best she could but to no use, Maddie in my arms was the best i had felt since my time at Marilyn and Franks.

I felt empty, staring blankly as i watched Maria struggle to hold on to Madelyn as she takes her into another room. I don’t hear Maddie call for me, I don’t hear Francis yell at maddie to behave, I don’t hear John ask if I'm okay?” or feel him cup my check. I felt about as hollow as if i had just thrown up my entire meal again, I had given up on running away or ever regaining Madelyn. This was my life, I was finally stuck - unable to be free. It takes a minute before I'm able to control my limps again, i push my chair away from the table.

Standing i look everyone over before slowly and silently making my way upstairs and into my makeshift room and locking the door before falling into my bed. I stay laying on my stumpic, face smashed into my pillow for as long as i possibly could and still breathe. Which isn’t very long. moving my face to the left i look out into my empty room where maddie’s crib use to be, tears spring to my eyes again and this time i don’t try to hide them.

Shifting to my side i curl into a ball, placing my head on my knees, i let go of everything I've held in since Madelyn was taken away. The sounds of my sobs overpowering John’s knocks, Francis complaints about me not being at my post and Maria’s complaints about maddie’s behavior. Letting go of everything lasted about an hour, about fifteen minutes into my sobbing Francis, John and Maria gave up on trying to do anything.

I knew i would hear about it later. I regain my breathing before i sit up and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand - it’s close to noon before i leave my room and rejoin the rest of the messed up clan I'm forced to live with. I straighten my shirt and pants on my way down the stairs before walking to the front desk and begin my ‘just like before’ day and the day after that. I was reading threw the same binder behind the desk i had read the day before when i hear the bell above the door go off.

Looking up i spot a family of three, mother, father and son. Tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear and putting on my best fake smile “Hello. Welcome. Would you like a room?” Turning the guest book toward the family as the father as he takes the three steps toward the desk, He looks me over before motioning to the women. She approaches with a slight disapproving smile, while handing over her wallet “We’ll take Two rooms. One with a queen size bed and the other a full.”

nodding i hand the man a pen, while handing the women two keys and a few pantalets of attractions around town. She nods, only half listening, as she folds the pantalets in half and tucks the keys into her purse. “The rooms are upstairs to your left” I motion to the stairs “Your in rooms 10 and 9. Breakfast is served at six, Lunch noon and Dinner is at six - On the pantalets are a few different restaurants in the area, along with local attractions.” I turn the cheek in book toward me “Please feel free to ask me any questions you have about this hotel and our town any time during your stay. I hope you enjoy your stay!” Throwing on another fake smile i watch as the man and women nod politely before making there way toward the stairs “Daniel!”

The women yells as she ascends the stairs, The teen turns toward his mother. Being the first time I've seen his face, i notice he’s mostly a few years older then me - with dark blonde hair. Theres a funny feeling in my chest as i watch him put the pamphlet he was looking at back and follow his family up the stairs. I force myself to stop staring when the voice in my head brings up a picture of John, I look down at my hands resting on the cheek in book.

‘open it. open it. open it. open it find out his name. open it.’ I shake my head of the thoughts and push the  book away from me and focus on writing the customer in the client log, and re-organizing the catalogs. Anything to keep my mind off the currently guest son and the cheek in book. So far I've won, until about an hour before noon 'dammit.’ I lost to the funny feeling in my chest, walking slowly to the front desk i spot the cheek in book and hold my breathe. the voice in my head chanting ‘open it.

Open it. Open it. Come on Sunny! open it!’ Looking around quickly to make sure i was alone i let out the breathe i was holding and close my eyes tightly, my right hand posed at the corner of the book. Ready to open it to the right page ‘one... two.....Threeee’ i flip the page slowly and take and hold a deep breathe. I count to three again before opening my eyes, ‘one... two... Three!’ I open my eyes and scan the page quickly, finding the family i turn red slightly.

‘The Marland’s huh?’ I look away from the book and rub my face with my right hand, its a strange feeling and i want it to stop, so i glance at the book again. ‘John. Mary and.... Daniel..’ I turn more red and close the book quickly, while making my way quickly to the bathroom - i look in the mirror and almost laugh out loud. My once pale face is as bright red as Madelyn’s hair, starting from my ears, traveling to my checks and spreading.

My face is buzzing with the feeling of being on fire - “what's going on?” whispering i lean forward and pull my hair back into a ponytail, checking out of face in the mirror. “Sunshine! Time for lunch!” Tying my hair back with the hair band i had on my wrist, i exit the bathroom and enter the dinning room without really looking at any one in the room. Sitting in an empty seat i hear a giggle to my left and turn red again, while turning to look at who was laughing at me... Daniel.

I freeze in my seat, staring at him at turning even more red then before - now visible to everyone, because my hairs up. quickly pulling my hair out of it’s pony tail i hide my face with my hair. Silently apologizing to Maria and Francis, while hoping they don’t yell at me in front of the male cause me to turn the color of a tomato. I hear him giggle again and gently touch my hands, tightly clenched together in my lap - causing me to gulp and turn ‘how is that even possible’ screaming my head as turn more red.

I look at him threw my hair, i notice his concerned expression. removing one of my hands from his touch and my other hand i tuck a small amount of the hair hiding my face and give him a confused expression. Were ecnore by everyone else at the table except Madelyn, who’s glaring at Daniel and me.

He leans closer and whispers “are you okay? you haven’t stopped blushing since my family arrived.” I look at him confused again, tilting my head to the left slightly - before whispering “blushing?” Daniel laughs again “yeah. Your as red as a tomato” he touches my check lightly “it’s called blushing.” He keeps his hand there as i tremble slightly “Oh... Uh.” I pull away and let the rest of my hair fall in front of my face “I haven’t been blushing the entire time you’ve arrived...”

I let myself smile lightly while glancing at him through my hair again. This time he blushes slightly, causing the seven freckles across his nose and checks to be more visible. Causing me to hide my giggle behind my hand, while tucking the curtain of hair between Daniel and i behind my ear. My smile grows at i fully see Daniel’s blush spread slightly across his face as he awkwardly rubs the length of his nose with his index finger. “Uh.. Umm.. I’m Daniel by the way..”

He holds out his hand “Daniel Marland.” I hide my giggle behind my hand again while shaking his hand “I’m call Sunshine. Sunny for short.” Daniel smiles and withdraws his hand “Sunshine?” I nod and place my hand back in my lap, my face still buzzing but is no longer burning.. which I'm grateful for. “Yeah, The.... Uh. orphanage i grew up in named me Sunshine because of my hair.” Daniel gave me another weird and confused look, sighing a rolling my eyes i pull my hair into a messy ponytail and begin to eat. Daniel continues to look at me, and eventually i break down and set my fork down and face him.

Hands folded tightly in my lap, “I have very light blonde hair that I'm told i inherited from my mother. I grew up in an orphanage, because as i’m told my mother, Janet. Died giving birth to me. My father, Leroy, as I'm told killed himself soon after my mother’s death due to grief. Is there anything else you need to know or can i eat in peace?” I turn quickly back to my plate and resume eating leaving Daniel to look at me in shock.  

Lunch and the rest of the day moves along uneventfully after Daniel’s and I.... fight. ‘Okay so maybe it’s not a fight... I was being rude...’ Glazing around the empty Front of house with a bemused half smile and glazed over eyes, most of the left side of my face in my left hand and my right arm wrapped around my ‘bigger then it’s ever been’ stumpic while trying to hide my stumpic. ‘I should apologize. He was only asking and i blew up in his face....’

Standing straight i stretch out my back ‘At least the only good thing about lunch is Maria didn’t yell at me for not eating all of my lunch.... I’m surprised they didn’t hear or interrupt Daniel’s and i’s conversation at all..’ Shaking my head i pull the chair to my right behind me and sit down, placing my head in my hands. After a few minutes i begin spacing out and falling asleep, missing Daniel and his father come down the stairs laughing. Spotting me, Daniel’s laughs quiets but his father’s only gets louder - completely oblivious to his son’s averted attention.

I don’t look up as i hear footsteps get closer to the desk, nor his hand gently placed on the desk to my left. “Sunshine?” He leans closer, now catching his father’s attention “Daniel. what are you doing?” his heavy footsteps coming closer “leave her alone.” Encoring his father he leans closer and whispers “I’m sorry i upset you.” Keeping my head down, i hide my smile as he leans back - removing his hand from the desk. Exposing a small slip of paper folded in half, that i quickly hide with my elbow before his father notices as he pushes Daniel threw the hallway and into the back of the house.

I pull my hair out of it’s pony tail as i slide the folded paper in front of me. Staring at the paper i begin to blush again, debating with myself if should even open it... or accept his apology. I stare at the paper for what seems like hours but, looking up at the standing clock between the door and window says it’s only been a few minutes.

My blushing has yet to stop, my whole face was on fire and it was starting to become annoying. I rub my face with the heel of my hand while i glance back at the slip of paper, taking less then a second to pull it toward me and open it. ‘Meet me at the park on main street at midnight... Daniel’ I read and re-read the sentence over and over. ‘did he mean it? after i snapped at him he’s still willing to talk to me... Should i go? what about Madelyn? What if I'm caught?’ I want to go. that i knew, even if I'm not sure why... Leaning over the note, i let my hair curtain around my face - obscuring me and the note from view. Whispering  “I’ll meet you...” and smiling like a fool.

Much to my demise, i spent the rest of the day floating on a cloud while smiling like a fool. Giving John, Francis and Maria a ‘heads up’ that something was going on... Or i had done something i wasn’t suppose to. Like.. I don’t know.. Find a way to escape with Madelyn... I guess the only up side to my smile was Daniel knew by first glance that i had read his note and agreed to go. By dinner, John had become more attentive then he had in the past.

purposely Sitting in-between Daniel and I, while wrapping his left arm around my shoulders and gently running his nose along the skin of my shoulder to the bottom of my ear. Causing me to shiver and try to scoot away. Turning my head, i hide my shiver, I notice Francis and Maria’s sly smile as they keep there eyes focused on me. I refused to meet there glaze and give them the satisfaction of my discomfort, even while John kept getting closer and closer to me.

Making my smile get smaller and smaller, until it was non-existent - and Making dinner like any other. Maria forced me to clean my plate, Francis kept making small talk with our guest (keeping them occupied and distracted) and John, as usual was over attentive. So with John hanging off of me like a the overly large clothes Maria provided for Maddie and me, and Maria purposely being overly attentive to Madelyn - i had little time to do more then pretend smile, act like nothing was wrong and clean my plate.

Keeping my head down i could drowned out most of the non-sense that kept pouring out of Francis’s mouth as smoothly as the red wine served with dinner, along with Daniel’s parents, Maria, Francis and John’s laugh. Midway threw dinner, I had all by finished my dinner - succeeded in encoring everyone’s laughter...But had yet to shake the two holes being drilled into my body. One, being drilled into my shoulder - not being hung on by John, and Two. Being drilled into the tip of my head, I could guess that Madelyn was upset i had yet to stop Maria from doting on her.

But what i don’t understand was the glare into my shoulder.. The person to my right, beside John was Daniel. I know growing up in an orphanage and the amount of unstable homes I've had growing up, meant i really didn’t get a chance to learn what girls my age are taught... But. The hair behind my ear falls in front for my face, conveintly in enough time to hide my blush spreading wildly threw my face. ‘I realllly want this weird consent blushing to stop!’

gently placing my fork on the edge of my plate, and rubbing the back of my hand against my check. In my distraction, I missed John give a weird look to Francis and Maria, before gently tucking a section of my hair behind my eat - exposing my blushing to the table. There where a few gasp, it was as if the adults had never seen someone blush before, I kept my eyes trained on the edge of the table. My hand still attached to my cheek, i was barley breathing - i could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

John’s fingers had yet to leave the side of my ear, as he’s eyes leave me, glancing around the table before laughing loudly. “I’m sorry. I believe i have over stimulated our young maid here.” Grabbing my hand, while throwing the cream napkin from his lap on the table. “Please excuse us, I’ll escort her to her room” He stands, pulling at my hand - refusing to look up i stay frozen in my seat. there’s a silence over the table for a moment, before i gather my courage enough to meet the glazes of the people around me.

“I...” taking a deep breath i glance in Madelyn's direction “I.. don’t want to get up.” I look to my right, trying to encore the look Daniel was giving me, looking up to catch John’s glare. One i had learned to avoid, as John’s grip on my wrist tightens while he growls slightly. I drop my glaze from John’s to Maddie’s, ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry! please don’t take this out of Madelyn!’ Trying to keep myself calm, i stand and smile “I..I’m sorry...”

I glance at Francis and Maria, before looking at our guest John and Mary “Please excuse me.” Mary nods “Your forgiven dear. have a blessed night.” “Thank you.” I paste a smile on my face, before i follow John threw the hallway and up the stairs. I would have kept my smile, if i hadn’t felt the drill of a glare push into my back... and i didn’t need to look behind me to figure out who it was.

John pulled me a good portion of the way up the stairs growling before i was able to catch up to him without stumbling, Not that looking anywhere else but John helped any. Reaching the top of the stairs, i didn’t miss John pushing me into my room and locking the door behind him. Making the next ten minutes....

Laying on my bed, I refuse to look anywhere by the slight discoloring of my ceiling. Ecnoring John’s grunts as he dresses himself, leaving the top three buttons undone as he leans over me. Trying not to visibly shake as he moves a piece of my hair and whispers “I’ve been waiting to do that since you ran away...” I gulp and try to keep my breathing steady as more tears continue to fall. Still over me, i feel John’s breath as he laughs and wipes a tear from my cheek. Causing me to lose the battle and shiver uncontrollably and ball like a baby. Laughing again, he stands straight and unlocks the door and walks out. Leaving me to curl into a ball, or as much as i could with my huge stumpic, and ball.

I don’t know how long i stayed like that, Curled in a ball - arms wrapped around myself. I know i stayed like that long after i ran out of tears, after i had stopped sniffling, It seemed like i couldn’t move.. It wasn’t until i heard the loud clank of the standing clock in the front of the house that i dared moved. Arms still wrapped around my middle, i make my way to the edge of my bed ‘is it midnight already?’ looking up at the light up clock hanging on the wall opposite of my door, said it was 11:30. My feet touch the cold floor as i take a deep breathe and whisper “okay, I still have some time to..” i look down at my ruined uniform “change... before i meet..” a blush spreads and a smile light up my tear stained face “Daniel.”

Sniffing again i wipe my face with the back of my hand before standing and making my makeshift dresser, pulling out the only dress i owned. Not that I’m even sure I’ll still fit it any more, Mindlessly placing my right hand on the budge known as my stumpic. Fingering the cloth, i sigh and begin to change - to my luck. Which i was surprised i even had, the dress fit... and to the credit of the cracked mirror in my room. “I don’t look to bad..” Blushing again, i smooth the bright yellow flowery fabric and twirl. Laughing out loud and like a child - startling myself as i cover my mouth with my hands. ‘I haven’t laughed like that since....’

I gulp down another sob as i smooth the fabric down again, giving myself anther once over before making my way toward the door. I lose my nerve as my left hand fingertips touch the cold shiny medal of the door handle, My mind keep replaying all the possibilities. Daniel could think that because of earlier that i can’t come, or I could get caught by Francis, Maria or John.... ‘what if they catch me and they take it out on Maddie...’ I gulp and remove my hand, letting it hover over the knob for a few seconds before returning to resting on the door handle. I take less then a few minutes for me to decide to open the door and take a step outside, The hallway was dark. The only lights coming from our guest room and the moon shining threw the high window above the stairs. Using the available light i make the short trip the the top of the stairs, taking a silent but deep breath before making my way down. Every step seemed to have there own little noise, that seemed ten time louder then any other time....

By the time i reach the bottom step more then half the time had passed, Using the little light i had i check my surroundings. ‘so far so good...’ slipping on my ragged sandals, i look around again before placing my hand on the knob. taking a deep breathe before... “Now Sunshine dear.” Maria smiles as she cross her arms “Where do you think  your going at this time of night?” My hand freezes on the knob as i hear her take the last four steps, not turning until i feel her hand on my shoulder “I... I.. wanted some fresh air...” I gulp before turning, staring at the wooden floor. I could almost see Maria roll her eyes before leaning down to my level with a fake smile “Now Sunshine, you’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow.”

removing her hand from my shoulder and placing three fingers under my chin to make me meet her eye, “We’ll be having a lot of new guest arrive and we need there rooms ready before lunch.” I nod, removing my chin sharply from her grasp while keeping my eyes trained on the floor. Taking a step toward the door i finally meet her glaze “I promise to have there rooms ready before lunch. Most of the room are already ready so it won’t take much time..” reaching behind me i touch the door knob again “Just let me get some fr...” Maria had stepped closer, a little red in the face - her hand held in the air.

I hold my cheek, i feel the heat and sting of where Maria’s hand had been along with the sting of tears in the back of my eyes. “Now you listion here.” Maria steps closer, lowing her hand to her side. Gulping again i step back into the door as Maria’s eyes turn dark, as she grabs the front of my dress, Ripping the warn fabric as she pulls me forward “You are never leaving this house. You choose to come here. You’ve chosen to stay to keep your...” she releases me “daughter” grabbing my shoulder tightly before shoving me into the front door “safe” I stumble in the door and fall as the door knob, my hand was on only moments ago. Jabs sharply into the middle of my back. I catch myself before i fall completely to the floor, hiding my pain as i stand, my back fully against the door. Maria smiles Crookedly in the moonlight as she steps toward me again, “Do you understand?” Tilting her head slightly to the left while tracing her index finger across my cheek as i turn my head sharply to the right.

Leaning closer while laughing “If you take a step out that door without Madelyn...” I shut my eyes tightly, trying to be anywhere else, letting myself shiver as a tear travels down my left cheek. “I promise to make her existence a living hell. And...” Maria presses her body against mine “I’ll make sure, she remembers the person who left her there.”I gulp and nod “I.. I.. I understand. I’m sorry. I’ll stay.” I could feel Maria’s smile grow larger as she presses her lips against the side of my head “Good girl. But that's not all i want..” Slamming her body against mine before pulling away, I grunt before falling to the floor “what else could you want?” I look up at her, feeling exactly like a worthless child is was. At my angle i miss Maria’s smile as she steps closer “I want you to break that boys heart.

I want you to forget about our young male guest.. Daniel.” Nodding i let the tears fall, “O..Okay. I promise.” Stepping back Maria runs a hand over my hair “Good. Now go to bed - you have a busy day tomorrow.” Nodding, I stand and make my way toward the stairs, keeping my eyes trained on the ground. Two steps up, Maria grabs my arm, almost making me fall “Do Not tell anyone about our little talk and throw away that ratty thing.” releasing my arm, i nod “Yes Ma’am”

Making it back to my room was an adventure in itself. Heart pounding, Tears tailing and already gasping - it’s a merical i didn’t end up falling down stairs. Which would have been a blessing compared to what I’m doing now, my back pressed into the bottom of the door. Legs curled as close as they could be with my budge, insistently not very close, My arms on top of my knees - Giving my head a place to rest as my shoulder shake with another sob. I don’t know how long i stayed like that or how long i cried, The sun was just raising above the house across the street when Francis Knocked on my door.

“I...” My voice creaks slightly “I’ll be out in a second.” Looking at the door handle as if looking at him directly. I Hear his hand leave the handle and i let out a sigh of defeat, getting ready to stand until i hear “Sunshine...?” My eyes widen as i fall back into my butt out of surprise, turning toward  the door while whispering “Daniel?” i Scoot away for the door for a better view while still on the floor. There’s a splitting silence as Daniel and i stare at my door - ‘I’m surprised we haven’t burned a hole with all this staring..’ Clearing my throat, i stand and walk silently to my door “Daniel..?” i press my ear to the door, while placing my right hand against the wood “Are you still there?” I hear him laugh lightly, and i can almost imagine him nodding “Yeah. I ‘m still here.”

Shuffling his feet a little before stepping closer and pressing his hand against the door, Incidentally at he same place my hand is placed. I blush and smile as he whispers, the upper tip of his nose lightly touching the wood “Can i... Umm.. Come in?” If there had been a perfect moment for my heart to stop that would have been a good time, The light blush on my face before spreads wildly as i press my left side into the door - contemplating. ‘There’s no way this can end well..’ I smile as i hear him breathe ‘What if Maria finds out..’ My smile fades slightly as i back away from the door, tears pricking the back of my eyes again as i wrap my arms around the top of my bulge. ‘She’ll hurt Madelyn... You have to say no.. You have to..’

“Yes” I cover my mouth quickly in shock. As i watch the handle turn and the door open, reveling a slightly disheveled Daniel with a surprised smile... Causing me to smile beneath my hand. We smile and stare at other like idiots of awhile before, my mind starts working again and i quickly pull him fully into my room. Before shutting and locking the door. Still blushing like an idiot i take a deep breathe, my palm still pressed against the door giving me a since of balance before i choose to disobey Maria or Ruin whatever Daniel and i have... Taking another deep breath i turn and immediately spot Daniel standing awkwardly behind me.

“Sorry about being rough. I though i...” I step closer to him, blushing a little more. Daniel smiles and nods “It’s okay i get it.” Laughing silently i motion to the bed “Do you want to..” I rub the back of my neck “sit down?” Shaking his head, he shuffles his feet “No. it’s okay....” looking everywhere but me “So. you didn’t meet me...”

I gulp and cringe slightly “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.” Taking a deep breathe, replaying last nights situation in my head over and over “I was..” I stare at the floor for a moment contemplating how i should continue, ‘I can’t say what really happened between Maria..’ “I.. I’m sorry. I meant to go... But..” I look up at him, his face pulled into a blushing smile “I was pulled into a job by Francis.” ‘Half truth.. always best..’ i smile at the floor ‘kind of.’ I shake my head, looking up and smile at Daniel “So. Yeah.. I’m sorry i couldn’t meet you.” ‘time for the kill..’ Taking a step toward him i motion for him to sit, before sitting myself, he follows my lead - but not without a noticeable look of confusion. “Daniel..” i swallow while i nervously laugh “I... I...” ‘come on sunny! just spit it out! End whatever this...’

I blush without thinking, ringing my hands in my lap. “Daniel..” i look up at his confused face, which does absolutely nothing for my blush “There are some things you don’t know about me...” ‘that's an understatement.’ Daniel smile drops a little as his confusion deepens “Okay. are you sure you want to tell me?” I nod, trying to gather my courage “Yeah. And I’m sorry again for yelling at you.”I look down at my lap again, a small piece of my hair falls from behind my ear - oblivious to me. But not to the boy beside me, who leans closer - gently scraping his fingertip across my check as he tucks the fallen hair behind my ear.

In shock i inhale, my blush deepens, my heart races and the only thought i can come up with is  'wow...’  Daniel must have caught on to my discomfort, as he smiles slyly before blushing myself and backing away. I gulp and shake slightly, pulling my legs underneath me ‘wow... okay. Sunny breathe. Remember what Maria threatened. THINK about Madelyn!!’

I scoot back away from Daniel as i re-arrange my dress “Daniel. We need to talk.” I glance up at his face as it falls again into confusion “okay.” “We can’t do..” I motion around me “whatever were doing. I have to..” I fidget with the hem of my dress “Protect someone.” Out of confusion i could feel him stare and start to move closer to me “What are we doing?” he reaches out and gently places his left hand on mine, stilling them “Who do you have to protect?”

I don’t look up as my head and heart fight over if i should move or not “I don’t know.” I force myself to look up while removing my hands from his and placing them on either side beside me “Before you arrive.. this had never happened to me before.” I blush and look down at my lap again, trying to keep myself calm. “It’s..” ‘don’t say it! don’t say it!’ “kind of.... nice.” I look up at him again “Weird.  but nice.” I see him smile and laugh “Yeah..” he laughs again “I know how you feel.” he moves closer to me, placing his right hand on my left. His smile falters a bit “But you never answered who you have to protect. Or what you where keeping from me..”

I gulp “You know of the little girl you sat across from last night?” I look at our hands before looking at his face, which falls into confusion before nodding “yeah.” Pulling my hand from his i straighten my dress while i straighten my legs “To Maria and Francis.. the owners of the Inn. That little girl.” I smile slightly looking at my hands in my lap  “Madelyn, is my daughter.” Keeping my head down i hear Daniel gasp “Your daughter?” I nod....

“Well. Not really..” I look up and turn my head to the window, watching the sun as it had risen not much farther then it had last time i had checked. “To be honest, completely honest” Glancing at Daniel from the corner of my eye “She’s not my daughter. Were not related at all - John.” Daniel nods, moving closer - crossing his legs and getting comfortable “Okay.” Turning my head toward him i smile slightly “had killed her mother.”

I watch Daniel’s fall fall completely, his eyes widen as the color leaves his face, moving back without thinking. “Yeah, If it wasn’t for John Madelyn would have had a normal childhood. or at least that’s what i imagine she would have.” I keep myself calm and my face blank as i look Daniel over before “Do you want to know my story?” I pull my legs underneath me again as i wait for him to reply, His face changes from horror to curiosity as he nods. “Okay. It’s starts out like i told you.

I had two loving parents - Janet and Leroy.” I scoot back a little to where my back is fully touching the wall parallel to the left side “before i was born everything seemed great... or at least i imagine it was. You see..” I look back out the window, taking a deep breathe before looking back at Daniel’s patient and expectant face “My mother.. Janet. Died soon after giving birth to me.. I’m told it was some unseen complication that doctors weren't quick enough to stop before my mother lost her life.

From what I’m told..” Gently running a shaky hand threw my messy hair “I have my mother’s Bright blonde hair and My father’s Brown eyes..” I look down at my dress as i shift slightly “My father.. Leroy. At my birth was so distraught that...” tears travel down my checks as i recall th horrible events of my birth, Leaving them unchecked i continue - Leaving Daniel a little on edge “Sunshine.. You don’t have to..” Reaching out he stops my hand from growing threw my hair again, pulling it down before capturing it within is other hand.

I shake my head ruffly and remove my hand to tuck a small amount of hair behind me ears “You asked. And I’m going to tell you, It’s about time someone heard it from my point of view...” I look up at him as he nods - giving me a weak smile that i return “He killed himself.. In the room i was born in.” I wipe my cheeks the heel of my left hand “So i was less then a day old. Possibly less then an hour old.. and I’m already a nameless orphan.” I chuckle at that.. ‘nameless.. the one thing I’ve thought about when i imagined my life.. my normal life.’ “So i was sent to Miss Hager’s School Underprivileged Girls.

Where i gained the name Sunshine or Sunny for short because of my Bright blonde hair.” Running my left hand absentmindedly threw my hair again, lost in memories of the ‘School’ until i hear Daniel’s quite laugh. “May i call you Sunny..?” His laughter dies down as he stares me down, i assume without really thinking ‘Should i let him? I mean he’s the first... Boy’ I blush slightly as i run my hand threw my hair again - before playing with tip ‘I don’t see why not. I mean he’s the first.. friend I’ve had.

well boy-friend.. and he’s the first to willingly listen to my story.’ “Yeah...” I look up at him blushing more “I mean yes... If you want” I look at my lap again, distracted until i hear Daniel laugh again “Okay. Then I’ll call you Sunny from now on. Or how about...” I watch as he taps his fingers on his chin in thought - almost laughing myself at the sight. “How about..” He tilts his head slightly, his green eyes widening slightly as he looks me over - twice. “How do you feel about Hannah?” I gulp before falling into myself ‘Hannah?’

‘I’ve never been called anything other then Sunny, Sunshine or Ghost.. Do i really want to give up my name.. It’s not really your name. It’s a name Miss Hager gave you, Your real name is what your parents chose to name you - and they died before they could name you. What's wrong with Hannah? It seems like a good name for you.. You never know it could be what Janet and Leroy wanted to name you in the first place.’ “I..I Guess..”

I Tuck a small piece of hair behind my ear “But only between me and you..” Daniel smiles and hold out his hand “agreed.” I shake his hand before smiling and blushing deeper “So to contuie.” Daniel nods, not removing his and from mine “I stayed at Miss Hager’s for Thirteen Years. And in those 13 years i only had one real friend - a girl named Alyssa. Who ran away from home.” I remove my hand and wipe another tear from my face “Miss Hager kept a strict cleaning schedule, and because I’ve always been small and tiny.

I was always given the Jobs i really couldn’t do.” I shrug without thinking, Look at Daniel “At My 13th year, i was adopted. By the Pieces.” I smile slightly at the memory - ‘No matter how short my stay there.. They where my first REAL family. The first place i actually felt like i belonged - like i was loved somewhat.’ “The Pieces - Or Marilyn, Frank and their twin Boys David and Trevor. I liked living with them.” I laugh and look outside again “They were the first family that I’ve ever know and the first people, Next to Alyssa, Who really accepted me. The Pieces - Or Marilyn, was the first to give me a name. Sunny Janet Pieces.”

Our conversation had hit a moment of silence as i notice Daniel eyes had clouded over in thought, while his face still held curiosity. I smile slightly, hiding my laugh as i look outside - the sun had risen above the roofs the houses across the street. ‘Should finish this.. Francis or’ I shudder unconcusly ‘John enters my room.’ Shaking my head roughly i try to force the thought away, “Daniel.” I shake his shoulder calling his name “Daniel you need to leave..” His green eyes focus as he looks at me confused “I’m sorry.. what?”

I smile and gently push him off my bed “You need to leave.” moving to the edge of my bed, swinging my legs and bracing my hands against my knees before standing. Already standing, Daniel gives me another confused look “Why?” Smiling i stand and place my hands on Daniel’s shoulders, pushing him backwards toward the door “Because if I’m caught with you in my roo...” I freeze against Daniel as we both turn to look at the door, slowly opening and spilling light from the rising sun in the hallway into the entry of my room. Holding my breath i slowly unfreeze myself and step in front of Daniel and the intruder, encoring his look of confusion.

Placing his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to move me to the side - I stay put and hope that i can detour whoever entered my room. Seconds seemed like hours as i watch the door swing open slowly, only making the squeaking seem louder then necessary. I’m tense until i finally see who it is. “Sunny? Sunny?” Madelyn pushes the door open more before finally stepping into my room and shunting the door as quietly as she could behind her. I let out my breathe as i rush toward her and pick her up, holding her tightly to my chest and spinning. She lets out a small giggle while circling her arms around my neck, nearly suffocating me.

I tighten my arms wrapped around her waist and rest my nose on the crown of her head, inhaling her soft scent of flowery shampoo, soap and sunshine. Letting a smile grace my features as all my problems melt from my body to the ground, I refused to let her go - ever. I stand my Madelyn in my arms for as long as i could, which because of my larger then normal stumpic, Isn't very long. I place her feet on the floor, still holding her as tight as before and just kneel to her level. We stay in that position until “Umm.. Hannah?” Sighing i look up at Daniel. Almost glaring, keeping my nose against her head “Wha..” “Well Well Well. Look what we have here...” I Freeze and tightly close my eyes. Recognizing the voice, Maddie starts to shake and hold tighter to me while burying her head into my shoulder.

I feel a hand slap against my shoulder, leaving a red mark, as the male peels Maddie and me apart. Maddie screams and grabs at my clothes in attempt to keep in my arms, A little numb i keep my hands tightly around her wrists as were still being pulled apart. I haven’t opened my eyes yet to see who destroyed my moment of bliss, I recognize the voice enough threw daily life and my nightmares to already picture his ugly face. Francis. I assume Daniel hadn’t moved or was pushed out of the room before he could do anything to help.

I tried to keep hold of her, I did - but Francis was stronger and with one more good pull and we were separated. I could hear her scream again and fight as i assume she is taken out of the room, I hear Maria’s laugh as my door closes making me cringe while i wrap my arms around my stumpic. ‘time for punishment. You knew this was coming when you invited Daniel into your room.. You have NO luck! So why push it!!’ I shake my head roughly ‘ENOUGH!’ Sighing i let a tear slip threw my tightly closed eyes ‘I know i have no luck. But remember it was due to Daniel entering my room that i got to hold Maddie like none of this had happened.’

Still internally debating i didn’t feel Francis run his gently downward from my shoulder to the bottom of my back hunching me over. “Sunshine Sunshine Sunshine. I should have known you would disobey Maria’s orders to dump the boy..” Francis’s hand leaves my back “What's his name again?” I force myself to focus when i hear Francis’s voice, keeping my breathing calm i hide my shudder due to his repulsive closeness. He slaps his hand on my shoulder, toppling me to the floor “That's right! it’s Daniel!” I brace myself for the hard floor without unwrapping my arms from my middle, I can hear Francis laugh.

‘Don’t fight. Just let him do whatever he wants so it’ll be over sooner.’ I nod and turn to my side away from Francis, keeping my eyes still tightly shut ‘Don’t fight. Don’t fight.Don’t fi.. AHH!” I scream as Francis rips his nails into my shoulder as he flips me into my back laughing. Straddling me as he yanks up the bottom of my dress, my heart beat increase along with my breathing as i turn my head to the wall, I can feel him laugh as he leans forward and gently traces the curve of my neck with his lips. I spend the next Ten minutes zoning in and out, trying to find my happy place.

When he finishes it’s time for breakfast, or at least that what i assume Maria called from downstairs. I stay sprawled on the floor until Francis removes and desists, which takes what feels like hours because he keeps making sick jokes and stern comments - like “you knew this was coming if you disobeyed Maria. Not that you don’t have your own personal punishment coming from her.” or “Can’t believe how good you’ve gotten since you’ve arrived. I really should thank John”

he would usually smile here “He seems to be doing wonders... down there.” I usually encore him - trying to keep myself from bailing in front of him. Not to successful today, I was already crying heavily - trying to keep myself quite while trying to go back to my happy place and silence the thoughts rattling around in my head. After a few minutes, I assume Francis had left due to my door making noise and i couldn’t sense anyone beside me anymore. I don’t know or really care how long i stayed Sprawled on my floor, My once slightly ragged dress now basically ripped to un-fixable shreds.

I had managed to spare myself the horror of visual nightmares later in life (for this time) by keeping my eyes closed, However i knew the darkness of what i would hear in my nightmare would make up for it - It always did. I open my eyes after a few minutes of silent crying and the third scream from an impatient Maria. I encore her for another moment and watch the sun dance along my ceiling - causing me to almost smile. Almost helewsonate.

Wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand i sniffle and sit up, letting the shoulder of my dress fall and expose a good portion of my upper chest. looking down i grimace and cross an arm over my chest to hold the fabric back in place, before standing and shaking off the previous events. I shakily walk toward my makeshift dresser and change into old jeans and an oversize T-shirt before exiting my room and entering the what a lot of people would call the ‘Lion’s Den.” Not that i would know.

It was bright and sunny downstairs, the cook had made a huge pile of pancakes with all different types of Syrup. Everyone but me was at the table, already digging into there breakfast and idly chatting.. Until i arrived. When i arrived Maria glared at me and slammed a big plate of Pancakes into my placemat - almost shattering the plate. Francis smiles widely at me, while digging into his own plate - while John growls and aggressively chews his food. Daniel and Madelyn don’t meet my eye, But i can see the faint blues of a new bruise on Maddie’s cheek and the deep red hand print on Daniel’s arm that he tries to cover up with his sleeve.

Making the short trip to the table i notice Mary, Daniel’s mother glare at me threw her bangs ‘I bet she blames me for Daniel’s bruise...’ I gulp and smile lightly in hopes of lighting the mood. I get a roll of her eyes and a short ‘huh.’ Looking down at my plate i accept her disapproval ‘That could have gone better..’ I smile lightly at my joke ‘A horrible joke. but the only bright spot in my currently suckey day.’ I sit down and grab my fork, staring at my plate and about to dig in when i hear someone slam their glass of milk on the table. Almost shattering it and startling me to looking up “I can not believe you let this.. this..” Mary screams as she glares in my direction while wildly waving her hands lecherous female sit at the same table as...”

I feel tears prick my eyes as i defend myself in my head and look down into my lap ‘no. I didn’t do anything to him.... I... I...’ “Enough mom.” Daniel growls as he places his fork on his plate and narrows his eyes at his mother “I said Hann.. I mean Sunshine hasn’t - Didn’t do anything.” I could feel the tension in the room as everyone grows quite and watches the fight between mother and son, there a ‘humf’ as Mary rolls her eyes again and throws her pale blue napkin on her plate and pushes her chair out roughly, making a unpleasant sound against the hardwood floor of the dinning room

“Don’t you dare talk to me in that way young man. I don’t care what...” I could feel her seething glare as she looks me over with disapproval “your feelings are for this... Disgraceful creature. But that's no way to talk to your mother. Now finish your breakfast” she looks to her husband, who nods while wiping his mouth and standing and looking at Francis and Maria “I’m sorry for the sudden disturbance. But i do not think we will be needing our rooms for any longer..”

he glance in my direction before looking back at the Inn owners and smiling. Maria nods “I.. We understand. And our greatly sorry...” she sends a heated glare at my head “for this turn of events. And we hope that it does not discourage you from using our home again Or telling your friends the good time you had here before this...” another glare “Incident.” The man nods and i can hear him stepping from the table along with Mary, and a few minutes later Daniel. The rest of Breakfast is silent and full of hateful glances and glares, I keep to myself and finish my plate faster then i had ever before.

Looking up for the first time since Daniel’s mother accused me “May i be excused?” Maria frowns but nods “Don’t forget to Clean the Marland’s Rooms once they leave.” I nod and push my chair gently to let me out, but before i could fully leave the room Francis grabs my arm. Pulling me closer to whisper “Don’t think of doing anything risky or stupid.” He grips my arm tighter and i fight to keep my face empty “were keeping an eye on you young lady.” I nod and he let me go - I run upstairs and into my room... And into Daniel....

“Daniel!” Running face first into his chest, a little stunned, before pushing my hands in fount of me and effectively a rather sucky barer if he steps closer. “Daniel...” I whisper as i back up enough to fully close my door, my eyes never leaving his. “What are you doing in my room?! Do you want us to get in even MORE trouble!??” I drop my hands to my sides as i step closer, his smiling growing. Two steps away from him as close as i wanted to get, until Daniel grabs my waist and pulls me into his chest.

Gently burying his nose in my hair, I fight for a little for my freedom - fear rising in my chest that we could be caught at any moment. But every struggle and push i give - his grip only tightens around my waist, wrapping his arms around me and tightly holding on to his wrists. I give up after awhile, sighing and burying myself into the warm torso of my captor while a red tint runs across my face. I feel him chuckle as i wrap my arms around him and try to hide my blush with his shirt ‘Sunshine you know this is wrong... Your going to get caught.

You need to let go and let him leave - so he can get out of here alive..’ I shake my head sharply and try to clear my head, but no matter how hard i shook i couldn’t get ‘So he can get out of here alive’ out of my head.. ‘What am i doing?” I whisper against him as i drop my arms, sighing again. I stand still pressed against him for a few moments before i clear my throat, gaining his attention before saying “Daniel. Let me go.” I feel him falter before his grip loosens, but dose not completely drop - taking a step back i look up to look him in the eye.

My face carefully blank against the storm running wild my my head “What's wrong?” Daniel’s face falls into confusion as he rest his, still connected at the wrists, arms on my hips and leaning closer to me. I try to hide my shudder as i take a deep breathe “We can’t. Or..” I glance at our feet, trying to clear my thoughts enough to make a understandable sentence. While in thought, I miss Daniel leaning more and gently touching my forehead with his - until i look up. Blushing deeper “O...Or I can’t.”

Every thought in my head screamed for me to step away, Push him away - But my heart told me to stay put and let Daniel send it into spasms with his smile and all the attention he gave me. I fought myself for what seemed like an hour as Daniel and I stared at each other, his smile growing as he watches me. Gently placing his left hand at the small part of my back and pushing me closer to him again, his forehead still firmly pressed against mine - by the time i had cleared my head enough to have a decent thought i noticed we had gotten closer.

This time i don’t fight, smiling slightly as i raise myself to my tip toes and gently resting my arms against his causing Daniel’s smile to grow. Tightening his arms around me and locking me in place. I Bite my lip, trying to control the wild beating of my heart ‘that i reallllly hope he can’t feel’ and my breathing that seemed to have quickened. Leaving me a little light headed as all thoughts leave my head - first time since i arrived here.... This close, Daniel slowly removes his forehead from mine, still watching me before leaning his head closer to mine and gently brushing his lips against mine.

Startled i Freeze against Daniel as all air leaves my lungs, the color drains from my face except for my checks which are bright red and my eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. ‘He...He...He... k...K...Kissed....He Kissed...’ I was still frozen as his lips leave mine, standing straighter and watching my reaction. My mind was unable to make a complete thought, trying to finish the sentence it had started... basically trying to summarize what had happened.

I focus my eyes on his face as my head finally completes a sentence “You kissed...” I blush lowering my head and eyes as i  try to push the last word out of my mouth. Daniel bets me to it, smiling and gently tucking his hand under my chin and gently forcing me to face him “Kiss you?” His smile turning into a full out grin. I nod, trying and failing to hide my own “Yeah...” I meet his glaze “that.” Smiling fully while blushing deeper. “It was..” I watch as Daniel gets as nervous as i was before the kiss, removing this left arm from my waist and scratching the back of his nose with it - blushing deeply “sudden... I’m sor..” “Don’t Apologize...”

I gulp and gently kiss his cheek “I mean please don’t apologize” Startling myself, i smile and carefully watch his face. Looking me over, he scratches his the back of his neck again “You mean your not upset?” I shake my head and stand fully on my feet again “No. It’s the first..” I bit my bottom lip again, thinking “good thing that's happened... Here in awhile.”

Daniel smiles and pulls me deeper into his chest, this time not fighting i press my forehead into him - resting the tip of my nose inches from his shirt. Smiling bigger while inhaling deeply - feeling more free then i had ever felt. Laughing Daniel wraps his left arm around me again, burying his nose in my hair while kissing the top of my head. We stay in that position for what seems like hours, when in reality it’s only a few minutes - Daniel’s the first to pull apart. Holding me at arms length, watching me closely - “I don’t know what's going on between you and the owners of the Inn..”

He runs the back of his hand across my cheek, causing me to shiver slightly and blush before returning his hand to my shoulders “But. This isn’t a good place for you - OR” He smiles “Madelyn” I smile up at him, unable to think of one positive thing to say other then “Thank... Thank you.” No matter how hard i tried i couldn’t get the smile to leave my face, I finally had someone in my corner. Someone i could trust to keep - No Help keep Madelyn and myself safe. Rubbing his hands down my arms and holding my hands tightly “But..” I gulp and look behind me at my closed door, trying and failing to hide all of my worries and concerns “How do you plan on helping us when..” I look back at him, trying to hide the pain in my eyes “your leaving?”

Squeezing my hands, he looks back at my door - almost daring someone to enter and interrupt us “I don’t know yet..” My smile falls as the pain i was hiding starts to seep threw, noticing Daniel sighs and pulls me into another hug. “But i promise i will find away to get you and Madelyn out of here.” The side of my head pressed into his chest, I nod. Trying to keep the tears back as my mind keeps taunting me ‘Li..er Li..er Li..er Li..er ’ to the sound of his heart beat.

Daniel exits my bedroom first, promising me that he will come up with a plan and tell me before he leaves. I force myself to smile and nod, while the ‘Lier Lier’ still rings threw my head. Promising to dance across my tongue and fly off my lips. Keeping myself smiling until my door shuts completely and I’m allowed to breathe and fall apart. ‘Shut up! He’s not lieing! Why would be lie to me?! What would be have to gain helping two orphans from this nut house?” Running my hands threw my hair, I whisper the last sentence while falling into my bed. Stretching my arms above my head, I rake my against the wall behind me “I mean..”

Staring at the ceiling, I sigh before sitting up. ‘I need to believe him. He’s my only hope of making it out of here alive. No matter how much i...’ “try” ‘to convince myself he’s lieing.’ Stretching again i stand making my way to my door, trying and failing to fit my hand around the handle and let myself out. Staring at the wood of the door, i try to imagine what my life would be like once i left here. ‘Would i be okay? How would i find a decent place for Madelyn to sleep at night or How am i going to find enough food for the both of us?’ Shaking my head roughly, i rest my forehead on the wood of my door. Lifting my hand and placing it gently on my door handle ‘he has given me no reason not to believe him.

I should give him a chance...’ Lifting my head i stare at my hand as i watch it open my door, not lifting my eyes till i take a step into the the lit hallway. And right into the chaos of Daniel’s parents struggling with an overly large suitcase. “Mary.. Mary let me carry that.” John gently wrestles the bag from Mary’s grip as they walk toward the top of the stairs, “I can do it!” Mary glare at her husband “We just need to get out of here!” Turning her death glare toward me, taking a step toward me “and don’t you even dare try to stop us..” Sinking back i nod “Yes Ma’am” “See sweetheart, you’ve got nothing to worry about..”

John places his hands on Mary’s shoulders. Directing her toward the stairs again “Let’s just get out of here and put this whole thing behind us. okay?” Mary nods, letting out a breathe “Your right.” before making her way downstairs with her husband. Staying still, i wait until i hear there shoes hit the wood of the bottom step, do i move from my spot. ‘Got to get their room clean..’ Moving to the linen closet and grabbing bedding ‘Have to act normal. Have to pretend that this might work out for the best have to..” “AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” I drop the off white sheets i’m holding to the sound of Madelyn’s scream.

I make it downstairs in record time, be-linning it for the living room and trying to keep my thoughts happy.. ‘it could be her screaming with laughter.. It could be that she saw a spider or Francis...’ I enter the living room and stand there frozen for seconds as i see Francis holding Maddie down on the carpet as John raises his hand to slap Madelyn into silence, the ripped shoulder of her purple shirt in his left hand. A bruise forming in maddie’s tear stained cheek as she cowers while trying to wiggle out of Francis’s grip. I unfreeze as i see John’s hand come down, running forward i jump onto his back and trying to wrestle him away from Maddie.

“Leave her alone!” I distract him enough that he tries to remove me from his back, however i didn’t think of distracting Francis or Maria so that Maddie could get away. “Get off John’s back now Sunshine” Maria calls, startling John and I’s struggle - Looking of his shoulder, I drop my grip on John immediately. The knife held to Madelyn’s throat. “Please don’t hurt her.. Please..” I fall to the ground and step around John, holding my hands out in front of me. Keeping eye contact with Maria, while giving terrified Maddie strained smiles “Don’t hurt her, I’ll do anything you want..” Maria laughs, jiggling the knife up and down - cutting into madelyn’s neck a little. “Sit down. You can watch.”

“Sunny!!!” Maddie screams as she tries to reach out for me, tears and snot trailing down her face - I give her another strained smile as i move toward the couch to my left “It’ll be okay sweetheart. I promise everything will be okay.” Sitting down i try to still my shaking, switching eye contact from madelyn and Maria “Just keep still okay?” Maddie nods slightly, sniffling and roughly wiping tears from her face. Maria smiles “Good Good.” Keep the knife tight on Maddie’s throat, Maria shifts toward Francis “Hold the child down.” I fight to keep still, as Maria removes the sharp object from Maddie’s throat as Francis grabs her arms.

Dragging and pinning her to the ground. Whining again, maddie’s light brown eyes find mine and i try to give her the best ‘it’s okay’ smile on my face while keeping remained in my seat. “John Hold her feet still” I watch him from the corner of my eye, refusing to let my eyes wonder from Maria or Madelyn. I swallow the lump in my throat before speaking “Your not going to hurt her...” I let the sting of the tears behind my eyes show, keeping my eyes trained on Maddie’s face “are you?” Looking up i see Maria smile and hold out the knife again, “Now dear.” she gently runs the flat edge of the blade across maddie’s cheek, making her cry harder and shake.

“We all know that this...” Maria draws the tip of the blade from Maddie’s cheek, leaving a obvious red mark “this child is distracting you from your work.” Maria glances down at Madelyn with a motherly smile before looking back at me and drawing the sharp edge of the blade lightly across Maddie’s pale neck.

Causing Maddie to scream as a small line of bright red to bead down her neck, I all but lose my control. ‘I have to be careful with this... If i want Madelyn to make this out alive i have to plan out everything.’ I gulp and spot Maria’s smile as Maddie screams for me again and again, reaching out. “And as grateful as we have been to have you bring us a daughter..” Maria smiles wider at my distress “She has started to become a problem..

and we have our new addition to keep track of.” Pointing the tip of the knife at my stumpic, i wrap my arms around it automatically - “What are you ta...talking about” My voice cracks as i can’t help but glance down at my stumpic, before looking back at Maria “Well.. Your expecting sweetheart...” My face falls into confusion, as Francis and John laugh “Your having a baby.” Maria rolls her eyes “Your going to produce a baby.” Gasping, my arms tighten “B..But..But how?” I look from the three adults, confusion still on my face. Maria rolls her eyes again “You are clueless.” She looks to Francis “You and Francis had sex..”

Maria slaps a hand on Francis’s shoulder, I shudder again “Sex?” John sighs “why are you even telling her?” He look over his shoulder at me “She’s never going to get it.” I watch Francis nod “He’s right Maria. She has limited intelligence as it is.. Don’t confuse the girl.” Francis glances at me, looking me over before smiling back at Maria, John and Madelyn “Just let her figure it out when..” He looks back at me again “Our little wonder comes..”

“I...I...I don’t understand..” I sink farther into the couch as i keep my arms around my middle “What’s happening to me?” I from the adults in front of me in turn. Trying to understand what i’m being told.. ‘Sex? Baby?’ I look back down at my stumpic trying to image a baby inside me ‘Would the baby be like Maddie? How am i going to keep the three of us alive? What do baby’s even need?’ I shudder and force my glaze toward Maddie’s ‘No! Sunny you need to focus!’ “I guess your right John...” Maria looks from John to me “But she’s due to pop any day now and i’d rather she didn’t freak out when she delivered.”

Nodding Francis glances in my direction before looking back to Maria “I agree, But it’s not going to be hard to get her to pass out..” The rest of the adults nod in agreement. “So it’s agreed?” Maria looks at the two males beside her in turn “We get rid of Sunshine’s..” She snarls down at Maddie, Who whines and struggles against Francis and John “Distraction. Then we just wait till Sunshine delivers.” I drop my arms to my side, I need to think quickly if Maddie and me are going to make it out of here alive. Heart pounding i try to speak, but end up opening and closing my mouth - “W..What if i can work and... “

I look down at my feet then back at the adults in front of me “deliver.. with Madelyn still alive?” They each have their own reaction; Maria rolls her eyes, Francis gives me a sympathy look while John gives me his best 'killer’ smile.  Maria was the first to speak, Moving closer to me and resting her knife welding hand’s wrist on my knee “Sunshine.. Sunshine.. Sunshine..” Shaking her head softly, looking from maddie to me then back “We all know that's a lie. You can’t work and have a child to look after.. So think of this as..”

She smiles wickedly, a smile i’ve seen before only on John after i wake up strapped to a bed.  “spring cleaning - getting rid of the old” She looks at Madelyn with the same grin, causing her to whine again before returning her glaze to my stumpic. Gently resting her not knife holding hand on my budge, causing me to shiver uncontrollably “and Embracing the new.” “NO!” I jump off the couch, Startling the adults around me and myself - retaliating quickly Maria stands as well. Keeping her eyes trained on me as she walks backward toward Maddie, John and Francis, “No?” I shake my head, rising my left hand to my cover my mouth. Trying to keep myself still as i watch, not breathing, as Maria returns to Maddie’s side. Crying and wiggling again as, her light brown eyes widen. “Are you sure thats what you want?” I shake my head wildly, letting my tears fall freely ‘how am i suppose to get out of this?’

“N..No..” I sit back down, heart racing i try to speak without messing up “I’ll.. I’ll behave.” Smiling in my direction, Maria runs a hand down Maddie’s wet cheek “Good Girl. Now we must finished what we started..” Looking from John and Francis, who both nod giving wicked grins to Madelyn. I freeze in my spot, unable to comprehend as Maria replaces the knife back on Maddie throat. The light from the adjacent dinning room bouncing off the knife and leaving a small pinpoint of light on the wall.

Almost like the innocence of the small girl lying on the ground, thrown into a life of misery - at the end of her life as she being held down by the adults who hurt her. There is no happy ending. Not even for her..... I Blink back the tears as i watch the knife slice deeply into Madelyn’s thin and once pale throat. Now dyed a deep red, as the once sparkling light brown eyes. that once held laughter and promises slowly fade into bleak emptiness. And as i watch the blood pool around her shoulders, I begin to lose myself. Falling into my own black hole...

“Hannah?! Hannah?!” I hear the vague sound of Daniel’s voice wash past me as i push the darkness from my vision. “Hannah? are you here?! HANNAH! MADELYN!?” I feel tears strip down my face at the sound of her name, nothing but unwanted agony washing over me - almost forcing me to allow the rich darkness engulf my vision again. I couldn’t tell if i was sitting or standing - if i choose to go off my last memory i was sitting. Trying to think farther made me dizzy, letting a whole new other darkness seep into my vision. “Hannah? Sunshine?” I could tell his voice was getting closer yet i couldn’t open my mouth to speak myself.

To alert him that i was still here, Sticky... but here. Wait... Sticky? The Darkness slips from my vision and i’m left with the sickening image i don’t want to see.. Looking all over i see blood spattered all over the walls and collected in deep red, almost black puddles on the carpet. My eyes scan the almost unrecognizable bodies piled messily on top of one another next to me, a thick line of blood draining down from the top body to the next then next. Combing and mixing till it reaches the already steadily growing puddle underneath them. My throat runs dry as i open my mouth and scream....

I scream till I’m pulled into Daniel’s shoulder, only calming slightly by his arm wrapped around my shoulders and his calm and slightly panicked words. “Hannah... Hannah wh...What happened?” I shake my head, as i openly sob “I...I.. I don’t know...” The sticky substance i didn’t know was on my cheeks mixing with my tears, turning it slightly gooey. Pulling my head off his shoulder, i look him in the eye, echoing my own fear “Sunshine.. Where’s Madelyn?” I can’t help the flow of fresh tears that gather behind my eyes, “I.... I.. I don’t know” I try again to push past the darkness again, but only accomplish getting dizzy and sick again. Daniel nods, looking to his left grimacing - “Why don’t we get you cleaned up?”

I nod, looking down at my body and shaking even more - “I...I...I’m covered... I’m covered in blood..” Daniel nods and helps me standing, something i had seemed to lost all function to do. We shakily walk of the living room and into the downstairs bathroom, in the hallway connecting the front of the house to the dinning room, Living room and kitchen. Entering the bathroom, i get the first glance of myself since my black out. “I... I... Look horrible...” I look myself up and down, i had some dried, some still wet blood all over me. In my hair, clothing, face “all over.” I lean my weight on my hands, gripping the edge of the counter - leaning closer to the mirror “What happened?” I watch threw the mirror as Daniel shrugs “I don’t know, But it looks like you where in a huge fight.”

Gently grabbing my wrist and leading and helping me sit on the closed lid of the toilet, my hands removed from the edge of the sink.. I can’t help but stare at perfect imprints on my hands, ‘Blood red.’ I shiver as i forcefully remove my eyes from my hand prints and watch Daniel wet a light yellow washcloth he found on the stand behind the toilet. Before approaching me, gently pressing the soft wet cloth against my face and rubbing it down to my chin.

Coming back bright red and a little gooey, before shifting it slightly and wiping my cheek again. It took several minutes before my face was clean and it became apparent that i wasn’t injured. I sit in silence, my hands tucked between my knees - or as much as they could be. Watching Daniel clean the washcloth before walking toward me again and gently removing my right arm. Gently running the cloth over it, up and down. Again i was uninjured, I could see the confusion on Daniel’s face as he inspects my arm and face again before returning to the sink. “Are you sure you don’t know what happened here?”

He looks at me, while he washes the blood out of the once pretty yellow washcloth. I shake my head, Wrapping my clean arm around my drenched shirt look at the bloody foot printed ground “I don’t remember anything...” I look up at him again “And every time i try i get dizzy and sick...” Nodding Daniel moves closer to me, grabbing my other arm and cleaning it “Well from what i’ve seen you haven’t received any injuries.” I nod “I know..” My mind opens a picture of the dead, mangled bodies currently piled on my Living room carpet.

Shaking again i try to shake the picture from my mind. Again, I prove not to be injured - now Daniel drops the washcloth in the bowl of the sink. While leaning his weight into his hand, clinging to the edge of bowl - before turning to me. Still in his position “Your not injured, there may be a possibility that Madelyn isn’t injured as well..” I nod threw the fresh tears traveling down my clean cheeks “Okay.” Helping me up, Daniel and I make it back to the bloody mess known as the Living room.

Tightly holding my hand, Daniel pulls me into living room where i had managed to stop just before. I couldn't take my eyes off the mound of mangled bodies, until Daniel notices the once soft yellow flower sweater Madelyn was wearing... I freeze, My hand tighten on the arm rest of the lounge chair beside me. A picture flashing threw my mind, to fast for me to process - but clear enough recognize. Unable to stop myself, I feel my legs give out beneath me. My free hand closed around my mouth to silence my ‘not yet’ voiced scream. ‘Madelyn’ A fresh round of tears make there way down my face, alerting Daniel.

Who drops the limp arm and rushes to my side, tears of his own running down his face wrapping his arms around me - “Sunshine... She’s She’s She’s...” I nod. Not even going to try to talk.. Looking from me to the limp, yellow clothed arm sticking out of the pile of bodies. Daniel tries to talk again... “Sunny? Did you kill them?” I look at him in shock, about to shake my head before another memory filled my vision. One with me holding a dripping knife once held against Maddie’s throat, as i hold it threatingly over the adults around me. I let the memory fade before i look at Daniel again “I... I... I..” Tears filling my vision again as i shake uncontrollably “Killed them....”

I feel Daniel’s arms drop to his side as he, wide eyed, look from the pile of newly identified adults to me. “W...Why?” Scooting away from me, I wrap my arms around myself “They... They..” I choke on my words. I didn’t want to spit them out - they hurt to much “Killed Maddie...” Curling myself into a ball, i rest my arms on my knees and my forehead on my arms “They killed her in front of me... and i... I...” I hear Daniel scoot closer and rest his hand on my elbow “You lost it and killed them?” I nod “Yeah.” Looking up, i wipe the fresh tears from my face. Leaving slight red streaks on my cheeks “All i remember is blacking out, then waking up when i heard your voice.” Daniel nods “I’m so sorry Sunshine.” He looks back at Madelyn’s arm “I should have been here. I could have made sure she lived..” I Shake my head, looking at the arm that once wrapped itself tightly around me. The arm that stretched out it’s hand to wrap it’s fingers tightly around my finger.

I blink back the tears in my eyes, hiding my face in my arms “You wouldn’t have made any difference. This was just meant to happen.” Looking up i rest my chin on my arms “I never get to be happy..” Pulling me closer, i’m forced to rest him head on his shoulder “You get to be happy. I’ll make sure you get to be happy.” I fight to shake my head, Just letting his words wash over i feel sick. ‘It’s only a matter offff....ahhh!” I rip myself out of his arms as i place my hands, open palmed on my stumpic. “OWW!” I screw my eyes tightly closed as i whine, nearly doubling over

another round of pain runs threw me, nearly sending me to me knees. I wrap my arms around my stumpic, trying to keep on my feet while trying to breath normally. Neither one working very well - my breathe came out in grunts as every second step i almost fall. ‘I wonder if this is what Maria said i would deliver a baby? am i about to have the baby?” I look to my left at Daniel, hoping he would give me an answer. My heart falls as he shakes his head “I don’t know.. I’ve never been in this situation..”

He rest his hand lightly on my shoulder before glancing at my stumpic “Lets just get you to the hospital...” I nod, trying to stand and make my way to the door - almost there before another round a pain. Centering in my stumpic and making its way threw out my body - Almost over i feel a wet spot grow between my legs.. Blushing i try to hide it. Acting as if it was just unwashed blood. As far as i could tell, he hadn’t noticed - I unravel my fist as the pain dies down.

We make it to the door and down the porch before i do double over in pain, landing harshly on my knees on the pavement of the path leading to the house. Fresh air, i haven’t smelt or felt since my lock down blew around me. Cooling my reddened checks and calming me slightly. I refuse to look up or examine my darkened surroundings, everything reminds me of the first moment Madelyn and i arrived at this... I shudder uncontrollably before i nearly scream as pain rips threw me again.

I’m not even sure if it was the pain of losing the child i considered my child or the pain of soon ‘producing’ another person. ‘I think it might be both.’ I let Daniel help me up and shuffle me across the yard and out of the gate. I stare at my feet, my right hand sprawled against my stumpic while my left arm is draped across Daniel’s shoulders for support. I fight myself about having one last glance at my ‘little house of horrors.’ The pain keeps coming, almost like clockwork - every three steps i would have another... Then another.. and another. The pain was like nothing i had felt before - Even my first time with Franics. I shudder and use my right hand to wipe the tears from my face. They won’t stop coming, but the collective travels are making my cheeks itchy.

We make it to the church, i didn’t know existed - before the most major of my trips of pain hit. I cry out and tighten my fist around Daniel’s shirt, making him cringe slightly. I’m panicking and i can fell something move inside of me. ‘It’s the baby Sunshine...’ My mind tries to reason with me, but another pain rains and i fall to the steps outside the church. Daniel falls beside me, holding my hand - or trying to. As i cry out again. “This...Help... Dan....AHHH!” i close my eyes tightly to this pain, the will to push overpowering everything else. I’m not sure weather to fight it or push. I squeeze Daniel’s hand to the point where i’m sure i’ve broken it - ‘I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.’

I try to fight the will to push as another pain rips threw me, No longer quite i scream again. Mentally begging someone - anyone to help me. ‘Please.. Please help me..’ Another round rips threw me and i curl over, sobbing. My loud cries drowning out the loud creek of the wooden door behind us. Spilling light from the lit open hall, into our little scene. Startling Daniel to look up and spot the elderly women in dark robe with a slightly rounded dark hat with a white trim. Still bend over in pain i don’t notice her rushing down the stairs, before she rest her wrinkled hand on my back.

Leaning forward to see my face and spot my extended stumpic, Shaking her head slightly. Looking back at Daniel and motioning him to help me lift me and bring me inside. The pain doesn’t fade as i’m lifted from my step, taken inside and laid gently on a rough wooden table. When the pain fade i notice the sudden change in tempeture and look around for Daniel, opening my mouth to call out but being unable to make any sound. If i focus i would hear them talking, something about how i’m in ‘labor’ and how Daniel need to get hot water and a few rags.

My focus fading i roll into another round of pain, this time i don’t fight the urge. Pushing with all i had left i feel something move downward inside of me. Already picnicking, i grip tightly to the edges of the table and bend forward slightly. Cry out, I gain attention for the elderly women - who positions herself at my feet. Gently guiding my legs to bend at the knees while draping a soft cloth over the lower half of my body before removing my pants. While giving me gentle looks of sympathy before calling for Daniel.

Who runs into the room with a wooden bowl and a few off white rags on his arms, placing the bowl and rags near the women in between my legs - he follow her next instructions and climbs behind me. Gently helping lower my upper body into his chest, while he intertwines our hand together. I blush threw my already red face as i squeeze his hand and push into him as another round of pain runs threw me. I gain another gentle glaze from the elderly women, keeping eye contact “Girl i need you to push with your next contraction.” I nod and Push as soon as the pain starts again, grunting and squeezing. “Good Good. The baby’s almost here. One more push Girl. Only one more.” I nod and suck in a deep breathe as another contraction runs threw me. The ‘baby’ traveling inside of me, finally finds a way out and my pain stops almost instantly.

I’m left panting as i rest the back of my head on the curve of Daniel’s shoulder. The Elderly women smiles as she cleans the bloody mess of the child, gently stroking the warm washcloth on the child’s delicate skin. Her smile soon fades as she notices the child has yet to take a breath. “It’s is a boy.” I can’t fight the smile that grows on my face.

‘A boy. My boy.’ I feel my heart grow. I look up at Daniel from my spot on his shoulder, spotting his smile as he looks over my knees at the women and baby. Still panting i try to sit up and spot him “Can.. Can i see him?” Holding out my arms as the elderly women nods - hiding her smile as she hands the newly clean and wrapped baby in my arms. “he’s..” I feel tears sting my eyes as i hold this tiny being for the first time - I want to remember all of his features. I want to remember this moment - My first moment of pure happiness. I run my finger gently over his slightly pale cheek and my smile fades slightly, looking up i spot the sad look of the women “Why.. Why isn’t he breathing?”

The women sighs and looks me in the eye, sorrow gracing her features “I am so sorry girl. But he is still born. He is with our lord now.” I look back down at my baby, all happiness draining from the moment “Still born?” I don’t fight the tears behind my eyes as the women nods “Yes child. It means that the baby was not alive when he was born. Your baby did not take the breathe of life - he was dead before he was given life.” I feel some life drain from Daniel, as he lets out a deep breath “Hannah... I’m so sorry..” I nod and let the tears run down my face, gently running my finger down his cheek over and over. Thinking over and over ‘My baby.. My Baby.. My Baby.. My Baby...’ The two people beside me stay in there spots unable to move, unwilling to move as they watch me slowly fall apart.. again.

I stayed in that position threw the night and a good portion of the morning... Or what i assumed was the morning. As the stain glass windows high on the walls around me, let in light and color that danced on the dark wood of the pews to my left and the deep red rug that ran down the aisle. I contuied to stroke my baby’s cheek, crying and shaking uncontrollably as Daniel wraps his arms around me. Meant to give me a small amount of comfort, however the jester was lost on my current state - not that it wasn’t appreciated if i had been paying attention.

The women, i assume left an hour after Leroy was born. She had said something, that i assume Daniel caught - as i felt him smile slightly and nod behind me. By what i assume mid - afternoon the nun returned with two bowls filled with what smelled like stew. I ecnore them for as long as i could, keeping my focus on my baby - but my i couldn’t keep myself focused. 'You should eat..’ I kiss Leroy’s head 'He would have wanted you to be strong. Madelyn and Leroy would want you to stay strong.’ I feel tears sting my eyes again as i look up, spotting the nun motion for Daniel to move from behind me.

I sit up to allow him access to move, gently raising and holding Leroy at my chest - my eyes trained on the bowls of food in the nun’s hands. “Are you ready to eat Child?” I gulp, my throat dry as i nod. Not even attempting to talk, I see the nun smile and gently place a bowl of stew at my side. Before handing the other to Daniel and holding out her empty arms for the baby in mine. I stare at her confused for a moment before i fully understand ‘she want to take Leroy from me..’ I shake my head roughly and hold him tighter to my chest, tears running down my face again. ‘She can’t take him! I just got him! He’s mine! Mine!’ I turn my head to look at Daniel. Hoping he’ll be able to set the nun straight, but all i saw was him staring at me - eyes wide.

“Child we need to bury the baby.” I shake my head again ‘Please no...’ There’s a moment of silence before the nun steps closer, dropping her hands to her side. Speaking softly and gently, resting her left hand on the table i was still sitting on “Girl..” She looks to Daniel “Her name is Sunshine.” I spot her look of confusion, it’s the same look I’ve been getting my entire life - the look that always says ‘her name is what?’ She looks back at me, her face gentle but blank “Sunshine - Your child must be buried. Let him travel to the clouds... Join the other children who life was taken.” I see Daniel nod, stepping closer to me.

“Sunshine - she’s right.” I shake my head again, making myself dizzy with how hard i’m whipping my head. I want to scream, but i can’t seem to make any sound ‘You can’t have him. Please don’t take him away!’ I felt like a child again - lost and confused. “Sunshine” the women places her hand on my, still bent knee “Think of it as moving forward. You can’t just hold him forever...” I shake my head again ‘No, he’s my baby..’ Stepping closer the women gives me a sad smile “Sunshine - This is hard for you. I understand - But your baby is not alive and you need to move on.”

She looks to Daniel, who sets his bowl near mine and rest one of his hands on my shoulder “She’s right Sunshine.” The women nods “It’s what your child would have wanted....” I feel tears travel down my cheeks, I look down at my baby again - resting his stiff body on legs. Running my fingers down the side of his face, imagining his eye color, what color his hair would be. ‘Would be be like me? Would he be as wicked as his father?’ I shiver slightly and shake my head - ecnoring the two people on either side of me. I wanted this moment - ‘one last look. Last glance. Last change to hold him close.’

I look around me, above the head of the nun and Daniel. Thinking about my life so far ‘I’m sixteen, I’ve already had or given life to a child. Lost the child i swear i would protect and...’ I gulp murdered the three people who have hurt me the most..’ Looking back down at my baby i smile slightly ‘Hurt me, but gave me the most wonderful thing i could imagine. My little Leroy..’ I stroke his cheek again with one finger ‘I wonder if he gets to meet my parents.. I wonder if they’ll like him.. If there..’ I shake my head. ‘There’s no way they would be proud of me.. I’m not proud of myself..’

I gulp again - finally looking back at the nun, who was staring at me with concern and hope in her eyes. I give her a broken smile that i hoped stated ‘I’m ready.’ Understanding she steps closer and removes the baby from my legs, holding him gently and placing the bunched up blanket around his chest over his head. Before looking back up at me “We will bury him at sundown. Do you have a name for the lost soul?” I nod - Clearing my throat and hoping i can find my voice again “...Y...Yes...” I gulp, holding back tears as i stare hard at his covered face “H..He’s... Named after my father - Leroy. His..Full name is Le...Leroy Frank....”

The nun nods before turning her back toward me and walking out of the room. I watch them go, unsure what to do - I feel empty, broken and cold. Wrapping my arms around myself i hope to hold myself together, it wasn’t working. I feel Daniel watch me for awhile, unsure of what to do - before crawling up behind me again and wrapping his arms around my arms and pulling me into his chest. Before he gets comfortable, I turn quickly. Burying my head in his shoulder and sobbing tears i thought i had already lost.

Before sundown, the nun returns - helps me out of the room and drags me into a bathroom and pushing me into a stall. Before Handing me a deep red dress that is a few inches off the floor and a pair of black slippers. The moment i step out of the stall, I’m grabbed by my shoulders, pulling me in front of the rows of mirrors and tied my long brown and light blonde hair into a tight bun. Before sticking few medal long U’s into it and muttering softly, I stare at myself in the mirror surprised. Taking a good look at myself i lean closer to the mirror - I was pale and thin. But not healthy. I look drained and almost dead - I look down at the sink descused with myself.

‘What would  Marilyn, Madelyn, Alyssa or My parents think? They would be descused.’ I shake my head and let the tears run down my face and into the bowl of the sink. I only try to control myself when i feel the gentle hands of the nun on my shoulder “Sunshine, It’s time.” I nod looking up and spotting her threw the mirror. ‘I need to be ready to say goodbye...’ I gulp and turn to face her ‘It’s time to say goodbye.’ She leads me out the of restroom door and threw a few hallways till we reach a door that leads to the outside.

Taking one last look at me, she opens the door and I’m once again greeted with the Slightly chilly air. Grabbing my hand and leading me to a small section of land, surrounded by a short black fence and filled with off gray stones. I look at each one as we enter what the nun called a ‘cemitary.’ gentle stroking my hand with her opposite hand, leading me to a small group of women. Dressed similar to the women holding my hand and Daniel, dressed him black with his eyes focused on mine. The Nun leads me to Daniel’s side beside the off gray stone with Leroy’s name craved into it. Along with his birthday and a small prayer.

Daniel grabs my free hand as the Nun to my right begins to speck about my baby and the night he was born. Every word make me feel more empty - more hollow. More alone. I want to cry, I will myself to cry - but i can’t. If i had listened to what the nun had said i would have thought the whole thing to be beautiful and what he deserved, but i couldn’t force myself to. It’s was all i could to to remain standing, to remove my eyes from the rough light wood of the box they had laid him in. I couldn’t help but wonder if they dressed him, and in what?

That brings tears to my eyes, that i allowed to flow. I do force myself to pay attention as the nun and Daniel squeeze my hand as the box was lowered into the cold hard ground. Into a small hole that i assume would have been dug sometime this afternoon, along with the person who made Leroy’s box. I refuse to move as two men, grab shoves and begin to shove dirt onto Leroy’s box. Daniel looks at me, giving me a reassuring smile before moving closer to keep me warm.

I don’t pay attention or notice until the last piece of dirt is pressed into Leroy’s grave, looking up at the two men who gave me a barrier between me and my son. I watch them give me heartfelt apologies before walking off and leaving Daniel, the nun and myself alone. I remove my hands from theirs, before falling to my knees and gently running them threw the fresh dirt. Letting my tears fall to the ground as i dig a little, trying in vain to reach him. Daniel, stops the nun from picking me up - I don’t hear what he says but when i regain my senses i notices she isn’t behind me. I let Daniel help me up, taking of his jacket and draping it over my shoulders before leading me inside.

The nuns made Daniel and I feel as comfortable as possible for as long as we where willing to stay. Which Daniel was told - “Was a long as we felt was needed.” Three days had passed since Leroy’s... Funeral, and i had yet to speak a word to anyone but Daniel or the elder nun - who introduced herself to be Sister Mary. I was not to be left alone, per Daniel and Mary’s orders - Due to my fragile state and my silence. I was ‘not trusted’. I understood their worry, but it was still annoying to be always followed.

When i was able to find a moment to myself i often went to the Cemetery. Straight to Leroy’s Grave where Mary had ‘Helped’ me plant flowers around his.. What i was soon to learn Leroy’s ‘Tombstone’. However it only took a few times, Three, before Mary caught me. “Sunshine, Child. Are you alright?” She knees beside me, in front of Leroy’s grave - gently resting one of her hands on my shoulder while resting the other comfortably in her lap. I shake my head, tears running down my face as i rest my hand on top of hers. “No...” I shift uncomfortably in my position, moving my legs from underneath me to an awkward ‘V’. “I.. Why.. I..” I look at Mary “Why can’t i be happy?”

She smiles at my in sympathy “You’ll get your chance Sunshine. Our lord is giving you these challenges because he knows you can survive.” Leaning toward me and whipping my cheeks “He knows that you’ll thrive.” I shake my head “How do you know?” I look back to Leroy’s Grave and the small sprouts of vivid green grass that grew on top “I’ve lived this way my entire life. It’s hard to picture my life....” I look back at her, gulping and trying to force the word out of my mouth “Happy.” Mary nods and pulls me into a warm hug “I understand Sunshine. Your being tested and you’ve...” She hold me at arms length to look me in the eye “Proven your strong time and time again. You will get your chance in the sun soon -” She smiles “This i promise you.” I give her a broken smile, forcing myself to believe her words.

‘I’m safe here. The nuns have been nothing but nice to me. Why should I not believe her?’ I look back at Leroy’s grave ‘Oh right... My past.’ I shake as a cold breeze blows past the bare skin of my arms, looking up at the sky i notice the once clear blue had turned a cloudy grey. Threating rain. Mary follows my line of sight and sighs, before helping stand “We should get inside - the other sister’s will begin to worry if we are not inside before the rain starts.” Holding up her nose and sniffing the air lightly “And i believe...” She smiles at me, un-hooking her coat and wrapping it around my shoulders “Sister Rose has made some delicious supper.” I smile back at her, this time genuine “Yum.” Laughing as we make our way back to the church that had welcomed Daniel and Me.

The Nuns and the priest was more then willing to let Daniel and I stay as long as we wanted. But after a few weeks i began to see Daniel get... what the nun called ‘restless.’ Frustrated and fidget with the small task he was given, after two days of watching him be unhappy I pulled him aside. “Daniel?” He looks at his feet or the reddish stone floor, placing two fingers under his chin i force him to look at me “Daniel look at me.” He does and i can see clearly that he was upset ‘How could he be so upset when i’m feel as free as when i lived with Marilyn and Frank?’ I hid my shrug as i place both of my hands on his  shoulders “Daniel are you okay?”

He gives me a half hearted smile before laughing “Yeah i’m fine” He removes my hands from his shoulders and holds them tightly in-between us “Don’t worry about me.” I shake my head and remove my hands “No. Daniel don’t lie to me. Please.” Pulling Daniel into a dark hallway, standing on my tip toes and brushing my lips to his “Tell me the truth.” Standing flat on my feet “Your not happy?” Daniel shakes his head, smiling and brushing some fallen hair from my... what the Nuns called a ‘bun’ from my eyes and resting it on the curve of my cheek  “No. I’m not.” I give him a confused look as i lean my head to the side slightly, enjoying the feel of his skin on mine as my eyes close slightly “Why?” I look up at him, He gives me another small smile “because we where suppose to be far away from here....”

He pauses, looking back to the lit hallway before pulling me into a storage closet next to us. Turning on the bare light bulb above with with a string of beads attached to it, I nod as the room filled with dusty light “I know.” I hold his hand in mine “We still can.. But...” I look back at the closed door behind me before looking back at Daniel’s fallen face “I feel safe here.” I see Daniel give me a half hearted smile, sighing “I know. And i’m happy for you.” Removing his hand from mine and turning his back to me “But....” “But?” I force him to face me, he nods “Your not the same..” He looks to the floor again “You’ve changed.” I nod, wrapping my arms around my growing thinner frame “Yes. I have. But that's good...” I force him to look at me “Right?” He gently lowers my hand before nodding “Yes. But....”

I fight to not roll my eyes ‘What other ‘but’ is there?’ Stepping forward i press “But?” “I can’t stay with the way you’ve changed....” The hole in my heart rips slightly as i step back again, reaching out Daniel runs two fingers down my bare arm “I... I was hoping you would come with me..” I shake my head. staring hard at the floor and the tops of my black slippers  “I’m happy here. I’m finally happy and you want to take that away from me?” I look up at him, my heart breaking again. I see Daniel nod “I’m not going to force you. If your happy - then I’ll leave.” Stepping closer to me i take a step back “I just wanted to make sure you knew. I wanted to ask if you would come with.”

I shake my head, tears falling and landing on the top of  my floor length deep blue dress. “I’m not coming. I’m happy here.” Daniel nods, stepping closer to me and brushing his fingers across my wet cheek “I understand.” brushing his lips against mine before moving behind me, unlocking the door and stepping into the dark hallway and out of my life... again. Before i could even open my eyes. I didn’t want to open my eyes, not if he wouldn’t be in front of me - not if he wouldn’t be in my life. I could feel my healing heart break again, another wound that wouldn’t heal. another scar.

I open my eyes after a few minutes of silence to see a wall of selves in front of me, tears blurring my vision. ‘I’ve lost him. I’ve lost him. I’ve lost him. I’ve lost him.” I hold my shaking my hand to my lips, trying to erase the thought. ‘no.’ I shake my head roughly ‘no more tears. I’ll just talk to Mary - She’ll help me.’ I nod and turn off the light, making my way toward the door and into the hallway. Closing the door behind me and making my way to what the nuns called... ‘the chapel.’ I fight to keep myself hidden from the other nuns running around the church - I succeeded for the most part until i reached the high tower on what the nuns called.. ‘the west corner of the Church.’

Where sister Elizabeth caught me, I tried to keep my face hidden, trying to keep my red rimmed eyes from sight but i there was no hiding it. One look and she knew everything, putting down the cloths she was holding on the table near her she pulls me into her arms. Taller and older then me by a few years, she pulls me into a hug - gently messing with the strands that have fallen out of my bun. Whispering “It’s okay. It’s okay. Tell me what wrong?” I fall apart again as i hold onto her tightly, like all the nuns who treated me as their sister. I always felt like Elizabeth really could have been my sister “Da...Dan...Daniel... Daniel..”

I hold onto her more tightly as my legs fall out beneath me, making Elizabeth hold on to me tighter before gently helping me to my knees “Daniel left?” I nod against her shoulder, unable to contain myself and unable to speak. Elizabeth just comforts me as much as she could, Shhing me until Mary walked out of the chapel and down the stair till she saw Elizabeth and me on the floor. Rushing to me she shifts me to her shoulder, still sobbing and excuses Elizabeth “Thank you Sister Elizabeth. I’ll help Sunshine now.” I miss Elizabeth nodding and standing again, turning and grabbing her dropped cloths and making her way down the steps again. But not before sending me a look of hurt comfort, that Mary catches as she rubs my back.

“Shhh Sunshine.. Shh Child tell Me what happened.. Is it your baby?”I shake my head against her shoulder, pulling away slightly and whipping my face, Mary looks over my face as hers falls “It’s Daniel isn’t it?” I nod, tears falling harder - not even trying to speak knowing i wouldn’t be able to. Cupping my face, Mary wipes the running tears from my face - giving me a smpathic and sorrowful smile “I am so sorry Sunshine.” Helping me up, she leads me up to the chapel and setting me on a hard pew. Kneeing in front of me, she holds my hands in hers “Why won’t you talk to me?” I look at her, removing one of my hands to wipe my face before taking a shaky breathe “I want to make a vow.” Mary looks at me confused, standing to sit beside me “A vow? of what?”

I give her a shaky smile, turning to look her in the eye “A vow of silence.” Mary drops my hand and stands “A vow of silence is not something we take lightly Sunshine. It’s a vow to the lord and the church.” She sits beside me again, taking my hands “It’s a vow to yourself. I know your life is hard Child.. but..” I shake my head smiling again stronger “But nothing. I want to make a vow of silence sister.” I stand making my way to the front of the chapel, to where what the nuns call a cursafix.. something that the nuns said that our lord died on. I still don’t fully understand but I didn’t push my questions. Mary stands and makes her way toward me, standing behind me and resting her hands on my shoulders “Alright. If your sure Sunshine.”

I nod, looking up at our lord before turning to face Mary “I’m sure.” Mary nods taking a deep breathe before making her way to my left and picking up a bowl of water. Gesturing me to kneel, I do as i try to keep a smile from my face as Mary dips two fingers into the bowl and gently touching my forehead. Both cheeks and my chest and mumbling what the nuns called a ‘biblical’ passage before returning the bowl to it’s stand. And gesturing me to stand “Sunshine you are now under a vow of silence in front of our lord.

To break this Vow you will be subjected to damnation unless you ask for forgiveness from our lord and savor.” I bow my head, smiling fully showing that i understood. Resting her hands on my shoulders Mary gives a sigh of disappointment before forcing a smile on her face “I wish you luck Sunshine.” I nod looking up at her before removing her hands from my shoulders and holding them in my own. ‘I understand Mary, I do.’ I give her a wide smile before dropping her hands and making my way to the door and down the stairs to begin my life.... again.

‘Three years.’ I sigh without sound as i move toward the window of my single room, The weather had turned cold again. ‘Almost Leroy’s Birthday’ because i not member of the church Mary was able to convince the Priest that i should be given the spare room. Gently placing my hand on the slightly frosted window, looking out into the cemetery and my son’s grave - spotting the dying bright flowers Mary and I planted on his first birthday. I turn away from the widow and shift my dress at my knees to fall unceremoniously onto built in bench underneath my window, crossing my legs at my knees and wrapping my arms around my once again thin frame.

‘Almost the eve of the last time i saw Daniel...’ Taking a deep breathe, I pull my knees to my chest - shaking my head roughly. Shaking my poorly done Bun lose and letting my newly cut, middle back, light blonde hair back. I smile absentmindedly as i mess with the small amount that had landed over my shoulder, ‘The one thing that made me....’ I look down at my hair, tears stinging my eyes ‘me. Gave me my name, belongs to my Mother.’ Turning back to my window, I let the tears fall, ecnoring everything around me - I miss Mary knock at my door. Signaling time for my studies. “Sunshine?” Mary knocks on the door louder before opening and stepping inside. “Sunshine” I pull myself out of my thoughts, quickly wiping my face before turning toward her smiling. “Sunshine. You’ve been crying again...”

I let my smile drop along with my face, nodding and looking back out the window. Not looking up i hear my door close and Mary close the gap between us, gently tucking a few strands of my hair behind my ear and bringing my face to heres “Is it your child?” She looks out my window toward Leroy’s grave, I shake my head ‘No. It’s my parents... Well’ I look around my room ‘It’s my life... My past life.’ Turning back Mary notices and follows my glaze “Are you ready to begin your studies?” I nod, letting a soft smile lighten my face ‘Yeah. It’ll distract me from my problems.’ Taking my smile at face value, Mary pats my knee before standing and walking farther into my room “Alright, lets begin then.” I waste no time in following her.

School.. as the Sisters call it. Take two hours at most, Three if we go into religious studies. Something Mary was reluctant to teach me. “Alright sunshine” Mary stands collecting a few books and placing them on my small bookshelf, Located in what i considered my school. “We are done for the day.” I smile and nod stacking, collecting and putting away my supplies. To my surprise i actually like school, for the little i had in my time at Miss Hager’s. I liked learning things that.. I guess people my age learned - and i picked it up pretty quickly. Which surprised me, not Mary. “I will see at Dinner sunshine?” I shake my head slightly of my thoughts, looking up at her, smiling and nodding ‘Yes.’ “Good.” Mary makes her way out of my room.

Out of sight i let my smile drop, wrapping my arms around my body again and making my way toward my mirror attached to the stone wall. ‘I’ve changed since i’ve been here.’ My face has become more pronounced, I had better color - less pale. Looking down, i let my arms drop to my sides ‘I’m still a stick. But i’m more healthy.’ I smile. ‘I’m happy, Healthy and...’ I look at myself in the mirror again ‘I’m finally safe.’ ‘This young women is different then the young women who first looked into this mirror at Sixteen.’ I sigh again and begin to braid my hair, tying it off with an hair tie matching my deep cream. ‘I’m a different person.’ I turn toward my door, smiling a genuine huge smile - before walking toward it and out into my safe and happy new life.

“Sunshine?” I hear sister Elizabeth’s head peek around the corner, along with her long dark brown braid. I look up and smile, waving my hand to get her attention and putting my book down on the table beside me. Since my arrival, and learning to read - I spent as much time as possible in the church library. Reading everything i could get my hands on, Children’s books, religious books, the bible - Anything. “There you are.” Elizabeth smiles wider as she walks toward me “Sister Grace has been looking all over for you..”

I give her a confused look, patting the chair beside me - Elizabeth shakes her head “I can’t stay.” leaning down and tugging on my arm “And neither can you.” I let her pull me up and rush me out of the library “you can’t keep Sister Grace waiting for long. It’s rude Sunshine.” She looks at me sternly before quicking her pace “Head sister Mary would not like it.” My confused look deepens ‘did i promise i would do something for Grace?’ I shake my head ‘I can’t think of anything Grace would want from me... She’s one of the few Nuns who believe i should be kicked out...’ I hide my smile by looking at the walls around me ‘My words not Theirs.’

I force Elizabeth to stop as i pull my arm from her grip, rooting threw my side purse for the small packet of paper Mary gave me when i first became silent. Elizabeth rolls her eyes, but waits till i’ve written what i wanted to say *Do you know why Sister Grace needs me?*  Elizabeth shakes her head “No. Sister Helen found me and said that Sister Grace was looking all over for you.” I give Elizabeth another confused look *I don’t remember telling Sister Grace i would meet her anywhere. Usually after School i’m in the library or my room studying.* Elizabeth nods “I know. I looked in your room first.” Looking around Elizabeth grabs my arm again and pulls me down the hallway “We may not know why your needed, but it’s still rude to make her wait.” I nod, holding tightly to my packet of paper and pencil as we rush threw the halls.

We enter the main chapel, the place i had birthed my son, in times to see Grace start to exit. Taller then me by a few inches standing straight, my height as she leans heavily over her dark wood cane.Her graying pitch black hair tied tightly into a bun on the back of her head, a scowl clear on her features as Elizabeth and i nearly run into her. Widened her eyes, Elizabeth tries to recover “Sister Grace... I am so sor...” Grace turns her dark brown eyes over to Elizabeth, scowl deeping “Save it for your prayers Sister Elizabeth. I am not the one you should send your repentance to.” Elizabeth nods, bowing her head “You right sister Grace. I am sorry.”

Nodding Grace turns her hardened glaze to me “Sunshine.” I gulp, nodding “Your late.” I nod again. I want to write an apologies, getting Elizabeth off the hook - but it would be pointless and would only get her in more trouble.  “I was told that you are silent...” She looks between Elizabeth and I, about to nod i’m cut off “Not stupid. I think a women of your age has learned to read time.” I look up at her nodding “Then i suggest that you learn to keep it.” Moving aside, Grace motions for me to enter. I nod again and step inside - Grace following me, looking over my shoulder at Elizabeth - giving me a look that says ‘Good Luck.’ I nod and give here a small smile hoping to say ‘I’ll try.’

“Look ahead Sunshine. Always look to the future.” I nod and look forward at the floor. “Look forward Sunshine, Young women do not look at the floor when in the presence of the your lord.” I nod again - looking up, keeping my face carefully blank. “Do not look strained Sunshine. The lord did not die for your sins for you to be un-greatful.” I force a small smile on my face ‘This is like living at Miss Hager’s again. Always being chided.’ We make it to our seats ‘Finally’ and i wait to Grace to sit first before i lay a hand on my chair. “Sit down Sunshine. You’ve wasted my time long enough for there to be any time for your stupid games.”

I nod, keeping my smile while laying my writing supplies on my table before sitting with my hands in my lap. “Let me see your hands Sunshine. The true value of a women’s work is the marks it leaves on her hands.” I lift my hands to the table and lay them in Graces outstretched, wrinkled hands. Closing them tightly, she twists and pokes them -examining for proof i’m worth what she’s been told. Her eyes on my hands, i loosen my posture for more comfort on the overly hard wooden chair, I should have known better “Straighten you posture Sunshine. The lord only accepts hunched over women if she has spend her life doing a job that requires it or the elderly women he’s granted long life to.”

She looks up at me “You are neither.” I Straighten my spine and nod, Grace watches me for a moment before returning her hard glaze to my hands. She spends the next few minutes examining my hands, harshly turning then over and over. I try to keep myself looking forward and not looking bored but i do. So i start to look around “Sunshine!” Grace drops my hands, and without paying attention they fall to the table with a soft thump. Not gaining me anymore points i force myself to meet her glaze as i quickly return my hands to my lap “A respectable young women keep their selves still and focused.” I nod, keeping my gaze meet with hers.

“You’ve been here for Three years and you have not given yourself to your lord.” I shake my head “Why?” raising my hand i flip open to a blank page *I have not given become a member of the church much thought.* I turn the packet so she will be able to read it, I watch her face change to controlled anger “You have not given our lord.. much thought?” I nod, looking at the table while turning the packet around and quickly writing *I am sorr..* Grace grabs my hand, tightly squeezing “Do NOT apologize to me but to the lord who had taken you in when you where in trouble.

Gave you shelter and food>” She stands, quickly walking behind me and roughly turning my head toward the cursifix to my left “HE is who you should apologize to. WHO you should worship. Who you should thank for all the good will you are receiving.” She slaps my face with each sentence - leaving deep red marks on my cheeks, I nod. And Grace lets go. “Good. now leave the presence of the lord you are shunning. Our time together is done.” I nod and quickly gather my things into my purse and bow my head to our lord and Grace before walking calmly out of the chapel.

Before taking off running down the hall and up some stairs to my room. Throwing myself on my bed and curling into a ball, silent crying into my pillow pressed into my face and chest. ‘I knew things would never be easy for me, but this was suppose to be my sanctuary. Not a..’ I shake my head - crying harder. I don’t want to Finnish that sentence. I stay in bed, in that position past Dinner and into the night - I wasn’t hungry and i didn’t want to see Grace’s satisfied face at my misery. I guess not making appearances makes Mary and Elizabeth worry... “Sunshine?”

Elizabeth’s soft voice carries across my darkened room “Hello? are you in there? Sunshine?” I hear my door creek, and i keep my body still - i had never been so thankful from a moonless night - “Do you see her Sister Mary?” I could picture Mary looking around the room before smiling. Mary could always find me - My first two weeks here I spent as much time as possible near Leroy’s grave. It scared the other nuns, but Mary understood and found me, got me to tell her what was going on - how i felt. Keeping her steps light, Mary walks over to my bed and gently runs her hand down my arm before sitting down near my head “Sunshine. Are you okay child?”

I shake my head and pull forward enough to rest it on her lap, I look up at Elizabeth who has moved closer. “Is it your time with Sister Grace?” I nod and hide my head in Mary’s lap, trying to hide from the memory. “Sister Elizabeth, go turn on the light - we need to have a conversation with Sunshine and we need to be able to see.” Elizabeth nods before turning and walking toward the light switch, then walking back. I sit up and wipe my face with the back of my hands, before removing my packet and pencil - flipping to an empty . *Mary i want to become a member of the church.* I hand Mary the packet, reading slowly she looks at me shocked “Sunshine....”

I shake my head, pointing to the packet again. “What did she say?” Elizabeth leans over Mary shoulder to read what i wrote, before looking back at me shocked “You want to become a nun?!” I look at Elizabeth and smiled nodding. Standing Mary shakes her head “Sunshine.. This is a big decision. Are you sure?” I nod, pulling the packet from Mary hands *My conversation with Sister Grace had me thinking... You, Elizabeth and the church have done so much for me... I thought...* Mary pulls the packet from my hands, Sitting down roughly “Sunshine. This isn’t something we take lightly...” I nod, grabbing my packet again *I know. It’s like my silence and i’ve kept that.*

Mary nods “I know - But this is bigger then that. If you become a member of this church you can’t leave unless you are assigned to another church of that same faith OR sent to another country” Sitting down beside me again “Sunshine you are not meant to be a member of this church. We are just a blimp of the great things you have to come.” I shake my head *No. This is the second place i’ve ever felt safe. I don’t want to back out there..* Tears escape my eyes as i look to my sheets, Elizabeth touches my shoulder before kneeling to my level “Sunshine Sister Mary’s right. You don’t belong here.”

 i shake my head and pull my knees to my chest *I don’t want to leave.* Mary nods, running a comforting hand over my hair “We know. But you can’t stay here forever.” *How long can i stay?* Elizabeth sighs, looking at Mary “As long as you need. but not forever.” I nod *okay. I understand*

I spent the rest of the week thinking about what Mary and Elizabeth had told me spending a lot of time in my room.... Debating with myself... ‘Maybe their right.. maybe i don’t belong here..’ I roll onto my back and stare at my wooden ceiling. ‘But what am i going to do? I’m safe here...’ Pulling myself up i tuck my legs underneath me, looking out my window and to the cemetery toward Leroy’s grave. ‘That's another thing i’ll be leaving...’ Sighing i wipe a tear from my face ‘My boy.’ I scoot myself to the edge of my bed, letting my legs dangle over the edge. My toes barley scraping the floor - taking a deep breath and standing fully. ‘Do i believe them?’

Looking around my room, categorizing everything my eyes lay on - ‘nothing in this room is mine. It’s all been borrowed.’ I look down at my dark green dress, feeling the soft fabric between my fingers ‘Even my clothes.’ Wrapping my arms around my middle i walk to my window, leaning forward and pressing my forehead into the cold glass. Staring at Leroy’s grave 'the only thing i own here....’ I turn my head, still pressed into the glass 'Isn’t really mine... It’s just partially mine. In truth it’s Leroy’s...”

I kneel on my bench, removing my head and replacing it with my right hand 'He’ belongs here.’ I take a shaky breathe and let myself fall apart again, not removing my eyes from the gray stone that belongs to my boy.  ‘Maybe their right... I don’t belong here.’ Taking a shaky stead breath and wiping my face with my right hand, i let myself smile slightly ‘It’s not like Sister Mary or sister Elizabeth won’t let me come back and visit him.’ nodding I stand again, turning and walking toward my door. ‘Their right. It’s time i moved on.’ Taking one last look out my window and at Leroy’s grave i walk out of my door.

I take the long way to Mary’s room. Trying to clear my head and rehearsing everything i want to say ‘Mary.... I thought what you and Elizabeth had said and...’ I shake my head ‘No. I have to break my vow... I have to speak....’ I force myself to stop and place a hand over my mouth... ‘I haven’t used my voice in three years....’ I look around me - the stone hallway, empty and silent.

‘Should i practice?’ Looking around again i shake my head ‘Not here... But wher...’ I smile ‘Leroy’s Grave.’ Wasting no time i turn on my heel and running past pictures of saints, the main chapel and the kitchen - startling a few sisters making dinner. Slowing slightly i send them a sweet smile before grabbing an apple from the bowl near the door and taking off again. Reaching the door leading outside, I throw on my coat and step outside into the cold air. Breathing deeply and smiling widely, almost laughing. Looking around for other nuns, ‘coast clear..’ I take off again.

I reach Leroy’s grave, panting and smiling - I let myself laugh. A small giggle, that sounds grown up and mature. Different from the childish and frightened one i had when i was sixteen - Wide eyed i let it out again. Surprised how much it changed, leaning forward toward Leroy and whispering  “I’ve.... Changed...” Startling myself i cover my mouth with my hands. ‘I sound so different. Grown up. Mature....’ “Leroy....” I gently lay my left hand on the soft grass of his grave “I love you. I love you Leroy. And i miss you - So much.” I run my hand over the grass as if i’m petting his head. ‘He needed to know that. Know i love him...’ Leaning forward more i kiss the ground “And your not the reason why i’m leaving....”

I shake my head, my voice fading slightly - tears falling “Your... Your... Your mom....” Covering my mouth again, gently touching my lips to ease the burning. Lowering my hands back to the ground, running them threw the grass again   “loves you so much and it kills me to leave....” The word ‘mom’ still burning my lips as i smile again “But you’ll be okay.” I look back over my shoulder at the church in the distance “The’ll keep you safe. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you...”

Leaning down I press my forehead into the soft grass, trying to imagine what he would look like. A happy and healthy three year old boy, A toddler. I smile against the grass, closing my eyes and deeply inhaling - “My boy.” I say in that position, my head pressed into the grass, smiling and quietly talking to him, “Sunshine?” Startled i bolt upright and try to brush the dirt on my forehead, forgetting about my vow “Mary..”

We stare at each other for what seems like a few minutes before I break it by looking to the ground and standing. Brushing off the dirt from my dress, I take a few steps toward Leroy’s tombstone - gently resting my right on on the curve. Looking back up, I spot Mary standing a few steps from me. Her eyes wide “Sunshine...” She takes a few more steps forward, finally close enough to rest her hands on my shoulders “Sunshine did you just talk?”

I nod and step into her arms, wrapping my arms around her and resting my forehead on her shoulder “Yes.” I feel her arms wrap around me, pulling me farther into her chest and we stay holding each other for what seems like hours. But in reality is only a few minutes. Mary breaking first, holding me at arms length. Looking me over up and down, smiling lightly while brushing a few loose stands of my hair from my eyes. I can’t help but smile - If i had to guess that if Mary hadn’t become a nun at nineteen that she would have became a mom. 'And a wonderful one at that....’

Turning my head i look back at Leroy’s grave 'Yeah. He’ll be safe with Mary here.’ “I need you to...” I look back at Mary’s calm and patient face “Protect Leroy when i leave.” Mary nods smiling “You’ve thought about what Sister Elizabeth and I have said to you.” I nod “Yes.” Glancing back at Leroy before giving Mary my attention “And you and Elizabeth are right. I should move on... I just..”I look at the ground trying to push the words out of my mouth with little sececess.

“You felt safe.” Mary pulls me into another hug as i nod into her shoulder “Yeah.” Enjoying the comfort for a few seconds, I pull back “But i need to move on. and I need someone to protect my son when i’m not here” taking a step back i rest my left hand on Leroy’s tomb. “I will make sure that no one messes with your child.” Mary smiles down at the grave “And i’m sure that  Sister Elizabeth will be more then honored to help when i can not.” I smile and nod “Thank you.”

Nodding Mary makes her way back to the Church, leaving me alone again with my boy. I stay in place until I can no longer see her, before turning quickly and falling to my knees. Wrapping my arms tightly around the cold stone beside me as if it where the living breathing version of Leroy. “I’m going to miss you.” Resting my forehead on the cold stone, I sigh deeply “But i promise to visit as often as possible.” I smile, gently kissing the side of the stone before standing again. “I’ll visit so much you’ll be sick of me...” I let out a laugh before turning toward the exit “But don’t think i don’t love you.” I kiss my hand and gently place it on the top of the grave “Till next time baby boy....” I take one more look back before starting toward the exit.

A week passes before I actually leave the church. Apparently there was a few things the sisters and the priest wanted to share with me before i left and Mary had made sure to make arrangements for my leaving. Including a one way ticket to my birth town - Leroy, I made sure to spend all my free time not devoted to packing, cleaning, my studies, or numerous visits from the other sisters or the priest with Leroy. Telling my feelings on leaving and how much i would miss him. My last day, Sunday, Mary, Elizabeth and I walk to the train station - conviently next to the bus station that lead me here in the first place.

As we pass Maria and Francis’s inn, I stop, taking in the last site that I saw my Little Madelyn alive. ‘She would have liked to meet Leroy... I would have liked to meet him...’ Sighing I shake my head and continue moving. I had forgotten how close the Inn was to the Bus station and incidentally the Train station, not that it surprised Mary or Elizabeth. “So this is goodbye?” Elizabeth messes with the end of her long dark braid, not looking up at me or Mary. “Sister Elizabeth chin up. This is not a goodbye it’s a ‘until next time.’” Mary gently lay her right hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder looking up at me “Right Sunshine?”

I nod smiling widely at Elizabeth before pulling her into a tight hug “I promise to visit as soon as i’m settled.” Holding tightly to her upper arms, I hold her at arms length “okay?” Elizabeth smiles lightly while nodding, looking from Mary to me “As long as you promise.” Laughing i let her go “All passengers going to Leroy please broad train 3 Now.”

Startled i look up at the speakers above my head sighing, before looking back at Mary and Elizabeth “I guess that's my cue....” I let out a small laugh, kneeling slightly to pick up my ragged suitcase. Mary lets out a laugh while nodding “Yes it is..” I can see the slight pain in her eyes as she pulls me into a tight hug. “Be safe Sunshine. I will miss you terribly.” I nod and hug her tightly back “Thank you for everything. For giving me shelture to helping birth my son. To helping me deal with losing Leroy and then Daniel.” I hug her closer “I wouldn’t be anywhere near where i am now without you.”

 i take a step back, not dropping my arms from Mary’s. I can see tears in her eyes “You are more then welcome Sunshine. I’ve always wondered what would have happened if i hadn’t become a nun. If i had married and had a child -” She steps closer, wrapping her arms around me again “I could only imagine that if i had had a daughter that she would be a lot like you.”

I smile and try to hide my tears in Mary’s shoulder enjoy the moment for a few seconds before removing myself, while wiping my face with the heel of my right hand “I guess it’s time to get on the train...” I see Elizabeth pull me into a quick hug before nodding “Yeah. I guess.” I look to Mary who also nods, tears visible in her eyes “Till next time Sunshine. Till next time.” I nod and re-pick up my fallen suitcase and turn my back toward them. Making my way toward the entrance gate to the train and my new adventure.

Walking threw an wide dark open doorway, the swishing of the automatic door sending a wave of hot air over me and pushing the few loose strands from my braid away from my face. Taking another step inside the warm air leaves and it takes a moment for eyes to readjust to the sight in front of me. Its not the first time i had seen this many people at one time, not by a long shot - but it’s the first time i had seen a machine as big as the one to my left. “Wowwww...”

I stare up at the machine, trying to absorb every detail and object - I must have looked lost and confused. “Ummm... Miss?” An elderly man wearing a dark blue suit with a similar cap hiding his graying dark hair, tapping my shoulder with his right hand while standing behind me. startled I turn on my my heel, and taking  a small step back “I’m sorry. Yes?” The man smiles before pointing to my ticket, gripped tightly in a fist in my left hand “Are you lost miss?”

Shaking my head, turning back slightly I look back at the train  “I don’t believe so..” I face him again, handing him my ticket “Is that my train?” Taking my ticket, he looks it over before handing it back smiling “Yes. That is your train miss.” My smile widens as i nod “Cool, thank you!” before turning and running toward the growing line of people waiting to enter the huge machine.

Once in line, it seemed like time moved faster then it had at any time when i was younger. My ragged suitcase in front of me, resting on my knees, it was all i could do to keep the smile from my face. ‘I don’t think i’ve ever been this excited since meeting Alyssa.....’ Keeping my eyes trained forward, I step forward ‘Here we go!!’ My smile grows as i take another step forward, one step closer to my new adventure. My turn comes - and i step up and walk to my left, threw another smaller set of ‘swishing’ doors and see rows of chairs ahead of me. ‘wow... uhhhh...’

I look around worried for a moment as i stand at the front stunned my smile dropping, ‘Sunshine you need to move. Your blocking the entrance.....’ I look around again a little worried before spotting an empty seat in the far back. “Perfect” I whisper my smile returning and quickly make my way toward the back before taking the seat closest to the window. Placing my suitcase in the limited space for my feet, I cross my legs and getting comfortable while leaning most of  my weight on my right arm. Against the window with my chin in my palm, watching the people below shuffle onto the train where time seemed to go even faster.

Like a blink of an eye, we where moving into the bright sunshine that almost seemed like it’s biding us good luck on our journey. The smile doesn’t fade from my face as the warmth from the sun greets it, watching the houses and buildings past by in a slight blur. ‘I can’t believe this is happening.....’ Stretching i look around the slightly crowded interior - families smiling and laughing, business people checking there phones and computers. ‘I wonder what will happen when i get to Leroy...?’ Sitting back I look back out my window, frowning slightly “I hope everything turns out okay.”

Pulling my legs up I rest chin on my knees while wrapping my arms tightly around my legs “It has to... I mean i’ve had enough bad luck..” Shaking my head slightly i force the images of Madelyn, Gloria, John, Francis, Maria and Daniel from my head. “I have to make this trip count.” releasing my legs, I tuck them underneath me as i pull my suitcase to the empty seat beside me before. Un-tucking my legs and letting them dangle over the side of the edge of the seat - 'nineteen and i’m still not tall enough to reach the floor.’ Sighing i can’t help but smile again while shaking me head 'Leroy is my fresh start.” Looking out the window again my smile grows “My fresh start.”

What was almost two hours seemed like less then two seconds. The slightly blurred sights becoming more and more clear before the train full stops under a balcony. The sun had dipped lower in the sky, just far enough to begin to dip below the tree and house line in the far right. “My new start.” Looking out into the interior of the train I see everyone begin to gather there belongings. Parents scattering as they try to cram the last of the baby’s belongings into a small brightly decorated shoulder bag. The young, but older children - running around and loudly laughing, happy to be able to smell the fresh air. Business men and women, collecting their suitcases and straighten their suites and skirts.

I let them all exit, wanting to make my first ride on a train and my scared excitement for as long as i possibly could. ‘When i step off this train I’ll no longer be Sunshine i was before. The scared child with a bad past. I’m going to be Sunshine: The young adult who is going to make the best of her situation and will NOT let herself be pulled into another un-winnable situation.

’ The smile grows on my face as i let my words wash over me, it was like a blessing from above that this time my life would end up good then the bad it’s always seems to go. Shifting slightly, I stand and lean slightly to grab my suitcase. ‘I’m ready” Moving to stand behind a women with curly bright red hair tied into a tight bun. Messing with her phone as she absentmindedly straightening her pastel blue, ruffled blouse. Holding my suitcase in front of me, looking around one last time trying to remember this feeling.

Three steps forward and i’m out in the chilly sunshine. Clean air and loud noises, ‘I’m home.’ My smile fades slightly as i spot a family in front of me. Or a boy and girl - a pregnant girl. From here i can spot her wedding ring shimmering in the late sunlight. ‘That could have been my mom and dad...’ I watch the girl rest her open left hand on her extended stumpic while grabbing hold of the males hand to her right as he lifts their suitcase from the ground. There’s a growing dread in my stumpic - spreading up and all over my body.

it’s just not my parents... It’s my baby. That could have been Daniel and me. ‘No. If it was Daniel and Me, Maddie would be with us. I can’t have my boy without my girl.’ Sighing softly, I set my suitcase down and reach my left hand behind my shoulder. Grabbing the middle of my soft blonde braid and pulling it over my shoulder, running my hand down the length. Stopping short of the ribbon keeping it together ‘a new life.... a new life...’ I look down at the end, the deep red ribbon matching my deep red dress ‘New life... New beginning... New...’ moving my hand lower i tug at one of the ends of the ribbon, losing the knot and slowly watching the bow become a regular thin ribbon.
 
Holding the ribbon at arms length as if was desiesed, watching the wind catch it and bending it slightly. I try to let it go - force myself to loosen my two fingers, but i couldn’t. Letting out is like losing my past, my innocence. But letting go is like dropping all the bad thing that has ever happened to me: John, Francis, Maria... my second orphanage.... Maddie’s death and My baby’s death. “If you stare any harder you might be able to make it catch fire...” I turn my head to the sound of an older man in a dusty tan jacket and ragged dark blue jeans, his blonde hair graying slightly around his ears as his brown eyes express his easy happiness.

His entire presence almost screams calmness and serenity, but I’m not sure i believe it. Sending him a small smile over my shoulder my eyes return to the ribbon still out in front of me, mocking me. I can still feel the man’s glaze on my back, watching me. I try to ecnore him, try to push all the thoughts out of my head - but with an audience i can’t. Sighing i bring my hand and ribbon back to my chest, running my empty right hand threw the rest of my braid and tucking the ribbon in the hidden pocket of my dress. While turning and facing the man again “Is there something i can help you with? Or is it typical for older men to creepily watch young women in this town?” I cross my arms frowning, looking him in the eye as the man’s smile fades before coming back brighter then ever. “You really are Janet’s kid huh?” 

‘Janet..? My mother?’ I take a step back shocked and unsure of what to do next. Every muscle in my body wanted to run, it had to be some ploy to my next evil adventure. But i couldn’t, he didn;t seem like a bad guy - but in the beginning Francis and John seemed like a good guys. I can’t trust my instincts. Noticing my distress the man’s smile drops, taking a step back and retracting his presence. “I’m sorry..” The man scratches the back of his neck with is left hand, trying to quickly backtrack “You just look so much like my brother and...”

My eyes widen “Your brother... is his name by chance Leroy?” Giving me a weird look before nodding, looking me over up and down “Yes. Leroy and Janet. They had a little girl before they died, I was told she was sent to an orphanage in another town not far from here...” I nod “I don’t know if i’m the girl your looking for...” I step closer to the man, knowing that I am no longer in danger “But my parents... who died a few hours after i was born where named Leroy and Janet.”

“Can i have your name? I know my brother and sister in law would have named their daughter after Janet’s family name.” Stepping forward he looks me over again, tears in his eyes - I shake my head “My parents didn’t name me.” Looking to the ground i feel tears fill my eyes and hope i didn’t know that had gathered in my chest start to disappear. “They died before they had a chance. I was named at the orphanage -” Looking up i try to blink back the tears as i look up again, running my left hand absentmindedly threw my hair over my shoulder. “I was named Sunshine...” I glance down at my hair “Because of my hair. Hair i had inherited from my mother.” I look up at the man again “Janet.”

Taking another step forward the man and I are at arms reach of each other, and I hold my breathe as he reaches out and touches my right arm. I absentmindedly wrapped around my middle for comfort. “My name is Walter Leroy Noel. My brother, My twin is Leroy Walter Noel.” He looks me in the eye “and i think that you might be my niece, Hilary Nicole Noel.” 'Hilary...? Is my name Hilary?’ I step backward, trying to stop myself from shaking my head 'This is... this can’t be...’

“Umm It’s nice to meet you. But it’s hard to say if I’m that Hilary or just some Orphan with a odd cowinceadince.” Taking another step back, I feel Walter’s hand drop from my arm - shaking his head wildly his smile grows “I don’t think so. You are the spitting image of them - Janet’s bright blonde hair, Leroy’s pale skin and brown eyes.” He steps closer again “If you’d smile I could see if you have Janet’s beautiful smile or Leroy’s gentle smile.” I shake my head again, trying to think of a way to get myself out of this. He beats me to it “Look. how about this... My wife was in the waiting room when you were born - she saw you moment after you where born. Before you where taken away.”

‘I was... why didn’t she fight for me?!’ I don’t hide the shock on my face ‘I could have had a normal life. a GOOD life. No Francis Or John Or Maria.’ Staring over Walter’s shoulder i shake my head again “If i’m the baby she saw.” I look him in the eye “Why didn’t you save me? Why did you let them send me to an orphanage?!” My hand, balled into fists threw themselves to my sides  I can’t control and don’t want to control the anger surging threw me. “I could have been normal.

I could have never meet Francis or John or Maria or Gloria or anyone who ever did me wrong! I wouldn’t have to feel what women feel when they lose a baby or the hurt of losing someone who had no right to be in that situation!!” My hands still in fists I wrap my arms around myself in mock comfort. Tears pouring down my checks, I can’t handle this. I almost want Walter to be lying to me, to be a bad guy who’s job is to get young women to follow him. But it’s not. I don’t think he’s lying, somewhere deep in me i feel like he’s telling the truth - that I really am Hilary. Losing my balance as i lean forward slightly, I fall to my knees - openly sobbing. I don’t know what to do - and all i can do is cry.

Shocked Walter kneels in fount of me, gently placing his left hand on my left shoulder over my hair. “Sunshine. I’m sorry, By the time Hilary was born Jane and I wern’t i a good place to take care of child.” Sighing he tucks a fallen piece of hair behind my ear “We wanted to take you.. We still do. Even if your not our Hilary..” I look up at that ‘what if it’s a lie?’ Shaking my head internally while looking him in the eye ‘It’s not. I can tell.’

Nodding i take a shaky breathe and wipe my face with heel of my right hand “I believe you. I’m sorry i yelled at you.” Looking back at the ground i try to regain my breathing, I hear Walter laugh “Sweetheart it’s okay. I’m the one who started all of this...” He tucks two fingers under my chin, lifting my face to face him “You just look so much like Leroy and Janet, I didn’t want to pass the chance up that you might be..” I nod “I understand.” Walter helps me up and we walk threw the crowed that had gathered at my yelling. Trying to keep my face down to hide the blush that spread threw my checks from crying and the attention.

We make our way to the car in embarrassed silence, lost in our thoughts.. ‘Is he right? Is my name really Hilary?’ I look up at him confused ‘Do i really have family? am i really not just some unimportant being....’ I shake my head ‘NO. I have to get ready for them to reject me... I don’t have a family. It’s just me and me alone.’ My heart drops as i look back up at Walter, nodding and smiling as if i’m following his conversation. We reach the car, a small red thing that looks like it had seen better days - walking a few steps ahead of me.

Walter reaches the car before me, opening the passenger door as i reach the car. Stepping inside , I hide my frown as the inside isn’t much better then the out. Forcing a smile on my face, as i watch Walter enter the car and start it, giving me a soft smile before shifting to reverse. ‘Alright. Here i go...’ i Sigh and look out my slightly foggy window ‘I really hope i’m not going to my doom...’ smiling slightly at my reflection in my window.

The drive ‘home’ took less then an hour, but it felt like three. Walter continued to talk for the entire ride, randomly giving my facts about a family I’m not even sure i’m in. I can’t bring myself to ask him to be quiet, he’s so excited that I might be the daughter of his lost brother and sister in law. A part of me doesn't want to let him down, but a part of me keeps reminding me that it’s possible that I’m not - Just some kid who looked a lot like his Leroy and Janet. Which always bring up the question ‘How many Leroy and Janet’s are there? and how many of them look alike? Or even like me?’

Shaking my head again lost in my thoughts, I miss Walter turn into a neighborhood - traveling down the quiet road a few houses before turning into the driveway of a small two story soft gray house. “Sunshine?” Walter taps my shoulder before turning off the care and un-buckling his seat belt. Forcing myself out of thoughts I turn and smile in Walter’s direction ‘Here goes nothing’ running threw my head as Walter nods. Exiting the car and walking around it to open my door. “Thank you” I paste a small smile of my face to hide any emotion that might want to snake threw like: Shock, Nerves, Excitement, Disappointment, Worry along with a whole lot of others.

As i step out into the sunlight of the cold day, gently closing my door as Walter has made his way to the back of the car to grab my suitcase. I don’t want to move. Moving means that i am pushing forward with something that could not be my future. Moving forward could mean disappointment. “Are your ready?” Walter gently rest his empty hand on my shoulder, looking my face over for any sign of nerves. I nod, smiling wider while taking a deep breathe “Yeah.” ‘Yeah... as ready as i’ll ever be.’ We walk up the driveway to about sixteen small colorful stone circles embedded into the dying grass of the front yard leading up to dark red bricks of the three front steps leading to the white front door.

I can’t help but take it all in, even if this isn’t my family, even if this isn’t my happy ending - It was a start. Making our way up the the brick steps, Walter moves in front of me- smiling back at me as he jogs up the three steps and to the front door. Not changing my pace, a slow walk, I return his smile. On the porch, I turn my back to him - leaning most of my weight on the flaking white paint of the railing. Leaning forward enough that my face gets the full force of the sun’s warmth while i close my eyes. I let myself imagine as i hear the distant laughter and screams of children somewhere nearby. ‘What if Walter and Jane had adopted me? what would my childhood been like? Would i be the same?’

“Sunshine?” Walter calls as he opens the door in a quiet grown, Startled I turn - the image filling my brain slowly fading. Hiding my disappointment in another fake smile, I walk toward him and into the warm air of the house. “woah...” I let my eyes drift over everything, nothing holding my attention for more then a few seconds before i spot the next item. The hallway a pale blue with dark wood floors - a bench to my left a few shades lighter. Holding a few typical items: a small colorful ceramic bowl (empty, but i assume is for keys) and a small badly made figurine that could have been made by a three year old.

‘probley was..’ Holding in my laugh and smile my eyes pan over the other object or the other four picture frames. The first one, a black and white picture of three children - two boy and a girl. ‘I wonder who those kids are..’ I look back at Walter through the corner of my eye. Looking back at the picture i could guess that the girl is around the age of nine and the boy’s, who look identical, are around the age of five or four. ‘I bet... I bet my... my father is in that picture...’

Letting out a quiet sigh i let my vision fall on the next picture, a couple, young. Most likely in their twenties- the women wearing white, while the man was wearing a black suite. ‘They look like there in love.’ They are smiling at each other, the women shyly smiling down at her flowers. A few strands of her light blonde hair falling in her face, while the man - smiles down at the women tucking a few strands of the women’s blonde hair behind her jeweled ear. I can’t help but feel an attraction to the people in the picture, like somehow their calling me. Like.... I look at Walter, trying to force words out of my mouth “Are...” Walter had been watching me, enjoying my reaction. “Yes they are.” He steps closer to me, dropping my suitcase near the door and picking up the picture gently. “That is Leroy and Janet the day they married.”

I can’t breathe. Walter hands me back the picture before making his way back to the front door, shutting it and taking my suitcase upstairs. I can’t force myself to look back down at the picture, my whole world seemed like it was collapsing on itself. ‘And i’m not even sure if it’s mine...’ Letting the smile fall from my face, I let the world seem me crumble.... again. I can’t deny to myself, Can’t convince myself that I don’t resemble the two adults in the picture. ‘They look so much like i imagined them to be....’ Running my shaky left hand threw my blonde hair, pulling it over my shoulder and matching it to the picture.

‘We match...’ I could almost bet that if i could find a bathroom, that Leroy and I share the same shade of brown for our eye color. Setting picture back on the table, I can’t get my fingers to let go. Still staring at the picture - I force my hand open while taking a step back. “They aren't your parents. This is just some mistake that will be cleared soon...” Whispering to myself, I force my eyes onto the next picture. Smaller then the first two, I immediately notice the women from the wedding photo. Her blonde hair shorter and messy as she smiles down at the infant in her arms, eyes closed and smiling lightly with a bit of fluff on it’s head.

Looking back from the wedding photo to the baby picture, I can’t find a logical reason to why i couldn’t be apart of this family. ‘No sunshine.’ I shake my head roughly ‘This isn’t you. It’s some other poor child who just so happens to look...’ I look back at the two adults obviously in love then back at the women and child. ‘Look a lot like you.... But it’s....’ I shake my head again, “No!” I grip the edge of the table in front of me. “Ummm.... No what sweetie?”

In my internal debate i miss a middle aged women enter the house. Turning to my right, I face her - taking in her appearance as i’m frozen in my spot. She’s pale with wavy dark brown hair tied up in a high ponytail, Her soft gray eyes match the exact shade of the house are framed by the left - side swept bangs and her thin black rimmed glasses. She’s a healthy weight, not to big not to small. Wearing a soft but shiny dark metallic pink dress that comes down to her knees, with pretty bright white slip on shoes.

Taking a step forward the women tries again to talk to me “Hello? Miss?” “Ummm..... Hell...Hello...” shaking my head lightly forcing words out of my mouth as i look at my feet, I hold out my left hand “My name is....” Looking up I notice the women had frozen in her spot. Worried i take a step closer to her, ‘She’s breathing.... okay...’ about to take a step back ‘Wait... are you cry....” Interrupted, The women closes the gap between us - wrapping her arms around me tightly.

“Your here. Your here. Your here. We found you.” Whispering into my hair as i feel my right shoulder get more and more wet. I kind of can’t help but let her weep on my shoulder, she seemed so happy. It was almost radiating off of her ‘I can’t... What if i’m not Hilary?’ gently placing my arms on hers, I push her away - keeping my tears at bay “I’m sorry. I think this is a mistake....” I can’t look the women in the eye. “No. No. No. Sweetheart.” Moving her arms from mine, She places her hands on my cheeks “You are Hilary.”

Wiping my eyes with her thumbs while leaning forward, pressing her forehead into mine “Sweetheart. I’ve been waiting to hold you again since the day you arrived....” I want to shake my head. I want to deny and step out of her comfortable and loving embrace but i can’t get my legs to move. I don’t trust that when i do move I won’t fall to my knees, I’ve waited my entire life to belong to a family..... and in the short time i belonged to the Pieces..... “A...Are you.... Sure...?”

I can’t hide the shake in my voice and I don’t want to. The women nods “Yes.” Pulling her head up and kissing my forehead “Yes sweetheart. You are our Hilary. And we’ve wait SO long to see you again...” Losing it, I let the tears flow - ‘I’m I’m I’m....home....” Wrapping my arms tightly around the women’s frame while burying my head into her shoulder. I let all my guard down.

I can’t explain how freeing it was to find my family. To belong, To finally have a place i could call home... next to the church. If i could have stayed in Jane’s arms forever i would have, It was the closest that i’ll mostly ever come to being hugged/comforted by my mother. I know that's saying a lot, because when i was with the Pieces - Marilyn was my source of comfort. At the church - Sister Mary was... Now My aunt Jane is. And it’s weird. “So i see you’ve meet Jane... Sunshine.”

i don’t want to let go, as Jane takes a step back while looking toward the staircase, “Yes she has.” Looking back at me she smiles warmly. I can’t help but smile back, a surge of emotions running threw me that i swore I’ll be shooting spurts of colors from my skin. Looking up at Walter I nod “I guess i am your niece... Hilary...” Taking a step closer to Jane, I let my natural smile grow. One i haven’t used since my stint at Miss Hager's with Alyssa or my time at the Pieces - One i was positive i didn’t own anymore...

“Of course you are sweetheart.” Jane turns toward me, wrapping one arm around me while gently tucking a lose strand of my hair behind my ear before looking back toward Walter “How did you find her?” I see Walter blush and walk down the few steps of the stairs leading toward us, scratching the back of his neck “at the train station... I was going to board when i saw her.”  I see Jane’s face cloud over slightly before her smile returns “you missed your interview?”

Removing her arm from around my middle she steps closer to Walter, who shakes his head “No. My interview isn’t until next week, I was going to visit some friends in Marriott...” He looks from me to Jane “I’ve already called them and rescheduled.” I can spot the strained smile on Jane’s face from a mile away, I’ve seen that look before. ‘No... no... no... please let me just keep this peace for awhile longer.’ I don’t know how to stop the strain, so i spit out anything i can think of “Ummm.. Why don’t you..” I walk toward Walter, grabbing his hand “and Jane give me a tour of the house?” I look back at Jane - silently hoping that the strain disappears.... Slowly it does. “We should.”

The tour last for a few minutes, downstairs includes the living room right off the front hallway to the left. The dinning room connected to the Kitchen which is connected to the living room. The only room straight off the hallway is the study or multi-purpose room... basically a second living room with a TV and a thing i’v been told is a laptop. The upstairs as you can guess include Their bedroom and bathroom and what there calling my room, with my own bathroom.

It’s a decent sized room painted a soft yellow, it has two windows curtained with a soft to the touch white cloth. The windows are open along with the curtain to let it the chilly air with the last few rays of sunshine, My bed set between the windows - nicely made in white with little yellow flowers. Built-in shelves to the left my bathroom door splinting them. They say as i walking all around the room, that i can paint it any color i want. Nodding, I’m only half listing to them - ‘my own room.’ moving my suitcase off the bed, I sit down before looking at them “Can i have some time alone? you know to unpack?” Jane nods smiling “Yeah. Dinner will be done in an hour... are you allergic to anything should know about?”

I shake my head “No, not that i know of...” thinking back threw my past i try to recall any allergies... shaking my head again. “Okay. Then I’ll call you down when it’s ready” Jane steps into my room, smiling down at me before placing both of her hands on my cheeks and kissing my forehead “I am so happy your here. I can’t believe we found you...” Pulling away i see the tears in her eyes. Jane walk out my room first quickly followed by Walter who closes the door behind him. Lying on my back, I stare at the off white ceiling - ‘So here i am...’ Turning my head to the left and right i look around again “so now what?” I don’t know what to do... ‘This is different from the church... I haven’t been in an family atmosphere since the Piece as a child....’

I want to spend the rest of my life lying on this bed, staring up at the ceiling, but it’s almost as if my suitcase is calling me. My time in the church and as a maid.... I shiver invalentary....as made it impossible to be lazy. Sighing i sit up, my legs dangling as i push against the bed - almost jumping to my feet. ‘Alright!’ I clap my hands together, moving to the side of my bed with the suitcase ‘Lets get started..” Picking it up by it’s handle, I move toward my light wood dresser - gently dropping my suitcase on the top. Because I don’t have a lot of clothes, from my stained clothes when i gave birth to Leroy to the few dresses I was allowed to take from the church. ‘I need to get some more clothes...’ Looking down I smirk ‘My entire suitcase fit in one drawer...’ Closing it slowly my smile grows as i hear the soft click of wood hitting wood.

“I guess my life is here now....” Turning swiftly, I lean backwards resting the small of my back on the edge, while crossing my arms. “I should see about getting a job... maybe two...” Looking around my room “I mean if i’m going to be staying here.....” Sighing again I stand fully, dropping my arms to my sides. “Hilary! Dinner!” Startled, I jump a little ‘I’m also going to need to get use to being called Hilary...” Making my way toward the door, down the stairs and into the dinning room. By the time i enter the room, Walters already sitting at the head of the table while Jane puts the last dish on the table.

“Oh Hilary there you are!” Jane smiles in my direction, before sitting down and patting the chair next to her “Please Please have a seat.” “Okay.” I smile back and move around the table to sit beside her. Sitting down, I’m handed a napkin - force of habit i bow my head with my hands in my lap... ready for prayer.  “Were not religious...” Walter looks at me shyly as he watches my head slowly rise “I hope that's okay. If you want to pray we aren’t going to stop you..” I shake my head, silently laughing “I’m not either. It was just a force of habit” Placing my napkin on my lap “I lived in a church before I came....” I look at both of them, their faces clearly showing shock.... “Here...”

As they continue to stare, i begin to feel as though i’ve said something wrong ‘Way to go sunshine.  Your here for less then an hour and you’ve already said the wrong thing...’ Lost in thought I miss Jane recover “You lived in a... church?” reaching out to touch my hand, startling me. “hum?” I look up at June “I’m sorry did you say something?” Looking between Walter and Jane, ‘they’ve stopped staring...’ Clearing her throat Jane starts again “You said you lived in a church?”

Reaching her hand out she grips Walter’s “We had always assumed you’ve lived in an orphanage...” Shaking my head, I hide my true feelings “No.... I haven’t always lived in an orphanage.” Staring at my hands, i keep my tears inside “Do you want to hear my story?” Looking up i notice Jane is still holding Walter’s hand her face softened in question and sympathy while Walter’s is formed into a hard unreadable line. “Yes sweetheart. I...” She looks to Walter... “We. Would love to hear you story.”

Looking over both of them equally, I try to read there expressions “Are you sure?” I see Jane nod, but I can’t get a reaction from Walter... ‘He’s just sitting there... Judging me...’ “Well ... As you know I was sent to an orphanage soon after i was born. I was sent to Miss Hager’s school for underprivileged girls, Where i was named Sunshine because of my...” I pull my loose hair over my shoulder, looking down at it while i
play with the ends “Light blonde hair.” “That makes since..”

Looking up i see Jane nod “Your parents died before they had the chance to officially name you - although they already had your name figured out ...” Reaching out she grabs hold of one of my hands, gently resting it on the smooth surface of the light wood table. “Well Miss Hager had all the girls clean the house to keep us in line and busy. I was usually given moping and sweeping...” I look  Walter and Jane over, Walter still has the look of forced interest while Jane still looks concerned. “Because i’ve always been small. So I Stayed at Miss Hager’s until i was in my early teens... I believe i was thirteen or fourteen..”

Sighing I take a sip of my water in front of me “When i was adopted by the Pieces. Marilyn and Frank.” Letting a small smile slip as i place my water back in it’s spot ‘The best part of my childhood... I hope they were able to give another child a good home....’ “You were adopted?” Jane speaks up, letting a smile light her features. Nodding I look at her “Yeah, There are good people. They didn’t live to far from the orphanage and already had two boys of their own - Trevor and David.” Memories flood back as i think back to my short time with them... ‘And my first actually name....’

my smile grows as i recall the private moment with Marilyn... “There was where i was given my first actual name... Sunny Janet Pieces..” Glancing from my lap to there faces, I see Jane’s eyes fog over a little with tears as she give me a sad smile while Walter’s face remains UN-fazed.... ‘Am i ever going to get a reaction from him?’ Shaking my head, I force myself to continue “I stayed with them for at least a two weeks...” ‘And it was heaven... to belong...’ “Two weeks?” Walter’s eyes light up as he’s emotionless face twists into confusion. Startled I didn’t expect him to speck, I nod “Yeah.. around the end of the second week I went for a walk and managed to fall down a well...” “You fell down a well?!?” shocked Jane grips my hand tighter “Aren’t they suppose to be watching you?!”

I nod, wincing slightly “Yeah - But They thought i would be safe.” “How long were you in the well?” Walter’s face falls into concern slowly as he looks me over, ‘It’s not like he would notice anything. I’ve changed so much from that time... i’m not that little girl anymore.’ Hiding my smile in my cough as i get another sip of water 'It’s good that he’s finally expressing some emotion... and i haven’t even gotten to the worse part yet...’  “At least a few days... I don’t remember the exact number.. I...” “You probley blocked it from you memory...” Jane looks from Walter to me with an air of knowledge. As if it was something most people would do... not that i did. I remember most of it. “Yeah, I guess. Well when i was removed from the well - I was removed from the Pieces and sent to another Orphanage.”

I watch their expressions for a moment before continuing, debating with myself about how descriptive i should be about the next few events in my life... ‘It’s where it get really really really bad.. John, Gloria, Madelyn, Francis, Maria.... Daniel and Leroy...’ Glancing at my plate, I can’t stop my stumpic from making noise Stirring Jane from her thoughts and tears. “OH! I’m sorry you must be starving!” Letting go of my hand she places her free one on her heart “Please Please dig in.” Turning toward her plate as she picks up her Fork  while glancing at Walter for clearance “We can continue when your finished.”

Nodding, I dig in - hiding my misery inside my smile ‘Great... Looking forward to your looks when you find out your Niece was abused and....’ Just thinking about my.... private... time with Francis ruining my appetite. But i have to keep up the appearance, so i continue to shove food into my mouth, 'But if i hadn’t... I would never had my baby boy....’ Hiding my smile as i take a small sip of my water.  Setting my glass down, I clear my throat to clear the air “So. I was thinking that if i’m going to stay here..” Glancing at Walter and Jane in turn, Who places her fork on her plate before daping her mouth with her napkin while turning toward me.

“That i should get a job.. or Two to get some new clothes and other necessities.” Walter nods before continuing eating, while Jane frowns “That's not necessary sweet heart. I will be more then happy to get you some clothes and whatever else you need. We can go tomorrow and get what you need.” Reaching out she gently grabs my left hand again “It could be a girl’s day... A day to get to know each other. I’ve missed out on so much...” I see her eyes tear over a little - quilting me. Forcing a smile I nod “Okay...”

“But I still would like to get a job... Even if it’s nothing more then doing a few jobs around the house.” Looking around the dinning room, I can tell the house needed to be dusted. Walter nods “Lets start with you doing a few things around the house before you try to get an actual job, Okay?” Looking me in the eye, I feel my heart race... “Y...Yes... Okay.” Looking down at my plate, trying to calm myself down. Staying in my place till i hear the clicking of silverware against the plate again, ‘wow.. What happened to the Walter I meet at the Train station?’ Keeping my head down, I glance at Walter thew my eyelashes. His whole face read anger....

Gulping I force another bite down my throat before setting my fork down, my plate half finished. Resting my hands in my lap I keep my eyes on my lap as I patiently wait for them to finish. Jane’s the first to notice “Are you finished Hilary?” Setting down her fork as she turns toward me, nodding I look up “Y...Yes.” “So...” Jane looks at Walter with a forced smile “You said you were sent to another orphanage when you left the....” “Pieces..” Smiling I nod “I was sent to an orphanage called Mr and Mrs. Hapless for Underprivileged Children. It was a mixed Orphanage....” I spot Jane’s face fall before she catches her self and smiles again

“Okay.” I can’t help but internally laugh “I didn’t last very long there. I got in a fight with a girl named Amelia...” I let my smile grows as i stare at my lap, replaying the incident in my head. “The daughter of the owners.” Out the corner of my eye I spot Walter’s smirk before he drops it, “Well apparently They don’t take kindly to someone messing with their daughter...” ‘Even though she started it...’ “And was punished by being locked in the closet....”

Looking up I spot Jane’s forced smile drop “You were locked in a closet!” Nodding and internally rolling my eyes. ‘If she’s going to be shocked by a me being locked in the closet she’s in for a big surprise when i give her the ‘innocent’ version of my time after...’ “I stayed in the closet for the night before I found my way out.... The rug I slept the night before had covered up a big hole i assume another child dug.” Taking another sip of water, I look over to Jane and Walter - Who have grown silent. ‘Pity... It’s just starting to get good...’ “So...” Jane watches me take a sip of water “Did you ever get out of the closet?” I nod “Yeah. I went threw the hole.” I watch Jane’s face fall again while Walter smiles. “The Tunnel led me to a house in a town square. The house belonged to John and Gloria, a married couple.”

Jane face lights up again as the idea of me being in a good home clear on her face, I don’t want to ruin her image of me having a happy childhood. But she wanted to hear my story... and it’s not a good story where i come out on top... “I stayed with them for awhile.. at least a year.. before things got bad.” I hated this part. It’s where thing got bad - where my ‘decent’ childhood became a ‘horrific’ nightmare, and I don’t really know of a way to explain it without making them worry.... “Bad?” Walter looks me over as if my appearance will give it away, although years of practice will tell otherwise. “Yeah...”

I look at my lap, trying to force the words from my mouth “It started a kind of cold afternoon... We had a deal - John, Gloria and I. If i keep the house clean and behaved I would be allowed to stay, And as far as i know i stayed inside those lines. But I guess Gloria decided I hadn’t...” If i don’t force it now it won’t be said so before Walter or Jane could say anything I force the rest out. “John came home and was about to eat, when Gloria started a fight about me. I was sent to my room, but i could still hear what was being said - Debating with myself if i should stay of not.. Once i was possessive i was the only one up, I tried to leave. I didn’t want to cause problems for a family that didn’t have to take me, However when i made it downstairs I found out i wasn’t the only one. John as up.. and that's all i remember before i blacked out.”

I don’t look up as i wait for that to settle, my mouth is dry but i can’t force my arms to move or my hand to grip the the glass if i could get my arms to move. “When i woke up, i was in my room... tied to my bed. John was in a rocking chair in the far side of my room asleep and... bloody.” I can’t help but let a tear slip threw - I didn’t want to remember this. If i could spend the rest of my life blocking this out I would. But they want to know.. so i’ll tell them. “He... He... He... Killed Gloria and the baby she was pregnant with...” Now i’m sobbing trying to shake the image of John walking toward me all bloody and drunk. There’s a gasp as i assume Jane’s hands fly to her mouth in shock ‘I should have just let them assume i was raised in an orphanage...’ “It was just John and I for a little while before he added another baby....” I’m already sobbing but the memory of Maddie... “a adorable little girl named Madelyn...”

I don’t wipe the tears as they travel down my cheeks, shuddering as i feel Jane’s hand on my shoulder “I took her under my wing to keep her safe from John, and it forced me to stay for four years.... The night we escaped I’m not sure how we managed.” Wiping my face with the napkin on my lap, I try to catch my breathe ‘They don’t need to know the events of how we escaped...’ “Once out of his grasp I ran to the bus station a good distance from the house. and got us a ticket to Leroy, Being a teen I was already getting weird looks. But it was worth it when i set Madelyn and myself in a bus seat and felt the bus move. It meant we were safe..” ‘not that at the time i knew what i was going to do for money and a place to stay...’

I had to get threw this, at least threw the rough parts. “Luckily when we arrived in Leroy there was a homeless shelter nearby. So that's where we went - they had room so Madelyn and I would stay there until i could find us a more permanent place to live.... I guess you could say that we were lucky because we didn’t have to look far.” Internally i shiver remembering how polite and nice Francis and Maria where when I first meet them, “At breakfast, I meet a man named Francis who gave me an offer to work at his and his wife’s inn not to far from the homeless shelter. It seemed like a good deal, I would work as a maid for room and board while Maria.. Francis’s wife would watch Madelyn. And as long as i followed the rules and did my job correctly I could stay. Everything seemed fine until... it didn’t. I begin to see the true side to them, the evil couple who wanted a baby and where willing to take Madelyn from me.. or make there own...” Without thinking I wrap my arms around my stumpic... trying to erase the thought of Francis’s hand on me... the sickling feel. “What do you mean?” Jane hand drops from my shoulder, Shuddering I look up at them - not even hiding my expression

“He... He.. got me.... pregnant.” Walter’s left hand slams into the table, startling me from Jane’s broken glaze. I don’t look at him - I can’t. ‘Now they’ll want nothing to do with me, I’ll have to find another place to live... I’ll have too...’ Tears stir behind my eyes, i can’t blink them back and they travel down my cheeks. I hate this... my arms tighten around my middle in mock comfort but as always it never helps. “They used Madelyn against me when i tried to leave.. claiming her as there’s.... It seemed hopeless until I meet...” Sobbing I can’t hold back my smile “Daniel... he made the horrible days at the Inn more liveable.” Sniffling I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand before reaching to get a sip of water “I tried to run away with him... tried to... but i was stopped again....”

I don’t want them to know that they threatened Madelyn’s life and caused me to loose myself and kill them.. ‘They already think so little of me. At least the next chapter is happier... kind of.’ “But.. You didn’t have a child with you when I saw you...” I can hear Walter’s confusion in his voice as he replays the days events in his head. I shake my head “Your right... I... She...” Tears spilling from my eyes again, not even trying to hold back “She was... She was... Killed....”

Resting my forehead on the table i recall her yellow sleeve sweater in the bloody puddle of bodies... “No.. No... No.... NO!” Screaming as i shake my head harshly on the table sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted the image to go away, I wanted her back - I wanted her back.. “Why her? whhy? why wasn’t i good enough!? WHY?!” Forgetting i was in view of my family, who sits in silence as i continue to sob and scream. Losing myself last for a good hour, uncomfortable Jane and Walter stay in the dinning room waiting for me to finish. I don’t. I black out.

By the time i wake up It’s already mourning, stretching i stare at the off white ceiling of whatever room I’m in. Turning to my side, I notice my built-in bookshelves “Huh... i guess i’m in my room....” Falling back into my back, I try to keep the past events out of my mind... but to no luck. ‘Wow... I literally fell apart when i...” tears trace themselves down my cheeks as i recall Madelyn’s death, “I owe then an ending... After they done so much.

They could have let kicked me out but they didn’t...” I can’t help but smile, stretching again before getting up “Okay. I have to face the facts and give them an ending and an apologie.” Walking across the room, I make my way toward the dresser - pulling out a light yellow dress and it’s accompanying dark yellow ribbon before making my way toward the bathroom. Taking a short shower, I get dressed - and tie my hair into a high ponytail before exiting the bathroom. My room and making my way downstairs toward the dinning room where Walter and Jane are eating.

“Hey sweetie.” Jane smiles up at me while patting the seat next to her “Sit eat.” Smiling lightly I do as she says, sitting down beside her  - Looking at my lap I can‘t help the quilt rising my stumpic “I’m sorry..” Jane face softens and Walter’s hardens slightly, reaching out Jane touches my shoulder “Oh sweetheart it’s okay. We understand, you had a moment and we understand.” I force myself to look up at her, smiling as i pull her into a hug to her surprise. “Thank you...” wrapping her arms around me, i feel her forgive me. which makes it easier to bring up ending my story, pulling back I watch them both “I know i had a.. hard time... last night but If you don’t mind i would like to continue...” I watch Jane look back at Walter in surprise, who nods in my direction

“I mean, You guys deserve to know that my life got better after that.” I see Jane smile at me while nodding “If you want to tell us the end..” Reaching out she touches my hands curled into a ball on the table “Then by all means.. Give us the end.” She looks back at Walter over her shoulder “We are all ears.”Smiling I take a deep breathe before nodding “Okay. well after... That night. I managed to get away with Daniel, however i was also... as i’ve been told... in labor. Daniel and I managed to get to the steps of a church a few blocks away from the house of horrors before i couldn’t take another step.” Pulling my hands from Jane’s, I wrap my arms around my middle. “Because of my noise I was able to get the attention of a Nun still up and she and Daniel  helped me into the Chapel.”

“Where I gave birth to my son Leroy Frank” shyly smiling up at Jane and Walter “Named after my father and my adoptive father.” I spot Walter’s confusion again, stopping his rising question I answer “He was still born. As i was told later on his first birthday by head nun Sister Mary, that because of the stress i was under living in that house and the poor pre-birth health i was in made it so my baby... Leroy... Wouldn’t survive and if he did, he would be very sick and mostly wouldn’t live past his first year.” I can spot both Walter and Jane’s face fall as i explain, Pulling me into another hug Jane whispers “I’m so sorry Hilary. I’m sure your Mother and Father are up in heaven raising your little boy, so proud of you for surviving past this.” “Thank you.”

unwrapping an arm, i gently wrap it around her before pulling back. “So Daniel and I spend at least a year at the church before Daniel say we should leave.” Sighing I recall our conversation “At the time, It was the first place since the Pieces that i felt at home - so i refused to leave.” Looking at my hand i can’t lie to them “Also, My baby was there and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. So he said goodbye. And i spent another two years at the Church learning everything i could under the Sisters. By the time I am the age now - Nineteen. Sister Mary and I decided that it was time i re-entered the world. Bought me a ticket to Leroy and..” I rest my hands on the table, staring at Walter and Jane “And here i am today.”

Theres a few moments of silence before I see Jane smile brightly, pulling me into another tight hug. “And we are SO happy to have you here...” Glancing at Walter from Jane’s shoulder, seeing him smile and nod ‘I am happy your here.’ Pulling away, Jane holds me at arms length “Now we should get you something to eat...” I could see her holding back tears as she messes with my bangs before standing “Do you like cereal? oatmeal?” “Oatmeal okay. Thank you.” Nodding Jane disappears into the Kitchen, leaving me alone with Walter. Nervous I guiltily look everywhere around me but him, “Just because you’ve had a hard past doesn’t mean that we are going to kick you out. Your family.” Startled I look at him wide eyed “are.. Are you sure?”

Holding my breathe i watch him nod “Yes, Your my niece and I’m not going to kick you out because you’ve had a hard life. You sitting here now proves you’ve survived and I know your Father and Mother would be very proud of the women you’ve become...” I can’t stop the tears that fill my eyes and fall down my cheeks as the words fill my head, if anyone would have told me that i probley wouldn’t have believed them... but.. he’s my dad’s brother. The one who grew up with him... knew him personally before he died... Him saying this. That my parents would be proud of me for what i’ve survived - It means more then i could have ever thought.

“I... I... Thank you....” I cover my face with my hands as my cheeks grow red, not only from crying but from his positive words. Walter smiles, standing and walking toward me before wrapping is arms around me while kissing the top of my head. I’m not going to lie, It felt like my Father was hugging me and it only made me cry harder - while gripping his left arm as tightly as i could while crying into his shoulder

The “Girl’s Day” goes without a hitch... meaning it was well past seven when we arrived back home, laughing and smiling. It was amazing to just spend the day out with my aunt.. even if I’m still getting use to the word. The rest of the week goes as smoothly as i ever thought possible, due to Aunt Jane’s and I “Girl’s Day” my room was nicely decorated. With a few books, figurines and posters/picture. Which includes a collage of miscellaneous pictures of my parents and a very rare picture of me and my parents the day i was born.

Along with the promise that when i found the right color I could paint it anyway or color I want, it felt weird having that power - but it also made me feel more at home. Like i owned this room, it was the second time i’ve ever owned anything... and the first time Everything was pink. Shuddering I let a huge smile grace my features as i stretch in my current position on my stumpic, reading in bed. My soft white skirt pooling around my knees as i cross my legs at my ankles, My Pale yellow tang top ridding up exposing my flat - slightly marked stumpic to the soft fabric of my soft white flower bedspread.

It’s the first time i’ve been able to be normal, I mean I was ‘normal’ at the Church... But i was also silent. Now it’s my time to be a teenager, I’m to old for school - but Uncle Walter’s already said he would teach me to drive when it get warmer. And Aunt Jane already started teaching me basic recipes and other homely skills for when i’m able to live on my own, not that she says I have to move out anytime soon. In her words “you don’t have to leave until you want to.

And even then your always welcome to come back anytime you need us or anything..” Rolling into my back, I can’t hide my excitement letting out a giggle as hold my middle “I can’t believe I’m here. I never thought I would ever be this happy!” Giggling again I look around my room, still a little bare but slowly becoming mine. ‘If only Daniel could see how well things are going.....’ Rolling on my stumpic I rest my chin on my folded arms ‘I wonder how he’s doing...’

A few days after I had settled in, I wrote to Mary and Elizabeth explaining that I had found my family and that everything was okay. About a week later I got my reply saying that they were happy i was doing well and that i should keep in touch. Ever since We’ve been writing back and forth.

Because I’m nineteen, I was too old to be enrolled in the high school - So after a few talks with the principle of the local high school I’m able to go to a few classes over the summer to help me graduate in a few years. Which I am unbelievably excited about. I can’t believe how well everything is working out, It was almost like my parents helped me find my Aunt and Uncle.

I know this sounds too good to be true, but I can’t help but feel like everything is going right for the first time in awhile. And i want to enjoy every moment of being on cloud nine as it’s called before it all comes crashing down.

Two years. Two years i’ve been safe. Two years full of Peace - Graduating from High school and Starting community College. Learning to drive and working at an Inn that doesn’t want more of me then i can give. Everything was perfect. I had a family that loved me, a beautiful room, I was going to school (and doing well) and I had a job. I was already started saving to get my own place, not to far from my Aunt and Uncle.. But MY own place... But the Sunday after my 21st Birthday, planning and getting ready for a crazy trip out of state with a few friends - The police came.

Currently in the pale yellow kitchen with aunt Jane, making cookies and brownies for ‘family movie nigh.’ “So Jen was shocked that George had even admitted that he liked Rose while they where on a date a few nights ago..” I drain the thick brown liquid into a clear glass square, slippery from the non-stick spray. See Aunt Jane nod from the corner of my eye, I continue “So the next day I hear all about it in the commons.. ‘I can’t believe George is such an ass! I mean who tells the girl THEY asked out that they like your BEST FRIEND!!’”

Rolling my eyes, I sigh and lick the spoon before sticking the glass square in the pre-heated oven “And you remember how hard it is to get Jen to calm down... So i end up only getting her to calm down when i agree to tell Rose that George likes her.. Not that i care.” Leaning over the stove, Currently heating water and boiling sauce for spaghetti later. “Everyone saw how he looks at her.. I mean it’s obvious! But whatever... So i tell Rose and she’s all jumping and super excited.” Sighing again, I lean the small of my back into the off white counters still eating the brownie mix off the spoon “Which mean by lunch there a couple, sucking each other’s face’s off... in front of Jen.... Who is the person who called earlier...”

I hear Aunt Jane Laugh a little before scooping medium dollops of cookie dough with chocolate chips on a flat pan. Looking over her shoulder, I see her smile “So is everything settled? Or are we still going to receive distress calls from a wounded Jennifer?” Dropping my spoon inside the sink to my right, I laugh shrugging “I told her to call my cell or text me... Told her we were having family movie night tonight...” sneaking behind my aunt, I steal a small finger full of dough

“She says Hi by the way and to save her one of your Leroy famous chocolate cookies.” Giving my aunt a kiss on the cheek before tossing the dough in my mouth. Jane rolls her eyes “Leroy famous huh?” turning around she waves her spoon at me with a smile “Don’t eat to much junk food, as soon as your Uncle’s home we’re eating..” Rolling my eyes, I fake a frown “alright.. If i have to.” My frown breaking into a smile as we both fall into a fit of giggles. As i said everything was perfect... Family, friends, school.. I mean other then the drama.. but Jen has always been a little dramatic.. expressively with George or anyone she likes - that day.

No matter how long I live here I’ll never get use to the sound of this doorbell. Still in the kitchen, we can hear it clearly along with a load and sharp three knocks. “who could that be?” Aunt Jane looks at me confused before, drying her hands on the dirty dark pink dish towel attached to the cabinet handle to the right of the sink. I shrug “I don’t know..” Pulling my phone of of my jean pocket, I check the time ‘5:59‘ “It can’t be Jen, Her family eats dinner around this time...” “Huh.” Jane nods before making her way out of the kitchen and to the front door, pausing slightly before opening - looking over her shoulder toward me. I shrug again.

Opening the door, we are greeted by two men in Blue police uniforms. Arms crossed in front of them, both looking pleased and relieved. “Hello. This is Officer Johnson and Officer David We are here to arrest Miss Sunshine...” Flashing there badges at Jane before Officer Johnson looks me over “Are you Miss Sunshine?” Shocked I nod without thinking, Pushing past Jane - who looks at me shocked the Officers walk toward  me.

Officer Johnson pulling out his handcuffs while Officer David begins to recite “Sunshine you are under arrest for the murder of Francis and Maria Kaltie, John McHenry and a Jane Doe...” Still in shock, I nod along as i feel the cold metal snap against my wrist - not look at Aunt Jane as she has her hands at her mouth. Unable to say anything as I’m walked outside, Lost in thought ‘I knew this would catch up with me..’ Sighing I hear my Aunt scream as I‘m being lowered into the car “Don’t worry Hilary! We will get this figured out and you’ll be back home!”

The drive to the police station was short, I drive past it everyday going to class. Resting my head on the warm glass of the backseat ‘There blaming me for the murder of Madelyn.. They don’t even know her name..’ I get flash backs of that night in my nightmares, bits and pieces of the memory I  try to forget. From my blackout. ‘Maybe if i give them my entire story they’ll claim self defense...’ I knew it wasn’t going to happen... My head hits the window hard as we stop in front of city hall, parking the car and them helping me out. We don’t enter the front entrance, but a side entrance we miss when you first look at the building.

“Hey Glacis. Is Inter room 3 open?” Keeping my head down, I don’t see the plum older women look me over with a slight frown before looking up at the officers and nodding.  Before pushing a button to her left opening the door in front of us, with a load almost defying beep. Leading me forward a few steps, I keep my eyes trained on the light blue and white tiles on the floor following there patterns. Until we stop and Officer David, to my right, Opens the medal door in front of us. Now I look up, taking in the room as much as i can ‘if i’m not going to see daylight for awhile I want to memorize everything I can....’ Knowing this was going to catch up with me doesn’t make me feel better as i’m led to cold metal chair and Un-cuffed. Keeping my tears inside, I let my face show my emotion.

*Kalley: Hey Guys, I just wanted to apologize for the super long wait. I have been really really really busy, but i promise to have the chapter done soon. Now that i have some free time. Well thanks for reading!! KB*

Frozen in my spot, I watch them carefully as they each choose a chair across from me. Dropping a cream colored folder in front of them, opening it carefully, while pulling out photos and placing them in a line in front of me. Each more gory and bloody then the last, I didn’t need more then a few seconds to name each picture ‘John, Maria, Francis and Madelyn...’ I can’t stand looking at there bloody pictures for more then a few seconds, before acid  rises in my throat and tears gather behind my eyes as i stare at my lap. “Do you know why your here?” Officer David gently tries to prod an answer out of me noticing my distress at the pictures, Nodding I refuse to look up - to see those pictures again. “Yes. I killed those people.”

“Are you sure you know what your claiming? Do you know what going to happen if you admit to killing them?” Officer Johnson gathers the pictures tucking them back into the cream colored folder. “Yes I understand” Looking up I watch them carefully, Sighing before I continue “But I want you to hear my side of the story....” Turning my glaze back to the closed folder before looking back at the men in front of me “I know the pictures say something different, But I want you to hear my side before you charge me.” The men look at each other before David nods, stand and picking up the folder and placing it in a clear bin beside the door before sitting back down. “Please continue.”

looking down at my lap again, I give a sad small smile before looking back up at them. ‘I’ve wanted to give this story to someone... to anyone who would listen....’ “For you to understand I need to begin way before I meet John, Maria and Francis.” I watch them nod, sitting back ready. “I’ve never had an easy life. But My childhood was one of the decent parts of my life.. I grew up in Miss Hager’s School for underprivileged Girls till i was in my teens.”

Watching there faces unchanged as they watch me closely, “By that time my life had been decent. I had a roof over my head, food in my stumpic and at the time a friend. Doing chores all day made all of that seem like a fair trade. By my early teens I was adopted by the Pieces. Marilyn and Frank. They wanted a little girl and I fit the bill.”

Because I was an orphan I wasn’t sure how much of my past would actually be in my file. I figured My life at Miss Hager’s, My adoption and my stint at the mixed orphanage. But after that I wasn’t sure... ‘I mean my life took a sharp turn after that...’ “So you where adopted?” Officer David clears his throat while standing and grabbing my file again, Sitting down he opens it flipping threw a few papers. Scanning it with is right pointer finger, stopping in the middle of the page.

Nodding, I rub my right hand around my left wrist where the rough medal had started to chafe “Yes. I stayed with them for a few months..” Thinking back It was around the time school was ending for my ‘brothers’ David and Trevor. “About two. They gave me everything i could have wanted, to this day I consider them my family. But One day i went exploring in the woods near the house, Marilyn had gone to work so I was being watched by Frank.

In my exploring i found a well, and to no one’s fault but my own I fell in leaning over the edges. I spent at least three to four days in that well.” I want to make sure they know that. The reason i was taken from the Pieces was my own fault not theirs. “It says here that they weren’t suitable to take care of you, or even their boys..” Officer David scans the paper “Trevor and David.” “No that's a lie.” I shake my head roughly “They did nothing wrong the police wanted to make it seem that way when they took me away.”

“Okay.. Okay” Officer Johnson runs his left hand over his salt and pepper hair “Please continue.” “Okay..” nodding I take another deep breathe “the police drove me to another orphanage called Mr. and Mrs. Hapless home for underprivileged children. A mixed orphanage.” I watch the officers nod as Officer David pushes the folder between them. ‘It’s as if there making sure My story stays straight...’ Hiding in my eye roll while glancing down at my pants “I stayed there for less then two days.

My first day I got in a fight with a girl I didn’t know was the daughter of the owners. They of course took her side and I was locked in the basement closet, I spend the night curled in a ball trying to keep warm. When morning came I was able to see that I had food - apples and that the ground I slept on was actually a small circle rug.”

“While Eating an apple and trying to look out the small window high on the wall is where I found that the previous captive had started to dig a hole. That's how i escaped that orphanage.. If i stayed i was pretty sure i wasn’t going to released from the closet anytime soon.” I see them scan my folder, flipping pages and looking up at me confused “then what happened?” Hiding my smile I was positive that was the last documented account of my life.

“I followed that tunnel to John’s backyard. Somewhere near the center of town, By the time I found them John had a wife." Watching their faces scrunch into confusion as i hide another smile “wife?” Officer Johnson looks over my file again, like i guessed my documentation ended with my second orphanage. Nodding I let my smile show “Yes. Her name was Gloria, I don’t know how long they were married but i know there were trying for a baby but couldn’t reproduce. So we made a deal. I would live with them, help with chores and behave and they wouldn’t rat me out to the police.”

Pulling out a pad of paper for behind my folder, Johnson begins writing down the missing chapters of my history. I knew this was going to happen, guess they needed to keep up. Keeping his eye on what his partner wrote Officer David turns back to me “Then what happened?” “Well everything was fine for awhile, I kept my side of the deal however ,Gloria did not.” Sighing I rub my wrists again, the chair was starting to get more uncomfortable by the minute. Pausing my story for a second, I focus on my growling stumpic... “Is there a way i can get something to drink or eat? or could i possibly get this off?” Rising my hands in the air to show my red wrist - the officers look at each other for a moment before Johnson stands and removes the cuffs from my wrists.

“Thank you.” Nodding he sits back down and sliding the notepad toward him as Officer David stands and leaves the room “I can get you water but we need you to finish your story before we can get you food.” I nod again “Okay. A few months after I had began to live with John and Gloria, Gloria had become Pregnant and accused me of doing things i hadn’t. John sent me to my room and I stayed there debating weather or not i should stay..” Rubbing my wrists not because they still hurt but out of the memory of them screaming in my head.

“I didn’t want to cause arguments, because they had opened there home to me when they could have just sent me to the police. So i waited until it was dark before I decided to leave.” In the middle of my sentence Officer David returns with my cup of water, setting in front of me before returning to  his seat and Looking back at the men in front of me I don’t try to hide the fear in my eyes “I make my way downstairs in time to see john before i lost contiousness...”

The room grows quiet as I watch the men in front of me, two completely different looks in their faces - confusion and a blank expression. Taking a sip of my water, I continue  “When i woke up I was tied to my bed, John was sleeping in a rocking chair in the corner... kind-a bloody.” Lifting my hands to the table they shake slightly as i try to set my paper cup on the table, almost tipping it over. “I tried my best to not make any noise but every time i moved it did.... eventually it woke John up.” I can’t look them in the eye, but i know the look there giving me ‘it’s the same Daniel gave me when i told him..’

“He seemed kind of out of it when he first woke up, but that didn’t last long. He made his way to me with the axe - it was then when i began to freak out the closer he got to me. kneeling down i could smell the alcohol that seemed to radiate off of him...” Gulping while knowing that no amount of water could make it better. Looking up, I can’t hide the slight smile raising - the officers look shocked and a little confused. ‘and i haven’t even gotten to...’ Image of the children... bloody children in the hat boxes in my closet..’ Shivering I run my hands along my arms, trying to off set the cold. “He ran his hand along my head as he got closer.

He kept repeating his sentence, almost as if he was trying to push back his drunkenness. He said “you… me… you can… you can’t leave… you can’t leave me… killed Gloria… Killed Gloria and Bab… Killed Gloria and baby… Witness… Kill you… You leave and I’ll… I’ll have to kill you too… Stay… Please don’t… Please don’t leave me… Stay.” Staring at my hands as i ring them in my lap, the conversation/day and years i spent alone... well not completely alone with John. ‘I want it to stop. I want all the wicked, horrific, nightmarish events that happened most of my life. I would give almost everything to just make it stop!’ “Are you sure you are remembering that correctly..?” Messing with his collar while stopping his writing, they look at each other unsure. I nod - looking up “Yes....” Looking them each in the eye “I have no reason to lie and...”

Shaking my head as i try to force John’s drunken and bloody image from my head “It’s hard to forget something like that.. expressively what i found later.” That raise Officer David eyebrows as he motions for me to continue - again I nod “I was stuck. I tried to find a good way to leave without getting myself killed and i couldn’t find one. But while i was lost in my thoughts I miss John straighten and raise his axe above his head....” I take a deep breath and hold down the bile raising “He cut my ties and for a moment I thought again on how i could escape. Keeping a... an eye on John as he made his way back the rocker while resting the ax he could have hurt me with on his lap.”

Rising my left hand, I grab my cup again - gently taking down to my lap and wrapping both hands around it before raising it to my lips. I take a short drink “He only stays for a few moments before he leaves. I was trying to find a way to survive so i missed his exit.” watching my reflection on the water, i see myself frown “i didn’t even check the door. I assumed it was just locked...” Looking up i see Officer David write my life down as Officer Johnson Watches my every move. “I stay in my stop for what seems like hours, but was really only a few minutes... I wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t come back.”

Taking another sip, I set my water on the table, again with a shaky hand, i don’t even try to hide the shake as i rest it on the medal table in front of me. “He didn’t.” I don’t know how to explain what happened next...Staring at my hand ‘Those faces... Innocent little faces...’ “Miss Sunshine?” reaching across the table, officer David gently touches my hand, stirring me from my thoughts. looking up i look into Officer David’s gray eyes as mine fill with tears, “When i did move, I looked around the room. I knew i wouldn’t get out of here anytime soon without being injured. So i looked around to find something i could use as a weapon.... so i looked in the closet.”

Looking down again, I try to keep the tears from falling. I hated this memory. It seemed like all i had was bad memories. It wasn’t until i had grown into a young women that I started having a few good ones. Swallowing again, I wipe my cheek and look up again “I found a few cardboard boxes. hitting my curiosity, I looked inside and found a lot of colorful hat boxes in different sizes... Inside...” I shiver uninvolentary and wrap my arms around myself, Shaking my head as tears fill my eyes again.. Slipping down my cheeks “Inside... Inside i found that Gloria had been able to have children.....Just... They...”Taking a deep breathe, i calm myself “They were still born.”

In the silence of the room, there’s a gasp and the rough scratch of a pen on paper. I had been staring at my hand after my last sentence, i wasn’t able to see who was shocked.. Who was surprised that i had stumbled upon, I push threw and continue “I just sat there in horror as a thousand thoughts run threw my head. Staring at the faces of the lives that never had a chance to live....” My mouth pulling into a sicking smile as i let the thought tumble inside me head ‘I’m almost happy they didn’t survive... Just the thought of Gloria or John having that control on an innocent child.’

“I don’t know how long i stared at there faces... it was awhile until i heard John’s footsteps coming up the stairs. I tried to clean up enough before he entered my room and i seceded.. although i still sat in front of the closet. I watched him enter my room and set a plate of hot food on my bed as he watched me. I didn’t move from my spot until her started to get closer, Scooting away from him as far as i could before actually standing. I made sure to keep him in my line of sight.”

Twisting a strand of hair around my pointer finger as i stare at my lap, replaying memory after memory of my extended amount of time with John. “What happened next?” Offer Johnson stops writing enough to look up at me, concern clear in his eyes. Nodding i don’t look up “Yeah. There’s more.... He sat back in the rocking chair and motioned for me to eat, as i approached my bed i just kept looking from him to the food. Afraid that he the food was poisoned or un-tainted. I ended up sitting down next to my plate of food while still keeping an eye on the food and John. I don’t remember what i did to knock the plate off the bed, but I  managed to make it fall of the bed. Angering John...”

Dropping my hair, I absentmindedly run my left hand around my neck. Finding the small scar that lies on the far right. Causing me to shudder as i gently trace the scar... “Before i could blink he was on top of me.

Holding a knife to my throat and whispering that I should listen to him or that I might end up in the Boxes with the babies.... While slicing my throat slightly, giving me this scar.” I remove my hand and point to it while staring at my knees again. “In my head, I started to think of ways i could survive this.. One of them was to start obeying John. So I nodded and watch as John smiles and pulls away, I watch him walk away before i touched the place i was cut... Looking at my bloody fingers I passed out again.”

“Okay. I think we can get your food now.” Officer Johnson rubs his eyes as he sets down his pen on the pad of paper in front of him. Glancing at Officer David as he nods in agreement “What would you like?” Pulling out his own pad off paper, I assume he uses to write down statements from other people. I shrug “I wouldn’t mind a PB and J sandwich and a Sprite.” “Okay. I’ll be right back.” Officer David roughly slaps Officer Johnson’s shoulder as he makes his way of the room.

There’s more then a moment of silence, before Officer Johnson closes his pad and pushes it away from him. Before leaning his weigh on his hands folded in front of him “Can i ask you a question?” I had been spacing out, trying to push away the dread of explaining the next few events with John... Startled I glance at the officer and nod “yeah.”

Sitting back, He runs his left hand threw his hair looking up at the ceiling, His wedding ring shining in the florescent light above, before looking back at me. “Why didn’t you just come to the police? We could have set in motion a way to get you into another system...” I shake my head, Twirling a strand of hair around my finger again as i stare at my legs “I always thought that they would send me back. I mean you took me away from my adoptive parents and placed me into an orphanage that shoved me in a closet.

Which lead me to John and Gloria.. Then to Francis and Maria. You guys don’t have the best track record and I’m in Orphan..” Looking up I tried to keep my voice even as tears fill my eyes “I didn’t expect to be first priority and........ I’m use to fighting for myself.” I watch Officer Johnson’s face fall as he considers what i said, written on his face as he mulls it over before frowning “I’m sorry the Police force hasn’t been better service...” Running his hands through is hair again.

I let a small, microscopic smile grace my features “It’s okay. I’ve learned long ago that i need to make my own way. Not to depend of other.” I spot his nod as he stands and leans against the wall behind his chair “Is there anything i can get you? More water?”

Stepping forward and leaning his weight on his hands resting open on the table, looking into my paper cup... nearly empty. “More water would be great.... thank you.” I grace him with a smile as he nods in return, grabbing my cup and leaving the room. It’s the first time i have been alone since i first arrived that the station, it’s almost unnerving. It’s now that i let the tears i’ve been holding back go. Quietly sobbing as i curl into as tight a ball i could on the hard plastic chair.

I wasn’t alone for long, I mean he only got me water.. and if i remember correctly when i first arrived there was a water fountain very close to this room. Still Curled on my chair, I missed Officer Johnson enter the room - but not the door squeak open. Wiping my face with the back of my hands I tuck my feet underneath me. I know my face and eyes are red.. but at this moment I don’t care. Today... right now has been stressful. Seeing their dead, mangled bodies again and recalling how i my childhood was one of nightmares has taken almost everything out of me. Instead of assuming I was up to no good, Officer Johnson leaves the room again. Only for a few minutes before return with a box of tissues, setting both water and box in front of me before sitting across from me again.

Giving him a grateful smile, I reach across and grab two - blowing my nose and wiping my eyes. “I’m sorry... To” “Don’t Apologize. It’s always hard to have to recall what you’ve been through.” Officer Johnson smiles lightly before shifting slightly. We sit in silences for awhile, not looking at each other as we wait for our dinner. Which couldn’t come any sooner as Officer David enters the room with a big white bag and a drink holder. Setting the bag on the table and begins ruffling threw it, setting a few things on the table beside the bag. “Here you go” Pushing my dinner toward me, I could spot his frown as he notes my red face, eyes and my position on the chair. Looking over his shoulder to Officer Johnson before giving me a small smile as i Un-fold and pull the food closer to me while taking a gulp of pop “Thank you.”

Giving me a nod Officer David Sits in his chair, taking a sip of his drink before opening his sandwich and taking a bite. So we sit in silence again as we eat and drink to our content. I finish first, only eating half of my sandwich ‘Picturing John in raged and those faces didn’t help my appitie...’ Taking another sip of my pop, I push both away. Before wrapping my arms around myself as i sit back in my chair, allowing myself for the first time i’ve arrived to relax. Looking at each other the officers look at each other then at me before continuing eating, we sit in silence as i stare at my knees waiting for the officers to finish their lunch.

We don’t wait long. Crumpling up his wrapper Officer Johnson takes another sip of his drink before getting ready to write again. Looking up at me waiting, taking the hint I take a deep breathe before continuing. “When i came too, I was tied to the bed again... the first thing i remember is a camera pointed at me and that my clothes had changed.” The air fills with the sound of pen on paper as officer Johnson writes my every word while Officer David watches me closely. “Looking around i found that i wasn’t in any real danger at the moment, I mean more then the typical. He’s attention was...” I gulp tears filling my eyes again, the memory to vivid in my mind.. ‘the day i meet Madelyn.’

“Was....” A tear slips threw my defenses, and i let it travel down my cheek but refuse to let it stop me from talking. “Was an infant...” Pulling the crime photos near me again, shifting threw them before landing on the desired picture... ‘Madelyn’s...’ Placing the photo on the table picture up while pushing it forward toward them, tapping my index finger on the top center “Her... that is when i meet her. Her name is Madelyn Rose.” Officer Johnson drops his pen in shock as he looks from me to the picture, before writing my statement down again. Staring at the wall behind them I force myself to continue “I look around the room and spot a middle age women with a huge gash in her midsection...  From where i was it was obvious she was dead. It was then that i decided i would do what ever it took to keep that infant alive... and in a way that infant... Madelyn.... kept me going and helped me escape.”

I stare at the officers as they stare at me in shock. Gave them a name and a slight back story or at least a start to one.... “Are you sure it was that girl?” Officer Johnson looks from me to the picture and back again trying to piece everything together. Nodding i force my eyes from the wall to the eyes of the two males in front of me, “yes i am. I can’t make up a memory like that....” Shaking my head to clear the memory. “I spent the next four years trying to keep Madelyn safe From John’s temper and his mood swings.” ‘She didn’t make it easy.. always curious and adventurous...’ Smiling i let out a sigh, looking down at my legs “I was successful... of the most part... Like any toddler and small child she was adventurous and curious.” Gently pulling a few strands of hair over my shoulder, I begin to fidget

“John had made sure that no one would recognize me - well as much as a bad dye job and a horrible hair cut.” My smile turns to a slight smirk as i look back up at the officers in front of me “John had forced me to dye my hair brown before cutting it to about shoulder length, It wasn’t the most prettiest of things done. But it made John believe that i wouldn’t be recognized. Even thought i’m sure no one was looking for me anyway.” Looking back at my knees I force myself to continue “Madelyn looks almost identical to her mother, They share very pretty pale skin and red hair. I only know because John forced me to bury her....” Officer David’s eyes widen as he leans forward “Where?” “In the backyard close to the tunnel that brought me there. John had told me to plant flowers and vegetables over her to make it seem like a garden.” Looking up at him “It worked.”

“It was a few months past my sixteenth birthday when i decided to escape. Madelyn was four at the time...” Looking back up as the memory of the night runs threw my mind... “I planned my escape during dinner and set into action after John had gone to sleep... I had managed to - while cleaning. To find Gloria’s sleeping pills and slipped a few into John’s alcohol and into Madelyn’s milk. John and Madelyn where out cold by the time i had finished cleaning up dinner, as quietly as i could i went upstairs to Madelyn and my room for our suitcase. There was a trick to go downstairs without making a sound i had learned in the four years i had lived there. I set the small suitcase by the door and begin to wrap Madelyn in a blanket, in my mind as i held her and grab the suitcase i thought i was going to make it.. but...”

Tears fill my eyes again, wiping them away quickly i take another deep breathe “I heard John’s chair groan, He was up. Without thinking i Throw open the front door while dropping the suitcase.... John cased us three blocks before i lost sight of him, but i didn’t slow down. I grabbed the next bus i could get my hands on, I wasn’t sure where i was going as long as it was far away from John.” reaching forward i grab the Styrofoam cup in front for me, my hands shake as i take a small sip.

Keeping it in my lap as i continue to stare at the wall “We make it to a town called Leroy by midnight - i was exashed but with no place to stay. luckly there was a homeless shelter not to far from the bus stop. Madelyn was still asleep when we arrived, the women in the front took one look at us and gave me a sad smile. handing me two blankets and gesturing that there where two cots close together in the back. I thanked her and made my way, getting Madelyn settled before myself. She wakes up for only a moment - asking where we were before falling back asleep when i tell her we are safe.” Setting the drink back on the table, i wrap my arms around myself again. Heres where it get difficult, the introduction to the people in the pictures... and my time alone with them. ‘Come on Hil...Sunshine. You can do this.’ Almost smiling to myself as i call myself sunshine again... Old habits die hard.

“With years of practice i wake up before lot of the people sleeping around me, including Madelyn. Giving me the first good look at the homeless shelter we had slept in - i wasn’t sure what sure what type of people i expected. There where elderly men and women, a few pregnant teens and a few teens with children in an array of ages along with a few battered women. By the time half the people were up breakfast was served, runny oatmeal. Grabbing our bowels i lead us to a table in the back, getting Madelyn’s food set before digging into my own. I knew she was scared, it was written on her face as she sighs and messes with her food. I could relate, I was too. I mean how was i going to provided for her? Where we going to live? Who would give a sixteen year old a job with a four year old? How long would we be allowed to stay in the homeless shelter?”

Looking at the officers in front of me i can’t fight the sad smile growing on my face ‘Heres where Francis enters...’ “So i force a convincing smile on my face and i tell her to eat, we have a long day today and she’s is going to need her strength. accepting my answer she begins to eat, I’m about to when a middle aged man walks up to us and takes a seat across from me. Out of habit i use my free arm to wrap around Madelyn’s body, ready to keep her safe at a moment notice. I stare at him daring him to make a move...” Moving the pictures toward me again, I quickly flip threw them again before pulling out Francis’s picture. Placing it picture up and pushing it toward them again “It was him.” Tapping my index finger on it, i place the other pictures back on the table, as i spot Officer David nod picking the picture up “You meet him at the homeless shelter? Did he say why he was there?”

He set the picture down and i nod “Yeah. He said his wife and himself own and inn not to far from the shelter and that they where looking for a maid. I had told him that we had just come from an abusive home and that if i was to accept i would need to meet his wife and see the inn.” Fighting the sickling bile that rises as i fight another smile ‘If i only knew that it would end up.. If i knew HOW it would have ended...’ Looking at my knees I take a breathe and continue “He accepts and takes our dishes. I watch him before pulling Madelyn aside and tell her our new identies. Isabelle and Daniele. He comes back and we make our way to the Inn, making small talk and acting friendly. I didn’t see anything wrong at the time other then the oddness of a man asking around the shelter for a maid.”

Looking up again, i grimaces, memories of the day flashing threw my mind as i try to sort them out in chronological order. “Because of my background i sucked at small talk, but luckily the Inn was close enough that a few moments of silence wouldn’t stop him from possibly hiring me. The Inn was an old Victorian, dark blue with a high metal black fence around it. I remember Madelyn being an awe when Francis leads us threw the gate and up to the house, Madelyn spots a wooden swing that we end up talking to Francis and his wife.... Maria on.” I don’t make a move to the rest of the crime photos, there’s only two left and the officers already know who they are. “As we swing before Francis and Maria come back, Madelyn falls asleep which I’m grateful for. At first glance Maria seemed like my adoptive mother Marilyn...” I can’t help but shiver as the thought leaves my mouth ‘Oh how wrong i was...’ Stirring me from my thoughts, Officer Johnson speaks “So this is the first time you meet Mrs. Kelp?” I nod “Yes.”

“and your saying that at the time the Kelp’s seemed normal... pleasant?” Officer Johnson taps the end of his pen against the top edge of his paper, looking up at me in question. I’m stumped.. I hadn’t even gotten threw the day in meeting Maria and he already... ‘He can’t... I’m not finished yet...’ Panicking slightly i nod “Yes. At the time they seemed like a nice couple.” I watch Officer Johnson nod and resume writing on his note pad, Officer David and I watching him for a few moments before Officer David speaks “Please continue..” Taking a deep breathe to calm my nerves “The talk was like any job interview, They asked about about my past and i told them the vague details. Mostly about how we left and how i didn’t want to be but back in that situation... again.” I watch the Officers in front of me, there faces blank and focused as they listen “I get the job and I’m shown my room and the house, Madelyn was still asleep so when we were left alone in my new room. I placed her in her crib - finally able to breathe i begin to believe that we might be safe.”

“The rest of the day was uneventful as you can assume, after Madelyn’s nap Francis showed me around the house and instructed me on my different duties. Cleaning, Checking in/out Visitors and so on. While i instructed Maria, who would be watching Madelyn while i was working, on her likes/ dislikes and so on. By the time i had been shown everything it was time for lunch, which is where i meet the cook Miss Tablen, a half blind women who seemed to always swear in French...” Smiling slightly i picture Madelyn’s smiling face “Except when she was with Madelyn, the only person i knew to make her smile... sort of...” A laugh escapes me as i picture the old women’s twisted and off setting smile that always showed when Madelyn ran into the Kitchen for a snack or whatever. “So you meet Miss Tablen?” Officer Johnson looks up at me again in question, Nodding quickly as my smile drops “Yes.” “Miss Tablen was the one who found the bodies and contacted police..” Officer David comments as he watches Officer Johnson nod and write down my latest sentence.

I nod again “After lunch Madelyn drags me to the backyard to play, it was nice to play without the fear of John ruining it. I had half the energy she did, but that didn’t matter..” I smile as i look down and to the left at the mangled and bloody picture of Mattie, but in my head i see a beautiful smiling young girl smiling back at me. The sunny background lined with tress, her red hair pulled back into a rough and messy ponytail. As her light brown eyes shined with happiness and excitement, My eyes water as the picture lingers. ‘My little girl... My sweet innocent little girl...’

Lost in thought I miss Officer Johnson and David try to regain my attention until Officer David reaches across the table and gently touches my hand stirring me aware. I look up at them slightly shocked “I’m sorry, did i mess something?” I watch the officers nod and Officer David speak “What happened next?” “Oh...” I shake my head slightly before continuing “sorry, We played in the yard till dinner. where we all goatherd in the dinning room again, everything seemed fine until i begin to be unable to keep my eyes open. I had fallen asleep at the table at least three times before Francis mentioned that i should go to bed, I looked over and see Madelyn pick at her food.

Asking her if she’s ready for bed is when things get bad, I had started getting up and getting Madelyn’s and my plates when Francis pulls on my arm and say to just go to bed.. that they could watch her. Looking at him i debate on weather i trust them enough to leave her and end up telling him that No it was her bed time, In which Maria gets upset and says that i don’t understand. Now i fight with her and say that I’m her mother and it’s time for bed, grabbing Madelyn’s hand and making my way back to our room encoring Francis’s calls to get back there.”

“Looking back i should have taken our fight as a warning sign for things to come, but at sixteen all i was worried about was keeping Madelyn safe and happy. Something i was sure i could do if i kept her by my side.” 'I can’t i believe i was that naive... There were several signs. Like who would give some random stranger a job? I could have been a serial killer or some druggie..... Enough Hilary! you were thinking about Maddie.’ Shaking my head clear, i force the thoughts out of my head. “Then what happened?” Office David gently taps his knuckles against the table trying to get my attention. “Oh, sorry.. about half way up the stairs Madelyn asks if we were in trouble, I tell her we arn’t as we make our way to our room. Replaying events from dinner as i get us ready for bed.”

The image of her fidgeting with her the edge of her shirt on my bed as she crumbles and straightens out her face. I fight the soft smile raising on my face as i force the rest of the night out of my mouth and on to the soft yellow note pad in front of Officer Johnson in scribbled dark blue font. “I can see that she’s still upset so i sit beside her, setting the PJ’s beside me as i pull her into my lap. She asks if we’re leaving and i shake my head again, I had been debating this myself “ shaking my head i let the soft smile show “I watch her eyes water as i tell her i don’t know and that I’ll tell her if we are tomorrow. She accepts the answer and i feel the tension leave her, cuddling into me as i help her change into a nightshirt three sizes to big for her. Maria had some extra clothing that was way to big for us now, but we would grow into. I make up a quick bedtime story that puts her almost immediately to sleep, cuddling her too me I scoot off the bed and set her gently into her crib before taking the short walk to my bed and crawling under the covers. As tired as i was, my mind kept racing. I thought about everything that had happened in my life up to this moment. it was kind of a pathetic...”

I watch the officers in front of me give me half shrugs and nods as officer David waves me along. Fighting to roll my eyes i continue “I knew i was being hard on myself for really no good reason. I had survived Miss Hager’s, The few days i spent in the well, a horrific time in a closet and John. Telling myself that i was being to hard on myself is when my thoughts begin to fade and i could tell sleep was around the corner....” Shaking slightly i let my sentence die off, Here is where things go bad. It was one of the things that went wrong.... “Miss? Hello..?” Officer Johnson waves his hand in front of me drawing my attention from my thoughts. “I’m sorry.. Where was I?” I watch the Officers look at each other before Officer David smiles “You said you were about to fall asleep..” “Oh...” Staring  at my feet as i shake “Uh... I was falling a sleep as i heard my door unlock.” I look up, but stare at the wall behind the men - trying to keep the tears from my eyes. “Living with John for as long as i had, I had all but mastered pretending to be a sleep and learning others footsteps.” ‘Although, thinking about it now it was obvious who it could have been...’

“They both enter Madelyn and My room, whisper a little before Francis moves to Madelyn’s crib and Maria sits by my head. I panic as i hear Madelyn’s crib click as Francis moves it into a lower position. Maria runs her hand threw my hair as i fight to keep my breathing and face calm...” The officers give me weird confused looks as i fight to keep the tears and shaking down “Although the click was soft, Francis and Maria stop and watch me carefully. So I make it seem like I’m a sleep, stretching slightly and turning. They calm and resume. I hear Madelyn mumble softly as I assume Francis picks her up as i hear them both take the few steps toward me. It isn’t long before i hear Francis and Madelyn leave my room, still trying my best to stay calm I hear Maria hum a little. Still combing her hand threw my hair before leaning down and whispering just how happy Francis and her where that Madelyn and I happened to show up. while opening my mouth and dropping a small circle pill on my tongue.. Now I’m freaking out, as the pill devolves i try to open my eyes and move any part of my body to signal that i was awake, but my eyes seemed glued shut and my arms and legs felt as if full of sand. Fighting to stay awake, I try to make sounds that should be as ‘What have you done?! or Where is Madelyn?!’

There’s a moment of silence as i force the rest of the night out ‘If you don’t get this out now, It’ll go down that Maria and Francis weren't psychotic people who...’ Shaking my head roughly I force the thought out of my head. I don’t need to go that far... “Maria stops humming as she leans back over me, whispering in my ear how excited she is. And how they loved that i had brought Madelyn to them and how they had tried for another baby but they had been unsuccessful. It only scared me more that they wanted to use me to give them another. That's when everything went black.” Taking a deep breathe i force my eyes off the wall and into the faces of the men in front of me. Fighting a yawn that seemed to come from my toes to the top of my head, I lost. When i finished i noticed Officer Johnson looking at his watch and mumbling something to Officer David. Who smiles softly at me before standing “Okay Miss Hilary, It looks like your aunt is here with your lawyer. So we are going to let you talk with him.” They stretch there hands out and we shake before they exit with their garbage for dinner.

And I’m left alone again, second time since I’ve been here. I don’t want to be alone - not now when my head is swimming. Nothing good comes from that... whimpering slightly, I pull my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on them. Tears silently, unwanted falling from my eyes. ‘Why did it have to go like this? Why couldn’t I have a normal childhood? Why did i have to find the crazy people? Why did I have to fall into that well? Why couldn’t my parents just be alive?” From silently whimpering to loudly sobbing, the question i didn’t want to think about. ever. “Sweetheart?” I don’t lift my head as i hear my aunt’s soft whisper as she pokes her head into the room, her eye red rimmed as she spots me. “Oh sweetie!” running in she wraps her arms around me, feeling the heat from her body and the comfort in her arms does nothing for me. ‘I don’t deserve it....’ Tears fill my eyes again as i bury my head farther into my knees, trying to be or think of anything/anyplace but here.

I shouldn’t be crying, there really isn’t anything to be crying about. So I don’t have my parents. So damn near every adult I’ve meet has hurt me in some way. So the little girl I vowed to protect was killed from the people who hurt me. So I haven’t had much of a childhood. So I lost my little boy. So I lost Daniel. So what? I feel my aunt pull me closer as my sobs fall into me sniffling and shaking. “I’m sorry to interrupt but we should get to business Miss Noel..” Looking up I feel my aunt pull away from me as we look toward the door, an elderly man stands in a light gray suite with light pink tie. His salt and pepper hair softly gelled back, his presents filled the room with a soft kind a flowery fragrance.

“Oh there you are, George I would like you to meet my niece Hilary.” Standing my aunt walks toward the man now named George, nodding in his direction as i unfold and straighten. ‘Might as well look presentable...’ “It’s is nice to meet you Hilary, I have head quite a bit about your from your aunt and uncle.” George maneuvers around the room to the opposite side to the table, reaching over and shaking my hand before sitting in Officer David’s seat. “It...It’s nice to meet you..” If i could survive interrogation, I could survive talking to my lawyer.... ‘Hopefully.’ The whole thing last only an hour before George, my aunt and myself leave the room to talk with the officers. To my amazement they let me go home, but give me instructions to be back at the station at 9 am. Aunt Janet nods with a tight frown as she pushes me out the door, following my lawyer George. Or Mr. Henderson.

The car ride was as uneventful as the ride there, silent and harsh. ‘At least this time I’m not in handcuffs.’ Staring out my window, I’m almost amazed how even the night seemed disappointed in me. The usually warm air of summer had turned cold and harsh, the pretty night sky now was cloudy and dark. “I...I’m...” I don’t know what to say to make this better, if there is anything TO say to make it better. I’m not surprised she’s upset, I would be in her shoes... her niece. The one she took in killed three people. There isn’t a way to smooth that over... which is proven when at a stoplight she turns toward me a deep frown forming “Do not talk to me.” I nod gulping as she faces the road again, taking a left turn and pulling into our driveway. The porch light is on, signaling that Uncle Walter is home. Great....

Putting the car in park, aunt Janet turns toward me again her frown lighting slightly “Go straight to bed when you get inside, I will deal with your Uncle. You’ll need your rest for tomorrow.” Nodding, aunt Janet turns off the car and we both make our way toward the house - opening the door. I don’t even get the chance to run to my room... “You should have let her sit an a cell Janet! I can’t believe you brought that KILLER into our home!!” I hear my aunt gasp as I feel tears sting my eyes again. Turning quickly, I flee up the stairs and slam my door. Flopping onto my bed on my stumpic, I press my head into my arms. 'I knew this would catch up to me one day.. but i hoped that who ever i was staying with would accept that it was... was...’ This time i don’t fight the tears, I was lost. Ruined everything good, I always do.’ I fell a sleep crying and listening to my Aunt and Uncle argue over me and the situation. 

*Hey Guys! Kalley here, Just thought I give you a quick apology for taking so long. I know this chapter kinda another filler but I promise the next 'part' is a 'Nail in the coffin' type.... anyway thanks for sticking with me. Till next time - Kalley :)*

The morning came before i wanted. Crying took nearly everything out of me, where the nightmares of what could happen to me took the rest. Around 3 i decided it was just better to stay wake, laying in my bed staring at the ceiling and the walls around me till my aunt knocks softly on my door. Signaling a tense breakfast and a silent ride to the police station... again. It was almost as if the world was mocking me, being all sunny, bright and cool. Not a cloud in the sky - no where near the dark and rainy skies inside the house and inside my head. Changing from my clothes i wore the day before, i begin the trek down. There really is only one way to describe breakfast.... Horrific. Well maybe not just one word.... It’s more like Horrifically Tense. I should have known things would go bad. How long could i keep something this good going? I’m Sunshine.

The orphan who has been threw more hell then should be considered necessary or wise for a young women to handle. I guess i should be happy aunt Janet is taking the whole things better then Uncle Walter... At lest someone thinks I’m innocent. Or at least partially innocent. Through out breakfast Uncle Walter refused to look at me, and when our eyes did meet he would glare before turning away. I had enough guilt already... my own biological uncle shunning me. My own Father’s brother.. the only family i have... ‘I wish i had just stayed at the police station. At least when they looked at me like a criminal, I wouldn’t be related or Know any of them...’ Picking at my cereal... “Criminals don’t get pancakes..” As my Uncle says as he glares at me and Aunt Janet as she tries to place two pancakes on my plate.

Fighting my roll my eyes again as slip my spoon into bowl before standing and walking toward the sink not even looking up as half way there my bowl is knocked to the floor. “Criminals don’t get to waste food.” Uncle Walter roughly grabs my chin and forces me to look up at him, fighting to keep my eyes for watering as i watch his face go from controlled anger to beyond pissed. Letting go of my chin, I get less then a second to react as the hand that held my chin is open palmed against my face knocking me to the floor. This time i don’t fight the tears, on my hands and knees i refuse to get up. ‘There’s no point, I deserve this. He has every right to be mad at me - he willing let a killer into his home. Related or not... I killed those people....’ Only Aunt Janet is the voice of reason, running to Uncle Walter and demanding he leave the room - go to work...anything to get him away from me.

He leaves me with a grunt. Aunt Janet and I don’t move till we hear the front door close, or at least Aunt Janet does. Helping me up, she turns my head to look at my cheek. I can tell it is still red by her reaction and how fast she moves, and the fact it still stung. I don’t look up or wipe my face as I’m left alone in the room. Fighting the urge to run - I’ve already dealt with abuse from John. I won’t with Walter. “I won’t be abused again.” Whispering to myself as i wrap my arms around myself, contently when Aunt Janet re-enters the room. “I am so sorry Hilary...” She leads me to a chair, gently sitting me down and pressing a wet washcloth against my cheek. Gently tucking my bangs behind my ear, she sighs “Please look at me Hilary...” Shaking my head I continue to stare angrily at the floor ‘No. No more abuse...” I stand without realizing and make my way toward the front door, allowing the tears to run down my cheeks and a frown to grace my features. “HILARY WAIT! PLEASE WAIT!!!” Aunt Janet follows me outside as i start to run, going faster then i had running away from John. I had to get to the police station, I just wanted to get everything over with. Anything was better then silence, anger and abuse. ‘No more abuse...’

Aunt Janet stops follow as soon as i leave the neighborhood. If i had to guess she figured i was going to the police station... I’m not stupid enough to try and leave the town. I know they’d find me as well as they found me this time. I make it to the station before my Aunt - running into the waiting area panting. “I’m... I’m.... I’m here to see.....” the secretary give me a weird look before recognizing me “Your the young women Johnson and David brought in yesterday...” She clicks around her screen before pulling up my name “Hilary Noel..?” Nodding i catch my breathe as she leads me to the back office and toward the two adults i meet yesterday. “Johnson! David! your girl’s here!” Startled the men turn and face the older women and I, Officer David speaks first, resting his coffee on the desk beside him before walking up to me and extending his hand. “Hello Hilary.” Nodding in greeting i glance from adult to adult, as Officer Johnson steps forward “Miss Noel..” Turning to face him “Where is your lawyer or Aunt..” Moving around papers on the desk behind him before finding his and scanning over it. “Uhh... Mrs. Janet Noel?” Against my will the events of the morning run like a runaway train threw my mind as i shake my head roughly “I ran here. My Aunt and lawyer should be here in a few minutes...”

I watch the Officers look at each other before, Officer David begins “Umm I’m sorry Miss Noel. But we can not continue our conversation from yesterday without your lawyer present...” Externally I nod, smiling lightly as if I understood, however internally I am destroying the cluttered room around me. Throwing off papers on the desk, rocketing chairs into walls - basically a huge tantrum... We stand in uncomfortable silence as my eyes glaze over in imagination, still out of it I miss my Aunt’s winded entrance and her arms encircling me. “Oh Hilary!” Coming to as she lightly squeezing me against her, I refuse to return the hug staring off into the wall. Spinning on my heel as she lets me go, I face Officer Johnson again. “Is there a way I can talk to you with just my aunt present. I don’t really have a whole lot left to say....” Internally I hope my eyes explain my reasons for wanted this to be over with... 'If i am to be punished, I’d rather they have the full story...... and I want to get away as far away from this morning as possible.’

The two adult male look at each other before glancing down at me “To do that you would have to denied council....” Officer David looks at me cautiously “And Hilary.” He bends slightly to my level “I wouldn’t do that. We can wait for your lawyer.”  He Straightens back as I shake my head vigorously “NO!” My hands ball at my sides. ‘I want this OVER!’ “Please i just need to get this out. I don’t want to wait another moment with this.... this...” My eyes water against my will as i watch the adults around me stand shocked - frozen. Bitting my bottom lip to keep it from trembling “I.. I want this guilt to be done. If... If i get it out in the open I’ll feel better about not being strong enough to protect her. Not worth enough to keep my baby. Not loveable enough to keep the only boy who kept me sane while i was in that hellhole!” Panting I glare at the adults around me, I was tired of being this weak little thing. I had spent basically my entire life that way, and if i was going to go down for killing three adults who not only kept me prisoner but violated me then so be it. But i wanted to make sure they knew who really was the wronged party... ‘Cause it sure to hell isn’t me!’

The adults stare at me frozen for what seems like hours by in reality it was only a few seconds. Officer David un-freezes first, followed quickly by Officer Johnson... Stepping forward Officer David gently reaches out to touch my shoulder, leading me to a rolling chair not to far from where i was standing. It seems like the world had pressed paused for everyone but Officer David and Myself as we walked, only to start again as my back hits the chair. First to arrive is Aunt Janet, kneeling by my left side in an instant her hands on my knee and a concerned/worried look in her eye. Fighting to roll my eyes, it’s all i can do to keep composer. Thoughts running wild in my head... and not one of them for the women’s beside me or at least in her favor. ‘I just want this over with. Uncle Walter is beyond upset with me and Aunt Janet is just trying to keep the piece together...’ I feel my walls crumble slightly watching her face as she watches mine, my right hand trembles slightly as i gently place my hand on top of hers. ‘There. It’s the only communication your going to get until I’m allowed to finish my story..’ And just the way her eyes shone slightly showed that my small movement meant a lot. ‘I can’t hold my anger and guilt against her. She here to help me... and although she didn’t stop Uncle Walter from hitting me this morning....’ a memory washes over me and i tense slightly, just the thought brings the stinking back to my cheek. Using my left hand as a distraction for the adults around me, I push my side swept bangs from my face ‘Please let them not notice...’

Looking around shyly threw my bangs, I count the looks. Officer David: oblivious, Officer Johnson: Bored Oblivious and Aunt Janet: Noticed and worried... ‘Well at least two outta’ three ain’t bad.’ Small smile escapes as i feel the light squeeze from my Aunt. We stand there for only a few minutes before my lawyer appears slight ruffled, making the short trip toward our group he stands behind my aunt and myself. “I am sorry i made you wait. I was in the middle of a meeting with another client when Mrs. Noel called.” One of this hands lands softy on my shoulder, startling me as he squeezes “Are we all ready to begin?” The officers look at each other before glancing at me and nodding. “Everyone seems to be here...” Officer Johnson stands from leaning on the desk next to Officer David and motioning to the interrogations rooms behind us. The short trip and I’m back in the room I was before, same small gray, cold and drab room. I hide my small smile as i take the same old small seat as before, except now I am seated in between my stuffy and strict lawyer and my nervous and worried aunt. ‘Great....’

“So. We left off...” Officers Johnson and David sit in front of me and my group as they did before with the same Mila folder... filled with more information then it had been when i had first seen it. “To recap..” Officer Johnson opens the folder, grabbing his pen and notebook and flipping to where our last conversation left off “Miss Noel had recalled this: Maria stops humming as she leans back over me, whispering in my ear how excited she is. And how they loved that i had brought Madelyn to them and how they had tried for another baby but they had been unsuccessful. It only scared me more that they wanted to use me to give them another. That's when everything went black”... Is that what you remember Miss Noel?” I nod and stare at my legs crossed at the knees and my dirty scribbled on converse. ‘This is gonna be interesting...’ Glancing threw the corner of my eye and my bangs I spot my aunts nervous look, her left hand holding my right and nervously ringing her right... not helping my guilt... ‘not that it’s at anyway her fault...’ Squeezing her hand, I tuck my bangs behind my ear and send her a soft apologetic smile. ‘It’s not her fault her niece is such a screw up. It’s on one’s fault but mine...’

“Okay Miss Noel.” Officer Johnson brings me back to the present “Can you please tell us what happened after you blacked out?” Nodding i internalize my sigh “Yes....  When i came to the sun was shinning threw the small window in the room. My thoughts swirled with what had happened. Mostly if it was real or just a dream... Then Madelyn races into my mind. I waste no time running to her crib, leaning over the rail and.. seeing her fast a sleep.” Picturing her face before the next things dawns on her, i feel my face pull into a microscopic smile. Seeing her safe and okay... “As gently as i could I reach into her crib and run my index finger across her cheek, feeling her soft skin underneath calms me and I entertain the idea that maybe it was all a just a nightmare. However as i turn back to face my bed to begin my daily chores I spot a huge red stain.” Tears fill my eyes as i stare hard at my shoes, just the thought of that nightmare.. ‘The beginning of the house of horrors. My second taste of what was to come...’ Blinking the tears back I force the rest of the story out of my mouth “I begin to freak out a little before the calming thought of my period graces my mind.” I blush slightly and i hear the adult males clear their throat... no one really ever what to talk about that... “My panic subsides and i look back at Madelyn before making my way to the bathroom to clean up.”

“When i got back in the room, I realized I had some time before Francis would get me up. So i start to hide the evidence, grabbing the sheets and my nightshirt and shoving them in the laundry bin by the closet before waking Madelyn up for a few moments alone before we begin another busy day.” Looking up, I hide my smile “And like clockwork Francis knocks on my door at six. Gathering Madelyn, we both walk out the door. But where Madelyn begins to descend the stairs, I was pulled aside my Francis... He looks me over making me feel like i was naked so i cover myself with my arms. Asking if everything was okay, I remember him saying that it was and that i should grab an apple from the kitchen.. that i looked hungry.” Forcing my eyes to the table I don’t try to hide my frown ‘If i had known before.. I might have not ended up where i did.. I almost wish i did...’ “Okay. So you wake up in a huge red stain on your sheets and your night clothes, And rope tied to each one of your bed posts. Francis acts strange when you see him next...” Officer Johnson summarize the latest edition to my confession. Still staring at the table I nod “Yes.” “If i may be so bold...” Officer Johnson looks at the adults to either side of me: My lawyer first then My aunt before staring me down. “Why didn’t you notice something was wrong and leave with Madelyn?” Startled, my head shoots up to stare at the officer. ‘He... again...’ Tears fill my eyes again and my hands start to shake. Aunt Janet gives my held hand a tight squeeze “Excuse me! that's a huge actuation!”

“My client does NOT have to answer that Officer Johnson. And I implore you to keep your questions about the situation at hand and not include your own OPINIONS.” My lawyers harsh voice sounds after my aunt’s outraged shouts like a brick wall dripping. There Isn’t much to be said afterwards, but i couldn’t keep my mouth shut.. “If i had known what had happened i would have left and never returned. But until i left that... that place..” I focus my eyes on Officer Johnson, staring at his face “I was naive. I didn’t know i was violated and that the blood wasn’t from my monthly but from rape.” I don’t hide the venom  in my voice as i force the words ‘Violated and Rape’ out of my mouth. It wasn’t till later that i noticed how wrong it was and by that time i was tricked into staying “Do you have any other questions? or may i continue ?” The adults around me are silent as i stare the two adults in front of me down, I don’t need an accusation. Officer Johnson shakes his head sharply as he looks back down at his note pad, watching the interaction Officer David starts us back off “Okay Miss Noel..” He side glances at his partner buried in writing before looking back at me “Then what happened?”  

Taking a deep breathe I push down the remainder of my anger “I give Francis a weird look before making my way downstairs and grabbing an apple from the kitchen. I begin my chores, cleaning room and working the front desk. I believe that day I spent most of my day at the desk... I was doing alright, It was a boring morning. but sometime early afternoon i began to feel sick and ended up losing the apple into the small trash can by the desk.” Glancing down at my lap, I notice my free arm wrapped around my middle. ‘Well here goes nothing....’ Looking up i internalize my sigh “I knew something was wrong, after living as long as I did with John I tried to never get sick. For fear of what the alone time with John would do to young Madelyn... So being sick now raised concern, I didn’t really trust Francis and Maria. As i sat by the bin, I tried to think of anything and everything that could have made me sick.... I didn’t think it was dinner or my apple. So my mind kept going back to last night, circling that maybe it wasn’t a nightmare.. and it freaked me out.”

Looking up I watch the officers in front of me, coming up was the proof they wanted... “I push all the thoughts and worries down, wrapping one arm around my middle and using another to help me stand and stay standing. I try to calm my stumpic as i stand as still as possible against the wall, before making my way to the front desk. I figured that if I laid my head down for a few moments maybe i could settle my stumpic... all it did was put me to sleep. I don’t know how long i stayed like that but Francis woke me up, asking if i was okay or would like water. Still out of it I look at him confused, I think i said that i was okay.. that i just needed to lie down. I remember Francis helping me stand and up the stairs, that he had one hand on my arm and another on the small of my back.” I feel myself shiver slightly as i recall what happens next “We reach my room and his concern turns to annoyance as he shoves me into my room. telling me that i should change my top... Which wasn’t dirty. I ask him why and he give me this....” I feel my eyes water slightly as i stare hard at my lap again, aunt Janet squeezes my hand again and I force the words out of my mouth. “This... Sick and... and twisted look.... locking keeping his eyes on my and locking the door behind him. I knew i was in trouble.” The adults around me are silent as i try to calm myself down. Just thinking about this sends me into a panic... it was one of the clearest thing i remember about my time there except for a few exceptions...

*Kalley: Hey guys, Figure i should apologize for leaving this story alone for so long. There isn't really an excuse other then i was plan lazy. So thanks for sticking with me and I'm going to try and start cranking out chapters again. Hopefully finish this up soon.*

I feel the room drop a few degrees as the silence in the room starts to make my ears ring. The memory driving me insane, my voice leaving me as I open and close my mouth. Officer David clears his throat before watching me expectedly, Aunt Janet squeezes my hand again and I feel the words spill out of mouth without any sense of form. “He raped me.” I let a hard blush warm my cheeks as I stare straight into the Officer David and Johnson’s eyes, I feel Aunt Janet flinch slightly but the men in front of me don’t give any visible discomfort. Not that I couldn’t feel it coming off of them like tsunami waves.
Clearing my throat, I allow the continuation of my story to fall from my lips “I knew something was wrong when he locked my door behind him. I held my hands out in front of me as if that would keep him at bay… I remember saying to please stop. I have a daughter. No.” Letting my eyes wonder, I focus on white brick wall behind them. “He gives me this warily smile as he walked toward me, the only description I could give to make you understand his smile would be something along the lines of the same one a wolf would give his lunch… He gave me reasons like I wanted him, with the looks I was giving him and to be reasonable… all the while un-buttoning his shirt.”

Now is where Officer Johnson gives me some visible clue that he’s uncomfortable. Not that I care, he called me a liar. Not in some many words… but still. I can’t help my thoughts as ‘about time he finches…’ fills my mind. Momentary blocking my memory, but only for less than a second before they flood back. “As he closes the distance between us, he had unbuttoned the last of his shirt and began to touch my cheek. I was frozen to my spot, I couldn’t think it took a lot just to not vomit on him. I wasn’t even sure there was anything left in my stumpic…” Looking back at Officer Johnson, I pull my hand from my aunt’s and rest both on the cool table in front of me intertwined. “I guess he noticed my distress and took another step forward, feeling his body pressed up against mine drew me out of my struggle enough to scream and take a huge step back. Holding my hands out in front of me again.”

There’s a silence in the room again as I let my words settle in the air. “I shook my head wildly, not really doing my headache any favors. Not that Francis noticed. All my thoughts were wrapped around trying to get to Madelyn. How to keep her safe. To get away from Francis. I almost missed him advance calmly saying that I should be reasonable while taking another step forward. This time I pay attention, screaming to stay away from me and taking a step the right. Closer to my door.” Now I let my eyes fall to my hands folded in front of me, here is where it gets… nasty. “I take another step toward my door, keeping my hands in in front of me as some weak barrio and my eyes trained on Francis.  As I take another step toward the door, I shift my eyes from Francis to the door not more than another step from me. But I guess It was enough for me to miss Francis tackling me to the floor…”

Forcing myself to stare back up the wall between Officer Johnson and David “I remember hitting the floor pretty hard, being a little dazed. Still dazed, I feel his hands unbutton my shirt. I want to fight, but I knew that if I made so much as on moment against what he was planning he’d hit me. Hard enough to bruise something Maddie would notice. I didn’t want to explain to her how I had gotten it… so I tried my best to keep my body still and my breathing even. I even tried to think of something, anything happy…” My voice leaves me as I start to watch the… rape in my head again. ‘I CAN NOT chicken out. Not now.’ “… When I hear the zipper, that’s when I begin to cry again. Tightly closing my eyes, I feel myself whimper as he starts and finishes… I feel his body weight leave as he stands, dusting himself off and fixing his clothes before unlocking and leaving my room.”

I let my eyes fill with tears as they drop back down to my tightly folded hands again. My knuckles are white as I fight to keep the tears at bay, I don’t really know why. It’s not like they haven’t seen me cry… “I don’t move until I hear him close my door and make his way down the stairs noisily. Curling into a ball, I let the tears that hadn’t left my body when he was here fall. I don’t really know the exact amount of time I stayed in that position, all I remember is that it felt like an hour and all I was trying to do was keep my mind from replaying the even over and over. I wasn’t successful.” Sniffling, I run the back of my hand under my nose. Looking up at the men in front of me, I had slumped slightly over, grief filling me entirely. The room makes no objection to me rubbing the snot from my nose on my jeans.

“It was dark by the time I force myself out of my depression, sitting up all my thoughts were centered on that little girl I had to protect. I had promised myself that I would keep her from people like Francis and John. So I pulled the remainder of my sanity together and fixed my shirt and jeans. Standing I try to keep my face blank and my emotions in check as I make my way out of my room.” Officer David Clears his throat and gains everyone’s attention, it’s clear by the look on his face that he believes me and that he’s uncomfortable. “So… Miss Noel… Why don’t we let you calm down before we continue. You’ve given us pretty big…” he coughs “evidence…” Out of the corner of my eye I watch my lawyer nod looking toward my aunt and myself. “I agree. Hilary…” I’m being address and I don’t turn to face her.

I feel her lay a hand on my shoulder “Honey why don’t we get some air. Maybe even something to drink or snack on…?” She ends her statement with a question hoping it would stir me. It doesn’t. I didn’t want to leave my seat, It was like I was super glued. Stuck in my visions of the past – Madelyn, Francis, Maria, Gloria, John, Daniel, The sisters of the church, Sister Mary, Sister Elizabeth…. Leroy…’ “Hilary…?” I feel my shoulders move slightly as I assume my aunt has given up trying to vocally remove me from my thoughts and turned to physical. This time I look up at her, hiding my true feelings “Yes?” I know this makes me look suspicious, but I really don’t care. It only gets worse from here… ‘Well that’s kind of a lie… I haven’t met Daniel yet.’ I can’t help the small smile that tugs at my mouth. I’m able to keep it contained, don’t need them to think I’ve finally lost it. ‘ha.’

It seems like the moment I stood from my seat someone pressed the ‘fast forward’ button on the world around me. I don’t even remember the color of the sky, before I was pushed back into that cold room and questioned again. I know I didn’t really want to leave, but a few moments a fresh air would have been nice…. “So Miss Noel. Would you mind continuing where you left off?” Officer Johnson flips through that notepad in front of him “You said you were on your way to finding Madelyn…?” Lifting his head, I nod “Yes. I had made it out of my room, it took me a few minutes to get use to the harsh light. It took everything I had to remain upright and keep my mind on anything but my next step forward and the little girl who had no right to be here. I remember gripping the railing as tightly as physically possible and it seemed like forever before I finally reached the landing leading to the check in/Check Out desk.”
 Letting out and breathe, I let my eyes drift from Officer Johnson to Officer David “I turned towards the darkened hallway leading to the back of the house. I had only taken a few steps into the darkness, letting my eyes adjust for a few seconds before I hear Maddie’s unmistakable laughter and banging in the kitchen to my left.” I can feel a smile grace my features lightly as I look down at the medal table in front of me. My distorted reflection staring back at me, looking back up I focus on the same brick between Officer Johnson and David’s heads. “I screamed her name and without thinking I ran into the kitchen threw the swinging door. I tripped on the mess of pots and pans littering the floor, I remember landing hard on my side and being a little dizzy while trying to catch my breath.”

“I was only on the floor for a few moments before I hear Madelyn’s voice asking if I was okay while I was trying to adjust to the bright light of kitchen light. Turning toward her I tell her that I was okay, I remember smiling to hide the slight pain I felt when I sat up and pulled her into my arms. And it’s almost instantaneous, all my worried thoughts disappear as I dip my nose into the top her soft hair. Breathing in her scent calms the rest of my nerves as I start to stand.” Letting my eyes drop back into the table in front of me, I let a sigh slip through “I hold her closer as I step carefully past the pan and pots that tripped me before, as we enter the dark dining room and living room shared space I feel Maddie buries her head into my neck and whimper slightly.” Wrapping my right arm tightly around myself, if I closed my eyes I could feel Maddie’s breath on my neck as her head shifts slightly making my heart hurt. “I try to tell her that it’s going to be okay…” Looking back up at the men in front of me, I don’t hide the hurt in my brown eyes. “But it’s hard when even you aren’t sure it will be. I got her out once with little incident… I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I could do it again…” Looking down at my lap I feel tears sting my eyes “I’ve never been too lucky…”

I feel my aunt’s hand on my right elbow, trying to give me comfort. I hated talking about Maddie. It hurt more than I could possibly describe, it hurt more than talking about my own son. I had RAISED Maddie. I hated what they did to her, she was innocent. She didn’t deserve to be brought up in this world… I should have died. I would have done anything to change places with her, she should be alive now. Not me. Sighing I force myself to look up “We made it to the lit front entrance. I had started to feel a little hopeful… I was stupid because they were waiting…. I had made it SO close to the door. When I hear Maria’s sickly sweet voice say ‘You’re not going to leave with our daughter are you?’”

Frowning deeply I can’t help the anger filling me, and I let it show. No point in hiding how much I hated them. “I remember moving Maddie so that she was more protected by my body. Smiling as sickly sweet as Maria herself and saying while looking up at the staircase to my left where they were located ‘She’s not your daughter. She’s mine.’ To my enjoyment Maria’s smile falls but Francis’s grows. Walking down the few steps and walks toward me, his hand out from his body in a non-treating manor. Not that I believe it… He touches my cheek and I let my smile drop, taking several steps back and saying ‘don’t touch me or my Daughter and you will be without a hand.’” It take a lot to not growl “He only says that my attitude is an improvement. Letting his hand drop but not his sly smile. Watching him carefully I take another step toward the door, making sure that Maddie’s body is still blocked by mine, I remember asking for them to let us leave.”

I let the silence fill the room as I force my right arm to let go of my shirt on my left side and rest on the arm rest. I needed to calm down, going crazy won’t help my case. Not that I figured anything would. It would take a miracle to leave this a free women. It wasn’t going to happen. “Then what happen Miss Noel?” Officer David leans forward, his hand previous wiped in his pants before being followed in front of him. His body leaning over them, almost as if he couldn’t wait for me to continue… like he had some sick pleasure to hear my pain… OR I’m just a good story teller. But who would WILLINGLY listen to a story like this?! “I feel myself shiver involuntarily while I add that if they let us go I wouldn’t speak a word about what happened between Francis and I. Maria laughs and Joins Francis saying ‘Why I should let us out the door, that technically I was kidnapping Madelyn.’ Which was a lie.”

“I remember stuttering and feeling the blood drain from my body that she wasn’t there’s and taking another step toward the door. Saying that they had no proof that Madelyn was theirs. Which Francis laughs, stepping forward again his smile back nodding his head and saying I was right. But how hard would it be to just claim she was adopted…” And here was where even now I feel all the blood drain from my body and spill to the floor beneath me. Noticing my distress I feel the adults around me get closer, but it’s Officer Johnson who asks “Then what happened?” I want nothing more than to shake my head and stop there. But for the sake of Maddie I had to continue “Francis called me Sunshine.”

~~There is silence in the small room as I the information settles around me. Even the scratching of pen on paper has stopped, as both officers watch me. I force my head up and meet their eyes “I was panicking. They knew my name, and for all I knew they could have knowledge on my past… Madelyn’s past….” I look back down on my lap, my voice quiet “Which meant John or the mixed orphanage was in my future. And I wasn’t ready for them to return…” I let my voice drop off as I stare at my legs, this was getting difficult. I feel my aunt beside me trying to comfort me but it seemed hopeless. Another moment of silence I hear lawyer clear his throat before standing “I believe that is enough for today. My client needs to regroup from recalling a traumatic memory.” He extends his hand out the officers across the table to look at each other briefly before standing and shaking his hand, officer David nods glancing at me. “You are right. We will continue tomorrow Miss and Mrs. Noel.” Out of the corner of my eye I see my aunt nod, standing and nudging me to do the same.

It take a heartbeat before I can move, I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to move. To leave. Yes, my… time… with Francis was traumatic. But there are other ‘memories’ that need to be spoken. And I wasn’t sure I could say them tomorrow… I understood why my lawyer wanted to call it a day – miss interpreting my silence for distress. I was, distressed I mean, but I could have continued… And I say so. Still in my seat as I look to my left, all adults once sitting around me are by the door. Officer David holding it open as my lawyer and aunt walk toward it, stopping momentary to look back and make sure I’m following them. Officer Johnson holding the Mila folder of my past, watching me intently. I shake my head roughly “I don’t want to leave. I want to continue…” I look at each adult equally, memorizing their expressions as I watch them.

My aunt is the first to object “but Hilary…” I hold up my hand stopping her “No Aunt Janet. I want to continue, you don’t have to be in the room if you don’t want to.” Disbelieve is clear on her face as I shift the officers now standing by each other, watching me. Officer Johnson is the first to speak up between them “Are you sure Miss Noel, we can continue this tomorrow if you are uncomfortable… We don’t want to force you.” I shake my head again with a light smile “I am uncomfortable, but that’s my story – my past. And it needs to be spoken, and I’m not leaving yet.”
The adults look at each other for a moment before the officer in front of me, mostly officer David nods and sits back into his seat. Followed shortly by Officer Johnson, then my lawyer then lastly my aunt. Who looks upset to be still here. I look at the officers in front of me expectantly, its Officer Johnson so starts “They called you Sunshine and you started to panic because you thought your past was coming back to haunt you and Madelyn…” He looks threw his notebook again, flipping pages before looking back up at me “Right?” I nod, clearing my throat “Yes. As I said before I started to panic and I guess it showed on my face because of the enjoyment on hers. I remember the feeling of all my blood leaving my body and asking if John was here.”
 Keeping my eyes level with the men in front of me “Maria smiles and says that he isn’t but he could be called…. And that scared me more than the knowledge that Maria, Francis and john had met then the fact that he could be contacted… again.” There’s a moment of silence before I can speak again, the raw wave of past emotions running through my system making me temporarily mute. “Maria takes my emotions as a sign that she could take Madelyn from my arms. I was numb so I didn’t put much fight, Madelyn did however. Howling, clinging to me and crying.” I lowered my head slightly “I don’t remember falling to my knees, but ended up crying uncontrollably as the trio walked away from me while I mumbling my apologies to Madelyn.” I continue to keep my head down as the room fills with silence.

Before my lawyer cleared his throat softly, nudging my arm before standing. “Against my client’s wishes we have to resume this…” He looks down at me briefly “investigation at another time” Raising his left hand and checking his watch he extends it toward the officers to shake. I wanted to throw another fit, but the moment his shoulder touched mine all my fight left. Without support standing, I would have ended up on the floor. Officer Johnson is the first to accept the handshake, standing and nodding toward Aunt Janet and Myself. “Alright, we will meet back here tomorrow at six” He watches my Aunt who nods standing herself. Then helping me stand and walk toward the exit. I don’t remember much of the car-ride home. Blurred images and empty sounds of the radio playing softly in the background as I let my whole body collapse on itself. I know as we reached the house, Aunt Janet tried to rally some reaction from me. Trying to get me look at her and speak more than three words at a time. No such luck. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Uncle Walter again, I wanted this day over with. I wanted my life over with. I am done. I really didn’t have much else to live for – I hurt or upset everyone I care about. My parents, Miss Hagard, The pieces, Madelyn, Daniel, My baby Leroy,  Mary and Elizabeth… and now my Aunt and Uncle.

She gives up after I stop answering entirely, lost in my own self-pity. We finally pull into the driveway and Aunt Janet park and turns off the car before turning toward me. Stopping me as I try to exit “Honey I know this is difficult. But you’ve been so strong for so long, now you have people to lean on and you’re scared.” I had been only half listening when ‘people to lean on and you’re scared’ stopped me short. Finally, I turn and face her, unknown tears clouding my eyes. I had been saving them from when I was alone in my room, why did she have to try to give me a talk here? Noticing my tears, I watch her give me a sympathetic smile. Something I always imagined my mother would have given me…. I can’t hold the sorrow back now. I let it slip from my eyes and off my shoulders, I am lost. But I had people to lean on, people who loved me. Cared for me. Have proven that they did over and over and over.

Pulling me immediatly to her chest, I curl into her as much as the seatbelt will allow. Allowing my tears to soak her shirt as she strokes my hair, whispering soft things into it. I don’t really know how long we stayed like that and in all reality I didn’t want to leave the comfort of the moment. I wanted to be a child again, stuck in Miss Hager’s school for underprivileged girls again. To laugh with Alyssa and do endless chores again. I’ll even deal with the annoying girls again. But it was dark by the time we actually entered the quiet and dark house. ‘I guess Uncle Walter isn’t home. Joy.’ Walking into the living room I drop into the couch, pulling a tissue from the box on the coffee table in front of me and blow my nose. Aunt Janet follows me in, sitting on the arm of the couch on the left sighing heavily. “You hungry?” She watches me as I toss the used tissue in the trash beside my seat shaking my head. “Not really…” I keep my head low, not meeting her glaze “I really just want this day over with.” From the corner of my eye I see her nod before standing and walking toward me. Kiss the top of my head, whispering “Okay sunshine. If you need to talk I’ll be here...” and walking away. It takes me a few minutes before I can move again, She never call me sunshine. It’s always been Hilary… Tear fill my eyes again. Things are changing. Did she really still love me? Am I alone again? Oh gods no!

I fight the raising fear that seems insistent on filling me with unwanted dread. My thoughts kept going in circles, pointless circles. Biting my tongue, I quickly swallow my voice and stand. I wasn’t wrong when I said my balance was off as I damn near land on my face for the second time today. Balancing myself against the edge of the couch, it takes a few moments before I trust myself. Taking a shaky step forward, I continue to fight myself as I test my steps again. Once I believe I can walk again without alerting my Aunt of my movements, I take off toward the staircase….. And into my Uncle. Dammit.

“No running in the house killer.” He grips my arms tightly staring me in the eye before tossing me aside and walking farther into the house. Killer set the emotions I was already fighting to control on a rampage. I was damn near ready to explode, I needed to escape. I’m not safe here anymore. They don’t love me anymore, not since I admitted killing them… No matter my history. I have blood on my hands that can’t be washed off with ‘story time’.  I didn’t know where I could even go, I can’t leave the town. I can’t go to any friends…. ‘The police station is the only ‘safe’ place to go. Maybe you can convince them to let you stay there.” God I hope that was true…

Glancing behind me, I take off toward the front door. Opening and closing it slowly and quietly. Once outside I let the cool air take me for a moment, filling me slowly and pushing all emotion down for the second. Before taking off toward my destination. It takes less time than It had originally, but keeping myself from thinking more than the next step made time fly. I reached that station just as Officer Johnson and David exited laughing about something I had missed. Walking up to them, I fight my rising fear choking me. “Officer David and Johnson?” The men give me weird looks before looking at each other, Officer David speaks first “Miss Noel? Why are you here? Where is your Aunt?” I shake my head, whipping my hair slightly “She is at home. Is the option to stay here still available?” I watch them closely as they look at each other again “Are you absolutely positive Miss Noel?” Officer Johnson takes a step forward. I nod sharply “yes. I do not want to stay at my Aunt and Uncle’s anymore. I have no where else to go and I know I can not leave the town lines.” Officer Johnson nods

And for a brief moment I thought I had somewhere to stay. “Miss Noel, you can not stay here.” Officer David speaks up while walking toward me “We can escort you home, but that is all we can do.” He motions toward the cars on the far side of the parking lot, I want to complain, I want to fight. But all my energy drains from me and puddles on the asphalt below my shoes. It’s almost a miracle that I remained standing, however I guess I went pale as Officer Johnson laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. I let him guide me forward, taking each step at a time carefully. We reach the desired car in a few steps and I let my body guide me threw the steps. Settled inside, buckled, I let myself mold into the soft fabric of the backseat. Resting my head on the cold plastic on the door below the window, letting my mind go blank. Fatigue to run rampant.

The ride was short and silent. Even the radio was off. It wasn’t until Officer Johnson pulled up into my driveway, headlights running over my aunt’s worried figure, as he parked momentary behind the family’s beat-up car, and incidentally the same one Uncle Walter drove me home in the day we first met. I don’t meet her harsh and worried look as Aunt Janet runs to the car. Officer David stopping her before she reaches my door. I don’t attempt to exit as they talk for a few minutes, watching the three – then four. As my Uncle exits, of them talk. I knew I was in trouble for leaving again, but I didn’t want to be here. At least at the station I was rightly treated like the criminal I am, you know right to my face. My Aunt hides it, acts like she’s on my side. But it’s a lie. Everything is a goddamn lie.

Officer Johnson is the one who opens my door, holding it open expectantly. Sighing I oblige. Taking my sweet time – unbuckling my seat beat and swinging my legs out the door before standing. By the time I stand in front of the two only family members I know in this world. Aunt Janet has her arms crossed again, glaring at me. I’m half tempted to glair back, she lied to my face about caring about me. If they really wanted me to be bad, then I will give it to them. No more nice miss Hilary. Time to bring back tough Sunshine. Sensing the tension, Officer Johnson clears his throat “Well if everything is in order Officer David and I will be heading out… Have a good night.” I watch Uncle Walter tip his head as he says he goodbye, taking a step toward the door. Opening it and motioning for me to enter, all my energy zapped, I just absently wave in the Officers direction before heading in to my doom. Aunt Janet on my heels. No sooner does the door close, and my Uncle watches the Officers leave. Do I get my punishment for leaving…. Again.

“Hilary Nicole Noel, I believe we need to talk about your recent….” I look over toward my aunt standing to my left, her arms crossed and frown apparent. Now I find the energy to strike back “I believe we have nothing to talk about…” Daring to take another step closer to her, I can feel my cheeks burn as I let my irritation and resentment fill me. It works, Aunt Janet uncrosses her arms and takes a step back. It should be the end of the conversation but, they wanted Sunshine. Not sweet, nice Niece Hilary. “And I appreciate you called me by my name – Sunshine.” I look back over my shoulder at Uncle Walter, who is glaring at me, but not stepping in as I assert myself. I could almost see respect in his eyes, but only for a second before hatred covers it. Almost like the way clouds cover the sun on partially cloudy days. Not that I really care what he thinks about me anymore. Turning my head back toward my aunt, who is frowning deeply at me. It’s not a good look for her, brings out her wrinkles, “I will call you by the name your MOTHER and FATHER gave you on the day of your birth. NOT…” She takes a step toward me, hoping to scare me. It does not, not even as she pokes me sharply with her pointer finger. Dropping her voice and head to my level “what some orphanage women gave you when you arrived.” That pissed me off. Miss Hager’s school for underprivileged girls, is my home. It’s the first place that I felt safe at, had made friends at and grew up at.

How dare she downgrade my home. Screw her. Filling the small gap between my Aunt and me, I make sure my voice positively drips with hatred “You mean the two adults who LEFT ME? The two adults who ABANDON ME? My MOTHER died giving birth to me, but my FATHER – KILLED HIMSELF. He CHOOSE TO ABANDON HIS ONLY CHILD. ME. So don’t you DARE downgrade the ONLY place I have EVER felt was a HOME. Miss Hager, in her own way LOVED each and every girl in that, as you called it “SOME ORPHANAGE. And I didn’t see YOU raising YOUR hand when I was a newly born without PARENTS, so DO NOT EVER call my home SOME ORPHANAGE again.” I let a silence fill before I turn sharply on my heel and run up to my room. Taking mental pictures of my Aunt and Uncle’s faces. Reaching my room, I slam my door and lock it before landing face first into my bed. Crying before my head hits my pillow.

Somehow I had managed to fall asleep. Not dream, just an empty black sleep that made me toss and turn the whole night. I felt the warm sun on my eyelids before I even opened my brown eyes to check the digital clock on my wooden bedside table. It had to still be early, aunt Janet hadn’t knocked to announce breakfast or that it was time to go. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I wanted to lay in bed and pretend everything was still great. Pretend I was still in the church or even still with my aunt and uncle before all this happened.

But who am I kidding. Sunshine doesn’t get to pretend. Deeply sighing i force my arms to move underneath me and push my upper body up. Keeping my eyes close I pull my legs forward underneath me and sit on them. Stretch my arms in front of me till I touch the wall and roll my shoulders while interlocking my hands and cracking my knuckles. Still keeping my eyes closed I shift my weight and sit with my legs in front of me, stretching the muscles in my legs while twirling my feet left and right. There are a few pops and cracks before I stop, now I open my eyes to my bedroom wall.

Letting myself stare for a few minutes before I begins to move off my bed. Once my feet touch the floor, I roll my head in mini circles. Fully standing I walk over to my closet, opening the door and glancing at the varied selection of clothing items. Nothing appealed to me, the women who wanted these doesn’t exist anymore. Pushing them aside to the far right, I smile at the reaming clothes. My old church dressed and the few thread bare clothes from Francis and Maria. Pulling out a deep blood red dress, i drape it over my desk chair before removing yesterday’s clothes.

There was a small part of me that was worried it wouldn’t fit. Like I had sheaded that skin years ago… Holding it up to my frame I lightly kick my left closet door closed with my foot. Keeping my eyes trained on the floor before allowing myself to take in the complete image. Holding the curled hook in my mouth I pull the rough but soft fabric around myself. From that alone it looked like it still fit, but just because it looks good on the hanger doesn’t mean it’ll look good or STILL look good on me. Watching my reflection for a few more minutes I decide if this is really even worth it. Before maneuvering the neckline of the dress off the hanger, before pulling the bottom of the dress over my head and over my body.

Adjusting it, I let it sit on my body before buttoning the back. Staring at my reflection, I absentmindedly pull and stretch certain parts of the dress. Mostly around the middle. Not that I needed to, it fit just as well as it did when I first put it on at the church. ‘I hadn’t change… or at least gained any significant amount of weight.’ I had stopped pulling at the fabric and spun on my left heel to watch the bottom fan out around me. This brings a smile to my face, on days where the ground was warm and the sun was shining, when Sister Elizabeth and Mary had finished their respective chores we would dance around the courtyard in our bare feet. Most of the other Sisters would join us and we end up spending all day outside in the sunshine.

I end my spin facing myself, a bright and cheerful smile on my face and my arms held out beside me palms open toward the sky. Lost in my memory I had forgotten where I was, the happy girl in front of me was like a portal to the me years ago. Pulling myself back to the present, I drop my arms to my sides my hand bunched into fists. As I frown ‘that girl is in the past sunshine. You have to live in the present now.’ Staring hard at my reflection, I spin on my heel again facing away from the mirror. Now walking toward my vanity. Sitting on the small stool in front of it, I pull open the second drawer down to my left. Looting threw it before producing a small plastic zip-lock baggie full of different thickness and colored ribbons. One matching every color dress I still own. Opening and fishing threw the bag, I pull out my desired color. Placing one end between my pressed lips before roughly pulling my hands threw my slightly knotted hair. Braiding it quickly, I use one hand to hold the ends before tying it off with the ribbon.

Looking over myself one more time, I stand and once again make my way over to my bed. I didn’t want to see my ‘family’ any sooner than I had to, so I sit on my bed. My legs crossed at the knees as I wait for the faithful knock, they did not disappoint.

It wasn’t more than five minutes later that my aunt knocked. “Hilary get up, it’s time for breakfast!” Taking a few minutes longer then it would have originally, I unlock and open my door to the empty hallway. I really didn’t expect her to wait, but there still was a soft pang of disappointment. Just as I step out of my room and close my door, my aunt and uncle door opens reviling my uncle. Nodding politely I take the short track to the stairs, taking one step before I feel a hand stop me. My uncle, managed to close the distance and lay a hand on me. Looking up i give him a questioning look “What?” However instead of an answer it get dragged up the stairs, his hand now encapsulating my upper arm leaving bruises. Grunting he tosses me toward the wall gesturing at my dress. “What?” I cross my arms over my chest “It’s a dress. Something I use to wear all the time? Do you have a problem with it?” There’s a small stare down before he says “Yes there is a problem. You don’t wear that in this house...” He closes the gap between us in a few short steps, lowering his voice “Killer.”

Uncrossing my arms I smirk “Says who?” Leaning forward in intimidation that didn’t work, instead of a comeback I get slapped hard in the face leaving a decent red hand print on my right cheek. Placing my right hand on the wall to keep from falling I gather myself, keeping the tears in check I face him again. “Slapping me will NOT get me to change faster.” Crossing my arms again I push past him and begin my trek downstairs. To my surprise he allows me to go with no disruption.

The morning goes off without a hitch, meaning that aunt and uncle still glair at me from their seats while I eat my cereal in silence. Thinking about how they were going to explain the red hand print on my cheek to the police later today. ‘It should make today interesting…’ In the silence I hear Aunt Janet clear her throat, gaining Uncle Walter’s and my attention. She looks at me first “So Hilary…” “Sunshine.” I lay my spoon on my napkin to the left of my bowl of half eaten breakfast. This gains a glare as she clears her throat again, her eyes narrowing slightly “Hila…” Now I smile, pushing my bowl away from me and placing my folded hands in front of me “My name is Sunshine, Not Hilary.” An eye roll “I will call you what your PARENTS named you, NOT your given name by a ‘girl’s home’.” Giving her a look of ‘really’ I let a soft smile fill my features as I say in a soft voice “My parents were dead before they could name me. What you are calling me is a name they wished to name me if they had lived that long. The name I was given at Miss Hagerd’s home for underprivileged girls, was the name written on my birth certificate. And if you don’t believe me you can call the hospital and the home to prove it. I’m sure they still have records from my birth and placement into the home as well as my adoption out of it.”

This shuts them up, giving me wide stares as I push my chair back and pick up my bowl of breakfast. Walking to the kitchen and leaving them in the dining room silent. There was no point in matching her voice when she began yelling at me, to prove a point it was better to be quite and stun them with the facts. Bracing myself against the sink, I take a few deep breathes to calm myself. Just because I was calm on the outside does not mean I was calm on the inside. My moment gone when my uncle and aunt enter the room, her hands are on her hips still glaring at me. While Uncle Walter frowns his hands balled into fists “how dare you talk to your aunt in that voice. We are your only family alive and you will treat us with respect because it’s US who saved you from the hell hole you use to live in.” This again pisses me off, standing straight I cross my arms over my chest standing my ground “Fuck you. You know absolutely nothing about my life before this…” I raise my hands in air quotes “Hell Hole” Dropping my arms at my sides “The place I LEFT was amazing! I wish I still lived there because it was perfect compared to this.”

There is a silence in the room again, slightly panting I turn my back on them. My mistake. Closing the distance I feel a hand on the back of my head forcefully slamming my head into the off-brand granite counter. My vision blacks out as I crumple to the floor when tossed with a grunt. I was half conscious, with my right cheek flat against the aluminum floor. I couldn’t move, my head pounded and I wanted to vomit the small amount of cereal I had eaten. It even hurt to blink. I barely hear their conversion as they continually watched me suffer on the floor, my vision fading in and out as I see my aunt point at the sticky warm substance matting my falling out braided hair. I couldn’t place it.

They stared at me for a few more minutes, which felt like hours to me, before they helped me to my feet and half walked half dragged me into the downstairs bathroom. Placing me roughly half up on the wall in front of the sink, grabbing a few wash rags from beneath and wetting them. Aunt Janet was the one who knelt down in front of me, Uncle Walter hands her a small ceramic white bowl from the bookcase behind the toilet half filled with water. She thanks him with a nod before patting the cold washcloth on my head, I was regaining some feeling. I had to fight to keep my face blank as I fight the growing headache near my cut. In health I remember reading that head wounds bleed more than most cuts anywhere else. Which explains why the sticky substance size freaked me out…

“See what happens when you mouth off?” Her words or voice isn’t soft as she forcefully pulls my face toward her. I keep my eyes trained ahead of me, never focusing on her face. This isn’t a good idea as she drops the washcloth into the bowl of red tinted water before placing her hand over my face. I try not to think as I slowly close my eyes, I’m in too much pain to register fighting. Before I have time to prepare my head is slammed backwards into the wall behind me with a sickening thud again. I grunt before I can stop myself, tears falling from my eyes and wetting my cheeks and Aunt Janet’s hand. I can’t see her reaction, but if I had to guess she was smiling. Removing her hand I force myself to focus on her face, I wasn’t wrong – she was smiling.

I force myself to look at my aunt’s face, tears still streaming down my face. I couldn’t stop them if I tried. I wanted her to see. Painful memories flashing before my eyes, as I keep my eyes trained on hers. All I wanted was peace, to in some way shape or form to just live in peace. Without fear of being hurt, without worrying where my next meal would come from, to believe that the people I was living with would be there when I woke up – healthy and safe. I close my eyes briefly, not caring if she hurt me more. In a way I believed I deserved it. I wanted it over. Her hand removed from my face, I hear the water in bowl slosh as she lifts the wash rag out and rings it. I don’t open my eyes as I feel the wash rag on my face again. It’s not gentle by any means, but at least I’m not being hurt anymore…

Short of the pain the cut itself gives.

There aren’t any more comments or conversations, in the time Aunt Janet and I spent in the bathroom. I didn’t get in trouble for keeping my eyes closed, my breath steady as I could keep it with my headache and cut pain. I don’t know exactly how long we spend in the bathroom, or how long it took to clean me up. But It felt like hours before I hear Aunt Janet stand, walking over to the sink and dumping the reddish water in the small bowl. Washing her hands before ringing the washcloth out and running it under the stream of water from the fosset. Waiting until I sure she’s still facing the sink do I open my eyes. The light above the sink is harsh when I first open them, making me close them temporarily before trying again. The second time around I can open them fully. I want to sit up more, but at the same time I don’t want Aunt Janet to notice.

While at the same time I had a feeling that It would hurt to move. While debating I hear Aunt Janet mumble “Little baby girl. Sweet little baby girl.” Shaking her head softly, making her loose hair swing slightly. I look up at the back of her head, trembling slightly, I did know what those words meant. ‘Do they mean she’s pitying me? Do they lead to her hurting me more? Do they mean she’ll leave me alone? Does it mean she regrets taking me in? Does she regret having me be her niece? Does she hate me? Is she curing my parents for leaving me? For forcing them to take me in? Does she feel guilty for not taking me in as an infant?’ There was sooo many things that ‘little baby girl, sweet little baby girl’ could mean, and I thought of all of them.

Missing my Aunt turn and lean the small of her back on the edge of the sink in front of me, watching me, her arms crossed in front of her. Before crouching down in front of me, the clicking of her knees snapping me out of my tangled web of thoughts. My eyes immediately snap to hers, watching her smile softly reminding me of the time when everything was okay – Happy. Gently reaching out she tucks a few strand of my matted, red tinged blonde hair, behind my left ear. I can’t stop the shiver that runs up my spine, I want to move away but my body won’t move. “Sweet little baby girl, you have no idea.” She gently touches my cheek before standing and walking through the still open bathroom door.

~~I sat there for a few minutes just absorbing what had just happened. What had snapped in my aunt’s head for her to go from slamming my head into the wall behind me to being sweet and saying seemingly cryptic things? I knew something was up, but I was afraid to find out what… ‘It could be sooo many things. Like she thought all of this was pointless, maybe that she should have just left me at the bus station. So I could be someone else’s problem.’ Shaking my head slightly to clear my thoughts only makes my head pound harder, but that in itself gives me something else to deal with instead of my never-ending questions...

I debate standing, knowing it will only hurt me more. Looking around the tiny downstairs bathroom for an easy way help me, I shift my weight and scoot to the toilet. Bracing myself against the closed lid, I force myself to sit on my legs. This make my head pound more as well as making my stumpic drop.  Resting my head on the lid, I let my eyes close for a brief second to settle my stumpic. ‘Sunshine you can’t sit here forever. What if they come back? And your legs are falling asleep…’ Shifting again, I slowly open my eyes again before trying to stand. I come close, managing to push up enough to sit on the lid. Again I let my eyes drift closed, waiting again for my breakfast to settle before trying to stand fully. I didn’t really want to see my reflection, but I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

It take what feels like an hour before I attempt to stand fully. I knew nothing was broken, I should have been able to stand no problem. However my breakfast liked jumping from my stumpic, where it belonged, to my throat. Where it didn’t. Fully on my feet, I have to grip the corner edge of the sink to not fall back on the floor. It takes a few minutes before everything settles and I open my eyes again, slowly due to the overly bright lights above the sink. I didn’t really want to look at my reflection. Knowing that my hair would be a mess, knowing that I’d have red streaks over my face and mostly blood spotted on my dress. ‘Isn’t it lucky you decided on my blood red dress today…’ The little voice in my head chirped, it was the first funny thing I had thought of since this whole ‘fest’ started. I couldn’t help but smile at my reflection briefly, startling myself almost immediately.

It had changed.

Not that I hadn’t figured it wouldn’t. Most of my personality had when I became Sunshine again, well not ‘became.’ Decided to re-embrace my original identity. My one and only identity: Sunshine. However this wasn’t the smile of Sunshine, It was almost darker, harsher, depressing. Almost like, no, exactly like I had given up. This isn’t me, Sunshine doesn’t give up. She’s been through too much to give up. What would Daniel, Maddie, Mr. and Mrs. Price, Miss Hagrad, Alyssa, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth think?! I shake my head roughly. Tears rising and slipping past my tightly closed eyelids. I hated thinking about everyone.

Pushing myself away from the mirror and my thoughts, I ignore the slight dizziness while walking out of the still open bathroom door. I wasn’t sure where exactly I was going, I just let my body move. Taking me wherever. I ended up at the front door, stopping briefly in front of it not thinking as my right hand lifts to the handle. I’m stopped by my uncle slapping my hand down.

My face not changing, I look up at him. Since forcing myself clear, I feel almost weightless, and I guess my face showed as much. His weathered face scrunches as he roughly slaps me. I’m almost shocked as the pain doesn’t register, however the sound does. Like a siren in the quiet hallway, drawing my aunt into the room. Fixing her makeup and adjusting her trench coat. She smiles lightly at me before, maneuvering between Walter and I and out the front door. Keys visible in her right hand.

Somehow this draws Uncle Walter’s attention from glaring at me, to my aunt’s disappearing figure as she enters the cars drivers’ side. Walking past me and out the front door, grunting something I didn’t understand… nor did I want to. It takes a few minutes for my numbed body to walk out the front door, closing and locking it behind me. Before walking to the car, part of me wonders what the officers are going to think about my slightly bloodied appearance. But it doesn’t take long after I’ve settled into the warn and slightly warmed fabric of the backseat for my mind to once again become blank.

I miss the drive to the station in my mindless glaze out my window. As well as the short walk into the station and our walk back into the gray brick room. Only nudged ‘awake’ by my aunt’s hand on my shoulder. “So Miss Noel.” Officer Johnson settles in his seat, placing the small notepad in front of him with his trusted blue pen and a small cup of what I assume is coffee. I give him a small nod waiting for him to ask me to continue. The story really isn’t much longer, I’ll tell them how horrific it was to be pregnant while living in that hellhole. How they used Madelyn against me…. “So you left off with you…” Officer Johnson flips back a few pages, finding his page and looking back at me sadly “You were crying on the floor?”

Fighting to keep my eyes on them, I nod. “Yes, Maria had mentioned that they had been in contact with John, that he could be called again. I don’t remember much after I was on the floor, I think Francis tried to cheer me up.” My hands folded tightly in my lap shake slightly, John joining the picture only made things worse. Everything that was going in a downward spiral, only speed up when he entered the ‘family.’ A bitter taste enters my mouth and I can’t help but make a face, catching Officer David’s attention “Is everything okay Miss Noel?”

Everyone’s attention on me, I force my face to clear and for my head to move up and down “Yeah, I’m fine. I… I just thought of a….” I look around the room before I train my eyes on the single grey brick between Officer Johnson and Officer David’s heads. “Memory.” Keeping my head straight I see them nod, Officer taking a sip of his drink before settling again to write more of my life down. Taking the hint, I let out a small sigh “I know I stayed in a ball through the night. After Francis tried to cheer me up, I was left alone. I remember thinking about nothing but John and Gloria. How is didn’t want Madelyn to re-live that life. How if it wasn’t for John, that she would have a normal…” My voice cracks slightly as a vision of Maddie’s mom fills my vision. One second I was in the tiny room filled with people, next I’m back in that room. Madelyn’s mother’s body in the corner – rotting.

I know I’m crying before anyone says anything. My vision fades back to the crowed room with the noise of a tissue being removed from its cardboard box, along with its gentle wave in front of my face. Clearing my throat, I take it and wipe my eyes and blow my nose. Holding it in a ball in my palm of my left hand. “Eventually I force myself to stop crying. Convening myself that crying wasn’t going to help Maddie. By the time I moved from the floor, I had gathered it was around 10 in the morning. When I do manage to stand, I got startled by the doorbell.” Taking my eyes off the brick, I look equally into each Officers eyes before looking back at the brick “Because we ran a hotel, I was uncommon for a guest to use the doorbell. But this wasn’t a guest. It was John.” The scratching stops for a split second before continuing. I couldn’t guess if Officer Johnson was surprised or had taken a break because his hand hurt.

Regardless I continued “I remember being stunned. It was only last night that they had even mention John. Why would she even threaten me with calling him, if she hadn’t already? I couldn’t move, just staring at the door as John rings it again before looking through the small glass window beside the door. He motions to the door, but I don’t move. It isn’t until Francis enters the room and pushes me toward the door that John enters the house. They exchange pleasantries while I stare at the floor, as much as I wanted to be absorbed into the floor, it’s a few minutes before John greets me. Calling me Sunshine. I don’t look up and there’s a moment of silence before Francis steers him toward the back. I know he whispers something to John that makes him laugh, I remember I couldn’t help but shivering when I heard it.” Wrapping my arms around myself “It brought up a lot of bad memories…. I was hoping that they would ignore me and just go to the living room. But Francis grabs my wrist before I could move away.” Dropping my arms “ I remember Maria’s look when John first enters the room, all wicked fake smiles. I remember thinking that John wasn’t here for me, he was here for Madelyn.” I let a small silence fill the room, hear the soft breathings of the people – the adults around me.

Deep breathe in, hold, and breathe out. “I looked around the room trying to find Madelyn. I find her hiding  behind the corner of the couch, I give her a soft smile that I hope gives her at least some comfort. I don’t know if Francis caught us or not, but I remember he grumble beside me before dropping my wrist.” Again I let silence fill the room momentary, watching and listening to the pen scratch the notepad as the officer in front of me writes my every word. All the adults in the room, look up and stare at me. I can’t and won’t read their faces, it’s like their puppets, and I’m the puppet master. Caught up in my every word, like some twisted interest. Clearing my throat I begin again “Francis stays by my side, even as I sit down. There was light chatting before Maria lays down what she calls ‘Ground rules’….” Bile rose to the back of my throat and I try to keep it for choking me, tears swell behind my eyes, memory clouding my vision. Quickly I pull a tissue from my pocket to wipe the water a way and try to swallow the bile back to where is belonged. Deep breathe in, Hold, and breathe out. “They called what happened between Francis and I - an incident. I remember fighting it, and Francis trying to calm me down by saying it was a onetime thing. That he was married. He was just, in his words, ‘scratching an itch’.”

Deep breathe in, Hold, and breathe out. My head starts to pound, keeping my face blank I force my voice out again. “I know I said something sarcastic back before I got up and walked to Madelyn. We walked to my room and she asked about the incident.. I remember thinking how could I possibly explain it to her without scaring her more. But Maria calls us back down before I could begin, I picked up Madelyn to give her some comfort before we walked back downstairs and back into the living room. Once seated John seemingly wastes no time asking where he would be sleeping – across the hall from my room. While Madelyn would be sleeping in the same room as Maria and Francis. I remember I got upset and held Madelyn closer to me, saying ‘over my dead body’. To which Maria claims Madelyn as hers again.”

“My reply causes a fight that John tries to break claiming we all should get some sleep. Maria and Francis agree with John’s suggestion and another fight breaks out just by them trying to take Madelyn from my arms.” I take another deep breathe in, hold it for as long as I can, before letting it go again. Tears rise again, and I debate myself to just let them fall. ‘Really what would be the harm? There not fake. This really was/is a hard topic and situation for me.’ Still tightly gripping my tissue I wipe my eyes again, crying won’t make things easier. “I don’t really remember much after Francis and Maria took Madelyn upstairs. I know I was crying and that John was watching me.”

“I think its time for a small break” My lawyer stands, his arms crossed as he makes his way toward the door leading out of the cold interrogation room. There’s a moment of silence as we all stare at him, Officers Johnson and David unglue first. Both standing and gathering their belongings, Officer Johnson looks at his watch for a split second before looking up at Aunt and Uncle “Why don’t we stop for lunch. We’ll meet again at… Two?” I don’t have to turn my head to see my Uncle nod. Aunt Janet and Uncle Walter following the lawyer’s actions, gathering themselves before stepping toward the door.  I don’t know why I haven’t moved, I guess part of it is because I didn’t want to be alone again with my family. Maybe because I was still lost in my memories, how everything got more messed up with John back in Maddie and my lives. How not to long after Daniel enters, than my baby….

But like a good little robot, something I feel like I’m slowly becoming – again. I stand and walk with my Aunt and Uncle out of the police station and into the family car. We get lunch at some fast food restaurant, which we end up eating in the police station parking lot. Or my Uncle and Aunt eat, I wasn’t really all that hungry…. Still lost in my mind. I don’t remember how long we stayed in the car, nor the walk back into the station and back into the small cold room. My back hitting the cool medal of the back of the chair brought be back to reality, my… cruel reality.

Each of us taking our place around the table, Officer Johnson begins, opening his notebook again and clicking his pen. Reading over he notes quickly before looking back up at me “So Miss Noel are you ready to begin again?” I force myself to nod, clearing my throat a little “It was torture to see John again. To watch Madelyn be terrified of all the adults around her and not be able to help. I was slowly losing myself, becoming a robot in a sense. At this time I was really starting to show the effects of Francis and My ‘Incident.’ Something I remember Maria trying to keep track of. She would control my meals, I would always get a bigger portions then everyone. Not that it really mattered, it seemed like no matter how little or much I would eat it would come back up.” My eyes drop to the table and my distorted reflection “I wish i would have had someone to tell me what was going on, growing up where I did. Living the life I did, no one really had a chance to explain. To give me…” My voice creaks and I let the tears slip. Talking about Leroy hurt, I wasn’t able to give him the life I didn’t have. Watch Madelyn help take care of him, like what I assume older sisters do for younger siblings.

Wiping my face quickly with the back of my hand, I keep my eyes trained on the table. Part of me wanted them to get it without me actually saying I was pregnant, to say that Francis rape cause me to give birth to a still-born baby boy. “Are you saying that…” Aunt Janet’s voice is soft, I want to nod but with her question it means I’m going to have to say it. “Yes, I had gotten pregnant. I wish someone had explained things like that to me earlier, but that wasn’t the case. Part of me knew something was wrong, Maria was being too attentive to me.” I lift my eyes from the table and stare blankly at the gray brick in-between Officer Johnson and David’s heads. “I had guess whatever it was would give them more control over me…. I was right… To a degree. Next to Maria, I remember John also got a lot more attached to me. After the conversation in the living room, Francis had basically given John free game. Like hanging a piece of meat in front of a starving dog.”

I let a minute of silence fill before I start talking again, it seems like almost everyone was caught on the fact I had gotten pregnant. “Between John’s attention and Francis and Maria practically dangling Madelyn in my face, it would be safe to say I as stressed. It wasn’t long after everything happened that the days began to blur together. It wasn’t long before things change, like Madelyn’s fifth birthday and new guest. It Kind of felt like we were putting on a play, like it wasn’t enough to have it just between the people living in the house.” I let the slight anger fill me before I begin again, I had already made up my mind keeping Daniel and the sisters out of my story. There’s no reason to drag them down with me.

“You thought the new guest as… people watching a play?” Officer David raises an eyebrow while looking me over. I nod keeping my face clear, in reality that’s how I felt. But mostly just in the first week Daniel and his parents spent at the Inn, before Daniel and I got close… “Yes, that how I felt. When they arrived, it seemed like the adults torturing Madelyn and me softened when the guest were around.” I pull my legs up onto my chair, crossing them as I settle more into my chair again. “Not saying that they didn’t mess with us, it was just almost under the table and behind closed doors.”

“I know I talked to the guests only a few times, when they checked in and out as well as a few times during their stay.” Looking back down at the table “Through my own preservation I remember I wore bigger clothes to hide my growing middle. Everything was basically normal, or as normal as we could make it… I guess the only good thing about having guest was that Francis and Maria’s attention had to be split three ways, and attending our guest seemed to be more important than messing with Madelyn and I. However it gave John a lot of opportunities to use me for whatever he wanted…. And he used them...”

I knew I was repeating myself, thinking back it was hard to not talk about Daniel’s impact on my life while he was in the Inn. How was I going to explain my actions? Lost in my thoughts I Miss Officer Johnson put down his pen and fold his hands in front of him. Everyone was looking at me, staring at me. It’s the feeling of boring eyes that brings me back from my thoughts, looking around the room of adults. It’s Officer David who breaks the silence that had settled around the room “Miss Noel, You say the…” He flips through the Mila folder containing my life like it was typical paperwork. “The guests, the Marlands, were only guest. But we talked to them – Mr and Mrs Marland say you seduced their son. Mrs. Marland says it was the reason they left when they did. But not too long after, he ran away…” Officer David looks up at me, gaging my reaction “Supposedly to you. Is this right? Is there something your holding from us?”

My breathe catches in my throat. I should have known Mary would give me up… She didn’t like the maid from an Inn to flirt with her son. Like I spoiled him. I can’t meet Officer David’s eye, I wasn’t going to sell Daniel out. Biting my tongue, I shake my head. “No. Mr. Marland, Daniel, I only had a few interactions with him. He was the only male who didn’t look at me like an insect, piece of meat or whatever in between.” Looking up I allow my voice to crack then drop “We did get close, but after his parents left I didn’t see him again.” 

“Do you know where Mr. Marland could be now?” Officer Johnson unfolds his hands. Again I shake my head. This time I wasn’t lying, after he left the church I haven’t seen him. I assume he would go back to his parents, or find another way to his life. “No, I don’t know.” I watch their reactions, Officer Johnson looks like he believes me but Officer David doesn’t. Keeping eye contact I try to be convincing. Officer David’s eyes drop as Officer Johnson flips to a empty page, If I had to guess, well not really guess I knew my undocumented life would take up at least two maybe three spirals.

Clearing his throat Officer Johnson hovers his pen “Okay Miss Noel... Please continue.”  ‘So much for keeping Daniel out of the Frey…’ The voice murmurs as I try to regain my place, each time I opened my mouth I was getting another step closer to my nightmare. The blurry edges of what happened making me dizzy every time I tried too hard to think about it. “Like I said, life with the Marland’s around became almost like a game. Francis and John almost took pleasure in seeing how far they could get without the Marlands knowing. Even Maria seemed to take interest in how much she could dangle Madelyn in my face, knowing I couldn’t fight back.”

“Things stayed like that for a while, a delicate dance between all of us. But that all changed when the Marlands left the Inn… it was almost like Maria and Francis knew I was the reason they left…” Taking a deep breath I focus my attention on the single gray brick between the Officers heads. “That’s when things started to go wrong, or more wrong.” Officer Johnson looks up at me from his pad, there is slight concern in his eyes “please continue Miss Noel” I feel a deep pain in the center of my chest, my vision blurs slightly as tears fill my eyes again. I take another deep breathe…. If I were religious I would have prayed, but then I mostly still be at the church. Not in this slightly chilly interrogation room.

‘Come on Sunshine. Out with it! This is the final nail to prove your innocent!!’ Taking another shaky breathe I force myself to recall what I can, if nothing else to end this. “While cleaning the Marlands room, I hear Madelyn scream. It was bloodcurdling…” wrapping my arms around myself, I try to calm my shaking “I remember dropping everything and running toward the sound. All I could think about was if she was okay or not… I knew the adults left in the house were anything but nice, they wanted to hurt me. And knew Madelyn was one of the way to.”

“I remember trying to keep my thoughts from going to the worst places, I kept trying to rationalize – maybe Madelyn had seen a spider, maybe she was laughing… I was wrong.” I can’t stop the shiver that runs down my spine “when I entered the Living room, I saw why Madelyn had screamed. Francis and John had her on her back, John had slapped her hard enough to leave a bruise on her check while Francis held her down. I remember not thinking as I jumped on John’s back, trying to keep him away from her.” Pulling my legs closer to my chest I fight the tears “John and I wrestle until Maria holds a knife to Madelyn’s throat. I remember pleading for her life, trying to find a way to let her escape. I was the one who dragged her into this life, I wanted her to live. While John and Francis hold Madelyn down, Maria tortures her in front of me. It’s everything I can do to keep seated, I knew if I had a wrong move they’d kill her.”

My voice sounds hollow and empty in my ears, disembodied. I’ve buried my chin in my knees without realizing it. I was slowly curling into a ball “This is where Maria explains that I was pregnant. The information made my head spin, at the time I had a limited education on such things… I was adopted out before Miss Hagard could explain… I know John and Francis made fun of my limited education on the subject. Somewhere in the fray, the adults had agreed that it would be better to kill Madelyn so she wouldn’t be a distraction.” “I knew I had to think quickly, I tried to reason, saying I could still work and deliver with Madelyn alive…. They didn’t believe me.”

The room was deadly quiet, spare Officer’s Johnson’s pen scratching. But even they seemed more quiet than normal. Everyone knew this was the big scene. The whole reason we all collected in the tiny, cold, gray interrogation room. I take another deep breathe, my entire body wanted to collapse. “Maria tried to make it sound like killing Madelyn would be as innocent as spring cleaning. That Madelyn was as valuable  as some old belongings. That’s where I tried to fight, I had to do SOMETHING. I remember jumping up and trying to stand my ground. Trying to think of a plan that could get both of us out and safe…” “I… It…” My voice cracks as I feel all the air leave my lungs… “I.. I knew I had lost. That’s when Maria cut Madelyn’s throat. And I blacked out.” 

I bury my head in my knees and sob. It’s all I can do, the ache in my chest feels exactly like it did when she died. The room is still silent, spare my sobs and gasps for air. Officer Johnson’s pen stops scribbling as soon as I say Madelyn died, to them I killed her. Not the older women they found on top of Madelyn’s body. I don’t know how long I sat their sobbing, I don’t know how long the adults around me sat their watching and hearing me sob. I do know it wasn’t until I had no more tears left in my body, it wasn’t until I had lost all feeling. As much as I hated feeling numb, I hated the pain more.

It’s my lawyer who speaks first, not that I heard. “I think it’s time for us to call it enough for today” I hear his chair scrape the floor as he stands and exits. I’m to numb to feel my aunt’s hand on my shoulder as I’m carefully lifted from my chair. Somehow I ended up back in my room, my face half covered by my pillow. My blankets pulled up to my chin and a box of tissues on my end table. It had to be night, not even the moon could look at me. Pulling the covers completely over my head. I allow my nightmares to take over.

The next morning I wake up screaming Madelyn’s name.  My eyes franticly searching my room for her, any sign of her existence. The nightmare fading into oblivion as I start to remember where I am, the numb taking over the panic and pain. That’s when Aunt Janet runs in, she has a look of worry on her face I hadn’t seen in a while. Or at least before this all happened. When I was… Shaking my head, I push back my blankets and realize I’m still wearing yesterday’s clothes. I look up at her, giving her a fake smile that I’m okay before pushing her gently out. I lie saying I need to get dressed, when all I wanted was to be alone again. I mean it was what was going to happen, I told the police everything about my past I was willing to tell. Spare my baby.

There’s a momentary pain in my heart, that stops me cold. Wrapping my arms around my middle, I force myself to walk and breathe. It isn’t long before the numb returns, dressing quickly I tie my hair into a half effort ponytail. ‘Time to greet the masses’ the voice in my head sounds as numb as I feel, as I walk toward my bedroom door. Breakfast is silent, they won’t look me in the eye as they sip their coffee and play with their cereal. It’s like they feel guilty, ashamed. And maybe if I wasn’t numb I’d care.

It isn’t long before I’m back at the station, in the tiny room. Surrounded by adults who all look at me like I could break at any second, and who knows? I might. Officer Johnson opens his notebook and readies his trusty pen, the only thing that doesn’t look at me with pity. I don’t wait for his question, taking a deep breathe I push myself once again into the memory “It takes me a few minutes before I grain my sight, I knew I felt sticky, that the air had a weird scent to it. I remember not really feeling anything but pain, that’s when I regained my sight. What I saw still haunts me, I saw their bodies. All plied on top of one another, blood dripping from one combining with the one underneath and so on. And then I remember screaming.”

My hands folded on the table clenched slightly as I feel another sharp stab at my chest again. Another deep breathe it was gone “I don’t really know how long exactly I sat their screaming, but eventually I came back to my scenes. I remember looking down at my hands, seeing them all bloody and gooey, and just wanting to shower. I tried standing a few times before I actually accomplished it, walking to the bathroom and washing up. I remember being confused, there wasn’t a scratch on me…. That when I remembered…. I had killed them. I killed them for hurting the only light in my life. An innocent. Madelyn.” I feel tears escape, their travels tickle a little “That’s when I begin having contractions. My baby was coming.”

There’s a rusceling of papers, as I watch Officer David go over the crime scene report. If I had to guess there wasn’t anything related to birth in there. He gives me a confused look “Miss Noel their wasn’t anything signaling birth at the crime scene or in the surrounding area.” I nod “I know. I didn’t want my baby’s first sight be of the people who hurt me. I walked out of the house and down the street, to a church. That’s where I gave birth to a still born baby boy.” More tears and more pain. It lingered longer than the pervious, but the numb prevailed. “You gave birth?” Aunt Janet looks at me in shock, like it’s odd that her niece had a baby. I nod again “Yes. The nuns who helped me deliver buried it in their cemetery.”

Officer David bow his head slight “I’m sorry you lost your child” “It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with his passing.” And that was true, I send flowers every year on his birthday to celebrate as I pray that my parents are looking after him. “I spent the next few years drifting in and out of different homes and situations. Somehow I managed to save enough for a train ticket to where I am now…” Shrugging I unfold my hands. Looking each Officer in the eye, waiting for their verdict. It’s Officer David who delivers. Standing with a sigh he pulls his handcuffs from his belt “Hilary Noel you are under arrest for the murder of Francis and Maria Kaltie, John McHenry. I am sorry.” Shrugging I hold out my hands, to be honest I knew this was going to happen. I did admit I killed them, but at least they know the full story. My story. 

Things went fast after that, I didn’t really have a trial. I had openly admitted that I had murdered John, Francis and Maria. I spent a few night in a jail cell at the station before I was carted away to the actual prison. My sentence was one I expected but my family didn’t, I was given the death penalty. To be killed around my twenty fourth birthday. The tearful goodbye was as much as I could stand, I was still numb from explaining Maddie’s death and my conviction.

It took a while but eventually the numbness melted and I began to open up a little to the other women around me. I found it to be a lot like what I assume high school is like, lots of different groups of people giving you a look of distain. After a while, and my past, they were easy to encore. I eventually found a couple of women I got along with and made sort of friends. We had all done basically the same thing, killed the people/person who hurt us or the one we love(d). I, in a strange way, felt accepted again. I could act like Sunshine.

Our little group, and on un-regular visits from my aunt and uncle made the three years bearable. A year shy of my twenty fourth birthday I started writing letters to those who I would miss – people who had loved me, showed me kindness and in some way took care of me. In a way it kept me sane while nightmare made it impossible to sleep. Somehow with good behavior I managed to get an officer to allow me paper and a pen, I wasn’t really surprised when I didn’t have trouble finding the words.I  knew they deserved to know how I felt, to know that I was thankful and sorry. 

The day I turned Twenty Four was quiet if I had ever heard it. No one would look me in the eye, no matter what I did. I knew that in a few days I would finally meet my parents and my Leroy. I know I should have felt upset, I should show that I’m sad for dying at such young age. But in a way its – peaceful. My life had been one uphill battle after another, it seemed like no matter what I did I couldn’t catch my breath before I was tossed into another terrible situation. Now I can finally be at peace. Not have to worry about what’s hiding around the corner, because it’s my death. It’s the end of a lifetime of pain.

Per the law, I was held in my cell for the remaining days of my life. Officer Wilber, and middle aged woman with graying blonde hair and soft gray eyes, giving me my meals and a sympathetic smile. She knew that this wasn’t a sad thing for me, but I could tell she was still sad to say goodbye. Two days after my birthday, I was moved to a cell in the lower section in the prison. The less pleasant officers called it death row walking, a group of damp chilly cells that gave the feeling of being underground.

I spend my final day in a dark, damp cell the farthest from the room where I’d was going to die. The section was deadly quiet, it made me wonder if I was the only one down here. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing…

It was Officer Wilber and an unknown rookie looking guard who walked me to the room I started calling the death room. I was asleep when Wilber knocked on my door “Get up Sunshine…” she opens the door with the same sad look I’ve been getting since I turned twenty four. Standing I give one more glance around my so called ‘room’ before stepping into the sickly green light of the hallway. ‘Here we go...’ the voice in my head chimes sadly as I’m unnecessarily roughly handcuffed by the rookie. Even Wilber rolls her eyes, giving me an apologetic smile before I’m shoved toward my end. Like expected no one talks, all I hear is the obnoxious buzz of the lights above. Keeping my eyes trained on the floor I watch the rookie out of the corner of my eye yawn and roll his eyes. I’m not offended but really? Apparently my death is just another day for the guy who looks like he graduated high school – yesterday.

Rolling my eyes I force myself to look up, to watch as each step took me closer to the metal door that I wouldn’t exit from. I thought about everyone I had meet in my life, everyone who had been good or bad. It isn’t until I hear the loud beep of the metal door unlocking that I refocus, it’s time.

The room itself wasn’t bad, it was a little cold but no more different then the tempter in the hallway. It was filled with different medical equipment, it seemed like something you see from a cheesy hospital show. Only real and kind of noisy. It seemed like every three seconds there’d be a beep, I was left with the rookie by the door as Wilber talked to the young looking doctor by the two way window. It didn’t take long for the rookie to announce that he had other places to be and the Wilber and the doctor should stop their chatting.

“Yes Officer York, you are free to go. Vicky and I have things covered.” The young doctor walk toward me, while waving her hand at York. Who again rolls his eyes as he leaves. “Hello Miss Noel, my name is Nessa and I will be your doctor today.” Nessa looks me in the eye with a soft sympathic smile. I can tell this isn’t the favorite part of her job description. Motioning behind her she says “Can you please walk to the table and lie down. When Vicky is finished with your paperwork we will begin.” Giving a soft smile back I nod, walking toward the metal table and jumping up. It’s cold to the touch but I expected it, gritting my teeth slightly before laying down fully.

Laying down I’m forced to stare at the drop tile, slightly crumbling, off white ceiling. Hiding my shiver in shifting I take a look around the room, fully inside it looks smaller than it had before. The machines taking up most of the room to my left, leaving little room for a desk and a filling cabinet. To my right is an IV and a the two way mirror. Which I assume is for family, friends, officers and whoever to watch the criminal die. ‘Don’t be surprised if no one’s back there…’ I want the voice to stop, but it could be true. There are only a handful of people that could be back there and I dough if half of them are… To my surprise I feel a tear travel down my face. I wasn’t supposed to feel sad today, I was supposed to feel free.

“Alright sweetheart, here is where I saw goodbye.” Vicky touches my hand softly while handing a clipboard and pen Nessa. Wiping my face quickly I send a slight smile her way “Goodbye.” She stays for a few seconds before she nods in Nessa’s direction and heads toward the door. Once shut Nessa walks to right side, a disinfectant wipe in her hand. “Okay…” She sets the clipboard on the small table beside me “Do you want to be called Hilary or Sunshine?” “Sunshine please” I was surprised she asked, to most people short of Vicky and my other friends it’s been Miss Noel and Hilary. Nodding Nessa wipes the crook of my inner elbow “Okay, Sunshine. I’m going to disinfect your arm before I insert this needle” she holds up a long Needle connected to a bag of cloudy liquid attached to the IV stand.

Nodding I take a deep breathe and stare at my reflection in the two way window. Nessa hums softly as she pressing on my arm looking for a vain before sticking me “Okay Sunshine, I’m going to begin. Is there anything you want to say?” She gives a soft look, her hands on the table by my right arm. A lot of thoughts run threw my head, a lot of last words I’ve read in book and seen in movies. But this wasn’t either. “I.. I” Sighing I force my words out “I wanted to say… Say that regardless of how my life was I’d like to think I lived it well. That I made my parents proud.” Turning my head I face Nessa, not covering up the tears in my eyes “I’m ready.”

With a soft nod, I hear a few soft beeps and a gush. Nessa touches my arm before walking toward another machine. At first I feel nothing, the toxic mix of medicine hasn’t reached me. Then moments later the pain hits, feeling like its searing my skin and veins. Gritting my teeth, I feel more tears in my eyes. I won’t cry out, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to last long – and I wasn’t wrong. Just as soon as the pain starts a cooling wave washes over me. Almost like dipping into a pool after sitting in a hot tub.

This is where I began to feel sleepy. Turning my head toward my reflection again, I’m surprised to find I’m smiling. Relaxed. ‘Sweetheart, it’s time to let go.’ There’s a soft voice I could almost swear was Nessa calls in my head. Or at least I think it was in my head…. ‘She right honey, you been trying soo hard to survive. It’s okay to let go. You deserve it.’ A male voice pipes up, startling me. Before now all of my voice had been female. I wanted to believe them that I could let go. I feel tears travel down my face as I forget I’m staring at my reflection, not realizing my vision had been going in and out.

‘You’ve been sooo strong. We are so proud of the women you’ve become. How long you’ve survived, how much you’ve loved.’  The female voice rings again, if I had to place it, it sounds motherly. Loving. Accepting. I wanted to believe that it could be my mom… ‘My sweet baby girl, we love you so much. It’s okay to let go. It’s time…’ This time I believe her, whoever this voice is. This sweet, loving voice. My vision clears again and I spot myself smiling again, peacefully crying. I’m finally at peace as I close my eyes and take my final breath.

And in an instant I feel weightless, everything is black and all at once I know I’ve passed. I’m no longer Sunshine, Hilary or Hannah. As I start to feel empty, everything lights up and I see the people I’ve missed. My parents holding Madelyn and Leroy. Smiling as they embrace me, I’m finally home.

The End 

Hey guys, Kalley here.

Just wanted to take a moment and thank all of your who have read this to end. I hope you found it entertaining and at least like it a little. Thanks for reading!

Kalley