I was normal, for the most part. I had never really been all that much of a teenage girly girl, never was all that popular but I believed in quality over quantity anyway so it was fine. My parents were never all that great, never around, lots of neglect and abandonment issues, cliché I know.

 

     But after all, it’s trendy to have issues isn’t it? The whole depression ‘oh woe is me’ was a thing. All romanticized and … ‘cool’. Yeah, okay. All of this was normal, so regular and unexciting until- BAM. Something hits you in the stomach one time when you’re minding your own business in your room, trying to just quietly slip a razor across your skin.

 

     “Ow!” I gasped, holding my stomach with my un-bleeding arm. I dropped the sharp blade and it somehow disappeared from the floor. At first I was confused, then just tripped out like I had done WAY too many hits of some hallucinogen I have yet to experience. “What the fuck…”

     “I hate it when you do that…” A voice said quietly, muffled almost, like a hand was over his mouth. I sputtered a small squeak of a horrified scream and staggered back so quickly I hit my closet door with a loud thump. There was someone in my room!? My eyes dashed around the walls but I couldn’t see anyone.

     “Wh-who’s there?” I said with a pitiful whisper, too shaken to get much out. My parents were also sleeping and I’d hate to wake them out if I was just imagining shit again. There was a long pause, I’d hoped to at least understand where this stranger could possibly be hiding but my small room didn’t allow for such hiding places so I was at a loss for words and not sure where to move.

     “You can hear me?” the voice said. At this point I think I was about to have a heart attack, I could feel the blood pumping through my ears. I blinked hard a few times, mistrusting my vision; I was backed against my closet still, trying to remember to breathe. Whoever it was sounded like they were standing right in front of me with a wet cloth over their face.

     “Y-yes…?” I said as more of a question, “Who the hell are you? Come out. Like… right now.”  I tried to demand but I sounded like a scared six year old who was about to cry, hell I was about to cry.

     “I’m… standing right in front of you…” The voice was a male, not a man, just a kid, he couldn’t have been any older than me. Well, ‘young adult’ if you wanna be formal. Like me I guess.

 

     “You can’t be.” I looked straight ahead and squinted, my eyesight wasn’t THAT horrible- I mean it was pretty bad but I couldn’t see anyone in front of me. “If this is some joke it’s not funny. Come out.” I was getting angry now. The air around me seemed to waver, like there was movement but that didn’t make any sense. How could that be?

     “I am… you just can’t see me.” The voice said, almost sullen, very sad.

     “That’s stupid.” I scoffed. “Like a ghost?” I crossed my arms across my chest to keep my hands from shaking and to try and not hyperventilate.

     “Uh yeah…” this guy had to be kidding me.

     “Very funny. Come. Out. Now. or I’ll wake up my parents.” Cause that was threatening…

     “I. Can’t” he clipped his words indicating not anger but a whole lot of frustration.

     “Surprise, I’m still not laughing.”

    “I’m serious…”

     “Prove it.”

     “How?” He asked, I thought for a moment and then just laughed.

     “Levitate something.” And with that the razor I had previously dropped on the floor lifted up into the air, the one that had mysteriously disappeared moments before. My eyes widened, the scream got caught in my throat and then I passed out.

 

     When I woke up I was in bed, when I opened my eyes I glanced around my room. The sun streamed through my open window, which may have been normal, but I never opened my window… I got up and quickly went to shut it but something shiny caught my eye before I got the chance; the razor. I slammed the window closed and shut the blinds. This is stupid. So. Fucking. Stupid.

 

     I went downstairs and my parents had already disappeared to wherever they go when they aren’t home. I spent most of the day looking over my shoulder in fear some guy would pop up from behind me. It was just a dream… had to of been… but then how did the razor end up on the roof… ugh. Forget it.

 

      But you see, that’s what I couldn’t do. I was ingrained with this never ending curiosity that will never be satisfied until they have the answers. Until my gut tells me to stop searching and that voice in the back of my head says I have enough info to understand. So I had to figure this out…

 

     I felt really dumb, but I couldn’t figure out any other way. I sat down at my kitchen table, put my hands flat on the dark wood and took a few deep breaths.

     “Hello?” I said into the bowels of my empty house. No reply. I took a few more deep breaths, for some reason I was scared. Scared of what? That I’d hear that voice again? Or scared that I wouldn’t…? Maybe I should light a candle or something… don’t you need incense to talk to dead people? “Look, if you’re here- if what happened last night ACTUALLY happened… then respond. Somehow.” The chair in front of me moved back, as if someone pulled it out to sit down. I thought I was about to cry.

 

     I stared at the chair in fear, seeing objects move all on their own was so not as cool as on TV. The adrenalin felt good though. Something new, something exciting! Something possibly dangerous… I carried on.

     “What do you want?” I asked. There was no reply for a long time.

     “This is so weird…” The same voice from last night said, it was still very muffled and I still couldn’t see the source, but it came from the ‘empty’ chair.

     “You’re telling me…” I couldn’t move I was so terrified. “Why are you here?” my voice shook but I kept talking, typical ghost questions right?

 

     “I just… I like you.” The voice replied, a little shyly but otherwise it sounded the same.

     “Like… you ‘want to possess my body to take over the world’ kind of like me?” I was trying really hard not to cry and run out of the house, what was I doing still in this house? There was a chuckle which made me jump.

“No, I mean I think you’re a really cool person. If I was still alive I would have never given a girl like you a chance but… when you’re dead all you have is hindsight I guess.” He sounded conflicted, and distant.

     “So… but… why are you here? Do you have some kind of unfinished business? Or something cliché like that?” I was in this house alone talking to a ghost… schizophrenia? Some stupid game show prank? Horror movie gone wrong? Talking to someone who wasn’t actually there started to become normal as my curiosity and really bad sarcastic humor set in.

 

     “I don’t think so. Not that I can remember. I just… started following you around one day…” he seemed as confused as I was.

     “How long has this been going on?”

     “I don’t know… you don’t really keep track of time when it doesn’t pass for you anymore… a year? Maybe?”

     “A YEAR!?” I yelled in partial anger but also freaked out..ed…ness…

     “It sounds really creepy… but… yeah. There’s no saving it. It is as creepy as it sounds. But you’d be surprised the kind of ghosts people pickup places.” He tried to recover and gave up.

     “You’re not gonna hurt me are you?” I had to ask, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

     “Of course not… I’ve been looking out for you…” he admitted, I fell back into my chair. I stared at my hands, now subconsciously digging my nails into the table.

 

     “Like some kind of… guardian angel?” My voice quivered, still fearful of this invisible boy. He chuckled again,

     “I wouldn’t call myself much of an angel.” There was a long silence.

2: Guilty Kisses

     “If you’ve been around for so long… why haven’t I noticed you till now?” I asked, the silence continued for a half dozen heartbeats.

     “I… don’t really know. I’ve interacted with you before… hell I’ve walked through you hundreds of times but you’ve never felt it more than a shiver until last night.”

     “It felt like someone punched me in the stomach…” I reached my hand down and held myself there, trying to feel if anything felt different. Of course it didn’t.

     “I’m so sorry… I would never mean to hurt you. Not on purpose. I don’t know why you can suddenly hear and feel me… or why if you can do those things… you can’t see me…”

    “So you’re really not gonna hurt me? Or possess me?”

     “I promise I’m not. Although I can’t say the same for some others…” his voice was daunting, this news rang throughout my body.

     “What do you mean?” I asked timidly.

 

     “I’m no angel but I’m not exactly those… evil things either. I was alive once… there are some… THINGS that were never even that…”

It had never even occurred to me that this was actually a person I was talking to. Or that there could have possibly been a whole other world that we were unable to see or hear or acknowledge… until now I guess… well not exactly. There’s those mediums and people who talk to the dead and see demons and angels and all that right? Maybe I’m just one of those…

      “Are any of those … evil things around?” I looked around as if I’d see them. I didn’t of course. There was a brief pause.

      “No, but they come around you every once and awhile… a little too much as of recently if I have any say about it.” He sounded like some protective brother… or something.

     “Well… if you keep the bad ones away… your company doesn’t seem… all that bad…” Why wouldn’t it be? Even if he was a figment of my imagination he suddenly made me feel safe from something I’ve never even thought of being scared of before.

 

      “That’s good, I like that I have your permission to stalk you know instead of stalking you without it before.” The tone of his voice, the way the sarcasm rolled of his tongue… it could only of come from him being around me for months… except there was a slight lilt there that was all his own.

     “What’s your name?”

     “Zack.” He stated, “It’s nice to kind of finally introduce myself to you.” I could hear him smiling.

     “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you already know my names April then.” He laughed lightly,

     “yeah, I do. My favourite month.” I smiled at the ‘empty’ chair, that felt kinda nice actually…

   

     “Why’s that?” this seemed to almost feel like a conversation with a regular human.

     “Because of the rain. I used to love the feeling of rain when I was alive.” There was a slight sadness and longing.

     “You can’t feel things?” Curiosity was getting the better of me.

     “Emotions yes, touch only sometimes.”

     “When are the sometimes?” I wasn’t expecting his answer.

     “When I’m around you…” I wasn’t sure what to say to that…

     “Is that why you’ve stuck around?”

     “It might be. It grew to me just enjoying you being you though. I love your stories.” I actually blushed.

     “You’ve read my stories?”

     “Mhm, over your shoulder as you write.” My eyebrows furrowed. “Sorry that was… sorry.” He realized he may have disturbed me, I shook my head in reassurance.

     “It’s okay, just… I write a lot when I feel alone. It’s weird to think that the entire time I wasn’t actually alone, yeah know? But it does bother me that you read as much of the bullshit I write as the good. Sometimes I’ll write something and it’s just crap! It’s embarrassing someone has read some of that…”

     “It happens to any artist. They have their highs and lows, you think Picasso never had a shitty painting?”

     “It’s Picasso! Probably not!” We both laughed I think more out of nerves, it really wasn’t that funny. The longest of silences followed; to the point where I worried he had left.

     “Zack?” there was a strange intake of air by my ear, I jumped slightly.

     “Sorry, it’s just strange to hear you say my name…” I giggled nervously.

      “Oh it’s okay, I could imagine it being a little strange…” I turned, he was behind me now. “What are you doing?” I heard footsteps walking across the kitchen. I turned, peaking over the back of my chair.

     “Pacing.”

     “Why?”

     “I’m worried.” He replied.

     “About what?”

     “You’re taking all of this way too well. I have to be dreaming or something… cause I’m already really dead.”

     “Do ghosts dream?” I asked.

     “No… we don’t sleep.”

     “Guess that throws that idea…”

     “Guess so…” the walking continued, he seemed to pace for forever, the only indicator of his movement was the slight creak of the floor every two feet or so. I was content just listening to his quiet footsteps, the eeriness of it became almost calming. Then there was a knock on the door and someone walked in. I never usually worried about this, it just meant it was one of my friends, they knew when my parents weren’t home I’d rather they let themselves in.

     “Hello?” A familiar voice rang, asking for me. It was Jason… part of me panicked and I started to hyperventilate a little.

     “He can’t see or hear me remember?” Zack cooed in my ear, I held back the shiver it sent down my spine. I gulped, right, invisible.

     “Hey!” I got up from the chair and walked around to the living room, Jason flopped on the couch. He looked tired, his dark curly hair was a mess from running his hand through it one too many times. I walked over to the end of the couch and put my hands on my hips. “To what do I owe the honor?” He smirked and opened his eyes to look at me.

     “I was in the neighborhood and thought it’d be cool to chill. I texted you but you didn’t reply? What’s up with that? You always have your phone on you…” he looked at my nervous face with suspicion.

     “Am I interrupting something?” He sat up and looked around and his suspicious face turned into amusement.

     “No, I was just… busy. Stuff and things. You know me… always keeping busy…”

     “I woke you up didn’t I?” He laughed, I chuckled nervously along too while nodding.

     “Well yeah… but I was trying to sound more… productive.”

     “It wasn’t hard to guess, you’re still in your pajamas…. Jesus! Its 2:30 in the afternoon and you haven’t even gotten up yet?”

    

     “I’m trying to get as much sleep before next week, you shouldn’t judge me for that.” I said with a flirty smile. He smiled back,

     “That’s what I should do…” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. I sat beside him, fore arms touching.

     “Well my couch is always open. You know that.” I leaned back and looked at the ceiling, briefly forgetting Zack was probably somewhere in the room with us. “So how was your day?” Jason leaned back too, we were so close I was practically sitting on him at this point.

     “Boring, some stupid girl didn’t understand this very simple program and I had to explain it to her for like an entire hour cause she was too god damn stupid to get it and ugh.” He rubbed his face then turned to me, his teal colored eyes locked with mine and he smirked at me.

     “Need something?” I smiled back and lifted his hand so he could pull my face towards his. It never meant anything, we were just two friends doing each other a favor. But when things got a little further, I suddenly reminded myself that Zack was around… did he watch this every time? I shuddered at the thought of an audience. I stopped,

     “I’m not… feeling all that well today… actually… do you want something to eat or drink?” I adjusted myself and moved over on the couch a little ways away.

 

      Jason wasn’t the type to get mad about these things, he was understanding. Although he did seem confused, he sighed heavily and chuckled.

     “No I’m good. Sorry about that… what’s wrong? Are you sick?” he asked, seemingly showing a genuine concern for my health. I just shrugged,

     “I don’t know… bit of a headache… stomach hurts a little.” That was a dark humored joke at Zack, whether he heard it or not was beyond me. Was he still around? The thought of him leaving so he didn’t have to watch me and Jason fool around made my stomach twist a little, I felt really guilty about this for the first time in… forever.

     “Well I hope you didn’t just give it to me.” Jason mused, “I’ve got to work early tomorrow.”

     “As if you wouldn’t jump at the chance to call in sick.” I rolled my eyes.

     “Well yeah… but still!” we small talked for a little while, until Jasons mom wanted him home and then we hugged goodbye and he left. The house always felt so empty after people left. My smile quickly faded and the hole in my chest, the one that flashed the sign of being lonely quickly made itself known.

 

     “You know… contrary to popular belief, I do actually like him. Don’t know why, if I were alive I’d hate his guts but he seems to care about you. I am extremely jealous though, just in case you were wondering. Not that I have any right to be.” I spun around, for some reason expecting to see Zack standing there, his arms crossed with a conflicted expression across his face.

     “You’ve been seeing that? The past couple months?” I asked with my voice full of guilt, I heard him sigh.

     “Well… I can leave… after it goes too far I’d leave you two be… show up after he left… I’m not THAT creepy. Although… those nights alone in your room… I may have tuned in for those a few times…” I blushed bright red.

      “No! Zack! Ugh! That’s so… ahhhh!” I was so flustered I wasn’t sure what to say, I just kinda covered my face and ground my teeth together.

     “I am still technically a teenage boy. And you are quite attractive actually, I wouldn’t be embarrassed. Everyone does it.”

     “We’re not talking about this.” I frantically searched for a different topic. Any topic. “Why are you jealous?” wrong topic.

     “Because he gets to… touch you. And feel you… and you can see him and interact physically with him. I’ve watched him kiss you dozens of times and he just… there’s no emotion there… I mean there are flecks of sparks I’ve seen between you two every once in a while but nothing you guys would ever fan. As far as I hear from you and your other friends conversations.” I blushed again.

     “I thought you said you could feel things around me?” I ignored the Jason comments completely. He snickered like he’d expected my avoidance of the topic. He probably did, he seemed to know me pretty well.

     “Yeah but I never wanted to scare you… or even disappoint myself in trying.”

     “You’ve walked through me but never tried actually touching me?” there was a bit of a silence.

     “Well... I’m gonna sound horrifically creepy.”

     “You’re a dead teenage boy who has been stalking me, reading over my shoulder and peeping on me the past year. How much worse could it possibly get?”

     “Well sometimes when you’re sleeping…”

     “OF COURSE!”

     “No no, listen. I just sit beside you… and touch your hair… if that… those evil things come after you a lot when you sleep, you have nightmares. If I stay close enough I can tell them to fuck off without you even noticing…” I sighed.

     “This is starting to sound like Twilight to me.”

     “Oh please, I was much more attractive than some pale blood sucking vampire. And I don’t sparkle.” He sounded jokingly cocky, it made me giggle.

     “What did you used to look like?” I sat myself on the couch, my head actually did start to ache, I didn’t know how to handle any of this. So I just kept asking questions.

 

     “I had dark brown hair, like really dark brown. I could never seem to tame it either… always all over the place. It was really annoying but I guess girls are into that.” He chuckled then continued, “my eyes were blue, really abnormally light blue like sky blue, on one of those really sunny days. Man, I feel both narcissistic and gay right now.”

     “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. But continue, it’s for visual explanatory purposes.” I smiled in his general direction, I heard him sigh heavily. “oh come on! What if I wanted to put you in one of my stories? I wouldn’t know how to describe you!” I teased, he groaned.

     “My teeth weren’t so bad… I had a lady killing crooked smile.” The humor in his voice made me laugh out loud.

     “Ooh!” I fan girled, he snorted at me

     “I was a hell of a lot taller than you. Still am I guess… not the tallest of guys at my school though.”

     “Was that a shot at my height?”

     “It may have been. What of it?” He was teasing me.

     “Really? You wanna play this game?” I stood up as if I was gonna do something threatening…

     “I’d really love to see you try,” There was a pause, and then right in my ear he said “Shorty.” I turned my head but I could tell he was already gone. I rolled my eyes and laughed again, I couldn’t remember the last time someone made me giggle so much... The rest of our afternoon continued like this, heck the rest of the weekend continued like this. It would go back and forth from us teasing each other to me asking every question I could think of. And believe me, that’s a lot. I would be instantly disappointed whenever my parents came home because then obviously I couldn’t talk to my invisible friend in front of them.

3: Demonic Encounters

     I woke up Tuesday morning and sighed looking up at the ceiling, it was 11:00am so my parents were gone.

     “I have class at two… do you follow me out of the house too?” I heard movement in the corner of my room. I sat up and looked in the general direction. “Eh? I’m assuming so. Since you talk about following me around and stuff… you’re stuck to me and not the house so… I guess you’re in university too!” there was a little more move ment, I rolled my eyes “I think you should try and help out with tuition. It’s a fucking lot and you shouldn’t be allowed to go for free just because you’re dead.” I chuckled but it was quickly cut off with a loud thud on my floor.

 

     “Zack?” The thudding continued across my floor until it reached the end of my bed. Imprints started to appear, as if something heavy was crawling slowly on all fours towards me. I pressed my back against my headboard. “Zack this isn’t funny stop…” I heard a muffled growl, tears brimmed my eyes, fear gripped my entire body. This wasn’t Zack. As the thing crept up to my toes I screamed “ZAAACK!!!”

     “GET AWAY FROM HER! GO! SHE’S MINE! YOU HEAR ME!” His voice was different, the muffled noise over it had disappeared over the past couple of days but now it was clear. Like he was a legitimate person, and he sounded scary. It had a certain bellow that gave his yell a sort of roar. It sounded almost inhuman… the thing growled once more and then disappeared. The imprints leaving the bed sheets.

     “Z-Zack?” I was shaking so hard I couldn’t move.

     “I’m here, it was only trying to scare you. I’m sorry are you okay?” I shivered violently and I could feel the torment in his voice. He sat beside me and I desperately wanted to burry my head in his shoulder and cry but I couldn’t even see him, which upset me more.

 

     “What did you mean ‘I’m yours’?” I asked him, trying to distract myself. He grumbled angrily, I heard a strange but familiar noise. “Are you grinding your teeth?” The noise stopped,

    “You could hear that?” I nodded. “Huh… interesting.” He wasn’t answering my question, so I sighed and asked another.

     “What’s interesting?”

     “You’re hearing has either gotten better or you can just hear me better… I’m assuming the latter…”

     “Astute observation Watson! Why do I care?” I could almost feel him shrug beside me, the demon scare jitters were slowly dissipating.

    “I don’t know… it’s just interesting.”

 

     The rest of the day went off without anymore interruptions. I went to class, it was actually a lot more interesting with Zack there… I mean… he’d always been there but it was just more interesting when I had someone to discuss the lecture with afterwards… before I made dinner I made the mistake of asking Zack if he wanting anything to eat too… he laughed it off but I could kind of tell he missed human things, like food for instance. A discussion about his favourite foods as a human ensued, it ended with me wishing I could throw my mashed potatoes at him and watch them slide down his smug ass sarcastic face.

 

     I decided to go to bed a little earlier tonight, but only because I had class early in the morning, to my dismay. When I walked into my room, I almost had a panic attack, I reached for the door jamb to steady myself.

     “You okay?” Zack asked from over my shoulder.

     “Yeah I just… maybe I’ll sleep on the couch tonight…” I went to turn and go back downstairs but his voice caught me.

     “You can’t let them win. Otherwise they’ll keep coming back. They feed off this; I’ll stay with you tonight. How about that? You always say you sleep better with some ones arms around you anyways.” I blushed.

     “I thought you couldn’t touch me?” and with that I felt a slight tingle on my shoulder, like someone had placed their hand there. It got slightly warmer, I gasped.

     “That doesn’t feel so bad right? As long as I’m careful not to phase through you… I could try?”

     “Okay.” I got changed into my pajamas… I assume Zack had watched me change a ton of times because he’s a little jerk but I’ve felt self-conscience changing with him around anyways.

     “I’m not looking. Calm down.”

      “How would I possibly know that?” I covered my chest trying to find a shirt. He chuckled from my bed,

     “You’ll just have to trust me I suppose.” I shook my head.

     “Never trust boys.”

     “I used to be a real dick, I’ll admit. But I’ve changed!” He said in a mocking voice.

     “They all say that!” I mocked back and giggled.

     “I’m a little different, I straight up died. If that’s not change then I don’t know what is.”

 

     I froze for a moment… I’ve started to forget he’s actually not even there. In a physical state… how? I shook off the eerie feeling that I might be imagining him. It’s too vivid… his voice, his presence, his touch. Everything was too real not to be… real. I slid on my shirt and turned around, there was an indent in my mattress where I assumed he was sitting so I crawled around that and pulled the comforter around me. How was this gonna work exactly? I’ve never spent the night with a guy before…

     “Tell me if this feels weird… or something…” I heard his voice quietly behind me, I laid on my side very still. Very gently I felt the pressure on my side increase, like something had laid there, it sent a chill up my spine. My instincts were screaming that this was unnatural, that this ‘thing’ must be a potential harm because I can’t see him… “I’m sorry is it not-“

     “No, it’s fine. It’s just kinda chilly in here.” I lied. And then we laid there, I assumed this wasn’t like normal cuddling, not like with a living boy… or a real one… my mind was starting to frighten me with thoughts like that. Eventually though, I fell asleep, and everything seemed fine, I was happy. There were no nightmares and no attacks from scary unseen monsters… in the morning I woke up on my back, my head turned and I think… the way I was laying I would be nuzzled up to his shoulder… but I don’t know. You could never be sure… about anything.

4: Suicide Scare

     “Did you sleep okay?” I heard his voice coo to me, he somehow managed to have the tired, scratch,y adorable boy voice in the mornings even though he didn’t sleep. I smiled as my heart fluttered,

     “Wonderfully. You?” I asked sarcastically, his deep chuckle made my stomach flip.

     “I’m sure I would have.”

     “Zack…?” I said after a moment of thought.

     “Mhm?” he mumbled

     “Where do you go when you’re not with me?”

     “I just, walk around. I can’t usually go all that far from you these days…” his voice trailed off, like he regretted saying it.

     “Why?” No answer. “Zack?” I asked, wondering if he was even still there.

     “Those things… I don’t know why but they seem to… be around more. It might be because of me. You can talk to me, you’re connected to us somehow.” His voice was grave, intelligent and thoughtful but something in the way he said ‘us’ as if he was categorizing himself with the evil spirits that have come after me.

     “Oh…” I realized quickly what this meant. What kind of conflict he must go through… he can seem to keep them away, but if he is the one attracting them in the first place then… what would the answer be? My mind wondered down a dark path, one it hadn’t gone down since the night I first heard his voice. I quickly shook it off and decided I needed food, cooking will help clear my head. I got up and went downstairs, I assumed he followed but we didn’t talk. The silence was nice, like two old friends who could just sit together without speaking. I made breakfast while he did his… ghost thing. I sat down and ate, still no words were spoken. It wasn’t until after I cleaned my plate and got dressed that he spoke again.

 

     “April.” The tone of his voice had my palms sweating. Something was wrong.

     “Mmm…?”

     “I’m sorry.” His words caught me off guard.

     “For what…”

     “For everything. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be around you I just… what are we doing?”

     “What do you mean what are we doing? We’re friends?”

     “I’m not casper the friendly fucking ghost April.”

     “I know that but-“

     “How can we be friends? Like really? I’M DEAD. I’M A SPIRIT APRIL! Have you ever thought maybe I’m not even real?” He was frustrated, a chair at the table moved slightly, like someone was gripping onto it for support too tightly. A huge lump in my throat formed, don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry.

     “Real or not, I like you.”

     “Yeah well, I LOVE you.” He said under his breath, like he thought I couldn’t hear. But my heart stopped, my body froze, and then I felt the tears drip down my face. What were we doing? I turned around and marched up the stairs. “April? Oh my god did you hear that!? April I didn’t even say it out loud! Where are you going?! How could you hear my thoughts like that?! APRIL!” I heard his footsteps chase me up the stairs. I slammed my door and locked it, not caring if he could phase through it. I opened my window and grabbed the razor that was still there, the cold metal almost stung my fingers as I held it to my wrist. “APRIL NO! PLEASE DON’T! PLEASE! I BEG YOU, PLEASE DON’T I’M SORRY I’LL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOREVER! YOU’LL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN I SWEAR JUST PUT DOWN THE RAZOR.”

 

     He must feel so helpless, unable to do anything but yell, even that only I can hear. I pushed the razor into my pale arm, the sharp pain seemed to shoot across my chest. “APRIL!” His pained voice was right in my face, I looked up.

     “I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay. I want to be with you. You think I enjoy living the life I have? As if I’ve never tried this before…” The blade cut a little deeper and I heard a sharp intake of breath, as if I was cutting his arm instead of mine.

     “Okay! I’ll stay! April please stop. Things will get better okay? You’ve stopped before! I’ve seen it! You can stop this time!” I pulled up on the razor with him pleading my name.

     “April you need help.” He said in the most depleted voice I’d ever heard. But it wasn’t Zack, somehow the door was open and Jason crept towards me like you would a scared animal. “Drop the razor okay?” he said to me calmly, the razor dropped to the blood soaked floor. Now I was scared, I’d never been caught before. He led me into my bathroom as I went into shock, I was crazy. I must be.

5: Something of a Savior

     He cleaned me up and stopped the bleeding, I hadn’t gotten very deep. When he was done patching me up I sat on the counter, completely void of emotion. Jason looked at me, his teal eyes trying to comprehend mine.

     “Your parents called me.” He said and then turned to wash his hands, this didn’t shock me. I was already so far gone… where was Zack? I needed to hear his voice… “They’re on their way here. They got a call from your neighbors who heard screaming.” He turned back to me after drying his hands, “They want to take you to a psych ward.” He looked so sad… so sorry for me. I nodded my head like a doll of some kind. “Who were you talking to?” He asked me, I looked at the floor. “Who did you THINK you were talking to?”

     “Zack.”

     “Who’s Zack?” he wanted me to explain? How could I explain that Zack was a ghost boy I was in love with?

     “A guy.”

     “There was no one there April.”

 

     It was then that my parents came in, they were in hysterics, lots of yelling and crying and I just continued to be numb. “She said it’d only be okay if I took her.” I heard Jason say downstairs, I was thankful he knew me and my parents well enough that he wouldn’t let THEM take me to a mental hospital… at least he could think logically… an hour or two later I was in his car. Silent. I hadn’t spoken since the bathroom. “They’ll take care of you here. You’ll get better, I bet you’ll be released in no time.” He was trying to stay calm and positive and not think about the fact that his best friend was about to be put in a strait jacket and thrown into a padded room to be drugged up for the rest of her life. “Shit.” The car slowed to a stop, there was a ton of traffic. Then I heard him,

     “No…” My head popped up looking for him. I wanted to call his name I wanted to remind myself he was real, or was he… maybe I shouldn’t… maybe I was crazy… “Shh, I’m here.” He said, sensing my panic. My muscles unwound as his voice soothed me. “There all over the place…” I raised an eyebrow, “The evil things… it usually means something bad is about to happen…” I had to get out of the car. My body moved as though I had never had purpose before this moment and I needed to reach my goal. I unlocked the door and jumped out before Jason could grab me. I was down the street weaving between cars before he even got out himself. There was construction, big bulldozers and cranes and lots of workers. There was a giant hole in the road they were working on, probably replacing pipes or something. My heart sped, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I needed to reach it.

 

     “What are you doing?” Zack asked, fear clear in his voice. A few cars back I could hear Jason calling my name, but there was a rumble in the ground before he could reach me. One moment I was standing on my feet a couple metres away from the workers, the next I was face down on the ash vault. “Are you okay?” Zack panicked, I nodded and got up brushing myself off. I heard the groans of metal being twisted without it’s permission and then a high pitched scream. Across the street a sink hole had opened up and engulfed part of the road that cars were sitting in. One specifically was hanging down about to go head first into the deep trench that had been created. I ran up to it, I could see a woman in the front seat, blood dripping from her head but there was movement in the backseat. Workers were running around calling red alert and car evacuees were standing around crying and yelling that there was a child in the car.

 

     I ran around the other side and listened to the conversations like I had so many times before from just people watching for stories I’ll never write.

     “It’s too unstable! Too much weight will tip it!”

     “But it’s slipping! The emergency vehicles won’t be here in time!”  I took off my jacket.

     “No.” Zack said sternly in my ear. I ignored him and marched right by the mangled mess of machinery, past everyone else and up to the crevasse the car was teeter tottering into. A water main had broken, and the dirt holding the car up was slowly turning into slippery mud. “Stop April. Please.” Zack pleaded like he had hours earlier. Somewhere in the crowd I heard Jason calling me too. I ignored them both, I needed to do this. This needed to be done, it needed to happen. I climbed down the slippery cliff a little bit, I could barely reach the door handle but I managed it and swung in. the car groaned and slid a little, my heart was beating so fast I was vibrating. I took a deep breath and saw the crying little boy looking at me.

 

     “Hey little guy, shhhh it’s okay, I’m gonna get you out of here alright?” I looked towards the front seat and the blood that poured from the womans head didn’t give me much hope but I risked the lean forward to feel her pulse, I couldn’t find one. I shivered and my stomach threatened to heave, but I just swallowed and smiled at the little boy. “Come here buddy, very VERY slowly, like a turtle.” He couldn’t have been more than seven years old, his bleach blonde hair bright like sunshine and his navy blue eyes rimmed with never ending tears.

 

     My heart broke as he slid slowly towards me, I pulled him into my lap without as much movement as possible and the car jerked again. I made the mistake of looking out the front windshield… it was quite the drop. There would be no making it out of that one.

 

     “APRIL!?” Jasons voice was above me, I turned my head and leaned out the door slightly.

     “Do you have rope or something?” I asked him as calmly as possible workers surrounded him helplessly looking on, one of them was already untying rope. They tossed it down to me and I tied it around the little boy. “What’s your name?” I asked him as he hiccupped from crying so hard.

     “Oliver…” He sniffled.

     “Okay Ollie, I’m gonna ease you out the door and those men up there are gonna pull you up okay?” the little boy nodded and the car started to slide, there was no saving me now. Tears didn’t have time to flow before I shoved Ollie out the door and the car went hurdling towards the ground. I heard Jason, not sure what he said. But the next thing I knew, I wasn’t dead. But lying face down on the back of the passenger’s seat in front of me, the front of the car was pushed into the muddy ground, crumpled completely.

 

     Everything was noise, screaming, yelling, sirens, crying… I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think and I couldn’t move either. My muscles wouldn’t work. I choked, coughed, sputtered, red poured from my mouth and the tears finally came. Things started to come back to me but I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed, I couldn’t breathe, my heart didn’t feel right. I was cold.

 

     “April…” I heard Zack by my side, my right cheek was against the back of the seat, I was comforted but not by much, I coughed more blood, the metallic taste filling my lungs and sinuses. There is no worse feeling than drowning in your own blood, I quickly decided. My vision went in and out but, I saw him. I couldn’t speak, I was dying, but he was crying. “Shhh… It’ll be okay soon.” I was in a lot of pain, so much to the point where I didn’t feel any. You know you’re a goner when…

 

     “She’s impaled on a steel pole!” a man I didn’t know yelled in the background. Zacks eyes were more amazing than I could imagine though, like the sky, just like he said but my imagination never did them justice. He stroked my hair as my eyes started to close, I wanted this vision of him forever. Crying or not. His messy dark hair, his smile… “Let go April. It’s okay to let go.” And then I stopped fighting it.

 

     My eyes closed, and everything went black, and then colours flashed around me. Bright lights and sounds and memories… they say the ‘life flashing before your eyes’ before you die is your brain firing off a hell of a lot of chemicals… almost to shock you into staying alive or something? Well, after everything… I felt this pulling sensation, like I was being pulled out of a cocoon.

 

     Suddenly I was standing outside the car, watching chaos around me, and when I say watching chaos around me I mean watching the chaos around my body. I didn’t feel like I’m used to feeling emotions, this was different. I felt distant somehow, seeing a steel poll sticking into my chest and poking through my back… blood pouring from the car… it didn’t shock or scare me. Not the way I knew it probably should. Then I felt him beside me, he grabbed my hand, and it was warm. I looked up at him,

     “You’re taller than I thought you’d be.” I admitted. He sighed, there was a pause and then he stated,

     “I remember how I died.” I waited for him to continue, “I was on a jog, and a pregnant lady was getting mugged. The guy was a real scum bag and was about to stab her but I stepped in. He stabbed me a bunch of times and ran away, I never even made it to the hospital.” He said without an ounce of regret in his voice.

     “Oh… I’m so sorry…” I wasn’t sure what else to say, the chaos continued around us.

     “Don’t be, the lady was your mom.” He looked down at me.

     “You saved my life.” I said kind of in awe, everything seemed dull around us, like I had lost part of my sensory. The world also often shifted in places unnaturally, twisting in strange ways that I would never imagine.

     “That I did.” He smiled to himself a little and then a crease formed between his eyes. “Do you think, everything happens for a reason?” He asked me as we watched the emergency vehicles try and detach my body from the rod. I flinched as Jason’s face fell from atop the hole.

     “I don’t know. Am I really dead?” I asked him back, he motioned towards my lifeless mangled body being pulled away.

     “I would think so, yes. You’re not exactly walking away from that.”

 

     I frowned when Jason broke down… my heart broke for him, it wasn’t fair that he’d picture this moment for the rest of his life… The devastation around us was a lot to take in. it should have affected me more than it should. Then I noticed a little blonde haired boy sitting in the back of a paramedic’s truck. His tears had been whipped away and I walked up to him, he couldn’t see me of course. But I smirked.

     “Looks like you had a guardian angel looking after you today young man.” The paramedic taking his pulse said.

     “I’ve always had one.” He said to the woman.

     “Oh yeah?”

     “Yeah, his name is Zack.” The little boy sniffed back his last tears. My eyes widened, what did he just say?