"Name?"
I looked up from my notebook as I heard his voice. He was just another teacher that I had decided that I wasn't going to pay attention to. It wasn't like I was going to fail. I always worked best on my own, that included learning everything. There was nothing I did well with others. Hell, I stayed in my room 90% of the time.
"Name!"
The demand was enough for me to roll my eyes. No one told me to do anything. The only reason I was at school was because I needed to break free of the monotony of life. School just gave me that little spice that made my life whole...
"Max," I sent a sharp look to the student next to me. I couldn't remember her name and I didn't care to know. I never cared to know anyone. I was a lone wolf and there was no way I was going to change that, ever, "That's Maxine Marx."
"Max," the teacher cooed and I leveled my gaze on him. I didn't like to speak. I didn't like people to know me. I didn't like to know people. I just plain didn't like people. Nothing good ever came out of getting close to another. That lesson was learned the hard way, "would you mind telling me the formula you need to use to get the area of a circle."
My eyebrows rose as I gave him an indignant stare. Really? Was he asking me that elementary question? I should have known that anyone would think I was slow because I didn't like to speak. I wasn't slow. I was one of the smartest people in school. I knew how horrible people could be, "You find the area of a circle by using the formula pi times the radius squared," I cast a bored scowl over the rest of the classroom, "Or as you all like to say and laugh, pi r squared."
The teacher nodded, "Very good," he gave me a simple grin that worked in creeping me out, "What is pi?"
I leaned back in my chair as I sat my pen in the binding of my composition book, "Three point one four one five nine two six five," I stopped as I crossed my arms over my chest, "Do you wish me to continue or are you actually going to leave me alone?"
His dark eyes grew wide as he stared down at me, "Miss Marx-"
"No, don't start. I'm going to say this once and only once. I will not participate. I will do all my homework. I will pass all my tests. I will pass this class. I will not talk to you or anyone else. I do best when alone and I always will. Now," I gave him an evil grin as I felt the malice in my gaze, "leave me alone. I know more than enough so stop quizzing me."
He glared at me, "I'm not going to put up with this, young lady."
I shrugged as I reached out for my pen again. I didn't care. There were plenty of teachers that couldn't stand me. There were also plenty of teachers in the school that tolerated me enough because they knew that there was nothing they could do. I knew there was at least one teacher in every subject that tolerated me. I would pass this stupid rite of passage for teenagers and move on with my life.
"Max," I ignored my classmate as I started to scribble my notes about the teacher down. It wasn't anything special. Just that I wasn't going to like him. Then I moved from the teacher to the class. Again, it was just about the fact that I wasn't going to like it. Then I noted each and every student. None of them were people I would talk to and I just wanted to note each little inadequacy that I saw and each and every thing they wanted to hide. Ah, how vain and pathetic people are!
It was right then that the door opened. The teacher had already went about droning on about asymptotes and whatever else he thought was important. I looked up from my notes to see the new arrival. I didn't care about who entered the room. I just wanted to know. Curiosity was my main vice.
At first glance my curiosity was sparked. The boy that entered the room was different than anyone I had ever seen. He wasn't exceptionally attractive and he wasn't ugly. He wasn't tall or short. He was average in almost every way, except the way he dressed. The style at the time was either skinny jeans or jeans so baggy that teachers actually had to start carrying zip ties around to hold the pants up. This boy was wearing a pair of worn looking light blue jeans that didn't fall off his hips or squeeze his thighs so tight that it looked like the seams were going to rip. The shirt that was in style was again, either so tight that it looked like it was going to rip or so big that half the time it reached to the person's knees. His shirt just barely hung past his belt, showing off his pockets and the zipper of his jeans and hung limply against his slender form. My curiosity was spiked and I was going to pay attention to this new comer.
The teacher turned away from the whiteboard and sighed, "Late."
The boy smiled as he pushed his dark auburn hair out of his eyes, "I'm sorry. I got lost," he looked around the room and his eyes caught on me. It didn't surprise me, but the smile he sent my direction did surprise me. It was at that point that my eyes grew wide as I stared right at him. Why did he smile at me? I was a freak in every way and no one, no one, liked me. Not even other people that looked like me. Who was this new boy?
The teacher sighed, "Right, you must be Drake Hammond," he looked the boy over, "Find a seat and pay attention."
Drake nodded as he made his way through the class and took the seat next to me. I shook my head as I returned to my composition book. I didn't really care about him. He was just different. I was just different. At times there was the aching of loneliness, but most the time I remembered what the aching of companionship was like. I much preferred the loneliness.
After a few moments a slip of paper fell onto my composition book. I turned and glared at Drake to see that he was smiling. I knew he dropped the note there. I knew he wanted to talk to me, but I didn't want to talk to him. I was a loner. People didn't like me. People didn't want to be my friend. People just wanted to use me and I wasn't going to be used ever again.
I tucked the note away in my composition book before I returned to ignoring the teacher. I wasn't going to let him reach out to me. I was going to keep my wall up. I didn't want him near and he wasn't going to get the chance to slip through those walls. Drake might have been different and that might have called to me, but I wasn't going to let it happen. No.
2: -2-The day was drawling to a close. Drake hadn't attempted to talk to me since I ignored the note he tried to give me. It was nice, and kind of depressing at the same time. If a person were to really be in my life they wouldn't give up after just one attempt. I guess I was supposed to be alone...
I was making my way out of the school building to find Drake standing by the door waiting for me. His dark eyes lit up as he saw me and hurried over to me, "Hey!" I didn't turn my gaze towards him. I didn't want anyone in my life. I was still sore from the last person that claimed I could trust them. I wasn't going to let another person close. I just wasn't!
I looked up at the sky as I thought about that person. The very person that I gave my heart and soul to. I had loved him more than anything, but he had just been with me to see if he could get in my pants. I cringed at the very thought of what I had allowed myself to do with him. I had given him the one thing I couldn't get back and I hated myself for it. I hated him even more for taking it when he knew he wasn't going to treasure it.
I felt a light hand on my shoulder a moment before I heard Drake's voice, "Hey," I stopped, but I didn't turn to look at him. I knew that if I did look anyone in the eyes I would cry right then. I was just as pathetic as the next, "Max, right?"
I gave him a simple nod.
"I'm Drake," I nodded again, but he didn't seem to notice and just carried on, "I was wondering what you were doing tonight. Do you have plans?"
Other than hiding in my room and writing depressing poetry and having thoughts of suicide? Nope, I just stood there. I wasn't going to let him in. I was going to keep him away. Everyone was going to stay at arm's length. I couldn't let anyone in.
"Max?"
I let out a low sigh before I turned towards him and looked up into those dark amber eyes. Wow, he wasn't much above average, but those eyes were gorgeous. The slight tilt and that bright expression. I just couldn't break eye contact. Crap! I was hooked, "No."
Drake cocked his head to the side as his eyes fogged with confusion a moment before his whole face lit up, "Oh!" he smiled at me, "Neither do I. How about we hang out?"
I wanted to say no. I wanted to turn him away. I wanted to. But… I wanted to say yes. I wanted to get to know him. I could just tell that he wasn't like anyone else I knew. I felt I could trust him, but then again I thought I could trust him. I just didn't know what to say. Lie? Tell him that I forgot about this thing that I needed to go to with my mom? Would he fall for that? Be honest? I could just tell him that I wasn't interested in making friends and didn't want to talk to him ever again. But was that really true? I just didn't know!
Finally, I let out a light sigh and nodded, "Sure."
Drake nodded, "Not a very talkative one, are you?" I shook my head, "I've gotten more out of you than anyone else in a long time, haven't I?" I nodded, "What makes me so special?"
I shrugged and Drake chuckled. Well, at least my silence was amusing to him. That was a plus because I really didn't feel like saying any more. I just wanted to get through the night and get home. I wanted to forget about this boy. I wanted to get away.
3: -3-I looked up from my iced coffee as I listened to Drake drone on about his life. I was sadly interested in all that he had to tell me. He was a musician, he liked to play guitar and back where he came from, Minnesota, he had a band. It was fascinating. He was from a whole different world. He came from a large city where there were plenty of people that were different than the mass. Plenty of people like us. It was fascinating. I loved the thought of it, but he also told me about crimes that happened to him. In the light of day.
Drake smiled at me as he finished talking. He sat his little Styrofoam cup down as he leaned forward, "Okay, this is bass ackwards," he chuckled as I cocked a curious brow, "you've said maybe five words in the past two hours and I haven't shut up yet," he wrapped his hands around his cup and smiled at me, "It's normally the girl that talks my ear off."
I shrugged as I took a sip of my hazelnut iced coffee, "What can I say?"
Drake gave me a lopsided grin, "Anything, Max. Anything. Tell me what you do for fun. What's your favorite color? Your favorite band? Siblings? Anything."
I sighed. I didn't want to open up to him. I had hoped that he wouldn't run out of things to say before it got too late, but five thirty wasn't too late. Well, I guess I couldn't keep him from knowing something about me, "I like to write. My favorite color is purple. My favorite band is Chevelle. I have four sisters and two brothers."
Drake picked up his cup with his thumb and middle finger, letting it dangle for a few moments, "Short and curt," he took a sip of his coffee, "I like it," he set his cup down before he leaned on the table, "What do you write? Novels? Shorts? Poems? Lyrics?" his eyes lit up as he thought about the fact that I might write lyrics, "That would be so awesome. We need a decent lyricist. That's the only thing we're missing."
I shrugged, "I dabble in about everything. I don't think I've tried writing lyrics," I shrugged again, "Why are you so interested in me? I don't get it, Drake."
He shrugged as he leaned back in his chair, "You're different than anyone else I've met. You're so quiet. So unique," he gave me that lopsided grin that I was beginning to like. I was just plain beginning to like him, "I also think you're the hottest chick I've come across."
My eyes grew wide as I looked him over. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. He thought I was beautiful. I shouldn't have allowed myself to do it, but I couldn't keep myself from liking him. He was such a charmer and he was worming his way over my wall. Oh, God, the words shot to the front of my mind as I realized what was happening, he's going to ruin me. Just like the other one. Just like the other one! Stupid! Stupid!
"Max?"
I jumped down from the stool and shook my head. I couldn't allow myself to get close to him. I couldn't. I didn't want to go through that again. Never! I wasn't going to allow it, "No," I shook my head as I started for the exit, "I'm sorry, I have to go. I can't," I shook my head as I fought back the tears. The wound was being torn open anew and this time it hurt so much worse. Wasn't time supposed to heal all things? Wasn't it!
"Max," I picked up the pace as I heard Drake's voice. I couldn't allow him to get close. I had done that before. I wasn't going to open up. Never again! "Max," I turned down an alley as I felt the tears overflow. I just couldn't hold it back any longer.
My entire body felt weak and I leaned back against the wall. My hands covered my face as I slid down so I was sitting. I knew that Drake was standing over me, but I was too absorbed in the past to even care. I was back with him. He had told me that he loved me. He had told me he was always going to be there. He wasn't. He just wasn't there when I needed him most.
I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders and my hands slipped from my face so I could bury my face in the dark fabric of Drake's shirt. I had never done anything like this. No one had ever cared when I would run out of the room like that. It was just so strange. So new.
After a few moments I pulled away from Drake and looked down at my lap. His arms were still around me, but my arms were around my knees. I wasn't looking at him and I wished that he wasn't still there. I didn't know what to do and the longer he lingered the more I liked him.
Finally, I sighed, "I'm okay, now, Drake, you can leave."
Drake shook his head, "You're not okay and I don't want to leave you."
I looked up into those beautiful amber eyes, "I want you to leave, though."
Drake pulled back, his face a mask of pain and confusion, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head. I wasn't going to tell him. I couldn't allow myself to open up. It had been horrible the first time and I didn't want to go back down that road. There was just no way I was going to be that stupid, "Nothing," I mumbled as I pushed myself to my feet, "I'd like to say I had fun, Drake," I looked back at him over my shoulder as I tried to keep my face an expressionless mask, "I can't," with that I walked away.
4: -4-The pictures were hidden in a lock box in my closet. I didn't want anyone to know that I still cared. That part of my life was over and done with. I had broken all ties with that particular occurrence. It was over, but…
I felt the numbness that took over as I pulled the pictures out. His name was Patrick. He had been gorgeous. With perfect messy shaggy brown hair and bright blue eyes. His complexion was dark because he was always outside. He favored the baggier style of clothing, but it looked right on him. Maybe that was because I was just obsessed with him.
I stopped on a picture of the two of us. He had his arms wrapped around my waist and was holding me close as my hands rested on his arms. I was so happy back then. I had been almost normal. I had let a boy into my heart and he had viciously ripped it out.
I moved onto to the next picture and wondered whatever happened to her. I didn't even know her name. I only knew her birthday, birth weight, birth length, and birth parents. I had told her adoptive parents that I didn't want anything to do with her. I just wanted her to have a good home where she was loved. She was my daughter. She would be almost two. It was hard to imagine that it all happened nearly three years prior.
I dropped the pictures back into the lock box and closed it. I couldn't let people know that I still clung to something so horrible. My parents had been so ashamed that their fifteen year old daughter wound up pregnant that they had sent me to my grandma's until I had given birth. Then I was forced to go through some intense dieting and exercise to lose the baby weight. My parents wouldn't even acknowledge that it had happened. My six siblings always looked down on me because of it.
My door opened and I turned to glare at the intruder. It was my older brother, Mathias, "Maxi," I pushed my lock box back into the closet as I slipped the chain that held the key back around my neck. There was no way I was going to let anyone else in there, "mom and dad were wondering if you were going to join us for dinner. It is family night after all."
I sighed as I thought about family night. All nine of us were to gather around the dining room table as we awkwardly talked about what was happening with everyone else. Mathias was going to college and would only be there for a few more days. Missy, the oldest, would have her husband and they wouldn't stop about the new arrival. Marsha, the one between Mathias and me, would be harped on because she was focusing more on work than college. Megan, who was the next youngest after me, would be made fun of for her latest obsession. Melanie, who was after Megan, would never shut up about her latest drawing and how well she was doing in school. Then Markus, the youngest, would cause trouble and nothing would happen. Did I really want to be a part of that? Did I really want to sit with nine people, including Missy's husband, who couldn't stand me. Who left me high and dry in my time of need.
I shook my head, "Tell mom and dad I'm not hungry, Matt."
Mathias nodded before he stepped back out into the hall and closed the door. He was definitely my favorite sibling, but he had still pushed me aside when everything fell apart. He was just the first to accept me back when I returned and looked almost normal again.
I pushed myself to my feet as I thought about Drake. He had seemed nice, but then again Patrick had seemed like my soul mate. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. I thought he would always be there for me, but when I told him the life changing news he screamed at me and told me that he never wanted to see me again. My heart had shattered. I had run to my parents for some kind of comfort, but the first thing they did was make arrangements to send me across the country to stay with my grandmother. Then I had run to my siblings, one at a time, and they had all pushed me aside, looked down on me, or just didn't care.
No one cared that I felt a piece of myself missing that I knew could only be filled by my daughter, but I didn't want to stain that poor girl's life. I was a screw up and I didn't want to rub off on her. My beautiful baby girl that I had even refused to hold because I knew I was too attached as it was. Only two years later, I was regretting that very decision. I just wanted to know what it was like to have someone so innocent dependent on me. Would I have made a good mother? Probably not at only sixteen, but I sure would have tried.
I stepped over to the window and looked out to see that the house across the street had been sold. I had been too oblivious to know when it happened. It looked as if the people had set up everything. There was a pool in the backyard, at least I was pretty sure it was a pool because I only saw the very edge of it, and there was a porch swing on the front porch. New neighbors, and I didn't care. Just new people.
My interest was gone and I was almost ready to turn back around to go over to my desk, but the front door opened and Drake stepped out onto the front porch. No. There was no way. We were neighbors. There was no way I was going to be able to avoid him. The one person I felt any pull to after Patrick happened to live across the street. There was a higher power that was out to get me. I wasn't going to let him in. I just wasn't!
I turned from the window and stepped over to my desk. I didn't care about Drake. I didn't want to know anything, anymore, about him. It was bad enough that he actually knew something about me. None of my classmates knew that I had had a kid. Patrick hadn't told anyone because he didn't care. Everyone thought that after Patrick left me that I had been so depressed that I had to leave and that's why I turned out the way I did. Probably not. I would have been fine going to school while pregnant. I would have been fine with losing Patrick. It was the weight of that combined with the shame from my family. Everyone abandoned me at once and I broke.
I opened my laptop as I thought about what had happened. It was the beginning of my senior year. I was almost eighteen, two months short, and had been able to keep away from every single person I met. I had even avoided Patrick. I had ignored all my friends because I didn't want to tell them what happened. I feared that they would all abandon me like everyone else had. It was just too much for me to handle at sixteen. I knew then that I had been selfish, but I couldn't change anything. People hated me and I was better off that way.
My door opened again and I didn't bother to turn to see who it was. I knew it wasn't Mathias. He wouldn't bug me twice. He respected my privacy, "Max," it was Missy, "are you still moping?"
I shrugged.
Missy groaned, "You're an annoying little brat. Why can't you just get over it?"
Just another shrug. I couldn't stand Missy. She had been with her husband for a total of two months before he proposed. The engagement had lasted another two months. They had been married four weeks before they told everyone that Missy was three months pregnant. My parents didn't have any issues with that. My sister had slept around, found out she was pregnant, and married the man.
Missy stepped across the room and spun my chair around, "This is the last family night we get with Mathias before he's gone for a few months. How can you be so selfish?"
I glared at the woman before me, six months pregnant at that point, as I resisted the urge to hurt her, "If Matt really wants me down there he would have come up here. He's not a bitch and beats around the bush."
Missy's pale eyes grew wide, "Excuse me," she crossed her arms over her chest, "You are part of the family and this is a family dinner."
I chuckled as I thought about that, "If I was a part of this family why did no one, no one, comfort me when I needed them? Why was I shipped across the country? Why are you all ashamed of me? I'm not a part of this family. I'm just a dysfunction magnet. Now," I turned back towards my computer, "get out of my room, Missy."
Missy listened, but not before she mumbled, "You ungrateful little slut," at that the door closed and she was out of my room.
I slumped down in my desk chair. I hadn't been with another person since the whole ordeal. I was over people. I had only slept with one guy and I was considered a slut, by my own family. How much worse could it get? I looked over to the window and thought about sneaking out to Drake, but I couldn't allow myself to do that. Was I really a slut?
5: -5-It was the middle of the night. I was having a bit of insomnia. My mind was still running with the thought that maybe I was considered a slut. Could I really take Missy's word, though? I knew she was just trying to hurt me. Did she win because I was bothered by her words? Was it the fact that she was a slut and she was calling me a slut? I just didn't know.
I pushed myself out of bed and stepped over to the window. I looked out, hoping that Drake was out on the porch, but of course he wasn't. I was alone and I was pining over my new neighbor. I hadn't felt this attraction towards anyone ever before. I hadn't even felt this pull to Patrick and I had had his child. What was it about Drake?
I leaned on the window sill and sighed. There was just no sense behind my feelings. There was just no telling my mind to stop. Would Drake consider me a slut? For some reason I didn't want him to. He was the only one that I cared if he thought I was a slut or not. If he didn't then I would be perfectly fine with everyone else calling me a slut. As long as I wasn't one in Drake's eyes.
My eyes grew wide as I realized what was going through my head. I liked Drake! I had a thing for another person and I was horrified. I wasn't going to let another man get close. I couldn't! I had already had my heart ripped out once before by a guy and I lost of piece of myself as I gave up our daughter. I didn't want to go through that again.
But was Drake like Patrick?
I pushed myself away from the window and stepped over to my dresser. I pulled a long sleeve black shirt out and slipped it on over my tank top before I hurried out of my room. It wasn't the first time I'd snuck out of the house. It was on one of those nights that I snuck out that my daughter was conceived. After what happened most people would wonder why I still snuck out at night. The only answer I could think of was that old habits were hard to break.
I slipped my shoes on as I neared the front door and made my way out of the house. I knew exactly where I was going and hated myself for continuing to go there, but sometimes I just needed to dwell in the past. This was one of those days.
The swings were still as I stepped onto the loose gravel. I hated this place. I hated the fact that I always found myself here. It was a fond childhood memory and when I first found out I had planned on bringing my own child to this very park where I spent most of my childhood times. It was also the very park that I had run to when everyone turned me away.
I grabbed the chain of the first swing as I remember sitting here as I cried. I remembered falling from the swing as the grief consumed me. Every time before when I had fallen from this very swing someone had been there to pick me up. That time, the time I needed someone to pick me up, I was alone. Left on the uneven gravel as I realized what had happened to my life.
Unconsciously, I sat down and started pushing myself back and forth as I kicked at the gravel. I was seventeen, but every time I sat in this swing I felt like a child. I remembered what it was like to be loved. I remembered what it was like to not be an outcast to my own family. Mathias would push me in the swing as my messy curls blew into my face. It was a nice time that I wished could come back. I just wanted to go back to those days when everything was alright.
I jumped as I heard the light crunch of gravel under someone's foot. I didn't know who it was, but I was ready to fight. I wasn't going to give into anyone. I just wasn't!
The tension left my body as I realized who was standing at the edge of the park with his dark eyes glued on me. I shouldn't have been so relaxed to see him, but I was. I was almost happy. Why was he even there?
I looked down at my feet as I started to kick at the gravel again, "What are you doing, Drake?"
Drake stepped across the park and stepped behind me so he could push me on the swing, "I'm here because I saw you hurry out of your house," I smiled as I felt his hands on my back each time he sent me higher in the air, "I didn't know that you were my neighbor. What are you doing out here so late?"
My hands tightened on the chains as I was sent into the air. It had been forever since someone had just given me a simple solace. It was right then that I realized I was lost to Drake. I had fought so hard, but in the end I had lost. He was my friend and I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to know everything about me. Would he consider me a slut? "I couldn't sleep," I mumbled, "Drake, would you call me a slut?"
The swing came to an abrupt stop, nearly throwing me to the gravel at my feet. If it wasn't for the fact that one of Drake's arms slipped around my waist I was sure I would have been on the ground, "What?"
The word was mumbled in my ear and I felt his warm breath on my neck. It had been so long since anyone had been so close. Earlier that day I had thought that it would never happen again, but as Drake had his arm wrapped around my waist and his lips next to my ear I wondered why I had fought it so hard. Drake seemed worth the risk, "Do you think I'm a slut?"
Drake pulled away from me and sat in the swing next to me, "Max, you do realize I've only known you for a few hours and have no clue as to who you really are. I can't make that judgment."
I nodded as I looked down into my lap. Of course he wouldn't know. I hadn't told him everything, "Oh, well, my sister thinks I'm a slut. I kind of agree with her."
Drake chuckled and my eyes grew wide. Did he agree with Missy? He probably did, "How many boyfriends have you had? How many people have you slept with? Can you count them on one hand?"
I looked up at him as I nodded, "I've had one boyfriend and he's the only one I ever slept with."
Drake shook his head, "No, Max, I don't think you're a slut," he gave me a reassuring smile and I couldn't keep myself from smiling, "I've been with six girls," his dark gaze became thoughtful, "Only slept with two," he shrugged, "Do you think I'm a slut?"
I chuckled. I actually chuckled. It had been so long since I had laughed or anything like that that the sound was foreign. Why hadn't I allowed myself to open up before then? "I'm sorry," I shook my head, "No, I don't think you are."
Drake nodded, "Good," he pushed himself closer to me, "Hey, Max?"
"Hm?"
Drake smiled as he bumped into me, "Tell me about yourself. More than you did earlier right before you ran away."
I looked up at the sky as I thought about telling him everything. Could I trust him to keep my secrets? I sighed as I realized that I didn't care. It had been too long. I needed companionship. What was that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than not at all. I guess I was just going to have to take the risk. My leap of faith, "I have a very horrible story that I don't even want to remember, Drake," I looked over at him to see that he had both hands wrapped around the chain closest to me and was paying close attention, "I'm a mother, Drake. I have a daughter that I put up for adoption and haven't seen since she was born," I felt the tears a moment before they started to flow, "I never even held my daughter."
Drake reached over and grabbed my hand, "Max," his voice was light, but yet I heard true concern there. He felt for me. The man that I had only known for a few hours cared more about me than the father of my child.
I squeezed his hand as I smiled at him, "I'm fine, Drake," I wiped my eyes with the end of my sleeve, "No one else here knows about that. No one other than the father."
Drake nodded, "Why not?"
I sighed as I pulled away from him, "My family is too ashamed. They would die if they knew I told you. It's supposed to be my dirty little secret," I sighed, "Hell, the father thought I got an abortion," I shook my head at the thought, "but I couldn't punish her because I was an idiot."
Drake sighed, "Don't beat yourself up about it. You weren't the only one to blame. At least you bucked up and did what you should have. You're parents even did wrong."
That wasn't what I had expected him to say. How had my parents been wrong? There was a time when that was what happened, always. If a girl wound up pregnant they would be sent to live somewhere else until the child was born and then came back as if she wasn't any different than before. That used to be the norm. Why wasn't it right? "What?"
Drake sighed, "It happens all the time. I just think that you should accept what happens and don't try to change it," he shrugged, "Max, I'm not nearly as perfect as I seem," I knew he was just joking, but I did believe he was perfect at that moment, "I have skeletons in my closet, but every once in a while I pull them out, dust them off, and dance with them. I don't keep them there. Only when my room is too cluttered."
The confusion must have been plain on my face as I stared up at him. What was he saying? I just didn't understand, "Huh?"
Drake chuckled, "The reason we had to move was because I was a problem child. I always got in trouble. I got kicked out of school, every school in my area, and no school in the state would take me. This school was the only one that would take me after what I've done," he shrugged as he looked up at the sky, "I'm a freak. I'm outgoing, I trust way too many people, and when they stab me in the back I stab them right back," he chuckled, "one time quite literally," he shook his head, "They frown on that for some reason."
"What?"
Drake looked back down at me with that lopsided grin that I was beginning to love, "I stabbed a kid in school. He was supposedly my best friend and he slept with my girlfriend. He went around laughing about it. I didn't think it was funny. So I stabbed him," he shook his head, "I spent a few months in a juvenile detention center then had about a year of counseling," he sighed, "Now, here I am. They just deemed me fit for society again," he leaned closer to me, "To be honest with you, I don't think I've changed at all."
"But you won't stab me?"
Drake sighed, "I promise I won't stab you. I've only done that once," he ran his hand through his hair, "Have I frightened you?"
I shook my head. I wasn't frightened. I was actually kind of relieved. He just came out and told me. It was nice to have someone be honest with me, "Nope. You still don't think I'm a slut?"
"Nope," Drake started to swing, "So, Max, tell me something else insignificant about yourself. While I've got you talking."
6: -6-I looked like crap the next morning. I hadn't been able to sleep and then I spent the rest of the night in the park with Drake. If it wasn't for the fact that he was already eighteen we both would have gotten in trouble at about six that morning. I just couldn't believe that I had spent that much time talking to him. The strange thing was that I didn't feel any different. I thought that I would feel better, but I still felt hollow.
That shouldn't have surprised me, though. I'd felt hollow since I let my daughter be taken out of the room. It wasn't unusual for me to feel horrible about my choices. Could I be like Drake, though? Could I not let it bother me? He seemed to be perfectly fine with what he did. He seemed to be too fine with what he did. Was that just his way of hiding from it as well?
There was just too much happening and I just wanted to get through school to come home and rest. Sleep would be elusive. I was a bit of an insomniac, but when there was anything, anything at all, to think about I just couldn't sleep. Sometimes I just hated my life…
The door to my room opened and Megan stepped into the room, "Hey, mom says you need to hurry. We're going to be late to school."
I shook my head as I looked over to the window. Drake had told me that he would drive me to school, but did I really want to go with him. I know the night had been fun, but I was still hesitant to spend time with him. I was almost regretting spending so much time and telling him so much as it was. Would he be like Patrick and just use me? "I have a different ride. Leave without me."
Megan rolled her eyes, "Right, like you have someone else that'll put up with you," she shrugged, "Whatever. When you get ISS because of this don't come running to me!" with that she hurried out of my room and down the hall. Oh, my family was such a pleasant family.
"I never do," I mumbled as I stepped over to the window to see Drake standing on the porch with a large black and white dog sitting next to him. He had a dog. I loved dogs. I was attached and I wanted to scream at myself. How stupid could I be?
Ignoring my question I hurried out of my room and out of the house. I locked the door behind me before I hurried across the street to find Drake kneeling down so he could scratch the dog's ears. I stopped at the steps and stared up at him. What was it about him that drew me to him? I just didn't understand it. I really didn't find him that visually appealing, "Morning, Drake."
Drake pulled away from the dog and smiled at me, "Long time no see, Max," he gave the dog one last pat, "Oh, this is Zasha, my wolf."
Wolf! Drake had a wolf. I really shouldn't have been surprised. He was the strangest person I knew and a wolf wasn't that strange. Plenty of people had wolves. None that I knew. But plenty of people still had them... "Wolf?"
Drake nodded, "Yep," he tugged on the wolf's collar as he smiled, "He's a good boy. He's been a great companion," he chuckled, "Believe me, Max, I only get stranger."
I nodded, "Okay," I looked up at the house, "How so?"
Drake glanced down at his watch, "Wait ten minutes and you'll see."
He was right. He did just keep getting stranger. Fifteen minutes had passed and his parents left for work. Then Drake had taken Zasha back to the back yard where he would have room to run. Then, Drake had disappeared into the house for a short while. It was when he came back out that I was surprised. He had changed from the semi-normal clothing he had been wearing to something that I had only seen in pictures. There weren't even any stores around that sold clothing like that.
Drake was dressed in a pair of loose black pants that had bright orange seems and plenty of metal D-loops and an excess of pockets. He was wearing a black shirt that had a strange grey symbol on it. It kind of looked familiar, but I just couldn't think past the man that was standing before me. Then with the strange clothes he had a chain wrapped around each wrist and a ring on both ring fingers and middle fingers. Then there was the large ball chain necklace he had around his neck that was resting on his shirt to show off and the smaller ball chain necklace that I guessed had dog tags or something similar to that on it. The style seemed very fitting. Strange...
Drake chuckled as he ran his hands through his shaggy hair, "Told you," he held his hand out to me, "We need to get heading. My parents will shoot me if I'm late for school."
I blinked a few times as I looked him over. He didn't look right in normal clothes. He looked right in the clothes that he was wearing. I never thought that such an outfit and such accessories could be appealing, but as he stood before I found him gorgeous. What was wrong with me?
Drake cocked his head to the side, "Max?"
I nodded, "Sorry," I looked him over before I took his hand, "I'm just a little surprised."
Drake nodded, "I only get better," he gave me that lopsided grin of his, "Just hang around for a little while and you'll discover every single thing that I makes me unique."
I nodded as I let him lead me to his vehicle. I wasn't sure what it was about him. I just didn't understand it. He was so strange and wasn't really anyone that I would associate with at first glance, but as I got to know him he was just the person I wanted to associate with. I was so confused by everything that was happening...
7: -7-It was the end of the day. We had been given assigned seats in pre-calculus so I wasn't sitting by Drake anymore. I was kind of relieved and sad. I was just plain confused as to how I felt about Drake. I shouldn't have wanted to be close to him because he admitted to stabbing his friend. How did I know I wouldn't do something that would irritate him enough to do the same to me? For some reason I just didn't care.
I stepped out of the school building and wondered if I should get a ride from Drake or get a ride home with Megan and Melanie like I always did. Did I really want to spend that much time with Drake? I didn't, but I did. Never before in my life had I been so confused. Not even when I found out I was pregnant. There was just nothing like what was going on.
A light hand rested on my shoulder and I instantly knew who it was, "Drake."
Drake chuckled, "No one else does that?"
I shook my head as I tried to keep myself from looking at him. He was just too alluring and that's the last thing I needed. I didn't need to find myself attracted to another guy. I didn't need to get myself in trouble again. I couldn't, but everything inside me was protesting. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss those thin lips. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and be his. I hadn't had thoughts like that since Patrick. I swore to never do such a thing again, but…
I found myself looking up at Drake. His left eyebrow was raised in a questioning expression and I just found it so adorable. I cursed myself silently as I just stared up at him. He wasn't that appealing, at least that was what I kept trying to tell myself. I wasn't attracted to him, but there was no denying it. I wanted him more than anything else at that moment. I couldn't give in. I just couldn't.
Drake's lips quirked up in a devilish grin, "Max, I've never had anyone look at me like that."
I felt the heat flush to my cheeks as I blushed, "Like what?"
Drake chuckled, "Like a juicy piece of meat that you just want to devour after you've been starved for weeks," he shook his head, "God, I never thought I would have someone look at me that like."
I turned away from him. I didn't want him. I didn't! I kept telling myself, but that didn't mean I was going to listen to myself. Oh, the trouble I was getting myself in. Why was I the only one in my entire family that kept finding myself in such situations? I just wanted to curse everything that was holy and unholy. Just everything!
Drake laughed. He laughed at me. I was amusing him and that irritated me more than anything else at that moment. Maybe it was a good thing he was laughing at me. At least there was a reason I wanted to get away from him at that moment. I turned and started walking away from him.
Drake sobered instantly as he grabbed my wrist to pull me to a stop, "Max, I didn't mean to offend you. I've just never met anyone like you and I like you."
I turned and looked up into those beautiful eyes, "No, Drake," I sighed as I looked down at the ground. I couldn't look in those eyes as I said what came next, "I haven't opened up to anyone since then. I hate myself for doing so right now. You don't understand. I don't understand. I want to run, but I'm glued in place."
Drake let go of my wrist and we just stood there for a few moments before he broke the silence, "So, Max, are we headed home now?"
I nodded and we started towards his car. It was hard to even think at that point. Drake knew that I had had a dirty thought about him. It was hard to think about not ever being that close to someone again. It was hard to think that it had been nearly three years since the last time. Was I going to be able to keep my resolve with Drake? I hoped I could.
Drake stopped when we reached his car, "Max, tell me one thing before we do or say anything else," I nodded and he continued, "What do you expect to come out of this? What exactly do you want?"
I blinked a few times as I stared up at him. Wasn't it usually the girl that asked the man what they expected from a relationship? Why did he want to know? Did he want to get away from me if I said that I didn't want to sleep with him? It wouldn't surprise me, but I had a feeling that he was just going to continue to surprise me, "Nothing."
Drake shook his head, "Okay, let me rephrase that," he took a deep breath as I saw the wheels turning. What did he want to ask me? "Okay, I got it. I planned to make a move. I find you extremely sexy and won't lie. I've thought about having those long legs wrapped around me as I enjoyed you," I felt the heat flush to my cheeks. This man wasn't subtle and I really wished he was at that point, "I will continue to try to get close to you, but if you don't want anything physical I will try to respect your wishes," he stopped as he realized that he hadn't actually asked a question, "I guess what I was trying to get at is, do you want it physical or not?"
I just didn't know. How was I supposed to answer that? My body was screaming, Yes, but my mind and heart were leaning in the other direction. Oh the torture of life! "Not right now?"
Drake nodded, "I can respect that, but you do know now that if you change your mind you're going to be the one that has to make the move," he gave me an evil grin, "Assertive girls turn me on."
Subtlety wasn't his strong point…
8: -8-I was sitting in the park that night. I wasn't sure why. I was exhausted, but sleep was elusive. There was no way I was going to be able to relax until I knew exactly what was going through my head. I liked Drake. I knew I did, but I didn't know how I liked him or why. Was it because he was the first person that had been sincere? Was I just clinging to him because he was the only one that allowed me to do so? Would my heart be broken by yet another guy?
My gaze turned towards the overcast sky. Not a single star shone through the cloud cover and I felt I was left completely in the dark. I didn't even know what was going through my head. It was just hard for me to process anything. Sleep deprivation, stress, and confusion weren't a good mixture when thinking needed to occur.
There it was. The light crunching of the gravel. Drake had followed me out once again. I wasn't surprised in the least. What did surprise me was when a pair of large white paws rested on my lap and Zasha's snout was in my face. He was such a good wolf and I was beginning to have a soft spot for the creature.
I chuckled as I scratched the wolf behind the ear. I never thought I would have that thought about a wolf. For some reason just the thought of a wolf before Zasha terrified me. The thought of someone like Drake, a person that stabbed another because of some girl, had horrified me, but…
I finally turned towards Drake to see that he was in a pair of loose dark jeans that were barely hanging on his slender hips and a tight black tank top that showed off what muscles he did have. His chains were still on his wrists and he was still wearing the small ball chain necklace that held the pendant I had yet to see, "Are you stalking me, Drake?"
Drake shrugged as he crossed the park and sat down next to me in the very swing he sat in the night before, "Not tonight. Last night, yeah."
I had to chuckle. That wasn't what I had been expecting him to say. Then again, almost everything he said I hadn't expected. This man was just unusual in every way, "Zasha just want a good run?"
Drake nodded as he reached over and buried his hand in the thick fur of the wolf's neck, "He doesn't seem too keen on running."
I cocked a curious brow as I returned my attention back to the wolf that was still in my face, "Too keen?"
Drake chuckled, "I told you, I just get stranger by the minute," he paused, "Max, who's the father?"
My eyes grew wide as I froze. Zasha's beautiful crystal blue eyes sharpened as he felt my confusion, "Just some stupid jock."
Drake hooked his finger in Zasha's collar before he pulled the beast away from me, "Zasha, sit," the wolf sat at his feet as Drake looked up at me, "I'm not going to do anything. I swear."
My mind instantly jumped back to the night before when he told me that he had stabbed someone. Did Drake like me enough to do something like that to Patrick? I really didn't think so, but I really didn't want anything to happen to Patrick. I couldn't stand the man after what he had done to me, but I still loved him. I was just a little messed up.
Drake sighed, "Okay," he looked up at the sky, "So, Max, tell me about your siblings. You do have six, right?"
I nodded as I thought about them. I could only stand one and that was only half the time and he just so happened to be the one sibling that was gone most of the time, "Missy is twenty-five, married, and pregnant. Mathias is twenty-two, going to college upstate, and the only tolerable one. Marsha is nineteen, working full-time, and hates most things. Megan is sixteen, boy crazy, and the most intolerable one. Melanie is fourteen, probably going to be the valedictorian of her class, and is the best artist I've ever seen. Then there's Markus who is thirteen and thinks he can do no wrong."
Drake smiled, "Missy, Mathias, Marsha, Max, Megan, Melanie, Markus?"
I nodded, "My parents' names are Monique and Martin Marx. We're just an 'm' family," I sighed as I thought about what Missy had said she was going to name her child. If it was a boy she was planning on naming him Michael Gabriel and if it was a girl she was planning on naming her Michelle Gabrielle. No one in my family really had much creativity, "I was going to be the first to break the constant 'm's," I sighed, "Missy's husband's name is Marco."
Drake shook his head, "Wow," he smiled, "do you still plan on being the first to break that? My name doesn't start with an 'm'."
I gave him a droll stare, "Drake, I've known you two days. I do think you're nice, but I am not even close to ready to consider anything like that," my gaze went to Zasha as he whimpered, "What's wrong with Zasha?"
Drake shook his head, "He's a good wolf, but he doesn't like to sit for long," he grabbed the wolf's ears and leaned close to the wolf's muzzle, "He's just like me in that aspect."
I nodded as I looked the man over. I'd seen him in three different outfits that day and the words slipped out before I had a chance to think about them, "What's your family like?"
Drake froze at the question. I had hit a sore spot I could see that, but he still answered, "Hell," he sighed as he let his hands fall from Zasha, "Go run," Zasha jumped to his feet before he started to run around the park, "My parents hate each other and I'm almost positive that my mother's husband isn't my dad."
That wasn't what I had expected. He was being open and it was kind of scary, "You don't have to say more," I reached over in an attempt to grab his hand, but he shot me a sharp glance that caused me to pick my feet up and swing back to my original position. Was he mad at me or just plain mad?
Drake rolled his eyes, "You really don't have any reason to fear me, Max," I blinked a few times, "I'm strange, but I'm really not evil. I don't get any pleasure out of inflicting pain. I regret stabbing my friend over that whore every single day."
I had offended him. It was obvious. He was such a nice guy, a few bad choices prior to meeting, but still nice. He had only ever said nice things to me and made me feel human again. Why did he scare me? "I'm not frightened. I just," I stopped as I tried to think of a good excuse, but at the very thought of lying to him I choked up. Why couldn't I lie to him? "I thought I had offended you and I didn't want you to be mad."
Drake shook his head, "I'm not mad," he sighed, "It's just horrible to think about," he shook his head as he looked over to Zasha, "Both my parents hate me and each other. Multiple men and women have been through my house because my parents are too cheap to get a divorce. I've been living with the constant tension for almost six years now. At least, that's how long I've known about it," he forced a smile, but it didn't reach those beautiful amber eyes. I wanted it to reach those amber eyes. I loved the light in those eyes as he smiled at me.
Without thinking, something that was becoming increasingly difficult for me that night, I pushed myself over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I stared up into those eyes for a few moments before I realized that there was no fighting it. I was attracted to this man and I was going to have to indulge. I placed my lips against his and his arms snaked around my waist.
Somehow, I was pulled out of my swing and into his lap as the kiss was deepened. I wasn't sure which one of us was the one to deepen the kiss, probably both, and it didn't really matter. I was enjoying myself again. I really enjoyed being around this man that held me close. The man that kissed me like I was the only thing on earth that he wanted. Oh, how I always dreamed to feel like this!
Drake and I both pulled back at the same time, but his hand found its way to my cheek and our lips were only inches from each other. There it was. That smile was there and his eyes were bright. That's exactly what I wanted to see.
He let out a light chuckle as he leaned his head forward and rested his forehead against mine, "Well, that wasn't what I expected."
I just smiled. I couldn't think of anything to say. I couldn't even think. I felt my eyes falling closed as my mind started to slow. I was going to be able to sleep. I was probably going to fall asleep in Drake's lap. That wouldn't be good.
Drake let out a light sigh, "You need to get home, don't you?"
I nodded as my eyes fell closed. I was drifting off to sleep and I was fighting it just as hard as I could, but it was another losing battle that I was fighting in those couple of days. Before I knew it my body was completely relaxed and my mind started to wonder off to dreamland. I was asleep and I was alone in the park with a boy I had just met and his pet wolf…
9: -9-The next morning I woke up in a strange bed with a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. It only took me a moment before I realized who was holding me and I snuggled into his heat as I thought about how much I liked him already. I couldn't believe that I hadn't panicked. I would have even if Patrick would have done something like that, but as Drake's arms tightened around me I just couldn't keep myself from smiling.
"Mornin'," Drake's groggy voice drifted to me. He nuzzled my neck, "you smell good."
I chuckled. He was still mostly asleep and I was sure that he didn't know exactly what he was saying, "Why did you bring me back to your house?"
At that Drake woke up and pulled away from me as if he was waking from a dream, "Max," he sat up as I rolled over to look up at him, "I'm sorry."
I shook my head as I just stared up at him. It was only then that I realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Yeah, that was someone I would be interested in. I was pretty sure that Patrick didn't even look that good…
Drake smiled at me, "I didn't know which room was yours and I couldn't get you to wake up. I also didn't think it would have been the best idea to walk into your house in the middle of the night with you passed out in my arms."
Good points, but I had a point of my own, "And you thought bringing me to your house and curling up with me in bed was a good idea?"
Drake gave me that lopsided grin as those dark eyes lit up, "Okay, you caught me. I just didn't want to take you home. I just thought of those excuses a few moments ago."
My eyes grew wide ass I stared up at him. That was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me and I really didn't know how to respond. I knew I was getting too close to Drake and I wanted to pull away, but I just couldn't. He had been the only person in nearly three years that had made me smile. I was hooked on that feeling of euphoria that he gave me and I was addicted to him. Two days! Two days! I was going to fall hard and I was going to crash a burn. I just knew it…
"Max?"
I pushed myself into a sitting position before I turned away from him and let my legs dangle over the edge. I just wanted to run out of the room, but I couldn't do that to him. He was just too nice of a person. He was odd, but nice.
His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back across the bed so I was held tight against that solid form. The feeling was amazing and I couldn't keep myself from leaning back into him, "What's wrong, Maxi?"
I closed my eyes as I leaned my head back against his shoulder. There was only one person that I had ever allowed to call me Maxi and that was Mathias. I hadn't even let Patrick call me Maxi. Why didn't I mind that Drake was calling me Maxi? "I'm scared," the words slipped out before I had time to think. I wanted to curse myself. Why was I so relaxed around Drake that everything that I thought just came out?
Drake's hold on me tightened as he kissed my neck, "Just relax, Max. Nothing bad is going to happen."
How could he say that? How did he know? What if we slept together and I wound up pregnant again? What if I fell for him and he didn't feel the same? How could he know that? "How do you know that?"
Drake shrugged, "I don't, but I can try to keep bad things from happening or if they do happen just roll with the punches," he let out a light sigh, "Bad things are going to happen, no matter how hard you try to avoid them."
I wrapped my arms around myself as I thought about his words. There was no way he had told me everything about himself. No one said such a thing after just simple parental issues and anger issues. What else had happened to him? I wanted to know more than anything at that moment, but I wasn't sure how to broach the topic.
It was right then that the door opened and I heard a woman's nasally voice, "Drake," the word was sharp and I could tell that Drake didn't care about the woman because he didn't even move, "who is she?"
I opened my eyes slowly and stared at the woman. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The woman standing there was stick thin with long bleached hair that looked like it would crack if touched. She had the same dark amber eyes as Drake, but her face was gaunt and she just looked used up. Was that Drake's mother?
The woman tapped her toe as her hands rested on her narrow hips, "Drake?"
Drake scoffed, "Right, like it even matters to you, Sheryl," he pulled away from me and crawled out of the bed, "What do you need this morning?"
Sheryl crossed her arms over her chest as her toe stopped, "You're father," I never heard such loathing in someone's voice as I heard right then, "won't give me any money. I need some."
Drake stepped across his room and picked up what I guessed was his wallet off of his dresser, "You think I'll give you some?"
The woman rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I did raise you."
Drake laughed at her as he slipped his wallet into his pocket, "Not going to happen, Sheryl," he turned and leaned back against his dresser, "Just because you lived in the house doesn't mean you raised me," he gave her an evil grin, his eyes cold, as he continued, "Now,Sheryl, get to work before you're late."
The woman scoffed, but she turned and stomped out of the room. Well, that was definitely an interesting display. I shouldn't have been surprised that Drake didn't like his parents, but I didn't realize he would be so blatantly disrespectful to them. Had his parents really been so absent that he was never taught to respect them?
I pushed myself off the bed as I sighed, "I need to get home. Can I count on you for a ride to school?"
Drake looked me over before he gave me a mischievous grin, "Babe, you can count on me for more than a ride to school."
I covered my face as I felt my cheeks heat up. I was blushing again and Drake chuckled at me. I looked away from him before I hurried out of his room. The bad thing was that I did want him for more than a ride to school…
10: -10-The weather had been horrible all day. The sun had yet to peek through the clouds as I waited for something to brighten my day. I had been able to avoid Drake, even in pre-calculus, but he was my ride home and I needed to talk to him. I couldn't keep avoiding him. He was right. There was no avoiding anything bad. It happened and I just had to go with the flow.
I was standing next to Drake's car as I waited for him, thinking through exactly what I was going to say, when I saw him walking out of the school building talking to Patrick as if they were friends. I shook my head as they started out towards me. I knew Patrick had yet to notice me and I wanted to run and hide. I couldn't face him. I hadn't even talked to him since I told him. What could even pass between the two of us after that?
It wasn't until they stepped up to the car that Patrick noticed me and he smiled at me. The prick smiledat me! He smiled at me like we were old friends and it'd been a while since we'd talked. He was the reason we hadn't talked! He was the one that ruined my life!
I must have had a horrified expression on my face because realization fell over Drake's expression. Drake knew who the father of my child was and as he turned towards Patrick I knew things weren't going to end well. His dark eyes were alight and the cold look he gave Patrick even scared me. Oh, no, Drake. Let it go. Please, let it go. Please…
Drake placed his hand on Patrick's shoulder and I saw that his grip was a little too tight, but I could also tell that Drake was trying to keep his calm, "Well, Pat," by the way Drake said it I knew he knew that Patrick hated the nickname, but Patrick just rolled his eyes, "it was nice talking to you. I'll see you tomorrow."
Patrick nodded, "Yeah, right," he looked between the two of us, "It was nice to see you again, Maxine."
I couldn't say anything as Drake let go of Patrick and Patrick walked off. I couldn't even move. How could he just act like we were old friends? How?
"Max," Drake stepped closer to me and wiped a tear, that I hadn't even realized slipped out, off my cheek, "he's the one?"
I nodded as I just looked at my feet. He was the one. He was the one that ruined me. I knew I was partially to blame, but he just left me to fend for myself. He just left me! The tears started to stream down my face at that moment and I turned towards Drake's car, "I want to go home, Drake."
Drake nodded as he opened the door for me and waited for me to sit down. I kept my gaze focused on my lap as he closed the door for me and hurried around. He wasn't going to say anything until we were away from school and I didn't mind that. I was actually grateful that he remained silent until he pulled into the garage at his house.
He turned the car off and turned towards me. By this time I had stopped crying, but my cheeks were still damp, "Do you want to talk about it?"
I looked up at him as I hesitated for just a moment, "Yes," I gave him a half-hearted smile, "finally."
Drake grabbed my hand and squeezed it. The look in those beautiful amber eyes elicited another round of tears. He cared about me. Somehow, after only two days, Drake cared more about me than anyone else I knew. How had my life gotten to be so horrible?
Drake's eyes grew wide as he started to stroke my hand with his thumb, "Max?"
I shook my head, "Can we get out of the car?"
Drake nodded, "Yeah," he opened his door as he let go of my hand, "my room okay?"
I nodded as I followed his lead. I couldn't even speak at that moment. There were too many things running through my head. I knew where things would go if we went to his room, but part of me didn't care. I wanted Drake. I wanted to feel wanted again. I wanted to feel like I mattered. Maybe I was a slut…
As soon as we entered his room I stepped over to his bed and sat down. Drake closed the door before he joined me, "So-"
I cut him off with a kiss. I didn't care what he thought. I just didn't care. I needed him at that moment. I wanted him. I wasn't sure what it was about him. Maybe it was the fact that he looked like he was going to kill Patrick when he realized that Patrick was the one. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't care what had happened to me. He actually dismissed it as nothing.
I crawled into his lap so I was straddling him as I pulled back and grabbed at the hem of Drake's shirt. I pulled his shirt off and ran my hands over his perfect stomach and chest. He was such a fine specimen of male beauty. Why had I not seen it that first day I met him?
Drake's hands slid down my back so he could grab the hem of my shirt. I smiled at him as I assisted him in taking my shirt off. Drake's amber gaze was bright with the fire of his passion. The look in those eyes made me feel beautiful again. Made me feel desired. It was such a pleasant feeling. Such an empowering feeling.
I ran my hands down his stomach until my hands rested on the buckle of his belt. I hesitated for only a moment before I slid his belt off and unbuttoned his pants. I stopped there because he pulled me close for another kiss and it was kind of difficult to take his pants off while I was sitting in his lap.
Without breaking the kiss, Drake lifted me up and moved us so that I was lying on my back and he was on top of me. I wrapped my legs around his slender waist as I thought about what was happening. It had been nearly three years and I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted Drake so badly right then that the only thing on my mind was him and feeling him.
Drake's kisses left my mouth and moved to my neck for a few moments before he kissed a line down to my breasts. He slid his hand under my bra as the arm that was still under me worked on unfastening my bra. I closed my eyes. He was such an amazing man. Each kiss sent me even higher. I could swear that his kisses alone would cause me to orgasm.
Finally, I felt my bra go lax a moment before he pulled it off. His large hand took one breast while his mouth went to the other. A light moan escaped my lips as he lightly flicked his tongue over my nipple. What was he doing? I had never felt like this.
I opened my eyes and looked down at him to see that those dark amber eyes were focused on me and that look… It was the most intense, passionate look I had ever seen. He was completely focused on me and that was the greatest feeling ever.
Finally Drake pulled away so he could remove my pants, but he left my underwear on. I wanted to know why, but I didn't dare speak. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin the moment. It was just too pleasurable.
Drake positioned himself between my legs again, but before he could lie down on me, I kicked his pants and boxers off. He was completely naked and lying on top of me. There was only a thin piece of fabric separating the two of us and it was almost unbearable.
I looked up into Drake's eyes as he stared down at me. That look was questioning. He wasn't going to go through with it if I didn't want it. I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything else. I answered his question as I pulled him down and gave him the most passionate kiss I could muster.
Drake growled a moment before he pulled back and finished undressing me. He hovered over me a moment before he leaned into me and I took him in. It had been so long that it was almost like the first time, but it didn't hurt. It was pleasant. More pleasant that I had remembered it being…
11: -11-Hours had passed. The sun was setting. I was still lying naked in Drake's bed. Drake was still lying naked next to me. My head was resting on his bare chest as his arm was wrapped around me. He was holding me close and it felt right. It was then that I wished I had saved myself for Drake, but then another thought crossed my mind. If I hadn't given myself to Patrick and I hadn't had a kid I wouldn't have been where I was and I would never have talked to Drake. It was because of the horrible past that I was given one of the greatest things I could have asked for. Acceptance.
I pushed myself up on my elbow and looked down at Drake, "Would you consider me a slut, now?"
Drake's eyes grew wide a moment before he started laughing at me, "Max," he shook his head as he looked me over, "Oh, Max," he took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself, but he found that question just a bit too funny, "No. God, no."
I cocked my head to the side, "Why not?"
Drake took another deep breath to calm himself and this time he succeeded, "Max," he turned over and propped himself up with his elbow as well, "I don't care what you say or do. Unless you go out and screw a dozen men in one day, I will never think you a slut," he pulled me close for a quick kiss, "Now, stop calling yourself a slut."
I gave him a simple smile before I nodded. I wasn't sure I would ever stop thinking myself a slut. I had given myself up at fifteen and had a child. I gave the child away and there was no forgiving that. There was no way I was going to forgive myself, "You're the only person that's been nice to me in years, Drake."
Drake reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear, "Hey, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Max," he gave me a sweet smile before he pushed himself over to me so he could kiss me, "Stop running, Max. You should stand up to Patrick. You should show your parents that you aren't a horrible person."
I pulled away from him and sat up, "You don't understand, Drake," I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around myself, "We've known each other for a few days and," my grip tightened on the blanket, "look at where we are."
I felt the bed dip as Drake resituated himself, "Do you regret it?"
No. I didn't. And that's what made me feel so much worse. I should have waited. I should have held out, but I couldn't. I was a slut. Three days. I had known Drake for only three days and I was sitting next to him, naked in his bed. How could that be justified? There was no way to do so.
"Max?"
I looked over at him and caught sight of the pendant that was on the small ball chain. It wasn't what I had expected it to be. It was a small child's ring that had a butterfly on it. Why did he have that? "No," the word was barely audible, but I knew he heard it. I knew he knew I didn't like that fact. I didn't regret sleeping with a man I had just met. That was what a slut was.
Drake grabbed my hand, "Max, I wish I could say that we could act like this didn't happen so you could feel better about yourself, but I'm not going to. I won't run around telling anyone. I'm not that type of prick, but I won't let it go," he let go of my hand as he started to play with the ring that was on the chain around his neck, "I'm sorry, Max, but there are only two things that can happen from here on out. I'll be an ass. Either we're something or not. I'm not going to go back. Not after that."
My eyes grew wide. He was giving me an ultimatum. I couldn't believe what he was doing. How could I decide at that point. I just wasn't sure, "Drake."
Drake shook his head as he pushed himself off the bed, "No, Max," he bent over and picked up his pants before he slipped them on. He turned towards me, his dark eyes hard as he continued, "I like you. I don't just sleep with any girl. I haven't even touched a girl in over a year. I'm not going to let you renege on this. Not without a little discussion," he leaned back against his bed stand as he just stared at me.
The silence was deafening. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I liked Drake. He was such a strange person and I wanted to know so much more about him, but I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to sleep with him. I couldn't just let myself shrug it off…
But could I hold it against myself and punish him?
I just didn't know!
Finally, I let out a light sigh. The right thing to do would be to start a relationship with him. He was my boyfriend. I could feel better about myself and make him happy in the process. Win/win? I hoped, "Just don't break me."
Drake nodded, "Is that what you really want?"
I stared up into those cold eyes as I nodded. I did want to let him in, but I was terrified. The last time I allowed myself to care about another person they had burnt me. Tossed me into hell and watched as I suffered and burned. Laughing as they did so, "Just don't break me. I don't think I can live through that again."
Drake sat down on the edge of his bed as he kept his gaze level. That emotionless mask did more to me than the words that Patrick had yelled at me as he told me to never talk to him again. Why was I affected in such a way by this man? "Max, I won't break you," he sighed, "I promise."
I nodded as I crawled across the bed, "Drake?" he gave me a curt nod as I reached out and touched the small ring, "What's this?"
Drake grabbed my hand as the pain flashed across his face, "Cadence's ring," he shook his head, "She was my baby sister. She was four, I got this for her and she treasured it," he let go of my hand, "She was kidnapped, raped and then murdered. This was one of the few things they found on her body that they returned to us after the investigation," he looked over towards the window, "That was six years ago. I loved my little sister. I basically raised her and she was ripped away from me."
My eyes grew wide as I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him. There was so much I needed to learn about my new boyfriend and I knew that there was so many more reasons for me to want to wrap my arms around him and hold him. He had been dealt a horrible life as well. How could he keep going? How? Maybe he was just what I needed in life. My saving grace?
12: -12-I slept surprisingly well that night and woke in a surprisingly good mood the next morning. I shouldn't have been. I hated myself for that fact, but I just couldn't stop myself. Why was I in a good mood? It just didn't make sense…
I was even in a good mood all through school. That never happened. How could what I had done the day before put me in a good mood? Was it really that I slept with Drake, or was it the fact that he wasn't going to let it just go as nothing? I just wasn't sure and I really didn't care.
I felt the excitement as I stepped out of the school building to find Drake standing there waiting for me. His dark eyes lit up as he saw me and he was wearing a long sleeve black shirt, even though it was the middle of august, and a pair of simple wide leg black jeans. He was the most alluring thing I had ever seen, "Max," he stepped over to me before he draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me close, "it's Friday, which means no reason to be in early, and free time."
Was he insinuating what I thought he was insinuating? Was I just hoping that he was? I just didn't know. No, I told myself, he doesn't know what subtlety is. He's not insinuating anything, "What do you have in mind?"
Drake shrugged as the last person I wanted to see stepped up beside me, "Hey, Drake," I felt Drake tense as Patrick fell in line with the two of us, "you do realize that she's used up."
My eyes grew wide as I was pushed back and Drake's arm shot across so his fist could make contact with Patrick's face. Patrick stumbled back as Drake gave him a look that I would have run from, but Patrick just stood there with his bright gaze narrowed on Drake, "What the hell!"
Drake scoffed, "Pat," this time the nickname did elicit a scowl from Patrick, "are you really stupid?"
Patrick looked down at me before he smiled, "You do know she's not a virgin, right?"
Drake shrugged, "I did, and it doesn't matter. Neither am I," Drake sent a scathing gaze over Patrick, "Do you want to continue or are you done?"
Patrick glared at the two of us, "She was pregnant!"
Everyone nearby stopped and looked at the three of us. I felt my mind shut down as I just stared at Patrick. How could he do such a thing? Why? He hadn't even noticed me since I told him and now that I was starting to be happy again he had to ruin it. Why? Why!
My knees gave out from under me and I just kneeled there as I tried to forget what was happening. Why did Patrick want to hurt me? It just didn't make sense. I had been a perfect girlfriend. I had never bothered him. Then after he told me to leave him alone I had. I didn't tell anyone what happened and it ruined me. My life had gone to hell because of him. It was all because of him.
I was so dazed by what Patrick had said that I didn't even realize that Drake had tackled Patrick and they were both on the ground wrestling. I didn't even care at that point. The only thing that was going through my head was the fact that the entire school was going to know. Every single person would know what I had tried so hard to hide. Why did it happen that way?
"Aren't you going to do something?" the voice was cold and I didn't recognize it at first, "Or are you just going to let them fight because you couldn't keep your legs shut?"
With those words the tears started to overflow. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want anyone to be a part of my life again for this very reason. If Drake had never entered my life then I would still be wallowing in self-pity and no one would know. No one, but just the thought of not having Drake was enough to cause my gut to clench. I had fallen for him in the short time I knew him and I didn't know if I would be able to live without him.
"Are you?" it was that same cold voice and this time I looked up into the dark eyes of the girl who used to be my best friend, the girl who just so happened to be dating Patrick at that time, "Huh?"
I jumped to my feet as I tackled her. She was the reason that Patrick had left me. I knew she was. She had been with him the day that he yelled at me. She had taken him and kept him from accepting the responsibility. I should have seen it back then. There were plenty of signs. He had been cheating on me with my best friend! I should have known!
13: -13-"All work and no play makes me a dull boy..."
Seriously? it was the only thing that went through my head at that moment, The irony.
Half an hour had passed. I was the only one in the restaurant for half an hour. Half an hour of finding shit that people didn't do and picking up after them. The dishwasher didn't clean out the sink. The waitresses didn't take care of the lettuce in the salad cooler. The supervisor didn't empty her trash can. My brother, MY BROTHER, didn't put the gravy away and clean up the back of the kitchen.
Am I really the only person that does shit? I just don't get it! I kicked the door open as I made my way out to the dumpster because I couldn't leave all that food in the trash can to rot. It was just disgusting. Imagine that. Rotten food was disgusting. I just didn't get the place I worked. Almost six years and I'm still picking up after everyone.
Every single fucking person. Not a single one did their job. Not only did I have to scratch both grills, something that isn't very easy for a girl that's barely over five feet tall, and completely clean the line, but I had to take care of everyone else. Everyone else! Fuck!
Hard guitar riff. Head bang. My short auburn hair flying in front of my face. The cold November night wrapping me tight in its cozy embrace. The beater style tank not cutting the wind from wrapping around me and caressing my bare shoulders. The cold being the only thing that actually settles me. Still don't know why that happens, even after nearly twenty-one years...
"Ah, Chad," I muse to myself as the song continues. My lips finally curl into a cruel smile. The past half hour had been spent bitching about work and how I'm always the last person there because I'm the only one that actually works. The irony of life. Something that has always amused me. My sense of humor being slightly sadistic.
"I'm not the cause. I'm not your scapegoat. It's not your god. I'm not your martyr. I'd leave you all."
The lyrics slip past my ears as I grab the hand to the door, I'm nottheir scapegoat, I shrugged it off as I slipped back into the empty restaurant. I had already recleaned the dish area and put things away from nearly everyone. I wasn't going to do everything.
With one last look at the salt, pepper, sugar, and sweetener shakers, I turned and headed towards the time clock. The restaurant had been empty for nearly forty minutes and I was done. Chad was right. I'm not their scapegoat. I'm over it. Every night. Every single night. I clean up after every fucking person. I'm done. I'm not even twenty-one. I shouldn't have this responsibility. Especially since there was only one person younger than me at work!
There it was. One hour after the restaurant closed. The resounding thud of the time clock as I end my night. I was done with cleaning. There was just no point is cleaning up after grown adults. I'm do my shit. Why can't they? It's my question and it will always be my question...
And as I stepped out the door, turning the key to lock the building up. Chad Gray concludes the song, "By the way just so you know. Always everyday this is how I feel..."
14: -14-Monday came around. I hadn't even gone home over the weekend. I just couldn't get enough Drake and he didn't seem to mind. Neither of us had a job and neither of us had any responsibilities to really worry about. It was the best weekend I'd ever had. Even though Drake and I had yet to have sex a second time. I just enjoyed being with him.
It was lunch, Drake had third lunch while I had first, and I was sitting alone as I thought about how things had changed. I wasn't afraid of as much. I was still terrified of social interactions and getting close to someone again, but Drake had helped me so I could be around people and not stare at them with contempt.
I was standing by the doors to the auditorium, off in my own little world, when a couple of the girls that were passing by turned towards me and grabbed my arms. They glanced over their shoulders to make sure no one was watching before they shoved me through the doors and carried me down towards the stage. It was as the doors clicked shut that I started to panic. What was happening? Who were these two girls? They looked familiar, but I couldn't place them.
I was thrown against the stage a moment before Jenny stepped out of the side door and stepped over to me, "So, you little whore, you found someone else to play with. Are you going to ruin this new one just like you ruined Patrick?"
My eyes grew wide as I stared over at her, "What?" I shook my head as I felt the stinging of unshed tears, "How did I ruin him! He destroyed me!"
"Right," Jenny scoffed as she stepped over to a seat in front of me and sat down, "like your little lie about being pregnant to break up with him wasn't horrible."
"LIE!" I tried to shake free of the girls' grasps, but they were stronger than I was, "I had a daughter! She was born on September nineteenth at 6:37 pm, was nineteen inches long, and weighed six pounds and three ounces! I had Patrick's child!"
Jenny scoffed, "Quick thinking, Max, but I don't believe you. Where is she? What is her name? Why did you run away?"
I stared down at her in horror. Patrick had lied to her. Patrick had used her pity to get in good with her, "I put her up for adoption and I wasn't around for that," I looked down at the ground as the answer to her last question ran through my mind. I hadn't run away. I was shipped away. I fought it with everything I was, but after being rejected by everyone that I thought cared about me, there wasn't much fight left in me, "My parents were ashamed and made me move away for a year so no one here would know," I took a deep breath as I tried to hold the tears back, "It only made it worse for me."
Jenny laughed at me, "Who does that anymore!"
I had lost the little fight I did have in me at that point. I just wanted Drake and didn't care about anything else at that moment. Drake was the only person that didn't judge me. He took me as I was and didn't care about my past. He only cared about what I was doing right then. He got mad at me when I called myself a slut or a whore.
Jenny nodded, "I thought so," she pushed herself to her feet, "Make your new toy leave Patrick alone. We don't need to deal with you or him."
The girls let go of me and followed Jenny out of the auditorium. I slumped down and started to bawl. That was why people had kept away from me. They had heard all the lies that Patrick had told them. Would Drake have been mine if Patrick would have gotten to him first? I didn't know and I really didn't want to...
15: -15-"Okay," I looked up from my lap to see Drake sitting in his desk chair. When had that happened? I remembered walking up to his room and him sitting next to me on the bed. When did he get up? How long had I been in Drake's room? "you are a quiet person, but you haven't been this quiet since the day we met. What's wrong?"
I shrugged as I thought about how Jenny had had a couple of her friends carry me into the auditorium and talk to me. It was strange and it had me thinking all day. Why had Patrick lied to Jenny? Why did he think it would be better to lie to my best friend? Did he really want to keep her that bad? What?
Drake cocked a curious brow, "Max?" I sighed as I tried to think about whether or not I wanted to tell him, yet, "Do you not want to talk about it?"
Again, I just shrugged. I didn't know. I didn't know how I felt about it. How could I talk to him if I didn't understand? "Not yet," I gave him a half-hearted smile and he just nodded. Why couldn't I have met him before Patrick? He was just so sweet.
Drake spun in his chair and tapped his mouse, "So, Max, I was thinking that since we're officially a couple," he brushed his hair out of his eyes as the screen lit up, "that maybe we should go out on a date," he looked over his shoulder at me, "Not sure how much that matters now after last Thursday."
I rolled my eyes as I laid down in his bed, "Ha ha," I grabbed his pillow and pulled it close, "That sounds like fun," I smiled as I thought about going out with Drake. I really hadn't spent much time away from him since we had met, but that was always somewhere private. It was a nice thought to go out with him where many people could see us. Maybe people we didn't know and I could feel semi-normal again.
Drake smiled at me before he turned back to his computer, "Cool," he opened an internet window on his computer before he continued, "Where would you like to go?"
I shrugged as I closed my eyes, "You're the guy. You should decide. Isn't that the way it works?"
Drake chuckled as I heard the mouse click again before I heard the pleasant tapping of keys being pushed on a keyboard. That was something I could get used to, "Not necessarily," he sighed, "You really are old schooled."
I opened my eyes to see that he was still looking at the computer, "What?"
Drake shrugged, "It's just that you think the guy should do everything in the relationship. There's also the fact that your parents shipped you away to have your kid. I don't think I've heard you swear, yet. You are still fairly family oriented, even though your family seems to hate you," he shrugged again, "You seem to be living in the twentieth century and it's the twenty-first. You aren't as oppressed as you think."
I smiled as I nodded. I knew that, but it was just the way I was raised. I also happened to be raised in a fairly religious house that didn't believe in birth control, seven kids, and it was a shame for people to have children out of wedlock. I was the disgrace of the family and I had always thought that acceptable. It was just the way I was raised, "Is that bad?"
Drake shook his head as he went about surfing the internet, "Nah," he gave me a short chuckle before he made his next remark, "At least you seem fairly forward in decent aspects."
I rolled my eyes. At times, I think that Drake is the sweetest man I'd ever met, but there were other times when he tried to be subtle about intercourse, and wasn't, that drove me crazy. The strange thing was that it wasn't a bad crazy. It was a good crazy. A strange sense of euphoria that I didn't want to chase away, "You seem to be a bit more forward than me."
Drake nodded, "Ah, there's just no stopping me. I am extremely open and I don't care what people think of me," he sighed, "Maybe I should care a bit more."
I pushed myself up off the bed and stepped over to him. Why would that bother him? He was an amazing person. He was a bit strange, but there really wasn't anything wrong with him, "Drake," I turned his chair slightly so I could sit in his lap, "why? The not caring is what makes you so loveable."
Drake rolled his eyes, "To you maybe," he shrugged, "I just made an enemy with the entire school on Friday and that was because I didn't care about their opinion," he sighed, "Max," he paused, "I can't say I'm afraid of what's going to happen, because nothing really scares me, but I can say that I want to avoid them. Patrick seems like the type of person to get a following and have me taken out."
That was true. I'd seen it happen more than once. Patrick was the school's golden boy and he had all the jocks behind him. He could rally the entire school to hurt Drake. I hadn't thought about that before and it terrified me. Something might happen to my Drake, "Oh, god."
Drake shook his head, "I'm tougher than I look," he looked back at the computer screen, "believe me, Max, I'm tougher than I look."
I shook my head as I placed my hand on his healing lip. He hadn't acted like he had been hurt at all and I had been the one to complain non stop about the few small scratches from Jenny that had already healed. What had happened to my Drake? "How so?"
Drake sighed as he looked up at me, his dark eyes burning a hole into my sole. That look was so pained and so intense that I was paralyzed, "You don't want to know, Max."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and nodded, "Tell me, Drake."
Without breaking eye contact, and with that same intense look in his eyes, he began to explain, "Some of my mother's boy toys thought it would be fun to pick on their whore's kid," he paused, but he still didn't move, "They would kick me around, quite literally, and there were times when they'd throw their empty beer bottles at me as a way to tell me that they needed a refill," he finally blinked, "I started fighting back when I was about twelve, shortly after I lost my sister, and the beatings got worse. No one was going to put up with a snot nosed little kid."
By this time the tears were streaming down my face. How could he have been through something so horrible and come out virtually unscathed as he was? How did he manage to still function? I just didn't understand it. I had only had to deal with something that was completely my fault. I could have put an end to my misery before it started, but I hadn't and I was a withered husk of a human. How did Drake do it? "Oh, Drake," I laid my head against his shoulder.
Drake shook his head, "Don't pity me, Max," he wrapped his arms around me as he continued with a cool, level voice, "It's what makes me me," he ran his hand through my hair as he let out a low sigh, the only show of emotion since he started telling me, "I started winning the battles when I was fifteen. I may not have any special training, but I've been taught the harshest lesson of them all…" there was a short pause as he kissed my temple, "…life…"
16: -16-A few days had passed. It was the weekend again and nothing important happened at school. Patrick had left Drake alone. Jenny had left me alone. Things were just too calm and both Drake and I knew it. We were just waiting for something to happen.
I was sitting on the front porch of Drake's house with Zasha as Drake went about working on an old car. I had no idea what type of car it was or what year. I had never been interested in cars, but I was interested in watching Drake work on this car. Even though he was covered in grease and other engine fluids he was still the most appealing man I had ever seen.
Zasha's head rose from my lap as his ear started to twitch. I looked down at the wolf for a few moments before he turned and looked out towards the street. Someone was coming. It had to be that. I looked up to realize that I was right. Megan was walking across the street towards me.
She reached the bottom of the stairs and crossed her arms over her chest, "Mom and dad say you need to be home, Max."
Drake stepped away from his car, wiping his hands on his greasy pants in an attempt to clean them off, as I replied, "Why?"
Megan gave me a droll stare as she glanced over at Drake as he made his way over to us, "They say you've been spending too much time with him. Mom and dad don't like him."
Drake cocked an amused brow at Megan, "It's quite fascinating when people try to talk about me as if I'm not here," he shrugged as he snapped his fingers and Zasha jumped to his feet, "What is it that your parents don't like about me?"
Megan rolled her eyes, "Just look at you. You wear strange clothes and Max hasn't spent any time at home since she met you. She's even spent the night with you and we know what she likes to do when she does that."
My eyes grew wide at my little sister's words. She thought I was a slut as well. Was there anyone, other than Drake, that didn't think I was a slut? "Megan…"
Drake glared at Megan and Zasha jumped off the porch and stood at Drake's feet, "Tell me, Megan," he glanced over at me and I nodded, "how many people have you been with. Five? Six? Your sister told me you were boy crazy, and believe me when I say that locker room talk is all about conquests."
Megan's eyes grew wide as her jaw dropped and her arms fell limply to her sides, "What?"
Drake crossed his arms over his chest as he gave her the most malicious smile I'd ever seen. There was nothing but loathing in those eyes and that grin was tight lipped. It would have scared me if I didn't know how genuinely kind Drake was, "There are at least seven guys in my fitness class that claims to have done you, Megan Marx."
Megan's eyes started to water, "No!"
Drake nodded, "Max has only been with one guy. I say she's got a better reputation than you."
I opened my mouth to object his claim about one guy. Drake knew very well that he was number two, but he wasn't owning up to that. Was he ashamed of sleeping with me? It wouldn't surprise me. I wouldn't want to be with someone that had already had a kid. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I thought he was different than everyone else. I guess I was wrong…
Megan shook her head, "They swore they wouldn't say anything!"
Drake shrugged as he glanced over at me, "I guess you can't trust everyone to keep your secrets."
Megan shook her head before she ran off across the street and back into our house. It was then that I looked up at Drake, "Why did you only say I've been with one guy?"
Drake's eyes grew wide, "Oh, god, Max," he shook his head, "I didn't want your sister to have more ammo," he sighed, "It's just that we haven't discussed how much we want other people to know."
I nodded, but I still wasn't sure he was being honest. Did he really do it to save me or was he ashamed? I could see it both ways. Neither one would surprise me. Drake seemed like the person that was nice enough to do such a thing, but then he was a man and any man would be ashamed of sleeping with me. I knew I would.
Drake stepped over to me and reached out to me, but I pushed his hand away. I just wanted to go home at that point. There was nothing that Drake could say to make me truly believe what he just told me. It would just take time, "I need to get home," I pushed myself to my feet and sighed, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Drake sighed as he nodded, "I didn't mean to upset you, Max," I shrugged as I stepped past him, "I'm sorry."
I froze as I thought about his words. He sounded almost hurt and that hurt me. He wasn't ashamed of me, I was almost certain of that fact, but there was still this nagging suspicion that he was ashamed. Maybe it was because I was burnt so bad in my past, "Meet me tonight at the park."
17: -17-Drake was already at the park playing with Zasha when I arrived. I shouldn't have been surprised to see them there already, but I was. Drake seemed to really care about me and that kind of scared me. I knew how to respond to resentment, but actual affection was hard to wrap my head around.
Zasha's head snapped around as he caught my scent. Drake's attention snapped to me as well and he smiled at me, "Max," at that Zasha hurried over to me. I smiled as I kneeled down and the wolf sat down before Drake stepped over to us, "are you okay?"
I nodded as I reached out to scratch Zasha behind the ears, "Yeah," I turned my gaze so I was looking up into Drake's perfect amber eyes, "I'm sorry," I felt the stinging of unshed tears as I stared up into that beautiful gaze. He cared about me and I had run from him, multiple times! How could I do such a thing to him?
Drake kneeled down and buried his hand in the thick fur of Zasha's neck, right above the wolf's collar, "Do you want everyone to know that we've slept together or do you want to keep that between us?"
I turned away from him. I didn't know. When he didn't own up to the deed it made me think he was ashamed, but if he did then I would feel like a slut because I had only known him for three days. Was there any winning for me? I knew being in the relationship was a win, it made me feel better because I had slept with him and it made me feel better just because Drake made me feel human again. Was it right that I didn't know? "I don't think I would mind if anyone found out," I sighed as I looked down into Zasha's pale blue eyes, "That doesn't mean I'd be okay with you going around and telling everyone."
"Yeah," I looked up to see that lopsided grin, "You just want it to be one of those things that isn't mentioned, but if it is to be honest," I nodded and Drake nodded in return, "That's fine with me. I don't feel like bedroom talk is the best thing for the locker room. I never understood that. Most the time when a guy reminisces it's obvious and that's just not something you want to happen in the locker room."
I shook my head. There was just nothing that Drake wouldn't say, "You are a strange one."
Drake nodded as he pushed himself upright, "Yep, I make that claim every chance I get," he held his hand out to me and I took it as I rose, "Is that the only reason you wanted to meet me down here?"
My gaze drifted over to the swings as I thought about that. No, it wasn't the reason. I had only wanted to meet him at the park because I felt bad for just running away. I felt guilty and I couldn't live with that. It was because of that that I got myself so deep as it was. I knew I shouldn't complain, but it made me wonder if guilt was really the best thing to base a relationship off of. What would Drake think of me once I did come out of my shell? "Yeah."
Drake nodded before he led me over to the swings and made me sit down in the very swing I always sat in. I don't know why I let him lead me over to the swing. This was usually the place I went to when I needed to think about serious issues. It was hard to think past the horrible to the good as Drake stepped around me and started to push me.
A small smile tugged at the edges of my lips as I thought about how I hadn't shared this place with anyone else for three years. It had always been my little hole. I looked over my shoulder at Drake to see that his dark eyes were dark. He was thinking about something serious and before I even had a chance to think I asked, "Whatcha thinking 'bout?"
Drake shrugged as he pushed me higher, "Nothing really," he smirked, "Just thinking about the last time I pushed someone on a swing."
"Cadence?"
Drake nodded, "Her favorite thing at the park was the swing and slide," he chuckled, "She absolutely loved it when I pushed her up the slide. She was such a strange little girl."
I nodded as I turned back and looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful moonless night, "Drake?"
"Hm?"
I tightened my hold on the swing as I continued to go higher, "What is it about you?"
There was a short laugh behind me, but he didn't stop me on the swing. He didn't push me to go higher, just to keep me going, "What?"
I sighed. I just didn't know what it was about Drake. Why was it that I was perfectly fine with Drake stepping into my little safe haven? How did I not fear him? He seemed different, but I really didn't know how different he was. Could he really be true and care? I just didn't know and that terrified me, "I haven't opened up to anyone since it all happened and I can't seem to keep anything from you. What is it about you?"
Drake grabbed the chains and pulled me to a stop, "Max," his voice was low and it sent shivers down my spine, "every person has that one person they feel they can trust, even if they don't understand why," he placed a light kiss to my temple, "You're the only person I've ever told about Cady. I hadn't even talked to my friends that knew Cady."
My eyes grew wide as I turned around to face him. He felt the same way I did! I couldn't believe it. Was that why he wouldn't let me go? "Why not?"
Drake shrugged as he started to push me again, "I don't know. Just never thought anyone really needed to know," there was a long pause before he continued, "I may seem like a social person, but that doesn't mean I tell others everything. I'm not afraid of telling people what I've done, but I don't like to think about what happened to my little sister. She was so young and innocent. She didn't deserve what happened and if I ever get my hands on the perv that did such a thing…" Drake trailed off and I knew what he wanted to say. I also understood why he was so mad. I couldn't blame him at all. I would want to hurt anyone that hurt Markus and I couldn't stand the little prick over half the time.
I jumped out of the swing and turned to look at him, "Drake," I stepped around the still moving swing and stopped right in front of him, "relax," I placed my hands against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me to pull me close.
Drake let out a light sigh as I laid my head against his chest. No words were uttered at that moment and none were needed. We both had a past that tainted our every thought, but he pushed through. He was so strong and because of him I felt strong.
It was then that I pulled back and looked up into those beautiful amber eyes to realize that I was dependent on him. How had that happened? I wanted to curse myself for getting so close to someone, but I loved it. I loved him. He would be the one to ruin me. I had thought I was ruined after Patrick, but without Drake I would be nothing.
After just a few moments, Drake closed the distance and kissed me. It wasn't like any of the other kisses he had given me. This one was different. It was desperate. It was passionate. It was just plain different. I could feel how much he needed me. I couldn't figure out why he needed me, but I could feel it. For some reason I was important to him already. Somehow…
18: -18-Drake was already at the park playing with Zasha when I arrived. I shouldn't have been surprised to see them there already, but I was. Drake seemed to really care about me and that kind of scared me. I knew how to respond to resentment, but actual affection was hard to wrap my head around.
Zasha's head snapped around as he caught my scent. Drake's attention snapped to me as well and he smiled at me, "Max," at that Zasha hurried over to me. I smiled as I kneeled down and the wolf sat down before Drake stepped over to us, "are you okay?"
I nodded as I reached out to scratch Zasha behind the ears, "Yeah," I turned my gaze so I was looking up into Drake's perfect amber eyes, "I'm sorry," I felt the stinging of unshed tears as I stared up into that beautiful gaze. He cared about me and I had run from him, multiple times! How could I do such a thing to him?
Drake kneeled down and buried his hand in the thick fur of Zasha's neck, right above the wolf's collar, "Do you want everyone to know that we've slept together or do you want to keep that between us?"
I turned away from him. I didn't know. When he didn't own up to the deed it made me think he was ashamed, but if he did then I would feel like a slut because I had only known him for three days. Was there any winning for me? I knew being in the relationship was a win, it made me feel better because I had slept with him and it made me feel better just because Drake made me feel human again. Was it right that I didn't know? "I don't think I would mind if anyone found out," I sighed as I looked down into Zasha's pale blue eyes, "That doesn't mean I'd be okay with you going around and telling everyone."
"Yeah," I looked up to see that lopsided grin, "You just want it to be one of those things that isn't mentioned, but if it is to be honest," I nodded and Drake nodded in return, "That's fine with me. I don't feel like bedroom talk is the best thing for the locker room. I never understood that. Most the time when a guy reminisces it's obvious and that's just not something you want to happen in the locker room."
I shook my head. There was just nothing that Drake wouldn't say, "You are a strange one."
Drake nodded as he pushed himself upright, "Yep, I make that claim every chance I get," he held his hand out to me and I took it as I rose, "Is that the only reason you wanted to meet me down here?"
My gaze drifted over to the swings as I thought about that. No, it wasn't the reason. I had only wanted to meet him at the park because I felt bad for just running away. I felt guilty and I couldn't live with that. It was because of that that I got myself so deep as it was. I knew I shouldn't complain, but it made me wonder if guilt was really the best thing to base a relationship off of. What would Drake think of me once I did come out of my shell? "Yeah."
Drake nodded before he led me over to the swings and made me sit down in the very swing I always sat in. I don't know why I let him lead me over to the swing. This was usually the place I went to when I needed to think about serious issues. It was hard to think past the horrible to the good as Drake stepped around me and started to push me.
A small smile tugged at the edges of my lips as I thought about how I hadn't shared this place with anyone else for three years. It had always been my little hole. I looked over my shoulder at Drake to see that his dark eyes were dark. He was thinking about something serious and before I even had a chance to think I asked, "Whatcha thinking 'bout?"
Drake shrugged as he pushed me higher, "Nothing really," he smirked, "Just thinking about the last time I pushed someone on a swing."
"Cadence?"
Drake nodded, "Her favorite thing at the park was the swing and slide," he chuckled, "She absolutely loved it when I pushed her up the slide. She was such a strange little girl."
I nodded as I turned back and looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful moonless night, "Drake?"
"Hm?"
I tightened my hold on the swing as I continued to go higher, "What is it about you?"
There was a short laugh behind me, but he didn't stop me on the swing. He didn't push me to go higher, just to keep me going, "What?"
I sighed. I just didn't know what it was about Drake. Why was it that I was perfectly fine with Drake stepping into my little safe haven? How did I not fear him? He seemed different, but I really didn't know how different he was. Could he really be true and care? I just didn't know and that terrified me, "I haven't opened up to anyone since it all happened and I can't seem to keep anything from you. What is it about you?"
Drake grabbed the chains and pulled me to a stop, "Max," his voice was low and it sent shivers down my spine, "every person has that one person they feel they can trust, even if they don't understand why," he placed a light kiss to my temple, "You're the only person I've ever told about Cady. I hadn't even talked to my friends that knew Cady."
My eyes grew wide as I turned around to face him. He felt the same way I did! I couldn't believe it. Was that why he wouldn't let me go? "Why not?"
Drake shrugged as he started to push me again, "I don't know. Just never thought anyone really needed to know," there was a long pause before he continued, "I may seem like a social person, but that doesn't mean I tell others everything. I'm not afraid of telling people what I've done, but I don't like to think about what happened to my little sister. She was so young and innocent. She didn't deserve what happened and if I ever get my hands on the perv that did such a thing…" Drake trailed off and I knew what he wanted to say. I also understood why he was so mad. I couldn't blame him at all. I would want to hurt anyone that hurt Markus and I couldn't stand the little prick over half the time.
I jumped out of the swing and turned to look at him, "Drake," I stepped around the still moving swing and stopped right in front of him, "relax," I placed my hands against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me to pull me close.
Drake let out a light sigh as I laid my head against his chest. No words were uttered at that moment and none were needed. We both had a past that tainted our every thought, but he pushed through. He was so strong and because of him I felt strong.
It was then that I pulled back and looked up into those beautiful amber eyes to realize that I was dependent on him. How had that happened? I wanted to curse myself for getting so close to someone, but I loved it. I loved him. He would be the one to ruin me. I had thought I was ruined after Patrick, but without Drake I would be nothing.
After just a few moments, Drake closed the distance and kissed me. It wasn't like any of the other kisses he had given me. This one was different. It was desperate. It was passionate. It was just plain different. I could feel how much he needed me. I couldn't figure out why he needed me, but I could feel it. For some reason I was important to him already. Somehow…
19: -19-My parents didn't let me out of their sight until school the next Monday. My father refused to let Drake drive me to school and I was miserable. I missed Drake more than I thought I could miss a person and he was just right across the street. Maybe that was why it was so bad. He was there, but just out of my reach. My Drake.
Once at school, I hurried away from Megan and Melanie in search of Drake. He was usually always right on time because he had to wait for his parents to leave so he could wear what he wanted. I should have known better, though. I found Drake in the library dressed in a pair of plain stone washed jeans and a simple long sleeve black shirt. He looked almost normal, and that made me feel good about myself. He was uncomfortable in such attire, but he did it for me.
I hurried across the library and wrapped my arms around him, "Drake," he placed his hands on either side of my face and pulled me close for a kiss that cut me off. I didn't mind, but the librarian wasn't much for PDA.
After listening to the librarian lecture us for about five minutes my stomach turned and I knew exactly what was wrong. Oh, how could I be so stupid again? I couldn't believe what was happening. It had been so long that I hadn't even thought about protection and it was in the heat of the moment. I could have just been overthinking it, which I did often.
I must have had a strange expression on my face because when the librarian returned to her desk because Drake placed his hand on my shoulder, "You okay, Max?"
I nodded as I forced a smile. I wasn't going to say anything about my sneaking suspicion because the feeling was gone as fast as it came. Maybe it was just nerves. I had never been lectured about PDA before. I had never really been in trouble, other than being pregnant, in my entire life. I always had a tendency to panic when the thought even arose, "I didn't want to get in trouble."
Drake chuckled as he nodded, "You might not want to hang around me, then."
"I don't see why you say that," I looked him over. He didn't look like the typical nice guy, and he wasn't typical in any way, but there was nothing wrong with him, "People make bad choices in their past and shouldn't be punished."
"Exactly…"
My eyes grew wide as I realized what I had said. Drake wasn't the one that was punishing himself for his bad choices. I was the one. I wasn't sure how the topic changed so quickly, but that single word hit me like a sack of bricks. I nearly stumbled back from the realization. The entire time I was with Drake he was trying to tell me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
Drake smiled, "Max?"
I shook my head as my stomach turned again. Did I have a right to be forgiven? Was I truly sorry for what I had done? I was sorry for being with Patrick. I regretted it every single day, but I went and repeated the process with Drake. At least Patrick had been my boyfriend for over six months before I gave in. I had only known Drake for a few days. Was my punishment over?
My stomach turned again and this time it made me rush out of the library in search of a bathroom. It was as I was leaning over the toilet that I realized that I wasn't overthinking it. I had let history repeat itself. Was this time going to be different?
I flushed the toilet and watched as my breakfast swirled down before I thought about Drake. He was different than Patrick, but that didn't mean things would be different this time around. There was one thing that was different. The way it started. The first time I had been horrified of what was happening. This time I just stared at the toilet with a cool acceptance. Even if Drake wouldn't stay, I wouldn't let things happen the way they did before.
20: -20-I spent the entire week moping in my room. My parents still wouldn't let me out to see Drake and the nausea came back at least once a day. The strange thing was that that wasn't the reason I was moping. I was moping because I missed Drake. I thought about sneaking out every night, but I didn't want to get caught and be in even more trouble. I was just going to ride out my punishment and then discuss everything with Drake.
It was the weekend, again. Missy and Marco decided to come over for lunch on Saturday and the only thing I could think about was the man across the street and his wolf. I was obsessed and that just made my parents even more mad.
"You're a little whore," my attention snapped away from the window I was staring out in hopes that Drake would step outside to Missy who was sitting across the room with her feet propped up on the coffee table and her hands on her stomach, "I can't believe you're doing it again. How stupid can you be?"
I shrugged as I turned back to the window to see the door across the street open. I instantly relaxed as Drake stepped out on the porch with Zasha at his side. His dark gaze instantly jumped to my bedroom window and I wanted to shout at him that I wasn't there. I wanted him to look at me, but something in his house caught his attention.
I watched as he yelled back into the house and the fur on Zasha's back stood on end. I could only imagine the wolf snarling at whatever had Drake's attention in the house. I pictured Sheryl standing there with her hand out as if she wanted money, but what I saw was something entirely different.
A man, probably someone in his early twenties, stepped out of the house with a smile on his face. He didn't even seem to be bothered by Drake's rage and that made me wonder who this man was. Why was he there? Drake hadn't told me about any other sibling than Cadence. How much was there to learn about Drake?
"You're pathetic."
I ignored Missy's quips as I pushed myself to my feet, "Pathetic, yeah, but I'm fine with that," at that I stepped over to the front door, "I'll be back later."
"No way, young lady!"
I spun towards my father's voice and just stared up at him. He was a larger man that had a desk job. He didn't worry about what shape he was in and I knew I would be able to outrun him if I wanted to, "I'll be eighteen in about a month, dad. What are you going to do when you have absolutely no say over me?"
My father's eyes grew wide, but I didn't wait for his response. I wanted to spend time with Drake. I missed him so much. I hadn't even felt this void when Patrick told me he didn't want to see me again.
As soon as I closed the door behind me, my stomach turned. I wasn't nervous and I wanted to talk to Drake about this very thing. Would I get a chance to do so with this other man around? I really didn't know and I didn't even know if Drake wanted me over there, but I wasn't going to turn back after what I said to my father.
I walked across the street as Drake talked to the other man. It was when I reached the porch that Zasha's large head snapped around to see me. The wolf glanced up at Drake a moment before he jumped down the steps and sat at my feet with his tail wagging. I liked the wolf and he liked me, "Hey, boy," I kneeled down in front of him and reached up to scratch his ears.
"Max," I looked up at Drake to see that he was hurrying down the steps, "I thought your parents were completely against me."
I glanced back across the street to see that everyone was standing at the window watching us, "They are, but I decided that I don't care."
Drake nodded as he looked back up on the porch at the other man, "Sam," I guessed it was the man's name, "this is Max. Max, this is Sam," he glared at the man before he continued, "he's the drummer of my band back in Minnesota."
Sam gave me an amused smile, "So, she's the reason?"
Drake groaned, "Damn it, Sam!" Drake shook his head and Zasha tensed. I knew right then that I needed to step away from the wolf. I knew he liked me, but he sensed Drake's irritation and I didn't know what he would do, "Why don't you just leave it alone? I told you that I refuse to drop out just for the band and there is no school that will take me back in Minnesota."
Sam rolled his eyes as I stood up and stepped around Drake so he was between Zasha and me, "Right, why won't you just admit that she's a reason."
Drake nodded, "I'll admit it. I've extremely fond of Max," I smiled up at Drake as he continued, "but even without Max I would still want to finish school. I want to have a back-up plan in case the band falls through."
Sam laughed, "Like that's going to happen."
Drake shook his head, "I can't believe you came all the way here just to try to convince me to leave," he reached out and Zasha stepped over to him, "Come on, boy, let's take a walk before I sick you on him."
Sam shook his head as Drake stormed off. I wanted to yell at Sam for irritating Drake, but I wanted to talk to Drake more. I just didn't know if he would be mad enough to go off on me. There was only one way to find out.
It was as we were walking by the park that I finally opened my mouth, "Drake?"
Drake looked down at me and I could see the irritation etched plainly in his sharp features, "What's up, Max?"
I sighed as I looked out at the few kids playing in the park. Would this be a place I would return to with my own? I had dreamed about it the first time, but the very thought of ever coming back to this place once I left made me sick, literally at that point, "I think we might have an issue here soon."
Drake nodded, "You think you might be pregnant again?"
My eyes grew wide as I stopped. How? "How?"
Drake gave me a droll stare, "It's the only thing that I know that can terrify you," he shrugged, "Also the whole making a b-line for the bathroom three out of the past five days was a big clue."
I nodded as I tried to process what he was saying. I was also trying to figure out how he felt about it, but right then all I saw was irritation. How did he feel about it? "What do you think about it?"
Drake sighed, "I'm sorry, Max, but this isn't the best time to talk to me about something like this," he looked past me towards his house, "I do promise you that I'm not irritated with you or the situation," he forced a smile, "Why don't we talk about it a little later? Maybe by then Sam will have left and I'll have calmed down."
I nodded as I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, "Okay," his arms slipped around my waist, "would you mind if I kissed you?"
Drake shook his head, "Not at all," he leaned down and gave me a light kiss, "I would never mind that."
21: -21-Things weren't making sense. I had gone out with Drake and gotten a pregnancy test. It was as I was standing there staring at the results. I'd heard that some tests didn't register so early on, but I got the one that was specifically for early results. Was it right or did I just have to wait and try again?
I looked over to the door as I thought about talking to Drake about it. Would he understand? What would he do if I wasn't? What would I do? I was basically having all the symptoms… What was going on?
There was a light tapping on the bathroom door a moment before Drake called through the door, "Max?"
I shrugged it off as I grabbed everything, wrapper and box along with the test, before I stepped over to the door. We had discussed the fact that the test might not read it so early on. He seemed okay with that. He actually seemed okay with everything that was happening. It was that thought that made me smile as I opened to door to see him standing there.
Drake cocked a curious brow as he stared down at me, "So?"
I shrugged, "Inconclusive."
Drake nodded, "So safety until sure?"
I rolled my eyes as I nodded, "What would you say about holding off for a little while?"
Drake took a moment to make it look like he was seriously thinking before he smiled at me and shook his head, "I'm not trying to make you feel like you have to do anything. You just jump me because you find me extremely sexy."
I couldn't keep myself from smiling at him. I did find him extremely sexy, but I shook my head as I made my next comment, "No, I jump on you because you're easy."
Drake laughed as he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me close, "How can a guy say no to such a fine woman?" I rolled my eyes as I glanced over at my reflection. I still didn't understand what he saw. I wasn't that great. Jenny was prettier than me.
"Max," I turned my attention back to Drake to see that his dark eyes were intense, "don't you dare tell me you were searching for what I was talking about," he pushed me back into the bathroom and turned me towards the mirror. He took the box out of my hand and sat it on the sink before he stood behind me. He slowly started to unbraid my hair and for some reason his fingers through my hair made me relax. I had never liked it when people messed with my hair before, but as my riotous ebony curls fell around my sharp features I couldn't keep myself from leaning back into his touch.
I closed my eyes as he gently combed his hands through my hair. It had always been such a difficult task to brush my hair, but Drake didn't seem to find any tangles. How was he doing it? "That is so relaxing."
Drake chuckled as his hands left my hair and moved to rest on my hips, "Open your eyes, Max," I did as he said to see him standing behind me. There was nothing special there, but Drake didn't seem to notice my mild disinterest, "Just look at yourself."
I did. I had long curly black hair and narrow brown eyes. I was pale because I usually kept to myself and hid from everything. My features were sharp and delicate. I knew I was pretty, but I just didn't think I was that beautiful. At least not as beautiful as Drake made me seem, "I'm looking."
Drake leaned forward and rested his chin on my shoulder, "Max," his hands slid around my waist so he could hold me tight against him, "You're not seeing what I see, though," he paused as his gaze swept over our reflection, "You're beautiful. Those dark eyes are deep and seem like they're looking right through me. That hair," he smiled, "may not be your favorite thing, but everything else about you is so tame. Something about you has to be wild."
That last comment got me. Did he not like the fact that I was so quiet? Did I really want to know the answer to that question? I didn't think I did, but I couldn't keep myself from asking, "Do you want me to be more wild?"
Drake's eyes grew wide, "No, Max," he pulled back so he could turn me around and actually look at me, "I like you as you are. You keep me calm. If you haven't noticed by now I kind of need someone to keep me grounded. I tend to get carried away."
I nodded as I looked him over. He was right. There was nothing that was tame about the way he dressed. Just one look at him, in his preferred attire, and anyone could see that he was an odd one. Then add the wolf that was almost always at his side and anyone would chock that up to a psychotic level, "Just every now and again."
Drake smiled at me, "Oh, Maxi," he shook his head, "I'm really starting to like that sense of humor of yours."
It was a sweet moment that had to be ruined by the inevitable turning of my stomach and me turning quickly so I could empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet and not all over Drake. It was as I was leaning over the toilet that I realized that my hair was still free and it had fallen in front of my face. I groaned as I ran my hands through my hair. There really wasn't too much vomit in my hair, at least there were no chunks, but it still wasn't pleasant.
"Max?"
I stood up straight and shook my head, "I threw up in my hair."
That comment elicited a chuckle from him and I spun around to tell him off only to see him waving his hands back and forth like he was sorry. I cocked my head to the side as he took a deep calming breath, "I'm sorry, Max, but the dry tone as you just stated that," he gave me that lopsided grin, "How about we get a shower and I wash that out for you?"
I actually had to think about that one. I knew I was in serious trouble as it was. I had yet to return home after just walking out. I had to decide if an extra hour or so would really get me in that much more trouble. It was still mid-afternoon and the street lights had yet to come on.
I nodded as I stepped over to him. I couldn't say no to Drake. There was just something about him. And then there was the way his hands felt in my hair just moments before. I wasn't going to pull away from this man before I absolutely had to.
22: -22-A few days had passed. I was lying in Drake's bed, feeling worse than I ever had before. I was having gut wrenching cramps and I couldn't keep a single thing down. I was just to the point of throwing up stomach acid and, because of that, my throat was sore.
Drake was sitting in his chair, ready to jump to my aid if I needed and that didn't even help me feel better. It should have made me smile, but I just felt so horrible. I felt bad for Drake because it was on this day that I knew he really cared about me, and I couldn't do anything to thank him.
I leaned over again and threw up again into the bucket that Drake had brought in so I wouldn't have to try to rush to the bathroom. My eyes grew wide as I stared down into the bucket, "Uh, Drake."
I didn't have to say anymore. Drake was across the room and looking down into the bucket with me, "That's it," he pushed the bucket aside as he leaned over and picked me up, "There are not going to be any objections. I'm taking you to the hospital," he glanced down into the bucket again and I couldn't object. I had just vomited blood. I wanted to find out what was wrong with me. I needed to find out what was wrong with me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me out of his house to his car. It was at this moment that I was thankful I had Drake. My parents wouldn't rush me to the hospital. They would wait a short while to see if I got better. If I didn't then they would take me. I really couldn't blame them. They did that with all seven of us, but that was because they didn't have the money to rush all seven of us to the hospital right away. Drake didn't seem to care about the money. He just seemed to care about me.
Drake even buckled me in the vehicle before he kissed my forehead, "Max," he whispered before he pulled away and closed my door. He was so amazing.
My stomach clenched again and I doubled over in my seat. Something wasn't right and I knew right then that everything that was happening to me wasn't because I was pregnant. There was something else going on with my body and I was going to figure out what it was.
"Max!" I heard Drake's worried exclaimation before he opened the door. I tried to sit up straight and smile at him, but I couldn't. It was just more than I could take.
I let out a low breath as I started to talk to myself, "Labor was worse," my stomach clenched even tighter and I felt the bile rise. I turned and opened the door so I wouldn't throw up in his car. I stared down at the muddy red puddle before the tears started to stream down my cheeks.
Am I dying? It was the only thing that went through my head at that moment. I didn't wasn't to die. I was finally becoming happy, "I don't want to die, Drake."
I felt Drake's hand on my shoulder as I sat back in the seat, "Max, you're not going to die," he reached across me and pulled the door closed, "Not if I have any say in it," at that he turned the car on and peeled out of the driveway. He was speeding I knew he was, but I could also tell that he didn't care. He was just worried about the sobbing girl that was vomiting blood in the vehicle next to him. Me.
23: -23-The words had yet to register. I couldn't believe what the doctor was telling me. It just didn't make sense. Why would my parents do such a thing to me? Would my parents really do such a thing to me? I just didn't know. My parents had been poisoning me. I wasn't pregnant. I was extremely sick because I had ingested rat poisoning. A very minute amount that shouldn't have caused such a severe reaction, but something must have gone wrong with my latest meal. The strange thing was that the only food I ate was from school or what my mother made me. It had to be my parents because no one else at school was being poisoned.
"Drake," my voice was meek, but he still heard me and stepped over to me to grab my hand, "do you really think…"
Drake squeeze my hand as his gaze grew sharp, "I don't want to think about it," he took a deep breath to calm himself before he sat down on the edge of my bed, "I kind of wish you were pregnant."
I smiled at his comment. He was trying to cheer me up and trying to hide his anger, but I could feel it. I had never even thought that Drake could get mad. He told me that he had stabbed his friend because he was mad, but he just seemed so sweet, "Hey," I draped my arm over his lap, "relax, Drake," I let out a light sigh as I rested my head in his lap, "I'm going to be just fine."
Drake sighed as he draped his arm over me, "I just can't believe…" he stopped himself, "The doctor wants to keep you overnight to make sure that the poison gets out of your system and there's no lasting damage," he tightened his hold on me, "They won't let me stay."
I nodded as I closed my eyes, "Have you called my parents?"
At that his entire form tensed, "Do you want me to?"
That wasn't what I expected him to say. I knew he hadn't and I knew that I asked a dumb question, but I had to ask. When the words slipped out I figured he would start ranting about my parents, but instead he offered to call them. He was more than I could ever ask for, "They need to be called, Drake. They are my parents."
"They're the reason you're here," his voice was low and gruff. It almost scared me. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew that his anger wasn't directed at me I would have been frightened, "I know you haven't been downing rat poison. You probably don't even know there's any rat poison in the house," he pulled away from me and started to pace the room, "I don't think I can even look at your parents, Max," he took a deep breath as he turned towards me, "I just don't see how anyone could do something like this to someone they claim to care about."
For some reason, his little rant made me smile. Maybe it was the fact that he truly cared about me and looked like he wanted to kill my parents. Maybe it was the fact that he was still in the hospital with me. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't want to call my parents. I wasn't sure, but something made me smile, "I love you, Drake."
Drake stepped across the room and stopped by my bed as he grabbed my hand. His dark gaze bore down into mine and I could just hear those words in the silence as we stared into each other's eyes. I loved him. I admitted it and I could see that he was deciding whether or not he was willing to admit it. Finally, he gave me a simple smile that softened his features, "I love you, too, Maxi."
I let out a content sigh as I smiled. I couldn't believe I was hearing those words. Drake and I had only known each other for a little under a month and we were already attached. Separation would be crippling for either of us, "Are you sure you can't stay the night?"
Drake gave me a light chuckle as he shook his head, "I'm not family. I wouldn't leave the doctor alone until he threatened to have me removed," he gave me that lopsided grin, "I figured I'd have to settle with visiting hours."
I chuckled and sighed as the movement made my stomach turn a bit, "Oh," I took a deep breath to calm my stomach and Drake's gaze fill with worry, "I'm okay."
Drake gave me a questioning look as the door opened, "Maxine," I turned away from Drake as one of the nurses entered, "We're going to move you, now," she looked over at Drake, "She'll be in room 314 in a few minutes. If you want to meet up there that would be fine."
Drake nodded as he leaned over and placed a light kiss to my forehead, "I'm going to run and get something," he gave me a sweet smile that somehow made me feel better, "I love you, Max."
I squeezed his hand before he pulled away, "I love you, too," at that he hurried out of the room. I turned to the nurse as she made her way over to my bed, "Why couldn't he come with?"
The nurse shook her head, "We just don't want everyone walking around certain parts of the hospital. Don't worry," she gave me a sweet smile, "We won't keep him away," she looked over towards the door, "How long have you two been together?"
"A month," closed my eyes as she released the brakes on the bed, "He's something special," I let out a light sigh as she started to push me out of the room and my mind started to wander back to the day I met him. I had fought any involvement at all, but as I laid there in that hospital bed I couldn't think of life without him. How could I have gotten so attached? I wasn't sure, but I didn't regret it at all. Drake was so amazing.
"He really cares about you," I nodded as the nurse continued, "I've never seen anyone irritate Dr. Russle quite like that," she let out a light chuckle, "I thought it was sweet, but the good doctor just wanted to have him thrown out."
I opened my eyes slowly, "He's unique," I snuggled further down into the bed as an indication that I didn't want to talk more. She caught on and the rest of the trip was in silence. She didn't even say anything to me as she helped me over to the stationary bed that was in the room.
The door clicked closed behind her, leaving me completely alone to wonder where Drake was. He was the only thing I could think about and he was the only thing that I really wanted. What was he getting?
A few moments later there was a light knock on the door before it opened and Drake stepped into the room with his hand behind his back and a bright grin on his face, "Max," he kicked the door closed behind him before he stepped over to me, "I know I can't stay here with you, but," he brought his hand around to show me what he had been hiding. My eyes grew wide at the small black teddy bear that he had in his hand, "he can."
"Drake," I reached out and took the bear from him, "thank you," I pulled it close against my chest, "Do you believe that this is the first stuffed animal I've ever gotten?"
Drake nodded, "I believe it," he ran his hand through my hair, "You like it?"
I nodded as I stared up at him. How was it that I found myself such a sweet man? I didn't know and I didn't care. I had him, "I do," I held the bear out in front of me as I tried to think of the perfect name for the bear, "Draco," I nodded as Drake chuckled, "He's my little Draco."
Drake nodded as I wrapped my arms around the bear again, "Now, when I can't be around Draco can."
I nodded as I closed my eyes, "Thank you, Drake, for so much more than Draco."
Drake leaned over and placed a light kiss to my temple, "It's been a pleasure, Max, and I will be here for so much more," his words seemed distant and I knew it was because I was drifting off to sleep. It had been a long day as it was and just Drake's presence put me at ease. Was he my soul mate? I didn't know. I didn't even think I believed in soul mates at that time. Was there such a thing as that one special person for everyone?
24: -24-My eyes fluttered open as I heard voices around me. Gruff voices as if they were irritated. I didn't understand why people would be in my room arguing, but when I opened my eyes I realized why. I wasn't in my room. I was in the hospital. How could I have forgotten about that?
My eyes grew wide as I stared up at my father's back and Mathias. When did Mathias return home? There wasn't a break for another two months. Why was he there?
Mathias' eyes grew wide as he noticed that I was awake, "Maxi," he pushed my father aside as I sat up to find that my arms were wrapped tightly around Draco, "are you okay?"
I blinked a few times as I thought about exactly why I was lying in that hospital bed. No, I wasn't okay. Our parents had been poisoning me and there was nothing I could do about it, "Yeah."
Mathias shot a sharp look over his shoulder at our father before he looked back down at me, "What's that?"
I looked down at Draco and thought about Drake. He was probably at school right then and I missed him. Though, I didn't feel as vacant as I thought I would when I faced my father. Was it Mathias that made me feel better? I didn't know, but I was pretty sure it was, "My boyfriend gave it to me last night before he had to leave," I snuggled the bear as I remembered how Drake had said he loved me. Just the memory warmed me, "He didn't want me to be alone."
Mathias smiled, "I think I'd like this kid."
I shrugged as I looked up at him again, his dark eyes sharp, "What are you doing here?"
Mathias looked back at our father again, "It just so happens that Dad," I had never heard so much loathing in my brother's voice. He was usually the nice one that never had a bad word for everything, "wrote me off as you emergency contact. I got a call in the middle of class about you being in the ER."
Mathias was my emergency contact? Mathias came home just because I was in the ER? I knew Mathias was the only one in our entire family that seemed to care about me, but I didn't realize that he cared so much. Why hadn't he been there when I had gotten pregnant? It was then that I realized that Mathias was away at college then. He wasn't even there to give me comfort and I was sure that he would have if he could, "Why are you my emergency contact?"
Mathias shrugged, "Not sure," he turned around to face our father, "Dad?"
Our father rolled his eyes, "It's just because we couldn't keep our eye on all of you. Missy is Markus' emergency contact. Marsha is Megan's emergency contact."
Mathias scoffed, "And I'm going to guess that you're the emergency contact for Melanie and only Melanie."
Our father shook his head, "No, we're Marsha's emergency contact. We would be Missy's and yours, but Missy's is Marco and yours is your best friend."
Mathias groaned, "She's my fiancée, dad. Fiancée," he crossed his arms over his chest as my eyes grew wide. Mathias was engaged. I didn't even know he had ever had a girlfriend. Mom and dad had never said anything about it, "So, Max, tell me about what happened."
My hold on Draco tightened as I remembered lying in Drake's bed the day before as I was attacked by some of the worst pain I had ever felt, "It was horrible," I buried my face in the bear's soft black fur, "I was in so much pain and then I threw up blood. At that Drake just carried me out to his car and brought me here," my eyes started to water as I felt my mind shut down. It hurt to just think about what I had learned, "Where's Drake?"
Mathias gave me a curious look before I saw it in his gaze. It took him a moment to realize who Drake was, but he figured it out, "It's only noon, Maxi, he can't be here."
I nodded as I squeezed Draco even tighter. I wanted Drake. I needed Drake, "Get out," I turned my gaze to my father, "I want him out, Matty," I shook my head, "Get him out!"
Mathias nodded as he hurried to get our father out with only minimal protests from our father. Once the door closed behind our father, Mathias sighed as he looked over at me, "What happened, Max?"
I shook my head as I pulled the blanket up around my neck as I loosened my grip on Draco, "I want Drake."
Mathias let out a light sigh as he nodded, "Okay," he sat in the chair next to my bed, "Are you hungry?"
I shook my head. I didn't want anything other than Drake. I couldn't think of anything else. Something was missing and that something was Drake. I was terrified and I needed my rock. The one thing that could stabilize me. I wanted my Drake.
Mathias sighed, "Tell me about Drake."
I nodded as I calmed, "He's the nicest guy I've ever met," I started to play with Draco's fur as I continued to tell Mathias about Drake. Before I knew it, it was three o'clock and the door opened to admit Drake. I sat up straight as Drake rushed over to the bed and wrapped his arms around me.
"Max," his voice was hoarse as if he was worried and I knew he was, "how are you feeling?"
I wrapped one arm around him while the other stayed wrapped around Draco, "I missed you, Drake."
Drake sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled me into his lap, "I tried to ditch school, but my parents were actually on my case this morning and made sure I got there," he mumbled, "I'm sorry."
I shook my head. I wasn't upset with him. He was there right then and that was all that mattered, "Don't be," I laid my head against his chest, "I got to tell Matt all about you."
It was then that Drake took notice of Mathias, "Mathias?"
Mathias sighed, "You must be Drake," I looked over to Mathias to see that he was smiling at the two of us, "Max seems very fond of you. How exactly do you feel about my sister?"
"Matt!" I snapped, "What are you doing?"
Drake shook his head as he chuckled, "No, Max," he kissed the top of my head, "I understand what he's doing. Relax," I nodded as I closed my eyes and held Draco close, "I can honestly say I love her and that I've never felt this way about anyone," there was a short pause before Drake asked, "Is that a decent answer?"
"Yes," I heard a light rustling and I opened my eyes to see that Mathias was standing, "I'm going to go get her checked out," his gaze focused on me, "Convince her to get something to eat."
"Max," I started to chew on my bottom lip as I looked up at Drake through my lashes, "what have you eaten today?"
I heard the door open and close before I responded, "Nothing yet," I gave him a sheepish smile, "I'm kind of afraid to eat after what happened."
Drake took a deep calming breath before he shook his head, "Max, you didn't eat anything. You need to eat something. Even if it is just a few crackers."
I nodded. I couldn't say no to him, "Fine, we'll get something before you take me home."
Drake shook his head, "I'm not taking you back to your house," I felt his entire form tense at the very thought, "No way in hell, Max. I will go over to your house and get your clothes or anything else that you might want."
He was just so amazing. I just didn't know if I would be able to avoid my parents. I understood why he felt the way he did. I didn't want to return home, but I didn't know how I was going to avoid it, "You're going to have to talk to Mathias about that."
"About what?" I jumped. When did the door open? I didn't hear it, but Mathias was standing in the room, "What's going on?"
Drake didn't hesitate before he spoke, "I refuse to let her go home. Not after what your parents did."
Mathias' eyes grew wide, "What happened?"
"Your parents did this to her," Drake's voice was sharp and I could see the fire in Mathias' eyes, "She's in here because she was poisoned by rat poisoning and I know Max isn't dumb enough to just ingest it and there hasn't been anyone that's had to come the hospital from school. It had to be your parents and I won't let Max return to them. Anyone that's okay with poisoning their own child deserves to die."
Mathias shook his head. I really wished I could hear his thoughts at that point. It was obvious that the gears were going. What was he thinking about? "You're extremely protective."
Drake shrugged, "Someone has to be," his hand slid through my hair and my eyes fell closed. I was just so relaxed in his arms, "Are you going to tell me that she needs to return home?"
Mathias sighed, "She has three weeks before she turns eighteen and you don't have any solid evidence. My parents are the type to call the police to get her to return," Mathias paused as Drake tensed, "Relax, kid."
Drake lifted me off his lap and sat me back on the bed before he stood up, "You're telling me to relax?" I opened my eyes to see Drake standing toe-to-toe with Mathias. I had never realized how strange Drake really did look until right then. Mathias was the typical man with loose pants held up by a simple black belt and a loose shirt that completely covered his pockets. Drake was dressed in all black, clothes not too tight or too loose and his hair was completely different.
Mathias crossed his arms over his chest as he leveled his gaze on Drake, "I'm just as worried about her as you are," Mathias sighed, "I left in the middle of class to come here and I'm going to school in Florida."
Drake shrugged, "Just because you came back for a day doesn't mean anything. What are you going to do now? Just leave and let her deal alone. Like you did last time?"
Mathias' eyes grew wide and I sat bolt upright. I couldn't believe what Drake had just said. It was obvious that he wasn't fond of my family, but I told him that Mathias was the only tolerable one. Why did he have to be mad at Mathias, "You mean when she was pregnant?" Drake gave him a curt nod and Mathias glared at him, "I didn't hear about it until I returned home after everything was said and done. By that point, Drake, Max was so withdrawn that I couldn't even talk to her."
Drake shook his head as he turned to face me, "Are we good to go?"
25: -25-I was curled up in Drake's bed later that day as Drake and Mathias talked out in the hallway. I could hear their muffled voices through the door and neither of them seemed to be happy. I wasn't sure what they were talking about, but it was kind of scaring me.
I wrapped my arms around Draco as Mathias' voice rose almost high enough for me to understand what he was saying. What did Drake say to irritate Mathias? Why was Mathias so irritated? Drake was just trying to protect me. Shouldn't that make him happy? I just didn't understand.
Suddenly, the door opened and I heard Mathias' voice, "I'm not going to let my sister suffer," I felt the bed dip under someone's weight a moment before Drake pulled me into his lap, "I'm not going to go back to school for the rest of the semester."
My eyes snapped open as I looked up at Mathias, "You can't do that! You're so close to graduating!" I looked up at Drake, "He can't stay here. Tell him."
Drake sighed, "That's what we were discussing," he ran his hands through my hair as he shook his head, "I can't tell him to do anything, though, Max."
I shook my head as I pushed myself off of Drake's lap. I gently placed Draco on the bed next to Drake before I stepped up to Mathias. I took a deep breath as I organized my thoughts. There was no way I was going to let Mathias throw away his scholarship for me. He had so much going for him and I wasn't going to let him ruin it, "I will be fine, Matt," I took a deep breath, "You can't throw it all away for me," I forced a smile, "I can take care of myself," I looked over my shoulder to see that Drake was looking at Draco, "Anyway, I have Drake. He may be a little eccentric, but he's really a nice guy."
Mathias sighed as he shook his head, "It's not just that, Max," he looked over my shoulder at Drake, "He's told me something that disturbs me," he closed his eyes slowly, "Max, just trust me when I say there is so much more to what's going on."
What was I supposed to say? How could I argue with him? He just wanted to stay and watch over me. What were the other things that were going on? What did Drake tell him? What was happening? "Tell me," my voice was low, so low that I didn't think Mathias heard me.
But, after a moment's hesitation, he opened his eyes and focused on Drake, "He doesn't plan on staying here. His friend has convinced him to move home once school is out."
I slowly turned around to face Drake to see that Draco was sitting on the bed beside him once again and Drake's dark expression was unreadable. I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted to be with me. Why did he want to leave? Did he want to leave me? "Drake?"
Drake nodded, "It's true. I came to the conclusion last night. As soon as possible I'm going to get you out of here. You don't deserve what's happening."
Well, that wasn't what I had expected. Mathias was disturbed because Drake wanted to get me away from our parents. Was Mathias such a great older brother that he didn't want to see me go or was it because Mathias didn't trust Drake? I wasn't sure and I knew there was no way for me to be sure, "You talked to Mathias about it before me?"
Drake nodded, "I hadn't meant to, but he said something that made me think. Then Zasha jumped on me and my mind instantly jumped to getting away and it just slipped out," he shrugged as if it was no big deal. It shouldn't have been. I knew that, but it still irritated me. He was sure that I would leave with him. I was sure that I would, too, but it was still irritating that he just assumed it, "I guess thinking might be a good thing for me in the future."
It was with that comment that I forgave him. It was because he was himself, because he reacted before he thought, that I loved him. How could I be mad at him for being himself? Was I a horrible person for being mad? I wasn't sure.
I took a deep breath before I turned back towards Mathias, "Why does that disturb you?"
Mathias shook his head, "Max, I don't want to see you go. I don't want him to ruin you. You're still so young and really don't know much about relationships-"
"Ah, go screw yourself!" Drake was at my side in an instant and he didn't use 'screw', "Max can make her own decisions and if you even think about bringing up past indiscretions, I'll bring up one of my own," he paused and I looked up to see that he was giving Mathias that same malicious grin he had given Melody, "I stabbed my best friend because of my girlfriend."
Mathias' eyes grew wide as he held his hands up, "Whoa," he shook his head, "What have you gotten yourself into, Max?"
Drake crossed his arms over his chest and I knew right then that Mathias and Drake were never going to get along, "Please, Matt," I begged before I placed my hand on Drake's arm, "Drake?"
Drake rolled his eyes before he turned around and stepped over to his desk, "For you, Max," he sat down and turned towards his computer as he mumbled something about skeletons. I wasn't sure what he said and I was sure that I really didn't want to know. Sometimes Drake was just a bit different.
Mathias shook his head, "You like him?"
I nodded as I smiled at Drake, "I love him, Matt," I looked over at Draco as he sat there on the bed. Drake had made sure that the small bear was sitting upright, "He just comes on a little strong. Believe me," I chuckled as I thought back to the day we met, "I had a strong aversion to him as well."
Drake shook his head as he mumbled something about an understatement. My boyfriend was mad and he was throwing a tantrum. That should have irritated me, but I found it amusing. Drake was usually so bright and fun to be around. To see him almost pouting made me smile.
Mathias placed his hand on my shoulder, "I'm still staying for the rest of the semester."
No he wasn't. I didn't care what I had to do. He wasn't going to throw it all away for me. I just couldn't let him, "I'll run away before I let you do that, Matt."
26: -26-My grip on Draco was tight. My knuckles were white and the tears were streaming down my cheeks. My parents and Mathias were having a screaming match and I couldn't stand to overhear it. It wasn't that I heard my parents yelling at Mathias. It was what they were yelling at each other. They weren't yelling about what happened to me. They hadn't even said my name. Mathias yelled at them for doing such a thing to their own child. He couldn't even be gender specific.
I stepped over to the window and looked out across the street to see Drake sitting on the steps with Zasha's head resting in his lap. I just wanted to be across the street with that man and wolf. There was nothing for me in this house. I sat down and leaned back against the wall. How was I supposed to survive with my family?
I buried my face in Draco's head. I just wanted my Drake. I just wanted to get away from everything. Everything.
After crying for almost half an hour, I decided what I was going to do. I didn't care what anyone thought. I needed to get away. The one person that was closest to caring about me in my home still didn't care. He just cared that my parents thought it was okay to treat another person in such a way.
I pushed myself to my feet and stepped over to my closet. I dropped to my knees as I went in search of my duffle bag. I was getting out. I wanted to get away. Even if I just ran across the street to Drake. I needed out and I was just going to grab what I needed.
Finally, my hand wrapped around the strap of the duffle bag and I pulled it out. I tucked Draco under my arm as I carried my bag over to my dresser and started unloading my clothes into the bag. I didn't care if it wasn't folded. I didn't care if I missed something. I just wanted out. Out!
My door swung open and I didn't care to turn and look. I knew that it wasn't Mathias or one of my parents because I could still hear them yelling at each other in the living room. It had to be one of my other siblings, but the comment I heard caught me off guard, "You do realize that if he helps you that you will get him in trouble as well."
I stopped as I turned to face Melanie who was standing there with her short brown hair held back by a simple black headband, "What?"
Melanie shrugged as she leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest, "You're almost eighteen. You have less than a month and you're out of here. You can escape. Don't be dumb and ruin that. If you go now you won't be able to go with him then."
I stepped over to my bed and sat down heavily. I understood what she was saying. If I ran away then Drake would help me. Drake was eighteen. He would get in trouble for kidnapping me. He would be taken away from me because I couldn't hold out for a single month. Because I was too weak, "You're only fourteen, Mel."
Melanie chuckled, "I'm also the smartest one. You're the emotional one. Mathias is the logical one. Megan in the whore. Missy is the dumb one. Marsha is the free spirit. Markus is the nerd," she stepped into my room and sat down next to me, "Hey, Max, why don't you just sneak out of the house and nail that hot piece of ass you have across the street?"
My eyes grew wide as I turned to look at her, "Melanie!"
There was a bright glint to my little sister's eyes. How could she even say that? Had she ever been close with a man? "Oh, Maxine," she shook her head, "I'm still a virgin, no guy in school is up to my standards. They have to be sexy, smart, and not from here," she laughed at the last part, "Don't worry, you're guy's a bit too weird for me," I shook my head as she placed her small hand on my shoulder, "Just wait a month and you're out. I still have four years."
I smiled at her as she pushed herself to her feet, "Remember, sit back and relax," she looked back over her shoulder at me, "The lattice work is extremely easy to climb down and it's right under my window and yours," she winked before she hurried out of the room. My innocent, quiet little sister was actually the bad one. She was just smart enough to not get caught. I should have known that someone so smart wouldn't be kept in such a house.
I shook my head as I laid down and held Draco close. I shouldn't have been so surprised by the fact, but I was. It kept me in my bed as I wondered what all my little sister had done. Did she really do anything bad? Like really bad? She told me she was a virgin, but had she drank? Done drugs? What had my sister gotten herself into?
There was a light tapping on my window and I turned to see Drake's bright smile. I couldn't keep myself from smiling as the window opened and Drake pulled himself into the room. He rolled on the floor before he bounced to his feet and closed the door. There was nothing that this man wouldn't do.
Drake crawled into the bed and pulled me close. I tossed Draco off the bed as my arms slipped around Drake's neck so I could pull him close for a kiss. There was nothing that needed to be said at that moment. I just wanted him to hold me. I just wanted to know that he was there.
He pulled away from me and just looked at me with the most intense look in those dark eyes I had ever seen. He was just as unhappy about what was happening as I was. Nothing needed to be said.
Drake's hand rested on my hip as we just laid there. The light touch was sweet and there was nothing sensual about it. He just wanted to be near me. He just wanted to make sure that I was okay. There was nothing more I could ask for, "I love you, Drake," I snuggled up closer to him, burying my face in his chest.
Drake's hold on me tightened as he made that sweet response, "I love you, too," he kissed the top of my head and I started to cry again. How had I gotten to this point? I was once again clinging to a man because of something that my family had done to me. At least this time I knew that the man I was clinging to cared about me as much as I cared about him.
Why was I even crying? I was in Drake's arms. I should have been happy. I should have taken my little sister's advice. But instead I was staining his shirt with my tears. How could he be okay with how dependent I was already? I hated it, but he just mumbled comforting words about always being there as he ran his hand through my hair. This man was perfection. This man was mine.
27: -27-Alan stood outside of the convenience store with the cigarette resting limply between his fingers. His mind was off the matters in the store and back on what Serra had scribbled in her journal. It was still a bit much for him to take in. How could she think such a thing? He understood how she could feel such a thing, but…
Alan shook his head as he took a drag off his cigarette. He just didn't understand. It didn't make sense. How could she think such a thing? Though, she never expected him to read it… How?
Alan shook his head again as he leaned back against the building. It just couldn't be possible. She must be confused. That's the only thing that made sense to him. But… How was he going to get her straightened out without her finding out that he looked in her journal? He just didn't know.
"Damn," Alan sighed as he glanced down at the burning cherry. How was he going to do it?
The door opened and Serra stepped out of the building holding a fountain pop, "Hey, Frye," the girl smiled up at him, "whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"
Alan shook his head as he looked over the girl's slender frame. He just didn't see it. There was no way he could give her what she wanted and that actually hurt him. Alan sighed as he flicked his cigarette out into the parking lot, "Serra, I need to talk to you."
Serra bowed her head as she brought the straw to her lips, "Hm?"
How was he supposed to ever start the conversation? Just admit to reading her journal? Bring up her obsession and just say he saw it? He shook his head, "I'm glad you stood up for yourself today. I really wasn't expecting that."
Serra shrugged as the green straw slipped from her mouth, "To be honest, I wasn't expecting that either," she smiled, "I'm glad I thought about it."
Alan nodded as he forced a smile. It wasn't the time to breech the topic. The time would come soon enough, but it wasn't then. Maybe after a short while the time would come, but not right then, "Everything figured out between you two?"
Serra shook her head, "Not everything, but enough," she held the fountain drink out to Alan, "He got me a Dew. You want a drink? I know it's your favorite."
Alan stared at the cup in her hand. He wouldn't have even hesitated before, but he just didn't know what to do. He didn't know how long the girl had been feeling that way. The best thing to do would be to act as if he didn't know, "Sure," he took the cup from her, their hands touching for a moment. Serra didn't seem to be any different than normal, but Alan felt himself tense. Why was he acting in such a way? He should have just talked to her and gotten it over with, but he was anxious. Why?
Serra cocked her head to the side as she looked up at Alan, "Frye, are you okay? You've been acting strange all day."
Alan took a quick sip before he handed the drink back to her, "I act weird every day."
Serra glared at her best friend, "Don't try to pull that one on me, Frye," she took the cup from her as she shook her head, "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. But know that I know something is amiss," she sighed as she started over towards Alan's car, "I need to get home. I'm still grounded."
"Rivers," Alan hurried after her as he tried to think of something to say, but nothing was coming to mind. Nothing but the truth would save him at that moment and he was sure that the truth wouldn't do that, "I'm just," Alan shook his head, "You do realize that nothing will ever happen between us, right?"
Serra froze as she heard Alan's words. It took her a few moments to figure out what he had said, "What?"
"I," there was a short pause that made Serra turn to look at her best friend. His obsidian gaze was wide and she was sure that she saw fear in those dark depths. She wasn't sure why. She wasn't even sure why he was bringing this up. She hadn't done anything to allude to the fact that she was starting to wish he wasn't gay, had she? "I love you, Rivers, but it's completely platonic and it will never be anything different."
"Where is this coming from, Frye?"
"I think I should get you home so you don't storm off and walk home."
"Alan," the girl's voice was low, but strong. She knew that she wasn't going to like what the boy was going to say, but was it so bad that she would storm away from him? She would eventually forgive him, but how long would that take, "spill it."
A heavy sigh escaped the boy's lips as he nodded, "I read your journal."
Serra's eyes grew wide as she shook her head. How could he have done that! He of all people should have understood that she needed that one thing to be hers. Her own little haven! How could he trespass in her mind! It just wasn't right, "Go to Hell, Alan!" with that the girl turned away and hurried off. This time, though, Alan didn't even try to stop her. He knew that what he had done was wrong. That journal was precious to Serra and the one thing she called her own.
In a sense, he had violated her. Worse than anyone else could because she trusted him, "Maybe the end doesn't justify the means…" Alan shook his head as he just sat down on the curb. He just didn't have the strength to make it out to his car. He knew the end didn't justify the means in this matter. The realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. The one person he truly cared about…
"Hey, Frye," Alan didn't even look up from the ground between his feet as he heard Tam's voice, "what are you doing?"
Alan shook his head, "Honestly," the boy sighed, "fucking everything up," he let out a short chuckle as he pushed himself to his feet, "Honestly, Tam, I'm just a stupid fuck," he started out to his car as he pulled his keys out of his pocket.
Tam cocked his head to the side as he just watched the boy. He wasn't sure how to respond to that. It didn't seem like something that the boy would usually do, but Tam hadn't known him long enough. Was Alan really emotional? He didn't think so, but he wasn't sure. What could the boy have done in the short time that Serra had walked out to change his whole demeanor? Too many questions that Tam just didn't have the time to deal with at the moment. Maybe the next day at school Serra would tell him.
28: -28-The weekend was finally ending. It was Monday once again. School was starting and my life had been turned upside down. My family was in turmoil and I had never seen such a thing. My parents usually knew how to deal with things, but with Sam and Mathias in town and me not listening to them it was too much for them to handle.
I pushed through the front doors and sighed when I saw Patrick standing there as if he was waiting for us. He stepped away from his group of friends and made his way over to stand next to Drake and me, "Freaks," I sighed as I felt the urge to pull Draco out of my book bag, "you just need to get out of here."
Drake sighed, "Give it a rest, Patrick. You screwed," again he didn't used 'screwed', " up and you can't ever take it back. Get over it and let her be. You put her through enough and she has enough to deal with now."
Patrick nodded, "Right, you got her knocked up."
I shook my head as I felt the stinging of unshed tears. I wasn't going to cry. I couldn't allow myself to cry in front of Patrick. He had already seen that. He didn't need to see it again. I was strong. I could hold it back.
"Shut up, Pat," Drake snapped, "You do realize that you're just screwing yourself over. You do realize that you're the reason that things are the way they are. Just leave Max alone and go screw," not 'screw', "your whore."
Patrick lunged at Drake and in the process they knocked me down. I wasn't hurt. I really didn't feel anything as I sat there on the floor, but just the fact that I was knocked down must have pissed Drake off enough for him to really fight back. It was sadly the most spectacular thing I had ever seen. Drake might have been slender, but he was fairly skilled and could take the pain.
Everything Drake did was so graceful. Even when he took a punch, he just used the momentum of the blow to deal his own. I really was impressed, and a bit shocked. Okay, I was in shock at the moment. And I was left to sit on the floor and just watch as they fought.
Within moments Drake had Patrick pinned to the floor as he spoke in a low threatening tone, "Piss with Max again and you will know how much of a freak I really am."
Patrick rolled his eyes a moment before two people lifted Drake off of Patrick and sat him down a few feet away. I stared up at Drake as the blood ran from his busted lip. Those beautiful dark eyes of his seemed almost black as he kept that murderous gaze locked on Patrick. I was actually terrified. I had never seen anything like that and to see it on the person I loved…
Drake shook the people off him and cursed them before he headed towards the office.
I just sat there on the floor like an idiot. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified. I was terrified of the very person I depended on. What was going to come of this?
Patrick pushed himself up into a sitting position, "It must be nice to have such an easy girl."
I turned my gaze on Patrick and just stared at him. I didn't care what he said about me at that moment. I just cared what was going to happened to Drake. Was he going to have to leave the school because of this? Would he just be suspended? I hoped so. I might have been terrified, but Drake was still the only person that I clung to. I needed the man, crazy or not. He was still my Drake.
I pushed myself to my feet and hurried down the hall to the office. I was going to stand up for my boyfriend. He stood up for me so it was only right that I helped keep him out of trouble. At least keep him there.
I stepped into the office as I reached into my bag for Draco. I knew it was kind of sad that I was carrying a stuffed bear around with me everywhere I went, but I just couldn't part with him. Draco was in my arms as I spotted Drake sitting in the chair next to the principal's office. Why wasn't Patrick there? Why was Drake going to be the only one that got in trouble? That wasn't right!
I sat down next to Drake and forced a smile, "Are you hurt bad?"
Drake shrugged as he licked his bleeding lip.
That wasn't going to fly, "Drake?" my voice was stern and he finally looked down at me. Those dark amber orbs were still on fire, "Please talk to me."
He let out a light sigh as he looked down and noticed Draco in my arms. That softened his features. It wasn't quite enough to make him smile, but he wasn't as tense, "I'm fine. He only got in a couple good punches. How 'bout you? Did you get hurt?"
I shook my head, "Nope," I leaned against him and laid my head on his shoulder, "you were only defending yourself. I won't let you get in too much trouble."
Drake sighed as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close, "That's not what's bothering me, Maxi," he paused, "It's Patrick. He still wants you."
My eyes grew wide as I shook my head, "No. He couldn't."
Drake sighed as he pulled me into his lap, "He does and hates me because of it."
There was just no way. He pushed me away. He told me that he never wanted to see me again. What did that mean? Why would he do something like that if he still cared about me? Why had he always stayed away from me? It didn't make sense, "No."
"It doesn't matter how many times you say it, Max, it won't change it," Drake sighed and I decided to look up at him again. There was nothing but sincerity in those eyes. Patrick still had feelings for me. The prick still liked me and was still treating me like I was nothing, "Would you ever take-"
"Don't even ask what I think you're going to ask, Drake," I cut him off. I couldn't stand Patrick. The man had ruined my life then left me to deal on my own. He could have picked up the phone and called me. He could have done something. I never wanted to be around Patrick again. I had Drake and he was a thousand times better than Patrick, "I love you. I want to run away with you. So don't even think that I'll ever take him back. I can't believe you would think that in the first place."
Drake sighed, "I'm sorry, Max," by this point all the fire had left his gaze and he once again had that light mischievous glint that I loved, "Forgive me?" with that he gave me that lopsided grin. How could I ever be mad at that?
I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, "Of course!"
Drake's arms snaked around my waist as I let go of Draco and wrapped my arms around his neck. I was about to lean in for a better kiss, but a sharp voice stopped me, "Miss Marx! Mr. Hammond!"
I jumped out of Drake's lap and looked down at my feet as Drake made his response to the principal, "I take it beating up a classmate and making out with my girlfriend isn't allowed in school?"
I groaned as the principal stepped over to Drake, "You're lucky I don't just expel you right now!" I looked up at the principal to see that his dark eyes were bright, "You're lucky I even allowed you in my school after what you've done. Are you an idiot?"
My eyes grew wide and Drake shrugged as he stared down at Draco as if he was examining the bear, "Idiot, no, but I'm sure that my common sense was knocked out of me when I was younger," he looked up at the principal, that lopsided grin cocky, "Do you have any to spare?"
The principal groaned, "You've only been here for a month and you've already gotten in more trouble than any other student here!" he shook his head, "Big city kids are all the same. I thought transferring to a small town would be good. Peaceful, but no," his gaze hardened, "I get you!"
Drake pushed himself to his feet, "I guess you're just lucky," he handed Draco to me, "Thanks for thinking that you can help keep me out of trouble, Maxi, but I have a serious issue with authority figures," he leaned down and kissed my forehead, "Just get to class. I'll be here to pick you up from school."
I looked over at the principal before I nodded and hurried out of the office. It was strange seeing Drake in such a way. He was always so kind to me, but around almost anyone else he was a smart mouthed teen. If I were the principal I would have smacked him because of what he said. My boyfriend was so disrespectful, but I still loved him. Oh, I was hopelessly in love.
29: -29-It was Tuesday. I was at school without Drake for the first time since I had met him. I wasn't sure why I was so scared, but I was. I had been alone for so long that I should have been used to it, but as I stepped through the doors I couldn't keep the tears back. My Drake wasn't there and I was alone once again. The weight was nearly enough to knock me down.
That wasn't what knocked me down, though. That happened to be Jenny as she followed me into the bathroom. My book bag slid off my shoulder and Draco slipped out onto the bathroom floor. I scrambled to pick him up, but Jenny kicked him away under a stall.
I tried to crawl over to him, but Jenny picked me up, "What do you think you're doing! You stupid whore!"
I looked up into her bright eyes and saw the pure fire that was in those blue orbs. She was mad at me for some reason. I hadn't done anything. I hadn't! I had kept to myself the day before and I didn't comment on the rumor that I was pregnant.
Jenny pushed me towards the stalls and I caught myself on the frame, "It's because of you that Patrick isn't here. It's because of you that he's suspended!"
I shook my head. I hadn't done anything, "No," I stepped away from the stalls and glanced down at Draco at my feet, "I didn't do anything. He attacked Drake," I looked up at Jenny to see that she had crossed her arms over her chest and it was then that I made the most interesting discovery. Jenny had never had large breasts, but at that moment her shirt was straining to contain them. She had always been stick thin, but I noticed the slightest start of a muffin top with her skin tight shirt, "You're not mad at me," the words were barely audible to me and I knew that Jenny hadn't understood what I had said, "You're mad at Patrick. You're afraid of how he's going to react," I shook my head, "You're afraid and taking it out on me."
Jenny gave me a disinterested glare before she shook her head, "I don't care what you think. You are the reason that Patrick isn't here," she started to clean the dirt out from under her nails, "If it wasn't for you, that freak wouldn't have anything to defend."
"Drake's not a freak!" I wasn't sure what is was about the fact that Jenny called Drake a freak, but that made me madder than I'd ever been at anyone. Drake wasn't like everyone else, but that's what made him amazing. It was because he wasn't everyone else that judged me by my past. Because he accepted me and admitted his flaws, "He's perfect! You just want what I have! Always have, well, enjoy your f*** buddy!" I kneeled down and picked Draco up before I reached over and grabbed my book bag. I shoved past Jenny on my way out the door.
Once outside the door I saw why no one had entered the room. The very two girls that Jenny had used to abduct me were standing outside the door. Who were these two girls? They weren't seniors as we were. I wasn't even sure they were juniors.
I shrugged the thought off. It didn't matter to me. I didn't care. Within eight months I would graduate and not have to worry about another person from that town again. I would get away. I would have Drake and I would be away. There was nothing more that I wanted at that moment.
I stepped into my first period class with Draco still in my arms. I didn't care what anyone thought of me at that point. I was over being the outcast because everyone thought I was nothing. I was something. I was more than something.
I smiled to myself as I realized what I was. I was human. I was a girl and I was loved.
I was loved. By Drake.
30: -30-It was that night. Drake and I were down at the park with Zasha. It was hard to think about what had happened at school. I wasn't even sure of what had happened. I knew that Jenny was pregnant. I knew that Patrick would never stand for it. I knew that I just didn't care about anyone there anymore. I had Drake. Why should I care?
I smiled as I looked up at the overcast sky, "Hey, Drake?"
"Hm?"
I sighed as Zasha nudged me as he tried to get my attention, "I think Jenny's pregnant."
At that statement Drake started laughing. I figured he would react in such a way, but that didn't mean that I approved of his opinion. I loved the man, but that didn't mean I agreed with everything he said and did, "Karma's a bitch!"
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't the biggest fan of swearing, either, "I kind of feel bad for Jenny," I shrugged as I looked over to him, "Is that strange?"
Drake shook his head as Zasha nudged me again and I finally gave in and scratched the wolf's ears, "No, she was your best friend. That just doesn't go away. You're still going to care," he gave me that lopsided grin of his, "I still talk to my best friend," he stopped for a moment, "Though, I think if anyone found out I'd get in trouble because his parents haven't lifted the restraining order and he's not eighteen yet," he shrugged it off, "Doesn't matter."
I rolled my eyes. Yep, Drake was a unique one, "You are so strange."
He stepped over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me close, "You're even stranger, though," he leaned down and gave me a quick kiss, "You're still with me."
I smiled up at him. He was right. I was the strangest person I knew. Only an insane person would stay with Drake, "I never claimed to be normal," he chuckled as I wrapped my arms around his neck, "Actually, I've always fought normal."
Drake rolled his eyes, "You can say it, Max, I'm not the type of guy you saw yourself with."
I nodded, "You are right," I smiled, "but now I can't see myself with anyone else."
Drake gave me that lopsided grin, "Okay, that was just bad," he shrugged it off as he leaned down to kiss me, but Zasha bumped into us. I chuckled as I looked down at the wolf, "Zasha, sit."
The wolf sat down at our feet and I couldn't keep myself from pulling away from Drake to pet the creature. He was just such a beautiful creature that I couldn't leave him alone. I glanced up at Drake to see that he was just watching me, "Drake, what's going to happen at school?"
Drake sighed as he kneeled down next to Zasha, "I really have no idea. My parents have been on my case all day," he shrugged as he started to tug on Zasha's collar, "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep peace, though. If you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a prick."
I nodded as I kneeled down next to him, "I've noticed," I smiled at him as he looked over at me with his amber eyes bright, "I like it, though."
Drake smiled as Zasha started to lick at his hands, "That's good. I like your prudishness."
I rolled my eyes as I lightly pushed him. Drake laughed as he leaned with the push and fell over as if I had hurt him. Zasha took that as a cue to jump on Drake. I couldn't keep myself from laughing as Drake starting wrestling with the wolf. It was easy to see that Zasha could kill Drake within moments, but he didn't. The wolf really cared about Drake and it made me smile. I had never thought I would be touched by the relationship between a human and an animal.
I stood up slowly as I thought about school. I still had two more days before Drake would be back to school. I just wasn't sure how I was going to survive it. It wasn't that I cared about the people there. It was just the fact that I knew that Jenny would have her friends gang up on me. I might have been able to take care of myself, but I was still small and didn't know anything about teenage drama. I was fifteen when I was cut off from the social world.
I slowly made my way across the park and just stood by the slide. I wasn't sure why I had wondered away from Drake's side, but I needed a moment to think. Would I be able to survive without Drake?
I glanced back over my shoulder to see that both Drake and Zasha had stopped and were just watching me. Yes, even the wolf was watching me. I forced a smile before I looked up at the sky. Would I ever be able to picture a moment of my life without the man? Was it really a good thing that I had become so dependent on Drake? I didn't think it was, but he didn't seem to mind. What was I supposed to do if he liked it?
"Drake," I paused for a moment and I heard the gravel crunch under his feet as he rose, "why are you okay with my dependence?"
"What?"
I sighed as I leaned against the metal frame that was the structure that held the slide in place, "I just don't understand it. From what I know, guys like girls that can take care of themselves," I looked down at my feet, "But ever since I've met you, you've been carrying me through everything. Do you really like that?"
There was a few moments of silence before Drake's warm hand wrapped around mine, "Max, I like you. You are real. Even though you hide it, you know who you are and no one can change you," he squeezed my hand and for some reason the moment felt perfect. He wasn't really holding me, just my hand, but he was close and I could just feel his presence, "I don't want to change you or you to change."
I smiled as I stared across the street at the house that was there. The building had been vacant for as long as I could remember, but the building was still beautiful. If you didn't live around the area you would never be able to guess that, "Do you believe in true love?"
Drake shrugged, "That one person that is out there for everyone?" I nodded, "Not really. I believe that there are people out there for each, but I don't believe that there is just one person. There are too many people for there to just be one person. It's like the universe is too vast for humans to be the only sentient beings."
I nodded. Well, even if he didn't believe it. I did. He was my soul mate and there was nothing that could change my mind. Hell, I was willing to run away with the man after only knowing him for a month. I was even okay with carrying his child after a month, "I believe in true love, Drake," I looked up at him to see that he was looking down at me, "I believe that's you. I love you, Drake, and I can't live without you."
Drake smiled at me as he nodded, "I love you, too, Maxi," he looked up at the sky, "I do believe we belong together right now," he sighed, "but if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that nothing is ever set," he sighed, "I don't want to lose you, but I'm not going to plan the future right now. I'm just trying to figure out the past and survive the present. The future is still a bit out of my grasp," his gaze lowered so he was looking across the street at the vacant house, "Way out of my grasp."
31: -31-It was a few weeks later. I was lying in my bed with Drake's arms wrapped tightly around me. It was the night before my eighteenth birthday and also the night before Halloween. Yes, my birthday was October 31st. I was trying to figure out what was going to happen that next day. I just didn't know. I could get away from my parents, but the only place I could go was across the street and that really didn't seem like it was far enough.
I pushed myself up on my elbow and looked down at Drake, "We need to move away. Get an apartment or something."
Drake cocked his head to the side a moment before he realized what I was talking about, "What about school and the fact that neither of us have any funds?"
I shrugged, "Well, get a job and we don't have to leave town until after school's out."
Drake shook his head as he pushed himself into a sitting position, "You just can't do stuff like that, Max. You have to sign a lease saying that you'll be at the apartment for a certain amount of time and leaving early is more expensive," he sighed, "And getting a job for just a few months wouldn't look too great. It really sounds like a great idea, but it won't really be great."
I sighed as I rolled over onto my back, "I don't want to be so close to my parents, Drake," I rolled over onto my side so I wasn't facing him. I understood what he was saying. I had already known about that, but I still didn't want to hear it. All I wanted to hear was that he would take me away the next day. We would run away and make something of ourselves without our parents in every aspect of our life.
Drake placed his hand on my shoulder and sighed, but he didn't say anything. We both knew that there was nothing to say at this point. We both wanted more than what we could have at that moment and it was hard to stomach that thought. Only eighteen and already caught in this rut. It was going to be a long school year…
32: -32-Stretch and yawn. Roll over and look at the alarm clock. Wonder if there really is time to hit the snooze. It'd been the same birthday routine four three years. This year things were different, though. A long arm reached over me and hit the snooze button for me before a large hand rested on my shoulder to roll me over onto my back.
I smiled as Drake hovered over me and his hand rested on my cheek, "Happy birthday, Max," he leaned down and placed his lips to mine. Did he hit the snooze so we could sleep or did he hit the snooze so we knew when we had to pull away from each other? I didn't know and I didn't care. I just wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of me.
I wrapped my legs around his hips as his kisses left my lips and made their way across my jaw and down my throat. I let out a light sigh, "Best wake up ritual ever," Drake chuckled at my comment before pulled back.
He looked down at me for a moment before he rolled us over so we were both lying on our sides, "Put you in a good mood?"
I pulled him close again so I could nuzzle his neck, "Very good mood," I closed my eyes as he just held me close, "I love you, Drake."
Drake ran his hand through my hair as he responded, "I love you, too."
That's when my door opened and I heard my father's voice, "What is that freak doing here?"
I groaned as my hold on Drake tightened. Well, I had been in a good mood. Why did my father have to ruin it? Why did my father have to make his appearance at all… "Just leave, father."
"You can't tell me what to do in my house!"
I finally pulled away from Drake and looked over at my father. I didn't care what he said anymore. There was nothing he could do to keep me in his house or make me listen to him. I was finally eighteen and I was finally going to make my stand, "I'm not going to be here for much longer, dad."
My father's dark gaze narrowed as he folded his arms over his chest, "Excuse me, young lady?"
I nodded as I pushed myself out of the bed and looked up at my father, "I'm moving out. I'm not going to stay here where everyone hates me."
"You're not leaving this house. Not until school is out."
"I am," my voice started to waver as I stared up at my father. Of course he was going to keep me there. Of course he wanted to make my life worse. Well, I wasn't going to let him do anything else. I was over it. Over it all, "eighteen and I'm not going to stay here. You can't make me."
Drake's hands rested on my shoulders and my father's cold gaze rose to him, "You put this thought in my girl's head!"
Imagine that. My father didn't think that he could do anything wrong, "I helped a broken girl smile," I looked up as I thought about that statement. I really had been broken. I knew it, but hearing it from Drake just made me feel strange. Did he have an issues with that fact? "You're the one that broke her."
My gaze returned to my father to see that he was just standing there with his mouth gaping open. He was trying to think of something to say, but he couldn't find any way to defend himself. It's because there wasn't one. For once, my father didn't have a single thing to say.
With a simple smile I stepped past my father on my way out of the room and to the restroom, "Well, dad, I'm going to get ready for school," I patted his shoulder, "Thanks for the wonderful birthday wishes…"
33: -33-It was Halloween night. I was sitting in Drake's room already in my costume. I didn't know why I agreed to go along with this, but Drake had asked and I couldn't tell that man no. I looked towards the window as I thought about what everyone would say about our costumes. I was dressed in a gauzy white gown and I had applied white face powder along with a bit of dark blush and black eye shadow and liner. I was supposed to be dead. I looked the part and it was going to be interesting to see Drake's costume.
I looked over to the door as I wondered how much longer it would take him. I had no idea. It couldn't be too long. I just wanted to see what he was dressing as so I knew what significance my costume had. He told me it was something from a movie and it fit rather well to our situation, but I had no idea what movie.
Finally, the door opened and Drake stepped into the room. My eyes grew wide as he just stood there. Okay, it was official. I was addicted to that goth look of his. He had used white face paint and what looked like black face paint to make diamonds over his eyes his black lipstick was brought out onto his cheeks to make a wide smile. He had on a tight black shirt under a long leather coat and a pair of black jeans. He was magnificent.
After a few moments of looking him over, I finally spoke, "So who are you supposed to be?"
Drake's eyes grew wide, "You seriously don't recognize it?"
I shook my head, "No, my parents never allowed me to see anything that might have anything like this in it. They were extremely strict."
Drake nodded, "I can tell," he shrugged, "I'm Eric Draven, from The Crow," I shook my head again, "You're my deceased fiancé, Shelly Webster," he shrugged, "I'm having you watch that movie tonight."
I nodded as I looked around his room, "Okay, so why did we get all dressed up?"
Drake smiled as he pulled me off the bed, "Well, I was planning on taking you out and I have a few rolls of toilet paper in my car. I wanted to TP Patrick's house."
My eyes grew wide, "Drake!"
He chuckled as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close, "Max," He placed his other hand on my face and leaned down to give me a simple kiss so he wouldn't mess up his make-up, "I'm doing it tonight no matter what. You don't have to be with me, but it won't change what's going to happen."
There was no arguing with him. I guess I was off to TP Patrick's house with Drake and then to do whatever other shenanigans he had planned. If only I had fallen for a simple man that liked to sit home. Of course that wouldn't happen. I was like that it would have just made for a dull time.
"Is Zasha coming with?"
Drake smiled, his make-up making that evil grin that much creepier, "Of course. Can't scare someone without the big bad wolf."
I laughed as he pulled away from me, "Who are you planning to scare?"
Drake shrugged as he stepped across his room to grab his guitar, "Anyone that walks by. Zasha is very intimidating."
It was true. I was kind of scared of the beast at first, but over the past couple months I learned to love the wolf. He was such a sweet creature, "What's with the guitar?"
Drake sighed, "You are so watching the movie tonight," he slipped his guitar over his shoulders and spun it around so the instrument was resting on his back, "Eric Draven is in a band that he was the singer and guitarist of. He's sitting in the movie playing the guitar."
I just gave him a simple nod. I had no idea what he was talking about, but he looked amazing in the outfit. I couldn't deny that. I wasn't sure anyone would deny that fact. Drake was a very attractive man.
Drake cocked a curious brow, "Max, are you ready to go or do you want to continue drooling?"
My eyes grew wide as I jumped to the door, unconsciously wiping my mouth. I hadn't been drooling, I was probably close, but I hadn't been. Was it the look in my eyes? I didn't know and I probably never would, "I'm ready."
Drake chuckled as he stepped over to me and gave me a light kiss, "Okay, let's have fun."
After only a few minutes, Drake and I were standing outside of Patrick's house. The rolls of toilet paper were hidden under Drake's coat and I was still a bit reluctant to go along with what he was doing, but I was there. Why was I there? Yeah, I loved the man, but this was going a bit too far. Patrick had been a complete prick to me, but that didn't mean I needed vengeance. This was just going to get him in trouble. More trouble. Trouble that the man couldn't seem to stay away from.
I heard Zasha growl a moment before the wolf nudged Drake's leg. Zasha smelled something and I knew exactly what it was. Patrick was sitting on the porch with Jenny. Jenny appeared to be crying while Patrick was pacing. She had finally told him. I had known for about a month and she was just getting around to telling Patrick. I could only imagine how he was reacting.
At that point, I didn't care how much I loathed the girl. No one deserved to go through what I went through. I shoved past Drake on my way to the porch. The girl had been my best friend at one time and I still loved her in a way. The very same way that I loved Missy, but I still loved her.
"Maxine?" I ignored Patrick's question as I stepped over to Jenny. She was crying and I didn't know what to do.
So, I did the only thing that I could think to do. The only thing that I ever asked for when I had gotten pregnant. I wrapped my arms around the girl and mumbled, "Are you okay?"
Jenny wrapped her arms around me and buried her head in my shoulder, "You were right, Max," she sobbed, "You were right."
I closed my eyes as I realized what she was talking about. Patrick just wanted to have the fun. He didn't want to reap what he had sewn. So he was going to have two children with two different women. How could anyone be so cold hearted?
A light sigh escaped my lips and the next words that came out terrified me, "I had warned you, Jenny," I pulled back and looked at her tear stained face. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at me. My comment had been so cold that I was even in shock, but I couldn't waver. I couldn't pity the girl that knew what she was getting into, "I'm sorry."
Jenny nodded as she wiped her eyes dry, "I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you, Max. I should have known better," she forced a smile that didn't reach her eyes, "I like your costume. What are you supposed to be?"
I shook my head as I turned to see Patrick just standing there watching the two of us and Drake standing at the bottom of the steps, "You asshole," the words left my mouth as I stepped over to my ex-boyfriend and father of my child, "How can you repeat the process? Didn't you learn your lesson the first time?"
Patrick opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He had nothing to say.
I snorted, "Figures," I shrugged as I stepped past him and met Drake at the bottom of the steps, "I'm going home. I don't want to be a part of your shenanigans," I sighed as Drake reached out to me, but I dodged him, "I'm going home."
"Max," I started to chew on my bottom lip as Drake followed me down the walk. I was a good girl. The only trouble I had been in in my entire life was getting pregnant and I regretted that to that very day. I didn't want people to think of me as a bad person. I messed up and I live with that, but I wasn't going to let another man ruin me, "Wait."
I stopped and let Drake step around so he was standing in front of me, "What's wrong?"
I blinked a few times as I stared up into those beautiful dark amber orbs. I loved him so much, but he was still so immature. Yeah, he was a sweetheart, but that wasn't all I needed. Was I going to be able to live with someone that still wanted to TP someone's house? How could I commit to him if all he could commit to was the thrill? I wasn't sure and I knew I wasn't going to leave with him at the end of the year. I was going to leave, yes, but it wasn't going to be with him.
"Max?"
I let out a low sigh as I looked down at his feet to see that his boots weren't laced up, "Drake, I have no desire to do anything illegal. I don't wish to go around scaring people. I don't want to continue this night as you had planned. I'm sorry, but I just want to go home. If you want to join me and show me that movie I'll be fine with that, but I'm not going to stay out."
There was silence between us. Silence that was so prominent that I could have sworn I could hear Patrick and Jenny breathing on the porch as they watched. Silence that was nearly enough to bring me to look up at Drake, but I couldn't do that. If I did. If I looked up into that amber gaze one more time I would give in. I couldn't do that.
Finally, "I already told you that you didn't have to come along."
I nodded as I stepped past him, "Okay," I sighed as I started my walk home. He didn't stop me and he didn't follow me. He had told me that he was going to do it with or without me. I guess he didn't need me around to have fun.
34: -34-Drake stepped into the room a few hours later. I had removed my costume and washed my make-up off, but the eyeliner was a bit reluctant to leave my face. Drake stood in the doorway with Zasha right behind him and his door on the doorknob. We were still are we just stared at each other. I didn't know what to do at this point. Patrick was my only boyfriend before and we had never been in a fight. Was this considered a fight? I just didn't know.
Zasha nudged Drake and Drake let the beast into the room so he could sit at my feet. The wolf laid his large head in my lap. Without even looking down at Zasha I started to play with the wolf's ears. What was I supposed to do?
Drake was the first to act with a light sigh as he stepped into the room, "Max," his voice was low and I knew that he knew that I wasn't happy with what he had done, "you know how I am."
I gave him a simple nod as I looked down at the wolf in front of me. Why was Zasha at my side? Shouldn't he have stayed with Drake? His master. I didn't understand and I didn't even want to think about it at that point, "I do."
"So," I felt the bed dip under Drake's weight as he sat down next to me, "what does this mean?"
I shrugged as I light stroked Zasha's muzzle, "I don't know," I finally looked up at him and froze at the look he gave me. That amber gaze was intense. Those beautiful eyes were so deep and he looked hurt. I had hurt him. How could I do such a thing? Was it because I didn't like what he had done? Was it because I had made a show in front of Patrick and Jenny? I just didn't know, "How do you feel?"
Drake draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me close to him. I couldn't help myself. I just melted into his embrace. This was my Drake. This was the man that I loved. I could overlook the fact that he was still a bit childish, due to the fact that we were both only eighteen, "I'm a bit disappointed that you left, but other than that I'm fine. I want to know what's going through your head."
He placed a light kiss to the top of my head and I knew right away that I could overlook the fact that he had some growing up to do. I couldn't imagine my life without him, "I feel I've gotten a little too dependent on you," I pulled back slightly so I could look up at him again, "I should be able to go a few hours without you."
Drake gave me a simple smile that succeeded in warming me, "I don't mind the dependence. It makes me feel special."
I smiled at him and his eyes lit up. Things were patched between the two of us. I couldn't have been happier, "You are special, Drake, very special."
Drake leaned down and gave me a kiss that ended up with him resting between my legs. I had just wrapped my legs around his hips when he pulled back to look at me and started laughing. Well, that wasn't what I had expected.
Drake pushed himself off of me and shook his head, "Oh, god," he took a deep breath as he sobered and it was right then that I realized that his make-up had smeared. It must have been all over my face! No wonder he was laughing!
I lightly pushed him as I rolled over to grab my make-up bag up off the floor in search of my compact mirror. I flipped the little plastic contraption open and smiled when I saw myself. My cheeks and lips were smeared with black and white face paint.
Drake appeared in the mirror a moment before I felt his arms snake around my waist and his chin rest on my shoulder, "Why don't we get a shower and then watch that movie?"
I just couldn't say no to that suggestion, "Sure," I turned so I could give him a quick kiss, "Oh, did I tell you how sexy you look in that outfit?"
Drake chuckled, "To the shower!"
35: -35-I looked up from my notebook as I realized that I couldn't concentrate. For some reason I was worried about Jenny. I knew what had happened between Jenny and Patrick and I couldn't get my mind off of it. Why not? It wasn't like I cared about her anymore. Was it because she was carrying my daughter's sibling? I just didn't know.
I pushed the notebook away as I looked over at Patrick to see that he was eyeing me. Oh, perfect! How did things get so messed up? Really? I just wanted to go home and forget about everything that had happened. I even wanted to escape Drake for a few days.
Pulling the notebook back, I started to scribble down my thoughts about the weekend. My birthday was nice, waking up in Drake's arms, but as the weekend progressed I knew that I had just latched onto Drake because he was persistent. I didn't like most things about him.
There was the fact that he was a great lover, but other than that I didn't like anything. He was dark. He was rambunctious. He never stopped. He swore all the time. He had no issues with hurting people and actually had trained Zasha to kill intruders.
Then there was that movie that he loved. It was all about killing people. Yeah, the guy killed them for his love, but he was also dead. A crow had brought him back to life. Or there was the disturbing part that two of the main characters were siblings and were incestuous… No, I just couldn't keep going on. It just didn't make sense.
"Max," I sighed as I heard the teacher call on me, "would you like to share what you're writing that's so important?"
I looked up at the man that was standing in front of my desk with his pale gaze locked on my notebook, "No," I closed my notebook as pushed myself to my feet, "I'm tired of teachers thinking they can demand everything. I'm tired of everything thinking they can do as they please," I picked my stuff up off my desk and glared at him, "I'm just sick of everyone," I sent a cold look in Patrick's direction before I headed for the door, "Bye."
I didn't care how much trouble I would get in. I didn't care how much Drake would hate me. I had to do things for myself for a change. He would understand. He was the one that showed me that I could be myself. That I should! It was over between the two of us and it was time to finalize that.
I stepped out into the hallway before I looked up at the clock. It was the last period of the day and there was only about ten minutes left. I could deal with that. I would be perfectly fine with collecting my thoughts and figuring out exactly what I would say to Drake. I just hoped he would understand….
36: -36-Drake just sat there as what I had just said sunk in. I had done it. It was over. He was no longer my boyfriend. I wasn't sure he was even my friend anymore. It didn't matter. I couldn't continue to pretend that everything was fine between the two of us. It wasn't. He wasn't the one for me and I didn't want to waste my time with that.
Finally, Drake looked up at me, his dark eyes vacant as he spoke, "Why?"
Letting out a heavy sigh, I kept my gaze locked on his, "Because I realized it's just not right. You aren't the one for me and I can't stay with it. As it is right now, we don't hate each other, but if it continued that would happen," I offered him a simple smile, but he didn't change his expression, "I love you, Drake, and I thank you for helping me, but it won't last. I have to do something for myself."
Just a simple nod, "Okay," he pushed himself up from the computer chair and Zasha rose to his feet, "Of all the break ups I've been through, this has to be the best one," he shrugged as he turned away from me, "I guess I should thank you, but," he shrugged, "it's just not in me."
My heart was breaking for him. I felt horrible to do this to him, but he had taught me that I had to look out for myself because no one else will. He understood, I knew that, but I also knew that he had really loved me. He had skipped school to take me to the hospital. He had stuck by my side through everything over the past few months, but he just wasn't right for me, "Drake…"
"Just go, Max," he turned back to me and I saw nothing in those dark amber eyes, "We can still be friends if you want, but my room is my space and no one invades my space."
"Okay," I pushed myself off the bed and stepped out of the room. I felt bad as I made my way through his house and outside, but the sting was much less than if we really had anything. There was nothing more than a few months and a few good romps in the bedroom. There was also the day he fought Patrick for me, but I could tell that Drake just wanted to hurt him. Even if I wasn't there.
I glanced back at the house before I stepped across the street to meet my waiting father. He must have noticed the crushed look on my face because he smiled at me, "Is that hooligan out of your life?"
I ignored my father as I made my way past him and into the house. Everyone was there just watching me. I didn't care. I had hurt the one person that had helped me, but I had to do it then. It had to happen. He wasn't right for me and I would have ended up hurting him more in the future. Just rip the bandage off and get it over it.
Once in my room, I flopped down on my bed and pulled Draco close. Soon enough I would have to let him fade, but right then I just needed something to hold. I had gotten rid of Drake so all I had was Draco. The little black bear that Drake had gotten me because my parents had poisoned me. Oh, what a year…
37: -37-It was winter break before Drake even looked at me again. Jenny had gotten an abortion and Patrick refused to talk to her. I had gained Patrick's attention again, but I refused to talk to him. Jenny and I weren't on talking terms, but we had come to terms with each other. She had apologized for getting her friends to attack me.
It was as I was walking home from school on that Friday that Drake pulled over on the side of the road and his window rolled down, "Max," his voice was light and I could tell that it hurt him to just talk to me, "it's freezing. Get in."
I tightened my hold on my book bag as I just stared down at him. It had been a month and a half and he hadn't so much as spoken to me. Why was he offering me a ride home? It wasn't much colder than it had been the past few days…
"Max," he sighed, "please. I want to talk to you."
I nodded as I opened the door as the window started to slide up, "Okay," I sat down slowly and pulled the seat belt over me as I closed the door, "What about?"
"How things ended between us," I looked down at my lap as he pulled away from the curb and took a turn that wouldn't lead us towards home, "More exactly, why it ended."
Suddenly, the string on my book bag seemed rather fascinating. I didn't want to talk about this again. I had tried to explain it the day it had ended. It was fairly simple. Drake just wasn't the one for me. I loved him for helping me see that I needed to take care of myself, but I couldn't continue to spend so much time with him, "I already told you."
"No, Max," his voice was stern, "you told me that it just wasn't right. You didn't tell me anything else. You didn't explain. You just said that it was over and left it at that. I want to know why. What the hell did I do because I know it was me. It's always me."
My eyes grew wide as those words escaped his lips. He thought it was all his fault. Oh, Drake! I reached over and grabbed his hand, but he yanked it away from me, "Drake…"
"No, Max, I'm talking to you because I need to understand. If you don't want me then don't touch me," he gave me a sharp look before he returned his gaze to the road, "I'm a big boy and I've dealt with women before. I don't need pity. I need to understand."
With a heavy sigh, I began, "You're an important part of my life. You helped me out of a rough time, but," I looked down at my lap again, "you're just not the right type of guy for me. We don't like any of the same things. We're not compatible and I didn't want you stuck with me. I'm just going to hold you back."
"That's bullshit," he snapped, "Don't go all altruistic on me. I understand the not compatible part, but don't tell me it was because of me. You wanted to get away because you didn't want to waste your time with me. You did it just for yourself."
I closed my eyes. He was right. Why did I think I could fool him? "I'm sorry, Drake."
He scoffed, "Don't be sorry, be honest," he took a turn too sharp and the back tires must have hit a patch of ice because Drake lost control of the vehicle. He tried to correct the mistake, but we had swerved into the other lane and the car that was coming couldn't stop.
All I remembered after that was the ear splitting sound of metal crunching and twisting. As soon as the windshield shattered my mind went blank and I lost everything. It was all black. It was all nothing.
38: -38-The light was blinding. The pain was excruciating. Everything around me was blurry. I could feel my body coated in the sticky substance as the heat seeped from my body. Was this really the end? Was I really dying?
"She's in bad shape," I heard the first voice, "What about the other one?"
"It's too late for him," another voice, "All we can do is make him comfortable."
"I always hate it when they go young," there was a sad note to the first voice, "What about the other car?"
And that was when I passed out.
39: -Epilogue-Five years had passed. It was that very day. The same day that Drake had been lost to us all. The very day that hurt more than any other. Especially for me. For the knowledge that I kept. For the beast at my side. The very creature that I had taken into my care when they had allowed me out of the hospital. With the news that I treasured.
The beast bumped into me as my hand tightened around the tiny hand. It had been five years. I was twenty-three. Living on my own. Working and going to school. Making something of myself, but I couldn't leave the city. I couldn't leave the last place I had been with Drake. Especially since I hadn't been able to be there when they laid him to rest.
Just as every year, a single tear slipped down my cheek and the tiny hand slipped from mine, "Mommy," the voice was light, but it was enough to stop the tears. I couldn't break down as I had every year before, "what's wrong?"
I smiled as I looked down into those beautiful amber eyes, "Mommy's fine, baby," I kneeled down in the snow and remembered back to that day when I had woken up. I had had a broken wrist and a nasty cut on my head. Everything hurt, but the only thing that I could think about was what I remembered about the accident. Hearing that Drake was dead.
That's when I was given the news. I had bawled. For hours. Though, that time was going to be different. I was going to watch over the child. I didn't care what anyone said. Drake had been a good man. I had loved him. Just because we weren't going to work out didn't mean that I was going to punish the child.
"Mommy, it's cold."
I nodded as I brushed a stray lock out of the child's face, "It's okay, Cadence," I smiled as I looked down at her tiny hand to see the ring on her finger. The very ring that Drake had kept around his neck, "We're going."
"Tell me about daddy," she took my hand as I stood up, "I want stories."
Stories. How I had stories. Stories about how the man that had helped me open up. Things about how the man had irritated me. How he had a wolf as a pet and watched over me only after a few short days. The man had had a heart of gold. What would have happened if we hadn't gotten in the accident? Would we have been friends. Would our relationship have rekindled as the news of the child came to light?
I was sure that the man would have been a great father. Why couldn't he be there for our little girl? "Well, your father was strange," a light smile played at the corners of my lips as we started back to the car, "It was his eccentric ways that had me interested. That and his persistence. He wouldn't leave me alone and," I remembered that first day. As I sat there with the coffee, "I couldn't be happier. Be like your father, baby girl, fight for what you believe is right and don't let anyone, anyone, try to hold you back."
"Okay, mommy," the small girl opened the back door and turned to me, "I love you."
"I love you, too," I picked her up and sat her in her booster seat, "Ready to spend the even with Uncle Matt?"
"Yeah!" the girl's eyes grew bright, "Uncle Matt!"
I closed the door as I chuckled. Things had changed so much over the five years. Matt had found a place with his fiancée. Once I had told everyone about my child he moved me in with him. Sam and I had gotten close. Especially since she found out shortly after I did that she was expecting as well. The two of us were only two weeks apart and made things so easy.
Well, easier. There was no way anything could be easy with what I was going through, but it was because of what I was going through that helped me through it. Drake was the reason I could continue on. The reason that I managed to take care of my child. Managed to stay sane. I thanked that man for so many things.
My child. My independence. My life.
My gaze slipped over to Drake's grave again, "Thank you, Drake. Thank you so much," for everything.
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