To my Grandmother, Nora. I'm sorry I didn't finish this novel in time for you to read it. 

And to my friends, I'm honored to have you all in my life and writing our own stories. 

I love you.

2: Chapter 1 - The Night that Started it All

3: Chapter 2 - Uncertainty

4: Chapter 3 - A Cruel Twist of Fate

-Noah- 
-23 Years Old-

My place was a mess.

I slouched home after that visit to Jacob, my head pounding. It was like somebody had broken a bottle inside my skull and just jumbled the shards of glass around, not to mention the fact that my entire body ached. I had never been that hungover in my life, perhaps drinking for a solid week wasn't the best course of action.

A fact that was only reinforced when I actually opened my front door.

The first thing to hit me was the smell; something that was living but had very much died. I couldn't say that it would have been the first time that had happened, either. It must had been some mice, stuck between the walls as they tried to grab some leftover food I left out, you'd think I'd learn at this point. I moaned and shut the door behind me, trying to limit the discomfort to one single apartment. I grabbed some of the pizza boxes from the sink, but even the sound of cardboard scrapping against one another was enough to set off my head again. I eventually gave up and slouched on the sofa, like I always did.

It was difficult to believe that university was actually over, that we had stuck out for the four years. There were definitely times when I felt like dropping out - all of my time went towards both university and my jobs - but Aayush kept me going. The guy was going to go far, I only hoped that I didn't need to work for him one day. I knew too much about him to take him seriously. I closed my eyes for five minutes and waited until my head actually decided to calm down before I attempted to clean up again. I just grabbed a bag and threw everything into it, leaving a mess on the kitchen floor... but at least that mess was contained. It would have to be enough for the moment.

Bored and exhausted, I switched on the TV to see if anything noteworthy had happened, but it was just the same useless junk on rotation. Despite that, I found myself with a bag of crisps and a can of beer, so I just kicked back and watched the screen as the evening wore on. We were supposed to come up with some sort of plan for the summer, I needed to get onto Jacob about that. The bugger wanted to go to Japan, but apart from Konichiwa I hadn't the foggiest idea on how to speak the language. Neither did he - at least we had Nora for that - but he was just so determined to go there. We would definitely talk about it once he made it home from the hospital, that's for sure.

Just the one can wasn't normally satisfying, so I shuffled to the fridge and grabbed another one. I promised myself it would be the last one of the evening, but I knew a third and even a fourth would come out eventually. I had nothing else to do with my evening, though that was an improvement from the constant lack of sleep and partying.

Baby steps, something Jacob would like to say at a time like this.

Out of the blue, my phone decided to ring. I hadn't gotten a call since my old man checked up on me all the way from Minnesota. I grabbed it in-between the cushions in the couch - because my pockets were useless at holding stuff - and saw that it was Nora. I wondered what she wanted.

'S'up?'

'Thank god I got you. Listen... Jacob's gone home - '

'Sweet, I knew he wouldn't be kept in there for long.'

'You don't understand, Noah... Jacob's only home for the evening. He wants us to go to his house, he says he has something important to tell us.'

'Now? Shit, I'm after a few.'

'Seriously? OK... Look, I'll look after you and hold your damn hand if I have to, but can you make it?'

'Alright, alright. I'll be there. Did he say what it was about?' I was already wrapping my coat around my arms. I must had spilled drink all over it, because it reeked of gin. The Mosefs weren't going to be happy with me one bit.

'It doesn't sound good.'

I made plans to where to meet her and hung up, just about to make a break for it when I came across the usual slumped mess of a human named Mr. Harrington. He lived in the apartment directly above me, and I knew exactly why he was right in front of my door. I didn't really have the time for him.

"Noah." He began with his usual gravelly voice, a testament to his old age, and the yelling he must had done throughout the years. He wasn't a happy guy.

"Look, I need to go." I protested, attempting to move past him. Instead, he stretched out his hand, stopping me. He must have sniffed my jacket, because he recoiled a tiny bit, crinkling his nose in disgust.

"No, you listen 'ere! The residents and I have had it up to here with your crap. We've informed the landlord of your latest... endeavors."

"You snitched on me?" This was the worst possible time. "Look, I have a friend whose in hospital, and I need to go - "

"You're right, you do need to go." Harrington agreed, but not for the reason I had, "In fact, you need to go as soon as possible, which is why I'm delighted to say that you will be given your thirty-days notice to leave the premises."

The color drained from my face. "You can't do that!"

"I can't, but the landlord can. You'll find the eviction notice tomorrow." He retracted his hand, allowing me to move past him. "And for the record, Noah, you've been the worst neighbor this property has ever seen! I hope you rot in hell."

"I'll save you a seat." I grumbled in response, because I had already walked away from the pensioner and his crap. I could deal with the landlord in the morning, my friend came first.

Once I was actually out of the building, I ran through Boren Avenue and took a left and onto Madison, hoping to grab a bus in time. I glanced at my phone, my eyes widening when it read 11:00pm. I could have sworn I was only inside my house for an hour, two hours tops. Was I more drunk than I let on? Realizing that there weren't going to be many more buses, I was left with no choice but to break into a full-on run, tearing through the street as quickly as I could. There wasn't that much traffic, but I was still blindsided by a lone Accord when I tried to dash across the road. I swore at the driver as he moved past, clearly oblivious to what a red light was. It was only when I went through 1400 Madison Street that a bus was parked in the distance, obviously letting passengers on board. That was going to be my one opportunity, so I ran as quickly as my legs would allow me. I felt my tendons strain when I slammed against its door, forcing it open again. The driver wasn't impressed with me.

"East Madison Street!" I cried out, offering a twenty dollar bill in the process. He was in the middle of accepting it, only to retract his hand, clearly catching onto the smell of my coat.

"No can do, no intoxicated folk allowed. Step off of the bus."

"I'm not drunk!" I protested, but he didn't take that as an answer. He stood up - clearly taller and more muscular than he had any right to be - and he just gently pushed me aside and forced me back on the sidewalk. I was going to slam on the glass... it was a good thing the damn bus left when it had the chance. There weren't going to be any other buses for the rest of the night, so I had no other choice but to walk.

Maybe it would clear my head.

There was an annoying little hill that I needed to power through - too steep for it to be comfortable, yet not steep enough to complain about it - and it really showed up the need for me to hit the gym again. There was a time - way before exams and jobs sucked the fun out of everything - when I would only be found with a weight in one hand and a protein shake in another. I missed having abs, but ever since I started that damn course...

I stopped thinking about it.

It was another forty-five minutes of walking - which meant that it was on the wrong side of midnight by the time I was actually near his house - when I saw a familiar shape in the distance. Nora was the only other person out on the block, shivering and attempting to make phone calls. As soon as she saw me she put the phone away, puzzled.

"Where in God's name have you been?" She cried, "I've been trying to call you for the last hour!"

I grabbed my own phone, and swore once I saw the multiple calls displayed on the screen. The thing was still on silent. Shit.

"You're always like this!" She whined, but I just ignored her while we walked the rest of the way. I wasn't used to long walks like that so my feet stung. It was almost as if the tendons were threatening to snap.

"How'd you get in?"

"Got a taxi in, said I'd walk down to meet Aayush and wait for you since you were walking in."

"How did you know I was walking?"

"Had a hunch when you started being late.  Ever think about getting your own wheels?"

"You know none of us have the money for that."

"Also, Noah?"

"Hmm?"

"You reek of booze."

"I know."

We walked together in the dead of night, right up Madison Street. One more damn hill that was somehow a lot more difficult to negotiate than it should have been. The drink must had been taking its toll on me. Nora didn't seem to be aware of it, and if she did she didn't show any sign of it. Jacob's house was in a nice little piece of suburban real estate, just like my folks back home. I never liked the countryside, there was nothing to do and it was too quiet. I remembered staring outside my bedroom window for hours at a time, nothing else around to distract me. I didn't like it. Aayush waited outside the door, the Mosefs alongside him. Jacob Sr. and Evelyn had met me a fair handful of times, and they never completely liked me hanging out with their son. I wasn't exactly helping my case, either.

"This is obviously something serious," Nora started without so much as a hello, directed right at his parents, "or else we wouldn't be here in the middle of the night."

"He wants to speak to all of you. Alone." Evelyn answered, her face set in stone. Jacob looked so much like her it was slightly scary. I tried to stay as far away from them as possible, but they knew I was tipsy the second I walked past them, you could see it in the way Jacob's old man crinkled his nose and turned the other way. I tried getting a read from his mother, but she didn't give anything away. Neither of them were crying, so it mustn't had been anything that serious, right? Maybe he was moving away... but to drag us here in the middle of the night? Especially after being discharged from hospital? Something didn't add up.

"You must have been waiting for me for a while." I hated holding everybody up.

"He wanted to wait until we were all together." Aayush wasn't very satisfied with the explanation he was giving me, obviously as concerned as I was. The house was cramped compared to my - soon to be previous - apartment. The stairs was barely wide enough for a single person to get through, but it was covered from wall to wall with family photos; several shots of Jacob from when he was a toddler, all the way up to university. I didn't have that when I grew up.

His room was at the end of the stairs, door already open. Posters adorned his walls; from sketches he made when he was a child, to pictures for bands I had never even heard of. It was definitely a room that belonged to a child growing up, toys and models still scattered across the floor. Jacob was sitting on his bed, waiting and smiling when he saw all of us... but the smile quickly faded away, almost the exact expression his mother wore, like he was trying to hide something.

"Please tell us what's going on." Nora said, closing the gap between them. "You're scaring us."

"I'm sorry... I just didn't want to say it unless it was in person."

"Just tell us, Jacob! We're worried about you."

That was obviously the wrong thing to say, I could see it in the way his expression changed slightly, a slight quiver in his lips.

"They... did more tests, because it wasn't alcohol poisoning."

"OK?" Nora wasn't convinced, but she sat next to him, holding his hand. "Whatever it is, it's alright. We'll help you through it. Just tell us."

His eyes started to well up, but he brushed the tears aside and swallowed hard, trying his best to compose himself.

"It was cancer."

It was just that word, that one single word, that sucked the life out of the room. I actually thought I'd heard him wrong, and tried to come up with any number of words that rhymed with it. Unfortunately, it started to sink in just a few seconds later. We heard him right. Aayush's face turned pale. Nora shook her head involuntarily.

"Did you just say - "

"Cancer. Tumor in the brain and in the lungs. Terminal."

We just stood there, processing this. My legs felt like they were about to give, so I sat down at his computer chair. I could feel a slight tingling in my fingers, shock setting in. It wasn't possible, the guy was barely pushing twenty-one, it was impossible for him to get such a sudden diagnosis.

"I don't buy it." Nora really wasn't accepting this. "Bullshit, you had too much to drink and you fell over. Simple as that."

"They showed me X-rays." He countered, his voice cracking in places.

"They must have mixed you up with another patient!"

"Nora!"

He shouted and grabbed her shoulders, abandoning any attempt to act composed. It shocked her, it shocked all of us.

"That's the diagnosis, I'm not going to be able to get rid of this, you guys. This is it!"

He started crying, the tears just flowing down his cheeks. We instantly surrounded him, trying our best to make sure he felt some bit better, but he was never going to feel any better and there was nothing we could do to get rid of it. It sounded so final, we were celebrating just a few days ago.

"You're obviously going back to hospital." I mentioned, trying to keep myself together, we all were. " We're going to be there for you, man. I promise."

"All of us, for as long as you want." Aayush added. Nora simply nodded, unable to speak. Jacob just stared at his bed, gliding his hand against the bed.

"You guys are the best."

*

A life-altering situation like that changes a man.

Nora paid for another taxi - the only one of us who had some sort of disposable income at the moment - and drove Aayush and I back to our homes. We didn't say a single word for the entire trip, instead just watching Seattle as we drove past, unobstructed by traffic in the middle of the night. I could feel my heart as it pounded in my chest, like this was all just a nightmare and I just needed to wake up and it would all be over.

But that was never going to happen.

I met the guy for the first time at registration, the quietest boy I had ever seen. I actually showed him some of the ropes in university, and we shared the same dorm in our freshmen year. He introduced me to the rest of our gang, and I repaid him by showing him the benefits of alcohol. Not a fair exchange by any means, it had to be said, and after tonight I wished I could have done more for him. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of this. I wanted to say something - anything - to my friends, but couldn't find the words. They were probably in the same boat.

"I'm going in tomorrow." Nora stated, talking to nobody in particular. "I'm not leaving until..."

We didn't say anything, so we just continued on our journey, not another word spoken for the rest of the trip. I eventually arrived at my apartment, and just gave a simple thank you to the driver before they took off again, leaving me all alone out on the street. I fumbled for my key, promising myself to throw my coat in the washing machine the second I made it in the door.

The door I wasn't going to access again in about thirty days.

I wanted to apologize to Mr. Harrington, and everybody else who had to deal with my escapades. I wanted to call work and tell them that I needed to time some time off for my friend. I needed to call my parents and tell them that I loved them. I needed to call Aayush and Nora and come up with some sort of a plan to work in shifts, so he never had to be alone for the entire thing.

I needed to drink.

As soon as I walked into my apartment I threw my jacket to the floor, lunging for the fridge and the rest of the drinks inside it. I opened a bottle and chucked it back as quickly as I could, before grabbing another and doing the exact same thing, over and over again. My body started shaking - the shock wearing off and replaced with the grim emotion I wanted to drink away - and I slouched against my couch, trying to fight the hopelessness and failing miserably in doing so. I drank more so I would never have to remember this night again, but it never got to that stage. Even after my sixth - and final - straight bottle I was still vaguely aware of where I was and why I was doing what I was doing.

I was also aware of the window in my living room, a few storeys up from the pavement.

It was like I was on auto-pilot, but I somehow managed to stand up, muttering something under my breath even when I felt like I had no control of my lips. I wanted to walk to my window, I wanted to open it and I wanted to peer outside it. I needed to feel like I was about to fall over, so I could feel the sense of vertigo in my feet and my toes. Jay didn't deserve to go through any of this. I would have gladly taken his place if I had the chance. At least he had something to live for, at least he had a full head of hair, and wasn't balding like I was. At least he would earn his degree and get a meaningful job, where I would be floundering from job to job for the rest of my life. At least he would find someone to spend the rest of his life with, where I was destined to be alone. In every single regard, he was better than me, so what kind of sick, twisted god would screw him over instead of someone like me?

I somehow managed to open the window, suddenly hit with fresh air. This only made me feel even worse, my legs almost buckling. I insisted on leaning over until my legs dangled from the floor, like a pendulum that needed to be perfectly balanced. I felt the sense of fear as it flowed through my veins, and in my drunken state I looked at the sidewalk below and laughed, knowing that nobody could see me.

It shouldn't had been him. It should had been me.

 

5: Chapter 4 - The Aftermath

-Nora-

I woke up.

Normally, that wouldn't be a significant thing; everybody woke up in the morning, got dressed and ready for the day ahead, and fell back asleep once their day was done. This time, however, things felt different. It felt like the beginning of a major seismic shift, and for a few moments I couldn't remember the reason why.

Then I did.

I didn't take my make-up off before I went to sleep - I was far too busy processing everything to do that - so I felt patches of it as it clung to my skin, marks left on the pillow beside me. My hair was a mess, random clumps hanging over my eyes when the rest was still arranged in a rough ponytail. I broke down as soon as the taxi driver dropped me off at my home and my door was closed. I didn't even care about the godamn mess my roommates insisted on making, or the fact that three of them had passed out on the floor. The last thing I remembered before falling asleep was crying, my throat still sore from burying my head into my pillow and just letting it all out.

Jacob, my poor sweet Jacob.

I wanted to head in as soon as he was admitted, and to stay there until... but there were a few other things I needed to do first. I needed to look for housing because the lease for our place was due to end, and there was no way we were going to get our deposit back. I would have to call my parents and pretend that everything was still okay, as well as getting in touch with my amigos to start some sort of rotation for Jacob. A lot of things to do before I even thought of having coffee. Even that was going to be an adventure in and of itself, because I completely forgot about my roommates until I treked downstairs. The floor was a mess (they decided to go ahead and mix the contents of a cupboard into our mopping bucket) and scrubbed it all along the floor. My bare feet began to stick to the ketchup and cereal on the ground, but to be honest it just didn't bother me, stepping over a complete stranger (making sure that I made a footprint on his face for good measure) before I reached the coffee machine. In minutes, a steady stream of coffee poured into what must had been the only clean cup in the house, and I shuffled back upstairs. The smell of caffiene brought me to my senses, looking at my mirror as I sipped it. It looked like I had actually been to the party downstairs, because my ponytail was only being kept together by thoughts and prayers, sticking out in places. My makeup looked atrocious, it was a miracle my skin didn't look worse, and my eyes were red and puffy. I waited until my coffee was drained before I went to my bathroom to clean up. There was a pit in my stomach, the kind that you couldn't shake away or forget about. Brushing my teeth or cleaning my bare feet in the shower didn't distract me, and neither did washing my hair as I made myself look a little bit presentable.

My phone rang again, all I did was glance at the screen, realized it was Gabriel, and hung up abruptly. After all that happened last night, he was the last person who needed to call me right now.

I took a stroll outside my home, hoping to go to the Seattle Japanese Garden so I could clear my head. Of course, it was raining, nothing more than an annoying drizzle. The little road was littered with potholes, not a whole lot of love and care had been put into maintaining our part of the neighborhood in quite some time. I made the mistake of standing in the middle of a deceptive-looking puddle, instantly soaking my foot. I shrugged it off and kept walking.

Other people had it worse.

I kept moving until I had a junction at the end of my street, the petrol station I worked in visible in the background. I shivered at the sight of it. (My former manager had been a little too close to me for my liking, it was a wonder he managed to keep the job before some other poor girl reported him for harrassment.) I banished the thought and kept moving, surrounding myself with the lovely trees that coated the pavements. They reminded me of happier summers, I brought my parents here when they visited me last summer, they weren't too keen with living in the city in Japan, so they appreciated the peace and quiet when they stayed with me. Dad used to be a great big tower of a man, but old age made him bend like the very trees he marveled at. As I walked past, I realized that time changed us all, and none of us were going to make it out alive.

Some of us deserved more time.

It didn't matter what I thought, it always went back to Jacob. Walking wasn't going to clear my hand and it wasn't going to make him feel any better. Even as I meandered with the road the rain and dark clouds sucked any sort of hope out of the place. The imitation-style reception stood just where it always was, the wood stained by the rain, darkening its tone and my mood. Not a single other person roamed around the place, understandable given the weather, but it gave me some much needed time to think.

Noah, however, had other ideas. My phone rang, which I answered as quickly as my rain-covered screen would allow me.

'Morning.' ( I wasn't in the mood to talk, to be honest)

'S'up.' (Neither was he)

'I take it you're in just as great a mood as I am.'

'I need to stop drinking.'

'I know you do, Noah.' I sighed, I just didn't want to talk about something like that, but I understood. If ever there was a moment to drink, last night was as good as any. 'You get in touch with him?'

'Tried. He's probably on his way in right now.'

'Probably.'

'Look, the reason why I'm calling is I think we should talk about it. I don't feel great about this, and I can guarantee you don't feel so hot, either.'

'I've never heard you use the word guarantee before, another new word of yours?'

I was just met with silence on the phone, and then he disconnected. I looked at my screen in the rain, puzzled. That was always a running joke of ours, did he suddenly take exception to it now?

I kept walking throughout the garden, coming across the pond I visited from time to time, smiling out of politeness at the koi fish as they swam very close to the surface, intrigued by the raindrops. I crouched to take a closer look at them, and watched as they splashed aggressively. I started searching for Noah again, waiting impatiently until he decided to answer. Once he did, he didn't say a thing.

'Look, I'm sorry. Didn't want to upset you.'

'It's alright.'

So we just talked for a few minutes, about what we were about to do for the day. He recommended that we wait until either our friend or his family told us it was okay to visit, but I argued that we didn't know exactly how much time he had left, and that we needed to be there as much as we could. We needed Aayush for the deciding vote, but my house was destroyed and Noah was apparently hit with an eviction notice. I couldn't really say much, I was about to be hit with one of my own once the landlord made his way around. I walked as I spoke, until I stopped at the largest pond in the garden, my favorite spot. A miniature island was dotted right in the middle of it, surrounded on all sides by every type of tree imagainable. Not even the rain could dispell the sheer amount of colors on view, and on any other day it would have been an absolute marvel to look at. Noah assured me that he would be fine, that he had friends not too far from where he could crash until he found a new place. I wasn't so sure if I believed him, like he was downplaying what was going on in light of last night. Again, I couldn't say I blamed him.

I spent as much time as I could there, until I was genuinely shaking and I was sure I was about to catch a cold, but eventually I had to turn around and head back home, if only to get into a new change of clothes with a cup of tea in my hand. Despite Noah's opinion, I tried to get in contact with Jacob anyway. Unfortunately, no way of reaching him worked. I sighed in defeat and put my damn phone away, walking back the way I came and not feeling even a little bit better.

*

Setting up the laptop was a chore.

I was more than happy to use my phone for everything. I didn't really feel the need to use a bigger screen when the thing was just too slow and too cumbersome. The only real reason why I didn't sell it was because of my parents. It was handed to me before I left for the States, at the time it cost them a small fortune in yen. To throw out what was essentially a digital family heirloom just felt... wrong. My curtains were drawn and the lights switched off, a candle and a piece of incense was lit (and the smoke alarm deactivated) and I made sure the soft lighting hid any real flaws in my skin before I called. My parents were the lovliest people, but they had a habit of pointing things out, something they've done for as long as I could remember. I started the call, waiting for it to connect me to them. The Yamamotos weren't very great with technology, a trait I unfortunately inherited from them. It took several friends for me to make sense of my phone.

'Good morning.' It was Dad on the other side, the camera positioned at such an angle that all I could see was his chin. I couldn't help but smile, he still hadn't caught the hang of it.

'It's 5pm here.'

'Is it? Next you'll tell me that it's still saturday.'

'It is still saturday.' I insisted, well aware of his little jokes. 'I must be speaking to a prophet, because you sound like you're from the future.'

'Ah, my child. It's a beautiful sunday morning here, your mother has just gone out for the groceries, so it's just myself to keep you company.'

'I suppose it will do.' (I knew that hit a nerve, I had jokes of my own.)

'You suppose? Am I no longer enough for the mighty Nora Yamamoto?'

'Now you're just being silly!'

Speaking with my father was just the antidote I needed, seeing his familiar face allowed me to relax, and we performed our time-honored tradition of drinking from our cups of tea, thousands of miles apart but at the exact same time. He insisted green tea leaves were best, but I preferred earl grey.

'So, how is the United States of America treating you?' My Dad insisted on speaking English during our conversations, when Japanese would have been much more convienent. He watched me as I slowly learned the language so I could fly here, and was adamant he could do the same. He was headstrong, which was tempered by Mom's patience.

'Actually, there's a reason why I'm calling you today, a very specific reason.'

'Specific?' (I forgot he didn't understand all of the words just yet.)

'A very... important reason why I'm calling you. Something happened to one of my friends.'

'Nora... Tell me all about it, what troubles you?'

I gave him as much information as I could. He knew how close I was to Jacob, he even met him when they flew over here. They proclaimed that he had the energy of an unruly terrior (which he considered the greatest compliment of his life) and when I arrived at the punchline I could see my father's face as his eyes softened. Maybe it was the screen that seperated us, but I swore I could see them water.

"Nora...I'm so sorry.'

'It's just...' (now it was my turn to fight back the tears) 'I've known him for the longest time...and he doesn't deserve this...and I...'

I just cried openly in front of him, and to his credit he didn't say a word and just allowed me to let all of the emotion out. I heard footsteps just outside my door, my roommates must had heard me. In any case they chose to leave me alone. It must had been twenty or thirty minutes before I simply ran out of tears to cry, my eyes sore.

'Nothing I say can make this better.' My father carefully worded, taking a contemplative sip from his tea as he paused. 'Such is life; it ebbs and it flows. Some people go through the highest of highs, and some...the lowest of lows. He must be afraid of his... circumstance right now, so be there for him. Let him know that he will not go through this alone. My sweet Nora, he will find peace. He will not know suffering when he passes, and you will see him again.'

He believed in the afterlife, and growing up so did I. That seemed like a fairytale that was destined to remain on the pages of books once I grew up and decided that I knew better. But the boy simply couldn't disappear into nothing, he just couldn't.

'Thank you.' It was all I could say.

'You're welcome.'

*

Noah was right.

We called his parents to ask if it was OK for us to visit, but Evelyn (who was an absolute sweetheart) asked us to give them time, so that his extended family could fly into Seattle to see him. I told that we were there if he needed to call us, a message she promised to pass along. The days were getting longer as our summer break began, but none of us wanted to be outside. Instead, we decided to longue at Aayush's home, the only person who wasn't due an impending eviction notice. His house was small but lovely, a great big fireplace which we sat around to pass the time. Gabriel decided to keep ringing my phone, which served as nothing more than an annoyance. I was genuinely about to call him (to politely but forcefully tell him to stop harrassing me) until Aayush literally grabbed my phone from my hands and threw it onto the relative safety of his sofa.

"He's not worth your time." He told me. He was right.

A week passed by with no word from Jacob or his parents. Those days were spent pacing my room, glaring at my phone for any sign of life. They were also spent by helping Noah pack his things as his notice came through. Anything that was too big to carry was left there, he wasn't a particularly materialistic person. He was going to crash on Aayush's couch until he found his own place, and I volunteered to be his roommate for the summer. Outside of our friend, our priority was finding a new home for ourselves, so we looked for any sort of temporary housing in the immediate area. It was going to be tough for Noah to fetch a reference from his previous landlord, but we were adamant that we would make it work.

Then, all of a sudden, Aayush got a phone call. It only took me a split-second to realize that it was Jacob. He froze in the middle of the call, tensed up. I immediately took that as a bad sign.

'We'll be there.' He promised, and just like that he was making another call, leaving us in the dark.

"That was obviously him!" I called out, impatient. "Give us an update!"

He waited until he finished his second phone call before he answered me.

"That was his Dad. He's taken a turn for the worst. We're leaving right now, pack anything you can."

I didn't have any toiletries with me, but they were simple to buy. Aayush disappeared into his room, and came back out with a simple bagpack, already full to the brim. He called a taxi to collect us, they arrived outside the door as quickly as they could. We slotted into the tiny seats of the sedan as Aayush issued a command for where to go, emphasising that it was an emergency. We sped off as quickly as our wheels could take us, heading straight for Virginia Mason Hospital. Even on a weekend traffic was pretty congested around that part of town, but more pressing was why he held us off for so long. We were meant to spend as much time as we could with him, and if he was taking a turn... I stopped thinking of that, because it wasn't going to be that way. We were going to see him and be there for as long as he needed.

Once we actually made it, we were left at the mercy of the traffic lights, which always seemed to flash red just as we approached it. Noah was fine the first three times this happened, but by the fourth he was grinding his teeth, his cheeks bright red.

"Screw it, there's no time!" He muttered, and just opened his door and got out. We called after him, but he obviously didn't listen to us, crossing the road as he sprinted for the hospital. Flustered, Aayush just gave the driver a fifty dollor bill (and told to keep the change) and pretty soon we followed him. Noah slowed down just long enough for us to catch up to him, but not a second longer. We ran until my lungs were fit to burst and I was short of breath, risking life and limb in dashing across incoming traffic and their annoyed passengers, almost crashing through the automated doors. I didn't care about any confused onlookers, we just needed to know where in God's name Jacob was. We were pointed in the right direction, so we moved recklessly towards the stairs. I almost knocked over an elderly woman, but I disappeared around the corner before she could get a good look at my face, and before I could feel genuine remorse for doing it. The sheer amount of stairs winded me, so much so that I began to see stars, but mercifully we found ourselves in the right ward. Jacob's room was the third one on the right, much larger than the one he was previously in. The bedside wall was covered in an ugly shade of brown, a single leather chair blended seamlessly against it. Jacob layed on the bed, incredibly pale even for him. His eyes were closed and he took deep breaths, his parents alongside him. Jacob Sr. nodded at us, not a word given. You could see what he was thinking in his eyes, though. We didn't need to say a thing.

"He's awake." Evelyn eventually mentioned. "We'll give you time to be with him."

Just like before, it felt like the life had been sucked out of the room, and in a more literal sense, I guessed it was. I thanked them as they left, with his father consoling his mother. This was it, it was going to happen. We surrounded him as he opened his eyes faintly, trying his best to smile.

"This morphine's pretty good." He commented, barely louder than a whisper. His voice was ragged, and he had to breathe through his mouth.

"Didn't think you were a drug addict." Noah added, and he just grinned in his usual Jacob way.

"Desperate times, desperate measures. You know... how it goes."

"We came as soon as we could." I added, "We didn't want to leave you alone."

"It's OK, family, and all that." He was trying his best to stay awake, but his eyes fluttered and his breathing grew heavier. It was a shock to see him fall so far, so fast.

"Actually, would you guys mind if I just talk to Nora for a little bit?"

Aayush and Noah were taken a little aback by that, but once it registered they understood.

"Of course, call us when you want us to come back in." Aayush replied. I nodded, and waited until they left the room, shutting the door behind them. Looking back at Jay, it looked like he had fallen back asleep again, his eyes were closed and his breathing slowed, but he still muttered something a little too quietly for me to hear. I had to lean in to hear what he was saying.

"Nora?"

"I'm here."

"Nora... I was the reason why you couldn't come in to see me."

"But... why?" I had to admit, those words stung, just a little bit.

"Because... I had to do... something for you guys. Something... important."

"I'm starting to lose you." I replied, because his voice grew weaker again. He was struggling to fight the morphine.

"I... had to record something... quite a few things, actually... I left them with Mom. Ask for them... please."

"Of- of course." I staggered, hoping I actually heard him right. Jay started coughing, forcing him to sit up until he was finished.

"I want to be with all of you. I don't... want to go."

I leaned in closer to him, holding his hand. He was cold to the touch.

"I don't want you to go, either."

"I want to be... with all of you..."

"I know..." (I tried my best, but it was impossible for him to miss the break in my voice.)

"I want..."

He trialled off, leaning his head to one side. At first, I thought the worst had happened, jolting upright and ready to call a nurse, but his breathing was fine, and the monitor was still green. The boy had just fallen asleep, that's all. It still didn't stop the shot of adrenline, though. draining me all of a sudden.  I called for the guys again, and for an hour or so we just sat around him, watching as he slept peacefully. A few nurses came to check up on him, assuring us that we were fine the way we were. We lost all sense of time before his parents came in, watching over their son as they took turns holding his hand. Apart from the hustle and movement in the hall (and the constant sound of his monitor) it was quiet, the calm before the inevitable storm. It was Aayush that decided that they needed some time alone with him, excusing all of us. While we stood up, I leaned in to Evelyn, hoping it wasn't inappropriate.

"Jacob... said that you had something for us."

"He told me to wait." She whispered back. I understood, not more needed to be said. We took our leave, closing his door as we walked towards the reception.

That was the last time we ever saw Jacob.

 

6: Chapter 5 - The Beginning & the End

-Aayush-

Jacob passed away on June 1st, at 12:06am.

I wasn't there at the time - we finally decided on a rotation that would allow at least one of us around him at any one time - and it was Nora who called me and delivered the bad news. In reality, she didn't need to say a thing, I understood when I could only hear crying on the other side of the line. My entire body felt heavy, an enormous sense of loss grounding me to where I stood. I remembered standing there long after the phone call had ended, not a single sound made inside my home, save for the crackling of a dying fire. I had to close my eyes and count to sixty, promising to move once I reached that number.

One... Two... Three...

I didn't know how to explain it, but when I thought of a certain person, I could picture them doing their errands or having fun. When I thought of Jacob... I could no longer imagine it. It just felt like a hole, like a gap that he left behind once he left.

Ten... Eleven... Twelve...

My heart was pounding, realization sinking in. We were obviously waiting for the moment it happened, but it still felt so surreal, so horrible.

Forty-One... Forty-Two... Forty-Three...

I didn't wait until sixty, because I needed to snap out of it and do something immediately. I was in the middle of reheating leftover food in the microwave, but I just switched it off and left it to cool, more important matters needed to be attended to. I needed to find my suit and iron it for the funeral, and I needed to do... something to keep me moving, because I didn't want to stand still and think about how we had just lost one of our closest friends. When I couldn't find an iron, I just promised myself that I would take it to the cleaners first thing in the morning. Noah must had been asleep in the spare room - I actually managed to de-clutter it and set up some sort of sleeping bag so he would be semi-comfortable in the meantime - but I didn't know if he got the news or if he woke up yet. I wanted to write a card to the Mosefs - to tell them how truly sorry I was for their loss - but that train of thought was broken as soon as I heard something in Noah's room, a dull thump which knocked off of his wall.

He knew.

I decided to reheat the food, making sure that there was enough for two plates, because I was sure we were going to be staying up all night because of this. I knocked on his door lightly, and he suddenly turned quiet.

"Noah?"

No response.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

Still nothing.

"OK, I'm coming in now..."

The first thing I spotted - and I hadn't realized Noah even had them - were the sheer amount of cans that were layed out on the floor. He must had smuggled them in somehow. The bump on the wall was from his phone, its screen cracked. Noah was hunched over, head in his hands and sobbing uncontrollably. It didn't take a lot to put things together.

"Jay..." he muttered, but I wasn't having any of it.

"Look at this place! It's a mess!"

He didn't respond to me - I wasn't even sure he heard me - so I crouched down and snapped my fingers until I got his attention.

"Aayush, Jacob..." He was slurring his words, completely out of it.

"When I said you could stay in my house, I didn't say that you could drink as much as you like and spill it all over the carpet. How long have you been drinking now?"

He didn't respond, but he started around the time he finished his exams. That meant that he had been constantly drunk for the last two weeks. I stood back up and walked outside to the kitchen, fetching a plastic bag. I took the cans on the floor and on the countertop...and I made sure to root through his bag and grab whatever cans he had left, because I wasn't going to tolerate that kind of behavior under my roof. He was too drunk to notice, and didn't really offer much of a fight when I moved him back into bed and covered him with the blanket.

"Jacob..." He spluttered. I understood, making sure he was tugged in tight to stop him from falling out in the middle of the night.

"We'll talk about it in the morning, just make sure you get some rest."

He must had dozed off, because he stopped moving and he stopped speaking. Exhausted, I made sure there was no sign of alcohol in the room before I left him there, before collapsing into my own room, falling asleep just after I had undressed for bed.

*

My dream was short, but I remembered it vividly; I was back in Bangladesh, to the city where I was born. Dhaka was rendered faithfully in my thoughts, from the packed Anannya Shopping District to the scorching sun, hot enough to cast beads of sweat on my forehead. I could feel the sense of claustraphobia as I moved past men and women en-route to the large building, but I was there with a purpose. I couldn't see them, but I had supporters behind me, though I didn't know what they were supporting me for. I only knew where to go and what to say, and that I was being followed.

Unfortunately, a knock on my door woke me up, robbing me of the conclusion. More annoyed than I perhaps should have been, I made sure I at least had pants on before I opened it. Noah looked like a mess, his eyes were bloodshot, big bags hanging from underneath them.

"Look man, I'm sorry about last night."

"Don't worry about it."

"Did I imagine it, or..."

"I'm sorry Noah, but it happened."

He looked at me, not blinking. Different emotions flashed across his face; a sense of shock, followed by disbelief, and finally acceptance. He sat by the kitchen table as I gathered the rest of my clothes and put them on, joining him shortly after. The leftover food had probably spoilt since last night, so I fetched a few eggs from the fridge, cracking them open as I placed a generous amount of them into a pan. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best course of action, because the sizzling soon got on Noah's nerves. He looked like he was about to drop.

"Look, I know you took my drinks and I understand." He explained, "If I can just get them back, I promise to keep them in the fridge and not drink like... last night."

"They must had been awful to drink in the first place, considering they were in your bag for as long as they were." I added, making light of the conversation for the time being.

"Yeah, but I wasn't exactly drinking them for the taste..."

I wanted to say something, I really did. It just wasn't the time, because we had to make arrangements. I grabbed a second saucepan, chopping up some pudding and smothering them in oil. They soon crackled under the heat of the hob before being added to a plate. My friend was grateful for his serving, I'd imagine it would make a great hangover cure.

"I'm going to need a suit." He commented. It was a bit inconvienent, but we could easily go out of our way to rent a suit as I was having mine dry-cleaned. I glanced at my watch, suddenly realizing something.

"Noah?"

"Hm?"

"Don't you have work this morning?"

He nodded, as if in agreement with me... and then it sank in. He snapped upright and ran to his room, returning two minutes later with a headset in hand. It was 9:30am, I was confident he was going to be late.

"My supervisor's going to have my head over this!" He cried, struggling to put his shoes on. I tried to tell him to call in sick, especially considering what just happened, but he paid no heed to me. Before I knew it he was gone, his food untouched. It was a waste of a few good eggs.

Oh well.

With the house to myself again, I opened my own computer and began the ardacious process of making sure my visa and passport were still up to date. Of course, I got side-tracked pretty easily, moving towards my blog and firing a quick few notes in my draft so I could further edit them later.

'When you lose someone, you also lose a piece of yourself. When they go, a little bit of you goes with them. You can never be the person around them again, as they carried on in this great journey without you. But worry not, because they yet live inside your heart and your memories. As long as you remember their laugh and remember their smile, their highs and their lows, their struggles and their celebrations, then they would never truly disappear.'

A bit rough, but the idea was there. It did little to take away the sense of loss, though.

I wanted to contact my brother, the young boy had a lot of questions for me, and I had held off a conversation with him for too long. I tried to call him using my laptop, aware that it was 11:30pm over there, and smiled warmly when he answered. I was starting to see a moustache beginning to grow on his face, something he had always wanted. We differed in that sense.

'Still gaming, I see.'

'I remember when I watched you play, bro.' For someone whose brother lived in the States, he picked up more American mannerisms than I had. 'That was when you used to be cool, now you're studying boring old politics.'

'Nice to hear from you too, little Choudury.' I teased, and he took off his - my - headphones so he could hear me better. Dhali had so much to prove, looking to be the exact opposite of his brother. While I did as much as I could to get the marks in class, he slouched off and played far too many games. It almost felt like he spoke exclusively in streamer talk by the time I left, though he had thankfully gotten better since then. Still, I had no idea what the word pog meant.

'Not so little anymore, bro. Wait until you come back, we'll see whose looking down on who!'

'You'll always be little to me, and to our parents.'

'They're such a drag. They want me to go out and talk to people more, but what's the point? I can talk to them all here!'

'Dhali, I can smell your room from Seattle. Go outside and open a window, let some circulation through.'

He promised me he would, though I knew my words fell on deaf ears. I wasn't much good halfway across the world if our parents weren't able to force him out of there. I asked about my family, he hadn't seen them all day, but otherwise they were fine. They used to be so excited about hearing back from me, about all the adventures I would go on, even if it was just a trip to the shops. They would ask me about the architecture, how people greeeted each other. Since my final year, all of that had stopped. Now they just asked when I was coming home, and what I was going to do with my degree. They knew exactly what I was going to do with that degree, however... I promised Dhali that I would check in more often with him, but he responded with pog so I wasn't sure if the message was read loud and clear. The conversation over, I returned to the matter at hand.

*

Fittingly, it was raining as we walked towards the Mosef's home, big dark clouds that marked the occasion appropriately. I stood outside their door, Noah and Nora beside me. Thankfully he was sober, making an effort to shave his stubble and comb his hair so that it covered his bald patch very convincingly. It was a struggle walking from store to store, trying to find a suit that fitted him and that didn't cost an absolute fortune. Thankfully, we found one at the eleventh hour, just as I returned to fetch my own. I told Nora how beautiful she looked - because she did - and she smiled warmly as she thanked me. Every square inch of the house was full of people; neighbors and school friends who came to pay their respects, as well as most of his extended family. I recognised his grandfather from Evelyn's side - Albert Mosef - but everybody else was a complete stranger. The living room was cold because the heating couldn't be switched on in that particular part of the house, and we saw him lying there, as if he was sleeping peacefully. Despite that, Jacob didn't belong there. His eyes were closed and his hair was brushed aside smartly, but he just looked too young to be lying in a coffin. That kind of image stopped me in my tracks, another heavy realization that all of this was real. We stood by his side for a few seconds while Nora held his hand, pursing her lips as she struggled. I placed my hand around her shoulder, hugging her tightly. Noah bowed his head in silence, saying something I couldn't quite hear.

This shouldn't be happening.

We spent the evening paying our respects to the rest of his family, I had actually been caught up in a lengthly discussion with Albert about how his grandson grew up and how he spoke about us like we were his family. The great man had the same color eyes as him, even if the rest of him looked completely different from Jacob.

"It's a real shame, having to outlive the kids." He said, quite loudly as his hearing wasn't the best. I completely agreed with him.

Evelyn and Jacob Sr. were in the kitchen, shaking hands and thanking friends and neighbors as they came in and offered their condolences. As soon as Evelyn noticed us she walked over, catching the three of us.

"Can you three come with me, please?"

Confused, and slightly wary of how she said it, we had no choice but to follow her upstairs, catching a few confused glances from others as we did. I looked back at both of my friends, wondering if they had any idea what was going on. They didn't look like they had. She led us into his room, a room that felt very different even from just a few weeks ago. The posters and models were entirely untouched, but the air felt... different, I couldn't put my finger on it, though heavier was the closest description that felt apt. Just remembering what Jay told us sent goosebumps down my arms.

"I'm sorry for stealing you away like this." She explained, extremely apologetic. "You look very smart, thank you so much for coming."

I just nodded and smiled. We knew we weren't here to be complimented.

"I'm not sure if Jacob said this to all of you, but while he was in hospital, he made something that he wanted to give to you."

Nora looked like she knew what Evelyn was talking about, it was probably the reason why Noah and I had to leave the room, now that I thought about it.

"Look, I know it's tough for all of us, but he asked that you watch something which will explain everything."

She reached for her purse, opening it up and taking out a small black block, but when she snapped the cover off I realized it was actually a USB stick. It looked like a fairly old model, based on how large it was. Still, the device hardly mattered, it was its contents.

"What is it?" Noah risked asking. Evelyn handed it to him, undettered.

"I don't know."

She told us to plug it into Jay's laptop, asking us to find her again once we finished watching what was recorded on it, and excused herself out of the room. Once the door was shut, we felt like we could breathe again.

"He recorded a few things for us." Nora explained, feeding the stick into the computer and powering it on. "Other than that, your guess is as good as mine."

I just watched as the screen winked on - thankful that it didn't require a password - and waited until the USB was accepted, prompting us to view its files. There was only one folder inside it, labelled My Friends. It was only once Nora clicked on it did we realize that there was a lot more to it than that. There were dozens of more recordings, each labelled equally between us. We huddled together to get a better look at what it actually said, before we returned to the top of the folder and the very first video, its title in capitals to grab our attention.

PLAY ME

We did as we were told and pressed the button as Noah switched off the lights. It took a few seconds for something to play, but once it did...

It was Jacob, the same Jacob we knew before everything had happened. From the looks of things, he was in the old hospital room, the one where he was tested for alcohol poisoning. His hair was in its usual erratic way, but his eyes were red, like he had just finished crying. Despite that, he seemed almost...happy.

'Is this thing on?' He called out to someone in the background, who must had given him the all-clear, before returning his attention to us.

'Hi guys, I'm... not really sure how to start this, but I hope the three of you are together. If you're not, can you please stop this video and make sure that you get Noah? The guy's always late!'

"I'm right here!" He responded, cracking a smile. Nora nudged his shoulder with a weak smile of her own, waiting for Jay to speak again.

'Okay, you got him? Perfect! Look, no hard feelings Noah, but you're usually late to everything.'  

"None taken." He whispered. Jay had obviously paused to give us time to speak, but he looked so... alive on the screen that it was a wonder that he was actually downstairs, his eyes closed. He cleared his throat and continued.

'Well, if you're watching this... then I'm already gone. They gave me weeks but in all honesty... I don't think I can last that long. I'm going to be honest with you guys, I've actually been feeling a little bit sick for quite some time. Went to a few doctors because I thought it was the damn flu at first, but the flu doesn't last for months at a time...' I hadn't realize that he felt as sick as he said he did, he didn't show any sign of it around us. 'But look, the reason why I'm recording this is because I still wanted to be there with all of you, and since I can't physically do it...'

He started crying, just like that. It was a struggle to watch. He put on a brave face for the rest of us, but he obviously knew just what he was facing at the time.

'I... wanted to give you something to remember me by, so I recorded things for all of your events when you're getting older; your thirteeth birthdays, when you have kids, when you get married. I wanted to be there every step of the way, because I... I love you guys, and this is the closest I'm going to get to spending time with you.'

I couldn't look away, wiping my own tears as he spoke. How many hours had he recorded just for the three of us? We digested what he just told us, staring at each other uneasily. He paused there, too. He obviously knew that it would take us a second to register what he said.

'It's weird, because you guys just left my room about an hour ago. Noah, you messed with my hair; that's why it looks the way it does now, and you were having another little argument with Nora.'

It was obviously intended as a joke, but she looked impassively at the screen. She didn't find it funny.

'So... I guess that's it for this video, but look... I'm going to be there for you guys. You deserve that. Just... don't be sad that I'm gone, I'm still here, I want to be with all of you. I'll talk to you again...tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry for not telling them what I'm doing. Take care.'

The screen winked off, returning us to the drop-down menu. We watched it in silence, none of us able to speak. We heard the rumble of his family and neighbors downstairs, laughter mixed with sadness.

"So..." Nora began, looking down at the ground, "That was something, huh?"

"It was a lot." I agreed, reaching for the USB and ejecting it from the computer. It felt like it weighed heavier than before, but perhaps it was because we were now aware of its contents. "I'm going to copy the files, so we don't risk losing the only videos we have." They agreed with me, it was a solid plan.

"I'm going to look for Evelyn." Nora said, more to herself than either of us.

We headed back downstairs, back into the middle of things. I recognized Percy in the middle of the living room - we met briefly through Jay at Comic-Con last summer - and we gave each other the briefest of nods before we searched for Evelyn. She was the one who found us, catching us in the hallway.

"Was everything alright?" She asked, obviously waiting for an answer. I decided to say it.

"He said he was sorry."

 

7: Chapter 6 - End of his Road

-Noah-

The funeral took a lot out of us.

I expected it to be miserable on the actual day, but when I woke up and took a look outside my window there wasn't a damn cloud in sight. It was beautiful and baby-blue, the sun shining so brightly it hurt my eyes. I just gazed out at the neighborhood and sighed, fully aware of where we needed to go. Aayush knocked on my door and made sure I was ready, fully dressed in his suit. It made mine look cheap in comparison, which I guess it was. He didn't say a word, fixing his glasses as he nodded while I did the same. It was time to go.

Some kids were busy playing outside once we left the house, small inflatable pools already popping up on their front lawns as people made the most of the summer weather. We just walked down the block and waited for Nora, standing in front of a massive brick building, the school closed for the summer.

"Call me strange, but I'd rather it rained right about now." Aayush commented, shuffling in his spot and taking a look around, a slight breeze swaying the trees around us, "Although, it would be a bit selfish to ruin everyone else's day just for the sake of matching our mood."

"N'ah, grey clouds and rain didn't suit the guy. He was all smiles and sunshine, so I think this fits... he would have wanted it like this."

"Maybe you're right."

"Maybe I am."

Nora showed up after ten minutes of waiting and basking in the sun. Black was the worst color to wear in the heat, I was already sweating by the time she arrived. We didnt really say anything, other than a simple 'Ready?' and a nod from both of us. I wanted to drink. I was ashamed to admit it, but I was hiding the rest of my cans from my friend. He offered me his home when I needed to move out, and that was how I repaid him? Despite that... it was better than trying to go through the withdrawal, because it was better the devil I knew, for his sake as well as mine.

I hoped Jay wasn't looking down on me right now.

The church wasn't too far away from the Mosefs, but it was still a trip we didn't really want to take on account of the weather. We climbed in the next bus that arrived, hit with the heat that came from what was considered a mobile greenhouse. Some child screamed in the background, trying to leave her stroller, irritated. I couldn't say I blamed her, fetching a piece of tissue and dabbing it on my forehead. Eventually someone took exception to the noise, telling her to shut up. I grabbed Aayush and the three of us were dropped off at the next spot, because none of us wanted to see what came about with that confrontation. It was the same small and simple building that didn't look like it could hold all of the mourners who gathered, and we still made it there with time to spare. I recognised a fair handful of people who were already inside - people who mingled in our friends circles, I knew the faces but not their names - but decided to hover around the friends I knew. I recognized George in the middle of the group - you couldn't miss his platnium-blonde hair - and he popped over to offer his condolences. He went back as far as elementary school with Jay, but he told us of how the little goofball never stopped talking about us. Apparently, he was meant to tag along to our trip to Japan... but insisted that he wanted to go anyway for his sake. I hadn't thought of it like that, promising him that I would fly there and knowing full well that I mightn't be able to grab the holiday hours needed to go from work.

Jacob's coffin laid just before the alter, the sun shining through stained glass and casting rays of color against it. I really liked the picture they picked out of him - it seemed to be his high school graduation, but it was the big plastered smile that I knew and loved. It only made the occasion so much worse, knowing that he wasn't going to smile again. The procession went through quietly and slowly, the priest told us all that he would be delivered from his sins and crap like that, but for the sake of the occasion I looked at my feet as he droaned on. The urge to drink just grew more and more from there, to the point where I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't want to feel how I felt. I curled my hands into fists as it wore on, the rest of my friends oblivious. The hour passed by, his uncles and father tasked with carrying the coffin to the hearse, and we followed dutifully behind them. It moved far too slowly, leaving us to bake in the sun while we walked. I gritted my teeth and took the top layer of my suit off, hanging it over my shoulder as my hands grew sweaty. It seemed like such a minor thing to complain about, but it just reminded me of a cool lager in my hands.

I needed help.

It took a while before we made it to the graveyard, a small piece of allocated land that was framed by a lot of scyamore trees, a beautiful sight if it wasn't completely depressing. Jacob's parents lead the way while everybody else followed, just a great big sea of black. We followed up at the rear, watching the final step of the procession as he was lowered into the ground, his mother crying as it was lowered. It was a little more than I could take, to be honest. Nora reached for my hand, with Aayush on her other side. She squeezed my fingers tghtly while she tried her damned hardest not to break down, and I squeezed right back, watching the final moments unfold. Before too long, the coffin was lowered, the funeral concluded.

Sleep tight, man.

*

The trip back to Aayush's house was dead-quiet, not a single word said.

The three of us decided to head alone, away from the reception back at the Mosefs' place. Evelyn was a little suprised when we told her that, and was probably about to try and change our mind when she stopped herself. Instead, she reminded us to call her if we ever needed them. The last few days took a lot out of us, and it just turned 1pm as the sun bared down on us in the middle of the sky. I took off my waistcoat in an attempt to cool down, though it didn't do much good. Nora had taken off her heels, apparently it was more comfortable to walk on the piping-hot tarmac. She kept looking at the ground. I didn't blame her. Aayush fumbled for his keys once we made it to his place, collapsing on the couch in the living room and appreciating how cool his home was. Nora flicked the TV on and just let it play as background noise while I grabbed glasses of water and ice. It was the best damn water I had ever had.

"So, I guess that's it, then." Nora mumbled, though I couldn't tell if she meant to say it out loud or if she was simply speaking to herself. In any case, neither of us responded to her.

The day dragged on, the sound of children outside breaking the silence, but we shuffled around the living room on little errands. I was on my phone, deperately looking for homes in the Seattle area while the two of them were busy getting their passports up-to-date. I was going to miss them once they went back home, but it just gave an excuse to travel abroad to see them. Our summer plans were abandoned, there was just too much to do.

"You don't usually talk about Bangledesh." I pointed out, trying to break the ice, "What's it like this time of year?"

"It's about 33 degrees right now, I'm not a fan of that kind of heat. It's home, so I've fond memories of growing up in Dhaka, but I think even casual tourists would like it there."

"Remember when we were meant to visit a few years back?" Nora added. I actually remembered that, we spoke about it very briefly but nothing came of it.

"My parents don't have room in their little apartment, especially since my brother converted my bedroom into his own cave."

"I don't know what the Choudurys are like, you take after your parents?"

Aayush laughed, obviously asked that sort of question before. "More my mother than anything else, I share her need to have the place spotless. Dhali takes more after our father - a great big slob."

That conversation kept us going for a long time, I suddenly realized just how little we knew about his family and how he grew up. He talked about one incident that happened when he was a kid; apparently he sneaked out in the middle of the night to go to the nearest shop - he was ten - but when he came back the door was locked. Aayush laughed about it now, but he said that it was the scariest moment of his life, and he expected his parents to yell at him for leaving without their knowledge. The whole thing was apparently the reason he kept himself on the straight and narrow nowadays. I scoffed at the idea, volunteering to make some food - I didn't want to take advantage of Aayush's home without paying in some shape or form - but he politely stopped me. He grabbed as much cutlery as he could, stemming some vegetables and pasta into seperate pans, chicken pieces in another. I didn't know how he was able to multi-task so many damn things at once.

Then he brought out the wine.

I didn't know why that set something off in my head, but as soon as I saw the drink I had the urge to down all of it in one go, the kind that made my throat dry. I had to look away from it, but the damage was done. Nora and Aayush continued talking about something, oblivious.

I needed to get out of there.

But I couldn't, because that would be suspicious... and I had to come back sooner or later, and the temptation was still going to be there. I glued myself to the TV and tried to pay as much attention as I could at what was shown, which was also useless.

"I need to make a phone call real quick." I splurted out, not as all conscpicious. They didn't seem to hear me, lost in the kitchen while Nora admired the cooking, so I just excused myself and walked outside the front door, back into the baking sun. I had to move, pacing down the sidewalk  and putting as much distance between myself and the house as possible. My throat was still burning, looking for something in the line of wine or lager.

It started with my final exams, damn it.

I kept walking until I hit the little roundabout in the middle of the road, added just to cause problems from the looks of things. The trees did a pretty good job of blocking out the sun, but there must had been some sort of heavy pollen in the air, because my godamn nose began to itch and my eyes watered. It distracted me from... I couldn't even think about it in case the urge came back. I stood in the middle of the pavement and sneezed again and again, rubbing my nose until it was sore, my eyes barely open.

Who knew that allergies would be the best way of coping with this?

They would have wondered where I had disappeared off to. I walked back, taking my time as I wiped my eyes. I might had been exposed to the pollen for a bit too long. Still, when I walked into Aayush's home, I was able to look around without anything triggering me. They were still by the kitchen, it was like they hadn't noticed that I was gone.

"Who was that?" Nora must had been talking about the imaginary call that I had to make.

"My...my folks, wondering how my exams went."

"Ah, cool."

Aayush filled three plates with the most beautiful pasta I had ever seen, peppered with chilli and a side of chicken. We ate as the TV droaned on about a once in a lifetime opportunity to win the holidays of our supposed dreams. Trouble was, I didn't even have the money needed to buy the tickets to get into that draw. A shame, really. We were all due a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'.

"Man, this is the best damn thing I ever tasted!" I said, barely comprehensible on the fact that my mouth was still completely full. He didn't say anything in response, which meant that my attempt to start a conversation wasn't going to work.

*

Nora left for home around 11, she needed to pack her stuff and find a place, which was going to take all of her spare time. I promised I would visit during the rest of the summer before she flew back to Japan, but a part of me thought that I would simply weigh her down when she would need to get everything together. The same for Aayush, who had already E-mailed his landlord and advised him on when he was planning to leave. I didn't have any luck on my side, but I forced myself to calm down and to try again in the morning. I had the work references, which might make things a little easier. I prayed that my boss in the Art Museum was kinder than my second job.

Unfortunately, the urge to drink returned, and there was nothing that could distract me now.

It was a waking nightmare, I tossed in my bed, trying to sleep. It felt like that moment when you were a child, desperately waiting for Santa to arrive for Christmas, so you would spend the night trying to sleep but staying wide awake. This was the other extreme, waiting for something you didn't want. I was covered in sweat and my throat burned, unbearable. Eventually I realized that lying down wasn't going to cut it and sat up, gunning for the bathroom and locking the door. The light stung my eyes as I stared into the mirror, grabbing a good long look at myself in the mirror. My hair was fading fast, I would have to shave my head bald in less than a year, from the looks of things. My right eye was sore, and sure enough it looked swollen and painful once I closed in and took a closer look. Probably a stye, the last thing I needed to worry about now.

That, and the booze underneath my bed.

I wanted to punch something, to move or do something - anything - to take my mind off of it, because I couldn't fight it off for much longer. My hands were shaking and my throat was parched, I grabbed handfuls of the water from the sink and gulped it down feverishly but it didn't do a thing. I wanted to unlock the door, but I slapped my own hand away from the knob, ordering myself to stay in the room until this tempatation passed.

It was just a week, nobody developed an addiction this bad in seven days, did they? I was just celebrating my final exams, for God's sake! Why didn't the rest of them get drinking problems? Why was it always me?

I wanted to wake Aayush and beg him to help me, to gather all the cans and the wine and seal them away until I quit the damn things, cold turkey. I knew that I wouldn't, I knew that I would just annoy him, and in my current state I knew I would tear the house down to find where he hid them. I couldn't take it anymore.

I barged through the door, sheer instinct taking over. Every single press was opened until I found the white wine, grabbing it and a few other cans in the fridge before I steered away back into my room. The door was barely closed before the first can was opened, chucked down my throat and soothing the burning sensation. I couldn't describe how good it all felt. I sprawled back on the bed and opened the second, drinking it a bit more casually. I glanced at the time periodically, watching as it changed from 1am to 3 as the night wore on. The bottle of wine was demolished in record time, and it was really then when I started to regret what I'd done. Aayush was definitely going to notice, he was going to kick me out of the house and I would have nowhere left to live. My friends were going to desert me and never speak to me again. My parents were going to be disappointed in me - again - and I would end up on the streets, begging for change and drinking it away. I ended up crying, burying my head into the pillow and blankets so my friend couldn't hear, but of course he did. It was a bit blurry, but I saw his hands as he took away the empty cans, draping the blanket over me and muttering something I couldn't hear. Whatever it was, I knew it wasn't good.

"I'm sorry..." I could hear myself say, but it was too late, my friend had turned off the light and had already closed the door. I kept saying it, though. It didn't really matter who I was saying it to, because I was just sorry in general. I tried to squirm out of the bed but the blankets held me tight - Aayush had wrapped me up to stop me from leaving, and I was too drunk to get out of it - so I just laid there, sobbing my stupid heart out.

I'm sorry...

8: Chapter 7 - Happy Birthday (Thirties)

-Nora-
-32 Years Old-

I sparked up another cigerette, puffing on it as I sat inside my car. My day usually started like this; part of a daily ritual to prepare me for the stress I usually had to deal with. The smoke floated into the air, escaping through my slightly-open window. It was a dirty habit (it all started in Seattle) and I needed to stop before my lungs turned black and past the point of no return.

It wasn't always quite so stressful, but as I closed my door and walked inside I knew I was in for a headache. The sun peered through the sky, immediately dimmed by the self-tinting windows until it resembled a sunset. Osaka stretched out as far as the eye could see, hustling with activity. Colleagues moved from corridors and offices, ready to begin another day, the smell of coffee in the air. I had a large cappuccino myself, and with the meeting I was about to have I desperately needed it. My heart hadn't beat like this in quite some time, the suitcase in my hand felt heavier than it ever had before, but that had nothing to do with its actual contents. It was the weight of expectation that pulled me down, but the second I walked through those revolving doors I had to be in control, watching as people shuffled and scrambled into place in an effort to look like they were doing something.

Business was a vicious beast. You had to appear in control or it would tear you apart. You could see it when you walked through the workplace; I saw former colleagues falling below expectations, their manager always bearing down on them, people pandering to others for their own gain. I hit every single stage at one point or another, something I wasn't particularly proud of. Still, many didn't make it to see a full year in their office.

I didn't have to worry about that: I was now their boss.

Bijinesu Industries - the name was apt, Business in the purest sense of the word - was a fickle industry. Like every other company it was interested in unsustainable growth and products that were nothing more than cheap toys. At the time, it was the only company who were looking for post-graduates like me, aware of their high turnover. I remembered my mother's skepticism once I got the job, not because of my ability but in the ease at which I got it. I tried to play it off as a very successful interview, but I knew the truth. That first year in the building was absolute hell; nothing but fetching drinks for my supervisor while I carried out the majority of his work. I noticed the men as they paraded around the workplace, hovering over the canteen and adamant that they were doing what was best for business.

Then the crash came.

Quite a few companies fell under a few years back, which was partly the reason why I was promoted to CEO twelve months ago at the age of twenty-nine (the youngest in the history of the company) and that was when my first true test came. I remembered being surrounded by the same bastards who barked me about, looking for somebody else to take the blame on behalf of the company. Everybody else seemed to profusely apologize and carry on like nothing had changed, exasperating the problem.

I thought of things a little differently.

One of my finest memories was signing the release forms for every single man who belittled me on my rise to power, the shock on their faces completely priceless. I faced the critics and the reporters, the stockholders and the people who were looking for blood, and calmly told them what we planned to do.

Then, of course, we did it.

The cheap toys turned into genuine products; we leaped from a struggling business to the forerunner in technological progress in the space of a year. We generated enough revenue to expand and acquire other small businesses. Critics cried out that we were being too hostile, I responded by pointing out the benefits to the local economy and the rate of employment. It didn't go unnoticed that everyone who criticized me was male. They liked to complain.

The reason why my heart was pounding was because, for the first time ever, Bijinesu were in direct talks with Gijutsu, the only cooperation larger than our own. They had the funding we needed for our device, and the potential rewards were just too great to ignore. I stood outside our confrence room, sweating for the first time since I was an intern in this place.

You can't show signs of weakness.

Kaito Ito waited for me on the other side of that door, one of the most feared businessmen in all of Japan. He was surrounded by members of his hand-picked  hittoman, draped in dark suits and waiting patiently for my arrival. I had a lump in my throat and my heart pounded in my chest, but I walked towards him, offering to shake his hand, CEO meeting CEO.

"A pleasure to finally meet you." I greeted, bowing slightly as he returned the gesture, "I look forward to our discussions."

"I hope they are as revolutionary as you claim." was his simple response. "I've heard much about you, Nora."

I was well aware of the stories and the rumors, even if they were completely true. I only had this position because at the time, I was the only person who was willing to take the responsibility of a failing company. My age was the subject of much gossip in the surrounding area. They quietened somewhat with the latest quarterly profits, but it was obvious the man in front of me wasn't going to take me seriously. 

Still, I was the person in charge, so he would have to make due with me.

I began immediately, pressing a button on a simple console as the windows dimmed, shrouding the room in near darkness. Our projector burst into life, sending a semi-holographic feed onto its corresponding screen. Information coursed through the air, though it didn't impress Kaito that much. It was to be expected; they were the company that pioneered that technology.

"For years, people have immersed themselves in both physical and virtual realms; an hour at the gym while they finish their objectives in online games. We're here to further blur the line between the two."

That information shifted into a semi-solid object, like it was trying to break free from the actual screen. It was semi-spherical, pulsing with digits that made its shape. Kaito remained expressionless. It would take more than a holographic image from his own hardware to crack him.

"This is Bijinesu's most recent foray into nanotech, designed specifically for commercial use." I continued, walking around the table and gauging the reactions of several of his hitmen. Two of them stirred. Nanotech had only been utilised in Japan's military and medical fields, so this was new information to them. "As the leading manufacturer in this field, it was only natural for us to branch out into untapped venues, and if you'll allow me..."

My assistant (A lovely boy, his name was Yuuto but I was unsure of the surname, just graduated from the Sugimoto Campus) retrieved the actual product from its casing, only accessible with my fingerprints. It was much smaller than the projection implied, balancing itself perfectly on my finger as I walked towards Kaito, stretching out my hand so he could take a look. He leaned forward, adjusting his glasses while he examined it. I had his attention, if only for a moment.

"Would you like the test out this prototype?" I asked, the first part of the presentation where I relied on the answer to be yes. "It has passed all the standardised safety and quality tests, I assure you."

"You will hear from my lawyers if it hasn't." He replied, the kind of quiet threats we have come to expect from him. I read between the lines. He didn't explicitly say yes. I needed him to wear it.

"If you would like, you may allow your entourage to test it before you."

He huffed at that, and gestured for one of his underlings to stand up and accept our prototype. I noted the urgency and speed with which he obeyed his boss. It looked like personalities were forbidden when you were a member of the hittoman. He carefully placed it onto his eye (he obviously had experience in using contacts) and was suddenly taken aback by the information he was looking at. His expression instantly returned to stone again, but not before Kaito noticed. The microexpressions painted something toxic, but I had to train myself to look away from situations like that. It wasn't my place, for better or worse. His henchmen immediately removed the contacts and handed it to Kaito, though he accepted it with a hint of scepticism.

"So this will revolutionize the way we look at information?" He asked, unconvinced. "This small toy?"

"Please try the product before you dismiss it. You may change your mind." (Very big words, but entirely necessary.)

He tried it on without looking away from me, and his eyes moved from place to place, looking at objects and information as they scrolled through his vision.

"How do you navigate through this?" He demanded, raising his voice. He was obviously a man who preferred total control.

"You simply blink once to activate the main menu. You look at the sub-menus you would like to open. It's quite intuiative."

He relaxed as he followed my instructions, settling back into his chair as he took blinked slowly, accessing various different functions. The projector behind me displayed the information Kaito was accessing in real time. He looked up the nearest restaraunts and found satellite images of the general Tokyo area, zooming into a congested part of the city. The image was crystal-clear on our feed, while the real projection would look sharper again in front of his eyes.

"Impressive." He finally conceded, a hint of genuine intrigue in his voice. I allowed myself to breathe, not very many people made it this far into a conversation with the man. "But if you don't mind me asking, how is this revolutionary? How will this completely change the way people use their existing platforms? It's easier, most certainly, but when I think revolutionary, I think essential. This equipment, while certainly impressive, is not essential."

"From what you've seen so far, I would agree." I countered, walking to the other side of the table as they moved their heads and watched me. "The model you see in front of you would render more traditional means of augmented reality obselete, but surveys show that the casual buyer would be put off by the price and prospect of this device."

"Then why waste our time?" Kaito grew impatient, and that was exactly where I wanted him to be.

"Because there's more to our prototype than just easier access to online features, and I am about to show you."

Yuuto took that cue, walking to the conference door, knowing who would stand on the other side of it. Reo volunteered for the demonstration, the son of one of my closest work colleagues. The boy fumbled towards us, kane in hand. Kaito stood up as soon as he saw him, perhaps realizing what I was about to do.

"The boy is blind?" He asked, a rather insensitive question as he walked towards them, only stopping once his kane struck the table. He didn't show any offense.

"Correct." I replied, reaching out my hand as he handed me back our priceless prototype, " Reo here was born without sight, but through peliminary testing, we had managed to restore his vison."

"Show me!" The man was much more aggressive, clearly taken by surprise. his hittoman stood up along with him in perfect unison, unsettling me. Still, I had to keep my professional mask on, there was no time to afford any mistakes.

"Reo, please hold out your hand."

The boy did as he was told, removing his heavy glasses and held his hand out in the direction of my voice. I placed the contact on his finger, making sure it was secure before he placed it in his eye. The projection on the screen changed to complete darkness, multiple numbers and lines of code assimulating and disappearing at the same time.

"The contact acts as a virtual vitrectomy," I explained, as several more symbols began to jump on the projection, "In Reo's case, his blindless was due to retina detachment. The contact acts as an anchor to keep the retina in place, a sort of photocoagulation to bind it back against the wall of the eye."

Slowly, his vision returned. The same menus and subrotines appeared from Kaito's experience, but the blurry shapes soon developed into something more solid, until it showed a somewhat sharp picture of what he was looking at. He turned to face me, and my blurry image was displayed in front of our esteemed guest. I made sure to look smug in that feed.

"Is this mode, the nanofibers extend beyond the contact casing, connecting to every vital component of the eye itself. This sensation is mildly uncomfortable but once it's in place, well... you're looking at the results right now."

"Boy? How does it feel, to see?" Kaito asked him directly, his impassive mask faltering for longer than I thought was possible, the lines on his face sinking in. Reo turned to me, perhaps looking for validation in answering his question. He had nothing to fear, he was too young to understand the subtleties surrounding the adults. 

"It... it feels incredible, Sir."

He seemed satisfied with that, lounging back into his chair while the rest of them continued staring impassively. It was obvious Reo felt uncomfortable, so was I. 

"That will be all. Thank you."

I could tell that he didn't want to take it out. How could you ask a person who had never seen a thing in his life to hand back the one thing that restored his vision? He dutifully did as he was told and began the initialisation process by tapping it once, retracting those nanofibers before he removed it from his eye, the feed flashing abruptly to black as he did so. I walked him to the door and waited until my assistant was there to aid him, which was very little time at all.

"You should have started with that feature, Nora." Kaito suggested once I returned to him, his impatientence tempered for the moment, "all this talk of information and connectivity, when you had the ability to cure blindless in the palm of your hand!"

"Not just yet." I retorted. His expectations needed to be set. "Our volunteer had a very specific type of blindness. Other factors, including blunt force truama, require a completely different set-up."

"So this is why you organized this meeting," he added, connecting the dots, "this was the funding you wished to secure from ourselves."

"That one contact, before anything else, cost upwards of 100 million yen. To supply these enmasse, even in a limited run, would require a significant amount of revenue. I'm sure you can appreciate that."

"I do."

"Which is why you are here, Kaito. Neither company can fund this alone, but together..."

That was the punchline. Now it was a simple game of waiting.

Kaito turned to face his hittoman, and without saying a word they nodded and left, shutting the door without making a sound. It just left the two of us alone, there was still a lot of work that I needed to do.

"Your reputation percedes you." He began, taking in all that he had seen. "Are you familiar with European leaders? Ever hear of Margaret Thatcher?"

"The Iron Lady." (It was common knowledge, though my father loved British history and events)

"You share her resolve, heading a company is difficult, I know of such things."

"If you wouldn't mind, I would like to return to the business at hand." I didn't want to be around this man longer than was strictly necessary. I grew impatient, and he could see it.

"Funding for this... amazing creation."

"It's simple, we're simply looking for equal funding from both sides. That should be enough ."

"We're looking for a sixty/forty split from your side." Kaito interrupted, completely halting my momentum. He had been amicable up until that moment.

"Why should I agree to that?"

"Because you haven't given an incentive to pursuade me. Why should we give you equal revenue when we won't recieve half of the credit?"

"Who said you would not recieve half of the credit?"

He hadn't expected that. Kaito went silent for a single moment, simply to register what I had said.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't pretend like I don't know. My reputation isn't the only thing that's common knowedge. That was your entire strategy, wasn't it?"

"I don't believe - "

"I've followed your work and your exploits, Kaito. You want to recieve credit for creating this technology, well I'm laying it out for you. You supply the necessary funding, we will put you down as its co-creator."

He mulled it over, still surprised that I just gave him what he wanted. In all honesty, we simply couldn't afford to continue to fund this project without revising our profit margins, and that would include layoffs. He had to have known that, but I wasnt so sure. I was confident I could read the man so far, but the expression he showed now seemed... genuine.

"Tell me, Nora Yamamoto. Why would you offer such a thing?"

"Because that boy needs to see the world around him, and everybody like him."

"You're a liar." He spat out, but he did it with a smile, reaching for his pen. "I'll agree to your request. What do I need to sign?"

*

Traffic on the way to Tamatsukuri was horrific at that time of the evening.

It couldn't be helped, you couldn't blame a person for heading home, but so many of them were heading home that it created a traffic jam, forcing all of us to a crawl. My father tried to come up with a suitable metaphor in English when I used to complain about it, but too many cooks spoiled the broth didn't entirely fit. Still, it was all I could think about as I waited in the baking sun, my hands burning as they rested on the steering wheel. It was a relief to leave that room when I did. That man repulsed me. Unfortunately, I felt like my dealings with him were far from over. I mulled over his words for the most of the trip, accompanied by the uncomfortable heat. Opening a window only seemed to let more heat in. 

You're a liar. Even now, I didn't know if that was true or false. I wanted that boy to see again... but I would be lying if I said that was my only goal for the products. There was no use denying that you wanted to line your own pockets, but did they have to be mutually exclusive? Wasn't there a situation where everybody won? 

Little kei cars kept getting in my way, cutting in as they joined the right lane for their intersections. I still owned my Honda S660 from when I flew back to Japan almost ten years ago. My parents had saved an absolute fortune to buy it for me, another possession I found difficult to sell or give away. I needed it in my garage to remind myself of who I was, before the business and the politics took over. I wanted to drive around for the sake of driving, and not in this company Jaguar that was imported to show how much money the company had.

It was my birthday, I didn't want to think about things like this.

It took almost an hour (when the drive shouldn't have taken longer than twenty or so minutes) but I was thankful to see my home as it broke through the other buildings and pierced the sky. The trees outside were beginning to sprout little green leaves, the beginning of spring and a sign of the summer that has yet to come. I got outside of my car and stretched my legs. I spent too much time cramped into a vehicle, but it was going to be even more necessary once we moved further outside Osaka. Asashi was thrilled with the move, and sure enough once I made it to our top-floor apartment I could see the boxes as they were scattered throughout our living room. I hadn't seen the place as bare since I moved in a few short years ago.

"Congradulations on another successful mission." He teased, kissing me lightly on the forehead as he carried yet another box in his arms. I spotted our photo frames as they peeped through (I was still old-fashioned enough to keep physical photographs, another trait carried over from my family.)

"I didn't tell you how it went." I countered.

"No, but you don't generally seem to fail."

"One of these days, I'm going to disappoint you." I reminded him, and he rolled his eyes and disappeared down the hall. He hadn't mentioned my birthday yet. Why were boys so forgetful? I was content with raiding the fridge and eating some yogurt. It felt so relaxing, lounging on our sofa and watching the streets below us, the entire weekend to ourselves with nothing to do but to move to our new home. That was my idea of a relaxing few days, now.

Of course, there was one more thing I needed to do, something I had been looking forward to for years now.

We ordered take-out and sat around on the floor, eating ramen and talking about the memories that came from our apartment; my parents helped with the rent for the first twelve months, having to remortage their home to fund it. I remembered pleading with my mother not to do it, especially after they bought me the damn car, but they thought little of it. I had since paid them back handsomely for the investment, but nothing beat the feeling of travelling to the other side of the city with my family, inspecting our new home when I got the keys for the first time. It felt like everything I had done had led up to that moment, where my studies were over and the rest of my life had just begun. It had gotten a bit more stressful since then, but I stopped myself from explaining it to Asashi once I noticed the crack in my voice. He fed me the rest of his food as we lounged on the chair, my heels slung to the ground so my feet could breathe.

"I'm going to need the bedroom for a few minutes." I whispered into his ear, kissing him lightly as he understood. He was well aware of what I was about to do next. I allowed my hair to fall over my shoulders, no longer tied up into an annoying ponytail. It felt good to get out of my work clothes and into something vaguely comfortable. The bed to myself, I fumbled through the drawers and hoped to find the XpG file that contained the recordings given to me almost ten years ago.

11101110111345 - Happy Birthday. XyM

It had been ages since I spoke to Aayush, even longer again when it came to Noah. I was just terrible with keeping in touch, even with my workload removed from the equation. Still, when the lights were dimmed and the TV switched on, I fed the file into its slot, instantly creating a holographic image. I set it to its mimimal settings, because it needed to be as faithful to the original recording as possible. The person on-screen greeted me like an old friend, instantly bringing back old memories.

Jacob.

Even paused, even without hearing a word, I could hear his voice as clear as day. Seeing him again brought on a wave of emotions I expected, but was no less prepared for. I waited until I was comfortable on the bed, cross-legged and happy before I pressed play.

'...Nora?'

My eyes watered already. I wasn't going to go through it without crying. I just accepted the inevitable and kept watching.

'This... this might be a bit weird, but you're the first person I'm recording for so... yeah. I don't know what to say really, gimme a sec!'

Take all the time you need, my sweet Jay.

'So... this video should be played when you turn... can I say it? Are you gonna get mad if I tell you how old you are?' He teased, and he was absolutely right. I hated turning thirty, because with it came the realisation that I was growing older, that I had to have certain things figured out, what certain clothes I had to wear and how I had to act. He still knew me, it still meant that I hadn't changed beyond all recognition just yet.

'Anyway, you know why you're playing this video, so thanks for keeping me around for so long. I just wanted to ... check up on you. Wanted to know how you were getting on, hopefully putting your degree to good use somewhere. I still have the comic you drew, remember Mr. Ratio and Ms. Macroeconomics?'

I'd completely forgotten about them! That brought me back to my god damn final year in college, the stress that came from reading those books and PDF files and crying in front of so many of my friends, including Jacob. I even remembered exactly what they looked like. I wondered where they were now, and if they were still lounging around in his old home in Seattle, gathering dust. I hadn't spoken to the Mosefs in years.

'Well... what is it like in the future? Have they got flying cars yet? Do you have your own business? I bet you're incredibly successful!' He continued, wiping his bed-ridden hair to the side and laughing like he hadn't a care in the whole world. 'Well look... I'm proud of you no matter where you are or what you're doing. I'm due to go home shortly with... well, you already know what it's for. I've just told my Mom what I'm up to, so obviously if you're watching these tapes, she did what I asked her to do. Would you be able to call her, just to see how my folks are getting on?'

"Of course." I whispered, wiping my eyes. It was like he had never disappeared. I hadn't seen his face in years and it didn't matter. Just seeing him there again...

Jacob's video was another twenty minutes, and he spoke about where he thought he'd be if he turned thirty, how many times he would have visited Japan since if he was around for the last ten years. He asked me if there were any cute people she thought would have been great for him, and asked if I was still a fan of The Bicycle Thief. I hadn't had that in a while, and with the way my liver was functioning I wasn't sure if I could take a drink like that again. He asked me how the other two were doing, and my heart sank. I didn't have it in me to tell him that I hadn't spoken to them. Aayush had moved back to Dhaka after that summer, and aside from a few calls there hadn't been much contact. I didn't speak to Noah at all since I left.

'Would you be able to call them for me, too? Tell 'em I said hi?'

Why did that feel like such a difficult thing to do? 

He wished me a Happy Birthday, and promised he would be in touch again before the screen faded to black, leaving me to process everything that had happened. I stared at my right hand - and the engagement ring that was wrapped around my finger - realizing that I was going to see Jacob even sooner than I thought. I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my tablet (standard Bijinesu tech) and searched for Aayush's contact, deciding not to hold things off any longer.

'Hello?' His face floated softly above the screen. He obviously had a more primitive model, because the screen resolution was far from optimized. Still, I spotted the lines underneath his eyes, no trace of the heavy moustache he used to have in university. He smiled when he saw me, I managed to catch him in a cramped complex.

'Hello, you have a few minutes?'

 

 

 

9: Chapter 8 - Gopana

-Aayush-
-31 Years Old- 

I hate this job. 

It was the first thought I had in the office every morning, and the last thing I thought about when I drove back home. Worse, I was vastly more qualified for the senior position, but instead they hired Mahmood, a man who hadn't even been in the company for six months. Nobody in the damn building had the qualifications I had. Hell, barely any of them actually went outside Bangladesh, let alone travelled the globe. He couldn't even send a simple request to get the air ventilation fixed, so I prepared myself for another day of sweltering heat at my desk, and the paperwork that needed to be brought to his desk by the evening. It wasn't even my work to carry out, but nobody else could do it. 

My computer, admittedly, was a pretty handy piece of kit, so I was able to edit the newspaper format easily, grabbing onto files that were sent to me by a few of the writers and editors and spread them out in a way that would catch the eye of the reader. There was a burst pipe in the middle of the Banani South road, which was apparently our headline. Not a lot of people even went out and bought physical newspapers anymore - more virtual means had become much more popular - but therein laid another fault with Mahmood. He didn't invest in the tech needed for our long-term plans, insisting that the people of Dhaka would always prefer the real feel of a traditional newspaper. 

Our profits didn't attest to that.

I didn't even need to see the figures for myself, I felt it in the way that canteen prices had been raised to extortionate levels. That, and half of them were immediately fired without any redundancy initatives in place. It was madness. 

Rehan sat beside me, the only other person besides myself that refused to grow a moustache. I would be lying if I said that wasn't the reason we started talking in the first place, but we agreed on a lot of the same things, including our boss. He was busy firing in local data on our remaining buyers, what age demographic they fit in, and the content that they wanted to see. He was the one to send an objection notice to the guy upstairs, complaining about that damn headline, but of course it was rejected. Maybe it was the heat, but I really wasn't in the mood for this kind of crap. Manahil sat on the other side of me, a relatively new intern so I hadn't had a chance to see what she was like. One thing was for sure, she agreed about that ventilation. 

"I've never wanted winter to come so badly!" Reahan complained, wiping his forehead with some tissue, damp patches easily visible. I was pretty sure we were working in hazardous conditions, enough for a worker to collapse due to dehydration and heatstroke. I desperately wanted it to be me, maybe then they would decide to do something. Considering my relationship with the boss, it didn't seem likely. 

"Be careful what you wish for, this place doesn't hold the heat that well, either."

"We might as well be outside on the middle of the street, then!" 

"At the rate we're going, we're going to be handing out these papers to customers, regardless."

"You boys complain like children!" Manahil chipped in, burdened with the addition of baking in here with her hijab. One of the small pleasures I had come to appreciate in work was seeing just what alterations she made to it; for the latest reincarnation, she decided to fasten little colorful jewels to short strings, various different colors sparkling in the light. She was beautiful.

"She has a point." I conceded, feeding more information into my screen. Another story had much more significance than the headline; a band of women had taken to strike action in BSRM, the company responsible for iron and steel production in Bangladesh. They were striking for better working conditions, a request that had been shrugged off by their employers as something they just have to get used to. it was being reported by every newsworthy reporter in the provience.

We were forbidden from even mentioning it.

I could feel the blood as it rushed to my face, and it wasn't because of the heat. The words I typed were meaningless in the grand scheme of things, especially when my home was slowly losing more and more of its democratic freedom. It felt like we were in the eye of the storm, and it was going to get much worse.

Lunch didn't offer much respite, simply becasue there was just no getting away from the humidity. We huddled around one of the many free tables in the canteen, a cold frappucino and sandwiches in hand. Nobody had the stomach for hot food in this weather.

"We'll have to look elsewhere," Rehan reasoned, eating his food and glancing at his phone, "there's not much good for us here."

"True, but the last thing I want is to be a part of a state-owned business in this climate." I reasoned, "For all the good Mahmood is, at least this company's independent."

"Only because nobody would be interested in a place like this." Manahil added, adjusting her dress as it clung to her. "You've heard about BSRM, thank Allah we're not out in the middle of that."

The rest of the day played out about as well as it always did; our latest issue was finally finished and sent for approval, and the sun had mercifully set behind our building by the time we were due to clock out, grateful for the shade. My friend looked worse for wear, sweat clearly visible on his face. I knew I felt the same, though it was nothing compared to Manahil, the poor woman. We poured outside the front door of our workplace, right into the busy mymensingh road. Cars created dense traffic jams, barely moving as the occupants boiled inside them. The government had tried setting iniatives in order to reduce their footprint - much more emphasis on public transport and carpooling - but it hadn't worked. Manahil experienced this worse than most, considering her home played outside of Dhaka itself. She promised us she would be back at her desk in the morning - we joked that we didn't really have a choice - before taking off towards her car and leaving my brother and I behind. We were heading vaguely in the right direction anyway, so we started walking down the pavement and into the heart of Dhaka. The sky was cast in a beautiful shade of orange, bouncing off of the buildings on our street. Both traditional and holographic advertisements hovered over our heads, a combination of American and Chinese cultures mixed with our own. I smiled at the Bijinesu models as they floated from their poster, only one person in mind. Truth be told, I had always meant to contact Nora, but work and other commitments had always kept me from doing so. She understood, she was the head of that company  - though not without her suspicions - so it was only natural for her to be preoccupied. The smell of spices hung heavy in the air, thankfully a lot more appealing than the pollution those cars made.

"We need to get out of that place." Rehan started, his voice almost lost to the people we shared the sidewalk with, pushing and dodging as we walked. "You have no idea how sick and tired I am of this city."

"Book some time off, interrail through Europe." I suggested, "Hop from country to country, and book the places you like a year down the line."

"Heading down memory lane, are we?" He knew me more than most, bless him.

We travelled through the many alleyways that Dhaka had, every square inch covered by people of all shapes and sizes. A family blocked our path, the parents bickered about something while their small child look all around her. An outrageously-colorful man almost barged into me, preoccupied with his phone. We were used to this, where personal space wasn't so much as a necessity as a luxury. Everywhere we looked, there were screens updating the situation at BSRM, and the women's strike that was still ongoing. There had been a few arrests already. It wasn't going to last much longer, I feared.

The Samajatantrika prajatantra had only rose to prominence in the last five years or so, but they weren't anything like their socialist namesake. I thought that anybody with a pair of eyes would notice their radical political reform, but it seemed that the general public just didn't care about who was in charge. Still, disatisfaction was high among the working class about their policies, though any attempt to voice those opinions were squashed. Those poor women over at that factory were testamant to that.

"I know that look in your eye, Aayush." I hadn't realized how long I had zoned out until Rehan snapped his fingers. I was still watching the screen, though it now changed to a completely different topic.

"Must be the heat."

"It's always the heat with the Samajatantrika, brother. Don't think I don't know what your plans are, either!"

"My plans are my own." I added, aware of what he was hinting at. I loved him to pieces, but this had nothing to do with him.

"They're actively looking for the Gopana, Aayush. Don't assume for a second that they're not going to be caught and punished. The BSRM are going to be a prime example."

He knew a lot more than he thought, he was always amazingly perceptive, even when he didn't mean to be. We walked in silence the rest of the way, until my friend's apartment stood before us. It was badly in need of renovation, especially with the foundation of brand-new houses being built around it. They still managed to stick enormous advertisement screens of the crumbling walls, mind you.

"Another day." He said, our own version of goodbye.

"Another humid day." I added, and he shook his hand and waved me off.

My own trip home was quiet, blissfully cooler now that the sun was well and truly gone. Dhaka was colorful at night, neon lights and projections illuminating the city, taking on a life of its own. Before too long, those people who were heading home would be replaced by people who were heading out. It reminded me of the old gang in Seattle.

The memory didn't last long.

Pulisa officers combed the streets, dressed in khaka uniforms. Everybody gave them a wide bearth as they approached, myself included. They spelt trouble in the last year or so, and they were hard at work with quelling the strike this afternoon. A protestor was being escorted away from the street, her voice a shrill that broke through the crowd. Another pair approached  She must had been protesting alongside the workers at BSRM, her cry deafening. One of the officers glared at me, it felt like they could stare into my soul and find the secret I was keeping, but they walked past without so much as a whisper. I walked a little bit faster, hoping to get home in time.

I couldn't understand how Rehan found out about the Gopana, or my involvement with it.

My own apartment had seen better days, the street beside it was a mess, rubbish spewed across the streets left by the local teens in the area, while dirt and grime stained the walls, but it stood a lot better than the vast majority of buildings in the city. I fumbled for the keys and opened it up, my phone already in my hands. I made the calls I needed to make, explaining where to meet and what we needed to discuss. There were more strikes around the city that weren't even covered by the press, whatever the Samajatantrika were up to, they were stepping up their efforts.

Sure enough, ten minutes later I heard a knock on my door. My stir-fry simmered on the cooker when I opened it, the kitchen smelling heavily of spices. Aapti always enjoyed food; our first meeting was inside a restaraunt, using the cover of a date to discuss our mutual distain for our new government. That was a year ago now.

"Smells good." She commented while I offered to take her coat, letting her hair down the second the door was closed behind her. She draped it to one side, reclining on the sofa while I continued to work on the massive meal I was about to serve.

"I take it the rest of them will be with us shortly?"

"It would be a tiny bit suspicious if we all showed up outside your door. Neighbors would complain, quite a bounty on our heads if they knew."

"I'm just holding a party, Aapti. You know that."

She smirked and ran through my extensive and unnecessary vinyl collection while we waited for the others. I threw a bit more paprika into the chicken pieces when a few others arrived. Abhijeet & Bala were still studying in University, their bags slung across their backs. They complimented my food when I began to place their portions onto their plates, handing them out to my guests. I grabbed a copy of St. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and watched it spin as the title track began to play, setting the tone. Satisfied with my work, I fetched my own plate and covered the leftovers, taking my own place around my coffee table. For the first few moments, we were genuinely just friends, talking about our day and just generally enjoying our evening. Aapti was an understudy for a play, hoping the main actress would get sick so she could shine. The boys had to study for some tests that briefly brought me back to my own student days. Chari was late, as usual. We joked about that for a bit, until we reached Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and Chari finally arrived. His hair was soaked, as was his umbrella. It must had been pouring outside. I grabbed his coat and found its own hanger while he slouched on the floor, accepting his own plate of food.

"Lovely weather out there?"

"Like you wouldn't believe!" He snapped back, stuffing his face with noodles. He was just older than the other guys, having graduated college a year or two ago. His hair clung to his forehead in wet strands, though he wiped it with his sleeve in an effort to keep it from his eyes.

"If we're finished, I'd like to begin." Aapti announced, and our casual conversations stopped. As far as we were concerned, she was in charge. "We all know about what happened over at the BSRM today; every single strike worker was arrested, including some of our own."

"What was it all about, anyway?" Abhijeet enquired, leaning forward. The Beatles continued on their musical journey to fill in the silence.

"The Samajatantrika are in the process of stripping us of our trade unions. It didn't escape our notice that only women were arrested in the middle of that strike." She explained, venom in her voice. The men went about their daily business without a care in the world. "There had been other small-scale strikes that were too insignificant to be featured heavily by the media, but there's been a mass clampdown on suspected activity from ourselves. According to some of our reports, they're being held inhumanely. There's been a number of... physical altercations reported."

"No offense, but I didn't sign up for this to be beaten." Bala said. I didn't blame the kid.

"You still have rights." I told him. "Study them and use them if you ever end up in a position like that."

"The demonstration at Anannya is taking place as scheduled." She continued, pressing on. "Many volunteers are going to pour into the city throughout the month to prepare for it. Not that I need to make you aware, but there will probably be an increased police presence in the area once this is seen. There will be resistance."

In all honesty, I had doubts about holding such a thing. Sure, it would create a worldwide event which would cast international attention with what was happening in Bangladesh, but it could cause damage to property, people could be injured... my family lived in Dhaka. Unfortunately, the pros definitely outweighed the cons; there had been an enormous jump in arrests as soon as the bastards took power, the vast majority of them were women.

"The Pulisa would definitely notice." I pointed out, but she was already ahead of me on that one.

"There's a phased plan for groups to come in, one at a time. We may need to offer our homes to them while we're waiting for our demonstration."

"My house is always open, they'll just have to be impartial to music from the sixties and seventies." Aapti didn't bat an eyelid to my joke, falling flat. She continued on with the preparations while I kept silent for the remainder of our meeting. They stayed for another hour before the university boys needed to head home, so we thought it best to disband and discuss everything at a later date. I walked them to the door, only Aapti hung around for a few more moments, wrapping her own hijab around her head.

"My father was harassed by those rats this morning." She confessed, clearly exhausted. "They plan on leaving in a few months, trying to get their papers signed and sealed while they still can."

"Where does that leave you?"

"In a painful position, but I'm not leaving this place, not until these Bejanmadera are seen for what they are." She glanced at the puddles outside, an absolutely miserable scene.

"You take care out there." I told her.

"I can look after myself."

I waved her off as she ran in the rain, rushing to her bus stop. It was a wonder the woman had spare time to begin with, considering her job as a barista and her acting endeavors. I shut the door, finally alone. The plates were gathered and washed in the sink, and my vinyl was safely encased in its sleeve. I grabbed some spare clothes and went for a shower, hoping to wash away the heat and stress of the day.

One.. Two... Three...

If we were going ahead with something as serious as this, I needed to call my parents, to tell them to leave for a few days so they wouldn't be caught up in all of this.

Eighteen... Nineteen... Twenty...

All of a sudden, my phone buzzed unexpectedly, with a familiar name across it.. I'd only just thought of her earlier today, it was a coincidence that she was calling at all. Nora sprung into view, her face floating a few centimeters from my actual phone screen. She was missing a few textures - my phone was an old model which hadn't been updated - but there was no mistaking that it was her. She smiled when she saw me, the first time we've technically seen each other in years.

'Hello?'

''Hello, you have a few minutes?' Her voice had changed, just a little bit more mellow than what I remembered. Her hair was down, messy and unkempt, but only because it must had been in a ponytail all day. That part of her hadn't changed a bit.

'I have time, please tell me your day went better than mine.'

'Depends on how badly your day went!' She replied, a hint of exhaustion creeping into her voice. Being a boss was hard work.

'I've had worse.' I added, which was technically the truth.

'I'd like to say the same, but...'

'You've definitely had worse, I promise you!'

'Maybe you're right, Aayush Choudury. I've missed you, you know.' There was something different in the way that she said that, like her voice... cracked towards the end? It may had been my poor reception, but still.

'I missed you too, Nora. We should catch up more often!'

'That's the reason why I'm calling... I've listened to another recording from... him.'

For just the briefest of moments, I forgot about my job and the supposed revolution I was helping to plan. My last recording of Jacob was two years ago, when I turned thirty. It was one of the few moments I had genuinely cried, the same face I had remembered since he passed. I hadn't even realized it was her birthday.

'What did he tell you?'

'He wanted us to call his parents, just to check up on them. He also wanted me to check up on you and...'

'Noah?'

'Yeah.'

'Best of luck finding him. He went cold on me a few years back.'

Last I heard, Noah had moved to Ireland to be with his wife - I never got her name - but his drinking got in the way. We held an intervention, and that was the last we heard of him, to be honest.

'It's Jacob, Aayush. We have to do it for him. Besides, there's another reason why I'm calling.'

'Oh.'

'You'll recieve the invitations soon enough, but I want to invite you to my... wedding.'

That... was unexpected. I hadn't even known she was seeing somebody, let alone engaged.

'Congradulations... I had no idea!'

She scoffed at that. 'It's not your fault I disappeared on you, I might as well tell you now, right? It's going to be in Osaka in November, so book those tickets now.'

'How much is the cost?'

'You seriously think you're paying?'

'Nora!'

'This is not up for negotiation!' She stated, I hoped she noticed how I rolled my eyes at that. 'Anyway, I'm going to try and get in touch with Noah, make sure you do the same.'

I promised her I would, and we made arrangements to talk a bit more frequently in the future. Hearing her actual voice again was a breath of fresh air, so when I switched off the lights and wrapped myself in my blankets, I didn't even care about what I had to deal with in the morning.

I wondered where Noah ended up.

 

 

10: Chapter 9 - Reluctance

-Noah-
-33 Years Old--

Colleagues rushed from desk to desk, coffees in one hand and papers in another. Most of them had their headsets on, speaking frantically to customers and consumers until the office floor was filled with nothing but noise. I was busy on my own desk, hastily typing numbers on my screen and trying to fix other people's problems. A customer was suddenly transferred to my headset, screaming incoherently in my ear. I warned my colleagues not to transfer anybody unless they called me personally with their details. I terminated the call, logged myself out of any other calls, and focused on the information on the screen.

There had been a data breach. Hundreds of thousands of customers had their personal information leaked. Several customers had their bank accounts drained under the illusion that they had paid off their mortgages. I sent queries to every available worker on the floor, but they were working at capacity themselves. This was a problem that would take months to complete, and my higher-ups were summoned to HR immediately. They were all going to be fired, there was going to be hell to pay. My own job was in doubt.

Good Lord, give me strength.

Oliver rushed towards me, the only person on the floor who I trusted at the moment. The accountant was sweating, his hands shaking. I didn't blame him.

"It's a nightmare!" He cried out, his voice almost drowned out by the sounds of phones ringing and advisors speaking over themselves. "It's been like this all morning, we're not going to get out of this!"

"Keep it together." I reassured him, as calmly as I could in that situation. "We're all staying until quitting time, so if you had any plans before, cancel them. Anybody who gives you grief, immediately tell them that you will disconnect the call. We don't come to work to get verbally abused."

"Yet here we are, getting verbally abused anyway." He made a very good point, of course. He had a habit of that.

Hours and hours, we stayed at our desks, dealing with that data protection nightmare. I chucked back my third coffee in as many hours, printing letters and E-mails, reassuring our customers that their morgtages would be amended once the issue was fixed; I came across one unfortunate soul whose entire pension fund was taken away, with no family to look after him. I personally took over the call to hear the old man reduced to tears. I promised him that I would look after him personally, saving his contact details and assuring him that I would deal with his issue and call him once it was fixed. This breach had been plastered over every TV, across every newspaper and any holographic projection we could find:

Osidia Company LTD. Data Protection Breach - 198,609 people affected.

It was a lot more people than that, but the news would learn about that soon enough.

The light outside my window slowly turned to black, until all I could see was the moon and the public lighting outside our building. We all worked overtime to get a handle on the situation, none of us in a particularly good mood.

Then all of a sudden, the phones lines were severed, and every call was dropped.

The office fell into an eerie silence, followed by whispers of confusion. Oliver and I exchanged glances. This wasn't good. A manager - I think his name was Declan - barged in, just as red in the face as the rest of us.

"Go home lads, there's nothing more we can do here!"

It was all most of us needed to hear, I stood up and stretched my legs for the first time in a few hours, my stomach grumbling. We poured out of our offices as quickly as we could, though I didn't really feel the need to rush, considering I was due back in at nine in the morning. My colleague offered to drive me home, but I brought my own car along today so I waved him off. The second we went outside, I was hit with a wall of cool air, an absolute blessing. It was going to be rather chilly for the rest of the night, the stars shining almost as brightly as that moon. I hopped into my car and waited until the door was sealed shut.

Then I screamed.

It was the loudest I had ever shouted, still hoping that nobody was around to hear me. I continued until my throat felt like knives, and I continued anyway, because that was the worst day I had ever worked, the kind where those customer's words rang in my ears long after their calls ended. I blasted some music on my touchscreen as I drove home, praying my Honda made it there in one piece. It wasn't a particularly new model, but they were bulletproof compared to other makes. Still, it didn't stop me from dreaming of the Alte models some of my colleagues paraded in. I wanted to make a mental note to check my finances when the music stopped, Eileann's voice filtering through the speakers.

'Where the bloody hell are ya?'

It didn't need this right now. "I'm heading home, love. Got caught up in work."

'Well you always seem to be caught up in work, aren't ya? We got a bill in the post and I'm not paying it!'

"Let me take care of it." She wasn't going to bother, anyway. "See you in a few, sweetie."

She hung up in response to that, my music restored. I sighed, gripping the wheel tighter than strictly necessary. The trip from Model Farm Road was straightfoward enough - it was literally just a straight line towards the city - but it was caught up in traffic, not at all suited to the narrow roads. I was happy with rolling down the window, letting the air come through and cool me down as I passed the University College of Cork. College was nothing but a distant memory to me now; I never passed that course in Seattle so I was stuck in my advisor role, hopping from couch to couch sometimes. I thought that my friends would have my back, that my family would be there for me, but all they did was rope me into Aayush's living room one damn faithful evening, telling me that it was an intervention.

I walked out immediately, and I hadn't looked back since.

Looking back on those memories was always bittersweet, and I didn't really want to think about it after the day I had. Some family in a battered Audi barged in from the opposite way, taking my spot and almost ruining my car in the process. I swore and raised my finger at them, oblivious to endangering driver's lives. I had enough of people today.

Cork was busy tonight, every single pub in the run up to Washington Street was packed, long lines forming queues that stretched far too long for my liking. The Capitol Mall was open, every single advertisement under the sun covered along its walls. I scoffed at the Bijinesu models on display, quite a few people I knew told me they were rubbish, but there was a more personal reason for my own disdain. A few guys walked in front of my car, completely intoxicated - or langers, as they liked to call it here. I didn't have the time or the patience for them, beeping my horn and moving past once they got out of my way.

My own home was a pretty large apartment on Singer's Corner, though the car park across the street rarely had spaces at that time of the evening. Thankfully some sort of god was looking down on me, because when I drove to the fourth storey there was one sweet spot left, a small respite. I reclined in my seat and closed my eyes, allowing myself to relax for the first time this evening.

I had to wake up in the morning and go through the same routine, and do it all over again the day after that. The weekend wasn't going to be much good to me; Eileann needed to be taken to her family in Kerry, and truth be told, I hated them. Maybe it was my bald patch, or maybe it was the fact that I wasn't rich or even that particularly interesting, but I never forgot the way her mother scowled at me when she introduced me to them. I didn't want to admit it, but she began to look more and more like her every day.

I fed my key into the door, opening it to find the place in a massive mess. The bins weren't cleared out and the TV blared in the living room. Eileann lounged on the sofa, a bag of crisps in her hand. We needed to update our screen pretty soon - half of the shows were inaccessible because it didn't support XrM content - but I never had the time to watch anything anyway.

"Honey, I'm home." I called out, trying to create some sort of positive attitude, but she just scowled at me.

"The bill!"

"What is it for?" I had a pretty tight routine when it came to bills. This one came completely out of the blue.

"Dunno."

"You didn't open it."

"I'm not payin' it."

I knew that continuing to argue with her would be a losing battle, so I headed to the kitchen and found it on the counter, peeling it open and looking at its contents.

"Eileann?"

"Hmm?"

"This is a bill for you."

"So?"

"You subscribed to something this month?"

"Yeah."

"... It's the amount due, under your name."

"Just put it on your card."

"Honey, we're strapped for cash as it is."

It was the wrong thing to say, because she turned the TV off, standing up far more quickly than she had any right to. I had never seen her face turn red so quickly.

"Well you know what? I'm sick of meeting up with all my friends, and they have all these nice things that their husbands buy them, and you won't even give me the time of day! What kind of boyfriend are ya?"

"The kind that is working night and day to keep a roof over our heads!" I argued back, really not in the mood for something like this.

"You know what they say about you? They think you're a slag! No college degree, minimum wage, minimum effort! We never go anywhere on holidays and I have to watch everyone I know go on nice vacations in France and Italy!"

"Maybe Eileann, if you had a job, you would be able to afford those things." I was fighting so hard not to lose my patience with her. I didn't want to fight, I really didn't want to fight.

"I'm disabled!"

"How, exactly?" I asked, not able to keep my voice down any longer. "There's a difference between disability and inability, you just don't want to work!"

"I have a medical condition!"

"Yeah, it's called CPS - Couch Potato Syndrome. I asked you to clean the place while I was out!"

"I'm not your domestic housewife!"

If I stayed in that house any longer, I knew I was going to lose it. I grabbed my coat again, draping it around me while she looked on in disbelief.

"Oh, you going to go drink again, love?"

I slammed the door behind me, not looking back. She had only mentioned that once before, and we screamed at each other for so long that the neighbors cautioned us. That was a year ago, and they still weren't happy.

Right now, it didn't seem like anybody was happy with me.

I walked around the city to try and blow off some steam, heading towards The English Market. The place used to be a hub for butchers and food stalls, but once the meat trade fell into decline they were replaced by jewellers and technophiles. I was heckled with some late-night offers, but these people were tame compared to the drunks outside. I kept walking from alley to alley, until I reached the River Lee. It was blissfully free of people, leaving me alone to myself as I looked off into the harbor, catching my reflection against the water.

How did things come to this?

I was in a country I had no intention of visiting, let alone living in. My job was horrible... and so was my girlfriend. I didn't have many friends outside of Oliver and a few other mates, and the friends I thought I had...

They tried to call me the other day, I didn't recognise the number - after all these years, how could I - but I recognised Aayush's voice anywhere. He asked me to stay on the line long enough for him to ask me something - I hung up before he even got that far. Same with Nora, but the message she sent me was never read, let alone replied to. I knew why they were calling, they were doing it because of Jacob.

I still had his recordings. I played the ones I'd already listened to, waiting for the right time to listen to the others. It was nice hearing his voice again, although I memerized his words by now so they lost the impact they once had. I remembered being in that room when he told us all. It reminded me to keep on going, because he wasn't given the option to.

But it was so difficult to do that, to keep on going, when I wasn't happy about my body or my hair or my life. I wondered if Jacob would have turned on me, just like the rest of them had.

He's gone, Noah. Let him go.

It was a painful reminder that he passed away more than ten years ago, that the Jacob on those recordings was nothing more than that: a recording. My reflection constantly changed, broken by the ripples in the water. I left out a great big breath, not realising that I had been holding it in. I didn't want to go back home, especially when all you could hear were the chants of college students as they enjoyed their night out. To think, I was one of those people once upon a time. I tried to call Oliver, but the line rang out. He was probably looking after his kids, not the kind of man who could go out on a whim. I tried Jack and Derek, but they were the same. After the day we had, I didn't blame them.

Nothing else to do, I began walking back home, ready to face the music, Jacob on my mind the entire way there.

*

My morning started about as predictably as I thought it would; several vans were packed outside our office, news crews bursting at the seams and ready to interview workers. Men in suits more expensive than my car were at the front of the building, taking questions and not looking happy about it. They were so high up on our food chain that I had never actually seen them in person before, the fact that they were here meant things had gotten from bad to worse, but I didn't realize just how much worse until I made it inside.

It was in absolute chaos, papers spewed everywhere, people arguing with each other. The ship wasn't exactly piloted by a captain, though several managers tried their best to get a handle on the situation. My seat was already taken, which annoyed me a bit more than it should have. Oliver was immediately beside me, already sweating.

"We're done." He stated, something which took me by surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"We're going into administration. We lost 88% of our clients, every single mortgage had been touched by this. They're all rendered invalid."

"All of them?" Mortgages typically started at sixty-to seventy-thousand euros, if every single one of them were invalid, that was millions immediately down the drain. Every profit margin was erased, which made the company hideously in debt, which meant...

Oliver was right.

"How much notice do we have?"

"We're told not to come in tomorrow."

I understood immediately why everybody else was panicking. I was hit with my own worries; with rent and work and everything else that was already on my plate. I had invested years of time and energy in this place and this was the thanks we got? Cameras pointed inside the window, thankfully unable to see anything through those tinted panels, but they still unsettled me. We were like captives in a zoo, being observed through a lens. I didn't see any need to stay there any longer. I nudged Oliver and he seemed inclined to come along with me, so we barged out of the building, ignoring the news crews.

"Care for a drink at the Old Oak?"

Oliver was obviously alarmed by that. "But I thought you were - "

"I am. " He was one of the few people who knew about my soberity. Unfortunately, desperate times really did call for desperate measures. "Besides, I'm only going for one. You're going to stop me from having another."

"I'm not really sure about this." He added, but he fit into my passenger seat before we drove off, away from the cameras and news reporters. I didn't even care about the guys in suits. What were they going to do, exactly? Fire us?

"Eileann's going to have my ass over this." I sighed. My friend was well used to my little complaints by now.

"Cheer up, there's plenty of work, plenty of call centers in the city."

"Oliver, you say that like it's a good thing."

"Better than being jobless, isn't it?"

"Heh, guess you're right."

"Look, we'll go around handing in CV's to employers, we've had more than ten years experience each. All I'm saying is that I got kids to feed." I never wanted kids, but Oliver and his family genuinely made me think about it. Still, I couldn't imagine starting a family with Eileann... or anything to do with her anymore, to be honest. It came to the point where I thought about leaving her, but I knew how stubborn she was. I would probably still walk into my home and find her on the couch, oblivious.

Who was going to fall for me after her?

The Old Oak was my go-to bar before I decided to kick the alcoholic habit for good a few years back. Considering how long it had been since I drank a pint, it shouldn't have surprised me that I didn't recognise any of the faces there. A young lad was serving at the counter, a little surprised that he was recieving customers at eleven in the morning. I asked for a Heineken while Oliver settled for a black coffee. He obviously wasn't taking advantage of our unexpected free time. The boy made the drink without a fuss - because money was money at the end of the day - and we seated ourselves next to the wraparound holographic screen in the corner of the pub. Images floated softly just beyond the Gijutsu screen, the flagship model of the last generation.

"Just like I remembered it." I joked. I was here just a few months ago for a mate's fortieth, and I kept myself to caffiene-based drinks as the rest of them drank themselves under the table. Oliver was still worried, but I ignored him and watched the sport, with two teams I had no idea about, playing for a cup that I didn't care for. I had a few hours to kill before I had to tell Eileann the bad news, I wanted to make the most of it.

"Guess I'm going to have to cancel Haiti." He muttered, sipping his own drink as he paid little attention to the TV. "A shame too, was going to celebrate my anniversary with Carol."

"How do you do it?"

"What?"

"How do you and Carol... stay in love, y'know?" It was probably a bit of a personal question, but I just needed to know. I sipped on my drink, and it immediately felt like heaven. It took all that I had not to gulp it down. "I mean, you two have been married for what, eleven years? How do you two navigate through all of that without fighting with each other?"

"Because that's what love is." He answered. "You... navigate through things, but can I be completely honest with you?"

I knew what he was going to say. I waited for him to give me his opinion.

"She's not good for you, Noah. You need to get rid of her."

"Yeah... I know." With that piece of news, I gulped the rest of my drink back, unable to hold it any longer. It burned my throat, but it felt good. Too good, it seemed. I felt something else lurking deep inside me, and immediately regretted my decision. I needed another drink. I immediately needed another drink, but I was on my feet and outside that door before I had the chance to fall any further, Oliver right behind me.

"You feeling alright?"

"I said I'd go for one, and I've had one. I think I need to go home."

"Give me a call if you need anything, Noah." He assured me, but I was already waving goodbye and on my way home, ready to forget what I had just done. I was sober for years, and that one drink brought everything right back. My brisk walk turned into a jog, desperate to get back home and seal myself away from the possibility of drinking more and throwing everything away. My concentration was broken when my phone buzzed in my pocket, another E-mail across its screen. It was from her.

'To: Noah Hisenburg@JxM.com
From: NoraYamamoto@Bijinesu.net

Subject: Wedding Invitation.

Dear Noah,
I'm not going to entertain you for much longer. If you truly no longer want to speak to us, that is your own opinion and I will honor it. I am reaching out to you on behalf of Jacob. We haven't spoken to you in years. We miss you. If you would be willing, I would like to extend an invitation to my wedding in Osaka, the date is yet to be confirmed.

Please reply back if you can.

Kind Regards,
Nora.'

I looked at it, staring at the letters as the urge to drink still lingered in the background. I re-read it again and again until it was memorized, until that same urge began to fade away. I hadn't realized how quickly I was breathing until I felt dizzy, forcing myself into a more regular rhythm. They really weren't going to stop, were they? When I started walking again, I responded to that E-mail, typing slowly and deliberately.

'Nora.

My number is 002146-67483-67492

Noah.'

I was probably going to regret that.

 

 

11: Chapter 10 - Unexpected

-Nora-

The office was too hot for my liking.

The deal between Gijutsu and Bijinesu had been offically signed in the past few days, and production of our contacts were well and truly underway. We met several times throughout the process to formalise the procedures and set up the profit margins, which meant a lot more access to Kaito Itō than I was comfortable with. Unfortunately, that just came with the territory, and I shook his hand and discussed the details as profesionally as I could when the occasion called for it. Despite the wealth of technology, deals were still finalised by putting pen to paper, finally sealed off during yesterday's meeting. The press were invited to the event, so I had to stand beside him and smile for the cameras. It wasn't an experience I was willing to go through again.

Our manufactoring plant was kicked into high gear, the necessary machinery (and people qualified to handle such equipment) were brought in, and the process was underway. They were shipped into our facilities in the dead of night, as you could imagine with expensive machinery such as that. I personally oversaw everything, because I just couldn't trust anybody else to do it, anything that might have Kaito breathing down my neck again. I noticed his ヒットマンhovering around, collaborating with us but not entirely welcome. It didn't take a genius to realize that they were his eyes. He'd already gotten fifty percent of the credit for doing none of the work, I only hoped he didn't alter the deal.

He set a precedant for that.

I was passed out on my chair, my fan blowing cool air into my face while the Umedu area layed out in front of me from my office window. I was busy feeding numbers into my screen when Ichika Sora knocked on my door. I smiled when I saw her, she was an intern for the past year, but had an incredible eye for detail. She picked more up in her first six months than I had to date, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

"Nora."

"It's not going to be good news, is it?" I teased, inviting her in as she laid the paperwork on my desk. I much preferred it in digital format, my hands weren't used to writing things down, surprising considering my position in the company.

"You know I only come to you with the best news."

"So hit me, then."

"There's been a power outage in the lower facilities. Nothing major, but our technicians found a fault in the wiring."

"Let me guess, this is the exact facility where - "

"Yes. It is." Ichika wasn't one to sugar-coat things.

"A bit convienent, don't you think?"

"A pity there's no surveillance footage in the room." She added, shaking her head.

I smiled coyly. "Who said there wasn't any surveillance?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Oh?"

I pushed my computer screen in her general direction, grabbing its corresponding remote. The feed changed instantly, generating images of the same room, spread out from different angles and locations. Ichika looked confused, mentally figuring out where the cameras had to be to get that angle.

"Thats impossible." She breathed. I hated leaving her in the dark like that.

"Nanotech has its uses." I continued. "Small enough to fit on your finger, embedded into the paint. Extremely expensive, but then they are looking after expensive equipment. Now, let's take a look..."

I rewinded the footage, going back several days, considering very few personnel were allowed into the facility during the weekend. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary... until a pair of men popped up from out of nowhere, forcing me to pause the footage. Puzzled, I played it at 0.5 speed, and then 0.05. They were by the wall, right where the fuseboard would be for the property.

Lo and behold, we watched as they opened a box, feddling around until they shut it again. Their backs were turned, but they gave themselves away for just a fraction of a second. I paused the feed, allowing Ichika to take a look for herself. She was sharp, but I wasn't exactly a blunt instrument myself. I noticed the microexpressions in her face as her eyes widened, her lips pursed for just a little bit too long.

"Do you know them?"

"I do." She whispered, "But why would he do something like that?"

"Stick around." I answered, standing up. "We're about to find out."

She stuck by my side as we strolled down the hallways, noticing how everybody gave me a wide bearth as I moved past, a little too timid for my liking. It didn't take a genius to realize that she was going to gun for my job someday, so I would have to show her the ropes for a little while yet. We grabbed the nearest available elevator, cascading down from the top floor to the basement and giving us some time to kill.

"You have his name?" I needed some information before I found this guy. He looked young enough to be an intern, but I needed to have all the cards.

"Hinata Reo." She replied, intruiging.

"How do you know him?"

"We're... we're dating."

"You know what I have to do."

She nodded. I understood, but it was a good sign that she placed the job ahead of her feelings for him. The doors parted and we were fed into the still-unfinished facility, the same large warehouse I had seen time and time again. The equipment was still there, of course, but they were down, several tech coats scrambling to find a reason when it took me seconds to find the problem.

I was paying them too much.

We combed through the facility until I spotted a man vaguely similar to the boy in question, and strode towards him and his friends. Hinata was a handsome type (a bit too pale for my tastes) and it didn't take a genius to realize the look of shock when he turned to face me, basically an admission of guilt.

"Mr. Reo?"

"Yes?"

"Come with me."

*

Our latest meeting was dull.

Representatives sat in our conference room, boiling alive as the sun peered through. It was the usual process in regard to our quarterly earnings; it just couldn't have come at a worse time, considering the untimely delay with our latest project. Still, I was dressed sharply, serenely confident in every other aspect. I dealt with worse meetings than this.

It was nice to come face-to-face with George again, a european investor who had a significant numbers of shares in our company. I softened for a tiny bit and shook his hand before we took our seats. He lost a large amount of weight since I'd last seen him, his hair now completely white. I hoped my news was enough to keep me in his good books, I had enough enemies as it was.

"Without further ado, I'd like to begin." I stated, darkening the room and firing up our computers. The relevant graphs and information was displayed, already getting a few nods from my guests. "Quarterly earnings were up twenty percent, mostly down to our most recent launch of the X-C12, while our hardware department also reported an increase in profits, you should see the breakdown on your screens now."

"The usual good news I see." George commented, while everybody else seemed to agree, "Now, onto the good part; I take it your partnership is going smoothly with Gijutsu?"

"We had several meetings in order to negotiate the revenue and manpower needed for the operation, Kaito was most agreeable with the negotiations." I didn't need to say a single thing about that mishap until the next quarter, plenty of time to come up with a way to phrase it positively. The man responsible had already been fired and blacklisted from every tech firm in the city, but they didn't need to know that either.

"How would you place your new product in your current lineup?"

"We expect this to be our most profitable product ever." I replied, " Marketing is intending on promoting it for the cure to blindness, though I'd refrain from making such a bold claim, we're currently overlooking every single factor, from promoting to our services team."

"Everything going according to plan?" Another investor (his name was lost to me, closest to the door) asked, shuffling pages of paper in his hand. He looked slightly familiar. I don't know what it was about him, but as soon as I looked at him I began to feel slightly nauseous. It was only a short pause, but it might as well as been a lifetime.

"Nora?"

"As of this morning, everything is right on schedule, with no deviations to said schedule." I insisted, which was technically the truth. "I will inform you if there are any issues." That same discomfort struck me again, nowhere near as bad but still enough for it to hurt. I shrugged it off and maintained my composure, even though I knew every single pair of eyes in the room could spot my facade.

Great.

*

Hanabira (花びら) were a relative upstart in the bridal business.

Their store was centered in the busy business district in Umedu, which made it the perfect choice for me to find my dress. I walked through the busy streets and appreciated the rare moment of peace and quiet. I thought about bringing Ichika along with me, but thought against it. She was a lovely girl, and she was semi-competant, but we were hardly friends.

When I thought about it a little more, I realized that I actually had very few friends altogether. The phrase lonely at the top sprang to mind.

My parents wanted to come along with me, but they just didn't have the time. Even with the money I earned, they insisted on keeping their full-time jobs; there was going to be a time when I would need to sit my father down and tell him that he needed to step away from his work as a labourer. His knees had been bothering him for a while, but the man had too much pride. I would have loved for my mother to come with me, but she insisted that I wore a traditional uchikake. That wasn't going to be on the cards, but it still felt a bit lonely walking there by myself.

I walked through the revolving doors, into a brightly-lit reception. The floors and ceilings were made with marble tiles, so shiny that I could see my reflection both above and beneath me. It wouldn't have been to my own personal taste, but I wasn't here for the architecture. Once my appointment was confirmed, I was lead down a surprisingly-narrow hallway, yet one that was covered with on-the-rack bridal dresses, each costing tens of thousands of yen. Those weren't what I was looking for.

I was looking for Avuriru.

She was found easily enough, tending to one of the many wedding dresses out on the open display, adjusting the fabric around its mannequin's foot. She smiled when she spotted me, moving gracefully and bowing. I returned the gesture.

"It is a pleasure to have you here today." She began, her face lined with age, crinkling when she smiled. "Will you be deliberating alone?"

"I am." In a perfect world, I would have loved to have had some close girls around me, but I didn't live in that perfect world. Still, I thought nothing of it, and neither did she.

"Let's begin."

The first dress she directed me towards was a custom-made number, made from satin and especialy frilly at the bottom. It was a bit too much for me, especially when it had restricted leg room, so I would basically be shuffling down the aisle. Not ideal. Still, Avuriru took it in stride, immediately directing me to the next dress. The next example was a softer shade of white, lovely and frilly, made from charmeuse. It was a noticeable improvement.

"Can I try this on?"

"My pleasure!"

She helped me into it (she zipped and burroned everything up in record time) and I walked slowly towards the full-length mirror, gauging how I looked in it. It definitely showed promise... but was left heartbroken by the way it fit around my waist. It was far too loose, revealing a little bit too much. Avuiru wasn't able to adjust it either, which removed it from consideration.

"So you're looking for a similar style, but more support on the upper half. I'll be right back with you." She said, disappearing into the back while I reclined on a sofa and took a look at my surroundings. I noticed the floral patterns that started on the floor, cascading up the wall and onto the ceiling itself. The partition in the middle of the fllor had a large aquarium in the center of it, full of the smallest and most colorful fish I had ever seen. Curious, I peered into it, watching them swim aimlessly and happily. A baby clownfish caught my eye, looking directly at me and hovering in place. I smiled and traced my finger lightly on the glass, surprised when it actually sawm towards it. I always had a soft spot for pet fish; it reminded me of when I grew up, when my parents surprised me with a goldfish of my own. The practice had gradually declined with the new generation of kids, but that clownfish triggered a memory of a girl who changed beyond recognition. It tainted an otherwise sweet moment.

"I take it you're a fan of the anemonefish." Avuriru commented, catching me by surprise. That same soft smile again, which seemed a little too genuine when I thought about it. She cooed at the fish as she moved towards me. "They're my third generation, you know. Lovely little things. Come, I have what you're looking for."

I nodded and followed her, watching the other would-be brides and their handlers as they suddenly filled the room we were in. I noticed that they brought entire entourages with them, all smiles and hugs. I suddenly felt just a little more hollow.

Avuriru led me towards a sealed-off room, smelling slughtly of dust (which was quite alarming for a wedding parlour) but when I saw the dress my worries disappeared. I recognised this dress, made of silk and satin, sprinkled with five-karat gold.

"That's a Yumi Katsura Dress." I whispered, resisting the urge to run up to it and touch it. It cost at least two million dollors, I couldn't immediately convert that to yen, but it was an extravagant purchase, all the same.

"One of a kind, I see you have an eye for detail." Avuriru noted, inviting me to walk around the dress. "We just had it imported from Europe. It's really a display piece... but for a woman of your stature..."

"I'll take it." I didn't even want to try it on. I just had to look at it to know that it would be perfect, and even if it wasn't I wouldn't care less. I had the money for it, pretty steep even for me, but I needed my wedding day to be perfect. She arched an eyebrow with my declaration, but didn't choose to say anything about it. The dress purchased, with an assurance that it would be delivered the day before my wedding, I left Hanabira with a smile on my face, the clownfish being the last thing I noticed before I left.

*

I still wasn't used to my new house.

It was just on the outskirts of Osaka, close enough for me to see my workplace (albeit as a little spec far off in the distance) Asashi seemed to enjoy it, planning the layout from the kitchen to the bedroom. I was far too busy to deal with that so I gave him full creative control of the feng shui. There was so much light in the apartment that we needed to buy some black-out curtains to snuff it out. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek as he played his game. The guy had worked a sixty-hour shift, but he was too stubborn to listen to my suggestion to apply for Bijinesu. Probably too worried about what his pals would say, having his fiance as his boss. I started making myself some sushi when my boyfriend wrapped his arms around me, kissing me playfully by the ear. I knew what that meant.

"Not now." I joked, but he twirled me around and pinned me to the counter, looking at me with a mischevious grin. He was about to kiss me when I grabbed a raw piece of sushi and shoved it in his mouth, laughing as he spat it out.

"That's disgusting!"

"That's what happens when you don't listen to me." I teased, watching him as he shook his head and head back to the sofa. I scrolled through my phone as I waited for my food to heat up, scrolling through friends' photos. Jane was busy in Paris at the moment with her own fiance, I hadn't seen her since our university days in Seattle. I'd always been looking to contact her but never had the time. I hoped she recieved my own invitation. All of a sudden, that picture vanished, replaced by an E-mail.

~Nora.

My number is 002146-67483-67492

 Noah.'

He finally responded.

I wanted to call, but realized that the time difference would be a factor. I would have to phone him some other time, but the fact he got back to me at all was a big step. I needed to call Aayush and tell him the good news, but when my sushi was ready and poured into a bowl, something happened. I didn't understand (since sushi was my favorite food) but just looking at it made me feel nauseous again. The smell made my stomach churn, was it spoiled? I checked what was left and found it was still in date.

"Asashi?" I could barely even say that before I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, the same sensation I felt in work today.  I needed to vomit more than everything else., scrambling for the bathroom and peering over the sink as I threw up. I tried to get my damn hair out of my face. I could feel his hands as he pulled it back, getting the majority of it out of harm's way.

"What happened?"

I wanted to answer that, but I just kept heaving. It was an absolute mess by the time I was finished, my eyes stinging and my throat raw. I hadn't had anything to eat that was out of the ordinary.

"I... I don't know." I splashed some water on my face and rinsed the sink to within an inch of its life. I suddenly felt normal again, like it had never happened. "Check all the food, something's off."

He went about doing that while I glared at myself in the mirror. My face looked pale and my hair (unfortunately) caught some of the mess. Once it was rinsed, I draped the towel over my head, heading back out to the kitchen, when something trivial came into my head. Still, it stopped me in my tracks, forcing me to dry my hair and tie it back up, heading towards the door.

"You're heading back out?" Asashi called out, "Can you bring back some prawns?"

Just the god damn word was enough to make my stomach ache. "I'll see."

*

It was dead quiet, apart from the wind that blew outside our window. I sat on the edge of the bath, waiting for the pregnancy test to react.

It had to be, there was literally no other reason. I thought that we were careful in bed. Asashi slept in the bedroom, completely oblivious to me. I couldn't have a baby right now, I had too much on my plate as it was. I had a wedding to plan and a company to run. I swore my life flashed before my eyes, my fingers tingling while I waited for the damn thing to let me know.

Eventually, it gave me a reading: positive.

Oh no...

 

 

 

12: Chapter 11 - Change

-Aayush-

My family home was small, but there was so many memories attached to it that I couldn't help but smile whenever I saw it.

Dhali and I hadn't visited in a while, considering how busy we were. Dad rang us from time to time, hoping to grab us all together for a family meal, but one of us was usually too busy. Thankfully I was able to grab Mamood on a good day and get some much-needed time off, and my brother did the same. His job as a games designer was going well, considering it was a start-up company. He might as well put that gaming experience to good use.

The city was bursting with activity as summer approached; Bollywood promotions cropped up all over the place, the sun was noticeably warmer and people began to talk about what they wanted to do for their holidays. I wanted more than anything to pop over to Europe, to visit Berlin and Paris like I did when I was younger. Unfortunately I needed to divert all my money towards Nora's wedding, but I knew it would be worth it. I didn't have a plus one for the event, but I had a person in mind...

"Aayush!"

Dhali distracted me, having just arrived in a taxi, a needless waste of money. The fact that he outearned me left a sour taste in my mouth. We were already baking in the evening heat, children running around the roads while their parents hovered over them, concerned. I remembered my own adventures on these streets; technology played a big part in our imaginary games, and the leader was the person who had their tablet or phone to show us what we wanted to do. I still remembered watching american kids as they parkoured from ledge to ledge, and we tried our best to copy them. That ended for me pretty quickly when I landed awkwardly and sprained my ankle. My brother lasted a bit longer than I had.

"It's been a while." I pointed out, beginning our short walk to our home. Music filtered through somebody's window, occasionally drowned out by the sound of cars and their old-fashioned combustion engines. The smell of unleaded didn't mix well with herbs and spices.

"Been a busy boy, bro. Entering the quality development stage for the game."

"Do you get to tell me more about this game?"

"You'll know all about it when it comes out. Don't want you grabbing the exclusive on your little paper."

"That's not the kind of journalism I do." I replied, but he didn't take the bait. He just grinned and walked ahead of me, narrowly avoiding a charging boy who didn't watch where he was going.

"You don't like the journalism that you do though, right?"

I didn't answer.

Salma and Humayan Choudury waited for us outside their front door, like we were the prodigal sons who returned. While the rest of the city was techniologically-minded and up-to-date, they lived in one of the oldest sections of Dhaka, not a single holographic projection in sight. I tried in vain to get them to move - the neighborhood only seemed to grow worse in the years since I moved out - but they insisted on staying. Dad had slouched a bit in the last few years on account of his bad back, but Mother still looked the exact same, wearing a necklace I had given her for Mother's Day. It made me realize that I hadn't made time to see them.

"My boys!" She cried, closing the gap between us as she reeled us in.

"It's been too long." The words seemed so heavy when they left my mouth. She kissed us on the forehead and invited us inside. It was exactly as we remembered it; they still relied on an obsolete TV unit, more an antique than anything else, and the paint on the walls began to crack slightly. Still, the books we collected when we were kids - and grew out of - were still on their shelves, as were the tabletop games they bought to tempt us away from our tablets. Their fridge was covered in photographs, from when were kids to both of our graduations. They flew to the States for mine, visiting Jacob's grave with Nora, Noah and I.

"How's the reporter?" Dad appreciated my job more than Dhali's, mainly because he couldn't fathom the work needed to develop a video game. "They treating you good?"

"They're treating me about as well as they're treating me."

"They're treating you better than the Samājatāntrika, that's all that matters."

Mother slapped his shoulder as she passed him in annoyance, handing him an apron so he could get started with making the food. I joined him while she got stretched on the sofa, asking her favorite son how he's job was going. He seemed to like a girl at work, but didn't really have the confidence to ask her out. Dad joked around about when I would bring somebody home. I told him I was working on it. The air was filled with spices as we cut the chicken into pieces, I marinated them while Dad chopped up some peppers.

"We should have you around more often."

"I'll pay a visit once I make time again." I promised. "We can't have your back giving out from all the domestic work."

"When I become a Michelin chef, you'll be sorry!"

"I'll be sorry alright, but not because the food is Michelin quality, papa!"

"Boys, behave!" Mother called out from the living room, we just laughed it off and made sure the food was OK. He moved a lot slower than I remembered, which tinted the feelgood mood. He needed to have his back looked at, but he wouldn't budge. Still, I decided not to think much about that and just enjoy the family reunion.

Our dinner table was set - Dhali managed to do something productive - and by the time the dinner was made we took our seats while I fetched the food. It looked gorgeous, well worth the time and effort that went into making it. I had my paprika ready, fetching the salt and pepper for Dad so he could relax.

"I got the culinary side from you, Mom." I stated, handing her plate out first.

"It's a good thing you did, good to know I taught you boys something."

Music came from outside, but it suited the mood. Papa devoured his plate while the rest of us took our time, as was expected. We talked about little things, like how they found their favorite shows, if we had any holidays planned and how work was going, but there was definitely an undercurrent in there somewhere, something which bothered me a little bit. I thought little of it, played it down as being overly anxious, but Mother actually confirmed my suspicions.

"Had anybody called to your doors recently?"

I wiped my mouth with a napkin, slightly concerned.

"Nobody I didn't know. Why?"

"We had a few of the Samājatāntrika around. Politicians, telling us they plan on refurbishing this entire area if we vote for them."

"What other choice is there?" I whined, "They've gotten rid of all but a few Independants, and they don't have nearly as much resources or manpower as they do. Don't talk to them anymore, they're not worth your time."

"You didn't let me finish." She interrupted, the sound of clanging cutlery adding an exclamation point to her sentence. "When I say refurbish, I meant demolish."

"Bullshit." I stated, because that was the perfect word to encapsulate all of that. "They can't just go ahead and do that."

"Aayush, keep your voice down." Dad whispered, clearly afraid of... something.

"How often do they visit?"

"A few times last week, although they stopped now. It's just with the Gōpana all over the news - "

"What are they doing now?"

"They barged into Deshi Dosh and tore the place up. Windows were smashed, everything was stolen. They're a bunch of Sahakarmīharū!"

I knew for a fact that the Gōpana had nothing to do with that, but I couldn't just proclaim that they hadn't. Instead I said nothing, eating the rest of my food in silence, the air completely sucked out of the room.

*

They finally fixed the air-conditioning.

The first thing I expected when I came into work was the same dreaded wave of heat, but instead it was... cool. Blissfully cool. It was something small, but by the time I sat down next to Rehan and Manakil I had a smile across my face. They noticed, and they were concerned.

"Please don't tell me you're in a good mood in this place." My friend complained. I ignored him and took my seat, because I knew as well as anyone that something annoying or aggrevating was bound to happen. There were already files on my desk, Mahmood wasn't having any of it today. It was one of my own submissions for the paper, with plenty of red markings scribbled all over my piece. I shouldn't have expected anything more from him, to be honest.

One... Two... Three...

I began to multitask; there were a number of planned power outages due next week, so an entire piece was deticated to those, while simultaneously rewriting my previous effort in a way that would appease him. Manakil got the glory of writing today's main headline: elections were well underway, with a number of politicions from many different parties in the running. Problem was, they were all vaguely cut from the same cloth, with only Taslima Rahman the only genuine Independent who could provide real change. He reminded me of the blogs that I wrote, so I asked her to feature them a bit more prominently than our editor-in-chief would like to see, to slide it under the radar. She was more than happy to try.

All of a sudden, the man himself barged through the doors, stunning all of us.

"Meeting, now!"

Rehan and I exchanged glances, a few of the girls in the corner of our office whispering quietly, wondering what all the commotion was about. Mahmood stormed off, waiting for us. With very little choice we followed him, cramming through the door and down the halls until we reached our boardroom. It was a tight squeeze for the twenty or so of us, especially when none of us wanted to be anywhere near that man. Manahil snuck behind me, using me as a meat shield against him, returning my favor.

"You all need to listen, because I'm only going to say this once!" He started, pacing slightly when he said it. "We had the damn Puliśa outside our office door this morning, and they would like to politely remind us that if we find to be housing members of the Gōpana, we are to fire them on the spot and inform the authorities. I'm not going to deal with anybody whose part of these filthy guerillas!"

The words stung, just a tiny bit. He didn't know what he was saying, he didn't know what they were actually doing for him right now. Still, I couldn't exactly say something about it, so I stayed quiet and let him air out his warning, which lasted for about ten more minutes once we took his usual grievances and annoyances along with it. When we were mercifully let go, I was one of the last to leave, leaving the door open for Rehan to leave.

"Aayush."

Mahmood was the only other person left in the room with me, and he called my name. I immediately felt genuine fear, turning to my friend in horror. He had the exact same reaction, but when our boss called my name again I gestured for him to leave. The man behind me was still visibly annoyed, almost bright red from his spat. I honestly felt like he was about to punch me.

"Yes?"

"Are you trying to get yourself fired?"

"I - I don't know what you mean."

He moved closer towards me, so close that I could get the damn smell of coffee and tobacco off of his breath.

"All your recommendations, all your suggested edits, you're not happy with a single assignment I give you! Are you even happy here, Aayush?"

"What? I mean, of course I am."

"Then how about you shut your mouth and do your damn job without complaining, for once in your life?" He continued, loud enough for people outside to notice. I felt the blood rushing through my cheeks, the very real urge to yell back ever present. Unfortunately, that would involve losing my line of work. I was forced to stay silent. Mahmood eventually calmed down, moving to open the door.

"Oh, and Aayush?"

"What?"

"If you're a member of the Gōpana, I'll hand you into the police myself."

*

Aapti smiled when she saw me, covered in red. It was symbolic, but she looked beautiful.

She always loved the Abacus restraurant, though it took me a while to get there. The night air was hot and humid, uncomfortably so. I was actually grateful to head inside where there was air-conditioning. The place was packed; summer was always a busy period, with families and tourists queuing to take their seat. We ended up waiting for twenty minutes for any table at all. She mentioned how smartly I dressed up. I returned the compliment. It was always awkward to meet her like this, under the pretence of a date. I didn't find the backstory necessary... and yet, I wondered if there would be more to these dinner occasions than to talk about the Gōpana.

"What do you feel like ordering?" She asked, her face almost completely obscured by the menu.

"You know I'm impartial to salmon." I answered, right as soft music filtered in the background. The piano was played by a young kid, obviously talented beyond his years. I made a note to tip him once we were finished.

"Surely you must be bored of the same old thing by now!"

"I like my creature comforts."

"Does wine count as one of your comforts?" She asked with a smile.

"Only if it's red."

Our food was ordered swiftly enough, by a waiter who seemed new to his job. He was obviosuly stressed, but grabbed our wine immediately as our food was being ordered.

"Now, to matters of business." Aapti stated, and I knew all pretense of a date had been dropped. "You've obviously heard the rumors swirling around?"

"Rumors are just rumors."

"Not this one, I'm afraid. Somebody leaked the information for our demonstration in Anannya, the protest is postboned."

I couldn't say that I resented that decision. I thought it was a little extreme to begin with, even if it would draw international attention to the conditions in the country. Still, it gave me time to propose new ideas.

"Sorry to hear." She knew I wasn't.

"Don't be, because we still have a lot of work to do; we have protests scheduled at the University of Dhaka, students had been arrested for protesting against Sri Rahman."

That was very bad news; Mr. Rahman was the Samājatāntrika's Minister for Education, or the equivalent of one in that party. The fact that he had become president of the school was met with harsh resistance.

"What business does he have with taking over a school?"

"Indoctrinating the next generations to their line of thinking, if I had to hazard a guess."

"They'll associate that with the Gōpana."

"We can't just stand here and allow them to do this, Aayush. You know this."

"I just don't want our brothers and sisters to be arrested for this. You've heard about the violence just as much as I had."

Our food was delivered, and we switched back to our customer personas, smiling and nodding as we thanked that same waiter. His hands shook as he delivered the plates, forcing me to grab it before anything fell off of it. The piano continued to play, but it switched to a faster number.

"Aayush, every time we propose something, you are quick to reject it." I've heard this side of Aapti before. "If we sit and do nothing, like you suggest, then they will completely take over. They will establish a one-party system, they will have total and complete control over - "

"I've heard all of this before." I was quick to counter. "I am more than aware of the consequences, but this plan, this hope to martyr some of our people... it's not going to be enough."

She dined on her food before she spoke, mulling things over and biding her time.

"Look, we can talk about something else. How was your acting class?"

"It's actually going pretty well. Still an understudy, but I'm looking at Krishnan's Dairy and I'm hoping to audition for it."

"I've never seen it." I admitted, "I would love to go see you if you land the role."

"I'll be sure to get you a ticket..."

The conversation dried up a lot more quickly than I had hoped. We finished our food as the night wore on. I grabbed my second glass of wine as she finished her first.

"We're going to need people we can trust, Aayush. We're going to need people who are ready to stand up for our country. Are you one of those people?"

"There are different ways to achieve this same goal. I am absolutely ready to stand for my country... but not this way, Aapti. Not this way."

"I'll keep that in mind."

We finished our meal in silence. I asked for the tab and followed her outside, out into that same annoying heat. How could a city stay so warm in the dead of night? Lights dotted the the city, Dhaka's nightlife only just getting started. I wasn't about to partake in it, I was more than ready to go to sleep.

"Tell Bala and Abhijeet I was asking for them. Chari too."

"We're all meeting up at their place next week. Make sure you're there."

"I will."

She hailed a taxi, climbing in and leaving me by myself as the car took off. I looked to grab one of my own, there was no way I was going to walk home in that humidity.

*

One...Two...Three...

My usual shower routine was in place, soaking away the stress of the day. Mahmood was still playing on my mind, but he was courteous enough to at least give me the time off to travel to Osaka. I didn't even have the time to talk to Noah or Nora.

Four...Five...Six...

My hands were shaking. I hadn't noticed until I started counting. I forced myself to calm down, to breathe as regularly as I could. I had sent several letters to virtually every other employer in the city, hoping to leave my current line of work. My degree seemed to be completely useless here, because nobody was writing back to me. My parents had always insisted I travelled abroad again, but I just couldn't... not with what was happening in Bangledesh, not while my parents could be affected by it all.

Eighteen... Nineteen... Twenty...

I dried myself off and made my way into the room, with one more thing left to do before I went to sleep. The recording was already inside my tablet and ready to play, the same recording I've heard at least a dozen times. I activated the file and waited for the few seconds it took before Jacob's face appeared. I only kept this particular recording for stressful moments as as this, and I sat cross-legged in my room as I watched him speak.

'Uh... Hi.' He began as always, still inside that hospital room, his hair still a ragged mess, and still with that smile across his face. 'I'm not sure if you'll play this one... I just made a few little videos for you guys if you're ever... stressed, I guess? Although I can't imagine anything that could bring you down, my good man!'

If only you knew, Jacob.

'So... Well, I'm not the most motivational speaker... but whatever you're going through, I know you'll have what it takes to get through it. I wish I was able to be there to help in person but... well, I don't need to bring that up again.'

It was ten years since he passed away. They moved so quickly. I wanted to visit him someday, when I had the time and the money to fly again. It was slightly disconnecting to see his face on the screen, and realizing that he was actually halfway across the world in his resting place.

'Well look, if there's an afterlife and stuff like that, I'm probably watching you right now. You have what it takes, you're the smartest out of all of us. You'll figure things out. I believe in you!'

Every single time I heard that line, I looked up and hoped that he actually was looking down at me. Would he understand what I needed to do?

"Thank you." I whispered, right when the recording ended. I knew what had to be done, even if my friends would oppose it.

It was time to take the Gōpana public.

 

13: Chapter 12 - A Rash Decision

-Noah-

My eyes were fixed on the computer screen, searching for as many jobs as I could find.

Oliver did the exact same thing, sipping his cappucino while punching the buttons on his keypad. The sound got on my nerves, though that was probably just due to lack of sleep. There hadn't had been much of that for the past seven days; Eileann threw a massive fit when I told her that I had lost my job, and the fight we had got so heated that the neighbors had to barge through our door and threaten us with the Gardai if we didn't shut up. She still slouched herself on the couch everyday, complaining about her life while eating what was left of our crisps. I actually let out a sigh of relief when I dropped her off to her family the other day. Of course she blabbed on about my situation, like her parents didn't have enough reasons to hate me.

"Would you mind?" I asked, because the sip of his coffee was really starting to bother me.

"Sorry."

I was grateful for Eco Cafe, it was the only place that was open twenty-four hours a day, and while the rest of the city moved on with more technological advances, the place made a name for itself for sticking with vintage computer systems. I relied on their coffee whenever I came in here looking for work. It was the only thing I could do to distract myself from...

"They're advertising at GimCo, customer service representatives for PC mainframes." Oliver noted. I took a look at it for myself. It definitely looked promising.

"I don't know the shoddiest thing about computers."

"So? Get the job, and worry about learning all of this later. They'll give you the training."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I can't afford to be wrong anymore, Noah. Figuratively and literally."

"I know the feeling." I was sick of that feeling.

Cork was miserable; torrential rain that caused some sparodic flooding, forcing the closure of a few businesses who had the misfortune of being positioned near the river. The place was crawling with students, though they were due to head home shortly when the college year was finished. Still, they would just be replaced by tourists, so the streets would always be as cramped and uncomfortable as always. You couldn't walk a single block without somebody barging into you and spilling your coffee. I held the umbrella as Oliver huddled inside it, heading towards the Grand Parade to hand in our physical copies of the CVs as well.

"How are your kids treating you, now with all the free time you have?" I half-joked, hoping to switch the conversation to literally anything else.

"It has its pros, Sean learned how to ride a bike the other day. The old kind, ones with wheels and stabilisers. I wanted to get him to master that first before we get to the floating version."

"Not that we have the money for that kind of toy." I cracked, getting him to grin a little bit.

"I'm just glad I grew up before all of this new technology came about, they're glued to their tablets and screens. Hard to connect with them sometimes."

"Carol must appreciate the extra hand around the house!"

"She's the breadwinner at the moment, I'd stay as a stay-at-home dad if I could, but not with the mortgage I have."

GimCo stood as tall as it always had, the skyscraper towering over the rest of the city. There used to be a shopping centre in the middle of Paul Street, though I was told it collapsed due to a fire eleven years ago. It was an excuse for a multi-billion dollor company to take advantage of a discounted site and build on top of it. Now the place was filled with businessmen, suited up and stern-looking. It intimidated me a little bit.

"I can't go through with this, Oliver."

My friend stopped beside me, looking up at the building in front of us.

"Noah, you can do this."

"I'm just going to get fired again. You'll do fine here but I ... I don't fit in here."

"I'm not applying here if you're not. You know that."

It was difficult to agree with him. He was trying his best, of course, but it wasn't fair on him. He was already trying to work again for his wife and kids, he didn't need to spend any energy on looking after me, too.

"Alright."

We walked inside, though I was completely confident I wouldn't get an answer back from them, but it at least meant he would apply for the damn position and not throwing away a perfectly good opportunity because of me.

All that time, I had the urge to drink, the kind of urge that caused an itch in my throat that just wouldn't go away. I tried to clear my head but it was no use, even when we went inside the actual building and handed in our resumes. I must had looked like I wanted to be anywhere but there, because I noticed the receptionist's face when she took mine, full of skepticism. I was used to it. The rest of that morning was spent combing through the rest of the city, handing sheets in wherever we went. Oliver already got a call from a place. I was left to bite the dust.

"We'll try this again tomorrow." He promised me. "We'll keep doing this until we get something. We'll pull through this."

I didn't believe a single word he was saying, but I smiled and thanked him. I left him to his own devices as I headed home, out of the rain and out of the middle of the crowded streets. I slipped past several people who threatened to knock me over, back to Singer's Corner and back to my home. Everybody looked like they were judging me, like they knew what I was about to do when I went back home. I ignored them, it was none of their business. I passed my neighbor - a hideous-looking man whose slouched over with a permanent scowl on his face. It didn't improve when he noticed me.

As soon as my door was closed I rushed to the cupboard, grabbing a bottle of wine and popping it open. It took my entire resolve not to immediately drink from the bottle, instead pouring it into our few remaining wine glasses in a last-bid effort for dignity, and I slouched on the couch and gulped it down. The burning feeling ran down my throat, immediately sated. I poured another glass and kept drinking, until the familiar drunken feeling returned. Is this what Eileann felt every day, lying on the sofa and watching the world pass her by? Is this how my friends viewed me, way back then? Could I really blame them anymore?

*

The trains were as unreliable as ever.

Irish Rail hadn't had the money to invest in infrastructure, so the trains and carraiges hadn't been updated in over a decade. You could feel it in the way that everything creaked, including the seats. The signs that normally displayed information was broken, and the intercom for the driver only gave us static when he tried to talk to us. I sat on my own, slouched with my head in my hands, gazing out of the window and onto the countryside. Everywhere I looked, there were cranes in the distance, foundations and half-finished buildings and business parks, a mix of new and old homes inbetween. I was travelling to Dublin, the one job that managed to get back to me. It wasn't ideal - I applied for the position in Cork but there were spaces still available in the capital - but it still meant a two-and-a-half hour trip each way. Still, a job was better than no job, so I decided to suck it up and carry on with the journey. The people beside me were too loud for my hungover brain to tolerate, so I just slouched myself into another seat a few rows ahead.

Not for the first time, I asked myself how my life ended up like this.

There was something that I needed to do, though I held it off for as long as I could; I needed to get in touch with Nora. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know how she would sound after all this time. The memory of that intervention was still pressing on my mind, making my hands shake. She didn't have the time to get back to me - typical - but I had a few hours to kill. I dialled in the numbers as slowly as I could, honestly hoping that she wouldn't answer. It must had been evening time over there, so she really had no excuse not to answer.

'Hello?'

Crap, she actually answered.

'Is this Nora?'

'Noah? I knew I'd still recognise that voice! How are you?'

I didn't want to pretend that everything was going swimmingly. 'About the same as it always is, going to work and coming home.'

'Tell me about it.'

'So I thought about what you said... congrats on the wedding.'

'... Thank you.' She hesitated for a bit too long there. 'I'm in the middle of organizing the whole thing... it's stressful stuff.'

'If anyone can handle it, it would be you.'

'Yeah.'

There was silence on the phone, I wanted to ask the questions that were burning in my mind for so long. She must had been waiting for me to ask them.

'So... tell me where you ended up. You have an accent I can't place.'

Did I really have an accent? I hadn't noticed any change.

'Moved over to Ireland myself. It has its pros and cons.'

'Ireland? We have to go over there something, get a little bit of drink in us!'

'That's a stereotype, it's nowhere near the mark.' So she apparently forgot about the intervention she planned for me? Now she was joking about that to me?

'Doesn't mean we can't do it ourselves, right?'

'Just tell me what you want, Nora.' I blurted out, already exhausted from the conversation I never really wanted in the first place. I didn't hear anything over the phone for a good few seconds after that.'

'I want you to come to my wedding - '

'No you don't. You're doing this for Jacob.'

'Partly, yes. But I still want you there for my own reasons. You were a big part of my life - '

'So you're telling me that if Jacob was never around, you'd still had come to me about this?'

'You're giving me less of a reason with this conversation, but for now I can say that I would have. Hand on heart.'

'You're a good businesswoman, but you're a horrible liar for one.' I spat.

'Why did you call me, Noah, if this is all you wanted to say?'

'Because I needed to say it. I'm politely declining your invitation. I'm happy for you, though.'

'I'm not the only one whose apparently a horrible liar.' She replied, her voice cold. I didn't care about that. I hung up before I responded. I said all I needed to say.

The train eventually stopped outside Limerick, so it sat idly while passengers switched from their connecting trains. It was in the middle of nowhere; nothing but plains and an abandoned house in the background, stripped to its walls. It honestly felt a little bit like purgatory, but I buried my head in my phone and searched for the news to keep me occupied. A man slouched himself in front of me, despite the empty seats all around the carraige. He was extremely elderly, hoisting his bag up on the table and lounging back into his seat, gasping a little for breath. He tried to talk to me about the weather, but I didn't look up from my screen. He stayed pretty silent after that.

Once we carried on, I noticed a particular part of the news that caught my eye: Bangladesh was caught in the middle of an epidemic with a group called the Gōpana. They were apparently similar to the IRA over here, causing riots and protesting against the government.

That would be right up Aayush's alley, wouldn't it?

Hueston Station was absolutely packed, flooded with tourists and students and crying children and impatient parents. I joined them, fetching the app that would bring up my location, and the company building I was aiming for. Dublin was in the middle of a vast expansion, the sky almost blocked out from the amount of skyscrapers they were currently building. Some of them were nothing but support beams and prayers, while others were almost finished, reflecting the sunlight from their windows. I needed to catch the Luas, which was only slightly faster than walking. The glorified trams were hopelessly outdated, but I sqaushed into its carraige anyway as it crawled off. I hadn't done this in a while, not since I travelled up with with Oliver and the boys for one of their stag parties. Even then I didn't touch a drop of...

I stopped thinking about it.

It began to rain, obscuring the view outside, though there really wasn't much more to look at, especially when that rain blured all the grey and the cold blues together so they looked one and the same. I just hoped my suit wasn't destroyed in the middle of it all, I wanted to make a lasting impression.

GimCo actually wrote back to me, apparently impressed with my resume. Their flagship building swallowed the entirety of what was once Connelly Station, so the rail tracks were converted for make-shift pods to float from one end of the corridor to another. Instruments were sprayed randonly through the ground floor, a carefree environment from the looks of things. I approached the receptionist and called out my name and the interview appointment. She seemed happy enough, but I couldn't tell if it was genuine or because she was working at the moment. She seemed pretty cute.

The elevator was cramped, but I didn't need to travel pretty far, I took a look outside the glass door as we moved, watching everybody else below us. It looked like a great place to work, I could definitely see myself in the place, distance notwithstanding. I followed a few chaps when the doors opened to the twelfth floor, up until I found the man I was looking for. He was a balding man who was dressed pretty sharply, and he darted towards me as soon as he saw me.

"Hello, are you Gregg Walters?" I asked, making sure my own customer voice was intact, but he cut me short.

"Noah, I'm so sorry! I've been trying to reach you all morning."

"Oh, I didn't seem to get any calls."

"I'm sorry for making you travel all the way up here, I'm afraid there are no longer any positions available."

That stopped me for a second. I had to process what he had just said.

"I... I travelled from Cork to get here."

"I completely understand, we had been trying to call - "

"Thank you. Please keep my resume on your files."

"I just want to apologize - "

"Thank you." I repeated, growling under my breath. I was seeing red, I hadn't been this humiliated since... since that damn intervention, that's what it reminded me of! I stormed off and left Gregg there all by himself, no longer caring about the receptionist or the building or GimCo or any damn thing at all! I stormed back outside into the rain, completely set on grabbing the first train home so I could listen to Eileann compalin about what a horrible person I am, all while Aayush and Nora try to contact me for the stupid wedding I had no plan in joining. I felt the rush of blood on my cheeks, too hot for the suit I was wearing. I wanted to jump off the nearest bridge and into the nearest river. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs for the way everybody had treated me. I wanted to punch or kick something until I had no energy left, but I couldn't do any of that. I had to sit on the damn luas and head back to my house and spend the rest of my money on the cheapest wine possible so I could drown this day out of my memory.

*

Eileann was where she always was, lounging on the sofa with some food in her hand.

I walked inside, fully expecting this. I knew she was going to yell at me so I went about my business, appreciating the quiet while it lasted.

"Where were ya?" It didn't last long.

"At a job interview."

"Did ya get it?"

"They didn't bother to tell me that they already hired, I'm back out looking in the morning."

"You're useless!"

"Yeah." I was too tired to argue. I left her in the living room while I sat down in the kitchen, fetching a bar from the fridge and holding my head in my hands once I sat down. It was dark outside, a stray streetlight the only thing I could see. I ate what was essentially my dinner in silence while the TV ran in the background. I was down to my last €100 in savings, and when that ran out I was in deep trouble. I had to go to the employment office to get some sort of allowance, but it wouldn't be anywhere near the amount we needed to keep the house together. I felt hopeless, like somebody was squeezing my head, or that my brain was trying to break through my skull. Either way, it felt uncomfortable, and food didn't do much to fix it. I thought about my parents for the first time in a while: I wondered how my old man was faring, and if he was still chucking down wood at the forest near our home. The place must had been completely levelled by now. I remembered walking out there with him one morning, and he gave me a tree to attack while he carried out his work. I must had been about seven or eight, I could barely lift the axe in my hands. I still remembered it. It was one of the few happy memories I had of my family.

His number had been put out of service long ago, but I tried it anyway and held it up to my ear, waiting for the inevitable dial-up tone. They would have been lost under the sheer amount of new technology, they were a more anologue folk even before I went to college. I sighed and hung up, trying my mothers phone, and ended up with the same response. I would had been lying if I said I didn't regret cutting them out, because I still felt a stab in my chest every now and again.

Eileann called out something that I couldn't hear - which was a miracle in itself because the woman was loud -  and my stomach still growled from the lack of food. I had enough. I deserved better than how I was treated. I didn't deserve to be jobless and in a dead relationship.

"Noah!" Her screaming was the trigger. I calmly walked out.

"There's a spider on the damn wall! You know I hate 'em! Get rid of it!"

"It's over."

I had never been more confident than I had been right now.

"Wha?"

"You heard me, Eileann. Call your mother, I want you out."

"You can't do that!"

"I can, and I will."

I surprised even myself with how calm I was, leaving her to handle the news while I opened my cabinet, grabbing the five or six wine bottles still standing there. My throat almost caught fire when I saw the sight of it, so close to me and just begging to be drank... and I threw them in the bin. The bag was taken out and tied up so I couldn't retrieve them again later on, intending on throwing them out to our dumpster.

Eileann didn't move since I told her. Her face was set in stone.

"You're an absolute bastard!"

"I know." I sat down on the sofa and watched TV, ignoring her. She knew it, and she was livid.

"You think you're so tough, aren't ya? Having trouble looking for work so you take it out on me? I'm not leaving!"

"I'm calling your mother, and if you don't leave in the next five minutes I'll call the guards." It was my customer voice on full display now, something she wasn't really familiar with. She began to well up, and on any other day I would have felt terrible, but I just didn't care. She eventually ran off to our room, grabbing some clothes and stuffing them into the bag. She sobbed loudly - probably for dramatic effect - but I continued watching whatever programme was on TV and just let her do her thing.

Something cracked against our bedroom floor, Our lamp, probably. It didn't matter. I wouldn't be here for much longer.

She stormed out - I hoped she took all of her things, because I was dumping the rest of it - and she slammed the door shut behind her. I let out the longest sigh of relief I had ever had, like a massive weight was lifted from my shoulders. There was really one more thing I had left to do. I E-mailed Nora again, and made sure to word it carefully.

I ended it on a simple note: 'Would you still like me to attend your wedding?'

 

 

 

 

14: Chapter 13 - Discussions & Decisions

-Nora-

**TW - Abortion**

'Would you still like me to attend your wedding?'

It was the end of his message that stuck out the most, considering how much he belittled me over the phone on the same day. He mentioned how sorry he was and how he was stressed out from work, but the sudden turnaround annoyed me. Noah should have thought more carefully about what came out of his mouth before asking for an apology.

But still, I knew what Jacob would had done... I decided to park the thought for the time being, because there was still far too much stuff to negotiate right now.

I didn't want to touch a single piece of food. It made me feel nauseous, almost every single variation of seafood was enough to kick me in the stomach, and I avoided the canteen like the plague. Trouble was, I was also starving, torn between those two contrasting feelings for the entire day. I needed to follow up on the fallout from Hinata Reo and why he sabotaged the wiring in our facility, I also needed to return the damn dress because I was no longer going to fit in it by the time November came around, and that's before I had to go to Asashi and tell him that I was pregnant.

And how I wanted an abortion.

I had to be frank, I just didn't have the time or the energy for a child right now. I was working in a cut-throat business, and a baby just didn't factor into my plans. I knew Asashi was going to be disappointed, but he'd understand.

Ichika was stressed, I could see it when she approached me, papers threatening to spill from her folder. Her hair was tied back in a tight ponytail, and with her connection to Hinata...

"You look like you had a good night's sleep." I commented dryly, following her on her way to the facility. We needed to step up our production run to compensate for the slight delay, since deadlines still needed to be met at the end of the day. I'm sure she regreted being signed up for the project.

"Don't talk to me about sleep." She replied, stepping up her pace and forcing me to play catch-up. We practically barged through several workers, surprised that their boss struggled to keep up with her employee. "I had an argument with Reo. We're not dating anymore."

"Well that's just a waste of time." I responded, my feet hurting. "We could have kept him roped along for a while, enough to see why he did what he did. Oh well."

"I tried that tactic. He didn't give me anything, that's why I broke up with him."

"You need a guy that doesn't really keep secrets." (Hypocrite that I was, considering I kept my pregnancy secret for the past two weeks from my fiance.)

Our facility was packed, every square inch of the large floor covered with employees and workers, the production line in full swing. We were draped inside cumbersome suits, the kind of rubber that squeaked with every movement. The facility was hermetically sealed to prevent any rogue particles from damaging the devices, created using 3-D printing technology while the rest of it was carefully added by both robotic and human hands. For the first time since the pitch, I began to feel a sense of excitement. This was going to be my great invention, my mark in this company and the world of technology at large. Gijutsu's funding was a necessary evil, but the world of business was hardly simple.

Both of us moved from one aspect of production to another, the suits clunky and making every step more effort than what it's worth, something that bothered me the entire time. Ichika was in charge of inspecting the products to make sure that all quality checks were passed, so I left her to her own devices and just wandered around, asking random questions to random people to make sure they knew what they were doing. Everybody looked the same in these awful suits, but you could tell that each company huddled around their own circles and refused to mix. There was an air of hostility, and no amount of hermetic sealing could negate that.

"Anything to report?" I had to strain my voice so that my closest colleague could hear me. She spoke to a number of technicians who were fixing a mechanical line which stopped moving.

"Section F-5 is down. Waiting on Gijutsu's engineers to come out and fix it."

"We'll do it ourselves?"

"We're not familiar with this assembly line. It's through their own designs."

So this was the second issue in as many days, which reeked of suspicion. Production would be delayed again until that was fixed, which inevitably affected our deadline. Did they think I was stupid?

"Hang tight, I'm going to make a few phone calls myself." I assured her, itching for an excuse to get out of the damn suit. "You contact me if there are any other issues...and watch our guests like a hawk."

"Is there a reason why I need to do that?"

"Call it a hunch." (I wasn't even sure if she heard that, because my back was turned to her and I was already well on my way to leaving.)

The damn suit taken off of me, I was free to walk to my office, taking a look outside the large reinforced glass that displayed the entirety of Osaka. The city was just as busy as ever, our station was crowded with people, an inevitable delay on their normally-bulletproof schedules. I didn't have time to think about how efficently their business was run, because I had to deal with the cancerous growth that sprouted on mine. I barged into my office, making sure the door was closed and the sound insulation was activated so nothing escaped the room. Kaito's number was dialled, broadcast via video conference to my TV. He appeared not long after.

'Mrs. Yamamoto, a pleasure to - '

'Save it, I don't want to hear it.'

His faux-entusiasm drained from his face immediately. I wasn't in the mood for pleasantries anyway.

'You wouldn't mind telling me why you're mad with me?'

'We're currently in the middle of an investigation for an employee of ours. They disrupted production of your devices.'

'We can't be responsible for one of your employees, Nora.'

'No, but we did some digging. Turns out he was employed in another company in the last two years before coming here. Care to guess where that was?'

'I don't like what you're - '

'Gijutsu Industries.'

'Anything this person has done since his contract ended with us - '

'That's not the part I'm focusing on Kaito.' I pressed, pacing around the room, impatient. 'There's been an incident in our manufactoring section. A certain assembly line had malfunctioned. These were generously supplied by your good company.'

He refused to answer me for a few moments, taking a deep breath as he stared off at something I couldn't see. I hit a nerve, that much was obvious.

'We will send our brightest out to fix the issue.'

'You better, because your company channeled a significant amount of revenue into this project. It would be a shame if the venture was dropped because of some interference, wouldn't you think?'

'Are you insinuating something?'

'I needed your brightest ten minutes ago.' I stated, and dropped the call before he had a chance to respond. I reclined into my seat, closing my eyes and waiting for the adrenline to pass. I just stood up to one of the biggest business sharks on the planet, and I was sure to pay for it at some point in the future. For now, though, I didn't need to worry about that. I had enough of those to last me a good while.

*

I just needed to drive.

Business lingered long after the actual transactions were made. I just wanted to walk outside and find out who I was again. I liked the feeling of driving through the rain, watching the sky grow darker as the sun disappeared behind the skyscrapers, the sound of wipers as they brushed away the mist from my window. I was carrying pretty expensive cargo, I made sure to have my Yumi Katsura dress in pristine condition when I drove back to the place I bought it. It was probably going to be the first time the esteemed designer would face the embarrassment of having on of their creations returned before it was used. I hoped that my pregnancy would be a big enough reason to prevent word from heading back to them. Light mist began to blanket my car window. I hoped its protective packaging would be enough to save it. Hanabira's was still open, it was a miricle I still reached it due to the traffic. Too many european SUVs blocking the way, not designed for Osaka's roads. For a split-second, my hands reached for the nearest box of cigerettes in the glove compartment, lighting one up and pursing it between my lips.

Then I remembered why that was a bad idea, snuffing it out as I tossed it outside the window. I hadn't even realized that I needed to break the habit, making things just that little bit worse. I rushed inside and hoped that Avuriru was still available, hoping to explain the return to her. Unfortunately she wasn't, only two girls staying behind to close up shop. They noticed me immediately as one approached. She was new, I didn't recognise her face at all.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here to... return this."

She gladly accepted my dress, peering inside its cover...and her eyes widened when she noticed what it was. She glared at me, back to the dress, and me again.

"This..."

"I just found out that I'm pregnant, so it won't fit in time for my wedding. I'm very reluctant in returning such an esteemed dress. Can you apologise to Avuriru for me?"

"Of course, but... we've just been trained here, we can't possibly refund that amount. We'll have to wait until tomorrow morning when Avuriru comes in. Do you have a number we can contact?"

She seemed nice enough, so I gave her my number and the hours she could reach me, heading back to my car so I could finally go home so I could break the news. A GT-R barged past me, almost taking my wing mirror clean off. I yelled at its owner, but my voice was drowned out by the sound of that V8. I only knew about the engine cylinder count because Asashi told me, though I wasn't a fan of the new model. I prefered my kei cars anyday.

Which would have to be sold so I can make way for a car big enough for a family.

Every single thought I had, it always came back to the baby inside me right now. I gripped the steering wheel tightly when I took off, gathering the courage to finally say something to my fiance. Asashi needed to know, and he needed to know now. I drove through the Umedu part of town, leaving the business district behind and into the more residential area. I looked at my home once I arrived, all excitement for moving in gone. Even the elevator to the top floor was uncomfortable, like this featus didn't enjoy any sensation.

He was busy making some food when I walked in, some stir-fry that was immediately setting off my nausea. He came over to me, partly to kiss me and welcome me back, and partly out of concern.

"You need to go and see a doctor."

"I really don't." (He just didn't realize why I knew that just yet)

I sat down on the sofa and sank into it while he brought his plate over, keeping to the window so the smell moved outside. I was starving, but I just couldn't eat anything. I just felt like crawling into my room, but sooner or later he would just crawl into bed beside me, and the guilt would kick in again.

"Look, Asashi... I need to talk to you."

He nodded and left his plate on the window, sitting next to me. He looked worried, I guessed as much considering the fact that he had no idea what I was talking about.

"Is there... something wrong?"

"Definitely...something." (Why was this so hard to do?) "Look... I'm... pregnant."

He stared at me for a few seconds, his bottom lip quivering for just a fraction of a second, taken aback. Eventually, those lips turned into a smile, his eyes brightening up once it sank in. It was the reaction I was dreading.

"Nora..."

He hugged me. He hugged me so tightly that I couldn't breathe. He kissed me on my neck and my cheeks and my lips in rapid sucession. His cheeks began to flush, he was elated.

"Oh... wait when did you find out? Do your parents know? I'm going to be a father!" He was already whipping out his phone, ready to dial some numbers. I grabbed it from his hands, surprising him.

"Please... if you're going to tell people, please keep it to a minimum? I'm... still processing this."

He turned red and nodded, understanding. "Sorry, got a little bit carried away there. But still... wow."

I gave him back his phone (he promised to only contact his family about this) and I left him to his devices while I stole away into the bathroom, locking it and closing my eyes. The face in the mirror stared back at me, her eyes just as lost as mine. It brought me back to that party, more than ten years ago. I had just finished my exams, the person who looked back at me was happy, her whole life ahead of her.

This woman didn't know what to do.

I sat by the edge of the bath and cradled my stomach. I still didn't want this child, it still threw a spanner into the works that I didn't want. The problem was convincing Asashi that now wasn't the time. I wasn't sure if I could even face him with that, now that I had seen his face.

I needed to eat. I could deal with everything else after that.

*

Talking to Aayush was like looking at a childhood memory.

His face hardly changed over the last ten or so years, and his home looked modern and crisp. Records wers spwen everywhere, and I swore I heard Fleetwood Mac through the speakers. He lounged on his sofa with a bottle of wine, clearly taking his weekend relaxation seriously. I envied him.

'Well look at you, finding the time to pop by and have a quick chat!'

I chuckled at that. 'You know how much I enjoy your company. I love the new furniture.'

'Scandanavian, not a piece I had to put together myself, thankfully.'

'Physical labor isn't one of our strong suits, is it?'

'We all have flaws, Nora.' He responded, taking a slow sip. We just sat there for a few seconds. My monitor was installed recently, with 32K resolution which added artificial color pigmentation. It effectively made my friend appear as if he was in my living room with me.

'So, are we going to address the elephant in the room?' I knew exactly what Aayush was talking about. He couldn't even get through to Noah at all, and with our latest exchange the other day, I couldn't see why I had to invite him anywhere.

'We might as well, get it out of the way.'

'He's one of our friends, we can't just leave him behind.'

'I don't share that opinion. He wasn't especially gracious when he called me.'

Aayush mulled that over, taking another drink from his glass. Something caught his attention outside his window, because he peered over to take a look. The curtains were drawn after that.

'Nosy neighbors?' I joked, but he didn't seem to find it funny.

'You could say that. But back to Noah... you know what he'd say, if he was still here.'

'I know. Unfortunately, Jacob isn't here. If he saw what Noah did - '

'We forced him into a room and sat him down - '

'We were worried about his drinking, Aayush. An intervention was the only alternative we had left.'

'I agree, but we blindsided him. It was the only alternative, but you saw the state he was in. He lost both of his jobs, he could barely slur words together by the end of it all. Could we really blame him for bailing out on us?'

It was annoying because Aayush was completely right. It was my turn to look away, attempting to process all of this. I was busy trying to juggle one man's feelings, I really didn't want to deal with another.

'Sometimes, you're too smart for your own good.'

'You're not the first person to tell me that. Probably not going to be the last, either. It's up to yourself, of course. I'm not going to tell you who you can or can't invite to your own wedding. How's the fiance?'

'Estatic, as you can imagine. He's dating me, after all.' (Even that joke felt a little off, or maybe it was the delivery of it. I was just glad my friend laughed it off for my sake.)

We talked about little things; Aayush was thinking of creating his own political party and running for government. The situation in Bangladesh was less than favorable, in his own words. I told him that I had the available funds, but he politely declined in his usual Aayush way. He told me it would seem suspcious that he would recieve offshore payments. Parties would do anything to cite corruption nowadays.

I told him I was pregnant... and how I felt about it. His congradulations turned pretty sour pretty quickly. It was pretty silent for a few minutes after that, neither of us really able to come up with a suitable follow-up to that.

'You have to tell him, Nora.' He stated as a whisper. Asashi wasn't here, so there was no need for him to be so quiet, though I appreciated the consideration.

'I know, but it's just finding the right time to tell him. I really can't have this child, Aayush. He'll have to deal with it. We can try again in the future.'

He didn't answer immediately to that, finishing his wine and pausing to stand up. He turned the record to its B-side, playing an album track I had never heard before. I could hear the scratchy quality as it played. He always loved little quirks like that.

'Well then, as always it has been a pleasure to talk to you.' He added, ' I'm going to have to bail on you. Work, and all that.'

'And you have a lot to do, I bet.'

'Politics, how tiresome.'

'Well you know where I am if you need any assistance.'

'I can't wait to see you again, take care.'

'Take care.'

The call was terminated, and I immediately felt a sense of...emptiness. It was weird, I wanted nothing more than some time to myself once I finish work for the week, but I felt like I needed to be with company right now. Maybe Ichika and the girls would be free. I hadn't really spent much time with friends and colleagues recently, that same phrase popped up again: it's lonely at the top. My Dad would had been proud of me. I headed into the kitchen, hoping to muster the courage to eat something more than rice.

Only to find Asashi, standing right in front of me, his arms crossed.

He heard everything.

 

 

 

15: Chapter 14 - Disruption

-Aayush-

The University of Dhaka was an enormous building, coated in red brick and absorbing the warm rays of sunshine, almost glowing.

I heard the students before I saw them; a mixture of chants and screams, over and over again. There were a number of tents scattered throughout the complex, they had protested for the last two days, forcing the new principal to remain inside the building. They were hoping to starve him out of there, but the university was well-supplied, it would be weeks for him to run out of food, if not months.

Because he was an integral part of the Samājatāntrika, he wouldn't have to wait that long either.

We parked up just outside the entrance, almost obstructing oncoming traffic. News crews were on hand, their cameras everywhere. This was a dream for Aapti - she wanted to make sure the Gōpana were as visible as possible  - but I thought this was nothing more than political suicide. That didn't stop me from reclining in the passenger seat, Chari beside me. He messed with the radio, looking for something other than static. He wasn't really succeeding.

"When is she going to give us the all-clear?" He moaned, annoyed at the dial he was fiddling with. I just looked outside and focused on nothing in particular, a lump in my throat. I told her about my concerns, she told me that if I wasn't happy with it, I could leave the organization. I almost did, part of me wondered why I stayed. I caught my reflection in the tiny vanity mirror, sweat drippin from my forehead. It was an early Saturday morning yet the sun was already bearing down on us. I'm sure the heat exasperated the situation.

"You think we're doing the right thing?" Aapti's question mirrored my own concerns. I wasn't the only one who had doubts about the demonstration. What mattered was that the cameras would catch us. We could only hope our cause would be shown across the world. Perhaps the UN and other world powers would convene, and squash out this very real threat to our democracy.

It was never going to be that simple though, was it?

The crowd suddenly grew louder, which could only mean one of two things: either Sri Rahmen had emerged form hiding, or the PuliÅ›a had finally arrived. The sound of sirens emerging from the end of the road proved that it was the latter.

Chari's phone rang, and he answered without hesitation. It could only be Aapti, and there was only one thing she would say. He looked at me, nodding quickly. I did the same, and opened my door. It was going to get very intense, very quickly. My friend grabbed our makeshift flags, handing me a bunch of them. My own cameras were draped around my neck - one of them for online purposes, uploading images directly onto social media, while the other was an antique unit, used as a backup in case those virtual copies were deleted. They clashed against each other as we ran, but they were sturdy units. They were built to last.

I was about about to find out if I was made the same way.

There were at least two dozen of us - I hadn't personally met the other members of the Gōpana, which just goes to show how many circles Aapti was involved in - and we spread out as far as we could, leaping over the low-lying wall and into campus grounds. The aim was simple; spread around the existing crowd, take photos of the protests, encourage them to defend themselves and to be visible above all else. Those words were very carefully made, I thought of it as inciting violence. If I was caught, I would end up in jail, I could lose my job, I could end up missing my trip to Japan.

But it was for my people, it was the best chance of a resistance that we had.

Was it?

There were hundreds of people, predominently teenagers and freshmen, too young to be involved in the frontlines like this. I draped a bavaclava over my head and kept walking, spreading out as far as we could. Our flags were deployed, great big banners of black and white, our collective name proudly emblazoned on it. A few photos were taken, though my digital camera had a habit of snapping a shot a brief moment after I pressed the actual button, sometmes missing the intended picture. We emerged from the greenery and into the thick of the crowd. The most important step was finding the nearest camera crews, moving towards them and displaying our signs and flags, staking our claim in this entire ordeal. I did as I was told and gathered a few kids around me, waving my flag as they yelled in protest. It was a good thing that my face was hidden, so the protestors and cameramen couldn't see the full scale of fear and regret that I felt.

Their cameras soon pointed in a different direction, directly at the university. Sure enough, Sri Rahmen emerged, surrounded by his own security. PuliÅ›a poured in from the side, supplementing his entourage. He was as old and as gaunt as he appeared on screen, smaller even. His hair was dotted with grey streaks, a sour expression on his face. The students only got rowdier when they saw him, shouting Pratirōdha* over and over again. A few of the Gōpana ran towards him, the cameras following their every movement. They were immediately met with resistence from his security, one unfortunate man was slammed to the ground, arching his back in pain. I instantly took a photo, rushing to grab him and pull him back before they could do anymore to him. The officers had their riot shields raised, but one tried to grab me, though I managed to squirm out of his hold. He looked at me with absolute hatred in his eyes, like he knew exactly who I was underneath the mask. More Gōpana stood in front of the protestors, creating a wall between them and the PuliÅ›a. One of them could had been Chari for all I knew, or Abhijeet or Bala. They got what they wanted - crews from all over the country would play footage of this for days to come - but the sight of that person on the ground broke me out of any romanticizing for my country. They clashed, launching themselves at the officers and security while Sri simply looked on in the distance. A few students broke free from the chaos and tried to dash towards him, but they were stopped in their tracks and brought to the ground. Some of the students ran away when they saw the way fellow protestors were being handled. I started to think the same thing. In the midst of the chaos, someone blind-sided me, sending me crashing. The wind was knocked out of me, a coppery taste in my mouth.

I hoisted my mask off of me, dumped my flag, and gathered as many people as I could, attempting to take as many people as I could away from the demonstration. Not a single person listened to me, pushing me off of them and out of the way, continuing their protest. All I could hear was shouting, which only grew louder when the rest of us clashed with the Puliśa. Tear gas was used as they bounced off of their riot shields, more and more people apprehended and arrested, usually with an officer on top of them. It was pandemoniuem, our mission failed. I searched for my friends, though it was going to be impossible with the way they were disguised. When that proved fruitless, I backed up from the riot, at the university that was now surrounded by both banners and tear gas, running for the hills.

I made a terrible mistake, as we were all about to pay the price for it.

*

I had never been more breathless in my entire life.

I ran through Fuller Road, through the ancient and crumbling buildings mixed with brand new construction projects, hoping and praying to Allah that nobody had seen me flee. The sun was directly over our heads now, the sweltering heat almost unbearable. My heart was in my throat and my ribs hurt, but I put as much distance between myself and everybody else.

I abandoned them. I actually left them behind.

One... Two... Three...

Not even my usual coping mechanisms worked. Adreneline was the only thing that kept me running, even when my lungs felt like they were punctured and I was short of breath. I constantly looked back, just in case that I was being followed.

If a single camera snapped a picture of my face, I was doomed.

I hunched over, trying not to hurl my breakfast as I got quite a few looks from passersby. I sought shade under the shadow of a massive office building, and thought of my options. Everybody at that protest was finished, there were going to be hundreds of arrests. Aapti got her wish - our group was now published and broadcast around the world - but at what cost? Even if they weren't arrested, they would realise that I had left them. If the Samājatāntrika don't end up at my door, it would definitely be one of them. I hailed a cab, waiting anxiously for the first one to pull up beside me, trying to appear calm. The dust on my shirt and the sweat on my face obviously painted a different picture, but the driver chose not to act on it. He talked about the commotion and the noise at the university - which meant that this kind of story was already circulating - but I just nodded and spoke at the appropriate intervals. He was a talkative man, talking about his childhood growing up in Bangledesh, and how it used to be before the politics and technology had changed. He spoke about his kids, and how they're trying to leave the country to find a better life elsewhere. I recommended Seattle. He made a note of it.

Sure enough, once we made it to the heart of Dhaka, holographic feeds were clearly showing the fight. Our flags were on full display, vigilantes who were overheard pledging to protect the demoracy of our country. They were being painted as extremists who started the altercation, but it was always going to be that way. I prayed not to see my face in the footage, but nothing obvious showed up. Traffic was ground to a halt, so I politely let myself out of the cab, handing him the necessary change and hoping that his kids were happy, wherever they went. He called me his favorite customer of the day, if only he knew why I was there...

My home was a ten-minute walk away, my front door reached without incident. I locked it behind me and draped the curtains, the TV immediately switched on. I curled myself around the sofa and looked on at the situation I left behind; almost all of the students had been arrested or dealt with, while they gathered the Gōpana and herded them into one particular group, removing their bavaclavas.

There, amongst the crowd of faces, was Aapti.

My heart stopped. My hands moved to my face without my input, in complete and utter shock. I should have grabed her and ran away, to pursuade her to pursue another route. Her detainment was on my hands. She looked directly at the camera, impassive. They were being dragged into police vehicles, but she always stared at the camera, right up until they forced her head under the door and into the car. It was like she was looking at me directly.

I know what you did.

She probably did.

All of a sudden, the TV feed vanished, replaced with an incoming call: It was from Nora. She called at the worst possible time. I grabbed the remote and laid back into my sofa, trying to appear as casual as I could before I accepted the call. Nora was in her bedroom, I really needed to update my system, because it still rendered in the obsolete blue-tinted coding. Still, I saw enough to know that she was happy to see me.

'Well look at you, finding the time to pop by and have a quick chat!' I started, making her laugh. She complimented my furniture, but my eyes were darting between her and the curtains, making sure they were closed fully. She actually called me out for it during the call, asking if I had nosy neighbors. That would had been the least of my worries.

She brought up Noah. To be honest, I had completely forgotten about him. She was obviously worried about the guy, hopping between inviting him to Osaka and leaving him out altogether. I told her what Jacob would have thought if he was still around. The biggest bombshell out of all of that was that she was pregnant... I was in the middle of congradulating her when she mentioned that she couldn't go ahead with it. I trusted her to do what was best for her. When the call ended I was hit with a sense of...relief. Nora made me forget about everything for a few moments, and I was able to process things a little but more clearly.

Still, I couldn't shake the fact that I deserted my friends, and I would have to face that sooner rather than later...  

*

There was a sudden change in tone in the office once I walked in.

Everybody was rushing from computer to computer, papers in disarray, as were the people who were holding them. Several guys were arguing by the water cooler, and supervisors were yelling at each other. I found Rehan at his usual desk, his face burning bright-red as he typed furiously. Manakil was nowhere to be seen.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeding my login details to my own computer. "It's a market in here."

"It is, you've heard about what happened at the university, right?"

I just nodded, because if I said anything it would have been given away as a lie. The guy knew me too well for me to hide that.

"Sri was giving a speech once the protests died down; student unions are banned indefinitely, and that's just the start of it."

I felt a lump in my throat. The protests were useless, they actually had the opposite effect.

"What about the people there?" I risked asking, making sure my voice was level the entire time.

"They're looking at jail time. Rumors coming about that they're being beaten and starved, but they can't possibly be doing that."

Little did he know that it could very well happen, if they didn't have an opposition to oppose them, but I didn't bring that up. I just opened my E-mails and began writing the pieces necessary for the next paper edition. The background noise only seemed to grow louder with every passing minute, all TV's fixed on the news and the latest reports to come out of it.

"How's Taslima Rahman doing?" I hadn't seen much about the Independent running in the election. Rehan shrugged, with no answer for me. My guess was as good as his, it seemed.

Mahmood rushed through the office floor, thankfully not paying any attention to me. His face burned bright-red, hopping from worker to worker and making sure everything they wrote was acceptable. He yelled at one worker who apparently didn't fit that standard, and they left the floor almost immeidately, tears in their eyes. It was going to be a difficult day today.

Throughout the day, the news seldom changed from the University of Dhaka. It briefly touched on election predictions, noting a number of candidates and their individual promises, but nothing more than the minimum screen time allocated to them. Taslima showed up for a few seconds, which was a good sign. It meant that there was still hope, though not a whole lot of it. I finished my piece in record time - making sure it fit Mahmood's specifications to the letter - and started a small bit of his next assignment before we were mercifully allowed to go on our break. My friend and I walked outside, hanging outside our door while he sparked up a cigerette. It was packed as usual, but there was something else I noticed; the way the people moved, their eyes darting from person to person. Everybody seemed a little more... anxious.

"Where's Manakil?" I asked, resting my back against the wall and closing my eyes. I couldn't wait for winter, when the heat from the sun would lose its sting.

"She called in sick. The woman knows what a bad day looks like. Probably taught better than to come in to him today."

"As long as she's not genuinely sick."

"Something tells me she's a bit tougher than that, brother."

He caught a drag from his cigerette and blew it out slowly, watching the trail of smoke as it dispersed. An article caught his eye; another still image from the protests, a Gōpana member with his flag raised high. I tried not to stare at it, because if I paid enough attention and looked at the eyes and the body language, I would almost certainly had recognised who it was.

"What did they think would happen?" My friend asked, though I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or if he was thinking out loud.

"Were the students protesting before they arrived?" I already knew the answer to that. "They aren't the problem, Rehan. The problem is - "

"Not outside, Aayush. Not out here."

He flicked the butt of the cigerette to the ground, squishing it under his foot. He sighed, looking at me with pained eyes.

"You know more about politics than I do, brother, but I lived here all my life. What they're trying to achieve, it's too extreme. They will be caught and punished, and used as an example to deter opposition. Nothing can be solved through violence."

"On that much, I agree." There was no point fighting with him when everything he said was right. He opened the door for me and I walked inside, ready to get the rest of my day over and done with.

*

I tried calling Chari's phone as soon as I made it home, but it always ended by ringing out. The same happened for Abhijeet & Bala, and I just couldn't bring myself to dial Aapti. They knew full well that I had abandoned them, it would be a miricle if they ever spoke to me again. I paced my living room, hungry and tired. It didn't seem fair that I was able to sleep in my own bed and eat my own food tonight, when perhaps all of them were spending time in a cell right now. Even when I argued with myself - that if I stayed with them, their situation would have remained the exact same - it didn't really hold much weight.

My tickets for Osaka arrived in the post, the most expensive part of my trip by far. Still, I didn't want Nora to pay a penny of it. It was her big day, after all. The actual package it came in was marked with red and black ink, the checks necessary to pass through customs. It was a minor miricle it managed to come to me at all without a detailed explanation as to why I was leaving the country.

Some people never recieved contents like this, and were dismissed when they enquired about it.

I moved to the fridge and gathered some leftover chicken, grabbed some moddles from my cupboard and began making some stir-fry to see me through until the morning. I dialled all their numbers as I cooked, but it was the same outcome. I only noticed that I had tears in my eyes when I sat down with my food. They were my friends and I let them down. Anything the Samājatāntrika had done to them was on my hands. I buried my head in my hands as I sobbed, leaving my food turn cold. I thought of my family, and what would happen to them if they ever found out.

My food was eaten in total silence. Once that was done, I switched the TV on and watched the news. There wasn't a meaningful update since this morning, though there was a national debate between election candidates scheduled to be televised. I wanted to watch that, if only to see how Taslima would fare. Deciding that I wasn't going to sleep tonight, I grabbed my blankets and draped them over me on the sofa while I tried in vain to call them one more time. Dhali was probably too busy crunching to get his game out into the open, while my parents were out for the night. I let the TV play while I closed my eyes, ready to pack it in for the night. The last thing I saw before I dozed off were those plane tickets, resting on my table.

What would Nora think, if I told her about all of this?

 

* Pratirōdha - Resistance

 

16: Chapter 15 - The 結婚式

*Noah*
*Nine Months Later*

 

Dublin was cold.

Light snow fell when I arrived at four in the morning, unseasonable for November. With Halloween out of the picture, lots of little lights popped up everywhere, painting the capital like a damn Christmas tree. I appreciated the peace and quiet while it lasted, one of the few times I could walk without pushing past other people. It definitely wasn't going to be the same story over in Japan, every time I thought about the country I made sure my translator was nestled in my pocket. It was a pretty expensive piece of kit, if I lost that in the middle of the country I was screwed.

I checked it again out of instinct.

Nora eventually called me back. She told me I was still invited to her wedding, if I chose to go. Getting ready for it all was a journey in itself; I managed to stay sober for the last few months; my skin cleared up, I lost a tiny bit of weight and I had actually began to dream again. Still, all our calls afterward were simple and straight-to-the-point, like what airport I needed to book and what to bring. She sounded completely different to the friend I used to have, it wasn't entirely her fault.

I had to message Aayush when I was about to board. He wanted to meet up with me at the airport, since he had already landed the other day. Our hotel was already booked, there were a few attractions he wanted to see while we were there. I was pretty happy with just lounging in the room until the wedding, but he told me that was nonsense. My face was numb by the time I made it to the airport, the indoor heating blissfully warm. I was going to appreciate being indoors for the next few hours. There were a few more people in there compared to outside on the streets, but we all looked tired and sleep-deprived, shuffling from place to place. I checked-in my luggage as soon as I could, hoping to get that out of the way before I ordered a coffee. Even in here, the christmas spirit was well and truly alive, the one employee in the store dressed up as Santa, minus the joy. He couldn't have been younger than a freshman, which made the gimmick he was wearing a bit mismatched. I made my coffee and offered up the money without much in the way of a chat. He looked like he needed some coffee himself.

More and more people turned up while I waited for my flight, the smell of my cappucino perking me up slightly. The sun began to rise outside the terminal window, peering even through the heavy clouds. Snow began to cover the ground, although being Ireland I doubted it would last for too long. I remembered being a kid, how the first sight of snow meant snow fights and igloos and snow days off school. Kids these days thought nothing of it. A shame, really.

I was lucky to get holiday hours for the trip at all; I took up work as a customer representative for Gijutsu for their European branch, pretty similar to what Nora's company were doing, but more in the way of software as opposed to actual products. Still, the customers were the same as ever: entitled, impatient, and usually angry. Still, the job was better than no job at all. Oliver was doing extremely well at his new office in Cork, something which made me smile. Not a lot of people I knew made me smile nowadays.

'Boarding my flight now, no delays. See you tomorrow.'

Better to send the message now and get it over with. It was going to be a twenty-hour flight, not to mention the seven-hour time difference. I didn't even want to think about what time it would be over there by the time I landed. Instead, I downed the rest of my caffiene and ordered another - the clerk seemed to pick up slightly when I came back to him for my second - and began to board at my terminal. The woman at the checkout seemed overly optimistic, but she was an absolute bombshell. She was tall, lovely blond hair, way out of my league. She checked my tickets and marked them off, making quick small-talk about how her son was studying the language, and wished me a happy flight. I couldn't catch her name on the name-tag - I didn't want to look there in case she got the wrong idea - but I seriously wanted to ask for it when I got back home. The actual plane was cramped, but I reserved a window seat - away from the wing, so I could actually look out - and reclined into it once I sat down. I had a few books stored in my datapad, but nothing that would keep me entertained for the next twenty hours or so. More and more people trickled in, most of them being students flying back home, maybe for the Christmas period. I wondered what it would look like over there during this time of year. I wasn't so sure about Osaka, but Tokyo looked absolutely crazy in the pictures I had seen. I guessed that could be one topic of conversation for the bride-to-be...

I didn't know what I was going to do when the three of us were together again, even if it was just for a day or two, and it wasn't like she had the world of free time. Still, maybe it was time to reconcile, I focused on getting that step out of the way first and worrying about the future later. Flight attendants pointed towards the exits and how to use the oxygen masks above us. I was too busy trying to stay awake to properly hear them.

A message popped up innocently on my phone, a response from Aayush: 'No worries my friend, I'll see you when I see you.'

Eventually, after an entire age of waiting, our plane began to move. I felt the vibrations under my feet as it crawled towards the runway, gripping onto my armrest once we grabbed a bit of speed. I wasn't a very big fan of flying, which partially explained why I didn't leave Ireland much once I landed here, but I gritted my teeth as we began to pull up. Once we actually took flight I relaxed, risking a quick look outside. Dublin looked pretty up in the air, those lights twinkling and painting the city brightly before the clouds covered it. I didn't last much longer than that before my eyes were closed, beginning to dream about what Osaka would look like...

*

Somebody behind me kicked my chair, forcing me awake.

It was obviously a kid - the sound of his singing mixed into my dreams, awake and asleep at the same time - but it was the actual kicking that woke me. His parents were already telling him to stop, but he shouted about how excited he was about his holiday. I guessed I couldn't exactly blame him for that. It was getting pretty bright outside, the sun shining above the clouds. I hadn't seen a sight like that in years, so for the next few minutes all I did was stare outside, catching a break of blue whenever the clouds parted. We were due to fly over continential Europe pretty soon, so I switched my datapad on and browsed through a story to pass the time. It was a fantasy epic, although it seemed a bit repetitive as the chapters wore on. Still, I was always excited about the prospect of dragons. I hadn't read in years, Eileann scoffed whenever I brought up the idea of it. The next girl I was going to date was going to be a reader, I decided.

That child kicked at my chair again. His parents apologized to me, I waved it off.

Aayush told me how Nora was pregnant. I still remembered the girl who loved The Bicycle Thieves, though she was apparently a much more serious person now. It was probably to be expected because of her job - she was making the world of money - and she definitely sounded different when I spoke to her, but to see her as a mother... it was difficult to wrap my head around it. Life was moving a little bit too fast, wasn't it?

The trip went pretty smoothly. I took photos of the world beneath us with my phone, catching France and Italy once the clouds gave way enough for me to take them. The parents behind me asked what my plans were during my stay in the country; they came from the Fukuoka area, on the opposite end of the country. They visited their son who was studying in Trinity College, and was apparently the first time he had seen his new brother. I told them that mine was just a weekend stay for a wedding, so they asked the usual questions about the bride-to-be. They passed the time by quite a bit, though my legs were sore from sitting for too long, ditto my back. I was lucky that I had two spare seats beside me to stretch out to.

Another quick nap, and the next time I woke up we were apparently close to Japan. The damn clouds were obscuring what it looked like, but the sun began to set by the time we actually broke through its cover. From up there, it didn't seem noticeably different from Ireland, though I was sure that would all change once I got my feet back on solid ground. I tested my translator to make sure it switched on and off, prompting the father to reach out his hand and inspect it. He spoke a few simple english phrases and waited for the results. laughing when they popped up. He told me that it translated sentences very literally, and to expect a few puzzled looks.

Great.

Our descent was just as painful as the ascent. My stomach lurched and I closed my eyes, bracing for impact. It was actually a lot harder than I remembered it when I landed in Cork for the first time, but I was just grateful it was over. Once we were back on solid land the plane slowed, approaching the terminal. That kid offered me some sort of toy before his family helped him out of his seat - a little toy plane with a face on it, a cartoon character of some sort. I offered it back to his parents but they told me to keep it, wishing me a happy holiday. I returned the gesture.

Outside, I walked through the terminal, hoping to get my luggage and to find Aayush. It still felt a little odd saying the word friend, because in all honesty... he just didn't fit that mold at the moment. Still, when I eventually found him among the crowd - a sign with my name on it in his hands - I was definitely hit with a sense of... familiarity.

Well, here goes nothing.

-Aayush-

I wondered what it would be like, to see him for the first time in more than ten years. I hadn't even seen him over the phone, so I held the sign in my hands to make sure he could see it, just in case I didn't recognise him. The flight from Bangladesh was a nightmare, and I felt a little homesick, but I was going to be home by Monday. If it wasn't for Nora, I would never had left the country at all, not with the way it ended up.

The Samājatāntrika had won.

The Dhaka I left was significantly different to the Dhaka I came home to, but my parents told me to go out and enjoy myself for the weekend, to forget about everything and worry about it when I came back. I was trying to listen to their advice, but the thought of Aapti always brought me back. She was sentenced for life in prison, no amount of lobbying was going to get her out of there.

A semi-familiar face distracted me, and it was most definitely Noah.

He was just as tall - if not taller - than he ever was, but there were deep lines on his face, the hair on top of his head almost completely gone. Still, he recognised me easily enough, grabbing his luggage and darting towards me. He wasn't the only one with a translator.

"Mr. Hisenburg!" I started, but he just nodded and shook my hand.

"Aayush."

"How was the flight?"

"Grand... Can we go to the hotel? need to drop off the luggage."

"Oh... yes, of course." He was in no mood for conversation, his voice was a little more ragged than I remembered. We grabbed his luggage and walked through the airport, hailing a taxi once outside. There were so many of them just waiting for us, nothing like Dhaka. Noah took the time to approach one of them, speaking into his translator to get the message across. He really didn't need it.

"Toyonaka." I stated. The driver knew.

The journey was short, the majority of it spent under the cover of a bridge, with plain and simple buildings dotted along the way. I tried asking Noah about life in Ireland and how he felt about the wedding, but he stayed silent. Our hotel stuck out, covered in pink next to the greys and browns. I gave the necessary yen and thanked our driver, offering to grab a bag on Noah's behalf. He declined.

The room was quaint, but there was a lot of natural light coming in from the window. He dropped his bags and crashed on the bed, exhausted. I took off my shoes and went into the bathroom, grabbing a spare set of clothes and changing into my new set.

"You look different." He commented in the background, finally striking up a conversation. His arms were streatched out, looking at the ceiling blankly. I couldn't really blame him on account of the journey and the jet-lag.

"How so?"

"Older."

"Well we all age, Noah. You would certainly know a thing or two about that."

He cracked a smile, the old Noah was still lying in there somewhere. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? I can get you a mirror and show you."

He stood up, stretching his arms while taking a look outside. The conversation was stopped as quickly as it began, I hadn't won him over just yet.

"Well... never thought I'd end up here."

"Ten years late but... we've Nora to thank for this."

"That's right..." He must had completely forgot about the trip we all had planned for that summer. Jacob wanted to organize all of that, he was so excited about it. Of course...

"So... do you still listen to...you know..."

"Of course I do." He replied, still looking outside. "I miss him."

"We all do."

"He recorded a message for all of us, if any of us got married so..."

"I wonder what he'll say about Nora, he was the closest to her out of all of us."

"I guess we'll have to be there to find out."

He was still cold, holding me at arm's length. I couldn't exactly blame the guy. I allowed him to unpack as I went down to reception, looking to get a copy of a card and to grab some food. My social media was updated every few minutes; Manahil had posted pictures of a night out, smiling and laughing with all the girls. My family had just bought a new car - their old Fiat was too old even for them - so my Mom was proudly showing it off for the world to see. After everything else that happened in the country, I was at least glad that they were still OK.

"Look Aayush, I need to talk to you." Noah looked at me with pretty cold eyes, all pretense of having a friendly conversation dropped.

"What do you wanna talk about?"

"All those years ago..."

"Look, we were worried about you. We didn't know what else we could have done - "

"No offense Aayush, but you told my family. You know how long I had to pretend to them that everything was fine, that they didn't need to worry about me?"

"What did you want us to do, leave you drink yourself into oblivion?"

"You could have sat me down by yourselves! You could had warned me! Instead you all sat around and told me with how much I was screwing my life up! All Nora did was tell me how much Jacob would had been disappointed in me!"

"You're right, she shouldn't have said it like that." I tried reasoning, watching him as his face turned red, the aggression spilling over. " We didn't mean to phrase it like that - "

"Well that was how it was phrased! It's way too late to go back and change it!"

"Then why are you bringing it up if we can't change it?" I countered, unwilling to be a complete emotional punching bag. "Why did you up and run like that? You ran from your family when all they wanted to do - all we wanted to do - was to make sure you curbed the habit and got things back on track!"

He didn't immediately answer. Instead he looked off into the distance and into the completely foreign city.

"Maybe it was a mistake coming here."

Maybe it was." I agreed, hoisting my small bag over my shoulders before leaving the room. He didn't move from where he stood as I shut the door behind me, resigned. I left him be while I walked outside, trying to cool off. A small opening led down to a pathway, untouched. There was once a river to the left, but it had long since dried up, leaving only rocks and memories behind. The Toyonaka region looked barren and lifeless, especially when buildings glistened in the far-off distance. Still, Minowayutaka Park looked lovely, even if the branches were a little bare. It didn't stop a flock of kids from playing on the swings, their parents watching carefully over them. In an increasingly-digital world, it was nice to see little things like that. I always thought about being a father, especially when I saw how happy they looked, quite literally the future. I couldn't do it personally - and I don't think I ever could - but part of me always wondered what it would be like...

"You chose a nice little spot, didn't you?"

Noah racked up and stood beside me, completely unexpected. The earlier aggresion in his voice had vanished.

"It's a little bit away from civilization, yes. Could do with less of the crowds."

"Dhaka's a pretty packed city, yeah?"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

He sat on the ground, leaning against one of the trees and stared straight up at the sky. We didn't speak for a few moments, listening to the sound of children playing, the outside world momentarially forgotten.

"Forgot what it feels like to have a little peace and quiet."

I nodded. "Might as well appreciate it while we still can." This was still small-talk, and I was sure he was dancing around what we just talked about. A stray football came our way, narrowly missing his head while a five-year-old followed it, apologizing in Japanese as he gave us strange looks. His father followed not long after, himself apologizing. We laughed it off, grabbing our things as we headed back to the hotel. That was enough peace and quiet for one day.

"Noah?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry, about..."

"So are we, my friend. So are we."

We didn't need to say any more about it.

*

I wanted to visit the National Museum of Art in Osaka for a long time, even if the eventual journey ended up lasting an hour. I sat on the tram quietly while we trekked through the Shoni and Mikuni stations, admiring the scenery. A group of kids were busy on their phones, giggling at each other as they pointed at their screens. An elderly gentlemen - presumably their minder  - watched over them, a newspaper in his hand. Outside of my own company and the few customers that we drew, I hadn't seen a physical paper in someone's hand for a while now. There was so much information thrown at you - even here as projections took priority - that there was no need for them. I checked my E-mails while I waited, not particularly happy with any of them. My parents were pretty shy when it came to social media, so they wrote to me directly instead; Father had to go to hospital recently on account of his right knee. He was expected to make a full recovery, as far as a man with his condition can recover, anyway. He worked too hard all his life, and was paying the price for it now. I replied with my words of support, but they felt so empty on my phone. I only hoped they managed to get some weight out of them.

Noah sat alongside me, trying to get in touch with some friends he used to see in college. We spent the night talking about ourselves since we last saw each other; He had a girlfriend for a while but hated the entire relationship. It was a good thing he left when he did. We approached the building itself with time to spare. It was huge, giant steeltubes that extruded into the air, somehow looking more contemporary than the city that surrounded it. In a world of color and holographic projections, it stood out for its minimalism, itself a form of art. I took a few photos and sent them to my family, getting off the tram at the nearest stop. Nora wouldn't have a lot of time for us - preparing for the wedding, and everything - but the hour was more than enough. I couldn't wait to finally meet her again, to walk around and physically speak to her and see how much she really changed in the last decade. An enormous poster greeted me the second I walked through the front door, the word Babel the only word I could make out from the sea of umfamiliar kanji.

"Remind you of your work back in Seattle?" I asked.

"Fyre Art has nothing on this, not my kind of place though." He was unimpressed.

The exhibition changed dramtically from floor to floor; one was a lighting venue, neon lights dangling from the ceiling and portruding from the ground, while another installation was made completely out of paper, creating a three-dimensional piece once you stood far enough away. Photos were taken, messages were sent, and people came and went as they pleased, just as interested in the art as I was. Noah asked about tonight's food while we waited for Nora, and Rehan gave me the latest developments in the office.

"Guys?"

The voice was familiar, coming from the stairs. Nora Yamamoto finally arrived, her face framed with a heavy set of glasses, dressed entirely in black. She was a vision.

"I can't believe it!" I called out, opening my arms as I hugged her for the first time in far too long. She looked excited to see us, holding me as tightly as she could before she turned her attention towards Noah. The smile faltered, just a tiny bit. It was to be expected.

"Noah... You look great!"

"So do you." He responded, smirking. "You actually showed up. Prince Charming going to miss you much?"

"Trust me, he'll have plenty of time to deal with me once all of this is finished." She answered, walking around the exhibits. "You chose a nice spot to meet up, any of you a fan of post-modernism Japanese pieces?"

"I'd love to be, if you can guide us around for a bit?"

"Sorry, but I'm out of here pretty soon. You can walk around with me for a little while?"

We took her up on her offer, strolling through the rest of the building and glancing at the odd pieces that caught her eye. Her baby bump wasn't too noticeable with the color she was wearing, she joked about how she dropped her wallet on the way to work, trying to bend down and reach for it before eventually looking for help. Apparently the baby wasn't a fan of seafood, she couldn't stand the stuff anymore, and sushi was her favorite.

"Your work sounds heptic, you gonna be alright once the bundle of joy comes around?" Noah asked, pretending to be interested in a sculpture of two naked men, wrestling for control. I couldn't say it was my favorite piece either, there was just too much detail.

"It's going to be a challenge, but I'll make it work. I always do." If Nora was able to climb to the highest mountain in her company, she would be more than capable of being a mother. I had to admit, the chemistry between the three of us just wasn't the same as it used to be - although it had been a while since we were face-to-face - but the more we spoke the more things all started to come together again.

"Look, guys." He finally began, clearing his throat and making sure there weren't any other onlookers around. "I know I hadn't been the best friend to either of you, and honestly I'm lucky you still invited me at all. It's just... I'm sorry about everything that happened. Aayush put me on the straight and narrow."

"I bet he did." She chuckled, "It's OK. I'm just glad we have you back on our side. I missed talking to you!"

It was the most serene I had felt in a while, like a weight had been completely lifted off of my shoulders. When Nora regrettably had to go we followed her back to the front door, chatting about little things like her pre-wedding jitters and her fiance. We had yet to meet him, but he sounded very respectable.

Then out of the blue, Chari called me.

I hadn't seen his name in months, instantly worrying me. He was arrested alongside everybody else I knew in the Gōpana. I answered the phone, holding it to my ear. He didn't even give me a chance to say hello.

'You abandoned us.'

The call ended, creating a pit in my stomach. I suddenly felt a lot less serene, the art completely forgotten.

 

-Nora-

My wedding day was meant to be the most special moment of my life.

I couldn't say I thought about it all my life, but it was definitely something I looked forward to. I sketched the perfect dress when I was a kid, and even now I could still remember the exaggerated robes and the puffy sleeves, scrawled by a five-year-old. Even that would had been better than the dress I was wearing now. Mom frilled about at it, making sure it looked presentable on me. It really didn't matter, the maternity dress stuck out in all the wrong places, my stomach threatening to burst through the seams. I began to feel the baby kick inside, it horrified me.

"Try to look like you're excited for your wedding, dear!" She demanded, fixing the veil over my face. It didn't cover my disappointment.

"The majority of people attending are business executives and employees I barely speak to, if at all."

"The Mosefs flew in and checked in with us. They'll be there!"

Amongst all the chaos, I didn't have time to think about them. There weren't enough words to describe how happy I was to see the boys again, especially Noah. Just talking about little things that didn't really matter was enough to take my mind off of everything else. I forgot how much I melded into my job and my role, and they took me right out of it and made me feel like the girl from a decade ago. Unfortunately reality came right back, I didn't want to continue this pregnancy and the arguments I've had with Asashi showed an ugly side to him I wasn't even aware of. Even when he kissed me before I left work every morning, it seemed different. It seemed off.

But it was far too late to change things now.

I twirled in front of the full-length mirror, not at all happy with the choice. Unfortunately, it was the only option I had. We were going to need to perform a second ceremony in the future, just a close gathering away from the business papers, so I could actually have some decent wedding photos to hang up in the house. There was movement outside; the guests were beginning to arrive. The Oaska Umeda Church was the perfect size (almost deliberately too small) for my tastes, the entire room was beautiful, the altar stood against a backdrop of a large window, allowing light to peer inside. We also positioned the timing of the wedding to coincide perfectly with the sunrise in order to get the maximum possible amount of light. Peeping outside, I made out a few familiar faces. My friends weren't among them just yet.

"Your charming groom is on his way!" Dad stated, standing alongisde my mother as he looked at me through teary eyes.

"Isn't it bad luck to hear about the groom before the wedding?." I teased, grateful that I was at least making them happy. He absolutely adored the notion of becoming a grandfather, already asking me if his grandchild could stay over every so often, what name I had chosen and whether it was a boy or a girl. I played along as best I could. Asashi was going to look as handsome as ever, there was no denying that. I tried to think about the first time I saw him, to salvage some of the love I had for him, failing. This wasn't the way I envisioned things happening.

"Do you have it?" I asked, knowing that they would understand what I was talking about. It was Mom that reached into her handbag, opening a tiny sealed bag as she handed me the chip inside it. That chip contained the most important guest of all, so vital that I had it sealed in a safe in case it was misplaced or corrupted by dust. It was an outdated piece of hardware, but I had the machine necessary to play it.

I can't wait to see you, Jay.

A few hours passed while people came inside to wish me congradulations, Yuuto and his family offered me flowers, as did Reo and his mother. The boy was given a pair of our contacts as a way of thanks for his demonstration, you could see the excitement in his eyes as they darted from object to object, person to person. He focused on me and smiled, thanking me for giving him the ability to see again.

"You look great!" He called out.

"Really? Guess we'll have to calibrate those contacts a bit, they're obviously broken!" I joked, ruffling his hair. Touma smiled at her son, it was really great to have her here, especially after everything she'd done for me.

"Please don't lie to me and tell me I look great, because I don't!" I warned her. My Mom nudged me on the shoulder, visably annoyed, but my friend taught nothing of it.

"Would it make you feel better if I said you looked atrocious, then?"

"Yes, because at least you're laying me down gently."

Touma left me and my family to our devices not long after. She was left to pick up some of the other products currently made by Bijinesu while I was distracted with Kaito and business deals, she deserved a vacation the second I made it back to work. My father told me I was the most beautiful woman on the planet, but it was the look in his eyes that really sold it to me. I only wished I could see that myself.

Before too long, there was a quiet knock on the door. I knew who it was before they even came in. Aayush and Noah looked almost unrecognisable in their suits, different shades of jet-black and dark-navy that complimented each other really well. I had never seen Noah looking so smart.

"Wow Nora, you look...wow." That was the statement Aayush made to try and sell the idea that I looked good. I came down from my slight pedastal and hugged him as tightly as my body would allow me, not realizing exactly how delighted he was in my arms. When he let go, Noah leaned in closer, still slightly hesitant.

"Thank you...thank you both for coming!" I didn't know what happened, maybe it was because of the occasion, or maybe it was because I thought I'd never actually see him again, but I started crying, leaning into him and kissing him on the cheek when I did so. He was obviously caught off-guard, but eventually he hugged back.

"Glad to be here, Nora."

I wanted to say sorry for the intervention, for forcing him into a room with his friends and family, for not reaching out to him in the ten or so years since then. I tried blurting it out, but the words never came. He rubbed my back, telling me that it was OK. For the first time in a while, I really did feel OK.

"You didn't really miss me that much, did ya?" He eventually asked, cracking that same stupid grin he always had.

"No, I did that for comedic effect, of course I missed you that much!" My makeup was ruined on account of my spontaneous tears, but I didn't care. I walked over to the mirror and grabbed from makeup wipes, taking the blurry masscara off and reapplying another coat. "Look what you made me do! I have a wedding in an hour!"

"It's not my fault you're an emotional wreck!" It was like we were in Seattle, again, like the last ten years apart never happened. Dad told me of the time (we were much closer to the actual wedding than I thought) so my friends were ushered out to find their seats while I applied the finishing touches. My eyes were closed for a few seconds, taking deep breaths in and out.

It's time to go.

The music played, the doors were opened and everybody turned around to watch me, completely in awe.

My arm was linked with my father's, looking prouder than he had ever been with tears in his eyes. I didn't recognise a single person in the back row; they were mostly business executives in the Osaka provience from a variety of different companies, Kaito noticeably absent from them. I couldn't say I was disappointed. We moved slowly, almost blinded by the light from outside, my dress blending almost perfectly with the room. It was only when we moved closer to the altar when I recognized some people. Noah and Aayush were beaming with pride when they saw me, and I winked when I passed them. The Mosefs were seated just a few rows ahead of me. Evelyn in particular looked just like she had all those years ago... but it was the child beside her that made me stop for a second. The boy was no older than a toddler, but he had the biggest bush of hair I had ever seen. I stopped long enough for it to be noticeable, enough for my father to tug on my arm, wondering what's wrong. I kept walking, promising him that I was alright.

That boy was the splitting image of Jacob.

Asashi stood at the altar. For a few moments, I had forgotten about the fights that we had, the disagreements and the arguments, and saw the boy I fell in love with when I came back to Japan. Memories of being together almost flashed before my eyes when I moved, my cold feet forgotten. Maybe having a child wasn't a part of the plan, but maybe it could work. We would make it work, I was pretty stubborn like that.

"You look beautiful." He whispered when I joined him, I was tempted to make a face, but simply replied with a "Thank you." instead.

The priest was extremely elderly, haunched over with wrinkles set heavy in his face. When he spoke, he was warm and welcoming, thanking everyone for attending the ceremony today. He spoke about Asashi and I, our marraige in the eyes of God and the child we were about to have together. It was only when he mentioned that did the entire event sour a little. I looked into his eyes, he was the happiest he had ever been.

"Do you, Asashi Kobayashi, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do." He said with absolute certainty, slipping the ring around my finger. It was a perfect fit, glowing warmly in the sunlight. I absolutely loved it.

"And do you, Nora Yamamoto, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

I made my choice.

"I do."

*

It was cold outside, dark clouds peppering the sky and breaking the sunshine from time to time. It definitely grew a lot colder since we went into the church. (I wasn't a fan of omens) My new husband hugged me tightly, keeping me warm. His face was almost bright-red in excitement, it was impossible not to bask in it. Photos were taken; first of Asashi and I, followed by the addition of our parents. I threw the bouquet behind me, smiling for more pictures before heading towards our car. I didn't compromise when it came to the Harmonie Embrassee. Just the thought of the oysters on the menu made my mouth water. The rooms were booked and confrence hall reserved for us. I made sure the chip ended up in the right hands. This was my moment, I wanted it to go off without a hitch.

Asashi kissed me one last time for the cameras, before the doors were closed and we were ushered away. My legs were sore from standing, slightly swollen. I couldn't even massage them, so I stretched them out as we drove, hopefully not too long of a journey if traffic was light.

"That was... incredible." He whispered, squeezing my hand. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"I know." I bumped his shoulder, kissing him on the cheek when he least expected it. I forgot about this, when we just fooled around like kids, before real life got in the way. It was like the last few months never happened, like the arguments didn't exist. I breathed in deep, held it in my lungs for a few seconds, and let it out slowly.

The hotel stood as impressively as it always had, giant concrete pillars that extruded from the ground and into the sky. I arched my neck to get a better look from my door seat, the honeymoon suite at the very top floor. The view was going to be beautiful. I couldn't wait to see my friends again.

I thought about that little boy again, the Mosef who looked exactly like Jacob.

Reception was beautiful, full of quilted leather sofas, a giant chandelier cascading from the ceiling and almost touching the ground. The place began to fill with guests of ours while we checked in. Touma, Ichika and a few other girls from work told me I looked beautiful at the altar. A few executives wished me luck on my maternity leave, the usual mandatory exchanges that I wasn't really interested in. My legs were pretty tired, forcing me to find on of those recliner seats to lounge in.

"Nora?"

Evelyn hovered over to me, her little boy holdig her hand for dear life. He was the cutest little thing, smiling when he saw me, big green eyes peeping out of his hair.

"I'd stand up to hug you, I really would!" I joked.

"You stay right there and rest your feet, I know how you feel!" She replied, sitting across from me. Her dress was a dark red, completely beautiful. The rest of the crowd suddenly faded into the background, forgotten.

"Evelyn, he's the cutest little boy!" I squeamed, watching as he sat on the ground, looking up at the grown-ups around him and laughing to himself.

"Malcolm, say hello to Nora! Tell her how pretty she looks!"

"Pretty!" He yelled, pointing at me. He wasn't shy at all, running straight towards me and pointing at my stomach.

"Why is she so fat?"

His mother turned bright red, almost matching the color of her dress. "Behave!"

"You wanna know why I'm so fat?" I asked, catching his attention immediately, "It's because I eat little boys for breakfast!"

"I'm too big!" He told me, running back to his mom when I pretended to grab him, having the time of his life. He kept coming over to me, running back when I moved. He was an absolute angel.

"He looks just like him..." I didn't know if that was the right thing to say or not, but there was no denying it. I could see him to grow up to be just as goofy and warm as his brother. Just the thought of it was enough to make my eyes water. She agreed with me, and we both just watched him play for a little while. She handed him her tablet when he grew a little bored, the boy was content with slumping to the ground as he watched cartoons.

"Evelyn?"

"Hmm?"

"For the dinner... I'll be playing a clip that he made. I just wanted to make sure if..."

"Nora, we'll be fine. You've held onto it all this time. Play it."

"Thank you." I was fighting back real tears now. Malcolm asked his mom why I was crying, I told him that I ate too many little children today. Before too long, Asashi came back to me, complimenting Mrs. Mosef on her dress. He leaned down to get a high-five from Malcolm, who just stared at him like he was an alien.

"Everything's taken care of, you think you can walk to our table?"

"Not in one stride, no. Am I able to take a few pit stops along the way?"

"Of course, darling." He cooed, kissing me lightly on the cheek and helping me to my feet. The short rest didn't really help, they were as sore as ever.

"We'll see you in there." Evelyn promised, hoisting her son into her arms. I thanked her.

The conference hall was huge, another massive chandelier coated the ceiling, bouquets of peomies and roses dotted on every table. The lights were dimmed exactly the way I wanted them, guests were pouring in to take their seats, and the Urakasumi Junmai Sake was ready to be poured into willing wine glasses. A few more colleagues and women congradulated me, but I wasn't too interested in them. Noah and Aayush were on the other end of the hall, the two friends I wanted to see more than anyone. Aayush looked afraid, like he thought I was about to fall over.

"You doing OK there, champ?" Noah asked, taking that fear a step further. I shot him a glare that made him smirk that usual Noah smirk, but Aayush was unimpressed.

"I can handle myself, not going to fall at my own wedding!"

"Would make a great addition to the wedding video, though."

"Clocking you out in the middle of the floor would be great too!"

"Woah, the CEO threatening to physically assault an innocent man? I can see the headlines now!"

"I regret inviting you, Noah."

"Love you too." He replied, leaning in to hug me. Aayush did the same, the three of us huddling in the middle of the floor. Hidden from evrybody else, I breathed a sigh of relief, a temporary respite before the rest of this wedding began.

"You ready to see him again?" They knew what I was talking about. They nodded in unison. It was time.

Asashi helped me to my seat at the front of the hall (my feet were threatening to give way by the end of it) while the food was ordered and the starters were sent out. I grabbed my food and wolfed it down, not realising how hungry I was until I saw the plate in front of me. If I terrified my new husband, he didn't show any sign of it. My family were seated beside me, the rest of my aunts and uncles dotted near the front. They took plenty of photographs, something that still bothered me. I swore that as soon as we were out of sight I was going to rip the dress apart, never to be seen again. Our main course arrived; sirloin steak with plenty of red rice. Fish options were readily available for guests, but I could only focus on the medium-rare piece of meat in front of me. I tried to restrain myself, I really did.

It was my day, screw everybody else.

My Dad stood up once our main course was well and truly underway, tapping his wine glass with the spoon. All chatter stopped. I had rehearsed this with him, I knew it was time.

"On behalf of my lovely daughter, and the newest member of our family, I would like to thank you for joining us on this very special day."

He wrote his speech sparingly, a little piece each day. He would always call me about it when we both had time to speak, though I promised him not to tell me anything about it. Still, when he spoke it felt like the cumilation of many months of planning, bringing him to tears. He spoke about his only daughter, how he watched me grow up in front of his eyes, and the accomplishments I had made. He spoke about Asashi, how he was a genuinely handsome man and how he was proud to call him his son. There was a round of applause, with my Mom taking the lead. She spoke about the time when I came back to Japan, after spending years in Seattle for University. She told everybody about how nervous I was before setting off, and how I came back more confident than she had ever seen me. Today, right at that moment, she told me of how much I've grown yet again, and how she loved me. Her eyes crinkled when she smiled, something that wasn't there before, while her hair was beginning to show the slightest hint of grey. I loved her more than almost anything else on the planet, tears once again in my eyes. His family made their own speeches, praising Asashi for choosing someone as beautiful as I was (naturally) and wishing us luck in our own little family. I looked at him when they said that, his cheeks slightly red, turning back to face me.

It was time.

The lights dimmed entirely, only faintly focusing on me. Only a select few people knew what I was about to do next. Asashi and Dad helped me to stand up, my feet absolutely killing me now. All eyes were on me, my two friends the most prominent out of all of them alongside the Mosefs.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, you have no idea how much it means for you all to be here." I'm sure they all heard the cracks in my voice. "I want to thank my parents for their absolutely beautiful speech, and for the Kobayashis were accepting me as one of their own. What really touched me throughout the day was just how many people were brought together for the occasion; I have friends and former colleagues from around the globe, representatives for both Bijinesu and companies from all over Japan, I've met and greeted you all personally, both professional and casual, and you have no idea what it feels like to see each and every one of you right now."

They began clapping, but I wasn't finished.

"Now, I wanted to introduce somebody who meant so much to me... unfortunately..."

My voice completely broke. I steeled myself and looked back at the crowd, at the Mosefs specifically. I could just about make Malcolm out, his great big eyes still transfixed on me. I swallowed and tried again.

"I wanted to introduce somebody who meant so much to me. Unfortunately he can't be here today, but he made this so that he could still be my best man. If you please, I would like to introduce you to Jacob Mosef."

The lights died suddenly, covered in complete darkness for a few moments. I waited for the clip to play, my heart pounding. I had no idea with what he was going to say, neither did anybody else. I could feel my friend's eyes at the back of my head, watching me. A projection winked into life, a blurry image to begin with but slowly turning sharper. The boy in the video looked different from the boy in the last clip; this particular version of Jacob was in his new hospital bed, right after he recieved his diagnosis. He sat upright in his bed, his legs covered by the blanket, yet he wore a pitch-black suit with a dinky red bowtie.

He also wore tubes in his nose.

I remembered Jacob falling pretty far, pretty fast. I just didn't realize that we were going to see this happen.

'Hello?'

His voice rang clear across the hall, surprising quite a lot of people. Most wouldn't realize why there was a sickly boy on the screen right now, and how much this recording meant to me.

'Well... for those who don't know, my name's Jacob, I'm Nora's Maid of Honor...sorry, it's kinda hard to talk considering I'm not really there right now. How long has it been now? God, I'm mumbling. Gimme a sec.' He sat up in his bed, though it obviously pained him to do it. We saw the struggle in his eyes, though he kept smiling for the camera. A pair of arms came into the shot (Evelyn's, there was no doubt about it) helping him. He as a little embarrassed by that.

'I should have prepared a speech, huh? Well, I want to start by talking about the star of the show! I first met her in college, way back in the day. Those four years were filled with adventures and highs and lows; there was actually one story I wanted to talk about... she's going to kill me.' I didn't realize what story he was talking about, racking my brain for anything particularly embarrasing until it was too late. 'So let's set the scene; four of us decide to go off to Italy for the summer. We just finished our semester and Aayush - I hope he's here - wanted to go to Modena. So we head over there - it was my first time travelling abroad with friends - and we go look at the sights and take the photos, the usual thing tourists do. Thing was, the drink over in Italy was a bit different to what we have here, and I didn't really drink until I went over there.' (Jacob!) 'We all have a bit too much, and I go missing. They all go searching for me during the night - drunk, by the way - and they find me by the Piazza Grande cathedral, passed out.'

The Mosefs looked horrified, Evelyn in particular. This was obviously the first time they found out about it.

'The point of my rambling is that Nora combed the entire city looking for me, yelling in broken Italian and terrorizing the poor locals until they found me. Even looked after me when I woke up the next day with the mother of all hangovers. Gave me a different meaning to the words 'Momma Mia!' I know she will do whatever it takes to look after the people she's close to, which is good news for the groom!'

Asashi squeezed my hand a little, holding me a little closer. I didn't realize he looked at me that fondly.

'Well, I've probably used up enough of your time, considering you probably want to eat and stuff (A few laughs came from the crowd) but I just wanted to let you know that I would had given anything to be there with you today, absolutely anything. Just know that I'm looking down right now, probably critiquing your dress ( A few more laughs) and that I'm so proud of you right now. Please remember that.' 

The recording ended, the lights immediately turned back on. There was a round of applause from the guests, obviously taken aback by what they just witnessed. I leaned into Asashi and kissed him as hard as he could, taking him by surprise. I was going to enjoy the rest of the evening, because I knew that somewhere out there, that boy was genuinely watching me.

He was right about critiquing the godamn dress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17: Chapter 16 - Business & Family

-Nora-
-40 Years Old-

My eyes hurt from lack of sleep, not even coffee was enough to stave off the exhaustion. The circles under my eyes started a few years ago, something I wanted to change at all costs. I bought the most expensive moistourisers, I was careful about the diet I had, but there was only so much that can be done when stress was the one major factor. Every morning I would wake up and look in the mirror, and every day it became a little more apparent.

Then my daughter would cry in her room, looking for her bottle, and my useless husband would sleep through it all, oblivious. That was the routine for the last few years; making sure Lili was dressed and fed and ready for kindergarten, which then turned into elementry school once she grew older. The cries turned into whining, whether she was too hot or too cold, what clothes she wanted to wear (we both knew she had to wear the uniform, but she hated it with a passion) and every other thing imaginable. Asashi was the same, always cribing about something or someone, effectively a child in his own right.

Then, once I made it into work, I had to deal with everyone else's problems there, too.

Bijinesu experienced a few drastic bumps in the road recently, quite a number of products sold failed to meet expectations, though our Sesshoku lenses still sold reasonably well in the late stage of their life-cycle. (some intern at the marketing department had a field day with that name, playing it both as physical contact and contact lenses at the same time) The pairing with Gijutsu had been an unmitigated disaster, years worth of defective products and faulty manufacturing lines that led me to the decision to break the contract. I physically spent more than a year sitting in court with the best damn lawyers I could find, dealing with both Gijutsu and the reporters, and that was before the emergence of many new tech companies, all looking to bite into our profit margins.

One coffee wasn't going to be enough.

At least our workplace looked better than ever; holographic projection had moved on leaps and bounds in the last five years, I recently comissioned a brand-new (and expensive) set for our front office. It didn't need any sort of background screen to project from, a truly three-dimensional image. It remained one of our greatest achievements, with significant profits generated from it. Unfortunately, even that wasn't enough to offset the R&D needed to keep the company afloat for longer than a few years, and shareholders needed to be appeased.

"Nora!"

Itsuki ran towards me, his face red. The man was a recent hiring, but had already proven his weight in gold. It was a good thing that he made it on time, though. I wasn't in a position to wait.

"It's not good news, so just tell me." It was never good news, not in the past twelve months, anyway. His hair was a mess from all that running, we swept it aside while catching his breath.

"They're appealing the court decision."

"Of course they are." It was only a matter of time before Gijutsu would manuever to appeal that, so now we had to go back into court and spend more money in trying to fight our case. We needed to protect our profit margins, and this entire nuisance was eating into our funds. I swore at Kaito's name, wishing I never signed a damn contract with the man.

"You need anything?"

"You're not my intern, you don't need to run around like my errand boy." I told him, a hint of unintentional venom in my voice, completely misdirected at him. "Do I look alright?"

"You look great!"

"Do I look like I have everything together? These people are like sharks, they latch onto any hint of blood in the water."

"I mean... excuse me?"

"Sorry, just rambling to myself. Where's Ichika?" She had the nerve to mount a vote of no confidence a year ago, and I made sure I buried her so far down the food chain that she would never be able to do such a thing again. Still, it wasn't entirely unexpected, there was a reason why she stuck by me for more than five years, and it wasn't because we were particularly close.

"She's on her way up. Why did you request her again?"

"Because she was in charge of projecting business growth, and I hope she did it incorrectly so I'd have an excuse to fire her. That was said strictly off-the-record, by the way."

"Nothing's on record with me, Nora."

"I hope not."

We grabbed the nearest elevator and moved slowly upwards. The sun peered through the clouds, brightening the entire workplace. Our walls were eventually replaced with reinforced self-tinting glass, people in black suits moving benath us like ants. I remembered being one of those ants all those years ago, a part of me missed the naivety of it all, when all I worried about was making the rent and what kind of coffee I wanted to have. The entire company rested on my shoulders, and had been for far too long. My eyes were closed, focusing only on the movement of the elevator. It was going to be a tough day.

We strode towards Conference Room #4, notorious for a number of reasons. I made it a habit of terminating contracts in that one room, and once word of that spread across the workplace it was a place that was feared and revered in equal measure. The irony was not lost on me as I approached its doors, but I was the one who created the rule, so I was the one who could break it if needed.

It looked the same as it always had, though the usual projector was also replaced with the up-to-date model. Everything else was untouched since I first started there, right down to the same mogohony conference table, an eyesore when it was installed and an eyesore now. Ichika was nowhere to be seen, but I wasn't going to go into that damn room until she arrived and took the brunt of their anger with me. There wasn't enough coffee on the damn planet to get me through this.

"Call her if you have to." I growled to the unfortunate man beside me. "She's not bailing from this one."

He did what he was told, holding the phone to his ear and pacing the corridor furiously.

"A busy tone."

"Then she's fired as soon as I walk back out those doors. Screw it, I'm going to have to do this without her. Get to work on your assignments and report back to me this afternoon."

I didn't even look at his reaction, because I was already late to this meeting as it was. I took in a deep breath, ignored the tingling feeling in my fingers from the stress (or caffiene, I really wasn't sure what caused it nowadays) and walked inside. It was as miserable as expected; every single person seated at that table were elderly, white men. They all looked like relics, extremely old but the kind of people who saved enough money in their lives to buy shares like this. They all looked at me with the usual doubt and skepticism in their eyes, the kind I had come to deflect time and time again. This time was different. This time they had every reason to be doubtful and skeptical.

"Sorry I'm late. A colleague has decided not to grace us with her presence. She will be dealt with accordingly."

One of them looked particularly aggresive, like he was about to shout at me. His glasses were old-fashioned, big lenses that looked so heavy I was surprised the bridge of his nose could support it at all. He was probably angry that he lost money, like nobody had told him about the risks of buying shares in a publicly-traded company.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked, not in the mood to stand here and watch him snarl for the rest of the presentation. He shook his head, but the snarl continued.

"Right, well I'm going to be upfront and honest with you. We've had to downgrade our profit expectations for the third quarter. Both hardware and software sales have declined over the past twelve months, and even our Sesshoku lenses sales have slowed. They've stalled because of thirdy-party competitors releasing their own knock-off versions of the devices."

"This is the third straight meeting where you've shown a decrease in your company's estimations." One of them commented, a European stock investor named Trevor, always getting on my nerves whenever I shared the same air as him. "At the rate this is going, there won't be any profit margins left."

"How exactly are you going to turn the ship around?" The man with the scowl replied, gravel in his voice. I didn't catch his name and I hoped I never would.

"There are a number of contigency plans in place, some of those will come in a number of layoffs for non-essential personnel-"

"You're firing workers?"

"We need to slow the rate of our losses, unfortunately that results in some sacrifices for the company."

"You have a pretty fat paycheck yourself." Trevor commented. That remark rubbed me the wrong way.

"I had taken a 60% pay cut in order to facilitate this contingency plan." I growled. "Do not paint me as cold and uncaring, because I'm not."

The rest of that meeting went about as dryly as intended. I answered all of their questions, but without Ichika I didn't have the numbers to back up my words. I could feel my face burn as they tore into me, and then came the revelation: They were planning on selling their stock in the company. I told them they were free to do what they wished, and that Bijinesu would return to profitability without them. When I left that conference hall, I marched straight towards my office, closed the sound-insulated door, and screamed at the top of my lungs.

It wasn't the first time I had done it.

*

The drive home changed over the past few years.

Instead of the buildings that tore into the sky, catching my eye, it was the holograms that commanded my attention now. Technology had moved forward at such a frightening rate it scared me, threatening to run past me and leave me behind. Advertisements were no longer confined to a set space, posters could now be as tall as the skyscrapers themselves, so breathtakingly real that the government had to put a curfew in place as to how long they could run throughout the day. More than a few traffic accidents were caused because of a new Playboy or Sports Illustrated feature, and I would have lied if I said I wasn't one of them. There were no amount of projections that could distract me from the burning pit in my stomach, though. Papers and business articles were already running our estimates, a major company that is simply failing to move with the times, at the mercy of smaller, hungry cooperations that wanted a slice of the technological pie. I made it a rule to banish any business thoughts the second I got into my car, so I forced myself to think about literally anything else.

Naturally, I thought of Lili.

My little girl was at home at the moment, probably coloring on her Dad's tablet. She took after him a lot, right down to the way she smiled and talked. Her drawings were printed and decorated the fridge. I wanted her to experience things before we lost her to more digital devices, but Asahi didn't think anything of it.

He didn't think much of anything these days.

My Honda was outside our front door, it's front wheel missing. the S660 was looking worn and rusted, especially around the wheel arches. I wondered what my Dad would have thought of it, watching what was essentially my graduation present eroding away. I silently asked him to forgive me...

Rain poured by the time I made it home, adding an exclamation point to an already miserable day. The living room was lovely and warm when I actually made it inside, and for a few seconds I forgot about everything that happened over the past twelve hours.

"Hahaoya!"

My little girl screamed the word over and over again, tackling me. My peace and quiet for the day was over.

"Did you do your homework for Touchan?"

"Daddy has a headache, he couldn't help!"

"It sounds like your Touchan made a little white lie!" I replied, kissing her lightly on the forehead and watching her little eyes light up. I couldn't believe that she had already turned eight, a lifetime ago. She had a habit of running into furniture, the girl had no co-ordination whatsoever. I had to tell her to walk when she (inevitably) started running towards her father. Asashi scooped her up in his arms, twirling her around in his arms while I looked on. He certainly looked a lot better now.

"Lili hasn't gotten her homework done yet." I cooed, using the same tone of voice I used for our daughter. He hated that. I didn't care.

"Come on, Lili-pond. Mommy will give out to us if we don't finish your coloring." He told her. I was always made out to be the bad guy out of the both of us. I lounged back in my chair and slipped out of my heels while they grabbed her books. I used to have so much energy, now it took three to five cups of coffee just to keep me sane. I closed my eyes and napped by the fire for a little while, the heat stroking the right-hand side of my face. She was too loud for me to completely doze off, and that was the problem. I lost years of sleep to that little girl, and she showed absolutely no signs of stopping soon. Her screaming (she didn't want to sit down in one spot and it annoyed her) forced my eyes open. It didn't matter if she was happy, excited, angry or sad, the shrill was the same. I closed the door that seperated me from them, trying desperately to catch a break. A glass of wine was poured, well-deserved after today.

He forgot my birthday.

My forties were looking at me, dead in the eye. I had all the money in the world (I could retire tomorrow and I had enough to see me and my family through) but it always felt like it didn't matter. If I could trade my currency for more time, I'd throw it all away. My twenties were a distant memory, all excitement about my future vanished. Now I was terrified whenever my legs started to ache or when another grey hair was found in the morning.

Lili barged through the door, playing a game of catch with her father, even when he didn't want to be a part of it. She screamed so close to my ear I swore I turned deaf, a great big smile plastered on her face.

"Lili, please finish your homework." I told her. She shook her head, thinking this was part of the game. It wasn't.

"Lili."

Again, she shook her head. I was losing my temper now.

"Lili, do your homework right now or I'm going to get mad."

She stuck her tongue out like a dog, panting. So that was the game she was playing. A part of me snapped, no patience left.

"LILI! NOW!"

It was harsh. It was completely undeserved and unprovoked, and sure enough she started crying, which only made her louder. Her father held her hand and walked her back into the living room, but his eyes were locked onto me, and they looked at me coldly.

It hit 9pm by the time she was sent up to bed. Naturally enough she wanted nothing to do with me, walking up the stairs herself. I should had been proud of her, being a big girl and going upstairs when she was told. I didn't feel anything like that. We heard her bedroom door being closed upstairs before Asashi spoke.

"You're going to need to stop bringing your crap from work home with you."

"You don't understand what kind of crap from work I go through."

"And I don't care! You shouted at her like one of your damn employees."

"First of all, I don't do that. Second, she was too loud, she needs to be taught that screaming for every little thing is completely unacceptable."

"Unacceptable? She's our daughter, Nora!"

"I'm not going through this again tonight, I'm just not." I countered, grabbing another glss of wine. Asashi followed me into the room, unimpressed.

"You go to work every morning, and leave me here to mind the house and Lili all day. Then, you come home absolutely miserable, and we go through the same old dance night in and night out. You're not even trying for another - "

"I have had one child and that is all that I'm having." I stamped out the end of his sentence, "I told you what would happen if you brought that up again."

"She needs a sibling, like - "

"You want a large family, this is about what you want, and you knew from the very beginning with me that we weren't going to have lots of kids."

"There you go again, retreating back into your business persona. Don't think I don't know when you're hiding from a conversation!"

"Screw you!" I turned to leave but he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, catching me off-guard.

"You made me quit my job, don't say that to me again."

"I never made you quit! I had no problem hiring a nanny for her!"

"Letting a stranger look after our girl? Not a chance!"

"There it is, it was your decision to quit your job to stay at home. Touch me like that again, though, and you'll be sorry."

"Will I?"

He recoiled a little bit from that, probably aware of how I took that. Still, he gave me the same cold glare, I was used to it by now.

"You didn't even get me a card, did you?"

He was clearly puzzled by that. "Card?"

"You completely forgot, didn't you?" I didn't stick around to see his eureka moment, I shuffled past him and and headed upstairs to the bedroom, to the one person who would never forget my birthday.

"Nora!" It clicked, but I was gone.

I slouched to the ground when the door was shut, sitting on the carpet and closing my eyes. It had been like his ever since Lili was born, all intimacy was lost, our entire lives deticated to that child. I needed an emergency cesarean section, the scar was forever imprinted on my body, a daily reminder. I spent so much energy on the company and on my family that I didn't have any time for myself, and now both of those were falling apart in front of me. When I finished moping around I went towards the wardrobe, where the rest of Jacob's recordings were housed. There was only a handful of them left, something which made me nervous. It had been so long since he passed away, but he was always there in some shape or form. I didn't know how I would react when I finally played his final recording, when he was well and truly gone. I could play them again, but they would be past memories, just like him. I blindly reached for the box they were in... and they weren't there. I switched on the light and combed through the entire wardrobe space, hunting for them. The box was nowhere to be found, the entire wardrobe cleaned out or rearranged in some shape of form.

Asashi.

I stormed out of the room, not even pretending to cover my absolute rage, finding him reclining on the sofa again watching TV.

"You!"

"What now?"

He began to stand up, but I pushed him back onto his ass.

"Where are Jacob's recordings?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"You cleaned the wardrobe!"

"So?"

"You found a box? Small, dusty?"

"Yeah, I..." Something seemed to register, his eyes widening in horror.

"You threw the box out."

He didn't speak.

"The garbage disposal came around this morning, didn't they?"

"I'm..."

I grabbed my coat and the first pair of flats I could find, storming out the door and leaving my miserable excuse for a husband behind. I rushed towards my car and slammed the door shut, pummeling my fists against the dashboard in anger. They stung with the impact, but I gritted my teeth and put up with it as the engine started. I was going to kill him, to literally serve time in prison for murdering him. I had never been as angry as I did in that moment, dashing out our runway and towards the nearest recycling plant. The 今宮動物園 was near Imamiya Station, A simple garbage dump when I first moved back, now an entire factory that rose five storeys. All garbage for Umedu was processed in a handful of similar factories, so when I slamed on the brakes and parked on the curb I hoped that was the place our rubbish went to. I needed those memories of him more than anything else, I just couldn't afford to lose my one connection to Jacob!

The factory worker was obviously surprised to see me, but I grabbed onto his overalls for dear life.

"You got to help me! We threw something valuable out and we need to get it back! Do you seperate rubbish into local areas?"

"Ma'am, please let me go!" He cried out, afraid of the crazy woman who sprang up on him. I reigned myself back in a bit, trying to maintain some sort of professionalism.

"I... lost something of extreme sentimental value. Our rubbish was taken this morning, and we live in the south-west umedu area. Can you help me?"

"You're on private property, you need to leave!"

"All I need to know is did you incinerate today's rubbish yet?"

"No, but - "

"Then can you help me?"

He told me to wait so he could get some boys around, and when they did they threatened to call the police if I didn't leave the property. I reasoned with them, telling them who I was and personally paying them a week's wages if they could help me. Money talked far too much in the city as it was, but my hands were tied. Eventually they relented, but not before handing me a visability jacket and hat. They signed me in (which took an absolute age, considering that rubbish was being incinarated in front of my eyes) but once all of that was done, they guided me towards the latest rubbish heap. The stench was mind-boggling, forcing me to gag, but I kept it together and followed them to a worringly-large pile of trash on the ground, large enough to occupy two storeys by itself.

"This is it." One of them said to me, "Today's pile from the south-west Umedu area. How big is the item?"

"It barely fits the palm of my hand." I whispered, more to myself than to them, realizing how futile this all was. I was never going to find something so small in a pile that large.

Until I realized that this was still Jacob, and he would have absolutely done the same for me.

"Can I have some gloves?"

"You're not serious?"

"I need to try."

To their credit, they helped me for the first half an hour, combing through the bottom layer of the rubbish, past bags and crisps to large appliances like broken dishwashers. It was extremely dangerous navigating through it all, knowing that something could drop at a moment's notice. These men were as good as fired if they got caught, though I made a note to hire them if that ever happened. They risked their jobs enough as it was.

Something caught my eye; a simple pink ribbon that was used to tie a bag together. They were the exclusive brand we used at home, daring myself to hope. I lunged for it, extracting it from its place and tearing it open, throwing out the contents that didn't matter.

There, lying at the very bottom of the bag, was the box.

I reached for it, opening it slowly to make sure the contents were still inside (they were) and I sank to my knees and cried with relief, forgeting that there were five or six men looking at me uncomfortably. I thanked them for their servies, offering them my business contact details should they ever need a guaranteed position in my company. Entirely grateful, I reclined back into my driver's seat, the stench of rubbish still hanging off of me.

The box was at the very bottom of the bag.

That box was the very first thing that Asashi threw out.

Asashi knew what was inside the box.

 

18: Chapter 17 - বেহুদা

-Aayush-
-41 Years Old-

There were tales inside the Old Central Jail, where visitors who walked through its doors never came out again. There were different reasons for this depending on who was spinning the tale; they liked to check the background files on anybody who entered, immediately arresting them for crimes they may - or may not - have commited. Others simply claimed they went mad once they saw the conditions. I hadn't encountered either scenario, but my guard was constantly up just in case.

I shuffled through the long corridors of the recently-refurbished building, still somehow looking as dreary as possible despite the huge investment put in. The Samājatāntrika had thrown vast sums of money in improving the prison infrastructure, at least three of them built in each city. They arrested and detained people so much that they deemed it necessary. Now they just peppered the horizon, distilling fear and talk.

I was just one man. I couldn't do it on my own.

The officers on either side of me could arrest me in an instant. They had access to all my social media and messaging. I was still connected to the Gōpana - albeit in a diplomatic capacity - so it felt like they were glaring at me, ready to make their move. My left knee buckled slightly, still giving me trouble. I was just getting old, something which seemed so trivial to me. I just assumed I would always have the energy to do this, it was funny how it crept up on you.

Aapti was kept in the same cell for the last seven or eight years. The bars were still made of the same crude iron, the same pale window offering her the only glimpse of the city she tried to save. Even after all this time, she still refused to speak to me. I only came in so she could take advantage of the visitor room. Every single time I came, I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to apologize for abandoning her all those years ago. She was absolutely right, diplomacy got us nowhere, and the elections were corrupted because of it. They seized everything; from the press and media to the hardware and software industries. People were nothing more than common fodder, children growing up to become nothing more than workers.

One of the guards said something under their breath, like he could read my thoughts and was voicing his disapproval. The only reason why I wasn't common fodder was because I was running for election. It was a small position, but I needed to be in a position of power before I could change anything, even if it meant starting off small. Maybe they knew what was going on, maybe they didn't, but all those thoughts melted away when I was escorted into the visitor room.

It was a generous-sized room, as modern as it could be, laced with holographic projections of -offline- content. It was mostly for the visitor's benefit than the prisoners, fancy dress compared to the rest of the buildings. Aapti sat in her assigned seating, surrounded by other inmates, their orange jumpsuits breaking the white clean aesthetic. Her face turned gaunt recently, lines across her face that just weren't there before. Her hair looked more like straw now, tied back as tightly as possible. There were cameras watching our every move, so when I took my seat and leaned in forward, I made sure to look as natural as possible. She didn't respond.

"Hey." She didn't answer that, either. I looked around at the projections in place, at the propaganda symbols in place, the virtual brochure for our breathtaking country. It showed wildlife that we killed off over the last fifteen years, sights of forests and towns that had since been leveled, and the smiling faces of men and women who were paid to be there. It seemed to be working, the tourism industry was just as large as it always was.

"Not much to watch these days." Still no response. Aapti seemed pretty occupied herself, looking at the ground and burying her thumb nail into her finger, distracting herself. She was completely broken.

"I'm sorry."

It couldn't be helped, I just had to say it again. Her expression didn't change when I said it. She'd heard those words before. I wanted to tell her that anyway. Chari was nowhere to be found in Bangledesh. Come to think of it, I didn't even know what happened to the others. They could out me at any time. I could just as easily have been on the other side of that table with her, dressed in the same orange jumpsuit. I wanted to tell her how much I was fighting to get her out, to be in a position where I would overlook that facility. I couldn't - the cameras would pick it up - so I promised her that everything would be okay. Her attention turned to me then, her gaze burning.

She hated me. I understood.

She roamed around the room while I stared at my phone, passing the time. A mixture of virtual and real lighting brightened the already well-lit room, bulletproof glass coating every single window. I remembered when work was carried out for the crumbling building, when remnants of the Gōpana revolted against the construction work being carried out. They actually went too far and caused a part of the scaffolding to collapse, instantly killing three people and injuring dozens of others. After that, things got a lot worse. They had no problem showing the footage - the exact moments those poor people broke their necks - to remind us of the horror they commited. It made my decision to run for office under the name of the Gōpana all the more suprising. They were planning something, another reason why I was as careful as I was. I didn't know what they did to the girl in front of me, there weren't any bruises on her, but something was done to turn her from that fearless woman who dreamt of a revolution into the quiet shadow she was now. When she sat beside me again, her eyes seemed glazed over, like she was focusing on something else entirely.

"I'll be back." I promised her. Different officers arrived, escorting me out of the premises. She stared at me the entire time, right up until the doors were shut behind me.

I'm sorry.

*

Dhali was waiting for me outside, dark glasses covering his eyes from the sun. I just nodded, that was all he needed to know. The guy had just flown in from New York, which was a nightmare in itself. His luggage was searched through, his laptop and phone chipped to supress its services. He told me how dystopian Dhaka had become, I warned him to keep his voice down when out in public. It was only when we were in the safety of his car did he feel the need to speak.

"A lot has changed since we last spoke, brother."

"Too much, unfortunately. We told you to stay home."

"I have the right to visit my family. If these -"

"Dhali, please."

"If they have a problem with that, they know where they can politely shove it. I'm getting everything set up for Mother and Papa. Can't make any promises, though."

It was a carefully orchestrated plan, almost entirely carried off by my brother, something I was proud of. He wanted them to move to the states with him, the embassy had been in contact and their passports updated and renewed in record time. They needed to get out of the country, especially when the Samājatāntrika withdrew my father's allowances and expected him to take up work again. The poor man's back had been haunched over so much that he could barely stand, let alone take up physical labour. Our car drove for the next few miles, with Dhaka passing us by. There were three types of buildings in the city in my eyes; the first bunch were those that stood in my childhood, before I flew off to Seattle for my Political Science degree. The second group - reasonably worn down but well-maintained - belonged to the period before the Samājatāntrika consolidated control, and the brand-new and in-development examples belonged afterward. There were stark architectural differences, the clear and airy glass-dominated skyscrapers making way for a more brutilist use of concrete that closely resembled prisons of old. It bothered me, as it did my brother.

"It's never going to return to what it was, Aayush." He only said my name when he said something serious. "If you were smart, you'd leave too."

"Not a lot of people have that opportunity here, I can't just leave them behind."

"Sounds like you're wasting the very opportunity you wish these people had."

"I'm running for office, Dhali."

"The way I see it, there's two different outcomes with that; The first, you get elected, and they stab you in the back for your work with the Gōpana. The second... you become a part of them. You work within guidelines and laws set by them, and you eventually become a cog in the system. There is no third option."

My knee continued to hurt, I needed to go to the doctor for it. A part of me insisted that it would eventually go away by itself, but our father had the same idea, and it didn't end well for him. I mulled his words carefully, because they made a lot of sense, though I was loathe to admit it.

"There is always another option. I'll figure it out somehow."

"I'm not sure if we'll have a chance to do this again."

"You won't need to."

"Why are you such a stubborn old man about all of this?"

"Because I care about the people!" I called out, surprising him. I thought he'd stop the car entirely.

"You care too much."

Maybe I did, but it was better than the other side of that coin.

Their neighborhood had deteriorated in the last few years. Only a fool could ignore the petty crime that had emerged in the underbelly of the city, operating even under the PuliÅ›a's watch. I remembered their promise to refurbish the area, another lie to add to the sea of them they collected. Black smoke from dirty and obselete chimneys filled the air, houses were they failed to move from peat and coal to electricial heating. We kept our eyes fixed on the front windscreen, just in case we looked at the officers the wrong way.

We soon realized that it didn't matter.

Ahead of us, a pair of them were busy apprehending a few teenagers; they didn't look older than fifteen or sixteen, completely unarmed. One of them was struck in the legs with a baton, sending him crashing to the ground. He held something in his hands, so the officer repeatedly hit his wrist until he left go. The second boy tried to get their attention, but he was dealt with in the exact same manner. They were going to be arrested. None of that would be official, of course. Their trails wouldn't even hit the media, simply because there would be no trials to begin with.

"This is why I cannot leave, brother." I whispered, forcing myself to look straight ahead. Dhali said nothing.

Our family home was a little too close to that commotion than I would have liked. We got out as soon as we stopped and head inside, our parents waiting for us. Humayan sat on his chair, watching some sort of channel on TV I had never seen before. Mother was cooking in the kitchen, completely silent. They definitely heard the noise from outside, they were fearing for their lives.

"It's bad out there." Dhali commented, hugging our mother for the first time in years. She grasped him tightly, almost letting out a sad sigh. "I took care of the passports, we just have to wait a little bit longer and we're out of here."

She nodded. It broke their hearts to leave this house. Everything still looked the exact same, even after all those years. They were going to knock it down, it was only a matter of time. They weren't going to put them in a place as comfortable as this. They were better off as far away as possible.

A knock on the door stunned us all into silence. Papa tried to stand up, but I barged ahead of him to open it, putting on my best face. The man at the other side of the door was dressed in the unmistakeable khaki clothing of the Puliśa, a heavy moustache almost completely covering his lip. He recognised me, softening slightly.

"Aayush Chodhury, so this is your residence?"

"Visiting family, making sure they're alright."

"You've noticed the disturbance down the road."

It was a difficult game to play with these people.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Those boys stole from a shop, if you see anything like this again, we expect it to be reported immediately."

"Will do..."

That was all he wanted to say to us, but what if I wasn't here? What if it was Humayan Choudury who answered the door instead? He looked genuine, but I heard the stories. The door was closed pretty quickly behind me.

"Those boys are as good as dead." Dhali noted, pausing when more racket came from outside. It was obvious that things were far from over out there. "And those idiots? They're just aggrevating the police. More arrests will be made."

"You have to come with us!" Mother warned me, clasping my hands in hers. "There's nothing left for you here. It's madness!"

"Don't waste your breath." My brother chimed in. "Tried to pursuade him in the car on the way here. Doesn't want to budge."

"I'm heading home." I had enough of the conversation. "Give me a call if you need anything."

They didn't say anything, instead showing Dhali to his room. It was converted to a study in recent years, so his bed was a makeshift mattress with blankets. Papa looked at me with the saddest eyes I had seen in a while.

"I'll be alright." I assured him, but the words were so weak that I didn't even assure myself. He simply nodded. Unfortunately, that would be the last time I'd see him again.

*

My house was covered with pads and reminders, sticky-notes both physical and virtual, completely dark by the time I walked inside. It was a heavy kind of day, the kind that needed to be washed away. I dumped my bag at the first opportunity and took a seat, relieved. Everything ached. There were just more and more problems every time I opened my eyes, like another little part of body decided to shut down overnight. I hadn't realized how unwell I was until my Doctor told me about my vitamin deficiencies. I was simply too stressed to eat. My record player was switched on, Fleetwood Mac's Rumors soon started, allowing me to reminisce for a while. It reminded me when my home was a nicer, sunnier place, though that might had been the rose-colored glasses I wore whenever I thought about it.

Noah had gone back to Seattle to find his family. He was nervous about the whole thing - he hadn't seen them in the last twenty-five years - but Nora and I wished him luck and hoped for the best. It had been a solid year without any real contact, only a simple phone call here and there to remind us that he was alive and that he hadn't found them yet. My thumb hovered over my phone screen, but thought better of it. The phones were tapped - for security and faster response times to emergencies, they said - and it would only be half a conversation with those sort of limitations in place. I sighed and mustered the energy to get back up, ready to make food for myself.

Another knock on my door, another nuisance to deal with. I opened it impatiently, ready to deal with whatever those damn officers wanted from me.

Only for a pair of hands to grab me, throwing me onto the floor.

I landed awkwardly on my back, knocking the wind out of my body. Before I knew it, kicks came from every direction. A large boot came down on my bad knee, forcing me to cry out in anguish. Hands grabbed a hold of me, hoisting me upright. It was too dark to make anybody out, just shadows. A punch got me right by the nose, immediately broken. I struggled against the people holding me, until somebody punted me at the back of my legs, forcing me on my knees. I tasted blood, my eyes adjusting to the figure in front of me. From what little bit I could make out, their faces were completely covered, only their eyes visible.

But it was the flag of the Gōpana that caught my attention... at least, that's what I made it out to be. I helped them design it, we literally spent hours at my actual house coming up with concept ideas. A happy memory a long time ago, soured now.

A pair of fingers held my chin and tilted my head upwards, until I was looking them directly in the eyes. They spoke in a language I didn't understand, slightly familiar but with words that didn't make any sense.

"Aayush." The first word that made sense. I tried squirming free but it was useless. I couldn't even feel my legs anymore, but somehow that really didn't register.

"Who..."

They reached for something, holding it out so that I could take a good look at it.

"Jacob sends his regards."

It was the recordings. The BÄ“hudās broke into my house and took them. I thrashed as hard as I could, trying to break my right arm free. The person just smiled and leaned in closer, making sure I got a good look at them.

"Don't use the Gōpana name. You are not one of us."

They let me go, struggling to gain any kind of footing. They dispersed as quickly as they could, not a single trace and not a person in sight who witnessed it. I scrambled to my feet. My right leg was completely dead, unable to support any weight. I limped to my door, slamming it shut and locking it at the side. Every single light was switched on, scrambling through every drawer, every nook and crany where something of value was stored. Fleetwood Mac was still playing in the background, an ill-fitting soundtrack.

Everything had been taken.

Upstairs was the exact same situation, every bit of spare cash lying around was taken, credit cards too. I collapsed onto my bed, reaching underneath it for the box that contained the rest of Jascob's memories, hoping against hope. It didn't surprise me that it was missing, too. I called for an ambulance, screaming for assistance immediately to the poor soul on the other end of the line.

I thought about Aapti, and how silent she was with me. I decided never to visit her again.

 

 

 

19: Chapter 18 - Noah Hisenburg

-Noah-
-Forty-Three Years Old-
 

Coming back to the States took years of planning and effort. I wasn't even sure if I'd find what I'd be looking for, but I only had two weeks to find them. Still, there were a few detours planned, and I approached one of them in the back of a worn-down bus, rust covering its flanks.

1029 Boren Avenue. My old house.

Time hadn't been kind to it; the old red brick had been completely overgrown with vines, some windows were boarded up and deep cracks broke through the pavement. Much of the street had been neglected, not a single car on the road. I was dropped off in the same bus stop I used a lifetime ago, watching it drive off as it carried on its usual route. Mr Harrington had to have passed away by now. Even after all the time that passed, I couldn't say I'd particularly miss him. I checked my phone's setting and activated its highest settings; it was going to burn through my battery, but I never had a chance to activate its three-dimensional function before! I dialled Nora's number and waited for her to answer. She was sixteen hours ahead of me, technically in the not-so-distant future. It was difficult to wrap my head around it. Eventually she answered, the most breathtaking virtual image I had ever seen. Bijinesu played a blinder with this.

'You have no idea who incredible this is!' I called out, watching her laugh. I could make out every little strand of hair on her head, for crying out loud!

'I try my best. That your old house?'

'Lost its charm, all went downhill when I left.'

'I have a feeling you weren't the entire reason why it all fell apart Noah, but you keep believing that.'

I hovered around while she took a look for herself, marveling at the place. We walked around the block a few times and noticed how much had changed; there was really no getting away from the holographic advertising, posters replaced with images. Still, it was a lot more muted compared to Ireland, and definitely compared to Japan, as Nora pointed out.

'It sure does bring back a lot, doesn't it?' Nora pursed her lips when she said that, looking up at the sycamore trees that still managed to stand in the city, their leaves covering the tarmac.

'Do you remember when I was dating Avril, that girl from Chicago?' I suddenly remembered that girl, the one who roped me along. I was standing right here when she told me it was over. 'I literally called you all and had you come here in the middle of the night. We all went over to the Hideout and drank the night away.'

'You were an absolute mess back then.' She pointed out. She wasn't wrong. 'You know we have to go and check the place out. I'm hoping the place is still standing!'

'I'll have a Thief on you, love!'

'You can have several Theives, if you really want them in my honor.'

The walk to 1005 Boren Avenue was short. I spoke to her about my flight and the time I had to find my parents. She talked about her work and how she juggled it with her daughter. She named her Lili with an i, apparently the loudest child on the planet. I told her that I couldn't deal with a child of my own, she said the same.

'Damn... Nora you're not going to believe this.'

'What?' She wasn't paying attention, but she did as soon as I stood outside the bar. The building was closed, flyers and post building up just inside its glass door. The Hideout branding was completely removed, cracks in its windows. There were even a few tiny plants growing out of the ground.

'Jesus.' I whispered.

'I really could have gone without knowing this place was closed down.' She muttered. 'Makes you feel really old, doesn't it?'

'I have to go check out the Museum. Wanna tag along?'

'Well I have time to kill, sure!'

Nora kept me company when I started walking, though my phone had already drained half of its battery sustaining this call. I heard her daughter scream in the background. It sounded like she was being murdered, though Nora waved it off. I remembered my boss Monica. That woman was incredibly hot, I would had listened to everything she said regardless. She was just a few years older than me, she must had settled down by now. I thought I remembered something about her wanting to start a family. Had she stayed in Seattle or moved abroad?

Fyre Art Museum stood as tall as it always had, virtually untouched from our heyday apart from a few patches of moss that clung to the corners. There wasn't a single holographic projector in sight, a modern time capsule.

'You could always grab your old job back, back to being a manual dishwasher.'

'You could always grab your sense of humor back too, you know that? It's a hard pass from me.'

My phone was about to die, I could tell because Nora's image became slightly pixelated, something she was obviously aware of.

'Give me a bell same time tomorrow, I want constant updates on this.' She ordered. I promised her I would. Memory Lane was almost over, my connecting bus to Minnesota was taking off tomorrow evening. I grabbed my stuff and left my old workplace behind, watching the sunset over this place.

*

The hotel was clean and crisp, the softest damn sheets I had ever slept in. The walls were pulsing with soft light, incredibly expensive just a few years ago. I saw that kind of stuff a lot more frequently nowadays, Oliver painted his son's room in it, acting like some sort of nightlight. It was incredible how far things can move ahead in a few years. It was also incredible how much the price for a hotel room got jacked up since I was last here.

I didn't bother closing the room curtains, leaving the moonlight to peer in. I showered and washed my face, made a few calls to work colleagues and friends to remind them I was okay before stretching on the bed. The TV was bang up-to-date, though the channels were rubbish. I forgot how much advertising they played over at this side of the pond. The first few hours were spent watching them, but there was only so much floating figures could do to distract you. I turned my attention to the moon. Aayush was unreachable, in every way shape or form. You only had to take a look at the international news, because his home didn't stray too far from the headlines. It was basically communism, it made my blood boil just thinking about it.

I wanted to visit the grave while I was here, simply because I didn't know when I'd have this opportunity again. I was never going to play the wedding video he recorded for me, because I wasn't going to get married. The last one I saw was when I turned forty. He recorded them as his situation got worse, he looked weaker and weaker with each passing one. The boy who looked at me on the screen was thin and frail, slurring his words. Bless his heart, wherever he was right now, I hoped he was doing alright.

The same went for my parents.

They would have hated the way the world had become. Dad would have grumbled something about the great outdoors, while Mom hadn't had the foggiest idea about computers from twenty years ago, the thought of holographic projection would had made things even more difficult. Beyond all of that, we needed to talk about what happened all those years ago. Being sober for as long as I had, I realized now what they wanted for me. That loose end needed to be tied up.

The next morning was bright and airy, easily peeping through my curtains and waking me up. It read 8:03am on my phone, but there was a lot I needed to do today. My phone was fully charged, good for another call to Nora at some point. My clothes were packed - and a few toiletries taken, if I was being honest - checking out in record time, mindful of the bus I needed to take at the end of the day. It was going to be an absolute haul to get to Minnesota once I tied up everything here. My childhood home was going to be a start, but if they weren't there I'd need to get in touch with the letting agent to see when they left and where they went.

The walk through Seattle was very...unsettling, a mixture of large trees which blocked out the sun, and the usual projections I was used to in Ireland. There weren't many people outside, although the cafes were packed, a few outside enjoying the sunshine. It got so warm that I took off my jumper and stuffed it into my bag, wiping my forehead. Things looked different yet they looked the same, but it was the same students and lawyers and construction workers that walked from place to place, going about their day. I occupied my time with looking through the ol' social; a few people I knew from Osidia before it went under were getting new jobs, but nothing exciting beyond that. I took a quick picture of myself, looking at the big bald head in the middle of it. I decided that prematuring baldness wasn't a good look on me, so I just decided to shave the entire thing off. The guy looking back at me was starting to get on a little bit, but he looked happier than he was more than a decade ago. It felt like I was starting to get my life together.

I set a filter and threw it onto my profile.

It got darker by the time I actually made it to the graveyard, an omen. It brought things back a little bit, back when I was still struggling with alcohol. The trip back to Aayush's house, the time I hid drink in my bag and when he found it. It clouded over the fact that one of my best friends had died. I felt guilty thinking about it. I called Nora, hoping my battery would actually last this time. She answered straight away, the same imaging hovering in mid-air. Her hair was tied back up again, dressed smartly. She must had been due to go to work.

'I can only do this for five minutes.' She warned me, confirming what I'd thought. There was a crack in her voice when she spoke.

'That's all we need.' I promised her, and I walked towards his resting place. A few people dotted the place, laying wreaths and flowers for their loved ones. I should had brought something to lay there, but there just wasn't enough time. Jacob's headstone must had been recently renovated, pitch-black marble that seemed to absorb the sunlight instead of reflecting it. His name was etched in gold, a picture frame resting in the ground beside it.

It was a picture he had taken of all of us.

It took us by surprise. I laid my phone on the ground for Nora to see, reaching for the picture. We all looked so young, it must had been the end of our freshmen year. I remembered that ugly oversized jumper he liked to wear, though I couldn't make out whose patio we were on. The smile on his face was huge, my arm on his shoulder.

'Wow...' Nora was just as surprised as I was.

'You remember this photo being taken?'

'Vaguely. I think we were breaking up for the summer that year. I definitely wasn't in the country after that.'

'It was so long ago.'

'Yeah, we're getting old. Get used to it.'

The picture was slightly faded, meaning it was exposed to the sunlight for a while. Nora had to leave for work, so I promised her I would call as soon as I hit Minnesota. The call was dropped, and I was left alone with my old buddy. It seemed eerily quiet even when people were around, I could hear the air leave my lungs as I sighed.

"So... I decided to pay a visit. Things have definitely changed, not sure what you'd make of the place." I whispered. I remembered walking here, watching the coffin as it was lowered down. "Then again, if anyone would have appreciated the way things changed, it would have been you, man. I wonder where you would have ended up, if you would have stayed in the States or if you'd have flown over to Japan. We'd never see you or Nora again!"

Birds chimed in the background, the only other noise that broke the silence. Clouds blocked the sun for a brief moment, but it was enough to make it noticeably colder. I shivered slightly, tempted to fetch my jumper again.

"We're doing good. We all have our problems, obviosuly, but we're managing. I gave up the drink, Nora being a CEO, Aayush is trying to liberate his entire country from neo-communism, just everyday stuff." I began to well up a little bit. "We listen to your stuff all the time, man. We think about you every single day, all of us."

"I'm sure he's thinking about you too, wherever he is."

The voice came from nowhere, almost directly behind me. I jumped and turned around, almost clutching my heart.

"Sorry." Jacob Sr. added, chuckling to himself. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop, just wanted to bring Malcolm up to lay some flowers."

His old man had definitely changed, much smaller than I remembered him to be, his eyes buried deep into his face. Still, he seemed very active for a man clearly in his seventies... and then I spotted Malcolm. The boy was already taller than his paps, even though he couldn't had been older than twelve, thirteen at most.

"Who's that?" This kid asked, a slight hint of suspicion in his voice. His father laughed.

"Good ol' Noah Hisenburg. He was one of Jacob's best friends. Didn't know you were in the neighborhood, it's good to see you again."

"Just a pit-stop before I see my folks. Have to give you guys a bit more notice before I come swinging around again." I couldn't get over just how similar Malcolm looked like his brother, right down to his eyes. "I can't get over how much you - "

"Yeah, I know." The boy snapped, clearly annoyed.

"It's not the first time somebody's mentioned that." Jacob Sr. added, I could imagine what it must had been like, being constantly compared like that.

"Sorry." I replied. Malcolm didn't listen to me, instead passing me by as he laid the flowers by his grave. The sun peeped through the clouds again, instantly brightening things up.

"I suppose you don't have time to come back for some lunch?" He asked. I would had loved to.

"A bit of a tight schedule at the moment. I'll try and squeeze some time back in next week?"

"We'd appreciate it."

He gave me his number to let him know. I told him that I needed to bounce or I'd miss my bus, but I was seriously tempted to stay for another night, to re-book the hotel and catch up with the Mosefs for an hour or two. Unfortunately I didn't have a lot of time to play with, so I banished the thought. I left them to mourn in peace, walking back into town and towards the station.

*

Non-stop, the trip to my state would had taken almost twenty-four hours. Unfortunately there weren't any buses that would travel to that destination, so I had to deal with half a dozen changes, fuel breaks and annoying passengers. I wanted to book a direct flight, but the money was so eye-watering that I shut down my laptop without giving it a second thought. The view outside wasn't particularly inspiring either, large open fields and not a single thing on the horizon to make it interesting. The road was arrow-straight, no cars to share the road with. The revs of the asthmatic engine annoyed me as it tried to carry its weight, an old model that had seen far too many days on the road. I rested my head on my bag as we travelled, my phone dead and no sockets that could be used to charge it. I thought about that photo that was left for Jacob, the four of us in the center and how our lives had changed so much since that day. I remembered a conversation with him, back when we shared a dorm room, about how he thought his life was going to go. He liked thinking about the future and how things had changed even since high school, how his most close-knit friends had all been apread across the states. The guy loved dreaming up imaginary scenarios. In my half-dazed state, I remembered one night, when he kept me up until five in the morning to talk about who we'd fall in love with and where we'd live. It was the kind of conversation that melted the hours away, the kind I never wanted to end.

The bus shuddered under a rogue pothole, jolting me awake.

An elderly couple were finicking in the seat directly in front of me, bickering about what food they packed and when they would arrive at the next gas station so the husband could use the bathroom. I couldn't see myself with someone for that long, long ago accepting that marraige was off the cards for me. Maybe it was for the best, I didn't see a lot of couples that lasted as long as the pair in front of me, and the ones I did looked about as grumpy as they were.

It turned dark when we passed the Grand View Heights, I recognised where we were, owing back to the road trips I made when heading back home for the summer, and the same trip back to Seattle for another semester. That meant I was about halfway towards my destination. A quick nap was all I could do to pass the time away. Our bus made a quick stop at yet another gas station, filling away while I took the time to grab a coffee. The woman at the counter was missing a tooth, but she looked incredibly pretty, a serious country accent and a smile when I gave her my change. I was far too old for her. I didn't even realize at what point I fell into that category.

When I found myself a place with a socket, I wanted to call Aayush. I wanted to wait and pass whatever bullshit barriers that government put in place and I wanted to ask him how he was feeling, when he could come over to visit or when we could fly in. It had been far too long. The three of us had to go somewhere and just enjoy things, like the good old days. Lord knows we were getting on a bit. The bus coughed into life again, limping back onto the road and on our way, passing the first crossroads on the journey so far.

That was when I saw it.

A truck charged towards us, its lights dimmed, its driver not paying any attention. Our driver made the mistake of assuming it would slow down, but it was veering slightly from lane to lane, sounding its horn when the person behind the wheel realized their mistake. Time seemed to slow down, not in the way it was shown in movies or explained in books, but definitely in some shape or form. I thought about any way I could survive something like that, but it was far too close now and I was on the side of the bus it would hit first.

My last thought was of Jacob. I was going to join him.

 

 

 

 

20: Chapter 19 - End of their Road

-Nora-

I had a few days to process it, but I still felt a pit in my stomach when our plane landed in Minnesota.

I was constantly in touch with Aayush; he brought his family over to the States, an absolute nightmare in dealing with airport security but he was eventually given the all-clear. He was going to fly in a few hours after I landed, but accommodation was sourced and everything paid for. Still, none of that really mattered in the grand scheme of things.

Noah was gone. I couldn't believe he was gone.

The plane landed without a hitch, getting me out of my head and back into the real world for a bit. Some guy beside me had a chronic fear of flying, you could tell in the way that he gripped the armrests for dear life, his face completely red. He noticed me staring at him, forcing me to look away. Asashi wasn't happy with looking after Lili all by himself for the next few days, but in all honesty I wasn't happy with him in general. We had an argument about how he dumped my recordings of Jacob, it got so bad that he ended up sleeping on the couch, and he blamed me when Lili started asking why Daddy preferred sleeping by himself. There wasn't a chance to breathe, when work and shareholders were breathing down my neck, with my husband to deal with the second I got home.

Now there was Noah. It was all too much.

I wore my best face when I left the plane, walking through Falls International Airport once my suitcase went through customs. It was a small building, full of light and soft finishes along the walls, full of impatient people. Somebody pushed me aside when they barged ahead of me, it took everything I had not to grab him by the arm and shout at him.

I took myself aside and stopped, staring at my suitcase. I saw red, I genuinely wanted to tear his head off. Where was all that aggression hiding? I checked my E-mails in an effort to calm down; Touma gave me a brief overview of the company's earnings for the last two weeks, but otherwise apologized for my loss and wished me a happy trip. Everything else was just subscription renewals and news reminders. Still, it did its job and I felt a little calmer when I walked outside into the open air. The trip through Highway 53 was simple and fuss-free, full of trees with little to no leaves, a by-product of the city nearby. It was so large and expansive outside my car window, not a single building in sight, a welcome change of scenery compared to the concrete jungle of Osaka's business district. My driver asked me little things; how I flew in, why I was here and how I found the United States so far. He didn't believe me when I told him I studied in Seattle, or when I told him about my occupation. I pointed out the headset he was using, effectively created because of me. He was nice, the kind who enjoyed the roads, resting his arm outside the door as we journeyed on. I dealt with worse people.

International Falls was a small town, trying its best to keep up with the times but ultimately failing. Old McDonald and Domino signs were about the only physical ones still standing, the rest were last-gen virtual graphics of moving posters. People went about their daily lives like everybody would, teenagers hovering around the latest petrol station - itself looking decrepit and bound to collapse - while one or two others begged on the street. It wasn't an easy sight to look at.

He let me go somewhere near 3rd Avenue, next to another petrol station, this one having been abandoned long ago. He raised his eyebrow a bit when I gave him the money without batting an eyelid. He didn't come across that kind of fare very often. The town was so flat, not a single hill or mountain on the horizon, just a great big sky full of clouds. My phone gave me the directions I needed so I started walking. My flats were comfortable enough, but I had my stilettos packed away for when I arrived. I remembered doing the exact same thing in my twenties, how things had changed since. Aayush contacted and told me he was taking off, so he'd land at some point in the evening.

The Hisenburgs - Noah's parents - had both passed away. It took a number of phone calls, E-mails and correspondence to track down any trace of his family, but Emily Hisenburg gave us the opportunity to stay in her holiday home for both nights. It still hadn't hit me yet, the fact that he was gone. Emily waited for me when I arrived, smiling and friendly. I couldn't imagine what she was going through. She walked with an elaborate cane, an owl etched into the handle. It looked uncomfortable to hold, being honest.

"I'm so sorry for delaying you!" I started, profusely apologizing. "The flight was delayed!"

"You've nothing to worry about, dear." She responded, clasping my hands in her own. They felt cold, the kind that sent shivers up my arms. "I've everything set up for you and your friend."

"You're really too kind, let me reimburse - "

"Absolutely not! You were a friend of Noah and I wouldn't want to take your coins." She trailed off, looking out the the sky (which wasn't very difficult to do here, I must admit) sighing slightly. "The boy was troubled, to be sure. He was looking to turn a new leaf, from what I heard."

"He was." I spoke to him on that same day, halfway across the world and absolutely powerless to stop it. My sleeve was damp by the time I finished wiping my eyes. Emily looked on, understanding.

"Well you go make yourself comfortable, you have my cell if you need anything."

"Thank you."

She took off in her Chevrolet truck (an antique even twenty years ago) leaving a trail of technically-illegal Co2 and CoX in its wake. I grabbed my suitcase and wheeled it inside, opened and emptied in moments. My laptop was fired up and the portable projector switched on, generating schematics of the company. Just because I was thousands of miles away from Osaka didn't mean I could afford to slack off, this wasn't a holiday by any stretch. Hours were spent overlooking submissions handed in by the business department (and rejecting every single one of them) and overseeing the marketing campaign for our new projections. It was a challenge introducing next-gen hardware for an entry-level price, what expensive materials could be substituted without losing integrity or quality. 3-D printing did wonders, but even that had limits.

Aayush called, the sound deafening compared to the silence this house provided.

'Hello?'

'Hey, just made sure my family caught their connecting flight. I'm on my way in now.'

'OK.'

Just like that, the call was dropped. Too short and not sweet in the slightest. I sighed and returned to my work, anything to distract me from...

He arrived about thirty or some minutes after that call, the taxi dropping him just outside the door. He struggled to fetch his things, hunched over in a way I didn't remember. His hair was turning grey now, a reminder. He looked at me with the saddest eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey..."

He dragged his case, even when I offered to help. I showed him where his bed was and where to drop his things, which he did without saying a word. It wasn't like him, but we weren't really ourselves since the news broke. I sat back down in my 'office chair' while Aayush wordlessly levitated towards the kitchen, taking a look with what he had to work with.

"I can't imagine eating after getting off of a flight, the turbulence made me sick." I commented, feeling nauseous just looking at him. He didn't respond to it, taking out some pasta and cheese. A pile of mince was added into a separate pan, cooking slowly.

"So is your work always that...complicated?"

"Oh, all the time! You don't become a boss without the workload to match." New notifications filled the air every three or four seconds, that business department were really pissed off about my vetoes, but there was precious little they could do about it, save for coming up with ideas that would actually work.

"You've always had that business acumen." He continued, the smell of meat was starting to fill the room. "I missed watching you work."

"I missed hanging around your house and talking about our future. Lord knows we didn't think our future would look like this."

"Amen."

There wasn't much more I could do for the company today, I needed to rely on Touma to actually ensure everybody did their jobs. We were in dire need of some new Product Specialists, people who grew up with the technology of the last ten or fifteen years, some fresh eyes and ideas on where to go next. It was getting harder and harder to admit that we ran the risk of becoming technological dinosaurs - myself included.

We ate in silence (I forced myself to down some food to settle my stomach a little bit, though it tasted good) the lights barely enough to light the place. It turned cold far too quickly than I would had liked, another sign of the cheap construction of this place. Aayush looked at his food, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Your parents hadn't flown here in what, twenty years?"

"Something like that."

"They going to miss Bangladesh while they're here? Are they the homesick type?"

He didn't answer for a little bit, pondering while taking a mouthful of bolognese.

"They're not going back."

"Oh, I...didn't realize."

"It's OK, it's because I never told you. Dhali has enough money to look after the both of them, Dhaka just isn't viable for them anymore."

"You think the States is any better? You seen the cost of healthcare?"

"As I said, Dhali has it covered." He growled, completely unexpected.

"Right, got it."

"Look Nora, can we just talk about something else? Anything else?"

"Sure, why don't we talk about why you're feeling so grim all of a sudden?"

"I just had to negotiate an entire country's new immigration policy and forge a story that my father was travelling to the states for an operation, neglecting to tell them that they're never coming back. I'm also going to go back home, and they might never see me again. On top of all of that, our friend just died."

I no longer pretended to eat his food.

"I see... I'll give you some space."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes as he pushed his plate away. "Wait, it's wrong to project all of this onto you. I'm just juggling a lot at the moment, things I haven't told you about yet. It's just been a lot, Nora."

"Well, I'm here now. Let's talk about it!"

He didn't say much after that, and with the way he felt I didn't want to push it. I went into my room and unpacked my things, grabbing a simple photo frame and placing it on the corner drawer. Asashi and Lili were smiling brightly while I beamed beside them. We looked like the picture of happiness in that frame. It was taken when she was two, ironically the quietest girl at that age. I stared at my husband, trying to find the precise point where it all went wrong. It was like I fell asleep in love with the man, and woke up detesting him. I didn't want to go through that, not for me and not for my daughter.

"Nora."

He hung by my door, my friend noticing the photo of the three of us.

"You look beautiful."

"I tried my best." I replied, because I really did try that day. I was always trying my best, in absolutely everything I did. Aayush may be the only person on the planet who understood, the only person who really knew me the longest.

Then just like that, he closed the gap between us and kissed me.

There wasn't a single ounce of hesitation in my body, I held him and kissed right back, our lips interlocking and pressed together, a sudden pressure lifted. He pressed his entire weight on me, blissfully warm in this cold room. I reached under his shirt and felt his skin, pressing him tighter against me. He grabbed his shirt and tore it off, unbuttoning mine. My legs interlocked with his as he shifted his weight to compensate, unbuckling his belt.

The picture of me and my family stayed up for the entire thing, my family smiled at me, unaware of what they were smiling at.

*

Noah's funeral was attended only by a select few people, ourselves included.

Emily sat front and center, the closest relative he had left. He had a few other uncles and family, but out of all of them only Jeff Hisenburg arrived, the rest of them were either too far away or didn't care enough to attend. The rain poured, setting the tone. The picture they chose for Noah was one of the best ones taken of him, standing tall and proud in Ireland, looking happy and healthy. It had taken so much time for him to get to that point, which only made today all the more unbearable. Aayush stood by my side, his hand on my shoulder. He held an umbrella over us, keeping us out of the worst of the rain.

They carried the coffin from the hearse into the graveyard, his final resting place. His family were buried there, only very recently renovated with new tombstones to match Noah's. I had never met his parents, he always spoke about them like they were already gone, an entire state removed from him. Emily cried while her brother consoled him, digging her face into his chest and looking away. I forced myself to look on through the tears, watching our friend as he joined Jacob...wherever they are.

We didn't stay for the refreshments afterward, I just didn't have the time with the work that I needed to do. Aayush walked beside me once the ceremony was done, his suit the deepest shade of black I had ever seen. The town was too small for my liking, only the bare minimum amenities needed to make it functional. The buildings were quaint and nice to look at, but it was obvious they were falling apart; one of them was caving in from the middle, both sets of windows slanting at a slight angle. The folk seemed friendly enough, though. We didn't really speak about anything when we walked back, there wasn't really much that really needed to be said.

"You still listen to the recordings?" I risked asking. "Of Jacob, I mean."

He mulled that over for a second, pursing his lips.

"I was robbed. They took everything in the house... as well as the recordings. I thought I had a few backup files stored away, but the way technology is moving... they were all corrupted, ayway. It wouldn't have made a difference."

"Please tell me you went to the police!" 

"The first thing I did. They weren't of much help."

I felt hollow, listening to what would had been my worst-case scenario. I measured my life by those messages, something I only discovered recently. It was always a matter of looking forward to the next one, replaying the old ones to remind me of an earlier time, worried when I would reach a time when they would run out. The fact that he couldn't listen to the rest of them, and all because a few greedy assholes decided to break into his house one day, made my blood boil. He opened the front door for me as I walked inside, leaving my hair fall down when I removed the damn thing keeping it up. The first thing I reached for was my computer, ready to start another tedious day.

"I'll cook us some lunch." Aayush suggested, disappearing into the fridge to see what else he could find.

"Come with me."

I surprised the both of us with that statement. It took a few seconds for him to react to it, turning back to look at me, making sure he heard me correctly. He had.

"What?"

"Come back to Osaka with me. I'll secure you a lucrative position in the company. I'll make sure you get suitable accommodation, you can visit your parents whenever you want, you just tell me when you need time off."

"Nora..."

"I'll leave him, Aayush. I'll walk right back to Asashi and tell him it's over. You know what last night felt like, it felt perfect."

"That shouldn't had happened, Nora. You're married!"

"So?" I cried out, "The man is literally complaining all day, every day for the past ten years! You want this, I know you do!"

He didn't reply immediately, he knew I was absolutely correct.

"I have to go back home - "

"To what? You think you're doing a great job of keeping things from me? I watch the news, I'm aware of the Samājatāntrika... and I'm aware of the Gōpana, too."

The revelation sucked the air out of the room, his face turned pale.

"You... know."

"It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. They're not the terrorist organisation they make them out to be - anyone with a pair of eyes can see that - but staying in that place, especially after you literally smuggled your parents out of the country - "

"Because I have friends there, friends who need me!" He argued, gesturing with large arm movements. "Even if I didn't, this isn't the first conversation I've had about this! I would love to run off into the sunset with you and live happily ever after, but guess what? It doesn't work like that!"

"It can!" I insisted, fully in my business persona now, the one which negotiated deals. "That government can only be broken with imposing trade sanctions and involvement with the UN. A single person trying to grab a single footnote in it won't change a thing. You're not going to be able to tear it from the inside out."

He sat on the couch, his cheeks now burning red. That look in his eyes were completely different from what it was just the night before.

"I have to try."

"No, you don't." I shot back, moving closer towards him. "You can stop trying. Please, fly with me."

My words hung in the air until they disappeared. All we could hear was the sound of the rain outside. pattering against the glass, unusually loud. I wanted this more than anything, to get him out of that damn country, away from that mess of a situation. He held me in his hands, standing a head taller than me, making sure I heard what he said next.

"As soon as I grab the flight to Bangladesh, I never want to see you again."

 

 

 

 

 

 

21: Chapter 20 - The Political Rasapaṇḍita

-Aayush-

It was the most difficult thing I had to do, but it needed to be done.

The flight back to Dhaka was wrought with peril; the US deemed it a dangerous country to fly to, and if it weren't for my previously-completed statements I wouldn't had been allowed to fly back at all. At least there was some sort of solace in the fact that my family were out of harm's way.

So was Nora.

What happened was one of the finest yet worst times of my life. It was something I regretted as soon as it finished. She wasn't happy in her marriage but I shouldn't had made the first move, not when she needed to finish things with her husband. It just didn't sit right with me, knowing that if I saw her it would just repeat itself again and again until he discovered us. That - coupled with Noah's funeral - set a sinking feeling in my gut throughout the flight. I truly lost everything, and things weren't going to get much easier when I flew back home. The attack was still fresh in my mind, those eyes hidden in the many dreams I've had since. The worst part about it all was that they were still out there, unhindered. They knew where I lived and they knew that I knew it. Maybe everybody was right, maybe my friends and family had more sense than I had when they told me to leave. When I went back, I wasn't going to get a second chance. The entire flight felt like a death sentence in slow-motion. Hazrat Shahjalal International Airport beckoned before us when we arrived over Bangladesh, the sun rising over my country, creating the illusion that all was well even when it was close to falling apart. I knew that the Samājatāntrika would be lying in wait, their potential political opponent willing and ready for interviews before the first televised debates of the voting process. The pit in my stomach only grew deeper the closer we got to landing.

Nora, Noah... Jacob. I was just glad none of them would see what was about to happen.

Our plane landed without a hitch, tourists - how we still attracted any sort of tourism, I'll never know - clapped happily, like it was a surprise and not an expectation that we arrived safely. I swallowed hard, my gear by my side. Sure enough, as soon as I emerged from the plane door there were camera flashes from inside the terminal. I smiled and waved, ready to fake my way through the crowd and head home at the earliest opportunity.

Aayush Choudury, the Gōpana candidate.

They swarmed like flies, snapping as many pictures as they could, their questions all the same.

"Why are you challenging under their name?"

"What is your connection to that criminal organization?"

"Is this a political stunt?"

"How are you going to gather the popular vote?"

None of them interested me. I just looked straight forward and continued down the terminal as they followed close behind, their cameras still blazing. My suitcase was retrieved in record time, wheeling it through the building as I tried to maintain my composure.

One... Two... Three...

One of them got just a little too close to me, their flash blinding me. I staggered a little bit, gritting my teeth and pressing forward. They were looking for any sign of weakness, something they can spin. My taxi was waiting for me outside, its driver only just now realizing what he got himself into. As soon as I sealed the door shut behind me the vehicle was swarmed, forcing him to beep the horn until they got the hint and cleared a path. I was going to see my face on every tabloid and projection for the next few days, right up until the actual debate.

Eight... Nine... Ten...

"Quite a famous name around these parts, aren't you?" He commented as we drove towards Dhaka. A part of me warmed to the familiar buildings and people that made up my home, while another part wanted to leave and to never come back. I didn't like feeling conflicted.

"Might as well enjoy it while you can. Don't really see you taking up any seats." He made sense, of course he did. I didn't need anybody else telling me that what I was doing was stupid.

"How happy are you under this administration?" It was a very simple question, but his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter than before.

"No complaints."

"But you're not singing their praises, either."

"I keep my head down, and they don't bother me."

"But wouldn't you like to live under a government that doesn't promote their interests using fear? The world is looking at us, and they're not saying nice things."

"In a perfect world, yes. But we're not living in such a world."

"It doesn't have to be perfect, brother. It just has to be better."

We parked outside my apartment with time to spare. He clearly wanted me out of his car, because I was ushered out as soon as I handed over the fare, not saying as much as a goodbye before he drove off. I looked at my home with a slight sense of panic, my hands shaking. I hadn't forgotten the time I was attacked, my locks were changed and letting opportunities read as soon as they were available. I opened my door and looked at the mess in the living room, sighing slightly.

I couldn't believe the last few days had happened.

*

Bangabandhu National Stadium wasn't normally used for political events. Until very recently, it was used for sports like football and cricket, before the Samājatāntrika purchased it and began to alter it to suit their needs. The roof was only installed in the last few months, self-tinting panels that blacked out during the day, opening up the view to the stars at night. It felt disorientating, the illusion that we were being exposed to the elements when we were fully indoors. It was packed to capacity, full of politicians and news anchors from home and abroad. Bangladesh's media was going to swing in favor of the reigning party, but the BBC in particular could not be swayed. They, among others, were going to be the channels I needed to focus on. We waited out in the back, a massive floor that housed hundreds of people. I recognized some familiar faces, Sri Rahmen chief among them. He was fit to collapse at any moment, that was how frail he looked. He relied on a cane to move around but he still held himself with authority, knowing full well that there wasn't a successor to replace him. He looked at me with suspicion, completely unaware that I attended the protest all those years ago, the reason why Aapti was in prison.

Rehan came along, just as terrified of the people around us as I was. He grabbed me some water, watching me as I drank.

"You're going to do fine, brother. You know the facts: state them."

"Facts might not be enough." I pointed out, watching the heavy security that dotted the entrances, making sure everything went off without a hitch.

"You need to drop the Gōpana name, Aayush. You're just setting yourself up as an easy target."

"If I do that, they'll think I'll have something to hide. They'll bring up archive footage. It'll backfire. I'm just playing my losing hand as best I can."

"You're so stubborn...but I believe in you." He was really hoping I would take up office somewhere. Even if I had to be a part of the Samājatāntrika it would be worth it. I smiled, placing my hand on my friend's shoulder.

"Thank you."

"Welcome."

The lights dimmed, our signal to leave. I swallowed hard and fixed my tie, my body shaking with excitement. I studied political science for this entire reason. It was dead-quiet inside, the venue outside filled to capacity yet deathly still. Suddenly the sound of the announcer blared over the speakers, thanking everybody for making it to the event. I spent those few seconds inside my own head, thinking of Nora. When did I suddenly realize that I liked her? I couldn't stop thinking about that moment, what came over me there and then. Distracting myself, I instead thought of Noah and our visit in Osaka. That was the last time I ever did see that man, I was too busy with these internal politics to actually meet him. Finally, I thought of Jacob... ever since that attack, I missed hearing his voice. I spent the last few years knowing that I could visit them as often as I liked, to see him from way back when with the same smile plastered across his face. The first night since I came home from hospital was filled with silence, it just didn't feel right. I'd never know what else he wanted to say to me, predicting where I would end up. He was laughably off, but the point was that he tried. I coiled my hands into fists, my attackers knew how much they meant to me. 

Forgive me.

The doors opened, beckoning the political candidates to go outside. I risked one last glance at Rehan, but he was already escorted out of the building. They couldn't touch him, not with the cameras outside even if he was associated with me. He always knew I was a part of Gōpana, damn him. He was always too smart for his own good. The stadium's security stood still as stone, watching us. From the corner of my eye, I swore I recognized a familiar face. If nothing else, I recognized the eyes; the same eyes that looked into mine when his entourage held me up. 

It couldn't had been Chari. When I looked back for clarification, the person was gone. My heart rate spiked, suddenly a lot more worried.

The stadium was silent as we moved, the pedestal dead-center on the floor. As far as I was concerned, my main political opponents was Sri Rahmen, but Sadaqat Khan and Miklaus Akand walked ahead of me, a fierce reputation attached to each of them. Sadaqat in particular was known to be extremely loyal to the government, with stricter sanctions planned if he were to take a seat in parliament. He wanted to remove all outside influence from other countries, making Bangladesh completely self-sufficient. A good idea on paper, but it meant that children as young as ten would be involved with the effort. There was no retirement age under his scheme. His face wore a permanent scowl, a particularly unpleasant man to deal with.

A dozen or so panels waited for us, assigned to each candidate. I took my place and scouted the arena for the nearest cameras. I needed to make a lot of direct eye-contact with them. Sabeeyah Quazi waited for us, looking as beautiful as ever. She was still an extremely popular news anchor across the country, and it said a lot about her in this male-dominated industry that she fought tooth and nail to keep her place. As far as I was aware, I could trust her. My campaign needed that more than I cared to admit.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I want to welcome you to the official launch of our general election." She began, her voice amplified and echoed throughout the building. "My name is Sabeeyah and as always, CSB News will cover every stop along the way." 

She introduced each of us, the crowd applauding during the allocated times. It was treated like a spectacle more than anything else, I could find any particular faces in the crowd. I knew mine was being projected onto several different screens, so I tried to appear as calm and collected as I could.

Sabeeyah started with a few candidates that I wasn't too familiar with; one of them - Sadi Collins, a half-Irish resident - seemed genuine enough. He spoke about helping the homeless, repealing some of the discriminatory laws introduced by the Samājatāntrika and general incentives to increase the country's business. Unfortunately, when cross-examined by a few other hopefuls - along with Mrs. Quazi - he fell apart. They were nothing more than whims, damn him. Everybody noticed. My legs started to grow sore and I sipped my glass of water, regretting the fact that I didn't eat beforehand. I was just too nervous; every time there was a laspe in the conversation I found myself looking over my shoulder, trying to find the man I spotted, the eyes of my attacker. I had to force myself to calm down and focus only on the dabate, knowing we were being broadcast internationally. The microphone moved over to Sadaqat and it was just as I feared; he had a passionate speech lined up, the whole world looking down on the country as second-rate compared to themselves, their relatively-slow embracement of technology and poor business strategies. He called on the people to make a choice, to elect him and allow him to impose his plans, to catch up with the rest of the world and even to surpass them. He spoke with authority and clarity, but so did Adolf Hitler, and look what happened to him.

Eventually, the spotlight came to me.

Sabeeyah looked at me with a smile, I nodded.

"Next, we have Aayush Choudury. Studied abroad in the states for Polticial Science before moving back home, Aayush you've had a relatively quiet career compared to everyone else. Tell me how you feel qualified for the position." She set it up as nicely as she could, I appreciated that.

"Well, I feel that one advantage I have is that I've been working at ground level with the residents of Dhaka as opposed to the more wealthy regions in the country, so I have quite a good idea about what people want and what they need. My job involved writing at a newsagency for almost ten years, and with my academic background I feel like I am well equipped to make living conditions better."

"How would you achieve that?"

It wasn't Sabeeyah who asked that question, but Sadaqat. He looked at me with that same scowl, I knew the cameras were focused on him again with that unexpected development.

"Mr. Khan, I've noticed that in the last decade or so there had been tax increases across all households in the poor-to middle-class band, regardless of income. I feel that this isn't viable as there's no flexibility involved. Once tax is means-tested - "

"Unfeasible." He interrupted with a wave of his hand, as if the conversation had to end suddenly just because he said so.

"How so?" I pressed, "Once all households are means-tested, what they contribute -"

"A family that pays a hundred in tax is not equal to a family that pays a thousand in taxes."

"A family that pays one hundred in taxes, when their income is five hundred per week, represents twenty percent of their income. Another family that pays one hundred in taxes on a five thousand per week income represents two percent. You're right, Mr. Kahn. They're not equal."

There were quiet murmurs throughout the stadium, but I was only focused on Sadaqat and his reaction. His face was set in stone, for all the emotion that it showed. He decided not to speak beyond that.

"So... I have to ask, because it's a topic of some discussion at the moment; you are shown to have ties to the Gōpana. Just how much of that is accurate?"

That's when the building interrupted in a chorus of boos, suddenly deafening. I looked around, taking in the reaction. This was going to be the price I paid for going public, I knew that then and I knew it now.

"In some capacity, yes." The crowd doubled down, until they were suddenly silenced. They were being played, an unwilling orchestra.

"Am I able to ask how close those ties to the Gōpana were?" Her question was piercing even when she spoke softly.

"If you mean those mass protests, or the acts that were committed in the past two decades under their name, I just want to state that I have never been involved in those events. The Gōpana were set up as a peaceful organization to combat what we feel was the loss of democratic freedom. Any violent acts carried out under their name have no association with us."

"How can you prove that?" Sri demanded, such a large voice coming from such a small and frail man. "I've seen them burn buildings to the ground. Schools, universities, buildings!"

"Any act of violence carried out under that name is illegitimate and should be punished under the full extent of the law." I clarified. "From here on out, when you think of the Gōpana, the real Gōpana, you need to think of me."

"Biṣṭhā!" He continued. "They have attacked me personally over the years!"

"As they did with me!" I countered, stunning even myself. That wasn't something I was particularly keen on letting out. Sabeeyah looked at me, confused.

"Elaborate on that, Aayush."

"I was physically assaulted outside my own home, by people claiming to be the Gōpana. I understand the distrust the people have for this organization, the very group whose banner I'm under. I was threatened not to use their name when making my speech, and yet here I am. This is how much this election means to me, to be elected into a position that can offer real change to the people who need it."

"That's... absolutely perfect Aayush, thank you."

Sabeeyah moved on as quickly as she could, the rest of the candidates explaining their goals and aims without a hitch. I stood as straight as I can, requesting another glass of water once my first cup was finished. There was a lump in my throat, my hands shaking slightly, but I willed myself to stand there and look presentable, answering any questions that were given to me. After an eternity of waiting, the debate was concluded, finished with a round of applause from the crowd. The cameras were still rolling, various news outlets allowed from the stalls to apprach us, asking any questions they pleased. It didn't escape anybody's notice that the vast majority of them moved over to me, asking about the Gōpana debate, their origins and history, and why it was such a point of contention in the campaign so they could explain it to the international audience. I was more than happy to answer them.

I spotted those same eyes again, but they disappeared before I could approach him. I was nervous for the rest of the evening.

*

We hadn't been to the Abacus restaurant in years, but Manakil decided it would be a great opportunity to just sit down and eat before my face became public throughout this campaign. I hadn't seen her properly in a long time; she also decided to quit her job and go down the independent route. Her freelance journalism was regulated heavily by the government, but they had no political ties so there was no trouble. She made enough money to live comfortably, definitely enough to pay for Rehan and I despite our protests. She looked beautiful when I arrived, purple lipstick with matching eyeliner, her clothes incredibly vibrant and colorful. She was a rainbow.

"You're late." She noted, kissing me on the cheek and escorting me inside.

"I'm on a campaign trail at the moment. Need to raise the funds to keep moving, speeches to prepare, you know the drill."

"A busy man living a busy life. You had quite the grilling on-camera."

"I have a feeling they were holding back, but I'll manage."

"You always do."

Rehan was waiting at our table, a glass of wine already in his hand. It had been a week or so since the actual debate happened. Multiple people approached him to discuss what relationship we had, what I was like and if what I said was true. The poor man effectively had to go into hiding, though he loved the attention. I was due to travel to Sylhet in the morning, the first in many stops along the trial. I wanted to meet people at ground level, ask for their opinions and questions. There couldn't be any holding back, even if it meant I got in trouble. The Gōpana had tried again and again to use disruption as a tool. This time it had to be done with diplomacy.

"I'm surprised you haven't touched the buffet yet!" I said. My friend loved his food.

"Waited out of courtesy, nothing more!" He replied, opening his arms. I hugged him tightly - the man was already drunk - slapping him on the back. I needed him more than I let on.

"Get a room." Manakil commented, taking her seat and sipping her own drink. It swirled in her hands, a real rasapaṇḍita compared to the both of us. While our food was ordered we talked about how long we'd known each other at that point - almost ten years in September, Manakil pointed out - and how things had changed. The government had completely swallowed up that news agency we worked for, now just another propaganda machine that overlooked the abuses the Pulisa carried out. Everybody in Abacus had a smile on their face. They enjoyed their food and laughed in their conversations, but there was something different about the atmosphere. I couldn't help but feel that some of them recognized me, their decisions already made up. Some risked glances in my general directions while my friends grabbed my attention, some assuring, some not so much. My food was delivered and just as delicious as always. Manakil dropped the bomb that she was planning on moving abroad in the next few weeks; the entire reason she planned the dinner to begin with. She really caught us off-guard with that one. 

"Where'd you plan on going?" Rehan was also thinking about moving away, though he didn't go very far beyond a few quick searches on the internet. 

"Melbourne. Lovely weather over there, and quite a spot for journalism over there at the moment. No harm in flying over for a twelve-month period and feel things from there."

"I think you'll do incredibly well." I assured her, holding my wine glass at the center of the table. Rehan followed suit, clinging with mine. She shook her hand with a knowing smile, raising her own to complete it.

"What can I say, here's to hoping for the very best!" I called out, looking at her reaction the entire time. 

"The very best to all of us."




 

 

22: Chapter 21 - A Sudden Loss

-Nora-

Lili scribbled on her pad, quiet for the first time in a long while. Her hair needed to be cut; the curls were starting to knot, split ends going down to her knees. Still, whenever we even brought up the concept of a salon she would lose her mind, and my mental state just wasn't willing to deal with it anymore. My husband claimed he would be able to take her, yet he was nowhere to be seen. Typical. 

"Let me see the drawing!" I called out. She gave it to me excitedly, waiting for my reaction. It was a series of scribbles and shapes, nothing too concrete. As a conceptual piece, it wasn't bad. 

"I'm definitely getting something from this, it's your best work yet!" I beamed, watching her face light up. She probably didn't mean to make a masterpiece, but when she completely focuses on the task her eyes become narrow and her lips pursed tight, blocking out everything else. I saw a little bit of myself in my daughter, even if it only appeared in fleeting moments. "You know, I was thinking of maybe having a girl's day, just you and I. No boys allowed."

"Boys are weird." She spoke, looking back over her drawing to make some changes. 

"Absolutely! I was thinking of doing something fun..."

"What is it, Mommy?"

"Promise you'll listen to me before saying yes or no?"

"Hai!"

"What would you say if we went to the salon - "

"No!" Her voice went back up to that annoying octave. It hurt my ears.

"But you said you'd listen to me before saying no!"

"I don't wanna!"

"But I haven't told you what we're going to go with the hair they cut!"

It definitely made her curious, looking at me with the kind of stare only kids could pull off. 

"See, Mommy needs to get a haircut too, and I was thinking that we should keep the hair they cut..."

I could see it in her face, she really wanted to say no. Still, she wanted me to finish my premise before she decided, and I would have been a terrible businesswoman if I couldn't even convince my daughter to get her hair cut. 

"You see, you're not going to be a little girl forever, and I wanted to do something so I could remember how little you were!"

"I wanna grow big just like you!" She screamed, still shrill but a somewhat more manageable level. 

"Well I was thinking, if we get the hair that's cut, and we make it into a cute little bow, and we can frame it and hang it up on the wall. How does that sound?"

She thought about it, she pulled off that same expression on her face, lost in the premise. Unbeknownst to herself she started playing with the very hair I wanted chopped, wrapping it around her fingers playfully. 

"Can we hang it in my room?" 

"Wherever you want." I promised, watching Lili smile and laugh and return to her drawing. She saved the little sketch on her pad and opened a blank document, getting her colors ready. I lounged back onto the sofa and switched on the TV, very deliberately searching for the right channel. CSB News was notoriously difficult to stream in Japan, but I waived them with the right access codes and privileges. Eventually I found a secure link, the feed materializing into a semi-solid shape around us. The room's lighting darkened to compensate. Lili looked up, confused at the stadium she was looking at. 

"What's on?"

I didn't answer at first, I looked at the only person I was interested in, taking his place on his podium. He made good on his promise though; every attempt I made to talk to him was met with extreme silence. My contact was blocked in every capacity, even the relatively obsolete E-mails that were popular when we were kids. My friend looked on at the crowd with determination in his eyes, and when the announcer asked what his aims were for the election campaign in Bangladesh he answered them clearly and consisely, even when he was interrupted. 

Aayush. 

I lost him, a man I knew since university. I felt the biggest sense of regret for what happened that day, just a short week ago, a lifetime in my memories. It brought everything into focus; how much I hated my marriage, how I never met my friends until it was too late, and just looking at him again... I didn't even realize that I liked him until he closed the gap and kissed me. That tinge of regret lingered even before we finished, but it was almost unbearable now. What would my parents think if they were still here now? 

I knew what I had to do. Almost on cue, the door was opened, Asashi coming back from his errands. 

"Daddy!" She screamed, rushing towards her father. It was obvious he was her favorite (it suited me absolutely fine) but watching him pick her up and twirl her around left a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth, a picture of bliss when it was anything but sincere. He sat next to me, trading our mandatory kisses. It just didn't feel right now. 

"You alright?" (I didn't even realize he was asking me until he stared into my eyes, confused) 

"Just... my friend's on TV. It's a big thing for him."

"Oh... Aayush! Haven't seen the guy in years!" (He was never going to have the chance to see him again) 

"It's a mess over there; totalitarian state, he's looking to roll back some of their restrictions."

"Really? How is he going to do that by himself?"

"I asked him the same question. Aayush is stubborn like that. He'll see it through...somehow."

"Well, I'm making dinner, the usual for you?"

"Please." The conversations had gotten so mundane now, he saved his enthusiasm for Lili, though it wasn't entirely his fault. He whipped into the kitchen while she followed him, screaming at the top of her lungs in excitement just like she always did. 

The rest of the evening played out the way it usually did; we gathered around the same table at precisely 8:30pm, we had largely the same food day in and day out. Asashi asked Lili how her day in school went, and she would give him the usual rundown about how she doesn't like some kids, got into trouble with others, and how they keep telling her that her Mom was famous because my face was currently plastered across every promotional tool in the city. The results since my absence came in and they didn't look good; growth was lowered (again) while our outsourcing had also stalled. It was my decision to terminate contracts to companies who provided us with the raw materials needed to make our earlier projects when we found a method to print them ourselves, only to see an increase in product recalls and stock evaluations. Attempts to gain those companies' interest back had very limited success. These all played on my mind as Lili told me about the time she tripped and fell while the other kids laughed at her. None of that even registered with me. 

"Well sweetie, you just need to ignore them, they don't know how special you are!" Asashi chimed in, taking over. He held her so tightly and squeezed her, making her laugh. I quickly put on as best a smile as I could and said the exact same thing again, noticing the look in my husband's eye. 

He hated me, and I was about to give him a genuine reason to. 

She was taken to bed while I gathered the things we needed to watch TV. My glass of wine was already poured and swirling in my hands, my blanket was wrapped around me and my glasses on. By the time I switched the Bangladesh news channel again the debate was over, simply followed with a set list of when they would arrive in a certain city and what coverage would spring from there. I watched it blankly as Asashi arrived, fetching his own drink. He sat next to me and opened the cap, taking a small swig from the bottle. He needed it about as much as I need mine. For a few minutes we just sat there and watched the projection which meant nothing to either of us. 

"You completely zoned out again." I was waiting for his comment, and Asashi mentioned it slowly, soft as a whisper. 

"Work's on my mind."

"Work is always on your mind, Nora."

"When I have this kind of house to maintain, the bills paid and Lili's trust funds saved, I can't afford to slip up."

"You can slip a little bit for the sake of your own daughter." His response grew a bit louder now, I was forced to put my finger up to my mouth. "She's talking to me, asking why you don't want to talk to her. She's wondering if you hate her."

"What? Please tell me you defended me!"

"Of course I did, it's just... getting more and more difficult to do it each day."

I whipped the blanket off of me, surprised that I was only hearing about this now. I didn't want to sit next to him, though he followed me into the kitchen anyway. 

"Look I'm sorry, but we're going to have to put a little bit more effort into this for Lili's sake!"

"I can't afford to put more effort into this, because if I put more effort into this I'm going to lose myself."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I put everything else before me; my business, my friends, my husband and my child! If I put any more effort into something that isn't myself right now, I'm going to lose myself completely!"

"Is that such a bad thing nowadays?"

I stopped talking for a second, trying to process what he just told me. 

"You're going to need to elaborate on that, right now."

"You've completely changed. You were such a kind and happy person when I first met you, we used to lounge together and laugh and share memories and those first few years... they were perfect! You're a completely different person now. You don't want me to touch you, you're distant from everybody but your co-workers, and even then there's this sort of detachment. You're outside looking in at all of us and it makes me sick!"

I knew I was turning red, angry. I knew we were going to have this kind of talk again this week, but most of my anger came from the fact that I didn't even have the moral high ground now. The problem with Asashi was that when I tried to end the conversation, to move to a different room to diffuse the whole thing, he would just follow me and continue from there. I walked into my room, but he was hot on my heels. 

"You can't run from this forever! We need to talk things through and - "

"I had an affair, Asashi."

So there it was, the cat out of the bag. The words felt like they dropped the second they left my mouth, like I could almost feel them as they landed on the floor. Asashi turned pale, his eyes darting from one point of my face to the other 

"What..."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you in a more...dignified way." My face was probably still red, but for an entirely different reason. Asashi sat on the bed, still in shock, trying to process this. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, leaving it out slowly. 

"Well in that case, seeing as we're being honest with each other..."

It took me a second to register what he had implied, but once it did it felt like a punch to the gut. The worst part was that I couldn't say anything about it, I knew the guilt that he felt when he did it, what it was like to hide it when carrying out our everyday lives. 

"Oh..."

"I'm not happy here. This isn't a happy marraige. This isn't a happy life."

"You're right, it isn't."

"Ironic, how we're closer than we've been in the last year while talking about being further apart." He sighed, looking out into the Osaka skyline from our window. "I should have told you. You didn't deserve to be kept in the dark. Whenever I think of Lili..."

I sat beside him, realizing that this just might be one of the last times we sat together like this. There was nothing else to say; we were on a god damn sinking ship from the beginning and both of us were too proud to say anything about it. After ten or twenty minutes of silenece, he took his leave and walked outside, sleeping inside the guest bedroom. I wrapped myself around my own blankets, the weight of a planet lifted off my shoulders even if I was loathe to admit it. 

*

Bijinesu was in chaos. 

It couldn't be helped; there were a fresh number of product recalls in regard to our new holographic TV set (there was a faulty chip in the processing that stifled the projection) which only complicated recent matters. As soon as I walked through the door I was in front of the Quality Specialists, asking them how on earth did they let such a simple error pass through their screening. The next problem was holding onto the employees I already had; wages were increased to keep people at their desk and assembly lines, but rumors were still abound that jobs were to be cut. I had to personally tell them it was false, but the way they looked at me meant they didn't believe a single word I said. I didn't know what else they needed to personally assure them. The only thing that was selling were our lens, but even that meant the profit was split between ourselves and Gijutsu. In a business sense, we were backed up into a corner. Still, there were worse places to fight from. I organized a meeting with marketing, ordering them to come up with a way to spin it in our favor. Everybody loved an underdog, even in the business world. All we had to do was admit our faults, and promise customers that we would do better and strike where it mattered. 

"Nora!"

Touma rushed towards me, completely flustered. It was never good news. 

"Hit me."

"Stockholders flew in this morning. All of them."

I stopped moving. 

"You mean - "

"Every single person who owns a stake in the company. They're in in conference from C-3, and they're requesting a meeting with you."

"Now? Can't they see we're busy?"

My friend didn't say anything after that. 

"You're keeping something from me, Touma."

"I'll look after this side of operations from here. Just send me your schedule. Go."

If it was anyone else I would have flat-out refused, emphasising my position in the company. Because it was Touma, I handed her my pad with the necessary plans and walked towards the nearest elevator. Asashi and I needed to start divorce proceedings as soon as possible (he wanted to gain sole custody of our daughter, something I was willing to agree on) but those thoughts seemed so whimsical now as the glass doors sealed shut and I was whisked up into the air. I closed my eyes and felt the sensation coarse through my body, realizing that whatever was about to happen wasn't good. 

Every single shareholder, were we really underperforming that badly? Under my watch?

Room C-3 was found easily enough, and it was one of our largest venues, but once I walked inside it was full to the brim of men and women who had a stake in the company. It was a very dangerous situation; they collectively held 51.1% of the company, so if they all decided on one thing...

"So, you reqested a meeting here with me today, and here I am." I started, walking towards the podium in the center of the room, dimming the lights with my remote and projections began to shine in their place. "For future reference, any meetings of this nature needs to be booked four weeks in advance, you just took me away from some very serious developments. Also, any co-ordinated meetings could had easily been made through E-mail."

"This is urgent. We needed to make that clear." Trevor stated, the European investor sitting front and center. I never did like that man. "I'll be speaking on behalf of ourselves this morning, and we've come to an arrangement."

"Which is?" I didn't have time for this. 

"We were approached by another company, willing to take over our shares."

"You were all approached?" This spelt very bad news. They could see it in my face, there was no time to hide that. 

"We have all collectively decided to sell our stock to Kaito Ito, managing director for Gijutsu Industries. The process has already begun."

I spent a few seconds digesting that information, but no matter which way I processed it, it wouldn't change the outcome; that bastard now owned the majority of the company. 

"Law dictates that an acting CEO of a company cannot hold more than fifty percent of voting power in a business." I declared, but it was as weak a defence as any, knowing what he was going to say next. 

"He has already divided 2.1% of those shares within Gijutsu, still leaving him with forty-nine percent of the company. Still a more significant share than you."

"What's with this sudden exchange of hats? You are all well aware of their defective products throughout our Sesshoku lenses, courts have ruled in our favor!"

"That was before, look at the company today! Our shares had fallen so far that some of us came out of this with a net loss. To put it bluntly, we have no confidence in your abilities as acting CEO."

I felt powerless, because in business terms I was. The thought of that man walking around the offices that I built, overseeing the people I had employed and ruling the business I resurrected with my own bare hands. I couldn't show any emotion, though it was so difficult to do that I was hiding back tears. They looked at me with smiles across their damn faces. Not s single person cared!

"That will be all, you will be contacted about the merger in due course. Feel free to return to whatever business you were attending to." Trevor mockingly stated, and just like that they left their seats, a well-coordinated departure. I couldn't say anything as they walked outside, the biggest insult of them all. I stayed in that room long after they shut the door behind them, defeated.  

 

23: Chapter 22 - Sylhet & Darshita

 

-Aayush-

The train was uncomfortable - the seats were supportive enough, but sitting in one spot for any length of time just didn't agree with me anymore - so I tried to distract myself by looking outside and watching the countryside as it passed by. I hadn't been to this part of the country in a while; my parents would love to take us outside the city every summer, with enough pocket change to buy anything we wanted that particular year. Nintendo and SEGA were just beginning to emerge when I grew up, so a Game Boy was the first thing I bought with this new-found funding. Dhali would hold onto that for quite a bit longer than I would, though. I smiled at the memory, one of the nicer ones. I wanted to call my brother and ask how they were getting on, but shyed away form the idea. All that mattered was that they were in good hands.

The train hit a bump, especially noticeable with my bad back. I put up with it.

We passed over Keane Bridge. Originally intended for pedestrians and cars, it was further supplemented by rail when infrastructure picked up. I watched families as they walked over it, pouring into the city. It was always going to be a big event when an election campaign trail stopped by your city, and businesses were taking full advantage of it; advertising for hotels and cafes were everywhere, proudly displaying the logo for the Samājatāntrika. Sylhet had benefited greatly from the government, their failing infrastructure transformed almost overnight. Technological centers were constructed, public services were built or extended and old and decrepit buildings gave way to brand-new residential quarters... for the people that could afford it. I decided to head up to the city a day early - making the most out of my general obscurity - and to gleam as much information as I could from the actual residents. Surveys and censuses only gave away so much information, and I knew they were going to be quoted during tomorrow's debate. I needed facts of my own.

Nora tried to call me virtually every day. It took everything I had not to answer them.

We stopped outside the Bandar Bazar, completely packed with people and tourists. I was just grateful to stretch my legs and walk outside, the sun shining down on us. The old buildings I had remembered from my childhood trips had vanished, instead replaced with a shopping mall, fountains proudly displayed outside it while students walked around. Shops sprouted from every available space, selling everything imaginable from technology to spices. Curious - and because I was starving - I went to the first food stall I could find, hoping to grab some Haleem. The keeper at the stall seemed very entusiastic, offering me the soup; made of mutton and spices, a single slice of lemon inside it. It was one of the finest I've had.

Walking through the city was an experience in and of itself; the streets were narrow but well-signed, traffic flowing normally and orderly. Some of the houses looked lovely, several storeys high and very colorful. Everybody seemed to be in a good mood, something which made me both happy and nervous. It was going to be very difficult to sway the public in my favor when they were being treated so good under this administration.

I moved deeper and deeper into the city, watching as it eventually swallowed me, blocking out the sky completely as apartments grew taller. Eventually it became so dark that lights replaced sunlight, and the tone of Sylhet suddenly changed. Neon signs mixed with holographic projections, several stores displaying brand-new TVs, blinding me. Several fast food outlets were in full-swing, the smell of curry and spices hanging heavily in the air. Kids played with a soccer ball in the middle of the street, a rough outline of a pitch drawn out in chalk. It was weird, seeing the old mixed with the new, looking at what could had been a childhood memory of mine mixed with the future.

Eventually - and it was probably inevitable at that point - a few residents recognized me, forcing me to leave when they started asking questions.

I went further and further, still hungry and still looking for answers. Al-Hamra looked different to when I last walked through here, reminding me of the last stop on our day trip. A KFC store used to sit there, I remembered it being the best damn food I ever tasted at the time before I knew all about general hygenic standards in fast food outlets. My new Game Boy was resting in my hands, without the batteries needed to turn it on. Still, it was almost like I could feel it in my hands now...

"Excuse me?"

Her voice came from nowhere, breaking me out of the memory. The woman who approached me tried to place me, her eyes squinting slightly.

"You're Aayush, right?"

"Unfortunately, yes." I joked, holding out my hand. "I suppose you want to ask some questions about the campaign as well?"

"Me? No, but I did want you for another reason. We weren't expecting you today."

I tensed. "I wanted to see what I could gleam from the residents here; what they liked about the administration and what they don't like."

"They'll tell you that they like everything." She responded, watching people as they passed us. "Not going to lie to you, this city wants for almost nothing. For most of these residents the rest of the country means nothing to them."

"Well that's not a very realistic approach towards national policies."

"Not at all, and if you'll follow me I can show you people who can give you answers."

"No offense, but I haven't even caught your name?" I was resisting the urge to back away. I couldn't trust anyone who just approached me and asked me to follow them.

"My name's Darshita Kanjilal, and I understand. How about we talk things out over food?"

"Depends on where you have in mind?"

She smiled and began to walk, gesturing me to follow. Things only got darker and darker the more we buried ourselves in the concrete jungle, no trace of sunlight whatsoever. Street lighting painted the pavements and streets in various different colors depending on what block we were on, some of them tight as corridors while others opened up into expansive areas. Darshita commented on how local gangs liked to claim these zones for themselves, but always under the constant watch of the Pulisa. They were nothing more than teenagers anyway, hardly a threat.

"You'd be surprised who could be considered a threat nowadays." I noted. She seemed to understand.

Eventually the streets opened up to reveal a large, circular plaza. It couldn't have been here when I last visited, and it made me wonder how many houses were leveled to make it happen, but more stalls covered the vast majority of the space, even more extravagent than the ones outside the city. Even more impressive was the fact that people from different buildings were busy coordinating a large, rainbow-colored piece of cloth, enough to hang over the entire plaza. I looked towards my new guide for clarification. It was exactly what I imagined. Before my eyes, dozens of kids and grown-ups held onto different pieces of the cloth, draping it over every stall and above our heads. They launched each individual corner up into the air, one at a time, caught by a resident on the fourth of fifth storey of each block, wrapping it around something solid. Minute by minute, the cloth extended higher, covering everything. The street lights shone through it, casting different-colored shapes onto the ground. It reminded me of visiting a circus tent.

"Ambitious." I said.

"We like to put on a show."

Darshita invited me to one particular stall, making small talk with the man behind the counter, quite clearly friends. The সাতকরা/হাতকরা বিফ - Beef with a hint of citrus macroptera - was the first thing I wanted, and my stomach seemed to agree. I ordered it immediately, pleasantly hit with the smell even before the food was served. People were gathering in droves, watching the entertainment and the music and food. It all looked so... peaceful.

"So when were you going to tell me you were a part of the Gōpana?" I asked, taking a bite of my food and marveling at the flavor. It was the kind that danced on my tongue, leaving behind a great aftertaste. My guide looked at me, wondering if I actually asked that question.

"Was I that obvious?"

"No, after all you recognized me during the political debate and decided to approach me." I continued inbetween bites. "I have to say, if you're a part of the radical branch of that group. I will have to bid you farewell."

"I'm not, we believe in the same aspects as you do." She explained, glancing around to see if anybody was in earshot. "We've seen what the Samājatāntrika did, spin those protests and make us out to be nothing more than terrorists. We support what you're doing, Aayush. Making the Gōpana name synonymous with change. Real change."

"I take it the Samājatāntrika also funded these festivities?"

"Paying off the goodwill of the people, no doubt." She agreed, noticing a pair of Pulisa officers at the other end of the plaza, dressed as they had always dressed and sticking out from the colorful crowd. "Look, I know that you won't follow me. You don't trust me, I understand. Just know that we're looking up to you, and you'll find the answers you're looking for."

"You're right, I don't trust you." I stated, reaching for a piece of paper and scribbling down my name and contacts. "But if you wouldn't mind, could I ask you a quick question?"

"Not at all!"

"Would you mind telling me why Chari asked you to meet me here?"

She tensed up as more and more people crowded into the plaza, fetching some food as children danced in the middle of the rainbow-colored courtyard.

"You seriously expect me to believe anything you said? I know he was the one who assaulted me... and who knows, maybe you were there the night of the attack. Am I warm?"

She didn't respond. I didn't expect her to. I handed her the sheet of paper with my name and number.

"Pass it onto him. If he has any issues, he is more than welcome to call me personally. Maybe we can sit down and talk things out over food."

If she said anything in response to that, I didn't hear it. I had already brushed past her, making my way out of the courtyard. Chari knew where to find me.

*

It was hard to keep track of time in the city. Because there was no sunlight, there was no obvious shift into night; the lighting stayed the same, the buildings blocked out the stars just as much as it did the sun. My hotel was cheap but it did its job, overlooking the streets which seemed to stretch forever. It was humid, forcing me to sleep without any blankets. Trouble was, I was having difficulty sleeping anyway.

My thoughts grappled with Nora yet again.

I couldn't shake her out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. It was difficult pinning down exactly what I thought of her; I didn't love her, not in the usual way. I didn't want to wake up in bed to find her lying beside me. I didn't want to walk down the street holding hands with her. We were friends - and really close friends at that - for most of our lives.

So why did we do it?

I wanted to message her, but fought against every fiber of my being to do it. I ruined her marraige, I was certain of it. Knowing her she would have told her husband by now, something she didn't really need on her plate. My thumb hovered over my phone screen, before eventually relenting. I typed as much as I could, knowing I wouldn't fall asleep until I did.

'I'm sorry. I was reckless.'

The message would be screened by the Samājatāntrika, but it was so brief that there shouldn't be any problems. I let the phone lie by my side, finally finding the energy to sleep...

*

While the last debate took place in the Bangabandhu stadium in Dhaka, the next stage of the event was a more humble location; we conveyed at the CSB news station at the heart of Sylhet, an antique compared to the rest of the city. It turned cold, the breeze biting at my legs. I shivered, looking to head inside as quickly as possible. The reception was huge, production crews filled the halls, assembling their equipment in preparation for the event. I had nobody to support me this time, but I knew what to do. I knew what I had to say and when to say it, I knew they were going to use the relative comfort of Sylhet to their advantage and how to counter that argument.

"Aayush."

Sri Rahmen approached me, relying heavily on his cane. His eyes were focused on me, magnified with heavy glasses. It was difficult to take him seriously when he looked like that.

"What can I help you with?"

"You can start by following me."

My body tensed up. The man looked at me with absolute conviction in those enlarged eyes of his, escorting me to a sealed-off room and away from the reporters and crew. The office was abandoned, lights flickering in the corner of an otherwise-mundane room.

"I know what you did." He claimed, his voice like gravel. My fears were confirmed.

"I don't follow?"

"Bullshit, you're just like the rest of those filthy Bēhudā, you only chase blood in the streets!"

"I don't." I warned, making sure he got the full weight of my message. "I don't agree with a lot of your policies, and I'm going to change things once I'm elected into office. You're not going to stop me."

"Young man, I've been doing this for decades. I climbed this political ladder and rubbed shoulders with the best of them. You came from faux-militants that attacked me personally," He reached for his chest pocket, fetching some sort of disc. "I know you were there that day, when your kind protested outside Dhaka. As soon as people see this, you're finished."

He must had seen me.

I didn't give anything away, but the silence must had been all the confirmation he needed. He was also absolutely right; if he showed my face in the middle of the chaos, I would end up in a prison cell. Sri looked me dead in the eyes, looking for any sort of weakness. He didn't see any.

"Suit yourself. It's going to be a very interesting evening." He stated, taking his leave and leaving me alone in the room, scrambling to find some way of saving myself.

*

Compared to Dhaka, the studio was a small, cramped affair, room for ourselves and the press but not a single person more. Sabeeyah smiled and talked with a few executives, confirming the schedule and questions. Everybody else ws accounted for, except for Sadi Collins. He left the campaign trail after the grilling he recieved in Dhaka. I had to think of it as a small victory; one step closer to having a seat in parliment. Unfortunately, so did everybody else.

"Okay, we're live in ten minutes, so I need you to take your seats and grab what you need." She stated, calm and collected even when she was dealing with multiple things at once. People hovered all around her, handing her pads with schedules as she sipped on her coffee. Mr. Rahmen sat on the opposite end of the room to me, but I didn't even need to look at him to know he was glaring at me. I was going to have to deal with him during the interview, mulling the defense I needed when he played the footage. Sadaqat and Mikalaus spoke amongst themselves, the next threat to deal with. Time slowed to a crawl as I adjusted myself in my seat, the lights blinding me. I spotted the cameras and crew, focusing on which ones to look at.

"Good evening, and welcome from CSB Headquarters in Sylhet. My name is Sabeeyah Quazi and we're on the next step of our general election campaign." She beamed, picture-perfect for the camera. "Tonight we'll be looking further into each candidate's election promises, focusing specifically on national policies."

I began to sweat. Sri was first in line, ready to be questioned. He started by pointing out the success of the education system under his department's stead and it looked good on paper; the average attendence improved over the last five or so years, with a higher percentage of students attaining their degrees. Wages also increased for teachers and those students had a higher likelihood of getting a job... in Bangladesh.

That was my moment to strike.

"If you'll excuse me, mind if I interject?" I asked, cutting Rahmen off as he gloated. "I just wanted to bring up an interesting point while discussing the success of our education system; what are your thoughts on the recent action by Australia to offically refuse to recognise degrees earned in Bangladesh?"

"The foreign policy of other countries is for them to decide, not us." He explained without breaking a sweat.

"That might be true, but the same can also be said for Italy and Greece. Do you notice a pattern, especially around the last five years or so?"

There was silence for a few moments. I continued while the cameras where still focused on me.

"Did we ever stop and ask ourselves why their foreign policies are so aggressive towards us, how fewer people are successfully managing to move abroad and their passports declined? I went to the States recently, and if it weren't for my own pre-determined written forms I would had been denied entry outright? We can talk about how foreign policies of other countries and neglect them all we want, but we can't ignore them."

"We're talking about national policies today, not international." He pointed out, resting on his cane, though I could see his knuckles turned white. I was getting to him.

"Also true, but eventually down the trail these questions will have to be asked again. This won't go away."

"That's an interesting statement but we have to stick to the topic at hand." Sabeeyah pointed out, a careful smile on her face. It was a warning, I nodded and allowed him to continue. What mattered was that I planted the topic into viewer's minds.

The rest of the debate carried on smoothly enough; Sadaqat discussed the need for a National Standard - looking at underperfoming towns and cities and bringing them up to the standards of Dhaka and Sylhet. That meant constructing new factories for mineral processing and technology centers for everything else. When asked about the environmental consequences of such a plan, Sadaqat interrupted her at every possible turn, refusing to let the reporter get a word in.

"The real consequences will happen when we fall further behind from the rest of the world!" He insisted, his voice raised.

My back hurt from slouching in the same seat for so long, my throat was bone-dry despite the water we were given, my heart pumping in my throat. One by one Sabeeyah moved closer towards me, and each and every time I could feel Sri's eyes, patient and waiting for the perfect moment.

"So, Aayush."

Sabeeyah walked over to me, the cameras following suit. She must had been wearing an earpiece because something distracted her, turning away subtly to catch it. I knew what they were going to ask me.

"We saw your debate back in Dhaka, it caused a little bit of a stir among viewers. We can clearly see that you're passionate even with your disagreement with Rahmen."

"This means more to me than you know."

"So tell us, what sort of policies would you hope to apply to help national interest?"

"Well, one thing I will say is that this lovely city wants for nothing." The words of Darshita echoed in my head. "In a way I agree with Mr. Rahmen, but for the opposite reason. He wants underdeveloping towns and cities to catch up with the rest of us, when we should be using the resources and distributing them out more evenly." He didn't cut across to challenge me, which was a little odd. Still, it didn't make me any less nervous.

Everything moved smoothly; Mikalaus was grilled about his own policies the most, but the cameras kept darting back towards Rahmen and I. We were definitely the frontrunners very early on in the election. I spent more time than I cared to admit focusing on the old man, waiting for his opportunity and if he was going to take it.

Then suddenly, as Sabeeyah returned her attention for our closing statements, he did.

"I'm sorry, but I can't sit here and pretend that we're not in the midst of a terrorist anymore." He croaked, darting his eyes towards me. "I don't understand why we're allowing this man to sit beside us, to discuss his policies under that bastard of a name, when their political disruptions are well documented!" He reached into his pocket, fetching that damn disc. "If I may, I'm going to play a clip of one particular disruption, and I want this candidate to explain his crimes!"

I looked to Sabeeyah to read her reaction, but she was busy with her earpiece, looking away and paying attention to a voice only she could hear. She turned back to me, and her expression gave it away.

"You may play it." My fears were confirmed.

Somebody from production approached him, accepting the disc without hesitation. Everybody else shuffled around, confused. Most of them looked over to me from the corner of their eye, suddenly looking at me from a different perspective. I gripped the armrests tightly, trying my best to appear calm but knowing damn well I was failing at it. The presenter looked at me, looking for acknowledgement. I simply nodded, she had very little choice in the matter. The projection played from an TV feed, supporting an out-of-date format. The cameras trailed over to it, recording every detail while the press wrote down notes.

It was just as he said it was.

Gōpana flags were everywhere, several clashes with police as some of us were forced to the ground, broken and bruised. I knew Aapti was there, forcing any and all coverage to focus on them. I searched for my face, the final nail in my political career. No amount of words or responses was going to save me now.

It kept playing... and I was nowhere to be seen. We were covered with masks and bavaclavas. I distinctly remembered the point where I decided to run, when my lungs felt like bursting and the guilt of abandoning my friends creeped in.

The projection ended: He was bluffing!

He sat in his place, looking into my eyes with the kind of anger only he could muster. His plan failed; he obviously wanted me to confess to his threat so he would never have to play the footage and expose himself. He played his hand, and it was a losing one.

"I fail to see how I'm a part of this." I explained. "Do you actually have footage that ties me into Gōpana activity, or did you use that just to sway public opinion?"

He didn't answer me. I knew not to be too smug about it; all they had to do was interrogate Aapti or anybody else I knew in the organization for them to get an answer.

"Well, if that's all..."

The televised debate closed not long after that, the next stop was planned, international policies were next on the agenda, and as soon as we were let go I took my leave and I never looked back.

I waited for Chari to contact me, but he never did. I thought as much.

 

 

24: Chapter 23 - Mothers

-Nora-

-50 Years Old-

Higashiosaka was quiet around this time of year. In many ways it saw the trajectory of the urbanisation of Japan and looked the other way. Some of the buildings dotted here were hundreds of years old, not a single hologram in sight. It became an oasis for people who felt left behind by the business and technology industry, or for those who wanted a more scenic lifestyle away from the buildings and people.

I never thought I would be one of those people.

Ever since the takeover, Bijinesu was absorbed into the Gijutsu company, removing its name. Kaito got his wish, if only for the twelve or so months he had left to live. He passed away not long after that, the only sort of karma I was going to get. I retired with enough money to comfortably see me through for the rest of my life, spread out to cover the mortgage on my home, Lili's third-level education and for travel expenses. I travelled quite frequently nowadays, if only to see the rest of the world that I couldn't see when I was younger.

I looked in the mirror and saw a well-travelled face; my skin held up admirably until a few years ago, when my smile lines began to creep in. Heavy bags sat under my eyes now, something no amount of moisturiser could fix. I liked the grey strands in the middle of my hair, tucking them behind my ear and smiling at my reflection. Lili was coming over any minute now, I just needed to make sure the house was ready for her when she arrived. There was a lot I wanted to do today; we were going to tackle the Kuragari Pass while the weather held up, maybe travel into Osaka itself so she could meet up with a few of her friends. It was a tricky balance negotiating with her father, but we eventually found it. I was free to go about my endeavors and have her at a capacity I was comfortable with. Still, she was her father's daughter and clearly he was the favorite. I didn't exactly help in that case.

But there was something that needed to be done first.

It was going to be the thirteeth anniversary since Jacob passed away. It was something that stopped me in my tracks whenever it came into my head. There was no possible way that much time had passed, it felt like only yesterday that I was slouched upside down on my sofa, trying to digest information on a book alongside him while talking about the future. Ticket prices for Seattle were extortionate these days, but they were booked as quickly as I could type. Aayush was also flying over for it...

Aayush and I were cold, and it was never going to thaw out again. We got back in touch and settled our differences, but everything after that was in written form. He found a girl, they got married recently. I was happy for him.

I was really happy for him.

The sound of a car pulling up snapped me out of my daydream, my best game face on. Lili hopped out of the passenger door, glancing at her phone while she hugged Asashi. I walked outside and smiled as best I could, helping my daughter with the luggage. She was busy making plans of her own, getting her friends together and managing her eighteenth. She wanted to go abroad and really let loose, something I wasn't particularly happy with. Her father and I clashed about that subject as well.

"That car is an old-age pensioner at this point." She noted, pointing to my kei car outside my drive. She wasn't really wrong, my S660 was really starting to feel its age even with the restoration efforts I had made. The paint was so bare that I swore I could see the metal body panels beneath it, the tyres needed changing (which was difficult considering they were no longer mass-produced) and the small interior infortainment was about six generations out-of-date.

"She's got plenty of life left in her." I pointed out, watching Asashi's sad smile. I had this car when we first dated. Lili walked inside, carrying her suitcase. I suppose I couldn't really complain about the amount of stuff she carried when I was the exact same girl when I was her age.

"She's excited for her birthday." Asashi said, shuffling awkward on the spot. "We were planning on having the official, family-sponsored party for her, then her official party with friends afterwards."

"I take it Las Vegas is still on the cards?"

"She's an adult, Nora. She'll be fine."

"She's not an adult yet, but if you're sure..." I didn't want to waste the energy with him. I knew I couldn't change her mind no matter how hard I tried. You couldn't blame a mother for worrying about her children, though. He told me when he was going to collect her and drove off again, leaving me to see him off. I didn't know how his new wife had the energy to deal with him. I looked longingly at my Honda, brushing the door with my hand.

"Plenty of life left in us." It didn't give me a response.

My daughter had already unpacked in her room, on the phone to God knows how many people, excited beyond belief. When she smiled she was the splitting image of me, only looking more like her father when she frowned. She moved into the kitchen, still on the phone as she held it up to her ear with her shoulder. I made sure there was enough food to feed a small village while she stayed over, her favorite foods tended to change from visit to visit. I whipped up a salad while she disappeared back into her room, something to keep me going during the hike.

"Lili, sweetie?" I risked asking (she was still on the phone) opening my computer pad and scouring the business articles while I waited. They were finally cracking the case when it came to AI, a system that could reliably oversee an entire business, but it was still in testing. Still, it could radically alter the course of how companies and businesses are handled. I wasn't sure how I felt about something like that just yet.

The picture of our hair was still hanging up in the living room - how it didn't break in my hands during all that time, I will never know - the locks from when she was just a little girl. They were starting to lose their shape even from a year ago, clearly not the best idea I've ever had. Still, I just didn't have the heart to throw it out.

"What are we doing today?" She asked, breezing into the room and finally detatched from her phone. She grabbed a fork and took a tiny piece from my salad, nibbling on it as she turned on the TV.

"How does hiking sound?"

"It sounds awful."

"Oh C'mon, you can tell me all about school. Your father told me there was a boy..."

"What? That was supposed to be a secret!"

"He's not very good at keeping secrets, then." Her face turned red, a rare case of her being mad at her father instead of me. I was going to cherish this moment for a while. "Besides, I'm sure we can come to an arrangement."

"Mom, I don't want to hear another of your business propositions."

"You come with me today, I'll give you the money for Vegas."

That statement stopped her from saying anything else, her mouth snapped shut as her eyes narrowed, looking for the catch that wasn't there.

"You're going to... give me the money, to go somewhere you didn't want me to go to in the first place."

"If it means spending time with my daughter, then yes. After all you are turning into an adult... I trust you."

She smiled, clearly not expecting the conversation to go this way.

"That must had been pretty difficult to say." She joked, lounging on my sofa while the news caught her attention. It was the same old rubbish nowadays anyway. I just smiled and ate my salad, content.

Kuragari Pass wasn't too far from here, the perfect distance for my S660 to stretch its mechanical legs. After I lost my seat in my own company, I spent days on end travelling the open road with my moving family heirloom, the tiny car maneuvering through the country while I tried to find myself. I listened to previous recordings from Jacob, messaged Aayush and thought about Noah. We were all so scattered, both in life and death. There were only two recordings from my friend left, and only one of them which I could freely listen to. I wanted to wait until I hit fifty, but it had been several months since then and it never felt right. I left the roof down, catching the wind in my hair as the engine coughed and spluttered but kept working. My daughter held onto the passenger handle for dear life, making me laugh. She had no idea just how great driving could feel.

The actual pass itself was untouched by technology, still the same as it always was. The road was meticulously looked after, still smooth as silk. The sun peered through little clouds, blocking out the warmth from time to time, though the wind did a good enough job with that. I parked my time capsule where I could, stretching my legs while Lili looked at the hill, unimpressed.

"We're not walking up that hill."

"Just think of Vegas, dear."

"You better give me the money."

"Mildly threatening your own mother?"

"I love you." She smiled her sweet smile at me, the one I knew took years to perfect to appear as genuine as possible. I was impressed.

The weather gradually cleared up even more when we began our climb. I could feel the muscles in my legs burn as the elevation rose, but it was a good kind of burn, the kind that reminded me that I was alive. Birds chirped on every tree, quiet only when the rogue car or two drove past. My daughter was still stuck to her phone, her jumper already tied around her waist. She was clearly struggling but it was far too early to take a break.

"So, about that boy..."

Lili blushed, but the apprehension from earlier was gone.

"Is he the reason why you're glued to your screen?"

"It might be."

"He must be quite the charmer, then."

"He's nice enough... name's Oscar, moved over with his family from Europe. He likes talking about how much of a weeb his father is."

"I would love to meet this Oscar." I knew there wasn't a hope in hell she would grant that request, at least not yet. I hadn't been a focal point for most of her life, I knew I had to ease in slowly before she would let me share these grand milestones of hers.

"When I'm sure about him I will."

"That's what a smart young woman would say."

"Must be surprised that I'm the one who said it, then." I nudged her on the shoulder, catching onto her joke.

The climb was gentle enough, at least for me; the trees along the Shigiikoma road were bursting with leaves,blocking most of the sunlight from peeping through. It meant shade for most of the trip, something I was grateful for. I particularly loved hiking here in the autumn, when those leaves turned brown and the branches were bare. It reminded me of Halloween, with Christmas right around the corner. The wind picked up a little bit as the road curved, entirely welcome.

"So you've grilled me enough about a boy, anybody in your life right now?" Lili teased, surprising me with just how open she was. Her hair blew in the breeze, covering her face and forcing her to brush it aside. Itjust wasn't something I was expecting to be asked.

"Not right now, men have caused enough trouble in my lifetime."

"You haven't told me any of those stories. They sound like you've plenty of them to tell."

"Maybe when I meet your boyfriend, I can tell you my stories."

"There you go again with the propositions."

"I studied Business in university and worked in a company for over twenty years, forgive me if it shaped my personality a bit."

"This must be a change for you, walking outdoors and driving in your rust bucket."

"It was."

The road began to turn sharply now, my calves burning from walking. I grabbed my drink and chugged some water, feeling the cold drink as it coarsed down my throat. My daughter started to whine about the trip, but I told her that the payoff would be worth it. Cars rarely travelled here, the air crystal-clean compared to the relative smog of the city. Even from here I could see the shadow as it covered most of Osaka (it was a natural consequence of urbanisation) a reminder of just where we were going. About thirty minutes passed before we made it to where we wanted to go, and when we did Lili was fit to collapse, sitting on the nearest bench as she leaned against it. I couldn't blame her.

"Please tell me this is where we're stopping." She demanded, her voice raspy. She tried to find the right lighting for a selfie, but even that looked like it took a lot of effort on her part.

"Absolutely, you did good!"

I looked out to the observation rock, gesturing for my girl to come over and take a look (it took a lot of pursuading) but when she did she let out a low whistle, not expecting the sight. Osaka stretched out before her in all its glory, the ideal snapshot for a budding photographer such as herself. Sure enough her phone was back out, taking as many scenic pictures as she could. I was content with just looking at it with my own two eyes, making a mental picture. Jacob would had loved to see something like this.

"All this time and you never showed me this place!" She said, capturing her own face with Osaka as the backdrop. I guess I was the exact same person when I was younger, but watching her look so happy made me feel a ping of regret.

I hated looking after her as a child, it was a mistake I wanted to fix.

"Lili, mind if I say something real quick?"

"Uh-huh."

"Sans phone?"

She looked at me with her puzzled expression when I asked it, putting her phone away slowly.

"Is everything OK?"

I smiled, "Everything's fine, just a little bit of motherly wisdom for you. I haven't done much of this when you were growing up so sorry if this comes across as a bit cheesy."

"Well I'll... be prepared. Go!"

Looking at her, I remembered being that young, with my whole life ahead of me. It didn't work out as well as I'd have hoped, but at least I had a life to live out in the first place. I could see her eyes, the brightest shade of green I had ever seen. With Osaka behind her she had never looked so beautiful.

"My Lili-pond, I want you to do just one thing for me, and you might not understand completely what I'm asking you to do right now, but you will: I want you to be happy. I want you to chase after whatever dreams you have and to never compromise on it. I never want you to just settle for something, like a boy you tolerate instead of love, or a job that pays the bills but not a fully-fledged career. I want you to never allow anything or anyone to stand in the way between you and happiness, if you can promise me that much."

"Mom..."

"I've lived my life - I still have a lot of it yet to live, mind you - but I made compromises and I said and did things that I didn't necessarially wanted to say or do. I can't complain about my life but I had my mistakes and regrets. I don't want you to go through the same things. I love you so much, Lili. Your father and I cannot be more proud of you."

She was tearing up, a stray drop moving down her right cheek. I brushed it away with my thumb, kissing her forehead.

"I love you too, Mom."

"As I said, it was cheesy."

"Very cheesy... but it means a lot. Thanks so much."

"But no drunken mistakes in Vegas and no gambling your money away!"

She groaned at that, but I wraped her in my arms and held on as tightly as I could, because I knew these kind of moments wouldn't last forever.
 

*

My door was shut and the lights dimmed, my TV was activated and its screen pulsing with life. I set it to the traditional setting, knowing that I couldn't use its full settings for what I was about to watch. The rest of the weekend flew surprisingly well (Lili hid in her room in the usual way, but when she came out from time to time she was incredibly chatty, much more than I expected) so by the time Asashi parked outside on Sunday evening we were cuddled up on the sofa, watching a show she insisted we watched together. He actually stayed for an hour or two and talked about stupid trivial things before they took off. She wanted to see me next weekend, but I couldn't be there. The trip to Seattle got in the way.

Jacob and Noah waited for me over there. I hadn't been to that side of the pond in years. Even after all this time, just thinking about them made me feel a lump in my stomach. Aayush wasn't going to speak with me again. I was all by myself.

I'm sorry I couldn't hold all of us together, Jay.

I fed the chip into its slot, watching the TV as it accepted the primitive format. I had a rough idea of what I was about to see; Jay's health deteriorated with each passing clip as time went on. Every single one of them was a painful reminder of what his final days were like, no kid should go through something as painful as that. I found myself hesitating, my finger resting lightly on the button but unable to find the resolve to actually press it.

I needed to press it. I needed to go through it. He recorded it for me.

He would have been living in a comfortable house by now, preferably in Japan if he had anything to do about it. We could have travelled together for the past few decades, meeting up with the others as an escape from taxes and everyday life. He would probably be still just as handsome now as he was back in the day, wearing those slightly oversized clothes but still smiling that smile of his. I was just upsetting myself by thinking about that.

I pressed the button.

The image came up immediately, sharper than any recording before it. The picture hit me as soon as it winked into life, because it wasn't Jacob in front of the camera.

It was Evelyn.

"Hello Nora!" She called out, clearly in the middle of a corridor. I sat up straight on my bed, mildly surprised. I hadn't spoken to Mrs. Mosef since last Christmas, her son was growing up so fast that he stood taller than her by a full head now.

"Sorry about all this but Jacob... he's not feeling too good. It's just the final stages of all of this."

She turned silent for a bit, clearly noticing the way her voice broke when she spoke. It was disorientating, watching a woman who was technically younger than I was right now, her eyes from thirty years ago turning red as she wiped them. 

"I sat him up for you, but I'm going to be honest; I didn't want him to record this. He insisted on it, though. It's just... wherever you are, I hope you appreciate what he's trying to do for you."

"I do Evelyn. I do." I whispered, holding my hands to my mouth. Almost on cue, she looked away, taking in a deep breath as she head inside his hospital room. She spoke to him softly, reaching for an old magazine he was probably reading, asking if he was awake. The way she spoke so softly to him indicated just how fragile he was, confirming my fears. Once the camera turned around to face him, I froze in place, horrified. 

Jacob barely looked like himself. His skin was the palest shade of white I had ever seen on a human being, breathing heavily. An IV drip fed into his arm, the morphine needed to stave the pain away. He lost the world of weight, those same arms nothing more than sticks now. I wanted to switch it off, I never wanted to see my friend like this. 

"Nora..." Even his voice was a whisper, so soft I had to raise the volume to listen. 

"I'm here, Jay."

Evelyn spoke in the background, telling him what he had to say. The camera arched back to her for a second, her eyes still red. 

"I'm sorry Nora, just give him a few moments."

I waited as long as I needed to, watching my boy as he struggled to breathe, finally opening his eyes and shuffled in his place, trying to wake up. He looked faintly into the camera, into my eyes. 

"How're you holding up?"

There he was, a boy in the final stages of a terminal disease, asking how I was holding up! He tried to smile for me but even his lips refused to co-operate. 

"Just after seeing the Doctors... as you can imagine... they didn't exactly give me the best news...I wanted to record... more but I can't do it Nora, I just... can't."

I didn't say a thing, honestly I was too scared to say anything at all. His eyes closed and for a second I thought he fell back asleep again, but he fought it and blinked furiously, trying to come up with the words. 

"So, this is your...fifteeth right? Is that the one I'm doing now? (Evelyn confimed it in the background) Okay... Nora, I just wanted to say a big... Happy Birthday! Sending you a hug from thirty years ago! You are... you were... my favorite person on the whole...damn planet. I would have loved to have seen what you did with your life..."

His breathing slowed, his eyes closed once more, and he suddenly fell asleep. The guy couldn't handle any more. Evelyn spun the camera around, saying that was all he could record right now. She asked me to keep in touch, and I was already fetching my phone to speak to her by the time the recording ended. The TV turned blank, casting the room in darkness before I turned on the lights. It was weird, standing in my room after watching that. He wanted us to stay together more than anything else, Would we have drifted away naturally if it weren't for him? Was it inevitable for Noah to meet his end the way that he did, and for Aayush to disappear and never come face-to-face with me again? 

Instead of dialing Evelyn's number, I instead reached for Aayush. I didn't care what time zone he was in or what he was doing with his wife right now. I pressed my phone up to my ear and waited for the inevitable hang-up tone. 

Instead, he answered. 

'Hello.' It was a statement more than a surprise. There was chatter in the background, which must had meant he was awake anyway. 

'Aayush, we need to talk, and I'm not hanging up until we sort everything out...' 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

25: Final Chapter - End of Her Road

-Nora-
-90 Years Old-

The drive was a nightmare, my hand clutching the right-hand side of my body in pain. Lili was driving as best she could, but I couldn't make anything outside the windscreen, just a blurry series of shapes that I guessed were houses and other cars. My eyes failed me a few years back, I would never get over the irony of walking into an opticians and told that my own lenses (the ones I put into production) were unsuitable for me. The glasses I was forced to wear were a poor substitute. The Nissan suddenly lurched, taking a corner I hadn't expected, the daylight disappeared, replaced entirely by a soft orange light. We must had been going through a tunnel. A sudden spasm in my chest distracted me from that.

"Hang on, we're almost there!" Lili soothed, but I was fading in and out of consciousness so fast that I forgot where we were going for a second. It all happened so fast; I was making tea in my living room, the start of my usual routine, and next thing I noticed I was on the ground. The hot water scalded me but I was focusing on the pain that coarsed through my right arm, eventually hitting me in the ribs. I wasn't stupid; I just had a heart attack.

I remember coughing as soon as I discovered it (I read an article about coughing to force the blood to pump until help arrived) but my throat was so sore that I really couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was staving off the inevitable.

The car stopped, I felt the nausea that came from it but my door was already opened, my daughter's hands around me as she helped me inside. I couldn't see anything, panic slowly creeping in. I heard Lili talking with who I assumed was the receptionist, and suddenly more hands were on me and pulling me in every direction at once.

"Lili!"

"I'm still here!" She assured me.

We walked, every step felt like agony, only vaguely aware of where I was and who was around me. I reached out my good hand, finding Lili's fingers wrapped around mine. I smiled despite everything that happened, knowing that at least she was there. 

Eventually they offered to help me onto a bed. I felt like we were still walking through a corridor (perhaps the hospital was overcrowded) but my chest was in agony, distracting me from everything else. It was a struggle to breathe, to the point where I couldn't actually lie down. The words pulmonary edema caught my attention; fluid in the lungs. The most common causes of this was heart failure...

I was really going to die, wasn't I?

"The recording..." I said, those words laced with fire and burning my throat. "I need it."

Though I couldn't make them out, the vague shapes that represented the nurses and doctors around me asked what I needed again, and I gave them the same answer.

"Lili!"

She knew what I was talking about.

"I'll grab it, I'll be right back!" I could only hope that she was quick enough to fetch it and come back. I went through the steps with her as often as I could, hoping she would do it when the time came; no matter how I fared she was to get the last recording of Jacob and play it for me. Lili would always tell me that it was ridiculous and that we never needed a failsafe option like that. How wrong she was.

The bed was in motion again, several people surrounding me assuring me that I was going to be okay. I didn't believe them (reassurances could only go so far) instead thinking of Jacob to distract me from the pain. There was no way I was going to see him on a screen in any shape or form, but it was the principle of playing it for him. He made it for that purpose, I couldn't let him down! I wanted to talk to Aayush just one more time, to tell him how sorry I was for everything that happened between us. It was so long since I thought about Noah that it was difficult to picture his face properly, remembering how he was and how he changed. I could almost hear his voice.

Eventually we stopped moving, those same pair of hands lying me down as much as possible. The room I was in looked empty and bare from what I could make out, the lights unusually bright and close up. I realized that I wasn't sitting in a hospital room.

I was sitting on an operating table.

I wanted to sit up and ask what they were doing, but when I tried to flex my left hand I realized that it was completely immobile, like the signals from my brain weren't being delivered to the nerves. I tried to speak but found that I couldn't, panic setting in. Someone assured me that they were doing all they could but they were just standing there, watching me die! A mask was wrapped around my head and pulled over my mouth, making me drowsy. They were sedating me.

"I need Jacob..." I tried to say, but I couldn't tell if the words actually left my lips or if anybody heard it. Lili wasn't going to come back in time and even if she had, she wouldn't be allowed in. The room turned black, replaced by silence.

For a moment I thought that I hadn't lost consciousness, that I was going to feel everything that the doctors were about to perfom on me. Despite that knowledge, I suddenly felt calm. It was going to happen, I just had to accept it. Without warning, a series of images began to play in my head, almost as if it was someone else's dream and I was watching it from afar. I saw myself from when I was a child, celebrating the first birthday I could physically remember. It was almost as if I was right back in that room, my parents hovering in the background while I was surrounded by all my friends, incredibly proud of their daughter. I missed them so much.

It changed abruptly, right to my first day in university. I was so nervous back then, living by myself for the first time in a country I had never visited, let alone stayed in before. It was particularly cold that day, the rain mixed with the autumn leaves which made walking nothing less than an extreme sport. Registration took forever, my legs hurt from standing for too long and the lady at the end of the table couldn't make out my then-broken English.

That was when I met Jacob for the first time.

The picture kept changing, blending and combining memories together, surrounding me. Aayush and Noah followed soon after, all the countless times we spoke together, partied together, studied and cried together. I remembered all the coffee shops, the exams, the late-night conversations that were deeper than they had any right to be, the problems and the solutions that came from them. It was just four years of my life, yet those were the most prominent memories of all. I felt like I was crying, but I couldn't see my limbs, my imaginary arms and legs completely invisible when I looked down.

The memories disappeared, like they were switched off, surrounding me in darkness. It felt like I had lost all sensory information, floating aimlessly. The air (if I could call it that) felt like it grew heavier and heavier, thicker and thicker, making it difficult to breathe. I wasn't going to make it out of this alive. I was content with that.

Then just like that, something pinged in the far-off distance, a tiny speck of light in the middle of all that darkness. I strained to see it, realizing that it was coming closer. Surprisingly I could actually make it out when it moved close enough to me, holding out their hand. I must had been hallucinating, the last amount of blood cells in my brain creating this illusion. I didn't care.

Just let go.

It was the voice that stunned me the most, because I knew who it belonged to. I wasn't a person any more, not in here. I didn't have a hand to reach out and touch his, and I didn't have a mouth to say the words I really wanted to say. Jacob looked at me with the same smile I had known and carried all of my waking life, the happiest I had ever seen him.

I took the last few seconds I had left and used them wisely, looking into his eyes and hoping he could see my own, almost ignoring the glowing light that grew behind him.

I let go.

---

If you're reading this, then I just want to thank you for reaching the end of the novel, and for all the rough edges and inconsistencies along the way!
Now that the novel is written, I will be extensively editing both this story and 'This is Why I'm Afraid' before sending both to publishers, while also coming up with concepts and plotlines for a third novel.

If you have any suggestions for the story please comment or leave me a message and let me know, nothing is set in stone and can be subject to change.

Thank you so much,
Danny