DATE STARTED: JULY 14, 2016
DATE FINSIHED: JULY 26, 2016
DATE EDITED: PENDING
WORD COUNT: 893

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Expedition café. The coffee shop discovery of the week.

The café smelled like peppermint and new paint. Sketches, pictures and oil paintings decorated the walls. So far, I was impressed. My eyes drifted to the barista making my coffee. Right beside the counter was a picture of an absurd-looking bird peeking out of its nest.

There seemed to be something wrong with the coffee machine. The barista was having trouble dispensing the coffee. I watched as the manager rushed to the barista’s side to help the poor guy understand how the machine really worked. What to turn and what to press. He must be extremely new if he didn’t know.

I bit back my usual sadistic smile as I enjoyed their struggle. I removed my attention from them and back to the book in front of me. And old Crichton about genetics. All of a sudden, the familiar feeling of anxiety washed over me and suddenly, I felt the tensing of my muscles as my ears listened to the conversations had around the small café by the other coffee-enthusiasts.

My school bag was sitting in the chair in front of me, occupying the space that another person could have occupied. It sat there, taunting me, telling me I was a sad bitch with no one to hang out with. My heart beat louder and faster as it rammed into my chest. I was alone.

I was alone.

I was alone.

I was alone.

My lips trembled. I could hear the tiny voice in my head saying, ‘Nobody likes different. Nobody likes being with people who don’t conform. Nobody likes you.’

My mouth slowly opened and closed as I tried to swallow the anxiety. The fear that I’d had for so long and tried to fight.

Suddenly, my hair was too frizzy and ugly from too much time being let down, so I scrambled for a hair tie to put it into a ponytail. My lips were too glossy from the lip balm. I felt a little bit of satisfaction as I turned towards the wall and licked the balm off of my lips so no one would notice.

My earphones felt out of place as it blared my own music in defiance to the music being played in the background so I took them off and stuffed them into my bag as fast as I could, hoping it would ease me in some way.

I held my phone in my hands, hoping someone would text or call so I could be busy with something. Anything. Unconsciously, I was biting my lips while I was locking and unlocking my phone in a sequence to try and calm myself down.

I could text someone but that would mean swallowing my pride. And episode like this hasn’t happened in a while and memories of the previous ones came back to me. An encounter on public transportation where I was too afraid to ride the bus that I’d purposely missed it and walked to the next bus stop to ride a different one.

I had a sneaky feeling that my whole face had gone pale the moment I saw that my hands had lost some of its color, making it look a little chalky and sad. Sweat dripped from my ghostly hands. They could sense my uneasiness as they slicked off of my palms and into the fabric of my jeans as I tried to wipe them off. The drumming in my heart felt like it was beating to the beat of the new Justin Bieber song playing in the café.

Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.

Slowly, I got my heart rate down and by the time my coffee finally got to my table, the episode was almost gone.

I thanked the waiter and he went away, leaving me to fight my silent battle.

As soon as I felt like it was societally acceptable to take a sip from my coffee, I did.

The rich, creamy substance hit me hard and I was instantly transported into my happy place. My anxiety was diminishing with every sip. The steam drifted to my cheeks and gave them a little blush that I knew made me look a little bit better and brought back some of the color I had lost earlier.

All of a sudden, the deep pit pulling me under was gone and I felt like a normal girl sipping her drink at a café again. The anxiety was gone.

I received a message after a couple of minutes.

‘I am here.’

A reference from one of my favorite novels. Crichton. Only one person would have known that.

A pair of hands hugged me from behind, trapping me in place. Soft lips found their way to my forehead and then I was released from the persons hold.

“I knew you’d be here.” He said, his smile widening. Sneaky.

“Aren’t we fighting? What are you doing here, Xiao Lang?” I asked him, my eyebrows raised.

He lounged in the chair in front of me, putting my schoolbag in his lap. “We are, but I know my Sakura and she doesn’t like being alone.” The bastard winked, his knowing smile never leaving his face.

“Besides, you’re paying for my coffee this time.” He added.

I rolled my eyes at him and called for the waiter to take his order.

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Hi there! It’s Kain again! It’s been a while since I published something and I’m sure glad I did! Haha. I’m at home suffering from either the flu or just a fever and instead of studying for a test, I decided to finish this! Hahaha.

I hope you guys enjoyed the story! It took a lot out of me. The thing is, I sort of suffer from anxiety like this and I usually just plow through it. Sometimes, I don’t eat a meal or I walk home from school (It’s kinda far.) because I fear the humiliation of being by myself in public. Recently, I’ve been forcing myself to do things by myself just to condition my body to being alone and to lessen the small lapses of uncertainness.