You've been through this

You're suppose to understand how I feel.

Why don't you!?

I try talking to you, all you do is yell and scream and cruse at me.

I just want to talk.

Not about grades.

Not about life.

Not about sex.

Not about relationships.

I just want to talk! Like normal, civil people! 

Please, just talk to me.

that's all I want...

All I want to do it talk.

Not being accused of fucking every boy in school.

Being the slut of grade.

Or staring in a Pron movie.

I get it. I messed up!

 I've fucked up my life! Really! I know!

I regret it every single fucking day!

I'm harder on myself then you are me...

I'll starve myself just to punish myself.

I've thought about cutting...

About suicide.

About death.

Frankly, I'll be happy when it's over.

Why?

Because everyday is the same.

I'm tired.

And I'm weak.

I want to stop being a disappointment. 

I know you love me.

But I'm not sure that you like me.

I want to get away.

That's why I do this.

Go on the internet.

Talk to other people that I trust.

Make friends this way...and I'm trying to make friend in school...

But they just won't last..and I know it.

Why do I Lie?

I think it's the safer route from time to time...

I know you don't like it...

But it's hard to stop...

It'll take some time...

I'm more honest now.

BUt of course you don't see it.

You only see the bad in me.

I try to be the "good girl" again...

It's not me.

I'm a in-between girl.

And please, stop asking about my sex.

I'm not sure right now. 

I'm mostly thinking about food and my grades.

Homework.

Stories.

Art.

RPs.

Animes.

Food.

Poems.

Food.

Tv.

More Food.

That's me...i think..

I don't know who I am.

And I'm okay with that right now.

I just want to get through this...

Okay?

I know you won't read this at all, but thank you.

Just understand please.

 

2: Who are you?

She's staring at me. I'm staring at her.

We stare at each other.

I move right, she moves right.

She moves left, I move left.

We're the same then we're not.

We're so different but we're the same.

How can we two different people be the same?

How can WE be the same!?

We're not the same!

We're not the SAME!

WE'RE NOT THE SAME!

...

...

...

we're not the same

we're too different...

we're two different people...

how are we even together? Should we be together?

I looked into her eyes,

She stared back into mine,

I saw the emotions that were In me in her eyes...

Those big eyes, innocent eyes...

hopeful eyes...

I'm going to miss those eyes.

I looked at the rest of her face.

I see the wetness on her face...

She's crying...was she crying?

I wiped my face and she helped me...

I'm crying... Why am I crying?...

I looked at her again

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't cry.

Please stop crying.

I reached out for her, she turned away

No, please look at me.

I touched her shoulders and she flinched.

No, please.

Don't be scared.

I don't want to hurt you. I want to comfort you.

I hugged her shoulders...

Look at me

...

...

...

She started hitting my arms.

What's wrong? I'm not doing anything.

Is she choking?

I stared at her eyes again, somehow, we're facing each other now,

I looked down to her neck...

It's warm...

I can feel her muscles, she squirming beneath me.

You can stop me,

come on,

I know you can.

Stop me.

Stop me!

STOP. ME!

STOP! ME!

...

...

...

What did I do?

Did I do it?

...

The floor, it's cold.

And it's dark...oh I have my eyes closed.

I slowly open them.

I see her...

it's not her normal, happy, cheerful face.

Please, smile for me...

Her face is dark, her eyes cold...just like the floor.

I smile weakly at her.

I felt my throat closing.

I don't struggle.

She's glaring at me, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I feel tears building up

Come on...I told you not to cry

Don't cry.

Don't cry..

Don't cry...

Don't...cry...

I close my eyes again.

This floor feels pretty nice.

It's dark and cold...

I smile

...

...

...

Crying? Who's crying this time?

I roll over to her, the lump of covers.

No, you're suppose to be happy not sad silly.

I hug her close.

No, no, no.

We've been crying too much...

Let's sleep.

...

...

...

This is nice...

I look at her.

She looks at me.

We look at each other.

We both smile.

I think I smiled more

...

...

...

She moves right, I move right.

I stare at her. She stared right back.

We stare at each other.

We're the same.

We're two different people.

And we're the same person.

We.

Are.

One.

...

...

...

...

We woke up slowly and look around our room and then at the mirror.

We smile at ourselves. We're the real one. We say to ourselves,

"Let's do better today."

3: Why do I...?

I love you.

Why?

I don't know.

No it's not because of your face. Or the food. Or the money. Or the places you take me.

I know you spoil me but it's not because of that.

No, not the gifts or the flowers you bring me.

Do I even need a reason? Exactly, I don't.

Why are you so keen on me telling you why?

Then why do you love me?

I'm a sweet person? That's it?

My eyes? Really.

So you like me for my looks and that I'm a sweet person?

You can't express it?

Seems fair.

 

Oh, my turn?

 

Well... Huh... I guess I just love you too much, I can't even put it to words.

4: Feeling

Floating, Dancing

Giggling, laughing

Joy!

" I love you."

I want to talk more.

Smile more.

i want to tell everyone

but

I can't.

this will always be a special day

You're perfect to me.

I love you too.

5: Love

I have a question...

 

Is this what it feels like?

Is it true feelings....True love?

 

You're on my mind all the time,

I feel alone without you, more than usual I'm used to it

yes, but this feeling? Not even close.

It's hurt at times. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna break or crack my shell.

 

Other times I'm floating, flying, soaring, dodging, living...

With just a simple: "Hi."

 

You make my day, you make my night, you make my whole world better, brighter, easier to deal with...

 

But you have to leave...We both do....

I struggle at times.

 

Should I tell them? I want to. So much. I really do.

I want to scream to the world! Scream to my family! All those that left me! I'm in love!

 

At least I think I am, I hope I am...I want to be.

I have all the symptoms, I should have it...Right?

 

Of course I do. I know I do. Why am I asking stupid questions...

 

It hurts every time I think of you, when we're apart.

I see other's love everywhere else.

They cuddle kiss hug laugh cry together, but we can't...Not yet...Hopefully...

 

Do you feel like this? Is this how it's suppose to feel?

 

Things would be so much easier with you here...

But Life isn't easier...Growing up isn't either.

 

This feeling...I will believe it's love.
I've never felt aside from when I was younger...

but he left...and I couldn't do anything about it...

 

I love you. 

6: Friend

A friend, a true friend.

 

i watch, I listen no one notices me

 

I may not show it but you're important to me

 

You really are. 

 

i support you, all the way. I'm your number one fan

 

I wonder how long is my life span...

 

You probably don't care.

 

living life on the edge.

 

You don't do you?

 

i know

 

you don't.

 

I tried to help

 

i gave you warnings

 

I gave you chances, but you didn't care.

 

not everything revolves around you. You're not Ms. perfect

 

You never fucking were. 
 

I'm tired. I tried! I tried so damn hard!

 

But you fucking cunt said no. 

 

I'm not your parent. 

 

I'm not your Mom

 

I don't love you...

 

i can't believe i used to...

 

I gave you a piece of my heart...

 

you smashed it all...

 

I really thought you were better...

 

I should have followed the warnings. 

 

Fuck you.