"For the last time Vivian, no."

"But you said--" I interrupted.

Nathan sighed as if he were regretting whatever it was that he had said, but I knew what he had said, I remember the conversation and it was when we had argued about many times before.

Nathan and I were best friends and we only argued about one thing; whether to date or not. So far the odds were not in my favor.

Nathan sighed again.

"I said I would think about it." He argued.

Nathan  opened his mouth then closed it again; he knew I had him.

"I never thought I would be having this conversation with you." He finally said..

"Well that makes two of us," I shot back, "if someone told me when I was sixteen that I would have feelings for you I wouldn't have believed them!"

Nathan gave a wry smile.

"Guess I really made an impression on you  then."

I smiled at him for the first time in ten minutes.

"You could say that."

He shrugged.

I was only eight years old and so what do I know."

"We needed each other." I said simply.

"Well that's not a good enough reason for us to be more than friends." Nathan  replied stiffly.

"Do you need me to write you a list of why I think it's a good idea?" I demanded.

 

"I think attraction has something to do with it!" Nathan shot back, "It's kind of why people date in the first place."

"You don't think I'm attractive?" I flared.

Now Nathan looked slightly nervous.

"I-I-never said that, it's just-" He trailed off.

Nathan was quiet for what seemed like an eternity before he spoke again.

"Three months. I'll give you three months… If it doesn't work by then we break up… Deal? No strings attached."

I paused for a moment, considering whether or not this was a gamble I wanted to take, but then I slapped his hand.

"Deal."

On one hand I wondered if it was worth it to risk my heart like this, particularly with Nathan, who I loved very much; so this wasn't something I was taking lightly. On the other hand, I had the cavalier attitude of everybody else, we'd been friends for years so why not. For a long time we just stared at each other and  it was as if I was waiting for something to change, but nothing did, it was still Nathan and me as we had always been. I knew our "status" wouldn't change anything but there was something satisfying about finally telling certain pesky family members I finally had a boyfriend.

"So does this mean you're my boyfriend now?" I grinned up at him.

Nathan smiled down at me and when he spoke I wasn't sure whether he was teasing or not.

"Don't push your luck."

2: Chapter 1

May 2017

"So… Vivian… Has he proposed yet?" This was the question my friend Ruby had the habit of asking at least every three weeks. At the moment we were standing at the counter of her small shop in a local stripmall. The room was open, but small and cozy. From there, my friend funneled her graphic design ideas.

I made a face anyone that knew me would find comical.

"No, he hasn't. You know Nathan, he has his own timetable. I've known him for years and sometimes I don't even  know what's going on in his head."

Ruby nodded sagely, her thick, brown curls bouncing. "Do you think he's having commitment issues?"

I shook my head.

"I don't think so, he's just taking his time."

I was about to say something else when the phone on the desk rang. Ruby grabbed it and spoke into it in a cheerful voice before getting very quiet her voice dropping to a whisper. It must have been some sort of personal call, I couldn't be sure.

"… Right," she was saying, "we'll be there, see you then." Then she hung up.

"Somebody special?" I asked.

"Just throwing a bit of a party later, tying up some loose odds and ends." She replied vaguely.

She had a slightly guarded look and quickly changed the subject, rattling on about her latest client and how he seemed to think she was a miracle worker.

"Good grief!" Ruby exclaimed, "I'm not his fairy godmother, he wants this logo to be immaculate, well sorry, but I'm only human."

I nodded absently as I glanced down at  will my phone again.

Ruby frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nathan, he hasn't called or texted since this weekend."

"You know how busy he is…" Ruby resigned carefully.

"I know, but he said he might be driving down, so I was just hoping…"

"So what do you have going on?" Ruby asked. Once again changing the subject, I think she was trying to distract me.

"Trying to finish the chapter of my book, my editor wants a draft by the end of the summer."

"Well technically it isn't summer yet." My friend muttered with a small smile, her nose wrinkling slightly. "Remind me what's this one about again?"

"A bodyguard who falls in love with a rock star, but it's complicated when the rock star is accused of sexual assault."

Ruby smiled again.

"Can't wait to read that one. You're genius Vivian, you know that, right?"

I smiled modestly.

"So I've been  told. I could say the same about you."

Ruby chuckled.

"Now I wouldn't go that far, you're giving me way too much credit."

Ruby absently began wiping down the counter.

"You want to go out for dinner later? Olive Garden or that Mexican place you were raving about last week."

"Sure, why not, got nothing better to do; let me finish up this pesky chapter and I'll text you later. What time you get off?"

"Around four. I got that party tonight so the boss in me says to clock out early."

"Must be nice being your own boss." I said mildly.

"You would know." Ruby quipped.

Then we both cracked up just as the most recent customer was walking into the shop.

 

It was mid afternoon by the time I shut my laptop with a satisfying "snap" I had half an  hour before I had to meet Ruby at the little Mexican Grill we had decided to go to for dinner and then get into whatever shenanigans she had  planned for the evening.

When I arrived at the restaurant she was waving me down from a table for two in the back and between ordering our food and our drinks she kept glancing at her watch.

"Problem?" I inquired, "you got to be somewhere?"

"Oh, it's nothing," she said vaguely, "I just have to be somewhere in about an hour."

I frowned.

"Why didn't you say something, we could have rescheduled…"

"No it's okay," Ruby grinned, "cross my heart." She made and  "X" over the left side of her chest, but will kept giving me surreptitious smiles over our food. Something was up, something was definitely up.

 

"So what do you want to do?" I asked after we had paid the bill and were getting ready to leave.

"You know what, I have a surprise for you." Ruby said suddenly.

I frowned, confused.

"It's not my birthday. My birthday isn't for another seven months."

Ruby waved me off.

"It's not that kind of surprise… Oh nevermind, you'll see. Come on!"

 

I followed Ruby from the restaurant not having the slightest idea where we were going. Finally Ruby took a turn down Leland and  we stopped across from Sevier Park, a picturesque local park, perfect for picnicking.

I was still confused as I got out of my car.

"Ruby, we just ate, you didn't have to bring me here."

"This, Vivian, is where your surprise is, and, oh," grinning she pulled a blindfold out of her back pocket and put it over my eyes. "No peeking." I chuckled awkwardly as she placed the cloth over my eyes, I guess I had to play along.

The next few minutes were a blur the only sound I could hear was the activities of the people in the park and Ruby's voice as she guided me forward. They probably looked really silly right about now; I was like that blind person some obnoxious kid likes to throw things at. Finally she led me to a picnic table and after feeling around for a few minutes I sat down feeling rough wood and slightly rusty nails under my fingers.

"Okay, don't freak out and don't scream." Ruby said carefully, "It's nothing dangerous I promise." I could tell by her tone of voice she was trying not to laugh. "Okay, one, two, three!"

Carefully she took the blindfold off  my eyes.

I gasped.

There, standing in front of me holding a small bouquet of flowers was Nathan. He was grinning that infectious smile I knew quite well by now.

"Nathan!" I exclaimed, "what are you doing here? I thought you  said you wouldn't be home till next week!"

Nathan gave another cheeky smile and a shrug.

"Surprise!" He said lightly.

"Why? How?" I spluttered.

"Well the how is easy," Nathan said still grinning, "I drove about three or four hours. The why only Ruby knows and I will tell you in a second." He looked up at Ruby and  smiled. "Thank you Ruby, I'm surprised you didn't blow my cover already, I wasn't sure if I could pull this off."

Ruby smiled.

"You're welcome Nate. Now I'm just to stand here pretending I'm invisible."

She stepped away but I didn't care where she went.

"My reason for coming here is I have to ask you a question."

"Couldn't you just have called or text me?" I asked.

Nathan chuckled.

"No, I don't think so, not for this."

Then he walked over to me, handed me the flowers, which I took automatically, pulled something out of his pocket, and got down on one knee. It was then everything clicked into place, but the question was out of his mouth before even I could process everything.

"Vivian Peters you are my best friend… and after a lot of thinking, and being way too stubborn on my part I just have one question. Will you marry me?"

3: Chapter 2

At first, the only sound was of Ruby's suppressed squeal, and, once again her curly hair bounced in excitement.

There was a moment of almost complete silence, except for the laughter of children in the distance.

Finally, Nathan spoke, his voice tinged with amusement.

"So, I'd kind I kind of like an answer about now. I think this is the first time I've seen you at a loss for words." He chuckled quietly.

"Well-I-ah… Yes." I finally stuttered. Not the eloquent response I had planned in my head.

Grinning, Nathan took my hand and slid the ring onto it, and for the first time I got a good look at it. It was almost identical to a ring I had described to him once, tiny chips of diamonds that surrounded two rubies. Finally, Ruby came over for a look at the ring.

"That's amazing!" She gushed. "That's so unique Nate."

Nathan grinned and shrugged.

"Vivian told me what she had envisioned… I just got the ring-she didn't know, of course."

I looked down at the ring sparkling on my finger, the rubies glowing in the late afternoon sunlight.

"I can't believe this. Seriously, wow!"

Nathan chuckled as he took my hands.

"Let me know when you've regained the function of proper speech and can speak in full sentences. I didn't think you'd would be so speechless."

"We have to tell our parents!" I said abruptly running a hand distractedly through my hair. "I-I-have to update my Facebook, can't wait to change my relationship status to "engaged"."

 

We planned to tell my parents the next day,  as everyone was off work and would be home. When I saw Nathan Saturday morning he was getting out of his car and just walking up to my apartment, when I spotted him he grinned.

"You ready to go?" He asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

For a few minutes Nathan and I just stood there grinning at each other like we had some big secret no one else knew about, after a few minutes Nathan shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Your car or mine?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Seems kind of stupid to take my car since yours is here, I'll have to come back and get my car before church tonight."

Nathan shrugged.

"No problem," he replied, "I can drive you back."

I walked up to him still smiling and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Thanks, that's what I love about you." I turned back towards the door of my apartment building. " I'll be right back, I have to go get my purse." I walked back towards the door, patting my pockets for my keys as I went.

 

All too soon my parents' house was coming into view.

"They don't know anything?" Nathan asked.

I shook my head.

"They think I'm coming over for lunch like I always do. You coming to church tonight?"

Nathan made a face.

"Can't, I have plans with my family, and then I'm leaving tomorrow, but I'll be back in about a month I promise. I have Fourth of July weekend off."

"You know will be planning a wedding by then, we haven't even set a date."

"Yeah, we have to talk about that." A small smile turned up the corners of Nathan's mouth, "So when do you want to get married?"

 

In the normal chaos of a Saturday afternoon at my parents house my mother seemed surprised to see Nathan.

"Nathan! What are you doing here?" She exclaimed when she opened the door, "Vivian said you weren't coming home for another week."

"Something came up," Nathan replied vaguely, "I had some unfinished business." We exchanged a smile and Nathan winked.

 

It took everything in me not to flash the ring under my parents' noses, and knowing my mother she would have noticed anyway, but somehow I managed to keep the news to myself (and the ring under the table) until after we had finished lunch.

"Actually the reason Nathan is in town early is because we had something we had to talk about, but we wanted to figure things out before we told you."

This had gotten their attention, and my mother was now looking vaguely suspicious.

Finally, grinning I held up my left hand.

"Nathan asked me to marry him!"

Then there were the normal exclamations and congratulations then my dad had to make some crack about he knew it all along or expounding my values. The entire scene made me want to roll my eyes. As much as I was a romantic at heart, sometimes my dad was a little over the top.

"Have you picked a date yet?" My mother asked.

When I shook my head Nathan spoke up.

"Were still discussing it, I mean, I only asked her yesterday."

"I really want to have a summer wedding, say June or July," I said, "trying to plan a wedding while trying to get Bodyguard Confidential out is going to be a pain!" Bodyguard Confidential was my latest novella and was due for publication early next year.

My mother picked up her second cup of tea.

"When's your deadline?" She asked

"Susan says November 21, but Natalie is pushing for October 20. I still have to write every day to stay on top of things even to make the October deadline. When am I supposed to finish the book? I'm not working on my honeymoon!"

My mother seemed composed.

"Well I think you'll have plenty of time, the wedding's almost a year away, don't worry about it."

Afterwards, I related the story of the engagement and Ruby's part in it. Then my dad had to launch into a story about how he had proposed to my mother, which I had heard a thousand times growing up. It was early afternoon before Nathan had to leave.

"I'll see you in July," he murmured as he hugged me goodbye. "Don't stress too much, we have at least a year." He kissed my forehead, something that was new for him, but completely natural.

"I'll call or text if anything comes up." Nathan added as he turned towards the door.

 

After Nathan left, mom and I continued halfheartedly discussing wedding plans.

"Don't worry, I'll write this all down. I'm probably going to be one of those people carrying around a binder for the next year. I'm like any other girl, I've been planning my wedding since I was ten."

My dad chuckled from where he was sitting in the living room.

"You were playing weddings with your Barbies before you knew anyone who had gotten married."

I grinned.

"Well what else is a girl supposed to do?"

4: Chapter 3

The first thing that my parents did for Nathan and I was throw us an engagement party. It was a way of breaking the news to everybody all at once, not that the people that mattered didn't already know; after all, that was what Facebook was for.

The party had been scheduled for Fourth of July weekend, which, in hindsight it probably wasn't the smartest decision, but everyone went for it anyway since I didn't always go to the fireworks (I only went to them out of boredom, anyway). My mother seemed to stay ahead of all the chaos and start planning a full three days in advance.

"I'm not going to be pulling this all together when everyone and their brother Joe is out celebrating the Fourth." She said flatly.

I had to say I agreed with her.

We had family coming in that weekend, which was a rarity since we only saw our family a few times a year. This mostly included my mother's sister, my Aunt Caroline, and my cousins Louie, twelve, Noel, sixteen, Jeremy, eighteen, and Nolan, twenty (almost 21). I was an only child and wondered how my aunt survived the insanity that was her household.

"Congratulations Vivian!" Noel (the only girl) exclaimed. Noel, was a tomboy and had grown up playing sports alongside her brothers and got into nearly as much trouble as they did. The last time I had seen her she had been getting surgery for a leg she had broken while snowboarding. She was good, very good, and planned to try out for the Olympics in a few months.

"Just think!" She exclaimed, looking much younger than she actually was, her blue eyes shining and her shoulder length red hair bouncing with enthusiasm. "This time next year I might have a gold medal! You are coming to Seoul, aren't you?"

"If you make the cut, superstar." I said fondly. "I have a book to finish, and a wedding to plan, remember?"

Noel rolled her eyes in typical teenage fashion.

"Yeah, but you'll have it done way before that, right?"

I smiled.

"I hope so." I replied. Mentally adding "watch  cousin in 2018 Olympics" to my to do list.

 

"Noel!" My aunt called from the kitchen, "Where are Nolan, Jeremy and Louie, I need them  to pack plates and utensils for Saturday."

Noel sighed, then stomped off  to find her brothers, who, no doubt were either playing basketball or skateboarding, or knowing Nolan,  probably both  at the same time.

A short time later my cousins came in sweaty and grinning. Like the rest of my aunt's family they all had red hair and light colored eyes. To add to their fair complexion they all had copious amounts of freckles. Noel had joked when she was little they look like a real life version of the Weasleys from Harry Potter, she had even dressed up as Ginny Weasley once for Halloween.

"Mom," Jeremy complained, "we were right in the middle of a game!"

"Well these dishes and utensils aren't going to pack themselves!" Aunt Caroline replied tersely. My aunt was an average height solemn looking woman with shoulder length red hair like her children, it had lightened some over the years, but was still noticeable. Sometimes I wondered if we were even related, while my mother and our family had dark hair her sister had ended up with redheaded children, but it didn't hurt that she had married a redhead, my Uncle Joel, who like his children was tall and lanky and equally freckled.

I watched the scene in the kitchen for a few minutes as my cousins morosely bundled together plates, napkins and silverware before heading for the room I was borrowing for the weekend and the nearest cordless phone to call Nathan.

 

The morning of the engagement party dawned perfect. It was also going to be good weather for the fireworks that night.

"You going to the fireworks tonight?" Nathan asked as we ate lunch and a small restaurant near my parents house to get away from the hustle and bustle of the party planning.

"Aren't we going to be too busy dancing the night away?" I allowed myself a grin, resting my chin in my hand as the sun glinted off of my engagement ring.

Nathan  made a face, one I was accustomed to after having known him for so many years.

"I don't dance." He responded flatly.

"Okay," I replied in a singsong voice, "but you're missing out, you haven't seen my Uncle Joel do the "Electric Slide".

Finally, Nathan cracked a smile.

 

"Okay, one dance, but that's it." Then Nathan smiled, his blue eyes twinkling, "I'm saving the rest for our wedding."

 

By the time Nathan and I returned to the house, the guests were arriving. There were friends from school, friends from church, and several of Nathan's friends had driven or flown in to celebrate the occasion.

The first people I saw when we entered the house were Nathan's parents, who immediately came over to greet us.

"I'm so happy for you!" Mrs. Clarence exclaimed as she gave me a hug. "You've always been a big part of our family; now you really are."

I was given similar sentiments from Mr. Clarence, a man with sandy thinning hair and the same twinkling blue eyes. Even Nathan's brothers seemed enthusiastic.

"You know he was the first one that showed me the ring…" Mark said, "didn't tell anybody else, not even mom and dad."

I grinned. Mark and Nathan were very close.

Nathan and I walked around for the next few hours while we balanced plates of food taking congratulations from family and friends and it was over glasses of wine, and dessert our families spoke their appreciation. In the next few hours stories were exchanged and there was a lot of laughter, and then, as promised, my dad turned on the old record player and everyone pushed the chairs and table back dancing until the beginnings of the fireworks could be heard in the distance.

"So what do you want to do now?" Nathan murmured  in my ear as we swayed absently to a song coming from my iPod.

"Dancing or fireworks?" I asked.

Nathan grinned.

"I think I'll take the fireworks right now."

 

It was shortly after 9 PM when Nathan and I made our excuses and slipped out of the house and into Nathan's car driving to the park nearby.

Among the picnic tables there were families on blankets waiting for the fireworks display to begin. Somewhere in the distance I could hear children laughing and see the fiery swirls of sparklers glittering red and gold; like real life magic wands.

Finally the fireworks began, casting the darkened trees in an array of colors. We watched them until I couldn't keep my eyes open (Nathan  had always been the night owl, I could barely stay up past ten thirty). We stayed out until the last of the fireworks had faded away and families were leaving, their sleepy children in tow.

"You sleepy too?" Nathan  asked with a soft chuckle.

"Mm." I mumbled into his shoulder as he slid his arm around me and  gave me another squeeze.

"Come on," he said, "let's go home."

5: Chapter 4

"Nathan, we have to set a date so we can send out invitations and start booking stuff."

"You said you wanted it in June, right?"

Nathan and I were having one of our conversations like we had been having over the past couple of weeks, discussing wedding plans and ironing out details.

I pressed my phone against my ear.

"Yeah."

"What about the eleventh?" He suggested.

"Not a good idea. My aunt is hosting a family reunion and  her anniversary is the next day; I'm flying out to Seattle that weekend."

By now, I knew Nathan was looking at the calendar on his phone.

"We could do it the last week in June, the twenty second or twenty third, if we can get the venue for that weekend."

"That should work, sounds good to me. I'll have to tell my parents, but most importantly I'll have to tell Ruby, since I want her to do our invitations."

"Sounds like a good idea." Nathan seemed to be smiling now, and the businesslike quality had gone out of his voice. "I'll talk to you later Vivian, love you, bye."

 

So have you guys finally set a wedding date?" Ruby asked for the hundredth  time when I talked to her the next afternoon.

I grinned.

"As a matter of fact, we have."

"Ruby's brown eyes sparkled.

"When?"

"June 23… I think it's a Saturday. Most likely we'll have it at my church since his family is here in town except for his brother Scott and a few aunts and uncles."

"I got a convention I'm going to that weekend  but I think I can make it." Ruby said, "I wouldn't miss my best friend getting married for the world."

I chuckled.

"Good, because I would never forgive you."

 

My plan for the wedding had become stubbornly cliché. I was writing down everything, who I wanted (and who could) be in the bridal party, the music, the food and even the wedding cake. The binder itself looked corny and cheesy, white and pink with Nathan and Vivian Wedding in a curly font. Inside were a series of lists pertaining to different aspects of the wedding.

 

Date: June 23, 2017

Bridal Party

Groomsmen

Scott Clarence
Jeremy Reynolds
Nolan Reynolds
Darren Matthews
Caleb Morgan

Bridesmaids

Kristen Carson
Noel Reynolds
Ruby Tanner? (Next to this I had written: maid of honor?)

Best man

Mark Clarence

Ringbearer

Louie Reynolds

Flower Girl

Jessica Sinclair

Music

DJ (check prices for reception)

Processional: "Pachelbel Canon"

Recessional: "Yes"-Demi Lovato

First Dance: "When God Made You"-Newsong

 

I hadn't worked out the rest of the details but there were still emails to send in phone calls to make about who could attend and who couldn't.

On another page I had  made notes about the cake Nathan and I were discussing, since we were having such a large wedding we needed at least four or five tiers.

On the side of the page a in a rough sketch, scribbling down a description of what I wanted the cake to be.

Cake

at least five tiers (big wedding)
marble cake (Nathan and I had compromised since I liked vanilla and he liked chocolate)
nothing  too fussy

Dress

something flowy and romantic. (Here I had drawn another simple sketch)
long veil
no ballgown

 

I was still making notes on the catering and what we would actually serve for dinner. Nathan and I were still discussing that whether we wanted to go full Italian or do something as simple as pizza. My only issue with ordering out pizza for what could potentially be a couple hundred guests was it would be boring, and somewhat tacky. I still had to check with Nathan about that one.

When I finally looked up from the binder I saw I had a text from  Nathan.

Don't worry about the catering we'll take care of that when I come in over the holidays; promise. No worries.

I smiled at his concern before going back to my binder and making an additional note.

 

"Have you started  looking at dresses yet?" Ruby asked  excitedly.

I shook my head.

"I think I'm going to start looking after the first of the year, it's only September so I have a ton of time. Bridal salons only need about 6 to 8 months notice and I have at  least ten before the wedding."

Ruby gave me a skeptical look.

"Okay, but don't call me when you're freaking and pulling your hair out because you can't get what you want in time."

I grinned, she knew me so well.

"I won't, I promise. Honestly, you're getting as bad as Nathan, he is telling me not to stress and if one more person tells me not to stress I will be stressed. I'll start looking after New Year's, I promise."

"What about your invitations, have you  sent those out yet?"

"No, but I was hoping you would take care of that. They don't have to be sent out till the spring at least."

Ruby grinned.

"I think I can squeeze you in, I don't have anything on the books until after Christmas, come by the shop and we'll talk about it."

I returned her smile, feeling some of the weight lift off my chest.

"Deal."

6: Chapter 5

To: piguy@cyberscape.com

From: vpeters@stargazer.net

Subject: your place or mine

Nathan,

Where exactly do you want to get married? My church or yours? Arguably my church is bigger so we would have room for all those people were planning to invite. If we go with your church we may have people standing out in the lobby.

So what do you want to do, I have to know what to tell Ruby what to put on the invitations.

Vivian

 

To: vpeters@stargazer.net

From: piguy@cyberscape.com

Subject: RE: your place or mine

V-

I think your church will work better. Tell Ruby that's fine.

Where do you want to have the reception? Certainly at the church lobby isn't big enough, there's barely enough tables. Also, our we still good for the twenty third for getting together? We still have to go to that cake tasting.

Let me know what works for you,

Nathan Clarence

 

No problem with the cake tasting on the twenty third, see you then.-Vivian

okay great!-Nathan

 

Nathan and I had been going back and forth via text and email for weeks. Most of the wedding plans had been settled over countless emails, which made my inbox grown in protest and beg to be emptied. We had finally decided on what to do about our wedding cake, which needed to be ordered, and we were planning to meet over Christmas (which we would've done anyway).

The other thing on my to do list was finalizing designs for the invitations, which needed to be sent out no later than sometime in March, which, even now seemed a long way off.

"So you do, or do not want a picture on the front?" Ruby asked as we once again poured over my design.

"I do." I replied, "Nathan and I are having our engagement photos taken on Christmas Eve, I'll make sure the photographer sends you copies, I promise."

Ruby was smiling now.

"Okay, I can work with that."

 

The other fly in the ointment regarding the wedding planning was the big one: the dress. My mother, aunt, cousins (Noel at least) and Ruby all had an opinion on what would look best, but I stuck to my resolve not to look at dresses until at least January, or, at the earliest, until after Christmas.

"Oh honey, are you sure you want a cathedral veil?" My mother said, "It's so long and is going to be a hassle."

"Positive." I replied. "It's not every day a girl can look like a princess."

"Yeah," Noel chimed in, "so does every five-year-old girl."

Okay, that hurt.

"I just want to look my best for Nathan," I said softly, "you know this only happens once."

For the moment the discussion of "the dress" was dropped and I was left to my own devices. I was still looking through bridal magazines for ideas, but I had a good idea of what I wanted, a flowy dress with a long veil and train; I had gotten into the mindset of every bride; I wanted everything to be perfect.

As much as I was putting off dress shopping I was looking forward to it. I didn't want the hassle of trying to order a wedding dress right during the holidays; they were crazy enough.

 

Nathan came home a few days before Christmas. Given how busy we both were I was surprised he had managed to get away a few days early, our engagement\wedding photos were going to keep us busy enough, but our first order of business was picking out our wedding cake.

The bakery we had chosen was a small local place, family-run, warm and cozy. It was run by a mother and daughter, who were busy but friendly and greeted us both with warm smiles.

"Congratulations," the mother said warmly. She was a smiling, rosy cheeked woman with short, curly reddish hair. Her daughter, by contrast, was tall, slender and blond with her hair pulled back in a hasty ponytail.

We were sat down at one of the small tables, given a menu and told to pick what we wanted. Nathan joked he wanted to try everything, but I knew we could both regret that in a hurry.

We finally settled on a raspberry filled vanilla cake, a lemon poppyseed cake, and a chocolate mousse cake. We went back and forth for several minutes debating the pros and cons of each flavor and finally Nathan asked if they could do something custom, but then that prompted another discussion about if we could fit it into the wedding budget.

Finally, we decided on the chocolate mousse cake, since we both liked it and it was actually a type of chocolate I liked; not the overly rich death by chocolate type of cake. Afterwards we shook hands with the mother and daughter, the daughter, Amber, had a smudge of flour on one cheek, but she didn't seem to notice.

Once we were outside the bakery Nathan was beaming.

"Cake, done!"

Then, looking at me his eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Actually, it's the perfect type of cake for shoving in your face at the reception."

I mocked glared at him shoving him in the shoulder.

"Don't you even think about it!"

Nathan, however only laughed. It was moments like this that made us still very good friends and that was one of the things I liked best. Husband or boyfriend he would always be my best friend.

7: Chapter 6

While Nathan and I took care of many of the wedding details in the few days between Thanksgiving and when he returned to work, the bulk of our time concerning many of our plans resting a few days before Christmas.

We shot our engagement photos at the Clarences' church, which was warm and cozy and appropriate for the intimate atmosphere I wanted. The photographer, Molly Deegan, who would also be photographing our wedding, didn't seem perturbed that she was taking photos on Christmas Eve day, although she did tease us a bit.

"Shouldn't you guys have done this in May when you got engaged?"

Nathan and I looked at each other and grinned.

"It was a bit of a shotgun engagement," I explained, "he was only in town for about twenty-four hours; there wasn't a lot of time."

"I work out of town, and can only fly in every once in a while." Nathan explained.

"Well I hope that won't keep up after you're married." Molly commented as she adjusted her camera.

I chuckled.

"Thankfully not. I'll be moving to Indiana with him after the wedding."

 

Molly took several photos, which seemed to fall into two categories; silly and casual and formal and serious. For our more casual photos we were wearing jeans and sweaters but for our more formal photos we were wearing dress clothes. I was wearing a simple white dress I had bought at the department store although for my wedding it would be the wedding dress, but it was the best I could do since I didn't have the dress yet.

"Have you started looking at wedding dresses yet?" Molly asked, as she snapped a few more photos.

"After Christmas," I said, "I have just enough time to get addressed before the wedding this summer."

Molly smiled with satisfaction when the photo shoot was finished.

"Well I think that should just about do it. I'll send you a link with the photos once I have them uploaded."

Then I remembered about Ruby and what she had asked in regards to the invitations.

"Can you send a link to my friend who's designing my invitations as well?"

"Sure, no problem." Molly replied with a smile. "Just give me their email address."

 

The photo shoot out of the way, Nathan and I turned our attention to the other things required our attention around the holiday season. We spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up Christmas shopping and then laughed and joked as we finished wrapping at my apartment.

"You're nuts!" I muttered as I glanced at the Einstein bobblehead Nathan had gotten for his brother Scott.

Nathan grinned in response.

Nah! He'll love it."

I shook my head again as I carefully wrapped the figurine I was planning on sending my Aunt Caroline.

"Only in your family."

 

After the marathon of sending half a dozen packages off to Seattle, we headed for my parents house. Tomorrow morning was Christmas and I would be spending it with Nathan and our families. We were spending the morning with my family before going over to visit with his. I hadn't seen his entire family since earlier that summer.

When I arrived at my parents house early the next day the house was as I expected. My family had decorated the night before so the house was adorned with the various Christmas decorations as well as a 6 foot artificial tree which stood in one corner of the living room. My mother was already up to her elbows cooking and the house smelled wonderful; smells of cooking meats, roasting vegetables, and pies wafted from the kitchen.

Finally setting down my tote bag I had been carrying, Nathan and I arranged our presents under the tree, which was already piled high with gifts. Then I poked my head into the kitchen.

"Hey mom, need any help?" I asked.

My mother wiped sweat off her forehead.

"Yeah," she replied breathlessly, "check the vegetables and the pies, will you? Thanks Viv."

I smiled at her as I opened the oven door.

"Sure, no problem."

 

After making sure there were no cooking catastrophes, and the vegetables had been rotated and the pumpkin pie rescued from the crust being burned I returned to the living room where I sat down on the couch with Nathan.

"You ready for tomorrow?" I asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be." He replied.

"What did you get me again?" I asked, only half teasing.

Nathan smirked.

"Not telling. You'll just have to wait and see."

 

Christmas morning was bright and relaxed. The only indication of the season was the light dusting of snow we had received the night before. It certainly wasn't the stereotypical Christmas card amount but I was fine with that.

After a large breakfast, courtesy of my dad, we all sat down to open presents and I knew I would probably open half a dozen more before the day was over.

A lot of the things I expected, gift cards from my dad and clothes from my mom. I had also received a large check made out to Nathan and me presumably for our honeymoon. I had gotten Nathan a new tie and a dress shirt to match and he had gotten me a bracelet that said "you are more" which was a lyric to one of our favorite songs. I wasn't a jewelry girl, but if it was from Nathan I would wear it.

 

Afterwards, we went over to Nathan's parents where his brothers were already settled down watching a football game on TV. Over dinner, however talk turned back to the wedding.

"So it's back to the wedding planning tomorrow." Mr. Clarence asked smiling.

I nodded as I shoved a forkful of turkey and my mouth.

"Your pictures come out okay?" Mrs. Clarence asked next.

I nodded again.

"Great," I replied, "we'll still have the wedding photos of course, but will cross that bridge when we come to it."

"I'd love to see the pictures." She said.

"I'll show you after dinner, before we leave." I replied.

"I still don't see why you're doing two sets of photos…" Scott muttered.

"Well, the engagement photos were about four or five months late." Nathan replied, I was grateful for his answer.

"What about the invitations, Nathan's mother asked, "will they will be ready in time, won't they?"

"Ruby said by the end of February at the latest," I replied, "we should be able to start mailing them by March."

"How's your guest list coming?" Mrs. Clarence asked next, frowning slightly.

Nathan and I glanced at each other, we had both known this question was coming.

"It's coming," Nathan replied, "we still have to get some addresses from some of our friends my extended family, Vivian doesn't have those."

"How many?" His father asked.

"A few hundred." I replied, "that's including both families and all our friends; in and out of state."

Afterwards, Mr. and Mrs. Clarence seem satisfied and talk turned to the weather and our plans for the following day. It had been a very Merry Christmas indeed.

 

8: Chapter 7

With the end of Christmas came the letdown that always followed the holidays. After being busy for the past month there was only the quiet time in the last week of the year in which one could take stock of what had transpired and what was coming. In the case of Nathan and I that meant our wedding and everything connected to it.

After spending some time with Nathan's brothers earlier that week, Nathan and I were left on our own spending time in my apartment on New Year's Eve. We were watching the ball drop with the volume turned down so we could still talk with the TV on.

We were cuddled on the couch, a normal position for us, talking quietly, but finally Nathan turned the TV off and turned to me, it was then I knew he really wanted to talk.

"You ready for next year?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied honestly, "I mean, we're getting married."

Nathan chuckled.

"Yeah, imagine that. I mean, I knew I would get married one day, or hoped I would, but I didn't think it would be to you."

I gave him a look, raising my eyebrows.

"Ruby knew," I said softly, "heck, our entire high school knew! Everyone spent the majority of junior and senior year asking why we weren't going to prom together and why we weren't dating yet."

Nathan shrugged.

"I guess I didn't notice."

I snorted.

"Yeah, I wonder why."

"You were pretty patient with me, you waited long enough."

"Yeah, twelve or thirteen years, but I knew you were special… very special, but I couldn't tell you."

Nathan leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Well I know now."

I smiled into his shoulder.

"I'm so glad you do."

 

We spent the next several hours watching the ball drop. I knew Nathan would stay up late and I figured I might as well stay up with him even if I fell asleep. I watched New Year's Rockin' Eve through a bleary haze and was half asleep by the time they announced the ball drop. I knew what time it was, the blinking greenish numbers on Nathan's smart watch said ten till midnight.

The next few minutes passed in a blur, the sparkling silver ball which read "2018" dropping from its pinnacle in Times Square, the fluttering confetti, which reminded me of a large flock multicolored birds, and the cheering crowd, decked out in hats and scarves and the appropriate 2018 New Year's gear.

"Happy New Year." Nathan murmured, giving my shoulders a squeeze as I settled drowsily against his shoulder.

"Happy New Year." I mumbled sleepily, "Do I get my midnight kiss?"

Nathan smirked, his blue eyes twinkling.

"I think that can be arranged…"

Then he leaned down, his lips settling over mine.

 

I never got tired of kissing Nathan, from the time I was nine years old he was the only person (outside my family and that is) I wanted to kiss. His kisses weren't particularly romantic, but you could tell he meant it and it was when Nathan was really sweet like that I loved him even more. It was the little things he did that made me love him more than I ever thought possible.

His lips were as dry and chapped as mine were, but I didn't care, it was Nathan I was kissing and that was all that mattered. My hands reached up and my fingers twisted around a particularly errant strand of his hair which had become flyaway from him running his hands through it so many times. Nathan deepened the kiss, changing his angle a bit, but finally he pulled away and when he spoke he sounded slightly breathless.

"Happy New Year, V… Love you."

"Love you too." I murmured back through a yawn. The only thing I wanted now was my pillow and my nice warm bed.

"I think I'll let you get ready for bed." Nathan said with a smile, as we both stood and Nathan finally turned off the TV. He held me close for another moment. "I better go… Before you give me an excuse to stay."

9: Chapter 8

 

So you won't let me see it?

No.

: (

Oh, very funny

I was being perfectly serious. So you're serious about not letting me see the dress?

Of course, you know what they say

you seriously don't believe that old wives tale, do you? About the groom seeing the bride before the wedding?

No, but it's on principle. You're not coming to the salon.

Fine, then I'll just read a math book and hang with the guys.

 

Nathan and I had been having several of these discussions via text for the past few days. I had made an appointment to a local bridal salon for the second week in January, which I was looking forward to; I had only one rule-no guys allowed-even if that included my best friend.

I had cut short my morning writing session for the sake of the appointment meeting my mother and Ruby around ten.

"You excited?" Ruby asked, grinning.

"As excited as I'll ever be." I replied, shrugging.

Ruby made a face.

"You don't seem very excited."

I gave her a look.

"Trust me, I'm excited, but catch me if I go into sticker shock; I've never spent this much money in my life."

I, of course had nothing to worry about, Nathan and his mom were paying for my dress, for which I was grateful. My mother was buying my accessories, which were coming from a local antique shop. She didn't want to have to pay full price for accessories if she didn't have to.

 

The salon was about what I expected, bright and beautiful with numerous wedding dresses on dress forms at various points on the main floor. I was sure most of these dresses cost more than I could ever hope to make it a year. We were greeted by a smiling consultant who was petite, dark-haired, with a small oval face..

"Hi, I'm Sara, who's the lucky bride?"

I raised my hand, grinning sheepishly.

"Guilty. I'm Vivian, by the way," I added, realizing I hadn't told her my name.

Sara shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you. Let me get you situated in one of our rooms and we can start discussing what you're looking for."

 

Within ten minutes, I was sitting in one of the changing rooms in the back of the salon and a few minutes later Sara came back in, sitting in a chair next to me.

"So when's the big day?" She asked.

"June 23." I answered.

Sara made a note on a small clipboard.

"So we have about six months."

I nodded.

"So… What's your venue like?"

I shrugged, nonplussed.

"We're having it at my church. My church is pretty laid-back; I mean, people go to the weekend services in T-shirts and jeans. The only time people ever dress up is around Easter and Christmas."

"Well you're dressing up for the wedding, aren't you?" She grinned.

"Well yeah. The ceremony is actually in a small chapel at the far end of the church; so not where we normally have services."

"Okay, I see." Sara made another note. "So what are you looking for in a dress?"

I didn't even have to think.

"Something soft and romantic, but not too fussy. Flowy and elegant, with a nice long train and veil."

Sara made a note of this. "Simple enough. Is there a price bracket we need to be aware of?

"My fiancée and his mom are paying for the dress, but he said 2 to 3."

Sara nodded, making another note on her clipboard. "And, last but not least, tell me about your fiancé."

I grinned, but I always grinned when talking about Nathan. I always had.

"He's my best friend!" I said, "He always has been, we've been friends since we were kids."

"So you've known each other a very long time." Sara said with a smile.

I nodded fervently. "A very long time."

Well let me pull a few dresses and see what you like. I'll be right back."

 

A short time later Sara returned, her arms full of dresses in garment bags.

"I pulled a few I thought you might like." She said, as she began hanging garment bags on a rack in the room.

I glanced over each dress, noting the possibilities and finally I pointed to one that seemed like a suitable option.

The dress had a full skirt, with a fitted, embellished bodice and after Sara helped me into the dress I looked in the mirror.

The dress was elegant; I looked like a princess, even with my hair down I barely recognized myself.

"Do you want to show them this?" Sara asked.

I nodded, and with Sara holding the train we carefully exited the dressing room.

I heard the intakes of breath before I saw anybody faces, maybe it was just the idea of seeing me in a wedding dress first place and for a brief moment I wished Nathan was there to share the experience with me.

"You look lovely Vivian." My mother said.

"Absolutely stunning!" Ruby agreed.

For the first time I really looked at myself in the mirror from where I stood on the pedestal.

Now looking at the dress again, as much as I like it the style didn't really suit me, the dress was too full and not exactly the shape I had envisioned.

"The skirt seems too frilly for you Vivian," my mother commented, "didn't you say that wasn't what you wanted?"

I made a face, looking in the mirror again.

"Yeah…" I agreed, "maybe not."

 

The second dress I tried on was closer to what I wanted but it was satin and it felt too heavy. I liked the look of satin; just not on me.

"So you want to go with a lighter weight fabric?" Sara asked.

I nodded, watching as she removed several of the dresses from the racks.

The next batch of dresses she brought in were much closer to what I had in mind and I tried them all on before making a decision. By the time I had tried on my fifth and sixth dresses I had narrowed it down to two, which were the last two I tried on. The first was in organza and the second was in chiffon. I had vetoed anything with tulle in it, which cut out about two or three of the dresses I was looking at. After studying the chiffon dress for a while I decided I didn't like it, there were too many wrinkles in the wrong places.

My number one pick was an organza skirt with a fitted bodice (strapless) and a low cut back. It had just enough bling to make me happy, but not overdoing it.

"Is this it?" Sara asked as we all stood around the pedestal looking at me in the mirror.

I nodded, grinning.

Then Sara brought out a simple headpiece and the veil which was just as elegant as the dress. I felt like a bride and couldn't wait for Nathan to see me. I was going to knock his socks off.

 

That evening, shortly before I went to bed, I texted Nathan.

Did you get your dress today?

Yes.

Am I going to like it?"

Yes.

(Not that I'm much of a judge of wedding dresses), but I'm sure it's going to look beautiful on you.

Are you counting down the days?

In a manner of speaking, I know when it is.

Ha ha, funny.

Are you ever going to call me, I know we've both been busy.

Maybe on Friday or Saturday, I promise.

Okay.

Night V.

Good night Nathan. Sleep well.

10: Chapter 9

"You're in a funk." Ruby stated one afternoon when I had stopped by the shop, absently watching her work.

I gave her a look.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

Ruby gave a mischievous smile, momentarily looking up from her computer. "I can just tell. It's Nathan, isn't it, you haven't seen him in what, a month?"

"Almost two." I corrected. "I haven't seen him since before Christmas."

"When did he say he was coming back?" Ruby asked.

"May, maybe, if he can get off work, but I may not see him until just before the wedding."

"You guys doing anything for Valentines?" Ruby asked.

I shrugged.

"As romantic as I am Valentine's Day was never much on our radar, I mean, this is Nathan we're talking about."

Ruby chuckled.

"I know."

 

I couldn't believe it was almost halfway through February and the Olympics were fast approaching. Although Noel was disappointed she had just missed making an alternate for the US team, she was still looking forward to watching the Olympics and cheering on the rest of the athletes.

"There's always the next Games," I told her when she called me up sulking, "you'll be twenty-four by then and have eight more years of experience."

Noel conceded grudgingly, but then seemed to take it in stride if she had four more years of experience it would put her closer to her goal of becoming an Olympic medalist.

"2022 here I come." I heard her mutter before we ended the call.

 

Valentine's Day was fast approaching and my conversation with Ruby a few weeks prior was still chasing itself around in my head when the day finally arrived. I wasn't expecting much, Nathan wasn't the romantic, I was, although he had some moments where he was very sweet and did something for me without being asked, but that was just Nathan.

I was halfway through editing a paragraph in chapter 10 of Bodyguard Confidential when there was a knock on my door. I like to keep to myself when I was working and I wasn't expecting anyone so this was a surprise. Sighing, I got up and went to open the door, just as the person on the other side of knocked again.

"Coming, coming!" I muttered.

I almost shut the door again just from shock. There, standing in my doorway was a delivery man, about my age, holding a large floral arrangement. Interspersed with the flowers was a large balloon and a sizable box of chocolates.

The young man, grinned sheepishly as he peered around the arrangement.

"Are you Vivian Peters?"

I nodded, unable to say anything else.

"Sign here, please."

After setting down the arrangement he shoved a clipboard at me, which I signed and initialed before handing back to him. Then thinking him again, I carefully picked up the arrangement and headed back inside, and after placing the arrangement on the kitchen table I turned around to shut the door.

After making sure my apartment door was safely secured, I turned my attention back to my surprise gift. Sitting down at the table I began sifting through the flowers for the card.

Finally I found it, next to the box of chocolates. Smiling I read it.

V-

I couldn't really think of anything to write that didn't sound corny. I usually don't do stuff like this, but I thought it was the gesture that counted. Thank you for being my best friend and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.

Love you,

Nathan

Smiling again, I set the card aside. Afterwards, I set to work organizing the arrangement, the flowers went on my desk, the chocolates (for consumption later) on the kitchen counter and the balloon on the living room end table. Satisfied, I returned to my work.

 

After finishing my edits for the day I hopped on my favorite search engine and began looking for a suitable present and thank you for Nathan. The arrangement I had my eye on was almost double what I wanted to pay so I simply settled on a simple box of chocolate covered strawberries, and after checking that the website shipped worldwide, I sent the arrangement off to Indiana. I was sure it probably wouldn't get there tomorrow, but I knew Nathan probably wouldn't care.

Later that evening, I called Nathan.

"Thank you for the flowers!" I said before he could say hello, "They're lovely!"

Nathan chuckled.

"You're welcome. I hope you like the chocolate too."

"Don't worry, it will get eaten; although I'm sure it's not as good as the chocolate you brought home from Europe a few years ago. I have a thank you coming for you; it should be there by tomorrow, I hope you enjoy it."

"I'm sure I will."

 

The next day, I got a brief text from Nathan.

Thank you for the strawberries, they are currently in my refrigerator. I can't wait to eat them!:)

 

By the end of the week, I had stopped into Ruby shop to check on the progress of my invitations.

"Well you seem like you're in a better mood than the last time I saw you." Ruby commented.

"You could say that." I replied casually, "My Valentine's Day went very well."

"I know." Ruby replied. "I saw your Facebook… and Instagram. Nathan really is a sweetheart, but that's nerds for you."

Laughing, I rolled my eyes. "Now what about my invitations?"

11: Chapter 10

I changed around a few things with this chapter and took out the dress fitting and put it in chapter 13 instead, since it disrupted the flow of this chapter and made more sense later on in the story. This chapter is also a little shorter and with taking out that scene, but hopefully the next chapter will be a little bit longer.
…

 

The next thing on my "to do list" was to go to the florist and order the flowers. I had mostly made the decisions about the flowers, since Nathan didn't really care. I had decided on a selection of white and pink carnations for the centerpieces and baby's breath and a selection of summer flowers for my bridal bouquet.

The florist was very helpful, although it took a while to explain to her what exactly I wanted and what for.

"What will your fiancé think?" She asked.

I laughed, thinking of Nathan.

"He doesn't really care, he's more interested in who's going to be there and being with me. He was more than happy to meet care of the flowers."

"Well, that's guys for you."

The florist made a final note in her book.

"So, that's for delivery on the morning of June 23, is that correct?"

I nodded in confirmation, giving her the address of the church where they would be delivered and where to drop them off.

"I think we can do that." She said with a smile. "Congratulations."

I left the shop feeling satisfied and drove back uptown for my meeting with Ruby, where we would go over the invitations one last time before my final payment for her services and I started addressing envelopes and sending the invitations out to the people they needed to get to.

 

Ruby's shop was relatively quiet when I arrived. She grinned when I came in.

"You must be my 1 o'clock."

She made like she was checking her appointment book.

I rolled my eyes.

"Duh! Of course it's me!"

Ruby laughed.

I know, Viv, I know."

Finally we sat down and I looked at the invitations final design.

On one side there was a picture of me and Nathan looking lovingly at each other in front of a fireplace and on the other side was the information pertaining to the wedding.

 

In celebration of the marriage of

Nathan Peter Clarence

and

Vivian Elizabeth Peters

on June 23, 2018

at Northside Community Church @5:30 PM

Reception to follow, starting at 6 PM

 

This was all laid out in a crisp clean font with our names in a cursive font, the overall invitation in shades of pink, blue and silver, our wedding colors.

I smiled.

"Looks good, Rubes."

"I tried not to make it look like a baby shower invitation." Ruby said with a chuckle, "you know your colors are very close to that."

"I know, my mother already pointed that out."

"I like the picture you used; that was my favorite as well."

Ruby grinned.

"Great minds think alike."

Ruby was boxing up the invitation as I paid for them.

"Do you want me to send a few boxes of these to Nathan as well?"

I shrugged.

"Might as well, I can't address them all by myself."

"I'll help with the addressing marathon if you want." Ruby offered.

"Thanks." I replied, "I'd appreciate that, or I'll be drowning in a sea of invitations and envelopes and be one bald bride."

Ruby chuckled.

"Now we can't have that, I think it would kind of ruin your look."

 

With the flowers and invitations taking care of I set to work curtailing the guest list, which I discussed with Nathan via Skype.

"We already know who were inviting it's just an issue of who goes at which tables." I commented, as I looked at the tentative guest list and seating chart in front of me.

"Right." Nathan replied. I think the easiest thing to do would be to put the people together that know each other, mostly our friends etc. and I think I'll put the families together, particularly if they have kids."

I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, keep the insanity with our younger cousins down to a minimum."

Nathan chuckled.

"Mostly my younger cousins, or my aunts will be cleaning frosting out of their hair, but that's toddlers for you. I chuckled, picturing Nathan's younger cousins, blond, curly-haired and boisterous; one of which was our flower girl. Nathan's voice softened and he smiled, " We can't plan for everything, it will be okay." Nathan gave me a reassuring smile."

"Did you get the boxes of invitations Ruby sent?" I asked, abruptly changing the subject.

Nathan nodded again.

"Yeah. I'll start addressing them and sending them out in the next couple of weeks, at least to my friends and family, and of course I have friends here I can send them to."

I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll do the same. Ruby and my mom said they'd help addressing stuff so… I think we're good."

"Good." Nathan replied. "I think that's all I can do from here, I have to get back to work now. I'll talk to you later." He disconnected the call.

Satisfied, I, too went back to work, Bodyguard Confidential wasn't going to edit itself.

 

12: Chapter 11

"Vivian Elizabeth!" My mother bellowed one Saturday morning in late March just as the last of the invitations were to be sent out, in effort to catch any straggling guests.

Uh oh, I thought warily, my mother only used my middle name when she was really pissed off. She hadn't used my middle name since I was eighteen and had skipped gym for an entire week without notice.

"What is it mom?" I yelled as I half jogged from the back room where I was idle a surfing the Internet hoping for an update from Nathan.

"Have you talk to the caterer yet?"

I bit my lip.

"Well, no." I replied, unsure of how to answer the questions I knew were coming.

"Do you want dinner at your wedding? Or do you want the guests to survive on wedding cake?"

"Well no." I answered again, "I was kind of waiting for Nathan, until he got back so we could book the caterer together. I'm not quite sure what he wants for food so…"

"You have the technology!" My mother suddenly snapped, "Email him!"

 

Instead of emailing Nathan I sent him a series of short texts, which spoke to my state of mind at the moment.

Mom having kittens about the catering. I completely forgot. Did you mention what you wanted?

What about that Italian place we talked about?

Do we have enough time?"

I think so, we have what, four months?

Is any caterer going to book with under six months notice?

I don't know  V… All you can do is ask. I'm really sorry Vivian, we should have taking care of this when I was there in December, or even that first week in January before I left.

 

With grim determination, I said to my task of notifying the caterer I was getting married in four months and could they please, please do something about putting the Peters-Clarence wedding on their schedule. As luck would have it, the family that ran the restaurant was very understanding and the woman behind the counter only nodded and said she would "see what she could do" and hurried to the back of the restaurant to talk to someone else.

By some miracle, a large party had canceled last minute so they could just squeeze me in and afterwards I thanked them profusely and rushed out of the restaurant to call Nathan. I had narrowly missed making a big mistake with my wedding planning; it would look very bad if my hundred some guests didn't have anything to eat.

"Well this teaches you not to leave things until the last minute." My mother chided. After I had explained to her how everything had worked out.

"You try planning a wedding and having a publisher breathing down your neck for the next six months!" I exclaimed. "I barely have enough time to sit down and finish my writing between addressing invitations and finishing up the planning, I hardly have any time to myself anymore!"

"Do Susan and Natalie know you're getting married?" My mother asked.

"Yeah, but Natalie still wants the manuscript finished and on her desk no later than October, which between the wedding the honeymoon does not give me a lot of time."

My mother turned away with a small smile on face before she spoke again.

"I would say "this teaches you for next time" but let's hope it doesn't come to that."

 

My next wrinkle in my wedding planning came a week later, this time from the florist. With profuse apologies she explained they didn't have the flowers I wanted for my bouquet.

"We won't have them until the end of May," she explained, "we may not make your deadline of June 22. At the moment they are out of season.

I sighed, thinking about how I wanted to resolve this other problem. Finally I told the florist to stay on schedule and that I would manage any gaps or issues when the time came. I may not be getting my bouquet until shortly before I walked down the aisle, but I couldn't live with that.

"God is in control, God is in control." I muttered as I hung up the phone. This would be so much easier if Nathan didn't work in another state.

 

The next thing on my to do list was the bridesmaids dresses. Nathan and I had chosen garments (both for the men and women) in shades of blue, silver and pink. I had told the few people in my wedding party they could wear what they wanted providing it was the colors we had specified. The hardest dress to order was the dress for Nathan's little cousin who was our flower girl since there was no way she could come to the appointment with us. I had mentioned this to Nathan and he promised he would talk to his aunt. I was more than a little surprised to see a short blond woman in the salon the day of the bridesmaids' appointments holding my hand of a bored little girl who looked to be about six with the same blond hair.

"You didn't have to come." I exclaimed when I saw Nathan's aunt.

"I talked to a woman here at the salon over the phone and she thought it was best. She said it is best not to guess with these things."

Everyone had decided that Nathan's cousin, Jessica, should go first since she was the youngest and everyone felt having her wait until the adults had finished making their selections would be a hassle. So the consultant hurried her and her mother off into a dressing room and I saw her enter a few minutes later with a selection of small frilly little girl dresses.

Apparently Jessica wasn't in the best of moods because she had vetoed every single dress the consultant had brought. The consultant came out a few minutes later with a tired smile on her face.

"She insists she wants to look like a princess, like Miss Vivian… I think I have just the thing…"

A short time later Jessica came out, looking considerably happier, in a white and silver dress with a long tulie skirt with her shoulder length blond hair swept up held in place by a small tiara. She looked like a little doll.

Once she was on the pedestal she did a little twirl the skirt fanning out around her, and when she finally stopped she was grinning.

"I look like Cinderella!" She declared before she spun around again. Everyone laughed.

After explaining to Jessica she couldn't have her dress right now it was the adults turn and Ruby, Kristen and Noel, headed into the changing rooms. Noel seemed particularly happy, since she was currently missing school. Her mother had offered to buy her a dress in Seattle, but Noel insisted she go dress shopping with everyone else, and reluctantly, my Aunt Caroline had agreed, although she didn't look as stressed as Nathan's aunt.

The good thing about only having three bridesmaids was no one argued, there were no squabbles about style, color or fit. They all came out in an array of colors ranging from midnight blue to varying shades of periwinkle. The only thing I cared about was color I could care less about the style and wasn't so picky about the fact that my bridesmaids all looked exactly the same. They weren't going to anyway since they all had different body types and Ruby and Noel were much shorter than Kristen.

Finally after much deliberation, they all came out in their final choices. Noel in a midnight blue strapless gown, looking statuesque and very grown up. Ruby was in a knee length dress of a soft bluish silver. She had decided against anything pink, since it clashed horribly with her curly red hair. Kirsten was wearing a gown of deep pink almost the exact same shade as the decorations I had chosen for the reception.

"It's mauve!" Aunt Caroline declared.

"No it's not!" I exclaimed, "Mauve is more purple, less pink; this is more red."

"I'm the artist I should know!" Ruby interrupted.

When we were all done arguing about the color Kristen's dress, the orders were placed, with less hiccups than the food had been, and we all want to the salon talking and laughing. Given the time of day Aunt Caroline offered to take everyone out to lunch to make up for her "stupid argument" to which everyone, even Nathan's aunt accepted, though Ruby and I insisted we had to get back to work immediately afterwards.

Later that afternoon, as I returned to my work, my mind idly ran over the afternoon, smiling to myself several times as I continued to write. I couldn't wait to tell Nathan about the entire morning at the bridal salon it had, if anything, been very interesting, very interesting indeed.

13: Chapter 12

That was the great thing about living in Nashville, you had unmeasurable musical talent at your disposal (although that didn't mean everyone you came in contact with was any good). I had decided the best way to find a suitable DJ was to hit the streets and see what people recommended. I started with the phone book and started calling people checking prices and playlists, but most of them were charging upwards of four hundred dollars for the time I wanted and I didn't have that kind of money. As luck would have it Nathan's brother Mark, who lived a short distance away, provided the solution.

"Are you going to be our DJ?" I asked with a grin when I had finally stopped by his apartment on Nathan's recommendation.

Mark laughed.

"No, no, but I know a guy. A guy I went to school with when I was in California for a few years… Don't ask me how he ended up in pilot school, but he ended up being a pretty good DJ, actually hadn't seen him for about six years when he called out of the blue a few months back…" Mark chuckled again.

As he continued to talk, Mark walked around his apartment collecting a pen and paper.

"His name is Rex, has a spot downtown. Here is his number, give him a call I'm sure he can do what you and Nate want for the reception."

I chuckled.

"Well, Nathan kind of left me in charge of the music, so it's all on me, but I know what he likes so I know what to put on the playlist."

"Good luck." Mark said, "I guess I'll see you the rehearsal; if I don't see you before then."

 

The shop I was directed to, after making a brief phone call, was about the size of the old video rental stores I went to when I was a kid. When I arrived the only thing visible was a number of mismatched items, a small cramped office, and an equally small DJ booth in the opposite corner.

"Hello?" I called, still peering around the small shop.

There was a scuffling noise and a large bang; a second later a voice called from the small office:

"Back here!" A few minutes later, a tousled head of dark hair peered around the office door.

I extended my hand.

"Vivian Peters, we spoke on the phone?"

The young man in front of me shook my hand. He looked like your stereotypical college student, given a few years he had tousled dark hair and sharp eyes; he wore a T-shirt with the name of some rock band I had never heard of and jeans.

He had a surprisingly firm handshake, his tone equally surprising, friendly, but businesslike.

"Rick Dugan, but everybody calls me Rex." He gestured to a neon sign next to the DJ booth, which read:

"Rockin' Rex" this was also printed on his DJng paraphernalia.

I nodded.

"I got your name from my fiancée's brother, he said you were good and you charged a fair price."

"Who's your fiancé?" Rex asked curiously.

"Nathan Clarence." I replied.

Rex's face split into a grin.

"Mark's brother?"

I nodded. "My best friend, we've been friends since we were kids." This had been my line about me and Nathan for years.

Rex walked around to the counter in the front of the shop. From behind the counter he pulled a dilapidated looking binder, which appeared to have been red at one time. Flipping through the pages, he stopped at a fresh one.

"When's the big day?" He asked.

"June 23." I answered.

Rex made a "hmm" noise and flipped a few more pages, apparently to check a calendar.

"What time is your reception?" He asked next.

"6 PM." I answered again.

"I can put you down from 6 to 10. Is that okay? I don't have any longer time slots open." He chuckled, "I'm DJng a lot of parties this summer." He handed me a piece of paper as he continued talking."I usually charge between 200 to 350 per event, that is what you wanted, right?"

"Exactly right, some of these DJs were asking for a few thousand. Look, I just bought my wedding dress I don't have that kind of money."

Rex nodded again, still smiling.

 

Flipping back to his clean page he began scribbling in a cramped slanted handwriting.

 

Peters\Clarence wedding

June 23, 2018

6-10 PM

 

"Weli, it's one hundred fifty for a deposit and the other 250 when I send you the bill."

I nodded, pulling out my checkbook.

"I'll make sure Mark gives you my new address, I'll be moving to Indiana with Nathan after the honeymoon."

"I'll give you my card," Rex added, " so you can call or email if there are any changes."

I nodded as he handed me a small white card.

Thanking him again, I left the shop, mentally checking another thing off my wedding plans to do list.

 

"I found us a DJ." I told Nathan when I called him later that evening, "An old friend of Mark's. Have you found us a house yet?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Not yet." Nathan replied. "Still looking. While we're on the subject of the house, I think an apartment may be better."

"Why?" I asked.

"Well," Nathan paused, "we're not going to be starting a family right away so… We don't really need the space… maybe a two-bedroom unit?" His tone brightened and I could hear the grin in his voice, "Just in case."

I chuckled, conceding his point.

"If I find something by the end of the school year I might need you to drive out so we can sign papers."

"Sure, no problem."

"Great, I guess I'll see you at the end of May… If not sooner."

"Yeah… Miss you." I added.

"Miss you too. I'll be home in about a month. The school year's almost over."

We talked for a few more minutes before saying good night. It was only then I realized I still had a lot of work to do, I had to be fitted for my dress, supervise the fittings for my bridesmaids and flower girl and manage to find time to find a place to live. At the moment I was grateful Nathan had agreed to book the honeymoon; I still have no idea where we were going, but at least that was something I could look forward to.

14: Chapter 13

If I thought the number of things I had to do would lessen over the next few weeks leading up to the wedding I was wrong. On the contrary, it seemed I had more to do, and coupled with the fact I may have to leave for Indiana at any moment to finalize a lease or the sale of the house, I was in a constant state of flux.

Leading into April and May I had begun fittings for my dress, which was proving to take longer than I had anticipated. During the appointment I had only taken Ruby and my mom to tone down the insanity. I was led to another part of the salon, down a small dimly lit hallway into a larger room which had a sign that read "Alterations" at the entrance, a smiling receptionist was there to greet me.

"Vivian, right? Your wedding is coming up very soon…" She smiled again, "your dress should be here, Suzanne will be with you shortly."

The waiting area for alterations wasn't very crowded, only a few other groups sat waiting, talking amongst themselves.

A short time later, a bustling woman in a pantsuit appeared in the doorway. I figured it was the same person I had spoken to on the phone. After introductions had been made, she led me to a dressing room where I would get changed.

In the dressing room, hanging on a hanger was my dress. It looked exactly like the sample I have tried on only it looks like it would fit much better than the sample had.

"Here we are." Suzanne said cheerfully, "This is your dress, right?"

I nodded, checking the tag, which had the size, the name of the dress, designer and my name, as I did so.

"Will let's try it on, shall we?"

 

A few minutes later, I was standing on a pedestal in the main room in front of my mom and Ruby, who all give the appropriate exclamations.

Then, studying the dress, and asking me several questions as she did so, Suzanne began to pin up the dress, nipping and tucking several areas. Here, I thought, would be the time Nathan would make a joke about asking if I was too fat (all in a joking way of course, we both knew I wasn't).

"Your fiancé know about the dress yet?" Suzanne asked.

I nodded.

"He should," I answered, "He's paying for it."

"That's nice." Suzanne replied mildly.

I almost made a comment that an engineer's salary was much more conducive to paying for a wedding dress than that of a writer, but thought better of it. I was very proud of what Nathan did for a living, but I didn't want to sound snobbish about it.

After an hour the dress was looking much better on me than it had when I had arrived and Suzanne stepped back in satisfaction.

"Well I think that should do it for today." Suzanne said, "I'll see what I can do about those seams in the bodice during your next fitting."

There was some discussion about the veil, but Suzanne waved me off.

"Let's not worry about that today," she said, "that's the icing on the cake, unless there's a major problem in your next few fittings I don't think we should have any issues."

I nodded, momentarily appeased.

 

I returned to my apartment and my writing, feeling slightly more relaxed than I had before my fitting. I was about to start the next scene I was editing in Bodyguard when my phone chimed; it was a text on Nathan.

Found us a place, signing the papers later this week when can you be in town?

I texted back quickly.

Let me check.

I checked my calendar, and doing some mental calculations in my head realized I could probably swing the weekend without too much trouble, after all I could always take my laptop with me if I needed to.

How's this weekend?

That should work. Saturday? I can tell the realtor.

I typed back two letters.

OK, see you then.

 

After making sure my family could manage the wedding planning without me, I made quick arrangements to leave for Indiana. The trip was boring and uneventful except for the audiobooks I had brought with me from the local library; at least they helped to pass the time. Later on Friday afternoon I arrived at Nathan's apartment.

Once inside the building I rang up to his apartment.

"Hang on, I'll come down and meet you." Nathan replied as the phone hung up. A few minutes later, he was standing in the lobby and had opened the inner door to let me inside. As soon as the door had swung shut behind meI launched myself into his arms, as I had a habit of doing.

Nathan chuckled.

"Miss me?"

I mumbled something unintelligible and nodded against his shoulder.

Nathan rubbed my back.

"Missed you too."

We spent the remainder of the evening catching up like we normally did, eating Chinese and watching movies on Netflix. At the moment, I couldn't think of a more perfect way to spend my time.

 

After spending the night at a hotel, Nathan picked me up the next morning to go sign the papers. I had no idea where we were going, but assumed we were going to one of the many apartment complexes around the area. To add to the confusion, Nathan insisted on blindfolding me.

"What's this for?" I grumbled, as he tied a bandanna over my eyes.

I could hear Nathan's amusement as he secured the ends of the bandanna.

"I want it to be a surprise."

I would have rolled my eyes had they not been covered.

"Of course you do."

 

We made several stops and turns before Nathan's car finally stopped. Then he came around, opened the door and helped me out of the car. Once we were on the sidewalk he removed the blindfold.

In front of me was a cute little house with brown and white trim with green shutters and for the better part of five minutes I couldn't speak. When I finally could, I only managed:

"I thought you said you wanted to rent an apartment."

Nathan shrugged.

"I changed my mind, and I wanted it to be a surprise."

I was still processing this when another car door slammed. I turned around to see a short, blond woman about my age walking up the sidewalk. She was dressed in a Navy blue pants suit and holding a clipboard and briefcase, Nathan made the introductions.

"Vivian, meet our realtor, Fiona Conway. Fiona, I would like you to meet my fiancée Vivian Peters."

We shook hands. I noted she had a surprisingly firm handshake for such a small woman.

"Pleasure to meet you." She said pleasantly, "Nathan has told me a lot about you, the long distance thing must be hard."

I let her comment pass. I didn't mention that Nathan and I had been juggling a long-distance relationship on and off for almost 20 years; and that was long before we started dating.

Fiona looked around.

"Well then, shall we get down to business, we can do the signing inside."

Still beaming, Fiona led the way up the walkway. It was then I knew I was going to like living here, and I definitely liked Fiona… She had flair.

15: Chapter 14

Entering over the threshold, I looked around. The house was neat and tidy, with cream colored walls that entered into a living room off the foyer and from there into the kitchen. A short ways away from the kitchen was another hallway, which had two rooms in the back and a bathroom.

"There's a bathroom in the master bedroom as well." Nathan added in an undertone.

I nodded as Fiona led us towards the welcoming kitchen which had a small island in the center surrounded by barstools.

"Here we are!" She said cheerfully as she set down her clipboard. "Well, to business then." Then she began handing out pens which she produced from a totebag she was carrying with her. We spent the next half hour or so signing paperwork, there was certainly more to owning and buying a house than I had ever imagined.

Afterwards, Fiona gave me a brief tour.

As I had observed from the entryway, there was a living room, kitchen, a small dining room with the secondary bathroom and bedrooms towards the back of the house. The house opened on to a modest backyard with a fence to the adjoining street.

"Nice place to raise kids." Fiona commented.

Nathan and I glanced at each other and I saw the brief flush to his cheeks, clearly his mind wasn't on starting a family quite yet. We had talked about it, but not at length and certainly not seriously.

As we prepared to leave, Fiona gave Nathan the keys.

"Congratulations. So glad I was able to help you find this place."

Nathan nodded thanking her and I did likewise. Afterwards, Nathan and I returned to his apartment, still discussing the house.

"I'll be out of my apartment by the end of May and I'll start getting the house ready after that, it should be ready after our honeymoon."

He smiled in the rearview mirror and I found myself smiling back.

 

"He did not!" Ruby squealed, when I told her about Nathan's surprise.

I grinned.

 

"He did." I replied, "We signed the papers and everything. Nathan said he's going to get the house ready as soon as the lease is up on his apartment."

I was already formulating a plan in my head. I planned to start moving my belongings to Indiana in the next few weeks, but the bulk of the moving would be done with the help of Nathan's brother Scott and his friends while we were on our honeymoon. Like Nathan, I had to wait for my apartment lease to be up for the month.

In the meantime, I continued with the last of the wedding planning. I still had two more fittings for my dress before it was ready and I still had to get my accessories to go with it.

My mother and I spent the following Saturday at a local antique shop where we bought the combs I would be using with my veil and the pearls for my necklace and headpiece. This had all been discussed with Suzanne who said she would do her best to set the veil with the accessories how I envisioned.

"You're going to look absolutely breathtaking!" She exclaimed. "Very classic."

Our biggest snag was how to do the headpiece the way I wanted. Finally after a long conversation with my mother we ended up taking it to a jeweler who did custom jewelry.

"I hope you know this is going to cost you more." My mother said. "This is what you get for looking up wedding headpieces on Pinterest."

I knew this already of course, I had done my homework.

With the strings of pearls safely at the jeweler, my mother and I headed back to the house. Upon entering the house my mother collapsed in an armchair.

"Well that should be the last of it, except for the bridesmaids dresses which should be in by the end of the week. Now all you have to do is get married."

I couldn't stop myself grinning.

"Yeah."

The fitting for the bridesmaids dresses went smoother than I anticipated. Jessica, Nathan's cousin, actually stopped sulking long enough to put her dress on and be appraised both by her mother, myself in the bridal party. The seamstress seemed satisfied and was beaming as Jessica continued to twirl around the changing area in her dress. As soon as Jessica's fitting was finished, however, I was relieved, why did I think it was a good idea to try to get a six-year-old the stand still while someone pinned up her dress? I was still trying to figure that one out.

The fittings for Noel and the adults went much more smoothly. Like Jessica, Noel seemed transfixed by her appearance. As much as my cousin was a tomboy, she seemed genuinely excited about my wedding and was still grinning when we left the salon; just as excited as I was.

 

So began the countdown. Next to my calendar in my bedroom I had another smaller calendar on which I was crossing off days leading up to June 23. It was like the countdown to the best concert ever, except the wedding was only the beginning.

16: Chapter 15

This chapter ended up being much longer than I planned, almost double the length! I added two scenes and extended some of the dialogue.(This is in contrast to my last chapter which was barely 800 words, but who's counting). This is most of the stuff leading up to the wedding, which most likely will be another long chapter.

 

Nathan came home the last week in May. By then, everything was in motion for me to move to Indiana, the things I didn't need at the time were being shipped there and organized by Nathan before he left, the rest would be taken up by Scott and his friends while Nathan and I were on our honeymoon.

The last of the wedding planning flew by with Nathan to help me, for which I was grateful. Everything was falling into place, even my accessories had arrived without a problem. Both my comb and headpiece were back from the jewelers and in my mother's closet awaiting the day of the wedding. Our families were all flying in a few days before although some of Nathan's friends were coming in that week so we could spend some time together. I was looking forward to meeting Nathan's friends, a lot of whom I had never met because he literally had friends all over the world; people he had met in his travels etc.

The last big hurdle before the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner was the bachelor and bachelorette parties which were being planned by three different people in such a way Nathan and I knew practically nothing. Both Nathan's brothers and Ruby had insisted on not telling us anything except the date, time, and location. Earlier that evening, Nathan and I spent time together we were trading playlists back and forth for the wedding when our phones went off simultaneously; a rare occurrence.

Nathan glanced at his phone and chuckled softly.

"Duty calls, guess we better go."

I glanced down at the similar message I had received from Ruby.

"Yeah, you're probably right." We made to get off the bed, while I left my iPod on my nightstand from where we had been scrolling through music.

"I'd say I'll see you as the rehearsal, but I'll probably see you before then." Nathan said with another grin, "I mean, we see each other all the time."

"You'd think we'd be sick of each other." I joked.

Still grinning, Nathan pulled me into a hug.

"We have almost a month until the wedding, so I guess after tonight the next thing is the rehearsal… It's all downhill from there."

"Yeah…"

We smiled at each other before exiting my bedroom and making our way out of my apartment and down to the curb where our cars waited. I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, but I was sure I would find out and hear Nathan's side of the story tomorrow morning.

Ruby had booked a suite at a local hotel. (Well, technically, all the girls and our parents had chipped in) so was sure to be a fun night.

I arrived at the hotel and made my way up to the room I had been directed to. I knocked on the door and when it opened a few minutes later and I found Ruby grinning at me.

"Welcome," she said, "now it's time to have some fun."

I entered the suite which was decked out in soft pastel colors and softly lit. Around the room were all my friends and a few family members who were all decked out in fuzzy robes and slippers. After changing out of my T-shirt and jeans and into the appropriate attire I flopped down in a chair across from the big bed, where several of the girls were lounging.

Compared to a lot of bachelor parties I had heard about I figured ours would be relatively tame. We spent the next few hours talking, watching TV, and snacking on things Ruby had either bought or baked.

As we talked Ruby shoved a few small gift bags towards me.

"A few essentials from me and the girls. The ones over eighteen anyway." She glanced at Noel who grinned back.

"I'm not sure if I want to know what's in these bags…" I said warily and I began poking through them like a scorpion was going to jump out and bite me.

Inside the one bag was a box of condoms.

I blushed.

"Ruby, really?" I looked up at her, exasperated.

"You'll need them," she said in a would be wise tone, "unless you want a little Nathan Junior running around."

I bit my lip.

"Well… eventually." I said slowly.

My first time with Nathan was something I both looked forward to and dreaded both because it was Nathan. Part of me knew Nathan knew me so well he could read me without speaking, but the other half of me couldn't even imagine what being intimate with him would be like; I hadn't even let myself think that's far.

I dug my hand into the second bag, figuring nothing else could be worse than a box of condoms; I was wrong. Inside the second bag was something small and slinky in various shades of blue.

I gave Ruby another look.

 

"Really? This is Nathan we're talking about. We spend most of our time in T-shirts and jeans."

"Oh, I have a feeling you won't be in that for long." Ruby said smirking.

I rolled my eyes.

I planned to shove these things into the very bottom of my suitcase until they were absolutely necessary, the entire experience of my honeymoon and what it entailed made me excited but unbearably nervous.

Fortunately, the rest of the evening wasn't as embarrassing. Unless you counted some of the stories the girls were swapping on my behalf.

"I'm still here." I said at one point, to which they only smirked. We spent the time until we all went to bed watching movies and I wondered if Nathan's bachelor party with his brothers and friends had been as awkward as mine.

 

It was sometime after 9 AM the next day before I returned to my apartment and another few hours before I finally called Nathan. He picked up on the second ring, sounding much more awake than I would have imagined.

"So," I began, "how'd last night go?"

"Fun, embarrassing and awkward." Nathan replied. "We watched some of my favorite movies and hung out, you know, guy stuff."

I snorted with laughter.

"Same, well not the guy stuff." I laughed at my own joke.

"I think I have way more condoms then we'll ever need." Nathan said seriously.

"Yeah…" I replied flatly. I decided now was not a good time to mention the lingerie.

 

Much to my surprise the next three weeks flew by. Before I knew it, it was the day before the wedding and the day of the rehearsal. It was like the dress rehearsal for a big play, at least that's how it seemed to me.

My mother had simplified the rehearsal dinner, to avoid the hassle we were meeting at a restaurant. I had originally planned to have my mom and aunt cook dinner, but after they found out how many people we were inviting to the rehearsal dinner they vetoed the idea. So we were going out to a Greek restaurant and renting one of the party rooms, which was enough for our families and all our guests.

 

The rehearsal for the wedding ceremony went smoothly enough, unless you count the five times it took the flower girl to get her role right, but, I reflected, Jessica was only six. It wasn't as much of a hassle as I knew tomorrow would be, but it was much more forgiving practicing without an audience. Everyone was in casual clothes which looked strange given our formal setting as the chapel was already partially decorated for the ceremony. Where everyone would stand and be was the easy part, it was walking down the aisle with my father and standing with Nathan practicing our vows that was the hard part. I kept stuttering over my words which made Nathan laugh, which made me more embarrassed.

"Just take it slow," the pastor advised, "it's okay."

Yeah, I thought, easy for him to say, he's not getting married.

Finally I got through my part of the vows and Nathan said his, in a quiet, but confident voice. The entire time his eyes never left mine.

We were preceding back up the aisle before Nathan spoke, his voice still quiet so only I could hear.

"I wasn't laughing at you V, but I hardly ever see you nervous about anything."

I rolled my eyes and snorted, my words still coming out in an undertone.

"Two things that make me nervous," I held up two fingers. "One, my publisher, she scares the living daylights out of me always has, and you… And anything I may do for you."

Nathan raised his eyebrows.

"Me? Why me?"

"Because," I said patiently, "I just want everything to be perfect."

"No one's perfect." Nathan said calmly, as we exited the church headed for his car on our way to the restaurant. Our friends and family were already leaving in a steady stream of traffic; it made me think of a funeral procession. "… Not even me, I'd like to be but…" He shrugged and grinned as he ducked into the driver's seat.

 

The rehearsal dinner, by contrast, was loud and boisterous. Nearly everyone was drinking wine (except Nathan and I, who were drinking soft drinks) and talking loudly. After we had all settled in, my parents stood and spoke.

"When Vivian met Nathan we were very happy, at the time she didn't have any friends and we were glad she made a friend. We didn't know however, how much their relationship would blossom and progress. We are very happy to have him as a son."

Mr. and Mrs. Clarence said something similar, Mr. Clarence beaming at me as he spoke. I had known Nathan's family for years and everything between us was so seamless now I hardly thought about it anymore. Afterwards, Nathan's brothers said their bit and I knew this would be a lot more off-the-cuff than the words from our parents.

"You know our parents never had any girls," Scott Clarence said, he was holding a glass of wine as he spoke, "and maybe that's why Nathan had to meet such a cool one, not to mention they been attached at the hip for as long as I can remember."

Most of the people in the room laughed and I gave an embarrassed shrug, but it was true.

"She was the only girl our parents ever let into Nathan's bedroom, so I guess they could trust her." Mark quipped. More laughter.

Nathan's brothers went on like this for several minutes until Mr. Clarence finally took the microphone away from his sons.

"Clearly," Mr. Clarence said still chuckling, "my sons are having a contest to see who they can embarrass the most. A contest, rumor has it, they've been holding since Nathan's bachelor party a month ago."

I was relieved when the guys were done with their weird and wacky speeches and finally it was the ladies turn to talk about me.

Ruby, of course was first. She gave a brief history of our friendship before talking about my relationship with Nathan.

"I knew from the moment I saw them together that they were made for each other. They just-fit, you know, and no, I didn't mean that in a dirty way." She glared at a couple of the snickering guys on the other side of the table.

"They read each other's so well," she continued, "it's like they're one mind in two bodies, but from what I've heard they've always been that way even when they were kids. I'm sure everyone here can attest to times Nathan and Vivian have practically finished each other's sentences, and in Nathan's case, he's probably finished any mathematical issues she's had too."

There was more laughter from several people around the table primarily Nathan's parents, brothers and a few of his friends.

Ruby then passed the microphone to Kristen.

"I met Vivian in college. We were roommates for three years so I can say I know her pretty well. She never shut up about this friend of hers, so I gathered they were pretty close, I mean, who is still friends with someone they met in grade school? Not that many people can say that and I certainly didn't think she'd end up marrying the guy."

Well, neither did I. I thought.

Over the next few hours the microphone was passed around and we ate and laughed until late into the night until finally the party broke up and my parents insisted everyone go to bed since we would have another late night tomorrow.

 

Nathan and I didn't speak much as he drove me back to my parents' house.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said quietly.

"Yeah," I said, stifling a yawn, "tomorrow."

"We still on for our seven thirty Bible study?" Nathan asked.

I nodded.

"Then it's crunch time." I added.

We smiled at each other and Nathan leaned forward to hug me. Then he took my face in his hands and kissed me softly, he pulled away smiling tenderly. Then the moment was broken and he turned to open the driver door and walk around and open the passenger's side. He walked me up to the front door and we shared another lingering kiss before I went inside. Tomorrow he would be my husband, tomorrow began the rest of our lives and I couldn't wait to see what that would bring.

17: Chapter 16

Author's notes:

In this chapter I make a reference to the title, which was inspired by the album title of a Nickelback album, which was the original inspiration for this entire story.

This chapter ended up the crazy long! I expect chapter 17 and 18 to be just as lengthy as I have a lot of details that need to be covered.

…

It was barely light when Nathan and I set out for the church. As Nathan had suggested earlier it was best to start a marriage off on the right foot and in this case it meant a time of prayer.

"The church doesn't open for at least another half hour." I reminded him.

Nathan only shrugged.

"Should be open by the time we get there, and I did check to make sure we could use the building; they said okay."

The parking lot was practically empty by the time we arrived except for a few straggling cars. The building was likewise, with only a few people going back and forth between the offices in the back, but even those were scarce. The church was mostly deserted and we had plenty of time and space to find a quiet place to pray. We settled down in the lobby, which was quiet except for the occasional "tap, tap" of a computer keyboard from the woman at the information desk.

We prayed quietly for several minutes, asking God to bless the day, the wedding and our marriage. Afterwards Nathan pulled out his Bible and we studied, with me looking over his shoulder for the next twenty or thirty minutes. It was shortly before 8 AM before we left. I had to start getting ready for the wedding no later than noon.

 Nathan and I were back at my parents'  house before we spoke again.

"Guess I better go." I murmured as I got out of the car.

"Yeah me too…" Nathan replied, "I told Mark I would head over to his place before the guys got ready and I think we're going out to lunch before that."

Before I exited the car, Nathan grabbed my elbow.

"I guess I'll see you at the church." He said with a soft smile.

"Yeah," I replied, "I'll be the one in white." I said with a faint smile repeating Kristen Stewart's line from Breaking Dawn.

Nathan grinned.

"I'll keep that in mind."

 

After Nathan's car had disappeared, I made my way back into the house. The scene that greeted me was nothing short of chaos. By then, everyone in the house, including my extended family, were running around, yelling instructions to each other from various rooms.

"What time are the hair appointments?" Aunt Caroline asked, or more precisely yelled.

"Twelve thirty." My mother answered, slightly more calmly.

"What time do the boys have to be at the church?"

This time I answered her question.

"Mark and Nathan are picking them up at around lunch time, then they're going out to lunch and getting ready."

Aunt Caroline ran a hand through her hair, which looked much more frizzy than usual.

"Right then." She sighed before bustling off again.

 

I took the time before I had to start running around like a crazy person to work on my book. It was nice just to be able to lock myself in the back bedroom for a few hours and not have to think about the impending wedding. Everyone else could be as crazy as they wanted, but I, for the most part was going to spend my bit of free time working. I had to get as much as I could done before the wedding and before Nathan and I left on our honeymoon because those two weeks would put me behind.

One of the few breaks I took was for lunch while my mother and aunt actually sat down. They were discussing what needed to be done in slightly calmer tones than they had when I had gotten in earlier that morning, and as far as I knew everything was in order, even the flowers, which were scheduled for delivery between 3 and 4 PM.

"The cake's all set, right?" My mother asked, and I knew she was double checking against the list in her head.

"It should be here sometime around four." I replied. "Amber called me this morning."

My mother nodded again, although she still looked distracted.

I forced myself to eat my lunch. I was a combination of calm, nerves, and a margin of everyone else's distraction. The only thing that kept me sane was the occasional text from Nathan. After managing to get down the better part of a deli sandwich I returned to my bedroom to at least try to get more edits done before my hair appointment.

 

After lunch the real work began, the boys left first with Nathan and Mark where they were going out to lunch before getting ready. Likewise, me and my bridesmaids as well as my mom and aunt were going to get our hair done before we arrived at the church.

 

The salon was only moderately busy, but my family and friends took up half the chairs as we rotated in and out getting our hair done. I felt silly with my hair done up but still only dressed in a T-shirt and jeans, but it was all part of the process and I couldn't wait to see the finished look. My hair was twisted up on the top of my head; a style I didn't entertain very often, but I was happy with it. Just for today I wanted to look beautiful and not in the normal way (at least not for me).

With my headpiece and comb in place, we headed for the church, it was too much of a hassle to put on my veil until right before I went down the aisle unless I wanted to run around looking like the Queen of Sheba with a long veil streaming out behind me.

The wedding party arrived in various cars. I hadn't seen any of the guys and I figured they were on the other side of the church getting ready. The bridal suite was just as hectic, while I had less people than Nathan I had Jessica, who was fussing impatiently as Ruby finished her hair.

"I have to go help Vivian now." Ruby told the little girl, who only nodded and took her backpack and I saw her pull out a couple of Barbies to amuse herself. Smiling, I followed Ruby into the other room adjacent to the rest of the suite.

As Ruby began helping me into my dress (our biggest obstacle was getting my T-shirt over my done hair without messing anything up) I began to talk to her reflection in the mirror.

"What am I doing?" I muttered. "I never thought I'd marry Nathan, I didn't think he really wanted to get married."

"Not getting cold feet now are you?" Ruby asked, but I couldn't tell whether she was joking or serious.

I stood as Ruby zipped up my dress and began affixing my veil to my comb. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess after everything we've been through, you know, Nathan coming out to me and everything, guess I want to make sure I'm doing this for all the right reasons."

"Isn't it a little late for that?" Ruby asked dryly.

I shrugged again. I didn't have an answer.

"Stop squirming," Ruby said sharply as if she were talking to Jessica again, "do you want your veil to be crooked?"

 

I barely recognized myself in the mirror when Ruby was finished. With my makeup done I barely looked like myself and I was sure I would never look like this again.

"You still having nerves?" Ruby asked, sounding very much like the best friend I knew she was.

I gave another light shrug, at the moment I didn't have words.

 

Ten minutes later, I was walking (with the help of the bridesmaids) to meet my dad at the entrance to the chapel where I knew Nathan and everyone else was waiting. The butterflies were swooping furiously in my stomach. Up until now I hadn't been nervous; well now I was.

My dad didn't say anything, he only took my arm and gave me a reassuring smile, for which I was grateful.

Then the doors opened and the opening bars of "Pachelbel Canon" began to fill the room. Everyone stood up as my dad and I moved forward. Up at the altar were Ruby, Noel, Kristen and the rest of the wedding party, but I only had eyes for one person-Nathan. When his eyes met mine I found I wasn't nervous anymore.

Soon we had reached the end of the aisle and Nathan and my dad were shaking hands. Then I took my hand from my dad's arm and placed it in Nathan's and we turned so we were holding hands facing each other in front of the pastor. My dad went and sat down next to my mother.

I was barely listening as the pastor greeted our friends and family, my eyes were only for Nathan, who was smiling slightly, his eyes warm in a way that was familiar.

Then the pastor, his voice gentle, spoke to each of us in turn.

"Vivian, do you take Nathan as your lawfully wedded husband forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

My lips turned up in a spontaneous smile, the type of smile that being around Nathan always evoked.

"I do."

"Nathan, do you take Vivian to be your lawfully wedded wife forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

Nathan smiled.

"I do."

We said our vows going back and forth, the only other thing we exchanged were smiles; my eyes never leaving his.

"May I have the rings?" The pastor asked, holding out his hand for the small box which Louie was still holding. My youngest cousin, his tousled red hair which had been combed into some resemblance of order, handed them over.

The wedding bands Nathan and I chose were simple, the only thing we had done to personalize them was the small inscription on the inner band of the Scripture of Genesis 2:18, which read "it is not good for man to be alone" which was a special verse to both of us.

 

Then Nathan slid the ring onto my finger.

"Vivian, I give you this ring is a sign of my commitment, love, honor, and respect for you. Let this ring be a token of our love as we join our lives together."

I repeated the vows likewise.

Afterwards we had Noel read 1 Corinthians 13, I knew it was cliché it was still one of my favorite passages even though it was a passage often read at weddings.

Then beaming, the pastor continued.

"By the power vested in me and by the state of Tennessee, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Grinning Nathan leaned forward his blue eyes sparkling…

 

Still smiling the pastor turned us towards the crowd.

"It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Clarence."

Then the recessional began and the wedding party began making we made our way back up the aisle and the song I had chosen for the occasion began to play; the song was appropriately entitled "Yes".

Immediately following the ceremony, everyone returned to the suites to clean up. The men loosened their ties and jackets and I pinned back my veil, which had been over my head since Nathan had lifted it to kiss me. We had an hour to relax while things were tidied up at the church, then it was over to the banquet hall at a local hotel for the reception. Then it was time to party.

…

I was originally going to include the reception in this chapter but it ran long. I plan to have the reception in chapter 17 and then the afterwards and honeymoon in chapter 18.
 

18: Chapter 17

Authors note:

This is one of my longer chapters, eighteen will be longer as well as I wanted to detail Nathan and Vivian's honeymoon and where they go etc. a lot of what's in this chapter is based off my own experience at weddings, combining what I have seen and a few of my own ideas.

I was unsure about whether to put Nathan and Vivian's first time in this chapter or in eighteen, but I chose this chapter since it flowed a little bit better and I didn't want to show what their wedding night might be like for these two particular characters. I wanted to remind the readers that they are friends first and how they might feel taking the next step in their relationship.

...

The atmosphere of the banquet hall where we were hosting the reception was much different than the wedding had been. It was much like the engagement party had been, quirky, and off-the-cuff, but that describe the majority of our friends and family.

Nathan and I would've had a cocktail hour, but since neither of us drank much there was little point so we spent fifteen or twenty minutes before the reception greeting our guests and taking the congratulations. After our guests and family had been seated in the banquet hall Rex announced the wedding party, each of us coming in to a special song we had selected beforehand. Nathan and I, of course were the last people to enter the reception. Hand-in-hand Rex made our introduction.

"I am pleased to announce for the first time ever Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Clarence!"

Everyone applauded as Nathan and I entered to one of our favorite Coldplay songs. Nathan spun me around grinning.

The banquet hall was decked out in our wedding colors: a deep reddish pink, cream, blue, and silver. Everywhere I looked decorations sparkled, which even extended to our centerpieces, which boasted beautiful white roses.

Finally we sat down waiting for dinner.

Dinner progressed in the normal fashion there was water, juice, and a few bottles of champagne for toasting. Between courses, which were an array of Italian dishes ranging from soup to pasta, silverware clattered as Nathan and I were encouraged to kiss. I hated this part it made me feel like I was on display, but then again, I felt Nathan and I had always been on display even when we were eight years old. In my mind we were too obvious about a good many things.

Between courses the wedding party made short speeches. Some more silly and some were serious, finally it was my turn.

"Well let me start off by saying I never thought I'd be here. How many people are lucky enough to marry their best friend? Although I know many of you said I would be here… You know who you are," there was laughter from a few of my friends including Ruby, "well you must have seen something I didn't… At least not right away. So here we are."

I left my speech there. Obviously there was so much more to my relationship with Nathan, but I thought waxing on about how difficult our relationship had been between 2013 and 2015 wouldn't exactly put people in a good mood.

Over dinner people were absorbed in their own conversation Nathan and I spoke to our friends and to each other our conversations much quieter than they had been over the past few hours.

After dinner, waiters cleared the dishes away and the party began. We would cut the cake later in the evening.

Then Rex began announcing the different dances. There was the typical dance between the father and the daughter (I had chosen a Newsboys song, which my dad also enjoyed) and a dance for Nathan and his mother, which was very sweet when they both finished they were smiling at each other. The same smile I had seen on Nathan's face for years.

Finally it was time for Nathan and I to dance. For the first time since we were thirteen Nathan danced with me, took me in his arms and actually danced with me. The song was soft and slow and in those three minutes I felt everything else around me disappear; blending into a happy, swirling blur. Afterwards, Nathan leaned down to kiss me and a couple of cameras flashed, but I didn't care, I knew I had the rest of my life to feel like this, to be with the person that mattered most.

Then the rest of the guests took to the dance floor and for a while I just sat there at the table watching. Some people were dancing together and others danced alone, each bringing their own style to the party.

I had only asked Nathan for one more dance, and that was to my favorite Ed Sheeran song, to which he complied with a small shrug. By then, most of the adults were only observing, which left the young adults and teenagers on the floor. Nathan and I found a spot on the dance floor and swayed slowly, most people wouldn't be dancing to the song anyway.

After a few more songs, everyone did the stereotypical wedding group dances, the chicken dance, the Macarena and the Electric Slide and as I had predicted there was Uncle Joel busting a move; somewhere on the other side of the table Noel had her head in her hands, her cheeks slightly pinker than usual. Meanwhile, my male cousins were standing around their jackets abandoned on the backs of chairs, laughing and talking loudly.

Following the latest round of dancing the announcement was made the cake would be cut. The beautiful wedding cake which stood off to one side looked spectacular! Amber and her mother had outdone themselves.

His hand over mine, Nathan and I cut the cake, which he attempted to shove in my face as we fed it to each other. Most of the cake seemed to miss our mouths, which only made both of us laugh more which sprayed chocolate and vanilla crumbs everywhere. Soon most of our friends and relatives were laughing too, clearly, they knew as well.

"Oh for heaven sakes Nathan!" I muttered when we had finished cutting the cake, "there's chocolate crumbs everywhere!" My first wifely duty was wiping the crumbs off the collar and front of his shirt.

Nathan, however, only shrugged and grinned.

"Relax Vivian," he said, "I can wash it."

 

Nathan and I had decided to turn in relatively early on our wedding night, since we had to fly out for honeymoon early the following morning, so we left the reception shortly before midnight.

"Don't want to turn into a pumpkin now do you?" My dad teased when I told him we were leaving, I only rolled my eyes.

My last duty as a bride was to toss the bouquet and among my clamoring friends and relatives I did so and was pleasantly surprised when Ruby was the one who caught it. When I turned around she had an embarrassed, but pleased look on her face.

Afterwards, Nathan and I said our farewells and made our way up to the honeymoon suite on the other side of the hotel. This was done too much wolf whistling and catcalling from our friends, most of which I ignored.

The chaos of earlier had diminished and the hotel lobby was surprisingly quiet, even the staff was nowhere to be seen. Nathan and I made our way up to the suite in relative silence, I knew there wouldn't be much talking tonight except for a few whispered words.

As soon as the suite doors closed behind us I suddenly felt nervous again. Surprisingly, Nathan looked as nervous as I felt.

"I'll get undressed out here." Nathan muttered, "I'm glad I had Mark bring up our garment bags."

I nodded wordlessly.

"Yeah… I'll get dressed in the bathroom, I got a bit of a surprise anyway."

Nathan kissed my cheek.

"Great, can't wait."

 

I hastily ducked into the back and rummaged through my duffel bag for the lingerie I had stowed there. I had some trepidation about this, but it was worth a shot.

Ten minutes later, I was makeup free, hair unbound with my accessories tucked neatly away in my garment bag. I had even changed my earrings. I carefully slid on the slinky garment, which felt smooth and cool. I kept the wrap around my shoulders, I would take it off later.

Opening the bathroom door I just stood there. There on the bed waiting for me was Nathan, he was shirtless and just sat there looking at me his gaze an expression I had never seen on his face before.

"Hey…" I managed to get out past the lump in my throat.

"Hey…" Nathan replied, and I noticed his voice too sounded a little bit hoarse.

Nathan patted the bed.

"Hey, it's just me, I won't bite." His lips turned up in a half smile.

I let out some sort of strangled sound that could have passed for a laugh. Then I slowly, very slowly, slid the wrap from my shoulders, I let my arms fall to my sides, then the wrap fell to the floor. Then I stepped forward my eyes never leaving Nathan.

 

For a long time Nathan and I just stared at each other. Drinking each other in as if we could never look at each other long enough. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity Nathan asked,

"So… How do you want to do this? I mean… I know how…" He chuckled weakly.

"Can we just stay like this?" I asked.

"Sure." Nathan's voice was still soft and gentle, the way I liked it best.

Then he rolled over and grabbed is something from the nightstand. For a few minutes he shuffled around under the covers, but I knew what he was doing so I didn't say anything.

"You ready?" Nathan asked.

I nodded.

"We can go as slow or as fast as you want."

I nodded again, at the moment I couldn't bring myself to speak.

Nathan moved as slow as he said. Off came my panties, which disappeared somewhere under the covers. Off came the slip (or whatever it was) that I had just put on. For a few minutes we just lay there naked under the covers looking at each other not speaking.

Nathan moved first, he touched my shoulder moving slowly downward. At one point he had pushed the covers aside as he moved, touching everything I was used to him touching, the fact that we weren't wearing any clothes didn't make any difference. I touched him curiously too, his shoulders, his neck, his chest. My fingers sliding down to his torso and down to his hips.

I sucked in a breath when he finally touched my breast, Nathan's hands were soft and warm and he touched it curiously, like everything else, new, but strangely familiar.

Nathan's hands and fingers continued in this fashion until he had reached my inner thighs then his fingers, probed carefully making me gasp and whimper which made him smile. He even laughed a little, which made me smile too.

"I think you're ready." He said softly.

"Yeah?" I replied breathlessly. "I think you are too."

Nathan chuckled, his blue eyes twinkling in the dim light.

"More than you'll ever know." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Then Nathan shifted forward just the tiniest bit, his legs entwined with mine, which alone by itself was very intimate, closer than I had ever been to anyone, even my best friend. I gasped at the pleasure and strangeness of it all feeling him shift and move around me and in me and I had reached out to steady myself against him feeling his breath on my neck in my ear coming shorter and shorter as time went on.

I felt as if I was somewhere outside myself, like I was barely breathing or we were breathing for each other I couldn't be sure. I felt the pressure and intensity building inside me and when I finally came apart Nathan was there holding me. My hands traced his back feeling his muscles flex and move. My hands slid down to his hips and finally to his backside. I dug in my fingers and he moaned, I smiled. I felt him come undone feeling his body let go and go limp against me. His breath was coming easier now, which ended in one last groan as he pulled away, kissing my ear as he did so.

"That was incredible." He whispered and he smiled at me briefly. He glanced down frowning, "Let me go clean this up." And he rose from the bed, heading for the bathroom.

While he was gone, I changed into some more comfortable pajamas. Then I dug around in the tousled bedsheets for the pieces of lingerie, which I intended to wash before their next use, and tossed them haphazardly in my suitcase.

A few minutes later, Nathan came back to bed and we smiled as we climbed back under the sheets. We didn't talk anymore, everything we wanted to say had been expressed and felt. We fell asleep a short time later, my head resting comfortably against Nathan's shoulder as close to him as I had always wanted to be.

19: Chapter 18

We left for our honeymoon early the next morning. This was doubly exciting for me because I had no idea (and I mean no idea) where we were going; Nathan refused to tell me. His eyes would only crinkle when I asked him.

"You'll see." He said with a smirk. The only thing he would tell me was that we were going to California, which was only a brief stop on our trip. We hadn't been to California since after Nathan had finished grad school, and that seemed like a long time ago.

When we arrived in California we spent a couple days there before taking our flight to our final destination, which I finally figured out.

"Hawaii!" I squealed, "Really?"

Nathan grinned.

"I told you we'd make it to Hawaii one day, now we're only…" He glanced at his watch for effect, "six hours away."

I stretched as I maneuvered our luggage.

"Yeah, but I'm still going to need a nap afterwards, I'm not a seasoned globetrotter like you."

Nathan only laughed.

 

The six hours, despite my best efforts, was long and boring. I hadn't been on a plane since I was a kid and usually preferred to driving to flying. I spent most of my time scribbling notes for stories in a note book I was carrying and taking power naps against Nathan's shoulder, which I liked doing. My mind, in the quietness was still turning over the night before, and I was more than eager to repeat the experience.

Finally we touched down at the Honolulu airport. We were greeted by smiling ladies bearing leis, and looked very much like the stereotypical tourist.

"Welcome to Hawaii… Enjoy your stay!" They chorused.

We were starting our vacation on Oahu where we would be staying most of the time, but we planned on visiting the other islands. I was also eager to visit Maui which I knew was a popular vacation spot for my favorite celebrities.

 

Soon after our arrival, Nathan rented a Jeep, which was just big enough to hold our luggage and began figuring out the directions to where we would be staying.

"What more surprises?" I asked.

Nathan grinned, his blue eyes sparkling in the bright sunshine. Today I was lucky the weather was so nice, a comfortable 75°. I had checked the weather and it was promising to be mostly sunny for the next two weeks with spots of clouds and some rain later on.

"You'll see." Then he got behind the wheel and began driving to our next destination.

 

Twenty minutes later, we pulled up outside a large house, which was airy and open and looked like it very much belonged on the island. Even before Nathan had cut the engine I stared at it open mouthed.

"Careful, you'll catch flies." Nathan chuckled, still sounding way too amused but that was something I loved and found absurdly irritating.

"How?" I finally managed. "This must have cost a fortune!"

"Consider it a wedding present. It's only rented though, my parents helped out a little. We have it for the next two weeks."

The house was just as beautiful inside as it was outside. It reminds me forcibly of the house in one of the Twilight movies, right down to the large fourposter bed in the bedroom, I would love sleeping there… Or not sleeping as the case may be.

After Nathan had brought in our luggage he looked around.

"What do you want to do first, Mrs. Clarence?"

"I think I'm going to unpack," I replied, "and then I'm going to collapse and relax, at least for an hour or two. Then we can figure out what we're doing the next two weeks."

Nathan nodded.

"Sounds like a good idea."

 

After putting our luggage into the dressers and closets in the various rooms and straightening the rooms to my satisfaction, I collapsed on the fourposter. A few minutes later the mattress shifted as Nathan flopped down beside me. For the next few hours we slept together, still in our clothes until our minds and bodies caught up with the time change.

The next thing we did after our nap was go shopping. It was essential that we have food in the house because it was the one thing we hadn't brought with us. After going shopping we returned to the house loaded down with enough groceries for the next few days. As we unpacked, we started planning dinner for that night. I had been so busy over the last few days I hadn't even thought about the every day necessity of making dinner, usually I was content with a frozen dinner and that was it, but I knew now that I was married frozen dinners weren't going to cut it.

We finally decided on marinated chicken, asparagus, rice pilaf and sparkling fruit. The stores here had the most of the things we normally bought, but there were a few items that will never be sold in Tennessee.

We ended up eating dinner out on the patio and looking out over the island. I kept feeling like it was to perfect to be real. I wondered if I pinched myself if I would wake up and find myself back at home in my own bed that everything over the past few months had all been a wonderful dream.

Nathan and I continued talking as we cleaned up the dinner dishes. We were both still winding down from the craziness that had infused our lives for the past few months.

"Do you want to take a walk on the beach?" Nathan asked.

I nodded.

We spent another blissful hour walking on the beach the waves lapping gently on the shore; the last straggling surfers packing up and leaving for the day. Most of the walk was spent continuing to talk quietly with each of us pausing to take pictures of the scenery around and behind us. Nathan had even taken a picture of me standing in the surf with the sun set behind me, I was wearing a tank top and jeans shorts, my feet bare.

"You remembered to pack the sunscreen, right?"

Nathan nodded and came over drawing me to him, squeezing my shoulders.

"I did." He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"If we're going to be going snorkeling, surfing, and paddle boarding, we're gonna need it." I fretted, aware I was rambling.

"I got you covered, Vivian, don't worry."

"What about hula lessons?" I muttered.

"I'll see what I can find online tomorrow." Nathan promised. "We have two weeks, there's time."

 

We walked back to the house in silence, Nathan only pausing to turn on a light or two before we made our way to the bedroom. After we both took turns in the shower we crawled into bed. Nathan read for a while and updated social media and his blog.

"What are you writing about?" I asked.

Nathan looked over at me and smiled.

"Being married." He answered lightly. After he had finished writing he shut down the laptop and set it aside. Then he reached and turned out the light.

"You going to bed?" I asked.

Nathan smiled again. "Not quite yet."

Then he leaned over and kissed me and I knew why he wasn't quite ready to sleep.

 

I spent the next two weeks in a kind of daze. Every morning and every night I woke up and fell asleep next to Nathan. We made love frequently, which was in itself a new experience for us. Sometimes we would wake up only to make love again before Nathan got ready for the day. We were learning each other in a beautiful new way, which, after being friends for twenty some years I didn't think was possible.

We ate wonderful meals on the patio in the nice weather, and the weather was bad we ate in the dining room on the other side of the house. We did all the activities we had talked about; we did a week's worth of hula lessons, which had us laughing and making fun of each other. We went snorkeling in the crystal clear water and learned to surf on Waikiki Beach.

One of my favorite activities was paddle boarding in the evening towards the end of our first week, and after a while this became normal and it was something we did every evening before going to bed. Sometimes we would just rent surfboards and out on them as we watch the sun set. One evening when we were doing this we stayed out past dark and watch the stars come out until we could no longer keep our eyes open. Afterwards we followed a flashlight back to the house and fell into bed as soon as we had our clothes off. We took day trips to Maui and ate at local the restaurants. We walked on the beaches and did touristy things which made me glad for bed at the end of the day. It was probably the most fun I had on a vacation in a while.

 I was sad when we finally had to leave. I had all but forgotten about my book, which was two chapters away from being finished though I still had three or four months before my deadline.

"That was incredible!" I told Nathan as we prepared to take off from Honolulu.

"Glad you enjoyed it." Nathan said mildly. I glanced over at him, he had a pleased smile on his face.

"Now it's home to Indiana." I said with a sigh. (It was weird to think of Indiana as home, but I was sure it would be in time) "Back to real life."

Beside me, Nathan chuckled.

 

Following this chapter I will do a time jump, which will detail the time a few years after Nathan and Vivian get married. It will detail their journey to start a family and a few conflicts that arise. I will also tell about Noel's journey to the 2022 Beijing Olympics.

20: Chapter 19

This is (hopefully) the last of the really long chapters. I had a total brain fart yesterday and forgot I had already posted chapters 16 through 18 and actually couldn't even find 18… So I don't know what happened there LOL! As I explained in a previous note, this is a time jump several years later and details Noel's experience at the 2022 Olympic Games as told by Vivian.

 

Fall 2021

I couldn't believe Nathan and I had been married for almost 3 years! Life had settled into a comfortable routine; Nathan going to work every day and me settling down to work on my latest book. Bodyguard Confidential had been published early in 2019 and like my other books had been a success; I had just gotten back from my honeymoon in enough time to finish it and shortly after publication start a whirlwind press and book tour.

Despite being married for some time, Nathan and I were still debating when we should start a family, but the timing never seemed right, we were both busy and I knew at the time a baby would never fit into our plans. After a while, however, our friends and family had stopped asking we knew we were going to have kids. Nathan took the ribbing with a smile but after a while I found it irritating, even from the people I knew loved most.

"You've been married for almost 3 years," my mother reiterated one day, "isn't it about time you think about starting a family?"

At this point I was used to heading off such questions.

In the meantime, Noel was making good on her promise to make the Olympic team going to Beijing the following year. When she had turned eighteen she had moved to Utah where she could practice and be coached to her satisfaction. Currently she was preparing for the Olympic trials and my family and I waited with eager anticipation for the next update from Utah.

I got most of the updates from my mother who talked to my aunt on a regular basis. My aunt and uncle were going to be flying out to Utah for the trials at the end of October, and we would know shortly thereafter if Noel made the team.

September passed quickly and it was a few days before Halloween when we finally got the news. I had only been watching the snowboarding sporadically flipping it on between writing marathons or when I was doing dishes. I had just finished a chapter in my latest book, The Greatest Gift, when the phone rang, loudly, breaking my concentration. Slightly annoyed, I picked it up.

"Hello!" I answered still feeling irritated.

"Vivian, it's your mother," my mother announced, "I have news about your cousin."

I didn't have to ask which cousin she was referring to. One, I only had four cousins, and two, I only had one girl cousin.

"I just got the news from Aunt Caroline… Noel made the team. She came in second."

"Really?" I asked, "that's awesome!" I was already rising from my chair doing a small dance around my office.

"She's very excited," my mother continued, "needless to say it will probably be all over Facebook and Twitter within the hour."

I chuckled.

"Yeah, no kidding. Oh that really is great," I reiterated, smiling into the phone, "I can't wait to tell Nathan."

 

The news of Noel making the Olympic team spread like wildfire throughout our family and social media and it was this that took up most of our time for the next several months. The holidays were interspersed with talk about how the family would go to Beijing in February, who had passports and who didn't.

"Vivian, I know you are busy but give yourself enough time to get that passport, you're not going to China without it." My mother reminded me shortly before Christmas, but I waved her off, promising I would have a passport ready by early February. Nathan already had one as he was the one that did all the traveling. I was grateful for his expertise on how to actually acquire one, which turned out to be no harder than getting a drivers license except it took a little longer.

I considered the holidays a respite before the insanity started and before I knew it, the end of January was upon us and we were leaving for China in little over a week.

Like they had before the wedding, my mom and aunt were running around trying to make sure everyone else was organized, except this time we were not all in the same house, which made things a little bit more bearable. Things for Nathan and I were relatively even keel, Nathan was used to packing for long trips overseas and I was grateful for his help.

The next few days were a blur as we shuffled from one airport to another and I already knew without asking I would be seriously jetlagged from a sixteen  hour flight and without asking I knew I would be sleeping for any remaining amount of time in the next forty-eight hours. Since the Opening Ceremony didn't start until the following Friday I had plenty of time to sufficiently recover.

 

When I had finally recovered from my first bout of jet lag, I took time to explore and look around the city. Beijing was an interesting combination of modern and old-fashioned with its crowded streets and historical landmarks that gave an old world feel, but at the same time you saw the occasional Western store which said you were still in the 21st-century.

The Olympic venues were some of these more modern landmarks. On Friday night, we made our way into the stadium with thousands of others and like many of the other things my family and I had experienced over the past several days it was a bit overwhelming, not to mention the cultural shock I knew we were all experiencing.

The stadium was a buzz of noise I caught several snippets of languages I didn't recognize among the smatterings of English I could barely hear. My family and I were in a small corner to the left of the stadium and a small entryway showed me where the athletes from all the countries would be entering later on. After many segments illustrating the history and culture of China it was time for the Parade of Nations, in which the athletes entered the stadium. The countries were listed alphabetical order in the language of the host country and knowing nothing about Chinese, I had no idea where the United States would fall in the lineup.

The Parade of Nations was one of my favorite parts of the Olympics, I loved seeing the regalia of each of the countries and how it was different from that of the United States, some groups were big and some groups were small, only having a group of a few athletes.

"This is so much easier watching it on TV." My cousin Nolan muttered from behind me. "This is going to take forever!"

Just as Louie was dozing off, I heard my aunt shout.

"The US is coming up next! We should see her soon!"

Sure enough, in the stadium which was already filled with people came the few hundred athletes from the United States and in the middle of the procession clutching her iPhone tightly in one hand, was Noel. Her bright red hair was tucked under a stocking cap , which was emblazoned with the letters "USA" and she was grinning from ear to ear.

 

My family and I spent the next two weeks going to Noel's events and sightseeing. Along the way, we had picked up several souvenirs, including merchandise of the USA Olympic team.

Finally it came down to Noel's last event-the woman's half pipe. It was her best event, although she had come very close to placing in the woman's slalom and had done very well.

"Time to watch my sister kick some major butt!" Jeremy cheered from where my entire family watched from the sidelines. Noel had done decent in her warm-up and the outlook of her going into the first qualifying round looked good, and although she had fallen on one of her qualifying runs, but I knew she still had multiple chances to get better times for the time she had lost.

"Come on, come on," I muttered as I watched her set up for her next trip down the pipe. I knew there were borders better than her, but I also knew she was fast, clean and she tried tricks that a lot of people her age wouldn't attempt, things she had been doing since she was a teenager.

Her last few runs were clean although everyone held their breath until she had safely landed at the bottom of the pipe following her run. I knew there was more to come and there would be several more days of competition before it came down to the final.

I loved and hated the nailbiting aspect of the Olympics especially when I had a family member involved, but my aunt tried to be philosophical about it.

"Worst-case scenario she doesn't medal, best case scenario…"

"She gets the gold!" Nolan cheered pumping his fist.

"Now, now, don't get ahead of yourself, she's only a few rounds in." My aunt chided.

"But look at her scores!" Jeremy exclaimed "she'll still place for the qualifying for the next round, and she was much better than that girl from Italy."

My cousins debated about Noel's chances on and off while I alternated between watching the snowboarders and listening for the current scores.

After the fourth round of the qualifying Noel was still in the lead along with two snowboarders from Switzerland and one from Germany.

If I thought the other rounds were tense it was nothing compared to the tension going in the final. Nerves tended to get the best of people when the medals were on the line and someone who had done well in previous rounds could totally flop a relatively easy run.

I continued to watch the huge screens on the opposite side of the venue, somewhere behind me my aunt was muttering.

"Come on baby, come on baby…" Under her breath.

Noel was the third from the bottom in the rotation for the final since the athletes went in reverse order which meant someone could either hold their position or completely lose the lead they had previously had. Noel had to wait, and this could either be good or bad, but Noel always seem to do well even if she had to go at the end of the rotation, and it seemed to be under pressure when my cousin did her best work.

The next few minutes seem to pass in a blur and finally it was Noel's turn. I watched her swoop back and forth in the air, though I wasn't close enough to see the individual tricks themselves I knew she hadn't fallen so she was doing well. I let out a breath when she finally landed her run-no mistakes- though she still had a second run to do. She would either keep her position which had shot her into second place, or she would lose it. At this point she needed three tenths of a point to overtake the leader, one of the Swiss borders.

"One more run and it will all be over." I muttered to Aunt Caroline, who was still anxiously breathing down my neck. Beside me, Nathan squeezed my hand and I knew he was just as anxious as everyone else.

It was a lot of waiting, watching snowboarders fall and others succeed, the snowboarder from Germany wiped out, and there was a large groan from the German supporters a ways down the sidelines, this dropped her into fourth place which left some room for the remaining snowboarders, including Noel.

Finally it was Noel's turn. And it was a tense number of minutes while my family watched the side screens, so far so good. Unbelievably, Noel had done a clean run similar to her last few runs; she had even added a particularly difficult trick she had been working on for the past few months.

The moment when the snowboarders had all gone and everyone was waiting for the final scores was one of the most tense moments of the Games. Even though I could barely see the screens that projected what was going on at the pipe I knew when the winner had been announced. Like much of the Games everything happened in a blur I saw the figure on the screen, dressed in red, white, and blue fling herself into the arms of a man who was obviously a coach. The strand of red hair and blue rimmed goggles told me it was Noel.

Everything around me went from being totally silent to being deafening! My mom and aunt were hugging, my aunt was crying, Nolan, Jeremy, and Louie were high-fiving each other, Louie screaming, to anyone who would hear: "that's my sister, that's my sister, my sister just won an Olympic medal!"

My last glimpse of Noel was of her red rimmed eyes and tears streaked face, yet she was still smiling, it was the face of any athlete I had ever seen win an Olympic medal, particularly when they weren't expecting to.

Finally, Nathan grabbed my hand.

"Come on," he said, "I think it's time we do some celebrating of our own."

 

Two Weeks Later

I had been feeling "off" since we had returned from Beijing. At first, I thought it was just me getting over my jetlag, but when things didn't go away after a few weeks I became concerned.

"Are you pregnant?" My mother inquired.

I honestly didn't know, I had been so caught up in Noel's win at the Games (she had worn the medal around her neck for a week until my aunt had convinced her to put it away) I hadn't noticed.

"I don't know." I replied honestly.

Mostly so my mother would shut up, I went to the drugstore and bought a couple of pregnancy tests, the cheap ones that you could get for a few bucks.

Here goes nothing. I thought as I sat down on the toilet.

A short time later, I glanced from where the pregnancy test lay conspicuously on the edge of the sink.

 

I could hardly wait until Nathan got home, though I resisted the urge to call him up at his office. I really wanted to see his face when I told him he was going to be a father. For the first time in a long time I could barely focus on my writing, but finally Nathan came home and found me, as usual, in front of my laptop in my office. When he came into the room, dropping a brief kiss on the top of my head I turned around and smiled at him.

"Hey V… What are you so happy about?"

Grinning, I held out the pregnancy test which I had been carrying around in my pocket for most of the afternoon.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered.

Nathan's eyes widened in an expression I found almost comical.

"Really?" He asked. His expression had immediately softened, his gaze tender.

I nodded.

"We're going to have a baby."

21: Chapter 20

Nathan's reaction was somewhere between the overly emotional dad to be and just really happy, but it wasn't like he was the guy that was bawling his eyes out that made for a good viral YouTube video.

When he could finally speak he said.

"I love you, I love you, you know that right?"

I nodded, grinning into his chest.

He continued to squeeze me really tight, as if he would never let go and when I finally looked into his eyes he was still smiling. I didn't think I would ever forget that expression on his face for the rest of my life.

Finally I spoke.

"So… When can we tell our parents?"

 

Before I told anyone, however, I went to the doctor to "double check" just to check with a professional that I was, in fact, pregnant. Sure enough when the nurse came back with the results she was smiling.

"Looks like you were right, you are in fact pregnant. Congratulations, Mrs. Clarence." After that I scheduled an appointment with an OB/GYN in the next two weeks to see how far along I was and to check the heartbeat, I knew that was something Nathan wouldn't want to miss either.

 

Telling our parents we were expecting was an experience. We had decided we would tell them together and include a little bit of a surprise, T-shirts which read "World's Best Grandparents". I think we got them good because their reactions were exactly what I had expected, my parents looked pleased and surprised while Nathan's parents looked nothing short of shocked. I almost laughed at the expression on his mother's face.

"Really?" She asked, as if we were pulling some sort of prank on her.

We nodded.

Then she rushed over to hug us both, squeezing me tight. At this point, I was used to this being people's reaction to the news I was pregnant, and I was sure they would break something if they squeezed me any tighter.

"Bless you." She murmured in my ear, "I can't wait to meet this little one, you two are going to be great parents."

I was thankful for her vote of confidence, but would I really be a good mom? I hadn't been that keen on babies until a few years ago and that was all only to hold them or cuddle them and give them back; certainly not to raise my own.

Nathan gave his trademark lopsided smile.

"Thanks mom."

My parents had a similar reaction, although not as emotional as Mrs. Clarence and soon Nathan and I found ourselves in the middle of a sandwich of the two groups of parents. Clearly they were thrilled about the announcement of their first grandchild. We repeated the process with Nathan's brothers who were thrilled! Scott, who lived a few hours away from us, had grinned and slapped Nathan on the back in a brotherly fashion.

"Congratulations man!" He said, "You're going to be an awesome dad!"

I had my feelings about this though, it was the same feeling I before we had made love for the first time. It was something new and uncharted I was experiencing with Nathan that was well outside the realms of friendship. How would he be as a dad? While I had no doubt he would make a good parent, it was not a role I had never actively pictured him in.

 

After the excitement of the past few days Nathan and I would still occasionally looked at each other and grinned for no apparent reason at all. One night, we were lying in bed facing each other as we continued to talk quietly before going to sleep.

"What about names?" I asked.

"What about them?" Nathan returned.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Paul or Ethan; after my uncles, if it's a boy."

I made a face.

"Those names seems so… Ordinary."

"Maybe for middle names?" Nathan suggested, eager to compromise.

"Possibly." I conceded.

 

"I was thinking about the name Nicholas, or Kyle, or Kevin for a boy."

Nathan nodded. "I like those names. I'll start making a list tomorrow."

I yawned.

"What about girls' names?"

"Marie? Savanna?" Nathan suggested.

"I like the name Isabelle, or Isabella and I don't know, I wanted to make up a name or something I was thinking we could do a riff on your mother's name I was thinking about Mary Lee as a middle name or that could be the first name and we'll just leave it at that."

"I like that." Nathan mumbled as he rolled over.

We talked until we both fell asleep, about the dreams and hopes we had for our child and the types of things he or she may eventually do.

"Maybe they'll be a world-renowned physicist and win the Nobel Peace Prize." Nathan said with a tired smile.

"Maybe," I replied, "with your genes who knows."

22: Chapter 21

Pregnancy, as I learned, was no walk in the park. While my morning sickness wasn't terrible I was still iffy about food, and was running to the bathroom more often than usual. I had also taken (being the person that I was) to reading every available book I could get on pregnancy; some of the tips helped while others didn't because they assumed you knew stuff you didn't. Your first pregnancy was definitely different from any consecutive pregnancies you may have later on.

I spent the first few weeks running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but I was thankful for my mother who seemed to be trying to keep me from jumping out a window.

"I have to get all this stuff not to mention a crib and bedding. The nursery isn't a problem we can use the other room, but there's so much to do!"

My mother had only shook her head.

"Calm down Vivian, you have nine months; this baby isn't coming for a while. I'm sure you could set up the nursery the week before and you'll be fine."

"Yeah, unless I go into labor before then."

My mother gave a tight smile.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

 

My favorite thing about being pregnant was buying all the things I would need. I mean, who didn't like buying baby stuff? I got so enthusiastic Nathan was quick to put on the brakes.

"Hang on V, I'm not going to have you max out our credit cards buying millions of outfits. This kid's going to have more clothes than they will ever need."

I laughed, but he was right of course, I did have a tendency to go a bit overboard, particularly when I was excited about something.

My partner in crime from my shopping sprees was Ruby and we spent hours perusing the racks of baby clothes. Since I didn't know whether it was the boy or girl I stuck to picking a few gender-neutrals, like a sleeper covered with little baby ducks that said "sleep tight". I would leave the big purchases like the crib and the stroller to my parents and Nathan.

However, Nathan and I looked at several items, a bassinet for our bedroom at least for the first few months and I was sure we would buy the crib later on, I planned to ask my mom that at some point which would be best.

My mind was boggled by the amount of symptoms I was experiencing. Though I knew every pregnancy was different, I vaguely wondered why my pregnancy seemed to be better or worse than what I had heard about from other women, was the morning sickness, breast tenderness that made sex vaguely uncomfortable and several other physical changes. I was grateful for my choice of career at the moment and spent most of my time with my laptop and feet up. I was still months away from in office editing meetings with Susan for which I was grateful, I didn't fancy running around when I felt so lousy but I didn't want to be stuck in the house either.

Nathan tried to reassure me.

"Don't worry about it," he said, "we'll get everything we need." He smiled, "It's all good."

This reassured me, but only slightly. I resumed writing The Greatest Gift which was beginning to take a fair amount of my time. This, if anything, took my mind off the physical symptoms and mood swings associated with my pregnancy. The only other thing I had to look forward to in the next few weeks was my first doctor's appointment, which would show me the heartbeat and let me see the baby for the first time.

As Nathan and I began stockpiling for our soon to be growing family, my ultrasound appointment came up sooner than expected. At the last minute, however I had decided I was going to change doctors because I wanted a midwife instead of an obstetrician. It took some digging around on Google to find a local midwife clinic, but I eventually found one and made an appointment. So my appointment was somewhat delayed scheduled for the middle of March instead of the beginning.

I made the appointment as late as I could, scheduling something between eleven and twelve that day where I knew Nathan could get off work since he didn't have another class until early in the afternoon.

Like many of the midwife clinics I had seen over the years thanks to cable TV, it was bright, cheerful and intimate although it still resembled a doctor's office to some degree. Most of the women were in regular clothes, and the only thing that identified from as the people that worked there instead of patients were the various pieces of equipment that they had on hand.

Upon walking in the door, we were greeted by a smiling woman in her early forties, who introduced herself to Sharon. She was wearing capris and a blue shirt which stretched over her ample figure.

After a brief wait, we were led back to a small room which looked like a lot of doctor's office exam rooms, only it seemed softer somehow, less clinical.

"Now, Vivian if you would just lie down, let's have a look at this little one." Sharon said cheerfully.

She quickly put some gel on my stomach and began moving a small instrument around on my abdomen, beside me, Nathan watched an interest.

After a few minutes a distinct throbbing sound emitted from the speakers. It was a soft whooshing sound, but I knew it for what it was, the distinct sound of an infant heartbeat in utero. The small doppler was connected to a small screen, which resembled a Game Boy and on the screen was the first image of our child. At the moment it was no bigger than a kidney bean, but it was the first real look at the life inside of me I had seen.

Nathan peered over my shoulder.

"Our little megabyte." He said with a chuckle.

I smirked.

"Excuse my husband, he has a background in computer science."

Sharon chuckled, seemingly amused.

"I've heard many couples give nicknames to their fetuses over the years, but "megabyte" is a new one." She chuckled again. "I can call a referral over to your obstetrician for a more detailed scan as we need to check or anything else. I would keep them in loop is anything else happens."

I made a mental note to check in with the obstetrician if only to cross my T's and dot my I's.

We talked to Sharon for several more and by the end of the appointment finally I had the essential information we needed. According to her, I was due sometime in November, but like many medical things (particularly babies) they could only guess.

"Little ones come when they want," she said lightly, "November is my best guess, say some time between the twelfth and the fifteenth. Of course," she added, "your obstetrician may have a different opinion."

 

Nathan and I walked out of the clinic smiling at each other, the baby's first ultrasound securely in his back pocket. We were still discussing the finer details of the pregnancy when we arrived back at his car.

Nathan glanced at his watch.

"I better go, my first afternoon class starts in twenty minutes. Hopefully I don't have half my class walk out on me." He chuckled ruefully.

"I'll see you when you get home." I said as I headed for my own car.

"Yeah," Nathan added, "I'll see you later. Text me if you want me to pick up something on the way home for dinner."

23: Chapter 22

I was, in general, a pretty healthy person, so I didn't go to the doctor very often. So it was very unusual for me to schedule anything with more than one doctor, but here I was making a follow-up appointment with the obstetrician and planning on (or what I thought) would be more.

After checking in with the obstetrician I learned several facts:

I was, in fact due in November, November 14, she thought, I didn't need another ultrasound for another three months, but I required some first trimester testing on various health conditions they screened for including spina bifida and Down syndrome. I was scheduled for this test for some time in early May. Afterwards, I reported this all to Sharon, who assured me I didn't need to call her every time there was an update with the pregnancy.

"I'll see you sometime in May or June," she said laughing softly, "but if you do have any questions or concerns feel free to call me."

I assured her I would; if I didn't have a nervous breakdown first.

 

In the meantime, while stockpiling everything I would need, I prepared my birth plan. I watched numerous YouTube videos on birth and pregnancy since I was planning on a natural birth, which even had Nathan concerned.

"Are you sure," he asked, one afternoon while peering over my shoulder as he perused my browsing history, "that seems a bit… painful."

I laughed, but managed a smile.

"Well, duh! Of course it is. Bringing a baby into the world isn't a walk in the park, even I know that!"

Nathan grinned.

"Well I wouldn't know," he gave a lackadaisical shrug, "I am a guy after all." Then his eyes were sparkling again and I was looking into the face of my best friend. His humor and easy-going attitude were a few of the things I loved about him most.

I laughed again, seeing an opportunity to tease him back.

"Well I'd be worried if you did. Last thing I need is my husband making headlines for being pregnant."

We both cracked up then and I wouldn't be surprised if I was told by a doctor that my baby was "well oxygenated" because Nathan and I laughed so much.

Between my morning sickness, fatigue, and rapidly swelling feet, I was grateful to work from home. I was also grateful I had the house to myself most of the time which provided for several impromptu naps and time to take breaks when I chose.

I was making slow progress on my book. Had I not been pregnant I probably would have gotten more done but I assured Susan and Natalie I would have a draft done by the end of the summer. After that there would be more revisions, but by then I would have been baby which would add another wrinkle to my already busy schedule. I was considering hiring a nanny to help out and pick up the slack when I couldn't leave my computer. There was also my travel schedule to consider and who would take care of the baby when I was gone. If Nathan wasn't busy I would've had him come with me or stay home, but that was more than likely not feasible.

Another set of hands was also critical since both of our parents lived out of state, but I knew my mother would come and help me out whenever she could. She had already promised she would come to Indiana after the baby was born and help out for a few weeks, then of course there was Nathan who had a two week paternity leave.

I tried to include Nathan in the planning is much as I could, we were discussing ideas for the nursery but I put my foot down when he suggested we cover the nursery walls in binary code. We finally compromised and painted animals surrounded by simple mathematical equations on the brightly colored walls.

The plans for the nursery were definitely unusual, several small animals bespeckled some holding miniature diplomas. The plan was so ambitious I had Ruby and a few of her artist friends help out. Ruby was still laughing at our concept, which had earned Nathan several jabs in the shoulder. The mural in the nursery would take months, but Ruby and her friends promised it would be done before we had to move the furniture in.

"What if we have a girl?" I asked, as we put primer and base coats on the nursery walls, "she's going to want princesses and ponies by the time she's six, I don't think she would go for this."

Nathan only shrugged.

"We'll add to it, and things can always be changed Vivian." He held up a paint roller. "That's what primer's for."

 

Nathan's other duty as a father to be was making convenience store runs to satisfy in my growing cravings, which sometimes hit at 3 AM. That was the good thing about having a husband who was a night owl and was more than happy to get candy or cookies in the middle of the night.

This hit a breaking point however one day when Nathan came home from a particularly challenging day at work and was not in the mood to cater to me.

It was 9 PM by the time the next craving hit which could be good or bad. I never knew what I was going to want it could be pasta salad, spaghetti, cheese and crackers, or cookies and ice cream. In this case it was the latter and I wanted gummy worms, chocolate chip cookies and a pint of mint chocolate chip.

"Vivian," Nathan sounded unusually tired and cross, "it's been a long day and I still have papers to grade, not now."

"But me and the baby one cookies and ice cream." I whined, I usually didn't whine, but pregnancy hormones were making me irritable and short tempered.

For the next half-hour Nathan pretty much ignored me from where he was seated at the dining room table and finally after finishing the last of the papers he got up and grabbed the car keys.

"What do you want?" He asked, his voice was unusually flat.

I told him and he left without saying another word.

He returned twenty minutes later with what I had asked for and tossed to the bags on the dining room table without comment.

When he returned to the last few papers he was grading I began digging through the bags, and a few minutes later I had made myself a spectacular sundae. I was just digging into my creation when Nathan finished his work. Finally he sat down next to me with his own bowl of ice cream.

"Sorry I got mad earlier, V, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay." I mumbled, and Nathan chuckled as he wiped a smudge of chocolate and melted ice cream off my face.

Leaning back in his chair Nathan pinched the bridge of his nose and began rubbing his eyes, something he only did if he was tired or stressed.

"A few of the people in my class are being a bit… Difficult. They are not even putting in half the effort they need to and they're barely passing."

"They're adults," I reasoned, "they're in college, they can make their own choices. If they fail they fail."

"You're right, it's just with all this stuff going on lately even something as simple as writing "D" and "F" on papers is even getting to me."

I shoved the last of the ice cream towards him.

"Have some more ice cream, and then I think it's time we both go to bed."

24: Chapter 23

Shorter chapter, but I think it gets the idea of the chapter across well.

…

The next three months passed surprisingly quickly. By early May someone looking at me could tell I was pregnant, but wasn't quite asking when I was due. I was now at the point in my pregnancy where most of my early symptoms had abated, but I wasn't quite out of the woods. I was at the point where my cravings were still ridiculous and I was looking for maternity wear, which made me feel uncoordinated, and well, pregnant.

I was looking forward to my gender reveal ultrasound and telling our families whether we were having a boy or a girl (or, God forbid, as I had joked with Nathan some years previously) twins.

The morning of my ultrasound brought the expected spring weather and for once not the cloudy halfhearted attempt the weather had made that was somewhere between late winter and early spring. That day was relatively normal and Nathan and I ate breakfast as we normally did before he left for work. Even though he left for work early I was more than happy to join him because it was one of our few opportunities to talk before the day got started.

"You good for coming to the ultrasound today?" I asked.

Nathan looked up from his pancakes he was dousing in syrup and grinned.

"Of course! Wouldn't miss it!"

I smiled back.

"Good."

I absently stroked my abdomen. I had a small bump there now, but no signs of your classic baby bump-not yet.

 

By seven thirty, it was almost time for Nathan to leave and after cleaning up our dishes he reached for his bag and briefcase before turning to walk out of the kitchen. I caught up with him in the entryway, which was currently streaming with sunlight.

"I'll see you later than?" I asked. Some people would say I was too clingy, but I was simply concerned, as far as Nathan went I was always concerned.

"Yeah." Nathan replied. "11:15, right?"

"Yeah." I replied, "See you later."

Nathan leaned into kiss me, and I could feel him smile against my lips.

"Love you, V." He murmured.

"Love you too." I whispered.

I was still smiling when he left the house, and watched as his car pulled away and disappeared down the street before going into the living room to start my work for the day.

I was so absorbed in what I was doing that morning I almost forgot about my ultrasound. When I looked up at the clock some two hours later it was almost 10:30 AM and there was still lunch to think about. I would ask Nathan if we could stop for lunch after the appointment.

As usual, I was early, cramming a granola bar into my mouth to hold me over as I cut the engine pulling into the obstetrician's parking lot.

Searching the cars nearby, I didn't see Nathan's car, but it wasn't quite eleven yet and the appointment didn't start for another twenty minutes. Finally, shortly after eleven, I finally saw his car, a gray Taurus, pulling into the parking lot and park a few spots away. Only then did I get out of my car.

"Find your way okay?" I asked.

Nathan shrugged.

"We were here in March, remember?"

"Right… Sorry… Pregnancy brain."

Nathan laughed.

"It's okay, I still love you."

 

After a short wait, we were ushered into one of the exam rooms.

"Here to find out what you're having?" The technician asked with a smile. She was an average looking woman with dark hair a few years older than Nathan and I, and I vaguely wondered if an upbeat personality was part of the job description.

I nodded.

"Yes." I smiled at Nathan, "We're excited. We're not going to tell our families quite yet, that's a surprise for next weekend."

"Mother's Day." The technician reasoned, "I see. Have you thought about how you're going to tell them?"

Nathan and I smirked at each other.

"Well it's kind of hard to explain… Inside joke."

A few minutes later I was lying down on the exam table Nathan nearby. Within a few minutes the technician was probing my stomach studying the nearby monitor.

"Let's see if the little one will cooperate today." She murmured "what did you call the little guy? Megabyte?"

She moved the probe around on my stomach for a few more minutes before she smiled.

"Well, congratulations, looks like you're having a…"

 

I wasn't really surprised with the results, but now my attention turned to planning the gender reveal party to take place the following weekend, which would once again require the help the local bakery. Speaking of which, a donut sounded particularly good right about now and as we walked out of the obstetrician's office I was reminded of how hungry I was.

25: Chapter 24

Finally knowing the gender of our baby I was looking forward to the reveal immensely. The party that coincided with the reveal was simply a cookout and it was just a question of working our announcement in with the weekend festivities.

"Did you pick up our dessert from the bakery?" I asked Nathan the day before the cookout.

"Yes dear." He smiled, which quickly turned into a smirk. He rarely called me "dear" unless he was teasing me.

"Good. Can't have the reveal without them."

Nathan shook his head.

"Are you always going to be this fanatical?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Hey, it's the writer in me. Just wait until our second child is born and I'll let you know."

Nathan ran a hand through his hair.

"Well… That may be a while."

 

The cookout that weekend was relatively small, just our family and a few close friends. Even though we had to drive a little less than six hours, it was nice being able to go home and visit everybody, which we didn't do that frequently anymore.

I was used to my mother and mother-in-law with their rapidfire questions about my health, and the minute we pulled in the driveway they started in on me, but I took it in relatively good humor.

"I just talked to you on Wednesday," I told my mother as I put up with the expected hug, "I'm fine, the baby's fine, and yes, the drive was fine. Other than having to pee half a dozen times, I'm good."

This seemed to satisfy them both and they allowed me to take a seat on the back porch without further inquiry. I dealt with similar questions over the next few hours as friends and family began to arrive. Nathan's brothers, who hadn't seen us in a few months were eager to see us in person and like everyone else wanted to know how I was doing.

"So am I having a niece or nephew?" Scott asked.

I absently stroked my baby bump, and slid Nathan a look.

"You'll find out-soon." I replied carefully.

"Before or after?" He inquired.

"After we eat, before dessert." I finally said, careful not to give anything away.

Our brunch, of sorts, was a noisy affair, particularly after everyone arrived. I made conversation with everyone in the vicinity while polishing off a burger, a hotdog and two glasses of lemonade. I felt the baby shift somewhere in the vicinity of my ribs and stretched. Life was good.

The desserts were just being put out when Nathan and I decided to make our announcement. On the table with the desserts were the two boxes we had bought, each containing a different flavor of pie, which was essential to our reveal.

Nathan was the first to speak.

"May I have everyone's attention, Vivian and I have an announcement to make. Something very special about the addition we are adding to our family."

Suddenly, the yard got very quiet everyone's attention focused on Nathan and I.

Nathan rubbed his hands together.

"We have a box here, who wants to do the honors?"

Finally we chose Mrs. Clarence to do the reveal.

Slowly, and with great anticipation Nathan's mom opened the box. At first, she looked confused.

"It's a pie."

Nathan grinned, one of those mischievous grins I had grown up with my entire life.

"Read what the inside of the box says." Nathan instructed.

I watched as Mrs. Clarence slid her reading glasses onto her nose and began to read the poem I had written on a piece of copy paper taped inside the box.

 

Our family is about to grow

From two to not quite 3.14

But let's just say three

I may not look like much on the outside,

But cut me open to see if our "little megabyte"

Is a he or she.

 

There was a ripple of laughter from everyone, the poem accentuated my talent and Nathan's affinity for computers and mathematics.

"Creative, Vivian, very creative." Mrs. Clarence smiled and reached for a knife. "Now let's see here…"

With my luck the pie cut cleanly, and as she slid the knife back out to lift the slice out of the box she gasped.

"Everyone," she held up the box so everyone standing around see, revealing a slice of blueberry pie. "it's a boy!"

There were cheers from our family and friends and whoops from Nathan's brothers.

"Looks like we've got the next generation of Clarence geniuses in the making, eh Nate!" Mark called. Nathan grinned, this time looking slightly embarrassed and shrugged.

"We'll see." Nathan murmured, "but I'll let my son be whatever he wants to be whether he's intelligent or not."

 

After the festivities that afternoon I was tired and spent the rest of the afternoon resting. That evening, Nathan and I were just lying in bed (fully clothed) talking quietly. That was the one thing we hadn't stopped doing whether it was as friends, boyfriend and girlfriend, fiancés, or husband and wife we never stopped taking time out just to talk and catch up.

"Well it's been quite a day." I said with a soft laugh.

Nathan chuckled.

"You could say that. I guess everything is fair game now that the cat's out of the bag… So to speak."

"Now we're going to get tons of clothes with math puns on them." I sighed, "Guess we set ourselves up for that one."

Nathan looked at me with mock indignation.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," I replied, "well, it's just, everyone's going to know it's your kid."

Nathan chuckled again.

"True, true. So," Nathan asked, "what about a name, Vivian, we can't keep on calling him "little megabyte" forever."

"Yeah, can't say he's gonna want that nickname when he's eighteen."

"I really want to use your middle name," I said, "I've always liked it."

"Peter?" Nathan asked, "what about Paul… After my uncle?"

I nodded, considering.

"Have we narrowed down the first name, yet?" Nathan asked.

"Didn't we agree on Nicholas? I don't really like that is much as, Jonathan, Kevin, or Joseph."

"Jonathan isn't bad, and Jonathan Paul flows well together." Nathan pointed out.

I pouted.

"I still like Nicholas."

"So you want to name our son after a rock star you had a crush on when we were teenagers?" Nathan said with a grin, "Should I be offended?"

I leaned over to kiss him.

"No," I said softly, "you're cooler than him any day."

"I'll take that as a complement," Nathan said, his eyes still twinkling, "as long as I get to name our next kid."

I smiled at him.

"Deal! Oh!" I suddenly clasped a hand over my stomach in surprise.

Nathan frowned in concern.

"Vivian? Is something wrong?"

"No," my expression cleared, "the baby just kicked."

Nathan's face brightened.

"Really?"

Then he put a hand on my stomach, I rested my hand over his.

"Come on little guy, this is your daddy… Show me your in there."

A few seconds later the baby kicked again this time against our hands. Nathan looked up and grinned. "That's so cool!"

I smiled, amused by his enthusiasm, "Me and my body thank you, but you should really thank God… He made my body this way."

"Well it's kind of awesome." Nathan affirmed as he stretched out against the pillows.

26: Chapter 25

 

It was almost 3 months later and I was almost 6 months pregnant. I was now in the phase of pregnancy where I wanted to eat everything in sight and my sex drive was ridiculous! It was funny because that was one of the things that was getting harder; trying to be romantic and intimate with Nathan without a baby bump getting in the way.

So it was one morning in early September shortly before Nathan had to leave for work. I had been awake for hours, as had been my habit as of late sometimes sleeping and being pregnant didn't mix.

"Nathan? Do we have time for…?" I squirmed uncomfortably. Even though I had been married for a little over four years I still found asking about sex awkward. I reached for him, which had been my nonverbal way of communicating I wanted his attention. I had been doing this since we were in high school.

Nathan rolled over and looked at me giving me that slow smile I found unbelievably sexy even on a self-proclaimed nerd.

"Are you asking what I think you're asking about?" He arched an eyebrow.

I nodded, blushing slightly.

He rolled back over and glanced at the bedside clock.

"I have to be at work in a little over two hours and we still have to eat breakfast."

"We'll manage. There's enough time."

"Sure," Nathan replied, "that's what you want me to think." He was smirking as he rolled back over, reaching for a condom as he did so.

 

In the next thirty minutes my brain ceased to function, which was perfectly fine with me. I was perfectly happy to prop my legs up on a few pillows and let Nathan do his thing. He did all sorts of things that made my inner woman scream for more, until I was a quivering, but satisfied, mess.

"Oh, that was good." I mumbled afterwards.

"Is there any time it's ever bad?" Nathan quipped.

I smiled up at him.

"No."

Nathan kissed my forehead.

"Good."

Then he began his perusal all over again, kissing my baby bump on his way down. Finally he kissed my inner thigh before settling back on his heels.

"I better get cleaned up, showered, and dressed. I don't want to be explaining to my class why I was late."

I snickered.

"Let me write you a note Dr. Clarence…" I recited. "Please excuse Dr. Clarence today, he is in bed satisfying his very pregnant, but very happy wife."

Nathan chuckled.

"Somehow I don't think that will fly with the university dean as an excuse. Even if it's a very good excuse." Still smiling he slid off the bed and I watched appreciatively as he headed for the bathroom still naked.

 

Ten minutes later I finally got out of bed and slowly began pulling on whatever clothes I could find. I had just decided to forgo my socks when Nathan came back into the bedroom carrying a breakfast tray with coffee, juice, some fresh fruit and two bowls of Reese's Puffs.

"Breakfast is served." He said with a smile.

"Breakfast in bed, how did I get so lucky?"

Nathan smiled as he sat down on the bed again, this time dressed except for his shoes.

"You have me." Then he leaned in and gave me a long, lingering kiss. "You've always had me."

 

After Nathan left for work, I set about (finally) getting ready for the day. I worked on my book most of the morning, if I was lucky I would have it to Susan by the time the baby was born. I hoped I wouldn't have to make a trip to New York before then. Finally, I broke for lunch which I ate while catching up on various social media feeds including those related to my various books. The Damage Control series had struck a chord with a lot of the LGBT community, but by the same token there were others that thought I had no place writing about such things. I was just "a straight person" who had "no idea" what I was talking about. I had been dealing with these types of comments since I had published Damage Control; from nasty comments online to tirades from people at book signings, which my publicist, Becca, tried to keep to a minimum.

I had acquired a publicist shortly before my first press run late in 2013. I had learned a lot since then, but it was good to have a team of people in my back pocket in case things got hairy, and I was grateful for every single one of them. Now I was getting badgered by the media to release "the real story" that had inspired my writing, but I was still sitting on the idea because that would require bringing people in I wasn't sure would want to be in the spotlight.

After lunch and browsing my social media feeds I had decided (or rather the baby had decided for me) it was time to stretch my legs and headed for the kitchen; to get a snack and to call Ruby.

"What's up?" She asked when she answered the phone.

"Other than a sore back and a baby tap dancing on my bladder?" I asked.

Ruby laughed.

"I don't know, Rubes, I just need a break and someone, a woman, to talk to. By this stage of my pregnancy I'm starting to go a little stir crazy and other than being starving and horny as hell… I'm fine."

Ruby chuckled.

"How does Nathan feel about this?"

"Well he obviously isn't complaining, if this morning was any indication…"

"Oh? On second thought, spare me the details. Shouldn't we be talking about a baby shower, don't you have a registry?"

I shrugged.

"I never know what to put on it since I don't know who's going to get what."

"Just put down what you want and let people buy what you need. As for the baby shower, leave that to me. What are you doing on September 18?"

27: Chapter 26

For the next week following my conversation with Ruby, I focused my attention on actually putting together my baby registry. Between writing sessions, I posted links on social media so my friends and family knew what we wanted and needed.

In the meantime, Nathan and I were comparing and contrasting prices on cribs and strollers. We had finally decided on a stroller with a sunshade that would be big enough for more than one kid.

"When is the stroller getting here?" I asked Nathan the one morning before he left for work.

"Next week I think?" Nathan replied with a frown.

"Will it be here before we leave?"

"I think so." Nathan replied, "Don't worry about it, okay." Then he kissed me goodbye leaving me to my own devices for the day.

 

The stroller had, in fact, arrived the day before we left for Tennessee. The crib, however, was still a work in progress. Nathan and I were still looking for the best price and what would look good in the nursery; trying to decide between a mahogany model and slate gray. Among other decisions were the nursery colors, but we had finally decided on something non-gender specific deciding to paint the walls a soft peach with blue gray accents.

The nursery was still a work in progress when we left the Thursday before the baby shower, leaving the house in a state of organized chaos.

We arrived at my parents house later that evening. The baby shower wasn't until Saturday so I had time to recover. Even my mother convinced me to put down my laptop and forget about my book for a minute.

"My deadline is in a month!" I complained, "I just managed to get off my draft to Susan before everything started getting crazy."

"Your book can wait for a minute," my mother said calmly. "Right now I want to see my daughter and hear how she's doing."

I nodded grudgingly, before slowly shutting my laptop and putting it away, but I didn't miss the smile from Nathan. The indulgent smile he occasionally gave me when I did or said something that happened to amuse him.

"What's so funny!" I grumbled irritably.

Nathan was still smiling, his blue eyes I loved so much still twinkling.

"Nothing."

"Yeah sure," I muttered, "that's what you want me to think."

 

The morning of the baby shower was unusually sunny even for early fall, but there was a definite coolness to the air although not completely unpleasant.

The baby shower, as I had been told was at a friend's house, but Ruby was hosting. Ruby was perfect for hosting because of her outgoing personality and her flair for organization. No one else would have taken on a baby shower, which was relatively last-minute, and lived to tell about it.

While a lot of baby showers got prissy and fussy, mine was simply a get together to trade stories with friends and family and open presents. That was my kind of party.

The party was surprisingly entertaining and I had more than my fair share of laughs at watching my friends (most of whom were single) try to diaper a baby doll.

"Let's just see how Nathan does." Ruby said with a laugh. "Always a test of a good man to see how he deals with a dirty diaper, and you guys are having a boy to boot."

"Well at least he's familiar with the equipment." I muttered trying to hide a smile.

My favorite part of the shower was opening all the gifts my friends and family had gotten for us. There were the usual things: bibs, diapers, sleepers and little hats. My favorite article I had received was a blue onesie which read: "Daddy's Little Genius"

"Funny." I said dryly. "Wonder whose idea that was?"

Among the normal baby paraphernalia were other things: books, toys and bedding for the crib which was a gift from my mom, dad and Aunt Caroline. My mind was now starting to spin. This was a lot of stuff for one little person, and while my aunt and my mother told me it was "normal" to be overwhelmed at this stage of pregnancy of I sincerely doubted it. They weren't trying to get a book to a publisher before their due date either.

I was relieved when the baby shower was over and was glad when I could finally put my feet up without being obvious about it.

"This is a lot of stuff." I said again.

Ruby grinned and gave me that look Nathan had given me a few days prior.

"You'll use it." She said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I know, but still…"

"You guys buckling down? The little guy's due in what? Early November?"

"So they tell me." I replied rubbing my bump.

"You have a birth plan yet?" Ruby asked.

"Working on it." I replied.

"You still want to go natural?"

I nodded. "Unless my midwife tells me otherwise… That's the plan. Nathan and I start birth classes at the birth center next week."

"I'm still on your call list, right?" Ruby asked.

"Of course." I replied. "Other than Nathan's brother Scott, who is the closest, and our parents, you'll be the first to know."

"Good." Ruby replied, as she leaned down to rub my bump. "I guess the only thing left to do is to have the kid."

"Sure," I replied dryly, "easy for you to say, you're not pregnant and don't have to push out something the size of a watermelon."

28: Chapter 27

I was now in that uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. It was now more "get this kid out of me now" phase and not sunshine and rainbows and blissfully pregnant phase. That had long since passed.

I was now at the point where I snapped at Nathan at random intervals, which he understood (to a point) but we got into more than a few squabbles, even over something as simple as being out of syrup, or pancake mix or the tea Nathan liked to drink in the morning before work.

That morning that started our birth classes was such a morning.

"You remember we have birth classes tonight, don't you?" I asked.

Nathan however, was looking for something and didn't appear to be listening.

"Nathan…?"

"I heard you… I heard you…" He muttered irritably. "Vivian, where is the syrup? I wouldn't have made pancakes today if I had known we were out!"

"Sorry, I didn't know." I murmured.

"What do you mean you didn't know!" Nathan exclaimed. (Nathan hardly ever shouted, or lost his temper. If he got upset the issue was usually resolved quickly).

"Well in case you haven't noticed I'm pregnant and I have a manuscript due in a month!" I snapped, my own temper flaring.

"We always keep the things were out of on the list on the counter!" Nathan continued. His voice had dropped in volume, but he still sounded extremely annoyed.

"I know that! I've been busy!" I reiterated. "Not to mention, I'm trying to get the nursery finished so our child has a place to sleep!"

Just as quickly as his temper had exploded Nathan seemed to deflate and he sagged against the counter his back to me.

"I'm sorry Vivian." He said quietly, "I guess the stress of all this is finally getting to me, with everything at work and the baby coming… I got a lot on my plate."

I walked up behind him and nestled my face into his shoulder.

"I do too." I murmured. "I got Natalie badgering Susan about the manuscript and Susan putting pressure on me; I'm barely going to make my deadline as it is."

Nathan sighed and reached for the cereal and the other cupboard, then he walked across the kitchen to grab his teeth and beside the coffee pot.

On the other counter, the microwave dinged, and I retrieved the oatmeal I had been steeping. For a while Nathan and I ate in silence (Nathan having decided to put peanut butter on his pancakes instead) not speaking seemingly lost in our own thoughts.

"6:30 PM then?" Nathan asked, "at the birth center?"

I nodded before speaking.

"That's right." I replied.

Once he was finished with his tea Nathan rose and retrieved his briefcase. As we walked to the front door Nathan grabbed me, and pulled me against him and looked deep into my eyes.

"I'm sorry Vivian," he said softly, "I didn't mean to yell at you. I guess I hardly ever yell, huh?"

I chuckled.

"Not since you were twelve and you yelled at your dad for chopping down our tree fort." I replied with a smile. "I'm sorry too, it was stupid."

Nathan kissed my forehead then he leaned down and kissed to my lips softly.

"I love you." He murmured. "I'll see you tonight. Don't get too upset if I turn out not to be too good at this birth thing."

I chuckled.

"Well, you're not having the baby." I teased.

Nathan frowned then he grinned.

"No," he replied thoughtfully, "it be weird if I was." Then he grinned again and winked at me as he walked out the door.

 

Later that evening, Nathan and I departed for the birth center. The birth center was even more crowded than usual. The main waiting area was filled with couples and one far end showed a whiteboard with several mats and pillows in front of it. In the crowd I spotted Sharon and a couple of the other midwives from the birthing center, who were handing out nametags. After several minutes, Sharon looked around and raised her voice so everyone could hear.

"Attention everyone! Please come over here and choose a mat. We will all get to know each other before I go over what this class entails and what I expect from each couple over the next eight weeks."

There was general murmuring among the couples as we all gravitated towards the mats and whiteboard.

Once everyone was seated Sharon spoke again.

"Now I know you all have nametags and I will give you plenty of time to socialize afterwards, but I would like each couple to go around and say their name and that of their partner also how far along in your pregnancy you are, and if you feel comfortable whether you are having a boy or girl."

I watched as Sharon passed around a microphone. There looked to be about six other couples besides Nathan and I. I was lucky the class wasn't much bigger or I would have trouble remembering names. Raymond and Anya, 3 months and they were hoping for a baby girl. There was Matt and Cheryl they were 5 months pregnant and expecting a little girl. Then there was Simon and Kylie who were 2 to 3 months along and hoping for a little boy. Next, there was David and Natalie who were about 6 months along and expecting a little girl. Next to them were Olivia and Matthew, 4 months and expecting a little boy, the couple next to us were Tory and Nathaniel, they were 5 months, and they were expecting a boy.

Finally it was our turn. I took the microphone.

"My name is Vivian and this is my husband Nathan. We're almost 7 months now and are expecting a little boy; due in November. Some of you may recognize me from my books… I've written a few."

There was general murmuring from the women and several looked over at me. I wasn't famous by any stretch, but the Damage Control books and the follow-up, Crossfire had done well.

"Did you have to mention the books?" Nathan asked, as Sharon took the microphone back.

"I figure it best to get it out of the way." I whispered back, "in case I run into a fan, you never know."

 

The rest of the hour went relatively quickly. We went over the basics of labor and what happened to a woman's body, which involved several humorous, but embarrassing stories from Sharon and instruction on various breathing techniques.

"We'll work on positioning next week, but for now practice your breathing, that's very important during labor, trust me, it makes a world of difference."

After socializing for a few more minutes, Nathan and I made our exit. The class looked like it was going to be good and it turned out I had a lot to learn over the next few months. I only hoped I was really ready to be a mom.

29: Chapter 28

My labor began on a crisp morning in early November. The weather was just getting cold again after an abnormally warm October and I was sure snow couldn't be far behind. My manuscript had made it safely to the editor and by extension the publisher and I had been told that it would most likely be published early in the new year.

At first, it was only twinges, the occasional ache and pain, but as the hours progressed things began to accelerate. I had told Nathan to keep his phone on just in case the baby came today, but there was the chance this was false labor or things would a stall for another day or two.

I went about my morning as usual, trying to deal with the contractions the best I could. At the moment I wasn't really writing anything, but then again I was always writing something, even if it didn't end up in my next book. At the moment I was drafting a couple of things, but I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them yet.

It wasn't until midmorning I knew things were really going. I was about to get up and eat lunch when I felt some odd gush and liquid dribbling down my legs; pooling on the floor and soaking into the carpet and couch cushions.

I was going to get a towel until I realized one thing-my water had broken.

Quickly, I texted Nathan.

Water just broke. Calling Sharon ASAP!

Nathan texted back within a few minutes.

You need me to come home?

I texted.

I'm not sure. Let me call Sharon and see what she says, I'll call you back.

Scrolling through my phone I found the number for the birth center and punching the buttons, I waited impatiently through several rings before a calm female voice answered.

"Natural Nurtures Birthing Center, Jessica speaking, may I help you?"

Even through contractions I put on my professional voice.

 

"Yes, this is Vivian Clarence. I'm a patient of Sharon's… May I please speak to her."

"Just one moment." Jessica said and the phone was put down while Jessica stepped away. I waited for a few minutes, gritting my teeth through contractions until, finally, Sharon picked up the phone.

"This is Sharon." My midwife answered.

"Hi, Sharon, this is Vivian Clarence and… I think I'm in labor."

"How long have you been having contractions?" Sharon asked her voice calm but professional.

"Since… Early this morning." I answered.

"How far apart are you contractions?" She asked next.

"I don't know… Maybe 10 or 15 minutes apart. My water broke like 5 minutes ago."

"Given that your water broke I'd like to bring you in and monitor you here, even if the baby doesn't come for a while." Sharon responded.

"Can I call my husband, first?"

Sharon chuckled.

"Absolutely!"

 

After I hung up with Sharon I immediately called Nathan. As soon as he picked up I blurted out:

"It's go time!"

"Really?" Nathan asked, "right now?" He paused, as if he were trying to take it all in. "Wow."

"Okay." I muttered, I'll be ready when you get here… Just… Contraction… Let me… Get… My… Pants… Changed… First!"

I could still hear Nathan chuckling softly when I hung up the phone.

 

Nathan arrived less than half an hour later. By then I was watching the clock timing my contractions, which were now between 6 to 8 minutes apart. When Nathan came in the door I was holding my hospital bag in one hand and my shoes and the other.

"Excuse me if I look like crap right now." I said flatly.

"I don't mind." Nathan murmured. "Come here." He helped me put my shoes on before taking the hospital bag with our clothes and supplies from my hands. "All I want is a healthy mommy and a healthy baby." He smiled again, kissing me on the forehead. "Now let's go before our son is born in our living room."

 

The ride to the birth center was relatively uneventful aside from my increasing contractions, although, it wasn't like the scenes in the movies where you think the mom's going to pop out the baby going down the interstate. We arrived without incident and Sharon was waiting for us.

"You're going to be in room 2 today." Sharon said pleasantly. "I'll let you get settled and then I'll be in to check you."

A short time later I was lying on the bed Nathan sitting beside me. I had stripped out of most of my clothes except for a T-shirt and socks, I hadn't even bothered to put on a bra that morning, especially since I wasn't planning on going out.

Sharon felt around between my legs for a few minutes before she spoke.

"Well, you are 80% and almost 5 cm. If you keep going like this I think we should have the little guy later this afternoon."

At that, I went into "survival mode" I did everything I had been taught in my birthing class, which was everything from the labor dance, to the breathing, to the husband being a good support system. I had labored most of the morning by myself, so it was nice to have Nathan when I felt weak or tired; I had him to hold on to and encourage me to keep going.

I don't know when it was (the hours blurred into one another) suddenly the pain seemed to stop and shift and instead of pain I felt unbearable pressure; like I was going to crap myself right there. Instinctively, I squatted rocking my hips; Nathan sank to the floor beside me.

"You okay V?" Nathan murmured, tentatively pushing my sweaty hair back from my face.

This was the scene Sharon walked in on (she had been coming to check on me every few hours).

"Good…" She murmured, "you feel like you need to push Vivian?" She asked.

"I don't know…" I panted. "I-I-think so."

Several chaotic moments later, I was back on the bed, not lying down but in a similar squatting position. I was alternating between being on all fours and a half squat. Nathan was beside me and continued to offer soft words as I began to push.

It was more pain than I had thought possible. Maybe even more so than the contractions, but I was reminded to breathe by both Sharon and Nathan and that seemed to help; so I kept pushing. I gave it everything I had until I was sure I couldn't do it anymore. At this point I didn't realize how tired I was.

"Come on Vivian," Sharon encouraged, "you're almost there I can just see his head I can see a little bit of hair."

I gave two more pushes and another loud grunt and the head was out.

"Almost there," Sharon said soothingly, "that's it."

I gave another push, and another and then there he was… Our little boy.

A baby's cry broke the silence of the relatively quiet room and Sharon clamped the cord. A few minutes later, Nathan cut it; grinning.

"Welcome to the world, little guy." He said with a smile.

Then he was on my chest wrapped in a towel and being vigorously dried by myself and Sharon. Nathan's smoothed our newborn son's damp hair before our son was taken away to be cleaned and weighed.

Shortly afterward, he was brought back to me wrapped in a blanket and wearing a little hat with the birthing center logo on it.

"Do you have a name yet?" Sharon asked. "I don't remember if you told me."

"Only a few of our family and friends know," Nathan replied, "we haven't told everybody."

I smiled as I looked down at our little boy.

"I am pleased to introduce Nicholas Paul Clarence." I said.

In my arms Nicholas had begun to cry again.

"He might be hungry, Sharon offered, "I can show you how to nurse him."

 

Sometime later, Nicholas was sleeping soundly in a nearby bassinet. He had been fed (albeit clumsily) by me and I afterwards found myself to be absolutely starving! So now that my child was taken care of Nathan had made me a sandwich, which I ate still sitting on the bed. Afterwards, I changed my clothes, which felt clean, warm and dry, unlike the sweaty clothes I had been wearing for most of the day, and crawled between the now clean sheets. I knew I would have to leave the birthing center in a few hours, but all I really wanted at the moment was a much deserved nap.

30: Chapter 29

I have reached my halfway point with this story. Lots of drama and action coming up in the next few chapters.

...

The first two weeks after Nicholas was born were the longest in my life, and for me, that was saying a lot. I had underestimated how much work it would be with a newborn alone by myself all day. Even my writing had been put on the back burner.

I was more than a little relieved when Nathan came home every night and he would pick up where I left off, but despite that I still found myself up at 4 AM sometimes; I was not a morning person.

"Remind me again why I agreed to have kids with you?" I grumbled at Nathan one morning as he came walking back into our bedroom with Nicholas on his shoulder.

"You love me and you want to better this world?" Nathan asked.

Had he not been holding our son I would've thrown my pillow at him. I held out my arms,

"Come here, let me nurse him before we have breakfast." Sighing, I pulled my T-shirt over my head.

 

I was about at my wits end when I got calls from my mother and mother-in-law that they would be coming and staying over the holidays. My mother was coming first and Nathan's mother was coming and staying through Christmas. I would've argued with this arrangement, but I was too tired. I even wondered how Nathan was making it through the day with our late nights, but he was much more of a night owl then I was.

My mother arrived in Indiana the following Sunday, though it was poorly disguised how relieved I was to see her.

"Well I had to see my first grandchild!" She said with a smile when she had finally taken Nicholas from me. Nicholas, for his part had stopped crying for the moment and was looking up at my mother curiously. At the moment he had thin dark hair, and blue gray eyes; it was unclear whether they would be blue like Nathan's or hazel like mine.

After my mother had settled in I returned to my laptop and continued writing what I was drafting.

It seemed like only fifteen minutes later Nicholas began to cry. Sighing, my fingers paused on the keyboard keys.

"Vivian, your son needs you." My mother called from the kitchen.

"One more period!" I called as I hit one more keystroke, pushed back my laptop and leapt up from the couch, unbuttoning my blouse as I went. Milk was already soaking through my bra.

Shit!

 

Several minutes later, I was nursing Nicholas while my mother sat across from me watching me carefully.

"So how are you doing Vivian?" My mother asked quietly.

"Alright…" I mumbled. "The nursing has been harder than I expected, even with the help of the people at the birthing center."

My mother nodded.

"It can take a while." She murmured, "He has to learn and so do you."

"Right now he's so fussy I can't even nurse him and write at the same time. He's been eating really good though, and the pediatrician's happy. He put on almost a pound in a week, going to be a big boy. The only thing I don't like about this breast-feeding thing is it's murder on my boobs; my nipples are raw and they feel like they're going to fall off!"

My mother chuckled.

"It will get better, you'll get used to it."

"I hope so," I mumbled as I glanced down at Nicholas who was nursing away greedily. "Because right now I feel like a cow."

 

It may not have been the most flattering description of what I had been reduced to since the birth of my son, but it was accurate. Not only was I breast-feeding Nicholas every day but I was also pumping so Nathan could feed Nicholas himself and give me a break. Bottlefeeding Nicholas ended up being just as challenging as breast-feeding him because it was another thing he had used to; a silicone nipple instead of a real one, but it wasn't like I could explain it to him, despite the accusatory looks he seemed to give me every once in a while when I didn't pick him up to nurse him.

"He wants mommy," Nathan said one evening with an amused smile, "sorry buddy, I don't have those things mommy does; I can't give you your dinner."

"Wouldn't that be something." I mumbled as I rubbed my forehead tiredly.

"I got enough going for me already," Nathan said with a lopsided smile, "I don't think we need to add breasts to the equation." I knew he was trying to make me feel better, which I appreciated and I was reminded that was one of the things that made me love Nathan in the first place.

 

Thanksgiving in the Clarence house hold that year was a small affair. Nathan and I had both decided it was too much of a hassle with a newborn that was barely a month old to try and travel, so we stayed home and got together with Scott, his girlfriend Penelope, and a few of our other friends. It wasn't the big affair it usually was with both of our families, but it was better than just the 2 of us and a screaming newborn.

By the time Nathan's mother arrived in Indiana the second week in December I was glad to see her.

"How's my grandson?" She asked.

"Thriving," I replied, grinning in spite of myself, "and he eats like a horse!"

"Yes, Mark was like that for a while, but it does get better, trust me."

"So I've been told." I replied, shifting Nicholas to my other arm. Finally I handed him off to his grandmother, where after, he fell asleep peacefully leaving us to talk.

"So how's your writing going Vivian?"

I nodded.

"Manuscript went in October, it's due for publication in February or March, but I haven't gotten the details from Natalie yet."

Mary Clarence nodded.

"Good, good."

I stood up to take Nicholas from her, hoping he wouldn't wake up in the few minutes it took me to transfer him from the living room to his nursery.

"Why don't you and Nathan let me cook tonight, dear. You seem pretty tired."

I consented. I hadn't been as tired as I was those first two weeks, but I wasn't ready to race around like a crazy person yet.

"Why don't I make spaghetti for us, a nice relaxing meal and I'm sure Nathan will enjoy that as well."

I grinned, spaghetti was one of Nathan's favorites.

Just as Mary and I were heading for the kitchen Nathan came downstairs from the office.

"Someone say my name?" He asked with a grin.

"Oh nothing, just your mother making your favorite meal."

"Great! Count me in, at least we can eat while Nicholas is asleep."

I nodded in agreement. I would be lucky if I had an hour to myself to talk about adult things, then it was back to taking care of Nicholas, changing diapers and nursing. Hopefully he would sleep tonight, but I wasn't holding my breath.

31: Chapter 30

I am a little past my halfway point with this story. At my current pace, this story should be about 35 to 38 chapters when finished as the end of the story won't take as long to write as the beginning. I have a lot of drama coming up the next few chapters as I show how Nathan and Vivian's relationship and family suffer because of one mistake and one misunderstanding.

…

Finally, after many months, I was finally in some resemblance of a routine. If I wasn't eating or showering I was writing, which was usually when Nicolas was down for a nap. This suited me just fine, at least for the time being.

Nicholas, for his part was improving steadily. He was significantly bigger and had something a little personality now; he was very observant which was something I figured he got from his father, but then again, babies that age tend to be observant. He was almost 4 months old now which in itself was hard to believe. He would be eating solid food shortly although I plan to nurse him until he was at least a year old. He was also attempting (although not successfully) to roll over.

By early January I had started another writing project although it wasn't immediately headed for the publisher, if anything I would need another publishing contract just to publish this book alone since it wasn't fiction. I had been tired of fans pestering me about telling the "real story" so I just wrote it.

The story flowed out of me although I did my best to the details since it had been several years since the events had occurred.

It was a rough draft, but I figured I would revise it later.

After pausing to think about how to begin I began typing.

So many people asked me to tell the story, but I really want to do it for the right reason because this isn't just my story; it's my husband's story and people he knows friends, acquaintances and family.

For those of you, however who want the "gory details" of how Damage Control came to be I'll tell you, but it isn't as thrilling as my novel makes it be.

Everything began on a clear January morning when Nathan and I were meeting for lunch. I expected this to be like any other get-together and I would be feeling uplifted by the time we parted. That was far from the case.

Nathan was late as usual, but I didn't mind as I awkwardly muttered to the hostess I was "meeting a guy" but didn't elaborate. It just made me feel more awkward and put on the spot.

Finally Nathan appeared, he was dressed as he normally was, jeans and some sort of nerdy T-shirt with some equation on it I didn't understand.

We placed our orders and perused menus in silence and for the moment I had nothing to say, but I was sure we would talk about everything after the waitress had hurried away.

The waitress, for her part, irritated me. She was very chatty and I could tell she was trying to flirt with Nathan although not getting positive results. For the first time in my life I realized I was actually jealous and it would've been worse had he flirted back (I could count on one hand the times Nathan had been interested in a girl) and he wasn't the type of guy that went out seeking that kind of attention.

This brings me to what really changed everything: that conversation, which started innocently enough. Actually, it was kind of awkward. For some reason my mouth refused to form coherent sentences around Nathan ever since I had realized I had feelings for him, so I had to force the words out, which still seemed jumbled and uncoordinated.

I still remember how everything started and I distinctly remember I was tracing some pattern in the condensation from a water glass on the table.

"Nathan, do you think I'm pretty?" I asked, because at that moment I seriously want to know, I wanted to know if a guy, let alone my best friend, found me attractive.

I know I caught him off guard, and even to this day I mentally apologize for that every time I think about it, but how else could I get an answer but be direct.

"Well you're not ugly." He blurted. Then he went rambling on for another 5 minutes or so trying to correct himself as if I'd be offended. After a few minutes we worked ourselves out of that awkward corner and fell into silence again and I was absently wondering how soon our food would get here. At least eating would give me something to do.

Finally Nathan spoke again.

"On a serious note, I have something to tell you, I thought it best to tell you in person."

I didn't say anything, but inside my mind was racing.

The way he had worded it made it sound like he had a terminal illness. Did he had cancer? How could I even begin to deal with that, he was my best friend!

Nathan's posture stiffened and he spoke very slowly and carefully.

"I just want to tell you that I'm attracted to both girls… And guys. I'm bisexual." He explained.

All I remember is feeling like I had been hit by a sledgehammer; like his words had a physical impact. Everything around me seemed to float away and Nathan's next words seemed to come from a long way off like I was hearing them from underwater.

That, was my first panic attack, but more about that later.

I had just finished my last sentence when the baby monitor on my desk began to crackle and a series of wails issued from it. Nicholas was up from his nap. After retrieving my son from his nursery and changing his diaper I returned to my office, bringing the baby swing with me and placing it in the doorway.

Once Nicholas was settled I returned my writing. I left a space in the document to describe panic attacks and anxiety in detail, then I continued writing my narrative, describing my uncertainty following Nathan's coming out and what transpired after that. Even just those few scenes took a few dozen pages, which I printed to peruse later; I still didn't know what I was going to do with it, I didn't even have a title.

Just as the printer spat out the last of the pages Nicholas began to cry again. Sighing, I walked over to pick him up then awkwardly began moving the baby swing back out of my way with my knees against the wall. I would move it back in the living room when I didn't have a kid in my arms.

"You hungry?" I cooed at Nicholas as I made my way towards the couch. My unfinished story would just have to wait; motherhood was calling.

32: Chapter 31

The morning of January 28 was quite possibly the worst day of my life. Given everything that followed in the next 24 hours I was quite sure it would also be the end of my marriage. The morning started like any other, except Nicholas was screaming for some reason I had yet to figure out, and Nathan had overslept and was running late, which was unusual for him.

"I had 22 tests to grade, and frankly some of the answers were abysmal , so it took me till 1 AM." Nathan said shortly.

"But don't you normally stay up till 1 AM?" I asked, trying to get a smile out of him.

"I still need sleep." Nathan grumbled as he hastily finished his breakfast.

 

Nathan was finished with his breakfast by the time I returned to the kitchen. I was holding Nicholas and prepared to feed him as soon as Nathan left for work. Nathan was still racing around the house haphazardly muttering under his breath.

"Vivian!" He yelled from somewhere upstairs, "Where's my briefcase?"

"Office!" I yelled back from the foot of the stairs where I was still nursing Nicholas; and it was hard to do anything with a baby still mid-boob.

Nathan hurried down the stairs a few minutes later and was already reaching for his coat. As he gathered the last of his things, he glanced at his watch and I distinctly heard him mutter: "Crap, what the heck happened to all my time!" Under his breath.

"I'll see you tonight." Was all he said before he left the house. He didn't even kiss me goodbye.

 

Everything went downhill starting from the time Nathan got home at around 4:45 that evening. He came home in an equally sour mood and the front door slammed as he entered the house, which was, again, unusual.

As soon as he heard the noise, Nicholas began to cry.

"Nathan? Is that you?" I called from the kitchen, from where I was preparing dinner.

No one answered.

As Nicholas continued to wail, I wiped my hands on a towel and went to deal with my son.

"Nathan?" I called, but stopped when I saw him in the living room.

From where he stood, Nathan was glaring at me, in a way he hadn't looked at me his since before I had suggested we started dating.

"How was your day?" I asked as I cradled Nicholas, who had finally stopped screaming, but was continuing to fuss.

"What do you think!" Nathan snapped, "I was fifteen minutes late for work and my class was about ready to walk out the door when I arrived. I had to give a lecture I shouldn't have because the overall grade for the exams was no higher than a 78! I'm not teaching high school students, they should know better!"

"Of course." I said sympathetically.

"Everyone wanted to know why I was late, and well, the answer either was I was up all night grading tests that were a complete waste of my time or that I overslept. The second I'd rather not tell them; not today anyway." Nathan ran a hand distractedly through his hair. "And then, of course there was this!" He reached down and pulled something out of his briefcase. My stomach gave an unpleasant lurch when I recognized the folder I hastily shoved the draft for my autobiography in.

"What did you mean by this!" Nathan asked, "Did you ever think to run this by me, my friends, or my family first?"

"Well no." I said quietly.

"Well you should have!" Nathan replied shortly.

"Well I was going to- but I haven't even decided what I'm doing…" I began.

"Has Susan seen this?"

"Well no…" I said carefully, I wasn't going to show her-"

"Good!" Nathan responded curtly.

"Nathan! Let me finish! I said I wasn't going to show her yet. That's only a draft, a lot of things will change between now and when that would be published-if it ever is."

"Well you can't change my sexuality!" Nathan said sharply, "At least not on this side of eternity. Did you think about what would happen if any of my coworkers saw this? You know I'm in the closet at work."

"Well I wasn't immediately thinking about that…" I started.

"Well you should have!" Nathan snapped, "What would happen to my job if anyone found out?"

"Well I wouldn't expect your coworkers to read my books!" I snapped.

 

"Yeah! Well their wives would! Your writing is sometimes a little too transparent Vivian, it's not that hard to figure out who you're talking about."

Nathan finally stopped shouting, but he was still breathing heavily his blue eyes flashing dangerously.

"You know what, I think I'm going to find another place to stay tonight, maybe clear my head a bit." He shook his head. "I don't know when I'll be back."

Then Nathan shuffled out of the living room and made his way back upstairs. He returned several moments later carrying a suitcase.

"Don't wait up." He responded shortly. Then he left the house without saying another word.

I stood in the middle of the living room still in a state of shock. I had all but forgotten about Nicholas who was still fussing, I rocked him absently finally, sinking down on the nearby couch. I didn't even realize I had been crying until I felt the tears running down my face. Nicholas had finally stopped crying and was now looking up at me with a seemingly concerned expression.

"Daddy's gone, Nicky." I whispered.

For the first time in twenty some years, I felt a feeling I hadn't felt since that first day of third grade. I was completely, and utterly alone.

...

Not quite sure when chapter 32 will be up. I am quite busy this week and don't know when I'll get it, but it is coming.

33: Chapter 32

I don't know how long I sat there rocking Nicholas. I was still in a state of shock, I had even forgotten about dinner, which at this point was now burning in the oven. Sighing, I got up, put Nicholas in his swing, and removed the spoiled food from the oven; opening a window in the process even though it was still quite cold outside. Then I dug around in the desk in the hall for the takeout menus. This warranted takeout; specifically pizza.

After placing an order for delivery, I sat down wondering what to do next. I knew I couldn't call my parents (not that they could do anything) that was in a can of worms I didn't to open. So I settled on Ruby, but even I had less than half an hour until the pizza came, calling my best friend and the explanation of why I was calling her so late would have to wait.

A short time later, after eating my meager dinner I grabbed my cell phone, sat down on the couch, glanced to make sure Nicholas didn't need anything, and punched Ruby's number. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ruby."

"What's wrong?" She asked immediately.

Since I didn't immediately have a good answer I launched into the story about how Nathan and I had had an argument and he left.

"Wow." Ruby said softly when I had finished. "I didn't think Nathan would ever do anything like that. He loves you Vivian, he always has. He didn't say when he would be back, did he?"

"No." I answered dully, "He didn't."

"So what are you going to do?"

I sighed.

"I don't know, Rubes, I guess that's why I'm calling you. I don't want to call my parents, you know how Nathan's sexuality is a bit of a touchy subject for them, I mean, they get it but…"

"How's Nicholas?" Ruby asked.

"Better than he was an hour ago. He finally stopped crying, but I think me and Nathan yelling didn't help. I feel bad about that."

I glanced across the living room where Nicholas had finally fallen asleep in his swing.

"I think he finally fell asleep," I added, "hopefully I can get him into his crib without him waking up."

Ruby chuckled.

"Good luck."

 

I called Ruby nearly every day after that, and she was surprisingly helpful. She even said she would drive to Indiana to help if she could find someone to watch the store. This came as a relief, since with Nathan gone I was beginning to feel the stress of being a single parent.

I finally called my parents and Nathan's. I gave my parents the cliff notes version of what it happened and while my mother urged me to resolve things I wasn't quite sure how to do that. Nathan's parents were a bit more helpful and sympathetic to my situation. They knew about Nathan's struggled with his sexuality and what his situation was.

"Give him time." Mary Clarence advised, "He'll come around he's probably at Scott's or at a friend's I don't think he would go that far. Just give him time to cool off."

 

I would have taken Mary's advice to heart except the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Nicholas was growing and Nathan was missing it. Nicholas babbled constantly now and he had finally managed to roll over. He was trying to figure out how to move around, but haven't quite managed it yet. I didn't think he would be crawling for a another few months. Even though I was still breast-feeding, I had started feeding him solid food. I now have the joys of having baby food in my hair and on clothes at regular intervals. Ruby, however, when she had come to stay when I left for my book tour only laughed when Nicholas decided he was going to throw his baby food off of his high chair tray.

"Just you wait till next week we're trying to do that in a hotel room." I muttered

Ruby moved from her chair to clean up the mess.

"We'll manage." Ruby replied conversationally, then she resumed cooing at Nicholas trying to spoon the remainder of the purée into his mouth. "Does Nathan know you'll be gone?"

I nodded.

"It's been on our calendar for months, he knows I have that week blocked out."

"You're going to New York after this aren't you?" Ruby questioned.

"Yep!"

"What are you doing with Nicholas?"

I chuckled. "I'm taking him with me and dropping him off in Tennessee before heading to New York. My mother's watching him."

I may have acted like I had everything ever, when in reality I was falling apart inside. Nathan had always been my rock, and now I felt like I was drifting aimlessly without him. However, I went on, it was the only thing I could do.

At least my work distracted me from feeling sorry for myself, Ruby helped me between stops on my book tour and watched Nicholas while I was at signings and interviews. It was nice however to come back to the hotel where they were waiting for me. Nicholas would smile and reach for me when I came in the door, and no matter how tired I was I was always happy to see him.

 

I toured most of the Midwest and a few states on the coast. Nicholas was a happy baby and he was good on the plane. He always seemed to be interested in everything the only thing I had to be careful about was him trying to put the objects he was investigating in his mouth.

I had kept Nathan's leaving from the press, I hadn't brought it up interviews and I hadn't written about it. It wasn't anyone's business but mine. If people wonder why I was bringing my son with me when I was working they could continue wondering. At least I wouldn't be bringing me when I went to New York.

Finally after a week we returned home. Ruby was returning to Tennessee after a little over a month and I figured I could manage on my own for a while, at least until I went to New York.

I had 3 weeks before my trip to New York I figured I would give Nicholas a break before taking him on the road again he was barely 5 months old and I didn't want to stress him out too much. I figured I would have a routine down by the time I had to leave again.

 

I left for my second trip the second week in March. The first leg of my journey was to Tennessee since I didn't have to be in New York until the following day. I dropped Nicholas off at my mother's and spent the night before flying out in the morning and heading for New York, for the first time in a long time I was alone.

After another week of press I returned to Tennessee, spent a few days with my family and returned to Indiana. I was just walking in the door trying to manage a fussy, tired baby and two suitcases when a voice stopped me.

"Need some help?"

I did some awkward turn and Nicholas peered over my shoulder then he looked at me and reached towards Nathan.                                                           

"Nathan-what? Yes-please!" I stuttered still struggling with my suitcases. Nathan was standing in the driveway a backpack over one shoulder and his suitcase in the other. After putting his suitcase in the foyer he reached for Nicholas.

"Hey buddy, remember me? Oh my gosh you've gotten big!"

"I think he gets that from you or his Uncle Mark."

"I'm not that big." Nathan protested, "Not in height anyway." He raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"Funny." I muttered dryly as I wrestled my suitcases the rest of the way into the house Nathan bringing up the rear still carrying Nicholas.

"You want me to put him down?"

"Yeah." I replied, "probably needs his diaper changed too."

Then it was like nothing had happened between us, but I knew we would have to talk about it sooner than later.

Less than half an hour later, Nathan came back downstairs. Sighing he joined me on the couch and for a while we didn't speak.

"You just get home?" Nathan asked conversationally.

"Yeah."

"Look, Vivian, I'm sorry I shouldn't have gotten that upset. Even about stuff concerning my sexuality."

I pressed my fingers against his lips.

"Later." I mumbled, "we can talk about it later."

Nathan only nodded as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

I still don't know how we got upstairs without waking Nicholas, but we didn't, and as soon as the door of our bedroom was shut I showed Nathan exactly just how much I missed him. Clearly, he had missed me too.

34: Chapter 33

It been a few months since Nathan had returned home. We had made up of course and I was still undecided as to what to do with my potential autobiography. It sat in the back of the drawer where I usually tossed stuff I didn't know what to do with.

Nicholas, for his part, was growing steadily as children are bound to do and was now attempting to grab anything he could reach. He wasn't quite crawling yet, rather scooting as he tried to figure out how to use his arms and legs. This however didn't slow him down much and I was sure I would have my hands full in a few months. Nicholas looked very much like his father with bright blue eyes and tousled brown hair. He was inquisitive about everything, but whether this was simply child curiosity or a quirk he had picked up from Nathan I wasn't sure.

I had started on my next novel The Vacant Heart, and I was happy with how it was progressing. It was loosely based off those few months when Nathan had left us, but I didn't duplicate the experience completely in the book. The main character, Laurel, was much more of a wallflower than I was, and Vincent, the brooding love interest, was much harsher than Nathan could ever be. I felt it was these elements from my real life experiences that made my writing more interesting.

 

I was in the middle of writing a scene where Vincent was sulking after leaving Laurel for the second time, when I felt it, the tiredness that seem to sweep over me without warning, the vague nausea, and the tenderness in my nipples. I had been nursing for quite some time by then, and I knew it wasn't from that. I had a sneaky suspicion, but I wasn't sure. However, a little voice in the back of my mind that sounded like my mom, or Nathan's or even Ruby said:

Well, it can't hurt to check, can it?

 

So that was how I ended up at the drugstore, I hadn't told anyone, not even Ruby, who I told practically everything. She was the only other person I told my secrets to other than Nathan, but I wasn't quite ready to share this one yet, particularly if it ended up being a false alarm.

I hid the pregnancy test in my desk drawer and waited until after Nathan had gone to work and Nicholas was otherwise occupied playing with his toys on the living room floor, then I went into the bathroom to take the test; keeping an ear on the baby monitor as I did so.

It was the most nerve-racking 5 minutes of my life. Before, I had been excited, but this was somewhat unplanned. Nathan and I wanted more children, but not right now. We had been hoping to wait until Nicholas was a little older. I paced outside the bathroom for several minutes before going in to check. Even my writing (I wanted to get chapter 3 done today) had taken a backseat. Then I went in to check and let out a sigh when I saw the little plus sign winking back at me.

Great. I thought, well I couldn't say Nathan wouldn't be surprised, I sure was.

 

I didn't make a big production about telling Nathan, although I knew it would come as a shock, so I mentioned it as casually as I could.

"Hey Nathan, you know that one time we forgot to use a condom?"

Nathan looked up and frowned.

"What? After I got back?"

I nodded.

"Yeah…"

"Well…" I chewed my lip, "I'm pregnant."

 

He took the news surprisingly well, despite the fact our son wasn't even a year old yet. So things went on, as usual, although I didn't have the luxuries I did with my first pregnancy. I had a book to write and a child to look after, and those two things pretty much took up most of my time.

I was just getting used to the idea of being pregnant again and enjoying it, when the second curve ball came. I was going for my ultrasound, which Nathan and I were both looking forward to. I wondered what they would tell me since I had noticed I was putting on more weight than usual; I was definitely bigger than I was with Nicholas.

"Can you at least tell me why I have all the sudden blown up?" I asked the technician, "I wasn't this big with my son."

"Was your son a big baby?" She asked.

"No… Not particularly." I frowned, wondering what she was getting at.

"Maybe your doctor can give you better answers than I can, but let's have a look here."

I glanced at Nathan as I lay back on the exam table and pulled up my shirt while the technician squirted gel on my stomach.

She probed around for several minutes before she let out a soft exclamation.

"Oh, that's why…" She murmured. Then I heard her chuckle.

"What is it?" Nathan asked, "Is something wrong?" I didn't think now was the time to mention to him that she wouldn't have been laughing if something had been seriously wrong with the baby.

The technician chuckled again. She sounded amused but not surprised.

"No, not quite. Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Clarence, you're having twins." Smiling, she gestured to the two distinctive blobs on the screen.

Nathan and I looked at each other, and I was quite sure his expression of utter shock was mirrored on my own face.