AN. Hey, I just wanted to say a few things before we start this! This story is not for children. There isn't any smut at all, in fact there is hardly any kissing, but there is VIOLENCE. Here are a list of trigger warnings:

Trigger Warnings: Rape mention, harassment, stalking, self harm, depression, drug use, physical abuse, abusive parents, incest jokes (seen as a bad thing obviously.)

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

This is also an LGBT story!

Anyway, this is the only trigger warning or AN I'm putting. Most chapters contain at least one of those trigger warnings. Please keep that in mind, I don't want anyone triggered. Anyway I hope you enjoy! I worked hard on this story and I really love the characters I developed. I hope you enjoy them, too!

-Coffee

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Prior to my first year in High School, I had been homeschooled due to a traumatic experience after the death of my Aunt. Instead of going into Tenth Grade at age fifteen, I went into the Ninth Grade. I decided it would be better for me to start the whole year over than to go into something I wasn't prepared for.

I probably wasn't mentally ready for the grade I was supposed to be in, anyway. My Aunt's death, though it hadn't come as a shock, had affected me really badly. My Dad and sisters had moved on and were getting on with their lives, while Mom and I were still stuck in the past.

Apparently, Aunt Susan had always suffered from depression, even before I was born. The first seven years of my life, I didn't notice it. Aunt Susan was the happiest and kindest person I knew. She always acted like nothing was wrong, and I believed her. She was my favorite person, and my best friend for a long time. When I was eight, I began to notice it. How puffy her eyes were, how my Mom always hid the knives when we went to visit, the anti-depressant bottles in her medicine shelf. I noticed her nervous ticks. I saw a lot more sadness and a whole new vulnerable side of my Aunt that I had never seen before. It scared the living daylights out of me.

When I was nine, I spent an entire Summer with her. Jaz, my eldest sister, was off the start her training as a counselor at our towns Summer Camp. Sarah, who's only three years older than me, was going to the same place as a camper. Technically, I was old enough that I could have gone, too, but I had begged my parents not to send me. My parents already had two plane tickets booked to go to Arizona to see my Grandpa, and they didn't have room for me to come. So, Aunt Susan offered to take me.

It was the best Summer of my life. We painted all the rooms in the house, stayed up late watching TV shows, went camping in the backyard, played Paint Ball wars, played video games, and she even taught me how to cook. We did all sorts of things together. I honestly loved her the most, out of all my family members. She was my best friend. After the Summer ended, it was hard to get me to come back home. I stayed at her house an extra week.

When I was ten, I saw her on a regular basis, or at least, for the first few months. It was like how it is with anyone. You want to keep in touch, but life gets in the way, and it begins to falter. I was suddenly playing a lot of sports, I was in a choir, I was taking an art class. I had all these new activities to do, and I didn't have much time for favorite aunts. I still talked to her on the phone at least once a week, where I told her everything I had done. But, the phone calls became quicker and quicker. She was more quiet. She was beginning to sound sadder and sadder. I didn't know what was going on. Mom just said it was a faze, that Susan always get threw her sad stretches.

But she didn't. Not this time.

The last time I ever saw her was on my eleventh Birthday. It was an amazing day. She picked me up in her car and we went to a theme park. She went on all the rides with me. It was a great day.

A week and a half later, my Mom got the call that Aunt Susan had passed away. She had overdosed on her anti-depressants.

My Mom had dropped the phone and fell to the floor, shattering the cup of warm milk she had been making for me. Her skin had turned so pale, and she had began to cry harder than I had anyone see cry before. I asked what was wrong, in a panic, but Mom didn't answer. The phone line had gone dead, when I tried to pick it up to ask what could possibly have made Mom cry so hard. Dad and my sisters rushed into the room, trying to figure out what was wrong, but Mom didn't answer. It terrified me. I had never seen anyone this upset.

After about half an hour, she calmed down enough to form words. She told me Aunt Susan had passed away.

Then it was time for my freak out.

For the first five minutes, all I did was stand there. It felt impossible to breathe, like someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water on me. I didn't believe her. It took a long time to sink in. Once it did, I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room and didn't leave for 48 hours. Dad tried to pry the door down, but I had locked the door and stacked stuff in front of it. I didn't know that anyone was capable of feeling this much pain. Why had she done it? How could she have left me? Did she not love me? Why so soon after my birthday? How could she really be gone? Was it my fault?

Isolated in my room, I really did believe it must have been my fault. I never even saw her anymore. Mom had been saying for months that Aunt Susan had said I was the only person who made her happy anymore. Had I not made her happy enough? Why hadn't I talked to her more? Why hadn't I seen her more? It must have been my fault...if it weren't for me, Aunt Susan would still be alive.

Well, I'm fifteen now. It's been four years since her death. I still haven't quite gotten passed it. I still dream about her a lot. Dad tells me I need a distraction. The distraction I found was...probably, not quite what Dad had imagined.

2: New Start

The first day of school, the whole class introduced themselves, but I unfortunately had to go up in front of the whole class and introduce myself. Prior to Aunt Susan's death, I was pretty extroverted, and made friends with almost anyone. But, I didn't talk to many people anymore. I had hardly interacted with anyone in a long time, aside from my family. If I had, it was brief.

"Hi, uh...I'm Ky-Kyle Phelps...Kyle Richard Phelps...uh...y-yeah...I'm fifteen...this is my first year a-at this highschool...I like...uh...I used to like football a lot, and...yeah...I'd like to try that again, I g-guess...and I look forward to...umm...whatever this school throws at me, I guess..."

It was really embarrassing. I slouched down the whole time, with my head down, my vision directed at my shoelaces. I probably looked shorter than I already was, making it awkward. I could tell just by looking at half the girls that they were taller than me,which made me really embarrassed. I had carried a history book with me, when it wasn't even time yet. I had been setting up my desk. My Mom had made me very over-prepared. I was ready for my whole high school experience until college with all the stuff I had. The class clapped, but it was half hearted. I went back and sat down, not daring to look at anyone, even though I felt eyes all over me.

"Ryan Oliver, are you present?" Mrs. Windmill asked. A skinny arm caught my attention. I looked over at a tall, lanky kid who was sitting in the seat next to me. He had green hair, a shirt two sizes two big for him and a backwards baseball cap on. He smelled strongly of pot, though he didn't look like he was stoned just yet, more like he had come out of a place where other people were.

"Hey, Mrs. W! Always present," The Ryan kid said, proudly. "D'ya think it'd be alright if I came up and said a few words to all my new homies? There are a few newbies here today after all."

"Yes, of course, Ryan..." Mrs. Windmill said, with a little bit of irritation in her voice, like this happened every year. The kid was way taller than any of the other grade niners. He didn't really fit into his clothes, and looked a little awkward in his body. He was extremely thin, and it was kind of unnerving, like he didn't eat as much as he should. He was also one of the palest people I had ever seen. Looking down at myself, I noticed I had put on a bit of weight. I wasn't fat, I was pretty fit, but I was beginning to get a belly. I didn't leave the house much. I had never gained weight before.

"Hey, everyone! The names Ry! Though Mrs. Windmill here calls me by my full name, Ryan, I am totally good with just going by Ry. This is my, uh...third year in this grade? Yeah, I think that's right. Anyone, glad to be back in this homeroom! Glad to meet all of you, and I hope we can all be pals. If anyone needs any help knowing how this school works, just give me a shout, and I can totally help you out!" He grinned, giving a nod, and sat back down in his seat.

"Yes, and I believe that's everyone," Mrs. Windmill said, as she began to speak. I began to pay attention, or as much as I could, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, kid, d'ya got any tape?" Ry asked me. I was stunned, having been asked a question. I was silent for a minute, staring at the guy who had asked me something, until it sunk it. By the time I finally answered, Ry had a grin on his face.

"Y-yeah..." I said, handing him some tape. "Sorry it took so long..."

Ry laughed, patting my shoulder. "No big. You're a cute kid. Where'd ya come from? Never seen ya 'round here before."

"Oh, uh..." I stuttered.

"No need to be nervous, dude," He said. "I don't bite, and nothing you can say can make me not like you." He patted my shoulder again, trying to reassure me.

"I...I live here, in this town...on Groves Drive...number 68..." I said. "I've been homeschooled for the last few years...just trying school out, now."

"Nice!" Ry said, quietly. "I've been in this class for three years. Glad to finally see a new face in this school that I like. Come sit with me during lunch, I'll show ya 'round."

I attempted a smile. "Thanks..."

That was when the teacher shut us up.

3: Lunch Talk

 

When the bell for lunch rang, I was already confused. The work at home was never was intense or paced as fast as this. I knew I had to adjust, but it was beginning to piss me off. I wasn't enjoying the new load of schoolwork. I knew I was going to school to finally take my mind off of my aunt, but all I could think of was that she'd know the answer to these. She was always explaining lots of problems to me, so that I'd be ready for high school. If only I remembered now what she told me.

At lunch, I sat with Ry, like I promised I would.

"What's it like, being homeschooled?" Ry asked, shoving a sandwich into his mouth. "Cool, isn't it?"

"I...I don't know..." I said.

"Can't remember already, buddy?" He asked, with a grin. "That's okay. We'll come back to that question later. D'ya got any for me?"

"Uh..." I said, dumbly. He laughed a little at my nervousness, which made my cheeks flush pink. "Why haven't you graduated this grade?" I finally asked. He shrugged, leaning back in his seat.

"Can't focus on the answers without toking up, and can't be in the classroom if I smell like pot," He answered, with a sigh.

I didn't want to mention that he did smell like pot already.

"Oh, I see..." I said.

"So, are ya gonna try anything new? Try a new team? A sport?" He asked. "I heard football tryouts are tomorrow."

"R-really?" I asked. "I was really good at football! Or I was...when I was eleven..."

"Nice! That's an instant way to get popular in this place," Ry said. "Everyone knows who I am here, but no one really likes me," He snickered, taking a bite out of his apple. "I don't mind. I hang out with my buddies. We skateboard every Saturday at four. Lots of contests. I'm always there, practicing. You can stop by if you want and I can teach ya the basics."

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd never tried skateboarding before. "I-I'll think about it..." I stuttered.

"Great!" Ry grinned, picking up his tray. I heard a cell phone go off, and Ry pulled a phone out of his back pocket, pressing it to his ear. His goofy and happy-go-lucky expression immediately melted off his face. "Hey, Dad...can't, I'm at school...what do you...she is? Crap, I thought I saw her today...okay, okay...OKAY! I'll be there in a minute..." He turned his phone off, the happy expression suddenly back. "Nice talkin' with ya, newbie."

That was the last time I had saw him that day. And I didn't see him the next day, either.

4: Friends?

I bombed the first half of tryouts. I was pissed at myself. I had been doing it for years, why was I nervous now? I knew that I had become a really nervous person over the last four years, but if there was one thing I had been good at without Aunt Susan's help, I thought it would be football...

But I did shape up after the first half. I was fine after the first awful half. I even got a small place on the team, which made me thrilled. I hadn't done this in years. I could work my way up. The coach was nice, too. His name was Mr. Moffit. He was a short, skinny guy with a full head of curly gray hair. If you saw him on the street, you'd think he was a sweet old man who you'd find in a Church somewhere or maybe even a farm. But when he was acting as coach, his voice was louder than all of ours, and half the team was cringing.

By the time tryouts were over, there was already a sheet up with the names of the new players for this years football season. I, apparently, had become popular in the last half hour, and I didn't even know it. My anxiety was immediately raised. I didn't do this to get attention, I did it to try to feel a little bit... normal. I hadn't felt normal in a long time. Of course, this did mean a few more girls were paying attention to me. Girls never even noticed me. I was shorter than most of them, with an awkward haircut that my Dad tried to do, and than Jaz tried to fix. My braces were also a turnoff for most of them, plus I had gained a bit of weight. Not enough to call me overweight, but enough to notice how pudgy my belly was. I was hoping I'd get rid of that, once I had played a few games. Or, replaced it with muscle instead.

I supposed the only thing I couldn't eventually fix about my appearance was how short I was. Standing at 5'4, I felt really awkward. All the other boys on the team seemed like giants. Though, I noticed, Ry was one of the tallest kids in school. I didn't know why I was thinking about him, probably because he was the only one I had talked to, for real, yet.

Though, that changed a few minutes after tryouts. A taller, fit boy from the team came up and tapped me on the shoulder. He looked only a few grades ahead of me, but not much older.

"Hey, you're one of the new kids on our team, right?" He asked, with a smile. The guy looked like the kind who would throw kids in dumpsters and would get the hottest girlfriend. I was surprised he was even talking to me. "The names Calvin. What's yours?"

"Ky-Kyle..." I stuttered.

"You better get rid of that stutter if you're gonna last around here," He said, raising an eyebrow. "I've never seen you around before."

I felt like if I told him I was homeschooled, he'd make the rest of the year a living hell for me. So, I lied.

"I transferred from another town..." I said, quietly.

"Were you on the team, there?" He asked.

"Yeah..." I said.

"Nice," He said. "Well, I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Nerd." He walked away, rolling his eyes. I immediately slouched. I was hoping that maybe, we could have gotten along. But unless I lost more braincells and gained more muscles, I was afraid I would never really be one of them.

But, when I walked out of the boys locker room, a few girls had actually walked up to me! I was shocked. There was a tall blonde girl, who turned away when she noticed how much taller she was than me, which was very dishearting. But there were more short girls than tall girls. A goofy grin appeared on my face.

"You're Kyle, right? New on the football team?" Asked one girl.

"Yeah!" I said, probably too enthusiastically.

"That's nice. I might actually come to a game now," She said. I blushed deeply at that comment. Was she flirting with me? That was the first time it had ever happened.

The swarm of girls slowly departed, and I noticed a short girl with dirty blond hair in braids, with a pair of pink glasses standing in the back. She looked a bit younger than me, like a grade eight who had skipped a grade to be in highschool. The thing that stood out the most about her was how pale she was, and how bright her freckles were. It made me smile. She seemed to be looking for something, so I walked a little closer to hear what she was jittering about.

"Where the hell is it?!" She was saying. "Uhh...this is a disaster! Stupid, stupid!"

"Wh-what are you looking for?" I stuttered. She paused, looking up at me, before returning to her jittering.

"My pencil!" She shouted. My eyes were wide now. I wasn't expecting her to yell so much. She was very intense for someone with such a small body.

"It's behind your ear," I observed, gently taking it and handing it to her. She looked up at me, studying me more carefully now.

"Oh..." She murmured. "Figures. Thanks for the help."

"You're welcome," I said.

"What's your name?" She said, before I could turn away.

"Kyle," I said, turning back to her. "And you?"

"Kaydence," She said. "You're in grade ten, right? I'm in grade nine."

"Oh, cool," I said. "A-are you on any teams?"

She snorted. "Are you asking about sports teams or my sexuality?"

I blushed really deeply at that comment, and I began stuttering. "S-s-sports!" I finally spat out.

She snorted again. "In this school? Yeah, right. The only sport I could do is volleyball, which I am way too short for, or cheerleading. Which I was turned down on. Apparently, I'm not preppy, or pretty enough."

"Oh..." I said, and than I jumped in with something else. "Well, they're stupid! They should be happy to have you! I-I'd take you if I were the coach..."

She smiled. "Thanks."

The bell rang.

"Bye, Kyle," She said, beginning to walk away.

"Bye, Kaydence," I answered, my grin returning.

"Happy to get rid of me, huh?" She said, turning back with a grin.

"N-no!" I said. She began to laugh, walking into a classroom. I smiled, walking to my own.

5: Family Dinners

When I got home, my Mom had cooked meatballs. It was my favorite, so I was wondering what the occasion was for. I sat down at the table, next to Sarah, who was talking on her phone. When I waved hi to her, she ignored me. It was fine, I knew Sarah had more important things to worry about. But Jaz made a point of waving at me, excitedly. Eventually, Mom and Dad came to the table.

"So, how is my only son doing?" Mom asked, proudly.

"Yeah, how was school, hun?" Jaz asked, excitedly. Sarah had finally put down her phone, though didn't pay much attention.

"It was really fun!" I said, happily. These were the people I felt comfortable around. My family. "I made the football team! A small part, though."

"They didn't make you quarterback?! You've been robbed!" Jaz said.

"He isn't that good, but cool, you made the team," Sarah said.

"I bombed the first half," I said.

"Naturally. Looks like you recovered well enough, though," Sarah said.

"Sarah, don't be rude!" Mom said. Jaz looked offended as well. Sarah rolled her eyes.

"Well, did you meet anyone?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah," I said, cheerfully. "A boy on the team talked to me. His name was Calvin. Though, I don't think that will go anywhere. If he knew I was homeschooled, he'd probably make my life a living hell."

Mom slammed her fists against the table. "Kyle, he is not even worth your time if he is going to be a jerk! There is nothing wrong with homeschooling, especially after what we've been through! I don't think you should talk to him, Kyle."

Sarah pipped up. "No, if Kylee wants to be popular, than he should get in with the cool kids. The more popular you get, the more anything you do becomes cool. Tell them you were homeschooled while you're the most popular boy in school, and I can guarantee they'll start thinking it's cool."

"I still don't think Kylee should have any more negativity in his life..." Mom murmured.

"Everyone has negativity in their life, that's part of living. And I can guarantee he's gonna have a whole lot more. Negativity doesn't just stop to make life fair. Crap happens," She said.

"This is not fun table conversation..." Jaz said.

"Yeah, I agree with Jazzy," Dad said. "So Kyle, did you meet any girls?"

"Well...yeah, actually," I said, with a grin.

"Ooh? What's her name?" Jaz asked, with a grin. Sarah looked bored again and returned to texting.

"Kaydence. She's in grade nine," I said. "She's really intense, but she's also really cool. And sarcastic. I only talked to her for a moment but I like her a lot..."

"That's great!" Jaz exclaimed. "What does she look like? What's her hair color?"

"Dirty blond," I said. "She had it in a braid. She has pink glasses and she's about my height. She has... brown eyes, I think? Yeah. And freckles."

"Aww, she sounds cute!" Jaz said.

"Yeah..." I said.

"Did you meet anyone else?" Mom said. "Any friends?"

"Well...there's this guy I met yesterday...he wasn't in school today, though...he was in my class. He showed me around. He's older than me, though."

"Than what's he doing in your grade? If he was held back, than he's too dumb to be your friend," Sarah said. I felt annoyed, and slightly angry at that comment.

"He isn't dumb! He can't focus on the questions!" I said. Sarah snickered.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothin'," She said. "Continue. What's his name?"

"Ry," I said.

"Is that short for Ryan?" Mom asked.

"I guess..." I said. "I sat with him during lunch yesterday...he invited me to his skateboarding games. They do them on Saturday. I'd love to go sometime...he was really nice. He was the first person who talked to me. I like him a lot."

"Good! I'm glad you're making friends!" Jaz exclaimed.

"Thanks," I said, stuffing a meatball into my mouth. I looked over at Sarah, who was smirking. I ignored her. I loved Sarah, she was probably who I got along best with, since my parents were parents and Jaz was more like a parent than a sister, but she could be so damn sarcastic that she annoyed the hell out of me. I didn't look at her again.