1 It all started when she was only 10 years old. Sofia attended her church Sunday school, she was shy and did not like other persons feeling left out, it was her goal to make everyone around her happy. She tried to make everyone around her feel as happy as she was in Christ and even out of Christ. She had strict parents, an alcoholic father and a old time sort of mother who knew nothing about the world today but kept comparing herself to her children in two different decades and spawns of life. Sofia grew up in a religious home, that is before her father became alcoholic, being taught that God was the center of life and the center of her life and any wrong thing she did would hurt God. The child was fearful of God and lived to please everyone. Highly intelligent she made her parents proud but was constantly compared to her other siblings. She had three siblings, two brothers and one sister. Her brothers were the embodiment of trouble and disappointed to their parents. But it was up to Sofia to make them proud. Sofia kept this in her heart that she would only desire to please her parents. As she was small she was told to marry a boy that was as intelligent as her and that was rich so he could take care of her basic needs. But Sofia had no idea she would fall in love with a village boy. 

So it was back in Sunday school when she met the one she would soon come to love. She first saw him there, he was merely 13 and she was 10. But that's not where the love happened. Actually, I'm not sure when the love happened. Maybe i was too caught up in pleasing everyone that i forgot about myself and what i wanted from life. I was keen on going to church and praising God. God is everything to me and i would give up any and everything for God. As i was growing up i had boyfriends but none of them seemed to hit the soft spot in me and make me feel like YESSS I'm in love, I'm finally in this sweet moment of flowers and chocolates. But nobody filled that gap in me, however, I've always kept in contact with a village boy, well he always kept in contact with me. As i grew up in church i began to take part and really seek God. But when did i fall in love, I do not know. Love is a mysterious thing. I knew that my family wouldn't like him yet i spoke to him. I poured out my life and soul and told him everything well almost everything and he did the same to me. He didn't exactly tell me but he did try too. But then he began to drink alcohol and started smoking, then it started, there it all started. 

Nathan was the perfect guy, he was the most handsome, 4 packed little thing. His arms were like candy cane and his eyes were the predicament of the next storm to come. His eyes told stories and spoke to me sort of. I don't think i ever spoke to him in person. He would always text me and how may you ask he got my number, that i do not know. But i knew the kid was special i just knew. Sometimes we would talk for hours about love and other stuff that was going on in our lives maybe a little bit of gossiping. However, i didn't see him as anything more than as my friend. Maybe it was this he did not understand. He was indeed a lovely boy but what hit me was the day I found out he was drinking alcohol and smoking cigars. When I questioned him about it he lied to me and that really hurt. I thought i was the one person that he would tell everything too and that he would just trust the most but he lied. I questioned whether we  would be together now and if i would be able to handle the situation with him. Flashbacks of my drunk father would make me wonder if I really belonged to such a person. Suddenly, I started to become disgusted by his behavior and wanted nothing to do with him. As his lies kept growing my disgust increased like a hungry man stuck on a deserted island. No man is an island i would say to myself, but was it worth it, was it worth being with this boy. 

My family would not accept him because he was poor, and really who would want their daughter to be with someone who can't take care of their child financially. Love, anyone can love and you can get that anywhere but financial support was key when you know what poverty is. You never want to remain in poverty but you always want to get out of it. It was this Nathan could not provide. It was maybe because Nathan knew this that he drank and smoke is life out. 

I grew up in the fiery tropical island off the Caribbean sea where turtles inhabited the wonderful confinements of my village. Life was hard at many times but things always seemed to work out. However, my love life was a mess. 

Love is such an indescribable feeling and thing. When it hits you, you are lost for words and absolutely almost in a whole new world. I think it was in the middle of the rainy season when i first loved. He was a tiny little wee, full of like and almost entirely the opposite as me, but with peer pressure and no parental advice, i was drawn to this type of life. I think i started liking and loving too fast and that destroyed me emotionally, physically and spiritually. Nobody was there for me, nobody was there to guide me. Living in the Caribbean is harsh, you're faced with examinations and parents that expect you to be perfect and then when love comes in the picture you're screwed, its no easy thing. 

God's always been by my side and maybe I'm alive today only by God's grace. My love life has been the most confusing thing ever. Loving three boys and having no idea who you love the most is the most horrendous thing to go through, not that it's even made up. Yessss i love three boys and i don't know who i want the most. Maybe that's why I'm single. Nathan was the first lad i think i loved, but then two others came, its no lie i really love them but it's confusing, a little thing i like to call denial syndrome. How can you even love three people at the same time? I've asked myself this question many times but nothing seems to surface. This love thing seems to have taken a toll on me and yes i can see it for myself.