A Grammatical Fable

A Young Writer climbed the Mountain where the Grammarian lived in a cave overlooking a sheer cliff. He asked: "How do I write what was said and also who said it properly? I know I should have learned this at school or just by paying attention to what I read, but I am not able to write who said what correctly." The Young Writer flushed in shame and looked away from the Grammarian. "And sometimes," the Young Writer admitted in an embarrassed whisper, "I am incapable of capitalizing in the standard way."

The Grammarian said, "Yes, you should have paid better attention to your teachers, or observed how published prose is presented. However, this is easily taught. I will explain, and you will observe carefully. If the tag, the who-said-it part, follows the what-was-said part, do it like this." With a wave of one hand, the Grammarian displayed a set of correct and glowing sentences before the Young Writer:

"He keeps his opinions to himself," Martin said.
"He keeps his opinions to himself," said Martin.
"He keeps his opinions to himself," he said.
"Why does he keep his opinions to himself?" asked Martin.
"Why does he keep his opinions to himself?" Elaine asked.
"Why does he keep his opinions to himself?" she asked.
"Why does he keep his opinions to himself?" asked the girl.

"I see," said the Young Writer. "And if the Tag comes first? I may have seen something like that. Is that possible? Is it hard to learn?"

"That is easily taught," the Grammarian said. "When the Tag precedes the dialogue, do it like this." Another set of glowing sentences appeared before the Young Writer:

Martin said, "He keeps his opinions to himself."
Said Martin, "He keeps his opinions to himself."
He said, "He keeps his opinions to himself."
Asked Elaine, "Why does he keep his opinions to himself?"
Said he, "Why does he keep his opinions to himself?"

"Is there yet another way of correctly writing dialogue tags?" the Young Writer asked.

"Yes," said the Grammarian. "You can do it this way.  Watch carefully: this way is subtle and can be done correctly in two circumstances.  The first is when you have only one complete dialogue sentence."  And yet another set of sentences appeared in the air before the Young Writer:

"I don't know why, but he keeps his opinions to himself."
"It would seem he keeps his opinions to himself."

"Notice the extant comma breaks in the first example and the introductory phrase in the second.  The tag can be inserted in sentences like this quite smoothly."  With a wave of his hand the displayed sentences shifted to include a tag:

 "I don't know why,'  Martin said,  'but he keeps his opinions to himself."
 "It would seem,"  Ellian said,  "he keeps his opinions to himself."

"Now," the Grammarian said,  "if the character has more to say, the dialogue is punctuated appropriately:  Observe the last example."

"I don't know why,"  Martin said,  "but he keeps his opinions on his closet shelf.  He's strange that way."

"Ah," the Young Writer said. "Now I know all I need to know about writing! All the other Young Writers will envy my friends and I."

The Grammarian laughed cruelly, and kicked the presumptuous Young Writer off the cliff. The Grammarian shouted after the falling youth: "You have yet to master the way of the Pronoun."