How ironic that it's too warm for snow, but it's trying anyways? Maybe irony’s not right. I don’t really care enough right now. Not with you standing right there. You’re the only color right now, and that’s all I care about. These grey clouds are ruining the ground and the snow, taking away much of the magic for me. But not for you. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you this happy. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

    You keep looking up, as if expecting something different to fall from the sky. Just snow today, I guess. All the grass in this little pocket of ours is muddy from the snow. Not that beautiful at all. The cars driving by in their mechanical streams slosh the leftover frost around us. Also not that beautiful. But you just keep smiling in anticipation of the beauty you know will show up soon.

    You stop your spinning and look at me, smiling that diluted and tuned-in smile, knowing good and well what it does to me. One flake falls right on the tip of your nose and that breaks the camel’s back. I close the gap between us at a normal, human pace; with every step, your smile becomes more concerned until I am right on top of you, looking down into your eyes. We both know what’s coming, and regardless of what I know will happen, I put my lips to yours.

    The snow stops falling, hovering inches above the soggy ground. The slush on the cross of someone who died years ago by the roadside stops sliding. The voices of cars and children and other onlookers cease and everything holds still. I feel nothing from you, and when I open my eyes, I get nothing back. There is nothing in your eyes: no fear, no remorse, no love- and maybe worst of all- no anger. Of all the times you’ve hurt me before, this is the worst by a nose. All your anger is replaced with apathy. I have no effect whatsoever.

    We separate from the pathetic contact and you close your mouth. I don’t hear what you’re saying, but I know what you mean. “You know I don’t want this. You should go home alone.”

    So I do. I step away and the world comes crashing back down with the snow.

    We've finally slipped far enough into winter where the wind freezes the skin and sometimes the heart underneath. But maybe my hearts been frozen so many times that it doesn't even matter if it gets frozen again. Like that one TV dinner everyone holds on to until it's so frost-burnt that they just throw it away. Maybe I’m just being over-dramatic.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. And when I do, you don’t look at me the same. There’s no more apathy- thank God- but there is no joy in what I mean to you. Every now and then, we happen to pass each other at our corner park on the way home, and you try to smile like things are fine. But I know they’re not. How could they be? I screwed up big and there’s nothing I can do to get our old selves back. We’re finally on different paths, like we needed to be from the start.

    It’s sad that even after two years, I still cry myself to sleep. I don’t mean to. You don’t know how hard it is going home alone. Its finally cold enough for me to need someone to keep me warm inside; the way man-made things can never do. Even with the heater on and the blankets stacked, I’m still cold. But I would never put you through the same thing. As hurt as I am and as cold as I am, I know you’re warm and safe. Sealed away softly in your personal vault, safe from the danger I bring to you. You don’t need me to be warm like I need you. And that’s fine I guess.

    We come from different directions, whenever we happen to meet in our little corner, and I always struggle to come up with an excuse to go your way. I found good reasons a couple times, but you got wise quick and started walking with someone else. I assume it warms you more than I can, so I don’t mind. This time, when I get to our corner park, you’re standing there alone, basking in the snowfall like you love to do. Do you know that you’re the reason I love winter?

    Like before, I watch you until I can’t stand it any longer, and like before, I press my frosted lips to yours in desperate and futile attempt to get warm. And like before, there is nothing in your eyes. And like before, I go home alone, after resting my hand on that one cross by the mechanical stream.

    We’ve finally come to what I anticipate the least. It is finally warm enough for the snow I love so dear to be washed away by despicable rain. Our corner park is assaulted by the weather, and we know that there’s nothing either of us can do to stop it. But it happens every year, so we’re ready for the pain. I am, at least.

    This time, you greet me with a warmth I am unaccustomed too, but I can see that its only to hide the torment the rain brings you. To me, warmth is warmth. And I haven’t been warm in ages.

    Your smile this time is genuine, not hidden by the love you feel for snow. It's for me this time, and I almost can’t stand it. But I’ve learned my lesson. Whenever I think something’s good, it’s not. So I hide the roses in my coat until I’m sure you’ll take them.

    You tell me how much you’ve missed me this winter, and how things aren’t the same as they used to be. You say it’s a shame. You know, you’re damn right. But we both agree that there’s nothing we can do anymore. Those days have long passed and nothing can be done to bring them back. I can think of a few ways, but I don’t bring them up. I know you won’t approve.

    Amidst all the rain, somehow a flake flutters through. And wouldn’t you know it?- it landed right on your nose again. It melts about as quick as my composure and I kiss you again. And again, you tell me to go home alone.

    But I can’t take that this time. Not anymore. I put my hands on your shoulders and look you right in your empty eyes and beg you to let me come with you. My tears match the fall of the rain as I plead to you to take me too. I can’t be without you any more! If I stay this frozen any longer, I’ll never feel warm again. With all that I am, I beg you to take me with you.

    But again, you smile a hollow smile and tell me it’s not what you want; that coming with you would hurt you more than I could ever know. I don’t know if I understand you, so I turn away. Being alone in the cold for so long has frosted my heart, and I don’t know if I care what you want anymore. For the sake of my humanity, I must regain my warmth. I present the roses to the cross with your face on it. And after taking a deep breath, I walk out into the mechanical stream, searching for the stray car that’ll take me to see you again.