Forward

College. That one word conjures so many images of “Animal House-esque” parties and youth. There also exists a subsection of that adolescent culture that strives to be unique. They rebel against the keg stands and jagerbombs. They never even consider going downtown to pop in on a frat or see the new pledges at the sororities.

Nerds. That is what they are. Those few individuals who would never miss an 8am class (unless they found real proof of a zombie apocalypse, then you can bet your sweet ass that they are off in their already prepped doomsday-shelter.) Those few who would rather spend the night in watching a Firefly™ marathon than stumble into and out of toga parties.

Of course, as with any group, there are secrets. Sometimes those who do not wish to be found stay towards the fringes. Though people are still people who all need….people. Whether those people have tentacles or spend half their time as an ocelot has little to no bearing on their need for comradery. College is a trying time for any youngin’ and friends always seem to make the time go by quicker. This is a story of friendship, a school, humor, horror, a government research facility, blatant stupidity, terrible metaphors and apparently a really, really, really, long list.

 

Chapter One

 

As with all stories there must be a beginning. Some start with a heroic young man saving the useless female character. Other stories don’t put up with sexism and have a co-ed team of heroes saving a racially, sexually, and gender diverse populace from an oncoming storm.

Unfortunately, this story does not start off that way. In all honesty, it starts in the most splendidly ordinary way imaginable. It starts in a basement study room.

A basement study room with slightly off-white walls and a wall of windows so the students had a way to see the outside world. Or so the outside world had a way to keep an eye on those pesky nerds, because one can never be too sure what they are up to.

Someone by the name of Tyler sat in this room, filling the silence with the sound of clicking keys as he typed away at some god-awful assignment. This was always the worst part about Sundays.

Tyler glanced over at his friends looking for a distraction from his Anthropology paper. Aaron and Dallas, a blissfully happy couple, were spooning on the couch watching the latest episode of G, a supernatural-romance anime centering around the hilarious relationship between a white haired boy and a dark haired girl. Dallas was the one who always asked to watch it but Aaron secretly loved every minute of it.

Aaron and  Dallas were both students at the military research facility off campus. No one really knew what they did there and no one wanted to ask. They had met on the first day and had been inseparable ever since. Though whether or not that was love or a government experiment was anybody’s guess.

Aces chucked her pen across the room, accidently hitting Jake in the head. She had thrown the writing implement out of frustration over the latest stats assignment. She tried to offer an apology, but he couldn’t hear her, his headphones were in. The room reverberated with the whiney pop sounds of “Just-in Direction” as it emanated from the throbbing earbud speakers. One day the kid was bound to go deaf--from the volume or the terrible music no one could say, but that is neither here nor there.

Aces was an art student at the college. It had always been her dream from when she was little to be a famous artist like Andy Warhol. All she wanted to do was paint and sculpt but that was not to be. For some reason statistics were required for her math credit, and she was finding it to be more frustrating than trying to pry a Dallas out of a rodeo show.

Jake was the run-of-the-mill student who was still not entirely sure what his purpose in life was. He had come to this college in hopes of joining the military research center like Aaron and Dallas had, but had been denied the opportunity. Now he spent his days on a wild goose chase in order to even enter the facility of his dreams. He was a relatively social animal who found it easy to talk to females. However all of them, much to his dismay, instantly friend-zoned him.

They were a rag tag bunch of misfits (not Mighty Ducks™, think more like Team Rocket™) brought together by proximity and laziness who now considered each other friends. Of course, as with all friends, everyone has baggage and Tyler’s baggage was about to rear its perfect head

           The door flew open as Prestcott gracefully waltzed into the room like a ballerina during a performance of Swan Lake™.

           “No need to worry everyone! I am here!” He announced dramatically. He reached to his head and removed his fedora, black like color of the shoe polish orphans in 19th century England used to polish business mens’ shoes. His hair tumbled to the small of his back like water down the Niagra Falls. Its golden tone shimmered like the first morning rays of sunshine peeking over the mountaintops.

           A soft joint groan came from the couch as Aaron and Dallas glared over their laptop screen. Aces raised her eyebrows. Jake, however, was still staring at his computer, completely oblivious to the situation.  Pres also showed no signs of noticing, but their scorn was obvious to any normal human. It was no secret that Aaron, Dallas and Aces didn’t like Pres. Sometimes it seemed like Pres lived in his own little world.

           “So whatcha watching?” Pres leaned over Aaron and Dallas, his hair curtaining in front of their laptop screen as the episode began to reach its climax.

           “Well right now Misaki and Shimi are about to express their feelings for each other, against their parents’ wishes,  but now I don’t know what happened and may never know because I don’t speak Japanese!” Aaron pointed to Pres’ locks covering the subtitles. Aaron then coughed awkwardly and slowly grabbed Dallas’ hand, her middle finger beginning to straighten out of her fist. To put it mildly, Dallas had a bit of a temper. She felt Aaron’s firm grip on her wrist and lowered her hand before she made her dissatisfaction known.

           Pres turned away, his momentary interest extinguished like a solitary candle being dropped into the Hudson. He sprawled on the center table, placing his fedora with particular care on top of his bag on the floor.  He turned to Tyler excitedly, “So today,” he began as Tyler painstakingly pulled himself away from his work, “during my chess match, I had a great setup and demolished my opponent. I am like a chess prodigy!”

           Tyler chuckled slightly, “Wow Pres, you must be really good.” his smile never reached his glowing yellow eyes. He went back to typing away at his troublesome paper.

    “Ugh, I am so bored. When can we do something fun?” Pres pouted and threw his hands in the air dramatically.  Suddenly, he bounced up from a table, springing forth like a compressed jack in the box that played “pop goes the weasel” before it opened. “We should play hide and seek! That is a perfect idea”

    “Dude it’s like 12 o’clock at night,” Aces said “ and I have an 8:15 class in the morning.”

    “Well I do not so we should play hide and seek!” Pres skipped over to the couch where Aaron and Dallas were sitting. “Whatcha watching?” Again he draped his hair over the glowing screen to try to get a better look.

    “I swear to the all-knowin’ God Rick Perry Pres, Ima gonna take this finger and ram it so far up your--”

    “Dallas, don’t you think it is time to go to bed?” Aaron stopped her.

    “Ugh, but I am not tired yet!” Pres whined  

    “He wasn’t talking to you.” Aces shot back, Aaron nodded his thanks towards Aces grateful that he didn’t have to say anything. Aaron disliked Pres more than the rest of the group. If left unattended, Aaron might try to kill him. It was a good thing that Dallas was always with him or else who knows what would happen.

    “Well that’s as good as it’s gonna get.  I’m gonna turn in too.” Aces slammed her laptop shut and shoved it in her bag.  She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Dang it, tomorrow morning is gonna suck.” She shuffled out of the room like death on a ritz cracker.  “‘Night everyone.”

    “Kseeyoulaterbye, get out of my house.” the room responded automatically. Aaron and Dallas glanced at eachother, then hurried after Aces; taking the opportunity to get away from Pres.

    Jake looked up from his laptop with a confused look on his face, “Where did everyone go?”     

    Tyler shook his head, annoyed that everything always had to be repeated twice to Jake. “Everyone’s going to bed.”

    “Oh,” Jake retorted as he began to close his incredibly crappy, old laptop. He threw his bag onto his back and looked at the two remaining in the room. “I’m gonna go to the campus center, does anyone want anything?” he asked.

    “At this time at night?” Tyler asked, confused.  

    “Well I need to print something at the library...and I’m hungry,” Jake said.

“I do not have that problem, I have a printer in my room. It is the best printer on the market too. It is so awesome,” Prestcott ranted.     

“Aw thanks Pres!” Tyler said

“For what?” Pres asked, his perfect brow wrinkling slightly, like a gentle fold in a silk sheet being blown by the summer wind.

“Well, it is my printer...” Tyler began as he tried to explain his reasoning.

“Oh right, well it is basically mine since it is in my room,” Prestcott chimed with his boisterous voice. He knew that he could win an argument, especially against Tyler, he was as good at arguing as he was at chess.

Tyler rolled his eyes.

“Right well see you guys in like, half an hour.” Jake tossed over his shoulder as he walked out of the door.

    Jake exited the room leaving Pres and Tyler alone. The door softly clicked shut as Pres began prowling towards Tyler. He eyed Pres in confusion until he was distracted by a man walking past the room. It was like a lumberjack and a rugby player had had a baby who then had had a child with a underwear model and that child grew up to be a man. A manly man. With muscles so toned and defined that everything could be seen through his tight t-shirt. His tight white t-shirt.  

    Tyler stared in shock and slight amazement. He watched as those strong arms carried what looked to be an incredibly heavy laundry basket to the laundry room. He could see a collection of rugby shirts and khakis through the slits in the basket. Obviously, this was a man who knew what he liked. As the man walked past the two, Tyler tried to get a glimpse of the rest of his body that was hidden by the wall.

“I’m hungry!” Pres pouted. Tyler flinched at the sudden outburst and turned to see Pres standing over him. Pres stuck out his lower lip like some snot nosed child asking for candy, but his eyes had a decidedly more grown-up gleam to them.

Tyler’s brow crinkled in confusion for a moment, then smoothed in understanding. He sighed and began to undo the top few buttons on his shirt.

“Fine, but you were supposed to have taken care of that at your appointment today. You know what happens when you take mine instead of someone elses.”

Pres gave a predatory smirk as he crouched in front of Tyler. “But yours is so...spicy.” He purred as, bending forward, he touched his lips to Tyler’s neck.

Pres reached over with unnerving accuracy to carelessly flick the lights off, but not before someone walked past the windows and bore witness to the activity inside. A certain someone who had just walked past. A certain someone who looked like the underwear model grandchild of a lumberjack and a rugby player who was carrying an empty laundry basket. A certain someone who, upon witnessing said activity, assumed it to be what any normal person would assume it to be and blushed bright red. A certain someone who then proceeded to hurry down the hallway pretending he hadn’t seen anything at all.

2: Chapter Two

Dallas flung open the door to Aaron’s room as if she was walking into an Old West Saloon; she had her own key. Aces and Aaron followed behind.

“That goddamn Pres gets me so riled up, I’m madder than a cow in a leather store starin’ at a pair of boots made out of his mama!”

“Yeah he is a dick.” Aaron agreed, kicking his shoes off into the corner with particular disdain. They flew across the room like a pair of doves being launched from a trebuchet: beautiful, but deadly.

“I don’t know, his hair is really pretty! I like the way it trailed down his back, that muscular defined...” Aces said, with a lingering look at the upper right corner of the ceiling.

“Aces!” Dallas and Aaron chorused in disgust.  This happened a lot. So often in fact that Aaron and Dallas had named Aces’ fantasy world Sexlandia.  

“What?”  She said, leaving Sexlandia, cutting her visit to the “Taj-My-Hall” short.

“That’s the only thing that Pres has going for him! Did you see his face? His mouth is WAY too small for that stupid face of his...” Aaron ranted. “Not that I would know what makes men attractive.” He added tentatively.

“Yeah, not to mention that stupid nose of his. It’s bigger than Lone Star’s nose!” Dallas said as she compared Pres to her horse back home.  Dallas flopped onto the couch, crossing her arms.

“Come on he is not THAT bad looking!” Aces commented, from the couch where she had thoughtfully perched. She was always subconsciously seated or positioned in such a way that allowed her to jump up and chase after a potential partner for her tango of love.

“Aces, you like anything with a pulse.” Aaron noted quickly. “Seriously I am worried for the inanimate objects sometimes. I don’t even want to think about what some of those poor paint brushes have been through.” Aaron grabbed a gluten free cookie from his desk and munched happily, pleased with himself.

Aces laughed softly, “You know, I think you’re just jealous and want a piece of me.”

“Aces, we might be the only people that don’t wanna piece of you.” Dallas retorted. Aces sat next to Dallas and put her arm around her.

“You sure? It’s not gay if it’s a three way.” Aces licked her lips sensually leaning in close to Dallas.

Aaron pushed Aces face away from his girlfriend’s. “How about no?”

They all laughed loudly, loudly enough to disturb Aaron’s roommate.

The Roommate was a being all his own. Quite frankly, Aaron was creeped out by him, which was saying a lot. Aces also never seemed to have any sexual desire for him, which was also saying a lot. He hardly ever spoke and when he did it was in a language unknown to any man. Aaron wasn’t sure what he did all day, sometimes he could hear quiet chanting in his made-up language. When not chanting, he seemed to sit at his computer all day looking at strange forums, Aaron never stood around long enough to look at them, the only things he ever noticed were the pentagrams plastered all over the websites and The Roommate’s unique username, “SatanIsCool666.”

The Roommate stared down at the trio that was in his common room. He didn’t like them. Loud, rowdy, obnoxious, peasants! He thought to himself. Oh great the rainbow one is here.  He looked at the girl with the streaks in her hair. She was bright, too bright. Like a children’s TV show had a love child with a multicolored sherbert and that love child had barfed Skittles™ on her head. It disgusted him.

He glanced down at the couch to see Dallas and Aaron holding each other. He felt a pang go through his chest. That God loving bitch! He could feel his hand tighten into a fist, a fist filled with the rage birthed from the very fires of hell. How dare she touch HIS man. From the moment The Roommate laid eyes on his roommate he was smitten. That white hair and sly smile told The Roommate that his new flatmate was a demon, like, an actual demon. Not one of those poser freaks that he found at Screaming Goatwhore concerts.

No, that black-haired sun worshiper was stealing his white-haired dark prince of darkness. He would do whatever it took to pull them apart, all he wanted was Aaron, all he thought about was Aaron, all he needed was Aaron. He checked to see if any of the people outside his door was glancing at him. He walked over to his closet and carefully pulled back his black clothes to reveal a wall covered with pictures of Aaron. He carefully caressed the piece of gum that Aaron had chewed last week and discarded, it was one of his most prized possession. It was almost as important as the jar of hair that he had slowly been collecting. Anytime he found stray pieces of Aaron’s hair, from a pillow or in the shower, he made sure to carefully place it with the rest of his collection.

He slowly trailed his hand down the wall, the feeling of all the pictures of Aaron sliding beneath his hand was pure ecstasy. The three outside could hear a low groan emanating from the room.

“Huh, I wonder what he’s doing in there?” Aaron asked, genuinely confused. Aaron didn’t pick up on social cues very well and probably assumed the Roommate was eating chocolate or something else delicious. Aaron’s mouth began to water, Aaron really liked to eat.

Dallas and Aces glanced at each other. “Something creepy, that’s for sure.” Aces said as Dallas solemnly nodded in agreement. Aces shivered uncomfortably. That was one bag of bones she’d never jump.

“That boy must be possessed by somethin’” Dallas mumbled to herself. She didn’t like that The Roommate had a thing for her man. It was like The Roommate was the Mexican Army trying to take over Texas, and Dallas would never let that happen. Her ample chest swelled as she began to remember the Alamo.  She had to stop herself from blurting it out, her northern beau wouldn’t understand.

“Were you talking about me?” The Roommate asked as he sidled into the common room. Dallas and Aces jumped at The Roommate’s sudden appearance.

“Oh hey The Roommate, how are you today?” Aaron asked brightly. He didn’t expect a response from The Roommate, but he still loved the thought of attempting to interact with the person he lived with.

The Roommate blushed abruptly at the sound of Aaron’s perfect voice. It was like Satan Himself was speaking to him. “I’m fine.” He stuttered. His eyes skittered around the room, desperately seeking a target that was anything other than Aaron’s perfectly white complexion. He could tell just by looking at him that Aaron had barely seen the light of day. Just standing in the same vicinity made The Roommate’s hairs stand on edge. A sure sign of a demonic presence.

Dallas got up abruptly, her body filling with a rage as hot as the topside of a rock sitting in West Texas during summer.

“Hey Aaron can you do me a favor?” Dallas batted her long eyelashes towards her boyfriend. She knew that he would do anything if she asked.

“Sure thing!” Aaron said, getting up from the couch and hitting his head on the Christmas lights duct taped to the ceiling. One corner of their room was dedicated to Christmas. It had taken Aaron a long time to get The Roommate to agree to the idea, since he was not a fan of Christ, and even then he probably only agreed because of the Pagan origins of the holiday. So only one corner was allowed to be Christmas-tastic.

None of the group was especially religious, but Aaron had a thing for Christmas. He really loved everything about it. He liked the way that the houses twinkled in the night, like they were covered in tiny burning candles trying to engulf each individual home into a world of fire and destruction.

It also might have had something to do with candy canes and the chocolate and the cookies and the meats and the peppermint bark and the hot chocolate... Aaron began drifting off again. Some drool dripped from his mouth the way an icicle begins to drip after the sun appears behind the clouds, or when you heat it up with a blowdryer, either way works.

“Aaron!” Dallas yelled, snapping him back to reality. “I need you to get me a bag of gummy bears, but I only want the white ones.”

“Yeah, and the bag has to be kinda full too.” Aces added.

Aaron looked at the two of them like they had gone insane. “That’s a little ridiculous, don’t you think?” He thought about it some more and suddenly his face lit up. “Can I eat the extras?”

“Sure honey, you can have the extras.” Dallas said as she pushed him out the door. Aces rolled her eyes.  Dallas shut the door and abruptly turned toward The Roommate.

“You sly bitch.” Dallas muttered. “Don’t think I don’t know ‘bout that wall behind your closet.” She walked up to The Roommate and grabbed his collar, her middle fingers tingling. “You touch one hair on his head and I will mess you up!”

The Roommate chuckled darkly, “What are you going to do? Lasso me up like a baby calf?”

“Actually, you don’t need to add the ‘baby’ part to calf since the word calf already implies an infant bovine.” Aces interjected thoughtfully.

The Roommate and Dallas looked at Aces in mutual disgust and disbelief. “Shut up, art major.” The Roommate and Dallas responded in unison.

Dallas turned her attention back to the scumbag she had a hold of. “Don’t test me boy. I’ve killed bunnies stronger than you.” She felt her hand go to her holster, or at least where her holster would have been. Damn northerner gun control laws.

The Roommate smirked, “What are you going to do about it? I live here!” His eyes widened to make room for the crazy. “ At least I still get to see Aaron’s sleeping face every night, so beautiful and defenseless.”

Aces looked up and noticed the danger gathering on Dallas’ brow.  She scrambled to her feet in order to prevent the gruesome slaughter she knew from experience followed that look.  While she thought that The Roommate was creepy, the group didn’t need that kind of mess on their hands. “I think we need to calm it down a little over here.” Aces said pushing herself between The Roommate and Dallas.

“Don’t think this is the end.” The Roommate cackled as he slithered out of reach and escaped into the depths of his room.

“That boy does not know who he is messin’ with” Dallas said darkly, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides.  Aces breathed an internal sigh of relief as she watched the door creak slowly shut.  She relaxed and when she turned to Dallas she had a wide smile on her face.  She leaned forward, giving Dallas a peek at her double D’s.

“So now that I have you alone...” She began, her hands starting to move from their restrictive grasp on Dallas’ forearms to a more seductive position on her shoulders.  

“How ‘bout no?” Dallas responded roughly, pushing Aces away a little harder than she usually would.  It was going to take Dallas a little time to cool off after that close brush with her mortal enemy of love. She knew that from today on, this meant war.