Meet Leo.

He isn’t married. However, he has attended the weddings of three of four of his exes. He found it odd whenever he would receive an invitation in the mail but never thought anything of it. And even though he would toss the invitations with the rest of his junk mail, he always found himself sitting the back row of these weddings. His motivation on going was to hook up with a bridesmaid or two, which he usually did. He wore the same grey suit with the same blue tie to each wedding because he didn’t want to waste his money on a new suit and he considered it his lucky suit.

So he wasn’t especially surprised when he recently found another wedding invitation in his mailbox. He had just gotten back to his apartment complex after going on his daily jog. He sifted through each piece of mail—bill, bill, bill, junk—pause. Mr. Leo Martin, the envelope read. He immediately tore it open.

You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of Julia & William

Julia, the last of his exes to get married, was the first and only girl he ever fell for. They were close friends his senior year in college until they started dating for a little less than a year. His relationship with her was all-consuming and different than anything else he had experienced. And that terrified him. But looking back, she was the only girl he could have seen himself with long-term. Now they were Facebook friends, but that was about the extent of their relationship. And that was useless since he stopped using his account years ago when his mom sent him a friend request.

Leo couldn’t stop staring at the invitation as he walked to his apartment until his neighbor Lisa emerged from her place.

“Leo!” she called out to him. Leo hesitated to respond because he really didn’t want to be stuck talking to Lisa. He thought she was cute and all but she talked way too much and way too loudly and was too into romance.  Most times he would just walk away quickly as if he couldn’t hear her, even if she was only a few feet away. Sometimes she would follow after him and sometimes he would just walk faster or pretend to be enveloped in fake conversation on his phone.

He was feeling kind today and produced a smile for her benefit. “Hey, Lisa.”

“How’s ya day going so far? Good?! Mine too. I’m actually having a get together at my apartment tonight with a few of my friends if you want to stop by. There will be plenty of drinks to go around.” She smiled flirtatiously.

Leo didn’t say anything. The last time he went to hang out at Lisa’s place for a “get to together”, it consisted of only the two of them. They uncomfortably sat together and she made him watch most of the Sex and the City movie and complained about a guy named Big. Frankly, Leo felt for that Big guy. When that torture was over, they talked (about Lisa’s views on romance mostly) and sipped on some fruity alcoholic drinks because that’s all she had. Once Lisa had a little too much, she began to undress in front of him and tried to be all sexy like but Leo wasn’t feeling it. When he kept telling her to keep her clothes on for god sake and finally got up to leave, she started bawling her eyes out and apologized, repeating how embarrassed she was. He left anyway and could still hear her sobbing from outside the door.

 Leo was pretty aware that Lisa was attracted to him because most women were attracted to him but it surprised him that she still initiated conversation with him after that incident.

“I actually have plans tonight.” He said smoothly. He was a skilled liar.

Lisa, obviously disappointed, nodded her head and said she understood. They stood there a little while longer, awkwardly, Leo waiting for Lisa to turn away and Lisa waiting for Leo to change his mind.

Lisa looked down and noticed the invitation in his hand.

“Oh, you’re going to a wedding?”

“Maybe,” He responded coolly, knowing good and well that he was going to attend that wedding. He didn’t really know exactly why he wanted to torture himself by going but his curiosity overruled his rationality.

“Cool,” she paused. “Are you taking a date?”

 Shit.

Leo could lie again but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do it this time. “I’m going alone.”

Another pause. Lisa nodded and a smiled to herself. “I could go with you, if you want, so you don’t have to go by yourself. I mean, obviously you don’t have to but I’m sure going to a wedding alone sucks and…”

At this time, Leo just stopped listening. He weighed his options. Go to a wedding alone, like he always did, and see his ex get married to some guy named William who probably didn’t look as good as he did. The least he could do was bring someone with him so he wouldn’t feel so pathetic being seen as a 30-year-old bachelor with no prospects to Julia. 

“Sure,” he said, surprising himself. “You can come with me.”

Lisa stopped mid sentence of whatever she was saying and lit up. “Great! When is it?”

He told her the date without hesitation because, by this point, he already had the date memorized.

“Okay, I’ll see you then, date.” She winked as she emphasized the word date and spun around on her heels to return to her apartment. As soon as she got inside, she wrote the wedding on her calendar.

Leo walked to his apartment, regretting what he just did.

________

The ceremony started promptly at ten that morning and Leo really hated that. Who the hell has an early morning wedding? But since he RSVP’d and agreed that Lisa could be his quote unquote date, he got there on time and wasn’t late like he usually was.

To Leo’s surprise, Lisa looked exceptionally nice. It wasn’t like he thought she was unattractive, she just reminded him a naïve little 15-year-old. And that may not be her fault since she was petite, had a baby face and lived in a romantic fantasy. But today, she sort of looked like a woman. Her auburn curls were pulled back into a loose bun and she was wearing a lace blue dress that stopped high enough to show off her short, but very nice, legs.

Leo was in his gray suit and blue tie. They matched.

It was a classic wedding in a classic Catholic Church, something that didn’t shock Leo. Julia would sometimes talk about how she wanted to get married in some grand Catholic Church surrounded by all of her friends and family. Leo would listen to her go on and on about her wedding plans and envision himself as her groom, waiting anxiously for her to walk down the aisle.

But instead, it was William. He stood there, nervously rubbing his hands together in front of him as he waited for his bride-to-be to meet him at the altar. Once the bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl and ring bearer came down the aisle and took their place, Julia appeared behind the two open doors, crying.

Leo suddenly remembered the only time he ever saw Julia cry. The day he broke things off with her. It was over something stupid and immature, like how things were getting too serious and he wanted to explore his options. He loved her but was young and didn’t want to the commitment.

But he could tell that her tears were happy ones. He immediately felt regretful that he wasn’t William; standing up there waiting to officially be unified with Julia.

Lisa was tearing up. She kept pulling tissues out her purse and blowing her nose obnoxiously all throughout the ceremony, especially during their vows.

“You may now kiss the bride,” The priest finally announced. William dipped Julia back to kiss her while everyone else erupted into cheers.

The happy couple strutted hand in hand down the aisle, smiles taking up their whole face. Once they made their way out of the church, everyone walked out and made their way to the reception space that was a little more than ten-minute drive away.

“Wasn’t that just a beautiful ceremony?” Lisa said on the car drive there. “I mean you can really tell that they love each other. And they look so good together too. They’re kids are going to be so cute!”

Leo didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned on the radio so he had something else to listen to.

“How do you know him?” Lisa asked, her voice louder to compete with the music. She looked right at him as she asked which made him edgy.

“We dated in college,” He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Lisa scrunched up her face in confusion. “He was gay? You were gay?” Pause. “Oh my gosh, that explains everything.”

“What? No. Julia. I dated Julia in college.”

“Ohhhh,” Lisa laughed lightly. “That makes a lot more sense.”

Leo nodded absently and kept his eyes fixed on the road in front of him. He didn’t want to think about how much he screwed up anymore. It was stupid. He couldn’t do anything about it. Every other girl he dated or hooked up with after Julia meant nothing to him in comparison. Going to their weddings didn’t even faze him.

“It’s funny she invited you to her wedding. I mean, I don’t think I’d invite any of my exes to my wedding unless I wanted to spite them.”

Spite them? Is that why I’ve been invited to all of my exes’ weddings? Were they all trying to get back at me by showing me how happy they with someone else?

He thought back to Melinda. They dated for eight months after Julia until he cheated on her with Rachel. And then he broke things off with Rachel through e-mail because she was constantly trying to steal his clothes. She said it was always a cute thing girls would do in movies. He just found it annoying. And then, some years later, there was Katy. Katy was okay until she told him she was abstinent. He broke up with her via text message saying: I can’t do this. I have needs. Sorry.

Leo knew that he was never the best boyfriend in the world but he never really cared all that much. He liked hopping from girl to girl and having random hookups. And it was easy for him because women constantly flocked to him. But it wasn’t until that moment when he felt like he was missing something from his own life—a genuine commitment with someone he didn’t want to be without. 

By the time they arrived to the reception, Leo really wanted to go home. It’s not like he would be able to get drunk being it was eleven in the morning. But he went anyway, and sat, looking mostly aimlessly at the people enjoying themselves around him. When Julia and William came in as they were being announced as Mr. and Mrs. Lane, everyone got up to hoop and holler for them while Leo stayed in his seat and downed his mimosa. 

He could still see Julia having her first dance with her new husband in between two people that stood in front of him.

She’s so happy.

Lisa spent the majority of the wedding flirting with a groomsman that seemed to be as into her and she was him. They clumsily danced to all the songs that came on and every once in a while Lisa would catch Leo’s eye and smile. Leo would smile back half-heartedly before focusing his attention to Julia.

For the rest of the reception, Leo sat in the back of the reception hall and watched a man experience the happiness that he hoped for with the woman he was too careless to keep. He also saw himself, always witnessing others happiness and messing up his own.

And all at once, he felt alone.