The red sun had just started to rise. It was a new day. It was the beginning of the end of the world. I woke to the ash of the burning city, all the fires put out by the acid rain.  All the people in the world were either dead or changed. And I was one of the changed ones. How did I change, what killed the world? I never knew for sure what it was, but I was sure it would find me before I found it.  I sucked in a breath and crawled out from the rubble that was once a hospital. That’s the last thing I remember. The hospital. It was something in the air and all of creation had it. The strong ones changed the others died. Getting up was hard for me. Why? I looked over my shoulder and say them. Wings! Large ones, stained red with blood. They had ripped out of me and sagged on my back. I couldn’t even think about how much they must have hurt coming out. Good thing my memories are gone. The only things I can think about are letters; D, C and M. Then there was Her. I could hear Her singing in my head. She was so sweet and yet painful. She told me to get up and go to Her. I don’t know why but She filled me and just like that she was gone. There was no more singing and just silence. I was on my hands and knees with blood coming from my mouth. My mouth? The pain in it was bad. Why? With my hand I poked at my teeth… no they were sharper then teeth, they were razor. I had to get up, I had to keep moving. Standing was the hard part with wings and all. It made it hard to stay balanced and keep the wings close to me, but I did it and walked to the nearest bathroom. Simple hospital bathrooms, the kind without any toilet, Just a shower and wall sized mirror. In it I saw the thing that I had changed into. Large silver wings with spots of blood on every feather, sharp razor teeth with blood dripping from them, even my hands had razor nails that seemed to have blood inside them, my pupils where bigger than normal and my eye color had changed from a dark brown to this light hazel brown mix. I looked like a half bird thing.  I felt like I was covered with blood. Even my hospital robe was covered in spots of blood. Looking over my shoulder I saw the shower. It was the large ones with railings for the wheelchair bound, white with pink and blue tiles (I guess to add character), and a removable shower head. When I looked back at myself I had changed again, or at least calmed down. My nails and teeth were back to normal size and the wings had come in to my body. I walked to the shower and turned the water to its hottest temperature. Taking off the hospital gown was hard with the wings, but after trying for a while I figured I’d rip them off. Stepping in I stood in the water to get all the blood out. The white floor of the shower tuned a dark red and in that moment I knew this was not my blood. Not my pain that I’ve forgotten, not my screams that ring silent in my ears, But everybody else’s. What had I become?

0*0*0

Clean body and clean clothes. It was the easy way to feel better before all this end of the world thing stared. You never feel good when you have to do your shopping at what looks like grave yard. Taking clothes off the dead, that was what I was reduced to. It was hard to cut holes in the back and fit the wings in and getting them on. There are too many shredded pieces of fabric to count how many times I got mad and just ripped everything. For now it’s a red and white varsity jacket with a red shirt inside, jeans and leather boots. At least I matched.

The town was not the same, but it’s not like I would know how it was before. I can barely even remember my own name. Little flashes of letters come to me and with the letters I get feelings. With the letter D I got the feeling of love and lust, the want of another body. With M I got a love that shines bright and round, it warms up everything in its path. And with C there was a nerve that would never go away no matter what. I liked the D one. I wanted to fill myself with it and everything it was. I wanted to know what it was.

Walking outside was sadder then inside. The light only gave way to all the dead. You could smell the acid rain and it stung badly in my nose. But it was the air and you can’t stop breathing the air unless you wanted be like the bodies that lined the street. I think I would’ve known more than half these people if I could only remember myself. I had gotten used to the wings and the weight they had. They were good for balance and I walked tall past bodies.  But then there was one that wasn’t dead. And when I really looked closely there were two that weren’t dead. They were sitting in a silver Volkswagen, they looked to be…asleep? I couldn’t tell until one of their chest moved up. I came close to the small car. The driver’s window was broken and I stuck my head into it and could feel his breath. It was sweet and warm, like the D. I got out and stood straight then turned around, stretched my wings out and flapped them to make the air start moving. It was moving towards him and he moved. Then he coughed and took in a big breath of air, enough to fill the lungs, of acid and then he choked. When that was all done and he had his breath back he opened his eyes and looked at me. The look was like he knew me…no he definitely knew me because just then he said my name, or what I think my name is.

I don’t really remember what he called me but I know that for the whole time that was what he called me. He sat up and looked around, taking in the town I guess. And then looking at his partner, He quickly shocks him and wakes him up. They talk for a while and stare out. What were they talking about? Why couldn’t I hear any of it? The singing was too loud. She was singing again, telling me to kill them and to feed myself. She told me to come to Her and to come quick, She needed me. I could feel my nails coming out and all my razor teeth pulling out, but I couldn’t kill them what had they done to me? The singing stopped when they both came out of the car. They looked at me with strange eyes. There was the driver who was wearing a leather jacket, a black shirt inside and jeans. The way he stood looked like he would be D. He was tall and lean with unseen muscle but I knew they were there. The other was lean too with a hoodie and a graphic tee. They were about the same height but the driver was inches taller.   His name was Devon, the driver, that’s all I knew of him. That’s all I wanted to know of him. I wanted this man to be my D. They came close to me saying my name and reaching out there hands. My name was Chari, the other ones name was Robert.

I had no idea who they were but I wanted them. I never knew why. Maybe it was because She told me to kill them and maybe it was because of the D.  Maybe…

“Chari,” he said to me slow and sweet. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Are you okay?” that was the other one. I guess I was supposed to answer them but when my mouth opened all I heard was silence. What was I supposed to say to them? Who was Chari anyway? I could tell he saw the expressions on my face and understood that I didn’t know because he walked to me and put his hands out towards my open wing. Why did I trust this man to touch my wing, knowing how sanative they were? I don’t know, but when he did he did so in a slow and careful motion. It was soft and sweet, like the D, like him, and then he was the D. And then more feelings came to me. When I closed my eyes I remembered the soft passionate nights with another body, letting them touch me in ways I never knew possible, hard breathing in and out to a rhythm that was only there in our minds, the biting and scathing on skin, and then the bright crimson of blood.

I gasped deeply and pulled my wing away. No. I didn’t want this. The floods of feelings were too strong to hold back when he was touching me but now that I had full control I spoke out right.

“She calls me,” my voice was too large to be coming out a small mouth. Then it wasn’t my voice. It was the voice of many. She was calling us all and when I looked up I could see them all taking flight to reach Her. But I heard no singing. Walking away from the boys I lifted my wings. Devon came up to me and at that I backed away from him. I never wanted to feel that way again and if his touch brings it then I would not give in. This time it was my voice or what I thought my voice sounded like. “What!?” I looked at both of them and no one said anything for a long time until Rob broke the silence.

“Well let’s see…it’s just post-apocalyptic and all, you’re a bird thing with wings, and I don’t think you even remember who the fuck you are!” he was holding his hand out, ticking the list off his with thumb and pinky of either hand. Voice getting louder “ I’m just wondering when the fuck we’re goanna sit down and talk about it before you go to see ‘Her’, whoever the fuck she is !?” he was wide eyed with anger and need for some explanation. And just when I opened my mouth to answer Devon just said:

“Look man I know this looks bad but be glad we’re even alive. Just look at all the bodies.” And when he said that they did look and I felt like I really had to explain but I didn’t even know how to do that. But I knew that She would know how to explain. And I knew that I had to find her.

“I have to find Her” I said softly. They both looked at me in surprise.

“Why?” it was Devon

“…She… needs me…I need Her. She can explain to me why this is happening”

“Ok then, go see her, but we need to come with you”

“No” I don’t why I said that. Why was I changeling this man? And why did I like so much?

“Then try to stop us.” the smirk that appeared on his lips was just enough to get me grinning and my wings up. At that that he jumped in his car and started the engine. I lifted myself in one swift movement of my wings. The race had started and I loved it. Rob was waving his hands and running fast to get in to the car and shut the door. I flew high and light, almost reaching the clouds, then going straight towards the voice in my head I flew with the boys following behind. We were going out of this town and into Her arms. The sweet embrace of the most evil thing was what we heading towards.

2: chapter 2

Flying was freeing, but more than anything it was hard. The wings were weak at points. They had just been made and right now it was hard to control my weight and there’s. I was losing air at times and falling. I almost fell once before but soon enough I got used to it and flew without any problems, even doing tricks in the air. The boys were good sport for flying. The car they were in was moving faster than I think most cars should go. But after racing them for a day I stopped and slowed down to let them keep up with me. The trip to the nest was the long. Humans, as the boys were, needed to rest and eat so they stopped every time the sun would dip in to the horizon. Didn’t they know that the singing was getting louder and that we needed to keep moving? If they could hear it then they would never want to rest, they’d want to keep moving and to move faster until the singing stopped. I looked down at them from the building that I was sitting on top of. They were starting a fire; Devon looked up at me and smiled. And just like that the singing stopped. All I could hear were their voices. The town that we were in was a place called Englewood; it was small with a lot of trees. So much so that they were taking over the buildings and all the streets; growing out of every crack in the ground, every vine snaking its way up every building. This was the same way for every town that we entered.

The acid rain had started to pour down and their fire was going out. There was so many profane words that Robert had to say to the sky. It was too funny and I saw Devon laughing at him when I smiled. How could Devon be so calm and relaxed about everything that’s happening now? It was not normal… I decided to help them and flew down.

The sun was on the horizon and the sky looked pink. When I got down there was no more fire left in the garbage can the boys had found and put wood into. I walked over to them. They were sitting on the hood of the car, it had stopped and had no more gas, and I stood in front of them and after a while turned and sat on the car too. Without looking at them I took my wing out and put it over their heads to stop the rain. I just looked ahead of me at the setting sun as I could feel their eyes on me.

0*0*0*0

M. It was the feeling of nurture vs. nature. It was the love of the one who nurtured and the greater love of her nature. It was a strong, warm light that penetrated whatever darkness came to ruin you. It taught you what it meant to be yourself.  It was what I felt when I thought of M. I felt it in my soul, that light and that love, I felt it in my being. And maybe that’s why I didn’t kill Devon and Rob, and why I was helping them look for gas to start their car. They had to rig a gas pump and take some from the cars lining the streets. Me, I was using my claws to break into the machines and find food for them.  It was one more thing that I figured I could do with the nails.

I was inside a candy shop sitting on the counter with Robert looking at the rainbow collection that they had, Devon was outside filling his car with things that they needed for the rest of the trip. Rob looked at me from the corner of his eyes and made a sweeping motion with his hands at the sweets when he said, “Want anything? I mean, I know you don’t…but you know it’s better than…whatever it is that you eat.” I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. If only he knew that ‘whatever’ it was that I ate was the flesh and meat of the dead that lie around him. But before I had a chance to tell him that, yes it would be better than what I eat, I heard the high pitched screams coming from outside. I turned my head towards the door and ran out; with rob on my heels, to find Devon fighting off one of the changed ones with a lead pipe in his hands. The changed one had all her claws out and was batting her wings low to reach Devon without getting hit by the pipe he was waving around.

                “Don’t all help me at once you guys!” he was screaming over his shoulder at us. My wings spread at the comment and I lifted myself going straight for the changed one. I charged at her and took her to the ground hitting her back on a hood of a stray car. My teeth sharpened and came out with all its glory when I hissed and growled at her. And at that moment I could see the color of her eyes, red with darker black on the inside; it was the color of war and the bloodlust in her soul that was reaching out through her eyes. In other words I would assume that she had lost her humanity. The changed one then pushed with strength that I didn’t have, and shoved me off of her on to the ground. I hit with a thump and when I looked up I saw Devon and Robert fighting two other just like the changed one. Red soul less eyes, sharp claws ready to rip flesh and teeth beard ready to break bones. The changed on the car jumped off and walked past me without any notice of me. I got up and grabbed the first thing that I could reach; it was the lead pipe that Devon dropped. Holding the pipe in two hands I came at the changed one from behind. I knocked her out and then toke a swing at her wings next. I heard the crack of her bones in the wings and knew from that that she will never be able to fly with the wing. The neck one I went for was the one that Devon was fighting. He was in a boxing stance with razor braces on his hands and was taking very good jabs at the changed one. Good enough that the changed one already had a few cuts on her face and was trying to dodge more. I came up from behind her and I knew Devon saw me because he pushed her in my direction. Taking aim I swung the pipe to hit her back, right where her wings were coming from. She screeched and bent back in horror then turned to me. As soon as she faced me she fell. There were three dagger sized jags in the back of her head. Devon had knocked her out with his hand braces. There was only one more changed and she was fighting Robert. He had two large kendo swords. Where did these boys get there weapons? With a thought I lifted my wings up and lifted myself up. It took a running start but I flew low enough for me to reach out, take Robert in my hands and lift him up. Going higher into the sky and then making a backflip in the air I turned around to go back and pick up Devon. They were heavy but what was I supposed to expect with two grown boys in my hands. The changed one followed me picking up speed. She was not far behind. All I could do to get away was to fly higher. I could hear Robert and Devon’s shouts. Devon sounded like he was having fun, but Robert just keep screaming for me to put him down. When I was above the changed one I did what Robert wanted and let go. He fell on her and with what looked like great fear stabbed her in the skull. The sword had come out through the other side of her head. She dropped with a thud on the ground, but I swiftly synced to pick up Robert before she had fallen. Gently slowing down and putting the boys down I landed and let my wings rest.

There was a cough and a whiz, then a hand on my shoe. It was the changed one with that Devon knocked out.

“She knows, go to her and be all She is!” it was what she said before dying. In that moment I heard it again. The signing, it was louder than ever this time. Calling and wanting me. It was the only thing I could hear. She was mad at me but still wanted me, it was sweet sadness in Her voice, and it was a beautiful nightmare telling me that I was close and only had a little to go till I saw Her. I picked up my feet and started walking to Her. It was so near I felt like she was there in my ears saying my name, my real name. Then it stopped. It was Devon screaming my name.

“Chari!! Where are you going? Wait up!” him and Robert had been running, weapons in hand, to keep up with me. They came to a halt when they did and when I turned I saw what they were looking at. It was the city, but it wasn’t. There was a swirl of dark clouds in the sky and a litter of dead people every which way. Even they could feel that She was here and I knew that She was waiting for me. I was ready to meet my maker.

3: chapter 3

Walking in to the city was…an experience. There were changed ones everywhere but none that came down low enough to stop us.  The changed ones looked just like the ones that we had fought, red soulless eyes and fangs out ready to strike, but they stayed where they were and watched as we moved through the city to find Her. They stayed at the top of the buildings sitting and watching as we made our way to the nest. The buildings where covered in vines, leaves, and great big bushes, even the ones that looked like they reached the sky where covered in the green bush. The cars had been overturned and smashed in. There was glass and blood everywhere. The skies were dark with storm clouds and the bodies were littered everywhere, we had to step over them to get by.

Devon and Robert keep looking at me for some reason. I needed to say something I guess, but what was I supposed to tell them? So without looking at them I said “She’s close.”

“How about we rest first?” Robert said with a worried look on his face. Then he pointed into a building that said parking garage on it. Devon turned to look at him and with a silent agreement they both walked towards it. I stopped walking and looked up at the changed ones. They looked more like gargoyles than anything else. Watching over the city, but what for? The ones we fought before didn’t go for me even though I was fighting them and it was more like they wanted to take the boys more than kill them. They seemed to know something that I didn’t and hadn’t figured out already. But what was it, what was happening here? There was a flash of a memory then. The sun was shining and the city was busy with life, cars honking and fresh smell of hotdogs. A woman had just bought me one and she was mad that I didn’t eat it with anything. I looked at her and could feel the frown forming on my face as I took a bite from my hotdog. The flash ended when I heard my name. The name the women called me. “Chari!”

Devon came running out of the parking garage and took me out of my thoughts. “We found a car with gas in it…um…would you like to fly or ride?” he said that last part with a nervous look at the sky and changed ones. When he looked back at me he read the question in my eyes, the ‘what other choice do I have?’ question, and then nodded. He led me inside the building. The cars in there where in better shape than the ones outside, although some of them had smashed front windows and hoods that where put in. They were still in the parking spaces that they started in. There was one car in the back with its lights still on and blood splatted on the divers side door. It seemed the person was getting ready to go when they meet there end.

Devon showed me to where they were. He and Robert made a makeshift home using the cars as beds. The seats had been put down for someone to lie down on them. There were three of these cars and one of them was bigger than the others. It was a full sized SUV with its top half ripped off and the doors and font seats completely gone to make more room. I suspected that this one would be mine. I jumped up on the top off the torn car and landed on the inside. Looking around I found many pillows from random cars scattered around as if they had been thrown without care. I sat down in it and fixed the pillows then spread my wings to test space. It was bigger than I thought, like a bird house is bigger on the inside. Something about the roominess of the car and the random pillows made me smile then giggle and I didn’t stop until I was laughing so loud I could hear my own echoes ringing out. Devon was chuckling in his own car-bed. “I told you she would like! Do I know her or do I know her?” he shouted at Rob who was fixing the fire he made. The grin on his face was all Devon needed to assure him of his knowledge of me.

I felt…happy…for once. It felt like this feeling was the missing from me and I had finally obtained it. Through laughter and the sight of friends with me I had found happiness? Maybe but I didn’t want to linger on the thought. It would be a long day and I needed rest.

0*0*0*0*0

I slept for the first time in a long time. Dreams were not what I expected for the first time, and memories where certainly not what I needed for what I thought might be the last time. But they are what I wanted for the longest time.

Flashes of scenes and memories mixed in were going through fast and slowing down. But two things were the same. One of them was the sound of laughter and joy, the other was a blood curdling scream that wasn’t mine. The laughter brought scenes of happy people and sunny days that I wanted to remember. They were all too blurry to understand who was there or what was happening, but one thing stayed the same, the girl I say. The screaming brought the feel of flesh being cut and bones being broken, the want of blood and the need of death. The clearest thing that I last remember is the hospital. I was in a hospital bed with the women who bought me hotdogs sleeping in a chair by the side. She looked like she was getting sick and I felt worried about her, I got up to walk to the bathroom. I had been having bad back pain while in the hospital and could not sleep on my back for the whole time, so I took a walk to try to calm down. When I got to the bathroom I was looking in mirror at me, but something about the girl in the mirror did not feel like me. As if she was pretending to be me and I was falling for it. The pain in my back returned and as I turned around I could see something small the size of inch sticking out of my back. It had ripped my hospital gown. I reached to pull it out and when I touched it I could feel the sensitivity of the touch go back and hit my spine. It shocked me so much and was so painful that I fell over to the floor.  The middle of it was blurry but filled with red and black. After it all I saw the women and her blood everywhere, even on my hands. Her head had been across the room and limbs had scattered everywhere. She was no good to Us and had no point in life.

I woke up in a shock, sweat dripping and huffing breath. It was the women’s blood that had been on my hands the day I woke. It scared me more thinking that this women could have been someone important to me and in the end I had killed her because She had told me to. I looked out of the cut car-bed, there was no one there, and I became fearful of what had happened to the boys. I jumped out of the car running out to of the building. The blinding light of the day had stopped me short and I used that time to get my sight into focus. When they did I saw Devon and Robert working on a car. Devon was holding the hood of the car up while Robert sat in the front seat starting the car.

 It was a topless convertible with a shiny red glossy paint and black race strips on the hood of it. “Do you think she’s okay? Like, really okay?” Robert said with a worried look, “Cause I feel like we’re riding all this way to our deaths.” He looked at Devon, who was looking at the engine of the car, and didn’t look away until he looked at him.

“Dude, how many times have I told you, she’s not goanna kill us or let anything kill us.”

“Yeah but she could, I mean the changed ones were pretty strong, what makes you think she won’t be stro--“  Devon cuts him off short with the look in eyes, anger rolling off of him in waves.

“She’s good!” He looked back down at the engine working and pulling things in the car, “okay, you can start her now.” When Robert started the car I walked out of the shadow and into the daylight.

“Moring” I said to them both while walking towards them. It was really a bright morning, the first since I woke up. When I reached the car there were flashes of light then a memoir of the girl in the mirror. She was smiling and laughing. She reached for a car door the same time I did and sat in the passenger’s seat, she always sat in the passenger’s seat. When she sat down she leaned over and kissed the driver on the lips. She loved him and he loved her. The flash went away when I heard the slam of the car door. Devon and Rob were sitting in the front and I sat in the back. I looked at the back seats and then knew why the hood of the car was gone. My wings could have never been able to get in or better yet sit comfortably in this car.

The car started and we were moving. I was the one giving directions based on how strong the felling were. We were heading north of the city towards the water. Another flash hit me. It was the wind blowing in my hair, the city passing by me. In the memory it was night and I was sitting in a car. There was a nervous feeling in my stomach that had been there since I got the call to come out of my house. We were driving to a party in the middle of the night and I had snuck out of my house. The flash went away when the suns light hit my eyes.

We drove for almost half an hour and reached what seemed like the tallest building in the city. We got out of the car and looked at the building for a while. The energy rating of the building was so great I thought that I could see smoke coming out of every side of this it. I looked at Devon and Rob as if to ask “are you ready?” They both nodded and we walked in together. The lobby of the building was filled to the prim with bodies, but these ones where alive.

“No! Go back! Go back to you came and never return! It’s safer, go back!” there was a women with a white dust covered face. She had torn and tattered clothe on that seemed to fall off when she stated to wave her hands at us. “She’ll kill you boys, go back, and run as fast as possibly!” she seemed to be talking to the boys and warning them about me…or the changed one that was behind her? The changed one reached out her hands and took the women’s head in her hand. With a twist of the wrist the women had stopped screaming. She looked as though even in death she was saying her warnings to the boys.

The changed one looked at me with curses in her eyes.  All the other live ones looked at her and me when she walked over. Their faces in awe as if they had not seen a changed one walk upright and now they say two. Our wings matched in size but not in color. Hers were a darker gray almost stormy, while mine were lighter and more silver. We matched each other’s stride as we walked up to each other. Her eyes that soulless red while mine a deep hazel. She looked at me for a while, breaded her teeth in a grin, hissed and said “She’s been waiting for you.” In her eyes I could see the storm rising and the lighting sparking. I was last piece of the puzzle She needed. But for what?

The changed one turned around and walked to the far end of the room where a hole had been cut into the celling. She flew up and disappeared. The people in the lobby all looked at me expecting me to do something. I stood there for a while until one man came up to me. He was fat and bald headed. He stood in front of me looking behind me. The boys, with weapons in hands, came closer and I put up my wings to stop them.

“Aren’t you scared of me?” I looked him in the eyes and he tied his hardest to look at my wings.

“No!” he said simply while shaking his head. He finally looked into my eyes and I saw all that he was. A father, a son, a husband, a working man and more than anything a coward. There were people he let die so that he might have one last chance at life.

“Then you’re a fool.” I told him this in a large voice, one that was finally mine. He looked me in the eye and backed away when I took one step towards him. I walked past the old man and under the hole in the roof, and then tuned around to look at the boys, “meet me up there”. I am and lifted myself like the other changed one and followed her up to the top floor. It was a long flight up and every floor brang something new. In the second to third there were people living in them. They were just as ragged and dirty as the ones in the lobby and even more men filled the third then women. Then on the fourth to the fifth there were dead bodies or as She sang food. Then the many changed ones that were on the levels after. Frist the dead ones, then the live ones that packed the upper levels. When I got up to the top level and landed the first thing I saw was a flurry of wings and feathers. They had surrounded the center of the room with wings of different colors. The bodies were all naked and in a position that a baby would be in when in their mothers arms. I did not even finish the step when I felt all their eyes open and look at me. When I landed my foot the wings fluttered and they all flew to the walls surrounding the room. In the center of the room She sat there.

                “Welcome to the New Age” 

4: chapter 4

“Welcome to the New Age my daughter!” She said this with a sweeping motion of Her hand to the room.  She was dressed in a long white nightgown, with long black sweeping hair up to Her elbows. She had dark black eyes with pure white around them. And even Her skin looked like it was pure white, if it was not for the pink of her cheek I would have thought that She was a ghost. The only thing that was colored was the dark red of her lips. With Her bare feet she took a step forward.

“You have finial made it,” with those words there were boys at the head of the stairs. We heard them before we saw them. We turned our heads to the sound. Sounds of feet hitting the ground, blood pumping in the veins, breathe moving in the lungs and when they bang opened the door they stopped once they saw the contents of the room. Changed ones on every corner of every wall, She was standing in the center with a throne of bodies and skulls at her feet. “And I see you brought lunch.” A smirk forming on Her lips with Her razors showing. “The names Lilith by the way.”

“I know.” I said without looking at her, but watching the changed one closest to the boys. It was hissing at them and sniffing the air around them. Her eyes had been burned out and there were only two black holes in the place of them. She had only the sense of smell to her use, with bared teeth and a snarl she smelt the boys sweat. I could see their bodies go ridged with fear; they had to back away when she started sniffing.

“Oh don’t be scared. They don’t bite..,” she smirked, “...well not unless I tell them.” The changed one started to snap at them and barked. When I looked around the room I saw all the other changed ones had dark hallow holes in the place of where their eyes were.

I tuned my head to her and spoke. “Stop this!” the changed one stopped remotely. The heads of all the changed ones had all tuned to me; there was shock in Lilith’s face. “Why? What’s happening and why…?” She stared at me with a look of shock that quickly turned to a smile.

“I see. You would like to know everything would you?” She spoke softly with the lucid singing behind every word she said almost hypnotizing everybody around her. Then she laughed and stepped down from her throne of skulls, her white dress not gathering any blood at all, but the bottom of her feet red with it. “Think my daughter, think of everything that’s happened, look real close and remember me.”

In a voice so soft and sweet it almost sounded like a lullaby, in a voice that made me dizzy and my head spin.  I looked around the room and saw that everything was changing. All the walls had faded to black and every face had gone out but their eyes. Their eyes were bright and live with life. And then I was not in the room any more. It was a dark and lonely road, in a rainy night, Cars passing by and people walking around. But I wasn’t me that was there, it was Lilith’s eyes that I was looking through. She had come up from the god knows where and into a streets on earth. It was literally god knows where, the deepest depths of hell a place that only god and non-other could ever think about going. I closed my eyes and thought, this time concentrating. And I found myself in a beach on paradise. It was Eden and I knew this because Lilith knew this. There were two men there too. One was full on naked with only a leaf to try and hide him. The other was dressed in the most regal of robes. White of pure silk it looked to be shinning. Adam, that was the naked ones name, had called to complain to god about something and didn’t want me, or Lilith, to know. They were talking so low but something did come up.

“She won’t listen and I won’t take it. Woman is stubborn.”

“Now, now my child. No need to be hash on her. She’s a part of you and you of her.” he looked back this way.  “Just let me talk to her”

“Father,” I spoke with her voice, “I hope there is nothing that is the matter?”

 “Oh no my daughter” he looks at her with saddens. The old man had already made up his mind. “Just let me ask something of you.” It takes him a while to figure out what it is that he wants to say. But she already knows what he going to say. When he finally finds the words he looks up at her with a smile like he had found the right piece to a part that need to be fixed. “Would you like to have many children?”

This surprised her because she already had one child but many children would make her happier than anything. She looked over to Adam and her one lonely son. “Yes father, I would love many children!” the smile on her face was bigger and brighter than any other persons would be. With that god had his answers, He would make a land where only children would populate and Lilith would be all their mothers. He called it Purgatory. The land between worlds, the space between lands, and a home with nothing but silence. She had been stuck in this land in this space in the silence for over a million years, floating in stillness. While she was here she had seen what had happened to her ‘husband’. He had gotten a new wife that was born out of his ribs; she was perfect in all ways. She listened to him and did as he said. But she had no mind of her own and had eaten the forbidding fruit. ‘I would never have done that. I can think for myself and need a fruit to be smarter than that man’ Lilith had thought to herself. This one woman had doomed all of humanity but it made her happy. Because after the fruit had been eaten her land and space had been filled with what she loved most of all: children!

Most were just babies others were just years old, but she loved them all with everything in her heart. To adjust to their new home they went through changes. ‘Like evolving’ she thought. To be the strongest one had to change and she what they changing into. They no longer needed their eyes for they lived in the darkness and no point of seeing anything. Half simply became blind while others had their whole eyes ripped out as soon as they entered the home. They used each other for food and fought a lot, this gave them the strength to tear apart bodies and the teeth and claws. The wings were a gift from Lucifer. He was such a nice man when you got to know him. Too bad god had done to him what he had done to her.

She laughed at a thought ‘king of hell and mother in purgatory having brunch and swapping ideas’ it made her giggle a little bit, ‘what a funny thing’. But Lucy had come up with something good.

“I don’t really care for people of any kind,” he said with a mellow look on his face. They were in the grit of hells entrance. Lucy was leaning on a great wall with half of it on fire and the half he was leaning on cold with ice. “I just really want the land. The problem is getting rid of all the humans. But there’s too many of them and not enough of Me.” he looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She already knew what they would do. Lucy would give her something if she gave him something. And then they would work together to get back what was truly there’s.

Her name was Rosier and she was Lucy’s right hand girl. She had fallen with him in the Great War of Angels and soon become what he was. She was the one that gave all Lilith’s children the wings they needed to take over the human scum. And when she relished them onto the world it had started. As for Lucifer, he stayed where he was needed. With as many as humans dying he would need to greet them as they fell. Rosier came with them and found a perfect human to host her. The sickness started and the weak dyed. ‘There not even strong enough to host my pretty little demons.’ It seemed that only the female bodies were strong enough to hold Lilith’s demons. Just the thought of having all girls excited Lilith. She had always wanted girls. Ever since she had seen her son fight with and kill Adam’s she knew boys were too much for her.

Rosier found a family with all girls in it. The host was already sick at that point and doctors said she would not live to see another month. Lost and alone, but still in love with life and all its majesty, she was the perfect host. And as soon as the girl’s body stopped fighting it Rosier would be able to do what Lucifer truly sent her up to do. But then her memories where blank and all she could think of was what Lilith wanted and that was for all her children to get fed, rest and come when she called. It was the hospital that was the last thing she saw. Red and black, and then Lilith.

“You think you can fool me?” everything was spinning and there was two of her in the room. Blood was coming out of my mouth and this time I knew it was mine. Lilith had come to make sure that I had gotten what the message about whom I was following. “You think you can bow to me and call me mistress and I won’t think anything of it!?” she kicked my gut and made me flip and slams on a wall. I was at my weakest in this new body and couldn’t really do anything without hurting myself in the proses. When I tried to get up she flashed in front of me and took my head in her hands. “Oh no I’m a little too smart for that!” all I could see was Lilith and I knew the hospital was burning down. She needed me for her plans to work but for now she would teach me a lesson and have her way with things until she truly needed me. And like that the world went dark. I was not there and there at the same time. I was floating in nothingness and listing to the screams silence. Nothing but the blackness of the void. 

5: chapter 5

When I opened my eyes I gasped for breathe. Choking and reeling from the shock of the memories. They were all coming back to me in waves. The feeling of not only two lives but also the lives of those I took in my head. Rosier, the fallen angel that had taken flight in my head, Chari, the girl holding on for dear life because of life.  There was the mother of the girl that had died trying to protect her at her very last moments, the doctors who only wanted to safe others’ lives and the nurse that fought and lose to a fallen angel. All their voices speaking out and all the screams louder than any nightmare that could have taken me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and fell to me knees holding my ears as if that would make the screams stop. They never did. The pain of their bones breaking was in my body now and the rip of their skin was ripping me. I felt there blood in my mouth again, this time it was simmering hot and burning me. The blood on me was burning and bubbling on my skin. I opened my mouth and sent a shrike that shocks the walls of the building.  And then the tidal wave of memories washed over me, but they were calmer. Chari’s mother, M, kissed her on the forehead before telling her, “I love you no matter what.” Then Chari’s boyfriend, Devon, D, kissing her on the lips before telling her, “There’s nothing you can do that would make me love you less.” More screams, more blood, more bodies and then the brightest flash. It was Chari. She was looking at herself in the mirror. Seeing a face of a young girl that had love to give and to get, life to live and to give, more and more she wanted to live and would fight to see the rising of the sun. This is why the body was perfect for Rosier.

Fallen angels cannot just take any body; they need humans that have souls that are willing to fight for what they want just as much as they are. And this soul was going to kill the mother demons if that’s what it took to stay alive. For her mom for him and for herself, C.

The screaming continued but I could hear this little cry in the back of all of it. A song among the noise and it spoke to me. I stopped and calmly stood up at and looked at Lilith. In my real voice I took the stand and spoke, “I am Rosier, fallen angel of the watch, first in command to Lucifer king of hell!”

“Oh so you do know who you are?” she looked at me her eyeballs darkened black as night, demon eyes. I knew that my eyeballs were shining all yellow; it was the color that you got when you lived in hell for a hundred years.

“I know more than just who I am Lilith. I know you and all that you are.” She smirked when I said this. With my white eyes I could see he wings stretch and extend out. It was only with hell eyes that one could see wings on the fallen, unless that fallen wanted to show their wings. I could see Devon and Robert. They were in a corner holding tight to their knifes and weapons, but that would not help anyone.

“And I guess you know why I had to do that to you right?” She spoke with a warning in her voice “it was for the better-“

“No! It was for your own good! This is not what we agreed on Lilith!”

“Wait! What the fuck?” it was Devon screaming. I looked over at him and saw the fear in these eyes. “Lilith, as in the fucking queen of hell? And Lucifer or better known as Satan?” me and Lilith both turned to look at him. He was standing there looking at me shocked.

“I know it is hard for you to come to terms with what’s going on but in think it is better if you heard it from your friend, right Puriel or are you going by Robert these days?” I looked at the boy standing next to Devon. He was the quite for a while, didn’t even look up at anyone, just stood there. Devon’s one and only friend through this whole ordeal was not who he thought he was. When he raised his head he did so slowly. The light of his pure nature was shining through every pore in his body, his wings rising up from his back, white as pure snow, as were his eyes. An angel in a room of demons, it was just the way I liked it. The demons on the wall all hissed and barked at him. They knew nothing of this creature that was in front of them, but they wanted it died. Lilith was the most calm out of all them, even though her eyes showed the fright that was in her heart.

“So god sends down a general in a war zone that’s not meant for him?” I said jokingly. His white eyes looked at me directly sending shivers down through my wings. There was a smirk when I returned the look. He stepped forward past the human and only stopped when Lilith spoke.

 “And how, in all of creation, did you get past me?” there was tension in her voice.

But we ignored her and talked to each other, “Anyone who knew Lilith knew she hated god’s children even the fallen ones. She needed me and still does so there was no way I was dying but you Puriel, well your goanna have to go.” I put out my hands and a yellow glow came forth. Reaching out to him I stretched my fingers but then I stopped and looked at him.

“My dear Rosier, oh, how I missed you.” Puriel said, “How many times have we met on bad terms?”

“Wait! Just wait!” It was Devon and with that the room became silent. “Ok, I don’t know what’s happening but it would be great if someone explained something’s to me. Like why my best friend now has wings? Or why my girlfriend is going by a different name? Or why the fuck were in a New York hotel with hordes of changed ones and people who look like cattle?!!”

“Puriel, angel of the lord, fifth haven solder of god” he said this without leaving his eyes from mine.

“Wow Puriel still fifth haven? I would have thought that with a fallen commanding officer you would have moved up some ranks? I guess reporting me wasn’t a good move after all.” I smiled at him. Knowing what made them tick was fun.

“What?” Devon said almost silently.

“It’s simple my dear boy,” Lilith taking charge walked forward and turned to us. “Your best friend and girlfriend are what killed these people and what killed this earth. One working for ‘god’, the other working for the devil.” She was planning something I could tell.

“How could god have killed them?” Devon was angry now, knowing that he was not getting any real answers from Lilith; he looked over at me for an answer. But Lilith still spoke.

“He put killers on this earth and made the smart ones mad people. He shut away the givers of light and allowed the dark ones to roam as freely as they wanted. He gave the human race the most powerful of all ticking time bombs.” She paused looking around the room. Reading our expressions and then continued, “He gave you knowledge.”

“Oh Lilith, are you still mad about that? I thought you got over fathers…mistake?” I had to get her to a weak point, but when I looked at her face it was clam as the eye of a storm.

“Oh I’m over it alright; I just don’t like the bitching that Adam made when god had his little checkup.” She was tensing up and I knew this was good. I knew Puriel was looking at her as well. “So you see my mission is to get rid of all of Adams little bitchy children and to finally let the earth have her own kids”

“And you think killing all the people and changing the rest are going to let the earth grow kids?” Devon and Puriel both turned to Lilith with a confused face. They looked like the boys that I walked in this building with. The ones that I found sleeping in the car... Then it hit me. Devon was in car with an angel while the city was burning and that’s the only way that he could have been alive. When an angel is in the presences of humans they can’t die because the pureness of an angel’s aura is like a shield.

Lilith brang me out of my thoughts and into a new one when she said, “look outside. Mother nature has already started to heal.” It was getting dark outside, there were changed ones piking fruits from vines that had grown on all the buildings. Mother Nature had taken back the city. Vines, leaves and grass from every crack in the floors and buildings.

“That was the plan. Without human life to interfere with the plans of nature the earth can do whatever it feels it needs.” She spoke with a joy in her eyes. She could see her plan succeeding.

“And the humans down there, what about them?” Puriel shouted at her.

“Well I do have to feed my own, don’t I?” she looked him in the eyes and said, “And I like hearing there screams of mercy ring through this building.” Rising her head she looked up at the roof and in the silence of the room we heard the tiny sound of screams and mercy calling from several flights down. To me it was louder than just that. It was in my head, it was next to me in my ears. To me it was me that was screaming. But I had to stand there and listen and take it, no one could see how much it had shaken me.

“Ok,” Puriel waved, “so you’ve won. But you’ve forgotten a few things.” Before he went on he looked at me, then at my wings. “Thing one: you’ve got an angel knocking at your front door.” He looked behind me. I looked around at the room without tuning my head; there were windows that reached the ceiling all around the room. That meant glass, but with an angel here Devon wouldn’t feel a thing and would be safe. But the changed ones would see and could not know.

“And what could you do with that? Call down big daddy and tell him you found me? All he can do is try to send me back down to Purgatory.”

“I’m not done. Thing two is that you also have a fallen angel here with the soul of the boys girlfriend deep inside here.” He turned to her to look at behind her. “And finally thing three you have angered not only god but also Lucifer for trying to kill his number one pet!” with his words I felt the ground shake. I spread my wings out and gathered the will and strength from the soul and myself. I felt the power rise up in me.

“What the fuck is that!!!”

“Devon its ok! Get under my wings!” Devon soon ran to Puriel and his pure white wings. There was a protection under any human that was near an angel. But all my wings could do was destroy things. Ever since I had fallen it was my curse to never make or create anything that gave life but by destroying this place I would bring life to all that needed it.   

Lilith was as clam as she had been the moment god had breathed life into her. She stood there waiting and watching for what would happen.  From the ceiling came the arch angels and from the ground came the sprites of hell. Unlike their mother the demons were fluttering everywhere shirking and barking at everything.

The power I had broken the windows and glass came raining in on us. It hit the demons without warning and they got cut. Blood sprayed from them everywhere and the screams became louder. I guided the glass with my powers and made it cut all of them in their wings. When I stopped the ground had still been shaking but now there was a bright light from above, brighter than anything that I had ever seen.

Devon was still under Puriel’s wings but I could see he poked his head out for a second to see what had happened. When he saw me and blood all over me I could only guess that he was disgusted with what his Chari had become.

The bright light had only gotten brighter when Lilith screamed. She burned in the light and when it was gone there was nothing left but ash. All her children unable to fly and screaming and walling for their mother, fell to the ground in a heap as soon as she had gone.

“Well that’s that.” Puriel got up from the corner of the room that he was in and looked at me. There was nothing I could say to him or to Devon. “What are you going to do now?” I shrugged at him and looked around the room.

“Are you making small talk?” Devon was behind him with a red face. I looked at me and sighed. The relief was all I needed to see. There was nothing that I wanted from him or Puriel. “Can I at least have my girlfriend back o is that too much to ask?”

“I think this would be better.” Puriel faced Devon. There was a white light and his eyes went white. When Devon looked into his eyes there was a transfer of souls. The angel had went into Devon’s body and left Roberts.

Robert tripped and fell in Devon’s arms. After setting him down on the floor as carefully as possible Devon made his way to me. “My dear Chari and beloved Rosier, I will never lose you again.” He walked closer to me. I was beaming with happiness. He walked closer until we were inches apart. I could feel his hands reach for mine and I took them.

Both my boys and my loves in one place. All the fright and all the fights and all the destruction had all been worth it to find not only me and what I am but also what I love.